I’ve got a few work trips coming up and I’m looking for some new TSA-friendly makeup.
This hydrating CC eye stick will perk up tired eyes after a cross-country flight. Key ingredients include vitamin C for brightening, light-reflecting mineral pigments for illumination, and caffeine for nurturing your skin. It comes in three shades so you can find the one that works with your skin tone. It’s also a “Clean at Sephora” product so you know it works without lots of hard to pronounce ingredients.
Ole Henriksen’s Banana Bright + Vitamin CC Eye Stick is $34 at Sephora.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
Anon says
I commented last week about my sick kid and our upcoming trip. Well neither DH nor I have gotten sick (knock on wood!) but our kid somehow fell sick AGAIN… not sure if it’s a new thing or the original one somehow got reactivated or something, but it’s been 24 hours of nonstop vomiting. The combination of jet lag and a stomach thing is not fun, let me tell you. At least it didn’t happen on the plane…
Anonymous says
That is something to be grateful for! When he was a toddler, my son once had terrible diarrhea when were on a plane. It irritated his skin so much that every time he went he just screamed and we had to change him instantly in those tiny airplane bathrooms. I felt so bad for him, and for myself.
Anonymous says
PS – and I am sorry – hope it passes fast!
Anon says
Thank you! She seems to be turning a corner.. hadn’t vomited in a couple of hours and big improvement in energy and attitude. Fingers crossed. So sorry that happened to you. We only had one bad blowout on a plane and it was very memorable. Horrible diarrhea sounds awful!
Cb says
Oh no, I’m so sorry!
OOO says
I am especially proud of how on-theme (if not corny) the easter baskets for my tween/teen niblings have been over the past couple years. Thought I would share some of my favorite items:
TONYMOLY Bunny Solid Perfume Sticks
Socksmith Deviled Eggs Socks
Disney Thumper Rabbit Makeup Headband
Set of floral essential oils
Yes to Carrots face mask
the Creme shop bunny hand cream
Rabbit Rabbit trivia game
Tamagotchi
Anon says
i’m jewish and don’t celebrate easter, but all the stuff in the stores is making me wish i had an excuse to put together an easter basket for my kids. you’re a great aunt!
Anon says
We go a little overboard on the afikomen prize for this reason. Fortunately they’re often the same time.
Cb says
I love it, that’s so much fun!
Clementine says
A tale of two play dates.
Kid #1: first time at our house but kids get along great. Listening to him play with my oldest, there was a lot of ‘wow, great job! That’s super cool! Oh awesome, can you teach me that?’
My kid has a great night and a happy, calm morning.
Kid #2: neighbor kid who begs to come over. Boys get along but… kid #2 must dictate how everyone plays and gets FURIOUS and tantrums if people don’t do what he wants to do. Listening to him do the same activity with my kid, I hear him taunting and teasing and being rude. I had to intervene because kid #2 was expecting my kid to watch him play on his game vs doing something together.
Afterwards, my kid is a rude, obnoxious jerk.
We talked a lot about how it felt and how it felt better when we lift people up vs. push them down. My kid regulated. But…. DANG. I was reminded why I hate having kid #2 over. (He’s also an indoor cat and tantrums when I try to get them to go play outside… so that’s great.)
Anonymous says
You don’t have to have kid #2 over, then.
Anonymous says
That’s true but same age neighbors are tricky. We have “outside only” neighbor friends and it might be easier to adopt this philosophy as the weather gets nicer.
Kid 2 doesn’t want to ride bikes, shoot hoops, play with chalk, make a fort or read or craft outside under a tree? Maybe they can play another time.
GCA says
Agree – I’d try to cut back indoor playdate time. Sounds like they’re not a good fit for each other in this particular context of an indoor, unstructured playdate. If they want to hang out, maybe an activity (science museum, trampoline park, movie outing) or outdoor time (playground, kick a soccer ball around, shoot hoops, etc)? How old are they? I suspect this is not permanent – neighbor kid will likely outgrow some of this behavior anyway as he matures, and/ or he and your kid may organically grow apart as they pursue their own interests.
Clementine says
Yup… which is my general approach; however, kid is a neighbor, they ride the bus together and he literally asks every day to have a play date.
I am able to limit it to once every month or so, but MAN. I have an active kid and a pretty high tolerance for kids being kids, but the absolute jerk that my kid was is making me think that once a year might be enough.
Mary Moo Cow says
Solidarity. We also have an outside only friend and I’ve largely passed the baton to DH (which works because he’s home in the afternoon.) I’m not proud of how I feel but it is, to me, an important boundary for self-preservation and for family harmony.
Anonymous says
I feel you on this! We have a similar neighbor relationship, with a kid that acts the same way. I think the parents (who I like a lot!) are vaguely aware of the issues, and they have alluded to kid’s need to work on “teamwork.” It’s hard to say no all the time so I look for areas to say yes (generally group activities). But I can’t handle the one on ones right now, and thankfully the parents have stopped asking.
Anon says
As someone with a hard kid, I’ll just add that we’ve been working on her social skills every day of her life and, while they’re improving, she still has a ways to go. Sometimes kids come a certain way. The parents won’t necessarily tell that to you–it doesn’t mean they’re not worried and working on it.
I’d look for social situations where they can function better and try to have them interact in those circumstances. You can lay out those ground rules, even if you wouldn’t typically for playdates at this age. For instance, my kid does better with parallel play (e.g., they both work on an art project next to each other) or games with clear rules (e.g., monopoly). She does the least well if there’s a need for extensive negotiation or compromise (e.g., sharing a video game).
Clementine says
To both you and the anon at 11:17 – my oldest is very easygoing but very active and I totally get it. I work hard to set the kids up for success and I basically put kid #2 in a situation where I knew he would be happy (indoor game, game he knows, game where he spends a lot more time playing than my kid).
The parents are nice but still chalk a lot up to COVID where this kid had apparently zero social interaction for 2 years (not medical need – school was remote and they were living elsewhere). I’ll say that we have different parenting styles.
Bright side – the other kids in the neighborhood are LOVELY. They don’t play with kid #2 because ‘he’s a jerk.’ (Uttered from the mouth of my incredibly sweet next door neighbor kid.). Kid #2 will only play one on one with my kid – I’ve tried attempting to get him to play outside with other neighbor kids and he ran home screaming and yelling about how mean they were because they tried to get him to join their game and didn’t stop to play as he prescribed.
Anon says
I also have a “hard” kid (though he’s much better now at 7!) and for a while we bowed out of play dates, or else we only did family play dates so I would be there, too. It’s not nice to send a difficult child on his own into someone else’s home. It’s stressful for the kid and the hosting parent.
Now I can better identify what kids are a good fit and he does do play dates with them. But if I think there’s potential for mayhem, I won’t send my kid on his own to play. Yes, some kids are hard, but the parent needs to be very involved and intentional and know what the kid can handle, and it doesn’t seem like that’s the case with kid #2.
Cb says
Argh, what a contrast. Kid #2 sounds like a pill. We met some friends at the local pool for open swim and it was a moment of “Ahh, that’s where that attitude comes from!” T has been doing this really annoying, demanding voice, and it’s a total mimic of his pal, who is lovely but we’re close friends with the parents and in 2 years, have not heard them say no.
Liza says
Does Kid2 invite your child to go to his house for playdates as well?
Clementine says
Yes. And he comes home and is rude and demanding and we have to get him to reset.
Lest anyone think I think my kids are perfect, I have the kid who gets too loud and needs to be told to calm his body.
Anon says
what do your kids use to transport their wet bathing suits and towels from summer camp? do they use wet dry bags? are those just another thing to wash? and if they do use those, how many do you have? better off just using one of the random target plastic bags i have.
Clementine says
We do either a dry bag (ours are leftover from our cloth diapering days) or a clear plastic Spider-Man swim backpack.
Cb says
We have a pile of them, but they aren’t quite big enough for a towel. I’m not sure they are as waterproof as they once were, but they do the trick for swim lessons.
Which reminds me, I need to find some zip up rash guards for swim camp. My son struggles to get the normal ones over his head.
FVNC says
Hotel laundry bags have worked for us in past summers. They’re typically a bit thicker than grocery store plastic.
anon says
We just use plastic grocery bags for ease. They dry overnight and we send them back the next day.
Anonymous says
Reusable grocery store bags – not the plastic ones. They wrap swim suits in towel and put that in the bag.
Anonymous says
Random target plastic bag.
Anonymous says
Mesh drawstring backpack.
Anonymous says
Wet suit and accessories go in gallon ziploc, towel just goes into her backpack and somehow it’s fine — it doesn’t get super gross or anything and is just damp when it comes home. Plastic grocery bags work just as well too!
AwayEmily says
Mine just puts it in her backpack wet. As long as we take it out right away it’s fine.
Anonymous says
The problem with this is when they cram a craft project with construction paper, glitter, etc. in the backpack with the wet swimsuit.
Liza says
Zip loc bag inside a string bag
Cb says
What are your kids into these days?
My son, after a solid year of Ninjago obsession, has abandoned Jay, Kai, and Sensei Wu, for How to Train Your Dragon. The audiobooks are voiced by David Tennant. Suddenly he’s making viking maps, and plotting how to get to London to see the Viking ship at the British museum.
GCA says
We have arrived at the All Pokemon All The Time phase of parenting. This one was an organic segue from all the species in Wild Kratts. It looks like it may last a while.
Anon. says
We are on the exact same path.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Older kid: All things soccer. He wants Messi and Ronaldo jerseys and plays soccer every day after school, both in aftercare and then with one of us. Also, playing chess, which he’s gotten really good at. And fart jokes/noises, constantly.
Younger kid: Likes Julia Donaldson books. Also still likes Guess Who and Sleeping Queens, although his strategy is to look at everyone’s cards and show his.
avocado says
My teenager has recently gotten very interested in musical theatre. She knows the old shows, the new shows, all the revivals of the old shows, etc. In the car she will play me different versions of the same song and compare the interpretations. She is writing a giant research paper on a musical from the 1930s. She is a huge Sutton Foster fan, to the point where one of her teachers has decreed “no more Sutton Foster songs!”
Anon says
my 4.5 year old twin girls seem boring and unsophisticated in comparison – its unicorns, rainbows, mermaids, princesses, etc.
Pogo says
lol yeah I’m like… we’re really into Peppa Pig over here? Though the older one has pretty evergreen interests: vehicles, animals (large wild cats in particular), construction, farming, space travel.
Younger kiddo I feel really relates to George wrt how Peppa and the entire family treats him. We ordered some scholastic books through older kiddo’s school and got the little one a mix pack of Peppa books. I have read each one about 10 times now and we’ve had them 2 days (he also slept with one in his crib the other night). Still trying to convince DH for us to throw Legoland/Peppa world onto our upcoming FL trip as the joy I think my 2yo would have upon meeting Peppa IRL would be precious to witness.
Mary Moo Cow says
My 7.5 year old is all about American Girl — books, dolls, audiobooks, movies, mystery podcast — and paper crafting. She would be more into sewing if I could learn how to operate the machine. 5.5 year old is into long form imaginary play where she is one character who has an extended family tree and bananas backstory.
Anon says
5YO girl. Lego, Barbies, Mariokart, Magnatiles, Monopoly Junior (board version and switch version), “helping” DH play Zelda, Fuller House, recently started watching The Thundermans. She’s never been one to have one obsession.
She found her “all about me” poster from the beginning of K this year and said “huh, I don’t watch Rainbow Ruby anymore” since her favorite shows have changed (although Fuller House was on there and that is still in heavy rotation).
Last night we got into a detailed discussion as a bedtime stalling tactic (at midnight!!!) of what “counterfeit” means. The benefit of watching family sitcoms is that her vocabulary is significantly above grade level?
Cb says
Haha, we get a lot of discussions of cannibals etc. I think middle grade books on audio are weird but great for vocab.
Clementine says
Oldest – Harry Potter, Pokémon, and Jurassic World.
Middle – skeletons, cameras/taking pictures, Miss Rachel
Baby – pulling off glasses, blankets over his face, sitting up holding toys that make sounds (bells, crinkle sounds, etc)
SC says
My 7 year old is really into Lego. He loves the Technic sets, especially the construction vehicles. DH got him into an old video game called FTL: Faster Than Light, and Kiddo builds the FTL spaceships from Lego when he isn’t working on a set. He loves 3D puzzles/brainteasers, but has finished Kanoodle, Rubiks cube and all its variations, and small wooden jigsaws. (I’m not sure what the next step is.) He also loves regular jigsaw puzzles. Right now, his play room is covered in cardboard boxes he’s using to build a fort.
Pogo says
I know we talk about this all the time but man, everything for summer fills up so fast. Do people book AirBnB’s a year out?! I feel like I am behind already.
Anon says
Camps or travel? Popular destinations can definitely book up close to a year in advance. We decided in November-ish to go to Iceland in July and I was kind of surprised how little hotel availability there was already. But I’m a big planner and normally we book (refundable) vacations about a year in advance.
Pogo says
Camps I know – we had that locked down a year in advance. But looking at the week our babysitter is off in August (she just confirmed dates yesterday) and it’s already slim pickings.
Cb says
Oof, we’ve been doing home exchanges and I waited way too long to book our Lisbon trip, so my option is very nice, but further from day camp than I wanted to be. I’ve started thinking about 2024 as we’d like to do a month in Amsterdam or Copehhagen – so started favouriting things.
I did just realise Christmas flights were available and booked our flights – £410 for the 3 of us, which is half what we paid for this summer to the same destination.
Anonymous says
Yes, we stayed at a popular east coast beach destination last summer in a brand new AirBNB house during a very popular week, and I thought about rebooking it for the same week this year right after we left and when I checked it was already booked. So more than a year out. We also went to a mountain resort type place with the in laws in January and they wanted to come back for July 4th weekend but were told that that weekend books as soon as reservations open. It’s crazy, I agree.
Anon says
We are big skiers, and I usually book the next year’s trip DURING my ski week. It’s kind of mind blowing, but (1) knowing our next trip is already booked helps the sting of leaving a bit, and (2) I’m occasionally able to secure the current year pricing for the next year.
We also try to spend a week in a vacation region close to DC, and I’m constantly navigating the calendars opening for the season/returning renters who get priority before the calendar opens.
Anon says
The other perk of booking a vacation well in advance is the anticipation of looking forward to it all year!
Pogo says
that’s fair. I know, I heard someone mention 23-24 Epic passes are released now?!
I’m fine being a planner but DH likes to shop around/mull over before booking anything. It’s a fine line.
Anon says
Ha! Yes – I was just looking at my annual budget, and it always blows my mind that our Ikon pass purchase happens in April and our [next year] ski house is paid for in March. I try to think of it as cost spreading? But it does sting.
Full disclosure, if the place has a good cancellation policy, I will book something that I think will meet our needs without my husband’s full approval, if we are looking in a place where houses go early/quickly. He is on board with this, as he has less flexibility with when he can review places to stay. We try to cancel quickly, so as not to penalize the owner.
Liza says
Not a year, but definitely more than 6 months for reasonably priced yet decent quality accommodations at popular destinations. If you’re willing to compromise on any of those 3, you’ll have more options closer in. :)
Anon says
It’s so tricky. I wanted to do a bucket list trip and had to book it more than a year in advance. Luckily I knew that was the drill and could then make extra hotel/travel arrangements accordingly…
Boston Legal Eagle says
Are you looking at the Cape? Probably at least 6 months for places close to the beach! We haven’t booked our August one yet, but I’ll always remember 2020 and be grateful that we didn’t book anything by March…
Pogo says
We’re actually doing Maine this year. I think Cape is going to have to be a long weekend type thing camping w/ my parents (they have a permanent site they rent). We’re frontloading our vacation a lot more w/ the two school vacations now.
Anon says
Ha we still went to the cape in 2020, staying in a private house near a private beach, and we didn’t go to restaurants or stores. We were so happy to be able to get away! We usually book a year in advance, but there are some deals still to be had until January, I’d say…may be tight for this summer
Anonymous says
Why? I went to the cape in summer 2020 it was great.
Anonymous says
we also kept our beach week in summer 2020, although not at the cape. I can’t remember if masks were required on the beach or not… maybe you were supposed to wear them when walking to and from your spot, but once you were parked under your umbrella you could take it off? I seem to remember a lot of people were wearing them, and I thought a windy beach was the stupidest place ever to insist on masking.
Anon says
Yeah we were very Covid cautious but we did a driving trip to a Lake Michigan beach in July 2020. It was totally contact-less. Stayed in an Airbnb, got takeout food and spent all our time outdoors and not super near anyone.
Pogo says
Not sure exactly what you are asking, but in 2020 there were restrictions on crossing state borders or renting to out of state residents (tho not sure how much it was really policed) so maybe that is what this anon is referring to being glad they hadnt booked. We definitely did the Cape that year, at my parents’ aforementioned camp site, but we live in MA.
This year we’re aligning with another weekend trip in Maine, so to minimizing driving we want to do Maine for our beach vacation.
Boston Legal Eagle says
As in I’m glad I didn’t book anything else that would have required us to cancel. We decided to do the Cape that summer too, because it was all we could, but having to make all plans in January would have been a bust.
GCA says
Yeah, we and our minuscule budget have done a lot of camping every summer since 2020, everywhere from Nickerson down the Cape to New Hampshire. You just have to have fast fingers on Reserve America…
Spirograph says
For popular vacation spots, yes. I think half of the DC area goes to Rehoboth or Ocean City in the summer, so when we found a great rental a few years ago we’ve just been booking our preferred week for the next year as we check out.
Mary Moo Cow says
We typically book our rental beach house for the next year (same week every year) at the end of our vacation (and get a rebooking discount) or if not, about 8 months in advance. I’ve gotten so used to it that when I was planning a trip recently I was annoyed that flights were only available for the next 6 months (I’m planning a year out.)
anon says
Our NC beach house rental comapny gives first preference to book for next year when you’re checking out, we typically haven’t in the past (COVID, pregnancy, moves…) but will likely start to going forward. Agree it’s a lot to book things a year in advance.
Anon says
Family summer beach vacation is typically booked at least a year in advance, but we are looking for a house that sleeps 12 with at least two king beds, has a private pool, allows dogs and is walking distance (less than 3 blocks) to the beach during peak travel weeks in early August but still within a (reasonable, but tight) budget, so supply is very limited. Even with booking so early, I have been known to chip in an extra $1K to make sure we can get a house I will be comfortable in and brush it off as “well it’s our fault we have to stay peak season because our school starts absurdly early in the third week of august” vs. starting in September for other people). It is a lot easier when we can stay in the same house (and often the owners will give a repeat customer discount which helps too).
Anon says
Lol that third week of August is early! *cries in first week of August*
Anon says
We start the third week of August and are in school until the third week of June, probably because the kids didn’t have a 5-day week practically the entire first quarter! When I was a kid (in my hometown, also well-respected district) we went back after labor day, got out the second week of June, and generally had to go school 5 days a week absent the major federal holidays.
Anon says
My parents rent out their Jersey Shore house on VRBO / through word of mouth and fill in empty weeks with a local realtor. They’re usually full for the summer by now. It’s usually 80% returnees and the other 20% book between Jan and March.
Anonymous says
Fun (?) post: what do you know now as a parent that you never expected before having kids?
Eg.
– I didn’t know/really understand what it would be like to have to provide meals for an entire family every single day for the rest of their lives. I feel like half my conversations with DH are around meals!
– living with 3 kids and a spouse is not unlike living in a frat house. 5 people, 5 personalities, dozens of preferences on food, entertainment, clothing, sports teams- it’s nuts. The older the kids get the weirder it is to me that I’m living with 4 other full on humans with their own interests. (Recent example: DH and I are not sports fans. My oldest, who happens to be a girl, is a crazed sports fan. I didn’t realize how much she pays attention until we swapped around streaming and had major issues! Whoops! I felt terrible!)
– laundry. Oh my god the laundry. It never ends. Once the clothes are done then we have to do sheets. “Do we ever NOT have to do laundry?” – my 10 year old.
– I know kids are expensive. I knew that before we had them. What I never realized was that I would have to proactively clothe them. The right size clothes and shoes every season for the rest of their lives. Like, never realized I’d spent every season buying a new wardrobe for at least one kid. I spent an entire day shopping and my kids still aren’t ready for spring! This one is a time thing, not a money thing.
– you really have to work to make time for extended family. All those holidays you had as a kid didn’t just happen. Someone had to host!
– every single holiday involves candy. I just bought leprechaun gold and already the Easter candy is out. I’m surprised there aren’t Memorial Day chocolates.
Cb says
OMG, the food. Can we not have a bowl of cereal and an apple and call it good? The stuff management has surprised me, and we only have 1 uniform wearing kid.
My mom buys most of my son’s play clothes and all of his shoes, because I can never get shoes right? Somehow the Decathlon basics my mom buys are “faster” than whatever I buy.
And the mental planning – which is a working parent problem I think. I’m sitting here with my summer spreadsheet and the other parents are like “Oh, we’ll just bum around…”
Anon says
My husband travels often for work and probably once a week when I’m solo parenting, the kids have Cheerios with milk and a banana for dinner. I’ve given up feeling guilty about it.
AwayEmily says
YES! When my husband is traveling I lean very heavily on “snack dinner,” which often involves a bowl of cereal and some aspirational carrot sticks.
Pre-kids my husband and I really liked cooking. We would have dinner parties, try out new recipes, etc. And now I actively dread it. It’s just one more task that has to be done, and between 3 kids with varying levels of pickiness and my husband’s newly diagnosed T1 diabetes, there are just SO FEW things we can all actually eat.
Anon says
I see absolutely nothing to feel guilty about here.
Anon says
I didn’t realize how hard it is to be a mom to young kids. I used to babysit an lot and it was sometimes tedious but never made me angry or question my abilities. But being a parent requires endless patience, and I have to constantly manage my inner hulk.
I used to look at moms playing with their kids at the park in the middle of the day and feel jealous, thinking how simple and easy their lives were without having to grind through a full-time job and deal with bad bosses and all the stress that work entails. Now I realize that yes those moments at the park are great, but there is a so much more to a parent’s days/nights and it’s a lot harder than it looks. Those moms aren’t all carefree and happy. I was only glimpsing one of the easier moments in their day and drawing incorrect conclusions.
Anon says
yup. i thought maybe i wanted to be a sahm until i had kids…lol
Bette says
Saaaaaame
blueberries says
So many considerations for food! I never knew how luxurious it would feel to have reasonably healthy and palatable food appear without having to make decisions, procure, prepare, or clean up after.
Half makes me want to get a job that involves living at a university with access to a dining hall.
Anon for this says
I grew up on a boarding school campus with access to the dining hall and my parents used it for dinner most of the time. They are now retired and I swear subsist mostly off of pasta, cereal, and takeout pizza? They just never learned how to consistently produce food day in and day out. They are baffled at the amount of work it takes me to plan & make meals for my family of five. (I was also an only child, which contributes to the overall bafflement.) But yeah, if I had access to a dining hall, my life would be so much easier…. plus, as a kid, I would finish eating and then run off to play with my friends while my parents hung out and chatted with their friends. It sounds magical to me.
Anon says
The food in university dining halls is so unhealthy though. It’s less healthy than the average takeout meal. We definitely feel like we have to limit our takeout for health reasons, not because we can’t afford it, and we earn a lot less than many here.
Anono says
When I was young, I thought that having a baby would be an incredible awe-inspiring experience that would bond parents even closer as a couple. I’m sure that happens to a degree for many couples but parenting can also lead to long-term trench warfare of marital dissatisfaction. I’m seeing a lot of marriages fizzle out when kids are still young. Maybe the pandemic increased that trend, sadly. Too much stress on a fragile system. You have to either have a naturally compatible relationship or actively find strategies to make it healthy and be intentional and deliberate in how you react.
Anon says
Yes to this. Parenting has been much harder on my relationship than I ever imagined it would be. I have two young kids (2.5 and under). We’re just in survival mode all the time.
I found going from 0-1 very easy. I was surprised how hard it was to go from 1 to 2… MUCH harder than I ever expected.
Anon says
Also have 2 under 2.5 and 1-2 is def harder in terms of logistics and big toddler feelings (and potty training plus a newborn). 0-1 was harder for how do we keep this baby alive and not break it, we don’t know what we are doing!
Anonymous says
Hmm..I found that baby number 1 was hard on our marriage as I adjusted to the physical/mental/hormonal demands of motherhood. But now with kids aged 3.5 and 6 I feel like we do have a really strong marriage and bond over the vision/intentions we have for our family.
Boston Legal Eagle says
The constant need to feed these children is never ending! And then there’s pressure to expose them to a variety of foods, but they just don’t eat most of it.
How physically exhausting, yet mentally boring a day with a young toddler can be. I could not do that every day.
That the challenges change as they get older, but it’s still challenging. Figuring out logistics of sports, activities, vacation weeks and summer is a lot. Not to mention friendship dramas and also making sure your kid is a decent person (even though their innate personality is beyond your control).
Mary Moo Cow says
The food, yes! Did I not just feed you?!
For me, the unexpected has been the mental load of knowing every stuffy’s name, every doll’s outift, all the rules for the made up games (like, flipping the handle on the water bottle a certain way when I hand it to them is bad luck — are your trying to curse me, mom?!)
Sleepy mama says
How difficult pregnancy and childbirth were. It definitely affected my mental health in the first year of parenting in ways I had not anticipated.
Also the body image issues of dealing with all the body changes. And not having time to sleep or workout.
We just have one. I can’t imagine how people manage with more.
Anon says
Yeah I took my body for granted when I was younger. I didn’t realize some unfortunate changes associated with pregnancy would be permanent in the future. These changes aren’t terrible in the scheme of things but still a blow to the ego.
anon says
Managing all the literal STUFF. We try to not go overboard with clothes, shoes, toys, etc., and it’s still really hard to keep up with it all. Also, how do kids manage to lose 1 glove, rendering the other one useless?
– Laundry and meal prep, enough said.
– How I would have to make summer plans in January.
– Literally everything involving screen time, from how much time is allowed, to monitoring use, to figuring out which shows/apps/videos aren’t going to melt my kids’ brains. It’s so much mental work, and I wish we could go back to an analog childhood sometimes.
– How our culture is pretty much set up to make parents feel like failures. We have too much information and not enough practical support for making everything happen.
– That specialized sports teams would pretty much ruin rec-level sports at a surprisingly young age. My kids are active but they don’t want to devote their lives to sports, meaning our social circle is VERY small because everyone else is seemingly at a tournament every weekend.
– How relationships with our extended family would change once we had kids, and not always for the better in some cases.
Pogo says
+1 to the lack of parental support. I feel like that was the biggest eye-opener for me. I feel like I thought, oh, you pay for daycare and that’s that. Well that is that until preschool and then kindergarten and then the rest of their lives, where practically every week there is some exception to your child care situation. These things seem small individually (half days, random “professional days”, snow days, sick days, etc) but they seem to just never stop. The constant barrage of things from the school: theme days, parent/child dance, STEAM fair, fundraisers – it just feels like you SHOULD have your kid participate in everything, but who has the time?
Anon says
I have 4 kids because twins. And there is a line in the classic book “The Pigeon Has to go to School” where the pigeon is freaking out, and goes “And the STUFF! What about ALL THE STUFF?”
I repeat that in my head daily. From scheduling doctors’ appointments, to managing emotional issues, to making sure we have the right shoes, to remembering who needs a haircut, to laundry – there is just SO MUCH [emotional and physical] STUFF.
Clementine says
I didn’t realize how messed up some of my parents’ expectations were for us until I had kids. I was expected to be an adult at 11 and it wasn’t an okay thing.
I am surprised that even if you do everything right, get an ‘A’ in pregnancy and have no other risk favors, having a baby almost killed me (not an exaggeration).
I’m surprised at how many people tell you that you and your spouse should go away alone but have zero intent or willingness to watch your kids so you can do this.
Mostly, it’s been so much more fun than I expected. That’s been great.
anon says
Amen to #3. hahaha, unless you’re offering to watch my kids, stop saying this. We’d love to travel alone once in awhile.
anonM says
I agree with a lot of these!
For me, it has been just how long some “stages” are. Like, I thought you’d “sleep train” one time and “baby proof” one time, and then be done with that. No, they regress sleep at different stages/illness/travel, etc. And, they reach and can open more and different things. And, because we didn’t go to daycare, I did not understand how much babies/kids get sick in daycare! That part just stinks and is really hard as a working mom.
I’m also surprised by how much of a difference your parenting experience can be based on family support, if you have a partner whether they step up and actually do halfish of the work, and health/needs of your child. Things that are not a reflection on you as a parent, but can make it really challenging and less fun.
anon says
Advice on where to shop for my very tall 7 year old girl? She is tall and thin and only wants to wear dresses but they are always just a bit too short. If I size up, then they are long enough but too big overall. Target usually has dresses that are long enough but they don’t have a lot of variety in styles (kid doesn’t like maxi dresses, prefers at or just above the knee). Boden is too short, Zara has weird styles, Old Navy is too short, Gap is too big/short . . . suggestions? I’m really annoyed at the lack of options for dresses that don’t have weird cutouts at the waist or weird strap situations. A lot of styles for elementary age girls look like things teenagers should wear, not little kids. (And I promise I’m not a prude, I just don’t want my 7 year old to dress like a 17 yo).
Anon says
Truthfully, this time of year I add leggings and let the dress be a bit short. They end up looking like tunics.
NYCer says
Yep, this is our strategy too.
OP- Have you tried Hanna Andersson or H&M? I find that their dresses are on the longer side.
HSAL says
What about just letting them be a little short and wearing cartwheel shorts underneath? That’s what I do for my tall 4 year old.
anon says
I do this for my giant 6 year old. Target has biker shorts and I find their online options better. Will likely buy mine this in most prints.
https://www.target.com/p/girls-printed-short-sleeve-knit-dress-cat-jack/-/A-84070732?preselect=86889527#lnk=sametab
Anon says
yes i posted last week that my twins just ‘graduated’ to the kids sizes and why does every single dress have a cutout! even at like target or gap or old navy. have you looked at H&M? Hanna Anderson? Tea Collection? Carters? Gymboree? Bike shorts underneath of course so it’s ok if it looks like more of a tunic.
Mary Moo Cow says
I had this conversation with a mom on the playground yesterday! Commiseration. I’ve had a few nice dresses hemmed to be longer but that’s not practical for knit dresses. Shorts underneath are fine for modesty but my girl sometimes wants a buffer for the backs of her thighs for the slide or the swings. She does a lot of skirt and t-shirt combos because she can tug the skirt down a bit (primary tutu skirts are on repeat.)
anon says
Oh, I hear you on hating all the cutouts and narrow straps. If for no other reason than I don’t want that much sun exposure, sheesh. When my daughter was still in the play dress phase, we had decent luck at Carter’s for basic dresses, usually sized up for length. And she wore a lot of cartwheel shorts.
Anonymous says
Nordstrom rack is my hero for my tall thin kid. As a bonus she has long thin feet and the shoe section is full of shoes for her.
Gap has “slims” starting with size 6 for pants. For dressed, my kids just wear leggings under it all because nothing is long enjoy unless you get to maxi dresses. We also love rompers around here.
Maine Recs? says
We’re planning a trip to Maine for July. Tentatively planning on flying in to Boston and driving from there. Portland and Bar Harbor/Acadia NP on the list. Kids will be 3 and 6 at the time and are excellent travelers and road trippers. Would love your recommendations of what to see/do that’s kid friendly.
So Anon says
A few thoughts/suggestions: If you can, avoid trying to drive from Boston to Maine in the afternoon from Wed-Fri. The traffic headed north can be pretty rough.
Portland:
– There is a new children’s museum that is fantastic and located right next to a brewery.
– Depending on what Portland ends up doing with food trucks this summer, head to the Eastern Prom where there is a good playground and food trucks. It is a beautiful view of Casco Bay.
– The Old Port is a fun, walkable area and kid friendly. Holy Donut is always a hit with kids and is located on exchange street in the Old Port.
– You can take a ferry around Casco Bay, which my kids loved at that age. You can do the shorter trip to Peaks Island or a longer full tour around Casco Bay.
Bar Harbor:
– Bar Harbor is pretty and walkable but parking can be tough.
– At low tide, you can walk from Bar Harbor out to one of the islands, which is fun with kids.
– There are great hikes in Acadia and on the broader island.
– Renting bikes seems like a fun idea, but unless you and your kids routinely ride decent distances, I would pass.
– There are fun whale watching/sight-seeing tours.
In general:
– Book soon. Hotels and accommodations tend to fill up quickly.
– The drive from Portland to Bar Harbor takes longer than google maps will tell you now. Much of the drive is along one-lane per way road.
OP says
Thank you!
Anon says
The one lane road (which is only from the Bangor area on) is less of an issue than the traffic. Every time I’ve had big delays on that route, it’s been because of traffic, usually south of Augusta.
Anon says
I’ve written some long comments here before about what to do with kids in Bar Harbor/Acadia. I can try to find it tonight if search fails you. My family has a home there and we go every summer. It’s my favorite place on earth and so great for kids. But yeah it’s already kind of late to book Acadia for July which is peak season. Definitely get car rentals and hotels finalized asap.
OP says
Just found a long form from last January that I think was you. Thanks!
Pogo says
lol see my comments above about trying to book Maine now. I would book soon. Echo everything above! Other things we love in Portland: Novare Res, Rising Tide, Standard Baking Co, Mt Desert ice cream, Duck fat (theres a second location that’s better for kids and you can walk from there to the eastern prom), Deering Oaks Park, Sea Dog the brewery and also Sea Dog the baseball.
It’s been some time since I visited Acadia, but it is definitely a haul.
luluaj says
In Acadia, totally recommend Diver Ed’s boat trip: https://www.diveintheater.com/
It’s a kid’s boat trip out of Bar Harbor where the captain scuba dives and brings up all sorts of sea creatures for the kids onboard to touch (my kids – 4 and 8 at the time, LOVED it).
Anonymous says
Any tips for staying in a studio / hotel room with a 4 year old? We’re booking a week at the beach this summer but couldn’t get a bigger room this year.
Anon says
Probably depends on the kid but have never had any issues sharing a standard hotel room with my 4 year old. Is there a specific problem you’re anticipating?
Anon says
That’s a lot of time in one room, which I have done with my then 4YO solo but not with DH as well. My kid needs quiet time but is easily distracted, so the tablet with headphones for her is critical, and I as an introvert also need silence. Bring a couple of pop up hampers to keep things like beach toys, dirty clothes, towels, etc. organized. Indoor shoes for everyone if you are sensitive to the feeling of sand being tracked everywhere. If the hotel can get a roll-away bed, that’s great, if not I would go for inflatable mattress. Remaking a sofa bed each day would get annoying for me fast.
Spirograph says
Does it have a balcony? My biggest frustration in sharing a hotel room with kids is that the lights need to be off at their bedtime and I usually am not quite ready for sleep yet. If you don’t have a balcony where you can just escape with a drink and the curtains closed against the outdoor light… bring a kindle with dark mode, comfortable bluetooth headphones and a laptop to stream movies/shows on
Anon says
+1
We’ve always done the 4 of us (me, DH, 2 kids who are 2 years apart) in 1 hotel room on trips. It’s crowded but fine but we need a place with a balcony so DH and I have a place to hang out while kids are napping or in bed at 8PM. We get some local beer (our favorite thing to try when we travel) and some snacks and hang out on the balcony each nap time and bed time.
oil in houston says
did this once and swore never again – as others have mentioned, it means you have to be in bed, or at least in the dark and super quiet, at the same time as kiddo, which means the time when you can have uninterrupted adult conversations (or, hum, activities) are gone too.
Friendship drama says
5 year old daughter’s best friend is the queen bee of the class and seems to often tell my kid she won’t play with her and ignores her, other times they are thick as thieves. It almost feels like my daughter has to earn her affection. Have seen the two of them being controlling of a third child, as well. My daughter is stressed from this “friendship” and when we talk about telling people you don’t like when they say unkind things she quickly says well then queen bee will not be my friend. I witnessed this during a group gathering where my child was crying while this girl stood there smirking. Her mom intervened and said the right things about being kind. But yeah.
We are working on building confidence but jeez I just do not like this dynamic and as much as she says the kid is her BF- the relationship seems to be not great for my daughter.
Advice and commiseration? I did set up a meeting with teacher later this week.
Anon says
I think this is unfortunately fairly common and there isn’t much to do beyond what you’re doing and encouraging your kid to play with other kids. Setting up a meeting with a teacher seems like overkill to me but ymmv.
Anon says
lots of commiseration. i knew it was little kids, little problems, bigger kids, bigger problems, but i did not realize how early the friendship drama started! i have almost 5 year old twin girls and they have this drama with friends and also with each other sometimes. i’ve also realized that kids this age seem to use these very absolutist statements when they try to negotiate things, like saying that they won’t be the other person’s friend anymore, won’t play with them, won’t invite them to their birthday party, etc.
Anon says
This happens in my Ker’s class. She and “M” blow hot and cold, and M is definitely the queen bee (combined with M having 3 older siblings who tend to roughhouse, so my kid has been the recipient of pinching and pushing episodes at various times this year). We role play so she can practice being more assertive (and when to ask for help from a grown-up), and I have encouraged her to find other friends. There are 2 girls in another K class that are (and have been for a week, an eternity in the K social landscape) her current BFFs – I think she sees them in the morning before they go to their classrooms and at recess and joint “specials”.
Anonymous says
Familiar story but spouse has Covid, got sick Friday afternoon and has been basement quarantining since then. Our thinking is it’s worth it to not have the kids miss 5-10 days of school, and I’ve had 6-12 month illnesses in the past and do not feel like risking repeating that if it’s not super hard to avoid it, but … so many decisions now!! How long do we keep this up? I guess I’m thinking 5 days then masking, but I’d also HATE to have done the hard part of quarantining him (kids are 4 and 7 and are not handling this well) and then have us get sick anyway on day 7 or 8. Ugh. What have you done?
Anon says
Kids go to school unless they test positive (assuming they’re vaccinated and it’s not against your school’s policy). Personally I’d have your spouse quarantine until Day 10 or they test negative but I’m overly cautious in that regard. I know too many people who had a family member leave quarantine early and then catch it on the back end, which seems like such a shame if you all avoided catching it pre-quarantine.
Anonymous says
Yes kids are at school. We are all the rest of us negative and asymptomatic.
Pogo says
Yes, I think you’re fine to let him out of quarantine w/ mask on day 5.
anon says
Quarantine until he tests negative is my personal vote.
anon says
Or Day 10
Anonymous says
This is what we did. But then my son had it last week and we did absolutely no quarantine and didn’t get it from him so …. I think it depends on how badly you want to avoid the kids getting it.
Anonymous says
My kid started out at our neighborhood school, then after COVID started was diagnosed as having autism and went to a much smaller public school across town. Now, approaching middle school, kiddo has not kept up with any of the neighborhood school kids. Likely no one’s fault — kids didn’t have cell phones prior to COVID, activities don’t overlap. Kids will be back at neighborhood middle school. Are they too old to try to reconnect them before school starts next fall? I still have the parents’ numbers but don’t naturally run across them. Or are they too old and just leave it alone? I feel bad that kid, who struggles to have acquaintences, will start at a new school where most kids have been tight since K and she will be the odd man out. Kids are really mean, especially to a kid with autism who presents differently but is fundamentally a great kid and very loyal.
Anon says
does only one elementary school feed into the middle school? where we live it is multiple schools that feed in into a middle school so while kids may recognize some faces, they definitely don’t know everyone. you know your kid best, but are there any summer camps or classes kiddo could try out that are popular with the neighborhood kids?
Anonymous says
OP — it’s many schools that feed the middle school, plus some boundary changes (in and out), so it’s not the same river, so to speak, that we were in before. But bus routes re neighborhood-based, so the prior kids will be seen more. Kiddo isn’t great feeling like the lone kid in a big group (cafeteria for lunch) and will often just be alone vs “bothering” anyone. One on one is often much better — kiddo relaxes vs freezing up. In college, this won’t be my show (I *think* kiddo would be able to go academically at least), but this is still where I want to help her have good opportunities vs just throw her in the water and hope that she swims. It’s a delicate balance. Kiddo hates sports other than running, and that’s often where other kids this age connect now that COVID closures have gone away. COVID wrecked a lot in her life and I wish so many things had gone differently but it was just a month, 3 years ago, so we didn’t massively replan our lives and most of the special autism services we had wanted in the new school failed to pan out or were poor virtual versions of what used to be robust.
Anonymous says
Is there anything else? Can she do Girl Scouts church youth group dance class?
Anonymous says
Does she do cross country and/or track? If the middle school doesn’t have these sports, there should be rec leagues like the YMCA or Girls on the Run as well as more serious track clubs around.
eh230 says
You might consider asking the middle school if they have cross country/track teams or sponsor a running club. We moved to a new state/school as my oldest entered 7th grade. Though my kid is not a runner, he decided to join the cross country team to meet people since practice started two weeks before school started. He is really shy, but it definitely helped him to know a few people on the first day.
Anon says
My gut is that if you haven’t been in contact with these people for years, it’d be awkward to do so now. Can you think of more organic ways for her to meet kids? Local camps/playgrounds/sports leagues?
anon says
I think if you reach out deliberately, one on one, it won’t feel so awkward. I would totally help out someone who reached out to me directly. At least if what you are asking for is friendly faces.
Anonymous says
I would not do this. We moved while I was in junior high. My parents introduced me to the kids of some of my dad’s co-workers so I’d have “friendly faces” at school and it was totally awkward and weird.
Spirograph says
This. If you approach the parents and say what you did here: kid is re-integrating with the neighborhood middle school, I’d love if she had a friendly face to smooth the transition. I know it’s been a while, but could we get together with the kids one of these weekends? (for acquaintance meet-ups, a neutral 3rd location is my go-to, so either party can leave if things start going south) FWIW: My mom played friend matchmaker for me when we moved the summer before I started 7th grade, and one of them ended up being one of my besties all through middle & high school. So it can work!
But yes also to signing her up for whatever the popular summer camp is, or joining the local pool or some other way to naturally run into the people she will be in school with.
Anonymous says
OP — that’s it — friendly faces and so that she doesn’t feel like invisible. In my area, private schools match up new kids with a buddy family and I think that that’s a good idea (parents know someone we can ask questions to, kids know at least one other person). Too much for a public school, but I can try to be the change I want to see in the world, yes?
AwayEmily says
thinking of my kids’ friends who have moved to different districts/schools, I would LOVE if one of them got back in touch for this reason. If there was a particular parent you got along with I would be honest with them and basically tell them what you told us — that you want to figure out a lowkey way of building some relationships before school starts, and do they have any ideas.
Spirograph says
I thought I’d commented earlier, but maybe I forgot to hit post. In any case, exactly this.
Anon says
My 3 year old is an irrational sociopath in the way that 3 year olds can be. He has chapped lips that clearly are painful to him, but we cannot get chapstick or anything else near his lips. Here is what we tried: offering different kinds of chapstick/lip ointment, rationalizing with him, giving it to him to put on, letting him put it on us, giving him something oily to eat, buying chocolate flavored chapstick (this worked once but has since been unsuccessful), putting it on him anyway (he flips out and wipes it off, then he looks like the joker because he has blood on his cheeks from his lips), putting it on my lips and kissing him, and putting it on while he sleeps (this works but we need to do it more often and he doesn’t nap). What else can I try? We’re all suffering because he is so whiny.
Anon says
Outing my parenting style here, but just…don’t put it on him? It doesn’t sound like the juice is worth the squeeze here. It could be one of those many parenting problems where something is bothering you more than it is bothering him? 3 is that prime age where they absolutely know when you want them to do something, and it feels lovely to them to begin to exert their control and not do it.
Anon says
lol, but also same
Anonymous says
Mine looooove chapstick but what really works for chapped lips on kids is a huge coating of aquaphor or Vaseline after they go to sleep at night.
Anon says
+1 maybe you are using “chapstick” to mean stuff on the lips, but actual chapstick/lip balm doesn’t really work for already chapped lips. And if it smells good, kids lick it off which makes the problem worse. Do aquaphor while sleeping.
Liz says
+1000 to Vaseline and Aquaphor. Every night while he’s asleep.
Chapstick can actually have a drying effect on truly chapped lips, I’ve found. If the feeling of the treatment is actually soothing, presumably he will be cooperative.
NYCer says
Aquaphor after she is sleeping is our only strategy. It usually helps quite a bit.
EP-er says
+1 This is the way. A nice thick layer after they are asleep. Chapstick can actually be drying and is a vicious circle.
Anon says
Have you tried character-branded chapstick? Been going through something similar with my 5 year old and our nanny found Frozen chapsticks at the drug store, which have helped a lot here.
I also use a fancy lip mask for myself overnight and my daughter will actually let me put that on her because it’s mine and she thinks it’s grown up.
Anon says
My kid has gotten ahold of my eos sticks a few times and literally ate a chunk out of them and asks for it to be applied constantly. I got a tropical mixed pack from target. Anecdata but maybe something other than chocolate flavored would work.
Kid is a little over 2.5
Pogo says
Apply while he is watching video or asleep. We had similar struggles at one point.
jdmd says
Honey works surprisingly well for chapped lips. Put a dab on your fingertip, rub it in, repeat a few times. Usually lips will absorb enough that even if he licks his lips, there will still be enough there to make a difference. Repeat frequently.
Anon says
Over the counter hydrocortisone ointment while he’s asleep. Otherwise I’d let it go.
EDAnon says
Running a humidifier at night helps. We usually find a bath plus humidifier makes a big difference.
Anon says
Kid birthday party logistics– we were going to have a low-key playground birthday party for our two year old this weekend. I live in the SEUS. It is normally warm enough for something outside at this time of year but can be rainy– though that is true for most of the year. I was expecting temps to be in the mid 60s or high 50s at the lowest, but the forecast now says the high is 46.. low the night before is in the 20s. Party is supposed to be in the morning. Forecast keeps changing, but the temp just keeps dropping. Do I reschedule the party? It’s not supposed to rain… but this just seems too cold. I also just kind of want to get this over with because the logistics of dealing with our families for something like this are exhausting… and this is just such a low-key party that it seems almost overkill to reschedule… Our house is not big enough to have a party, so if I moved it indoors, I would have to do some play place, which would be a much more intense party than what I was trying to do. Thoughts?
Anon says
have it and tell everyone to dress warmly. have hot coffee for the adults. i live in Houston and dealing with a similar temperature challenges for this upcoming weekend with something that i cannot reschedule.
NYCer says
Hmm that’s tough. I would probably reschedule or cut the guest list to the number of people who can fit in your house and move it there instead. For a 2 year old, the party is really for you not the kid, and and temps in the 30s at a playground won’t be fun for anyone IMO. If your kid was older and excited about the party happening this weekend exactly as planned, I would feel differently.
Anon says
+1. I’m envisioning a bunch of 1 & 2 olds on the playground, which requires parents to follow pretty closely and isn’t much fun in the best weather, lol. Maybe an open field!
Anon says
Add in hot coffee for the grownups and hot chocolate for the kids and grownups and tell people to dress warmly and have kiddos wear gloves because playground metal can be extra chilly, but otherwise it will be fine. I would not reschedule over this, I’d just bundle everyone up.
Spirograph says
This. I’ve been to this birthday party multiple times, and it’s fine.
anon says
Reschedule or find a new location. An outdoor party sounds kind of miserable for everyone.
anon says
My caveat, is if it’s going to be a “damp cold,” I would reschedule.
Anon says
I live in the Midwest and I think I have a pretty high tolerance for gathering outdoors in chilly weather (a byproduct of being Covid cautious) but this sounds too cold for me. At a morning party on a day with a high of 46, you’ll be lucky if the temperature breaks 35. That’s really f-ing cold to be standing around for an hour or more not moving. I’d reschedule or move it inside.
DLC says
Can you push it an hour later?
I wouldn’t re-schedule, especially if the logistics of scheduling another time is a lot, but I don’t like re-scheduling things in general. Just have it a little later and maybe a little shorter and have coffee and tea and hot cocoa for everyone. Send an email to everyone saying that you know it’s going to be cold, and you hope to see folks, but totally understand if it’s too chilly. It might be an epic failure, but I think in the scheme of things, it’s not a huge deal.
anonM says
+1
Anonymous says
Talk me out of rage-quitting my job. Last fall a Big Catastrophic Thing happened because of a management failure a couple of levels above me. I could not possibly have predicted Big Catastrophic Thing or mitigated the risk even if I’d known about it, but my team and I were on the hook for cleaning it up and it threw all of our other projects out of whack. It was a miserable, stressful situation that no one should ever be put in. Management promised they would fix the issue that caused Big Catastrophic Thing, but so far they have not. Now they are insisting I move forward with another project where Big Catastrophic Thing could recur. Instead of working to fix the problem, they are now trying to pin all the blame on me. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I am looking for a new job, but the search is going very slowly because I am pretty senior and very specialized, so specialized that no one outside my niche field would ever even look at my resume. We can afford to live if I quit and nothing happens to my husband’s job, but we can’t afford to save or pay for major necessary expenses that are coming soon. I have to hang on, right?
Anon says
What necessary major expenses? Can you avoid them? I think it’s ok to not save for a while. I’m frugal but it sounds like this job is really impacting your mental health.
Anonymous says
I don’t normally advocate for quitting as I am pretty cautious but another thing to consider – are they setting you up to be fired? Quitting would be easier to deal with in a job search I assume.
OP says
I have my suspicions, but on the other hand they seem desperate for me to keep doing my job because no one else can do it (see, e.g., forcing me to take on the new project).
OP says
New car to replace the ancient one when its transmission finally dies, deferred maintenance on the house that cannot be deferred much longer, etc. We are talking tens of thousands of dollars that we were planning to pay in cash, and we won’t be able to borrow if I am not employed.