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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
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- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Hi C-moms! Questions from an “aunt” . . .
What are some great books to gift at a 1-yr old’s birthday party?
Also, this is my bff’s son. I have him listed as a life insurance beneficiary (I am single, no kids) and I am the non-family emergency contact for him at their daycare. I also would like to give a monetary gift. If you were my bff, would you prefer cash, a savings bond, etc.?
Cash – savings bonds mean you have to keep track of them.
And for a first birthday, I like the “fancy” more expensive board books. Still cheap for a gift, but more than I would want to spend on a random book for my kid. Matthew Van Fleet has great ones that have touch/smell/tabs that move the pictures. We have five or six – my kid is over 2 and still loves them.
Oh no, I changed my mind. Instead of books, get the kid a subscription to Highlights “Hello” magazine. We loved it and my daughter loved getting mail every month.
Anon in NYC says
Oh my daughter (2.5) LOVES this too.
YES! My aunt got this for my son and we love it!
I like this for a slightly older kid, but my 1-year old would definitely not “get” it! I would go with a board book or two. 1-year olds are still very much into ripping and chewing on pages, so paper page books are for later.
Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you See, Polar Bear Polar Bear What do you hear, and the very Hungry Caterpillar were all much loved board books when my kids were one. If you buy the big board books it is more fun for the kids when you read to them.
The good part about Highlights is that it’s a subscription, so they come once a month for a year. My aunt ordered it when he was 6 months, and he started to pay attention to the books around a year and they became his favorites around the 18 month mark. They aren’t paper pages, more like a thin plastic, so they are great for taking to restaurants because they are small and if they get food on them or wet, you can wipe the pages down.
Yep, they’re coated pages so they’ve been just as durable as board books for us. She knew she was getting “her magazine” by 15-16 months. The next step up is the Highlights High Five, which aren’t coated and are just like a magazine. They say it’s for 2-5, but I’d say at least 3 on the low end.
Ah, we get the High Five, so no coated pages. Thanks for clarifying!
if you are this close i would find out the kids 529 information and make a contribution to that. you could do it for every gift giving occasion.
we like books you can sing to — what a wonderful world, puff the magic dragon, octopus’s garden, etc.
i second the 529
Cash. That way it can be deposited into a 529, if applicable. That’s what we do with most gift money (except a few smaller amounts from grandparents where they specifically ask that we buy a treat/toy). Around my daughter’s first birthday, she received a Little People camper. It has been a favorite toy for well over a year since she received it. Other kiddos flock towards it when they come over, too. They love to push it around. It unfolds to play inside, too. It’s become our standard one year gift.
Ug, just saw you asked for books, lol. I second the board books only. My two year old still isn’t gentle enough for non-board books. If you give anything else, be prepared that the parents might put it up for a few years. I recently saw a display of Dr. Seuss board books at Target. They were simplified versions of the books. Maybe a small collection of those?
Favorite board books:
– anything by Sandra Boynton (Happy Birthday, Little Pookie is particularly on theme) or Dear Zoo or the Spot lift the flap books (one year olds love these, but I always feel bad buying them knowing they’ll be torn up so it’s nice to get as a gift)
– Big Red Barn or anything else by Margaret Wise Brown
– for something a bit more unlikely to be in their library already, I like to get I Am a Bunny by Richard Scarry (the other Scarry board books are great, too, but my kid was obsessed with this one at 1) or Hush Little Polar Bear. Big Bugs, Small Bugs is also pretty great, even for someone who hates bugs IRL.
You’re a great ‘aunt’! I’d say cash or a deposit into a 529.
As for books, find out what they have so you don’t duplicate. Board book box sets (Sandra Boynton, Curious George, Eric Carle – some of them come with accompanying stuffed toys as well) might be nice. We also received a book subscription box as a gift; about a quarter of the books were appalling/ annoying (and promptly donated), but there were some keepers that I wouldn’t have thought to buy for my son and that are now some of his favourites. If you can, get books that were written as board books or are full length in the board book version. I have such fond childhood memories of the rollicking full-length Dr Seuss books, that the simplified board book versions don’t measure up.
For board books, the book ‘SHHHH! We have a Plan!’ is AMAZING and it’s a little something different.
The Chris Haughton books are fabulous, I think the illustrations are so clever. I also love Oh No, George. My 6 month old giggles every time I say “Oh no, George!”
Everywhere Babies was one of my favorite board books, and it ends with a scene of the baby’s first birthday. I liked its nonjudgmental, inclusive message and it made me think of women and families all over the world, raising their babies the best that they could.
I cry every time I read Everywhere Babies. EVERY TIME.
Yes!! I just posted this below. I just read this to my 19 mo last night and good to know I still cry at the end. (It’s also great for the pictures of all different sorts of families!)
Oh I love baby books, they’ve really stepped up their game in terms of illustrations. I really like Oh No, George and Shh, We have a plan by Chris Haughton. The illustrations are gorgeous. Please, Mr Panda is super cute although my dad read it to my son yesterday and said “It’s a book about donuts!” Nope, it’s a book about manners!
Thank you all so much!!
On the magazine subscriptions, we (and my son) LOVE Babybug. Our favorite board books are Everywhere Babies (I usually cry on the last page, so…), The Snowy Day, lots of the Babylit books, I Know A Lot!, Jamberry, and Dance (the Matthew Van Fleek one).
Sorry for a depressing question to start the day, but for those of you with school-age kids, how do you talk about school shootings, active shooter drills, and other unfortunate features of education in America? My oldest is starting kindergarten this year and I just have fresh horror that this is going to be a part of his life. I was a junior in high school when the Columbine shooting happened, and I remember several classes foregoing instruction so we could talk about the news, grief counselors being available (despite us being halfway across the country from Colorado), and one lockdown drill. But I was 16, and my kids are going to learn about this when they’re 5. FIVE.
Great question. My daughter’s school began doing intruder drills in Kindergarten and I was really shocked, but pleased. The teachers have had great training in talking to the kids and parents about it, so I let them lead the discussion on why they’re having the drills, etc. We haven’t talked about mass shootings (age 8 now) but she knows there are bad people in the world that we have to protect ourselves from, just like you have to protect yourself from a natural disaster.
TLDR I wouldn’t get too into the weeds, but add to the discussion you’ve probably already had about good people/bad people and guns are not safe.
Also, an entire generation grew up doing atomic bomb drills. Intruder drills are terrible, but kids are resilient and smart.
I actually forgot until someone posted about it on FB, but I am 31 and we did intruder drills when I was in grade school (so the early 90’s). Albeit, school shootings were a very remote risk then, but we were definitely doing lock down drills along with the fire and tornado drills. I didn’t even remember them and definitely wasn’t scarred by them, so that is comforting. I think the teachers just told us it was to prepare in case a bad guy came into the school, so I agree about not getting into the weeds on the details.
I think we did, too, now that you mention it. The signal was a PA address saying “Mr. Code, please come to the office.” I remember thinking that was not very discreet.
Ours was that the emergency shipment of crayons had arrived. We were in high school. We rarely used crayons.
I’m interested in replies to this. I was trying to design some sort of game in my head that wouldn’t be scary to teach my daughter to hide or play dead if there was a shooting. I’m failing. I don’t know what to do. I just read the bios of all the victims on Scary Mommy and my heart just breaks. I picture each of those families picking out special names for their children, doing all the things that you do for babies and toddlers and children, and the victims themselves, teenagers just starting to feel like grown ups with all their hopes and dreams and emotional turbulence, and I just can’t. I’m not sure I want to be human today. I wish I was a dog or an elephant or a dolphin or something where I could be proud of my species
I’m really broken about this today. I think it took a couple days for me to find the space to confront and read about it and I just keep finding tears in my eyes. My kids are 4 and 2 and I hate that they are on the cusp of finding out that their lives are at risk when they go to school, or to concerts, and that they have to learn how to take evasive measures, and that part of why we love their teachers and coaches is because they would give their lives for the children in their care if that moment came. I just can’t today.
1) The game is Murder in the Dark (It’s reverse Hide and Seek where you go looking for a place to hide while everyone else does too, the last person without a hiding place loses the round. Unfortunate name, but there you go.)
2) Dolphins are really into gang [email protected] where they swim a female dolphin to exhaustion and then force her to submit. The victim often ends up dead. Still better than seals though!
(I’m wearing all my cynical I hate everything armor today.)
Main advice is to find out when they do the first drill. Our school/teacher handled the drill sensitively the first time the kindergarteners had to do it but they didn’t give the parents a heads up so I totally wasn’t prepared for the questions when she came home that day.
I do think it’s different from atomic bomb drills in the past. Atomic weapons were a more theoretical threat that never actually occured. School shootings occur constantly. Florida was like the 19th school shooting in 2018 and the 29th mass shooting. Our kids will grow up hearing about school shootings and then going back to school the next day and they will experience that multiple times. Sigh.
So this isn’t actually the 18th school shooting this year- at least not in the sense you are thinking. That fact is being tossed around a lot and it’s misleading without the footnote. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/no-there-havent-been-18-school-shooting-in-2018-that-number-is-flat-wrong/2018/02/15/65b6cf72-1264-11e8-8ea1-c1d91fcec3fe_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-top-table-main_fla-debunk-525pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.973cc137da25
But yeah, any is too many.
I was also in high school for Columbine. The morning after Columbine my high school decided to hold an unannounced fire drill for the first time ever. Everyone freaked out. The teachers usually knew about fire drills in advance, so they panicked not knowing why the alarm was going off. We didn’t know whether to get out of the building or whether to hunker down in our classrooms. Was it a copycat shooter? Was there a fire? What was all that screaming? Why were kids running? What were those flashing lights? Why were there police and firetrucks outside? (We later learned that they were there to monitor the drill.) Who was that shouting so loudly in the hallway? (It was administrator telling kids it was a drill, but we just heard yelling.) So scary… and it was just a fire drill.
My advice: Make sure the school has their act together and that everyone knows the plan. Teachers should know what they’re supposed to do so that they don’t panic. Parents should know what to do and how they would get an alert. Kids should know exactly what to expect. (And don’t hold a drill the morning after a tragedy when everyone is already emotional. That’s just stupid.)
I don’t have the answer to your question but I have a crazy idea. Re-watch Kindergarten Cop. If I remember correctly, the movie was about bad guys coming for one kid in particular and Arnold Schwarzenegger played a cop that pretended to be a teacher to keep the kids safe. He taught them safety lessons and drills that even included one kid being in charge of grabbing the class ferret. Maybe whatever language used with the kids in the movie would be useful.
Anon in NYC says
you just reminded me that I love that movie.
OP, I don’t have any answers for you. On Wednesday I was getting annoyed with my kid for being a toddler and then I was struck dumb by the fact that she could be in first grade or a freshman in high school and be gunned down in her school. Last night and this morning I teared up thinking about those families.
I’m an Emergency Manager, meaning I frequently do emergency response exercises and teach active shooter trainings…. and I struggle with this when it comes to my child. I think of Sandy Hook every single morning when I say goodbye to my son before school.
I just listened when he told me about the drill at school, and asked him what the school had told him it was about (i figured they’re the experts in communicating with children). I stressed to him that the important thing is to listen to directions to RUN or to HIDE. That, as a young elementary schooler, he should NEVER try to “fight” the bad guy. Being raised by an emergency manager, he had some valid questions (Does the fact we have teacher names on the doors mean they could find us more easily if they wanted our classroom?) but I mostly stressed get out if a grownup tells you to or hide and be super super quiet.
Hearing the story of the kid that had a bullet proof vest because his dad is a cop makes me want to get one for my kids.
Bullet proof backpacks. http://www.bulletblocker.com/bullet-proof-backpack-shield.html
Because whether or not your family can afford a three hundred dollar back pack should determine who lives and dies.
Not much better, but this one is only $120.
I hadn’t heard that story yet. My friend who is a veteran took the Kevlar from his old vest and lined his work briefcase with it just in case.
One other tip for older kids is non-trained shooters will always try to shoot around a barrier. One of the first things cops have to learn is if someone is holding up a purse or a folder in front of their face, it won’t stop a bullet and you can still shoot them. Psychologically though, you try to get around the “barrier.” So, if you are ever being shot at (ugh) hold up anything, a trash can, a file folder, even if it is not bullet proof. It may make the shooter move on or shoot a limb that is visible instead of a vital organ.
My kids are young elementary school (Pre-K and 1st Grade). My oldest did not hear about what happened, and I am ok with that. He rides the bus with older elementary school kids, and I told him before he left for school that if he heard anything scary, that he had questions, that he didn’t understand, it is always ok to ask mommy, daddy or his teacher. He has done intruder drills but he doesn’t know the specific events or necessarily even the “why,” and for now, I think that is ok. The drills are part of his life, just like firedrills, but for now, he does not need to know the history.
On the flip side, my husband is also an elementary school principal. He brought every adult in his school together yesterday morning to talk about how to respond to any questions or concerns from adults or students. He wrote out what he was going to say the night before. I read it, and it was powerful, heartbreaking and hopeful. My husband is part of the response and planning team for his district (he’s former military). The schools try, they plan, and they practice.
I guess I really don’t have an answer, except to say this: All of my loves walk into an elementary school everyday. When my children ask why or how, I will respond that every school has someone like Daddy. It is Daddy’s job to help keep them safe. He cannot stop everyone, but he would try. There are bad people, but that does not mean we live in fear. We go to school; we travel; we live life. Know that in every single school, there are adults that love them and that would not hesitate to walk straight into the gunfire to save a life. And then… I teach activism.
Very factually. We are straightforward with our kids and answer questions they ask honestly, including on difficult topics like shootings and other things in the news, and including with our 6 y/os. We also talk about safety issues and what they should do in emergency situations.
Any tips for framing a “lean out” discussion with your manager/team? I am in a commission-heavy job right now but we’re expecting #2 (after a 7 year gap) and I just can’t keep pushing as hard as I’ve been. There are team members who are 100% salary, with sales based bonuses, so I don’t anticipate pushback once I’ve structured the deal correctly.
My main concern is having this discussion PRE-maternity leave discussion. I am about 7 weeks so I have a small window to figure this whole thing out. (Tips on maternity leave discussions also welcome!)
I had this discussion about 4 months after returning from leave. I reduced my billable hours by about 300 hours per year and work from home a bunch more. I’ve always been in a position to work from home if I don’t need to be at meetings as long as I’m getting my hours in. So the reduction was the big one. I just knew I was never going to keep up and didn’t want to try or stress about it. I worry a little about having the discussion much before the end of your maternity leave. You don’t want them to think you’re not committed and then go on leave. Seems like you could be passed over for projects, etc. I think you might want to demonstrate your commitment for a little bit after leave before having this discussion. However, you know the situation and dynamics of your workplace and relationships best.
Good morning moms. Have any of you received treatment for varicose veins? Mine were not great after baby #1, but baby #2 really brought them to the forefront. I’m almost 9 months post partum and they are unsightly (bulging, all over) but more importantly they ache and my legs just don’t feel right. I went down a google hole of researching deep vein thrombosis. I also have spider veins but those are more of a nuisance. Has anyone gotten treatment? Thoughts? Would also love recs for providers in NYC that you loved! And I’m assuming insurance wont cover this. But I need to do something.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I recommend having a consultation with a vascular surgeon (sorry, not in NYC so I don’t have a rec, but I’m sure there are many good ones!). A good surgeon will do an evaluation – likely with an ultrasound to see if you have reflux in your veins and advise you what the next steps are from there. I had minimally invasive procedure (Endovenous laser ablation) a few weeks after having my baby and it wasn’t bad at all. Good luck!
Patty Mayonnaise says
PS. Insurance did cover this procedure because the ultrasound showed that I had significant venous reflux!
Anon CPA says
Yes, get them treated! I didn’t have unsightly ones, but I had a bulging vein that appeared after my first pregnancy and got so much worse during my second. I waited until a year post-baby, and had them treated via EVLT. It’s so much easier than the surgical method, and much more effective than basic sclerotherapy.
Basically, you have a number (somewhere between two and six) superficial veins that cause problems. These are the “trunk” veins, and return ~10% of the blood back to your body (deep veins doing 90% of the work). Varicose veins are “branches” off of these main trunk veins. These veins don’t have your muscles helping them pump blood back up, so they rely on valves – and these valves don’t handle the weight gain of pregnancy well. EVLT uses a laser to close these veins. Most insurances let a doctor treat two veins per treatment, so I had three EVLT procedures. You’re awake, but they’ll give you something for anxiety. It’s really not a big deal – they numb the vein ahead of time and the actual laser part takes less than a minute.
Once all the trunk veins are treated, most doctors will clean up smaller varicose veins with traditional sclerotherapy. And they shouldn’t come back, because there are no trunk veins to feed them anymore!
My insurance covered it, by the way. Most do – you just have to show that the valves aren’t working (it’s a measurement), and some require you to try compression hose for a certain amount of time before treatment (mine didn’t). You will have to wear the compression hose for two weeks after each procedure, so no big deal if you have to try them out before.
I had a subsequent pregnancy with no bulging veins and am happily varicose vein free! :)
Ask your OB/GYN. I had some this last pregnancy and they’ve seemingly gone away but my doctor said that she would recommend someone if they didn’t go away w/in 6 weeks PP.
OP here. Thanks so much for all the support and advice! I will call to make an appointment. Would love to have these gone by summer…
Patty Mayonnaise says
My almost 11 month old has been EBF (thanks for all the supply advice last week, btw!) and done well with baby-led weaning. He’s eating 3 meals a day (which he doesn’t always finish) plus a snack, and nursing morning and evening, plus three 4 oz bottles of b-milk at school. My question is how/if I start reducing his milk at this point? I’ve been doing lots of reading and it seems like milk becomes more of a beverage than a separate meal after the 1 year mark, but I’m not finding much info on how to make the transition. (Especially compared to the TON of info out there on breastfeeding, BLW, etc.) Any advice? I’m planning to ramp down pumping after he’s actually 1 and maybe try to continue morning and evening nursing as long as that goes. But I’m not sure about dairy milk, etc. Very interested in what has worked for other moms or any resources you might recommend. Thank you so much!!
We switched to bottles/nursing before naps/at night only. This sort of corresponded well as my kid dropped her naps and eventually helped with weaning her off bottle completely.
I don’t have any resources to point you to, but I do remember going through the same thought process you are now. I think around 14 months I stopped doing any pumping or daytime feeds. It was somewhat gradual–I would nurse if or pump if I was uncomfortable. My supply wasn’t huge at that point, so I didn’t have too much discomfort. We did morning and night for a long time, then just night after that, and then we stopped around age 2. Pumping at night when traveling was no fun, but I did not have to do that too often.
We had a hard time with the transition too! What helped a lot was that our pediatrician was, for whatever reason, insistent on getting rid of bottles at one. It took us till about 15 months for a myriad of reasons (it took forever to find a sippy cup they would use– finally landed on Munchkin 360 after trying a thousand nozzle/spout ones). Once they were drinking out of sippy cups intead of bottles, they didn’t “chug” and seemed hungrier for their solids.
anon in brooklyn says
I remember that at that age, it seemed impossible that my baby would drop any of the daily bottles, and then about 3 weeks later, it seemed obvious that she didn’t need one, then about a week or two later, one of the other ones. Then she was down to one midday milk before her nap, and at morning and bedtime. A total of 12 oz of milk a day, which are pediatrician was fine with. It was a transition that seemed totally mystifying at 11 months, and wasn’t a big deal a month later.
I transitioned to dairy milk by mixing 1 oz dairy milk with 3 formula, then 50/50, then 3 to 1 dairy milk.
To make the switch, we started offering food when the baby was hungry instead of a bottle We’d offer the bottle after the meal if they weren’t completely full, except for the early morning and pre-bed bottles. This meant that the kid was eating 5-6 mini meals a day. Eventually some of those mini meals turned into a snack and others became breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Baby Talk says
Hi everyone, I’m a little worried about my 16 month old daughter’s speech, and I just wanted to get some real world perspectives! While she babbles a lot, we’re really not hearing many, if any, words- we’ve never had that lightbulb moment where she looks at something and it’s clear she’s referring to it. She does not say mama consistently, everything generally starts with dada or didi, but it’s also hard to say if she associates “dada” with my husband or if it’s just what she calls everything. Right before her 15m appt I really thought we were making some progress, so I did not bring it up with the doctor, but it almost seems as if she has regressed these last few weeks. We try “up” and “go” and “dog” and “mama” and while she looks at us and seems to be concentrating, very rarely does she try to imitate. So when I read that toddlers could have as many as seven (!) words by this age, it’s a little dispiriting. Otherwise she is very happy and playful, walking everywhere, and laughing a lot, so then I wonder if it’s silly to worry. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated!
I wouldn’t stress too much but I also wouldn’t ignore it because you are in sweet spot where with a little extra encouragement, you can probably get her taking more and avoid having to do speech pathology down the road.
In my area, a speech pathoology referral is done if they don’t have 10 words by 18 months. You can’t really do much speech pathology with the kid until they are around age 3 so things before that focus on how the parent communicates with the child. In my case, I had to dial back responding to baby’s nonverbal cues to encourage her to talk more. We also learned to speak to her expressive speech level vs. her receptive speech level (which was much higher). We did the Hanen ‘It Takes Two To Talk’ program (parent education program) thorugh our local hospital and she was up to age level within 6 months. Now she’s 6 and she won’t stop talking ;)
The Hanen program can also be ordered as a dvd and book. DH never read the book but he watched all the videos. It’s really simple changes you can make to encourage speech in a low pressure way.
in mod for links. Don’t stress too much but do look at the Hanen It Takes Two To Talk book and DVD – great ways to encourage speech
This sounds too early to me to be concerning based on my understanding and experience. My youngest is a boy and I had pretty low expectations for too much language development before 20-24 months, but I think I started worrying a little around the same time as you – he had similar progress or lack thereof – and our pediatrician was not bothered.
Do bring it up next time you see the doctor! I imagine you’re still in an acceptable window/range for development but give yourself the chance to hear that and feel better about it. And if there is anything to keep an eye on, you’ll have that documented and can start whatever interventions are available when you need them. I’ll end on reiterating that she does sound normal to me and the babbling is good, and we have had ebbs and flows on word use with our kids, too, so try not to worry too much about regression if she’s doing great otherwise.
Have you tried baby signs? We had good luck introducing a few signs such as “more,” “milk,” and “all done” around that age. They seems to get the language process started.
Hugs! Kiddo had a bunch of signs starting at 12 months, but very few words. And I vaguely recall a backslide around 16-18 months that I worried about….except that it directly proceeded a huge language explosion. If you have an 18 month appointment, talk with the pediatrician about it. My guess is they won’t worry until closer to 2, but it’s always helpful to ask.
I remember being worried about this. Our doctor told us to aim for 10 words by the 18 month appt and we were convinced we’d never get there (mind you they only have to be words to your kid, doesn’t matter if it’s ’ba’ if she uses it for something). Anyway, we made it to 10 & whatever other milestones but I always worried and then just after turning 2 my daughter had the most amazing explosion of speech. We just had a play date with a friend whose kid used to always make me feel like we were so behind and I was surprised to see how much more verbal mine was in comparison. According to our pediatrician, most kids will all even out by 3 so there really is no normal. FWIW, another friend’s daughter barely talked at all until 3 and now, at 3.5, you wouldn’t know it at all – and they didn’t pursue any intervention, just kept talking to her and exposing her to other kids(she started to talk a lot after starting school).
Here was my experience:
I recall y daughter maybe having 6 words around 18 months (barely discernible). I was worried, doctor wasn’t.
At 2 she was still “behind” all of the charts I found online. Again, doctor wasn’t concerned.
Then suddenly (a few or several weeks after her birthday) her vocabulary jumped SIGNIFICANTLY. It felt like it was overnight, but it may have been over a week or two. And, her vocab is steadily increasing. And, now I no longer stress…at least about that.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1 on the language explosion right around 2. I can’t remember the details or the word-count (she was fine, but not talking as much as some under 2s did), but a few weeks after she turned 2 her chatter increased almost exponentially.
That being said, seems to make sense to keep an eye out. Also agree with teaching her baby signs. They helped my LO who wanted to communicate, but couldn’t.
Does she go to daycare? My kid had few (but some) words at that age. (Up, until I was properly trained to pick her up and then she dropped it. Then “that” which was so not helpful.) She started daycare not long after, where she was competing for the attention of adults who didn’t know her cues with a lot of other kids. Her vocabulary grew really quickly. After two she started putting sentences together, saying contextually relevant things.
Does she point at things she wants and shares attention? If she does not do those two things, get her screened for autism. If she does, I’d just expose her to a lot more language and let nature take its course.
With both, it was a few words, and then an explosion during the 2s. 16 months is pretty darn early; my second, who is slower at the “important” (heh) milestones but fast at unimportant/dangerous things like climbing ladders, was really slow. Now she talks up a storm. Remember all of this is an average. My niece who didn’t talk until age 3 was a straight A student.
My son was around where your daughter is at 18 months and I asked about it at his 18 month appointment, but they really didn’t seem concerned. He said mama, dada, yaya (for his sister), and no and they seemed to be happy with that. Just now at 19 months he is adding more sounds and words. I still worry about it sometimes but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone and apparently this is pretty normal. He is really, really active and has very good fine and gross motor skills so I think he just doesn’t spend much time figuring out talking.
twins too says
I have two year old twins. They clearly understand everything and can hear well, so I wasn’t worried they seemed a bit behind with language (but I agree with other commenters that you are too early to worry).
One kid has made slow steady progress from 20ish months til now, while the other just ignored requests to say new words and was totally unclear in speech. Well, the later twin just started spitting out whole phrases and now repeats almost anything I say, and this has all happened in a matter of about a week.
Kids, even with same genetics and same parenting, develop so differently – in terms of timing but also the speed of progress.
If I were you, I’d just make sure you are happy with how much she understands and that she hears you, and otherwise hold off on worrying til 2.
Was up all night sick…think I have the norovirus since I have had it before. I obviously took the day off and my 4 month old is at daycare. She had a bottle when she woke up in the middle of the night and this morning, so I have not come close to her since last night.
What should I do to make sure I don’t give this to her and my husband? Steering clear until I feel better is sad but doable. I’m not in any state to clean, but my husband can.
Wash your hands, have husband wash hands, wash baby’s hands. Really, just wash hands a lot.
I’ve seen this site posted in some of my mom’s groups. http://www.stopthestomachflu.com/
Besides washing hands, I’d say have your husband sleep on the couch/elsewhere and use a different towel after hand washing.
FWIW, not sure if it was novovirus, by my family all had a stomach bug to fall and my daughter handled it the best of all of us. Lots of diapers to change but otherwise as normal.
Wipe down the common things you touch – doorknobs, faucets.
Recs for DME companies to order pumps says
Anyone have particularly good/bad experiences with the various durable medical equipment companies in terms of ordering breast pumps? It looks like several will work with my insurance, and other than identifying one that allows me to upgrade and pay the difference (I want to get the spectra that has the battery option) wondering if it really matters which one I pick.
Also, any suggestions in terms of requesting additional parts/etc, or is it just I get whatever my insurance covers (ie, usually a stripped down version of the regular pump kit) and then plan to supplement (as I understand important to order Spectra parts ahead as they are rarely in stores).
Has anyone dealt with forceful letdown? My 3-week old often squeaks/sputters/struggles while feeding and seems uncomfortable during and after feeds. He’s also thrown up a few times (we told the ped, who seemed unconcerned). Oddly, he’s fine at night, when I’m nursing in bed. My internet diagnosis has led me to forceful letdown (I’m also leaking/spraying a LOT). Will this go away on its own or should I seek help? He’s gaining weight very quickly and his latch is good so I’m not worried about that part. Thanks!
Anon in NYC says
This might just be something you have to deal with for a while, but as your supply regulates and he gets a bit bigger it should eventually work itself out. What I did was to always have a cloth nearby (I think I used some generic cloth diaper that came in a 10-pack — we bought them for burp cloths), and as soon as my daughter would unlatch, I’d cover myself with the cloth to prevent spraying. Also, I used disposable nursing pads in my bra for months just to be safe.
I had a friend who had oversupply issues and was constantly being lectured by her doctor to not nurse on demand. When she went back to work and was mostly pumping it quit being a concern. But yeah, the baby choked several times and it took a while to sort.
Anon in NYC says
Echoing to add that I had oversupply issues for months, which I absolutely think was a big part of the spraying. People kept telling me to nurse side by side, but I could never get the hang of it, so it seems like you’re in the right track for nursing in bed!
At 3 weeks our body is still learning to regulate. It often corrects itself. Until then, when you have letdown, pull off the baby until the spraying dies down.
That definitely sounds like forceful letdown. I had that for the first few weeks until it regulated, but never really had an oversupply. All the burp cloths! +1 to nursing while reclining/ lying down – that helps. And take advantage of it – use a milk saver on the other side, such as Milkies or Hakaa, to catch whatever leaks while you’re nursing.
I had forceful letdown with my second but not my first. With my second he would choke and splutter, then come off the latch and cry and not want to go back on. I would nurse lying down or with the recliner almost all the way reclined, and that helped a LOT. If I recall correctly there are holds that work better for forceful letdowns – I can’t remember which one(s) but I remember it worked, and the g00 gul should help identify the hold. I had to use these tricks for several months.
Thanks all — this is helpful. I’m less worried about the spraying/leaking and more worried about his comfort. He often seems so unhappy while he nurses, and the vomiting is scary also. I’ll definitely try the reclining trick.
Yes and it was horrible. We ended up in the ER the second night home because my son kept throwing up and they get concerned about dehydration at that age. My son spit up until he was one, but the letdown wasn’t really an issue after about 12 weeks. There are a couple things you can try. Nurse with you laying down on your back and baby on top, as gravity will mitigate the force. Also, try to pull the baby off when you feel you are about to letdown and letdown into a bib/towel, then put the baby back on. I had a lactation consultant tell me I had an oversupply, but in hindsight I don’t think I did.
Ugh, in response to AwayEmily
BF Gift/Reward? says
Hi All! I’ve been breastfeeding my daughter for 28 months now. We’ve been down to morning/bedtime for quite some time (which is probably why we’ve made it this long). I haven’t pumped regularly during the day for about a year. I think I’ve decided to wean her in late spring or early summer (provided I can convince myself to let go of the morning snuggles…maybe we’ll just move to morning only for a while…).
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has gotten themselves a gift at the end of their breastfeeding journey. When I first started and was overwhelmed by it all, I told my husband that as soon as I was done, I was flying off for a fancy girls’ trip with some friends or close relatives. I don’t feel that way anymore – I’m not stressed and enjoy it. Nonetheless, I might be interested in getting something for myself in the $500 or less range. I’m not too interested in a wearable. Definitely not clothes or shoes. MAYBE an accessory or jewelry, but nothing I’ve thought of has excited me. Our daughter will likely be our only child, so this is is very likely truly the end of the road for me.
Has anyone else done something like this? Ideas?
Maybe not what you’re looking for, but as a “holy sh!t you are done breastfeeding” gift, my husband paid for laser hair removal in my bikini area which I have wanted to do for years. And I bought myself a trip to the upholsterer for a precious chair that my dad had in law school, that I used in undergrad and grad school, but was a hideous 1970s green. Now it is a great pattern in a sunbrella fabric and I can rock my son on it for snuggles as we read instead of nursing! For me I partly chose that because I wanted to feel like I was taking a step to preserve the closeness of nursing.
Congratulations to you! I nursed for 14 months before my son was just sort of over it. I thought I’d be really sad and miss it (I was willing to keep going), but honestly it was in some ways a relief and we still get plenty of snuggles!
I got myself a right hand ring when I was done breastfeeding my last kid. It was my “my body is finally my OWN again” present and I love that thing maybe more than my wedding ring. Look at BlueNile and Gemvara to see if anything stands out to you.
Also I still do morning snuggles with both kids every morning. I get up and get myself ready, then to wake them up, I climb into their bed and snuggle for a minute or two, then send them off to pee. It’s one of the best parts of my day and I’ll give it up only when they force me to stop.
I have a different opinion versus a poster who replied that you can’t do much for speech before age 3. The toddler years are when the pre-speech foundational skills can be developed. Do you have Early Intervention where you live? We have it here in Massachusetts, USA and anyone can make a referral to it, you can do it yourself. It’s free or covered 100% by insurance. Our 2nd child is doing it now. He has a very significant speech delay (our first child was an extremely early speaker so we were caught off-guard and didn’t know how to handle a child with delays). Our 2nd child is now a few months past his second birthday and can use a few signs (which are counted as words) and say some words (of course, Dada is one of them and Mama is not!). But we do other things to encourage his ability to say words, make signs, and increase his foundational skills. He did his assessment around 20 months. It takes a few months to set up the assessment and then assemble a team and get them scheduled to start making visits–they visit your house once a week separately depending on what specialists you need (speech therapist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, etc). After age 3 they are moved out of Early Intervention and, if appropriate, are given free services at the integrated preschool in the town (even if other typical kids pay tuition there, it’s free for kids with an IEP plan which the Early Intervention staff will help create if needed, because the integrated preschools here have speech therapists and other specialists on staff). In addition, we took our son in to our local children’s hospital for them to do a speech evaluation and they recommended private speech therapy in addition to the weekly Early Intervention speech therapist visits. They gave us a list of providers so we could find one within our insurance, but they also recommended the Hanen program as mentioned above, and also some university programs with pediatric speech pathology programs which are offered at minimal cost for those without insurance coverage for this. Even if you don’t have Early Intervention where you live, if you are worried about it, call your pediatrician and ask for a referral for a speech evaluation. It took a few months for us to get an appointment for that. By the time you get the evaluation, your child may well have had a speech explosion which others have mentioned here and which other parents have also told me about. Or if not, at least you’re in the queue for an evaluation and can get services started sooner. Good luck.
PS back on thread topic of bamboo baby washcloths, we have them and they are very soft and nice! They say to air dry only, but we toss them in the dryer on low heat and they come out just fine! Super soft-nice for washing your face or your child’s face or sore bum-we bought a few sets in different colors to keep track of their different uses (no bum-cleaning cloths used for face cloths!)