Budget Thursday: Arie Threader Drops

I like browsing BaubleBar for jewelry that I know is very trendy. The prices are low/reasonable and their pieces are very of the moment. Some of their earrings are definitely more beach appropriate than work appropriate, but I think these threader earrings strike the right balance of fun and professional. I think the threader style is very cool and unique, and I like that it’s one open piece. As a bonus, these won’t bother your ears when talking on the phone! They also have a 18K-gold plated version with cubic zirconias for $58 in their “Everyday Fine Collection,” but I think I prefer these minimal hoops, which are $28. Arie Threader Drops

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Not a mom but hoping the parents here can help me out… My best friend’s son is turning one soon and I want to get him a gift. I want something more significant than board books or clothes (which I’ve been sending periodically throughout his first year) and am looking to spend about $100-150. I’m leaning away from anything physically large because they live in an apartment and want more kids. I like the idea of getting a family membership to their local children’s museum, but I don’t want to burden the parents by creating extra work for them to use my gift — is this the kind of thing I should run by her before purchasing? Their son goes to daycare, so they’d only be able to use this on weekends, and I don’t want them to feel obligated to use their precious weekend time to go to this museum all the time (I don’t live near them, otherwise I’d love to take him there myself). Also will it be weird if I get it once and then don’t renew it next year? The first birthday is sort of a milestone in my mind, and I’m not sure I’ll want to spend this much on the gift every year.

    • I think I’d check with the parents but that sounds like a great gift. Museum entry is free here but I’d love someone to pay for our zoo membership.

      • Yeah for my family of 4, it only takes 2-3 trips to the zoo to make a membership “worth” it financially, so it’s not likely that you’re obligating them to go every weekend or even every month.

        If you post their general location, you might get more specific recs. I’m in the Chicago suburbs and there are several children’s museums and playhouses that would be awesome experience gifts and not take that long to drive to, whereas something in the city of Chicago might be a little more burdensome to get to (and to navigate the crowds on weekends and holidays) so we typically only go to those once a year or so.

        Other options that aren’t experience and only sort of big. A play kitchen starts being fun at age 1 and gets played with until 4-5 – if that’s truly too big, the food sets from Learning Resources are high quality. If the parents bike often, a bike trailer for the kid(s) can be within your budget if you find them used on craigslist. You might also look for a folding wagon – the Radio Flyer one folds up pretty small. A pop up ball pit (with lots of balls) would be easy to store away in a closet.

        • They’re near San Jose, CA. I was thinking the SJ children’s museum. I definitely wouldn’t do something in San Francisco since they rarely get up there.

          • AnonInBigLaw says:

            We also live near San Jose. SJ Children’s Museum is a fabulous membership idea for a 1-year old. As other posters have said, just 3-4 trips in a year will make the membership “worth” it. SJ Children’s Museum has a special section for kids under 5 that even a 1 year old gets a lot out of.

          • Also, Happy Hollow is in San Jose and is really fun.

          • Blueberries says:

            SJ Children’s Museum membership is a great gift! And really great for a 1-year-old. They have a quieter member’s hour on Sunday mornings, which is nice if it works with the nap schedule. No need to renew if you buy it once.

      • octagon says:

        memberships are terrific because you can go and not feel guilty about leaving after an hour. With a 1-year-old, that is a big deal. Run it by the parents, but unless they already have one I bet they will love the idea.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          Agreed. It’s really great to feel like you’re not wasting your admission fee by leaving when your kid freaks out.

        • AwayEmily says:

          also agreed, especially because museums/zoos/etc can be so over-stimulating that sometimes a short visit is all anyone can handle.

          The other nice thing about a membership is that you think about the gift-giver every time you go. My daughter’s godmother (and my best friend) got us a kids museum membership a year ago. We use it a lot (especially during the winter) and always send her a photo of our daughter playing when we visit.

    • I think a membership gift is a great idea, but I would definitely run it by them first. Both of my kids are in daycare full time and we still frequent the local children’s museum and zoo, especially in the winter when my kids needs space to roam. But I know some families that prefer to avoid these spots and stay home. So it is totally a personal preference. I do not think it would be weird to gift it one year, but not the next.

      If you’re looking for other ideas: (1) putting the money in his 529, (2) a large set of duplos – this is something I give for first birthdays a lot, it is so nice to have a large set of these, and they are expensive when starting to build a large set (3) magna tiles – same as duplos and both toys are played with well into 4-5.

    • Anonymous says:

      That sounds very generous and fabulous. For us that sort of gift would have made more sense later (like maybe 3 or 5), but we aren’t as geographically close to some of that stuff. So it would involve day trips rather than a morning or afternoon or something. I think a zoo or aquarium would likely be more entertaining for a one year old than a children’s museum, but that’s only based on my one child.

      You could also consider a toddler gym membership if they have one nearby. Little Gym or something similar. Or maybe a series of swim lessons or something.

      I do think there are some more expensive toys that could fit your criteria – magna tiles, a nice set of wooden blocks (maybe you can find some that you can personalize?), a wagon (I know space is an issue, but if it were an issue for me this is one thing I might make an exception for), a personalized preschool size backpack (PB Kids), a personalized PB Kids Anywhere chair, balance bike (my two year old rides hers inside all the time).

      Again – your initial idea sounds fabulous. Just throwing some stuff out. You sound like an amazing friend!

      • Ooh, I’ve got an eye on a smarttrike for my kid’s 1st birthday. It seems like a gift with longevity.

    • Anonymous says:

      What about a gift certificate for babysitting or a night out or something – a gift to the parents? Getting through the first year is milestone but its mostly meaningful to the adults. You could still get something small for the baby.

      • Anonymous says:

        Love this! Maybe a membership for family and a restaurant gift certificate for parents with a congrats note on surviving the first year! Babysitters are personal so they can arrange that and enjoy a date night.

      • Isn’t it sort of selfish to make a child’s birthday about the parents? He may not remember his first birthday once he gets older but he could have a lot of fun with magna tiles or a toddler gym or whatever. I would be a little annoyed if I asked a friend what I could get for her child’s birthday and she said “a gift certificate for date night.”

        • Anonymous says:

          The parents aren’t asking for that; people are just suggesting it as a nice thing to give, which it is. I agree it would be weird if parents requested it.

      • Anonymous says:

        This is a GENIUS idea! Not selfish AT ALL – the 1st birthday for the first kid is 100% about making it through your first year as parents. Kid doesn’t know what’s 1 or 2 or whatever. They’ll be happy with balloons and it sounds like you send happy mail regularly. If someone had celebrated ME on my kids’ 1st birthdays…wow! (Actually, my husband is pretty awesome and he does buy me flowers every year for my kids’ birthdays, but he deserves some recognition too.)

    • Memberships are one of our favorite gifts. My sister and I trade them every year for Christmas. Her kids are 1 and 3, mine are (almost) 4 and 6.

    • Here’s a different idea, is there a grocery store with a delivery/order ahead membership option? In our area an unlimited order online and drive-thru pick up grocery store membership (to our local go-to store) is about $100 annually. The ability to order groceries online and drive up have them loaded without the fees is amazing. Or similar grocery delivery service membership. Renew their amazon prime?

      Another thing I wanted to get around to but haven’t is printing a bunch of pictures and putting them in an album, I think Shutterfly offers this service – you provide pics they make the album.

      • When we have family members announce a pregnancy, I’ll ask to find out if they have Amazon Prime. If not, that’s their baby gift!

    • In House Lobbyist says:

      Another gift option is Magnatiles. I bought them when my youngest was 1 and she is 5 now and they get played with many times a week. Older kids and adults love them too. They don’t take up too much room and are expensive and last for years. Get the biggest set you can get on Amazon.

  2. PregAnon says:

    Pregnant road trip tips? My husband and I are driving from NYC to NC and back the week of July 4. I’ll be 5 months pregnant. My main worry is that I’m having a ton of lower-back pain/sciatica. I also have to pee pretty much constantly. We’re breaking the drive up into a few days. It looks like the longest will be 8 hours of driving. Is that too much, should we break it into 4 and 4? I’ve done like 15-hour driving days but can’t imagine doing that while stopping every hour to pee. Bought a cushion to sit on for my back and will pack a cooler of cold drinks. I must sound so wimpy…

    • Lana Del Raygun says:

      I recently did an 8-hours-of-driving trip while 4 months pregnant; so no back pain yet but also peeing constantly, and it was fine! I drank less water than I would have if I’d been at home and accepted that I’d be thirstier than I’d like, but also you can stay pretty hydrated by drinking *slowly*. I think it came to around 11 hours on the road, including stopping for lunch.

    • Anonymous says:

      I drove 8 hours (each way) last year at 7.5 months pregnant. We stopped every 1.5 hours and I made sure I took a brisk 5 min walk each time (after peeing). Back a couple different pillows so you can change up your position in the car – super recline the seat for a bit / sit up straight / cross your legs etc. (hubby did all the driving). Have something to elevate your feet in front of you if you can. with the walk breaks it isn’t THAT much worse than being at work all day (I got in the car after 5 hour 0.5 day at work)…. you will be fine.

      plus lots of drinks (seeing as you are stopping all the time anyways).

      I also flew to Europe at 5 months and wore compression socks (which I do on long flights anyways)

    • Anonymous says:

      I would caution you not to sacrifice drinking a lot in order to not have to use the bathroom as much. One of the biggest risks of long drives for pregnant women is the risk of developing a blood clot. Staying super hydrated, wearing compression socks, and stopping to walk around often are the ways to prevent blood clots.

      • Anonymous says:

        P.S. if you don’t have compression socks already, I like the Sockwell brand– they have fun colors/patterns, are easy to put on and take off, and are available on Amazon.

    • A few years ago I moved from Asia to the US, on two flights totaling ~20 hours, at 30 weeks pregnant. That trip was unavoidable for various reasons! Definitely wear compression socks (I know, super dorky in summer, but if you’re pregnant you get a free pass) and drink enough that you pee light yellow – at that rate of drinking, you’ll probably take a rest stop/ walk break every few hours anyway.

      Also, if you’re having sciatic pain now, go see a physiotherapist, especially if you can get a referral from your OB so insurance covers it. I just did and wished I’d done it sooner. Physio will suggest a few strengthening exercises and stretches you can do, and check that you’re doing them correctly.

    • KateMiddletown says:

      I just did midwest to SE 7.5hrs at 20 weeks and it wasn’t that bad (thanks, husband, for driving almost the entire time.) Just make sure you stretch at stops, and plan to stop every 2 hrs to pee. I have bad veins, but I was able to wiggle my toes and stuff in the passenger seat so I didn’t do compression socks or stockings and was very comfortable. You can always hole up in the back seat and put your feet up on a pillow!

    • Use the back seat! Lie down, put your feet up, etc. My biggest issue with road trips and pregnancy were the belt felt constricting at times and I sometimes got bit nauseated (which I never do in my “normal” state). If the first is an issue, they sell these soft covers for seatbelts and with the second I found these pressure bracelets at CVS that helped.

  3. PregLawyer says:

    Help me with my back to work pumping schedule:

    My daughter is 3 months old. I typically get up to get ready for work at 5:45 and nurse her at around 6:15 (after my shower). She then falls back asleep. We get her and her 3 year old brother up at 7:00 to get out of the house by 7:15. I get into my office around 8:15. I am still engorged at that point, so have to pump before 9:00. Then I’m in this limbo of how often to pump – right now I’m doing every 2.5 hours, so it typically looks like around 11:00, between 1:30 and 2:00, and then one before the end of the day. This is obviously too many pumping sessions – four at the office doesn’t make sense. But I can’t skip the morning one because I’m engorged, and I don’t have time to fit it in at home unless I wake up at 5:00 am, which just depresses me at this point due to my lack of sleep. I can’t skip the afternoon one because I’m usually not home until 6:30, so if I pump at 1:30, it’s too long a gap in between. What am I missing here? Do I just spread them out and pump every 3 hours (so 8:30, 11:30, 2:30 . . . 6:30?) Or every 4 hours? (8:30, 12:30, 4:30, 8:30?) This should be easier to figure out, but my brain is fried from my first week back to work.

    • KateMiddletown says:


    • I would try to nurse her again around 7 before you leave the house. That might reduce your engorgement so you can go longer and maybe reduce her need for bottles at daycare. Or can you make pumping part of the 6:15 nursing experience? I’d do the extra nursing session first.

      Hang in there. This should be temporary and work itself out as baby goes longer stretches at night and eats more at a time. And your body will adapt and reduce some of the engorgement.

      I have had good luck using a hands free bra to pump in the bathroom while I put on make up and stuff. Maybe you could try something like that?

    • How do you commute to work? If you drive, consider hooking up to the pump before getting on the road (to/from work) and pumping while driving. That saved me many times!

      • This is what I did. Pump on the way to work, and then pump on the way home. So two session in the car.

    • Anonymous says:

      You shouldn’t be nearly as engorged in the afternoon because your milk supply gradually decreases throughout the day. I would do 9 am, 11:30 and 2:30 or something like that so the interval between pumps is gradually increasing throughout the day.

      You could also only give your daughter one side in the morning and simultaneously pump the other side. I also have a 3 month old, and I find that if I get my breasts really really empty at our 6:30 am feed (which requires pumping because they’re pretty engorged when we wake up, and the baby can only fully drain one before she gets full), I’m pretty comfortable until 11.

      I also think some engorgement is pretty normal when you’re dropping pumping sessions or stretching out the time between them. Obviously you should pump if you’re in agony, but if you’re just uncomfortable it might be worth waiting it out for a few days to see if your supply regulates.

    • Anonymous says:

      8:30, 11:45 (early lunch), 2:45/3pm — this and then nurse at 6:30pm as soon as you get home. I often let older kid cuddle next to me and watch an episode of Daniel Tiger while I nurse littlest.

      • Anonymous says:

        This is more or less my schedule. I wake up at 615, get ready for work and then nurse baby around 7 right before I leave. Then I pump around 830, noon and 3-330. I get home at 630 and nurse immediately.
        I think if you space it to every 3 hours (which is roughly how often your child is eating at this age anyway) you should be good.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Try 8:45, 12pm, 3:30pm. You’re milk supply will be lower in the afternoon (its highest in the morning.

  5. Driving advice says:

    Can’t thread on my phone…I also had sciatica early in my second trimester (especially while driving) and got a prenatal massage and it disappeared for the rest of my pregnancy. So you could try a prenatal massage with an experienced massage therapist before the drive? It can’t hurt.

  6. Reposting because I’m stuck in moderation on the main site …

    Family photo help needed! We’re getting family photos taken next week (outdoor setting) and I’m stumped on what to have DH wear, and how to finish my outfit. Here’s what I have so far:

    Me: Kelly green linen shirt with navy/white embroidery. Still not sure what bottoms to wear. Will wear tan sandals.
    Kid 1: Yellow polo shirt, khaki or navy shorts, boat shoes.
    Kid 2: White cotton dress with little yellow lemons. The green leaves match the kelly green in my dress. She’ll wear either light blue sandals or a cute little pair of huaraches that match mine.

    What should DH wear? Navy top? Something lighter and more summery? I’m stumped. I’m pretty sure I need to buy him something new. And don’t even get me started on shoes.

    I’m kind of stressing about this more than I should because wardrobe is one of the few things I can control. I’m fully expecting the kids to either cop an attitude (kid 1, super likely), or get camera shy (kid 2, also likely.) We’ve selected a photographer that’s worked with several families we know well and I love her work … here’s hoping that she can make magic happen! Also, I am bribing them with ice cream. If they do well, we stop and get ice cream on the way home.

    • So, I have this theory about family pictures that I don’t like to buy anything new for them. That may not be your style…but it does take away a lot of the stress. I always get outfits from the clothes we have and pretty much want people to wear a coordinated version of what they wear every day. Maybe you could wear jeans, your son could wear navy shorts and your husband could wear…khakis and a blue shirt? That’s pretty much my default with my hubby. He has a lighter colored short-sleeved blue shirt that he wore for our spring pictures and it looks appropriately summery.

    • Anonymous says:

      I think you should wear white pants/jeans, and your DH should wear grey khaki material pants, or khaki-colored pants, and a navy polo.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      What about navy pants for DH, with a white polo shirt, and boat shoes. Simple, but I think the white top will look more summery than a dark shirt. For you, I’d probably wearing white bottoms.

    • avocado says:

      I would put Kid 1 in khaki shorts, husband in khaki pants or shorts with navy fine-gauge cotton sweater or light blue oxford shirt with collar open and sleeves rolled up, and yourself in white ankle pants.

    • Khakis always read more summery to me, so Kid 1 in khaki shorts, husband in khakis with a light blue or light green shirt, and white pants for you. If husband won’t buy new shoes (mine definitely won’t ‘just’ for photos!), ask the photographer for more close-up or action shots where the shoes won’t show?

    • Thank you, guys! I have a pair of white ankle-length jeans that are cute. They do have some distressing, though. Should I be concerned about that?

      I have most of our clothes on hand already, thankfully. The exception is DH, whose wardrobe tends to skew either business or suuuuper casual.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        I personally would not be concerned about distressing on your jeans. It does skew more casual than fancy though, so if that’s not the vibe you want or if it would be mismatched with your family’s clothes, maybe reconsider.

        • avocado says:

          I think distressing would be fine as long as there aren’t huge holes with lots of skin showing through. The rest of the outfits sound summery and rather casual, so it would work unless you are aiming for a dressier look.

  7. Re: pumping… at 3mos with my somewhat oversupply I would have had to do every 2.5 hours for sure. I think you can gradually start stretching it out longer, something like 9:30, 12:30, 3:30 and see how that goes. But If you’re in pain, gradually go for 4 sessions to 3.

  8. Betty says:

    We (largely me) have spent the last six weeks shuttling our 7 year old son to a play therapist to help us navigate his forthcoming autism-spectrum diagnosis. My husband and I met with her once for about an hour, my son has been every week for 5 weeks, and then my husband and I went and met with her again today for 1.5 hours in the middle of the day. We sought her help because he has no age-appropriate social relationships with his peers (excluding his sister), but more than that, because he has rigidity and lack of flexibility that results in big tantrums at home. At school, he is a great student and never makes waves. He needs help with the social piece, but that’s not what drove me to ask for help. Its that I honestly don’t know how to navigate some of his outbursts and how to handle the rigidity (keep him on a schedule? but its not always possible? is keeping him on the schedule perpetuating his lack of flexibility? etc.).

    I was hopeful that my husband and I would get advice, and that the advice would come from a source that isn’t me relaying what I read in a book. I wanted someone to help us be on the same page with parenting. At the end of the session today, I asked about next steps. I thought there would be a plan to help us. Instead, she offered to go to school with us in the fall to advocate for a 504 for our son. Which is helpful? but not what we actually need (DH is an elem principal and I’m a lawyer, so we’re pretty good on handling school). I’m dismayed at having invested so much time, only to walk away with little-to-no practical help. At our first session, she suggested a book, which I dutifully read and it has been helpful, but not worth 5-6 weeks of leaving work early, arranging alternative care for our daughter and a plan that isn’t really a plan and doesn’t help.

    The therapist lavished my husband for making an appointment in the middle of the day, and advised that we didn’t want to add anything to his (DH’s) plate. I think the therapist heard early-on that DH is a principal, whereas I work from home two days a week. She neglected to understand that I also work full-time in a demanding career.

    I’m dismayed and upset. Ugh. I don’t want to go through this again with someone else.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m so, so sorry. I don’t have any advice, but this would make me SO furious, especially the part about not “adding to your husband’s plate.” It’s his child too!!!! Gah. All the hugs.

    • Anonymous says:

      Is your son doing better?

      • Betty says:

        The tantrums are still occurring, and he is still as rigid as he was before we started this process. We do not have any strategies or tools to handle the rigidity or lack of flexibility. So, I’m going to go with no.

    • That sounds incredibly frustrating, on top of the challenge of parenting a child on the autism spectrum. May I, gently, ask if the therapist was aware of your desire for a plan? This almost sounds like the therapist did not understand your specific objectives for the sessions.

      • Betty says:

        I have said many times that I do not know how to handle some of the challenges that his behavior presents and his anxieties, and that I would like help on the best way to help him through these struggles. I think that is one of the reasons I was so surprised today — I felt like I had truly not been heard.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      UGH. I’m so sorry. That’s infuriating. I realize that you don’t have a diagnosis yet, but could your pediatrician and/or specialist give you some recommendations for other therapists that you could check out? I would be livid at the lack of actionable items, and also extremely frustrated at the praise lavished on my husband and de-valuing of my career.

    • avocado says:

      Hugs. This sounds so incredibly frustrating. I’m sorry you’ve invested a lot of time and hassle without much reward. And her attitude towards your job and your husband’s is just not nice.

      In my dealings with other types of professionals (physical therapists, etc.) I have found that quality and responsiveness to individual needs vary widely. Even though this therapist turned out to be a dud, the time you’ve invested hasn’t been totally wasted if it has helped to clarify what your family needs and doesn’t need from play therapy. If you choose to try a new therapist, it will probably be easier to articulate exactly what your goals are up front (even though it sounds as though you did this with the first one) and to determine early on whether the therapist is aiming to meet those goals. Don’t be afraid to cut your losses and leave if you aren’t getting what you need. Your time and sanity are too valuable to waste. And no therapy is better than bad therapy.

    • Anonymous says:

      Make your husband shuttle your son to appointments? Especially now that it’s summer and he’s presumably on break? Her assumptions were sexist and wrong regardless, but it’s easier to make those kind of assumptions when it’s the mom always bringing the kid to appointments.

    • Hugs. That is very frustrating on a lot of levels. I’d probably give her a call on Monday and say that you’ve digested the information for a few days and would like to meet again to develop a plan for _____. And to be honest, I’d probably ask hubby to make the call since she wants to kiss his bum so badly.

      • +1. I would have DH call and say “My expectation was to get a plan for X, Y, Z, and after digesting our last session, I am confused on whether we can expect that from these sessions. Is that something you (therapist) are developing, or what would be your recommendation on how to get to that plan?” And then if she says it’s not something she can do, I would ask what her goals for the sessions were, and what changes you should be seeing as a result of the sessions.

        • Betty says:

          Oh that’s a good idea. I’m definitely going to have him be the one who calls!

          • Yes, the beauty of this is that it plays into the “his time is so valuable” thought – he was investing all this time in her process, what changed as a result of it? Use her bias to your advantage.

    • I’m so sorry. I understand your frustration completely. I’ve been known to break down in front of medical professionals who weren’t listening to us or helping before. I almost always ask too much questions of the resident (daughter has a rare condition but seriously, it’s like they’ve never heard of it sometimes) and they end up having to bring in the attending who then condescends to us. I’m pretty sure difficult parent is written somewhere on my daughter’s chart.

      Finding good providers is tough. You’re right to be frustrated and I’m sure you don’t want to start the process again but I’m hopeful you can find one who will better meet your needs and will help more.

    • mascot says:

      Ugh, we had a similar experience with a play therapist and it’s really given me a bad taste for the whole process. If/when we go through that process again, I want to be clear going in about what signs of progress look like and what we can do at home to work on certain skills. For me, I think it’s also helpful to get guidance on what is normal behavior that will just take time and development vs what is outside the scope of acceptable. We spent a lot of time so zeroed in on our kid and his struggles that we had almost a zero tolerance policy for “normal” kid stuff. I wish I had asked for more guidance on that.

      • Betty says:

        Yes, I think this is some of what I was looking for as well. I was hoping for an assessment of what is normal or will level out over time. Instead, I got: “It has been really great getting to know your son.” I mean, I agree, but that’s not why we were there. I was looking for things that I can actually do to help him or us as a family.

    • Wow, that has to be so incredibly, frustrating, annoying, and angering for you. I’m so sorry.

      If you end up going with a new therapist, I would make sure to let him/her know why you left the last one. This lets the new therapist know that you will not put up with the same thing again. How the new therapist responds to the information will also give you a lot of insight on his/her own style. For example, if you tell the therapist the story about not wanting to put more on your husband’s plate, and the new therapist isn’t outraged on your behalf, just pick up your purse and walk out. Don’t even say goodbye.

      Try not to think of the last five weeks as a waste of time. Try to think of it as a good investment to weed out a bad fit.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been getting a lot of plugged ducts since I started back at work about a month ago. Right now I’m nursing around 7 am, pumping around 11, and nursing around 4 pm (and then once or twice later in the evening). The problem is that at each of the nursing sessions the baby will only take one breast’s worth of milk (so I can have her empty one breast and leave one full or I can switch her halfway through but then she just drains both breasts halfway). So whichever breast(s) didn’t get fully emptied at the morning feed is super engorged by my pumping session, and then whichever breast doesn’t get nursed at 4 pm gets engorged in the late afternoon/evening.
    The engorgement isn’t painful and doesn’t really bother me, but I assume it’s leading to the plugged ducts? I don’t know what to do except pump whichever breast she’s not nursing from at both the morning and afternoon feeds, but that’s a lot of extra pumping I don’t need, and it’s annoying to have to pump at both home and work and carry everything back and forth every day.

    • I’d probably add another pumping session at work. I would have never been able to make it to 11am in the first year without pumping. It would have been a painful, leaky mess.

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m really reluctant to do that because I get more than enough for her in one session and just in one month of pumping once/day I’ve frozen a lot of milk. Isn’t adding a pumping session going to tell my body to make more milk? I do leak a lot but don’t really care about that (I wear pads so it never gets on my clothing).

        • The plugged ducts might just be your body. I was very lopsided in milk production – right side made so much more milk than the left. The right would get very painful and leaky when super full. My left side would get full but rarely painful and leaked much less. However, I only got plugged ducts on my left side. I figured it was just the way my body was wired.

        • Betty says:

          Can you add a pumping session in and work on tapering it off over a week or two? For example, can you move your first pumping session a bit earlier, pump a second time and then slowly wean off of that second pumping session if you don’t need the milk? It may help your body recalibrate.

        • How long is your pumping session? I would split it in two session but same overall time. So if you’re currently pumping for 20 minutes, then I’d do a 15 minute session at ~9-10 and then a shorter 5-10 minute session around 2. Within a month or two, I’ll bet you’ll be able to push the afternoon session later and then drop it all together, and avoid the engorgement issue.

          And yes I’d rather have two half empty breasts than one full, one empty. Having baby take less from them will help tell your body to slowly make less at those times.

    • ElisaR says:

      sorry this is a day late – but have you tried taking Lecithin? My lac consultant recommended it. It is supposed to help prevent clogged ducts. It’s OTC.

  10. Feeling so defeated today. I’m at a 3-day meeting across the country from my baby, having to step out to pump and thus miss content plus draw attention to myself. I can’t help but throw myself a little pity party in this sad bathroom/pumping dungeon. I keep thinking how unfair it is to have to somehow be 10x better than all the men while my body is recovering from growing a human and continuing to feed it.

    Someone slap me and tell me to cowboy up!

    • Anonymous says:

      Nope, not gonna slap you. Gonna give you a big high five instead. It definitely s*cks and is unfair. Good vibes and positive energy to you!

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      It’s completely unfair and your frustrations are totally understandable. Our society is still set up for workers being the stereotypical 1950s breadwinner man and it’s tough going against the current. But hopefully the more of us that stick with it, the more normal it will be in the future for our kids to have different needs addressed and valued by the workforce.

      You rock and one day your child(ren) will recognize all you’ve done and will admire you for it. In the meantime, hopefully you can grab some great room service and get a full night’s rest solo in your hotel!!

    • Anonymous says:

      Ugh that’s so frustrating and unfair. Sending you internet hugs!

      Since you are in a situation I anticipate being in in a few months… how do you carry your pumping stuff to meetings? Do you have a separate bag and try to leave it in a coat closet, or do you just carry one really big bag? Sorry for the newbie question in what might be the wrong place…

      • shortperson says:

        i am not the op but i use a sarah wells bag.

        it always helps me to just take a deep breathe, shrug, and tell myself i have to be that much better than everyone else. it is in no way fair. but to me it’s better than any alternative, perhaps except being born male.

        • +1 to the Sarah Wells bag. I bought it in a cute pattern (have gotten compliments on it from all kinds of different colleagues) and even the matching accessories (wet/dry bag with staging mat, insulated zip bag for bottles) and I think it’s made the pumping on the go thing, especially when I have offsite meetings, which is almost weekly, so much easier. I figured if pumping 2-3 times a day during work hours was going to be a thing I was doing, I might as well have all the stuff that made me more comfortable and organized.

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