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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
We just moved into a new neighborhood a few days ago. The day after we moved in, our new neighbors came over to introduce themselves and brought homemade cookies. Super sweet!
My husband and kids weren’t home at the time—kids were and grandma’s for the move and husband was working late. We want to stop by so they can meet as well. Do we bring anything? What do we bring? Bringing homemade baked goods feels a little too copycat.
Yes I am overthinking this, but I am on day five of unpacking and totally exhausted!
Spirograph says
While I certainly wouldn’t be upset a new neighbor bringing me something, I don’t think it’s necessary at all — they know you’re unpacking and exhausted! I’d write a thank you note for the cookies (if you have young kids, maybe have them color a picture, to on the note), and pop over with everyone on the premise you just wanted to say thanks and introduce the rest of the family.
Spirograph says
Holy typos. TGIF
Anonymous says
Agree!
anon says
This!
FVNC says
In our old neighborhood, a few neighbors did the same thing, and they definitely didn’t expect anything in return (other than a “thank you!”). I’m creepy like this, but I’d probably wait until I saw the neighbors out in their yard and “happen to run into them” with while out on a walk with your family. Or if they seem like people you’d like to get to know better, invite them over for wine/coffee/whatever when your house is a bit more settled.
Good luck with the unpacking…I’ll be in your shoes in a couple months and am not looking forward to it!
Anonymous says
I would do the same thing–just happen to run into them and introduce the family.
Anon says
I did this (banana bread, not cookies) – dropped them off since no one was home with a card saying welcome to the neighborhood, names, emails, phones, and did not get any thank you or acknowledgment or anything, and I’m still grumpy about it 8 months later, so don’t be that person!
FVNC says
I wanted to thank you ladies for your help last week finding me some casual clothes! I had good luck with Madewell (two shirts and a pair of shorts), some luck with Loft (two shirts, but holy smokes does their stuff feel cheap this season), and received a box from Trunk Club yesterday.
Trunk Club introduced me to the brand Wit & Wisdom which I love. I’m going to keep a pair of W&W shorts and Toms shoes, and there are a couple items I’m on the fence about (including the lovely Halogen Lace & Crepe top). I may order some of those items later, directly from Nordstrom. For now, I feel like I can pull together a couple cute outfits which was the goal! I’ve noted all the other suggestions for if/when I decide this isn’t enough :-)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Inspired by a comment on the main thread today and yesterday’s comment on activities, I am wondering if there is actually more pressure put on today’s parents to have kids in the “best” activities at all times, where this pressure is coming from and what ways you’ve tried to counter this. I just remember from my own childhood that I spent a whole summer once during high school hanging out at home, going to the pool occasionally, but mostly watching soap operas the rest of the time (hello Days of our Lives!) Definitely not a productive use of my time. I feel like that wouldn’t really be acceptable right now, but how did we get here? Is it social media making every one think that kids are doing fun, enriching things all the time? Fear that due to our lack of safety net, that our kids have to study all the time, do activities and get in the best schools, otherwise they will “fail”? Will I be shamed in my neighborhood if I try to reject this? Can I even leave a kid alone when they’re at an age that I was definitely left alone nowadays?
Ok, enough philosophizing for this Friday :) Look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Mama Llama says
I also thought that thread was interesting in light of our discussion here yesterday. I think it’s a bunch of things you listed: Social media, the anxious competitiveness of the middle class in our extremely precarious capitalist society, and all the social pressure that comes along with those things. Modern parenting seems designed to make everyone as stressed as possible all of the time.
I also thought of our discussion from yesterday when my preschooler (whose school was closed for an in-service day yesterday) told me repeatedly that she had “the best, most perfect day” yesterday. What did she do? Went to the playground, read books, watched a movie, played in a little pool in the backyard, colored with sidewalk chalk all over the patio, and then we ate dinner together as family.
EB0220 says
Truth. My 7 year old was off on Wednesday and my husband and I took the day off. She informed us that it was “the best day ever”. What did we do? Random hanging around the house in the am. Lunch at home. 3 mile bike ride after lunch. Afternoon of art.
Walnut says
There is something nostalgic about watching Days of Our Lives. My Grandmother was a dedicated daily watcher, my Mom still catches quite a few episodes and I picked up an episode here and there while on maternity leave. Such ridiculousness, but brings back a lot of fond memories.
Redux says
I had to stop watching when Marlena became posessed by a demon and Jon was somehow a priest who could to the exrocism? But, yes, looong summer afternoons of my soaps here too!
FVNC says
Oh my gosh, I totally watched during that storyline! That must have been 20ish years ago now! Oh, the memories that stick with you…
AnotherAnon says
My only experience with this (I and my close friends all have small kids) was a guy I used to work with who was obsessed with his 5th grader getting into a (somewhat mediocre, IMHO) state college. He was making his 5th grade son do scouts, fall ball, and run for student government because he was convinced that this is the only way to get into a good school. That seemed really weird and overbearing to me. I really don’t have a good handle on the more widespread reasons, but I suspect a lot of this is due to perceived pressure from SAHMs? I’m not trying to talk bad about SAHMs – they have a really difficult job, but DH is definitely one of those “well but what would you do all day if you stayed home” so I could see enrolling my kid in activities so it seems like *I* was being productive? Not to mention that SAHMs need socialization too! I think there are a lot of factors at play. Interested to see other responses!
Anonymous says
Hahaha!! As a SAHM this is laughable to me because I explicitly do NOT participate in the activity rat race. A huge benefit of staying at home or working PT is letting kids have downtown and so much creative free time. Time to just play in the backyard, go for walks, garden, go to the playground, library, etc…And SAHMs often build up their social/support network before kids are in organized activities. Summers include going to the pool/playground/library/nature centers plus 1-2 cheap camps at most.
So to answer your DHs question about what would you do all day (which is super rude) – clean house, laundry, prepare 21 homemade meals a week for 4 separate people, volunteer in your kids classroom, stay home with them when they are sick, organize all the seasonal clothing switches, handle any and all problems with your house/maintenance/yard work, oh and then provide full-time childcare each summer.
Mama Llama says
Whenever I feel pangs of wanting to be a SAHM, the downtime for the kids is a big reason why. And the cleaning, laundry and cooking is a big reason why I don’t do it! :)
avocado says
For me, this is a very timely issue. My 12-year-old and several of her friends decided to form a school club to compete in what I see as a very silly event with no educational value. We allowed her to join for the sole purpose of spending time doing something fun and creative with her friends. They placed high enough in the competition that they qualified for the national competition, which none of the parents were warned about. It is ridiculously expensive and requires them to be out of school for several days. Five of the families, including us, said, “It’s nice that they qualified, but they’ve already gotten out of it what we wanted them to get out of it, and it’s not worth the time and money to go to nationals.” The other two families insisted that we were denying our children the opportunity of a lifetime and went on a crazy fundraising spree. The five of us who had objected ended up letting our kids go because the fund-raising made the out-of-pocket cost low and we thought our kids would have fun, but there are definitely a lot of hard feelings among the parents.
Ultimately I think a lot of the insanity is driven by competition among parents, which leads to the desire not to let one’s own child get left behind. The same family that was the driving force behind the ridiculous trip also got mad at me for not consulting them about my daughter’s math placement (they didn’t like that my daughter ended up a level ahead of theirs and said that they’d have pushed theirs ahead if they’d known what we were doing, even though they also admitted that their daughter was appropriately placed). This kid does piano lessons, tutoring in two foreign languages, a travel sport, a school sport, and the school play in addition to the silly club. They genuinely don’t understand when we say “no” to anything because we are overcommitted. We allow ourselves to get sucked into a lot of things we don’t really want to do (like the trip), just because we don’t want our daughter to miss out on time with her friends or to be at a disadvantage when it comes time to apply to high school next year.
avocado says
To be clear–it is the friend who does all those activities, not my kid! All of that stuff would kill *me.*
Anon says
Eh, denying your kid the opportunity to go to nationals in something she’s passionate about (even if you see it as silly) is pretty different than enrolling your kid in five different after school activities because you want to keep up with the Joneses. I’m pretty anti-activity, especially for little kids, but I think I’d be one of those two families saying the kids should go. I see no value in trying to keep up with other families and I don’t believe more activities is better, but if my kid cared about an activity and had worked hard at it, I wouldn’t want to deny her the rewards (within reason).
avocado says
Yeah, I think the “within reason” part is key. I would totally let her go to nationals in her sport, or a spelling bee or science fair or band competition or something similar. This activity really was supposed to be just for fun, though, and now we are spending something like $1,500 per kid and having them take four days off of school so they can do a five-minute skit and then hang around a convention center with nothing to do. Qualifying to nationals in this activity is also apparently no big deal–about 1/4 of the teams at the state competition qualified, and our kids made it even though their project did not work right. All of this pushes it into the “not reasonable” category for me.
EB0220 says
Is it Odyssey of the Mind?
avocado says
Destination Imagination
Anon says
Not saying that getting into college is the only thing that matters, but fwiw, generally college admissions officers prefer passion/excellence in one thing (even something not super academic) over participation in a lot of things. National qualification may not have that much significance to people in the know, but national-level anything looks good on apps. And Destination Imagination was not considered silly at my prestigious tech-focused undergrad school. I don’t let my kids miss school generally either, but a lot of parents I know pull their kids out for family vacations, and this is certainly going to help her with high school/college admissions a lot more than missing a week of class so the family can go sit on a beach in Aruba would.
EB0220 says
Gotcha! Just being nosy I guess. :) I loved OM as a kid which is why I asked! Haven’t heard of Destination Imagination though!
GCA says
I hadn’t heard of Destination Imagination but (especially as a huge nerd growing up) I thought Odyssey of the Mind was one of my best friend-bonding experiences in middle school, and one of the most meaningful in the sense that we had to learn to work together and solve problems. (That and the crystal-growing competition we also took part in the same year – I did say we were huge nerds…)
Pogo says
Ha, I guessed OM as well. I loved OM as a kid and going to the state champs was one of my favorite experiences in middle school (which is a tough time for most kids). I don’t know much about Destination Imagination, but OM definitely helped me be more outgoing and handle stress/talking to adults better, which were valuable life skills.
Anon says
I have a preschooler, so I may change my tune, but I see no need to run the activity rat race. My kid goes to daycare 40 hours/week and appears to be an introvert (as am I). I think daycare provides plenty of socialization and my kid needs to decompress, run around and play pretend during non-school hours. I believe that activities for toddlers and preschoolers are largely to 1) socialize kids who don’t go to daycare and 2) give SAHMs a way of meeting and connecting. Neither of those reasons applies to us, so I see no need to make our family life miserable by signing her up for stuff. Of course when she’s in middle school and high school I’ll encourage her to do an extracurricular or two for college applications. But I really don’t believe doing ballet, soccer and swim at age 3 is going to help her get into Harvard (not that I care all that much about her going to a top school anyway).
Fwiw, growing up my mom was a professor who didn’t work in the summers/after school hours, so I was home every day at 3 pm and all summer long. Sure, my mom and I did stuff like go to the zoo together but for the most part I was playing with my neighborhood buddies and (once I was older) reading. I didn’t do anything organized until I started a sport in elementary school and that came entirely from me. I plan to do the same thing my parents did and follow my kid’s lead on what she wants to do.
Anonymous says
I think it’s everything people have mentioned above. The perception of these “perfect families” on social media. Worry about kids being “left behind” if they don’t start a sport when they’re basically in utero. It all seems nuts. I’m trying to keep everything in perspective, but it’s hard. It honestly feels like a competitive sport sometimes.
CHL says
We’re just starting to get into this and I’m so torn. I don’t *want* to get into the rat race, however I do have fears that inequality is growing and I just want my kids to be “okay” which seems to be becoming scarcer/more precarious (i.e. I don’t care if they’re rich, but I do care that they have access to healthcare). It creates this anxiety in me to “don’t just stand there, do something” and without any evidence to what makes things turn out okay, it manifests into “doing stuff.” Maybe it’s all fearmongering, but all it takes is a couple super-competitive parents to bring it out in me.
Anon says
This seems a bit dramatic. I get that admission to the Ivies is becoming such that you practically have to be a genius or an Olympic athlete, but I’m very confident my kids can get into our state university with nothing but decent grades and test scores. I think anyone who graduates from this university is going to be perfectly “okay” especially if they study something that’s in demand, like STEM or business. Frankly, I think a kid who goes to Harvard and studies creative writing is probably going to struggle a lot more financially than someone who goes to community college and studies information technology.
Anon says
Also the biggest source of wealth inequality is money handed down through families (not just cash inheritances but paying for education, etc.) If you’re financially comfortable, your kids will be too.
Anonymous says
ALSO! So much is expected of kids from such a young age. Kindergarten is so much more academically focused than when we were kids—which I hate! I think it just puts so much pressure on parents and kids to make sure kids aren’t “falling behind” in anything—be it school, sports, arts, etc.
Emily S. says
My takeaway from the comments kids have made about these perfect days is that we are pushing them to do too much, too soon, because they’re telling us they want quality time with us doing something at their speed than sparkly stuff we think they want. I’m hoping herd mentality will work: if we all take a pass, if we all cut back, then it’s not just one family saying no or slowing down, and it becomes more socially acceptable. It remains to be seen if it it will work, because peer pressure is strong.
mascot says
My kid plays travel soccer so his fall and spring are pretty busy. I have no designs that it will pay for college or anything, but for now, it’s a great fit for his 8 year old energy level and interest. It also helps that his team is made up of a group of kids and parents who all like each other. So weekend tournaments double as social occasions in addition to sporting events. I had a SAHM growing up and heaven help you if you suggested you were bored. So my brother and I spent lots of time playing with friends in the neighborhood and riding bikes/roaming around. I’m trying to encourage the same since we live in a great neighborhood with lots of kids and it’s a safe way to develop independence. So far, I think we have a decent balance between structure and free-time.
We used an 8th grader as a sitter a few weeks ago and it was fine. She had a friend come with her and her parents were home (same neighborhood). Literally all they had to do was play with my kid, eat snacks, enforce bedtime, and be able to call us/911 in case of an emergency. I don’t know if I would use a young sitter for a teeny baby, but they can probably handle an elementary kid.
Anon says
I think about this too just with leisure time. Kids are toddlers but I feel like we spend all weekend going to museums or parks or what not (kind of how Laura Vanderkam talks about having a morning anchor event and an afternoon one) that I wonder if our weekends are too much. We’re rarely just lazy at home and don’t let the kids just be bored because we (as the adults) constantly expect to be doing something too.
Anonymous says
If you want to do things differently…we only do one “thing” a day with our toddler. Usually it’s a morning event and then playing at home or in the backyard in the afternoon. Maybe a walk around the neighborhood. Staying home all day gets looney toons, but DH and I couldn’t handle two major things on the weekend days and neither could our toddler
mascot says
Yes, we fall into the “let us aggressively leisure” trap. Home feels like a constant stream of chores and projects so sometimes it’s easier to relax if we get out of the house.
Pogo says
This. Maybe because we both work, any time we are home there is SOMETHING we should be doing: laundry, home improvement, yard work, putting away clothes kiddo has grown out of, meal planning and prep, etc. So when we take kiddo to the children’s museum, its like ahhhh I’m enriching my child and sitting here doing nothing!
Redux says
My kids are whirling dervishes at home so a big part of the reason we often do a morning and an afternoon activity is so that the house doesn’t get destroyed.
Spirograph says
Like I mentioned yesterday, I had a SAHM and a high-earning dad, so I grew up with both lots of downtime and lots of activities (once or twice a week activities, not “serious” sports or dance). It was great, and it is next-to-impossible to replicate in a household where both parents have a full time job and there’s no local family. I really struggle with that, not because I want my kids to have the “best” or to keep up with the Joneses or think it’s going to get them into a great university, just because that’s what my happy childhood was like and I want my kids to have a happy childhood, too.
The only preschool activities we’ve done are swimming (weekend morning) and/or one after-school activity that all three kids could do at the same time. I don’t think preschoolers who are in full day childcare need anything extra, but it was good to get some more physical activity in at times of year when it’s too dark to play outside after work. We drop the all-kids activities with long days and nice weather, because the kids would rather play outside with their neighbor friends, and we spend plenty of time at the pool in the summer as a family.
My rule has been that when they turn 6, each kid can pick one activity at a time just for them. Son’s current pick is baseball and I can already tell this is going to be difficult once they’re all old enough to have their own thing, but it doesn’t feel like an option to me to say “no activities.” I know it *should* be an option, but it’s hard for me to accept. We’ll see.
AnonHere says
My kids are 4 and 7, and here is my philosophy:
– Academically: I support them where they are unless they are significantly behind on something. My 7 year old is a couple of levels below the expected level for her grade so we have started working with her on that. It’s not crazy or anything, we just have her read some at night and we have a few phonics games to play once or twice a week. My 4 year old is fairly ahead I think so we just express interest and help her if she wants to do something (reading or practicing addition etc.) without pushing it.
– Activities: I have zero interest in competing with others on the activities kids do. My kids do what they love (1-2 after school activities at any given time). I personally am an introvert and I need a ton of down time to decompress. I am 100% drained if we have an activity after work/school so I cap it at 2 weekday evenings max for my own sanity.
– Doubts: I do wonder if my relaxed approach is possible because of our relative privilege. We live in an area with high quality schools, my husband and I (and our parents) are all highly educated and we are reasonably well off etc. Something to ponder I guess.
anon says
My kids are 6, 8 and 10, and our activities are admittedly a little of out of control. BUT:
– My kids are do Chinese, piano and church, and the youngest does swimming. They take Chinese once a week because culturally it’s important to DH. They play piano because we think it’s important for them to be able to read and appreciate music. They go to church/faith formation because that’s our faith. We think it is important they learn how to swim. Those are their mandatory activities. I think these are all great activities and will lay a great foundation for them in the future, BUT I also want them to be able to do the activities that they want to do. That means one kid is playing soccer and hockey, one kid is doing tae kwon do and one kid is doing gymnastics (and in her perfect world, art lessons and soccer). And that means things are very chaotic. But in twenty years, I believe that they will appreciate equally that they can read music and that they got to play soccer with their friends. (We did quit competitive soccer, because DS was not really interested in that kind of commitment, which was totally fine with me.)
– I leave my older kids at home alone all the time, as long as it’s light out and it’s not too long. I also let them walk to school by themselves (other than during dropoff, when there’s too much car traffic). I think I am average for my older in letting him do this, and on the younger side for my middle, but they are often together, and it’s hard to justify letting one of them do it but not the other.
– Academically, my attitude has been to get them at least close to grade level. Also, we signed them up for some interesting summer camps, especially STEM focused ones.
Spirograph says
I’m glad I’m not the only one who considers piano lessons a mandatory activity for my kids. My husband side-eyes this a bit, but it’s important to me. The older two are starting next school year, youngest won’t be ready yet.
anon says
I think it’s really great. Our school starts instrumental music in 4th grade, but laying the foundation early is so helpful. We will let the kids choose to quit eventually, but for now, we think it’s super important. We did make some concessions, largely around teacher and practice time. Our teacher is super engaging (she’s an education major) and not crazy technical, and that is working well for our group. We will reeevaluate if any show real talent. Also, we started out with 10 minutes of practice/day (at age 6) and worked our way up to 30. Our first teacher wanted our 6 year old to practice 30 minutes a day, and that was just not happening.
Spirograph says
I’m curious about logistics for this. Do you do group lessons for the 3 kids, or does each have an individual lesson? If so, are they all back-to-back, and the other kids just hang out/do homework while they wait for their turn?
Your practice strategy sounds eminently reasonable!
Sarabeth says
Not OP, but our neighbor hosts piano lessons for the block. A teacher comes in one afternoon a week, and five kids in a row take half hour lessons back to back. The parents rotate babysitting duties. Both the dad in the neighbor family and my husband work from home full time, so there are extra adults around if necessary, but we rotate being the actual parent in charge. We often order pizza and eat dinner together as a group after. It’s been pretty great.
Anonymous says
Wow, this is such a great idea! Between my own kids and neighbor friends with similar-age kids who’ve expressed interest in piano, we could totally do this. Thanks!
anon says
In our case, we have the instructor come to our house. When I was younger, my brother and I went to a center and had lessons with different instructors.
Redux says
In my small town I have had such a hard time finding an activity that is not preparing-future-olympians level intense. We’ve quit one gymnastics school already where they were basically scouting the long and lean 4-year olds and trying to get them into splits and backbends before the kids seemed ready. And now we’re in a dance school where tickets for the recital go on sale next weekend at 9am and the moms start queueing at 6am. FOR A 5 YEAR OLDS RECITAL. The other option is the Y, which is much less intense but also doesn’t seem to actually teach them anything? More like a 30 minute playgroup. Where are the happy medium moms?
Mama Llama says
Omg, that is out of control.
Anonymous says
+1 I am concerned about this in our city. My boss said his 7-year-old had to choose a sport, as he was on the intense teams and couldn’t do two anymore!
Anonymous says
Scouting 4-year-olds for preteam is somewhat normal, but no child should be doing bridges (backbends) before age 5. Good thing you got your daughter out of that gym.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thank you everyone for the great insight! It’s so hard to not fall into the wave of constantly being busy (or appearing busy) and yet at the end of the day, to borrow my 3 year old’s current favorite word, why? I could write a whole essay about how capitalism has led to this over-emphasis on everyone being a “superstar,” when in reality, most people are probably happiest being “average” (in the best way possible) but I’ll save that for another day!
Also, love how a lot of us watch Days of Our Lives and managed to turn out great. I’m amazed it’s still on!
Anon says
I agree with you that not everyone needs to be a superstar and average is fine, but I’m also not sure I agree that all this over-scheduling is the path to superstardom. Giving your kids downtime to read and explore is a way for them to discover things they may wind up excelling in later on. I think there are studies that just having free time for creative play and being outdoors is really good for kids’ development.
Redux says
I would very much like to read that essay on capitalism. Please write it!
Anonymous says
First-time mom here: should I have a baby shower?? A few of my friends have offered to throw one, but I seriously do not like to be the center of attention, and we can buy ourselves stuff, so I’m leaning no. The other issue is that about half of my friends and all of my family are in another city (3 hour flight from my city), so it might make more sense to have one there (and one of my friends there has offered to plan), but I am at 25 weeks now and so would have to plan it soon if I wanted to fly there for it. Thoughts?
Anon says
I would have one! If you don’t want a lot of gifts, you can have the host suggest a book shower where everyone brings one or two of their favorite children’s books. Cheap for attendees, and not a lot of useless junk for you. If you don’t like being the center of attention, ask the hosts to keep the guest list small and just have it be low-key mingling, not organized games. But I think it would be fun to fly to your home city and catch up with your family and friends there before the baby arrives. Full disclosure: I didn’t have a shower because I didn’t have a critical mass of friends in any one place and people don’t typically fly to be a guest at baby showers. I’m not devastated about it or anything, but I wish I’d been able to get my friends and family all in one place and celebrate together.
Pogo says
Does your mom or MIL have a big group of friends who will likely want to buy you stuff, and won’t be deterred by your preference for no gifts? If so, have a shower because you can at least create a registry and guide their purchases toward things you need. My mom and MIL were way more excited for the shower than I was, so I felt I was doing it more for them than for me.
If this isn’t a concern – mom and MIL won’t have hurt feelings – than go ahead and skip it! But be warned, you will get random presents from people you barely speak to. People love babies.
Anon says
I was like you and ended up having two (one locally with my friends, MIL and mom), and then one in my hometown with all of my mom’s friends (which I ended up attending by videochat from a hospital bed at 32 weeks for some complications – yay pregnancy). I’m glad I did it. I emphasized I wanted low-key, nothing fancy and just mainly a celebration and got exactly that.
Anon says
Also for the mom one, because “no gifting” wouldn’t fly, my mom suggested people bring books in lieu of a card with a note inside to our LO, which was adorable and now we have the best library.
Anon says
Counterpoint: I just had my son in November and didn’t have a shower. No regrets because I also hate being the center of attention and we had plenty of our own stuff for baby ready to go. But it does seem like almost everyone has one so I know I’m in the minority.
Long time lurker says
I was (I thought) clear I didn’t want one and ended up with two surprise showers (work and friends). Since I didn’t register or plan I ended up with a lot of pink newborn clothes my daughter barely wore. I kind of think they are inevitable so might as well register etc to at least control the gifts. I hate being the center of attention too…