JCP has a number of colors for this washable, affordable dress, but I like it in the teal — we featured a splurge teal dress for work on Corporette on Monday, and I was struck by how MANY teal dresses are out right now. High, low, and in-between, it seems like everyone thinks a working woman needs a teal dress. For $39.99, this one looks great – and I like that it comes in sizes 4-18. Alyx Belted Sleeveless Dress
(L-4)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Sleep Training says
After exhausting every single option, we are now in the middle of CIO with our 8 month old. From 3.5 mo up until we started CIO, he was up every 45min to 1:15 hr, without fail, eventhough we were co-sleeping. His naps never lasted more than 45 min. He started developing bags under his eyes, waking up screaming at night and crying during the day. Ever since we started CIO, his bags have disappeared and he wakes up SO happy.
We’re now on day 4 of CIO and the initial crying has not decreased. We try to put him down “drowsy but awake” but as soon as we place him in the crib he is wide awake and crying. He cries for a half an hour straight every night. Will the crying decrease? How long will it take?
Also, if I want to move him back in bed with us (BigLaw associate here who never gets to spend time with her son during the week), will co-sleeping after sleep training work or will he just revert to waking up every 45min-1:!5min? I want to snuggle with him at night but we just cannot go back to waking up so often every night.
Anonymous says
Look through Alphamom’s advice on baby sleep.
Maddie Ross says
Just my experience, but 8 months might be a bit young for CIO. We ended up co-sleeping thru a lot of that time period, and successfully did cry it out around 18 months. Then it only took 2 nights.
meme says
I think it depends on the kid. With 2 of mine I did CIO at 3-4 months, it took a couple of nights of 10 minutes of crying, then they both slept all through the night. My third was more stubborn and we finally successfully sleep trained him around 8-9 months. OP, every kid is different, but if you’re a week in, you’ve probably made it through the hardest part already. IME, the crying did decrease, and eventually went away except for the occasional one-minute fit right at bedtime. I’d be skeptical about the post sleep-training co-sleeping. We never tried that, but found room-sharing while traveling tended to cause a temporary sleep regression.
Best of luck!
Anonymous says
We did CIO with my kid aruond 6 months but it was going obviously well from the start (day 1- 10 min, day 2- 5 min day 3- 1 min of mild fussing)
Anon in NYC says
Agreed. I did CIO at about 14 weeks, and it took 3 nights. The first night was hard (2 1-hour crying sessions), the second night was much, much easier (10 minutes), and she was sleeping through the night by day 3. I will say, though, that my daughter was and is a good sleeper and had slept through the night before we tried this (albeit inconsistently). My ped said the amount of time it takes for CIO to work can vary, but is typically around a week or so.
OP – if the issue is the initial 30 minutes before your son falls asleep, I would stick with CIO for the time being. I would not switch back to co-sleeping at this point because you’ll be starting over with CIO if you eventually go back to it.
MDMom says
Did you move him out of your bed and start CIO at same time? Does he sleep all the way through after the initial 20-30 min crying or does that repeat with wakeups? Are you doing CIO all night (ie night weaning also) or just for bedtime? Extinction or Ferber style?
My almost 7 month old typically cries for 5-10 min before going to sleep. I think some amount of crying while settling is normal, but 20-30 seems like a lot. I would give it more time, especially this is a dramatic change for your baby and it has otherwise improved his quality of life and yours.
I suspect cosleeping again will make it worse but you could try. Maybe room sharing instead of bed sharing would help? I understand the temptation. I also miss snuggle time, but baby and I sleep better this way. Sometimes he wakes up at 530 and I feed him and we snuggle/nap together til 7, so maybe something like that would be an option for you.
OP says
We moved him out of the bed and started CIO at the same. Once he finally falls asleep, he usually doesn’t wake until 4:00am and then my husband brings him into bed and I nurse him and we fall asleep together. We’ve been doing Ferber style.
MDMom says
That sounds like amazing progress!
How often are you checking now? If you’re going in during those first 30 min, maybe try not going in at all until 30 min, if you can stomach it. I found that my presence usually causes my babe to start crying more so extinction is better for him. But by the time we did it, he cried for 20 min max. Now the 5 min of nightly crying are really just fussing, not like angry crying. We didn’t night wean at the same time though. We also moved him to house own room first. But I think you should stay the course now. It really sounds like a remarkable improvement from where you were!
EB0220 says
You may consider doing just one of the changes – maybe switch to his own bed and then try CIO? My 2nd kiddo slept horribly when bed-sharing but slept much better in her crib. She was in a crib pretty early but I didn’t night wean or do any sort of sleep training until ~ 16 months.
RDC says
Curious what time he’s going to sleep – maybe an earlier bedtime would help? We aim for 7:30 for our 1yr old and find that on nights where bedtime creeps later, he sometimes has more trouble going to sleep. If he’s overtired when you’re putting him down maybe he has more trouble calming down?
ChiLaw says
In contrast, when we started CIO (she was about 6 months?) we were like, “oh, 8 pm seems like a reasonable bed time, let’s put her down then” but since her sleep had been so off the rails to the weeks leading up to CIO, she was regularly going to bed around 10 pm, so she had two hours worth of energy to scream, and it was a disaster. We started over with bed time at 10, then 9:45, etc., until she had it back at a reasonable time.
Anonymous says
We did a gentle form of sleep training around 10 months because our daughter was a horrible sleeper/napper. It sounds like you have made a lot of progress. I would not revert back to co-sleeping as I think that would likely undo your progress so far. I think the most important thing now is to try and be consistent in what you are doing.
anonymama says
My kid did the same thing with waking up sooo much happier once we started sleep training. It really helped me to stick with it, knowing that he was getting much better sleep, even though it was tough to listen to the crying. Know that it will get better. I would say it took probably a consistent week before mine would go down with no crying at all. Also, sometimes some of the crying is just them needing to get it out before they can settle down. Mine sometimes (particularly if we are off schedule for some reason) will actually ask to go in his crib, he is squirmy and doesn’t want to be held, but will lie down and cry for a little bit, like he’s so tired but he can’t fall asleep until he lets off some steam.
I personally wouldn’t try co-sleeping again, it would be a whole new sequence of trying to get him used to sleeping in different circumstances yet again. I understand the wanting to cuddle thing, but it sounds like he is sleeping much better on his own than he did bedsharing with you.
Anonymous says
We sleep trained around 4 months. Some nights in the beginning were better than others by 4 days in I don’t think 20-30 min is uncommon. We still every once and a while have some crying at night, I think likely when she is over tired. What is his nap schedule like? From what I have read, he should be having 2 naps a day at approx 9 and 1. Bedtime about 3 hours after waking from nap 2 (although this may be hard depending on what your child care situation is). If you are on Facebook, I have found the group “expect to sleep again- sleep training support” to be very helpful figuring out schedules etc.
Anonymous says
We sleep trained around 4 months. Some nights in the beginning were better than others by 4 days in I don’t think 20-30 min is uncommon. We still every once and a while have some crying at night, I think likely when she is over tired. What is his nap schedule like? From what I have read, he should be having 2 naps a day at approx 9 and 1. Bedtime about 3 hours after waking from nap 2 (although this may be hard depending on what your child care situation is). If you are on Facebook, I have found the group “expect to sleep again- sleep training support” to be very helpful figuring out schedules etc.
And I would stop co-sleeping if you are sleep training- consistency is key.
Clementine says
Thoughts on a pump bag? I can get the PIS bag for 60, but is it worth it??
Maddie Ross says
Probably not, in my opinion. Did your pump not come in a bag? If not, I would probably just use a tote bag that I already owned.
NewMomAnon says
I got a cheap weekend-type bag at Target that didn’t look like a pump bag (bright red with some interesting buckles!) and could fit all my parts, a towel (for letting parts air-dry or cleaning up a spill), spare bottles, a spare shirt/scarf, and a cooler bag if I was super careful about packing it. I found the “pump” bags made by the manufacturers were only big enough for the pump itself and maybe two bottles, but no spare parts or extras like the towel/shirt. Not sure about the Medela bag that comes with the cooler bag in it, that might be worthwhile.
POSITA says
I left my pump at work and just carried the milk and parts back and forth in my normal work bag.
Anon in NYC says
I don’t use one. I have a second pump that I left in my office, and I just bring a cooler bag with parts back and forth. But if I only had one pump and needed to carry it every day, I’d use a large, soft bag like a Longchamp so that I could fit other things in it.
Preemie Mom says
I have the Juno Blu pump bag, and if I had it to do again I probably would have gone with something different (assuming I could find something better…not sure it’s out there). It is incredibly professional and I get lots of compliments on it (most people have no idea it’s a pump bag), but it doesn’t work for what I wanted it for, which was bag that could double as a briefcase for day trips or conferences – it fit my laptop (11 inch Lenovo), the cooler, the pump, and an extra set or two of parts, but at that point it was packed full – nothing else fit and it was hard to load and unload without looking like I was struggling to fit everything in (which I was). I wished I had gotten something bigger, though I’m not sure something bigger exists. I like NewMomAnon’s idea of using a bag that is not a specific pump bag – if your PIS is in the little black insurance “bag” that would probably work.
Preemie Mom says
I should add, though, the nice thing about a purpose-built bag in my opinion was that you can more easily access the pump when needing to pump in difficult places, like on a train or in an airport – I did find it more difficult to do that before I got the purpose built pump bag (was just using the small cooler-tote that came with my insurance-issued Ameda, which was not purpose-built like the PIS bag).
Suburban says
Did anyone have anxiety about breastfeeding? I’m five months pregnant with my first and i just can’t stand the idea of it. I also feel an immense pressure to at least try from family, friends, midwives and Internet strangers, which makes me feel worse. Any thoughts?
AEK says
I believe Famouscait(?) has eloquently discussed her decision not to BF, here or on the main site. Maybe you can search for her posts in case she doesn’t see this.
Famouscait says
I felt very similarly about bf’ing: didn’t want to do it, knew that from the get-go, etc. You got a lot of good advice here already, so I’ll just try to fill in a few other things:
– I didn’t bf or pump and I never regretted it. There was never a moment either emotionally or health-wise that made me feel I had made anything but the right choice. On the contrary, it was really clear from the beginning that formula/bottles were the right choice for my family.
-I think the arguments about the expense and hassle (cost of formula! washing bottles!) is overblown. If its all you know, it becomes wrapped up in your new baby-normal like anything else will. I bought Target-brand formula in-bulk when it was on sale (yay generic! They’re all the same.) Bottles were fed straight from the fridge (cold! no warming) and washed in the dishwasher. From discussions I’ve read here, I can’t believe finding a place to nurse/pump is any less of a hassle, not to mention the cost of your time.
-In addition to being squeamish about bf’ing itself, I was also uncomfortable with the idea that I was somebody’s food source. That was too much pressure for me. It was really great to be able to have my husband (and parents, babysitter, etc.) be able to feed the baby and engage with him in that really sweet and loving way. My parents loved it (but it was foreign for them – my sister exclusively bf her kids for a year each).
– Do not tolerate judgement from people, especially your pediatrician. Early on, when we were finding a ped, I explicitly said that the baby would be ff and asked a Q around that, mainly to gauge response. We immediately ruled out the doc who took that as an opportunity to convince me to bf. If you’re getting that kind of pressure in a pre-client interview, its never going to be better when you’re a patient. Find a doc who supports you. Be prepared (or even better, have your partner be prepared) to stand up for you at the hospital if need be. Lactation consultants can be very pushy. Just push back.
– You need this piece of gear: the Dr. Brown’s Formula Mixing Pitcher. We made bottles in bulk so it only had to be done every 3 days or so. You just treat formula like any other milk product. Period. If you would/wouldn’t drink/throw out a glass of milk, its the same with formula.
My kiddo is now 13m and I can happily tell you that all the pressure about how/what to feed your baby does pass. No one asks us now if he was bf or ff. =)
TBK says
Look up Fearless Formula Feeder. Her website is intended to help mothers who for any reason don’t want to or can’t bf. I found it very helpful when I was struggling (and failing) to bf my twins. There’s a lot of intense pressure out there and it can be overwhelming. Do what you need to do. My kids are now 20 months and the whole bf thing seems like such a tiny, tiny blip in their lives but it was such a huge deal to me at the time.
Anon says
I had serious anxiety about breastfeeding while pregnant. Just the thought of it made me cringe. Well, fast-forward and baby arrived earlier than expected due to pre-E and went straight to the NICU. I started exclusively pumping until baby learned to latch about 4 weeks later. It felt weird pumping at first but that feeling quickly went away and never came back, even when baby started latching directly. I LOVE breastfeeding and LO is 8 months and we are still going strong. Give it a try, you never know what it is like until you do it.
Anon says
But by no means beat yourself up if you do not like it or do not want to continue. My mom had five kids, 2 were exclusively breastfed, 1 was combo fed and 2 were exclusively formula. We are all healthy, successful adults with no discernible difference in health or IQ. My mom actually wishes she had just formula fed us all!
KJ says
I expected to hate it and ended up having a good experience, bf-ing until 12 months. My best advice is to just try and see how it goes without any big expectations for yourself. Also remember it doesn’t have to be all or nothing – we supplemented with formula starting around 12 weeks, and there is nothing wrong with that. As far as pressure from others, ignore the internet strangers and tell anyone else that your number one priority is to feed the baby by whatever means works best for your family. It’s really no one’s business.
the second says
You have no idea what this is going to be like until you try it so no point worrying about it while pregnant. And a lot will be dictated by your baby. FWIW I expected to HATE breastfeeding. Was totally willing to supplement. Turns out my daughter is pretty easy and we exclusively bf for 9 months and then successfully weaned and that went well too. And I actually miss the bfeeding! I did not think I was going to be one of those people.
Anon in NYC says
I also expected to hate BF-ing, and had a lot of anxiety about anticipated pain. I did experience pain (finding a lactation consultant was key – she really helped me with the latch. The one in my hospital wasn’t too helpful), but after I healed, I grew to really enjoy bf-ing. I’m going to miss it when it’s time to wean. I was completely surprised by all of this.
Anonymous says
I had latching problems and supply issues. And baby couldn’t tolerate milk so I had to go dairy free until 4 months. At 9 months, i had moved mountains to make it that far and baby started fighting it. I said “it’s been nice” and we were done. I was a little sad that it was so sudden and whaddya know, the next night (24 hours later) I had some engorgement pain. Put baby on there and she nursed nicely, one final time. From then on it was (limited) freezer stash + formula and I never looked back. I was really happy to have that one final time because I REALLY had no idea we were done until we were.
Anon4this says
Very timely post for me, I’m at the same point in my pregnancy (second baby). Bf’ing did not go well for me the first time around and because I felt all the societal pressure like you mention it was a significant source of stress and unhappiness for me when we switched to formula at one month. I’ve been debating what to do this time, and think I will try again but not stress if it doesn’t happen. I ended up loving formula feeding – we were so flexible and it was so easy to establish a routine and tell how much baby was eating. Anecdotally, we had a much easier time getting baby to sleep through the night and getting him on a schedule than friends who were exclusively bf’ing. I have a friend who talks (and posts on facebook) as if she should be granted some sort of prize for pumping/bf’ing for over a year and I just have to remind myself that it’s not personal. It’s right for her, it wasn’t right for our family. I remind her gently when her comments start to feel personally offensive that my son is healthy, bright, and most importantly well loved! Don’t let the haters get you down, do what you feel comfortable with. My ordeal with bf’ing slowed my bonding with my baby and made the first month home h*ll. It wasn’t worth it. My baby is fine, I’m fine, tune out the noise and find a routine you’re comfortable with!
anon says
I could have written a lot of this — I was not particularly anxious about bfing before the baby was born, but we also stopped bfing at one month (with one more month of pumping) and I just about had a breakdown over it at the time. It was the right choice for us and, surprisingly, I loved bottle feeding and it really suited our baby. I am hoping to try bfing again the next time, but am probably a lot more anxious about it now that I know the alternative is also okay!
Jmds says
I could have written this as well! My son wouldn’t latch, so I exclusively pumped for three months and it was terrible (and affected my bonding with him — all that time away to get the milk!).
I’m now breastfeeding my 7 week old. She had a great latch, and loves to breastfeed, but it’s a lot. My son was on such a great schedule from the beginning, and I just never feel like I know where I stand with the breastfeeding. I miss the predictability of formula, and I’m still awkward about breastfeeding in public so it makes outings tough. I’m going to stick with it, but I define see the upside of formula.
October says
I hear you. My baby would. not. latch either, and I EP’ed for 11 weeks. I saw a lactation consultant as a last ditch effort, not expecting anything to change, and voila, we’ve been nursing ever since. I think I didn’t realize just how exhausting EP’ing was until I stopped. Nobody tells you that some babies reject the breast right off the bat! Like you, it definitely affected my bonding with the baby, although I did appreciate knowing how much he ate and getting on a schedule… so the nursing is a little “one step forward two steps back,” but I am loving it.
OP, I am finding nursing to be just so convenient – less washing, no needing to be sure to have an appropriate number of bottles on hand when you go out with baby, etc. And honestly, all my pregnancy plans on feeding went out the window due to my baby’s preferences, so try not to stress now. When baby comes, you’ll adjust.
Mrs. Jones says
I hated bf’ing and wouldn’t do it again if I had a second child.
NewMomAnon says
I wasn’t feeling any anxiety, and then I went to a bf’ing class taught by two lactation consultants who talked about everything that could go wrong! and the pain! and the troubleshooting! but all the immense benefits baby gets, blah blah blah. I was really freaked out by the time baby came.
And it turns out….when bf’ing is easy, it’s easy.
I had no problems, minor pain (easily fixed with some n*pple butter), and my biggest worry was that my kiddo loved nursing so much that she often would sleep only while nursing. I think it would have been even easier if I had been more flexible about allowing some formula. I don’t know why that was such an issue for me, but the hormones did weird things to my brain. Do whatever feels right to you, just stay flexible if you do decide to nurse.
TK says
Under the best of circumstances, breastfeeding is a huge commitment that you should feel no obligation to take on if you don’t want to. I had a relatively easy time with BF (after an initial stint to the ER for mastitis and several early visits to a lactation consultant), but even though I came to enjoy it, I’m not sure I’d do it again.
If you have a spouse / partner, literally every other aspect of child care can be shared. But when you choose to breastfeed your life revolves around ensuring you (and only you) are available to feed or produce food for your child at regular intervals 24 hours a day, for months. Breastfeeding dictates what you can or can’t eat, wear, plan for, and travel to. You are the only one who can get up multiple times a night to feed a hungry newborn (or to pump), and you are the only one spending 2 hours of your workday producing food for your child.
It set up some unhealthy patterns in my marriage as I became the default parent for everything – I was used to getting up to feed, so I just kept getting up to soothe the baby long after he was crying at night from hunger, etc etc. My husband felt left out of the baby rearing, and I felt resentful that I was doing all of the work. It certainly didn’t help that we couldn’t resume …. relations for months because the dehydration of breastfeeding made any attempts painful / impossible.
Even in a supportive work environment, pumping is such a massive PIA. I had to pump in the car and change clothes before I started work; I had to call ahead whenever I travelled to another location to reserve space; I had to schedule meetings around my pumping times or arrive late / leave early (and either explain to people that I was breastfeeding or say nothing and let people think I was a flake).
tl/dr Breastfeeding kind of sucks (pun fully intended)
quail says
+1 to all of this. I had no idea about the time commitment and once I started, I was stubborn about making it to a year even though pumping at work SUCKS (now at 10.5 months and baby is starting to wean naturally, I think). If there’s a next time, I’ll breastfeed through maternity leave and then quit.
Anonymous says
what’s the anxiety? the hassle? the public view? “what if it doesn’t work?”
I did some research, though mostly among family members. I’m one of 3; I was BF exclusively for 10 months, then went straight to milk. Sib #1 was BF for 4 months, then supplemented, then formula at 6 months. Sib #2 was a hybrid from the begining, then started biting at 5 months and mom called it done. We are all brilliant and healthy :)
For me, I was fearful it wouldn’t work and I would be “stuck” paying for formula. That stuff is expensive!
Suburban says
Thanks all! I feel less alone. Some of the anxiety was just being squeamish. However, I felt that way about a lot of pregnancy and birth stuff and it has really dissipated.
A lot of it is almost anger that it feels like the whole world is telling me that the only “right” way to feed our child involves me and only me feeding her. For at least a year. All those studies about the benefits. It’s as if science just called and said it sides with every right wing lunatic who believes traditional sahms are the only good moms.
I love the idea of fff but reading it gets me even more upset. I feel sad for those women and angry at the society that made them feel bad. Then I feel like the worst mom to be, because 90% of their stories start with a tale of how badly they wanted to bf and I just don’t want to.
anon says
To add one more thing: when they start eating solids, it is AWESOME because (a) you get to see them enjoying food, (b) for me, less guilt about no longer bfeeding, and, anecdotally from friends, (c) relief you are no longer the only food source. I think enjoyment of food depends on the baby, but ours loves to eat and has a prodigious appetite and I get a lot of satisfaction out of making his meals. Food starts around 4-6 months depending on your doctor’s advice, so it’s not that long!
NewMomAnon says
Grr…sometimes I just want to ask old white male opposing counsel whether they are being sexist a**holes on purpose, or whether it’s just part of what makes them special snowflakes.