This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
My cousin-in-law decamped to Arizona from New York City last year. For a lifelong East Coaster, the dry desert air came as a shock to her complexion. She turned to Bite Beauty’s Agave+ Weekly Vegan Lip Scrub to rescue her dry, flaky lips.
It’s definitely a step up from my homemade sugar scrub — the fair trade golden sugar gently exfoliates, papaya enzymes address flakes, and plant-derived squalane hydrates.
It’s also vegan, cruelty free, and a Clean at Sephora product. I plan on adding this to my shopping basket to exfoliate my own lips after a long, cold winter.
The lip scrub is $24 at Sephora.
Sales of note for 4.14.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Mid-Season Sale: extra 40% off; extra 20% off sale styles; 40% off new spring styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 40% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50-60% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off dresses; 30% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Cyber Spring: 50% off everything & free shipping
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time; 30% off select shoes
- Talbots – BOGO 50% off everything, includes markdowns (ends 4/14)
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Buy 3+ get 30% off forever favorites
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 30% off your purchase
- Old Navy – Up to 70% off clearance; sales on shorts and polos
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event; BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture;
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Umbrella stroller rec? says
Recommendation for an umbrella stroller? (Or ones you really did not like?) 2.5 year old LOVES long strolls in the Uppababy Cruz, but that will soon be reserved for baby #2, who is arriving soon. We live in the DMV, and I am looking for something with a good shade for the sun and unexpected rain storms, a basket underneath, and a foot rest for the 2.5 YO. Bonus if it has a cup holder for me.
Anon says
Not umbrella in that it doesn’t fold like one, but it is very very lightweight and meant as a travel stroller – love the Zoe
Kathy says
We really liked the Uppa G-Luxe, which ticks all of your boxes. It also reclines.
AnonATL says
We bought the Summer 3d mini recently when it was on sale at target. I’ve been super impressed with it so far. The sun shade pops off occasionally when it’s folded up, but it just takes a second to reattach it.
Anon says
The Summer 3D Lite has been our only stroller since our kid outgrew the infant carseat around 8 months, and we like it. It’s been on dozens of plane flights, walked all over multiple cities and has held up really well.
NYCer says
I am not sure what qualifies as an umbrella stroller, but we love our yoyo. It is very light and folds up small enough to carry on to an airplane or fit in a cabinet. IMO it has a great sun shade and a small, yet very usable basket under the seat (there is also a usable size zipper pouch behind the backrest). I think Babyzen sells cupholders separately, but I could be wrong about that.
oil in houston says
we have the uppababy vista and could attach a separate foot rest for my eldest, is that not an option for the cruz?
otherwise we have the 3D lite too, but I’m not sure I’d have a child on the bar, it’s a bit flimsy
Anonymous says
City mini is so popular around here. I guess technically not umbrella but the weight is less/the same as many. You can get them used easily on FB marketplace
Anonymous says
+1 we had a city mini and our hand me down umbrella stroller sat in our basement unused until it went away. One hand fold up for the win!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I love our City Mini double. You can’t put baby in there right away but what we did was add a ride-along board for our Cruz (as suggested above) so that baby could ride in the stroller, and then used the double stroller once baby was old enough to ride in the seat. We got a Summer 3D lite for that transition period, but I think any cheap umbrella stroller would probably be fine for that short transition period, and then you could look for the nice double stroller.
Anonymous says
We have a City Mini as our primary stroller. We ordered a Summer 3D Lite for travel years ago, realized it was barely smaller than the City Mini, never put it together, and sold it on Facebook. We do have a $20 umbrella stroller from Target for airplane travel.
Anne says
I have a 4.5 year old and 2 year old and wish I had just bought the vista double stroller when the baby was born. We never actually *needed* it because we have a citimini with a skateboard and baby wore when the baby was little and the toddler needed the stroller, and the older child is a pretty good walker, but honestly, there are times when I’d still like to just strap them both in and get somewhere quicker.
Anon says
We had a maclaren triumph that I loved (quite expensive, was a gift). DH used the summer infant 3D lite (maybe $70, bought for traveling). The baskets under both are quite small, which in my experience is common with umbrella strollers. Both had recline and a sun shade, although the 3D lite one was laughably small. Both were easy to drive, relatively sturdy (the build quality on the maclaren was commensurate with its higher price, but the 3D lite wasn’t rickety) and lightweight.
Anon says
We have the UppaBaby G-Lite and I’ve been very happy with it (as I’ve been with all of their products). It’s a little cheaper than the G-Luxe and very lightweight for travel, which is why we bought it.
Pogo says
Morning ladies – has anyone found Spectra bottles that don’t have the stupid two-piece top (presumably for if you were so blessed as to be able to pump the correct amount into bottles and just send those with the default n*pple and your little angel would happily drink from them)? I have not been able to find such a thing either from the manufacturer or Amazon. Medela had so many options of different bottle types that didn’t have the annoying disc/cap situation! I was trying to just power through, but it’s such a PITA. I supposed the other option is get adapters to use my old Medela bottles, but really, I am looking to minimize the number of tiny plastic pieces that have to be washed and sanitized every day.
Anonymous says
I am of no help with your actual question.
BUT, the best piece of advice that I got from a public health nurse is that after about 4 months you don’t actually have to sanitize everything. The LO should start of have some basics in their gut to handle normal contamination. For example – by the time you they are eating solids (say 5 – 6 months) you are presumably not sanitizing the spoon, just washing as normal in dishwasher or whatever your dish situation is. I admit that i didn’t go cold turkey (milk is unpasteurized… ha!), but it gave me some comfort that a trip through the dishwasher in the “basket thingy” and a half hearted attempt in the medela microwave bag was plenty good enough.
Pogo says
Oh I throw it all in the dishwasher and assume that takes care of all of it, I definitely don’t actually wash/sanitize separately. But it’s still a bunch of parts that I have to throw in a little basket and then let them dry on the Boon grass thingy.
Anon says
I think the advice now is that you can use the dishwasher from birth, at least assuming LO is a healthy full term infant. That’s what I did and it was fine. Our dishwasher does have a hotter sanitize setting that we used though.
Ifiknew says
You can pump directly into Philips Avent bottles for theSpectra and that’s why I pumped into and both kids drank from those bottles. No adaptors needed.
Anonanonanon says
My only advice is to get the adapters. That’s what I did.
GCA says
Alas, that is my only advice as well. I got the flange-to-bottle adapters since I had a bunch of Medela bottles lying around anyway. A bit finicky, but you can always stick them in a Tupperware in the fridge between pumps!
Pogo says
True. OK, that seems like the best bet because my main concern is that the little disc/cap situation is not difficult to get sealed on properly (seems to cross-thread really easily) and I have almost spilled milk all over the place before. Never have that issue w/ my medela bottles.
Pogo says
*is difficult
anon says
I got the adapter bit so I could use my Medela bottles with my Spectra pump and it was easy. The little adapter stays attached to the pump and isn’t really a part that needs to be removed regularly (or at least I didn’t do this). It wasn’t a big deal at all.
DLC says
I agree- the Spectra bottles are really annoying. I ended up getting the adaptors too. Another thing I did to cut down on the washing – a tip I got from this board- I would pump and then decant into a mason jar and put the flanges/adaptor/ bottles back together and into the fridge for the next pump. Then I only had to wash one set of pump parts and bottles. I got one of those easy pour lids for the mason jar to make it easier to pour into bottles.
Pogo says
Yup – I decant into a blender bottle and I’m actually able to send that to daycare, so really it’s just the stupid tops that are keeping me from my fully streamlined pumping life!
Anonymous says
Not sure if you’ll see this, but there are knockoff bottles/lids that fit Spectra. I used nenesupply; maymom is another brand. Both seem widely available on Amazon. The nenesupply parts I got about 2 years ago worked great.
JM says
Yes! The nenesupply ones are better bottles than the Spectra ones. The lid is in one piece and the bottle itself is a thicker plastic with actual lines you can read.
Anon says
During holiday season a few people mentioned that their kids have marble runs that they love. What age are those best for and does anyone have a recommendation?
ElisaR says
my 5 year old loves it, my best friend’s 3 year old loves it (my 3 year old gets bored…. i feel like he’s not quite ready)
buffybot says
We have the National Geographic marble run. My 3 year old loves it but can’t assemble himself yet. Honestly the adults find it pretty entertaining as well.
Anon says
We have the one from Fat Brain Toys, and DD at 3.5 is just now starting to play independently with it. It was a 3YO birthday present from a well-meaning grandparent, and for the first 6 months or so she would happily watch and “help” an adult build it and would put marbles down it, but no independent play (unsurprisingly). I would suggest around age 4 or 5.
Anon says
I think it depends on the kid. My best friend’s son has been playing independently with his marble run since before he turned 3. I’m pretty sure my 3 year old would have no interest.
Anon says
My 18 month old is obsessed with her older siblings’ and actually loves it the most – can’t independently put it together and of course it’s basically a giant choking hazard conduit, but she loves it. I do think it’s one of those things that just clicks with some kids!
anon says
My kids are 9 and 11, and I bought the Picasso Tiles one – they *love* it. I should have bought it earlier.
Anon says
Is age three too old for a mini shopping cart? I think my kid would like it a lot right now, but how quickly do you think she’d outgrow it. Thinking of it for a 3rd bday gift
Anon says
If you think she’d like it now, I would just get it. Other than really big things like play kitchens, it’s hard to buy toys that really grow with kids and will be used for years. And I think you can get a shopping cart for $20 so even if it only gets played with for a few months it’s worth it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We got a shopping cart at the start of the Covid 19 lockdown last year, in theory for my younger kid, but my older kid (then 4) ran with the shopping cart nearly every day until the wheels fell off. We got a second one, he did the same thing, so we ended up with three shopping carts. So in my house, my older kid definitely got use of it! And yes, it was only $25 at Target.
Lyssa says
My 5.5 year old has one, and she definitely still plays with it (I think it’s more a stroller for her stuffed animals, but she has a friend she plays “store” with sometimes, too). It depends on how into imaginative play your kid is, but it’s definitely something that can last a while.
Anonymous says
6 year old boy still plays with it! As above, usually used more as a stroller and the toy stroller gets a bit more play.
AwayEmily says
+1 to everyone recommending a toy stroller as a “wheeled toy” option….I got a $9.99 one from Target a year ago (the “Perfectly Cute fold-up doll stroller”) and it has gotten a TON of use by the now-3 and 5yo. And surprisingly it’s even strong enough that they can push each other in it.
Mm says
My MIL is so narcissistic, and I just want to take a moment for a rant. We try to maintain boundaries, but she is constantly testing them and never satisfied with what we give her. She constantly expresses how she wishes she could see LO more than the once a week we get together, but when we get together it is stressful and she is far from helpful. Yesterday she literally drove me to tears over some stupid thing – she was complaining about how her friends haven’t been able to have a party with LO due to the pandemic, as if they would have some entitlement to meet LO even in normal times. Meanwhile my brother and other important people haven’t ever been able to visit. I expressed my feelings, DH supported me, and she steamrolled right past it to complain about she went without her housekeeper for months. We left shortly thereafter. I might need to try to take a break and let DH handle the next couple of visits without me.
Anon says
That sounds like the right choice. Lean on your DH. A weekly visit is very generous of you! I’m guessing your LO is less than a year old? My MIL was/is just like this – especially when we had our first (and she wanted the baby to stay the night at her house?!?!) Have him do the visits without you for a bit. And he can take that time to have a conversation with her about your family’s comfort level with visitors and events. It helped me/DH to read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and to remember that No is a complete sentence. Hugs, MM, it’s not easy and you’re doing great.
Anonymous says
Oh my goodness you do not need to see her weekly! I adore my parents and they live nearby and I do not see them weekly! Definitely start having your husband go without you routinely.
Anon says
I think it’s kind of weird to not let a local grandparent see the kid at least weekly if they want. I agree in this case OP should send her husband and kid, she doesn’t need to go herself.
Anonymous says
I disagree. I’m not barring my lovely parents from the door but I have a life and so do they! Not infrequently we wind up doing a day trip on Saturday and then maybe seeing friends Sunday or they maybe have plans and seeing each other weekly just doesn’t work out. I don’t think this is weird at all.
Anon says
I wasn’t criticizing you. If you and your parents are happy with your arrangement, then that’s great for you. But I do think seeing local grandparents once a week is very normal, if anything I think it’s at the lower end of the normal range (we see my parents probably twice a week and I know quite a few people who see local grandparents nearly every day), and if grandma wants to see them weekly it’s both unusual and mean to say she can’t see them once a week (assuming grandma is not doing anything destructive or dangerous in the kid’s presence). Your situation is very different than OP’s because your parents are happy not seeing your family every week. OP’s MIL wants more time with her grandkid than she’s currently getting, so telling OP they should not let her see them even once a week just seems cruel.
Anonymous says
You called me weird. Sure felt like you were criticizing me!
Anonymous says
Omg and you also are saying my suggestion is cruel. So fine you disagree but let’s not pretend you aren’t criticizing
Anon says
I’m sorry, can you read???
“It’s kind of weird to not let a local grandparent see the kid at least weekly IF THEY WANT.”
“OP’s MIL WANTS MORE TIME with her grandkid than she’s currently getting, so telling OP they should not let her see them even once a week just seems cruel.”
Neither of these is you since your situation is totally different, as I acknowledged in my posts. There is nothing in either of my comments calling you weird or cruel. THIS. IS. NOT. ABOUT. YOU. (speaking of narcissism, holy….!)
Anonymous says
Lol what?
Pogo says
+1 We have my parents locally and a great relationship but once weekly is still an imposition on one or both of the parties. Unless you put grandparents on pickup duty one day – that’s probably your best bet, but then that requires they have carseats, and they’re cool with doing the actual pickup driving. Otherwise weekdays I only see my own children for like 2 hours total between am/pm routines, I don’t have time to make them available to others lol.
Weekends are when we usually see my parents, and it works out most times, but there’s still (virtual) church to work around, nap times, etc. In the BeforeTimes: swim class, playdates, story time at the library – unless your parents want to take the kids to those things, you’re limited on free time. Every week would take some scheduling work that is an additional mental load I don’t care to take on. We’re probably at 2/4 weekends per month and I feel good about that.
Anonymous says
Yeah exactly. I don’t think this is weird and I don’t think it’s cruel even if grand-parents would prefer more frequently.
Anon says
I’m the one who used the word “cruel” and I’m not implying there’s anything cruel about what Pogo and AnonATL and others described. The question wasn’t “We see my MIL two weekends a month and it’s hard to see her more than that because we’re busy, is that ok?” Of course life happens, people have different priorities, not every family can or wants to get together every week, that’s fine!!l It was the suggestion that they deliberately limit contact with her grandkid based on MIL’s treatment of OP that seemed cruel to me.
But my opinion is also colored by the fact that I think the MIL hasn’t really done anything wrong here. This is the reaction I’d expect if MIL called OP a fat hippo when she reached for a cookie, or something like that. But this seems like such an over the top reaction to a completely benign comment about being sad her friends haven’t met her grandbaby.
Anon says
Nope. Respecting boundaries and speaking to us in a respectful manner is a prerequisite to access to my child. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking it’s OK to treat people that way. If the complaining about a party (was not described as a “benign comment, but as a conversation that drove OP to tears) were the only incident, sure, deal with that and continue contact. I’m taking OP at her word that this is a consistent pattern of steamrolling the parents’ boundaries and causing sufficient emotional distress to result in tears and a desire not to be around her. The party thing was just the latest example. Grandparents do not have a right to see grandkids as much as they prefer, and they need to pay attention to maintaining at least a cordial relationship with the parents to get access.
Honestly, OP, I’d pull back on the visits for a bit unless you think MIL does not do this if it’s just your husband. A true narcissist won’t learn a lesson from that, but a run of the mill emotional steamroller might.
Anonymous says
Anon@11:09, it is super weird for MIL to demand that her friends meet the baby.
Anon says
She said MIL was complaining about not being able to introduce her baby to friends, which isn’t the same as demanding to do it. I think it’s really very normal to want to introduce your grandchild to friends (literally every grandmother I know did this in non-pandemic times) and everyone complains about pandemic hardships these days. To the extent MIL is making the situation all about herself, that’s obnoxious but not really narcissism. People conflate selfish and narcissistic but they’re not really the same thing at all. Narcissism is berating your salutatorian child at their graduation because they weren’t valedictorian and you view their academic success as a reflection on you, even though you had nothing to do with it. Or throwing a temper tantrum and refusing to leave the house unless people go to a particular restaurant even though multiple people in the group have allergies and dietary restrictions that make the restaurant inappropriate. If MIL were truly narcissistic something as trivial as this remark wouldn’t even register.
Anon says
My inlaws are local and we see them probably every other week, and sometimes only once a month if we sneak in a weekend trip away (2 hours) to see my parents.
AnonATL says
I agree. My parents are within an hour drive and we probably only see them once a month. Every weekend would be a lot. We got stuff to do!
If MIL makes a fuss, send your husband and kid and say you have errands or something.
NYCer says
Is there a way you could arrange for her to see the child more than once a week when you are not around? This is obviously just my opinion, and I am sure others here will likely strongly disagree, but I think it is hard / not that nice to tell a local grandparent that they are only allowed to visit the grandchild once per week. It sounds like she frustrates you for other reasons (that sound super annoying to me too!!!), so I would 100% let your husband handle the visits and all arrangements, but I don’t think it is fair to be mad at a grandparent for wanting to see a grandchild more often!
Anonymous says
I think this is insane.
NYCer says
Cool! Isn’t that what is great about the world, we all get to do what works for us. Just was offering another opinion. :)
Anonymous says
I mean, you’re telling someone whose nasty MIL made her cry that only letting grandma see “her baby” once every single week is “not nice” so no, I do think it’s all fun and roses happy opinions for all, because your opinion is healing guilt on someone doing literally nothing wrong.
NYCer says
I am just saying that a bit of compromise can go a long way, and grandparents are not around forever. It sounds like the local grandma wants to see her grandchild more, so I was suggesting a way for OP to try to make that happen without OP actually having to see her MIL more.
And for what it is worth, I am completely sane.
Anon says
Literally no one is telling her she needs to spend time with her MIL. Husband and kid can do it without her. Also unless there is much more to the story, the MIL doesn’t sound “nasty” to me and OP bursting into tears sounds like a very disproportionate reaction, at least based on what was in her post. Complaining about how her friends haven’t met the baby yet seems like typical “I hate the pandemic” whining that everyone has been engaging in non-stop for the last year. Perhaps a little self-centered, but…who cares? Like, genuinely, why does it drive you to tears that your MIL is self-centered? Just roll your eyes and move on. Look, I’ve been there with crying about silly things. I get that it happens, especially in the midst of a yearlong global pandemic. But it also doesn’t make the person who made me cry evil.
Anon says
Agree 100% with NYCer. The attitudes some people here have toward extend family regularly shock me. I do not really like my in-laws but I cannot imagine limiting their access to their only grandchild. If they were local, I’m sure they would see my kid and husband at least once a week. I would probably skip a lot of the visits. To me, there’s a huge difference between declining to socialize with them yourself (which is your right – you choose you how you spend your time) and cutting off their access to a grandchild, which I think should only be done in extreme situations like if they’re verbally or emotionally abusive.
IHeartBacon says
All of this.
Mrs. Jones says
I have stopped visiting my MIL and just send DH and DS to visit her without me.
IHeartBacon says
All of this, too.
Anonymous says
Why does it make you sad if she is sharing that she’s sad she can’t intro baby to her friends? My kids are 6 and 9 but I can totally see being excited for their kids to meet my friends. Some of my friends have known me since I was a kid, and we have shared all major life events, so I can see wanting to share becoming a grandma. Maybe try empathy next time? ‘I know what you mean! Baby hasn’t been able to see your friends or my brother. Just the other day Brother was saying XYZ about how much he wishes he could meet baby.’ And then go on with some random story about your brother to change the topic.
I get that it’s hard. DH had a niece born a month before the pandemic started. She’ll be close to 2 years old before we can travel to his country and meet her.
For me (and it seems a few other posters), a weekly local grandparent visit is pretty normal. Sometimes my mom/dad will come over for coffee and play with baby for an hour, sometimes we’ll have Sunday dinner at their house. In before times, my parents took baby to a music class during the week ( I dropped her at their house, they took her to music class and dropped her to daycare), plus they pinch hit when baby was home sick from daycare as well. For elementary school years, kids have afterschool program at school three times a week and grandparents pick up twice a week. One of those times they take the kids to the library to exchange their books. I can’t say if that’s the right balance for you but that’s what worked for us. HTH and hang in there. The pandemic makes parenting a million times harder but the end is in sight and it will be easier in a few months.
Anonymous says
+1 I’m blown away at the comments calling the MIL nasty. I know tensions are running high right now and I don’t blame OP for getting emotional in the moment, but objectively MIL did not do anything wrong here. Expressing sadness about how your friends haven’t been able to meet your grandbaby yet seems very normal and not narcissistic. I still haven’t met my BFF’s 1.5 year old daughter and don’t know when I will be able to, and I’m sad about it and talk about the fact that I’m sad about it. Saying the MIL doesn’t have a right to express her grief about this just because OP is sad about her brother not meeting the baby is veering into grief olympics territory.
Hmmm says
Yeah, to me this justifies a somewhat pointed reaction – “it’s very hard. my brother hasn’t been able to meet him either.” – or just walking away. It’s mildly annoying and/or tone deaf but would not be a big deal to me.
Hmmmm says
That said I fully support letting DH handle the MIL visits for awhile! Avoid an irritating MIL + alone time = win win in my book.
Anon says
to me, this is a know your MIL type of comment and a situation where tone matters A LOT. one of my friends has a MIL like this, where she just makes every situation about her, image is important, etc. and forgets to think about other people’s feelings, etc. unclear to me from the OP’s post but sounds like either MIL or MIL’s friends wanted to throw a party to meet LO, and since it’s night like an infant cares much about a party, that is clearly for the benefit of MIL, and I could totally see my friend’s MIL talking about how disappointed she is about not having the ‘event.’ Like when my friend’s MIL buys her kids a gift, she is more excited about posting a picture of kid with her and gift on social media than she is about actually giving the child the gift and buys things that look fancy that the child doesn’t even want
OP- sorry all these people are piling on you. I think weekly visits is more than enough and having DH do them for a bit sounds like a good plan.
No Face says
I will take your word that MIL is narcissistic. I have a friend with a narcissist parent and it is really hard to explain when each incident by itself seems tiny.
Is your MIL a good grandmother? As in, you feel comfortable with her around the kids without your presence? My FIL is not a great dad, but he is an excellent grandfather. My kids go to my in law’s house once a week. I chit chat with them when I pick the kids up. My kids often spend the night there. My husband normally doesn’t go.
SC says
+1. I have an extended family member who is a total narcissist. Every single interaction with that woman is toxic. But I can’t actually describe in a blog post why any particular incident feels so wrong, and people who recount stories about her would sound super petty if I didn’t know exactly what they meant. The narcissist sure knows how to suck all the energy out of the room and make everything about her. Thankfully, I only see her at family events, but she’s pulled sh*t at her daughter’s wedding wedding, her grandson’s christening, her grandson’s and her granddaughter’s birthday parties, and her mother’s funeral.
Anon says
“Thankfully, I only see her at family events, but she’s pulled sh*t at her daughter’s wedding wedding, her grandson’s christening, her grandson’s and her granddaughter’s birthday parties, and her mother’s funeral.”
Are we related? “Bride at every wedding, corpse at every funeral” really does apply to some people. I have horror stories of people not being able to just show up and enjoy someone else’s event; instead, they spoil it for the person who should be celebrating and make sure everyone knows it’s all about them.
I’m not even a big “look at me” person, so if you’re hogging what little Christmas tree twinkle light there is aimed at me, it’s pretty whacked.
Anon says
+2 It is very difficult to explain the twisted world a narcissist creates and how it feels to be around them, when every single thing is not just about them, but about how they are the victim and everyone else (especially the chosen scapegoat) caused their pain, isn’t doing enough, doesn’t care… it’s exhausting and it is absolutely emotionally abusive in many cases. The combo of “I don’t see grandkid enough” (i.e. OP is not doing enough to make sure MY desires are satisfied) and “my friends haven’t had a grandkid party” (i.e. I’m a special victim of the pandemic with I’d expect a heavy dose of passive aggressive implication that it’s really OP’s fault and the party could happen regardless of the pandemic if she would just loosen up/prioritize MIL’s “needs”). Ugh, Sorry OP, it’s so hard.
Anonymous says
I don’t get how it’s narcissistic to imply that OP could be more flexible and then the party could happen. That’s just a difference of opinion. Like parenting means that someone is always going to think you’re doing it wrong but if you let that bother you, you’re going to be miserable until the kid is 18. Just because someone is annoyed or passive aggressive doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that they are narcissistic. Why let them bother you? That’s a them problem. I can think of zero people who agree with every parenting decision I’ve made including my BBF, my sister and mom who I see regularly. Heck, I don’t think all theirs are great either but *shrug*. That’s life not narcissism.
Anonymous says
Yeah, this. If we cut off every relative who’d ever made a critical comment about our parenting, we would have nobody in our lives…and I don’t even feel like our families are especially judgy. Even my mom who is wonderful and supportive of me 99% of the time and is an absolutely *amazing* grandma to my kids doesn’t like daycares and doesn’t understand how I can send my kids to one. We mostly avoid talking about it, and when she brings it up I just tell her that we don’t see eye to eye on this and never will so I don’t want to discuss it. If necessary I leave the room but usually just telling her I want to change the subject works. +1 million to “this is life not narcissism.”
Anonanonanon says
Speaking from my personal experience, if you were not raised with a mother who makes everything about them/is prone to guilt-tripping, it is VERY disconcerting and unnerving when you come across it in an MIL. Those situations used to stress me out so much, because I was consistently taken off guard because I hadn’t dealt with it my entire life like my husband had.
If you’re confident your husband won’t get steamrolled/commit your family to things you aren’t comfortable with, send him without you for a while. I know that can be stressful, as these kinds of MILs sometimes get offended you didn’t come and turn it into a Thing, but if she’s going to be upset no matter what you might as well spare yourself.
Mm says
Thanks, this is really helpful framing. I realize the triggering MIL comment was fairly asinine, but there’s this whole underlying dynamic that is the real trigger.
Anonanonanon says
Glad it helped! I don’t know how old your baby is, but I know that for probably the first year, anytime it seemed like someone was trampling all over my boundaries for what I felt was best for my baby, it elicited a “fight or flight” response, which could be adding another layer as well! (Not negating the dynamic you’re experiencing, I’ve lived it, just giving context to why it is sometimes so difficult)
Anon says
Thinking about this a bit: one thing that makes it really hard to describe what hurts is that narcissists make it ostensibly about other people. What’s wrong with Grandma’s friends wanting to meet your kiddo? Nothing, except that your own family hasn’t met him yet; it’s painful for pandemic moms to not be able to do the usual round of baby visits; and by complaining about her housekeeper (???), she’s again making it about her deprivation. Nothing in there understands that you and your side of the family are also hurting.
Anonymous says
This seems very close to telling a mom she can’t vent about the difficulties of pandemic parenting because someone else’s kid died of Covid. I can’t stand the grief olympics and I don’t think it’s narcissistic to be sad your grandchild can’t meet your friends, even though his mom has people who are higher priority for meeting him who still haven’t been able to.
Momofthree says
We have 3 local grandparents – one is retired and lives 10 min away, the others both work and live 50 min away (although not together). We very much value spending time with grandparents and get together nearly every day with retired 10 min. away and at least once a week with my FIL.
As we had more than 1 kid, often with difficult sleep schedules, we told the in laws we were not able to go up to them consistently but they were welcome to come to us or do activities near us. That was the limit we set.
My FIL complied and always asks what day he can come, etc. My MIL has tried time and again to dictate the terms by which she sees us. We do not engage. She is angry about this and thats fine. We want our kids to have a relationship with her but I’m not going to make myself miserable so that my kids can see her.
I would tell your MIL if she wants to see the kids more often, she can come see you/ pickup from daycare early , etc. I also support you not going along and having DH do it. Just be prepared for the questions about why you’re not coming & tell DH what to say as well.
Walnut says
I think I’m missing something here – why do you and your husband need to be there while your MIL hangs out with your kid? Can you drop off your kid and get relish in some time to yourself? Is there a reason you or your husband need to be physically present?
Anonymous says
How old is your baby, and is this MIL’s first grandchild? To me this sounds like an exhausted brand-new mom + overly excited brand-new grandma, which is a recipe for conflict. Some of the responses seem to assume that the child is preschool aged or older (OP shouldn’t be crying over this, drop kid off at MIL’s house, etc.).
buffybot says
Just a lighthearted update for your Monday: My son got a stuffed octopus in his Easter basket (somewhere between Finding Dory and Octonauts, he’s gotten very fond of them).
Most of his stuffed animals have been named with a diminutive “y” or “ie” sound – Doggy and Bunny and Hedgie the Hedgehog, for instance.
I tried to convince him the octopus was named Inky. He considered it for a moment, as well as the name Michael (why?!?!) — then proudly declared that his new stuffie was named Octop**sy. And has repeated it several times, including to introduce him to the neighbors. So I guess we have a Bond villain stuffie now.
Clementine says
Yessss. Perfect stuffed animal name.
Anon says
This is hilarious!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hahaha amazing. I mean, his logic is spot on in terms of diminutives!
Anonymous says
Love it! My son’s most-loved stuffed animals are named Bev and Boop.
Anonymous says
Love it! My daughter names her stuffies the same way, and I could swear we have a purple octopus somewhere…. now I’m sad I’ve missed out on this name.
My son names his stuffies human names. His favorite is a racoon named Randall.
Anonymous says
My older one does human names also. With middle and last names and inventive spellings (e.g., Phred).
Pogo says
That made me laugh out loud. That is so great.
Anon says
this makes me think of my cousin who as a child, had a pillow she was obsessed with named “boobie”
Anon says
When we were young, my sister named her stuffed unicorn “Horny”…
IHeartBacon says
This literally made me gasp-laugh!!
Anon says
so if anyone wants to feel better about themselves as a parent, here are my mom fails for the weekend:
– saturday drove 40 min away to go strawberry picking and when we get there realize i forgot the kids’ masks (even though DH specifically asked me if i had them, which he doesn’t usually do and i could’ve sworn i remembered putting them in the diaper bag), fortunately we ran into some people we know there who had extra masks
-later that day drove to supermarket sans phone. thought i’d just shop based on memory and then after finished filling my cart, it occurred to me that my credit card was also with my phone. had to drive home and back to collect phone and card
– yesterday we drove to a park with a playground that i thought wouldn’t be crowded bc of Easter Sunday (we dont celebrate). i specifically looked at their events tab on their website (or at least thought I did) to make sure there was no egg hunt or something else going on for Easter…well we get there and there is some large group outdoor prayer service going on.
Anon says
I’m sorry! Glad you were able to salvage the strawberry picking at least. A similar thing has happened to me a couple times and we always keep extra masks in our car now.
Pogo says
I relate to this.
AwayEmily says
We had a wonderful trip to a totally empty elementary school playground a few towns over on Sunday morning. We came home, had lunch, relaxed/napped, and then in the evening headed out for a walk…when we realized that both the kids’ jackets were missing. Turns out that the kids had hidden them in a cave in the playground. My husband rushed back out and thank goodness, they were both there.
I’m amazed we managed to forget BOTH of them, and that we somehow didn’t realize until seven hours later.
Spirograph says
Ha, yes… my church took over the park/playground across the street from the actual church building for outdoor Easter service yesterday. It was fantastic because the kids just played on the playground the whole time and I didn’t need to worry about them causing a scene during the service, but I was thinking about the thread here the other day where everyone said playgrounds will likely be crowded on Easter morning.
Anonymous says
will likely NOT be crowded, that is. more coffee…
Anon says
I think playgrounds next to churches are kind of an obvious exception to that rule. Normally playgrounds are relatively empty on Sunday mornings, although they fill up around noon when people come by after church to let kids burn off energy.
Katala says
While I agree, I have no idea which playgrounds are next to churches and likely wouldn’t think of it until we rolled up on a big ol’ outdoor service.
parents unite! says
FWIW, I have a bag of disposable adult and kids masks in my car. I will happily lend them to anyone who asks since it’s only a matter of time until I forget masks or some other critical item. I once ‘borrowed’ a diaper from a woman I met in a restroom and have to pay that forward!
Anon says
I carry extra reusable masks (the styles that weren’t as comfortable for my family that we went through before finding the right ones). I would happily give them to another family that had forgotten theirs.
I too have been in the position of needing to “borrow” diapers after misestimating how many we’d need.
Cc says
Good morning ! New here, as first one will be due in July. A little overwhelmed with, well everything, but thought I’d put out a long shot request. Does anyone have a nanny, nanny share or childcare situation they love in the Waltham/Newton MA area? I’ve looked at a daycare but haven’t loved it for infant care. I would be looking for care starting in December. Really interested in a nanny but that might be out of our price range.
Pogo says
Hi and welcome fellow Boston burb-er! I will give my plug for the MA EEC search function. It allows you to see, in addition to daycare, in-home options which are licensed by the state and have the feel of a nanny share without some of the hassles (drawing up your own contract, taxes, managing an employee, etc). This is how I found our in-home that we’ve been using for over 3 years now and through 2 kids. These providers don’t typically “advertise” so finding them is either word of mouth of the licensing page.
Ours really feels like a nanny share, the families are all truly friends at this point and we talk over text every day. The things I love about it are what you probably would like about a nanny vs daycare – kiddo gets to nap in a crib alone in a dark room, the provider works around his schedule vs the other way around (for example, she doesn’t cap naps unless you ask or force moving to one nap at 12 mos), there isn’t specific “programming” or “curriculum” like at a daycare but there is lots of 1:1 time for the babies. Because it is her home we can leave pretty much anything we want there since we’re not restricted to cubby space – LO has his own burp cloths, sleep sacks, pack n play sheets, etc that she washes for us and that “live” at her house.
That said, it has all the negatives of a nanny share – you are stuck with a single point of failure if provider is sick/has a family emergency, you do have to be willing to get on the same page w/ other families on COVID protocols, you typically have to provide all your own food.
Just wanted to put that out there as I feel like it’s sort of a “hidden gem” that unless you know about the MA EEC website, you wouldn’t think to look for. When we did our search we were able to visit with potential providers, talk to references, and I even spoke to their licenser who was able to give me the details of all audits conducted on their homes and families (vs having to run your own background checks etc).
Pogo says
Here’s the link: https://eeclead.force.com/EEC_ChildCareSearch
Boston Legal Eagle says
Pogo gave some great advice about nannies so I’ll just throw out a daycare rec – the Brookline Infant Toddler Center (which is not in Brookline, it’s in between Newton and Waltham so hopefully right near you) – my coworker sent her kids there and loved it. They’re pricy (hello greater Boston!) but they’re relatively small for a “center” care place and they also provide all food.
Anon says
Consider your local community facebook page. I’m north of Boston (reading) but on our local page there are always tons of people saying things like, “great nanny available that we no longer need!” or “Nanny with lots of references looking for a family” etc. I often see asks for a nanny share family on there, too.
octagon says
We had a great weekend, filled with Easter egg dyeing and baking and seeing the other family in our pod and hunting eggs and letting the kids run around and generally enjoying the sunshine…..
And today I feel like I was hit by a truck. So exhausted. Making a note for myself next year to take Easter Monday off.
anne-on says
This. I feel awful for teachers today, my kid was dragging and I’m sure others will be too. I would 1000% rather have Easter Monday off over Good Friday, especially if you travel to see family.
Katala says
Yes, this! If you’re travelling, you want to leave Monday morning, not mid-day Sunday cutting into festivities or later Sunday meaning a super late bedtime on a school night.
anon says
100% right there with you. How do I always underestimate how tiring even lower-key holidays can be? The whole weekend was lovely; I have zero complaints. But omg, I am TIRED.
Anonymous says
Someone decided to do a weird egg hunt “sponsored by Qanon” political stunt in our neighborhood yesterday, and scattered a bunch of plastic eggs filled with kool-aid packets. As a result, lots of kids at our local playground got a hold of kool-aid powder, which proceeded to turn everything at the playground red and sticky. I was so annoyed! I know there’s nothing really to do about it, just ranting.
No Face says
Extremely annoying.
Momofthree says
We had this happen near our house in DC too. I found one and opened it but didn’t know until now it was something coordinated.
We were just happy it wasn’t something more sinister…
Anon Lawyer says
That is both annoying and creepy.
Anonanonanon says
Ew! On so many levels! Also, like another comment said, this could have been so sinister!
Anonymous says
Guys, I just have to share something really happy. We found an amazing summer nanny for kiddo. For so many reasons this is the best option for us, but I was really worried we wouldn’t find someone. This will be my first experience employing a nanny. Any random tips or suggestions? We’ll be paying on the books, likely through Homepay, but open to other suggestions. Thank you!
buffybot says
Have a written agreement! There are a lot of models available online, including I think through Park Slope Parents. Just having the written agreement will help you think through key issues (e.g., paid time off, notice period, what expectations are for chores, screentime, etc).
Anon says
Congrats! It’s so hard to find someone you feel great about (well, it was really hard for us anyway) and I’m happy you found a terrific match.
IHeartBacon says
I highly recommend HomePay. They do all the tax debits, W4, etc. During the pandemic lockdowns, they even provided advice on how to handle the COVID-sick pay, etc. I’m really pleased with it. There might be comparable payroll companies out there, but I didn’t really look into it, choosing instead to go with the recommendations of several folks on this board.
I second the recommendation to have an employment contract in place. You can find samples online. The HomePay website also provides a template if you use their service . They also have great customer service so you can always call them to get advice on how to set things up.
As for tips, be clear with your expectations of the nanny, but also be aware that you probably won’t know what your expectations are until you see something you like or dislike. Except for explicit instructions about things (e.g., “Nanny, you are not authorized to take the baby anywhere without my permission” or “Nanny, do not feed baby nuts because she is allergic.”), your nanny will do what she would do by default and you will have to let her know if it’s acceptable or unacceptable to you. Open communication and clear instructions are the key to success with a nanny.
Best of luck!
So Anon says
Teeth grinding as an adult? I went to the dentist a few weeks ago and was told that I am grinding my teeth. I have a night guard now, but I am realizing how much I grind my teeth during the day too. I think this is due to general stress – thanks pandemic and single parenting! Any suggestions on how to address this during the day?
I’m also realizing that my chronic stress level is … just high. Its not an acute thing, but more of a generalized thing and I am beginning to see the impacts in other things (canker sores and general exhaustion). I am going to take a few days off over April break, but I’m just exhausted and it doesn’t feel like a thing that a nap will fix. Ideas? Anyone else in the same boat?
Anon says
Can you send your kids to your mom and check into a hotel for a couple days?
Anonymous says
It is hard, but when you notice you’re tightening up, open your mouth so you can’t grind. I also puff my cheeks out with a deep breath (“catch a bubble” as my kiddo’s old daycare would say) a lot when my jaw is tight to stretch everything out.
Anonymous says
For chronic stress I need the big guns. Therapy. Daily exercise. Some variation of stretching/yoga/meditation even if it’s 5-10 minutes every day. I also needed to really work through my vision of what I had to be doing with my therapist. I was expecting myself to do all the things my mother did plus all the activities my kids wanted, but my mom was married and a stay at hone mom and I’m single and work and a lot of things were not feasible.
Anon says
My dentist told me to wear it during the day, too, if there are times I find myself grinding – sitting at the computer, watching TV, etc
Momofthree says
This. Or ask for a day time solution. I had one for a while that I could wear and talk without a problem.
There’s also PT specifically for TMJ that can help release the jaw & they can give exercises as well.
Anon says
Me too! Got my first nightguard last month. My dentist basically told me if I noticed my teeth touching during the day, I need to relax my jaw so they don’t touch, and that has been working for the daytime clenching (I’m more of a clencher than a grinder based on wear patterns). Good news is that the nightguard has solved the tooth pain I had been having which is what triggered the visit in the first place and is far less invasive than the other solutions offered!
My chronic stress level is also high, but I thrive in high stress environments so I just need to keep things at a level that is manageable *for me*. That being said, the pandemic nearly put me over the edge. The two things that fixed it ad put me in a much better place were first, rehiring a housekeeper after 10 months of doing it myself and second, preschool reopening after 11 months of DH and I trying to solely entertain kiddo. Coupled with last week DH and I getting our second shots, so the background worry is greatly reduced. A few days off might help, but for the bone crushing type of exhaustion I expect you are feeling, you probably need to rearrange some day to day things (more help, less things, etc.) or take an extended vacation or sabbatical to “right the ship” (likely not practical).
anonymommy says
No tips on general exhaustion (solidarity!), but yay for getting a night guard. You should notice feeling more rested. I sleep way worse when I forget to put mine in at night. GL!
Realist says
As someone said above, you need the big guns. I would focus on both ends. Reduce the stress (therapy, reorganizing priorities). And also make your body body more resilient to stress. Improve your diet (cut out sugar, inflammatory foods, etc), improve sleep hygiene, yoga/exercise, bodywork (whatever speaks to you, massages, acupuncture, reiki, etc), make time for connecting with friends. For some reason Americans resist a holistic approach to health but it really matters. How you are eating and sleeping, whether you are getting quality social connection, exercise, etc. It all matters, especially in times of stress.
Anon says
I just got this dress and it’s really comfortable, cute and flattering on my Covid-era body: https://www.talbots.com/cotton-modal-maxi-dress—solid/P211036112.html
Anon Lawyer says
Recommendations for a good and portable car mat for a young toddler? I was looking at the rug on Lakeshore Learning but I couldn’t tell how hard it would be to put away when not in use from the reviews. I’m not thrilled with the idea of a permanent car corner of my not-large condo, though maybe I need to resign myself to that!
Anon says
You probably don’t need a rug unless you’re worried about protecting your hardwood floors. We bought one (the Boswell Driving Fun rug) but I think it was unnecessary, she seems just as interested in driving her cars around the plain carpet.
Anon says
+1 totally not necessary. They are “nice to have” sometimes, but my boys have just as much fun driving their cars on the floor and making their own towns/scenarios
Anon says
I got the Alex Toys Little Hands Play Mat for a road trip several years ago. My version just folded up into a 12×12 square, but I bought one for a niece last year and the new version is a little bigger and also folds into a bin to hold cars. It’s still going strong, and much beloved. It’s nothing fancy, but works well enough for the days they want to play on a car mat.
For super cheap and super easy to pick up, use painters tape. Before we bought the mat, I would use painters tape to create a track on the floor and leave it up for a week or so, and that also worked well. The kids loved when I’d add a roundabout or a loop up the side of the couch or something. I know Pinterest gets really fancy but I just did something even simpler than this picture (link to follow) and it would be more than enough for the kids.
Anon says
A picture that’s even still a little more fancy than the painters tape tracks I’d make.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/8b/62/1e/8b621ed2d4778f4e5e2c834187a738c0.jpg
Anonymous says
I would skip it or do cardboard + marker – I don’t think kids are that into them. Or get this – https://www.shopbecker.com/Giant-Road-Floor-Puzzle-OTC286
My son was more interested in doing the puzzle than driving cars on it, but he was a little older (4 or 5?) when we got it.
katy says
For my kiddo (YMMV), the car mat somehow really helped him focus on car play during the initial covid times. I would roll out the mat and be able to “start” an activity that would keep him busy idependently for 30 mins (esp when combined with his car garage, but even without it), in a way that, for whatever reason, bringing out his collection of cars didn’t. (Age ~2.5 at the time). Maybe because mat wasn’t out all the time? I would not recommend the specific one i got because it is huge, but i would recommend a mat of some kind.
I wish i had purchased the IKEA one. You can fold / roll it up and shove it under a couch etc. no problem. Certainly easier to store than a large plastic garage!
Pogo says
Ours is permanently out in the living room. I’m over it.
MIL and dog says
MIL is visiting our twins for the second time. She has a dog who is fine when at his own house but very very anxious in a new house. Last time he was here the dog bit my husband. He almost bit me when we all stayed together at an Airbnb pre kids . MIL saw this (literally saw it and acknowledged it at the time) but now denies it ever happened and insists dog is perfect. I plan to say dog cannot come in our house anymore. I’m right, right? She is going to freak out and may refuse to come. But I can’t have a dog that I know bites around 1 year olds, right?
Anon says
New house plus dog that is probably not exposed to kids on the regular with 1YO twins who have no boundaries? Hard pass. Even with my mom’s and inlaws’ dogs, until kiddo was about 3 or so they were never allowed to be within arms’ reach of each other unsupervised, and that’s in the dogs’ own houses. I couldn’t imagine adding the new house anxiety, particularly for a dog that is prone to biting with anxiety. I will say my mom’s dog will nip at DD if DD for example tries to (accidentally of course) step on her, but it’s always a warning, never an actual bite (but will scare DD). With regular visits they have reached a truce, but not in a million years would I combine new little people and a new house for a not-kid-trained dog.
Anon says
um, yes your DH needs to tell MIL no dog around kids. this is an accident with a bad ending waiting to happen. give her as much notice as possible. i’m grateful that my in-laws have boarded their dogs (without us needing to ask) whenever we’ve gone to visit them
Anon says
Yes, 1000% you are right. Honestly even if the dog had never bitten anyone, I think you’re well within your rights to say a dog can’t visit your home- who knows whether it would chew on your stuff or pee on your floor or whatever. And I say this as a dog owner and lover who took our small dog with us on most trips before we had a kid. MIL can get a hotel or Airbnb that permits dogs and come over to your house without the dog, or not bring the dog on the trip.
AnonATL says
For sure. I am a dog lover and I would not let a known biter around kids it doesn’t know and who doesn’t know the dog. Or you are going to be constantly supervising and keeping the dog away which won’t be fun for anyone.
Maybe it could go to a local doggy daycare during the day and just stay at your house overnight?
Katala says
You are right. A dog that bites adults it knows should not be around toddlers. Is there a way to contain the dog/keep the dog away when the kids are around? If they’re one they probably still nap and go to bed relatively early during which time the dog could maybe come out. That’s the only way I’d be comfortable but it may not be feasible.
Anon. says
Yep. Doggie is not welcome. Big fat nope.
Anonymous says
Definitely not. She may be annoyed but that’s a her issue not a you/your family issue. Just because someone is annoyed at you doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Anonymous says
Of course not. This should not even be a question.
Anonymous says
+1. This is not a question. Absolutely no to the dog in the house, no ifs ands or buts.
Anonanonanon says
I am trying to do a better job of sending/giving cards on certain occasions, and I DREAD “quick errands” (even pre-covid) for things like grabbing a card. I finally ordered a hallmark variety pack (which was, in fact, cheaper on @mazon than the hallmark site) with a fairly decent mix of cards in it. I have ordered some additional sympathy cards and “congrats on the move” cards from Etsy to supplement. I should have done this much sooner!
AwayEmily says
This is brilliant! Going to order some Etsy card packs right now.
Walnut says
Pro tip – buy a couple sheets of stamps and throw them in with the cards as well. Then there’s no excuse to not write a card and drop it in the mail right away.
Anonymous says
Pro pro tip – buy a custom address stamp!!!! :) Zero excuses left.