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Thursday
Morning off so do drop-off routine with au pair support as noted. Late breakfast with some girlfriends who are physicians who also work weird hours. Work from 11am-midnight. Lots of emails/texts with in-laws, au pairs, husband for updates. No kid-spotting outside of the walk to school — always sad. Thursday is always housekeeper day — 2 hours in the afternoon.
Friday
Brutal day with 7:30am meeting and ending at midnight. No kid-spotting at all. More texts/emails with those who do. All meals from au pair. Husband back by dinner.
Saturday
Awakened by children bouncing into the room at 7am. Half asleep/half playing until 8:30am — off to workout. Back with coffee + farmers market goods for lunch/dinner. Playground. Birthday party drop-off. MLS soccer game as a family.
Kat’s note: As a general follow-up question, I asked M about days without any “kid-spotting,” as she called it — did her family have any rituals or rules around such days where one of the parents wouldn’t see the kids all day? She answered:
YES! We have one rule that one of us needs to see the kids once every day. We rarely fail but it happens. And it seems like such low-hanging fruit. If we can’t meet our one goal of seeing them, we:
(a) definitely let them know that is going to happen (that we won’t see them). Setting expectations is huge in our house.
(b) let them know when we will see the next and what the plan is (“I’ll miss you tomorrow night but I want you to save reading ‘Spy FlyGuy’ with me on Wednesday night.”)
(c) remind them why we choose to work
(d) I do leave little love notes occasionally at their spots at the breakfast table
(e) always kiss them when I get back home when it is late and before I leave in the morning, whatever the time
— Honestly, this is a real challenge we face. My now 8-year-old realized when she was 1.5 years old that when I wore scrubs it meant I wasn’t coming home that night so she would WAIL if she ever saw my scrubs. Took me a few weeks to figure it out. Anyhow, to this day, she gets very flustered if she ever sees scrubs so I don’t own them anymore.
— I am also a super arts fiend so a moderate amount of guilt happens if one of my nights at the theatre falls on a day when hubs won’t see them either but I can’t always pre-plan it. And if I go to the theatre with hubs, then obviously forget about it! But going out is part of what needs to happen for us to make it work so we do it.
HUGE thank you to M for being our guinea pig — I feel like I definitely learned a lot from M’s tips (and dang, the au pair sounds awesome)! Readers, what’s your biggest takeaway from M’s week?
Stati says
Would def like to see/read more about the au pair experience. We’re exploring this route and haven’t been able to commit to it fully.
CHL says
So funny – I was at my college reunion this weekend and was conducting some informal data gathering on work and family. I have three findings: 1) we all love our kids and are glad we’re still working but they are SO much work, 2) if you have more than 2 children and 2 careers, live-in help is the way to go (largely in form of au pairs, but also regular live-in nannies); 3) Consider a male au pair — users report less drama and higher screening quality because it’s not the typical.
Kate says
Love this new series! Thanks so much for sharing, M! Feels really good to see you prioritizing having a life, spending time with your partner,and working out in addition to everything else.
POSITA says
Thanks so much for sharing. I’d love to see a copy of that au pair manual! We’re trying an au pair next fall for the first time. We’re also in DC. It sounds amazing!
EB0220 says
This is great! I love how M has a non-standard 9-5 schedule and makes it work for her family! I am going to adopt the Sunday evening schedule email idea.
Anon says
+1. Love the view on a non-standard work week.
And yes, could we see even a small santitized version of the schedule? I struggle with how to effectively designate all of that in one easy-to-read email. We manage with a variety of Google Calendars, which I like for the ease of updating through the week, but it’s not ideal.
rosie says
I would also be interested to read about how M used au pairs (if at all) when kids were younger & not in school, since I know the hours au pairs work can be more limited than what you would need for full-time care.
Sabba says
I wondered about this too, and whether the hours where the au pair was staying in and the kids were sleeping “counted.” We have two physician friends with young kids and both employ 2 full-time live-out nannies to ensure adequate coverage (yikes on the logistics!). But I think the au pair living in sounds amazing.
Thanks for sharing M!
Betty says
There are a solid group of us here that have au pairs, myself included. I’d post a question tomorrow morning. In the meantime, check out the website au pair mom . com. Great resource.
To answer Sabba’s question, yes, any time that the au pair is “on,” even if the kids are sleeping counts toward the 45 hour max.
rosie says
Thanks, that’s what I would have guessed re: Sabba’s question (which I also was wondering), but it seems like that would make it hard to be spontaneous about going out if the au pair is staying home one night.
Sabba says
Thanks! It makes sense it should count. We would need more than 45 hours if that includes a weekly night out with the au pair on, but I could see the au pair schedule allowing for a night out with an elementary school age child/schedule.
Coach Laura says
Hopefully Dr. Mom will let us know but most people with Au Pairs and small children have the kids go to day care for part of the day. The au pair fills in the gap so that the 45 hour maximum isn’t exceeded.
PEN says
This is great. I would LOVE M’s au pair handbook. Our first one arrives next month.
Sarah says
I love this series and I love this post – this is REAL and mad respect to M for sharing her life and being open and honest, as helps the rest of us with similarly nutty lives. (hey, we all adore our kids and make it work – everyone needs different things.) gave me some good ideas as well – love the setting expectations part. there’s nights I get home too late to see my little one but I still always always go in, even when she’s sleeping, and kiss her goodnight. I think she knows.
Go, go, M! I’ve not fit in working out or many of the arts things I love, so hats off to you.
Elle says
I love this series! so interesting and inspiring to see how others do it.
Betty says
I love seeing this too!
FTMinFL says
This is great! Among a host of other things, I love seeing that there are other women in the same boat as I am (ok, that’s why I love this s!te!). I work almost exclusively with men and coordinating schedules with other working women or working mothers has been tougher than it should be. Thanks for encouraging this at-times-isolated mama!
Jennifer says
I really love this. More please.
Anonymous says
This was fantastic. Thank you for sharing, and for being honest about days without kid-spotting.
Cb says
These are fantastic! Such good insights.
SG says
Thank you M and Kat! I loved the expectation setting with the kids and how you’re still managing working out, drinks with hubs and brunch with friends.
Would appreciate more in this series as a FTM still on maternity leave.
HHJJ says
I am thankful every day that we live in Asia where live-in help is available and more importantly, affordable.
Today for e.g. the bub is having a mild fever from teething – which usually would mean an immediate pickup from child care. Instead, my helper is playing with him at home (and has insisted that I don’t have to rush back). I count my lucky stars every day…
ElisaR says
Thank you M! I am a little late in commenting but found it helpful – always trying to work more hours into each day myself!