This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
This is the dress I wish I had when I was pregnant. Bumpsuit’s founder (mom to three) had that same wish, but made it a reality.
There are so many reasons why this dress and Bumpsuit’s other pieces are all over social media — the soft and stretchy jersey fabric, double-lining (so they’re not see-through), and versatility to style them however you want. Mamas-to-be should not have to discard their fashionista cards.
I’d add a longline cardigan for the cooler months and wear it alone with some bold jewelry for the warmer ones. It looks so comfy that I could see wearing it postpartum and beyond.
The Dress is $135 and is available in black, ivory, and gray, and sizes XS–XL.
P.S. Happy Holi to those who celebrate!
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Tips on how to transition to quiet time/rest time from nap time? What parameters are in place for rest time in your home? Do you have to stay in bed? Just play quietly? How long does it last, etc?
Pogo says
I think BusyToddler has some good ideas. I put 4-5 “quiet time” activities his room: puzzles, sticker books, counting/math games etc. He also has all his books in his room. Initially we used an extra tall baby gate, and the first time we did it he cried for like 45 min and then passed out at the gate. After that he knew we meant business and stayed in his room doing the quiet activities. We enforce 1 hour of quiet time. Now we leave the door open and he knows he has to stay in there.
I usually only go up if I hear really loud noises. Otherwise, I treat it like he’s napping and do my thing. FWIW my kiddo usually naps at school, but if he doesn’t, they also enforce one hour quiet time and they have to look at books or lay on their cot quietly. The peer pressure is so strong though, it’s a totally different game at home.
Leatty says
Once my 3 year old started protesting nap time, we told her she didn’t have to nap, but she did have to stay in her room and be (relatively) quiet. Quiet time usually lasts 2 hours or so, and she’s allowed to play with her toys, look at books, etc. She’s not particularly quiet, and when she is, it usually means she is coloring on something she isn’t supposed to (the wall, pillow case, her hands) or sticker bombing the place, but it buys DH and I a much needed reprieve.
GCA says
We just did this for my 2.75yo who no longer naps at home on weekends; caveat that she has an older sibling who is a happy distraction for her. We have a few options:
1) kids play quietly (and not-so-quietly) together after lunch and usually require no adult input for an hour or so
2) kids play quietly, separately – eg kid 1 barricades himself in their room to work on complex Lego projects, kid 2 will do puzzles, pretend play, etc on her own.
3) screen time for one or both. Honestly, when kid 1 was this age, he would get an hour of screen time – it was literally the only way we could get him to sit quietly in one place with no adult intervention. Basically, our primary goal is to give both adults a break. I don’t mind if they don’t nap, as bedtime is then easier and earlier.
Pogo says
We do 1 hour alone in room + 1 hour of screen time after.
Cb says
Yep, we do the same. We start quiet time at 2pm, so we can kind of coast along until dinner.
Cb says
We do an hour (with a timer). Similar routine to naptime, we often play for a few minutes and then read a few stories, and then he spends an hour in there. He can play in his room as loudly as he’d like / go to the potty etc, as long as he doesn’t try and come downstairs.
OP says
thanks all. we live in a two bedroom space and one of my twins seems ready to give up the nap, but the other doesn’t. i tell twin A that he doesn’t have to sleep and he has some books and stuff in his crib, but he never stops talking and twin B is trying to sleep. there is no way on earth twin B will be willing to even try to nap if she knows that twin A is not in there/out of the room doing something else. i realize i can’t exactly force twin A not to talk, but trying to think of ways to encourage it at least briefly so twin B can fall asleep. once twin B is asleep, twin A’s talking doesn’t really wake her
Anonymous says
What if you put A in their bedroom and B in your bed to nap? B would know that A was stuck in his crib and not out having fun without her, but A wouldn’t be able to disturb B. You could explain it as “quiet time in separate rooms.”
OP says
i am working from the bedroom so this is not really an option for us right now. and even if it was, our bedroom is not at all childproofed
Spirograph says
Do your kids go to daycare? Sleepy music was always a part of daycare quiet time, so maybe that would be a good way to signal. And if the chatty one had something else to listen to, maybe he won’t feel the need to talk so much? :)
Spirograph says
Yes, my kids all share a room, so when we want quiet time to actually be quiet and/or encourage napping for one or more kids, we put one of them in our bed for quiet time.
Quiet time is explicitly no screens in my house. The kids can look at books, color, or play quietly with a toy or stuffed animals in their bed. We don’t do a timer, just tell them quiet time ends at 3:30. Sometimes we’ll say something along the lines of “if you can stay in your bed quietly for 30 min and I don’t have to remind you that it’s quiet time, you can be done at the end of 30 min. Otherwise it’s an hour” (My kids are older and really don’t need the nap anymore, quiet time is just a break for me. I also sometimes give them the option of playing outside instead of quiet time, caveat that they have to stay out of the house for everything except bathroom breaks. If they come in, it’s quiet time.)
Anon says
If you can figure out anywhere to put the napping twin I highly recommend it. Our Twin A has been napping on a couch downstairs for 6+ months now, which means she always gets a nap when she needs it, instead of being kept awake by her sister.
Anon says
For us it happened gradually when my then 2 year old started refusing to nap at the beginning of the pandemic. We treat it more like an attempted nap than an official quiet time – we read and tuck her into bed and if she doesn’t fall asleep we wait 1 hour before getting her up. I think she mostly stays in bed but we wouldn’t do anything if she got out of bed and played with toys, as long as she stayed in her room. Oh and for us it’s “alone time” more than quiet time – she sings and talks (loudly) to herself but we don’t mind as long as she stays in the room alone.
Fwiw, my kid is the opposite of most here it seems in that she’s always napped better at home than school. Now that she’s back in daycare she’s worn out and takes long naps on the weekends (although Sunday naps are becoming more inconsistent recently and if there’s a three day weekend she almost never naps on the third day), but she doesn’t nap at all at school because she has FOMO and/or the room isn’t quiet and dark enough.
Anonymous says
Mine never napped at home or at school after about 20 months.
octagon says
We do quiet time in room. Kiddo is offered an audiobook (played through the bluetooth speaker in his room) which he takes about 2/3 of the time. Our rule is that if you don’t behave, you lose privileges the next day. Like you can play quietly with toys on the floor or you can color in a coloring book at the desk, but if you are loud or otherwise misbehave, the next day it’s laying in bed with only stuffies and a few books. It only took having to enforce that a couple of times before he understood that he needed to behave.
Mary Moo Cow says
For a different perspective, quiet time never took in our house. We didn’t push it; kiddo didn’t want it. When we needed her to be quiet because the baby was napping, we took her outside or one parent took her on an outing, or we played with her in another part of the house, or it became her TV time. With Little Sister, the thought of quiet time was never even raised; she’s up and wide open from sunrise to late evening. This is just to say, I used to envy families who had a peaceful quiet time and don’t beat yourself up if quiet time doesn’t become part of your routine.
Anon says
Same here. I send kiddo to her room to play or tuck her in my bed with cartoons in the afternoon as a treat if she or I need her to be quiet and unsupervised for a while (for her rest, my sanity, whatever), but it’s not a regular thing. She dropped naps at 18 months, we do this maybe 2x a week (she’s 3.5 now).
OP says
oh def not beating myself up that my kid needs it, it’s more that DH and I desperately need the time to nap ourselves/get stuff done. we give an hour of screen time, but that still requires some supervision at this age and prompting to pause to go potty since we are newly potty trained
Anonymous says
Nap/quiet time for our high-sleep-needs 4yos is 2 hours and they’re required to stay in bed for the first 1.5 hours. They can look at the books in their bed but can’t get up to get more or play with anything else until that 1.5 hour mark when their hatch changes color. I can imagine relaxing on this as they get older, but since one kid naps 6 days out of 7 and the other naps about half the time, letting them have too many distractions means they won’t nap when they really need it.
Anon says
playground etiquette in the time of covid – i feel like covid has made me into a rude person and a hovering parent. we live in a state with no mask mandate, and only go to playgrounds occasionally, but when we do, we wear masks and are often in the minority. yesterday, my 3 year old wanted to eat a snack, so we sat on a bench to the side and she took off her mask, another unmasked kid with a runny nose approached us with a stick, and was trying to see what she was eating, tapping my legs with the stick, while the caregiver sat across the park on a bench. i tried to encourage the kid to go play at the playground by saying that it was a lovely stick, but we were not interested (my daughter did not like having a stick waived in her face). eventually the caregiver got up and called the kid away. should i have picked my kid up and had us move to another bench? called out to the caregiver? in a non covid world i wouldn’t have cared so much.
Anonymous says
Depends a little on the ages of the kids but I would say to the kid “can you please give us some space while we eat our snack? Thanks.” This would be ok for any kid 3+ IMO (I say this as a mom of a not quite 3 year old for whom this is entirely appropriate). if the kid didn’t move, then tell your kiddo to pop her mask back on.
Pogo says
I say, “Let’s have some space, please!” and move if totally necessary.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, I probably would have moved to another bench. I find the playground stuff really frustrating, TBH. We still wear masks on playgrounds. I actually don’t mind that much if other kids aren’t wearing a mask, but I do think if you’re going to let your kid play mask-free, you need to set up clear rules (“don’t go near other kids”) and then be on alert to call them away if/when they break those rules.
And to be fair, many parents are great about this. The other day there was a SUPER friendly non-mask-wearing older toddler at the playground and his dad was wonderful at gently making sure he gave my kids some space. But the parents who don’t engage at all drive me nuts.
Anon says
My perspective is a little different, because I live in a red state where maybe ~30% of kids wore masks on the playground during the fall surge and less than 10% do now, but I just don’t see keeping my kid away from unmasked kids as practical. If outdoor interactions with unmasked kids were outside our risk tolerance, we would not be able to go to the playground at all. That said, since you said your daughter didn’t like having the stick in her face I probably would have said “Can you please stop waiving that stick in our face, we don’t like it.” But that has nothing to do with Covid.
NYCer says
+1. I think that if you are concerned about unmasked kids at the playground in a state that does not have a mask mandate, then you might not be able to go to a playground at all right now and/or until you feel comfortable with outdoor unmasked kid interactions. In my experience, kids get close to other kids at playgrounds, unless it is exceptionally large or empty.
But regardless of the masks, I always think it is OK to gently ask a kid to give you/your child some space, especially if that kid is waving a stick in your face!
Anonymous says
We live in a purple state with a mask mandate, but absolutely no one wears a mask at the playground or in any other outdoor setting. The best solution I’ve found is to go right after lunch when most of the very young kids who will run right up to you, drip snot, and whack you with a stick are napping.
Anonymous says
If you’re concerned about masks wear them! Kids around here do always. You want a snack you go home.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve taken to saying “Do you mind backing up a bit, sweetheart? We’re working hard to not share germs right now, thank you!” Honestly, who cares if some kid you don’t know thinks you’re rude. If their parents were that concerned about what other parents were saying, they wouldn’t leave them alone with you long enough to have a full conversation.
Blueberries says
I think this approach is lovely. Also, it’s helpful to model that it’s ok to ask that your space be respected.
Anon says
I just say “some space, please!” It’s simple and it models to my kid that she can set boundaries with her physical space. I haven’t had a parent be bothered by it but also I don’t care.
Home Reno w/ Nanny says
For those with full-time care at your home, how do you weigh that when considering a home reno? We’d like to redo our master bath and closet. It was always in the cards but at the time we bought the house two years ago we didn’t know what COVID was and we always planned on DD being in daycare full time.
In theory the reno is not disruptive to the rest of the house as our master is on its own floor. But it will be disruptive given workers coming/going, noise, etc.
Is this unfair to do while we have a nanny here? She’s pretty flexible so I imagine she’d be a-ok with it if we asked, but I’m concerned it’s a jerk move. We wouldn’t do it until DH and I go back to the office – the future closet space is currently my home office – but that will be sometime sooner than later. We can live without it for a while longer, but I’d also love to not have to wait until DD is in school full-time before we do the reno. We’re also TTC for #2 so we may be in a sweet spot now before we have an infant to get it scheduled. Thoughts?
Anonymous says
I think it’s completely fine to do while she is there, but that she should not be expected to be managing it in any way. No giving messages between you and the workers, no answering questions, no monitoring etc.
OP says
Thanks, and I agree.
I should have mentioned that we will have a project manager hired who interfaces with the workers and all that, so at worst if there was ever a question lobbed her way she’d respond with, “call chris”. No expectation of her managing any communication at all.
Anonymous says
Yeah I wasn’t suggesting you were planning to have her project manage! Just, like, lots of little things come up. And you’ll need to be on top of that.
Anon says
This.
Also if you haven’t talked to contractors yet, know that everyone and their brother is renovating their homes now and the good contractors in my area are booking 1-2 years out.
Anon says
Yep, and costs are way up because of so much demand and low supply. Supply will presumably be better in 1-2 years but contractors are going to want to lock in cost now since it’s so inflated.
NYCer says
+1. I don’t think it would be a jerk move at all. I don’t know where you live, but presumably the weather is getting nicer, so your nanny and daughter could spend more time outside if it is a particularly noisy day.
I do agree that you should not ask/expect her to manage the reno (though I assume you were not planning on that!).
Anon says
you are completely overthinking this. one of my bffs is currently doing practically a gut reno on her house, with makeshift stairs, etc. and has two kids, and the younger one who is less than one year is home full time with a nanny.
Blueberries says
I wouldn’t want to be home with a kiddo all day while part of the house was being renovated, especially if kiddo needed quiet time to nap. I also think it’s pretty hard for a nanny to say she’s not ok with the renovation (what if you decide to replace her with daycare as a result?).
That said, I think it’s possible to do this so it’s not a jerk move. Do things like:
-do whatever it takes to get very professional crews and make sure that bad behavior of any kind won’t be tolerated.
-seal off where the workers will be coming and going so that kid and nanny don’t have to worry about masking up if workers pass by (or worry about workers not masking)
-provide for an alternate place for naps and them to be for the most disruptive work days
-bonuses/extra paid time off for the nanny for dealing with the disruption
Momofthree says
Completely agree with the above.
The naps potentially being an issue. You do not want a situation where your kid isn’t able to take their nap every day due to construction.
One other thing to remember is house system impacts: since you’re doing a bathroom, remember that may mean you don’t have water for certain days when they’re dealing with plumbing so the nanny may not have water.
Outside of that though, I’d try to plan this for warmer months or spring/fall depending on the area so that it’s possible to spend most of the day out of the house.
Also, expect things to take longer than the contractors estimate.
anon says
what do you think is going to happen with summer and fall as far as covid goes for unvaccinated children? we would like to plan a few trips here and there but it feels impossible to know what is going to happen.
Anonymous says
I think it will continue as it is now- you’ll be permitted to do what you want, there will likely be required testing for international travel and maybe quarantine, numbers will fall, and many will mostly be back to normal.
Anon says
Depends on your personal risk tolerance mostly, I think. We’re not planning a ton of leisure travel with our kid, but will be flying w/our unvaxxed preschooler to see long distance family once the adults are vaccinated. We’ve been very cautious and will continue to be quite cautious, but at that point we will have gone almost 2 years without seeing many of our loved ones including one set of grandparents and her only biological aunt and uncle, and I’m not willing to wait another year. Summer/early fall seems to be the right time to go since a vaccine for adults will be widely available by then and weather seems to be at least a small factor in the numbers.
Cb says
Yes, as soon as we’re vaccinated (grandparents are already vaccinated) and the borders open, we will make travel plans. Mom and dad will probably come here as Portugal’s vaccine rates are pretty low, but once things ease up there, we’ll make the return trip.
Anokha says
Same. We aren’t planning vacations that require plane travel, but will go to see family once the adults are all vaccinated.
Pogo says
Agree, depends on risk tolerance. After we are both fully vaccinated (by May), we’ll be less concerned when doing things like shopping or eating, but with LO still unvaccinated, there is the potential that he gets sick and we have to keep him home for 2 weeks. We plan to travel in-state only (so as not to have to keep kiddos out of daycare post-travel for quarantine), masked outdoor stuff only where there is any kind of a crowd, otherwise plan to stick to chilling on the beach. If and when numbers truly decline and our state changes travel mandates, we might do something in the fall like fly to visit grandparents.
Anon says
i found this article helpful: https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/25/health/parents-covid-vaccine-wen-wellness/index.html
we will probably fly to visit vaccinated family, but then once we are there we will not be that out and about, will not be dining out, and will stick to outdoor socially distant activities
Leatty says
We are definitely planning to fly to visit family this summer since DH and I will be fully vaccinated. We could drive (10-12 hours) broken up over 2 days, but DD doesn’t do well in the car for long distances and it would really eat into our vacation time. DH and I would love to travel internationally for fun, but I’m not comfortable doing so just yet.
Anonymous says
We’re doing driving trips. We plan to fly (fingers crossed) to Florida next February or March to visit my parents.
Anon says
We are driving only. I’m not super comfortable getting on a plane with my unvaxxed preschooler and we just don’t have to for what’s important to us and DD. Grandparents on both sides are within reasonable driving distance (30 minutes and 2 hours respectively), her aunts fly to us or the grandparents, and we prefer driving beach vacations. We will not have seen extended family (my and DH’s aunts, uncles and cousins) but that’s not an every year thing anyhow so we’re going to put that off another year.
Anon says
We have close family and we’re not flying until the kids are vaccinated. Putting aside health risks, I don’t want to be stuck somewhere not home for a couple of weeks with a Covid positive kid. I have all the things I need to keep my family happy at home, along with access to a wide range of supports and services.
Our local public health department along with the CDC still advise against unnecessary travel, so we’re also not doing driving trips until that guidance is lifted.
Anon says
*close family far away
Anonymous says
I am so incredibly disappointed in Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. I was expecting deep insights from a contemporary feminist progressive Christian perspective. I’m about a quarter of the way through, and so far it’s just repetitive whining about how societal expectations destroyed the author’s life. Anyone have suggestions for better alternative?
Anonymous says
Have you read any Rachel Held Evans?
Anonymous says
That looks promising–thanks!
Anon says
I haven’t read either author’s books but this was my immediate thought too based on what I know about these women and what little I’ve read by them online.
Anon says
I find all of these types of books insufferable, TBH.
So Anon says
Can we discuss boundaries around commenting on body image around our kids? I grew up in a household where thin equaled healthy. Dieting was accepted as part of being a girl/woman. Exercise only counted when it was heavy cardio (think running good, and yoga not being “real” exercise). It has continued into my adulthood. When I went though my divorce, I lost weight and my family would comment about how amazing I looked. In truth, it was probably one of the least healthy periods of my life. I lost weight due to stress, wasn’t sleeping, etc. The size of my sister and my bodies are open topics for my mom.
Now that my children are approaching their tween years, I want them to have a more holistic view of health: eating can be for nourishment and pleasure; thin does not equal healthy; and we should move in ways that feel good to us. While I am working very hard to change the narrative in my head, my family of origin has not change their viewpoint. My mom comments on how and what her grandchildren eat, and she will comment on her grandchildren’s bodies. When confronted about anything, my mom quickly shuts down and paints herself the victim. So I envision having an open discussion about body image, health and the diet industry to be challenging. Have any of you grown up in a similar way and set limits on this with your parents? Any suggestions on how to approach this with your parents?
Anonymous says
I listened to a podcast with a therapist where they talked to someone whose parents made critical comments around their grandchildren and I think they suggested having a direct conversation just asking them to stop with the comments – which is what I would suggest – you are probably not going to change their opinion / give them a more holistic view of “health” but you can certainly tell them that you don’t want them to make comments about your kids’ bodies, weight or what they eat. You can explain why if you think they’d be sympathetic, but I don’t know that it’s super necessary, they should be able to accept your rule without debating your reasons.
Anon says
I’ve always been on the heavier side and definitely grew up with (in retrospect) completely inappropriate comments about my weight, eating, etc., from both parents and grandparents, particularly when I dropped 40 pounds in college, gained most of that and more back working, dropped a bunch while BFing, gained it all back once I stopped, etc. By some miracle, sheer force of will, I don’t know what, I came out of that environment without any disordered eating or body image issues (not the case for my two younger sisters). Fundamentally, I think the comments came from a good place, they were just poorly delivered. On DH’s side though, he is definitely overweight (mostly happened in college after he quit playing D1 sports and then has since yo-yoed 100s of pounds over the ensuing years), and in his parents’ world, being fat is essentially one of the seven deadly sins and looking pretty (and a very stereotypical definition of “pretty”) is of utmost importance. I am so thankful DH does not have a sister, because I imagine it would have been awful with that kind of pressure.
DD is only 3, but is 99th percentile for height and weight, and already the comments from my inlaws have started. With my mom, we flat out had a conversation that I would not tolerate any comments on kiddo’s weight, bone structure, etc., which was also reinforced by my sisters who also (as do I) call my mother out on it when she says inappropriate things (to them or me) as adults now. For my inlaws, any such discussion would be met with denial, so instead I shut it down in the moment where my kid can hear me, every single time (what I wish my parents had done). “Her doctor is completely comfortable with her growth.” “Food is not a battle, here we practice moderation.” “Grandma, we do not have good foods and bad foods, all food in moderation.” “Yes, she is pretty, but more importantly she is smart, caring and curious. [Pivot to new topic]”. Repeat ad nauseum. I can’t help what the grandparents say unsupervised, but in my presence I do not tolerate it (nor do I tolerate fat shaming of my husband by his parents and I have in fact thrown them out of the house for it because he finds it deeply hurtful but is unable in the moment to respond).
Anonymous says
You can do so much better than this. They make a comment negative about your child in front of her? They leave the house immediately.
Anonymous says
Yeah, that was my reaction too.
Hits home says
So in my case it’s my (skinny) inlaws constantly commenting. Always compliments! Like how skinny I looked one time they visited… when I was recovering from the flu.
My kids are younger and they are overall pretty good about not commenting on their bodies (they do comment on food but honestly my kids are solid eaters so not much fodder there yet), but they make comments about other’s bodies around them. That’s what I find it hard to police.
I actually think some day I’m probably going to sit down with my kids and tell them their grandmother doesn’t have a very healthy relationship with size and food, but that in our family we do. That may be sensitive for DH – we’ll see – but he knows it’s been a sensitive point for years. Everyone in his family has crazy high metabolisms and his mom is very careful about her diet. Several members of my family are on the overweight side, so the kids see that as well. Not sure how to balance exactly.
Anon says
Oof. If your kids are tweens they probably already know about grandma’s views so I think the best thing you can do at this point is just talk to them directly about why she’s wrong. To answer your question about how we set limits, we discussed with the grandparents when kiddo was still a baby and made it clear we had zero tolerance for critiquing bodies, especially the bodies of anyone in our family and especially our kid’s. It fortunately hasn’t been an issue (although my child is still very young), but if the grandparents had ignored repeated direct requests not to make comments like this, I honestly would have limited their access to the kid. I’m lax about a lot of things when it comes to grandparent time, but this is right up there with carseat safety as a hill I will die on.
Anon says
+1 love your last sentence.
I commented above, but what do you think you’ll do about compliments? I’m not sure how to deal with that – it’s a lot harder to police “oh granddaughter, you look so thin and pretty!” in the moment, you know?
Anonymous says
With those types of compliments, I usually deflect by mentioning something the kid did and/or asking the kid to tell the relative about something she did.
With a very small kid:
Grandma: Granddaughter, you look so pretty!
Mom: She picked out her own outfit! Didn’t she do a neat job of getting herself dressed? And she was ready to go on time too.
With a bigger kid:
Grandma: Granddaughter, you look so thin and pretty!
Kid: Uh, thanks?!
Mom: Kid, did you tell Grandma about your track meet?
Kid: Oh, yeah, I got a new PR in the 1600.
Mom: She has been working SO hard in practice!
Gran
Anonymous says
This is a good tactic. To me it’s important to shut down conversations attributing value judgement to size. Redirecting to achievements that aren’t an accident of birth is my first choice. Luckily, this isn’t much of a thing from my close family, it’s more comments from well-intentioned older acquaintances or relatives we see infrequently trying to make small talk.
Other than that, I just try to make sure that the messages coming from me and DH emphasize the cause and effect of food and exercise on how your body feels and performs rather than how it looks. “You need protein to build muscle, carbohydrates for energy, calcium for strong bones, fats to make your organs work, and some foods just because they make you happy. Everything in moderation.” (My son OD’d on Halloween candy and was soooo constipated and traumatized by it the next day that I don’t have to work very hard to make the point that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.) We talk about exercise in the context of how good/relaxed we feel afterward, how much fun it is to play sports with friends, or how proud we feel when we accomplish a goal we worked hard toward. No matter what I do, my kids are going to pick up on how society views different sizes from [gestures broadly to the world], I just want them to know, intellectually, that people have limited control of the size & shape of their bodies, and anyway that’s not what’s most important.
Anon says
Good question. I would probably ask them privately to avoid using thin as a compliment, but I don’t know what I’d do if they continued doing it despite me asking them not to. Even at 3 we already get a lot of “oh granddaughter you’re so pretty!” and while I kind of roll my eyes at that and wish they would compliment her behavior instead, I do think complimenting thinness is quite a bit worse.
Our society equating thinness with health is so effed up, as OP pointed out. I had severe thyroid disease after my daughter was born and weighed less a couple months postpartum than I did at college graduation. I got SO many comments from strangers, friends, colleagues about how gorgeous and “healthy” I looked, but I was less healthy than I’ve ever been and my condition could have been serious or even fatal if not treated with medicine (that made me gain a whole bunch of weight). I know people are trying to be nice, but it was so hard to hear stuff like that when I was so sick.
there's a lot of us! says
It really is messed up. I got so many comments about how thin I was looking this winter, after I’d just suffered two miscarriages and all I wanted was to be the opposite!
These are all good suggestions! It’s tough because a lot of times it’s “granddaughter! what a stringbean you’re becoming! that dress looks so cute!” and you can tell they mean it as a compliment but it’s weird and veiled and ughh I have a lot of my own issues here!
Anonymous says
Yup. I lost the baby weight so fast after my second kid because I was EBF and he had insane reflux. So he was essentially consuming the same amount as 2 babies but spitting up half of it. Also with 2 kids I struggled to eat/drink regularly. Everyone tells you that you look great when you’re dying inside.
Anonymous says
“Thin isn’t a compliment, I’ve already told you that in this house we don’t make comments like that, here is your coat, good bye.”
Anonymous says
You need to stop your mom every single time she mentions it and frankly should have started years ago. She is already damaging your kids. Who cares if she likes it?
Anonymous says
I’m reading with interest here. I have 3 girls with very different body types. Kid A is medium tall and extremely athletic, built like DH. She’s only 8 but she’s a powerhouse with basically a “perfect” physique- no fat, entirely muscle. She is REALLY heavy. Like, her pedi did a double take and checked the weight herself. She is 95%tile for weight and 85% for height and doesn’t look it at all. We’ve already started conversations about weight and athleticism and clothes that are built for sporty bodies because I know she’s going to see her friends weighing 20lbs less than her when she gets older- there’s no question. I am also making sure she knows about her build because it will impact medication. She already takes a higher dose of meds than other girls her age because of her weight. I also had to call it out when she had a cavity filled and they were going to give her novocaine for a 45lb girl not a nearly 70lb girl.
Kid B is 50% height, 65% weight and a little chubby, built like my grandma. She eats well and moves a lot but she just has a different build. She was born with three chins! I don’t even talk about food with her and we just focus on being healthy and exercising. She’s trimmed out a bit as she’s gotten older and done more sports, but she’s still only 6.
Kid C is 85% height and 40% weight and eats like a bird. She, too, was born like this. I had to tape her pants on her or put her in 12m pants at 2 years old and pull socks up to meet them because *pants fell off her [nonexistant] butt** even in diapers. She has my MIL’s build. She does gymnastics and is really focused on being strong, so we’ve talked a lot about foods that you can eat to build up your muscles to make you heavier and stronger.
Between all of them, we focus on being healthy: exercising (dance, walks, sports, bike riding, running around the yard–whatever. Kid B likes boxing videos so we sometimes do those workouts together as a family which is HYSTERICAL), and making good food choices.
Anonymous says
I think you have a lot more work to do. For your own self. Because the way you talk in this post is disturbing.
You have three healthy kids. You do not need to be talking to any of them like this.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this is disturbing at all. What’s wrong with talking about healthy foods and encouraging exercise and sports? Re. the gymnast, it’s important to talk about protein and healthy fats because no kid is getting through a 4-hour practice on just carbs.
Anon says
I tend to agree with this. It seems like you are REALLY focused on this stuff (I have no idea what my kids’ body weight percentiles are), and also very focused on what other people will think about them. Also, just because they have a particular shape right now doesn’t mean they’ll have it forever. Bodies change, as do eating habits! And in general putting your kids in these boxes (“the chubby one,” “the eats like a bird one”) is just not great for you or for them.
Anonymous says
This is exactly what I was getting at.
Anonymous says
…I’m the poster above and I worded it like this because the issue of body image is dicey and I think it’s going to hit each of my kids differently. My middle kiddo is already worried that pants don’t fit her right (“i have no butt to hold them up!”), my oldest knows she’s heavy and is super comfortable with it. And I know their body percentiles because it comes up a LOT at the pedi.
But thanks for weighing in on my parenting based on a comment to someone else on an online forum.
Anon Lawyer says
I’m mostly just wondering if basically average height plus weight is “chubby” at six. It sounds totally normal and average and maybe like you’re just comparing to the other two.
Anon says
Yeah, combined with the three chins comment I thought that was very cringey.
Previous commenter says
Disagree – it’s interesting to see differences between our kids, including physical. I’m personally fascinated comparing my three kids’ growth charts! And this post just shows awareness about the world. Sounds like you’re doing great mom!
Spirograph says
This. Pretending that body type doesn’t impact social headwinds, how clothes fit, or how you might have to compensate in certain sports is just living in a fantasy land. It doesn’t sound like the PP is pushing any particular judgement about body shapes, just tailoring the message for what is of most interest to that child.
My kids are all average-ish build other than being tall, but compared to each other the oldest is lanky and the youngest is solid. Middle child is somewhere in the middle but an incredibly picky eater and control freak, and interested in sports where body image issues are common, so I may need to be on high alert about her relationship with food as she gets older. They are most interested in their relative heights (which, obviously, have more to do with age than anything right now) but I also think the growth chart comparison is fascinating.
Redux says
On the sports topic, having been close to one of these sports growing up (gymnastics) I honestly feel that it’s impossible to escape without disordered eating or body image issues. I let my daughter do gymnastics when she was 3/4 but firmly steered her toward other activities when she turned 5 and we will never go back.
Anon says
I did figure skating, which is another sport that is famous for body issues, and I have a great relationship with my body. Disordered eating is certainly widespread but I think it’s a stretch to say it’s impossible to escape without body issues. What is modeled at home matters a lot, and some clubs are more intense than others. At my club there was discussion of healthy eating and looking your best, but not so much weight-shaming. In college I skated at a more prestigious club that made kids stand in front of funhouse mirrors that make you look much wider than you are while the coaches berated them for being fat. That was wild to me.
gym mom says
At the non-elite level, many gyms have made a total 180 on body image issues since we were all kids. My daughter is an optional in the most intense non-elite stream (formerly Junior Olympic) and has been at three different gyms. All of them have strict policies against direct or indirect comments on body size/shape, weight, food, etc. Team selection at all three gyms is based primarily on focus and attitude, followed by ability to learn skills. There have been kids of all shapes and sizes on my daughter’s teams, from tall skinny ones to some who appeared quite overweight. Of course there are still plenty of gyms where team selection is based on body type and subtle or overt pressure is still applied, but these days if you are willing to go with a less competitive gym you can usually find one with a healthy, positive environment.
TOPS/Hopes/Elite and NCAA are still a different ball game, though.
AwayEmily says
this is an interesting discussion. I see your points, but I guess I’m struggling to square this with the advice about parenting in other areas. We’re always told not to say to our child “You’re the shy one” or “you’re the smart one,” so why should we say “you’re the one with the athletic build” or “you’re the one with a small appetite”? Again, maybe there is a big difference here that I’m not seeing, but it seems risky to me given what we know about the negative consequences of putting kids into categories.
Anon says
Agree 100% w/AwayEmily.
Anonymous says
to AwayEmily: I dunno, people might be predisposed to acting shy or smart, but they’re not immutable characteristics. To me, body size is kind of like skin color. There are certain things that are more or less difficult because of the size of your body or the color of your skin, and you can’t do a lot to change either of them. Acknowledging difference so you can move on to strategies on getting where you want to go doesn’t seem problematic to me. Where it crosses the line is when you say or act like one child is better or worse than the other because his/her physical attributes are different.
Anonymous says
You think body size is immutable, but shyness and intelligence aren’t?
You’re insane.
Anonymous says
@AwayEmily- for my girls, it’s important to understand, for example, that when you don’t have a big appetite, it’s important to eat lots of small healthy snacks or you get hungry after you eat.
I *of course* don’t tell my kid she’s chubby! We do talk about eating when we are hungry and what some healthy food choices are- but I have that same convo with all three.
When my athletically built kid didn’t fit in pink skinny jeans she wanted, I had DH talk to her. DH also has super athletic thighs and has to wear wider pants. They bonded over not being able to wear skinny jeans. Then this winter when skiing she crushed the mountain and I told her it was all her leg muscles helping her out because she was the only one in her group that wasn’t exhausted. She was so proud of herself!
Anon with empathy says
I grew up this way and have so much empathy. Good for you for tackling this. I so wish my own parents didn’t talk like this and put a stop to this kind of talk around me. It’s so damaging.
With almost-teenagers, I think you should probably talk with your kids about the behavior and how it’s not ok.
You can tell your mom privately how you don’t like comments on weight/eating, even if they’re compliments, and you see them as harmful to your children and won’t tolerate them. She doesn’t have to understand, she just has to avoid the topic around you and children.
If you need more support, I’m sure your pediatrician would tell you that this kind of talk is harmful and would happily advise you not to permit this kind of talk around your children. For some families, the appeal to authority/“blaming” a third party can be helpful.
anon says
Same. Some really body-critical comments from people in my community messed me up when I was around ages 11-13. There is a long tail to that stuff. I can’t imagine how much worse it would’ve been, coming from grandparents.
And yeah, OP above who is discussing her kids’ body types in great detail: Please don’t do this. Nobody wants to know that they’re built like their grandmother. (Speaking as the daughter who IS shaped like the matriarch and doesn’t have that athletic body she’s always wanted, despite running half marathons as an adult.)
Different perspective says
I do! I didn’t realize until I was 15 and I remember someone mentioning it to me – I was so happy to hear that! I loved my grandmother! And I AM curvy. It’s something I’ve always identified with as I grew older even though I lost her at a younger age.
Momofthree says
I agree with what a lot of people are saying here. My family has many members with severe eating disorders so it’s something that I’m very concerned about as my kids get older.
I agree with the others who say that you should tell your mother to stop. At this age though, it’s probably not enough to just tell her, you need to talk to your kids directly and tell them why it’s wrong/ not appropriate. I would also mention the societal reasons people talk about weight. I’d also ask them how it makes them feel when they hear those things because I’m sure people at school are talking about it. Bodies become such a big topic as puberty and sex ed start up.
The most important thing you can do is ask how your kids are feeling about something and notice if something is going on. Talk about why you need to eat a variety of foods and how different nutrients work to fuel your body. Ask them how certain foods make their bodies feel & listen to their hunger cues. Don’t talk about dieting or needing to be thin in front of them because they will pick up on those cues and the importance of being thin even if you say otherwise.
The worst thing is to watch things happen that you’re uncomfortable with and say nothing. If you worry that the kids are exercising too much and not eating enough to fuel themselves, say something. If they say they look ugly compared to x;y,z have a convo about it.
Anonymous says
Honestly, based on other things you’ve posted about your mother, it doesn’t seem as if you share her values or enjoy having a relationship with her. Why not just limit contact?
Anon says
I wondered this too.
Anonymous says
Not much to add, but just want to say thank you so much for raising this topic and I look forward to seeing what other people say. I also grew up with parents who always commented on people’s weight (usually negatively), a mom who was always on a diet, and the constant lingering suspicion they were judging my weight. I now have two daughters who are still young but I suspect will have different builds and appetites, and I hope I can navigate food access, discussions about health, and body image in a better way than my parents did. I still think about my thin high school best friend (built like her mom) who had a much heavier older sister (built like her dad), and the friend and the mom would hide candy and treats from the sister.
Anon says
how do people celebrate good friday and easter? i’m jewish and mostly asking to help me assess whether places like the playground and zoo are likely to be less busy on those days in my fully open, no more mask mandate state
Anon says
Good Friday really depends but I think most Christian families do East church, easter egg hunt at home, and Easter lunch/dinner – so I’d expect venues like that to be quieter on Sunday at least?
Pogo says
You don’t really ‘celebrate’ Good Friday – you observe much like Yom Kippur (fast, pray, etc). But I think most people go about life as normal on Good Friday, only really religious people would take the day off from work or go to church. I think playground/zoo would be as normal on Good Friday. Easter I would expect things to be less crowded as people do celebrate with presents/candy in the morning, church, dinner with family.
Anonymous says
Some companies that follow the stock market closings give Good Friday off, so I’d expect maybe a little more playground traffic than usual. Some people go to church in the evening on Good Friday.
I don’t know about playgrounds on Easter. Some people will be at church/at home for Easter egg hunts/at family gatherings in the morning, but many people will be going stir-crazy and head to the playground during the afternoon.
OP says
apologies for saying ‘celebrate’ Good Friday. did not mean to offend anyone and appreciate the correction
Anonymous says
It’s not offensive at all! Totally reasonable mistake and not remotely an issue
Anonymous says
No worries whatsoever. Technically, “celebrate” isn’t even wrong. I grew up Catholic, and the service Catholics go to on Good Friday is actually called “The Celebration of the Lord’s Passion.” But in casual conversation, yeah, observe is probably the more accurate term vs. celebrate.
Pogo says
Oh no worries! Was just clarifying it’s not Easter or Christmas, you don’t usually travel or get together with family on that day.
Anon says
Some local parks may have Easter egg hunts so make sure there’s nothing organized like that. Otherwise I would say Easter Sunday morning should be very quiet, but Easter afternoon less so as people start finishing up their holiday lunches and egg hunts and meeting friends in the park. I’m Jewish too and Sunday morning is our go-to time for when we want to avoid crowds, but around noon on Sundays parks and playgrounds start filling up with groups of people who are obviously coming from church. Not sure about Good Friday but I think it’s more of an evening thing and we don’t go to playgrounds in the evenings anyway (my preschooler doesn’t nap and has a crazy early bedtime).
Momofthree says
Agree on the Easter egg hunt concern- would definitely want to check on this.
Otherwise, I would expect parks to be the same level busy on Friday (unless schools are off), Easter morning to be quiet and Easter afternoon to be normal to slightly more busy.
Anon says
My kids’ public school and daycare are both closed for good friday (why?? We JUST got back from spring break!) so in my area I’m expecting playgrounds to be busier on Friday.
NYCer says
I would expect Friday to be slightly busier, as some schools/businesses give the day off (or at least a half day). I would expect Sunday to be quieter in the morning, but normal-ish in the afternoon.
Anonymous says
Easter is usually a family holiday, likely that playground and zoo less busy. Good Friday not really a thing that would impact this beyond if schools are closed on it, stuff busier.
Anonymous says
We are celebrators of Easter and Christmas but in a very secular way. We’ll put on pretty dresses and go on a backyard easter egg hunt, but no church.
For us, Good Friday is just another Friday. I grew up Catholic would not have gone to a playground but we are not a church family. Easter is about spring and bunnies in this house.
To your question: I would expect the playground/zoo to be mobbed if good friday is a school holiday. Easter will be less busy, mostly people people are home doing family things (easter brunch, church, easter dinner).
Anonymous says
Is it Spring Break? I agree that Good Friday is unlikely to impact anything unless it’s a day off school. Easter Sunday morning will be slow, afternoon may be busier if people need to burn off their kids’ sugar rushes.
Baby is coming says
Any advice for buying postpartum clothes for the summer? Having a baby in a month and just started thinking about this. Any fav brands? I plan to BF and have 7 nursing tanks and a good supply of nursing bras but other than that I’ve got nothing. Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
Elastic-waist linen shorts and pants! They make every day feel like a beach day minus the sand and stickiness. Mine are by Caslon at Nordstrom, but Old Navy sells them too.
Walnut says
I tended to hit Old Navy for affordable and roomy dresses. I had c-sections, so pants weren’t my friend while recovering.
Anonymous says
I made the mistake of yielding to the pressure to BF, so I couldn’t wear dresses unless they were wrap dresses.
Anon says
I had a March baby and lived in loose t-shirts and sweatpants. In the summer I would have subbed out the sweatpants for elastic waist shorts.
Anon says
I had a late May baby via c-section. Initially I wore nursing bra, baggier t-shirt, cardigan (my hormones post partum made my cold 95% of the time except for night sweats), and maternity leggings. The leggings didn’t bother my incision and I was still bleeding so dresses with underwear / pad seemed less reliable. I stayed in the same top and bottom items for the first 6-8 weeks and then switched to 3/4 length high waisted non-maternity leggings or the tie elastic waist shorts or elastic waist skirts mostly from Old Navy. As I got better at nursing and lost my maternity weight I could wear my regular t-shirts (none of the tight ones but the rest worked). I tried some V- neck wrap dresses but I found the necks got stretched out too fast and just didn’t look ok after a few wears from being pulled down to nurse. It was sad because I’m normally team dress and since having a kid I barely wear them (not super practical for playing with an active toddler either).
Baby is coming says
Thank you all so much. Very helpful!
Anonymous says
late reply – one of the best purchases i made was a nursing maxi dress (also wore when ~9 months prego). it had sort of slits in the folded fabric so you weren’t pulling at the neckline. it was loose and wonderful on my sore bits, easy to bend over in, flexible to changing shape. I even wore it again the next summer while still nursing at 11 months.
Unfortunately, I don’t remember the brand – it was a bit pricier (compared to say old navy) at a boutique but worth every penny. They were out of stock or i would have picked up a second one!