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Statement necklaces and earrings are definitely a thing in the age of Zoom, but I’m going to make the case for statement bracelets.
I recently took a webinar on livening up your Zoom presentations. One tip was to use hand gestures — that, along with a statement bracelet like Lizzie Fortunato’s Arc Cuffs, might be the answer to unlocking all those black boxes.
This domed, lucite cuff comes in a rainbow of colors to match any outfit (I’m drawn to Persimmon), and can be worn solo or stacked with another Arc Cuff for a bold look, or the narrower Ridge Cuff. In the summer, I can see these cuffs complementing a neutral maxi dress.
The Arc Cuff is $195. The thinner Ridge Cuff is $115.
Sales of note for 3.26.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off all workwear
- J.Crew – Annual Spring Event: 40% off sitewide; extra 40% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off Lou & Grey; 30% off new arrivals
- Nordstrom: Spring Sale: Up to 50% off
- Talbots – 25% off your purchase, including markdowns
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything; extra 10% off your purchase with code
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 30% off swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 40% off sale; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% kitchen & dining; up to 25% off TVs; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family; $100 off select Apple products
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
i used to wear bracelets a lot but always found myself taking them off when using my computer bc they made it hard to type, so now i only wear them when not working. This bracelet looks impossible to wear while typing
Anonymous says
Same. I have a jade bangle that I love, but I took it off half the time at work because would drive me insane clacking against my desk when I typed or used the mouse.
Anon says
And depending on your situation, your coworkers. I work with a woman who is otherwise lovely but sometimes wears bracelets that constantly clack on the desk and it is annoying. But not quite worth the awkwardness to say something.
Anon says
That was my first thought as well. No bracelets for typing, no necklaces or dangly earrings because of an aggressively affectionate toddler and so my jewelry collection is collecting dust for yet another year while I wear only my wedding ring, diamond studs and watch on repeat every day.
Anonymous says
Same. Bracelets only in my non work life
CPA Lady says
Background: I am not athletic. I never did any sports growing up (my mom thought they were a waste of time and that I should focus on academics). I participated in a club sport in college but in a non-athletic way (coxed a crew boat). My husband is not athletic. He did non-intense sports like little league, etc. sporadically as a kid up until middle school then stopped. Neither of us do anything athletic as adults. We go on walks. Pre-covid I went to fancy gyms and took HIIT type workout classes 2-3x per week. I’ve also done hot yoga and pilates.
I keenly remember the humiliation of PE in elementary school. I don’t want my kid to feel the same way, but at the same time I see all these other parents doing sporty athletic things with their kid and I’m at a total loss. Like…. playing catch? Playing basketball? Practicing baseball? Tiny golf clubs and tennis racquets? All these things that I never learned to do. And I feel like that’s the problem. Because I never practiced, PE class in elementary school was the first time I ever tried to do anything like this that other kids had been practicing for years. And kiddo is going into first grade in the fall and she’ll be in in-person school and I’m hoping to spare her the humiliation.
What is the answer here? Sports camps? Make friends with sporty people and have them teach her stuff? Get a basketball and take kiddo to the playground and incompetently practice together? Help meeeee.
Anon says
I think the answer is that PE is humiliating for everyone at some point, especially people without natural athletic ability, and you’re overthinking this. You can sign her up for sports camps if you think she’d have fun, but it’s hard to teach the kind of innate athleticism you need to enjoy PE dodgeball.
Hmmmm says
+1
Spirograph says
All of the above. Just try things, you don’t have to be good at them! Also, if you have the equipment available, kids will just grab it and figure things out with their friends. My daughter is the same age as yours, and while she’s not as naturally athletic or interested in sports as my sons, she dabbles enough that it’s not foreign. Between us and the neighbors (4 houses in a row with kids = one big combined yard and toy free-for-all), we have soccer, tennis, football, street hockey, baseball, basketball and golf well covered. We take the kids to the tennis court sometimes, but otherwise they just grab stuff and make up their own street-ball rules. You don’t have to do proper sports, either. Hand-eye coordination is hand-eye coordination. Lots of sports are just hitting a ball with a different-shaped stick. Throwing and catching can just as easily be practiced with frisbees, or playing catch with those little velcro paddle boards. Agility practices happens naturally in backyard games like tag, spud, kick the can, red light green light etc.
If you do want her to do “real” sports, Parks and Rec dept sessions are a great option because they’ll teach and practice fundamentals but with no pressure for high performance. If she’s interested, sign her up! Most kids are beginners at 6, so she’ll have good company. In normal years, our YMCA has a “junior sports camp” in the summer that’s basically just trying things out. Something like that might be worth a try? Sport-specific camps are good if you already know you like the sport, but a kid who’s never tried tennis might decide 2 days into camp that it’s not fun and be grumpy the rest of the week.
Spirograph says
threading fail.
IHeartBacon says
“Hand-eye coordination is hand-eye coordination. Lots of sports are just hitting a ball with a different-shaped stick. Throwing and catching can just as easily be practiced with frisbees, or playing catch with those little velcro paddle boards. Agility practices happens naturally in backyard games like tag, spud, kick the can, red light green light etc.
All of this.
Redux says
Jealous of your giant neighbor-shared backyard kid play-for-all!
CHL says
I hear you! I think exposure is the name of the game here — either mini sports camp or park district things or yes, going to the park with a soccer ball. Goal is to build general coordination and see if something sparks. Some things will resonate with them and maybe they’re interested or maybe they’re not. Be creative with swim, gymnastics, or other non-ball sports too. Around here, I find that baseball and soccer tend to be more competitive but there’s lots of options. Or don’t. And your kid will be fine just like you were.
TheElms says
All of the above are the right answer. At 6, exposure and practice attempts are all she needs. She doesn’t need you to be any good. I would sign up for summer soccer or little league (if that’s a thing near you) and practice catch or kicking a ball in the backyard. In some ways the fact that you aren’t good and are willing to try to learn a new skill are probably more valuable lessons for kid than you imparting actual skills at this age. As kid gets older, especially if your kid wants to start playing a sport more seriously, the strategies might need to change but this will probably work for the next 2-3 years. In that case you can do sports camp in the sport your kid likes or make friends with more sports inclined parents. My best friend’s dad taught me to ride a bike at about age 9 because my parents hadn’t done it. But my dad routinely worked with me and my best friend on soccer skills. I think swamps like that are pretty common. You could be the yoga / long walks/hikes parent and another parent could do the more skills based sports stuff.
anne-on says
Ha, I am STILL the yoga/hikes/long walks in nature parent – basically anything that requires zero coordination and innate athleticism I’m up for! See also – rock climbing, aerial yoga/trapeze, horseback riding, snow shoeing. I think there is also value is teaching/showing that you can be active and move your body in ways that you enjoy that are NOT sport based. I know a lot of adults that did competitive sports up to and through college and then because that stopped kind of just defaulted to no longer being active.
Redux says
Or are dealing with long term health effects because of it! Now that I’m approaching 40, I have so many friends dealing with old injuries from competitive high school or college sports.
IHeartBacon says
“In some ways the fact that you aren’t good and are willing to try to learn a new skill are probably more valuable lessons for kid than you imparting actual skills at this age.”
This.
Anon says
some of this you are born with, but other things you can cultivate. i personally don’t have the best hand eye coordination, so even after lessons i was never particularly good. you do not need to practice basketball or baseball, but you could kick around a ball as “soccer” or play catch. you most certainly don’t need to be “sporty” to do any of those things. some of these are things people do on the beach. many first graders are not large enough to get a basketball into a net. don’t actually want to play catch – get one of those velcro catch things as a start. gently, i also think you are overthinking this a bit. i have many friends with kids around that age and most of my friends are not “sporty” and their kids have never played those things.
Cb says
Neither of us are sports inclined and it is something I’ve thought about, particularly as my 3.5 year old has an insanely strong throw and has since he was launching bottles at us as a baby. I’ve made an effort to kick a ball and he’s really interested in tennis, so a friend is going to show him how to play. When organised stuff is a thing again, we’ll sign him up for some tasters.
Anonymous says
You’re asking the wrong questions because if your trauma! I get it I too suffered.
But the real thing you need to teach your child is a love of movement because it is fun, it feels good, and it’s good for you. So yes. Buy a ball and kick it. Go to the playground. Try tennis camp. Do swim lessons. Try dance. Play frisbee as a family. Not because anyone needs to be good at any one thing but because everyone needs movement.
Anon says
+1
GCA says
Hello from a fellow not-coordinated person with a rising 1st grader! (What shreds of in-person K we’ve had, haven’t even included PE, art or music – they’ve been focused solely on math and literacy prep. Rightly so – the kids come in with such a wide range of academic preparedness.) I am hoping 1st grade in fall does include PE…
We aren’t even huge sports *fans* over here (and it’s Greater Boston…!!) so my poor kid has only the faintest clue about the rules of any given sport. This hadn’t even crossed my mind. We are signing him up for soccer in a couple of weeks and a local kids’ track program but that’s about it. He is preternaturally coordinated like my husband though, it’s almost unfair.
Anonymous says
Hello from another boston burb! We, too, are not sports fans in this house. My 1st grader is actually hilariously athletic and knows *her* sports (tennis, lacrosse, vaguely soccer), but got like 6/10 correct on a recent school worksheet that was matching the sportball to the sport. Actual phrases uttered in my house recently:
“When is the food party sport?” (superbowl)
“I’m excited for the baseball game” (football)
“Hand me the soccer bat”
(gesturing to a football) “throw me the hockey ball!”
“two strikes and you’re out”
“I want to play that sport where they ice skate into the net.” (hockey???)
*picks up hockey puck* “where’s the raquet for this?”
But that said, my kids bike, run, swim, and are quite athletic. They love ninja-warrior type stuff and as soon as covid allows I’m going to find a kids spartan race for them! My 1st grader plays tennis matches against kids in 2nd and 3rd grade and is in the top group of players in the Grade 1/2 lax team so we have managed to let her be successful despite her nonsporty parents.
Anonymous says
This is gold!
The Superbowl was referred to in my house as “the special football game when we can eat pizza rolls downstairs while we watch TV”
Boston Legal Eagle says
We should form a club. Same here in a Boston suburb. Neither my husband nor I are particularly into sports. Husband did soccer and cross country as a kid and I did a combination of nothing and some dance. I don’t know what my kids will be into but we’re going to put the older one into soccer in the fall just to get him started and get some of his energy out.
Anonymous says
I would happily join that club. I lived near Boston for several years and never attended a single Red Sox game. I do enjoy a minor league baseball or hockey game once in a while, but only because it gives me an excuse to sit in one place and do nothing but eat funnel cake for a few hours.
This discussion reminds me of this old commercial:
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/7iIE/sprint-dont-be-too-rich-to-care-layover
“Sports!”
GCA says
This is amazing! Boston Legal Eagle, count me in to your club. I have been in these parts long enough to be a fan by osmosis and nostalgia (I ‘remember’ the Patriots winning the 2004 Superbowl, for example) but I’m really here for the snacks and the ads.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Snacks, ads and parades! I think I have been to more parades (I work in Back Bay) than I’ve watched full games!
Anon says
Exposure to different sports is not a bad idea, but my goal would be to foster a positive attitude about trying new things more than teaching the sports themselves. For one thing, you can’t possibly introduce her to every sport they’ll cover in PE (at least in my elementary school, we did a different sport every week) but even if you could, classes for 5-6 year olds don’t generally teach that much. I do think PE is one of the first things that separates the ‘jocks’ from the more bookish kids, but that’s not such a bad thing. Kids all get labels eventually and if your daughter isn’t interested in or especially good at sports, she’s unlikely to find her tribe among the jocks anyway. No amount of 5 year old soccer or basketball classes would have turned me into a jock, and my elementary school BFF was the one other kid who preferred to stay inside at recess and read. I turned out fine, and even ended up doing a a sport seriously later on, albeit an “artsy” one (figure skating). I think if you do HIIT workouts, yoga and pilates and were on the crew team in college (even as the coxswain you had to do the workouts, right?) you’re way more athletic than you give yourself credit for.
Redux says
Yes on finding the other kid who prefers to stay inside at recess! I was a moderately sporty kid growing up (always played a sport through high school) but would honestly rather read (and still would).
anon says
I think lots of the advice here is good and have nothing more to add, except a small anecdote that may ease your mind:
I have been so pleasantly surprised by my kids’ PE classes – they are nothing like the PE humiliation I endured. The teacher *teaches*. She breaks down a skill into parts and coaches each child through it semi-privately while the other children work on previously-learned skills. My kindergartener can throw a football better than I can because her teacher taught her each step. She understands the mechanics of many sports much better than I do because her teacher has scaffolded that understanding through progressive games/activities that are structured to avoid direct competition and comparisons between children, which is just really remarkable. They do a lot of yoga, agility, and proprioception exercises. My second grader is learning to dance and to skateboard. Their school’s PE is frankly awesome and I wish I could take it. I know that’s not universal but I think a lot of schools have come a long way in their PE offerings and maybe it will be great for your kid?
Spirograph says
This sounds amazing! My daughter’s K class has been doing a lot of yoga and dance party for PE this year, I assumed it was because they’re trying to avoid shared equipment and close contact because of pandemic, but it would be lovely if it stays.
anon says
I would second this. My kids are active, though not especially athletic. PE has come a LONG way from when we were kids, thank goodness. There is actual teaching, not just yelling and humiliating. (Yeah, I have some scars, too. As an adult, I am an avid runner, kayaker and into paddleboarding, so my former teachers can s u c k it. I’m more active than most of the former jocks.)
Anyway, I’m veering off-topic. Our local YMCA has a little kids’ “itty-bitty sports sampler” season where 4-7-year-olds get to try a bunch of ball sports and learn the basics. Maybe look into something like that through the Y or your local parks & rec dept.
Anon says
That’s amazing! I hope our PE is like this. Our preschool does yoga, which I think is so awesome, and my 3 year old loves it.
gym mom says
I think the key to surviving PE is having one sport that you enjoy out of school, so you have the confidence to shrug off the dumb ball sports. Let your daughter try every sport in which she expresses any interest–track, swimming, gymnastics, ballet–pick the one she likes best, and pursue it at the highest level of intensity that interests her and works for your family.
My daughter is a competitive gymnast who can’t catch, throw, or hit a ball worth anything, just like her mom who at various times was involved in ballet, gymnastics, figure skating, and track. PE has never bothered her. To her, PE is obviously a silly thing aimed at the lowest common denominator. She considers herself an athlete, and what matters is her performance in her own sport and not in PE. She does enjoy beating the boys on all the physical fitness tests thanks to her gymnastics conditioning.
Pogo says
This is what helped me as a tween and later. Pre-tween I was hopeless and hated PE. Then I discovered running and I was like, finally! A thing I can do, I just go in a circle around this track and no one is throwing things at me!
Anonymous says
+1 agree with all the above.
I was a swimmer (pretty good one). In college I joined crew and was decent. Also in COLLEGE i got hit in the face with a dodgeball and required stiches.
My startegy so far is to throw lots of things at my son and hope that he develops better eye hand coordination than I have.
We are trying “organized” soccer this spring (yay outdoors) which is his first organized activity – partly just to help him get him out of his shell and being comfortable with other grown ups etc. He is painfully shy despite being in daycare / school his whole life (absent the full lock down period). A 5/6 year old is probably old enough to learn some skills at soccer camp or other activities this summer (Plus sports camps will likely be lots of time outside). I would focus on whatever sports are the “social” ones in your circle / city. ALL the girls growing up played soccer and i hated that i started later than everyone esp as (see above) i do not have good eye hand coordination.
Anonymous says
I agree that teaching kids to find a way to move their bodies is the goal. And if you want your child to have exposure to sports and athletics before PE, then signing up for various activities would help. If you attend the practices with your child, you’ll learn too and be able to practice with them if you all wish. But I also think this is a moment where you can teach your child that all people have different natural talents. There are plenty of kids for whom academics are humiliating. Teach your child to be inclusive and kind, and to find a way to move that will stay with her for life.
Anonymous says
Yup.
Anonymous says
Love this.
Anonymous says
How old are your kiddos? Mine have done town soccer, town lacrosse, and my older one plays tennis. We kick balls around the yard but I 99% outsource teaching to coaches :)
Anon says
This feels so silly but I’m wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing. There are SO MANY wonderful things about vaccines coming and more back to normal but I’m also getting pre-nostalgic for this time when I see my kids so much. They’re getting back to in person school and day camp but I still just see them way more than I ever would in “normal” times. Pre-COVID I didn’t have working mom guilt or anything like that, but I had been on the daycare / full day care since babyhood and the option just wasn’t there. Now, I think more flexibility will be there than before but the idea of going back to seeing them for an hour or two a day in the evening saddens me. Clearly, there’s more at play here – this will be a time of transition for so many reasons but just wondering if I’m alone.
Clementine says
You’re not alone at all. I am realizing just how much I hate working in my office and how much happier and more productive I am working from home.
Also, feeling like my commute and even the time to park and get from my car to my desk is just… wasted time that I could better spend doing other things. I also never took lunch breaks, just worked through them… but now I will grab a quick workout or take a walk around my neighborhood or drive and pick up groceries. I feel so much more productive with my time.
And because of all that, I am more able to focus on my kids when they’re home. I will never miss going 24/7 working with no childcare, but I will miss being around as much as possible. That (plus a promotion I am not being interviewed for because of silly technical reasons unrelated to my actual ability to do the job) have me contemplating a major career shift…
Anon says
Funny, I miss my commute. It was a way for me to decompress between home and the office and then also from office to home. 20-30 minutes in the car, listening to my favorite songs on the radio, on a drive that if not fast-moving was at least predictable, was a good bookend to my day. Now I just work straight on through until dinner, coerce kid to let DH put in her jammies or bed, and work until midnight nearly every night. When everyone was commuting, there was a natural break in the day from 6-8 or so as folks drove home, reconnected with families, ate dinner and then logged back on, but that natural break isn’t happening and I’m not quite senior enough to enforce it. In the same way late night and weekend work used to be for emergencies only, but now clients have nothing better to do than work on the weekends, which means I have to too. I have never had more weekend calls in my entire career than I have in the last year; it gets treated as just another work day.
Anon says
I agree 100% that the lines between home and work have gotten much blurrier and I hate it. I work in government so I was pretty much never in the office outside of 9-5 and it was fine, meetings were always scheduled in those hours. But now people think nothing of starting a call at 8 am or ending it at 6 pm and expect immediate replies to emails even outside those hours and it’s just awful (especially for the low pay we make in exchange for having a supposedly good work-life balance). Fortunately it hasn’t invaded my weekends yet – I think I would quit if that happened.
Ashley says
^ SAME
NYCer says
Agree 100%. When we first switched to working from home, I did not love it and missed some of chatter, etc with my coworkers. But now that I have adapted, I am really, really not looking forward to going back into my office. It likely won’t be until September, but I already have low level dread (that is probably a bit of an overdramatic word choice!). I am hoping I will only have to go in 2-3 days per week, but we shall see.
Anon says
I think this is pretty common, especially among people who have older kids who are busy with their own lives. I don’t feel this way, but it’s because my kid is young (3) so I pretty much spend all her waking hours with her when she’s not in school, she was rarely in daycare for more than 40 hours/week even pre-pandemic and daycare is at my former office so right now I’m double-commuting. It’s only about 1.5 hours of total driving but it somehow feels much worse than the 45 minutes roundtrip I spent commuting previously. If daycare were close to home and I were saving on commuting time I think I would be much more bummed about the return to “normal.”
anon says
You’re not alone. Getting to be with my kids every day after school has been amazing.
Anon says
I know risk tolerance is all over the place, but what are you all doing for family get togethers? My in-laws are getting together for Easter this weekend, and are frustrated we haven’t immediately said we will come. It’s a group of about 15, and about 80% of the adults are either fully or partially vaccinated, and of course none of the kids are. They plan to be inside, unmasked, eating a meal. We suggested playing outside and not doing a meal, and they vehemently did not like that idea.
I don’t know how to assess the risk for the kids, or myself who will be only two weeks out from my first shot. Am I being unreasonable? My kids have seen their fully vaccinated grandparents, just last weekend in fact, unmasked in our house, but that felt okay because it’s well within the guidelines. (All of us unvaccinated people were in the same household, everyone else was more than two weeks out of their second shot.) We have not seen aunts/ uncles/ cousins since all this started last spring. But man I hate the idea of another year where we can’t see the cousins because none of the kids will be vaccinated. So I’m polling what others are comfortable with.
Anonymous says
We said no to Easter with 4 households. One household was fully vaccinated (that has the grandmother in it), the rest aren’t. Instead, we will visit with just grandma and our household a different day. We are not vaccinated yet, grandma doesn’t care.
I’m not sure what we will do once our household adults are fully vax’d. Probably depends on cases in our area and how schools are doing.
TheElms says
What about coming after the meal so everyone can sit outside and chat? That way your in laws still get their meal and you don’t have to do something you aren’t comfortable with, but you still get to see family.
Anonymous says
IME, this inevitably leads to the kids wanting to play inside, the grown-ups wanting to go inside for a drink, etc.
Anon says
Yeah, I think showing up to an indoor get together and expecting to stay outside only is unrealistic. If you want to gather with your family outdoors, you should plan a separate gathering outdoors. I think there’s a LOT of space between “gathering with 15 people, many unvaccinated, indoors without masks on” and “not seeing aunts/uncles/cousins for another whole year.” I agree that waiting until kids are vaccinated to have any contact with extended family is not realistic but I would 1) wait until all adults are fully vaccinated and 2) (as long as cases remain high) continue to take precautions like meeting outdoors and/or wearing masks.
Anonymous says
I would not go now, because you are not fully vaccinated yet. I would go once you and your husband are fully vaccinated and see no reason why there would be another year of not seeing the cousins just because kids arent vaccinated. Kids aren’t the ones who are high risk.
Anon says
I’m (and my family is) comfortable going all-in (spending time with any family, indoors, unmasked). I realize that may indicate a higher risk tolerance then others on this board, but that certainly seems to be the case with others I interact with in real life, too (that is, I know that neighbors, coworkers, and kids’ friends are visiting family as well, and don’t personally know of anyone who’s actively avoiding all interactions). My family will have an Easter get-together in a fairly normal way (indoor meal with about 10 adults and 5 kids).
Mary Moo Cow says
Agree. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, OP, because you get to decide your own risk tolerance. But with 80% of adults vaccinated, yeah, I’d do it. I probably would feel a bit uncomfortable because I haven’t been in such a situation in over a year, and would try to be outdoors or have the windows open as much as possible, but I would still do it.
Hmmm says
I would not be comfortable with that either. We are doing an entirely outside gathering with 10 people total. Grandparents are totally vaccinated, adults are either fully or have one shot, kids are unvaccinated. Adults will wear masks except when eating, at least that’s what I’m told. I’m okay with it but would not be okay with an indoor meal at this point.
Hmmmm says
I should add that while we have one shot, we are less than a week out from that shot – so not counting on any immunity yet.
Anon says
you are being completely reasonable! at a minimum, i will not be inside with adults who are not fully vaccinated (as in two weeks post shot). in your case, if they care about your attendance, they should find a way to do it that makes you comfortable and i think the opposition to playing outside and not doing a meal is ridiculous. not necessarily for easter, but i think once you are fully vaccinated you could make outdoor plans to see one set of aunts/uncles and cousins outside without a meal. if it makes you more comfortable you could even suggest masks.
i am following the advice in this article, which is titled “what parents should do if you’re vaccinated but you’re kids arent”: https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/25/health/parents-covid-vaccine-wen-wellness/index.html
anon says
I would not. Kids may not have high mortality from COVID, but morbidity is a big risk: https://www.the-scientist.com/news-opinion/kids-may-suffer-from-long-covid-but-data-are-scarce-68511
The shot for kids is coming late 2021, and cases are supposed to drop this fall, so that’s when things may change for us, but for now we are continuing to be cautious.
Anonymous says
That article does not say morbidity is a big risk.
Anon says
10-15% is pretty significant to me, especially when you are talking about your own kid.
Anonymous says
I agree that 10-15% having longterm symptoms is very scary but this sentence is really important. “These data lack control groups, making it hard to assess whether symptoms such as fatigue and nasal congestion are truly related to the children’s SARS-CoV-2 infection.”
I feel the same way about this that I do about the studies that say 30% or whatever of adults have long Covid, with things like anxiety and fatigue and headaches included in the definition. It’s a pandemic! Everyone has anxiety and fatigue and headaches. Without a control group I think these surveys are pretty meaningless.
Anon says
Agree with the control group point. Also keep in mind that Covid cases are underdiagnosed in general, and vastly underdiagnosed in children who are much more likely to be asymptomatic or have cold-like symptoms (i.e., no fever) that don’t necessitate a test. Seroprevalence surveys suggest something like a 1:4 or 1:6 case: infection ratio and as much as 1:10 in children. So if something happens in 10-15% of diagnosed children, the real prevalence is likely more like 1-3%. Which is not nothing, but is a lot less of a concern for most people.
Anon says
The shot for kids under 12 is likely not going to be here until 2022. Not that you should change your behavior, just fyi.
Anon says
I would not be comfortable with this. For me the biggest concern isn’t the full vs partial vaccination (studies show Pfizer and Moderna are 80-85% effective after only one shot), it’s the 20% of adults who are unvaccinated. There’s no way I would have my children indoors, unmasked around an unvaccinated adult. Kids aren’t going to die from this, but we don’t know what the long-term effects of the virus are and it seems like an unnecessary risk when you can see people outdoors or wait another month or two for adults to be vaccinated. For this reason, we also plan to abstain from things like indoor dining with our kid for a long time, likely until she’s vaccinated. I will take my kid to indoor activities with a mask requirement, or anything outdoors, and we’ve hosted and will continue to host fully vaccinated adult visitors.
Anon says
I would not do that. We are doing Easter with my inlaws (fully vaxxed and in our bubble prior to that anyways), DH and I will be a few days past our second shot, and my mother may also join us (also fully vaxxed) if my unvaccinated but low risk sisters are not able to travel to her house. The main difference vaccination has brought to our lives is that we no longer have to wait two weeks between seeing my parents and DH’s parents, and preschool restarted after the grandparents were fully vaxxed so at least we didn’t have to pull back on those visits, but we’re still not seeing other people other than the occasional masked outdoor playdate (and now preschool, which is masked as well). In approximately 2.5 weeks, on the first nice day though, DH and I will be going out to eat (outside) with DD and possibly my inlaws and it will be amazing.
Anon says
This is pretty much us too – the main thing that vaccination has changed so far is seeing fully vaccinated grandparents without worrying about two week quarantines. We’re still kind of hesitant to take our kiddo to a restaurant (we want to suss out the restaurants to figure out which ones still have servers in masks and are still distancing tables, since it’s no longer a requirement in our area ugh) but will have an outdoor dining date ourselves on April 14, two weeks after we get our second doses.
Pogo says
Personally, that’s too many people for me.
Anonymous says
Pure anecdata here but I see so many people on my FB feed that have COVID right now. Either people I actually know or friends and family of theirs commenting on their stuff. I see a major spike right now. I think people are getting frustrated and lax when we are so close to having all adults that want the vaccine vaccinated. I’d wait.
Anon says
No way. DH’s family normally does a big Passover gathering and we skipped it even though almost all the adults have had at least one dose. It really s*cked to do the holiday over Zoom for the second year in a row, but it’s not responsible to have these kind of large gatherings now. We are going to do smaller mixers of the households with kids (no more than two households at a time) once all adults are fully vaccinated. We’ve already seen fully vaccinated grandparents (in-laws and my parents, separately) but the risk is lower there because only one household has unvaccinated people in it.
Anon says
By “we skipped it” I mean that the family didn’t hold the gathering, not that my household didn’t attend.
SC says
I am comfortable with my child being around other children, even though none of them are vaccinated. Unless there’s a specific health issue, the risk to children is very small. For now, I’m holding off on large groups indoors because I don’t want my son to have to quarantine and miss school. I’m also fine with indoor dining for me and DH, but trying to stick with outdoor dining with unvaccinated Kiddo, for the same reason.
After the grandparents were fully vaccinated, we started spending time indoors with them. Once I’m 2 weeks out from my second shot (on Monday!), I’d be fine spending time indoors with just one household of unvaccinated or partially vaccinated adults, plus children. I am planning to host an outdoor party with 12-14 fully vaccinated adults in about 3 weeks. The week after that, my FIL is planning his own milestone birthday party with 10 fully vaccinated adults and 6 children (the oldest of whom will be 6). I haven’t heard whether his party will be indoors or outdoors, but I’ll attend either way.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m not as concerned about the unvaccinated kids but I personally am only going to be comfortable inside, unmasked with other adults outside of my spouse once every adult at the gathering is fully vaccinated (plus the 2 week wait). There are studies coming out that say that vaccinated people likely can’t spread this but I feel like at this point, we’re so close to all of us having access to the vaccine, that I don’t want to get sick now. We told my vaccinated MIL to wait a few months to visit until we’re all vaccinated (she would be staying with us). That may be a conservative approach but it’s what I’m most comfortable with.
Anonymous says
We are taking a rain check on Easter and planning to have more of a traditional big family gathering in May when (1) the weather is better and (2) all adults will be fully vaccinated. Most of the older generation of adults are vax’d or partially vax’d now, my sister has been vax’d since December, and one brother is 1/2 shots. DH, Brother #2 and I are unvax’d and so are our kids. DH and I are eligible mid April in our state, my dad gets his second shot mid April and my other brother is scheduled for J&J in a few weeks. My dad’s girlfriend and my mom are both fully vax’d, as is my grandmother and both sets of aunts and uncles.
Once all the adults have had their shots we are fine getting together. It will be a LONG time until (if ever) my kids are vax’d and mine are the only children in the equation.
Blueberries says
The proposed celebration is outside of CDC guidelines, so I would skip.
We’re so close to every adult being able to be vaccinated (and hopefully an accompanying drop in Covid rates). However, in much of the country, Covid rates are going up. I really wouldn’t take the risk now, both to help stop the spread and because personally I’d hate for anyone in my household to get Covid when we’re probably just a few months from being able to gather with far less risk.
Anon says
Agree. I guess I’m biased because I live in Michigan and we’re currently experiencing a massive surge in cases and hospitalizations, but it’s insane to me that people are even contemplating gatherings like this.
AwayEmily says
Non-kid question. I think I need to buy some jeans. My existing ones don’t fit because COVID and I’m ready to take a small step away from the world of leggings. I just went online to look and WOW jeans have changed in the last few years. First, ALL jeans appear to be ankle jeans, and I know that’s the style but it just doesn’t work with my body type. Second, the high-waisted thing, which i think I’m ok with? And third, the mom jeans look? Not sure I can pull this off, what with being an actual 40yo mom.
So, any jeans recommendations? Where do I find jeans that are vaguely stylish but also not acid-washed ripped ankle balloon jeans? I guess I’m looking for the halfway point between Zara and Lands End.
Anonymous says
Check out The Mom Edit for lots and lots of discussion of jeans for moms that are not mom jeans.
I am not a fan of most high-rise jeans (ouch!) button-fly jeans (so much bulk!), baggy hips and thighs, or tapered legs. I have a straight figure with a long torso and short legs, so a lot of the fashiony styles make me look really stumpy. I just bought a pair of Frame Le Sylvie crops with straight legs, which are just fashiony enough without being unflattering. The high waist is not too tight and doesn’t create muffin top, the jeans don’t add bulk anywhere, they have a zip fly, and the denim is soft and thin. They aren’t as flattering as my beloved Mother Looker skinnies, but they are pretty cute and feel current enough without embracing the extreme trends.
Anonymous says
YES – the button fly was definitely a mistake. So much fabric.
:)
Spirograph says
Me too, and following! I was just googling jeans styles the other night and…. I will not be wearing any cropped flares, thank you very much. It looks like boot cuts are back, though, and I’m here for that.
I like my NYJD skinny jeans and am looking there for an update.
Anonymous says
I think crop flares are on their way out. Rumour has it that full-length bootcuts are on their way back in.
Anon says
I have jeans from gap in dark rinse skinny or classic straight that I wear 1-2x a month these days. I also recently ordered some pull-on jeans from charter club to bridge the gap from yoga pants back into real jeans and I must say, they are like yoga pants on top but straight leg and look like “normal” jeans (not jeggings) down and I think pull on jeans will be in my life for a while.
Pogo says
lol at “not sure I can pull off the mom jeans looks as an actual mom”. I feel this so hard.
Anonymous says
I just ordered a pair of jeans from FRAME that are designed to stretch across a whole range of sizes (I’m postpartum). I probably need to lose another 5 lbs before I can tell if the material works as designed, but I’m hoping they are as genius as they promise to be? Pricey but I think worth it if you fluctuate sizes https://frame-store.com/products/le-one-skinny-larsen
anon says
Wardrobe Oxygen had a post a few weeks ago with some good recommendations for jeans that are current but not ridiculous.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all, esp for the roundup links! This is such new territory. Maybe I should just go to a few stores and try things on, sigh. They just all look so BIZARRE online.
Anonymous says
I haven’t had much luck with in-store try-on sessions over the past few years, with the exception of boutiques that specialize in denim and very large Nordstrom stores in big cities when I used to travel during the Before Times. Our local Nordstrom, which closed because of the pandemic, just didn’t stock a big enough variety of brands and styles and was always out of sizes. Our local Saks devotes more space to cosmetics than to clothing. If your local mall is Tysons or better, then maybe an in-person shopping trip might be useful. In my midsize city, it works best for me to narrow down the possibilities by looking at blogs and brand websites, then order the style(s) of interest in two sizes unless I’m familiar with the brand’s sizing.
You might try working with a personal stylist or sales associate on line or over the phone. I think Nordstrom offers virtual styling? Evereve says their “Care Team” can help with style selection over the phone. I love their service in-store, but their selection of styles is somewhat limited.
Anon says
Are any vaccinated, breastfeeding mothers considering banking milk for post-weaning so that baby can continue to benefit from the Covid antibodies for as long as possible?
I’m getting my first shot this weekend, and am planning on breastfeeding until October 2021. Original plan was to bank enough milk for post-weaning so that baby can have one serving of breastmilk every day for 6 months post-weaning, but now I’m debating getting a deep freeze so that I can have a year’s worth of milk instead (since it will stay good for 1 year in deep freeze). Is this nuts? It may be nuts, so truly looking for honest feedback. I just want to feel like I’m doing everything I can to keep her safe. My supply is not an issue.
Anonymous says
It’s truly truly insanely nuts. All of it frankly. How long will October 2021 be? If that’s 6 months, sure bank a bit if you want to continue. But if we’re talking banking a full year of milk for an older kid? It’s anxiety, there’s no evidence it’s worth it, and you have better things to do with your time.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s nuts. Vaccines for little kids are a year or more away, and there is plenty of evidence that antibodies show up in breastmilk with other vaccines so I don’t know why this one would be different. I know several women who are nursing babies who are planning to feed their pumped antibody milk to older kids who have long since weaned.
Anon says
Orig. Anon here.
October 2021 will be 1 year. She’s been on breastmilk exclusively since birth, mostly straight from the source but also pumped bottles from dad and nanny. We’ve had an easy breastfeeding experience and I have a good supply, both of which I recognize are luck of the draw and I know I’m fortunate. I’m planning on banking enough for her to have a serving of milk daily until age 18 mos, and so I’m debating whether to up that to 24 months since that milk will contain Covid antibodies. I don’t mind pumping and I do it while I’m working (from home), so it’s not really a sacrifice of time or sanity. Again, totally recognize that I’m fortunate to be able to say this (and we had to go the IVF route to have this baby, so I’m well aware that so many things pre- and post-natal can look differently than we’d imagined or hoped).
Leatty says
Currently BF a 7 month old, and I’m not banking milk for post-weaning. I’m tentatively planning to combo feed starting around 9 months so I can regain some sanity (and time), but banking milk that far out would really stress me out. I’ll probably BF part-time longer than I otherwise would so that DS gets some protection from me being vaccinated, but I’m trying not to worry about it.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this is nuts at all if you’re willing to do it. But I also think you need to set yourself up for the idea that it might not go as planned…kiddo might have different ideas. So I think you need to make sure you’d be okay with it not working out for a reason beyond your control. I’d also recommend learning the procedures to legitimately, safely donate milk. When my kiddo stopped consuming frozen milk, I had a bunch left, but I had reused my pump parts throughout the day without sterilizing (stored in the fridge), which doesn’t meet the strict criteria.
Anon says
Thanks, the donation info is helpful. I’ve always sterilized all my parts after every use (I work from home so it’s easy to wash and then boil on the stove while I’m getting other work done), and seem to meet all of the other criteria, so it’s good to know that this would be an option if she decides she no longer wants my milk. Plan is to give it to her in smoothies, oatmeal, etc. after age 1 – not necessarily a bottle.
Pogo says
I need to see some data on this before I make any decisions differently. Right now trying to b-feed at least part-time until August which will be one year. My understanding is that only while consuming the milk containing your own antibodies would baby get protection, so I’m not making any moves to try and give b-milk to my older son (which I’ve seen on some other mom boards I read). But I am happy to feed morning and night as long as possible anyway, so I’ll keep doing that.
Anon says
Studies are being done on Covid antibodies, but based on other vaccines/antibodies, the general guidance is that the type of antibodies prevalent in breastmilk are protective against new infection (via mucus membranes vs. digestive tract or blood) and any protection is dose-dependent and quite time limited. They don’t know what dose would be needed for a toddler to be protected, and I haven’t seen any evidence one way or the other as to whether the antibodies survive freezing. That said, if you’re willing to put in the time/effort, there could certainly be better info in 6 months and you might end up having a good shot at extending baby’s protection. Or it could come out that frozen milk doesn’t work, or the kid would need 8 cups a day, or something else that would negate your efforts.
Anon says
https://fedisbest.org/2020/01/will-breast-milk-protect-my-baby-from-getting-sick-passive-immunity-101/
Pogo says
thanks! This is the type of info I was looking for.
Anon says
That’s a lot of work and you may not be able to use the milk. Some milk can be fine frozen for a bit, but the taste can go off after a long time in the freezer. Kiddo might reject the milk at some point.
I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t see the harm if you’re ok throwing out the milk. I got a chest freezer for milk and it ended up being super useful in the pandemic when we shopped less.
Anon says
My understanding is that the immunity benefits (white blood cells, etc.) do not survive being frozen?
IHeartBacon says
Honestly, I don’t know if it’s nuts. What I do know is that it sounds like you have a plan in place to DO SOMETHING to try to help protect your child. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. Who knows. But doing something to try to help protect your child is sometimes all we can do to stay sane.
Lily says
I’m 37 weeks pregnant today and my feet and ankles are so swollen I can’t comfortably wear my spring shoes (slip-ons – keds and vans), but flip flops are killing my feet. I don’t want to spend more than $50 since I only have a few weeks left, but any suggestions for shoes that will provide some support but will fit my swollen feet? (My feet are otherwise fairly narrow). I have birkenstocks so that will be my fallback.
Anon says
my feet were soooo swollen and got much worse after delivery. literally my flip flops would not fit on my feet when i left the hospital. the pictures i have are a bit frightening. i had slip on Toms made of a suede material that were very stretched out by the end that i could push my feet into. my feet are also otherwise fairly narrow. not to scare you- but the swelling can be a sign of preeclampsia. on a tuesday i had a doctors appointment and my blood pressure was within normal range, and on a wednesday at a different appointment it had spiked and i was admitted to the hospital.
Anonymous says
In my last few weeks of summer pregnancy, I bought some elastic-strapped sandals because they were the only thing that would fit my swollen feet. I just found some at Target’s website – search for “elastic ankle strap sandals” and you’ll see them.
Anonymous says
Birkenstocks would be my first suggestion! They provide excellent support.
Anon says
+1 you may not want to invest, but maybe hte plastic ones? regardless wore them a ton post partum too!
Anon says
Abeo flip flops (more support) or tevas (you can loosen the straps to address the swelling).
AnonATL says
EVA Arizona Birkenstocks were basically all I wore for my summer pregnancy and postpartum life.
AnonATL says
btw, I just bought the EVA Gizeh versions after getting the Arizonas last summer. There is not way I could have worn the gizeh with my swollen feet, but the arizonas worked well.
Lily says
thanks all! I am going to rely on my birkenstocks but also get a cute pair of the stretch sandals suggested by one of you so that I don’t feel completely frumpy (I do love my birks though) – sounds like I will need them after delivery anyway!
TheElms says
I bought some cheap flats that have the elastic around the top from Target in a 1.5 or 2 sizes larger and a wide. I put some CVS insoles in them and that worked pretty well for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy when my feet were also terribly swollen but I was still going into the office.
TheElms says
Would something like this work? Slightly more than $50 but comes in wide, extra wide. https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/propet-travelactive-mary-jo-flat/465497?activeColor=443&width=Extra%20Wide
On DSW you can search by wide, your size, and price point.
Anon says
To help with swelling, try increasing salt (good sea salt, not table salt), protein and calories. I’m finding such a difference the next day if I focus on getting in a lot of protein (like 200g) and copious salt on my food. If you drink milk it’s a good way to get in protein without being too filling.
So Anon says
Kiddo’s sleep study came back with the results of snoring but no sleep apnea. As a result, we will not be treated/helped by the sleep clinic. The results are being sent to my kids’ pediatrician, whom I love and is wonderful. I just feel a bit defeated. He falls asleep easily and on a set schedule after a predictable bedtime routine. He is, and always has been (he’s 10), a very light sleeper who wakes frequently through the night. I have tried all of the things to help, and I’m just feeling defeated and very tired.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry! I think some people are just bad sleepers and I hope the pediatrician can give you some reassurance.
Anonymous says
Perhaps the pediatrician can refer you to an ENT? Enlarged adenoids or tonsils or a deviated septum can also cause snoring.
anne-on says
This – I’d see the ENT in your area who does the most adenoidectomies. My kiddo slept terribly until we had his tonsils/adenoids out, they were WILDLY oversized for his age and he snored like a grandpa. Recovery sucked but it was night and day with his sleep and I’d 100% do it again.
So Anon says
Before the sleep study, we saw the sleep doc (pulmonologist) over zoom, who looked at my son’s tonsils through the camera over zoom. He said that my son’s tonsils were “normal,” but it didn’t feel sufficient to me. Am I being reasonable to push for a more in depth exam?
Anonymous says
I would definitely have an in-person exam. I would go to someone other than the sleep doc, who seems to have dismissed your concerns.
Anonymous says
This seems like a good step. I’d push on this a bit. I am definitely not an expert, but it seems uncommon for a kiddo to be such a snorer.
Anonymous says
Hi- i posted about my younger kiddo doing the sleep study when you first asked. The sleep clinic we went to (Boston Children’s) was actually very helpful even absent apnea. they suggested the following:
– weighted blanket (did not help us)
– logging sleep / wake, after which they suggested we push her body to the brink on sleep: keep her up until she was exhausted (at the time, she was 4 and going to bed ~7:30. They had us keep her up until 9:30/10) and wake her up at 7am on the dot, regardless of how well she did or did not sleep the night before. After a few days her body was really tired and it was a struggle to keep her up late. Eventually, her body sort of “reset” and when she crashed she slept all night through. Then we worked her bedtime back in slow, 5 min type increments. She now (age 5.5) goes to bed at 8pm and wakes ~7:30. When she dips back into waking in the middle of the night we do another reset. It seems to really work for her.
– melatonin was brought up as a thing people have had success with, but wasn’t ideal for my young kiddo.
– bedtime snack- often my kiddo would have trouble falling asleep after waking at like 2am until she had a bananas or something. we ended up giving her a “bedtime banana” or toast or applesauce right before bed instead.
Anon says
I’m sharing here with internet strangers because I’m not telling DH until tomorrow… found out gender of our fourth kid. After a girl (6), boy (4), and girl (2) it’s… another girl! I’m a little disappointed because I do think DS would be excited to have a brother, but I also love the kids I have just the way they are and the more girls the merrier. We’ve also had a couple miscarriages so this rainbow baby is welcome. It’s going to be really hard for me not to spoil DS though – I love being a boy mom too! DH loves having girls so he’ll be excited.
Wish me luck for the high school years?
Anonymous says
Congrats on having a healthy baby.
Reminder that teenage girls are no more difficult than teenage boys and that gender is a social construct.
Anon says
Yeah, congrats on a healthy baby but all the gender stereotyping in this comment was really cringe.
OP says
Ha, yeah, fair enough. But when you find out sex (sorry not gender!) it’s hard not to stereotype in your head a bit if you already have three kids! They all are very much their own unique people and are free to pursue whatever interests and gender identities they choose!
Anonymous says
It’s only hard if you refuse to try!
Anon says
Major eyeroll here. I’ve worked w/ kids for years. Teenage girls definitely present different challenges than teenage boys. Sure there are kids that don’t fit the mold and kids that are non-binary but I think it is perfectly fair to expect some sister drama and hormonal moments. For example, the boys usually don’t care how they look. The girls do, to the point of tears if they think they are having a bad hair day.
How many of us look back and go “oh, my poor parents, I was terrible to them from age 12-14.” I know a lot of women that feel that way.
Anon says
Teenage boys are plenty hormonal too, and this comment is very s*xist.
Anonymous says
Yeah disappointing to see from someone who works with kids. Like. The notion boys don’t care about their looks is just laughably ignorant.
Anon says
Also to the extent there is a statistical difference between how teenage boys and girls behave, consider that the difference is because of societal expectations and not any innate biological difference. We’re not raising these kids in a vacuum; they’re aware of stereotypes and societal expectations.
Anonymous says
Yes, which is why it’s reasonable to anticipate sister drama in high school. No reason to think those societal expectations will have magically disappeared by then.
Boys v girls says
Lol, as a high school teacher turned dean, teenage girls in NO WAY have a corner on being a challenge to parent or having emotional issues. And I think image issues *are* very present in many boys and men, they just aren’t allowed to express it. I know both my husband and brother had significant insecurities related to their looks growing up.
Anonymous says
I only have one sister but the year we were in high school together was not great. We’re both naturally competitive and that was the first time we’d moved in the same circles at the same school. I was possessive of my friend group that she made inroads into through shared extracurriculars, the sister jokes/who’s prettier conversations among the guys got very old… there are lots of challenges that come from having teenage sisters close in age. I’m not trying to take away from the challenges teenage boys present, but we were all high school girls once, and I don’t consider it “stereotyping” to make some predictions based on our own experiences.
OP — not trying to scare you, I have a wonderful relationship with my sister and my mom, now! :) My daughter does not have a sister, and would be incredibly jealous of your girls.
Anonymous says
Ummmm. Making judgments about a class of people on one experience is literally the definition of stereotyping.
Anonymous says
Oh, right. I missed the part where myself and my sister were the only teenage girls I ever met. Thanks!
Anon says
I think any set of siblings close in age will have a lot of competitiveness, especially if they’re the same sex and have shared friends and sports teams. What you wrote describes my husband and his brother almost exactly, minus the opposite sex openly comparing their looks, which is hopefully less acceptable today.
Spirograph says
Congratulations!
OP says
Thank you!
Anonymous says
I was just imagining having two or three kids in high school at the same time. That will be a challenge regardless of gender.
Anon says
What kinds of challenges do you see? Just curious. I have a boy and girl 2 years apart
Anonymous says
Helping them navigate actual academics (middle school and elementary school are a joke here), the logistics of sports and socializing, college admissions, etc. I have one high-schooler and it’s pretty overwhelming.
Anonymous says
Not the anon at 11:35, but I’m going to end up with at least 2 and possibly 3 in high school at the same time depending on what we decide about redshirting the bubble birthday youngest. The challenges I’m expecting are
– deconflicting extracurriculars
– school drama spilling over to home
– home drama from making its way to school (I’m sure it will change day to day whether siblings goad or stick up for each other around their peer groups)
– younger kids going into environment where people know them as [older sibling]’s little brother or sister and any expectations or blowback that come with that
– just having the stamina to engage and support on Big Decisions or Big Problems from three kids at once.
They’re very different kids with very different strengths and someday one will have a big sport championship the same day another debuts as the lead in the all-school musical, and it’s going to hurt feelings when DH and I have to divide and conquer.
Anon says
I (a girl) was 2 years ahead of my brother, so we were in HS together. It made zero difference to me, except that I managed to have a free first period junior year so I could sleep in but my parents made me drive my brother and I was pissed. Ended up finding another kid to smoke cigarettes with for an hour every morning. Awesome. My school was very large and I wasn’t particularly involved with either school or family at that point so YMMV but I barely noticed that my brother was there.
Walnut says
I had three siblings who were in high school together. There was one activity they all participated in and a particular competition did not go well. All three came home at different times with identical door slamming, fridge slamming, loud thuds of stuff dropping and stomping off to their respective rooms. I was like SHEESH and my Mom just sipped her coffee and continued her crossword.
Anon says
Here’s what I don’t get. We say workplaces are sexist if they have only male dominated activities like golf. But then it is sexist if we think our boy child may be more interested in golf than our girl child? I know plenty of women that like golf so I’m not saying my girl child won’t. I just think that we can’t get so far into gender neutral territory that we erase some things that are differences between boys and girls, particularly when we expect schools or workplaces to take those differences into account when planning equitable opportunities.
Anon says
I don’t think having golf events at work is sexist and have never really heard anyone say that it is. To me, it’s more classist – it’s kind of a rich person sport and so it’s seems like not the best choice if you’re trying to build a workplace that includes people who aren’t from wealthy/upper middle class backgrounds and make them feel included. And class issues aside, I think it’s sort of silly to just pick one activity because everyone has different tastes and preferences, so having something like an activity day where people can choose from various different sports/activities makes more sense to me if the goal is making everyone feel included. On the other hand, I think having golfing for men and pedicures for women is incredibly sexist, even though I agree with you that probably more men prefer golf and more women (me included) prefer pedicures.
Lyssa says
Ask a Manager mentions this sometimes (golf events as sexist). Today she mentioned it as an example along with strip clubs, as if these are in the same universe of examples. For the record, I think this is silly, but it’s definitely a thing some people say. (I will agree that the class thing with golf is a little awkward, as a first-generation lawyer, but so are a ton of generally-perceived-as-women-friendly things that frequently come up on this board. *shrug*)
Anon says
Oh wow yeah that’s crazy to me, it’s not in the same universe as strip clubs at all. Even if you assumed that golf totally excludes women (which it doesn’t) the s3xual component makes the strip club so much worse.
So Anon says
Golf events at work are sexist. If a company holds a golf outing with a client and asks employees to join, the expectation is that you will play on a team if you attend. Also that you have played golf before, and for my age cohort and older, it is a male dominated sport. (There were only male golf teams at my high school.) Key clients are invited to the golf event, and the people on their teams get however long it takes to play a round of one-on-one time with the client. That one-on-one time enhances career development.
Also: I once asked an exec what I could do for career development. His response? Learn to play golf.
Anon says
So why don’t you learn to play golf? I’m not trying to be snarky, but my understanding is it’s not something you have to learn as a child and you can become pretty good at it even if you learn later in life. Fwiw, my (overwhelmingly white, ritzy suburb) Midwestern high school had a woman’s golf team in the 1990s and we also did it in PE. Hated it then, still hate, but don’t think it’s sexist to have it as an activity although I agree with the statement that more men than women enjoy it.
So Anon says
Because I find golf inherently boring and a waste of time. With my very limited free time (single parent), this is not something I have any interest in pursuing.
Anon says
Understandable, but that’s a choice you’re making. You’re not inherently less able to play golf than a man, and I think it’s kind of a leap to say an activity is sexist just because you don’t do it and have no interest in learning. I don’t drink alcohol and that’s definitely hurt my career development at certain points, but I would never say that drinking with colleagues is sexist.
Anon Lawyer says
Except that one group of people is generally more likely to have learned at a young age and not have to take it up as a busy professional adult than other groups. Which you yourself note by mentioning that your suburb was white and ritzy.
Anon says
@Anon Lawyer but white and ritzy doesn’t have anything to do with sexism. I said golf was classist.
Anon Lawyer says
The golf issue is not because one sex is inherently wired to like golf more, come on. It’s because it’s an expensive past-time that historically rich and upper middle class white guys were taught to play by their fathers and everyone else was actively excluded from. So using it as a networking event ends up being exclusionary.
Anonymous says
This. And the assumption that a woman wouldn’t be interested in golfing that is sexist. And the behaviors that go on during the round within the foursome. I cannot drink a beer every 2 holes and still golf / converse with clients or really anyone.
Ifiknew says
Wow this chain is awfully negative. So excited for you OP!!
Anonymous says
Sigh. It’s just a gentle reminder to try not to gender stereotype and a whole bunch of very defensive people doubling down.
OP says
Thank you IfIknew!!! And yes, I have regrets. But not about the baby!
Anon says
Congrats! I have three boys and was also “a little disappointed” – I always assumed I’d have three girls :) Totally normal to have all sorts of feelings. I hope to have four kids someday, too, and love hearing about other bigger families. So exciting!!
OP says
Thank you! I will try to keep you updated on the whole four kids two parents with full time jobs thing!
Three boys sounds super fun. They are going to have such fun memories of growing up together!
anon says
This whole thread is weird. Can’t we just congratulate the OP for the new family addition? Geez, rough crowd today.
anon says
My five year old niece just tested positive for covid. UGH. Please tell me it’s going to be okay. Do you know of any kids who had covid? Are they okay now?
Anonymous says
One of my daughter’s preK classmates had it. He had no symptoms. They only tested him becuase a family member had it, so his parents decided to test everyone else in the family. All is good. I’m sure your niece will be fine, as will her family. Think good thoughts!
OP says
thanks! my sister and her husband both had the first dose of the vaccine which makes me feel a lot better, but I am still worried about them all of course.
Anonymous says
Of course it will be ok! Yes. Lots and lots of them.
Anon says
Several – all were fine, most were asymptomatic. I know it’s scary, but she will be ok!
Pogo says
Yes, I know neighbors whose 5 and 8 yo both had it. Slight fever and nothing else, they’re fine! Nephew (10) also had it and same story.
Anonymous says
It will be ok! I know one child who was hospitalized for covid, and she made a full recovery within a week or two. All the other kids I know who had it had no symptoms at all or mild symptoms and were fine after a couple days of rest, no worse than a bad cold.
Lyssa says
My hairdresser’s kids (5 and 7, I think) had it over the summer (as did she and her husband). They were had a fever and headache for about a day, then were fine. (Hairdresser went on and on that she, despite being a worrywart mom, would not have even thought of taking them to the doctor with those symptoms had it not been for Covid.) My brother and his wife had it around Thanksgiving, and the kids (8, 8, and 10) were never sick – they didn’t get tested, but I’d be surprised if they didn’t get it and just have no symptoms. My boss’s son (late teens) had it and just had mild cold symptoms.
It’s really, really unusual for kids to get seriously ill from this.
Cb says
The SHUbox kids all had it and were totally fine.
Nonny says
Yes, my 4 year old and 9 month old had it. The 4 year old had a low grade fever and uncharacteristically went to bed with no fuss for a few nights. To the best of my knowledge, they are fine now. If you want to be most helpful, order them dinner/drop by kid friendly food. We had mild cases but were still exhausted from over two weeks and caring for two kids in quarantine was a lot.
Anonymous says
yes! there have been several kids in our elem and daycare that have tested positive. they are all just fine. Parents that caught it (or gave it to them) were far harder hit than the kids, who just had anything from nothing to sniffles to nasty headcolds- nothing more.
Leatty says
Is it possible to combo feed during the week and BF full-time on the weekends? I’m so tired of pumping during the workweek, but I love the ease of nursing on the weekends.
Anon says
I think it depends on how your body reacts to dropping pumping sessions, but this is what I did, beginning when my daughter was around 7 months old. I hated pumping so we switched to formula during the workday, but I never used formula when we were together and would nurse her constantly on weekends and evenings. She didn’t fully wean until she was 18 months although of course b-milk wasn’t her primary food source for a long time before that.
anon says
try it and see! I found that at first I had to pump once during the day to maintain a steady enough supply that I wasn’t sore/clogged during the week or leaving the baby too hungry on the weekend, but as the baby got older I just had to pump once on Monday (to ease the increase in supply from nursing more over the weekend) and on Friday (to signal that I would want more milk for the weekend). And eventually I stopped pumping at all and just nursed when I + kid felt like it, but that was probably after 12 months.
anon says
Other people may have a different experience to share, but I’ve breastfed two kids and for me this would not have worked — if you’re down to two (or however many) feeds per day for 5 days a week, you can probably expect that your supply will quickly regulate to provide only that same amount of milk during the weekends as well. That was my experience.
Anon says
I’m the Anon above who did this successfully and I agree you can’t do two short feeds on weekdays and expect to be doing six feeds on weekends or whatever. I fed pretty much constantly on weekday evenings, so it was maybe four long feeds on weekdays and I was able to stretch that into six shorter feeds on weekends, or whatever. I don’t remember the exact numbers, but I do think the total amount of time spent nursing wasn’t that different across different days because I spent weekday evenings with a kid basically attached to my b00b – more for my own comfort than anything else, since I was very full after not pumping all day. My kid was also 7 months when we started and we did more solids on weekends (mostly because we were too lazy for weeknight solids) which I’m sure helped. I would have been fine supplementing with formula on weekends too, although it was never necessary.
Anonymous says
If you’re willing to combo feed on the weekends if it doesn’t work, give it a try. FWIW, for me formula-feeding was far more convenient than feeding pumped milk or BF’ing. Even if you’re comfortable nursing in public, most people still have to stop what they’re doing and sit down to nurse. With formula, you can just hand baby a sippy and go about your business. I kept a sippy of water and a single-serve packet of formula in the diaper bag.
Anon. says
It worked for me with my first, but with my second I had to supplement on weekends with an extra bottle of formula. So… Yes, it is definitely possible but not guaranteed.
Pogo says
Ugh I’m with you. I missed one pumping session last week though which led to a clog and mastitis, so I’m going to hold off on this dream for now. It’s just too busy with work right now to be messing around with my pumping schedule. With my first I did this successfully around 10 months but I did use formula on the weekends. I have no problem actually fitting the pumping in since we’re remote, it’s just a PITA. I also hate dealing with bottles but that would be an issue with formula as well (no pump parts though).
I do recall in my particular case it took me a solid month to wean myself off pumping at work (2 sessions, to 1 session, to zero sessions, decreasing the time little by little) but it was summer and not my busy season. I may wait and try this method again in June. I produce a lot of milk though (pump 16+ oz a day) and am prone to clogs – as others suggest you could give it a try and see!
Anonymous says
Based on my experience if you nurse morning, pump at lunch, nurse evening, then you can maintain supply pretty well. Pumping once a day while I ate lunch was way more sustainable for me than pumping 2-3 times a day.
Once I switched to just morning and before bed nursing at one year, my supply slowly dropped off and baby weaned about 4 months later (which I was a bit sad about but not enough to want to try and add back in pumping to maintain supply).
Katala says
I tried to do this, and it worked fine with my first but he was almost a year at that point and eating solids fairly well. It only sort of worked with my second. Once he was on formula during the week he fairly quickly lost interest in nursing at all. He’d rather chug a bottle and get back to the action than nurse and not be able to see what was going on. I also worked past bedtime fairly often, so I was not nursing solidly during weekday evenings. You never know until you try, and despite weaning before I had planned, it was still worth not having to pump at work and worry about my supply.
Pogo says
This is my concern. My first was over nursing once he was a year and getting most of his calories from food. I so wanted to keep doing am/pm, but he was just too busy! Being a toddler is more exciting than snuggling momma. I could see my second weaning himself as well if I introduced bottles on the weekend, and I do really enjoy the snuggles and quiet time.
Katala says
For me, it was definitely harder with little brother who just wanted to see what big brother was up to all the time. It was hard to realize the snuggles were done. He’s 4 now and loves to snuggle with a book, which is obviously different, but the snuggles weren’t gone forever!
GCA says
Depends! I kind of did this when kid 1 was almost a year (nursed till 18mo) and when kid 2 was 9 or 10 months (nursed till age 2). I pumped once during the workday and then later on, not at all. It was doable, IME, but my kids were older, solids were well established, and oversupply (leading to clogs/ mastitis) was not an issue.
Preganon says
I’m freaking out a bit bc I just had my 12 week appt and my bp was high (136/90). This is #3 and I never had an issue with my previous pregnancies… my midwife suggested monitoring at home to see if it’s a fluke, but I’m really concerned. (And of course googling is not helping!) Anyone have a similar experience?
Anon says
My BP spiked at the end of my pregnancies, ended up being induced at 37 weeks. That’s a bit different than your experience. This time I’m following the Brewer Diet, might be worth checking out. Good luck!
Anon says
(a) that is not very high…could easily be a blip
(b) some pregnant women get hypertension in pregnancy but it is not and it does not turn into preeclampsia / can be treated
(c) it is uncommon to have preeclampsia in subsequent pregnancies when you didn’t in your earlier pregnancies
(d) did your midwife mention starting baby aspirin? You may want to ask about that if your bp stays slightly elevated. there is research it can be preventitive of preeclampsia.
Signed, survivor of severe preeclampsia/HELLP.
OP says
Thank you for this response! It’s reassuring. Right now, they just want me to monitor but if isn’t a blip, I will risk out of their practice, so I think that’s part of what’s freaking me out. I will definitely ask about the baby aspirin.
Anon Lawyer says
Oh, that would concern me about the practice, to be honest – not because it suggests anything about their competence, but because if a borderline high blood pressure reading could risk you out, you’re going to be worried about some tiny thing coming up for the entire rest of your pregnancy and having to switch late in the day.
Anonymous says
That’s not very high
Pogo says
+1 I had a reading like this once and the nurse had me do some deep breaths, try to relax, and it went down. At the next appointment, I made a conscious effort to zen out before she took my bp and it never spiked again. I did monitor it at home for the second tri but that’s because covid hit and the hopsital didn’t want us coming in for ‘non-essential appts’ (which is what a lot of prenatal appointments are, it turns out, if you aren’t high-risk).
OP says
Thanks for this! She did retake it, but it was exactly the same. Of course I was also already worrying about it… Hoping it’s just a blip.
AnonATL says
Agree with others, that doesn’t sound super high. I would monitor at home. I think you are supposed to call if it’s like 145/90+ or something around there. The nurse/midwife could tell you what a danger zone is. Watch out for headaches and general racing pulse type feeling.
The first half of my pregnancy my blood pressure was elevated, I think primarily from stress. Somewhere around 23 weeks, I was having crazy blood pressure issues. Basically it would spike and then plummet from the slightest bit of exercise resulting in me being extremely dizzy for about a minute. Saw a cardiologist, had some tests done, and they couldn’t find anything. It went away on its own after a couple weeks. Doctor speculates it was just the position my son was in at the time pinching something. Anyhow, my blood pressure was great from like 25 weeks on and I went into labor on my own 2 days early with a healthy baby.