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Low AMH says
I am feeling gloomy this morning. I am 39 and TTC child #2. My AMH levels just came back as low, at .78. (The normal low is 1.0.) Please send me hopeful vibes.
Anonymous says
Sorry to hear that! Not sure if you want reassurance, but it’s good news you’ve already had a live birth. You can find studies on this but women in their late 30s who’ve already had a child have a good chance of conceiving (vs nulliparous women of the same age).
TK says
So sorry you’re going through this, but there is hope: I am 42, TTC for 4 years after no issues conceiving #1 at 36, am now 15 weeks with #2. I did need some help from an RE but there have been great advances in this area in recent years. Best of luck to you.
Jeffiner says
My AMH levels were low when I was TTC #2 at 38. The board recommended the book “It Starts with the Egg.” Good luck.
oil in houston says
I can relate – my AMH came back at 0.49 at 39 y-old too, TTC2 also, and I remember crying in my car when I got the result.I now have a beautiful 7-month old (using IVF), don’t despair!
Lisette says
I am 38 and 30 weeks pregnant with my first. I had a AMH of .1 and conceived via IUI. My AMH when I had tested it a year earlier was 1.2 so I was devastated when it droppped.
Going through the fertility process made me realize how little doctors really understand about fertility.
Hang in there. The whole fertility process was completely random and maddening to me.
Also, I recommend ovavite prenatal vitamins with COQ-10. I read it starts with the egg and tried minimally to eliminate plastic from my foods/serving dishes but didn’t really do much else. It was making me crazy.
Low AMH says
OP here. Congrats to all of you who are expecting or have a baby now! These stories give me hope, and I love to hear them.
anon says
Don’t stress! 0.78 at age 39 is definitely not that low – 1 is the typical minimum number they want to see for IVF, but I know plenty of women who have gotten pregnant with lower numbers. I have a friend whose AMH came back undetectable at age 40, and she got pregnant in six months with the help of acupuncture and CoQ10. I’m 7 weeks along at 41 with #2 (thanks to IVF), but I’ve learned there are SO many ways to make a baby. Hang in there!
Anonymous says
Just venting – I came down with the flu (yes had the shot) yesterday as DH left for a 3 day work trip. Barely made it through bedtime with the kids last night. My parents came to help, but seriously what is it with partners going on trips that makes everything go to h*** in a hand basket? Has anyone taking tamiflu? I’m nervous the side effects (nausea) will just make me feel worse
Audrey III says
Feel better! I took Tamiflu two years ago when in a similar situation — got flu shot but still got flu. I went from “feeling like I got hit by a truck” to relatively normal in just a day or two. No nausea.
anne-on says
TAKE THE TAMIFLU! Seriously. It is the best. We had the flu 3 times last year (yes, we are that lucky and we did all get the shot). I wasn’t able to get Tamiflu in London when I had it there solo. It was a night to day experience having taken the tamiflu vs. not. With it, I was woozy and out of it for a day or so and then mostly able to function. Without it I was a mess for a solid 6 days. If you do have some nausea just pick up some chewable bonine (less drowsy than dramamine, and I find it works better anyway).
Cb says
Oh no! Take the Tamiflu. My son always gets sent home from nursery whilst I’m travelling. It’s terrible timing.
Anonymous says
I am terribly susceptible to nausea and didn’t have an issue with Tamiflu. If it does make you nauseated, you may be able to call the doctor’s office and get them to prescribe Zofran.
Jeffiner says
Maybe Zofran is the trick. Tamiflu made me feel so much worse than the regular flu. As expensive as it was, I threw out the Tamiflu after only one dose.
Anonymous says
Another perspective: my daughter and i both got the flu this year. My family of 5 all got the flu shot but she picked it up at school and I caught it. We both got what I’d call a “mild” case: it was bad (she had it worse), but the worst was over in 48 hours and the next 4-6 days were just tiresome, not sick. She got it on a Friday and was miserable, feverish, sweaty, vomiting etc. all weekend but was back in school on Monday having been fever free for 24 hours (I cleared it with the nurse). She went to school Monday-Weds, stayed home to rest Thursday, then was back in school Friday. She resumed activities the next week.
I crawled into bed and didn’t come out from late Saturday night until Monday night. Tamiflu wouldn’t have helped, nor would the trip to get the Rx. For us, it was better to just sleep it off. HOWEVER, if it had been full blown flu (4+ days of symptoms) that would be entirely different.
Anon says
How do you know Tamiflu wouldn’t have helped? What a silly thing to say. You had a relatively mild case, sure, but there’s no reason it wouldn’t have been even milder if you’d had Tamiflu.
anonn says
Tamiflu has to be taken within 48 hours of your first symptoms to be effective. Maybe that’s what she meant? But, I’m not sure how she would know it wouldn’t have helped, unless it wasn’t actually the flu…
To OP, if it’s been more than 48 hours its maybe not worth it, especially given the cost/side effects. But, your doc may want to give it to your kids as a preventative.
Anonymous says
+1 Tamiflu might still have been helpful. I got prophylactic Tamiflu when my husband (a teacher, so he gets the flu pretty much every year despite getting the shot) got the flu while I was pregnant. I had one day of sneezing and then one day of coughing – no fever, no feeling terrible, no loss of energy. It seemed like an extremely mild cold, and I never would have known I had the flu if I hadn’t happened to be at the doctor for my weekly pregnancy appointment and gotten a nose swab, which was positive for influenza. Tamiflu is a miracle drug. Oh, and I had no side effects, but I’m not prone to nausea in general (I also had no pregnancy nausea).
Anonymous says
Ugh, I’m sorry. My husband was out of town last week and I started feeling unwell on Wednesday. It’s still lingering, it’s just so hard to rest when you’re solo parenting! I’m glad your parents are helping out. Hope you feel better soon!
ElisaR says
that stinks, i’m so sorry! my son had it last week. we all had flu shots so i’m hoping that made it less severe for him. His pediatrician does not do tamiflu for kids. I had the flu last year and my doc at the urgent care said she would prescribe it if i wanted it but she didn’t recommend it and she wouldn’t take it if it was for herself. She said she had a patient with some pretty severe hallucinations when they took it (which is listed as a possible side effect) and that was enough to make her not recommend it to others. I did not wind up taking it.
Anon says
We have VERY limited daycare options in our area, and have been happy with our center. It is head and shoulders above the competition in terms of quality of curriculum, safety and security, menu planning, etc. DS has been cared for with kindness and respect, and he seems to enjoy himself. However, I have one little nagging worry and I’m not sure if I’m worrying about nothing. DS graduated to a new class at daycare at the end of December, along with several other little ones. Daycare has an app that the teachers use to check in with the parents throughout the day, and they often send pictures of the children through the app. However, at least half the time, the pictures they send aren’t of DS at all- they’re group shots that he’s not in or solo shots of another certain little boy. Honestly, I mostly find it funny, but on the other hand, I do find it a little bothersome that more than a month after joining this new class, the teachers are obviously confusing DS with another child. It makes me wonder how “personal” the care is in this new class, and also question the accuracy of the information we are getting about his day-to-day activities through the app. Probably worth mentioning that DS and the other boy are the same race, which is not the same race as the teachers or most of their classmates. However, other than being the same race, age, and gender, I don’t think they look very much alike, especially to someone who cares for them every day. Am I way off base here? Would you address this, and if so, how?
Cb says
Oh awkward! I’d just call it out in a casual way: “Oops, it looks like this information was meant for someone else? This has happened a few times, perhaps there is a bug in the system?”
If it makes you feel better, I did pick-up the other day and went and stood next to my son at nursery, waiting for him to notice me. He looked up when his teachers started laughing and I realized that it was not my kid!
Anonymous says
I would ask the teachers (or whomever posts the pictures to the app). “hey, i keep getting pictures of [other kid] in [your kid’s] folder. Is that normal?” I am assuming your kid is in a class of, like, 10-15 kids with 2 teachers, so if that doesn’t address it quickly, I’d talk to the director. Nothing confrontational, just what you said here: I keep getting pics of the wrong kid and it’s making me concerned that the teachers don’t know who my kid is.
Jessamyn says
Eesh. This sucks. Definitely address it. You’re not overreacting.
DLC says
When my daughter was in daycare, the teachers constantly got her mixed up with the other half Asian girl in class. They would even often call me as “other girl”‘s mom, and at pick up once or twice they got the wrong kid ready to go. We chose to find it funny, and not read any kind of microagression into it- the teachers are doing so much for our kids, and, to be honest, from a distance even I couldn’t always tell the two apart. We would definitely correct them, though, and they were always apologetic and a little abashed. I wonder if it isn’t that your providers are mixing up the kids, but rather the parents? Like they know this kid is “John” and the other kid is “James”but they have a hard time remembering which parent belongs to which kid. I feel like you can/ should casually correct them next time it comes up- “Hey, we got sent a picture of James instead of John the other day.” And I would mention it in person rather than an email- an email might read hostile and offended and it doesn’t sound as if you are there yet. I’m sure they would want to know and the longer you leave it, the more awkward it will be.
rosie says
I would definitely say something if these are pictures they are sending just to you (versus posting in the app for all the parents to see). That’s weird.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I agree on bringing it up in person vs. email at first. This does sound like they might be mixing up the kids but hopefully should be resolved once you address it once. I’m honestly amazed at teachers who have to keep track of everyone’s names, especially daycare when kids switch classes a lot. Not to justify this, but just to give them some benefit of a doubt.
ElisaR says
i had a similar experience. I chalked it up to “oh the new teacher is focused on teaching the kids not taking pictures to send mom” because I really got good vibes from this teacher. I think it’s just a result of a different person doing the digital communications (perhaps a less social-media focused one who is like “eh here’s a pic of the class since I have to send something”). I really think the important thing is not the pictures they send and the teachers being focused and PRESENT for the kids. (sending pictures may distract one from being present)
rosie says
But it’s not that they’re not taking pictures (which I agree wouldn’t be a huge problem & I wouldn’t ask the teacher to take more pictures of my kid), it’s that they think they are sending OP pictures of her kid but it’s a different kid.
Anonymous says
The issue isn’t that she isn’t getting photos, it’s that she’s consistently getting photos of the wrong kid – and that kid and her kid share a minority race. This is not a teacher who is super present with the class and not using the iPad. This is a (presumably white) teacher who can’t tell the two Asian (or whatever other racial minority) kids apart, and that’s very uncool.
I volunteer with kids so I know it takes time to learn all the names, and mix-ups happen. But personally I’m way more likely to mix up a Trevor and a Tevan (because the names are so similar) or to mix up two blond girls who could be sisters and both wear head-to-toe pink, than to mix up the only two Black kids in the class who don’t resemble each other other than being Black. That’s some pretty strong racial bias as would be very concerning to me as a parent.
Anonymous says
Just call and tell them.
Anonymous says
Oof. I didn’t think it was that big a deal until I got to the race part. That is mega cringey. Agree with raising it in person.
Anonymous says
Same, and as a white person, I am sure I can’t totally relate to how you feel about this, but it’s still cringey.
Trying to give the center the benefit of the doubt, I wonder if the software they use has facial recognition that is sorting the pictures by kid? The algorithms for that are well known to not work as well on non-white faces, so it may not be the teachers’ fault.
Anonymous says
Not OP but that’s super creepy! I would hope they’re not using facial recognition software (which is known to have major privacy risks) without telling people.
Anon says
Yes, I would call the teachers out on sending pictures of the wrong child to you. If it doesn’t get better soon, I’d definitely speak to the director. I’d be concerned that they aren’t interacting with my child and at the very least looking at my child. I’d also make a point of interacting with teachers as best you can during drop off and pick up so they know who you are.
Anon says
Yeah, I agree that you should mention it, since having teachers able to distinguish their kids is a completely legit desire. I have identical twins who are a different race from their daycare teachers. We’re a few months into their new classroom and I’m pretty sure their teachers still can’t tell them apart by their faces, but they rely on shoes and personality and can give us accurate descriptions of Twin A did this today and Twin B did this.
Anon says
How you want to frame the conversation is up to to you. Personally, I might take the angle of showing concern for receiving photos of another child (kid’s digital privacy at the center of your concern). But, if you want to hit the possible race thing on the head/lack of teachers distinguishing between two kids, by all means have at it. It feels really icky. I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
BabyBoom says
I would point it out and start from the assumption that it is an honest mistake. Something similar happened at our preschool with a teacher that has sat for us on weekends! I knew she knew me, and our kid. Turns out the app they use shows the email address for parents without the name attached. So if you have an email that is not your name (like me), it is easy to screw up. There could be some other little quirk that makes something like this happen.
If you have had a great experience with the school, I would approach them and say this is a mix-up, what can we do to fix it. Hopefully they will address it, apologize, and do better. If you don’t like how they respond to that, then I think you may have more to worry about. I agree the racial aspect is troubling, and what they did is not appropriate. However, I would prefer to start from assuming good intentions, then escalate should the school demonstrate otherwise.
Anonanonanon says
I would definitely pull aside one of the teachers and say “Hey so this is awkward, but someone keeps sending me solo photos of (other kid) through the app. I’m not sure if they’re confusing the kids or just confusing us parents, but I wanted to bring it up so they can sort it out. As you can imagine, it’s always a surpise to open the app at work and see someone else’s kid staring back! (insert laugh here)”
ALC says
How much food (besides milk) was your baby eating at 7 months? We generally do between 1/8 and 1/4th cup of cereal at breakfast, then a jar of baby food at lunch. Should we up this? Our ped said we could do “up to” three meals a day, but we don’t have a ton of time at night between coming home from daycare and getting ready for bed to fit in dinner (he gets a bottle).
Anon says
Mine was only eating solids once a day at that age. This sounds like plenty of food to me.
Anonymous says
At 7 months, mine ate three servings of cereal, three jars of purees, and a baby yogurt, plus a quart of milk and formula combined. She was very mobile and burned a ton of calories crawling around all day at day care.
Anon says
Barely any. Breast milk and formula are more calorically dense and should remain the primary source of nutrition; at 7 months they are just learning what food feels and tastes like. My second kid didn’t have any interest until 9 months (when we realized he hates purées and went straight to table food). There is no need for three meals a day at that age, unless you and s/he want to do that.
Anonymous says
So, it bothers me when people push too hard on how food before 1 isn’t really necessary. Maybe not for some kids, but definitely so for others. Both of mine were drinking at least 32 oz of formula if not more at that age and were still very interested in eating tons and tons of food. For them, it was better to add food than up the formula even more. I think you don’t need to WORRY if your kid isn’t very interested in food at this age, but that’s very different from blanket statements that there’s no need for x meals at x age across the board.
Anonymous says
+ 1 million.
Anon says
I get that, but I stated to do more if she or her son wanted to – clearly you and your baby wanted to. Unless there is a an issue you want to address – poor sleep, poor weight gain, hungry baby – then there is absolutely no need to stress yourself out to make dinner for a 7 month old. I do think food before 1 is necessary, but her son has many months to go before he turns 1.
anon says
same. “food before 1 is just for fun” i think the saying goes. we offered, but she really was just playing and didn’t care to much until closer to 1. Also, our daughter had no teeth at that age, nursed a lot, and was gaining weight just fine.
Anon says
None. She didn’t take to solids until 8 months. Now eats totally normally (for a toddler anyway, veggies are not her friends).
Anonymous says
Kid 1 was eating 2 meals a day at that age and kid 2 probably got 3. We just gave them however much they wanted so I’m not sure it was a consistent amount each day. I know for kid 1, who liked purées more, we would sent 3-4 ice cube tray cubes worth of puréed food for one meal at about that age. Kid 2’sdatcare provided food and at hone he mostly just wanted bananas at that age so it’s harder to recall!
Anonymous says
That sounds normal to me, I just asked our pediatrician at the 6 month visit and she said whatever works for our schedule and how much he wants. She did say 3 times a day by 9 months, but all kids are different. Our guy likes solids but I know bmilk is more nutritionally dense so we just do dinner right now (started solids at 5 months).
Anonymous says
My 20 month old is overweight. Our ped isn’t actively concerned, but did gently mention her high BMI at her 18 month visit, and that we should keep an eye on it. She’s my 3rd. My first weighed the exact same at this age, but was taller. My second, who was the same height as my third, weighed about 6 lbs less! Second also has a BMI of <20 and always has and is a picky eater. It feels crazy to be concerned about weight this early on, but my youngest is just built with the appetite/intake of my oldest, but the height of my middle.*
The issue is that my 3rd LOVES food and always wants to eat what her siblings are eating. She eats everything in front of her, then if we aren't careful, sneaks over to her siblings' plates and eats that, too. We joke that she's like the family dog, begging for scraps at the table–but it's not really funny. My oldest is 7 and is extremely active, so eats for fuel and eats a LOT. My second we basically have to jam in every possible calorie so she doesn't fall over when the wind blows ;).
My strategy so far is to give her lots of quantity of less calorie-dense food, like fruits and veggies, since she seems to be all about quantity/volume (she will eat whatever is in front of her), and things that take time to eat (like cereal vs pancakes for breakfast) since she seems to enjoy the social/act of eating itself. We've also taken to wrapping up dinner and then DH taking youngest out of the room to start bath while the older kids have seconds/dessert. Special Daddy Time is a treat and just takes food out of the equation. Same at breakfast- the kids wake up at different times, so we try and stagger breakfast in a way that means Youngest can have yogurt or eggs or whatever while Oldest has cereal and Middle has 4 pancakes.
If she were my only kiddo, this would be so much easier. But it's really hard with older kids in the house, especially ones that need to eat MORE, not LESS.
I think another angle is that she is not yet 2, so she isn't as active as the other kids are. She's also the 3rd so she's not as active as my oldest was at that age because we tend to schlep her around to the older kids' activities. But she runs around outside and inside with them, she gets in the pool withe the family (but can't swim yet so just sorta floats around in her puddle jumper or bubble) and as she gets a bit older we will continue to encourage her to be active.
*I know she's not even two, but it's pretty clear from all 3 kids' growth charts that they are in their "steady state" percentiles: my oldest is in the 90th for height, middle and youngest are 50th. All 3 have been in those exact percentiles since 3 months old.
Nan says
I am in a similar situation with a toddler and I really like the Feeding Littles site. Basically, they focus on preventing the issues with food that can develop if toddlers feel like they are being restricted or not allowed to eat certain foods. It’s completely changed my approach and outlook.
shortperson says
sounds like you are doing the right things, although maybe focusing on this too much. i would try to think about it less other than emphasizing healthy rules/attitudes about food. i recommend reading “how to get your kids to eat, but not too much”
FVNC says
I think the advice above is perfect, and I just wanted to comment to validate your concerns. Food issues, on either end of the spectrum (I have a kid that makes herself vomit if she eats a veggie) are so hard.
A very good friend of mine has a daughter who sounds very similar to yours. My friend’s daughter is six now, and I think ages 2 and 3 were hardest for them — kid didn’t understand why she couldn’t eat, say, an entire cheese platter at a super bowl party, and it led to constant power struggles and meltdowns when food was involved. But as she has gotten older, she’s able to understand more about appropriate portion sizes, is more active, and has more impulse control. All that to say, it sounds like you’re doing a great job and while it may be difficult at times, your kids are so fortunate to have someone who understands their individuals needs as well as it sounds like you do!
Anonymous says
I have a theory that some people’s “I’m full” signals just aren’t that strong. I have a friend who says that if she likes a food, she will just keep eating and eating until it’s gone even if she knows she’s full. If I did that, I’d vomit, but for her the discomfort of being overly full just isn’t that great. Similarly, my husband will eat everything that’s in front of him no matter what. An older kid or adult can learn about appropriate portion sizes, but that kind of logic won’t work on a toddler.
OP, it doesn’t sound as if your toddler is hungry, she just wants to keep enjoying her food. I think your strategies for removing her from situations where excess food is available are great. You might also consider asking the pediatrician about possible medical causes for this eating pattern.
Io says
Going off of the portion size, would very tiny divided plates work? Your plan could be to fill it up two or three times, but just to slow here down? Sometimes it takes longer to feel those”full” signals.
Anonymous says
I agree and, in fact, there was an article about that recently in the NYT. It was about people whose bodies don’t signal hunger but the reverse is true too. I was sent it because my son (26th percentile for weight) does not appear to know he is hungry and this helped make me feel better.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/18/health/genetics-weight-obesity.html
Anonymous says
I feel you! My second is *enormous* and I’m actually nervous about his 18 month appointment. He’s also a little bit picky and while he will definitely eat some veggies, he won’t fill up on them like my first would. If he’s telling me “hungry!!” I’m not going to not give him more food, but we try to keep seconds of things like bread and cheese out of sight so he’s not screaming for more cheese and to offer fruit if he’s still hungry at the end of the meal. I really think all you can do is offer healthy food (we do include him in family treats occasionally now, but it’s like once a week) and offer a lot of active time. Seriously both kids are off the charts of height and while my older was 90th percentile weight this one is at least 5 lb heavier!
Ashley says
I highly highly recommend following Feeding Littles and Kids Eat in Color on instagram. They both often have posts about how to talk to kids about food. FWIW I think there is too much emphasis on BMI in toddlers. If they are staying on their curve, I don’t think it’s fair to call a toddler “overweight.” I try really hard to focus on teaching good eating habits and not worry about it any further than that.
momindc says
I’ve come to the realization that making it to a neighborhood prenatal Pilates/ yoga class isn’t going to happen with two little ones already at home.
Does anyone have recs for online prenatal classes they particularly enjoyed? Not looking for a hard workout or a super easy flow; mostly things that target areas helpful in labor
Anon says
I like Riki Jones yoga on Amazon Prime. They’re short (20 min) which is about what I can realistically fit in.
layered bob says
I loved One Strong Mama, I think on the recommendation of this board.
Anonymous says
I do Barre3 and have noticed they have a number of workouts that are targeted as prenatal, although I think a number of their moves would work
ElisaR says
yogaworks has online prenatal (and postnatal!) classes that i used and had good experiences with.
K. says
One Strong Mama is amazing!
Anonymous says
On YouTube, Alo Yoga, Sarah Beth yoga, and Jessica Valant pilates. I think the most helpful thing was yoga squats, sometimes sitting on a block was nice. I couldn’t really do pilates beyond the first trimester due to coning.
you have to wear pants, this is society says
We’re in a weird predicament: our daughter, who will be four in April, is fully trained for #1 and is trained for #2… as long as she is completely naked on the bottom. She was a little traumatized by some earlier constipation that necessitated an enema, but a few months of miralax has made it so she isn’t scared any more and she goes 2-4 times per day now. But if we put her in a pull-up or undies, or even just pants with no undies, she’ll poop in them rather than going to the potty. She doesn’t seem to have any trouble taking pants/undies on or off– she dresses herself fine in the mornings. And it doesn’t seem to matter whether we are home or out– she uses public potties to pee in (though she admittedly does not like the “surprise” potties that have automatic flush). I did hammer in that we could NOT poop in the pool at swim lessons, and one time she did use that public toilet to poop even though she had a swim diaper and swim suit on… She’s always sad and acts really ashamed when she does go in her pull-up/underwear, and she accepts that we have to leave the playplace or whatever as a consequence. But we are at about 0% success when we’re wearing pants and 100% when she’s wearing nothing on the bottom. I’m just missing that intermediate step to success!
Anonymous says
Bribery?
Anonymous says
And routine. Like, never naked on the bottom. Always pants and undies. We sit on the potty and try to poop at these times etc.
OP says
She gets 10 chocolate chips for pooping in the potty and is on top of asking for them afterwards– we had to break out the bribes to get her to go in the potty at all, and we haven’t scaled back on them yet. I wonder if she does know, though, that we don’t carry them with us when we’re out? Maybe if we make a big show of taking them with us she’ll remember during errands.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Is it that she doesn’t want to poop in public or that she forgets? Our older one hardly ever goes #2 in public, usually saves that for home. If she’s forgetting or not realizing what the sensation in her body is, maybe prompting to go to the toilet more often will help? What does she do at daycare/other provider?
Anonymous says
I don’t think she ever poops at day care (she only goes 7:30-11:30). Public/home doesn’t seem to matter… if she is wearing pull-ups/undies at home, she’ll go in them instead of in the potty even when it’s right there. Usually she goes to hide first– coat closet, room with the door closed, etc. But she’ll always go pee in the potty, even if she’s playing something fun. And if she’s naked, she’ll poop in the potty every time. If we’re out, she’ll ask to use the potty at the store to pee and can hold it until we find one. I obviously haven’t tried being naked outside the house, though it is getting TEMPTING. I’m about to just cut the back out of a pair of undies and see if it’s the sensation of straps/undies that is interfering?
Anonymous says
Can you ask day care to make sitting on the potty part of her routine?
Anonymous says
Sounds like she doesn’t like to poop in the potty for whatever reason, so whenever an alternative is available she’ll take it. I don’t think the sensation of underwear is “interfering” except that it provides a place for her to go that isn’t the potty.
anne-on says
Do you make her clean up the mess? It sounds like she totally understands WHEN she needs to go and what to do, but that she simply doesn’t want to/doesn’t like to. Putting some of the ‘pain’ of the clean up on her might be enough to break her of the habit. There are blogs that discuss this approach, very calm/no shaming/no nonsense ‘you pooped in your underpants, that’s not where we poop, so now you need to clean it up. Dirty undies go in the wash, and here are some gloves and paper towels to clean up your mess’ (you of course may need to properly clean up behind her). Having to stop playing or whatever and participate in active clean up may hopefully make the toilet more appealing!
I’m sorry, this is really annoying to deal with I’m sure.
OP says
She, ironically, LOVES doing laundry. When it’s a small enough mess we’ve had her laundry it but it’s seemed like a treat so that kind of backfired. But 90% of the time it’s so bad we have to throw away the underwear– she’s literally on an adult-sized, full-cap daily dose of miralax and weighs 27 lbs. Those poop piles are not salvageable. I thought she would be sad about throwing away the undies, but she doesn’t care, so we don’t let her wear them now.
We tried briefly using cloth diaper liners inside undies so the undies wouldn’t have to be thrown out, but those don’t stay in place well. We send her in pull-ups to day care but she always comes home in the same one she went in– she is not pooping there ever, from what I can tell, and she doesn’t have pee accidents there either.
DLC says
Can you try having her wear a dress with nothing underneath? Or really loose pants? I remember the O crap book talking about how pants and underwear feel like diapers because they keep the poop tight to the body. (Though my kid is 3 and no where near interested in potty training so I am definitely not an expert on this.)
Anonymous says
Going commando in a dress does not seem like a good plan for an active preschooler who is running and playing. If nothing else, I’m pretty sure daycare/school would have some hygiene concerns. It also seems like a great way to get a UTI.
OP says
We’ll keep sending her to day care in pull-ups/pants because we live in the midwest and she never has any poop accidents there, but maybe a maxi dress would work for the house! At least I wouldn’t have to look at her v*gina all friggin afternoon. I don’t know if we have any… toddler palazzo pants? Maybe poshmark…
rosie says
I feel like H&M may have more palazzo style toddler pants? Or even would joggers be better than more fitted pants? I’d look at Target (Cat & Jack) for joggers as well as H&M.
Anonanonanon says
No advice on this one but do want to reassure you that, as a parent of an older child, this WILL be hilarious one day!
OP says
Thanks– it’s already a little hilarious, because she… does not sit like a lady. It is like x-rated winnie the pooh at our house right now and has been for three weeks!! We were so excited to finally get to the stage where she wasn’t scared of the potty and now this part has us STUMPED.
Pumping at work says
Looking for advice on pumping at work. I have my own private office but will not have a fridge In my office (communal fridge is close by though). Was planning on bringing my pump everyday in a tote bag and keeping the parts and bottles in a insulated bag in the common fridge between pumping sessions. Would appreciate any advice or suggestions on managing all this equipment!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I kept my pump at work in our mother’s room so definitely leave that in your office, unless you have some concerns about safety? I kept the parts in the fridge between pumps as well, and brought the bottles and flanges home every night to wash, with new ones for the next day. Keep spare parts at work as well!! You do not want to accidentally forget one tiny piece and not be able to return home for it. I liked turning off my brain for the pump session so had a book or magazine nearby, but YMMV depending on work demands. Also, get a pumping bra and a sweater so you’re not totally exposed (I got cold too).
Anonymous says
That should work fine. I just used an insulated lunch bag with a plastic grocery bag or ziploc inside containing the horns. The primary purpose of the lunch bag was just to hide the contents; I didn’t worry about keeping things cool on my commute since its not such a long time. Everything else I kept in my cube.
Anon says
Biglaw here, so I threw money at the problem. I bought a second pump to leave at work (and 6 sets of pump parts – enough for two days). Milk I stored in the communal fridge in an insulated lunchbox. I used wet-dry bags to carry clean parts in and dirty parts home – I wanted 2 days’ worth of parts so that if I forgot to run the dishwasher one night I would still be OK. I used a clean set of parts for each session because of current recommendations and I didn’t have time to wash between sessions; given kiddo was a normal kid, I probably could have done parts in the fridge between sessions but that was a lot of fridge space and cold parts, brr. I kept a hand pump in my car for the day I would forget parts, but I thankfully never needed it. Hands free pumping bra lived at work, and I wore either pants and tops or wrap dresses, all with a nursing bra, for the entire period I pumped.
Blueberries says
I bought a mini fridge for my office, which was totally worth it. I kept my pump parts in a gallon zip-top bag in the fridge in between pumping—less stuff to lug and fewer parts to clean.
shortperson says
i used one set of pumping parts all day without fridge storage or cleaning during the day. they just sat in a bag in my office. my two kids never got sick.
i also kept an unopened $25 medela manual pump in my office in case of an emergency. never needed it but it was comforting to know it was there. if i ran a hotel i would have these available. sigh.
Butter says
Left a pump at work in my office all week (Spectra for the win). Kept pumped milk in common fridge in little Medela insulated bag. (Looked like a small lunch tote. Pretty discrete.) Kept pump parts in wet/dry bag in fridge between sessions (not large, no one batted an eye). Brought parts home to clean 1-2x a week. No issues. Only had to bring milk bag back and forth, which really wasn’t a bit deal.
I would order extra parts to keep in your office in case of mishaps, and appreciated having a hand pump in purse/bag for emergencies.
Quail says
+1 to all of the above re second pump and back up set of parts. And I’m not one to follow the social media advertising whims, but I tried the nursing/pumping bra and tank from Kindred Bravely and I LOVE them. I wear one all day at work and love, love love not having to change into a different hands-free bra. Saves time and stress. It’s not super comfortable because there’s a lot of layers going on, so I take it off when I get home, but it’s worth the small discomfort to not have to completely disrobe all the time. I am pretty small busted so it’s plenty supportive though obviously YMMV on that point.
Anon says
That’s basically what I did. After a couple months I realized I was never using my pump except at work so I started leaving it at work M-F and only bringing it home on weekends. Some of my friends who were more committed to EBFing than I was needed their pumps at home so they could pump right before going to bed.
DLC says
I completely agree with keeping your pump at work- a hand pump at home might be sufficient for you. I also, on the suggestion of someone here store my milk in a mason jar and bring that back and forth. The pump parts and bottles I store in the fridge in a ziploc bag between pumps and at the end of the day wash and leave at work. I have a second set of pump parts at home.
Anonanonanon says
Agreeing with everyone who says to get a second pump to keep at work if you can swing it. Also agreeing with having a hand pump around just in case. The hospital gave me the medela one for free, and I kept it in my car since my car was usually wherever I was.
Katy says
I kept a full set of pump parts and a “cage” for the dishwasher at work. Would put the pump parts etc. through the dishwasher every night at work. (LO was 8 months old… no sterilization needed).
Depending on my output during the day I would take the pump home or not.
Anonymous says
I rented a second pump from the hospital. They are more powerful and bigger. Left that one at home. Left the other at work.
June says
I also had a private office, communial fridge and kitchen/bathroom were far away. I splurged on sarah wells lizzy bag and kept everything in there all day. I used the spectra with battery power and it stayed in the bag while i pumped. I stored the milk in the medela insulated bag with medela ice pack. I wiped my pump parts off with the medela wipe in between pumps (I only pumped twice a day so they just got wiped once a day).
anon says
How long did it take for you to lose the baby weight post partum for your second vs your first? I feel like the weight just slid off with the first and I was back to my pre pregnancy weight plus 5 lbs within 4 months. Now with my second, it’s not seeming so easy. I gained about the same amount with both. I guess it probably has something to do with being 41 now vs 37 but I don’t feel that different so . . . does it just take longer with the second or am I kidding myself?!
Anon2 says
No advice but commiseration. I feel like there’s a tire around my waist :(
Emily S. says
It took longer for me. More specifically, the weight came off over a similar timeline, but the body changes lasted longer. I hit the same number on the scale after 9-ish months with both pregnancies but 9 months after my first, I was wearing pre-baby size, and it wasn’t until 1 plus years after my second that I was wearing pre-baby size. 2.5 years after baby 2, I still have more of a belly (and dreaded c-shelf and old lady pooch) than I had with baby 1. Sigh. Solidarity and sorry I don’t offer much hope.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I didn’t… am up about 25lbs post my pre-first baby weight after losing the weight a lot easier the first time around. I gained 45lbs with my (huge) second and don’t make it a priority to exercise all the time now, so I’m just trying to accept it for the season I’m in. Bought some new clothes and feel pretty proud of my body for carrying and then b-feeding two kids, even if it doesn’t fit with society’s standard of ideal now.
Anonymous says
How long did it take you to conceive? I’m under 30 and TTC and the one study I can find says that 68% of people conceived within 3 months. This is really freaking me out. It seems like even though they say it’s normal to take a year, it happens for the majority of people much sooner in that timeframe.