This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Uniqlo has this line of “Disney Heroines” graphic tees that are cute. First of all, I like the language re-frame from Disney Princesses to Heroines. Very necessary. I like how some of the shirts have a ruffle around the collar and some have flutter sleeves. My personal favorite is the Little Mermaid-themed one, as it holds a special place in my heart as my favorite movie from the “Disney Renaissance.” These shirts are $9.90 and available in several sizes and designs. Disney Heroines Graphic Tees
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
AwayEmily says
Has anyone gotten a stroller board attachment for the Britax B-Agile? It seems like Britax makes ones and there are also some generic ones that are compatible. We have an 18mo and a 3yo and I was thinking it might be useful…but all the reviews are pretty awful.
Anon says
We didn’t ever get one because the reviews were so bad. Our 3 yo rode her micro mini scooter everywhere instead.
Toy sharing says
For those of you with multiple kids, what are your toy-sharing policies? Are they all communal? All they all separate? Some combination? Do they need to take turns or can one sibling use something as long as they want?
We’ve been struggling with this lately with our 2-year-old twins, because basically everything they have is communal (except for a couple special stuffed animals) since they’re at the same developmental level. One of the things we’re trying right now is letting them each have a small basket with toys that are only theirs that they’re not required to share with their sibling, but I’m not sure if that really has a point.
AwayEmily says
For us everything is communal except each kid’s lovey. If a kid wants a toy that the other one is using, they ask “can I have it when you’re done?” and then have to wait until that kid is done (as long as it takes). Taking toys is not allowed. We are very consistent with this rule and it seems to work well. It helps that this is the same rule they have at daycare (kids are 18mo and 3yo). This strategy is nice because we don’t really have to invoke the concept of “turns,” which I think is tough for little kids.
Anonymous says
If you’re going communal, I think this is a good approach. I have only been around one family where everything is communal, and, honestly, it is a raging disaster. But that could just be those kids. Turns are enforced emphatically, and I really think it has taught those kids to expect that when they ask for something, they’ll get it pretty quickly to the point that it is really just taking toys with a couple minute delay. It’s not that I don’t understand the theory, but, like I said, in practice it is just a giant disaster. It’s hard for other kids to be around them who aren’t used to having to give up toys constantly. And I get that some folks this that is the way it should be. I’m just not in that camp.
10:33 Anon says
I guess I shouldn’t say I’ve only been around one family where everything is communal. I think in most families, toys end up in the same spot and are shared. What I more mean is that I’ve only been around one family where if Kid A is playing with a toy, Kid B can request it and Kid A is required to give it up shortly thereafter pretty much no questions asked for a turn to Kid B. It is a giant mess.
Sadie says
I have a 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl, so they do mostly have distinct ownership of toys, but we enforce free sharing. If one is playing with something first, s/he gets to continue – the other can’t claim “mine” to take it away. But if the other really does want to play with the toy (and doesn’t seem to just be trying to claim dominance), we’ll enforce some taking turns – for example, first kid can play with it for 5 more minutes, then has to let the other have a turn. (If kid who wants toy acts up about that, of course, s/he loses the turn.)
It seems to work most of the time. I would think trying to enforce the baskets would take a lot more effort than it was worth – maybe just one or two special toys per kid? (I often find myself grateful for gender distinctions, since otherwise I could never remember who had which cup/toothbrush/other non-shareable thing.) I have twin nephews, and they seem to be fully communal for pretty much all of their toys.
Anonymous says
Ha, my twins view toothbrushes as shareable and every night have negotiations about who is going to use which color. We’ve decided this is not at all a battle worth fighting. :)
Sadie says
Don’t blame you a bit! I’m calling cups non-shareable, but mine definitely share drinks regularly (if we’re out or something and I don’t want them to drink a whole sugary whatever). I’m pretty sure they’ve used the same toothbrush a time or two.
Spirograph says
My kids also view toothbrushes as communal. It’s gross, but I don’t pick that battle anymore.
Same as Sadie, our toys might have “ownership,” but we enforce sharing. We’ll usually give preference to the intended recipient of a gift for the first few weeks, but after that it’s fair game for everyone. They sing the “you can have a turn, and then I’ll get it back” Daniel Tiger song to each other, and my daughter especially likes to make patterns of who gets to play with a disputed item, for how long, in what order. There are fights occasionally, but usually it works out fairly quickly. If it doesn’t, the toy goes in time out for the rest of the day. Our kids share a room, so outside of keeping the toy on their bed, my kids don’t have an easy way to store a toy in a way that marks it as theirs.
Anon says
Mine are 3 and 4 and different genders and we are pretty much communal. If it was a gift for one that kid maybe thinks of it as “theirs” but it doesn’t filter through into play. I’m less fussed about ownership and more interested in teaching sharing – they have to learn to share whether toys are communal or individual and I think the battles and lessons end up being pretty similar actually.
Anonymous says
Idkkkkkk what the point is in enforcing this? At some point they’ll make it clear what is not to be shared. Probs by yelling, hitting, and hiding.
Daysy says
Two girls 18 months apart — yes, 100% everything is communal. I mean, there’s a vague sense that A got that for her birthday or B got that for Christmas, but they can both play with the others’ toys freely, and they’re all kept mixed together in the playroom. Their “babies”/lovies are distinct, but it isn’t something I really have to enforce.
Anonymous says
Only one child so far, so I have no personal experience. My daycare reframes the conversation, telling the kids that they are the teacher’s toys but they are happy to share the toys with the kids. For some reason it makes the kids more cooperative and less possessive. I am not sure that would work in a home, but I thought it was an interesting approach.
anon says
i was actually going to ask a question about this. someone posted yesterday with a 3.5 and 1.5 year old and said all toys are communal. but what happens if one kid gets a doll or truck for their bday – shouldn’t it get to belong just to them? i dont really know how you enforce this exactly though. i also have twins, though mine are only 1 and same gender, but i have heard as they get older it is important for them to have their own stuff
OP says
Yeah, I’ve heard the same thing. Our twins are identical and regularly get mixed up by people who don’t know them very well (family and daycare teachers can tell them apart, as can a couple close friends, but no one else) so I may just be over-sensitive to trying to find ways for them to have some individuality.
Anon says
Sometimes i wish mine were identical- it’s so cute! I asked an older friend who is a twin and she said once they knew their letters, some items were labeled with the first letter of their name as a way of having ownership. And at some point giving them their own rooms
AwayEmily says
We are a “communal” family. How it works is that kids still have their own toys, but ownership doesn’t give them the right to grab it away from their sibling.
An example: my older one has a scooter. It’s obviously “hers” — she got it for her birthday, she’s the only one who’s physically able to ride it, and we refer to it as “her” scooter. The other day, the 18mo started playing with it, and then she decided she wanted to use it. But even though it’s “hers,” she still had to wait until he was done playing with it before she could use it.
Does that make more sense? I can see how the term communal could be confusing.
FTMinFL says
We converted our dining room into a play room and all toys live there so any child can play with any toy. If A wants the toy B is playing with, A can ask for it but B does not have to give it until s/he is done with it. We have carved out two exceptions to this rule: (1) kids do not have to share a toy on the day it is received. (2) Each kid has a 12″x12″x12″ bin in his/her bedroom in which s/he can keep toys that belong to her and not have to share them. These toys must be played with only in the bedroom so they don’t cause problems. This has worked well so far, but all my kids are pre-elementary school age!
Kelly says
Mine are 4 and 2 and I try not to worry about policing it. I have a pretty strict “I don’t get involved unless there’s blood” policy and they work it out for the most part. Sometimes I’ll kind of play by play narrate the situation if I’m right there, and if someone comes crying I’m give a hug but still not get involved with the toys. Sometimes they share, sometimes they steal, but in general they work it out. Unless they’re hungry. I’m a SAHM so they spend most of every day together but when we add additional kids into the mix it works too.
SC says
What are everyone’s plans this weekend?
Tonight is movie night at home. Tomorrow, one of our local art museums is having a free family day with kids’ activities. Sunday, the brand new Children’s Museum is having a preview day for members. We may not make it to both, but I’m pretty excited to see the new Children’s Museum (the previous location was pretty run down).
Anon says
Sunday is our library’s big annual family event. I think my DD is on the young side for it (18 months) but we’ll go check it out and if nothing else she’ll get a free book.
ElisaR says
Beach! Wringing out every last drop of summer…..
IHeartBacon says
YES! I posted two weeks ago in response to someone else’s post about not taking my LO to the beach yet this summer and how I was in a foul mood come Monday because I hadn’t taken my LO to the beach over the weekend. We went both days last weekend and it was wonderful! We’re going again this weekend.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My husband and I are leaving for a couple’s vacation on Sunday so we’ll be getting ready for that today and tomorrow. It’ll be nice to get away from the routines and stress for a bit. Luckily we have my parents to watch the kids.
Pogo says
Husband is away this weekend, so I’m planning a chill weekend. Trying to meet up with some other moms for a run Saturday morning, then swim lessons for toddler, visit from my parents after nap and dinner w/ the grands. On Sunday the only thing I have planned is church and cramming for a big work presentation next week. Oh and lots of (actual, outdoor) gardening – I’m ripping out all the invasive plants in our yard and prepping for a big remodel of the garden next spring.
LittleBigLaw says
Tonight is movie night at our house, too! We started it in January as a way to add some stability and dependable family time for our 4 y/o during DH’s busy season, and it’s become one of our favorite things. DH and I look forward to it as much as she does, if not maybe more.
Laying low the rest of the weekend while preschool DD recovers from strep :( A trip to the library and maybe grilling out Saturday and then church on Sunday. Work for the grownups and hopefully lots of (embarrassingly overdue) laundry.
Clementine says
Family birthday with my fam this weekend. Dragging my 3 year old with me while I get a manicure and thinking i’m going to let him get his toenails painted (he keeps suggesting I paint mine poison green ‘like a race car!’).
Family event with foster kiddo’s family that her parent kindly and graciously invited us to. We haven’t always been able to have this type of relationships due to parents’ issues and safety stuff, but this parent is progressing on their journey to get their kiddo back and we are a part of their ‘village’. Parent also texts me with random parenting questions as they come up. Glad to be able to support this kiddo (even if I’m going to die inside when kiddo leaves).
Anonymous says
We’re on vacation next week! Packing tomorrow morning while the kids hopefully play outside with the neighbors, then heading out around lunch/naptime and hoping the kids will sleep through the drive to the beach.
EB says
My son has a doctor appointment next week and it will be the first time he gets a shot(s) that he is really able to communicate with us. He’s two and a half. Do I explain what will happen before we get there? Anyone have a script? How best to minimize what I presume will be stressful for him? I haven’t said anything yet and would not project my anxieties on him, but just want to make sure I am approaching this in a way that isn’t going to make him feel like the doctors office is a bad place or I tricked him or something!
Annie says
I wouldn’t prep him or make a big deal of it, or even presume it will be stressful. My finicky toddler is actually totally fine with shots. She’s so excited by the sticker afterward and the bandaid that the pain of the shot fades totally into the background.
CPA Lady says
Agreed. I’ve never “prepared” my daughter for shots. She tends to be anxious and fearful and I think bringing it up ahead of time would blow it way out of proportion for her. She also has never really freaked out in the moment, even when I’ve expected her to. Last year she got three shots in a row and didn’t even cry, though she did say she did not like “getting shotted”. The nurse is so fast, that by the time she realized what was happening and looked down, the nurse was already putting on bandaids, and she got excited about getting bandaids.
Knope says
I would definitely not say anything in advance – it will only make him more anxious. In the past I’ve just let the doctor/nurse handle the explanation and provided support as needed. I think the most important thing is that YOU don’t act scared/nervous. Your kid takes cues from you.
Anon says
I would definitely talk about it. We started talking through doctor’s visits and what would happen around 12 months (even though she obviously didn’t understand much), but by around 18 months talking her through it seemed to really help. At 2 and a half I would definitely try!
shortperson says
i agree i definitely warn them in advance and i tell them it will hurt.
Anonymous says
We’ve watched the Daniel Tiger where Daniel gets a shot for this purpose before. One thing that I think has helped as kiddo has gotten older is that we all go get flu shots together. Mom and Dad go first to model that it is no big deal. Otherwise, when it happens, just do a lot of distraction and it truly will be over before kiddo knows what happened.
Anon says
Where do you go that you can all get them together? My ped (obviously) won’t give them to adults and my employer’s free clinic is for employees only, not family.
Anonymous says
In the US, you could probably get them together at a drug store, but I have to say my 1 drug store flu shot was the most painful ever. In contrast, my employer has this doctor come in who gives painless shots. I have no idea what his secret is but it is amazing.
I’m a fan of very last minute prep, if any, to avoid giving them a long time to worry about it. It gets harder as they get older and start to remember what is likely to happen, but I doubt you are there yet at 2.5.
Quail says
In my experience, US drug stores won’t give immunizations to kids. Have to go to the pediatrician/family doctor. I was able to do it in one go when we were in an academic health plan thing and they had a parent/child day. And maybe our current doctor who’s a family medicine doc could do it. But Walgreens/CVS would only do me and my spouse last year.
Anonymous says
Our doctors (kid’s ped, DH and my family doc) are all part of the same health system, and that system hosts flu shot clinics. So, you can just show up to the flu shot clinic for that purpose. It goes on during extra hours for about 3-4 weeks when the shots first come out. Walk-in. So we usually do that and then go out for lunch or something. Which reminds me…I should figure out when that is for this year…
EB says
My pediatrician will give them to everyone, but they cost more for some reason.
Katarina says
My pediatrician does give flu shots to the parents. We have also had a parent get a shot at a drug store the day before, which was pretty good preparation.
EB says
How do you watch Daniel tiger? We have Netflix/Hulu/etc. and not regular cable.
Anonymous says
Well, it used to be on Amazon Prime, but they’ve yanked a bunch of them. Maybe with a PBS subscription? Can someone else chime in?
rosie says
The first 2 seasons are available with Prime. You can download PBS kids app (iPad, Roku, etc.) and get about 5 episodes at a time, but they are not replaced that often. You can also watch your local PBS station live through the app.
Pogo says
It’s on Prime. The Dr Anna episode is definitely on there because we watched it recently before a trip to the ped. For my kid the fear of the doctor (a stranger to him essentially) freaks him out more than anything else. He had to get a blood draw, not a shot, but I warned him right before. “The nurse is going to prick your finger and you’ll get a boo boo, but it’s so we know if you’re healthy. Do you want a bandaid with trucks or rainbows?” (they had the boxes sitting out so I could see) He was actually super chill during this part and not freaked out by the blood. You just never know with kids.
Anonymous says
There’s a Daniel Tiger episode and book on going to the doctor and getting a shot. You could just watch it so he absorbes it. My DD was communicative at 2 but I didn’t warn her (I didn’t want her freaking out) and the shot was fine. She hated the lead test at 2 though? Not sure why she thought that was worse.
Anon says
Some doctors can only do the lead test with an intravenous blood draw, so basically they have to insert a needle into a vein, and if they don’t get it quite right they have to go “digging.” Then it has to stay in for a minute or two while they express the blood. I have monthly blood draws and find them a lot more painful than shots, and they last way longer.
rosie says
In the DT dr book we have, he does NOT need a shot at that visit, so just be careful which one you buy if you want one specifically to talk about getting a shot.
ElisaR says
I mentioned it in the car on the way over and played up the bandaid he would get. I wanted to give him a little warning but not too much time to be super anxious. I was blase about it when I told him to try and let him know it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Io says
I don’t think saying anything in advance this time will help. But we talk up the importance of vaccination and how mommy and daddy get their flu shots ALL THE TIME. When we walk by the drugstore where I got my shot, she points it out. We give her stuffies vaccinations. We talk about immunity. We totally try to ameliorate and normalize it all the time. She’s three and I can absolutely say, we’re going to get your vaccine and get a treat after and we have no fussing and she spends the next week telling everyone how she isn’t going to get sick.
Anonymous says
I think books and TV shows about new experiences and “scary” things like shots are best reserved for kids who are already afraid of those things. If you make a big deal out of it or show characters being afraid, you are sending the message to your child that it’s a big deal and he should be afraid too. Better just to explain what’s happening right before it happens. “Now you are going to get a vaccine to help you stay healthy! The nurse is going to clean your shoulder with a cold wipe, then give you the vaccine. When she gives you the vaccine, you will need to make your arm all floppy like a noodle. It might sting for just a second. Then you will get a lollipop!”
If kid totally freaks out when he gets this shot, then watch Daniel Tiger before the next doctor’s appointment.
Anon. says
FYI – when we had the finger prick blood draw at our 2-year appointment my kiddo was totally unfazed by the actual prick and then lost his mind about the bandaid on his finger. I was not prepared for the bandaid to be so terrifying.
Lana Del Raygun says
I need advice/experience about hanging out with other young parents! We and many of our friends are in our 20s or maybe early 30s with toddlers and/or babies. Most of the babies are past the “plop them in the ergo and do whatever you want” age. While my main goal here is to hang out with *my* friends, I have nothing in principle against playdates or adults hanging out during playdates. I just don’t have a good sense of how closely supervised the toddlers would need to be (mine’s still 9 months) or how. What’s a good strategy here — weekend mornings? Afternoons before nap? after nap? Board games after bedtime, and only invite one parent from each family? Early dinner parties? How do other people in this season of life see their friends?
Lana Del Raygun says
I should probably also say most of our socializing has been relatively structured, like a discussion club, and I wish we did more casual hanging out, partly because that’s once a month and I feel lonely and socially starved, and partly because I feel like more-frequent, more-casual hanging out is what “real friends” do. Is that an unreasonable expectation? I still haven’t figured out how friendship works after college! :,(
Anonymous says
This is hard! We managed to fall into a pattern of having a couple friends that we’ll text saying “I’m grabbing the kids from daycare a little bit early today, want to meet at the playground before dinner?” or “On my way home, want to come over for dinner and playdate?”. It doesn’t always pan out, but it takes the stress off each event, in some ways. Sometimes this is literally just 30 minutes of kids playing/adults chatting, but it’s a nice catch-up time.
Also, I live in surburbia where all our friends are within 0.5 miles of our house, so this may not be as feasible in a more spread-out area.
Anon says
I did this when my son was that age. I met another mom through his daycare and we lived close, and picked up around the same time so we’d just go to one of our houses and hang out for 30 minutes – 1 hour. We wouldn’t make dinner for each other we’d go home around the time her husband got home. And yes, we’d closely supervise the children since they were so young. We also did (and still do) early dinners at someone’s house. The kids can play while the adults chat. Now that the kiddos are older, it is much easier since we don’t have to watch their every move.
There’s also a great park near my son’s daycare, so if the weather’s nice, I may text a couple of other moms to see if they want to bring there kids after pick up.
OP – Just ask! I think you’re overthinking it. It’ll get easier when the kids are older, can play together, and don’t have such a rigid nap schedule.
Anonymous says
Have you tried just inviting people? Everyone’s preferences are so different
AwayEmily says
This is a great question. I find that the easiest thing to do is to hang out in a place where all the children can be relatively safely contained — so a backyard, someone’s playroom, etc. Basically the goal is to minimize the safety hazards so you can carry on a conversation of more than two minutes.
We’ve actually found that “right after daycare on a weekday” works well (ie, 5 – 6:30). We usually order a pizza and hang out.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, containment is key for toddlers. Babies are a little easier as they can’t really move away from you, but toddlers can and do. Most of my close friends have babies turning into toddlers while I have an older one and a baby so I’m not sure how it will go when we all have toddlers. I imagine a lot of indoor playspaces/yards. The bulk of my social interactions with other young parents has been through birthday parties this past year.
The alternative if you actually want to catch up with a longer discussion is to get sitters and go out with just the friends.
Pogo says
+1, though due to commutes and distance we tend to do weekend brunch. We also have had luck at this point still putting kiddo down for a nap at someone else’s house in the their PnP (or our friends recently put their 3yo in our guest room in the regular bed, and she was fine) – then we can continue the hangout for a couple blissful kid-free hours. We all have open concept houses where kiddos can be contained in a play area while we sit at the kitchen counter and loosely supervise.
Anonymous says
At that age we mostly did weekend morning brunch playdates. One family would host and make coffee; everyone else would bring something to eat and we’d plop the babies in the middle of the living room with a pile of toys while we sit around talking and intervening as necessary. We also did a lot of family walks, with babies in the stroller, which was good for getting long adult chatting time without being interrupted by needing to tend to the kids. Then there was an in-between stage where all the kids were mobile enough that they required more active supervision and adult conversation wasn’t so possible….but by 2ish they’re magically pretty self-sufficient again. We do house or playground playdates where the adults hang out and chat and the kids just run around and amuse themselves.
Depending on how good your kids are at sleeping, we’ve had a fair amount of luck with one family bringing their kids over, putting them to bed in pack-n-plays in the guest room, and then doing an adult board game night with both sets of parents. For our kids, if we wake up them to move to a carseat at 11pm to drive the 5 minutes back to their house, they then go right back to sleep in their own crib, so it’s a win-win situation all around for adult time without sacrificing baby/toddler sleep.
Something else that requires a lot more planning but is AMAZING is getting together a group of parent friends and renting a house for a weekend. There’s lots of time for catching up with each person during the weekend (our group has 10 parents and 6 toddlers, so you’re not always full-on kid duty) and then after all the kids are in bed the whole group gets a chance to hang out, which is great.
SC says
We do a combination of weekend mornings and early dinner parties. Young toddlers still need a good deal of supervision, and typically, when we’re hanging out, one parent from each couple keeps an eye on the kids and chats while one parent from each couple works on food etc and chats. And everyone eats together. The main exception has been when we go to a playground, where kids need less direct supervision/interaction from parents at a younger age (maybe 2?).
As the kids have gotten older (like, 3-4 years old), they need less supervision, and all the parents can hang out more and just take care of things with kids as they come up.
Aly says
How do you put a two and half year old and five month old to bed solo? I’m struggling majorly! Big kid is in bed by 8, but the baby always always seems to want to nurse around this time too. It feels like one kid is always crying… I guess I’m trying to move past survive? After bedtime, I’m just so exhausted myself that I end up passing out at 9…
Anonymous says
I put baby to bed as early as possible. 6:30 or 7 if I can. And then move on to big kid routine. While baby is going to bed my toddler usually creates mayhem in his bedroom and occasionally tries to drown the baby during bath time.
ElisaR says
“occasionally tries to drown” YUP! that’s us too. and I think your point about an early bedtime is important too.
NYCer says
I agree, I would try to put the baby to bed earlier – maybe feed around 6:30 and in crib at 7.
AwayEmily says
+1 our kids are 22 months apart and the baby went to bed at around 6 for the first year of his life. Meant early wakeups but it was worth it for an easier bedtime (I did most bedtimes on my own during the week).
AwayEmily says
Oh and one more thing — I would let the older one watch a Daniel Tiger on the phone while I nursed the baby pre-bed. That way we’d be able to get a nice long nursing session in without interruptions.
ElisaR says
mine are 20 months apart and I’m alone for bed time…. I found I would b-feed the baby and let the toddler play with toys in the baby’s room. Then I would stand and sing to baby a bit while toddler is around and I would drop baby in the crib and exit and let him cry for a few minutes….. eventually he became used to that and now at almost 2 years old he falls asleep quickly once in the crib (most of the time). Toddler made noise and demanded attention and it was kind of a sh*tshow but baby didn’t seem too affected by the toddler’s presence. Now my older one is almost 3.5 and I can plead with him to go in his own room and play quietly for 10 minutes or so and put baby down. The 3 of us sometimes read books together on a chair in baby’s room prior to sending him to his room for quiet play.
My post makes it sound easy but it’s not….. the only way out is through!
Anonymous says
If your budget and circumstances allow, I would hire a sitter / helper to come for an hour or two in the evening. My kids are older now (ages 4 and 6) so solo parenting in the evening isn’t a big deal now, but when they were this little it was so tough.
BabyMom says
I agree that it’s just about getting used to the chaos. Do what you can to make sure the 5 month old is fed and comfortable before bedtime routine with the older one, but know that sometimes (many times) there are just going to be tears. My kids are a little closer in age (13 months apart) so my oldest was more controllable when the youngest was an infant, and I know how hard that was, so I tip my hat to you. Even if you just survive these next few months, once you get to the other side, it does get easier. My kids are 13 months and 26 months now and things are a breeze compared to seven months ago.
CCLA says
Echoing it’s way easier if baby can go down first. We have a similar age gap. For the first couple of months, it was basically chaos if solo parenting at night, since older DD was still going to bed before the baby. Around when baby was 3 months, we transitioned baby to early bedtime like 630 and put her down before toddler. Toddler got to hang out playing with toys or books quietly in our room (where baby was then sleeping) or she could go to her room to do whatever (reorganizing drawers was a favorite) which was baby proofed and right next door to master. It was way easier to keep a slightly tired 2 year old content while waiting for snuggles and books than to keep a hungry tired baby happy while trying to put toddler to bed. They’re now almost 1 and almost 3 and I can report it’s still a bit chaotic when soloing but way easier.
Katarina says
I would try to feed the baby before you start the bedtime routine, so he is relatively happy. Maybe babywear during the bedtime routine itself. All of my kids had late bedtimes as babies, which let me nurse them twice in the evening, and made their long stretch of sleep coincide with mine.
Anonymous says
I put baby to bed first while toddler watches Peppa Pig downstairs, looks through a pile of on my bed (baby sleeps in a room connected to my bedroom), or trashes his room depending on his mood.
sleep poopers says
Has anyone dealt with potty training kids who just don’t poop until they’re asleep? My son is 3.5 and is on the spectrum. If I’m being totally honest, he’s probably not really ready for potty training, but he’s willing and cheerful about sitting on the potty, so we switched to pull-ups and occasional undies and are just seeing how it goes. He hasn’t pooped in the potty yet but he’s not refusing or anything, he just seems to only poop in his sleep every night. It must be at the beginning or middle of the night, because in the morning it’s dried out a bit and stuck and he hates having it scraped off (I would too tbh). I’m reluctant to wake him up in the middle of the night, because he sings really loudly when he’s awake and he’ll wake his sister up. I know my husband and his nephew did this too– the nephew didn’t stop until he was almost 7 and I would LOVE to avoid that outcome. Do I just wait it out?
Anonymous says
No experience with this particular issue, but it sounds like the first step is shifting his body’s cycles so that he is pooping during the daytime. Might be a question for a pediatrician in that case? FWIW, drinking kefir (as part of a breakfast smoothie) helped our son (now 5) become much more consistent with BMs.
Anonymous says
We haven’t had this issue but do have a 7 year old who has a lot of poop accidents, and one thing that has helped is making him sit on the toilet and try to go after mealtimes. We let him take the tablet to watch video, etc. sometimes to encourage him to stay for a bit. (Sorry, ew, don’t ever touch our tablet). After mealtime is prime poop time. I’m guessing your son is probably actually going while lying in bed before he falls asleep.
Anonymous says
Our muffin is on the spectrum too. He potty trained at 4.5 and is doing amazing. He was the last kid in his class to potty train and many people not responsible for changing his diapers (especially my mother in law) were incredibly passive aggressive about the situation. Currently he simply does not do a number 2 if he isn’t on the potty. He usually goes first thing in the morning. He does not communicate about potty stuff at all so I’m not really sure what he’s thinking about this however he seems to be comfortable and he is happy to be in big boy underwear.
There are some great books about potty training kids on the spectrum. The general belief is that at age 4 your child has the physical ability to potty train and is capable of it. You might be starting a little early. You might want to talk to an occupational therapist or just try and see what happens.
oversized/ tunic dresses says
What’s your best source for oversized/ unstructured tunic dresses? I like them at or above the knee, not the longer versions. Otherwise known as potato sack dresses! Thanks.
rosie says
I don’t know if these are as sack-like as you are looking for, but I really like Old Navy for this. I have a sleeveless one and an elbow-length. I also have a long-sleeved one with pockets from Am*zon.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I might ask again on Monday to get more views, but for those of you with older kids, can you give a ballpark on how much you spend annually on childcare now that your kids are in school? I’m trying to get a sense of whether we’re being naive in thinking that our expenses will be much less in the future and whether we can downshift our jobs, if needed. I’m thinking annually to capture before and after care and summer camps, or a sitter, or some combination. For reference, we’re going to be paying around $3,600/month (>$43K per year…yikes) for two kids in daycare for at least the next few months, which I expect to be the highest ever as the baby will then be out of infants. Thanks!
Anon says
For us, it went way down once we started K, but we have local grandparents who will do some summer childcare, and our school district has a short-ish (10 week) summer. Full-time daycare for our preschooler was $260/week = $13,000/year.
Aftercare is $50/week, so that’s less than $2,000 for the school year. In summers, we typically enroll her in 5-6 weeks of summer camp. Prices for these vary, but I’d say $250/week is average (we’re ok with camps that end at 3 pm, because grandparents can pick her up, although adding aftercare to these camps wouldn’t increase the cost very much). We cover the rest with grandparents and family vacation. So I think overall we spend no more than $3,500 annually vs $13,000. We feel like we have a LOT of extra cash, I can tell you that.
LCOL area, if it isn’t obvious.
avocado says
In elementary school, we paid around $125/week for terrible after-school care and between $200 and $400 per week for full-day camp in MCOL. (There was also one camp that ran 9:00 – 4:00, cost $700 for the week, and turned out to be terrible. Never again!) Day care had been just over $800 per month at age 4, so camp was more expensive and after-school care was somewhat less expensive. If we’d hired an after-school nanny/driver, which would really have been best, it would have been at least $250/week. If you have multiple kids, a nanny is a better deal.
You also need to budget for extracurriculars if your kid/family is into them. In kindergarten, all the activities seemed to cost about $80 per month for one class per week. Be aware that some sports will try to recruit kids onto the competitive track as early as kindergarten, which increases the cost. At age 12, eighth grade, we are at a little over $5,000 per year for her sport, which is average for our area but can range much higher in certain places.
Then there is sleepaway camp, on which we have spent anywhere from $300-ish per week (I heart Girl Scout camp!) to $1,000 per week plus travel (awesome specialty camp). And if you want to spend even more than that, there are plenty of camps that will gladly take your money.
All in all, we have found that in elementary school and middle school child care + activities + camps come out to be at least as expensive as day care for a preschool-aged child, and in some years much more. This holds even when the kid has aged out of after-school care.
AwayEmily says
Not the OP but these details are super useful, thank you for writing it all up.
Anonymous says
I agree that it basically evens out. Our before/after care is around $500/month during the school year, but summer daycamp is $250-500+ per week and sleepaway camp is $350+ We don’t do a ton of activities, and stick to rec league-level for now. $100-300/month is ballpark, plus one-time costs for gear.
Full time preschool is around $1200 in our area.
Midwestern says
2 grade school boys, no grandparent help with regular care, MCOL Midwest city… $550 a month during the year for before and after care during school. Summer camps run $200- $400 a week per kid with before and after care, need for 10 weeks (or take vacation and pay for those costs). Don’t forget activities! Music lessons, sports, they all come with fees. Usually not huge, but a few hundred here and there and if you get into competitive sports it can get expensive fast (a couple thousand for the select baseball teams for 9 year olds, and that’s before travel expenses).
Anonymous says
I have no direct experience but friends tell me that kids do not cost less once they get to elementary school…you just spend the money differently. And I would assume it then goes up as clothes become more expensive and then you get to phones/cars/computers, etc., etc.
Anon says
VHCOL area—right now, it’s a little less expensive because summer camps are so expensive. $900/month for excellent after care that includes most random school holidays and $500 per week of summer (could go a bit lower, or a lot higher, depending on the camp). My kid currently wants 0 activities, but classes/activities would put costs on par with daycare.
Debbie Downer says
We are anticipating a close family member’s passing (end of a quick but terminal illness). Our 3.5 year old knows him/his family well, and does not yet so I have been hoarding books on how to explain death to a toddle/preschooler and none are really adequate (especially because we are non-religious). Does anyone have any great recommendations for a book that will honestly explain death without scarring her for life?
Related – how do people feel about kids at funerals these days? I am thinking I won’t bring them – 3.5 and 1.5 years old seems just old enough to be scarred and not old enough to behave. Is that terrible?
ElisaR says
my grandmother died when i was around 3.5 years old. My parents were very matter of fact about it with me. I remember being very concerned about her car. Who was going to drive her car? Kids get hung up on weird things. I think the best you can do is answer their questions succinctly. I didn’t go to the funeral.
Midwestern says
Just a note to be prepared for your kid to potentially become obsessed with death after. My grandmother passed around this age and my son then reflected on when everything and everyone would die. This is developmentally appropriate and does not represent in any way that your child was scarred :)
Clementine says
Correct, don’t bring them.
Much love to you. Friends who aren’t religious use the ‘rainbow bridge crossing’ that they talk about with pets. A good book that talks about missing someone who has died without being morbid or weird is ‘Ocean Meets Sky’.
Answer honestly. Meet the kids where they are. Don’t use the analogy of ‘going to sleep’, I’ve been told that it’s best to explain that they were old (if applicable) and their body stopped working and they died. And it makes you sad because you miss them, but you carry love in your heart. Sometimes kids ask weird questions – when my sister’s (beloved old) dog died, my kid had lots of questions and def made my BIL cry when he spotted a picture of old dog and said, ‘OH! Is that a picture of heaven!!?!’ He also started saying that he wanted to cross the rainbow bridge. These comments can be weird and kind of creepy, but they’re developmentally normal.
anon says
I have an almost 4 year old and have lost two very close family members in the last year. It was hard to know how to handle it, but we tried to be honest and pretty manner of fact about it. I did buy a couple of books, the best of which I think is When Dinosaurs Die. I summarize/skip some parts of it, but overall I think its good, especially because we are also not religious. She loves the book and asks to read it all the time. She talks about death and the family members who have passed regularly. Its a little odd, but she’s not overly emotional about it so I think its just her way of processing it.
As for the funeral, we had a separate burial and memorial service for both. We did not bring her to either burial. For the first memorial, when she was just 3, we had her come near the end for a part of the reception. For the second one, when she was closer to 4, she came to the memorial but hung out in another area with some friends/cousins during the actual program and then hung around during the reception.
Hope that helps. Sorry you are going through this. Good luck.
OP says
Re bringing the kids, I think it depends a lot on the type of event. I wouldn’t bring toddlers to a formal funeral service in a church, but most of what I’ve been too lately are more “celebration of life” events, where kids are welcome.
Anon says
My son went through a period of being very concerned that people go into the ground. I actually posted here asking advice (we are not religious) because he was very upset about it. Someone responded with the explanation that sometimes we grow old and our bodies quit working. Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes there are accidents. But we are doing what we can to stay healthy and prevent accidents. These explanations have seemed to appease him.
Anon says
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
My kids were almost the same ages when my dad (who was the grandparent they knew the best) died. I was very matter of fact with them in the months leading up to the death, so it wasn’t a surprise. That approach worked for us. It was something like Pop-Pop is old and his body is starting to stop working and he will die, which means we won’t be able to see or talk to him anymore. We’d go into detail (very basic explanation of cancer and of burials) as requested.
My kids would have been welcome at the funeral (I was the one arranging the darn thing), but I didn’t bring them across the country to the funeral with me. I wanted time to grieve without parenting and, as the person responsible for the estate and the funeral, I also had a lot stuff to do in my short trip out there.
How I handled it worked well for my family.
Anonymous says
I think being able to grieve yourself without kids around is so important. I tend to grieve really hard at funerals (copious crying during burial) but then feel like I’ve really processed things afterwards. Of course grief comes up randomly and in funny ways, but I wouldn’t want to have to keep a brave face on for my child.
Anonymous says
Do not bring them. They won’t understand and will only be disruptive
Anonymous says
Sorry, not this OP, old OP from a different day!