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These are pretty spring/summer maternity dresses, and I like the interesting hem on both versions. The eye-catching hem is balanced in the Pea in the Pod dress (pictured) by the wrap neckline with additional ruffles, and in the Pink Blush version (plus sizes), the sleeves are “tulip” or petal style. I like that these dresses come in spring-y minty colors. I think they are office-appropriate if you’re business casual, and since I’m all about multitasking maternity clothes, I can also see them as appropriate for a day wedding, baby shower, etc. The Isabella Oliver Ellen Wrap Dress is available at A Pea in the Pod for $149 and plus-size Ruffle Wrap Dress is available at Pink Blush Maternity for $56. Update: WHOA – major sales happening at Neiman Marcus. I’ll try to do a quickie deal alert with more details, but I’m seeing major sales on Elie Tahari, Nic + Zoe, and a few other workwear brands we love — try this link to just see those four or five brands. – Kat Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Ok ladies – I would love to hear all your tips on ditching the pacifier. DD is about 27 months and we want to get rid of it before our new baby arrives in 6 weeks for a variety of reasons. I’ve been slowly weaning her off it for the past few days but terrified to take it away for naps/night time sleep. For anyone who did this – how awful is it? Is it just 3 days of screaming at bedtime? I can deal with that – we did Ferber method last year. 1-2 weeks?? She understands everything so of course we’ll be talking to her about it, but there are big crocodile tears whenever we say “no paci”.
Anonymous says
I would anticipate a tought couple weeks and then a regression and anger if new baby is allowed a paci. Paci is a self soothing tool so I had better luck ditching them when older and able to try alternate self soothing strategies.
Is there a reason you’re ditching it? I’d be reluctant to give up a self soothing tool right before new baby arrives when you’ll have way less time for soothing. Maybe try limiting it to bedtime/naptime only and see how that goes?
Anonymous says
adding that the main reason you need to have them old enough to teach alternate self soothing strategies is that otherwise you can end up with a thumb sucker which is super hard to break. Not all kids that drop a paci will pick up the thumb but it’s an appealing option when they don’t know how else to soothe themselves.
Anonymous says
+1 There’s going to be a major regression when the new baby arrives. My paed encouraged us not to make any significant changes to our toddler’s life in the 6 weeks before or the 6 weeks after the new baby arrived because the adjustment to having a new baby was going to be tough. Our toddler’s interest in soothers went WAY up once our newborn arrived and her soothers were everywhere, so unless you’re not planning to use soothers for your newborn I think you’re going to have meltdowns about soothers in addition to meltdowns about having less attention from you generally. Being able to self-soothe during the adjustment will be really important for him, but you could try replacing the soother with something else, E.g. “We’re giving your soothers to the garbage truck, but when you want your soother you can come and get your bunny and squeeze him tight.”
Anonymous says
Thanks for the advice but we’re set on this . It’s mostly for dental reasons – she has a very prominent overbite/narrow jaw due to it already. Like you can’t see her front teeth when she smiles. Dentist said if we quit in the next couple months it’ll self-correct. As someone who went through EIGHT YEARS of various/aggressive orthodontia due to thumb-sucking I don’t want her to have to do the same. It’s kind of like we quit now or we quit in November, and I don’t want to wait that long. Yes it’s not ideal to make changes so close to baby coming, but I’m sure other toddlers have much more serious upheaval (family transitions, uh…war? Etc…). So this is really a first world problem.
Anon says
i’ve heard of success with a paci fairy, where the fairy comes and takes away the paci, but leaves baby a gift. but might be challenging with you having another child so soon.
NYCer says
This is what my friends have done too (with great success). Likely will be harder in your case since I presume there will be pacis hanging out around your house when the new baby arrives.
AIMS says
We did this in 2 stages. First, one morning I told her pacifier couldn’t come out of the crib because it ‘lived’ in the crib which was easy and we received no push back. She just used it for naps and nights, and it sounds like you’re already there? Second, after that was established, around the same age as your little one, we told our kiddo that a bird took the pacifier away to bring to a new baby because she was a big girl now. This time we had a lot of tears at bedtime. For about a week, it was bad, and then it was mostly just her asking for it and then moving on. After about 2 weeks, she mostly forgot it.
Anonymous says
Thanks! This is what I was looking for. I actually have to hide them because the “lives in crib” never worked. Then she just tries to scale the crib, which she otherwise doesn’t do haha.
EB says
My same-age son doesn’t use a paci, but he drinks milk out of a bottle in the same way – to soothe himself when he is upset. It got to the point we were giving multiple bottles of milk at night before bed, and then he was soaking through his diapers. About a week of “you already had one bottle, we only drink one bottle before bed” and now he kind of just halfheartedly asks for a second bottle and then lets it go. So whatever you do, I think you’ll have a bad period but it’ll get better.
Anonymous says
We weaned naps first (it helped that daycare did it first, like months before we did, without us knowing). Then we tackled nights by getting her a replacement crib friend- does she use a wubbanub? We used a fox wubbanub, so we replaced it with a stuffed fox. That actually went pretty well- she tried to suck on the nose at first, but generally accepted it. I will say the first few nights without it were VERY emotional- she actually bit me one night, which stunned both of us. But after a few nights she totally moved on, and now expresses zero interest in her baby sister’s pacifier- but we also weaned her well before the baby came so she wouldn’t be territorial about it, and it worked pretty well. Good luck! It is like sleep training-once you’re on the other side it’ll be much better.
To the Fishies says
My parents took my brother to a local lake and gave his bottles and pacis “to the fishies.” He REALLY liked fish and so he was pretty happy he was giving them something. They threw them into the lake, wrapped, and he said bye to them and then my mom took him to get ice cream while my dad pulled them out and threw them away. Then they just hid every one they hadn’t found in the house. We found them for literally years.
Anonanonanon says
Blergh. I have an unpleasant management day ahead. One of my staff is being unnecessarily difficult about giving me a report I have been asking for FOR A WEEK, because power struggle/maybe he hasn’t actually done the work he said he did, so we get a to have a fun talk today where he will 100% try to act like I don’t actually need the report because I”m just a stupid lady.
shortperson says
i have a colonoscopy today! and i’m thinking at least i get a half day off.
Anonanonanon says
Hahahaha! I hope everything goes well for you! The prep is the worst part and it sounds like you’re already over that! (although I did appreciate how flat my stomach was after the prep… all about looking on the bright side!)
Source for bike shorts says
I have a four year old girl who loves to wear dresses and probably needs to start wearing bike shorts? It feels like we are there? Where do you buy those? Any favorites? TIA!
shortperson says
primary dot com is our best source. i think it’s their highest selling item.
Anonymous says
I get them from Target too – $4 or so. The Primary ones are definitely better quality, but I’m not sure it matters for this use.
Anonymous says
Yep cat and jack FTW
Anonymous says
Same!
Anonymous says
Ditto. We have a couple Primary ones that are nicer quality, but not a price point I want to pay. Cat & Jack ones come in 2 lengths–the ones labeled “bike shorts” are longer than the other ones.
Anonymous says
Kohls also has some.
Anonymous says
Most of ours come from Old Navy and Target. You can really get them pretty much anywhere. I think Lands End also has them. Children’s Place.
avocado says
I have been buying “tumble shorts” or “cartwheel shorts” from Crewcuts or J. Crew Factory for years. They are comfy cotton and don’t ride up.
Workmom says
I like these a lot, from the Big A: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBW3RDR/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1. They’re cheap per unit, are comfy for my girls, and the variety in colors matches lots of outfits.
anon says
Primary’s cartwheel shorts are awesome, but we also have bike shorts from Target, Walmart and Carter’s.
Anon says
gap has them too, called cartwheel shorts
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
IME, Gap’s are significantly shorter than Target (Cat and Jack are the longest we’ve bought) and Old Navy (somewhere in the middle). Strictly under dresses, that works fine. But my 3.5 year old wears them both under dresses and with shirts. So we avoid the Gap ones.
Anonymous says
Thanks for this info about the cat & jack ones. Was wondering how different they are from Carters, which look like underwear on my leggy child.
AIMS says
Primary or Carters. Carters also calls them tumbling shorts.
EB0220 says
We get them from Target. My kids didn’t like the fit of Primary, Carter’s or Kohl’s. The ones from Target are a bit longer with a wider/flat waistband and are the only ones my girls (4 and 7) will wear.
Minnie says
Some friends of mine from college recently had a baby and I’m eager to send them a card and small gift. Usually for new parents I send a greeting card, Buy Buy Baby gift card (for baby stuff) and a Starbucks gift card (because in parenthood, coffee is needed). However, I’m acutely aware that this couple outearns me and my husband by a factor of almost 10. I know it shouldn’t matter, but for some reason it feels like it does. Am I overthinking this? An alternative idea I had was to send a greeting card and a baby outfit with our alma mater branding–that feels a little better to me, although I can’t shake the idea that our relative incomes shouldn’t matter, even for gift card gifts.
Anonymous says
I love the college outfit idea. I don’t NEED any baby stuff, but would love to receive this from an old classmate. It’s special, useful, and just slightly frivolous in a way that I would probably not buy it myself, but would love to have.
ElisaR says
agreed – the college gear idea is adorable and meaningful in your situation!
I get the concerns about income disparity and gift giving – but really the point is just to acknowledge this special time in their life and they won’t be thinking about the amount of anything just the fact that you thought of them.
Anonanonanon says
I second this. I think it is a cute, thoughtful, and meaningful gift for college friends. :-)
GCA says
Agreed. Love the college gear idea, and it’s both within your means and meaningful in a way that is different from straight-up gift cards.
lsw says
Adorable idea and very fun!
Anon in NYC says
You are overthinking this! I appreciated all gifts from friends, no matter how big or small the gifts were, even though we were capable of buying what we needed. For me, it really was the thought that mattered – that my friends took the time to show me that they cared, were excited about my new baby, etc. I think that no matter what you get them, they will appreciate it. Who doesn’t love a free cup of coffee?! And if there is a sentimental attachment, like college branding, that’s great too!
Anon says
I like the college onesie idea, but also, since it sounds like you don’t live in the same city, what about coffee from a specialty roaster in your city?
Not looking forward to no sleep says
Talk to me about the SNOO sleeper, especially if you’ve tried it and have also used other bassinets/sleepers to compare. I am generally a no-frills baby gear person (my crib is on the third kid, $200 from a big box store, for example). But sleep deprivation is the WORST, and I’ve had bad sleepers so far, so I’m being tempted by a used SNOO listed on craigslist even though it is still ungodly expensive.
For context, with by last kid, I mostly did a combo of co-sleeping and rock-and-play (now recalled, sadly). It was not terrible, but also perhaps not advised by the current authorities on baby sleep. With the one before, it was straight to the crib, where mostly he just screamed and hardly slept. It was awful. Current child is due this winter, so I have some time to figure it out, but I’m in a rural area and don’t expect expensive baby gear goes on the used marked often around here.
GCA says
You can rent a Snoo now! have not tried it – rental option arrived after second baby was out of the no-sleep phase – but friends swear by it.
anon. says
Following!
Ifiknew says
Late in the day but I have a 2 week old and the snoo doesn’t calm him really. It’s a nice bassinet but he’s still waking every 1 to 2 hours. Maybe I’m not using it correctly, definitely rent though, $100 and you get new mattress sheets and sleep sack.
Anonymous says
Any good resources on 529 plans? We’re expecting our first child and the grandparents want to contribute to one, but I don’t know where to start in terms of setting it up. Thanks!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Check to see if there is a plan for your state where you can get a potential tax break. We have ours set up through Vanguard and Fidelity (different plans: diversification!) and both have easy options for grandparents and others to transfer money in.
You need a SSN for the beneficiary, so you wouldn’t be able to set one up for to-be-born kiddo yet, but I think there is a way to set one up now with you as beneficiary and then change later. I’m not a financial advisor, so correct me if I’m wrong those who are.
Anon says
there is a way to set one up now and switch the beneficiary later, but i’ve heard it is not worth the paperwork. and yes- see if your state or the grandparents’ state has a tax break.
Pogo says
You can actually invest in any state’s plan. We did ours (for tax break) and one other that I am blanking on now because it had attractive options and good returns.
shortperson says
the best state depends on where you live, so either ask local friends or post again with your state. we live in CA and our financial advisor advises utah.
NewMom says
I’m trying to search for a conversation I remember seeing about this but am just having no luck, so here goes – opinions on the best age to start daycare? We have a general preference for daycare over a nanny (we like that there are multiple adults at daycare and being someone’s full-time employer makes us nervous). However, it looks like I’ll be coming back from maternity leave right into a busy work season for both of us, and especially for my husband (which will last about 3-4 months before easing up), so we’re considering going with a nanny for a while to give us some more flexibility right at the start and ease my return to work. But I remember reading threads here about how separation anxiety increases at certain times developmentally, and I’d like to avoid doing a nanny-daycare switch right at that time if we can. So between 5 months, 8-10 months, and 12-14 months, is there a best option for starting group care? FWIW budget is a consideration, but we can stretch on this for some time if needed.
Anonymous says
If you’re going back to work during a busy work season, I would definitely go with a nanny. Daycare tends to result in illness at least once a month during the first year. That means a lot of sick time. For starting daycare, it’s such a big change that separation anxiety being better or worse won’t make a huge difference so decide based on what’s right for your schedules.
Anonymous says
Have you considered a nanny share? I am in a share with one other family and it has been the best of both worlds for us. Yes, we have to deal with employment contracts and payroll (we use a service), and yes it is a bit more expensive than daycare, but not nearly as much as I thought it might be. I think our nanny share cost is maybe about $250 more per month than our local daycares (in DC). Over the weekend I saw that a couple people seem to think age 2 is a good time to switch to daycare, but that’s a bit older than the options you gave. I will say that every baby is different. A lot of people told me my daughter would be getting separation anxiety and starting the “stranger danger” phase now, but we haven’t had any of that yet (she is a little over 6 months).
One thing I will say is that if you decide the nanny relationship will be very short term (like 3 months or less), I think it would be best to be up-front about that with the nanny and maybe frame your search as looking for a temporary nanny. I considered that option, and in my experience I still had a lot of interest about the position even when I said it would be temporary.
NewMom says
Oh, this is a thought. If we had a nanny share we could definitely stick with that longer, and it would address some of the reasons we’d prefer daycare on the whole (I get stuck on the multiple adults and supervision thing, but I can probably get over it, at one point you’ve got to trust your gut as a parent, right?). I would definitely be up front if we end up looking for a nanny for a short-term period that it’s a temporary job – I see a lot of people posting jobs like that on my local moms’ FB group and see that they get interest, and I would want to be honest regardless, I’d hate it if an employer wasn’t honest with me about something like that.
Anonanonanon says
I did a nanny share one summer, and I felt like it had all the drawbacks of a nanny with few of the benfits. Drawbacks being it’s still a single point of failure, you still have to “manage” an employee in your personal life, except now with another family in the mix. There’s still germs to get passed around like daycare, because an outside child is involved. You will still have to get packed up and schlep everything out of the house like you would for daycare if you’re alternating hosting. When you’re hosting, it stinks to get home first and the other person’s kid is still there. It also feels weird when THEY’RE hosting and you show up and they’ve been home for a bit. Depending on how long this arrangement lasts, you’re getting into babyproofing considerations as well (does one family have to install gates sooner-than-expected because the other baby is mobile months ahead of theirs?!) It was all just not the right setup for me.
Anonymous says
Exactly this. I felt like nanny share was the worst of both worlds, with the added stress of needing to reconcile your management and parenting styles with that of another family. DH and I can get on the same page with that stuff pretty easily, but the family we shared with had different ideas. Especially with two sets of first-time parents, it was not great.
Callie says
I just thought I’d chime in with the opposite viewpoint. We did a nanny share for a year (and only stopped bc if other life circumstances changing with both families). It was AWESOME.
I felt like I had another mom (who really became a good friend) who was a wonderful support and backup (I can’t tell you how many of our texts were along the lines of “I’m sending over broccoli bc we have so much. Do you guys have milk?”) and I felt like my son got the benefit of socialization with another child while only being exposed to one other best friends set of germs and not a whole classroom of germs. Plus we hosted and I didn’t have to get my son out the door (and the other mom dropped off her daughter in pjs). Most of all, I felt like we were able to attract and hire a much more experienced nanny bc she made a bit more doing a share while we paid less per family than we would have if we’d hired one nanny for just our family.
My advice is though to talk about everything and really be on the same page with the other family. Know yourself. It does require some stepping back—if you’re a micromanager (which is the wrong word for what I’m trying to describe but hopefully gets the point across without being perceived as rude—I just can’t come up with the right word exactly in this moment) it might be a bit harder to handle a share just bc there are of course two bosses.
CHL says
Our first started daycare at 3 months and then with my second, he was on the waitlist for about 18 months (!) so we had him in a nannyshare with another baby who was also on the waitlist. I liked having a nanny for those early months – a lot easier to manage getting on sleep schedules, etc. She provided enough stimulation. Kids moved to daycare when he was about 20 months old and it was totally fine – they both transitioned really easily. They both had a lot of exposure to the daycare because of their siblings but it was basically a non-event.
Spirograph says
For me, the multiple adults thing is as much about reliability as it is about safety. A nanny is a single point of failure. Even a good one with the best of intentions sometimes gets sick, injured, or needs a personal day. A nanny share is a liiiitle better — when we did one, we would share coverage with the other family if the nanny couldn’t make it, and having 4 adults to share the load is a little better than just 2.
I prefer daycare to nanny for lots of reasons, but it sounds like nanny is the best fit for the coverage you need. If all factors other than child development are out of the equation, I’d aim to switch to daycare around 9-12 months. Once the child is mobile, the value of a nanny’s undivided attention decreases (imho). I recommend checking with your target center to see how they age-group their classes. Mine had a transition to mobile infants around 9-10 months, and then another transition at 18+ months before the 2’s class. I’d aim to catch the beginning of one of the age groupings so you don’t have back-to-back transitions.
AwayEmily says
Caveat that both of my kids started daycare at ~4 months so I don’t have personal experience with a nanny. For me the big advantage of having a nanny in the first 9 months would be that they can be a lot more proactive about making sure your kid gets a lot of sleep. That was my biggest frustration with daycare for young babies — I’m sure there are daycares that do it well, but we used five different daycares (with two different kids — we moved a lot) and none of them could get our kid to sleep as much as they slept at home. So in a perfect world i’d switch them when their naps started stabilizing, at around 8-10 months.
That being said, I loved literally every other aspect of daycare. One thing to keep in mind is that a nanny does require more “work” from you — it’s another person to manage (with all the personal and logistical baggage that comes along with that), and that could potentially add some additional stress to your life. That was one of the biggest reasons we decided not to go with a nanny — the idea of having that responsibility added to our plate was just too much. In other words, our decision was less about what was best for our kid (because i’m pretty convinced both by the research and by peoples’ experience on here that there is just no major difference) and more about what was best/easiest for us.
Anonanonanon says
We use a licensed in-home daycare and it has been perfect for us, because we found the right match. It’s a smaller setting than an institutional daycare, but there are still multiple adults which makes me feel better from both the safety and reliability perspective. There are also fewer weather closures (we’re in the DC area, so schools and some daycares close A LOT for snow) because she’s already in her house, and one of the employees lives two doors down. My daughter didn’t catch a single illness until she was mobile and could put stuff in her mouth, which I don’t think would be the case in a larger childcare setting. If we needed extended hours, I would probably work out an arrangement with the afternoon staff person to see if she could take care of the baby after the daycare closes (drive her home, etc) for an hourly rate. That was actually a possibility we discussed when touring in-home daycares.
To find mine, I looked at the licensing agency’s (Department of Social Services in our state) website and pulled up all of the licensed in-home daycares in our area and filtered by the zip codes I was willing to look in. Then, I read all of the inspection reports and filtered out those that were deal-breakers for me (for example, it’s OK to me if they left a toaster plugged in on a kitched counter, but not OK if someone’s background check was expired or outlets weren’t covered). From there, I called the remaining ones to inquire about their operating hours and weather policies, which filtered it down even further. Then I visited four of them, ended up on the waitlist at one and got a spot at another that we are very happy with.
Anon says
we have a nanny and it has been great for us! i cannot imagine having to prep bottles, etc. to bring to day care or getting out of the house in the morning. we have twins and i would’ve been out of work for 3 weeks in April due to illness if we didn’t have a nanny. it is wonderful having someone to do their laundry and light housekeeping. if you live in an area where nannies are very common i think you can find a good one. anecdotally, my close friends in the NYC area have all started with nannies, but those in the DC area have all done daycare. we will start preschool at age 2.
Pogo says
For my kid, I think earlier would always have been better to make a switch. Stranger danger hit around 9-10 months, and has stuck around. Transitions are hard, even with people and experiences he previously loved, let alone totally new ones.
I do think this is kid dependent, though. And a little bit is what you are comfortable with – when they are older, they’ll be more independent and able to communicate, which might make you feel better or worse about switching up their care. Like there may be more tears/”mommyyyyy” wailing at dropoff, but you’re not worried about them taking a bottle or getting in 3 naps.
NewMom says
Thank you all SO much for this feedback, it’s so informative and reassuring! I think I’m leaning towards nanny for a while, then try to join a daycare group at a transition point if it’s workable with daycare waitlists. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
Anonymous says
5 months is probably best for minimizing separation anxiety. That said, we started a nanny at 9 months and daycare at 14 months, and both transitions were basically fine, especially after the first week.
Anonymous says
Ok, so i am meeting some moms tonight at a planning meeting (think like a PTO type thing, but not- it’s kind of like a book club vibe in that there will also be wine but it’s more about the event planning and the wine is there just to bribe people to come and volunteer for stuff). It’s at 8pm. What do I wear? I work from home most days and am currently wearing capri yoga pants and the shirt I slept in (you’re welcome). If I were coming straight from the office, I could wear office clothes, but this is at 8pm. I’d have changed into pajama pants by now. It’s summery and sunny here but weekend casual stuff seems weird too.
Jeans and some kind of top? What kind of top?
Ugh. How is what to wear the hardest part of volunteering to plan volunteering?! I know the answer is that it doesn’t matter but I don’t know these people and want to look nice and friendly since I need more friends.
anne-on says
Is it weird to admit that I have a whole category of clothes I mentally earmark as ‘business casual and/or school event clothes?’. My personal style skews preppy/formal, so I would opt for capris with a nice floaty top, or a cute summer dress. Jeans and a cute top sound fine too but personally denim just feels to hot to me right now unless it’s white jeans or cropped jeans.
AwayEmily says
I would do jeans and a t-shirt, partly because I like to set expectations low right from the beginning. If they don’t love me for my disheveled self, it’s best to know right away!
(only partly kidding…but I definitely do not try very hard when I socialize with other parents, and to be honest I often end up getting along best with my fellow schlubs.
Anonymous says
I would do jeans and a business casual top. One step up from weekend casual, but not too stuffy.
Anonymous says
T-shirt dress, jean jacket, sandals.
Anon says
This or shorts and a non-graphic t-shirt or tank top with sandals. You’re overthinking this.
GCA says
This is a perfect use case for a ‘working from home but I have to lead a call and need to get myself psyched’ outfit. :) Jeans, business-casual-Friday blouse, flats.
lsw says
I think is partly cabin fever talking (at least one person has been grievously ill with a stomach bug for the last ten days, and I have been doing a lot of caretaking since I had it the mildest), but I am feeling pretty lonely. It feels like so many of my friends have just dropped off. It’s so hard to make plans as a working parent, as everyone here knows, and it just feels extra hard when people cancel plans on me at the last minute. Tonight is my first time leaving the house solo for something fun, and my movie partner just canceled because she wants to wait until her other friend can go also. Well, this is the only night I can go for the next two weeks. So I’m going to go alone. I tried texting some other people but obviously hardly anyone can do it last minute.
It’s hard to be spontaneous (and frankly I’m not a real spontaneous person anyway, pretty much a plan-maker), and I take it so personally when people cancel. We have a standing bi-weekly women’s horror movie night that has been canceled by everyone but me the last four times it was supposed to happen. It makes me feel like people don’t even want to do it anymore, despite them always saying they do.
I’m sure I’ll get some tough love here which honestly, I’m too sensitive to read right now, but I just feel lonely and miss having friends and casual hangouts that aren’t with my husband. (And unfortunately for him he’s had two different illnesses in the last two weeks so he’s been either working or sleeping so we’re clearly hanging out less than usual!)
Sigh.
anon says
I can relate. It takes so much mental effort and work to schedule things that I can take it really personally when people flake out at the last minute. (And I tend to be the organizer and leader, which gets really draining after awhile.) To be clear, I’m not talking about illnesses or true emergencies, just excuses that sound more like, “I don’t actually want to do this thing even though I said I did.” My solution has been to be more selective about who I’m making plans with. There are friends that I know I can’t count on to be the center of my plans, if that makes sense. If they can make it, awesome, but if I’m planning an outing for a group of 4, I make sure that I have at least one reliable friend that will show up no matter what. That way even if 2 people flake, I’m not left alone.
I’d scrap the horror movie night for a few months and see what it happens. It does seem like people aren’t into it.
I also think that texting and social media has made people a lot less reliable. It’s so much easier to text a friend, “I can’t come,” than to deal with the honest reaction you might get if you called them. You’re not alone — this sucks, and it’s hurtful. Come hang out with me! ;)
lsw says
Yes, you definitely sound like me! :) I wish we could hang out, too! I could also use some mom friends. I like your idea of planning things with one reliable friend in the mix. (The particular friend tonight is a Super Flake so I was a bit prepared for this outcome, but still bummed.)
avocado says
I agree that the movie night sounds as if it just isn’t working. FWIW, we’ve found movies to be the most difficult type of meetup to arrange. I think it’s party because people only want to see a movie once so they wait for the perfect circumstances (all friends available, etc.), and partly because the timing is inflexible. We’ve had much better luck with more casual meetups, usually arranged just a few days in advance. Our current favorites are picnic at the pool and sitting on the deck while kids run around in the yard.
Anonanonanon says
I feel like I’m in this phase right now and it stinks. A lot of my friends are childless or have much older children (they’re primarily people I have worked with at one point or another) and it seems like the seasons of our lives aren’t lining up right now? If we plan in advance, everyone ends up flaking last minute. If I try to be spontaneous, they’re too tired from hot yoga that morning or whatever. I think I’m being especially sensitive, because I feel like I made myself very available to two of them in particular during recent divorces etc., and now that they’re dating new people there’s no friend time. I feel like I was used to get through a tough patch and now my friendship isn’t needed? I also made a real effort to be available and not flake during my recent pregnancy and while having a new baby, because I didn’t want to stop getting invited to things, and it seems like it didn’t make a difference?
Anyway, I’m sorry that happened. That’s really disappointing, and I would totally hang out with you ladies if I could.
Susan says
I’m sorry. I’d feel the same frustration and hurt.
Anon says
i too would feel sad and frustrated. my DH works a lot, so i do a lot of solo parenting and even miss adult time with him. i don’t have that many close girlfriends where we live bc we are newish in town and a lot of people don’t seem that interested in making time for girl time, whereas i am someone who benefits from it a lot. i do a lot of texting/phone calls with my bffs who live in other cities, which is wonderful, but it isn’t the same.
Anon says
I’m sorry, that really stinks. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re wrong to take it personally. People have their priorities. Apparently meeting you for a movie tonight isn’t one of them (since she isn’t sick, kid isn’t sick, etc). I can’t stand when people flake. If you can’t go or don’t want to go, don’t make plans in the first place! I’ve actually ended a couple of friendships over this behavior. Not actively…more like they never reached out and I stopped reaching out and it died a natural death.
anon says
This feels wrong to admit on a message board for high-achieving women, but I’ve realized lately that I get a lot more satisfaction out of my homemaking duties than from my career these days. Both require a ton of work and effort (and need redoing constantly), but I get more immediate gratification from the home tasks than my work tasks. Perhaps this is a clear indicator of how much I loathe my job these days. Everything at work is complicated and brain-draining, whereas home stuff is more … straightforward. I don’t actually want to be a SAHM and would go crazy if I were home every single day — I just find it interesting that I’m getting more enjoyment out of the tasks I’m supposed to hate and/or feel burdened by. Can anyone relate?
avocado says
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I get stressed out because there’s so much to do at home, but when I actually get any of it done it’s satisfying because I have visibly managed to accomplish something that directly benefits my family. Right now circumstances beyond my control make it pretty much impossible for me to feel successful at work no matter how much I get done. I’d probably be miserable as a SAHM, but lately I’ve been fantasizing about it a whole lot.
Anon says
As a corporate lawyer, most of my job is trading documents and electronic paper and phone calls – there isn’t a tangible work product at the end of the day. At home, I can see that the kitchen has been cleaned, there are clean dishes in the cupboard, the laundry pile is put away, no crumbs on the floor (for approximately 3.2 seconds), etc. I feel the same way about gardening (actual gardening, like with dirt and plants and weed pulling). There is a physical manifestation of the work that you’ve successfully done, which is not the same for the work I do at work all day. The closest I get to that at work is a paper closing binder, and even those are moving to electronic sets.
Anonanonanon says
This is so interesting to me, because the main reason I found being a SAHM so unfulfilling was that I never felt a sense of accomplishment. The house never stays clean, nothing stays organized, the laundry has to be done over and over, and I never felt like I had longer than an hour where things were “done” before it was all undone and I had to start all over. It felt like a horrible hamster wheel. I still feel this way at home, the second it’s clean and calm something happens to undo it all!
I am very fortunate though that I have a job I enjoy where I produce products/outputs that I think are useful, if that makes sense?
anon says
I totally get and agree with this. Even though home tasks can feel repetitive because there’s always more laundry or dishes, at least it’s a discrete task. I’m an attorney in private practice and even if I execute a matter completely timely and within the range of what was quoted clients complain (also I’ve been in private practice 10 years and I swear this is getting worse all the time – everyone wants to complain or wants everything instantly or challenges their bill). Kids are unpredictable too, but that doesn’t bother me in the same way.
Pogo says
Yes!! Nothing at work ever goes the way you want it to, even if you put in 110%. If I put 110% into the laundry it will be the best d*mn laundry that was ever laundered.
Anonymous says
I think it’s because you get a tangible result – clean laundry, clean bathrooms, food in the fridge, etc…only people who make money working with their hands can usually step back at the end of the day and SEE what they did. A lot of professional careers involve months or years long projects. There was recently an article that compared the high of cleaning your house to driving a race car, and while this seems like a stretch to me, I get it.
FWIW – I am the former career lady now SAHM and I get much more satisfaction out of staying at home. Thought it could potentially drive me nuts too, but it turns out I’m not at home most of the day with my daughter. And part of the change was that I don’t mind taking care of a home/shopping/cooking. I definitely prefer it to work even though I had a good job. But raising my daughter is also kind of a long term project where I won’t see the results for 25yrs!
So Anon says
I totally get this, and FWIW, I used to hear the same thing from my own working mom. There is something very satisfying about doing a discrete task, with a beginning and end (that can be done in a reasonable amount of time) with clear results. My mom, now retired – kind-of, and I joke that there is nothing as satisfying as mowing the lawn. I begin in the morning and the grass is overgrown, looks neglected and unkempt. Then, 2 hours later, the lawn looks orderly (pretty lines!) and cared-for, and I made that happen through my physical exertion plus lawnmower. The lawn does not complain about the process, there is no 360 review or corporate policy to follow, there are no follow-up questions or flowers complaining that you spent more time on the grass than the weeds, and if you missed a spot, no one cares. This is the opposite of my work-life. Yes, I totally get it.
Anonymous says
I love baking and suspect this is why. It’s a thing you do and then it’s finished. The cake is done, the cookies are baked etc. A couple colleagues are also into baking so we chat about it. I always thought of it as similar to my dad who was a lawyer and loved woodworking or gardening on the weekends.
Anonymous says
I’m struggling with this too. I know I wouldn’t be content being a SAHM forever (not least because of how much less financially secure we would be), but right now I get so much more joy out of being home with my baby than pursuing my career. If I could take off 5-7 years and have a guarantee that I could reenter the workforce with a decent job in my field, I would probably do it.
Spirograph says
I’m right there with you. I get a lot of enjoyment out of long term, continuous improvement goals in my hobbies, but I vastly prefer task-oriented work that I can self-direct and control the outcome of, leading to a tangible result. My job is basically the opposite of all of that. Every once in a while I get a document to edit/revise or even a ppt to create and it’s the best part of my week.
Anon says
My husband and I are planning to TTC this fall and currently have a toddler. Reading a bit about CMV to prep (aka give me anxiety). Besides handwashing, not sharing food/drinks, not kissing your toddler on the lips (this one makes me really sad), anything I’m missing in terms of preventative measures? I’m thinking ahead to potty training in the near future for my toddler and cleaning up accidents – wear gloves?
On a similar note, do your doctors talk to you about CMV when pregnant with your second, third child?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t think my OB/midwife ever mentioned this when I was pregnant with baby#2 while having a 2 year old. I had to google what this was. I washed my hands a normal amount, but otherwise didn’t really change my interactions with the toddler. Definitely didn’t stop hugs and kisses (when he would let me). We potty trained when I was seven months pregnant and I didn’t wear gloves.
Did I miss something? Are OBs advising against this now? FWIW my baby was perfectly healthy and only started to get sick once the toddler brought home germs from daycare.
Anonymous says
This. I’ve never heard of this prior to this post.
Anonymous says
I know from bloodwork (non-OB related) that I am CMV+, so maybe this is why no one talked to me about it.
My sibling who is CMV- was paranoid about it.
Walnut says
Just had my third and I’m only vaguely aware of CMV. I didn’t take any precautions during my second or third pregnancy. Whoops? My doctor didn’t bring it up specifically.
Potty training in general leads to 398,000 handwashes a day. Gloves might be cheaper than the lotion budget.
Anonymous says
I always follow general hygiene but I wouldn’t actively go out of my way to avoid this particular virus (I know the effects can be awful on a fetus). Problem is that this is like trying to avoid the common cold with toddlers. And CMV looks like so many viruses you might not even know if you got it. I file this under “don’t worry about this unless I know I get it, then contact OB” like I do with the flu/HFM/etcc while pregnant.
Also never had an OB mention this.
HSAL says
I also had to google – my doctor never mentioned it and I’d never heard of it before. I feel like there are so many things to worry about it pregnancy that you can’t control it all – just maintain your basic common sense hygiene.
anon says
if you’re worried, maybe talk with your doc about getting screened for it? is it like toxoplasmosis where only a first infection is a concern during pregnancy?
AwayEmily says
The only thing I changed was that I stopped sharing any drinks/food with my toddler — and honestly that was more just to make myself feel better; I suspect if she had something i would have caught it regardless.
Anonymous says
I think you should talk to your doctor about this and about your anxiety. There’s a reason they don’t recommend any of this.
Anonymous says
Yes – looking at stats there’s like a .6% chance that your baby would be born with a CMV infection. Add in that only 1 in 5 of those babies have long-term effects. Your baby is more likely to have autism or be stillborn. You can’t worry about everything before you’ve even conceived.
Anon. says
Currently pregnant with #2 with a nearly two year old at home. CMV has not been brought up at any of my prenatal appointments. And I’m not doing anything more than standard hygiene.
+1 to Anon @ 12:23.
At bed time instead of regular kisses we always do “eskimo kisses” – just rubbing the tips of our noses together. Something my dad always did with me and it cuts down on the slobber which feels slightly more hygenic (ish).
Anonymous says
I was pretty paranoid about CMV. But yes, it’s just basic hygiene – was careful to wash hands and avoid eating or drinking after kiddo. I didn’t use gloves or anything but made DH follow these same rules so that he wouldn’t get it and spread it to me.
Anon Lawyer says
Have you been tested? It’s an easy blood test. Most adults (like 70%) are CMV positive by the time they have a child anyway and then it’s not a concern. I am, and knowing that gives me some peace of mind.
anon says
I’m CMV negative, and had to sign all sorts of paperwork to use a CMV positive donor. I’m a bit terrified about getting CMV when I’m pregnant. It seems like most people assume you are CMV positive (because most of the population is) and there’s not much discussion of this. (And I’m CMV negative and Strep B positive, so, extra lucky me!)
Down There says
Can’t believe I’m posting on this topic, but here it goes: DD is almost 14 months old. I had a tough labor (I was induced past my due date at 0 effacement/CMs), 4 hours of pushing, ended up using forceps and then had a pretty good tear (I forget stages, but one short of the full tear). I had about three weeks of intense pain post delivery. Today (and for the last 14 months), “gardening” hurts and brings no joy like… at all. Also, my desire is next to zero. I have an appointment next week with my GYN, who is new to me as my former rockstar OB/GYN is now OB only. In case it matters, a few other facts: (1) I went through pretty tough fertility treatments with lots of prodding and countless TV ultrasounds. One of my working theories is that comes in to play, at least mentally somehow… like fertility treatment PTSD. (2) Another theory is that there is some scar tissue down there from the stitches, but I could be way off. (3) I recently had a small growth on my thyroid identified. It’s too small to ultrasound but will be monitored every 6 months…wondering if that’s messing things up, too.
I guess my question is, where do I even begin with this new person next week? As far as she’s aware this is a regular annual check up. And, has anyone experienced something similar? I don’t have to live like this, right?
FWIW, DH has been more than understanding but he’s urging me to get this sorted out for many reasons.
shortperson says
you need PT that is specialized for this. it will help. a lot of OBs do not suggest it but you should ask about it. i.e. there is a place that does this literally in the suite next to my OB and she never suggested it until i specifically asked for a referral. my insurance covered it.
Anonymous says
Looks like this got stuck in mod all day, you may want to try posting again tomorrow. In the meantime, I don’t have anything to offer except commiseration. I went through a nearly identical delivery minus the forceps. I am only 6 months out, but gardening is very painful and I have no idea where to start on getting things sorted out. I know people speak of pelvic floor physical therapy, but I thought that had more to do with incontinence issues. I will be following along in hopes that others have more to add!
PT says
Pelvic floor PT!!!
OBs are woefully ignorant on this topic (sure there are exceptions). Therapy was awkward but so so helpful. Drive is still lower but at least it’s physically possible to engage
Anonymous says
I had painful gardening after just a second degree tear. Except there was scar tissue (actually a keloid) that was contributing. Which is super annoying because I had two post-partum visits where I said “what is this it doesn’t look right” before someone paid attention. I am prone to keloids though because of my Mediterranean skin tone/heritage. This may sound surprising but I saw a very old OB (like pushing 80) who had enough experience to help. He literally removed the scar tissue in 5 mins during the visit, and then said things were actually too tight because of the stitches. It’s not like they slipped me a “husband stitch”, this is just a common thing that can happen after a tear. So he said my muscles were tightening up after first insertion which made the whole thing painful. He advised us to do a single slow insertion and have DH stay like that for 10 full seconds while I breathed and relaxed. Then we could go on, albeit slowly. Everything “stretched out” and got back to normal very quickly!!
But yes, pelvic floor PT!! And your OB shouldn’t be surprised, they’ve all asked me if gardening was OK after having a baby. This is common, no need to be embarrassed but also no need to keep suffering through it!
Anonymous says
Adding that PT is not just kegels- if there is painful scar tissue or tightness there are massages and stretches they can show you that DO HELP.
Anonymouse says
Are you still nursing? We were not able to without pain until I weaned which is apparently common because of the hormones. Sometimes extra lubricant can help, but even with that it was still a nogo. And yes, pelvic floor therapy. If you used a doula / midwife, ask them for recommendations.
Spamtest123 says
Spamtest123
Spamtest123 says
I’m confused why my other post (and subsequent re-post) is stuck in moderation. Sigh.
AwayEmily says
Maybe late in the day for this but I was doing some searching today for a possible weekend trip to the Adirondacks this summer. My kids are 3 and 16 months and basically every single place I looked at, even the really nice ones, just seemed like a death trap (especially for the 16mo). Cords everywhere, pools, decks with minimal fencing — I got kind of tired just thinking about trying to keep the kids safe.
I know people travel with toddlers, so what am I not doing right? Am I just being overly anxious? Looking at the wrong types of places? Part of me thinks we should just give up on travel until the baby is old enough to have a vague sense of self-preservation.I want to relax on vacation, not constantly be yanking my kids away from stuff.
Anonymous says
Maybe see if you can rent one of the baby jail set ups (gated circle thing) so you can have a safe area for toddler vs. trying to babyproof everything?
But basically welcome to parenthood where vacations are exhausting and a trip to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation. We still travel, I just don’t expect it to be restful in the same way it was before kids. It gets better when they are 4/5+ and can reliably not put stuff in their mouths.
Anonymous says
When my kids were around that age, just that one summer, we skipped summer travel completely, and I don’t regret it. (That was after a prior trip to a lake house where even though we had grandparent help it was constant vigilance and zero relaxation.)
Anonymous says
You are both overly anxious and I suspect your desire to truly “vacation” on vacation is unrealistic.
When we take family vacations, it’s just like home, but different scenery. My kids are 1, 3 and 6 and my 3 y/o has had a death wish since she was born. We travel plenty. We just go slow, keep an eye on everyone and set the bar low.
Anonymous says
Relax on vacation! Haha!! DH and describe traveling with kids as “we always have a good time but it is not relaxing”. I dont think I’ll relax on vacation until my kids are in elementary school but even then you still have to be careful about water safety. I would just go and prepare to be vigilant. When you get there take 20 mins to baby proof – Take some outlet covers with you, tie up blind cords, put cleaning supplies out of reach etc…and then call it a day.
AwayEmily says
All great comments so far. I guess my thinking is that if I can’t relax at all on vacation then…why go at all? Why not take day trips to state parks, museums, etc, and then go back to our own house at night, at least until the kids are a couple of years older. I totally agree with whoever said I was overly anxious, and I am trying to decide how much I should try to get over it and plan some trips versus just decide that this is a season of life where we focus on finding the fun stuff to do where we live (i will note that we do a fair amount of travel because we have lots of faraway family — the question for me is whether we *also* travel for fun).
Anyway I like to hear these different perspectives. so thanks. It’s really helpful to hear how other families manage.
anon says
i think different things are fun for different people. the same way some people might love being a SAHM and others might absolutely hate it. there is no right or wrong. some people like traveling to europe with their toddlers, others think that sounds like their worst nightmare. i have 1 year old twins, but for me at this stage, going some place for just 2 nights is not worth it, which is why we haven’t done it. we did just go on a long (6+ hour) car trip for a family thing for 3 nights and if it was an event we had to attend, i wouldn’t have done it or ideally i would’ve stayed one more night with all of the packing and unpacking, etc. you say this is for a weekend away – is the goal to spend time with your kids or for you to relax? the one nice thing about getting away is when you aren’t in your own home you can’t do any of those home chores, so you tend to think less about them, so that is one thing i enjoyed about getting away. if the goal is simply to relax then get a babysitter for the day and go to a spa. if the goal is to do something fun with your kids, they maybe plan day trips or set aside a weekend and say this is a weekend of no chores and just leisure.
AwayEmily says
I really like this perspective — good advice to not compare to other people because what works for them might not work for me. Also I like the idea of trying to decide what the goal is, and building the vacation around that (I think our goal would be “non-stressful family fun”).
Anonymous says
+ 1 to different fun for different people. My BFF loved all inclusives in Cuba or DR pre kids and loves them post kids. I’ve never been and a hotel room with no kitchen and buffet dining sounds awful to me. Italy at the beach is my happy place both pre and post kids. It’s a lot less relaxing, but I still love it. She’d hate it because checking out farmer’s markets and cooking new recipes is not her idea of a vacation.
ElisaR says
yeah unfortunately we just don’t go anywhere. I traveled a lot before kids and will once my guys are older (mine are the same ages as yours).
Anonanonanon says
Someone posted a link to a funny “trip or vacation?” article here recently that had me actually laughing out loud. Traveling with children is definitely a “trip”. I am firmly on team “that’s not how I want to spend my time off/money” when my kids are little, which is 100% fine! I don’t want to pay money and take time off of work to go be MORE stressed at a different location than usual. That’s just how I’m wired, and there’s nothing wrong with it!
Anonymous says
Day trips are a good idea, but I think new experiences are beneficial for even young children. We don’t live near the beach, so going to Florida this spring was a great learning experience for DD (23 months at the time) and she had so.much.fun! She still talks about it months later. We took her to Disney for a family vacation at 1 and yes she could’ve cared less we were there, but DH and I got to eat good dinners and go someplace warm in the yucky winter. I think it’s really all up to your level of tolerance for traveling with kids and it’s totally ok to decide not to do it for a bit! But I am personally glad we go through the cost/effort just for me and DH to get away somewhere different. I’m the person above who said we always have a good time (even with a one year old at Disney!), it’s just not relaxing like it was pre-kids.
Spirograph says
I am less stressed away from home because, at nap (and we *always* plan for nap-time on vacation!) and after the kids go to bed, it’s free time. There’s minimal clean up or laundry, no work looming the next day, no housework projects hanging over my head, no social things I feel guilty about being too tired to drag myself out to. I enjoy trips even when they’re work, and can usually even feel relaxed occasionally provided the following are met:
1. Long enough stay to justify the travel time (short travel, long stay is best!)
2. We have a kitchen, and therefore do not need to eat out 3 meals/day
3. Separate bedrooms/living area
4. We packed well (if not, we throw money at that right away.)
We have very low expectations for activities on vacation. We usually have a particular activity in mind, like beach, ski mountain, amusement park, city landmark. The trip is designed around making that one thing convenient (preferably walkable), and anything else is a bonus.
Anonymous says
For me, the value of going away, aside from sometimes being in cool places, is not having to look at things that need to get done at home. When I am home, I can’t ignore the to do list.
Also not sure what is the great danger of cords. We have many cords.
Anonymous says
Not sure if the OP meant electrical cords (which aren’t a huge deal for us) or corded blinds, which are very dangerous to kids up to age 5.
Anonymous says
This.
We do Airbnb a lot for trips (not vacations) with the kids. We look for properties tagged as family-friendly, do a quick glance through the pictures to make sure we’re not renting somewhere that’s decorated with a bunch of fragile stuff, and if there’s a pool I make sure there’s a fence all the way around — no direct pool access from the house. Otherwise, I show up at the house and do a walk-through to relocate breakable or hazardous objects, tie up the cords for blinds, etc. If anything is dangerous in a non-fixable way, at least I know to keep the kids out of that area. If you’re driving to your vacation spot, it’s worth throwing a baby gate or two in the car, especially if you’ll want to block stairs. Any railing that is up to code is basically toddler safe, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
Pogo says
This is my first year dealing with this (last year I had just a crawler/cruiser who wasn’t actually at that speedy). We chose an AirBnb that is owned by a couple with a child 3 mos older than mine. It is furnished in a bare, Scandinavian style with minimal knick-knacks/breakable things and the owners said it’s baby-proofed (due to their own toddler) and they will leave gates for us.
Our winter vacation was at a ski condo where they definitely did not have toddlers, but they did have gates for guests which we used for stairs. We had to relocate any breakable items to upper shelves, and just be extra vigilant. The most annoying thing was big floor to ceiling windows which my kid kept opening (the crank kind of opening mechanism was captivating to him).
Anonymous says
Consider what entertains your child and see if that can be worked into your vacation. I love traveling. It is more work with a kid. However, In planning I try to incorporate something my kid will absolutely love. It is not always what you will expect. On our last trip to NYC, we picked a hotel that was close to Time Square because we found he loves to people watch. He stared out the window as much as he was allowed. It was not my usual choice of a hotel but he was thrilled and we had a break from parenting while he watched the city go by.
Also, look For family friendly hotels. There is a better chance you will find them safer and they will be more accommodating.
Anon says
I tend to travel to places to visit family or travel with family, so that we have “help” – whether it’s as simple as someone else to entertain toddler at the dinner table or actually staying with family so that the adult to child ratio is increased. We haven’t really done any “fun” vacation travel that didn’t involve family other than a long-weekend within driving distance, but our family tends to either be in (or go with us to) fun-ish places. I vastly prefer hotels, preferably at least 4 star, to home-type places unless there are additional adults present or it is a family member’s home who has taken the time to at least do some rudimentary baby-proofing. I like the housekeeping, the lack of breakable decorative things and the ability to have lots of inside space (hotels with conference centers are great for this!) to let toddler run around if need be. We are going to the beach for a week this summer with family and staying in a rental home, but I am hopeful that will go OK with two childless aunts, grandparents and a great aunt to help contain our toddler tornado.
Things that make our travel easier: Either shipping consumables in advance to our destination or making a quick target run to pick up kiddo friendly snacks, diaper supplies, pop cans for the adults, etc. Separate sleeping area for toddler (be in bathroom or closet, a living room or a suite-type hotel room). Access to a fridge. Bringing a good stroller so that we can get a decent nap on the go. I prefer to drive if it’s not unreasonable so that we can bring all of the things. And I plan only 1 main activity per day (a significant change to my pre-baby life).
If we are around water, DH insists that toddler wear a full-fledged life jacket. That helps give some piece of mind, although is obviously not a substitute for proper vigilance. She is the only toddler on the beach so beleaguered, but she also has no fear, so, meh. I grew up at the beach and was a strong swimmer and definitely remember almost drowning a handful of times so while I do feel for her, it’s not a terrible idea to me.
Anon says
Yeah, gently, I think your expectations are off. I love traveling with our toddler, but it’s not a relaxing “vacation” and I imagine it won’t be for many years. And I just have one kid. As for why to travel, for me at least, parenting in Paris or Hawaii is better than parenting at home, even if it’s still parenting. I enjoy being able to get out and do fun stuff (not everything I would do without kids, but a good chunk of it) and trying new restaurants. And if your kid(s) still nap, nap time can be quite relaxing (read, watch TV, “garden”). I actually find day trips way more stressful because there’s no way to do a nap, so we’ve largely avoided those for now.
Twinsanity says
Ladies, help. I’m home from work (biglaw) on maternity leave with my twin boys, who just turned 3 months old and I feel like I’m drowning. They’re actually sleeping well at night (once they go to sleep, generally after a couple hours of crying), but I can’t seem to get any semblance of a consistent schedule or routine during the day. And honestly, what are you supposed to DO with infants all day? It doesn’t help that it’s been HOT and rainy here, so walks and sitting outside m are out. Going anywhere by myself with them feels daunting… and also like it wouldn’t be that much fun for them. But the endless dance between two fussy babies in my house all day is driving me insane. I knew I probably wouldn’t LOVE the newborn phase, but I didn’t think it would be quite this challenging. And on top of it, I feel guilty for wishing away their babyhood. Please give me some perspctive here!
shortperson says
my understanding is that with twins it’s all about survival until they are 18 months old. so keeping them alive is an accomplishment! with my biglaw maternity leaves i wanted to do all the museums coffee shops etc but i dont think thats too realistic with twins. maybe you can hire a babysitter for a few hours a few times a week to take a break?
Fellow twin mom says
I don’t know if you’re still reading but i have 13 month old twins. I live in a place where it is very hot during the summer and we literally didn’t take them for a walk until they were 5 months old. I was also triple feeding so no time to go anywhere between feeds. If you post again tomorrow or post a burner email I’m happy to write a longer response but I’m currently writing from my phone and in a rush. We had our twins on a schedule which saved my life. I also ended up hiring some mother’s helpers bc we have no local family, DH was working a ton and i was drowning. I promise it gets easier!
anon says
Oh my goodness, you are me six years ago with my twins. When my sister-in-law had one baby, she and her husband seemed so stinking happy all the time. I asked my family, “I wasn’t like that, was I?” And they said, “NOPE! You were just surviving.” Now we have 2 kids who use the bathroom by themselves and talk and ride bikes and life is good! Just do the best you can!
Anonymous says
I have twins as well. I was not able to get them on a schedule until four months, despite being fairly regimented and having them come home from the NICU on a feeding schedule. In retrospect, I wish I wouldn’t have worried about it so much because it does happen, just not as early as I would have liked. I had an expectation they would be on a schedule by 12 weeks, but it wasn’t a reality for us. I generally say that I “lost” the first four months due to exhaustion and stress. So…you are right in there. It does get better. I literally feel like I “woke up” at about four and a half months when it became ever so slightly less difficult and I had the energy to do things again.
I had them in the middle of the winter (I live in a cold climate), so the reverse of your problem: being outside was not an option at zero degrees. As far as outings, I wouldn’t be too concerned about what they would enjoy at this age. In the beginning, I would do simple things such as loading them in the car and going to the drive-through coffee shop, just to practice getting out of the house without the added stress of getting them out of the car and into public (which we weren’t supposed to anyway because they were preemies). Once they were on a schedule, I would take them to a store and push them around in their stroller between the morning and afternoon naps. Hang in there, it gets easier.
AwayEmily says
Also, I know you know this but just some additional reassurance: it is okay to not love the tiny baby stage! No guilt necessary. I did not really enjoy it with either of my kids. And now I look back on those photos of them as little babies, and I don’t think “if only I had treasured those moments!” I think “wow, that was not fun, I’m sure glad it is over and now I have toddlers.”
CHL says
Omg I felt that way with 1 baby – I have no idea how you’re doing it with two! Get some help – my mom would come over and sit even for 90 minutes with baby so I could get out and feel like a human, or just do the laundry that always seemed to be full, or cook and clean up some food. Also I always had a beer at 5 pm. Sometimes a nursing cookie. Or 3…. It is not forever — if you can afford help, get some and muddle through however it works for you. I did a lot of walking with the stroller and a podcast at that stage too.