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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Requesting to go part time says
I have a strategic question for the hive. On maternity leave now, returning soon. I’m an in house counsel at a nonprofit. I just had my third baby and going back right now feels like… a lot. I’d love to go 80 percent and just do four days a week, and I don’t think it would have a big impact on the org. However, No one has done it and they tend to be strict with these things, so I think I’m going to get a no. (Probably a yes from my new boss who came from a law firm recently and seems reasonable and a no from HR).
Even knowing this, worth it to take a shot? Would you go ahead and try this request now/as you return or go back and give it an effort for a few months and then make the ask? I’m worried about returning on a negative note if I get turned down now. On the other hand, knowing I want to do it maybe should just go for it?
Anonymous says
I would make the request now and sell it as a ramp up period. Ask for six months or a year as a trial period then reevaluate if they refuse the permanent change.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. Ask for an “ease in” or “ramp up” period and model how it would work (e.g. workplan, days/hours, what would be transitioned to others, etc.) when asking.
OP says
Oooh I like this idea. I think one of my concerns is my office wouldn’t let me structure the leave itself with a ramp up period, but since this would be entirely outside of our normal policies it might be possible? I think I’m going to shoot her an email (maybe phone call? New boss so I don’t know how she works but I’d prefer to get this type of request in an email so I could structure my reply?)
Or would it be weird to ask new boss to lunch while I’m on mat leave? I’m overthinking this.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My team/department/company had 0 policy around “ease in” and I was able to create a few options for a direct report as a response to her request for something a lot more generous. The options I created were then leveraged for other returning mums in my department as part of an “ease in” policy — including me! My point is, you may start a conversation, help identify a gap, and get some more flexibility if not exactly what you want. At the very least, maybe you can negotiate (more?) remote work days for a certain time period that could give you some flexibility with drop offs/pick ups.
Anonymous says
Perhaps email with a request for a phone call to “discuss my return to work.”
I’ve had so many staff on mat leave. I’d read that and my stomach would drop thinking you’re gonna resign. I would breathe a sign of relief when you later tell me you *only* want extra time home/extra ramp time and would fight like h3ll to get it for you.
OP says
Great point. And you sound like a great boss! Thanks all for the input. This has been invaluable already.
Anonymous says
Ask for it! I don’t think you’ll be viewed negatively as asking. I actually had my boss offer this to me, but we needed my full salary for daycare.
Pogo says
Definitely ask. My company allows part-time work but not everyone knows who is part-time, so I could see some people thinking we don’t have part-time work when we really do! People who do 30 hrs/week are often in the office almost as much as FT employees (given travel and wfh/flex) so it’s not obvious.
Anonymous says
Think about what would work best for you and for your job. 10-4 five days a week would get approved a lot faster than T/W/TH 8-6 at my job but that’s because we have a lot of meetings and it’s easy to bump from 9 start to 10 start but hard to bump from a Thursday to the following Tuesday. Or if you have a long commute, three longer days might be better. ‘Part-time’ can mean so many different things that you should try to define what you want a bit so you drive the conversation, not them.
IHeartBacon says
You got a lot of great comments for other folks. I would also suggest that you could suggest just having Wednesdays off. This will get you two days off, two days of work, one day off, two days of work, two days off, etc…
Trying Again says
Trying again today because I was stuck in mod purgatory all day yesterday….
Can’t believe I’m posting on this topic, but here it goes: DD is almost 14 months old. I had a tough labor (I was induced past my due date at 0 effacement/CMs), 4 hours of pushing, ended up using forceps and then had a pretty good tear (I forget stages, but one short of the full tear). I had about three weeks of intense pain post delivery. Today (and for the last 14 months), “gard ening” hurts and brings no joy like… at all. The pain is stinging more than anything – I think.. it’s a little hard to describe. Eventually goes away but sometimes it doesn’t. Also, my desire is next to zero. I have an appointment next week with my G YN, who is new to me as my former rockstar OB /G YN is now OB only.
In case it matters, a few other facts: (1) I went through pretty tough fertility treatments with lots of prodding and countless T-V ultrasounds. One of my working theories is the treatments/prodding comes in to play, at least mentally somehow… like fertility treatment PTSD. (2) Another theory is that there is some scar tissue down there from the stitches, (3) I recently had a small growth on my thyroid identified. It’s too small to biopsy but will be monitored every 6 months via U/S until (should) it get large enough to biopsy…wondering if that’s messing hormones up. This is a recent discovery and PCP doesn’t know about the painful gard ening / lack of desire so no connections have been made by anyone but me at this point. (4) No issues with incontinence.
I guess my question is, where do I even begin with this new person next week? As far as she’s aware this is a regular annual check up. And, has anyone experienced something similar? I don’t have to live like this, right?
FWIW, DH has been more than understanding but he’s urging me to get this sorted out for many reasons.
octagon says
Talk to your doctor about pelvic floor PT. The hospital where you delivered may have a program, or you may have to find a separate provider. Pain can be addressed!
Anon says
I’m in a similar boat, although my delivery didn’t involve forceps…DD is 15 months old and gardening is pretty painful to the point that we have only successfully done P-in-V a couple of times. I did ask my OB about it and she said I had pretty bad scarring down there and unfortunately it would just take time to get back into things. DH is being very patient but it is frustrating for both of us. I am still nursing, albeit not much, and am hopeful things will improve when I fully wean.
I really doubt the nodule on your thyroid has anything to do with it but I would definitely see an endo about it, – not because of the libido thing but because endos are experts at the thyroid and PCPs are not. Monitoring via ultrasound until it gets bigger sounds like the standard treatment, but because I would want an expert involved if there’s even a small chance of cancer, which there is with a nodule. (I have a long history of thyroid issues that I’m sure has nothing to do with gardening issues, fwiw.)
SBJ says
Confirming all the suggestions for pelvic floor PT. It’s not at all only for incontinence; they will work to mobilize scar tissue and relax overly tight muscles, plus give you exercises to do work on this at home. There are also some tools that they can suggest for home use that will allow you to do manual work (e.g., dilators) as well. They are seriously the most helpful postpartum resource and it’s a crime that they aren’t part of the standard care for women after delivery (v or c-just carrying the baby can do a number on your pelvic floor muscles). The pelvic floor PTs I’ve had have honestly been the most valuable care providers I’ve ever had. OBs make referrals so easily; I don’t know why they don’t just do it proactively. Likely won’t even require an appointment, just a phone call to make the request. Or your PCP can do it, too.
anon. says
If you are interested in pelvic floor PT, check out a woman who goes by “the vag**a whisperer” (write it out obviously) on Instagram. She’s wonderful and has a ton of resources.
anon says
I was very aware of the spot where I tore for a good while after birth- discomfort more than pain and generally shifting positions would help along with plenty of high quality l*be. Maybe up to 18 months? It ultimately went away and things got back to normal. Talk to your doctor about it- this is her job to focus on issues with your intimate health. She’s heard it before.
Anon says
I had intense pain as well and when I went for my Ob appointment, she noticed scar tissue. She numbed the area, did a quick snip, made sure it wasn’t bleeding anymore, and I was on my way. Gardening was so much more enjoyable after that – better than pre-kid actually!
Anonanonanon says
I think I miscalculated the start day for this round of the pill and may be pregnant. Had some light spotting this weekend which NEVER happens to me, and some other period-like symptoms. I spoke to the nurse in my doc’s office and they think there’s the chance of pregnancy. My period is due this weekend-ish, so waiting before taking any tests and keeping it to myself.
Anyone have this experience before? We want another kiddo, but were hoping to start trying later this year. Maybe I’m just completely wrong and it’s something else (which kind of scares me…). Getting pregnant by miscalculating BC by a day just seems so…random.
Anonymous says
Of course there is always a chance of pregnancy if you mess up on the pill, but you aren’t even late yet so I think the worry is premature.
Anonanonanon says
I got pregnant with my first on the pill (this is a different anonanonanon, btw, this is the name I regularly use) and it played out almost exactly like you’re describing.
Irish Midori says
That’s how I got pregnant. Some of the home tests work several days before your period is due, so it could show up this early, but it could also not. Just be ready for either outcome. It could also be nothing.
OP says
Thanks. If it is nothing I’ll be concerned about a potential broader health issue. I wouldn’t think twice if it wasn’t for the spotting (which again, is brand new to me. plus last time I was expecting I was not on the pill) and mild pregnancy/period-like systems I had last time I was pregnant. Will have to see if my period comes….
Anonymous says
Spotting is not cause for health concerns.
AwayEmily says
This happened to me a few weeks ago! I’d missed a pill, then soon after I got weird spotting…but then a few days later I got my period. Just wanted to offer some reassurance that sometimes it really is nothing.
Pogo says
+1 have also had weird spotting when missed a dose and it turned out to be nothing.
OP says
Thanks! Maybe I missed a pill vs. started late. Good to know there were no deeper issues. :)
Anonymous says
I would assume that you had spotting from missing the pill. Spotting and other period-like symptoms don’t see like a sign of pregnancy to me… my giveaway was a heightened sense of smell.
Anonymous says
Any good tips for making an out of town mother-in-law feel included in the new baby process? I’m 8 months pregnant and my MIL has told my husband that she feels hurt that we’re not including her more, but I have no idea how to do that. We have weekly calls and have emailed registry ideas back and forth. Thanks!
Anonymous says
This does not really answer your question, but I’m genuinely puzzled by all the mothers and MILs out there who expect to be “included in the new baby process.” You and your husband are the ones having the baby. You get to decide how involved, or not, anyone else gets to be. You do not have an obligation to make this a wonderful experience for your MIL. She needs to chill.
ElisaR says
yes
LittleBigLaw says
+1 Also, if she wants to be involved, it’s on her to take the initiative. Don’t set yourself up for frustration down the road. Best to shut this passive-aggression down now before baby arrives or else she’ll be guilting you for the rest of your kid’s life
Redux says
Same but different: my mother is still hurt 5 years later that my sister told her that she would tell my mom when to visit the new baby– and didn’t invite her to the actual birth. What she wanted/expected was that my sister would call her when she went into labor and my mom would meet her at the hospital. Just this weekend my mom told me how hurt it made her to feel excluded. FROM THE BIRTH.
Sometimes I feel soooo grateful to live several states away.
Anonymous says
Hard eyeroll at this, but it’s sweet that you want to correct it. I can see being disappointed that she can’t be there with you and your husband to share your excitement and preparations, but “hurt” implies that you’re doing something to box her out, which I doubt, based on your question. What does she expect? Maybe help her plan a trip to come visit after the baby is born? Or does she want to fly out sooner and help decorate the nursery? I’m trying to imaging what things she thinks she should be included in when she is not physically present. There is not much you can do from afar.
HSAL says
You are 8 months pregnant. Do not take on the burden of your MIL’s hurt feelings. You have enough to deal with. You’re talking to her weekly, sharing gift ideas, what else does she want? If she wants something that would make her feel better, she can ask for it and then you can decide how to handle it. She’s talking nonsense.
Anonymous says
First– I think she’s being silly. You talk to her on a weekly basis and email her about baby things, so she is being included. I think it’s sometimes hard for grandparents to realize at first that this new little one isn’t “theirs” and they don’t get to be involved in the minutiae of decision-making.
But if you want to try to make her feel more included, I would encourage your husband to call more often to ask little questions. It will make her feel good to feel like the baby expert you are turning to.
Anonymous says
“I think it’s sometimes hard for grandparents to realize at first that this new little one isn’t “theirs” and they don’t get to be involved in the minutiae of decision-making.”
SO MUCH YES. Thanks for putting this into words!
Anonanonanon says
Honestly? Shut this sh** down NOW. It will only get worse, and she’s going to consistently try to make YOUR birth/motherhood experience about HER feelings if it doesn’t end. Your husband needs to have a gentle talk with her where he reminds her that you two are the ones having a baby, you’re fully-functioning adults, and are enjoying this time as a couple. It’s not your job to manage her feelings around this, and I hope your husband can set that boundary early and often.
Anonymous says
Ugh YES. Don’t let this turn into “You never let me see the baby!” which I get from a long distance MIL who Facetimes once a week and has access to a shared photo album with daily photos.
Anonymous says
Same! Weekly face time and lots of shared photos with an out of state MIL. And yet I (somehow not my husband…) am keeping the grandkids from her…
Anonymous says
This puts you in an almost impossible situation as you’re trying to guess what might make her feel included. Have DH say “We chat weekly and include you in thoughts on the registry. There’s not that much else happening. What would make you feel more included? Give us a few ideas and we’ll see what we can make work.”
Thoughtful to include her but you don’t have to do the emotional labor of guessing what would make her feel more included.
I asked my long distance MIL to make a photo flip book of DH’s relatives and hometown spots- she used old school hard copy pictures which was fine. And to put together a collection of his favorite childhood books.
Anonymous says
Adding that the other thing I had her do was record herself singing lullabies and nursery rhymes. I played them for the baby instead of random music and I think that helped baby be more comfortable with her when she came to visit.
Anon says
My MIL loves text messages seeking her input, even if you are going to totally disregard it. She wants to be treated like a friend. So, a picture of a wall and then a picture of two things you are thinking could go there and ask her which she prefers. That sort of ish.
EP-er says
I would be cautious about this. I learned that you can’t ask opinions and then constantly disregard the answers you get… so only do this for items you really don’t care the outcome on!
Anon says
Agree with the above that you don’t need to take this on, but if, and only if, you want to be extremely accommodating, I would consider having your husband suggest the following to see what would make her feel more included: her (NOT YOU) planning a trip for a few weeks after the baby arrives, including talking about what she can help with, what will be fun, etc., ask her to put together a family tree on her side (names, birth, death, marriage dates, maybe medical information if she has it) so that you can have that info for kiddo. If you intend to do paper birth announcements, ask her to pull together names and addresses from your husband’s side so those are ready to go. If she has any crafting skills, maybe ask her if she could make a craft (e.g., a needlepoint welcome new baby thing you could frame (mine has my name, DOB, weight, length and time and some balloons and teddybear on it), knit or crochet a blanket, etc.). If she travels and is helpful, maybe invite her for a couple of day visit in the next two months to help prep – she can help cook freezer meals if that’s your thing (wasn’t mine) or help wash and fold all the new baby clothes (my aunt did this), help finish setting up the nursery or putting together items (stroller, bassinet, swing, whatever), etc. If you’re getting more frequent ultrasounds (I was high risk, so mine were pretty frequent), sharing a copy of the photo and how the baby is growing or measuring (even if wholly unreliable, they like to know in my experience).
Anonanonanon says
These are some great, concrete suggestions. Offering/asking specific tasks will also put your husband in the position of being able to say “Well mom, we asked for help with _______ and said we’d really appreciate __________, but you didn’t seem to want to do those things. What are you suggesting we do?”
Anonymous says
Is your mother somehow “more included”? I have no idea what this means. But have there been showers that your MIL hasn’t been invited to? Otherwise perhaps DH could ask what “more involved” means to his mom. This isn’t your problem.
If you feel like it (HUGE if), give out of town MIL a pet project, like buying or sewing curtains for the nursery. My across the country MIL makes a handmade Christmas stocking for each baby, it takes her months. It’s her “thing.”
FWIW my MIL and mother were equally uninvolved.
Anonanonanon says
Both of my MILs (yes, on my second marriage) seemed to take issue with the fact my mom was more “involved”. Well, guess what? While that baby is in my body it is MY body and MY experience to discuss with those I feel comfortable discussing it with. I’ve always talked to my mother every day and my MILs far less frequently… why would that change because I’m pregnant? I don’t suddenly owe someone updates on my bodily functions because I’m carrying their grandchild. Also, in both situations, my mother was long-distance and the MILs were local… but guess who showed up to clean our house and wash bottles and do laundry and cook for us?
OP says
My own mom passed away several years ago, and I think MIL is sad that she has not been fully welcomed into the role of mom in my life. We have a good relationship for the most part, but she’s still not my mom! Thanks for all the suggestions so far.
Anonymous says
All the hugs. I’d suggest you actually think about looking into meeting with a therapist. Sometimes it can be good to establish a relationship before baby comes in case you struggle afterwards. Or at least know who you can call for support. Maybe I’m being overly cautious but My DH lost his dad several years before we had our first baby and it was a really hard thing for him to process that his dad would never meet his kids.
She’s not your mom and no one will ever replace your mom. Talk to DH about having strong boundaries with her and being protective of you as she should not be invading the space your mom would have filled unless YOU are seeking that out.
Quail says
+1. My mom died five years before I had my son, and his birth brought back so many emotions that I thought I was “over” (caveat that of course death/loss is something you live with, not get over). Not just the fact that she never got to meet him, but also how I was missing out on connecting with her about when I was a baby, seeing myself in her role, thinking about how she would have done x or y for me as a baby and loved me as much as I loved my son, and how I could never tell her how I now understood. It’s gotten better over time, but it was pretty intense at the beginning.
My MIL and stepmom (parents divorced when I was a kid, not a widower marriage) are wonderful grandmas, but they have never acted like they wanted to be in a “my mom” role. I’m sorry that you are feeling that from your MIL, because that’s a pretty rough spot to put you in – she should go out of her way to avoid doing that, especially during the post-partum period.
Spirograph says
I’m sorry about your mom, all the hugs from me too.
This puts your question in a different light for me, and I agree with 11:16 to enlist your husband to help set boundaries with MIL. I hope you have a lovely relationship with her that gets stronger over many years, but she’s not your mom. No one can replace your mom, and especially in the heightened emotional state of pregnancy and new motherhood, I would be so, so upset if I felt that someone was trying to do that. I’m sure your MIL has the best of intentions, but you don’t need to include anyone more than you feel comfortable with. You’ve gotten some good concrete suggestions of things you could ask MIL to do, but it’s also OK to ask her *not* to do things, if that’s what you need.
Anonymous says
Agree with the recommendation to connect with a therapist. My mom died when I was in middle school. When I was pregnant, I was receiving care for depression and anxiety and got a referral to a therapist who did a lot of work with me around feelings of being a mom without my mom and it was good to process in a safe space and think about situations that might arise before they happened. I read Motherless Daughters when younger and although I cried through most of it, I found it helpful too.
anon says
Are your parents in town? If so, it might not necessarily be that she doesn’t feel included now, but that she is thinking ahead to once the baby comes and she won’t be there, but your mom will. Regardless, weekly phone calls + input on registry seems like a great way to include her. Agreeing with above that ask DH what would help her feel more included bc I am kind of stumped. Maybe you could ask her to research something if she is the kind of person who likes researching different products (assuming it is not something you have a strong opinion about).
Pogo says
I genuinely don’t know what you could do to make her feel more included now, but with my MIL after baby was born we created an iPhone photo share and regularly upload photos so she can see what he’s up to. We also started weekly Facetime calls, but it sounds like you’re already doing weekly calls.
I caution against actually having her “help out” unless you know she’s truly helpful. All my inlaws were at my house when I got home from the hospital and it was… a lot. They were not helpful and in some cases made things more difficult.
LittleBigLaw says
This might also be a good time for a talk with your DH about his role as gatekeeper when baby arrives. Not that he shouldn’t tell you if MIL is upset necessarily, but if it’s his family, he should really take the lead in managing their expectations/feelings. The newborn period is a time for you to heal and bond with baby. One important way DH can help is to create space for you to focus on that, rather than having to referee other people’s feelings.
rosie says
Yes agree with this. Your husband needs to handle his mom, whether that’s finding ways to ‘involve” her or drawing boundaries. And I am so sorry about your mom, OP.
ElisaR says
question for people who have used prescription tretonin (Retin-A). I am about 6 months in and its definitely working wonders on my skin, but I feel like I have excessive shine on my face now. Do you use powder after makeup? is that the look I’m going for?? I guess it’s kinda dewy?
ElisaR says
my initial post is awaiting moderation so i’ll try to re-word.
Anybody use a prescription retinol and experience shiny skin? I feel like mine is too shiny. Powder over makeup? or is the dewey look the goal?
Anonymous says
I think “dewy” is part of the goal, but if it’s too much for you, I really like the cheapy HD finish translucent powder from NYC (I get it at Target). A quick dusting is all you need.
dc anon says
I’m flying next week with DH, and our 2 and 5 year olds. We’re taking two travel car seats – any tips on navigating through the airport with all of our stuff? I have seen the recommendation to bring a foldable wagon to haul stuff, are you allowed to gate check that like a stroller?
Anonymous says
Check everything you can. Each of them gets one back pack to carry on, same for you. I would not anticipate being able to gate check a wagon.
Anonymous says
use two car seat travel carts (britax makes one) not a wagon if you are planning to take the car seats onboard. I don’t think they would gate check a wagon but I always check our car seats so no direct experience.
Anonymous says
Check the car seats. Each kid can carry one from the curb to the check in counter, wearing a carry on back pack. Check two suit cases, one for kids and one for you and husband, and you and husband each carry on a small bag that fits in front of you with things you might need during the flight.
Anonymous says
Oh sorry I misread this and thought it was two 5 year olds. Obvi a two year old cant carry their own car seat
Anonymous says
Check the car seats. Either make the kids walk and stick the car seats in the stroller if you are bringing one or get wheels for the car seat. My 5 y/o carries her own backpack and booster seat.
You may want to have an ergo and pop your 2 y/o in it for the airport walk. My almost 3 y/o *never * rides in our Ergo but she will in the airport and it makes life way easier. We have a baby too so each adult is wearing a kid in front and a backpack, the 2 car seats are in the stroller being pushed by one adult my oldest is walking. The other adult is rolling 1-2 suitcases.
This circus goes to the check counter where the 2 car seats and boosterand all rolling bags are checked. Two youngest get in stroller. Stroller is gate checked at plane. We board with 3-4 backpacks (2 adult, 1-2 kid ones), one of which is the diaper bag.
I then drink a bottle of airplane wine and pray to the gods of travel for a quick and painless flight.
When we arrive, we do everything in reverse. If oldest is asleep or exhausted, she hops in the stroller for a ride (she’s too big for it but it works in a pinch) and one of the Littles goes in a front carrier.
Workmom says
Are you getting a rental car? If so, I highly recommend renting car seats as well, rather than carrying them with you. We didn’t try out renting car seats for our first 3 years of traveling with two kids, but now we have, and I won’t go back. Lugging the car seats to the check in counter (let alone on the plane, horrors), risking damage to them, wrestling to buckle them into the rental car, etc., is so miserable. The rental car companies’ car seats are bare bones basic, but they’ll do the job for the short period you’re driving, and it makes it so much easier to get through the airport.
If not, I echo what others have said, which is to check the car seats, curbside if possible. Put them into car-seat-transporter bags (these are inexpensive and work great: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07F3SG42M/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1) to minimize the possibility of damage or losing parts.
Now that your car seats are checked in, presumably you’re left with an umbrella stroller and two carry-ons, plus personal items. Balance the personal items on top of the bags. One of the adults rolls both bags; the other pushes the kids in the stroller. Push the kids down the jet bridge in the stroller, then unload them off to the side at the bottom. One parent takes them onto the plane, the other folds up the stroller to have it gate-checked. Reverse the process coming out; one adult waits at the bottom for the stroller to come in from the gate-check, the other proceeds up the ramp with the kiddos and waits in the waiting area for the stroller to appear.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
We fly a ton and always bring the carseats on board, so here’s our strategy with twin 3-year-olds and 2 parents (also totally doable with one parent, just a little trickier before you drop off the suitcase because you have to pull a suitcase while pushing the double stroller). Everything gets packed in one big wheeled suitcase, plus 3-4 carryons (was 1-2 when they were babies, but now they like having their own backpacks). If we’re bringing laptops we have an adult backpack, diaper bag, and 2 kid backpacks. If we’re not bringing laptops, we condense that to 1 adult/diaper bag and 2 kid backpacks.
Car to check-in goes one of two ways. It takes a couple trips to get everything on/off the parking lot shuttle, but such is life when traveling with little kids.
With double-stroller: Toddlers and backpacks in stroller, carseats hung off handlebars. One parent pushes stroller, one pulls the suitcase. Adult carryons either go on a parent’s back or under the stroller.
Without stroller: Carseats get stacked on a folding luggage cart and carryons stuck in the carseats; toddlers go on parents’ backs in carriers. One parent pulls suitcase; other parent pulls carseats.
Stroller then gets gate-checked. One parent goes in front with carryons, toddlers walk on carrying their backpacks, other parent follows with stacked carseats. When we don’t have the stroller we just fold-up the luggage cart and bring it on with us, but you could also gate-check it. I’ve never gate-checked a wagon, but I’ve heard it works.
EB0220 says
Checking the car seats is good but if you’re stubborn like me you can get an inexpensive strap from Amazon to attach the carseat to your rolling bag (if you’re using one). I did that once traveling alone (bubble bum for 5 year old, convertible strapped to the bag for 3 year old).
EB0220 says
Oh, and I gate checked the convertible carseat. Bubble bum was in my bag.
Tryingnottobefrumpyintheburbs says
guys, I need some fun clothing for social events when I cannot wear the typical athleisure I live in while carting my kids around on the weekends. Flowy styles are not typically flattering on me so I have been having issues finding things that are slim fit and/or tailored that are still casual. Anyone have any “go to” fun outfits? TIA!
AwayEmily says
I also don’t look great in flowy stuff. This summer my uniform is high-rise straight ankle jeans from Old Navy (the “High-Rise Secret-Slim Pockets Power Slim Straight Jeans,” why must they give them such complex names??) that I pair with a fitted t-shirt. Thankfully, fitted t-shirts seem to be back this summer — I have a couple from Target (their “a new day” line).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to those ON jeans. I bought the distressed version and now live in them on weekends, and I’m someone who never understood how people could wear jeans around the house comfortably.
Anonanonanon says
I worked with a Trunk Club stylist to arrive at my weekend uniform. It’s not particularly fun, but it works!
-Skinny jeans (I have some from madewell in a medium and a dark wash, and another brand that is distressed)
-White t shirt (I have a V-neck looser one that is lou & grey that I wear and just tuck in front, aka a french tuck. Or a more form-fitting theory brand one I wear untucked)
-Gold necklaces- I have some thin gold necklaces in varying lengths that I add and layer according to my mood
-Black pointed-toe flats (I prefer rothy’s)
-Black blazer- I opted for one that is a bit longer than I wear for work. It hits about mid-bum and the sleeves are ruched. It’s from Cinq a Sept, and it was a long search to find the right “weekend blazer”
octagon says
Rothy’s are the best! I have 3 pair (2 round toe, 1 point) in fun colors. Here’s a link for $20 off – https://share.rothys.com/x/tKwI5B
Anonymous says
Skinny jeans and a longer button down shirt with sleeves rolled up. Or I just wear jeans and a nice tee shirt that’s either plain or patterened.
EB0220 says
I have no answers but I’m trying Rent the Runway for a specific social event I need a top for. Maybe you could try RtR unlimited or something like that for a few months to get some ideas?
Emily S. says
I have a few Boden breton t-shirts that I wear with J. Crew 5-inch inseam shorts or Boden colored khakis. Khakis are more comfortable than jeans when it’s warm and seem more summery. But, I struggle with this issue, too!
EB says
I have the option of being induced (if I make it that far) any day the week of July 15. My husband’s birthday is July 15 – would you pick the same birthday, or a few days off? Selfishly, I want to do it ASAP because I am uncomfortable, and it’s my second, so I might not even make it that far, but he says he feels weird about consciously picking the same birthday. WWYD??
Anonymous says
We ended up with an induction starting 2:00 am the day before our anniversary and guess what, baby’s birthday is our anniversary. It’s not a big deal and obviously we are mostly just thankful for healthy kid, but to the extent I had s choice in the matter I would’ve preferred a different day.
Anonymous says
I would avoid the same birthday for sure. It means you’ll have one very upset kid if you want to do a trip for a milestone birthday for your husband. And honestly, having to do two cakes and sets of gifts etc on the same day every year is a pain.
HSAL says
I’m also in favor of avoiding the husband’s birthday, but realistically they’re likely to be celebrated together anyway. I’m not sure why having two cakes/gifts on one day is more of a pain than having cake/gifts on two different but very close days.
Anonymous says
Wait 24 hours for your husband’s sake and plan for July 16.
Anonymous says
I’d wait a day or two esp if DH is already saying e doesn’t want to share. Make him be extra nice to you for doing so.
Anonymous says
Were you induced for your first? I ask because in my experience you can pick the day you start getting induced, but you can’t pick the actual birthday. Many, if not most, people do not give birth the day they start the induction process. When I was induced I was starting from 0 and they told me it could take anywhere from 1-4 days. It ended up taking 1.5 days for me. This might be irrelevant if you were induced with your first and it went very quickly.
Personally, I would pick the last possible date to give your body all the time it can get to start getting ready for labor on its own. Make the best decision for you, I wouldn’t worry about your husband’s b-day– it’s going to be pretty close to it regardless!
Anon says
All else being equal, health etc I would avoid his birthday, especially since he has indicated caring. I just feel like personally while I don’t do anything big for my birthday it is nice to have just one day as a parent it’s all about what I want to do, eat, etc. and a kid’s birthday day takes a lot of effort to make it special and those two combined would not work.
Keep in mind an inducement may take time. I got induced on a Friday and didn’t have the baby until Saturday.
(Obviously if you naturally have the baby on his birthday, or a health reason makes it necessary, oh well he will have to deal and it won’t be the end of the world).
Anonymous says
Just do the 16th? Can I ask why they’re bringing up induction when you’re still a month away? This wasn’t something my providers were willing to do until I was 41 weeks at least. They just wanted me to have a date in mind when I came to my 40 week appointment which I didn’t make it to because I was having a baby! Also if you needed an induction for your first you may not for your second.
My baby is due 5 days after my birth date right now and I actually think it would be cool to share a birthday, but I’d respect your husbands wishes if he cares.
anon says
DH and kid have the same birthday. It wasn’t planned that way, but so far, they love it! (they don’t really have any other option, though.) Kid is 5. We have two cakes.
Anonymous says
Yeh I recognize I have no control over when this baby comes but I just think sharing birthdays is a cool coincidence! But to each their own.
EB says
My doctor told me she will induce after 39 weeks if I want her to. She didn’t give me the option with my first, and explained it’s not a thing for first time moms, but is safe to do if it is your second (or more). I suspect the baby will come before then anyways so really like the idea of being able to schedule it for childcare reasons because we do not have family close by.
Anon says
I had a ‘fast’ induction, and it was 21 hours start to finish. First cytotec was at 7pm (after reporting at 4pm) and baby arrived at 4:04pm the next day. A friend was just induced. Told to report at 8pm, waited until 11pm to be seen, first medicine was at 1am and baby was delivered at 3am the following day (two calendar days after her induction beginning). If you really can’t wait, start the process that day and in all liklihood baby will arrive the day after DH’s bday, but also make sure you’re ok with the low probability scenario baby arrives before midnight of the day you report.
Anon says
Fwiw, I was induced as a first time mom with a Bishop score of 0 and it was under 12 hours end to end. My hospital does inductions at 5 pm, and I was fully dilated and ready to push before midnight (I ended up waiting until 3 am because the doctor on call was in an emergency C section and I had an epidural and was pretty comfortable). The nurses said it was fast for a FTM, but it didn’t sound like it was the fastest FTM induction they’d ever seen or anything, and it sounded like my experience was pretty typical for a woman who’d already given birth. I would just induce on July 16, one day is really not going to kill you and it’s way nicer to your husband and kid to not make them share a birthday.
Anon says
DANG! Power to you.
Anonymous says
Wow, just goes to show everyone is different. I could feel the ready-to-push contractions even with an epidural. I could not have waited hours! Waiting a few minutes for the OB to come in was plenty.
I did also have a just under 12 hours induction as a first time mom, though! 7:30pm to 6:45 am.
Anon says
I could feel them too, but I didn’t feel like I HAD to push. The nurses encouraged me to wait, saying the pushing phase would be shorter if I let the baby work her way down. Might be coincidence, but I only had to push for ~30 minutes.
Anonymous says
Anecdata: I was induced with my second at 41 weeks. She was born 3 hours from when my IV went in.
Elle says
As someone who shares a birthday with my sibling, here’s the thing. You’re going to celebrate their birthdays together anyway. So why not have it be cool and have the same birthday?
That said, you may or may not deliver that day anyway regardless of when you’re induced or you may go into labor and deliver that day without being induced.
Anonymous says
I would beg for the induction a few days earlier :) I was going to be induced on my birthday (for medical reasons—pregnancy induced hypertension). I did not specifically say I didn’t want to have my baby on my birthday, but I did repeatedly ask if I could do a day or two before. I’m personally happy he gets his own special day.
And FWIW I was a second time mom when I got induced and my induction lasted just over 3 hours from start to baby! So I wouldn’t assume this will necessarily be a drawn out event!
SC says
My kid’s birthday is one day after mine. His birthday is definitely celebrated instead of mine, even though they’re technically on different days. So, practically, I’m not sure having birthdays one or two days off makes a big difference.
Also, I get our birthdays confused anytime I have to give insurance or medical information about either of us. It hasn’t created an issue yet, but I’m always worried I’ll be flagged for fraud and create a huge bureaucratic nightmare for myself because I don’t know my own birthday anymore.
IHeartBacon says
If life has taught me anything it’s this: make plans to induce on your husband’s birthday. The baby will come on its own the day before.
Maya says
Moms, do you have any techniques / resources that could be helpful for almost 17 month old toddler who is having issues with texture/ extreme pickiness? He will eat pureed table food without any issues most of the time, but if we offer him lumpy food (pureed but not smoothly) he will throw a tantrum and refuse to eat. Yesterday dinner it took us 2 hours to feed him his lumpy meal! He will also not eat bread, but he will eat crackers, pea chips, cheerios, cocoa crisps…. I a.m not sure whether this is a picky eater thing or texture thing? How can I get him to eat normal toddler food? (Mac and cheese, scrambled eggs and get away from puree?
Knope says
I’m not clear from your post whether you’ve tried offering completely normal non-pureed food? Like just mac and cheese and scrambled eggs? I’d start there if not.
Anonymous says
Yes, this. Avoid the lumpy purees and give him normal (but toddler-safe) food. Put a few bite-sized pieces of a single food on his tray and let him feed himself with his hands. Bonus points if you are eating the same food at the same time.
IHeartBacon says
This.
Anonymous says
Just give him what he will eat with an option of something else.
EB says
Does he go to daycare? My son eats SO much better with his peers than he does with us, although he has gotten better with time. But even though I know he eats mac and cheese (for example) at school, he doesn’t eat it at home, so he’s still super picky.
We pretty much just ignored it – I knew he was eating a lot of different things during the day, so if he wanted pouches and milk for dinner, fine. I still offered him other options too. As with everything, it was a phase and he will eat a lot of different things at home now. I would just keep offering and not make it a big thing.
Anonanonanon says
We skipped the lump puree stage. She spit everything out and, honestly, I would too. It’s gross. She took to table food cut up into small pieces much better. There’s no rule that says you have to choke down lumpy puree before you get to have real food, I say skip it!
Anonymous says
What about just regular food? Small pieces of chicken, peas (not mashed), rice, cut up pieces of pizza, waffles/pancakes, chicken noodle soup, etc…is bring this up to the doctor at the 18 month visit. It could be a swallowing issue. I say this with kindness but developmentally your son should be eating actual solid food by this point, and even be beginning to use utensils (albeit crudely).
Anonymous says
+1 he doesn’t need to do lumpy purees, just chopped regular food into smaller pieces.
Anonymous says
Also my DD did not like Mac and cheese until after age 2, and a lot of kids (and adults) don’t like eggs.
rosie says
It’s true. Just yesterday my 2yo told me “eggs no taste good.”
Anon says
My 14 month old was picky, until we gave her a kid’s fork. Now she’ll eat almost anything. Or at least try, but even after a few failed attempts to pierce foods she’ll just pick it up and eat it. Could you try that?
Anon says
Also, ‘normal toddler food’ is just table food according to my pediatrician. DD ate steak tips on Sunday night, albeit super tiny, non-stringy pieces but she did it (see: fork!). She was also shoveling rice pilaf into her mouth with reckless abandon. We give her anything we eat, just very slightly modified for her to gnaw on and mash up before swallowing. Last night she got a quesadilla instead of a taco because I just can’t with the mess that would have come with the taco attempt…
I’d strongly recommend following FeedingLittles on instagram. I get so many ideas and much comfort from their postings. OT and nutritionist specializing in children (infants and up). I have a history of disordered eating and get very anxious about over feeding/under feeding/not feeding “right” (whatever that means) and I get a lot of reassurances from them. I gave in and bought their toddler course. I’m only on the third lesson but I’m already learning SO much.
Maya says
OP here. He ate scrambled eggs a few times a few months ago, so I know he can eat them. But now, everytime we try, he just spits it out. When we offer him bread, he doesn’t even touch it. Peas and blue berries, he either tosses them or feeds us. I regularly talk to daycare teachers and they say he is eating a mix of toddler and infant foods, and they also think at his age he should be eating everything from the toddler menu.
At his last well check, the doc suggested thinking about feeding therapy and left it to us to decide to try ourselves or see one.
I am myself very picky eater (so much so that I can’t bring myself to taste his purees, and also don’t eat eggs, meat, fish, etc. I even have issues touching meat!). I am afraid my kid will grow up to be like me …
Anonymous says
Can your DH take a bigger role in feeding him? Kids copy their parents a lot so it’s not surprising that if he sees that you do not eat certain foods that he will be cautious of those foods as well.
Anon says
My other post is in mod, but please look at FeedingLittles on instagram (and FB). I’m a disordered eater and have a ton of feeding anxiety for DD but I’m getting so much comfort and amazing ideas from them.
HSAL says
Not OP but this looks great, so thanks for the rec!
Anon says
+1 Love Feeding Littles. Buy their toddler course STAT
(Their members-only FB group you can skip)
Anonymous says
If he won’t eat bread will he eat tiny pieces of toast?
Anonymous says
If the doctor already brought up feeding therapy then I would probably go for it at this point. By 18 months most developmentally-normal toddlers are eating small pieces of regular adult food. We didn’t even order a kids meal at a restaurant until recently because we just gave DD food off our plate. Kids can eat anything you do once you start solids after 6 months. Our DD loves Indian and middle eastern food and chickpeas/lentils are easy for them to eat.
Anonymous says
+1 – I say this as a fellow picky eater who has issues with texture. My son wasn’t as extreme as yours, but he definitely liked being spoon fed purees longer than many peers. Now he is 7 and super picky. I am tempted to try therapy for him. I personally was afraid to try a lot of foods until I was in college or older. Why not see if the pros can help? I doubt it can hurt.
Anon says
For at least 2 years, my son wouldn’t eat vegetables unless they were completely pureed. So I just bought the jars and pouches (with no fruit added) and went with it. Fighting a feeding for 2 hours seems awful for all parties. We continued to put veggies on his plate (the same stuff we were eating) and eventually he started trying more things.
Cb says
Proceed with caution as it seems like your son is more sensitive than mine was but after a bout of illness where we gave into the pouch demands, we went cold turkey on pouches and purees and offered only food in some sort of accessible form. It was 3 horrific days but now he’ll happily eat most things – smoked salmon is the current favourite. But he’s still not a fan of bread – happy to lick off the butter or jam but neutral on actually eating it.
Check out the kids eat in color instagram.
Knope says
So I am lucky to work at an extremely family-friendly, relaxed-vibe boutique firm. My kid is 2.5 now, but I’ve been back at work since he was 4 months. I was chatting with a partner at the firm today about how I recently brought some business into the firm, and she made a comment about how it’s so nice to see that my “head has cleared” now that my kid is older and that she’s impressed by my new focus. This really took me aback, because … I didn’t think I was unfocused before? I did have lower hours the first 6 months I was back, because, well, pumping/new mom/no sleep/etc. But that was a while ago, and I had a great performance review this past year. I think she meant well but I am really concerned now that some thought I wasn’t performing well recently after all. Also, I’m probably going to start TTC again soon, so this makes me concerned that people with think that I’m “leaning out” again or something if I get pregnant again. Any thoughts? I don’t really want to talk to the person who said this to me, but if there are any recommendations for how to combat this perception next time around, I’d appreciate it!
ElisaR says
people say dumb things. I’m sorry because this is frustrating. I had a review once where my boss said “well now (ex-bf) is in your past and you can go forward”. I was very taken aback. I just chuckled and said “sure, yeah that’s right!” but it has hounded me ever since. My relationship was not brought into my work or my performance at work. I moved out of ex-bf’s house and to my parents then into my own apartment 3 months later. But it was a stupid comment. And I don’t think he really thought that he was just trying to think of something to say.
You could bring up the point with the person that said it but that kind of depends on the vibe/relationship you have with her.
Anonymous says
Ignore what they said, like you said you got a good performance review. But to be honest – new moms (myself included) probably are unfocused the first 6 months back. Scientifically your brain has changed! And it’s main goal is to keep another human alive. Doctors are now saying women don’t return to their baseline until 3 YEARS after having a baby. So I think what they said was dumb and just accept that yes priorities have changed in this season if life, but it sounds like you’re still kicking butt at work.
Anonymous says
Not the kindest way to make the remark definitely, but I find that time is an oddly flexible construct for most people. Even if you had said in that same conversation that your baby is now 2.5, they probably just think of you still as “just” being back. I think it’s partly the fact that time passes so quickly now as an adult and partly just people being self-centered. But I wouldn’t put a lot of stock in the comment.
Redux says
Yeah, this happens because: misogyny. You have been cast in a role as a dopey post-pregnant lady. Even if you aren’t one. I hate this comment on behalf of all the formerly pregnant people who are assumed to be less capable or driven or high-achieving, even when they are knocking it out of the park.
DLC says
I’ve found that having a nice jacket, sweater, or some such topper makes heaps of difference in my casual outfit. I know the summer weather doesn’t always lend itself to layers, but I usually throw on a men’s white linen shirt, or an open weave cardigan (i’m kind of eying a short sleeve one for summer), or an olive utility jacket from Eileen Fisher over what I’m wearing. Then even if it gets hot and I take it off eventually, at least I feel like I arrive looking put together.
anonwithtwins says
just wanted to share that the blog frugalwoods has a really good guest post on prenatal depression. thought it might resonate with someone here
lsw says
Thanks for posting. I had prenatal depression and did not even know it was a thing until I had it.
avocado says
Venting: I am sick of this @#$! job. Client calls my boss complaining that they have been trying to reach me for two weeks and I have not responded and they are very mad and want their deliverable right now because it is overdue. In fact, client has made zero attempt to contact me and the deliverable is due in three weeks. Plus that I have already bent over backwards to satisfy a whole series of ridiculous demands. WTF?
CCLA says
Vent away – I’m sorry, that sounds awful. Hopefully you have a good boss who is on your side? In client service it’s so hard to push back, but sometimes a client totally needs to be trained.
Is it at all possible they tried contacting and their messages went to j u n k? I once had to reach out to a specialist’s boss because the specialist was not replying to emails over a week and hadn’t made a phone number available. I didn’t love going above them, but it had to get done, and it turned out my emails were going to her j u n k folder. We had issues at our firm a few months ago where messages were getting past the s p a m filter but getting sent to the generic j u n k folder. I still think it’s on the client to attempt to reach you by phone before going to boss if written messages go unanswered, but wanted to throw that experience out there. But based on what you said about how they framed it, I’m guessing they’re just awful clients.
avocado says
Yes, I checked my e-mail filters and phone history. This client has a long history of unfounded complaints, of willfully misunderstanding things, and of contesting results it doesn’t like. Unfortunately, boss’s attitude is that no matter how wrong the client is, I should somehow have prevented this from happening. ESP, I guess? Part of the problem is that I am not the original project director, but inherited the project from someone who quit. Another part of the problem is that this type of project is highly politicized and the clients always want to manipulate the results to their advantage. And worse, this type of project is not really even our division’s job. I need to get out of this line of business entirely so I can focus on the types of projects I am actually supposed to be doing.
/end rant