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Anon says
Ladies, my in-laws are with me for the long weekend and I’m already annoyed with them. They’re great with the kiddo, but they leave there stuff everywhere. I know I am tidier than most, but I feel like our small home is trashed every time they visit. I’m trying to be grateful for their presence, but I just find myself with a short fuse. Help!
GCA says
I think that’s the price of having guests in a small home. We’re in a 1-bedroom and can take exactly one very obliging guest at a time (usually my MIL or FIL when they’re in town for work; my parents stay in an AirBnB). Even as neat as they are, it feels like we’re all tripping over each other. Are you in MA? Send them out: day trip to downtown Boston (aquarium/ science museum/ zoo/ eat all the things at Boston Public Market); to Lexington and Concord for the Patriots’ Day reenactments, etc. They get time with kiddo, you get house to yourself for a while!
FVNC says
No advice, but solidarity. I am also a bit of a neat freak and like to have everything in its place, and it’s very stressful to have stuff everywhere. My unhealthy solution has always been wine, lots of wine.
Anonymous says
Just remind yourself it is a temporary situation. You are not changing how you live on a day to day basis, it’s a visit and your normal situation will return when they leave. More people in a small space is just going to be messier.
anne-on says
Solidarity. Both sets of parents are absolutely incredibly messy/untidy when they visit. It helps if I take advantage of the ‘help’ as much as possible by getting out of the house to run errands alone/hit the gym/get a manicure/haircut etc. without children in tow. That time alone helps me reset and really look at the value (free babysitting! fun grandparent time for kiddos) they’re giving us.
anon says
Another solidarity mama! When my in laws visit our NYC apartment, I get irrationally annoyed how much space their shoes/bags take up in our entryway…and they don’t even stay with us. I agree with the advice to take the time to work out, pamper yourself, etc. They will be gone soon, and then you will miss having the help. ;)
Anon says
Looking for recommendations for work pants…I cannot seem to find a brand or style that fit me well. Size 6 at Ann Taylor and Banana fit my hips and are long enough but are loose everywhere else. Size 4 Long tend to be too tight in the butt area and hip area. Anyone with this issue have luck with other brands? General suggestions? TIA!
Anon says
Theory is pricier than Ann Taylor and Banana, but I find them to be more slim and tailored than AT and Ban.
ElisaR says
I can’t find good work pants either. I bought the AT ones but they got so saggy and unpolished looking quickly. Banana does not fit me well. The Vince Strapping pant fits great but they are wool and kind of itchy and they’re expensive. I got mine super on sale. I also just bought the rag and bone simone pant and they’re nice but not a traditional work pant for me so the search continues.
Anonymous says
I need some advice from those of you with older kiddos. One of my closest friends has a son the same age as my 8 year old daughter. They have played and been friends since they were about 6 months old. All of a sudden, the boy tells my daughter – “i don’t want to play with you, no girls allowed etc.” For instance, we were at a big playdate yesterday and most of the kids my daughter’s age were boys and she was trying to play with them, but he and another boy told her no and were essentially barring her from playing with them because she is a girl. I think she understands why he is doing it (i.e. because he is trying to be cool with the other boys or something), but she is very hurt because he is one of her closest friends and has been forever. His mother knows it is an issue and has spoken to him about it, but obviously I can’t control him. How do I advise my daughter to deal with it other than – just walk away and find someone else to play with? Even if she does that, she is still very hurt by the whole thing (rightfully so).
Anonymous says
If my son were doing this, I think hearing directly from his female friend that he was hurting her feelings would have an impact, especially if there were no other kids around that he was performing for. If she is willing to talk to him at a quiet moment it might make a difference. Like, “when you say I can’t play with you because I am a girl I feel very sad. You are my friend and I really like playing with you.”
avocado says
Welcome to tween friendship drama! Since the boy is the son of your own close friend, you could try to keep the friendship going by arranging for you and your daughter to hang out with your friend and her son without any other kids around. The boys should outgrow their “no girls” attitude at some point. By fourth grade, my daughter’s primary friend group included both girls and boys.
Ultimately, though, your child is going to choose her own close friends for herself. She will still be friendly with the kids with whom she just happens to spend time, like the kids of your friends, but she will be closest with a few kids with whom she really connects on a personal level. It’s okay if those kids are not the same ones with whom she was best buddies when she was little. Sometimes kids grow apart as they mature, and sometimes they grow closer together. A lot of early friendships begin out of convenience and proximity—the kids are in the same class or activity or their parents are friends. Not all of those friendships turn out to be the best matches as the kids grow up and their personalities emerge and evolve, and that’s okay.
NYCer says
+1 to all of this. I was best friends with a boy who was my age who lived across the street when I was little. Our moms were (and are) very close friends, but at about the same age as OP’s daughter, we kind of went separate ways (he started being “mean” to me when the other boys were around too). It definitely hurt my feelings at the time, but I kind of just think this is how a lot of kiddo friendships play out. For what it is worth, we remain friendly to this day, but I would never consider him one of my best friends despite how much we hung out when we were little.
Anonymous says
Wow. I would be upset with your friend that she didn’t intervene. I have one girl and two boys. If anyone was excluded based on gender, I would be sending my kid for a time out. Not acceptable.
Anonymous says
Adding that I don’t think excluding based on gender is any different from excluding based on race or religion. Not okay and not allowed in my house.
anne-on says
Agreed – at this age I think they still benefit from some (gentle) parental limit setting. I do something along the lines of ‘we do not exclude friends in this house’ and maybe help them ID a game or activity they can all do together?
I’ve also helped coach my kid on how to ask for space from friends or stand up for himself with kids who are bullying a bit, they’re older but they still need social guidance and help navigating that stuff at this age.
GCA says
Eh, it sounded like his parents do know about it and it’s a concern to them, if they’ve spoken to him.
I don’t know that time outs for that sort of tween friend drama are appropriate for that age (not having tweens myself) but I’d certainly be looking for ways to get the kids to resolve it between them, even if it’s just her telling him one on one that his words were hurtful. They’re allowed to develop their own friendships based on interests and personality, too.
Anonymous says
But they are not based on interests or personality, they were expressly excluding her because of her gender. It wasn’t about different interests, it was about gender.
avocado says
I am not sure why the daughter should have to play with a boy who still doesn’t want to play with girls even after his mother told him it wasn’t nice to exclude people because of their gender. My daughter gets sick of having to stand up for herself all day at school, and during her social time she’d prefer to hang out with kids who share her values and actually want to hang out with her.
avocado says
The thing is that OP doesn’t have control over her friend or her friend’s son. She only has control over her own reaction and what she tells her own child. No, it’s not right or nice to exclude people on the basis of gender. But kids are not always nice. They like to experiment with being mean and exerting power over others to see what will happen. Some parents eventually succeed in teaching their kids to be nice. Others parents don’t want to teach their kids to be nice or are not successful in doing so. OP’s kid is just not going to be able to be friends with everyone.
Anon says
+1. I agree. She can only parent her own kid, not the other kid, and the parenting lesson for her kid is “sometimes people are mean for no reason and it $ucks but you just have to move on.”
Anonymous says
Right but my reaction would be “It’s not acceptable to exclude people because of their race, religion or gender. Please speak to your child or we will have to reconsider continuing playdates.”
It’s not about being friends with everyone. It’s about having house rules that prohibit excluding people because they are black, Jewish, female, etc.
Anon says
Eh, I really don’t think this is comparable to excluding someone because they’re Black or Jewish. I agree it’s a good value to encourage boys and girls to play together, and boys should absolutely be taught that women are equal. But the reality is there ARE innate differences between boys and girls, in a way there aren’t differences between white/black people or between Christian/Jewish people. They’re entering puberty, it’s no longer acceptable for them to change in the same locker room. It’s natural for children to become less comfortable around the opposite s3x as they become more aware of the biological differences between men and women. It’s simply not analogous to race/religion.
Spirograph says
I have a pretty hands-off policy on playground disputes (absent bullying or physical danger), so aside from comforting my own child and encouraging her to tell the friend how he made her feel, I probably wouldn’t step in here. I definitely wouldn’t issue an ultimatum to my friend about how to parent, and I would not take kindly to someone saying something like that to me.
Honestly, it never occurred to me to equate normal childhood boys v girls antics with gender discrimination. I realize that may be a double-standard on my part, because I would absolutely step in if kids were excluding others based on race ore religion. I’ll have to think about it some more. If my child were the excluder, I would probably take him aside to say that excluding people is wrong & mean, and encourage him to include his friend. It’s more about excluding, period, than the reason for it, at least for an 8 year old. For a teenager, I probably would bring up the discrimination angle.
Anon says
What if anything would you do for your nanny’s last day in this situation? She was only with us for a few months (it was planned to be a short term arrangement) and although she’s taken good care of our daughter and our daughter really like her, she hasn’t become a personal friend and I’m fairly sure we’ll never see her again since she’s moving away (not far, but there isn’t enough of a personal relationship to maintain the connection once she’s living in a different area). I was thinking of maybe a card “from” kiddo and a $50 Target giftcard. My husband thinks there’s no point to giving a gift to an employee who’s leaving, but I feel like it would be a nice thing to do.
Anonymous says
I’d do something like that. We did that for one of our daycare teachers who left in the middle of the year. What’s the $50 to you in the scheme of things (not to mention you never know when you might want to call on her for babysitting or something in the future…)?
SC says
I’d give her the card and maybe a picture of her and your child. I wouldn’t buy a $50 gift card for a short-term employee who’s not a personal friend and who you’re not planning to maintain a relationship with. But I’m on a tight budget, and I plan to spend less than $50 for my FIL’s birthday this weekend, so YMMV.
Anonymous says
You would be giving her a gift to sincerely express your appreciation, not because you expect something in return. It’s a gift not a strategic move.
ElisaR says
I agree with this!
Anon says
+1. I think this sounds like a great idea. And you never know when someone might be helpful to you in the future. Things have a way of coming back around. (Plus while I don’t know your budget, chances are $50 to her is probably a lot more than $50 to you)
IHeartBacon says
Agreed!
Anon says
$50 sounds a little high to me, but it all depends on your budget obviously. I usually spend around $25 on birthday and holiday gifts for my closest friends and their kids, so giving a nanny who’s been with us a few months more than that would feel kind of weird to me.
AwayEmily says
My 3yo potty-trained 9 months ago up until last week hadn’t had an accident in probably six months. In the last two week she’s had five (all pee), including two yesterday. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of regression? If I had to guess it seems like she’s just forgetting to go, so maybe we need to start offering reminders? She started self-initiating immediately after potty training so we’ve never really gotten in the habit of reminding, except before we leave the house. No complaints of pain, so I don’t think it’s a UTI.
Govtattymom says
This very same thing happened with my 2.5 year old last month. She hadn’t had an accident for months, and then one day she had four accidents (all pee). I feared UTI, but things went back to normal the next day. My best guess is that she was feeling annoyed with the process, and therefore decided that she was not going to use the potty under any circumstances that day. Hope things resolve quickly!
Anonymous says
Yes, my son’s accidents very frequently come in clumps like this. If she’s constipated I think that could be related, but it is probably just a bad run of distraction.
Anonymous says
This is super common. After they have been trained for a while then they become overconfident in how long they can hold it. We still insist they try before leaving the house, when we come home, before meals etc.
Daniel Tiger has a song about sitting and trying to go when ‘maybe yes, maybe no’ to emphasize to kids that they shouldn’t wait until the last second to go potty.
GCA says
wise hive esp. breastfeeding moms – what calculus would induce you to give up your nursing relationship completely for work?
I have the opportunity to travel to a developing country for work, and run a workshop there + carry out some research that is a near perfect match for my skills and experience. Actual duration of work travel is about a week, which is fine. However, yellow fever is endemic there and in the region I’d be visiting, and the vaccination is contraindicated for nursing moms – the CDC says there isn’t enough data to support the duration of pumping and dumping, either, so if I got the vaccine I would stop nursing and pumping entirely. I’m familiar with tropical environments and know that the sort of mosquitoes carrying yellow fever will definitely be there, and I will definitely get bitten! Baby would be 9 months when I go and still nursing, and I was hoping to keep nursing till she is closer to 15-18 months.
I realize I’m fortunate to have this be a choice at all – this isn’t about her essential nutrition, it’s about my personal preferences regarding nursing. What would you choose? What would factor into your decision?
Mama Llama says
Whew that would be a tough one for me. My baby is around this age now and reducing his nursing due to increased solids, and I feel so emotional about it. Is this an opportunity that may come up again sometime or is it a rare thing?
Anon says
I would probably not go. Nursing is important to me, and I wouldn’t have wanted to wean (especially rather suddenly) to do a work thing. However, I work because we can use the money and especially because I want to maintain some degree of financial independence from my husband. I enjoy my job and think I’m good at it, but I’m not passionate about advancing in my career and wouldn’t be gutted about turning down this kind of opportunity. If you would, I think it’s a completely reasonable choice to wean and go. There’s no right answer here, just whatever you would prefer.
Anonymous says
I’d go and quit nursing. I nursed all 3 of my kids til right about then and they all showed in one way or another that they were cool with being done.
Baby 1 pulled off constantly by 8.5 months. Could we have powered though? Sure. But pumping was getting me like 2-3oz total each session so I started to supplement with formula anyway. She nursed at night and I decided it was the last then was so sad about it for the entire next day, and encores/sore. She crawled over the next day after work and I nursed her just enough to reduce the discomfort. *that* was our last time and it was really sweet.
Baby #2 started biting me and “sight seeing” at 9.5 months. I just swapped boob for sippie one day, and she literally never noticed. I fact I think she preferred the cups.
Baby #3 I nursed until 10.5 months because we had a flight to deal with and I wanted to be able to nurse her to kill time. Once we returned she went right to bottles. I never pumped with #3 and instead she was nursed or formula fed at daycare.
My only BF regret was that I *killed myself* to schlep milk around the country when I was traveling and BF for my first. The others got formula while I was on the road and I dumped.
Anon says
Every baby is different though. I’m still nursing my 16 month old and she’s not ready to be done. Peak biting for us was around 6 months when she was cutting her first four teeth, since her first teeth have broken through we haven’t had any biting. Just because your babies were ready to be done at this age, doesn’t mean all babies are.
Anonymous says
Just because you’re still nursing doesn’t mean she isn’t ready to be done either.
Lana Del Raygun says
I think to me the big considerations would be how rare the opportunity is, and how much value it would add to your career vs “just” being interesting (not that doesn’t count for anything, but your personal preferences about doing a workshop are easier to weigh directly against your personal preferences about nursing). If it would be a big career boost and/or my one chance for the foreseeable future, I would probably do it but I would feel sad about it. (If I would have to stop breastfeeding forever, including with subsequent children, it would have to be a lot rarer and more valuable.)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree that there’s no right answer and you’ll have to weigh how much you value nursing v. the opportunities this will provide you at work. It sounds like a really interesting assignment that will give you some great skills, but maybe you could try to do it in the future if you really want to continue nursing?
FWIW, I think 9 months is plenty to get all the benefits of nursing. I’m planning to wean my baby when he’s around 9 months so that I can take an anniversary trip with my husband a month later so clearly I’m not a nurse till 1 year at all costs person!
Anonymous says
Personally, I’d go for it. Obviously, none of us can answer this for you — depends how much you value the opportunity to keep breastfeeding vs. the professional opportunity. My last baby decided on his own that he was over nursing at a bit over 12 months, and I was sort of miffed given the heroic efforts I had taken to keep up pumping while on a work trip earlier in the month! Baby, I wasn’t ready for that!
Anonymous says
I absolutely would not go. Work opportunities will come up again but you only get to nurse your daughter this one short period of time in your / her life. You can go next time.
Anonymous says
I would check the recommendations from the Europeans/Canada/Australia on the above points but if they agreed with the CDC, I would probably not go because I loved the nursing relationship and I’m sad that phrase of my life is over. But it’s a very personal decision, there is no right answer.
Anon says
Agreed with double-checking other sources. Looks like the WHO is much less negative about the vaccine than the CDC (“Nursing mothers who are considering travel to endemic areas should be counselled regarding the benefits and potential risks of vaccination. Vaccination is recommended if vaccination is indicated for a breastfeeding woman and travel cannot be avoided or postponed.” https://www.who.int/vaccine_safety/committee/topics/yellow_fever/Jun_2010/en/)
There are 3 documented cases of problems with the vaccine & breastfeeding, and in all cases the mother was vaccinated in the infant’s first month of life. Personally, I would probably get the vaccine, go and continue nursing. But I’m a big believer in doing my own research and not taking my doctor’s advice as gospel.
anon says
You sound really excited about the trip, so in your shoes I’d probably go. (As a counterpoint, when I was nursing I had a blanket policy against non-litigation travel and turned down several opportunities, admittedly none as special as what you’re describing.)
One thing that sometimes helps me make decisions is to imagine how I’d feel in various worst-case scenarios, such as:
-You forego the trip, and baby self-weans at 9.5 mo. Do you regret not going, or do you feel confident that you did everything you could to continue your nursing relationship?
AwayEmily says
You are thinking about this in such a thoughtful, self-aware way that I think no matter what you decide, you are going to be happy with that decision. You get that neither stopping nursing nor missing this trip is the end of the world. If you go you are going to have an amazing time, feel great about your career and work (which is often really important soon after having a baby) and when you get home you’ll get to have special bottle-feeding bonding time with your little one. If you stay, you are going to have wonderful moments nursing your little one and work extra hard to make sure you get to take advantage of the next opportunity that comes along. Either way, you got this.
Jeffiner says
I would absolutely go. I wanted to nurse my daughter for a year, but I had supply issues starting around 5 months. I tried EVERYTHING to increase my supply, and we struggled for another two months. I was devastated.
She’s 4 now. I treasure the pictures I have of her nursing in the beginning, but honestly, when I look back its not an important thing for me anymore. If I have another kid, I’ll quit nursing after maternity leave. I had a lot of expectations before becoming a mother (we all do) and what seemed important then does not anymore. I’m glad that we’ve read her a bedtime story every night since the beginning, that is still important to me. When your baby is 4, will nursing her for 15-18 months still be a big thing for you?
AwayEmily says
This is a good point about what you will remember down the road. All my best nursing memories are from the first few months. After that there were diminishing emotional returns.
PregLawyer says
Yeah, I had dwindling supply around 7 months with both my kids, and stopped nursing and pumping by 8 months both times. It was a bummer for a bit and I was sad about it and then . . . it was AWESOME. Getting some body autonomy again, not having to clean pump parts, having more time to focus on work. All of those things are wonderful. My kids turned out great (I think – who really knows) and I am extremely close and bonded with both of them. In retrospect, I have a lot of really conflicted views about the current attitudes on nursing. Yes, bmilk is a great thing. Yes, it’s a good way to bond with your kid. But there are significant downsides to it that can get glossed over or shoved under a rug when people focus only on the positives.
GCA says
Thanks for your thoughtful perspectives, everyone!
Baby is my second, and last, nursling. While I’m at work she’s combo fed, typically 20-30% formula. (We have neither supply nor health issues and she is good with solids; I just don’t get to or honestly, *want to* pump as often as I ought.) It wouldn’t be the end of the world to wean her or if she self-weaned, but I would be a little sad – I had not expected the nursing relationship, which spans such a relatively brief period in our lives, to carry as much emotional weight for me as it does. At the same time, I would really like to take the chance to go on this trip. I did come across the WHO’s guidance, but I want to know more about the relative risks of yellow fever and/ or the vaccine. I think my next step here, before making any other decisions, would be to consult with a travel medicine specialist or two…
lawsuited says
I’m in a similar situation as you – second/last baby, already supplementing a little with formula, and surprised by how much I enjoy nursing this time around – and I would go (and wean). I’m enjoying nursing this time because I took the pressure off myself – not timing feeds with a timer, not forcing both sides every time, giving myself an easier pumping schedule. I went to extraordinary lengths to bfeed my first and hated it and felt devastated that all that work was for nothing when my first decided to self-wean at 4 months because he preferred drinking from the bottles he was getting all day. It taught me a lesson that wrapping up too much emotion in bfeeding is a mistake and that once your baby is a few months old and healthy, bfeeding should continue only for as long as it’s relatively easy for everyone.
Pogo says
How important the trip was to my professionally would be the main factor. If it’s an “eh, this is cool, but there will be other chances” – definitely skip it. If it’s “once in a lifetime, has the potential to impact my career for years to come” – I would probably go. What sucks about this is how you’d have to wean before you even leave, presumably slightly before you get the vaccine so you can taper down pumping and not end up engorged.
Anonymous says
I would also call Infant Risk (look up online). They’re affiliated with a university in TX, and study contraindications with more nuance than Y/N. I called them when I had pneumonia when my docs wanted me to stop nursing. After speaking to them—they take into account things like baby’s age, was baby a premie, baby’s weight—I felt comfortable continuing nursing and taking meds.
That said, do what you want to do! If you actually want to go and stop nursing, do it!
Early Morning Wake Up says
I’m looking for advice on early wakings for my 18 mo old before turning to a sleep specialist.
My toddler has always been an early riser. The latest she has ever slept is 5:30 am but for the last 2-3 months it has turned into 4:30 am. Within the last few days it has turned into anywhere from 3-4:30 am and there is nothing I can do to get her back to sleep after she is awake early in the morning.
I have tried letting her cry it out. She will cry for 2 hours if I let her (and I often do let her cry for 45+ minutes if she isn’t hysterical). This is the route we go the most often because going into the room works her up even more. I have went in to nurse (even though we night weaned 6 months ago). I’ve gone in to give reassurance and cuddles. I’ve tried the OK to wake clock. Nothing works.
Right now she is going to sleep at 7 pm and getting one 2 hour nap at day care on average (11:30-1:30).
She used to go to sleep at 6:30 pm but we nudged it back to 7 when the 4:30 am wake ups became the new normal.
Any advice? Ideally I can get her back to a 5:30 am but I’ll even take 5 am. I just can’t keep on with these 3-4:30 am wake ups.
Anonymous says
Try a 7:30pm bedtime or cut back the nap to 1.5 hours (not both). Is she teething? two year old molars are pretty painful. Does she settle if you give her advil and a sippy of water?
OP says
I have considered that she is teething. Her 2 year molars are the last teeth and the rest of her teeth have been on the early end of the spectrum. I haven’t tried Advil and water. It mostly hasn’t crossed my mind because she HATES taking medicine but I may give it a shot.
Anonymous says
Thought about this again and I would actually try tylenol at that time. I find advil perks kids up more compared to tylenol. We use an injector style doser under the tongue followed by a sippy cup with a splash of apple juice in the water to distract from the taste. Try different flavors as well. My middle kid hated bubblegum anything but loved cherry tylenol.
Anonymous says
I am sorry, o have no answ
Es, but I have 3 kids and my middle was exactly like you describe. The answer was tonoower through. DH and I traded off who got up with her. She got more reasonable around 2 or 2.5, and now that she’s 3 she still is a crap sleeper but is way, way better. Like 8-6 with a sometimes wake up and no naps.
Anyway, things that sometimes worked:
– Tylenol (teething?)
-giving her a new diaper/potty trip when she woke up before the sun rose, and a snack (applesauce pouch or similar- something she could mindlessly consume)
-sleeping in a Big kid Bed worked for a while
-at a certain sleep deprived point I took her for a drive in the car at 3am. DH stayed home with the other 2 kids.
-tiring her out (like, running her to the ground) then filling her up with a huge meal before bed seemed to work sometimes. And get her to bed not *too* early but not late.
I treated myself to a lot of coffee and massages as we dealt with an infant and a toddler that wouldn’t sleep.
ifiknew says
Have you tried giving her some milk? I know it’s not recommended past the age 1, but at 18 months, my daughter was still waking up in the 5 amish range, but a sippy cup with warm milk or formula got her back down for another hour. Our next door neighbor said all 3 of her kids had an early morning milk until age 2 and then they just outgrew it. My daughter is about to turn 2 and it’s looking that way as she’s been waking up at 6:45 – 7 in the past few months..
GCA says
Ohh – this brings back memories. As a toddler, my son went through a period of waking up at 4am and being unputdownable, not in a good way. You’ve got a bunch of good advice already, and teething would also be my best guess (give meds), or hangry (give snack). but also: when she wakes up super early, is she tired and crabby for the rest of the day? Or is she pretty happy and then crashes hard at bedtime? (Basically, does she need more sleep and you have to figure out how she can get it, or does she need a late-shifted bedtime so the wakeup is later?)
Pogo says
Somewhat of a threadjack, but ours can be similar – though CIO works, it isn’t my favorite thing in the world. Sometimes we review the monitor footage and even though he hasn’t been crying he’s been up since 4am tossing and turning.
My question prompted by above – when do you cut afternoon naps short? Mine regularly does 2.5 hours, often more. His daycare will get him up after 2.5, but on the weekends I just let him sleep. Should we be moving to 1.5 or 2 hours to try and get him to sleep better at night? He’s 20 months.
Anonymous says
I generally think naps over 2hrs interfere with night sleep unless it’s a once in a while thing. So if my daughter takes one 3hr nap a month I think it’s fine. I always wake her up after 3hrs though (unless she has the flu – when she had a 5hr “nap”), or if it’s after 3:30pm
octagon says
I know you said you tried OK to Wake, but it didn’t really click for kiddo until about 18m, so maybe try again? For us it took maybe a week. The first day, I came in, handed him some books to look at, said I’d come back in when the clock turned green. He screamed for an hour. I went in exactly when it turned green with lots of hoopla: look, yay, clock! now we get up! yay! By about the third day, screaming lasted for 20 minutes and then he amused himself until it turned green. After a week he was content to play quietly (or at least not scream at full strength) until it came on. To start, you could set it to come on pretty quickly after the anticipated 4:30 wakeup, like 4:45, and then after your kid understands and responds to it, cheat it forward 10-15 minutes every few days.
Good luck!
anony says
I’m sorry you are going through this! It’s so hard when you are trying everything and nothing seems to be working. It’s tough to start the day on this kind of note too. Mornings are extra hard. My baby would also cry for two hours until we got her up when she woke up at 4 am. So demoralizing! I am no expert, but I recently sleep trained my six month old baby, and it took two full weeks for things to get regular and for her to learn to fall back asleep on her own. We had to really dedicate ourselves to being consistent, even though it was painful for us, but it seemed there was no other workable way. It can take longer than a few days for CIO to work. So if you want to try CIO in the mornings, you may have to do for a week or more on a consistent basis for things to change. I don’t know if this is the best decision for you, or if an early morning wake-up is a different issue than falling asleep at night, but just one perspective to consider. It makes sense to try different things to see what works, but this can also send a mixed message to your child, who will just continue protesting everything, so you may have to choose one consistent response for a while to see a change.
OP says
This is a great point. Thank you!
OP says
And thanks to all. I really appreciate the ideas and support.
Anon says
Where do you buy cheap kids clothes? I had been buying most of my toddler’s clothes from Carter’s and was happy with fit and quality, but am becoming increasingly annoyed with how stereotyped their boys vs girls clothing is (specifically I’m really annoyed at this shirt and the fact that there’s nothing sold for girls that celebrates their brains: https://www.carters.com/carters-toddler-boy-short-sleeve-tees/V_243I503.html). We have a few pieces from Hanna and Baby GAP but these are not places I can afford to shop at regularly, especially while she’s still so hard on her clothes.
Knope says
Neighborhood listserv. People sell good-condition used clothes all the time.
FVNC says
I recently bought a bunch of plain and striped Garanimals t-shirts from a consignment store. No idea how old these shirts are (so maybe current offerings aren’t as neutral), but maybe that brand is a starting point?
ElisaR says
Old navy and Target
Anonymous says
Second these. And H&M.
AwayEmily says
Target Cat & Jack!! The quality is actually quite good — better than Old Navy, in my opinion. And although they divide their clothes into girl and boy sections I find that lots of the items are pretty gender-neutral. The “toddler girls jeggings” are thick, comfy (elastic waist), seven dollars, and pretty much the only pants I buy for both my 15mo boy and my 3yo girl.
Anonymous says
+1 Cat and Jack leggings hold up way better than Carters. Thanks for the reminder, DD needs some leggings for under dresses (before we switch to bike shorts for summer). I generally hate kids tee shirts with sayings on them though and try to stick to pictures, and then shop in the boys section for my daughter because they have Dinos/mountains/animals
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve been liking primary for their solid, slogan-less clothes. Not sure if that’s inexpensive enough, but they tend to have a lot of sales. We also shop at Old Navy and Gap, mostly.
Anonymous says
I still shop at Carter’s as I do think they have improved – like I’ve seen more rainbows on boys clothes and a couple pink shirts for boys as well. There’s a ‘smart like mom’ which is pretty similar to ‘genius like dad’. https://www.carters.com/carters-toddler-girl-graphic-tees/V_26062226.html?cgid=carters-toddler-girl-graphic-tees&dwvar_V__26062226_size=2T&dwvar_V__26062226_color=Color#navID=header&page=6&start=1&cgid=carters-toddler-girl-graphic-tees
Old Navy/Gap/HM are also similar in that some stuff is super gendered and in some areas they have much better options than they used to.
I try to do more solid colors/patterns/stripes.
GCA says
Uniqlo! has lovely, gender-neutral, high-quality kids clothes, and a lot of sales. I would gladly shop across the aisle elsewhere and buy more pink and purple things for my son except that Carters/ Gap etc. make them all close-fitting with ruffles and cap sleeves (not great for rambunctious preschooler movement).
DLC says
Do you have a good consignment or thrift shop near you? I buy a most of my kids stuff that way. Also there are annual or biannual consignment sales near me (often through schools, moms groups or daycare centers) that are amazing for cheap clothes and baby gear. I also really like Hanna Anderson, and will often make a big purchase when they have their big sales.
SC says
Consignment sale. Our city has a large bi-annual consignment sale (which starts tomorrow). Other than that, Target.
Anonymous says
I’m leaning more and more on baby gap on sale- never full price. Toddler pjs routinely get down to $12, which is comparable to carters. Otherwise h&m and target. H&M sweatpants quality is higher but crapshoot betweenthe two for t shirts.
lsw says
Baby Gap fits my son really well, I think it’s better quality than Carters overall, and it gets pretty cheap.
I also buy tons of stuff from ThredUp. I search every so often for my favorite pricier brands for my son. They also always have a ton of Baby Gap, and I like being able to buy used. You can search by “like new” and “new with tags” which I typically do. Great for shoes, too, as an aside.
lawsuited says
+1 Most of my kids’ clothes are from Gap but I really shop the sales and often buy out of season and put things away for next season, etc. If I need something immediately and Gap isn’t having a good sale then I buy at Old Navy, H&M or Uniqlo. H&M and Uniqlo have the best selection of gender neutral clothes.
Anonymous says
We get basically everything my kids wear from our town’s biannual free clothing swap (can I just say how much I LOVE that this exists), but Cat & Jack and H&M seem to have good, reasonably priced, options when we do occasionally buy shirts.
anon says
For everyday clothing that’s going to get trashed, Target is my go-to. The Cat and Jack leggings are especially good.
Old Navy’s stuff is cute, but their play clothes are pretty poor quality and fade much faster than our Target stuff. I still use ON for dress-up stuff that gets worn less.
Emily S. says
+1 for second-hand clothes! I’ve shifted from almost exclusively Carter’s to almost exclusively second-hand bc of quality concerns. I have great luck with NWT Gap, BabyGap, Janie & Jack, and Boden on ThredUp. “Like new” is a bit more dicey bc you can’t see it in person nad I’ve found the condition varies widely. Also check out Kid to Kid or Once Upon a Child, etc.
Cheap clothes are just that — and I’ve found myself replacing cheap clothes that are supposed to last all season, or, instead of saving for DD #2, they get recycled at the end of the season bc they are pilled, nearly transparent, stains didn’t come out, etc. So now I buy fewer things but higher quality and have hand-me-downs.
mascot says
We liked the Kohls Jumping Beans line for toddler daycare/play clothes.
Quick Dinners says
What’s your go-to quick dinner? I’m talking 15-20 minutes, not even 30 minutes. Does that exist?! I do a lot of cooking in advance, but by the time we get to the end of the week, it’s time for something new. And please don’t tell me to just go out or get take out ;)
AnotherAnon says
Dinners that require less than 30 minutes that my two year old eats: mac n cheese, scrambled eggs with canned beans/cheese/pico toppings, hummus and pita and/or carrots, a sandwich, salmon (I think that takes less than 30 min?), and pretty often DH will pan sear a steak then stick it in the oven for 10 minutes to finish then LO will share that with him. We add sides like sweet potato that we’ve precooked, but honestly you could add frozen vegetables or frozen sweet potato fries. I’m curious why you need dinner in less than 30 min? I’ve found that giving LO a snack as soon as we get home improves his mood, then we have time to play or do chores before having to start dinner prep. Our dinner prep is mostly done by DH and usually only takes about 30 minutes anyway. But my 2 y/o goes to sleep at 8 so if I fed him 20 minutes after we got home, it would be almost 3 more hours between dinner and bedtime.
Anonymous says
Hahaha to “I’m curious why you need dinner that takes less than 30 min.” We get home 5:30 on a good day, 5:45 on a bad day. 4 year old must have lights out at 7:10 in order to not be a total disaster (the latest he can sleep in the morning is 7 and he needs more than 11 hours of sleep). 4 year old is the world’s slowest eater and takes at minimum 30 min to eat dinner, usually more. Even with a pretty short bedtime routine (teeth, pjs, 10 min of reading) we need to finish dinner by 6:30. So we need dinner on the table ideally before 6.
anon says
We have a similar evening schedule, and I deal by feeding my preschoolers around 6:30 and then we eat after they go to bed. Here are some staple meals for my preschoolers:
-sausage (precooked) heated in a pan with some oil, throw some frozen green veggies in to pick up the flavor, nuke a sweet potato
-rotisserie chicken from the grocery store with same sides as above
-Trader Joe’s chicken gyoza (fully cooked, just need to be nuked) with side of sliced raw veggies (pepper strips, avocado, cucumber, sugar snap peas)
If I want to eat with them, I’ll do:
-pasta, throw some frozen veggies in when it’s close to done, top with lemon and grated cheese. Sometimes I heat up some precooked sausage in a pan while pasta is cooking and add that, too
-tofu stir fry. Cube tofu, add frozen green veggies and Asian salad dressing. Serve over rice (I make ahead of use TJ’s frozen rice)
AnotherAnon says
I totally get that – I need like 9 hours of sleep. It seems like you got lots of good ideas on here! Honestly by Thurs/Friday we’re in the same boat as you scrambling for quick dinners with whatever’s available. We do lots of breakfast for dinner or pizza on Fridays. TBH some Fridays we feed the kid, have a beer (eat kid’s goldfish) and then cook our own “grown up” dinner after the kid goes to bed.
Anonymous at 12:28 says
Sorry should have specified I’m not the OP, but we have a similar time crunch. I’m the poster who recommended tacos.
Anon says
I’m not the OP and we have a pretty good window between getting home and toddler bedtime, but the entire family is starving when we arrive home around 5:30. I’m always amazed at people who can eat dinner at 7-8 pm, it just isn’t in my DNA to wait that long for food. (The exception is if I have a big lunch out, but doing that every day is obviously not healthy.)
Anon says
That quick? Pancakes, eggs and bacon (i.e., breakfast for dinner). Boxed macaroni and cheese with microwave steamed frozen vegetables. Frozen pork and vegetable potstickers. Frozen pizza with a bagged salad on the side. Frozen cheese tortellini with frozen peas and jarred pesto. Spaghetti noodles with jarred sauce and frozen peas. Tacos could be if you used just ground beef (already thawed), lettuce and cheese (our tacos take longer because we usually saute peppers and onions and make guac too and my beef is always still frozen). We also can’t go out or get take-out that quick, so I hear ya – these are my meals when I’m starving and walking in the door (typically around 9 or 10 PM).
SC says
One of our go-to meals is salmon bowls, inspired by the recipe on Serious Eats. It’s rice, pickled cucumber, avocado, green onions, salmon with teriyaki sauce, and garnished with sesame seeds and togarashi. It takes about as long as it takes to make rice (so, 20 minutes?) and then assemble the components.
By the end of the week, sometimes we just make breakfast for dinner–eggs and toast and bacon (cooked on convection) or chicken sausage.
If someone is WFH, you can sous vide meat and then sear it off, which makes your evening cook time under 10 minutes.
Anonymous says
Tacos!! Egg tacos, bean tacos, egg and bean tacos, fish tacos if you have time to bake fish sticks, chicken tacos if you have cooked chicken in the freezer, mushroom tacos, etc. I always have cooked beans in the feeezer or in a can, buy avocados every week, and usually keep a think of pickled onions in the fridge. Just microwave a stack of corn tortillas wrapped in a dish towel, spend 5 min cooking eggs/defrosting beans or chicken, slice avocado and good to go!
mascot says
Along those lines, nachos are great for using up random leftovers and everyone can customize to their preference. Warm canned beans and pre-cooked meat in microwave, toss on chips on sheet pan, add cheese and broil until cheese melts.
You could also put all this over rice or salad mix. Those microwavable rice packs are great for busy nights.
DLC says
Our go to quick dinner is sandwiches. Sometimes breakfast sandwiches. Also, smoked salmon on bagels with cream cheese.
We don’t get a lot of veggies in on these meals, but sometimes I’ll throw some carrots and ranch on a plate. Or frozen peas. My kids like to eat frozen peas right out of the bag.
Anonymous says
If crock pot is an option, this is a game changer for us:
AM: put jar of salsa, chicken, frozen corn and black beans jntoncrock pot. Cook all day.
Come home. Shred chicken immediately. Take bag of frozen Trader Joe’s rice and put in micro for 3 min. Set table & Put out tortillas
, sour cream, guacamole, cheese.
Remove rice from micro, remove chicken from crock pot. Create wraps or rice bowls.
Total after work time to eat <10 min.
Similarly, dump jar of BBQ sauce into crock pot with chicken in the AM.
After work, shred chicken. The heat up black beans and corn on stove (~5 min). Toast hamburger buns. Serve pulled chicken sandwiches with sides of beans and corn.
Or do a version of chicken pasta salad. Grill chicken in advance or buy grilled chicken strips. Cook orzo pasta. Add cucumber, onion, tomato, spinach, feta. Mix all together and add olive oil. Eat for lunch and dinner for 3 straight days. Literally come home and dump out and eat from the fridge.
After work prep time =0. No cleanup either. You can cut on prep time getting veggies prechopped too.
Also, frozen meatballs. Microwave and eat with spaghetti (we add spinach to store bought sauce and call it a veggie).
Saygsage and peppers: buy flash frozen sliced peppers and onions (Trader Joe’s, wegmans and our local grocery all have them for like 1.99). Slice up sausages. Cook it all. Serve in hot dog or grinder role. <15 min for sure.
ElisaR says
thank you for these ideas! I do the the salsa chicken one but i want to try the others….
anon says
I was also going to recommend crockpot meals. Skinnytaste has some great chicken taco recipes.
A. says
Cheese, crackers, sausage, mini carrots, ranch. Done done done.
Pogo says
We do a lot of frozen stuff
– Dr Prager’s Littles (kale, spinach, sweet potato)
– Veggie Fries – broccoli
– Earth’s Best Organic Mini MeatBalls or Popcorn Chicken (there’s an adult chicken strips brand my husband buys too but I forget the name)
-Spinach ravioli or tortellini
I either put the veggies and meat in the toaster oven or if I’m really pressed for time, microwave. The other one that’s super quick is breakfast for dinner – frozen waffles and eggs. Don’t forget grilled cheese or quesadilla.
Anonymous says
Michael Symon’s “5 in 5” book is decent for inspiration. Fairly simple and quick (though not literally 5 minutes).
lawsuited says
My “oh crap, I missed my usual train” meals:
– Olivieri tortellini with pesto or tomato sauce
– Tacos
– Ikea meatballs with bagged kale salad
Spirograph says
Are you ok with packaged food? We usually keep a few of the following in the freezer for super-quick dinners:
Precooked pasta with sauce and chicken
Potstickers/gyoza
Stir fry mix
Frozen vegetables
“From scratch” :
canned black beans and cheese quesadillas/burritos/tacos
pasta with a jar of sauce
I also really like scrambled eggs (+cheese and chopped deli meat) and toast for dinner, but my husband is anti-dinnerbreakfast, so we only do that when he’s away. Fine, because that’s when I most need fast dinners.
K says
A little late but: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Quarter chicken breasts or use chicken thighs, spray Pam on a cookie sheet, put the chicken on it and bake 20-25 minutes.
FVNC says
I feel like a version of this question is asked semi-regularly, so please forgive me…but I need casual outfit help. Last weekend, I realized I don’t have any fun, remotely in-style casual wear. I have a few good pairs of jeans, but no tops…so I think that’s my main question — where are you all shopping for fun casual tops?
Relatedly, it’s been so long since I’ve really shopped for myself (I work from home, so grubby athleisure is my go-to; it’s not pretty) that I have a hard time figuring out how to determine whether something is going to be a hit, or just sit in my closet unworn. Any tips on knowing how to identify pieces that will become favorites?
Anon says
I look at gap, ann taylor, loft and boden and halogen through Nordstrom. I also prefer tops that can work double duty for weekend and work. I was last at this weight in winter, so I needed a few lighter pieces to refresh my wardrobe (but not too many since we’re TTC and I show super early). For me it’s blousy cut tops (to camoflauge my current belly and hopefully still fit through first tri if needed), with a v or scoop neck (better since I’m busty), and I prefer things I can wear a real (with straps) bra – so usually sleeveless or sleeved. I can usually get three seasons out of sleeveless or shortsleeve lightweight tops by adding a cardigan (and then I hibernate into sweaters for winter). I feel like everything out right now has huge sleeves or lots of ruffles, which I am not personally a fan of, so it’s a struggle for me right now.
Anonymous says
Honestly I do stitch fix when I feel like this! They’re pricier than what you can buy on sale but my most unique tops are from there
FVNC says
I hadn’t even considered stitch fix! I think I’ll explore it — thanks for the idea!
Anonanonanon says
I tried Nordstrom trunk club for the first time recently and was very impressed. I realized I had no weekend clothes that fit (not even jeans) since I had a baby a year ago and finally lost baby weight. My jeans from before are still too tight and the jeans I bought since the baby are too loose. I was very very pleased with the service and felt like she really listened to what I wanted. I told her I had settled on a work uniform of skinny jeans, flats, white tshirts/tops, and a “weekend blazer” or denim jacket, and wanted some gold necklaces of varying lengths I could wear alone or layer. My stylist really listened and came through, and I have a second trunk on the way soon!
Items I kept included a theory white tshirt and a madewell denim jacket, highly recommend both!
AwayEmily says
I love this question every time it is asked and always get new ideas.
FVNC says
Thanks, all! These are good suggestions. I’m going to look into trunk club and stitch fix!
Pogo says
One thing I do is pick a celebrity with a similar age & body type and search “[name] street style”. Because while I know that I am not 22 and a size 2 anymore, I feel like that was the last time I was in touch with non-work-style clothes.
I tend to like really simple stuff, so I buy tops from American Apparel in the colors I like (grey, millennial pink) and pair with jeans or leggings and a baggy open sweater. The tri-blend shirts are really soft and good quality.
FVNC says
Thank you for the specific recommendation! Another store I wouldn’t have thought of, and I’m desperately in need of t-shirts.
I don’t know when exactly I became so hopeless… I used to work in clothing retail during summers for goodness sake. Part of my problem is that I am still the same size I was when I was in college….and I am still wearing the same things!! Why throw out a 20 year old, perfectly-good-except-for-the-holes-in-the-armpits t-shirt? Okay, typing that out, my problem may be worse than I thought…!
Emily S. says
Boden bretons! They come in long sleeve and short sleeve. I just bought two short sleeves, one navy stripe and one rainbow stripe, to wear with navy, pink, orange, khaki, and chambray shorts, and pink khakis. I think this will be my summer uniform.
As for how to know these will be favorites, I own 2 long sleeve versions that I wear all.the.time, so I felt comfortable buying 2 short sleeve versions. If I reach for it every weekend/casual Friday, that’s how I know. I also look for tops that will work with more than one pair of bottoms.
Also J. Crew factory for some embroidered tops, trendier pieces. I also have a Brooks Brothers Red Fleece t-shirt that I wear the heck out of. Random, but if you want some dressier casual pieces, try there.
FVNC says
Thanks, added these to the list :-)
I also signed up for Trunk Club (considering stitch fix, too) and will report back!
Orangetheory? says
Has anyone tried this? Thoughts? I’m thinking it might be a good option for me as carving out a couple hard 1 hour workouts in my week actually seems easier than what I’m currently trying to do, which is work in 20 minutes here and there.
Anon says
One of my friends (her kids are almost 5 and 2.5) just started and was raving about it. Like you, she wasn’t carving out smaller workouts but orange theory at the crack of dawn 1-2 mornings a week is perfect for her.
Anonymous says
Am I your friend? (Seriously, I think I might be…)
Anon says
I absolutely love Orangetheory! Its biggest benefit to me is what you mentioned – an hour of a really hard workout twice a week is so much better for me than messing around at the regular gym 3 or 4 times a week. It’s really fun – every workout is different. Highly recommend!
mascot says
Another big OTF fan here. I saw mental and physical improvements pretty quickly and the variety of workout is fun. I go 2-3x week. Plus, the cost and the cancellation policy ensure that I am deliberate about protecting my workout time (unlike my regular Y gym which hasn’t seen me darken the doors in months)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Recent OT convert here. I go 2x/week, and concur it has really helped me push myself during the workout and in my non-OT workouts. I have tried ALL THE THINGS (now 16, almost 17 months PP with DS), and this has been the best. Also I find it so much more inclusive and chilled out vs. other studio environments.
I also appreciate OT has a huge variety of body types, fit levels, and they really make it easy to modify accordingly.
CHL says
Count me in as a fan also! I would never work out that hard on my own, and I find that the opportunity cost of getting myself to the gym feels so high that I actually really love the 90 minute OTF class, and then once or twice more a week. I love it.
Baby easter ideas says
I need to put *something* in the Easter basket of my 11 month old.
I have a 3 and 6 y/o who are getting candy and toys.
So far I have a bottle of baby sunscreen for our upcoming vacation ;). Bubbles are out. Baby pouches? My other kids got stuff like hats and sunglasses and books and bibs and bubbles and socks at this age but we are chock full of all that stuff now. Maybe Easter…new sandals for the summer? ;)
AwayEmily says
Shop your house. A tupperware full of Cheerios, a random toy the older kids don’t play with any more, an empty tissue box that you put some stickers on. The baby is 11 months old, they won’t know the difference.
Anon says
This.
IHeartBacon says
This.
Anonymous says
A new lift-the-flap book that hasn’t been destroyed by older siblings? Last year target had these light-up bunny wands that my 12-month-old loved banging to light up and chewing on, so maybe something bunny themed from the dollar section that will stand up to a teething infant?
lsw says
Someone gave me the idea on here a few years ago of the Hide and Squeak eggs. My son still plays with them two Easters later. I also got the Haba wooden shaker eggs.
Anonymous says
We did finger puppets at that age. Search Amazon and there are some cute animal ones.
Maybe some pouches or little Gerber cookies?
Anon says
New oball car toy, yogurt melts (aka baby crack in our house) or puffs, and a small stuffed animal?
Anonymous says
Maybe a little young for this but our Easter bunny always brings Annie’s bunny-shaped mac and cheese. We don’t normally buy box mac (not due to nutritional purity standards I assure you), so it is exciting. They also have bunny crackers.
Lana Del Raygun says
This is the cutest thing ever! I’m totally going to adopt this for my house.
Anonymous says
Sorry for the late response but this is the OP and this is perfect.
Of course baby won’t know BUT big sisters will, so a Tupperware of Cheerios won’t work (though that’s what her plastic eggs will have in them). I’m trying to avoid any net new kid/baby junk so maybe I’ll try swapping board books with a friend for Easter. and she’s getting sunscreen and the inflatable pool I bought for the deck this summer :-).
anon says
Hi all,
Starting by saying that of course we are going to be thrilled with *a baby* regardless of gender. BUT, we want to increase our chance of having a girl. What are your tips and tricks? Feel free to share even if really unscientific – we will try everything. :) I’m aware of the timing method (a few days before ovulation according to the slower swimmer theory). Anything else that worked for you? Any good resources for learning more about this?
Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
What worked for me: want a boy.
I have 3 girls :-). We are done rolling the dice!
IHeartBacon says
Ha! This is what happened to me, too. :)
Anon says
The timing method you describe (and shallow p3netration when gardening) worked to get my daughter! N = 1 though, so obviously not a very scientific conclusion. I also have a theory (that I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about IRL) that men who tend more towards the sensitive end of the spectrum and/or relate better to women have more daughters and men who are more macho and hang out with all dudes have more sons. I’m sure this is completely unscientific, but anecdotally it has been true for my dad, my husband, my sister’s husband, a former boss and a bunch of friends’ husbands, as well as some co-workers and acquaintances I don’t know as well. Whenever I meet new people with kids, I’m always curious to learn more about the dad’s personality and I would say my theory has held up pretty well so far. Nothing you can do about your husband’s personality at this point of course, but might help to be more prepared for boys if he’s super masculine :) Good luck. I’m sure you know this, but it will be fine either way. My best friend has three boys (and a super macho husband lol) and I adore them beyond words.
anon says
Thank you! How exactly did you time it? I’m already charting so I know pretty well when I ovulate. Did you aim for 2-3 days before ovulation? Day before?
Anon says
We aimed for daily or at least every-other-day from 5 days before to 2 days before. The month we conceived, my husband was out of town for work right around ovulation so I think it was actually 4 days before that we conceived.
Anonymous says
I’m interested in your theory, and agree that anecdotally I can think of some examples. But…do the dads start our that way? Or does living in a house of women make them more aware of emotional issues and, conversely, living in a house of boys bring out their macho side?
Anon says
With my generation (husband, sister’s husband, friends’ husbands) etc. I knew the guys well before they had children and I don’t believe they had a personality change, this was their personality all along. I obviously can’t say about my dad and other men I didn’t know pre-kids.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m going to counter your anecdote with my husband, who is naturally more nurturing than me and most men I hear about/read about, and we have two sons. And he grew up with two brothers so it wasn’t a house full of women that taught him this – it’s just his personality. I also know lots of “macho men” with girls, with boys and girls, and with boys. I generally don’t like gender stereotypes like that and have found them to be pretty untrue in my family and in my marriage.
Anonymous says
That’s nonsense and it’s sexist and harmful. Honestly you should be ashamed of yourself.
Anonymous says
FWIW we did the deed on ovulation day and had a girl, few days beforehand and now we’re exoecting a boy. So the complete opposite of the old wives tale. I really don’t think there’s any way to control this
Anon for this says
Yeah, I charted both times, and basically did every other day up through the day of ovulation to maximize chances of conceiving the first time. The second time was not so orderly but we did time to match ovulation and not before. Got a boy the first time and a girl the second – and I am pretty sure it was the ovulation day time that did it the second time.
Newborn photos says
Will I regret not doing newborn photos? Or is this something any of you have gotten a family member to do for you? I’m just not sure I want to shell out the money, but this time is so fleeting!
Anon says
I did not do professional newborn photos and have no regrets. That said, I own a DSLR and have some family members who are quite capable with it, so I would say I have “skilled amateur” photos that are at high enough resolution for blowing up and framing. I wouldn’t’ have been happy with just iPhone pics, which don’t print as well. We did pro photos when she was about 3 months old, and those came out great – still captured her very much in the tiny baby stage but I looked a lot better than I did in the first couple weeks postpartum. Since then, we’ve done professional photos twice annually – in the spring for her birthday and in the fall for holiday cards.
Anonymous says
I am SO glad we spent the money!! And we used the same person for her one year. A good newborn photographer is amazing – they have like baby magic and can set things up for sleep (warm studio, white noise, etc…) and they are super comfortable posing the baby. FWIW we want to do a family portrait session in our home with our second when he’s 2-3 months as opposed to the newborn baby in a bucket we did with our first.
OP says
Agh why the switch? Was considering just doing family member pics now and maybe getting a professional in the 8-12 week range? This feels like something that requires actual skills which is I guess my issue. Not sure we have a great iPhone pic of her yet!
Anonymous says
I think I just wanted something different? And we own a home now so I just wanted to capture the happiness of our family of four/home? I LOVE the newborn photos of our daughter and we got pics with DH and I with her too, so I have no complaints.
Anonymous says
We didn’t, and I do not regret it. But, the professional hospital photos we got were amazing. If we didn’t have those, I’d regret not having official newborn photos. Kiddo is 3.5, and we’ve only done yearly birthday photos and at-home monthly photos in the first year. And school pictures, I guess, but we don’t do much with those. I definitely do not regret not having professional 3 mo, 6 mo, 9 mo pictures.
Anon says
I compromised and did the “cheap” ($100 for all digital rights) ones at the hospital. Quick, no effort required for me and I love having those shots of her at 1-2 days old. We then did “professional” photos (through JCP – also usually under $100 for the digital copies, not the highest quality or skill but they’re fine for our purposes and I really wanted studio-type shots like mine were at Olan Mills growing up) at 3, 6, 9, 12 and 18 months, and I’ll probably keep doing them yearly. I also have a DSLR and used that to take “skilled amateur” photos at each monthly milestone for the first year – my mom (or me with a tripod and timer) also use the DSLR to take our annual holiday photo card shots.
What I am the most glad I did was that I took a picture (with my phone) of her every single day (I missed 3-4 here and there, but NBD) for the first year, mostly because the grandparents insisted on a texted daily picture. I then printed them in 4x6s and put them in little albums, and it’s so cool to flip through and see how she changed from week to week. Essentially my version of a “baby book,” since that only has the first few pages filled out and I don’t even know where it is right now.
Anon says
Yes to a daily photo, even if it’s just on the phone! i did that for about 3/4 of my daughter’s first year and then I got lazy and stopped and now I really regret it.
Anonymous says
I don’t regret it, because the professional infant photos I’ve seen are not really to my taste. However, I do note that IME newborns are pretty un-photogenic (or at least mine were). I don’t really mind that most of my photos of my babies show them making weird faces or show their baby acne or cradle cap, etc., but if you want more polished photos and you (or a family member) are not a skilled photographer (or photoshopper!), you might consider it.
DCK says
Nope. Two kids, no newborn photos, but approximately 7,458,932 iPhone photos, many of which are totally good enough to print and frame. Zero regrets. The way I viewed it was – new motherhood already comes with SO many new responsibilities and tasks and costs, no reason to add on something like this that is completely unnecessary.
ElisaR says
hahaha yes that’s exactly how many iphone photos I have too
Pogo says
I actually really like the hospital photos that we were charged way too much for, just because we look SO happy and in love with our little dude. We have several of the shots around the house.
I was gifted maternity/newborn photos (which we did at 2w pp) and I love those too, but not sure I would have paid out of pocket. It was the most lovely and thoughtful shower gift from a close friend.
SC says
I got the hospital photos, in which our preemie looks like an alien, but didn’t do newborn photos. We were not in a place where we had time or energy for a newborn photo session. Kiddo was struggling to gain weight and was a little jaundiced the first week or two, DH was launching a start-up and working 6-7 days a week, and I was exhausted from a brutal nursing/pumping routine (because he was a preemie). We had professional photos taken around 6 months (in the fall) for holiday cards, gifts, etc. I LOVE those photos–he’s holding his head up and smiling and also is just an adorable, round little dumpling. Those are the pictures we’ve framed and hung up at home and in my office.
ElisaR says
I did not do them and I have no regrets (boys are 3 and 16 months now)
Boston Legal Eagle says
We also did the hospital newborn shots and just kept those. For DS1, no other professional photos before last winter besides his daycare photos. When DS2 was about 2 months, we did a professional family photo shoot, which I loved. I think we’ll plan to do annual photos like that for holiday cards, etc. I’d recommend just doing the hospital ones, if that’s an option, and then photos a few months later when the baby fills out a little and can actually interact and smile.
Anonymous says
I wish I had professional photos of ME with my baby. I’m the photographer in our family, so YMMV, but all the photos we have of me and our son when he was little are awful.
lawsuited says
I AM SO GLAD I PAID FOR PROFESSIONAL PHOTOS. It was a major pain at the time and money was tight, but I am so happy I had the foresight to just do it anyway. They are some of my favourite photos I have. Of course I took many iphone photos too, but knowing we had awesome newborn/family photos took the pressure off trying to get a perfect shot, especially with me and my husband in them. I looked like a mess for my whole mat leave but at lease did basic hair and makeup for the newborn/family shoot and would have no shots about me and my newborn that I felt like displaying otherwise. My sister did not get professional photos done and having seen mine really regrets it.
AnotherAnon says
This. I was a mess, my son looks like an alien, but I treasure those photos.
Knope says
Made a total rookie mistake last night and gave my 2 year old, who is also the slowest eater in the world and has a thing about his food not being “broken” into pieces, a popsicle. Of course, the popsicle started melting and breaking off the stick before he was finished, which resulted in literally the most intense and longest tantrum he’s ever had. 1.5 hrs of wailing and crying “POPSICLE! MORE POPSICLE!!!!!”. Ugh.
What random things have caused your toddlers to melt down lately??
Emily S. says
Haha! DD #2 (20 months) laid down on the floor yesterday over taking away the outdoor thermometer that DD #1 (4 years) has out bc it is weather week at daycare.
Anon says
This week, hmmm. I put clothes on her (so many tears!). I went to work (DH said she cried and banged on the door for a whole 30 minutes twice this week – wondering if it’s teething related since she was teething up a storm yesterday). I put vegetables (that she usually likes) in her bowl of beef and rice. I did not let her hold a sharp chef’s knife. I attempted to sing to her not at bedtime. I put the sippy cup lid on her cup. I gave her the wrong sippy cup. I didn’t let her choose a sippy cup. I refused to take off my cardigan so she could wear it. I gave her a plastic tervis tumbler (without lid) instead of a glass glass. I cut up her grapes rather than let her choke on them whole. I closed the fridge door before she managed to climb in. I stirred the (boiling) pasta water without her. Pretty much everything I do these days triggers a tantrum (and she’s not even 2 yet!).
Pogo says
These are all constant sources of tantrum in our house, solidarity!! In addition to the fridge, my kid always wants to climb in the dishwasher.
IHeartBacon says
“I cut up her grapes rather than let her choke on them whole.”
I can’t stop laughing!
Anon says
There is a lot of laughing in our house (because the alternative is crying).
FVNC says
Haha, poor guy! This is a good head’s up as we head into summer!
My normally even-keel 5.5 yr old lost her sh!t yesterday morning when she asked what we could do that morning, and all my suggestions (eat breakfast, get dressed for school, pack lunch) were “too boring”. Apparently she needed a good cry, because after ~10 min of wailing, she was perfectly fine and ready to get back to the weekday morning routine.
Anon says
Sunscreen is a constant battle. So many tears every morning.
Pogo says
I asked him to wear a silicone bib while eating applesauce. Crying, swatting me away, “NoooooOOOooOOoo”. OK, fine, get applesauce on your shirt.
5 minutes later…
Hysterical crying and confusion, pulling at shirt and looking down at it, because you guessed it, he got applesauce on his shirt and now it’s wet.
Being a toddler is hard.
Anonymous says
My 3.5 year old daughter goes insane when I wear my hair up. She constantly asks me to take it down and cries about it. I thought it was because she wanted to play with the hair tie, so I’ve offered her other, identical hair ties to play with. But she really just hates it when I wear my hair up.
Chi Squared says
Last night: I wouldn’t let my 3 year old son “climb” me and then my husband wouldn’t let him pee in the master bath potty.
unsure says
anyone have bad morning sickness with a first pregnancy and not so bad morning sickness with a second? i’m at 6 weeks and by this time last time, i could barely get out of bed, had bad headaches every day, and felt like I was generally on the verge of death. This time, I feel the same weird combination of nauseous and completely starving, slightly more tired than usual, but otherwise not too terrible. Does this seem typical? I’ll admit, I’m a little freaked out because I’m 40 and have had a miscarriage before (but before my first one, not recently). Thanks for any reassurance!
Quail says
I had the reverse – first pregnancy almost no morning sickness and not bad fatigue – second pregnancy nausea, headaches, fatigue. First pregnancy was a boy, second was a girl – internet research suggested that girl hormones lead to stronger symptoms, but who knows. I chalk it up to every pregnancy is different.
Anon says
Not in that order, but I have had varying levels of nausea. Kids #1 and #2 I didn’t have much nausea and lost about 5 pounds in the first trimester. Kid #3 I was so nauseous scrolling on my phone made me motion sick and I lost 12 pounds. When I talk to the OB about this, they just say the tired refrain, “every pregnancy is different!” So even if you think something is “normal” for how “you” do pregnancy, each of your kids/pregnancies has a different impact on your body. Hope that helps!
Emily S. says
I had a pretty smooth first pregnancy, but second pregnancy was even smoother. (Amy Schumer would punch me in the throat.) I hope hearing about the range of experiences here helps, and that your pregnancy continues to be not too terrible!
lawsuited says
I had severe morning sickness with the first (nauseated all day and throwing up 5-6 times a day even with medication) until 22 weeks with the first pregnancy and only very mild morning sickness until about 10 weeks with the second, so it can happen!
Anon says
Thank you – this gives me hope. TTC again and the first time was nauseated all day and multiple puking with medication up until 38 weeks (when I delivered). I’m mentally preparing for it to be just as bad.
Anonymous says
I did!! Had a girl with my first and bad morning sickness from weeks 5-15. This time pregnancy with a boy and had morning sickness only weeks 7-8 and then progressed to the “I need to eat 10 whoppers right now or I’ll die” stage, and felt awesome by 11 weeks. Totally different symptoms. Was still pretty tired until 11 weeks both pregnancies
unsure says
Thank you so much, everyone! This does make me feel better. I know every pregnancy is different but I’ll probably still just worry until I get the NIPT results and the 20 week scan. Hopefully I will have an easier first trimester all around though.
Thanks!
Katarina says
My nausea was probably not “severe” but it was the worst in my first pregnancy (of three, all boys). With my second, I did not have any nausea until after my first ultrasound at weeks, which made me very nervous. With my first, my nausea started around 5 weeks. I had even less nausea in my third pregnancy, but felt much worse in the second and third trimesters.
Anon says
Late in the day, but does anyone have a kid who was both late at verbal stuff and physical stuff? You often hear about kids who are late at one, but not both. My almost 14 month old is not really talking. The only thing she says that I would consider a word is “dat” when she points to things, and even that I’m not sure it counts because she uses it for everything, it’s not very specific. She understands a lot though, and seems to be understanding more every day even though she can’t speak. She’s even later on physical stuff than verbal stuff, I think. I know 14 months is well within the normal range to not be walking, but she’s not even very interested in standing. If we prop her up she can stand fine holding onto something, but she can’t stand independently and I have only seen her pull herself all the way to her feet a couple of times…she has to be very interested in something out of reach to pull herself up. I have friends with late talkers or late walkers, but they were always on track or early at the other milestone. Friends will say “oh, don’t worry, my kid didn’t walk until 16 months” or whatever, but then they’ll mention that their kid had 50 words by 15 months. So it’s hard not to feel frustrated that she’s behind on both.
ElisaR says
my niece didn’t walk until almost 2 years old….. and she has not been identified as having any developmental issues. My 16 month old walked at 15 months and still only has one word. I wouldn’t worry, 14 months is still very young for these things!
Pogo says
…maybe? But I thought that was still developmentally appropriate. Mine walked at around 14 months I think, and I don’t think he had any words then except mama and dada? However, I thought that was normal and so did my ped.
At 20 months we’re just getting to around 40 words, probably. Definitely ask your ped to evaluate, and you may find that you’re just on the tail end of normal! Or, you might be referred to EI – which is fine too!
mascot says
Does she crawl/scoot really well? Mine was a little on the later side for walking at 14 months but he was a very proficient crawler so he didn’t see the need. Talking past a handful of words didn’t happen until 2 or so, but he clearly understood what was being said to him.
Once he started those skills, he never stopped moving and never shut up. Same with potty training, he dabbled at it for a long time thanks to lots of daycare exposure, but once he was ready, he figured it out in basically a weekend with no problems. Kids mostly figure out their milestones when they are ready. Caveat: Obviously talk to your pediatrician if you think she needs an EI eval.
AnotherAnon says
My son didn’t walk until 16 months, and he had one word at 12 months (puppy, not mom or dad lol) but he’s becoming more difficult to understand as he gets older. Also, ALL the girls who are 6 months younger than him have more words than he does. I think if you’re worried you can contact your ped and get their feedback, but this is our normal. Hugs. It’s hard not to stress about this stuff.
SC says
My son was a little late on both. He could walk (as in take a few steps) around 14 months but still crawled the majority of the time until probably 18 months. He had a couple of words by 12 months but was behind other kids his age–it did turn out that he wasn’t hearing well and needed tubes and adenoid removal, which he didn’t get until around 22 months.
Anon says
My 20 month walked at 14 months (which I thought was on the later side), and at 20 months we still have very few words (mama, dada, teeth, nose, eye, hi, bye and “this” – the generic for mama I need your attention while pointing), but she can understand things like “take off your shoes and socks and give them to mama” and “bring me whatever” and when I quizzed her last night she could point to a number of body parts (eyes, hair, toes, fingers, head, ears, nose, teeth, hands, mouth, feet), so I’m trying not to sweat it because it at least seems like the receptive understanding is there. My ped said they want 6 words by 18 months and something like 20 words by 24 months, and I feel like we are so far from that with only 4 months to go (and I was an early talker myself, so it drives me extra crazy reminding myself she will speak when she is ready and probably never stop after that).
anon says
My niece was a very late walker (18 months?) and was not particularly verbal, but it’s been three months and she’s now relatively verbal and walking well. I agree that you should check with your ped, but I don’t think the two are very related. Also, it could just be a personality thing, which might be why it’s manifesting for both.
Sunscreen says
Looking for recommendations for a non-greasy, high SPF sunscreen for elementary age kiddo. Prefer formulas with safer ingredients. However, we’ve had no luck with mineral sunscreens because they leave a white or pale pink cast on my tan complexioned kid.
Anon says
ThinkBaby is mineral and doesn’t leave a whiteish residue
Anonymous says
I don’t know if it counts as safer ingredients, but I really love the trader Joe’s sunscreen.