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The weather has been bizarre in the Northeast this winter. The other day it was like 5 degrees, and as I am writing this, it’s about 45 degrees and I was sweating in my winter coat. Luckily, in NYC we haven’t gotten snow dumped on us yet, but my husband bought one of these snowsuits from Costco for my son. At $14.97, I can still hope that he never gets to use it this winter, and for people who have frequent snow accumulation where they live, it’s getting good reviews on the site. My favorite part is the foldover feature on the hands and feet, as my son will not keep gloves on his hands. Right now, both the boys’ and girls’ versions are available online in 3/6 months and may also be available at your local Costco. Infant Snowsuit
teething says
We slept trained our 7 month old son and he has been sleeping mostly OK, with usually 1 very quick wake-up to eat. He has his bottom tooth coming through and sleep has been a disaster for the last few nights. He was up 1-2 and 5-6 last night, and would not go back to sleep despite having Motrin.
Any wise words on how to handle other than everyone being miserable?
Anon says
It’s normal and you just have to power through. It’s worth trying Tylenol too, some kids respond better to that than Motrin.
Anon says
And some peds are ok with giving both at the same time.
Anonymous says
Not sure when you’re giving the Motrin, but we have good luck with giving it at the beginning of the bedtime routine (our is short, 15-20 minutes). Having it kick in to start the night seems to help sleep go better than waiting to see if kiddo wakes up and needs it.
Anon says
This.
Anonymous says
Caffeine and early bedtimes for adults, alternative Motrin and Tylenol for the baby.
Anon says
If you’re nursing, limit caffeine after noon unless you know it doesn’t affect your kiddo. My DD slept noticeably worse when I had caffeine in the afternoon.
Anonymous says
That was my comment. I have 3 kids, and the youngest is 8 months. At least for us, it’s a matter of survival. I sleep 3-5 hours/night (oldest has a stomach bug, toddler has night terrors, baby is teething).
But yes, if you have the luxury, def moderate caffeine.
Anon says
Caffeine is linked to night terrors, fwiw. My point was not that moms should be martyrs (I’m all for doing anything legal that will make life easier) but that caffeine may be causing the child’s sleep problems, so it can be a bit of a chicken vs. egg problem. Caffeine can really extend the duration of middle-of-the-night wake-ups, even if the fundamental cause is teething (kid wakes up from pain, but then is wired and doesn’t want to go back to sleep, even after medicine has relieved the pain).
Anonymous says
Linked to night terrors in a kid that isn’t nursing? As in, kids that who were BF caffeine grow up to have night terrors? I’d never heard that- could you share some links?
Or if it’s consuming caffeine…that’s not our issue as my toddler hasn’t BF’d in over 2 years :-). She’s almost 3.
Anon says
Oh yeah, I meant caffeine can cause night terrors the same day, not years later. I misread and thought you said baby not toddler.
Anonymous says
try tylenol. I found ibuprofen from advil or motrin tended to take away the pain but also make my kids more wakeful. So we did tylenol for any nighttime issues and advil for daytime. Tylenol wears off after 4 hours so you may need to give a second dose when you nurse depending on what time.
Anon says
Yeah tylenol knocks my daughter out like a light. Ped says it has no sleep aid, but it sure seems to.
Anonymous says
The recent research on Tylenol’s blunting of social pain makes me suspect that Tylenol isn’t actually so much of a painkiller as a sedative.
Easy dinner ideas? says
We have a long-standing Friday night play/dinner date with our neighbors, but almost always default to cycling through the same 5 pasta recipes, so I’m looking for more inspiration!
Criteria: Takes under half an hour to prepare and easy to feed to toddlers (so soup is out because the 2-year-olds don’t have that good spoon control).
Anon says
Homemade pizzas – buy the refrigerated dough and put on whatever toppings you like
Easy dinner ideas? says
Ooh, good call! I always forget you can buy pizza dough.
Anonymous says
Or mix the pizza dough up the night before. I use the Smitten Kitchen recipe and it takes less than 5 minutes.
Anonymous says
Meatloaf muffins (won’t meet the 30 min criteria with baking time, but you could prep them the night before and then pop them in the oven). Breakfast for dinner – pancakes or waffles with some fruit and maybe bacon in the oven? Tacos. Could you put something in the slow cooker? If so, I’d have more ideas. In warmer weather, hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill. Take and bake pizza. Grilled cheese (fancy for the adults and typical for the kiddos). Quesadillas. Stir fry with rice. Loaded nachos with some fruit and raw veggies on the side – maybe with guac too.
Easy dinner ideas? says
I’ll take slow cooker ideas!
Em says
Throw a pork loin or roast in the slow cooker. You can just add spices and throw in carrots and potatoes, or you can put BBQ sauce on it and serve with rolls.
Anonymous says
Rub boneless, skinless chicken thighs with BBQ spice, cover with BBQ sauce, and cook 6 hours on low. Break up with a spoon, toss with additional sauce, and serve on buns with coleslaw.
Anon in NYC says
What about Instant Pot ideas? Check out Nom Nom Paleo’s salsa chicken recipe. I think she has slow cooker tips too. But that takes maybe about 25 minutes from start to finish, and then all you have to do is shred the meat. My very picky 3 year old loved it.
Anonymous says
I like sheet pan dinners for this because I can relax and enjoy company vs. standing over the stove. We did potatoes/broccoli/sausages last night and potatoes/carrots/chicken is also good. Lots of receipes online.
Anon says
Tacos – toddlers can eat them deconstructed. I know it’s a pasta recipe, but the crispy tortellini from smitten kitchen is delicious and quick and not like a traditional pasta because you’re panfrying the tortellini like potstickers. See also frozen potstickers with a steamed frozen vegetable on the side. Also breakfast for dinner – pancakes, eggs, bacon?
DLC says
We often do burritos/quesadilla bar- make lime cilantro rice, sautéed or roast meat and veggies (peppers, onions, broccoli, zucchini), and have toppings ready. There is quite a bit of chopping so I would do that ahead of time. Also- if you have an instant Pot you can cook rice and chicken together with canned tomatoes.
Stir fry. Same idea as burritos, but with ginger and soy sauce.
Roasted salmon is super easy- pick a favorite marinade (I like soy, honey, garlic, sesame oil), and stick it in the oven at 425 for 15 minutes. Steam some veggies or have a bag of salad on the side. Or sometimes I will roast broccoli alongside the salmon.
anon says
Are you open to using a slow cooker? Skinny taste has some really good chicken recipes that can be shredded and made into tacos.
searching for comfy and casual says
I’m currently working my way through the Curated Closet exercises and am realizing that I don’t really know what to wear when I’m chasing my kid around the playground or lounging at home on the weekends. I definitely just default to leggings and a t-shirt which is fine, but I’d like to be a *tiny* bit more put together – emphasis on tiny. Maybe even with better leggings and t-shirts? What do other people wear for chasing their kids around?
AwayEmily says
Following! I got a hooded sweatshirt dress from Title Nine that I wear on the weekends that I think is pretty cute…they make a lot of versions (so does Athleta and even Target). But I could also use more suggestions for weekend wear (especially re: comfy leggings that aren’t super compression-y).
FVNC says
I have the same issue, except I WFH full time so this is an every day issue for me, not just weekends! I have some nicer lounge pieces from places like Alo and Athlete, and when I want something that’s comfortable but is not leggings, I have a “uniform” of comfy jeans (one pair of blue jeans, one pair of faded black jeans) that I wear with Brooks Brothers plaid shirts. Theoretically, the jeans/shirt uniform shouldn’t be any harder to put on than leggings/sweatshirt, but IT IS and I do not know why! Ha.
anon says
I think jeggings and comfortable shirt is the answer. They are still legging-like, but if you pair them with cute shoes, it looks like you tried.
IHeartBacon says
Second. I bought a few pairs of jeggings and a few button up plaid shirts. What I like about the shirts is that if I’m going to be bending over a lot in front of other people while chasing after my toddler, I can button it a little higher for modesty, but if I’m just hanging around I can button it up to my preferred level. I also bought some of those slide-on sneakers that all the bloggers wear. They’re just as comfortable as tennis shoes, but a lot nicer and they make me look a little more put together.
Anonymous says
I would love to have some slip-on sneakers, but they are all so wide! Anyone have recommendations for brands that would fit a narrow foot with a high arch?
IHeartBacon says
No recs for narrow slide on sneakers, but one idea is to try Nordstrom’s Trunk Club and ask your stylist to send you an entire trunk of slide ons. It’ll allow you to try on a bunch of different styles without having to buy the shoes. There is a styling fee (I think it’s $20), but odds are that you’ll find something. I did this same thing when I was recently looking for navy heels. I just asked my stylist to send me all navy heels. ( I ended up keeping 4 pairs though, so be careful if you’re on a budget.)
Anonymous says
OP here! Thanks for the recs everyone! Will definitely be looking into jeggings…
I wanted to add that lululemon’s Align leggings are great for non-compression leggings. However(!) my thighs touch and they pill right in that area which is annoying. I would prefer to switch to a more ethical brand but man, those Align leggings are amazing.
For slip-on sneakers, I really like the Ugg Cas slip ons but I think you probably need to try a few to see which ones are good for your feet. FWIW I have high arches and like the ugg ones.
anon says
I have the same type of feet, and Sperry slip-ons (half-size down) work great.
Emily S. says
I decided on a winter weekend uniform of tunic sweaters (Caslon and Halogen from Nordstrom) and Zella leggings (also Nordstrom, bc free shipping + can buy sweater and leggings together.) I own 2 cotton boatneck Caslon sweaters and 2 cashmere/wool blend Halogen sweaters that I wear with black leggings. The tunic is slightly fitted but still forgiving and covers my bottom, so I feel an intsy bit more put together/mom-ish than I would in a boxy tee or shorter sweater. I wear them with Ugg boots (I know), Bean boots, or street-wear New Balances. It makes getting dressed on the weekends easier. For summer, I own 4 pairs of 4-inch inseam J.Crew Factory cotton shorts in basic colors that I usually wear with a nicer t-shirt or pop-over. I have no idea what I’m going to wear in the spring, so I’m following for ideas!
AwayEmily says
I love how specific these recs are, thanks! I’m opening up All The Tabs now.
ElisaR says
i love athleta’s midtown ankle pant. They’re more comfy to me than leggings. If I’m wearing leggings I like wearing a big flannel shirt
Io says
Jeggings, T-shirt with embellishment or abstract pattern, casual jacket (like corduroy or tweed in a funky color). Comfy sneakers.
Anonanonanon says
cuffed skinny jeans, pointed toe rothy flats, and some sort of top (that last one isn’t very helpful, I know.). I’ve been defaulting to white tshirt (Lavender Hill is the brand I went with. yes, after seeing meghan markle wear it ok?!) and an open cardigan (I went through a phase of buying open cashmere cardigans a while back). Sometimes it’s cuffed jeans and a crewneck sweater with the pointed toe flats.
In the winter I have sorrel chelsea snow boots, and obviously a coat.
Law mama says
Ann Taylor Loft has lots of comfy but decently stylish tunic-type sweaters that work well with jeans, jeggings, or leggings. That with some new balance sneakers or black booties if you’re going out to a meal is perfect!
AwayEmily says
This is mostly a vent…just when my 3yo finally got over her jealousy of her 1yo brother (well, mostly), he has developed INSANE levels of clinginess with me. He sobs pathetically whenever I so much as look at his sister. And even when she’s not around he’s a whine monster with me (but of course a complete angel with his father and at daycare). It is so, so irritating. I know it will pass (it will, right???) but super-clingy-whiny-with-mama is my LEAST favorite stage.
Anon says
Solidarity. My 11 month old won’t let me put her down for a nap or bedtime, she just screams endlessly even though she doesn’t need anything. She goes down beautifully for her dad and the nanny.
fallen says
It’s tough – sometimes you just need space to breathe. My 5 year old daughter has been the exact same way after getting over jealousy from baby brother being born. I just tell myself that I will miss this in a few years, but it’s so hard with 2 kiddos that always want you 24/7.
Anon says
For those of you who have difficult relationships with your parents… where do you draw the line as far as them having a relationship with your kids?
Both my husband and I have very troubled relationships with our moms (we both have divorced parents, so this doesn’t impact relationship with our dads). They were both super excited for our daughter to be born. She is now 2 months old. Only grandchild on all sides (and I’m an only child so potentially the only grandchild for my mom).
In the last week both our moms (completely unrelated situations) had yet another hysterical freak out at each of us (typical for them). This time I have no intention of speaking to my mom again until she apologizes. Which I recognize could be never. But how do I handle my daughter seeing her? I would hate for her not to have a relationship with her grandma. But my mom is so mean to me and so irrational sometimes. Same with my MIL. I think we’re both worried that they might say disparaging things about us to our daughter when she is old enough to understand which would break my heart.
Help?!
Anonymous says
Parent for where you are right now. Your baby is only two months old. Don’t worry about the future. Do what you are comfortable with now and when that doesn’t feel right, figure out what needs to change.
I have a difficult relationship with my MIL. And what her time with our kids has looked like changed with their ages and her abilities as she has aged. Sometimes we have had to have express discussions with her and she was upset (use of booster seat in car) and other times we have ‘managed’ her without telling her (DH working from home when she is here for a visit and has both kids or scheduling kids activities so she doesn’t have more than one at a time when she is visiting).
Anon says
+1. Also can you talk to your mom and say you feel you’re owed an apology? Maybe you don’t have that kind of relationship, but I would start there instead of just refusing to talk to her.
ElisaR says
+1
Sarabeth says
I wouldn’t assume that your mom will be a better grandmother than she was a mother, at least in the long term. My mom had a difficult relationship with her mom, but kept seeing her in part because she wanted us to have a relationship (my mom was also an only child, so similar only grandchild situation). Honestly, my memories of my grandmother are not great. Apparently she was super into me when I was a baby/toddler, but what I remember is her being mean to me when I was 5-10 years old. I wasn’t scarred by it or anything; we lived in different states, so it wasn’t part of my day-to-day life. But I definitely don’t feel like that relationship added much to my life – and it’s a stark contrast to my memories of my other grandmother, who I saw even less frequently but was warm and loving for every minute we spent together.
Anon says
I agree that there isn’t inherent value in a grandparent relationship. My dad’s mom was the nasty one in our family. She lived far away but we visited fairly frequently, because my mom felt a sense of obligation and wanted me to have a relationship with both grandmothers, even though this grandmother was extremely cruel to my mom, sometimes in my presence). As I got older, grandma compared me heavily to my two cousins (her daughter’s children) – they always did everything right, I did everything wrong; they were prettier, smarter, better behaved, etc. I never liked her, but growing up I was polite because my parents insisted on it. As soon as I was adult, I phased out my relationship with her. I haven’t spoken to her in over 10 years and my daughter will never meet her, even though she’s my daughter’s only living great-grandparent (I was close to my mom’s parents but they sadly passed before my daughter was born, as did all of my husband’s grandparents). Like all relationships, what you get out of it is highly dependent on the people involved; having a grandmother just to have a grandmother is pretty meaningless.
Anonanonanon says
Trust your gut, not her. We’re in a similar situation with my MIL and as far as I’m concerned, her relationship with my children without one of us around is officially over. I cannot trust that she will not say disparaging things and that she will stop her husband from saying inappropriate/racist things. I already had one child when I entered their family, and they encouraged my son to call them grandma and grandpa and developed a very close relationship with him. They seemed to wonderful to him and he truly thinks of them as grandparents.
Right now she’s not speaking to us, because my husband politely talked to them about not saying inappropriate things in front of our son (who is 8), like making jokes about my husband’s college pot use or dropping racial slurs. Completely cut off contact with us. I’m livid over how they could do that to my son, and if they ever re-enter our lives, they will not be having “quality time” alone with my son ever again. A healthy distance will be maintained. He’s already a child of divorce, he doesn’t need other people coming in and out of his life and making him think love is conditional.
Anyway, they stopped speaking to us when our baby was 4 months old (she’ll be a year soon). Knowing what I know now, even if we “reconcile”, I will not promote one-on-one time with the baby as she grows up. They’ve blown their chance. It absolutely breaks my heart to look at this wonderful baby and wonder how anyone could voluntarily miss out on her, but it is what it is. I’m not going to be put in the position of asking where grandma and grandpa have gone again, though.
It really is a shame because they’re our only local family, but it’s best for our children. I don’t want the silent treatment modeled to them as an appropriate way to deal with things.
Anonymous says
Vent: My daycare just gave me homework. “We ask families to decorate a poster with pictures and fun facts [celebrating Black History Month]. We will post them along the hallway for everyone to see and learn. Let’s make this a fun family activity. We look forward to seeing everyone’s creativity soar. Projects are due on February 15th.”
I am all for celebrating Black History Month, and if the school wants to do this project with the kids over the month, that’s great. But I have very, very limited time at home with my kids, and I really resent being told how to spend it. Also, my 2 year old is useless at poster-making.
Anonymous says
Don’t do it. It isn’t school, this isn’t homework, she doesn’t get a grade.
Anon says
I would just opt out. If they say anything, tell them what you said here.
Anon says
I meant to add that I would have read this as an optional activity, personally. Basically anything daycare tells me to do outside of daycare hours (other than send diapers, etc., of course) I consider totally optional unless they expressly say it’s mandatory or required in some way.
anon says
Skip it. Your kid is 2 and won’t know the difference anyway.
(FWIW, I used to be a mom who Did All the Recommended Things. Now I just have zero patience or tolerance for this kind of thing.)
OP says
Oh I definitely don’t intend to do it. But my 4 year old is also at the school and going to be upset when she sees that all her friends made fancy posters and she didn’t. Daycare is basically promising me a meltdown. She loves art, but that’s an independent activity as far as I’m concerned. Maybe I’ll just give her a piece of posterboard and let her color it however she wants without any content direction.
Anonymous says
Read a library book about an inspiring person together, then tell her to write the person’s name and draw the person on the poster? The Hidden Figures women, Mae Jemison, or Misty Copeland would be especially fun to draw and embellish with craft supplies. Blackboards and old-fashioned computers! The space shuttle! Tutus!
Anonymous says
Read the ‘I Am Harriet Tubman’ book with her and then she can draw a picture of Harriet Tubman. Done.
Related: I LOVE the ‘I am Amelia Earhart, I am Harriet Tubman, I am Jane Goodall series – so interesting that I genuinely enjoy reading them with my kids and written in a very accessible way for multiple age groups.
Anon says
My baby has a book called Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History. You could read that to your 4 year old and have her draw a few of her favorite characters. Who cares if the drawings are terrible. You can write the name so people know who it’s supposed to be.
anon for this says
I agree with not doing it. If you feel like you need to do something, do the absolute bare minimum–pick a person, print one or two photos, tell your kid a story she can understand.
My kid is 3.5, and we just spent last weekend making a poster about himself (photos, art, etc) for him to present to his class. It was a good bit of work, and I grumbled a bit, but it was mostly OK because (1) we knew about this months ago and signed up for the week that Kiddo would make/present his poster, (2) Kiddo understood and was excited about it, and (3) even though it was definitely a family project, Kiddo was able to offer input and help, and he felt like it was “his.” You don’t have any of that going for you with a 2 year old.
Also, I’m all for celebrating Black History Month too, but I don’t think 2 and 3 year olds have the context to really understand. It seems better to work on the values, like empathy and fairness.
Anoner says
Hi! Last mintue decided to do Costco instead of local Italian caterer for a small bday party. I know they have mac n cheese but anything else we can look for to feed about 12 adults and 5 kids? Thanks!
Lana Del Raygun says
Costco sheet cakes!!!!! And rotisserie chicken!
rosie says
Trays of veggies & dip.
Bag of clementines and/or some clamshells of grapes.
Clamshell of grape tomatoes + container of mozzarella cheese balls in oil/herbs = salad
And all the cake :)
DLC says
Our Costco usually has pretty good fruit selection- which I always find good to have at parties.
Also shrimp and cocktail sauce – we often have those at work parties and that’s kind of where I hang out.
Anon says
All good choices above. They also have a tray of turkey roll-ups. I’ve had those at any number of parties. And ours sells beer and wine, if you’re serving that it’s one less trip. DH likes the lemon garlic (I think? I don’t eat seafood) shrimp as well. You could also pick up cheese and crackers if you want to have that as well – they may even have some pre-sliced (I don’t remember).
AnotherAnon says
A friend of mine always does their chicken salad for parties and it is amazing.
Anoner says
Thank you all! Great ideas :)
SC says
At a birthday party last weekend, Costco’s jalapeno pimento cheese (“palmetto cheese”) was a huge hit!
Daycare bottles says
I know this has been asked before but I can’t find it – for those that have sent breastmilk to daycare, how many and what size bottles do you send? Trying to figure this out with a LO who is 5 1/2 months and it’s been surprisingly difficult.
DLC says
I can’t remember what we did – and it probably varies by age and baby- but our day care let us keep a bag or two of frozen milk in their freezer so if the baby was more hungry than I had anticipated, they had some back up milk to give her. I don’t remember how many bottles we sent, but I remember they were all 4 oz. I think we based this on how much of a bottle she would take in one sitting at home.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My husband has been giving our 3 month old about 4 bottles of 5-6oz so we’ll plan to send 4 bottles of around that much to daycare. We did the same for my first. I think this might be higher than average but I have huge babies (over 90th percentile for weight) and it matches what I pump.
Anonymous says
Same on all counts. I pumped into the little Medela bottles and sent 4 of those to daycare.
Anonymous says
My son theoretically drank 4 x 4 oz bottles of BM until we switched to cow’s milk around 12 months.
Mama Llama says
For my 5 month old, we send 3 bottles with 4-4.5oz each day (8:30am-5pm). He usually doesn’t quite finish all of them. We also leave formula and some frozen milk there in case of an extra hungry day.
Easy dinner ideas? says
We sent three of 4-oz Medela bottles (9am, noon, 2pm) and left some 2-oz rtf formula bottles there as well. Once he started having a couple days in a row of needing the formula we sent 5-oz bottles and asked any leftovers to be sent back home. (Not all daycares are okay with this.)
If we didn’t have a combo-fed kid we’d have sent frozen milk instead of formula, but we never had enough extra to freeze.
octagon says
Ask daycare what they do with partially finished bottles – will they use them later to finish feeding? If so, you can get away with maybe 3 bottles of 5-6 oz each. Otherwise I’d do 5-6 bottles of 3-4 oz each.
AwayEmily says
At our daycare they had to discard any unfinished bottles, and my kid had the annoying habit of drinking an ounce, then deciding he didn’t want any more, then being hungry an hour later. this made Milk Math very difficult — I would often send 20oz, he would only drink 12oz, but none of it could be reused. My life got much better when I decided to not care as much — I would send ~12 ounces (whatever I had pumped the day before) and tell them to just use formula if they ran out. This strategy decreased my stress by about 200%.
ITLady says
Seconding what AwayEmily did – my stress levels too went way down once I just sent what I pumped the day before and used formula for backup. When I still had a freezer stash, I kept as much as they’d led me keep there (about enough space for 10 Kiinde bags). State regulations required them to toss anything that had touched her lips or been warmed after an hour.
yomama says
My 6 month old kid (17.3 lb) drinks 6 oz every 2.5-3 hours. Daycare had some guidance on this when we started.
AJD says
My son is same age and he uses the Medela 5 oz bottles. They fill them at daycare out of my breastmilk bags or I pump right into the bottles and have the nipples that screw right on. They also allow me to have frozen backups. He has been varying the amounts from 2-5 ounces. It’s rare to do 4×5 or 3×5 in one day. It’s usually a 3,4,4,5 or 2,5,5 or something like that. I am testing out formulas right now so I can reduce pumping to once a day and can have him on a combination. I agree with the other moms (and experience from first child) that it will definitely lower stress to use formula as a backup. My daycare has free formula. If you don’t want to do that, I would recommend some of those Medela 2.5 ounce bottles and two of those in along with a 5 and a 4 oz.
Venting says
If my MIL tells me one more time how it’s good to let my husband rest and “regain his strength” I am going to lose it. To the poster asking about only children the other day, I don’t think the problem is the only child, it’s the mother of the only child (at least in my case – doesn’t help she’s local) – don’t be that MIL, boundaries are key. Toddler picked up stomach bug on Monday, was mostly feeling better by Wednesday (say 75%). I picked it up Wednesday night, was up all night, he picked it up early Thursday, and somehow I ended up both working a full day (from home) because I couldn’t get coverage on any of my projects, mostly supervised the toddler as DH kept falling asleep during the day yesterday (usually after asking what he could do to help, so he was trying at least), and got up early with toddler again this morning (and am likely working a mostly full day from home today). ARGH! When everyone is sick but the toddler, there is no rest for anyone!
Anon says
There’s no reason she needs to know any of these details. If you’re telling her, stop. If your husband is telling her, you have a husband problem not a MIL problem.
IHeartBacon says
OP, I didn’t even read your entire post. I just mentally punch your MIL in the face after I read your first sentence and then clicked on the “reply” button. ;)
Good luck!
Anonymous says
I agree she doesn’t need these details, but my MIL thinks DH is perfect and her golden child. Yes my husband is pretty great and he’s a good dad, as in he’s not a lazy jerk. Which really should be the bare minimum for fathers. She constantly acts like I “make” him do SO much and that I’m so lucky to have him (yes, I am, but I’m a good wife and mother thank you very much). I wonder if this is just a mother/son thing and a larger reflection of our societal values?
Delta Dawn says
Idk, I have a son and if I act like this when he is grown I hope his spouse punches me in the face. It’s not a mother/son thing and it’s not acceptable. If you want to burn it down, next time she makes a comment just say “Yes, these are his children, he is doing his job by taking care of them, as is expected” or some equivalent.
Not the same exactly, but my MIL came over to help with bedtime last night (my husband travels), and my 3yo boy was throwing me a ball. He wants to be a “baseball man” and throws it pretty hard, pretending to be the pitcher. I asked him to not throw the ball so hard. MIL chimed in “Yes, Mommy and I are girls, so we are not good at catching hard throws.” I have a great relationship with MIL, but I shut that down IMMEDIATELY. I said “Well, girls are good at everything, and we can do anything boys can do. But neither boys nor girls like to be hit in the face with the ball.” It’s not the same issue as your MIL, but my point is that I WILL NOT tolerate gender roles foisted on my household by my MIL. What you allow is what will continue. Don’t allow it.
Cb says
I’ve been laid out flat with a lupus flare and my.MIL told my husband “poor you, you must be tired from doing everything”.
GCA says
If she wants to let your DH rest, she can come and help with toddler herself! Grr.
lawsuited says
Ditto for MIL insisting that prioritizing my husband’s job over mine “really is so important” when I earn 3 times he does and am the reason we can afford our mortgage, car, daycare, etc.
LadyNFS says
I am raging for you reading this!
FP says
This is too late but I will never forget my MIL sending me and my husband a text on the morning of my scheduled c-section. “Good luck! And (son) please get lots of rest and make sure to eat and drink because this will be a hard day for you.” A hard day! For my husband! Who was not giving birth! I was floored.
ER says
You have got to be KIDDING
Anon says
Taken very (very very) charitably, it’s possible she was reminding him to rest knowing that you would be incapacitated and he’d need to take care of both you and the baby, and she was saying it would be a hard day for both of you? But definitely very poorly worded at best. My husband took a nap while I was in labor (I had an epidural, so not in excruciating pain, just too uncomfortable and excited to sleep) and at the time I was mildly annoyed, but it turned out to be a good thing, because he was the baby’s primary caretaker in the first 24 hours and it was good that he went into it well-rested. Better that someone sleeps than no one sleeps, you know? That said, I think there’s overall waaay too much focus on the dude. The nurses kept asking my husband if he was doing ok while I was pushing! And my dad says he was asked the same thing while my mom was in labor with me. Apparently a lot of guys faint? I still think the focus should be on the person who is, you know, actually birthing.
AnotherAnon says
I’ve been struggling with infertility for about four years now. Two of my close friends know, one doesn’t (she’s kind of new to our friend group). They are all currently pregnant. We were hanging out last night and the one who doesn’t know started talking about how she can control when she goes into labor (then proceeded to discuss the gory details) and how it’s really important to her that she can pick her children’s birthdate. This just rubbed me the wrong way and I kind of shut down and then left. I know that was rude but it just didn’t seem like the time to be like “Hey this weirds me out and hurts my feelings.” 1) do you think I should say something to her or just get over it? 2) Do you and your mom friends regularly discuss details of your birth experience/delivery? We all have kids (mine’s adopted) but the other two friends have basically never mentioned anything about their “birth experiences” so I was a little shocked and squicked out that this friend (who’s the most introverted/private of us) just casually brought up details. I’m being overly sensitive right? I just need to get over it.
anon says
New friend sounds cuckoo, honestly. Controlling when she can start labor? Mmm, okay, good luck with that.
FWIW, I don’t blame you for escaping the situation. Infertility is HARD (been there) and sometimes so-called mundane conversations about babies and birthing can be so emotionally painful. IME, people who haven’t experienced it don’t really get it, and I don’t think you need to apologize for feeling bad.
inductee says
If I could control when I went into labor I wouldn’t have been induced 2x. Friend is a little nutty. (I snarkily want to ask if she vaccinates her kids.)
Anon says
My closest friends and I were all pregnant at the same time and talked about our labor and delivery experiences pretty openly, including discussing what meds we would use or not, details of tearing and personal care products we used afterwards, and struggles with breastfeeding. It was super super helpful, to me at least, because my recovery was hard and although my DH is wonderful he didn’t go through the physical aspects of birth. Having my friends there to say “I get it, XYZ happened to me too” was invaluable. Fwiw, we are not generally super open with each other (we do not talk about s3x ever, which I think is maybe fairly unusual for female friends in their 30s? and none of us knew the others were TTC until we announced pregnancies, then one friend mentioned she had been TTC for almost a year before getting pregnant but that was the extend of the discussion about conception). That said, saying you can control when you go into labor is just nonsense and you can’t choose your child’s birthdate unless you have a scheduled c-section. I personally wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is so woo-woo/anti-science (unless it was a complete joke).
Anonymous says
I do not think you’re being overly sensitive, but yes I find it common to talk about birth stories when it’s just women. They are kind of a badge of honor sometimes. Also birth can be traumatic to many women and just talking through it can help.
Also friend sounds crazy about controlling labor.
Anonymous says
Yeah I mean she’s stupid that’s not a thing but discussing birth experiences is pretty normal and you need to just say “hey can we change the subject? “
Anonymous says
First, I am incredibly skeptical that this woman can “control” when she goes into labor.
But to your question, it sounds like you are not comfortable discussing infertility except with very close friends, which is fine, but then your newer friend can’t be sensitive to your feelings. Even if she knows your child is adopted, she may not realize why you chose to go that route. If you do say something, I think you have to bring up the reason it makes you uncomfortable, otherwise the conversation will make no sense. Maybe along the lines of, “I’m sorry if you felt I was rude when I left abruptly the other night. I’ve struggled with infertility and sometimes it just hits me hard when people talk about pregnancy and childbirth.” Your other two friends may have filled her in after you left. I’m sure she didn’t mean to upset you.
Realistically, if you’re hanging out with 3 pregnant women, sometimes the conversation is going to drift that way. I don’t regularly discuss childbirth, but to the extent that I ever do/did, it was when I was pregnant and with other women who are pregnant or have babies. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should probably say something now.
Anonymous says
Talking about birth experiences/plans in detail is very normal in my friend group but we wouldn’t do that in front of a friend with fertility issues. But since you said she doesn’t know, I don’t think you can be annoyed at her for that. Totally reasonable to be annoyed at the crazy ‘controlling baby’s due date’ thing. It is not a thing unless someone is having an elective c-section.
SC says
Yeah, the idea that you can control when you go into labor is nuts. But in my friend group, women talk about their birth experiences pretty openly. I wouldn’t talk about it in front a friend who I knew had fertility issues, but I also wouldn’t think to avoid the subject just in case someone I was speaking to had fertility issues.
I think you can expect this topic to keep coming up–at least until your friend’s baby is 1, and every time someone is pregnant after that. I don’t think you need to get over it, but I think you should find some canned lines to politely change the subject, or explain to your friend why you don’t like hearing about it. I know it’s personal information, and you don’t have to share it with anyone, but you also can’t expect her to be a mind reader.
Anon says
Hugs. I also did 4 years of the infertility thing, and I constantly felt like an exposed nerve walking around in the world. It’s impossible to even put into words.
I was super private about what we were going through (not even our families knew), but once I opened up a bit I was glad I did. At least it gave people the opportunity to be sensitive. Some were amazing, a few were not, but I think they all meant well – and at least they had all the information.
Going through infertility while three close friends are pregnant sounds almost unbearable, honestly. Give yourself lots of grace and don’t feel guilty when you need to step away from a situation to protect your own emotional state.
ElisaR says
I’m sorry that has to be really hard. I think I would feel the same way in your situation. It’s not that unusual that it came up but you are allowed to feel how you feel! In order to avoid it again, would you ask your friend who is “in the know” to share a brief version of why something like that might be hurtful? That’s how I would handle it. I wouldn’t want to tell this new chick everything but I might like to avoid it. Or just leave if she goes into it again.
lawsuited says
Setting aside the “controlling when you go into labour” thing which sounds bizarre, yes, I have discussed details of labour/delivery with some of my mom friends but probably would not do it around a friend who I knew was struggling with infertility and might have mixed feelings about not having had a labour/delivery experience. I think you should probably bring your third friend into the loop so that she isn’t in the position of unknowingly discussing topics that are painful for you.
Lily says
My kid just turned 1 and he’s milk intake has dramatically dropped. He’s down to 1 bottle of 6 oz before night sleep. We were doing half cows milk and half formula, but last night I forgot to add formula. But he drank the milk anyway. At home, he was talking a bottle before nap, but at daycare, he refuses bottle. Any experience with this? Is baby going to be ok with just solids? Right now, he eats 1 tbsp of cashew butter and cracker when he wakes up. At day care he gets cereal and fruit at 8 am. Then around 1130 he gets 4 oz of lunch. Then at 3 PM he gets 4 oz of snack (usually 3 oz fruit and 1 oz yogurt) then at home around 530 or 6 he gets 4 oz dinner, crackers, some yogis snacks. Finally he’s bottle at 7 before sleep. I wonder if he’s getting enough…
Anon says
Are you still nursing at all? If you’re nursing, I wouldn’t worry about milk intake at all. If you’re not nursing, then it makes sense to try harder to get him to take milk, or at least up the yogurt intake significantly. Does he drink from a sippy? If he’s bored with the bottle, you could give him milk in a sippy to kind of graze on throughout the day.
Anonymous says
It sounds like he needs more food to me but my daughter eats like a horse. Can you add a sippy cup of milk at breakfast/lunch/dinner?
Anon says
My ped said there is an enormous range in terms of how much babies and toddlers eat. My kid eats basically adult-sized portions of meals, but apparently much smaller meals are pretty normal too. He’s eating 5 times a day. If he were going hungry, she would definitely know.
Anon says
(I said “kid” but she’s 11 months…my 11 month old eats as much as DH and I do at dinner, basically).
Anonymous says
I totally agree kids totally vary and that’s why I added the caveat that my daughter eats like a horse! But she asked?
AwayEmily says
Another option is to add in more dense foods. We do a lot of eggs (if you google toddler egg muffins then there are tons of daycare-appropriate recipes) and also avocados, cheese, whole milk yogurt. My 1yo also doesn’t do much milk….nurses at AM and PM and then drinks maybe 5oz of half formula/half milk at daycare during the day.
Anonymous says
Yeah, this seems like a strange mix of solids to me for a child who should be getting getting/transitioning to getting all of their nutrition from non-formula and non-BM sources. I’d make the meals more similar to what you eat with more protein and healthy grains.
AwayEmily says
I didn’t mean to imply that was ALL the kid should eat — just that if the OP is worried about her baby not getting enough calories then one solution is to sub in some higher-calorie, kid-friendly food (ie, an egg instead of cereal).
1:02 Anon says
AwayEmily, my comment came out wrong. I was attempting to agree with you! To the poster below, you’re right, OP didn’t specify what some of the foods were; however, the “oz” descriptions made me envision fruit or veggie pouches. If that is the case, more dense foods seems appropriate to me. One poster below noted that OP sounds like she’s doing great because these sound like typical snacks. I agree with that…it all seems like snack food. I’d move towards more grown-up meals – more eating what OP eats for her meals.
Anon says
She didn’t specify what he eats for lunch/dinner but nut butter, crackers, fruit, cereal and yogurt sound like very normal, healthy snacks for a 1 year old to me. That’s almost exactly what my 1 year old eats for her breakfast, lunch and snacks (more meat/fish and veggies at dinnertime, but many kids are very hit and miss with veggies). My ped said to call it a win if we can something from each food group each day.
AwayEmily says
Your kid’s diet sounds very healthy and awesome, as does that of the OP’s kid! My first struggled with weight gain (and hated milk) and so the pediatrician recommended the egg/avocado/whole milk yogurt strategy for us and I was just passing it on to the OP as an idea. I def did not mean to cast aspersions on your kid’s diet.
Anon says
No offense taken AwayEmily! I was replying to the person who said this seems like a strange mix of solids. I wasn’t offended or anything, just pointing out that it isn’t necessarily all that bad if fruits, yoghurt and cereal are a big part of the diet. My kid loves fish but not every family eats meat, and a lot of kids are touchy about veggies, so some kids do eat mostly diary, grains and fruit and do just fine.
Lily says
Baby is not on breast milk. But it does sound like we need to up his food portion and frequency. We have tried all types of sippy cups to get him to drink but no success. He will drink water from sippy cup and OJ from the 360 cups, but milk not really. We haven’t tried eggs in a while since he projectile vomited. We are planning to try it this weekend. But it has been really difficult to feed him chunky foods. Pediatrician said if he doesn’t improve by the next well check we should see a food therapist (?). Btw, ge was at a healthy 18 lbs at his 12 month well check.
Anonymous says
Have you tried straw cups? That was the magic trick for getting my kids to drink milk.
AwayEmily says
Any recommendations for adult snowpants? Do people have strong preferences between the bib and non-bib type? They will mostly be for playing outside with the kids, sledding, etc.
ITLady says
I live in the southern portion of the midwest, so my snow pants only have seen use maybe 3 times thus far. So, I got the cheapest things I could find (some NWT Colombia pants for $35 at a consignment sale) to figure out what works. Thus far, it has been perfectly great for sledding/playing with my daughter outside. A pair of thermal running tights underneath has kept me dry and toasty in 17 degrees in Colorado on vacation as well as 20s and snow and some humidity at home.
I’ve borrowed a pair of bib style ones before and I only see that being helpful if you’re in really thick stuff and expect you might have times your coat will ride up. Taking off my layers over the pants to be able to go to the bathroom was annoying.
If you’ve never bought them before, I definitely would say go cheap and see if that works, and only upgrade then if you need to!
Chi Squared says
I have a pair of non-bib snowpants from REI (REI brand). I bought them a decade ago in anticipation of a ski trip that never happened, and only wore them this winter sledding with the kids, and then commuting to work in sub zero temps over jeans. Not good Kondo-ing, but it worked out in the end.
Anon says
If it’s just for playing in the snow with kiddos, I think you can go on the cheaper end. I am a skier, so for me insulation, waterproofing (i.e., gore-tex because I’m tired of supposedly waterproof not being waterproof) and comfort are key. I strongly prefer non-bib for comfort and as an adult I’m unlikely to end up with snow up my back or down my pants (not so much as a kid). Since the quality of the waterproofing probably isn’t as critical for casual snow play, you might even consider a fleece lined softshell snow pant – what I used for spring skiing in my college years – reasonably warm, keeps the snow out, and super comfortable and easy to move in. I would look at REI, LL Bean and Lands End.
EB0220 says
Bibs are annoying in my opinion because you have to take off your coat, gloves, etc. to use the bathroom. I just got a pair of insulated snow pants from Eddie Bauer that I really like. They’re on pretty good sale right now.
LadyNFS says
I bought this at Costco for my 18 month old! We’re in NYC and haven’t had to use it yet, but it’s very cute and you cannot beat the price.
AK says
We live in Alaska and I have 3 of these Snozu suits (one “emergency suit” for each car, one for daycare) because they’re cheap and great. Highly recommend sizing up a size if you’ll use it for awhile – not because they run small, just so you can keep using it longer.
Io says
Obviously. Tylenol works on the brain, not on the vascular system. It’s why pregnant women and infants can take tylenol and why it can cause liver damage. Works great on the itchies too.
Anon says
The girl in the snowsuit is the spitting image of my daughter, to the point that it’s almost freaking me out. (Not trying to humblebrag that I have a child model – I don’t think I have any photos of my daughter that are quite this cute, but the physical features are very similar.)