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Have you set any New Year’s resolutions as a working parent, or do you feel like you already put too much pressure on yourself to be “a good mom”? (Not to mention society’s expectations of working moms, and the pressure from parents, in-laws, and/or other family members, whee!) What do you think the best New Year’s resolutions ARE for working parents? You can keep things positive and avoid veering into “mom guilt” territory by writing your parenting resolutions as fun goals, such as “Get a science museum membership and take the kids once a month” or “Start a weekly family pizza-and-movie night.”
We’ve regularly talked about New Year’s resolutions over at Corporette, but we haven’t really looked at them here at CorporetteMoms through the lens of parenting. This year, do you want to be better about sharing parenting/household duties with your partner? Get more organized with kid-related stuff? Plan some major family vacations? Take stock of your work/life balance?
As for my parent-related goals for the year, the recent iOS addition of the Screen Time feature was an eyeopener that made me resolve to cut down on my son’s screen time AND the amount of time he sees me using my iPhone. I also need to work on meal planning. My husband usually isn’t home from work by dinnertime, so most nights it’s just me and my son. Dinner is usually a spontaneous, “Hmm, what does he want, and what do I want…?” situation, and I’d like to get more organized about it. There are complicating factors — he eats meat and I don’t, he could stand to gain some weight and I don’t need to, we have some different dietary preferences, etc. — but I’m sure I can at least make some small improvements. Another issue I’d like to focus on is having more outdoor time with my son. As an adult, I’ve never been a really “outdoorsy” sort of person — I sunburn easily and am afraid of bees, for example — but kids today simply don’t get enough time outside. (Using the phrase “kids today” is one of those things that automatically make you feel old, isn’t it?)
Now it’s your turn: Are you making any parenting resolutions for 2019? If so, what are they? If you’ve set New Year’s resolutions that are solely focused on you, are they related to your parenting goals for this year? Or do you dislike the idea of New Year’s resolutions for working parents in general?
Mary says
I’m trying to keep things to simple goals that I can attain.
1. Drink more water. I drink a shockingly low amount of water. My goal is to do 24 oz a day.
2. Yoga once a week. I stopped a few years ago. I figure once a week is super-easy to achieve.
Anonymous says
I have none. I always have the following goals: (1) be more patient, and (2) use my time more wisely (I say as I spend time on an internet blog/message board). Advice as to number 2 greatly appreciated.
shallow resolution says
I want to perfect my at-home manicure technique and maintain a manicure as much as possible. Having neatly polished nails somehow makes me feel so much more organized, in control, and prepared to deal with people at work.
RR says
The Essie gel kits have been a game changer for me, although I would have put myself solidly at “decent” for at-home manicures before. But, two things about the Essie kits are fantastic. One, they have this semi-circle brush end that makes it so much easier to be neat and avoid cuticles–such an easy thing, but I’m not aware of another brand that has such an easy brush. Two, the top cop is very fast drying. There are a number of options for fast-drying top coat, but for me it’s a must. It’s not really like a gel manicure, but it lasts a week for me, and I can achieve professional-looking results.
Agreed totally that something about neatly polished nails makes me feel more in control of the world.
Ranon says
Using a brush dipped in remover to clean up my mess ups and edges was a game changer for me. I like Essie gel setter too but hands down best fast dry top coat is Seche Vite
FTMinFL says
On the opposite end of the mom guilt spectrum, I’ve started two lists for this year and set a reminder on my phone to complete them each night after the littles go to bed (goal is to complete most nights – no pressured)! One is a gratitude list where I write at least one thing I’m grateful for after reflecting on the day. The second is my “Give Myself Credit” list where I write at least one thing I did well that day. Yesterday was, “held it together without yelling during a CHALLENGING toddler dinner, then had a good attitude during the bedtime routine.” I’m so good at recounting all the things I could have done better, so I’m really enjoying giving myself credit for the things that make me a good mom/wife/employee/etc.
Emily S. says
No more online clothes shopping for my own clothes. I thought I was saving time shopping online, but I think that’s false. Case in point: I recently bought one suit jacket, one skirt, 2 different sizes and styles of pants and 2 different sizes of shirt — and none of them fit. So that was $300 dollars I had tied up, and I lost $7.95 to ship it back, and I had to lug a giant bag of clothes from my car where I park to the UPS drop box in my city office. Just not worth it. I hope it cuts down on my mindless shopping and closet bursting with clothes I’m only “meh” about. For my kids, I’m resolving to do more second-hand-first shopping, especially for the youngest, since she’s the end of the line for hand-me-downs. Also, keep my house cleaner and tidier with the compound cleaning method, and I am already failing spectacularly.
KESM says
I believe New Year’s resolutions should be both achievable and ambitious, and so my resolution this year is simple: SURVIVE.
Because candidly, as a parent, sometimes that’s what you can ask of yourself. I have an extremely active 21 mo and am expecting kiddo #2 in 2 weeks. I will be off work for 12-14 weeks, but then back to a very demanding job (attorney and director in a state agency), back to commuting 3 hrs a day, with two kids in full time daycare for ~$50k/year. My next year will include navigating being a parent of two, lots of middle of the night wake ups, pumping multiple times a day before and after work and between meetings, trying to find time for late night work after kids are asleep, dealing with sudden schedule changes while not one but two kids battle the constant stream of daycare plagues, trying to maintain a relationship with my husband through the chaos, and trying to manage basic things like eating, drinking water, and sleeping (occasionally at least). I think a goal of survival is plenty.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m with you – my main goal for 2019 is to survive a toddler and baby, while returning back to work and then dealing with two kids in daycare after my husband returns from his paternity leave. Outsourcing much more now and trying to be ok with spending a ton of money to get through this season.
Good luck with your new baby!
AwayEmily says
This is such a smart approach. I am a year ahead of you — had kid #2 on Jan 24, 2018, when kid #1 was 22 months old. This past year was absolutely survival mode. And that got a lot easier to take once I recognized it as such and stopped trying to do anything “additional.” So in 2018 our pictures remained unhung on the wall, I haven’t formally exercised once, and we’ve eaten a lot more trader joes meals than I would have liked. But now we are on the other side — everyone is sleeping through the night and I pumped for the last time just before Christmas break. And this year, I’m planning on doing more than just keeping my head above water. So: I think you are absolutely right to enter this year with low expectations — good luck and have as much fun as you can!
Anonymous says
Also expecting my second this year, though my first is a relatively easy 3 so the transition might not be as challenging…but still, my main goal is also to survive. Somewhat relatedly, secondary goal is to survive and also to try to let go of my constant itch to get big projects done on house (new garage, bathroom addition, rewiring, etc.) (spoiler alert: not going to happen soon).
I do have relationship goals, though: Be more consistent in chores I require 3 year old to do, and invest more in relationship with husband.
Cb says
Go on more adventures with my toddler. We made a big list of fun things to do. He’s a great little adventurer – he loves the backpack, museums, being out and about and I hope that will only improve as he gets more mobile. Our flat is small and our garden is tiny so staying home all day isn’t really ideal.
CPA Lady says
1. Finish the 12 steps (I’m on step 4 and will be doing step 5 on Saturday)
2. Get reusable ziplocs, a few more glasslock containers, and a little compost pail to cut down on trash. Also considering trying to use handkerchiefs rather than kleenex and washcloths rather than disposable makeup wipes… Just trying to make better environmentally friendly choices in general
3. Get up off my duff once in a while. I started the zombie version of couch to 5k on Tuesday and I’m doing my second run this evening.
anon says
I love my reusable cotton rounds! They feel so much better than disposable cotton balls and they are super easy to wash. I got mine on Etsy.
Spirograph says
At my husband’s request, one of mine is to give him more hugs and show more physical affection. He’s totally right that I don’t do this enough.
My other one is to spend my time more wisely and make my health a higher priority than housework. I haven’t gotten enough sleep or exercise in a while, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. This might result in me just shelling out for a housekeeper in addition to the biweekly cleaning service; I’m working on giving myself permission to do that.
Becky says
Trying to go on a no shopping fast for January and shop my closet. Also more family trips. My dad wants to take a big family trip this summer. 5 kids under 5 and 7-9 adults. Coming from Chicago and Texas. Is Hawaii reasonable with toddlers – the travel time and the time change. Also any recommendations on all inclusives vs house rentals. Or other location suggestions? TIA
anon says
I have done Hawaii with toddlers (two 3 and under) from the West Coast, and I thought it was doable, but tough. You’ll be even worse off coming from Chicago and Texas with the time zone and distance. From Chicago/Texas, what about Florida or somewhere along the East Coast? We love the Florida panhandle (we have family there though); it’s a bear to get to from California (closer for you!), but relaxing and relatively inexpensive once you’re there. Easy access to the beach, and get a place with a pool so you can do both.
If you want to do Hawaii, from what I can tell (at least on Maui) the resorts aren’t all inclusive. It’s a resort, but not all meals included etc. The nice thing about a house with that many kids is that you can cook your own meals, and you can relax on the lanai with a drink when they all fall asleep at 6.
Becky says
I couldn’t tell if the resorts are really all inclusive so this is all very helpful. thanks
SoAnonForThis says
Just needed to vent.
2018 sucked. Big time. Our lives look amazing from the outside- my husband, kid and i “settled” in after a big trans-Atlantic move but I am really unhappy.
I hate my job, I miss extended family and friends (parents live on a different continent) and I really miss the bay area weather and being able to speak/understand stuff (non-English speaking country)
My job started out sounding and being fun and paying only a little lesser than my old job and that was okay given the cost of living situation. In the time since I’ve started handling the workload of at least 1 other person and learned that the culture is awful. Oh, and the wonderful salary I negotiated, now silver handcuffs because I’m in a city where titles and age matter, and mine isn’t fancy enough for anyone to match my salary. The whole expanding role thing sounds cool, but I just want to work without drama and drama is all that the role expansion has added.
My husband’s work has been similarly challenging. His boss got fired and he got a bigger job. And in an ageist, subtly racist society, it has led to more pressure than anything else. And all this pressure is making him a really really selfish partner and self-absorbed person. i.e a really really bad parent.
The move to Europe was his proposed solution to dealing with awesome-sounding but stressful work and other drama over the last 2 years, so after taking a career hit, dealing with horrible bureaucracy and struggling with (re)building a life, I am not able to be understanding or patient anymore.
So here I am, a 29-year-old mom with a 3-year-old boy wondering if being a single mom is really worse?
Anon says
Ugh, I’m so sorry. Moving to a new place as an adult is honestly one of the hardest things, aside from serious illness or death of a loved one. We did it two years ago and it caused all kinds of frustration and tension in both my work life and my marriage. We had some regional cultural differences to contend with, but nothing like what you’re dealing with — but it was still disorienting and depressing and miserable. Hang in there.
Anon too says
Are you me? From the racism to the silver handcuffs, it seems like we’ve had really similar 2018s. Obviously it’s not a solution to anything, but sometimes venting can help – if you’d like to, leave an e-mail address (or a burner address) and I will get in touch. Either way, whatever 2019 brings, we can handle it!
Mortgage says
I’ve seen a bunch of comments on here and the main page recently about people aggressively paying down or off their mortgage. This is so not a thing for us or my (seemingly) financially intelligent friends. Especially with most people having refinanced or bought during the years of low rates. Is this specific to a certain area of the country? Am I missing something? We’re much more likely to put extra money toward retirement or other long-term savings than paying down our mortgage.
CPA Lady says
I think it probably is regional and has to do with cost of living. I live in the south and our original mortgage amount was less than a lot of people’s law school loans. Houses here are shockingly cheap. We are not paying the house off early at the expense of other financial goals, we are paying the house off early in addition to meeting other financial goals. I realize that in places where comparable houses are 5 or 10x more expensive than ours that this is not remotely feasible or smart, but if throwing an extra $800 at the mortgage each month means we’ll have the house paid off in four more years, then that’s fine by me. We also both love the area and don’t have a desire to move elsewhere.
Anon says
This is basically us too. Our mortgage payment (on an initial $200k mortgage) is so low that we can pay more than double it, while still throwing tons of money at retirement. I also think a lot of people put a financial value on being debt-free and that’s a fair choice. I’m aware that the math indicates we could (likely) make more money by paying only our mortgage minimums and putting everything else in the market. But being debt free will give DH and me tremendous peace of mind and we’re willing to do that at the expense of expected investment returns. And you never know what the market will do – we put about 50k into reducing mortgage debt in 2018, and that money would have gotten us nothing in the market this year.
Anonymous says
Speaking only for myself, it’s not a thing for me and my husband. We bought our house when interest rates were at rock bottom, and we do not intend it to be a “forever home” that we will retire in, so it doesn’t make sense to put any extra money there. We max our tax-advantaged retirement accounts, and any extra money goes into long term savings and the stock market.
Anon says
+1 We are in a HCOL area in a starter home in terms of both size, location and price point if we were to sell today. We are not in our forever home. The value will continue to climb (even in the face of a market softening it will climb, albeit at a slower rate for a while) given supply/demand dynamics. That’s sufficient equity creation for us at this point. Our extra cash is better spent in investment accounts of various forms.
Super long-term reader/poster here. Year after year, there some great advice and anecdata on the collective two s i t e s, but I also think there are some extreme recommendations that get echo chambered which might be “good for you, not for me.” Without a critical eye one might think ‘omg everyone is doing this ! what’s wrong with me!’ but that’s just a function of this forum and its participants.
ElisaR says
i was wondering the same thing…. paying off a mortgage is not generally considered a financially savvy thing to do. With rates at historic lows, invest the money rather than paying off your mortgage and (hopefully) make more money!
Mortgage says
Thanks everyone for your comments! It is certainly a valid choice, but I think we’re just not at the point of having that much extra money leftover right now :)
Em says
I have a few goals including learning to change a tire, finishing some home improvement projects, booking our first international trip since our honeymoon, and maxing out our 401ks.