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I really like this top by Anne Klein, which has been price matched at Nordstrom. To me, it is classic, but with a twist, with the sheer sleeves and interesting draping. I also like that it has a high neck but is collarless. My favorite part is that the sleeves have a smaller dot print but the cuffs are in the larger print. I picture this matched with a fun color on the bottom, like pink, or in the summertime with white pants (if you dare!). This seems conservative enough for an office but also stylish and fun. Originally, this shirt was $79, but it is now $37.92, available in sizes XS–XL. Mixed Dot Print Blouse For sizes 1X–3X, Nordstrom also has a similar blouse from CeCe. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
GCA says
Help! Talk to me about tiny apartment organization. We’re in a 1-br apartment for one (sweet, blessedly final) year while husband finishes grad school. This was all well and good when we had one baby, who could be stashed in a pack and play by our bed, and whose toys were readily cleaned up at the end of the day. Now we have a preschooler and a baby who will be mobile in the next few months.
The question: The baby is in our queen bed with us in the bedroom, but I’d like to move her to her own space soon as she sleeps better that way. How should I do it?
Current arrangement: We’re all in the same room. Big kid got his own junior loft bed for Christmas, which he loves, and he has a little ‘kid cave’ underneath, with space for his books/ trains/ toys. Baby is in bed with us. She sleeps great – we do not.
Potential arrangement: Should we put a crib mattress under the loft bed and use it for baby? She still wakes up once to eat at night, so I’d have to get out of bed, get down there, pick her up, with the risk that she’ll wake her big brother. Big brother is our nightmare sleeper (in fact we got him the junior loft as it’s a bit safer than a full sized loft, because he is up and down that thing all night to go potty, get water, etc.). There is no room under the jr loft for the pack & play.
Alternate arrangement: we might be able to find space in the living room for the pack & play. The downside is that the baby goes to bed the earliest of any of us and we’d all have to tiptoe around. On the plus side she can sleep through anything.
Other factors: There is no alternate nook (closet space, etc) that could be used for a pack & play.
I am also considering a Guava Lotus with the zip side, under the loft – if you’ve used one can you speak to how convenient and comfortable it is? The advantage is I’d then also have a safe place to put a mobile baby when I need to wrangle two kids alone.
What would you do?
Anonymous says
I’d move. Barring that, can you put up a temporary wall in the living room? Switch to a full sized bed instead of a queen to get room for a crib? Do you have a dresser in your bedroom? Move it to the living room? Pretend you’re staging the apt- any not absolutely essential furniture goes. You don’t need a coffee table. Any books should be in storage and bookshelves used as storage
Anonymous says
Honestly, I’d probably put the kids in the bedroom and figure out a way for DH and I to sleep in the living room. Maybe the bedroom could have the jr loft, pack and play, and a portion of the living room furniture? You could put kiddos to bed in their bedroom and if it works best, keep baby in the living room with you after the feeding.
Cb says
Yeah, I think this is the only way it is workable. Some sort of sofa bed or murphy bed? Check out the 600 square foot and a baby blog – she might have some guidance on doing this at an earlier age.
Anonymous says
+ 1 to parents in the LR. We slept on our pull out couch for a while when we were sharing a 1 bedroom with our baby, and it was much better. Or you could also put baby in a crib with wheels, put crib in bedroom at bedtime and then wheel it out to your space when you go to sleep so as to avoid waking preschooler when tending to baby. I’m sure you have probably thought of this but my son keeps a waterbottle in his bed; that could potentially eliminate some of the betting up.
your life is going to be so much better when you have a larger space. Good luck!
Cb says
Also, could you put most of your stuff in storage? It would drive me batty to be navigating around boxes and extra furniture. I’d go super minimalist.
Anonymous says
I stumbled across a blog called “600sqft and a Baby” (but the writer now has 2 kids) recently, and her solution is that the parents sleep in a murphy bed in the main living area so the kids get the bedroom. Since this sounds pretty temporary, you might not want to go that extreme, but it seems like it would work best as far as giving the kids their own space for sleep and toy/small person containment, and keeping the adult space clean and available for adults with later bedtime.
My kids have shared a room since the younger one was a baby, and we’ve had no issues with them waking each other up, but you know your preschooler best. I like the suggestion above to move the dresser out of the bedroom to make room for a pack and play; I don’t think a crib mattress on the floor would work well for a mobile infant, because you lose the containment aspect that is so important (to me at least) at that stage. I have no experience with the Guava Lotus. It looks like it would solve your containment issue, but wouldn’t it still be difficult to get the baby out in the middle of the night?
Anonymous says
Crazy idea: Put the baby to bed in the pack n play in the bedroom at her normal bedtime; move the pack n play to the living room when the rest of the family goes to bed.
Puddlejumper says
Would you be willing to post an email or a burner email? I live in Brooklyn and someone just posted the most GENIUS set up for their two kids that involved a crib and a cot stacked on each other and I could send you the picture of how it works. The toddler bed goes under the crib which would help with your nightmare sleeper.
I am having a baby soon and our plan is to use the bathroom. Don’t know if thats an option for you. We got a used Alma Mini Crib which wheels in and out of it perfectly. If your baby is good at sleeping could you start them in your bedroom and then swap them to the living room later when you go to sleep?
Anonymous says
Ooh that reminds me I have a friend whose baby used to sleep in the walk in closet. Do what you have to do.
Anon says
I have numerous friends whose babies have slept in closets and most of them weren’t even walk-in closets. #bayarea
Anon says
How do you have intimacy? Do you do it in front of your preschooler!? All family members in one bedroom blows my mind.
Anonymous says
Not OP but you can do it other places/rooms than your bed/bedroom. That’s what we did when cosleeping.
GCA says
Thanks all! Some great suggestions here and I’ll check out 600 sqft and a baby. I’m leaning towards using the pack & play or guava travel crib in the bedroom somehow, for the containment factor. Kids’ dresser can live elsewhere. There’s a bunch of bookshelf space we’re not maximizing. If I can convince husband that we need a small shelf above the bed (no headboard), I don’t really *need* a nightstand.
Otherwise, that’s about my limit for organization. Most of our seasonal and travel stuff is in a small storage unit in the basement of our apartment building; kid art + storage table doubles as coffee table doubles as kid dining table during playdates. Knowing that it’s a temporary situation (just one more year!) helps a great deal. And yes, ‘gardening’ occasionally requires creativity…
Sarabeth says
I had and adored the Guava Lotus. It was my only crib for two kids. I was already thinking of it for your situation, before you mentioned it. It doesn’t solve issue of getting out of bed in the night, but I’m not sure anything will unless you keep cosleeping, and you sound done with that.
We also don’t have a nightstand in our room – not for space, just aesthetics. We each have a floating shelf/drawer instead.
Puddlejumper says
I also love the blog readingmytealeaves for creative small apartment living with two children!
blueberries says
I love the Guava! Great primary (and travel) crib for both of my little ones. You can zip down to side-lie nurse a baby.
Somewhere around 2 to 3 years old, mine wanted a thicker mattress of the sort that can’t be used in cribs for babies for safety reasons. Until then, Guava was great.
anon says
Baby help! My son is 17 months and seems to have a temper…is that even possible? If his older sister (4 year old) plays with a toy that he likes, if he wants more food, or wants to get out of his high chair he screams his head off. A super high-pitched bloody murder scream. He also will pull hair and pinch and it seems like its spiteful. I take away a toy, he pulls my hair. We try to redirect and tell him what he would like him to do, like give nice pets instead of hits. Is there another way to teach him to not hit, pull hair, and scream?
He is super verbal and can say many words, so its not that he is not able to communicate without screaming.
Anonymous says
Of course that’s possible! You just keep doing what you’re doing.
Anonymous says
Even if he has a lot of words, that doesn’t mean he has the emotional/cognitive ability to use them calmly in response to a stressful situation. IME, that comes later. He is 17 months; what he considers stressful is much different that you. Getting out of the high chair, needing more food, etc. is a big deal to him. I know it is hard to have patience, but it sounds like you’re doing the right stuff. It will just take time.
Anonymous says
Yeah, kids start to display/develop a skill long before they are proficient at it. Think about how it took to get to walking without falling every other step. Communication skills and emotional regulation will take years. I’m sue the same thing happened with your older child, but it probably wasn’t as obvious because she didn’t have a pint-size target for her outrage.
Anon says
Yeah, some wise friend told us that until about age 2, every bad thing that happens to a kid is LITERALLY the worst thing that’s ever happened to them, since they don’t have many solid memories yet. You taking a toy away or not being able to un-cut the bread or forgetting the word for spoon and then remembering they actually want a fork is the worst thing they’ve ever experienced.
Our job as parents is to acknowledge their frustration and help them practice better ways to deal with it. Daniel Tiger is great at teaching these techniques to parents, if you need them.
In my experience, it’s definitely a phase, but the way a kid handles stress at 1.5 is also how they’ll handle it at 3.5 and 5.5 and so on. So the more you can practice your own calm response to their tantrums and the quicker you can figure out what helps them calm down, the better prepared you’ll be for the rest of their stresses through life. They won’t be easier, but you’ll hopefully have a handful of techniques you can run through until you find the one that works that day.
Anonymous says
“not being able to un-cut the bread”
This is so true and relevant to life for me right now that I can’t even laugh at the absurdity of it.
Anonymous says
A constant scenario in our house at the moment:
Toddler: *holding pieces of something* Back together!
Parent: No, your stick/cheese/cracker/waffle/broccoli doesn’t go back together, it’s like your toast. Remember how once you break your toast it’s in pieces? This is the same thing.
Repeat ad infinitem. (No idea why toast is our example other than that it was the first thing that came apart and cause this distress.)
Cb says
How long has he been doing this? My nearly 17 month old went through a week long phase over the holidays where he was really aggressive. I think it was a combination of illness and teething – he felt miserable and was acting out a physical way. One day I was so frustrated that I put him back in his cot because he kept pulling my hair. He seems better now and we’ve been talking a lot about gentle touches, I’ll stroke his hand and say ‘gentle gentle’ and let him stroke mine and he whispers ‘gentle’ back.
I’ve been trying to underreact to mischief though – just say ‘Nope, we don’t do that’ and redirect or ignore it if its screaming.
Lyssa says
I agree that it’s pretty normal to have a phase like this. FWIW, I think that that sort of 1.5 year area is just about the hardest time to deal with – they can understand that they want things, but just don’t have the ability yet to communicate or understand why they can’t have them. It ends!
Pogo says
omg, Little Pogo is exactly the same! He got a nasty cold from daycare and over Christmas he was just. miserable. So much screaming. And clinging. It has gotten better now that he’s not sick anymore, but he’s definitely displaying a lot of tantrum-y behavior that he wasn’t doing it seems like two weeks ago.
I try to give him hugs or hold him if he needs it, but otherwise, respond to the screaming with calm and lots of explaining about what is happening (“I know you want to play, but we have to change your diaper right now. We can play again afterwards.”).
octagon says
We found that Daniel Tiger (books, if you don’t do screens yet) was great for this. Lots of episodes about taking time to calm down, or to take a break, when you feel overwhelmed.
Edna Mazur says
No advice but solidarity. My 16 month old used is getting aggressive (hitting when he is mad, stealing sibs toys) and craziest of all, he turns into baby godzilla when he is angry and throws whatever is in reach.
We calmly correct him ,but I don’t remember my older kids being this bad so its nice to know it is most likely a normal phase he will outgrow.
Anonymous says
Yup. Sorry to say I have one of these and it’s just personality. I have 3 and my middle has a temper. She was born with an ear piercing scream that had the nurses pitying me on day 1. She is very very bright but also very very high strung. She’s almost 3 and has been like this her entire life so far. We keep hoping she’ll grow out of it but I’m pretty sure it’s just how she is.
Anon says
This is random, but she sounds a lot like my daughter. Around 3, my mom taught her a “trick”. Basically, if you’re so frustrated you want to scream, you go into the bathroom. Run a sink of water, stick your face in, and scream into the water. Repeat as necessary until you feel better. Then dry your face with a towel and get on with your day.
She loved it and it hugely cut down on the hysterics.
Apparently I had a similar problem when I was younger and the water-on-the-face helped me too. I have a few memories of sitting on the bathroom counter while my mom gently wiped my face with a washcloth, but didn’t remember that was because of tantrums. Maybe it’ll help your kid too?
Sneakers for elementary age kids says
It’s time to replace my kids sneakers and am wondering what your favorite brands and stores are for (1) durable, hard wearing shoes, (2) comfortable, cushioned, and breathable shoes that support active kids, and (3) price at or below $40.
Anonymous says
I buy Champions from Payless. Not glamorous, not amazing, but they seem to work.
mascot says
We buy name brand athletic shoes like Adidas, Nike, New Balance and accept that they are going to get pretty beat up. Places like Rack Room often have buy one, get one half off sales that gets you to the $40 price point. Also, is there an outlet mall near you? We’ve had good luck finding sales there and buying a couple of pairs at a time. I got my kid the New Balance Arishi at DSW the other day and the sole seems slightly more durable than some of the other soft soles in running shoes.
AwayEmily says
We are huge fans of Sauconys (via Zappos) and they have lasted for 2 – 3 kids.
Anonymous says
We get Sauconys too. By the time my kids (4 and 6) outgrow them, they are pretty beaten up, but other brands have fared worse.
Anonymous says
We buy Nike’s. They’re not usually under $40. They’re usually closer to $50 but hold up really well for us.
EB0220 says
You may not have it, but we buy all of our kid shoes at Academy. They have a pretty good selection and decent prices. We’ve bought almost every brand (Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Vans, Sketchers, Under Armour). Nikes wear out pretty quickly for my kids. We had issues with the Vans velcro but the rest of the shoe held up great. The kids both love Sketchers and they seem to hold up pretty well so that’s our current winner.
Anonymous says
New balance. Have been buying the same black new balance sneakers in bigger and bigger sizes on shoes dot com for a couple years now. Granted our almost 4 year old has rapidly growing feet (am placing an order for size 1 now) but they still look almost brand new by the time he outgrows them. That site has constant sales so we usually get them for $30-35.
H13 says
I second this. We were going through cheaper shoes in 1-2 months. New Balance last much, much longer and I’ve bought on shoes.com.
Also had some luck with a very sturdy Stride Rite with a rubber-capped tow when my son was in a tow dragging phase.
anon says
For my preschooler, Skechers is the current favorite. They are surprisingly durable compared to the Nike and Adidas shoes we’ve owned before. School-ager is wearing Under Armour. Both pairs were purchased during a BOGO sale at Famous Footwear. I’ve also had decent luck at DSW for kids’ shoes.
Cb says
Just a PSA on toddler eating: My 17 month old went on a food strike over the past few weeks and I was super stressed about it. I read Child of Mine and while it was pretty commonsense, it gave me permission to stop stressing about it. We changed a few things – family style meals and letting him serve himself, no trying to encourage him to eat things, no pouches, and it’s only been a few days and he seems to be happier at the table and eating a bit better. Worth reading if you’ve got any food issues.
Anon says
I asked this over the break, but didn’t get many responses. I have a nanny starting in a couple of weeks. I plan to use Homepay for her payroll. If I get her social security number, tax info etc. on her first day of employment and set up the payroll then, will I be able to pay her on time? Or do I need to contact her now to set it all up in advance in order to get her a timely first paycheck?
rosie says
Why don’t you ask Homepay how much time they need to get things started? Also, how are you planning to pay? Obviously you can just do a personal check in a pinch, but it can take a while to get direct deposit up and running. Plus we ran into issues with our bank to set it up–took some time to figure out how to handle, since the bank couldn’t accommodate exactly what we had in mind.
RR says
You should be fine if you get the info on first day. I think it took them a couple days to set up. Pay period approvals end on Tuesdays at noon central time, week after the pay period. So, if she started on a Monday and you got all the info in, then they should have you set up by the end of the week on their end, and you should be good to approve that first pay week. If you have questions, definitely call them. I’ve been impressed with customer service.
That said, I went ahead and got everything set up ahead of time. I had my nanny send me the info and filled everything out.
Don’t forget about workers’ comp. I think that’s a different sign up through an affiliated company (my state is like the only one that they can’t do, so I had to directly sign up for a workers’ comp policy through my state BWC).
I love Homepay. They really do make everything so easy.
Anon says
What things do I need if I will plan on breast feeding and pumping. Insurance covered a Spectra pump. What other stuff do I need for breastfeeding/pumping with the spectra?
The internet is overwhelming me.
For nursing things I have already:
– A good water bottle with a straw
– Nipple Butter
– Nursing Pads
– A cover
People keep recommending…are these things worth it?
– Silverette The Original Silver Nursing Cups
-Heat pads for breast shields
-Those milk catchers for the opposite breast that is not being nursed on
For pumping I have:
– The Spectra Pump
– a freezer holder for bags
– a dishwasher caddy for bottle parts
– a boon drying rack
– Life factory bottles – a bunch of different tips for them and both the 4 oz and 8 oz sizes
– a wrap to stay warm during the process
Pumping need to figure out list:
. I know that I need to get the Spectra Adapters for the bottles
– breast milk bags for the freezer – what type?
– Should I get back up parts like: flange, valve, tubing, back flow protector etc
I was told I would need to change the silicone diaphragm disk thing and the duckbill things at least every three months.
-A hand pump just in case
What am I missing? Is any of this overkill?
SC says
It sounds like you have a lot of good supplies. I’d figure out your freezer bags and (if you don’t have one) buy a bottle brush. Other than that, I’d wait and see what you need. I say this as someone who had a preemie who didn’t nurse well at first and ended up renting a hospital-grade pump and also buying a bunch of extra stuff–nipple shields, more pump parts, more bottles, etc. There are many ways to purchase baby/feeding items after you’ve had a baby and your needs become clear.
Anon says
Not trying to be snarky, but what do you need a bottle brush for? I always just put bottles in the dishwasher and if for some reason I wanted to sterilize (if it smelled really bad or was left out overnight with milk in it or something) I would just boil it in a pot of water on the stove. Most of my friends bought a brush, but I never understood the purpose.
anon says
I personally don’t like putting plastic in the dishwasher. You may not need a bottle brush specifically, but if you are washing bottles (and really any cups) by hand, I can’t think of a better way than using some sort of brush.
SC says
I found it easier just to wash bottles and pump parts by hand. I had to nurse, pump, and bottle feed each 2-hour cycle for about 6 weeks, so we had a lot of pump parts and bottle pieces. When I went back to work, I didn’t have anywhere to wash or rinse parts, so I brought them all home dirty. It would have filled up our dishwasher, and it only took a few minutes to wash them by hand. I had a special bin in or near the sink for parts, and filled it up with soapy water, brushed if necessary, and rinsed. We used the dishwasher if there was room, but it wasn’t that great at washing things anyways.
Anon says
Wow, you are superwoman for doing that! I would have given into formula so fast. (I genuinely mean that I admire you, this isn’t a judgy “oh I could never!”). ;) I didn’t use bottles or the pump until I went back to work and then my husband just threw everything in the dishwasher at the end of the day so we never hand-washed anything except pump membranes. Makes sense though that if you hand wash a brush is helpful.
SC says
I devised some way to bottle feed while pumping (both after nursing), but I can’t remember the details now. My thinking at the time was, once he developed the suck/swallow reflex, nursing would be easier than dealing with formula. And it was! We switched to formula when baby was around 6-7 months old because of supply issues–that’s another story, but I was definitely OK with it.
HSAL says
I don’t know anything about the nursing cups or the heat pads. I have friends who really like the milk catchers – I wish they’d been around with my first but this time around (twins) I never leaked once I stopped tandem nursing.
For pumping, I like the Dr. Brown bags best, but they’re more expensive. I use the Lansinoh bags now. I used the Medela the first time around and I’m using the Spectra now. I’ve been pumping at work for four months and rotating through four sets of valves and haven’t needed to replace those or the backflow protectors yet. I’d buy at least a couple sets of the duckbill valves so you don’t have to wash every day. Same with the flanges – get multiple unless you’re running the dishwasher every day anyway (we are so I just have one set with an emergency backup at work in case I forget). Definitely get a hand pump as backup – I liked the Medela a lot. With my first I kept my Medela at work and used the hand pump at home if needed.
Anon says
Gently, I think you’re over-preparing – anything you need can be ordered on Amazon and get to you in a couple days. There’s no need to buy so many different pumping accessories before the baby is born and you know what you need.
My must-haves were disposable breast pads (friends swore by reusable, but I didn’t need another thing to wash), the pump itself + parts, a couple of bottles and nipples for the baby to drink from and a boon drying rack (which we owned pre-baby because I think they’re cute). I was never able to get much ahead of my baby’s intake so I never froze anything, but freezer bags are a good thing to have on hand. I bought Lansinoh. I also ended up using Lansinoh nipple shields, but I didn’t have them in advance. My mom went out and bought me some after my daughter’s ped recommend them, and they were game-changing for us as far as nursing. We also supplemented with formula, as did a significant number of nursing moms I know, but that’s also easy to buy if you decide you need it after the birth.
I never used a cover (never cared if anyone saw), nipple butter (tried it in the hospital, it didn’t seem to do anything for me),gel pads, milk catchers, a hand pump, a dishwasher caddy (just threw everything loose on the top rack except membranes which have to be washed by hand), or heat pads. I also never bought a fancy water bottle and just used my regular water cup that I use at home, but I think I’m in the minority on that one.
Insurance should cover back-up parts and there’s no need to get them immediately. If you used Aeroflow for the pump, they’ll just send you an email saying “you’re eligible for backup parts if you’re still pumping” and you can just click yes. It’s so easy.
Anon says
Thanks! I am not using Amazon anymore so I am probably over preparing because I am trying to buy local as much as possible which gets harder once the baby comes. I also am getting everything used/ passed on if possible to help the environment so it takes a bit of prep gathering it but I have the free time now. I have only had to buy new three things so far for the baby! So many people have extra things they didn’t end up using that they are giving for free or for reduced cost and its easy for me to get them and sterilize. My friend is sending me a bunch of breast milk but I also have a thing of formula on hand just in case I need that at the beginning. And haha my nipples have been so itchy from growing that I have already gone through a tub of nipple butter pre baby!
Brir says
Re: nipple butter/ointment: people talk like this is a necessary thing to do and it seems like people apply preventively- but making the area extra wet and moist and using an occlusive can contribute to thrush. It seems like a lot of people get thrush which sounds awful and the nipple balm seems like it could contribute. I only used sparingly as needed.
rosie says
Could use coconut oil instead–anti-fungal properties and easy to grab from the grocery store.
Elle says
FYI – Insurance may not cover extra parts but you may be able to pay for them with HSA. It ended up being not worth it for me so I’ve paid for my extra parts out of pocket.
Anonymous says
+1 fairly certain this is correct.
GCA says
Right now, all you need is a pump, something to pump into, a few bottles, and something to sterilize them with. You don’t even need something special to dry them on – we just air-dry ours on a clean dish towel. And if you have a full term, healthy baby, you don’t even to sterilize the bottles and pump parts every time.
I’d wait until you’re actually nursing to figure out what else you need – whether by choice or due to factors beyond your control, you may pump exclusively/ direct latch at home and pump at work/ direct latch at home and formula feed while baby is away from you/ formula feed only. The number and variety of items you need may vary based on that. For instance, if you’re exclusively pumping, you’ll need replacement valves much sooner than if you pump twice a day at work – at which point you might ‘subscribe and save’. Or, a baby who drinks only breast milk for 6 months is unlikely to need a lot of 8oz bottles (my first would spit up if he got more than 4 or 5oz at a go), but those might be useful for larger formula feeds as baby grows. (Or you might have a grumpy little bottle refuser like my 2nd kid, and we tried 7 or 8 different kinds of bottles, and the one she likes best is a random generic one that someone gave us at our first kid’s baby shower…!!)
I will say though that the Haakaa, a letdown catcher which works by suction, is amazing and versatile. You can use it to catch letdown in the early days, and build a small freezer stash. You can hand express into it. I still use mine during that middle of the night feed and get one spare ounce for baby’s bottles the next day. That’s the one thing I send new mom friends who plan to breastfeed.
Anon says
I think I’m the only person here who didn’t love the Hakaa. I bought one and I used it a couple times, but it never stayed attached to my breast that well and me and/or my baby kept knocking it over and spilling an ounce or more of milk across my lap. It was too messy and I went back to just using a pad that could catch the milk without any mess. I love the concept, but it just didn’t work for me.
Anon says
I didn’t like it either, probably partly because I didn’t really leak on the non-nursing side, and so it was just a hassle for an insignificant amount of milk.
AwayEmily says
I also did not like the Hakaa. I am pretty small-chested…maybe it works better if you are bigger?
Anon says
Thanks! My doula recommended the Haakaa also!
Pogo says
“Heat pads for breast shields” – do you mean those gel heat pad thingies? I did end up needing these for mastitis and plugged ducts, but not right away.
“Those milk catchers for the opposite breast that is not being nursed on” – do you mean the haakaa? I used this starting pretty early on because I was trying to build a stash, plus I was supplementing with pumped milk, and this helped me get a good 1- 1.5 oz with little effort. I also used it later on to relieve engorgement when kiddo slept longer than normal.
Although 1000% echo everyone above that as long as you have Amazon Prime and Target nearby, you will be fine.
OP says
Yes, I mean those gel heat pad things.
Milk catch things = milkies milk savers https://www.amazon.com/Milkies-Milk-Saver-Breast-Collector-Storage/dp/B007HYL9TS I think there are other brands too.
I am really trying not to use Amazon or Target these days so using a lot of lists to get everything passed on/buy used so this is helpful to know what to look for so I can get it ahead of time! Thanks!
Anonymous says
When I needed heat for a clogged duct, the gel heat pad things weren’t sufficient. I slept on a heating pad. I have a microwavable one that holds heat for 60-90 minutes (more if you’re laying on top of it sleeping). I did have the gel things to try out at work in my bra during a clogged duct, and they were pretty worthless, IME. I have heard for some women they trigger let down if you’re having trouble because they’re warm and relaxing. I didn’t have that issue.
DLC says
You’ve got a lot covered. A couple other things I found useful:
Boppy (or nursing pillow of choice)
iPad for reading or listening to podcasts while nursing/ pumping. I got really good at finding 20 minute podcasts to help pumping be less mind numbing.
Hands free pumping bra
Definitely extra parts/ flanges/ tubing- there were a couple times when I left parts at home and that was sad.
I loved my Spectra, but the parts are not readily available in stores, so definitely stock up so you have them when you need them.
Also a bag to store everything if you are going back and forth to work. My Spectra didn’t come with a bag and it is a little bigger than the other pumps so it took a bit of searching to find the right bag.
Elle says
+1 on the hands free pumping bra. I haven’t seen that mentioned in your list yet but if you plan on pumping it’s definitely a necessity.
Anonymous says
For pumping, stash a worn (dirty but not soiled) onesie or blanket in your pumping bag to help trigger let-down. Watch videos of baby on your phone while pumping. I actually printed a bunch of baby photos when I went back to work and kept them in my pumping bag so I wouldn’t see work email pop up looking at my phone.
Emily S. says
You do sound prepared! I really liked the milk savers one-ounce freezer trays. Freezing in one ounce portions rather than a full bag was really helpful when my supply dropped after returning to work and I needed only one or two ounces to top off a bottle. Good luck with pumping!
Anon says
Has anyone here had experience with taking domperidone or herbals for (drastically) increasing milk supply?
Anon says
Be really careful and ask your pediatrician as well as your doctor/midwife, because anything you take, baby takes (if you’re breastfeeding). Herbal supplements are not regulated by the FDA like foods and drugs, so there’s an element of “you don’t know what you’re getting.” Lecithin is recommend all the time for decreasing clogs and it was recommended to me by a lactation consultant but I asked my pediatrician about it and she said she couldn’t endorse it’s safety and thus couldn’t recommend taking it while baby was nursing.
Also a quick search of the first medicine you mentioned led to this: https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/is-domperidone-really-a-magic-breastfeeding-pill/
Anon says
Thanks. I’m working with a breastfeeding medicine doctor who is actually trained as a pediatrician but specializes in breastfeeding issues and she has recommended domperidone and goat’s rue if my goal is to increase my supply as much as possible. I lost most of my milk supply during my first week pp when I was engorged and couldn’t get my milk flowing due to lots of swelling that closed off the ducts. I’ve tried everything else, so now am considering this although my daughter is doing pretty well on formula. I’m so sad to be dealing with this, it’s one problem I never anticipated since I read true supply problems are so rare.
Anon says
Don’t beat yourself up on this. I read all the same things that say true supply issues are so rare. But honestly, they’re not. You’ve been dealt a particularly hard deck so early, but you’re in very good company.
There isn’t a lot of good truly scientific research about breastfeeding. My takeaway (I just weaned after 8.5 months, with supply issues the entire time no matter what I did or ate) is that so much of the pro-breastfeeding community has an agenda and are blind to the realities of real life. That they (including ‘trained’ lactation consultants) expect you to move heaven and earth for 12 months to make it happen, and you just need to try a little harder if it isn’t working right now. Which is devastating for the Type A people that populate this site.
Formula is a modern miracle and you should never feel bad about using it. The post on this site about “Combination Feeding Tips” from CPA Lady really helped me with the emotional side of things.
SF says
Hugs. I think you’ll find that a lot of women on this board had supply issues. Breastfeeding is hard. But it’s also very possible to combo feed (breast milk and formula) for a long time. I had to add formula in the first few days, and breastfed until my son was about 15 months old. I know it feels upsetting and overwhelming now, but it’s going to be okay – no matter what happens.
Anonymous says
I tried both dom and fenugreek at the same time even though the LC recommended trying one at a time. Dom didn’t seem to make much difference. For myself and two friends who took it, it seemed to mess with our metabolism as well. Much harder to lose weight even after I stopped it compared to when I nursed by first and didn’t need it. That’s ancedotal though. Oatmeal every morning had a direct effect on my milk supply. Also sleep, even a 45 min nap would make a difference so I ignored everything else and slept whenever baby slept.
Anonymous says
Adding that I’m in Canada where it’s super common for dom to be prescribed for low supply.
Anon says
Thanks for the feedback. I do have quite a bit of weight to lose so I would be frustrated if this made it a lot harder to get off.
Anon says
Piggy backing off this question – friends keep recommending Legendairy Milk Supplements. Has anyone tried them? They are the Pump Princess, Liquid Gold and Milkapalooza. Is this snake oil?
OP says
My doctor recommended MotherLove More Milk Special Blend and Goat’s Rue as far as herbals go. She didn’t mention the Legendairy products.
Anon says
Listening since I’m in similar shoes – my milk never came in at all and I can barely produce more than 1-2 oz per pumping session (when my five week old nurses he cries from hunger after both breasts and I give him 3 oz of formula – he’s been looked at by two LCs and the ped, and his latch is fine, no tongue tie, etc.) I am older, had GD and am hypothyroid, plus my mom had no milk, so I’m not surprised this happened but it is still super sad. I tried all the herbal supplements with no luck and ordered Domperidone out of desperation. So far I’ve already noticed a difference while pumping and it’s only been a day. I will note I didn’t/couldn’t follow the advice of pumping 8x a day (on top of nursing) – that seems to jumpstart supply for many women but I wanted to collapse after doing it for only a few days. Good luck!!
HSAL says
This is a silly question, but how do people cook for a family of five? My twins are just nursing so it’s quite a ways off, but so much of what we make for dinner serves me, my husband, our preschooler, and then an extra lunch for my husband. I’m sure the first step will be no lunch for him, but I honestly don’t know what we do when everyone is eating a regular meal. Last week we made tacos and I thought “will I have to make two packages of tacos/ground turkey soon?!” Doubling is easy, obviously, but I don’t know how to scale up just a little. Or do people double up and just have more leftovers?
Anon says
-Double up and love your freezer.
-Invest in an instant pot
-Make more “filler” foods like the salad greens can be a bit bigger but less toppings, more grains but same amount of meat etc. Its easy to add more broth to soup.
-Supplement dinner mains with fruit and veggies that can just be at the table for any meal. I find that when I cut an apple or grapefruit or something it just disappears at the end of the meal and so people do a better job getting their fruit than if I have it sitting in a fruit bowl.
Anon says
Oh and double up and then have a “Use it up night” where its all the random left overs at the end of the week from your meals that were a bit too big.
Anonymous says
We’re a family of 5. You just increase the amount as necessary. We switched to buying club pack sizes of frequently used items like taco shells so that we weren’t constrained by the meal kit sizes. We do a Costco trip monthly and freeze fresh meat into one meal sizes.
My twins are 4 and we’ve just had to switch to cookinig five full meals. Ages 1-4 the twins usually ate 1/2 a portion each so we cooked for 4.
rakma says
A few nights a week dinner is 3 adults, a 5yo and a 2 yo, and we’ve had to scale up just about everything. We are generally left with either no leftovers or 2-3 lunches, I haven’t found the one-leftover-lunch sweet spot.
Some things are just about buying a larger package of meat, sometimes we’ll add an extra vegetable or other side to bulk up a meal. It’s hard to tell if the 2 yo is going to eat three bites or three helpings most days, so we always give the option of a cheese stick and/or apple after dinner if they’re still hungry.
If we double, I make sure it’s something I want to eat for lunch. I don’t really want to eat tacos for lunch, but I will use the meat in a taco salad, so when I meal plan for that I make sure I have some romaine in the house. Also, some foods are just easier to scale and re-use in multiple meals, like roasted/rotisserie chicken.
Spirograph says
We have 2 adults, and 3 kids ages 2-5. They have big appetites and when they are teenagers I’ll probably need to scale up, but we haven’t changed the amount of food we cook, yet. There are fewer leftovers, but I never count on leftovers for lunch; we just build a leftover night into the meal plan, and everyone can choose from the available options.
As a rule, I don’t increase the amount of meat in a recipe, I just fill out the rest with extra vegetables or starch. If we’re having something with ground meat, I might add beans to make it more filling (black or red beans for beef, white beans for chicken or turkey). I figure, a typical American diet includes a lot more meat than is necessary for health, and the starch is usually what my kids want more of! We have fruit for dessert, and no one goes hungry.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this issue is unique to 5-person families. We are two adults plus one tween girl, and the three of us will very often finish a “4-serving” meal. If we had another child or a teen boy, we’d have to scale up all our recipes. I would just double the recipes and then get at least two adult lunches out of the leftovers.
You can get strategic when planning how to use leftovers. For instance, if you’re making a protein from a recipe and your side is just steamed or roasted veggies, you can double or triple the protein recipe but only make as much as you need of the side dish. Then instead of having a duplicate of dinner for lunch leftovers, repurpose the extra protein on top of a salad, inside a sandwich or wrap, or in a rice or quinoa bowl.
Anon says
I don’t think this is a silly question. My 11 month old is starting to eat portions that are almost adult-sized (not as much as DH and me, but about the same amount of food as her petite grandmother eats) and it’s HARD. We’re used to having leftovers and now we never have any, and some days we finish all the food we’ve made for dinner and one or more of us is still hungry. Baby has been eating an insane amount of bananas, because when she seems hungry after a meal and we don’t have any more food we just give her a banana lol. We obviously can’t keep that up forever though. I can’t imagine having 3 kids to feed!
RR says
You start doubling up recipes, or if you are making chicken and veggies you just buy more chicken and veggies (not necessarily double). My twins are 10, and my youngest is 5. At 10, mine are still very hit and miss on what they will eat. One night, they polish off two helpings; the next night, they eat one bite and ask to be excused. Bigger casserole-type dishes that would have generated more leftovers may just generate enough leftovers for your husband. Other meals, no leftovers at all. You double up recipes, and eat leftovers as they exist. I’m pretty sure we are going to be tripling recipes when they are all teenagers!
Anonymous says
Yes? You make more food.
Anonymous says
We’ve been having this realization as our kids get bigger, too. Basically everything we cook is set to make two dinners and two lunches for us to take to work the next day, but now that our twins are almost 2 we have to scale up everything in order to have food for their dinner and also still have lunches.
Sicky says
Is anyone else getting killed already this cold and flu season? It’s our first winter with LO and maybe it’s daycare but we just can’t get well at our house. Currently hiding in my office; I hate feeling like I’m spreading germs, but you can only stay home so many days (especially since my job is not WFH friendly.)
Sick days says
Last winter was our first winter with our son in daycare. He was sick basically the entire winter, and so were my husband and myself. We were at our wits end, not just with the sick days and work stress, but with being constantly sick ourselves and feeling physically miserable. I don’t want to jinx myself, but this winter so far has been SO SO SO much better. LO’s immune system has finally been catching up and I couldn’t be happier about it! Hang in there, it WILL get better (even though I did not believe it when I was going through it last year).
Anonymous says
The first winter with kids in daycare is the worst. I never used to get sick pre-baby, but those days are over. They are small germ vectors! Our first winter was also my husband’s first as a high school teacher…so many germs. It gets better, really! Last year my 5 year old did not miss a day of kindergarden somehow. The year before he got strep 3x in 8 weeks; its unfortunately not linear. Sometimes the illnesses clump up but then you’ll get a break for a while, and IME sometimes fall/spring are worse than the coldest part of the winter for some reason. Just take it one day at a time and hang in there.
CPA Lady says
Nope. But my kid is 4 and has been in daycare since she was 12 weeks old.
Our pediatrician says that kids in group childcare get sick every 10-14 days the first year, and half as often every year after that. Which was roughly true for us. — so 2-3 illnesses per month the baby year, 1-2 per month her age 1 year, then every couple of months age 2 year, and then maybe twice a year when she was 3, and now basically never. Basically it really dramatically dropped off around age 2.
The first year almost did me in. It was roooouuuggghhh. Each illness was not necessarily long lasting, but it was very back to back. I used to judge parents who took their drippy nosed nasty coughing toddlers out in public, and now I laugh at my complete ignorance.
And you can’t avoid it. If they have weak immune systems from not being exposed to daycare germs, they’ll just be sick all the time as kindergarteners.
Anon says
Kids do develop immune systems and get exposed to some bugs even without group childcare though, so the older they start daycare/school, the less they’ll get sick the first year. My kids were home with nannies until age 3 and yes they got sick frequently the first year in preschool, but it was nothing like what my friends who had infants in daycare describe. Some illness is unavoidable every winter, especially the first year in a group setting, but the “three months of constant sickness” is really more applicable to infants who have essentially no immune systems. My kids had all both had their first ear infections and vomiting bugs before starting preschool.
lsw says
It’s daycare and it gets better! Winter #2 is night and day beyond winter #1. It sucks, there’s no way around it.
GCA says
oh yeah – we’ve had to stock up on saline nose drops, Boogie Wipes, and Nosefrida tubes and filters. I agree the first year is the worst, and it gets better. Preschooler and baby are in the same daycare. Baby has been there since November, and she came down with a cold in her very first week and spent the second week at home. Big kid, who has been there for 3 years now, has been slightly snotty but nothing worse. I assume that all children in the daycare are going to be exposed to all the pathogens, as other kids in baby’s infant class also have big siblings in toddler/ preschool classes.
Weird potty training regression -- help! says
Long post! Short version: Any advice for handling a weird potty training regression that doesn’t actually involve any accidents, just an intense desire to wear a diaper and/or otherwise not have to go to the potty, especially at night?
For background – this is our older daughter, who will be four later this month and has been completely nighttime potty trained for at least a year and daytime trained for longer than that. (We also have a sixteen-month-old who is still in diapers, but our older daughter is not expressly referencing the toddler or saying anything like “I wish I could still wear diapers like X does.”) Back then the potty “training,” such as it was, was without drama and completely led by her; we put a potty in the bathroom and encouraged her to use it whenever she felt like it, and after several weeks she was using the potty every time and didn’t need a diaper anymore. Hardly any accidents, including a mere handful at night, and we never made ANY fuss about the few accidents that happened. I can’t even remember the last time she wet the bed — it has been many, many months.
In December we traveled to several places over the course of a week for the holidays and she slept, albeit not all that well, on various mattresses on various relatives’ floors. When she had to get up in the night to pee, she either called us for help finding the bathroom or, once she got more familiar with the route, found her own way with the help of nightlights. She had no accidents, didn’t mention worrying about having accidents, and had no potty-related problems we were aware of. We didn’t leave her in anyone else’s care during the break, and I am 100% sure that no one had any potty training or accident discussions with her.
Now that we are home, though, she turns into a sobbing mess at bedtime (which is 7:00). It started a few nights ago when she had gotten out of bed to pee a few times already (the bathroom is directly across from her bedroom, fwiw, and we leave the light on low and have a nightlight too, just as we always have). She was apparently getting upset because she wanted to go to sleep but kept feeling as if she had to pee, so she was exhausted but kept making herself get up to go to the bathroom. My husband and I took turns consoling her, reminding her that her body knows how to hold the pee until it really is time to pee, etc. etc. Nothing worked. She started saying she wished she could wear a diaper again and wouldn’t listen to anything we said about why that wasn’t a good idea. She finally cried herself to sleep. The following night was a repeat, only worse, starting even before bedtime, and despite our efforts to calm her, she finally got so upset she threw up. So I sent my husband out to get a package of pull-ups, which we had never even used before. She put one on and went to sleep immediately.
The next day, which was yesterday, was my husband’s and my first day back at work after the holiday break. The nanny texted me in the morning that our older daughter was asking to wear a pull-up during the day. We held the line on that and the nanny distracted her with activities, and apparently things were OK for most of the day. And at dinner she repeatedly talked in wondrous tones about what a great “solution” the pull-up was and how happy she was that we had found that solution. But then at bedtime she decided she didn’t like the sensation of pee in the pull-up. She kept asking me to come up with another solution to “the pee problem.” Finally at 8:30 I was able to convince her to pee in the potty one more time, put on a pull-up, and go to sleep, which she did because she was exhausted. But she woke up again crying around midnight and we had to go through the whole thing all over again.
She has zero complaints about itching, burning, or any other discomfort when she pees, and she also does not have frequent urges to go during the day (she said she wanted to wear a pull-up during the day so she didn’t have to stop playing), so I’m relatively certain that this is a psychological rather than physical problem. Of course we will ask the pediatrician about this if it’s still going on when we take her for her four-year checkup in a couple of weeks, and I suppose if it gets worse we’ll just have to suck it up and take her to the doctor before that.
But I do think it’s relatively obvious that this is stemming from the disruption of all her routines while we were visiting family and/or separation anxiety now that the holiday break is over and she’s supposed to be returning to the normal routines and not having Mommy and Daddy around all day every day. So I guess I’m asking for help in getting through this, for help getting things back to normal more quickly, or hey, even for some innovative solution to the pee problem that we haven’t thought of yet. Help!
Anonymous says
Poor munchkin!! I do wonder if there’s not something physical going on though, especially the part where she kept getting up to go over and over again. Have you tried (for during the day) setting a timer to remind her to go, and telling her it’s just a quick stop and then she can play again?
Sick days says
Last winter was our first winter with our son in daycare. He was sick basically the entire winter, and so were my husband and myself. We were at our wits end, not just with the sick days and work stress, but with being constantly sick ourselves and feeling physically miserable. I don’t want to jinx myself, but this winter so far has been SO SO SO much better. LO’s immune system has finally been catching up and I couldn’t be happier about it! Hang in there, it WILL get better (even though I did not believe it when I was going through it last year).
RR says
Glad it’s going better. I think the rule of thumb holds true that it takes about 18 months in daycare before the constant illnesses calm down. My kids are 10 and 5 now, and aside from rare 24 hour (really 3-6 hour) stomach bugs, I can’t remember the last time one was sick (knock on wood).
CCLA says
DD1 has been in daycare since 4 months old and enjoys it. We’re on the waitlist at a new center but in the meantime current center moved and is now far enough away that the drive is horrendous (20-25 min each way). I wouldn’t hesitate to keep her with a nanny for a few months, except that we have a new baby (who will definitely be with a nanny for awhile), so I worry it will be difficult for a nanny to get both baby and toddler what they need during the day – yes I’m sure they’d all survive, but I don’t want toddler watching tv for two hours a day and just hanging at home because baby has to nap/eat, which frankly is what has happened when I solo parent them. Technically I could Uber to work (5min) and let the nanny take our car to handle drop off and pickup, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea of a nanny spending that much time driving the kids around. Thoughts on the lesser of two unattractive options (both kiddos home with nanny, or nanny driving older kiddo to daycare)? Some magical option I may not have thought of?
CCLA says
Also relevant- I’m currently on mat leave so I’ve just been making the drive for the last couple of weeks to the new center, which is manageable only because I’m on leave and it’s worth it to me for time with the toddler out of the house. New center estimates availability for toddler around May, but you know how that goes – could be March, could be July.
Anon says
Personally I’d leave both kids with the nanny and cut yourself some slack! The Uber and nanny in the car option sounds stressful and unnecessary to me. Hanging out at home is totally fine for a toddler. If you’re worried about tv, put limits on that or just ask the nanny to leave it off unless both kids are sleeping.
Also, keep in mind that the nanny presumably gets nights and weekends off, so having two kids all day is actually probably harder on you than it will be on her.
Anon says
An added bonus of this plan, for me, would be the fact that the toddler wouldn’t be picking up as many germs and bringing them home to the new baby.
rosie says
I agree with this. Look for a nanny who has experience with different age kids. They may have ideas for getting them out of the house (maybe baby naps in stroller or carrier?) or for keeping your toddler engaged while caring for your baby that will reassure you about the situation.
Anonymous says
+1 about the nanny getting to go home at night. Our nanny share has two toddlers (including our kiddo) and a baby, and I constantly wonder how she does it, but then remember she also got a full night’s sleep and goes to the gym every day. It’s also her JOB to entertain the kids, she’s not also trying to do a million things like you are when you’re home.
Spirograph says
I don’t think either of these options are that unattractive!
I know a lot of people who have given their existing nanny a raise and expected her to also care for a new baby. A nanny should have a bit more energy and wits about her than you as a mom presumably recovering from childbirth (I say that with all the love and empathy in the world), so it may be easier for her to entertain both kids than it is for you right now. Either by leaving the house and letting the baby eat and nap on the go while the older child does an activity, or by setting the older child up with a craft project or some blocks while she puts the baby down for a nap.
Why are you uncomfortable with the nanny spending a lot of time driving? Because you don’t want the baby confined in a car seat that much, or you don’t want the nanny driving your children because of safety, etc? There’s nothing wrong with either reason, just trying to nail down what the problem is.
If money is no object, I would keep your older child in daycare because routine is important for a new older sibling, and have nanny do either drop-off or pick-up, with you (or your partner?) doing the other. This gives one parent some alone time with the toddler, and gives you a touchpoint with the teachers, but saves you one of the headache commutes.
Spirograph says
Oh wait… I just read that more carefully, and you said 20-25 minutes each way, when I was thinking round trip. That’s craziness, and worth keeping both at home with the nanny!
anon says
What about a part time preschool for DD1? In our area, they are much much cheaper than a FT daycare and easier to get into. That way DD1 gets her energy out in the morning and then spends a quiet afternoon with the nanny and baby. Have the nanny pick up DD1 from preschool.
anon says
A morning playgroup may also work. We have inexpensive ones offered through our county.
CCLA says
I would love this, but they also have waitlists! Maybe worth checking out though, in case we end up with closer to 5 months of this in between period.
CCLA says
Thanks all for reassuring me this is not going to be bad for toddler. I’m leaning toward keeping both home because yeah, that drive is bananas. I wish there were somewhere walkable to get energy out, but our neighborhood is super hilly and not navigable by stroller. Thankfully we have a nice backyard so kiddos can get some outside time. I’m going to start looking for a nanny and try to stop worrying about this!
Anonymous says
And just a reminder that baby’s needs will evolve quickly, so this season of toddler being less active will be short.
Anonymous says
Also, nannies have great networks. The nanny may know other nannies with toddlers of the same age who can come over to play with your LO while nanny mainly tends to the baby, etc. Maybe I’ve just had universally great experiences, but I trust nannies to figure it out. It’s literally what you are paying them for!
Anonymous says
Help. My husband has suddenly decided that we are poor, which is not true. He thinks and talks about money every waking moment. He has basically decided that we shouldn’t spend anything until our mortgage is paid off, we have enough money to retire, and we have enough saved for our daughter’s college tuition and wedding. The phrases “we can’t afford…” and “don’t buy…” come out of his mouth several times a day. He ruined a recent vacation, for which we’d planned and budgeted, by constantly griping about the cost of food and refusing to do any activity that cost money. It is frustrating and stressful and makes no sense. We can’t possibly be expected to have saved up all the money we will eventually need for retirement when we are barely middle-aged! We are doing all the right things and are on the right track, and I can’t stand the idea that I will never be able to enjoy another vacation or buy the kid new shoes without being judged as a moral failure. To make things worse, he constantly complains that we never have any fun, but he refuses to do fun things that are free because they are too much work (how is going to the park too much work?) and doesn’t want to pay to do anything. I am at my wits’ end here.
Anon says
This might sound silly, but do you have a budget? Maybe sitting down and calculating exactly how much you need might help? I’d consider talking to a financial adviser if you haven’t; maybe it would ease his anxiety.
I hate to go straight to “therapy!” But I really do think couples therapy might help. (Of course, how you’re supposed to get him to agree that you should pay for it I’m not sure.)
Ugh, I’m sorry, this sounds frustrating
OP says
Yes, we have a budget, but he thinks we aren’t saving enough even though our savings rate is objectively aggressive. He basically wants to live on ramen until all of our long-term goals are met, decades early.
Anon says
The fact that it’s a sudden change is a red flag for me. Could this be anxiety related?
(On the other hand, I suppose it could be something as simple as he’s suddenly been listening to a lot of Dave Ramsey, etc.)
Either way, I’d be frustrated. There are no guarantees in life and you have to plan for the future but live life while you can.
anon says
This sounds like anxiety to me.
Anon says
My husband is like this too, although not to the same degree. But he believes we shouldn’t spend money on non-essentials (especially vacations, which he loathes) until our mortgage is paid off, we have $1M+ in retirement and several hundred thousand in each of our kids’ college funds. Which is just…no. That is not how normal people live.
It’s odd that it’s a sudden change though (my husband has pretty much always been this way). Can you talk to him and ask him what’s happened? Getting at the root of the problem is probably the first step towards a solution. Maybe something has rattled him (a family member running out of money?) and it will be a temporary issue.
CPA Lady says
It’s never about the money, it’s about power, fear, etc. Is he stressed about something at work? Is he hiding a massive gambling addiction? Is he having a seasonal depression flare up? Did he read some alarmist article about how the world will be ravaged by global warming in 20 years or the healthcare systems will all be collapsed and go into an anxiety spiral (this is the kind of thing my husband would do)?
Have you addressed this a a major pattern lately? Like sat him down and said “you seem way more stressed about money than you ever have in the past. You’re talking about it multiple times a day and it’s really getting to me. What is going on?” I’m a big fan of getting things out in the open though.
I’m sorry, this sounds miserable. My husband is the one of us who gets more a-hole-ish about money and it only happens when he’s under a lot of stress, usually during big transitions in life, like right after we bought our house, or when he’s starting a new job or something.
OP says
All of the factors you list are likely contributors, except for the gambling. It is also highly likely that he has been reading Dave Ramsey.
I did try to talk with him about it and it comes down to the fact that he is afraid that something bad will happen and that we won’t be able to afford college and retirement even if nothing goes wrong. We did try working with a financial planner, which did not help. To make things worse, his parents keep trying to get us to work with their overpriced financial advisor, which is not appropriate at our stage of life and would actually compromise our savings by eating into our returns. He is mad that I don’t want to work with this person, yet he wouldn’t trust the appropriate advice given by the person we already consulted.
Anon says
Maybe it would be helpful to talk through worst case scenarios? So what if you can’t afford to pay for private college in full? You will almost certainly be able to contribute in some fashion, and your child will have a choice between going to a cheaper in-state school, finding scholarships or taking loans to make up the rest. I don’t think any of those are disastrous scenarios. (And I say this as someone who is really committed to education and very determined to pay for Harvard if my kid can get in. But something can always go wrong – we could have a medical disaster that bankrupts us – and it’s helpful to me to remember that it won’t be catastrophic if we can’t pay for college as planned). Same for retirement – you will have Medicare in your old age for pay for your medical care. Maybe you won’t be traveling in style as you had hoped, but you won’t be destitute.
ANP says
@OP it’s late and I’m not sure you’re still reading. Gentle reminder that not all adults have their college paid for and they’re doing just fine — i.e. your kids can take out a loan for school (and you guys can certainly help with their loan payments if you’re in a position to do so) and/or a wedding, even. I agree w/others that this sounds like anxiety or some other mitigating event/factor but maybe you can have him focus on retirement and mortgage instead of the “extras.” Our strategy is to be aggressive about retirement, aggressive-ish about mortgage, and less aggressive about college savings. But if our retirement is funded and/or house is paid off, we hope to have more flexibility, financially, when our kids are in college and beyond.
Anonymous says
Great call on not going to the overpriced financial advisor.
Perhaps the bogleheads forum would be a good place for you to ask advice– they are good about planning and managing money, but I recall a number of threads in the past talking about how to balance this. I would not suggest your husband read it at this point because he will just focus more on the frugality aspects.
anon says
My father is like this. We even spent about 3 months eating beans, rice and unseasoned ground beef after he refused to let my mother shop for groceries anymore because she was “spending too much.” That spat finally ended after he had his annual bloodwork done, had terrible levels, and then acquiesced that we should be eating fruits and vegetables, despite their “extravagant cost.” Somewhere around mid-life he had a colleague who had a heart attack. Then he decided that life was too short and started spending money like water. Long ski weekends. Vacations. Etc. He’s oscillated back and forth a few time since. Never rational. Never healthy. Typically overly frugal with some extravagant periods when he’s afraid he’s going to die.
My mother copes by ignoring his grumbling or even agreeing with him, and then doing whatever she wants on the down low. Once he appreciates the spending (i.e., the good dinner, nice furniture, functioning car), he tends to moves on to grumble about something else. It’s amazing how much stuff we snuck into our house over the years. We are very fortunate that he isn’t particularly observant.
anon says
I need mealtime help. I have a third grader who has always been on the picky side, but it’s become so.much.worse in the past year. DH and I are both at our wits’ end with cooking and trying to get DS to eat. He would rather not eat at all than even TRY something that’s not a standard favorite. A few approaches that we’ve tried:
1) Choosing meals that can be “deconstructed” in some way, so he can pick apart what he likes and doesn’t like. This is only moderately successful, and frankly, I’m not creative enough to come up with these meals all the time.
2) Letting him load up on fruit (when he’ll eat it) or a starchy side, like potatoes.
3) Breakfast suppers, but he flat-out refuses to eat any protein we serve (eggs, bacon, sausage).
4) Pasta is generally OK-ish, but the rest of us aren’t huge pasta lovers.
5) Anything touching a vegetable is a no-go.
We have tried — really, we’ve tried — to introduce a wide variety of foods to our kids. I honestly don’t think it’s made a difference at all. We’ve tried getting him involved in meal planning and prep, with limited success and lots of whining. Basically, mealtimes kind of suck in our household because somebody is always unhappy. I’ve come to realize that I cannot force this kid to eat. While I refuse to make him a separate meal, I’ve sort of resigned myself to not forcing the issue. Whereas DH turns meals into a power struggle more often than I’d like.
Son is in the 15th percentile for weight. He is very, very lean. Pediatrician is monitoring his weight and hasn’t had many suggestions for his pickiness that we haven’t already tried. I don’t know whether to chalk this up as an extremely frustrating phase, or if something else is going on. The fact that he’d rather be hungry than even try something that is new or not a favorite is just mind-boggling to me.
anon says
Do you offer him a standard back up meal? My DD would also rather go hungry than eat things she doesn’t want to eat. (I won’t even say doesn’t like, because she often refuses to eat things that she does like.) We always give her the option of having a PB&J. She often chooses the backup and we go with it because otherwise we have a hangry kid. I figure she’ll eventually grow out of it.
Anon says
This. If your kid is refusing to eat the family meal, of course you have to offer him something else!! Even if it’s incredibly basic meal that he can prepare himself (an 8 year old should be able to make toast or PB&J) . You are a literally starving your child because he won’t eat what you want him to eat!
anon says
Hey, that’s not necessary. There is always something on the table that he can eat, whether it’s fruit or bread or something else. I am not starving my child. His ped has specifically told us not to make a separate meal for him.
HSAL says
That’s an awful thing to say, particularly when she’s already mentioned the pediatrician is involved.
RR says
I don’t agree with this at all as a general proposition and definitely not with specific reference to the OP, who said that she is closely monitoring and working with the pediatrician.
For my normal growth-curve kids (steady at their respective percentiles), we provide food, and they choose whether to eat it. I don’t force them to eat things I know they have tried and hate (my son, for example, is my most adventurous eater, but truly hates broccoli, so I don’t even put it on his plate), but I don’t provide back-up meals (nothing wrong with providing back up meals, but I have chosen not to). That means they sometimes eat every bite, sometimes pick through what’s offered, and sometimes eat literally no dinner. Providing healthy, reasonable food is my job. Choosing whether they want to eat it is theirs. Over the course of the day, they eat enough and are fine. They are 10 (twins) and 5, so I’ve managed to keep them alive and well for a decade now.
An upper middle class kid choosing to go to bed without dinner because they have decided they only like pearl couscous and not regular couscous (an actual occurrence in my house) or have decided that they hate breadcrumbs on or in anything (another actual occurrence) is not “literally starving.” Children who are literally starving would eat the d@mn couscous with breadcrumbs sprinkled on top.Let’s not turn this board into the judgmental sancti-mommies board, please.
NYCer says
+1 to this.
And for a “success” story — I was a very picky eater as a child and now I eat most everything. I was a tall, very skinny kid and I am still a tall, very skinny adult. My mom laughs about how I would go through phases of only eating the same thing every day (from a limited list, e.g., mac and cheese, grilled cheese, waffles, PB&J, etc.) and then suddenly decide I didn’t like it anymore and move on to something else. Moral of the story, if it were me, I would just let your DS eat what he likes and trust that it is a phase that he will grow out of. Keep offering him food at the family meal, but like Anon said above, let him make a PB&J if he doesn’t want to eat the food that you and your husband are eating.
Betty says
We always offer something that each child will like, and allow a second serving of that food. The food they like is frequently an apple, orange or corn. We were advised not to offer a back-up meal by our registered dietian, even for our child who has significant medical/GI issues.
Anon says
“The fact that he’d rather be hungry than even try something that is new or not a favorite is just mind-boggling to me.”
Why is this mind-boggling? This sounds pretty standard to me. Most kids go through phases where they will only eat certain things. I pretty much lived on starches and dairy for most of my childhood. I’m a healthy (very tall, not overweight) adult and I eat everything. You do your best by offering him a variety of healthy foods each day, but beyond that you let him eat what he wants, even if that’s pasta and bread every night. It’s not the end of the world. If you’re really worried about nutrition, have him take a multivitamin.
avocado says
My kid was exactly the same way. She would literally starve herself rather than eat something that was not one of her few approved foods, prepared exactly the way she wanted it. She would eat the same food so often that she would get tired of it, and then her repertoire would shrink even further. Nutritionists were useless—they seemed to be trained to teach parents to feed their overweight children vegetables instead of Big Macs, and didn’t have any expertise in how to coax resistant eaters to eat. She had, and still has at age 12, a lot of issues with the texture of food, which I think was the real root of the problem. The whole Ellen Satter thing was actually harmful for our family—it led to mealtime tantrums and failure to gain weight.
We coped by letting her eat school lunch, which for some reason she liked even though it was disgusting and unhealthy, by bribing her with dessert to try new things or eat a tiny portion of her dinner, and by insisting that she drink lots of milk after meals to get in some calories. We also did a lot of deconstructed meals. The good news is that as she got older she developed some motivation to try new foods, leading to the discovery of whole new categories of foods that she liked. When we find something she likes, I try to learn several variations on the recipe and incorporate them into my meal planning. I have also given up on some foods I really love that she is just never going to eat. And although I won’t cook a separate dinner, I am not above heating up a frozen vegetable she likes in lieu of some other vegetable I am making.
A couple of other things that helped were eating with friends—for some reason she would try tons of new things at camp and at friends’ houses—and strenuous sports practices.
We also noticed that refusal to eat seemed to mess with her hunger signals and snowball into starvation. On the other hand, the more she ate, the more she would want to eat later that day and for the next few days. So you might try just letting him have whatever he wants for a couple of days just to reset his appetite.
Good luck. It is so rough when you have a really stubborn kid and everyone tells you just to put food in front of him and let him choose whether or not to eat. That advice is fine for some kids, but it doesn’t work for kids who are very strong-willed or have sensory issues.
anon says
I feel like you completely get where I’m coming from. :) A lot of conventional advice has just completely backfired with our child or even made things worse. I try to make sure there is *something* on the table he’ll eat, plus milk (thanks, poster above for insinuating that I starve my child), but the main course is consistently problematic. I hear you on favorites that are no longer favorites because of repetition.
AwayEmily says
Not the OP but this is really useful; thank you.
anon says
I hate to say it, but we have gotten our DD to eat more by offering more sweet foods. Loaded sweet potatoes. Maple glazed salmon. Pasta with maple bacon and peas. Oatmeal with brown sugar. Dipping sauces with honey. We can get a lot of mileage out of sweet.
Sugar + healthy food = mostly healthy, right?
Betty says
My son was like this and my daughter is entering this phase (yay). Our son is also very lean and monitored for growth. What helped more than anything was going to a child-friendly registered dietian. We saw her every three months for several years and worked out of the pickiness that my son exhibited. She had amazing strategies for everything we raised (sensory issues, picky issues, control issues, you name it), plus she was a full-time working mom herself, so her strategies were completely realistic. Can you approach your ped for a recommendation? If you do go this route, bring your son with you. Hearing recommendations from someone other than me helped, and we approached it as a team effort rather than a me v. you thing.
SC says
This isn’t really helpful advice, but I know several people, ranging from age 5 to 70 years old, with very limited lists of approved foods. The adults are still smart, successful, happy people. They tell me their parents tried everything. The kids are also smart, active, healthy kids, and I see their parents trying everything. I think some people are just picky eaters, whether it’s because of sensory issues or it’s just their natures.
The advice to put food in front of a kid and encourage them to try it has worked really well for my kid. It probably works for most kids. It obviously doesn’t work for every kid, and might make things worse.
Anon says
I am one of those adults, and even then my list expanded exponentially in college and after, so there is hope. For me it’s a combination of flavor issues (from my dad) and texture issues (from my mom).
avocado says
The author of What’s Gaby Cooking claims to have been a picky eater into her teens. She ended up going to culinary school and writing a food blog and a cookbook, so there is definitely hope.
anon says
I probably need to hear this, so thank you. :)
Anonymous says
How is he on the frozen foods geared towards kids – like sweet potato fries, Dr Praeger’s, chicken nuggets – that you put in the toaster oven? Does he like dipping food in anything (ketchup, ranch, hummus)? Does he like fruit or berries?
Often, my son eats mainly fruit for dinner. We offer him actual dinner, and he will typically eat whatever the carb is (pasta, bread, potatoes), sometimes try the meat, and ignore the vegetables. He would also eat any dairy product but he gets that for snack (yogurt or cheese stick). However, he loves fruit. So after we’ve determined he’s done with the actual dinner, we let him eat as much fruit as he wants. Keeps him from going to bed hungry and I reason that it’s sort of healthy. Supposedly you keep offering and someday they start eating the regular food. We’ll see. lol.
Anonymous says
Sorry – had missed that you already do let him load up on fruit! Honestly, I’d keep going with that if you don’t want to make a separate meal? Or as a compromise one of those “Freezer meals” to offer as a side along with what the rest of the family is eating for dinner.
Anon says
How many days in a row do you give your kids meds for teething without worrying about them being on meds too long? My daughter is a terrible teether…her teeth take foreverrrrr to come in and seem to cause her a lot of pain, especially the top ones. We don’t give her Tylenol during the day when we can play with her and distract her. But when she’s teething she can’t go to sleep at night without a dose of Tylenol. We’ve been giving her Tylenol for about 10 days straight now for one set of teeth and there is another set coming soon. Her ped seems pretty relaxed about it, but I feel like she’s been on a low dose of Tylenol for basically half her life…I hardly ever take medicine myself so I feel guilty giving her so much. But I also hate seeing her cry and suffer and Tylenol really seems to help her.
rosie says
Our peds sounds like she has a similar approach to yours. I personally take pain meds (Tylenol/ibuprofen) for headaches or aches and pains when needed–so my approach is that if my daughter seems to be in pain, she can have it, too. (Obviously if it might be ear-related or something underlying aside from teething, that should be checked.) Like you, we give it at night as needed–I think the only time we’ve used during the day is for fever. And sleep for baby & parent is important as well.
Anon says
My child is like this too. We just dose her with tylenol or motrin at night depending on when she last ate (I prefer to give motrin with food). We’re 17 months and her 2 YO molars have been coming in for the past month and she does not handle it well – I’d say she gets tylenol or motrin at night maybe 5 nights out of 7, and the two nights I forget or that I think she maybe doesn’t need it because her cheeks aren’t *that* red or she isn’t gnawing everything in sight are usually terrible.
Betty says
Both of my kids went through a stage like this. I remember approaching my mom (nurse) tearfully and asking what to do and then talking to our ped as well. The advice I received was this: Teething is incredibly painful. If adults went through similar pain, we would have no problem giving a dose of tylenol to assist with sleep. Its like, have you seen a kid fall and scrape their hands on the blacktop and scream? I remember thinking that it couldn’t hurt that bad. Then one day, I fell on the blacktop and scraped the palm of my hand (in the last year). It was crazy painful. While I think that kids do have a fair amount of adjusting to do re: learning to tolerate discomfort (i.e. being buckled into a carseat), I tend to err on the side of treating pain.
anon IF says
Is anyone who has dealt with infertility willing to talk about the decision to try for a second? We are very fortunate to have one kid via IVF. I am trying to decide if I want to go forward with another round. Our first IVF cycle was somewhat precarious (2 eggs retrieved, 1 embryo, miraculously worked), so I am really worried about going through that again, possibly not succeeding, and then taking the time & mental energy away from my kid who I love so dearly to do it. Plus, due to circumstances, our doctor recommends cycling sooner rather than later if we do want to try more IVF, and I just generally don’t feel emotionally ready to go through it again.
Note: I am likely open to adoption, but I think that I need to figure out whether I want to try for another biological child first and make peace with that decision being no (if it is) before moving to adoption. (And would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this as well.)
Additional note: this is not a question about how to space children, whether or not to have multiple children in general, going from 1 to 2, etc. Also, I know people who struggled with TTC, did fertility treatments, and then conceived later without intervention and know it could happen, but I’m not going to count on that happening to us, so not super interested in hearing that anecdata. (I am not trying to police responses, just make clear what my questions are on a pretty sensitive topic.)
also IVF anon says
Hugs. Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. It sounds like on the one hand you don’t have the emotional space to do this again, but you also really want another biological child.
How would you feel about setting a limit – one retrieval, one transfer, and that’s it – so it’s not some endless battle? That was the hard part for me, not knowing if/when it would end.
However, I also feel like I’d be mentally stronger this time knowing 1) we were starting from IVF and not all the other bs that didn’t work and 2) exactly what the protocol was and how my body would/wouldn’t respond. If you’re using the same RE, I’d think they have all your data from other cycles, too, right? So hopefully you can go right to the protocol that worked best for you in the end.
Big hugs. I don’t have this exact problem, but something adjacent, and it is such an isolating place to be.
anon IF says
Thanks. Hugs back to you.
Anon says
Do you have to do the full cycle now or could you do stims/retrieval and then hold off on the transfer for awhile? I know a lot of REs (including ours) now recommend freezing embryos and doing FET anyway. Usually once you have the embryos, age etc is kind of taken out of the equation, so you could wait awhile and see when/if you’re ready for the FET.
Hugs. This is hard. I was completely unprepared for the emotional implications of IVF, and I never felt ready to try again, but I’m glad we did.
RR says
We did a first round of IVF–two viable embryos, transferred both, ended up with twins. My husband really wanted a third, and we talked about it for years. I was really resistant. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a third, but we had to go through so much to get there. We knew we’d have to do IVF again–our issue is extreme male factor infertility, and there was essentially no chance of conception without IVF/ICSI. We had a lot of tearful discussions. Just the idea caused me panic for years. Ultimately, I came to agree with my husband that our family wasn’t complete, and we decided to try one cycle and transfer one (and only one) embryo. So, 5 years after our twins, we decided to try for a third and went through round 2. I was adamant that I only wanted to transfer one embryo–I would rather not have had a third than have twins again (not that our twins aren’t amazing, but I didn’t want a second set of twins). The cycle resulted in 3 embryos–one A+ and two B embryos. At transfer, literally feet in stirrups, the RE made a hard push to transfer two to improve our chances (I’m still angry at him, because we had discussed it repeatedly with level heads and all wearing pants, and he knew our wishes, but I ended up saying yes in that moment). At first, it looked like 2 took. It actually took about two weeks to confirm that I was pregnant with one baby, which was gut wrenching. I only wanted one baby, but I didn’t want to wish one away if there were two. So, that was more dramatic than it needed to be, but we ended up with a third, and it was the best decision I ever made. She rounds out of family so well. The added chaos of a third seriously made me a better parent. My twins are fantastic older siblings. And, I got to experience one baby, which was kind of cool, particularly as a second (third) time mom who was much more chill.
The emotions surrounding IVF and decisions to do it again are just hard. I was 37 for my second go round, but I’m glad we took the time we took to work through everything. Best of luck.
PinkKeyboard says
We did IVF, 2 rounds for the first child, the first round only had two viable embryos that were both transferred and resulted in a chemical pregnancy, second round with a different protocol resulting in 4 viable embryos with 2 transferred and 2 frozen. I lost the twin early and ended up with daughter #1. I knew I wanted another and didn’t want to leave the kids in the freezer so I convinced the husband to do the next transfer (we did a mini stim cycle for best chance of success so same drugs/monitoring as a full IVF) and we would just accept the result. I found it much more relaxing to know that whether it worked or not this was the last shot and we already had a baby. Maybe you could go into it with the attitude that you are giving it one final shot and if not will either accept the status quo or look into adoption? Having that end goal made it much easier for me. The 1 year old had no idea what was going on and was completely unphased by the IVF. I will say I now have a 3.5 year old and 1 year old and have been married for 7+ years…. haven’t used birth control the entire time and have not conceived naturally EVER. So sure it could happen but it also very, very well may not. So those people can take a long walk off a short pier.
Artemis says
Cross-posting from main site . . . anyone have experience of any kind, from any angle, with Be The Match? I registered 9 years ago and just got a call requesting further testing as a potential high match donor. I need to do some thinking and investigation and family talks over the weekend, I know it saves a life and I’m also suddenly very nervous! Any input appreciated.
rosie says
I once got notified that I was potentially a match, they collected some further info from me & that was it. From the research I did, it sounds like it’s more common to have a process where your blood is filtered, not where they harvest from your hip. I definitely remember feeling overwhelmed when I got notified (I had some other stuff going on at the time), but ultimately got around to thinking of it as a tremendous opportunity to help someone should it have worked out that time (and hopefully that’s where I’ll land if I get another call in the future).
Bone Marrow says
I donated bone marrow to a family member, but it was not through Be The Match…however, I would think that the basic donation process would be similar. Expect a few rounds of blood tests and doctor appointments before you are 100% a confirmed match. Collection methods would be by PBSC (peripheral blood stem cell), as mentioned by rosie, or by direct harvest (which is what I did). Direct harvest involved a surgical removal of bone marrow (can be anywhere from 1.5-2 quarts or more of liquid marrow on average, depending on the donor’s weight and how much is needed). Surgery was about two hours. Recovery times may vary depending on the individual. I felt quite stiff for about a week and had some pain, though not too intensive. Unfortunately, I do not have experience in the newer method of bone marrow donation, but I hope this information may be of some help to you. Bone marrow donation is not as scary as it can seem, and may help save the life of someone you love. If, after doing further research, you still feel drawn to donate…please, please do!!! Thank you for considering donating. Not everyone is able to find a match.
anon IF says
On mobile so I don’t think I can respond individually, but thank you all so much for sharing your journeys. Best wishes and hugs all around.