Budget Thursday: Mixed Dot Print Blouse

Is anyone who has dealt with infertility willing to talk about the decision to try for a second? We are very fortunate to have one kid via IVF. I am trying to decide if I want to go forward with another round. Our first IVF cycle was somewhat precarious (2 eggs retrieved, 1 embryo, miraculously worked), so I am really worried about going through that again, possibly not succeeding, and then taking the time & mental energy away from my kid who I love so dearly to do it. Plus, due to circumstances, our doctor recommends cycling sooner rather than later if we do want to try more IVF, and I just generally don’t feel emotionally ready to go through it again.

Note: I am likely open to adoption, but I think that I need to figure out whether I want to try for another biological child first and make peace with that decision being no (if it is) before moving to adoption. (And would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this as well.)

Additional note: this is not a question about how to space children, whether or not to have multiple children in general, going from 1 to 2, etc. Also, I know people who struggled with TTC, did fertility treatments, and then conceived later without intervention and know it could happen, but I’m not going to count on that happening to us, so not super interested in hearing that anecdata. (I am not trying to police responses, just make clear what my questions are on a pretty sensitive topic.)

I need mealtime help. I have a third grader who has always been on the picky side, but it’s become so.much.worse in the past year. DH and I are both at our wits’ end with cooking and trying to get DS to eat. He would rather not eat at all than even TRY something that’s not a standard favorite. A few approaches that we’ve tried:
1) Choosing meals that can be “deconstructed” in some way, so he can pick apart what he likes and doesn’t like. This is only moderately successful, and frankly, I’m not creative enough to come up with these meals all the time.
2) Letting him load up on fruit (when he’ll eat it) or a starchy side, like potatoes.
3) Breakfast suppers, but he flat-out refuses to eat any protein we serve (eggs, bacon, sausage).
4) Pasta is generally OK-ish, but the rest of us aren’t huge pasta lovers.
5) Anything touching a vegetable is a no-go.

We have tried — really, we’ve tried — to introduce a wide variety of foods to our kids. I honestly don’t think it’s made a difference at all. We’ve tried getting him involved in meal planning and prep, with limited success and lots of whining. Basically, mealtimes kind of suck in our household because somebody is always unhappy. I’ve come to realize that I cannot force this kid to eat. While I refuse to make him a separate meal, I’ve sort of resigned myself to not forcing the issue. Whereas DH turns meals into a power struggle more often than I’d like.

Son is in the 15th percentile for weight. He is very, very lean. Pediatrician is monitoring his weight and hasn’t had many suggestions for his pickiness that we haven’t already tried. I don’t know whether to chalk this up as an extremely frustrating phase, or if something else is going on. The fact that he’d rather be hungry than even try something that is new or not a favorite is just mind-boggling to me.

DD1 has been in daycare since 4 months old and enjoys it. We’re on the waitlist at a new center but in the meantime current center moved and is now far enough away that the drive is horrendous (20-25 min each way). I wouldn’t hesitate to keep her with a nanny for a few months, except that we have a new baby (who will definitely be with a nanny for awhile), so I worry it will be difficult for a nanny to get both baby and toddler what they need during the day – yes I’m sure they’d all survive, but I don’t want toddler watching tv for two hours a day and just hanging at home because baby has to nap/eat, which frankly is what has happened when I solo parent them. Technically I could Uber to work (5min) and let the nanny take our car to handle drop off and pickup, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea of a nanny spending that much time driving the kids around. Thoughts on the lesser of two unattractive options (both kiddos home with nanny, or nanny driving older kiddo to daycare)? Some magical option I may not have thought of?

Long post! Short version: Any advice for handling a weird potty training regression that doesn’t actually involve any accidents, just an intense desire to wear a diaper and/or otherwise not have to go to the potty, especially at night?

For background – this is our older daughter, who will be four later this month and has been completely nighttime potty trained for at least a year and daytime trained for longer than that. (We also have a sixteen-month-old who is still in diapers, but our older daughter is not expressly referencing the toddler or saying anything like “I wish I could still wear diapers like X does.”) Back then the potty “training,” such as it was, was without drama and completely led by her; we put a potty in the bathroom and encouraged her to use it whenever she felt like it, and after several weeks she was using the potty every time and didn’t need a diaper anymore. Hardly any accidents, including a mere handful at night, and we never made ANY fuss about the few accidents that happened. I can’t even remember the last time she wet the bed — it has been many, many months.

In December we traveled to several places over the course of a week for the holidays and she slept, albeit not all that well, on various mattresses on various relatives’ floors. When she had to get up in the night to pee, she either called us for help finding the bathroom or, once she got more familiar with the route, found her own way with the help of nightlights. She had no accidents, didn’t mention worrying about having accidents, and had no potty-related problems we were aware of. We didn’t leave her in anyone else’s care during the break, and I am 100% sure that no one had any potty training or accident discussions with her.

Now that we are home, though, she turns into a sobbing mess at bedtime (which is 7:00). It started a few nights ago when she had gotten out of bed to pee a few times already (the bathroom is directly across from her bedroom, fwiw, and we leave the light on low and have a nightlight too, just as we always have). She was apparently getting upset because she wanted to go to sleep but kept feeling as if she had to pee, so she was exhausted but kept making herself get up to go to the bathroom. My husband and I took turns consoling her, reminding her that her body knows how to hold the pee until it really is time to pee, etc. etc. Nothing worked. She started saying she wished she could wear a diaper again and wouldn’t listen to anything we said about why that wasn’t a good idea. She finally cried herself to sleep. The following night was a repeat, only worse, starting even before bedtime, and despite our efforts to calm her, she finally got so upset she threw up. So I sent my husband out to get a package of pull-ups, which we had never even used before. She put one on and went to sleep immediately.

The next day, which was yesterday, was my husband’s and my first day back at work after the holiday break. The nanny texted me in the morning that our older daughter was asking to wear a pull-up during the day. We held the line on that and the nanny distracted her with activities, and apparently things were OK for most of the day. And at dinner she repeatedly talked in wondrous tones about what a great “solution” the pull-up was and how happy she was that we had found that solution. But then at bedtime she decided she didn’t like the sensation of pee in the pull-up. She kept asking me to come up with another solution to “the pee problem.” Finally at 8:30 I was able to convince her to pee in the potty one more time, put on a pull-up, and go to sleep, which she did because she was exhausted. But she woke up again crying around midnight and we had to go through the whole thing all over again.

She has zero complaints about itching, burning, or any other discomfort when she pees, and she also does not have frequent urges to go during the day (she said she wanted to wear a pull-up during the day so she didn’t have to stop playing), so I’m relatively certain that this is a psychological rather than physical problem. Of course we will ask the pediatrician about this if it’s still going on when we take her for her four-year checkup in a couple of weeks, and I suppose if it gets worse we’ll just have to suck it up and take her to the doctor before that.

But I do think it’s relatively obvious that this is stemming from the disruption of all her routines while we were visiting family and/or separation anxiety now that the holiday break is over and she’s supposed to be returning to the normal routines and not having Mommy and Daddy around all day every day. So I guess I’m asking for help in getting through this, for help getting things back to normal more quickly, or hey, even for some innovative solution to the pee problem that we haven’t thought of yet. Help!

This is a silly question, but how do people cook for a family of five? My twins are just nursing so it’s quite a ways off, but so much of what we make for dinner serves me, my husband, our preschooler, and then an extra lunch for my husband. I’m sure the first step will be no lunch for him, but I honestly don’t know what we do when everyone is eating a regular meal. Last week we made tacos and I thought “will I have to make two packages of tacos/ground turkey soon?!” Doubling is easy, obviously, but I don’t know how to scale up just a little. Or do people double up and just have more leftovers?

What things do I need if I will plan on breast feeding and pumping. Insurance covered a Spectra pump. What other stuff do I need for breastfeeding/pumping with the spectra?

The internet is overwhelming me.

For nursing things I have already:
– A good water bottle with a straw
– Nipple Butter
– Nursing Pads
– A cover

People keep recommending…are these things worth it?
– Silverette The Original Silver Nursing Cups
-Heat pads for breast shields
-Those milk catchers for the opposite breast that is not being nursed on

For pumping I have:
– The Spectra Pump
– a freezer holder for bags
– a dishwasher caddy for bottle parts
– a boon drying rack
– Life factory bottles – a bunch of different tips for them and both the 4 oz and 8 oz sizes
– a wrap to stay warm during the process

Pumping need to figure out list:
. I know that I need to get the Spectra Adapters for the bottles
– breast milk bags for the freezer – what type?
– Should I get back up parts like: flange, valve, tubing, back flow protector etc
I was told I would need to change the silicone diaphragm disk thing and the duckbill things at least every three months.
-A hand pump just in case

What am I missing? Is any of this overkill?