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Banana Republic Factory has gotten a few recent shout-outs in the comments for having a flattering selection at a decent price-to-quality ratio. After perusing the site, there were definitely a few things that tempted me. One item is this machine washable herringbone pencil skirt. I like the unique teal color and that the herringbone print almost gives it a heathered look. The color reminds me of a 1950s secretary/librarian, but in the best way. There is also a machine washable blazer available in the same color if you wanted to make a suit out of it. This skirt is available in regular sizes 0–20 and petite sizes 00–14 at Banana Republic Factory and is currently on sale for $48.99. Herringbone Pencil Skirt Here’s another green, machine washable skirt but in plus sizes. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
HSAL says
Weird pumping question – does anyone else have one side with a slower flow? I’ve noticed recently that my left doesn’t empty quite as quickly as my right. Doesn’t seem to have anything to do with pump parts. This morning I pumped for 7 minutes and had to switch out bottles – I had 4 ounces from my right and 3 from my left. I went another 8 minutes and got 3 from my left but only 1 from my right. I don’t remember this happening when I was pumping for my first, but I’m pumping for two now.
Anonymous says
Is it that it’s not emptying as quickly or that one side is just producing less. I always had one side that was more productive than the other, that’s pretty common I think.
Anonymous says
+1. My unevenness could be pretty major in the mornings at my first pump depending on how much kiddo ate when I nursed her and which side (she didn’t always eat from both). It wasn’t uncommon for me to get twice as much from my right as my left.
9:26 Anon says
But I will say that my more productive side also emptied much faster. In the early days of spraying everywhere, there was a definite difference.
HSAL says
It’s mainly that it’s not emptying as quickly – I produce slightly less on my left sometimes, but it’s much more equal than it was last time around. I stop spraying on the right much earlier than the left, yet am ending up with roughly equivalent amounts. I’ve started detaching the right and just plugging the tube with my finger until the left is done spraying.
anon says
I often swapped bottles halfway through pumping because otherwise one side would overflow (>6 oz) and the other bottle would only have a couple of ounces. This was particularly pronounced depending on what side the baby had eaten from last.
EB0220 says
Yes, my left side always produced less than my right, despite my efforts to nurse more on that side, etc.
Pogo says
Yes, I think it’s production is less on the one side. I think the flow just correlates with the supply – my higher flow side was also my higher producer. I could stop that side when it was “dry” at 5oz pumped, and keep going on the other side and only get 3oz even after an additional 5min (when it was still flowing, but much slower).
I did this extra pumping on the slow/low side on maternity leave during stash buiding etc, but at work? ain’t nobody got time for that. It will continue to produce less and less, to the point where my low side dried up before I weaned. But LO was still getting what he needed from the other side and we started cow’s milk soon after.
ElisaR says
i think everybody has different flow on each side – totally normal.
Anon says
Anyone used the snoo? Opinions? I keep seeing them pop up for about 600 used so was wondering if I should splurge or if its not actually worth the hype.
MomAnon4This says
I am not sure if we’re talking about the same thing. Do you possibly mean the clamp or clip to keep your sheets from coming off your mattress?
Anon says
The SNOO is a bassinet designed by the Happiest Baby on the Block. It goes for 1,600 dollars usually.
Anonymous says
I am on my 3rd baby (now 4 months old) and have not used one. Y firm opinion is that this (and lots of other stuff) is Superfluous Baby Gear that will do nothing but clutter your house. Heck, I never even bought a rock and play ;).
NYCer says
I personally have not used it (yet), but everyone I know who has one has absolutely raved about it. Also, all my friends have said that the transition to a regular crib at 6 months or so has been easy/normal. I bought one for my baby who is due in March with a 35% off code.
(And FWIW, full priced it is actually around $1200 not $1600 as someone else mentioned…but I still recognize that is very, very expensive.)
Anonymous says
I’ve had one friend who used it, and they liked it for their one child. But they admittedly have no clue if she would have slept just fine without it. I think nearly all users are in that position. I’m very skeptical.
NYCer says
To each their own, of course – and yes, obviously none of these families know if their baby would have been a good sleeper without it!
My sample size is larger than one though, and there have been universally positive reviews from all of my friends, so I was just trying to give the OP some insight.
Anonymous says
We bought one (on sale) in February when we had our first baby, and love it! We are first-time parents, so have nothing to compare it to. However, we are in our early 40s, and have compared our experience with many friends and family members with kids, and we either have a baby who is an unusually good sleeper or it was the Snoo working its magic! Happy to answer any specific questions. Baby is now 8 months old and transitioned to the crib at 6 months without a problem.
Heart-shaped says
Hi ladies. I posted a couple weeks ago when my early u/s showed a uterine abnormality that has not previously been detected after 2 early losses and one normal full term pregnancy. I just had an appt with the high-risk OB and it looks like I likely have a septate uterus (though impossible to tell) and a clot that they’re pretty concerned about. Baby looks like it’s growing on schedule (8wks), but the dr. Is concerned and will follow me closely until about 16 weeks with several extra scans. I have to stop exercising and am on “pelvic rest”, plus no air travel for now. I had been planning to tell family at Thanksgiving, but now I’m not sure. Anyone have a similar experience?
lawsuited says
No experience with a clot, but a friend of mine has a heart-shaped uterus and had no complications. I would apply the same approach as always re: telling people about a pregnancy – don’t tell anyone you wouldn’t want to “untell” if something happened. If I experienced a loss or complications, I’d rely on support from my family so I’d want them to know I was pregnant, but YMMV.
Anon says
I say tell family! Even if you have complications you will want their support. You need community during times like this.
Anonymous says
This such an individual thing though. I would not want family support and would not tell anyone In OP’s shoes. I guess I’d say tell them if you would want them to know anyway, but not tell if you would keep a potential loss a secret. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and did not tell anyone but DH until 14 weeks, because I really really didn’t want to have to disclose a loss.
AwayEmily says
I felt the same way.
anon says
I wouldn’t have told family, but I don’t trust my family to be supportive. My mother would blame me. If you would find family supportive, then you may decide differently.
I’d also consider whether your family can be trusted to keep the information private or if it will become public. If so, you’ll have to decide if you are okay with a public loss.
Anonymous says
My guideline is to tell anyone that I would want to be there to support me if I had a loss. Be express that they are not permitted to tell anyone else right now.
Anon. says
I don’t have any experience with a septate uterus, but I had a large subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) at right around 7 weeks. Mine was discovered after I had a very large, very scary bleed and went for an ultrasound assuming that I had miscarried. My OB put me on pelvic rest, no exercise and a 20 lb lifting restriction. He told me either the clot would resolve itself and reabsorb, or it wouldn’t and miscarriage would result but that there wasn’t really anything we could do in the meantime other than wait and see. I had another ultrasound at 10 weeks and it had gotten much smaller. My restrictions were lifted (we actually left for Barcelona the next day) and I went on to have a perfectly normal and actually kind of easy pregnancy and a healthy baby at 41+2 weeks.
The three weeks between the first appointment and the 10 wk all clear ultrasound of not knowing were ROUGH – just so much uncertainty. My timing was very similar to yours – I was planning on telling family over the holidays & the bleed happened first of November. We decided to tell all of our immediate family (parents and siblings). I really needed that extra emotional support. This is obviously very personal and dependent on your relationship with family, but I highly recommend looping in your emotional support system now.
Anon says
I also had an SCH. Mine started with a heavy bleed at 8 weeks and continued bleeding and spotting until after 20 weeks. I was on pelvic rest my entire pregnancy (no lifting my toddler) and became anemic thanks to all the blood loss. But I gave birth to a very healthy baby at 38 weeks in a scheduled c-section with no complications.
I got told the same – it might resolve itself or it might miscarry and there was nothing I could do in the meantime. It was so hard. My in-laws saw my car at the ER when I went in for the bleeding, and came over to help, so found out the story then. We swore them to secrecy and thought it was fine. But then my MIL told her entire family around week 13, because she thought second trimester was okay to tell (?!?!) and someone posted congrats on FB. My family found out from a distant relative’s post on FB.
Of course it all turned out fine, but I was livid (and so was DH) and it really soured our relationship with her even to this day. She took a scary situation for us and made it even more stressful. I don’t trust her and we’re much more guarded now with everything in our lives.
All of this to say, think carefully about who you tell and whether you believe they can truly keep a secret. It’s not just the “untelling” it’s the uneven telling as well.
OP says
Ugh I’m so sorry about your MIL. This is a consideration for us too bc a family member has proven that they are unable to keep a secret.
How did you manage not lifting your toddler? Mine is 25-30 lbs at this point but I can’t see how I can avoid lifting him at daycare pickup, into his crib, etc.
Thanks so much and so glad everything turned out well for you!
Anon says
Yes that was hard. I taught toddler to climb into the car seat (a large SUV) himself so all I did was situate him and then buckle him in. He was already in a twin bed so nothing there. The hardest part was that I couldn’t lift him into shopping carts, so I couldn’t run errands with him unless DH came with us, which morphed into DH did all the errands. I hated having to say no to all the “pick me up Mommy” requests, but I found if I just said something like “Let Mommy sit down first and then you can climb on my lap and snuggle in” it worked really well.
I hated the lack of mobility (some self-imposed from the rest, some just forced from the anemia) so that was the hardest part for me. In addition, I think my core sort of gave up and I ended up with diastasis rectii, but I didn’t realize it until the baby was 2 years old. I’m now going through physical therapy to try to get that under control – keep an eye on your body and get checked out if anything is off.
Good luck! This is so hard but you got this!
Anonymous says
I feel like this thread got derailed by the “should you tell” debate (totally guilty of that, I commented above) and I just want to say hugs to you, OP. This sounds really scary and I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you.
OP says
Thank you so much. And thanks to everyone who provided advice above!!
Pogo says
Hugs to you OP! I hope that your OB practice is awesome and supportive. If not, find one that is!
I had placenta previa & early bleeding, so I was on pelvic rest and all that jazz too. What I appreciated was that my OB practice got me in as soon as I called, and after my ultrasound the doctor on call (who I’d never even met) came out to talk to me about what she saw on the scan. It really helped a potentially scary time to feel so listened to/cared for. That would be my biggest advice – just make sure you feel supported by your physicians and nurses. Don’t feel bad about calling – I called every time I had new bleeding, and just talking to a nurse helped me calm down (especially because I knew she’d get right off the phone, confer with the OB on call, and get back to me with a plan).
Also, if work requires travel, just straight up say, my doctor has told me I can’t travel because of a serious health condition. Don’t even bother trying to explain it. I told them when I was 14 weeks, and explained that it might improve (because the placenta can grow out of the way). That gave them false hope so they were always asking when I could travel and didn’t really understand (as they are all men) the extreme scariness of having bleeding during pregnancy. But if you don’t even want to tell work you’re pregnant, you should still tell them you can’t travel, end of story. The “can I travel or not” stress was so unnecessary.
Primary Cozy Dress says
Does anyone know how much the Primary Cozy Dress shrinks in the dryer? I just got my first for kiddo and am trying to decide whether to hang it to dry. Thanks!!
Emily S. says
Not much, in my experience. I dry all Primary clothes on low and shrinkage is minimal.
Pogo says
+1, my primary stuff has never shrunk.
I will say the ‘cozy’ products I’ve bought have tended to run bigger than the regular ones. Not sure if that’s a coincidence or related to the fabric.
OP says
Thanks so much!!
Basketball Bounces in Color says
I’m 2019 to this part of the thread! I’m looking into Primary for the flattering solids and also the beautiful, eye striking stripes! Multi-colored socks, awesome! I’m interested in their polos too for my toddler. Would anyone like to share their referral link for you earning through my order $10 Primary credit? Posting this if it’s allowed. If it’d benefit you and you’re interested, reply!
Anon says
When picking a daycare how did you rank the following:
– Educational platform
– Religious belief
– Diversity
– Cost
– Closeness to your house
I think that school diversity is super important and raising our child in an integrated society is a priority but don’t know how exactly to balance that with our other priorities and would be interested to see how other families made that choice.
Anonymous says
“Educational platform” doesn’t matter at that age. But I put perceived quality of care above all else with location a close second, and I guess religion was a big factor too, in that we did not consider religious places. Diversity and cost were not factors. But again I can’t emphasize enough how much they learn through play and how unimportant the formal curriculum is.
Redux says
I think “educational platform” could mean play-based vs. academic-emphasis. For our part, I crossed off any daycares that had “kindergarten readiness” as their philosophy because that was a mismatch for me.
lawsuited says
1. Cleanliness and condition of facility
2. Closeness to my house
3. How happy the kids seem
4. Cost
5. Diversity
6. Educational Platform
7. Religious belief
lawsuited says
I actually just realized that the daycare we picked is actually further from our house but I picked it because the kids there seemed happy and relaxed. So, I went in planning for closeness/convenience to be a major factor but it wasn’t in the end. Our daycare was “in the middle” in terms of cost, but I decided against the 2 cheapest places immediately based on the condition of their facilities. I liked that the staff and kids were diverse because we do not live in a very diverse area.
None of the day cares in our area are affiliated with any religion, and they all have very similar educational philosophies, so those weren’t really factors.
MomAnon4This says
If #5 and #7 matter to you a lot, please investigate! We go to the Jewish Community Center daycare/preschool – my non-Jewish father-in-law referred to it as a “country club” but in truth it is a nonprofit with great facilities, a HUGE pricetag (about $2000/month for full-time) and also a TON of financial aid, teacher’s kids who attend the school, long-term teachers, single and gay parents, foster and adopted kids, kids with all kinds of disabilities who will go to all kinds of public and private elementary schools, high schools and colleges. Do NOT assume – oh THAT school is like THAT unless you know. I will assume that the Christian schools that I did not investigate are also similarly diverse, who knows (someone does)
Anonymous says
We chose for our twins as follows:
1. (Tie) Cleanliness and condition of facility– we only looked at the places rated five stars by the state inspectors and closeness to my house– we only looked at places on our side of town or near our works.
2. When was the soonest opening? This had the earliest openings for two (we started looking WAY TOO LATE, after they were already out of the NICU).
3. Cost– this also happened to be the cheapest 5-star facility and twin day care is NOT CHEAP.
4. Diversity. I live in Madison and it is WHITE. My husband and I grew up in the south and while it’s got its own racial problems I am appalled by the segregation up here. This is a spanish immersion day care and it is one of the few around that accepts whatever the equivalent of food stamps for day care is. That means a) my kids are exposed to other children from a variety of racial and socioeconomic backgrounds so no one is ever going to ask out loud why a man is chocolate or something and b) the state is inspecting that place ALL THE TIME. The kids come home with bleach stains on their clothes sometimes because they sanitize the diaper pads to death but guess what, that means we all don’t get norovirus.
The school is Christian and affiliated with a local K-8 Christian school, but housed in a separate facility. My husband was not very excited about this aspect, but other than a very odd baptismal lesson and saying grace, we have not seen a lot of pressure here. Just the occasional handout of Noah’s ark with a bunch of Scooby Doo stickers all over it. The other parents don’t seem religious, though the teachers all are. Basically I’m a Christian and though I am uncomfortable with indoctrinating children, that’s clearly not the main focus of the facility and they are getting fantastic care.
Cb says
We only had 4 options so were mostly going on feel. Costs were the same everywhere – nurseries which receive council funding for early years education have set fees. One was close to home, one was close to office, and two were in between which given our commute and work hours would have been really tough. We went on our gut instinct and feedback from other parents but ultimately took a place at a nursery without touring it because it is 10 minutes from the office.
anon says
I was just looking for a place with engaged teachers and happy kids. Cost and diversity also matter, but the staffing matters the most.
We ended up leaving a daycare because of apathetic / negligent staff. Certain teachers in certain rooms were fabulous and are still beloved, but other staff would just sit and pick at their fingers while babies or toddlers wailed. Unchanged dirty diapers. Missed bottles. Illegal ratios because of missing/late staff. The people are the most important piece.
Cb says
Yep, super true! When I do pick up, the teachers and kids seem so relaxed. The children are allowed to roam freely, no one is trying to herd them about. Often you have one teacher reading a book with two or three kids on his or her lap. Teachers are down on the floor with the children or are immersed in an art project. You rarely hear kids crying and if you do, someone is speaking with them.
Administratively they are a bit hit or miss, our bill is always slightly off, but the staff retention and engagement is incredible.
Anon says
This. I got to see this difference first hand.
At our “tide-me-over” day care which we had to attend due to no choice (in-home daycare unexpectedly closed), the teachers and the office staff were always SO stressed. They rarely had a real smile on their face and in reality there would only be one teacher watching the kids because the other was always changing diapers. Although for the whole year the two teachers were the same, my daughter didn’t seem to develop a happy attachment to either of them. She didn’t cry at drop off but was not enthusiastic either.
She was always exhausted and ready to explode when we picked her up. I think the energy was just really stressful (sure felt that way when we would come in the middle of the day).
At our current daycare, they have more kids in one classroom (15 instead of 12) but also 3 teachers instead of 2. There is a head teacher and I think this makes a huge difference to have one authority figure (there was definitely some tension between the teachers at the other school). The head teacher has a “no chaos” policy and I’ve never seen her do anything too quickly or loudly or impulsively, and unless someone is in danger, nothing is ever a big deal. She is measured and level and creates a very even atmosphere in the classroom. The first thing husband and I noticed when we toured was how quiet it was even though there were more kids (like, normal noise level rather than screaming and teachers nearly panting that we were used to at the other school). The two junior teachers change somewhat frequently but this doesn’t seem to be a problem for developing relationships. My daughter is much happier at this daycare and actively wants to go every day, even when she is sick.
Anonymous says
1. Attentiveness of caregivers
2. Proximity to home
3. Word of mouth recommendation
These are the factors we prioritized.
What do you mean by diversity and what does diversity have to do with infant care?
Anonymous says
Not OP, but I assume she meant racial and/or socioeconomic diversity. It’s good to have friends who don’t look like you and didn’t have the same privileged upbringing. Daycare goes through age 5 in most places so not talking about only infants.
Anonymous says
Ok, but you 1. Assume privilege and 2. Cast a moral judgement (“good”) where none is merited.
Neither of these are helpful for deciding which daycare is a fit for my child and my family.
Anon says
This response is confusingly defensive. It’s not a “moral judgment” to say it’s good to have friends who don’t look like you. If you do not think it’s a good fit to be around kids of different races and different socioeconomic backgrounds, that is certainly your choice. Many people think it’s good to be around people of different races and different socioeconomic backgrounds, and that does not mean they are morally judging anyone.
Anon at 9:59 says
Yeah, just to clarify, diversity wasn’t a factor for us in choosing a daycare because it was hard enough to find a quality place in a convenient location and those factors were far more important to us. So I’m definitely not judging people who don’t consider it a factor, but I can understand why it’s appealing, even if you’re talking about kids under 5.
anon says
We had a daycare with a ton of diversity, as in kids of many ethnic, religious and cultural backgrounds. There were also several mixed race families. It may not matter as babies, but we became a community once the birthday party circuit started around 2 yo. It’s nice that my kid has friends from so many backgrounds (and that we’re now friends with the parents). She’s always known kids whose parents wear headscarves, who speak other languages, and who come in all colors. This kids all started K this year and left the daycare, but we all still get together.
OP Anon says
Thank you for for sharing this. Its exactly that community that will start growing maybe not at 1 year but at 2 years and 3 years that I want to foster. Did you seek out this type of daycare or was it just happenstance?
Anonymous says
I posted about my twins above– we did seek it out but I didn’t know how much of a priority it was until we started looking around. It was the third place I toured and the only day care that 1) had a child with a disability and 2) literally ANY nonwhite children.
Anonymous says
OP, check out YMCA childcare if it’s available in your area. I live in a very diverse city with a huge African and Central & South American immigrant population, but it’s mostly the dual professional income families that will shell out $2k/month for infant care. The YMCA is less expensive than most of the other options, and I think they also offer financial assistance, which results in significantly more diversity.
Anon says
I want my children to grow up in a diverse cultural, racial and economic world, because that is the world that we live in. I live in a really diverse city but could easily end up at daycare/preschool where all the kids looked like my child and I don’t want that. Children react to racial differences as young as 6 months – so yes this does have to do with infant care. My child will be entering daycare at 1 year old so it is important to me that as they grow up and start to have opportunities for playdates that they are growing up in an integrated world not a segregated one.
Anonymous says
Meh I am just not convinced that diversity is or should be a priority when choosing a daycare. I think I will have many opportunities to model good and kind behavior later.
Anonymous says
I wish I could find the exact article now, but there was an article several years back that talked about how our efforts to teach kids to be “colorblind” backfire in little kids because it is normal for them to want to shape their world on alike and different. So when we don’t talk about those differences then they think something is wrong with people who are different from them. I’m way oversimplifying the research I’m sure, but one of the messages was that we need to start these lessons and conversations early and not just wait until elementary school. Most people, including us, don’t have the luxury of picking between a bunch of daycares so seeking out the most diverse school probably isn’t an option. We did pick the most diverse option we had though because we thought it mattered.
Anonymous says
Research shows that racial bias begins incredibly early. It’s really important to expose your kids to people who look and sound different than them early on to help ensure that those difference are just a part of their lives and not something to be worked on at a later date.
That being said my older son went to an incredibly diverse Spanish language daycare until he was 1. Then, we switched to a majority white daycare (it’s even majority BLONDE, which is insane), but it’s much closer to my house a very undiverse, segregated city and proximity to home/husband’s work was the main driver because the location of the diverse one was incredibly inconvenient unless I was at work. Our second child will only go to this daycare which is too bad.
Anonymous says
Educational platform, religion, and diversity were not factors at all. I wanted clean, safe, convenient, affordable, and with space available.
Anonymous says
And just to elaborate, they are factors in choosing a school, but day care is not school in my family.
Anonymous says
+1 million to daycare is not school. I’m 31 and just had my first baby and am exhausted by how competitive people my age are about “school” for infants and toddlers. IT’S NOT FREAKING SCHOOL. You need caregivers who are kind and attentive and competent at meeting basic needs, not Nobel laureates or fancy curricula.
Eh says
We have this debate here every few months. You can search the archives, but the argument always goes like this:
A) How dare anyone call daycare “school,” that is so ridiculous, they are not learning, etc.
B) Uh, I just call it school because it’s easier to say?
C) Yeah, I just call it school because the older kid goes to school so I tell him the baby goes to “school” too.
D) ITS NOT SCHOOL OMG WHY ARE YOU TOO GOOD TO JUST ADMIT YOUR KID IS IN DAYCARE!!?
E) I… do admit that my kid is in daycare? I just use the word school?
F) It’s not school. Say daycare. SAY IT.
Etc., etc., ad nauseam
Anonymous says
You missed my point. I’m not referring to people using the word “school” because it’s convenient. I’m talking about people who are obsessed with getting into the best, most prestigious daycares like they’re Harvard which is very common in my overachieving circles. I couldn’t care less what you call it, but acting like your 2 year old needs a strict curriculum and teachers with advanced degrees is ridiculous. They need loving, attentive caregivers who will hold them when they cry and wipe their butts.
Anon says
Around where I live waiting lists for daycares are so long and they feed into the preschools. So I am considering the bigger picture now so I don’t start my kid in a program and then have to switch them and get stuck with a choice i don’t love due to waiting lists.
I also 100% think my 2 year old will need teachers with advanced degrees. I am an educator and child development is complex and there is a way it is done well and a way it is not done well. Early years are the most important years.
Not the OP but when they say educational platform maybe they are asking themselves questions such as – how much time do they play outside? How often are they given the opportunity to do art? To listen to music? How often are they put in front of a screen? How often is an adult engaging with them in conversation? Are they being expected to write and read at a young age or just encouraged to play? Personally I want a play based program for my child. These are examples of educational platforms that do need to be considered even at the toddler stage.
lawsuited says
I am LOLing at Eh’s post. This is exactly why my husband and I use the word “school” when talking to our kid (we call it daycare when we talk to each other or other people) – I was actually very turned off by the day cares that wanted to talk about their “infant room curriculum” because I was like, “you mean, crawling and putting things in their mounths?”
Anonymous says
Honest question for Anon at 11:59: Do many daycares have teachers for 2 year olds with advanced degrees? A couple teachers in my kids’ daycare are pursuing masters degrees, but not in early childhood education or development. It seems like, in the US at least, the cost-benefit for getting an advanced degree in early childhood with the intention to teach in a daycare is just not favorable.
I strongly agree that early years are important, and that there’s a huge difference between quality childcare and adult supervision. But advanced degrees just seems like a really high bar. They are definitely not the norm at my daycare center (although state credentials are mandatory for lead teachers and many have an AA or BA, and many assistant teachers are pursuing a degree in early childhood education), and based on the same criteria you ticked off in your last paragraph, I’m really happy with the center.
PinkKeyboard says
– Educational platform
# 1 I wanted a lack of academics, outdoor play, open ended play, and fun as the primary focuses.
– Religious belief
#4 We refused to consider any that were Catholic (I refuse to participate in a church that protects and hides the things that have happened) but we would have happily sent them to a church or synagogue associated place otherwise.
– Diversity
#3Honestly our area is not very diverse, I am happy that our little home daycare actually does have an excellent mix, but it was not a priority.
– Cost
I guess this would be the first as if we literally could not pay the tuition we wouldn’t consider it.
– Closeness to your house
#2 Reasonable convenience was all we needed.
HSAL says
1 – Closeness to home is at the top assuming 2 and 3 are roughly equivalent.
2 – Condition/cleanliness of facilities
3 – Cost
4 – Educational belief – don’t necessarily care what what it is, but we wanted some type of preschool program
5&6 – Didn’t care about religion or diversity whatsoever
However, we only toured one of the three places I emailed because the other two didn’t get back to me, and that’s where we ended up and we’ve been super happy there, happy enough that proximity to daycare was a major factor in buying a new home this summer. When they asked me if I had any questions after the tour, I said “no, you’ve kept more children alive than I have.” I feel like within a given geographical area, most places are going to be roughly equivalent (assuming it’s a center as opposed to in-home or church-based, at least).
anon says
1. Quality of the caregivers. Are they kind and loving, and actually seem like they want to be there? Are they good problem solvers and creative?
2. Cleanliness of facility, and proximity to either home or work.
3. Cost.
4. Educational philosophy. I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter at all, but making sure there is plenty of time for free play/outdoor exploration was just as important to us (more, actually) than kindergarten prep.
5. Religious affiliation. Many of the best centers in our city are affiliated with a church. I know many non-religious families who have chosen church-based daycares. We’re currently at a center affiliated with the church we attend, and I can say that the religious stuff isn’t heavy-handed at all. What I do like is that my kiddos have built deeper relationships with a few of the staff members they regularly see at church.
6. Diversity. I don’t live in the most diverse place to begin with. The first daycare our kids attended was affiliated with a large public university. There was plenty of racial diversity but socioeconomically? It wasn’t that diverse at all.
You can’t have it all, but I have zero regrets of prioritizing the quality of the caregivers above all else.
Source: Have used daycare for nearly 9 years now (wow!)
Spirograph says
We’ve used 3 daycares over the years, and I did not consider educational platform, religious affiliation, or diversity at all. My husband likely would have vetoed anything Catholic. We used Spanish-speaking in home daycare for a year, but that was for the language exposure, not the diversity. The teachers at both larger centers we’ve used have been pretty diverse, and the kids more so at one than the other. It’s a nice to have, but had no bearing on our decision. I did weigh diversity in choosing our public school district, which is very diverse both racially/culturally and economically.
Top factors for me were
1. Quality of care needed to meet a minimum standard (defined by attentiveness of caregivers, cleanliness, “feel,” and word of mouth recommendations), and beyond that
2. Cost
3. Convenience
The preschool program at all centers we’ve used has been pretty good as far as “kindergarten readiness” and teaching kids letter and number recognition, but it wasn’t anything I specifically looked for. I was more interested in making sure there was enough play and outdoor time.
anon says
I have to admit that I’m surprised and disappointed by how many commenters said diversity wasn’t important at all. Studies show that infants as young as 6 months show racial bias that may be alleviated by exposure to people of different races.
As a family of color in a largely white area, diversity was one of our top 3 considerations (the other 2 were cost and hours, FWIW). At several preschools we toured, our kids could have been the only students of color in their classroom or perhaps one of two. That was unacceptable.
Anonymous says
I would love for my child to be in a diverse classroom, all else being equal, but I wasn’t going to sacrifice the quality of my child’s care or set us up with an insanely long commute to do so. Cost wasn’t really a factor for my family because we live in a super LCOL area, but I certainly understand how cost would trump diversity as well for many families.
It would be awesome if we all had access to quality, affordable, diverse daycares within an easy commute of home or work, but that’s just not reality for most people.
Anonymous says
So you wanted your child in a classroom with children who looked like your child. But you want to come on here and tell me that I should value a classroom with children who do not look like my child? Double standard much?
lawsuited says
I won’t assume you are being willfully obtuse, but it seems clear to me that anon was hoping for *some* children at the daycare to look like her children not all. A diverse classroom with some children that look like your child and some that don’t seems like a worthy goal. I am white living in a predominantly white community and wanted my child to interact with non-white children and caregivers at daycare because I think that racism is learned and usually not overtly.
Anonymous says
“Obtuse” = disagrees with you
I see what you did there.
ElisaR says
hey anonymous at 12:37, why don’t you come up with a name so we can identify which comments are yours? sounds like you’re playing the troll today so some iteration of that word seems appropriate for your username.
Pogo says
I think that not feeling like diversity is important, because it’s easy to find a school or daycare where your kid is not “the only”, is in fact the definition of white privilege. It doesn’t mean you hate diversity or something, but it’s a privilege as a white person not to need to think about it.
Thinking back to the daycares I toured, I can’t even remember the racial makeup of the kids. Probably because they were mostly white, so it didn’t stand out to me (a white person). Again, from my understanding, this is what privilege is – mostly everyone looks like you, so you don’t even have to think about it.
Anonymous says
This. When we changed daycares, I was really surprised at how diverse our new one is. Not in a bad way, just in a “wow, I didn’t realize how white our old daycare was” kind of way. While there was a lot of racial and cultural diversity among the teachers, but only a handful of the kids were non-white. In the new one, the mix of kids much more closely resembles that of the public schools in our area, which is about 30/30/30/10 white/hispanic/black/asian.
In our old daycare, there was a significant # of LGBTQ-parent families, and it makes me happy that my kids 100% absorbed the idea that families can look all kinds of different ways, as long as there’s love.
Anonymous says
Is this for an infant? My list is very different if I were shopping for infant vs preschooler. Ideally you’d find The Daycare and stay infant -> preK but sometimes life happens, or sometimes you have a perfect fit infant program with a lousy preK.
Pogo says
For my infant, here is how I would rank those things (agree w/ others it would be different for a toddler):
1. Closeness to your house
2. Cost
NA Educational platform
NA Religious belief
NA Diversity
I considered above proximity and cost: cleanliness of facility and the caregivers’ personalities/interactions with children. References were deciding factor for me.
For pre-K I would probably consider educational platform pretty highly, as well as diversity. Haven’t quite gotten there yet, though. In my area I have my choice of non-religious schools so that’s really not a factor.
Anonymous says
I don’t know about religion not mattering for infants – I had a friend whose infant said Jesus as one of her first words after attending Catholic daycare. DH and I are (culturally) Jewish and wouldn’t be ok with that. We didn’t put DD in daycare until she was 6 months old but explicitly looked for one that was not Christian (we probably would have been ok with a Jewish daycare but there are none in our area).
2 YO book question says
We have so many books but I want to buy a few more since my child just turned two. What are your kids’ favorites for 2 years? Thanks.
AwayEmily says
The Munschworks Grand Treasury. A little expensive but SO worth it. We must have read those stories hundreds of times over the past year — and this summer we brought it on vacation with us and the other toddlers were obsessed, too.
DLC says
+1 I grew up reading Robert Munsch’s stories and they are some of my favorites- hilarious, insightful, and a bit subversive. I might like them more than my kids do. I love the treasury because the individual stories can be a little hard to find.
Cb says
Little Blue Truck – horn went beep, engine purred, friendliest sounds you’ve ever heard…
AwayEmily says
THANKS A LOT CB. Now this will be in my head the entire day.
Cb says
I’ve got the freaking five little ducks song in my head :) Tempted to watch baby shark as a palate cleanser.
Knope says
Ughhhh me too. I have to read Little Blue Truck or Little Blue Truck Leads the Way every single damn night. Can recite both by heart!
Beep Beep Beep! says
FYI there’s a Little Blue Truck Halloween themed book. Run, don’t walk! Lol
Delta Dawn says
Little Blue Truck says Beep Beep Boo!
Walnut says
Little Blue Truck and his good friend Toad are going to a party just down the road. Beep beep beep says Little Blue. It’s Halloween, you come too!
Christmas is coming up! I suggest picking that book up while you’re at it. The last page has a light up tree, which the TSA agent immediately recognized after pulling the suspicious item from my bag.
Anonymous says
Also, can we all agree that the marching band would NOT have helped clear up the traffic jam in Little Blue Truck? C’mon people, be realistic now.
Anon says
I take the best of lists for books off websites and then check them all out of the library and only buy the ones my kids really connect with. You can just sit at home and put in requests for all the books on the list and then go pick them up whenever they are at your local branch. I often also do this for seasonal books and holiday related books.
Anon says
Rosie Revere Engineer (and Ava Twist and Iggy Peck as well).
Dragons Love Tacos.
Pout Pout Fish.
And there’s a whole collection of board books about Super Heros. “Even Super Heros Sleep” and “Super Heros ABC 123” and “My First Book of Girl Power” etc. There are probably 10 of them and they are absolute favorites for my 2 and 3 year olds.
anon says
Richard Scarry is a HUGE hit with my 2 yos.
anne-on says
Richard Scary Cars and Trucks and Things that go was a HUGE hit but that thing takes a LONG time to read, ugh. I would just encourage our kiddo to look at the pictures or pick a few pages for us to read at night or I’d be there for 45 minutes…
Anonymous says
Lift the flaps are a big hit with us…Where is Spot, Daniel Tiger books, and Dear Zoo are ones we have.
DLC says
Some of our favorites (to read, and which the kids seem to enjoy.)
I Want My Hat Back
Dear Zoo
The Bear Snores On (though the other books in that series haven’t stuck as well)
Baby Haiku
Sheep in a Jeep
Baby Talk (by Judy Hindley)
I also second the idea of first borrowing from the library to test drive the books first.
octagon says
My 2.5 yo loves all the Llama Llama books. Other favorites:
Sheep in a Jeep (and Sheep in a Shop, and Sheep go to Sleep, etc)
Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you See? (and Polar Bear, Polar Bear What Do You Hear?)
I usually just grab some by Jon Klassen and Mo Willems anytime we are at the library; they are silly and fun.
anon says
Here are some of the less common books we’re loving at 2:
Jabari Jumps
Stella Brings the Family
And Tango Makes Three
Chirri & Chirra
Off to request the Little Blue Truck Halloween book from the local library…
lsw says
Our son’s absolute favorites:
The Watermelon Seed
It’s a Tiger
Our Animal Friends at Maple Hill Farm
Trucks Galore
Dance and Cats (both by Matthew Van Fleet)
and a recent addition, a gift from a friend, They All Saw a Cat
Anonymous says
We just got Little Blue Truck Halloween last week, so I don’t have it memorized, yet. :)
My 2 year old’s current favorites (aside from Little Blue Truck):
Are You My Mother?
Jamberry
Big Red Barn
Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? (abridged board book version)
There’s a Bear in My Chair
Max the Brave
123 Go
Never Touch A Dragon
Goodnight Hockey
Z is for Zamboni: A Hockey Alphabet
Clothing labels? says
Best clothing labels for a toddler in daycare? Ideal if no ironing required!
anon. says
Mabel’s Labels have worked VERY well for us (“Tag Mates” is the clothing label version). I think we’ve had one or two come off after many washes, but overall it’s been great and we’ve reordered.
Anonymous says
+1
I’m a reluctant labeller but I’ve been very satisfied with Mabel’s Labels.
Tfor22 says
We use Mabel’s Labels also. I usually got the variety pack so I could label water bottles, bags, and lunchbox parts also.
Anon says
I love NameBubbles. They last through multiple clothes washings, but are easy to pick off when you get ready to donate. I get the press and stick small round labels and keep a sheet by the door so I can grab them when we’re pulling on the new hats and gloves in the morning.
They also have sun shaped labels for shoes. I bought them because another kid in my oldest’s class had the same shoes for the third time. It had the added bonus that she quickly learned how to put her shoes on the right feet, which saved us several tantrums in the mornings.
I’ve reordered both several times for ALL my kids.
lawsuited says
Oliver’s Labels Stick-eez clothing dots are the best. I spent ages ironing on dozens of labels that all came off in the laundry before asking a co-worker who recommended Oliver’s Labels . The dots fit on the clothing labels of all the brands I’ve come across, and stay stuck inside shoes. I don’t label socks (whoooo! Risk taker!)
AwayEmily says
+1 to olivers labels, though I haven’t used the other ones so can’t compare. I use them for clothes and also for bottles, lunchboxes, etc. They’ve never come off either.
Anonymous says
I don’t know but I just ordered a brother brand label maker from Amazon (the one recommended by Wirecutter), and I really hope it works for us!
Anon says
I bought these because . . . they were prime eligible and I needed them in 3 days. Are they ‘the best?’ probably not. But kiddo outgrows clothes so fast right now it probably doesn’t matter, they got to my house fast and they’ve held up to multiple washings.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B077Y282Z5/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Anon says
Has anyone been successful keeping your kid off social media? As in you don’t post about your child and haven’t had their picture show up on fb/instagram etc. Not that your kid isn’t using social media but you aren’t posting about your kid.
How did this work with family and friends? Was it harder/easier than you expected? Pregnant with my first and this is the path we are considering going on but everyone thinks we are crazy.
Privacy? says
I would say that if you choose not to post on social media, you should sign up for some photo-sharing service so you can maintain a private album and share photos with your family and friends. It will be really hard not to have any place to share pictures!
Also, can I ask what your specific concerns are? I am a privacy lawyer and I have a lot of familiarity/inside-baseball knowledge about various privacy issues, and in talking with others I think there are a lot of misconceptions about how photos and such are used. Not trying to criticize – it is totally legitimate to make this choice no matter what your reasons are. But as an expert in the field I’m always interested in the reasons behind people’s choices!
Anon says
Oh there are a bunch of reasons in no particular order:
1) I have a lot of friends who I never see but post pictures and stories about their kids daily and I have an opinion about what these kids personalities are…without really ever meeting them. Which isn’t really fair to the kids. Maybe they are shy or maybe they are a dare devil but I am only getting the lens that the parents give me and thats not the full picture. I would have hated as a kid to have my parents posting about me all the time. The Annual Christmas Card Letter was enough haha, I think I want my kids to be able to decide who they are and not have to balance that with the curated version of their being that I have created.
2) I think by saying social media is off the table, it will make us use our phones less and be more in the moment. By not having it as a choice, hopefully it will allow me to be more in the present.
3) My parents and in laws are all crazy in a wonderful way and I have trouble enough with what they post about me and I am an adult so I really don’t want to constantly be editing their posts about our kid. My mom for example doesn’t understand that the crying til you laugh emoji means that (despite us telling her) and thinks it means sympathy and often puts it on funeral announcements on fb. She is like a bull in a china shop with her online presence and I really don’t want to have to mediate it.
There are other reasons but its less about privacy of our child and more about the culture behind social media and wanting to just opt out of it.
anon says
Actually, your reasons make a lot of sense to me — much more so than the privacy argument.
As far as #1 goes, I’ve found that as my children get older, I post about them much less for that very reason.
Privacy? says
Those all make total sense. From my Mom perspective and not my lawyer perspective – I don’t think it’s that hard for you not to post pictures on social media, but it will be very hard to stop your relatives from doing it if they are very active on those sites. Not saying you shouldn’t try – you absolutely should. But as a backup plan, you should at least help your older relatives figure out how to make their profiles private if they haven’t done so already.
Anonymous says
Eh I don’t think it’s “very hard” to stop relatives from posting photos. My mom posts on Facebook almost every day. She doesn’t post photos of my kid because I told her not to, point blank. It’s a condition for her seeing my kid, just like getting a flu shot was a condition for visiting my newborn baby.
HSAL says
I’m with Anonymous at 11:19. Your kid, your rules. We use the same rules listed below – approving, tagging, and privacy settings. That’s the only someone, even a family member, gets to post pictures of my kid.
Anon says
I think it’s a matter of how much you care and how strict you want to be about it. If you don’t want photos of your children on social media, you can absolutely make it a bright-line rule and force relatives to adhere to it and I don’t think it would be that difficult to enforce. But you may decide once the baby’s here that it’s not that big a deal, and choose to pick other battles. This battle was important to me and my husband and we have had no problems making our parents comply.
Anon says
I had very similar concerns as you do. However, I don’t trust my parents/in-laws to not post pictures of the kids. So we took the approach of saying “You can post, but three rules – 1) we have to approve every post and 2) we MUST be tagged in any photo of our kid so we know it’s out there and 3) the photos have to be private so they’re only shared with your friends, not public.” It’s worked well because they only post pictures that are “worth” the trouble, and we are able to monitor what happens with my kids’ pictures.
We post pictures of the kids maybe 3-4 times a year (birthday, first day of school, winter family photo, and Halloween) and usually with generic commentary (“3YO adores Batman and wants to be a doctor, and talks to everyone she meets. Happy Birthday Kiddo!”) and that seems to satisfy far away family.
Now that they’re older, friends’ parents like to post pics like a group photo at a birthday party, or pictures from a school event. I’ve learned that I have to take pictures first and say “Hey, are you okay if I post a picture of X online if I tag you in it?” and that will set the tone for that friend group so they all ask first and then tag the parents.
Schools now have you sign media releases so they can post pics of your kids. We thought long and hard about it and decided to say yes, but only with no identifying information (no last names, no classroom or implied ages, etc) included in the post. So far it’s been limited to the backs of their heads or a group shot where they’re pretty hard to pick out individually, so we’ve been okay with it. But we’re keeping a careful eye on that.
Anonymous says
My BFF does this. She’s been pretty successful. Most of the pictures of her kid on FB are just in the background of pictures from other kids birthday parties. She’s also only on twitter not FB or Instagram and mostly just follows people are twitter not posting. Her parents/her DH and his parents are also not big social media users. Her sister and her friends (me included) are pretty respectful about not posting pics of her kids.
You can also control it in other ways. My mom posts a lot on FB but I had her change her settings so that her posts are only visible to her friends and cannot be shared. She only last like 100 friends, most of whom I know personally.
AwayEmily says
Sort of? I have a Facebook account but don’t use it (I log in maybe twice a year) and have never posted photos of my kids to it. I did set up a private Instagram account for photos of my kids (ie, nobody can see it except the close friends/family that I have accepted as ‘friends’). This was the easiest way for us to photo-share with grandparents. On the other hand, I don’t police what my friends and family do on social media. I think my mom posts photos of the kids to her Facebook every once in a while.
I agree with the previous poster that it might make sense to figure out exactly what your concerns are. There are a lot of intermediate solutions between “I post photos of my kids on a blog, a public instagram, and all over Facebook” and “I do not allow a single photo or mention of my child on any social media.”
Anonymous says
No success. I wanted to go this route but gave up before we ever got started since my husband was not in agreement. My plan is to re evaluate and re consider by my baby’s first birthday.
That being said, we have a family only Facebook album so we aren’t constantly annoying out childless friends and so out of town relatives can feel included in weekly happenings.
lawsuited says
My sister has been successful in keeping her children’s faces (her oldest child is 2) off social media entirely. She and her husband have told everyone who spends time with their children that they are prohibited from posting any photographs AT ALL of their children. My sister will very occasionally post a photo showing body/back of head, but not faces. They started spreading this message as soon as their first child was born, and their birth announcement (on Facebook) said something like “I’m not going to be on social media, so talk to my people if you want to see a picture of me”.
She has set up a private chat group on another platform to share photos of her children with family and friends, and I think she’s willing to add anyone who asks as a member of that group so no one feels deprived.
Anonymous says
This was our plan before DD was born. We have been successful at not having our friends and family post any photos on FB, although DD is only 16 months and doesn’t have friends of her own yet, so we haven’t really dealt with other parents posting group photos of kids. We have a TinyBeans site for photosharing with the grandparents, aunts and uncles, and they love it.
DH and I ended up relaxing our own rules and we have posted a handful of photos of her on our own FB pages (our privacy settings are strict, although she is currently in my profile photo which FB requires you make public). But we’re extremely careful about what we share (usually photos to mark milestones, birthdays and a couple of photos from professional family photoshoots). Absolutely no nudity, minimal anecdotes and nothing that could be remotely embarrassing to her when she’s older (it horrifies me how much other moms post about poop) and just a very small number of photos in total.
We rejected several daycares that regularly posted photos of the kids publicly. Just, no. It seems to me like it’s asking for weirdos to creep on FB and possibly in person.
Anonymous says
I want to add that I really agree with you about the problems with “curating” an image of your child’s personality online. I’m less concerned with her face being out there online than I am with 600+ acquaintances thinking I have a “shy” child or a “spirited” child or whatever. I don’t want to shape her life that way – I want her to be whoever she decides to be without my online presence.
avocado says
We don’t post anything at all on social media. Family members, camps, etc. have posted a few photos that include her, but they don’t get tagged with her name because she doesn’t have any social media accounts. We share photos with family via text message or Shutterfly.
anon says
We’ve been pretty successful. I can think of 4 photos of my LO on fb and he’s almost 4. I think for us it is more of a factor that our close friends and family happen to not be very active on social media, rather than mandating no photos. I guess it’s possible there are a lot of photos of LO out there that I don’t know about since I’m not very active.
Butter says
We used Tinybeans for family and friends who we wanted to share photos with, and kept it pretty tight – I think 10-12 people had access at the maximum. Highly recommend, love the platform both for ourselves and others. My kid shows up on Facebook 2-4x a year, but that’s the extent of it.
Strategy Mom says
I think you can accomplish this without too much trouble. We have loosely done this (vs. being really strict about it). The only people we made a rule with are our parents (since they are really the only ones who want to post). An aunt posted a photo of my son in a sweater that she made him – and if she went to the effort to make it, by all means she should post. I’d set a clear expectation with your parents – and consider posting one or 2 photos a year so they can prove to their friends that the adorable grandchild exists. And if someone posts a pic of your kid at a birthday party and it makes you uncomfortable, just untag yourself or ask them to take it down. You’ll be surprised – outside of siblings and grandparents, no one else really will care much and its easy to manage in the moment (vs. feeling like you have to proactively tell everyone in your world and make a big rule). If someone comes to visit you and the baby and takes a photo, you can easily ask that they don’t post it and it shouldn’t be a big deal. Blame it on your ‘crazy parents’ :). We’ve also had to make a strict rule that our parents cant post about us without running it by us first. We blame it on work – we want to be careful about what’s put out there about us. My MIL wasn’t jazzed, but got on board pretty quickly – the alternative is that we don’t share photos with them…and we told them that explicitly.
Strategy Mom says
Also, the new iphone software shows how much time you spend on social media and it is horrifying/embarassing/awful how much time I spend on there despite best intentions. So I love that part of your goal!
anon says
DH and I planned on only posting an announcement photo on social media and then minimal from there. But my MIL posted a picture before we could even post our announcement photo. To say I was not pleased is an understatement. DH has trouble standing up to his parents so MIL continues to post photos on Facebook
Anon says
Wow if my MIL disrespected my wishes that blatantly my MIL would stop getting photos of their grandchild from me.
Anonymous says
Yeah. Also this is really a husband problem. Why can’t he stand up to them?
anon says
I wish I better understood why DH cannot stand up to his parents. I am VERY close with my parents, but have no trouble speaking my mind when something is bothering me. DH would just rather avoid anything unpleasant. I had pretty severe PPD/PPA and was really annoyed about the facebook thing, but didn’t have the energy to finish the argument with DH about it. Kid is 5 months old now so there are not that many pics on social media, but we will be seeing in laws over the holidays, so maybe I should broach this with DH again. What really bothers me is that when I was pregnant DH was the one who suggested we not have our kid on social media at all, but then when his parents were the first to post, he didn’t want to make a thing about it bc he doesn’t like confrontation with his parents.
On that note, does anyone have any suggestions to help DH see my side of things? We are going to be traveling to his family for Thanksgiving and MIL is hosting a ‘meet the baby’ party. Since it is cold/flu season and baby will not be fully vaccinated from flu, I really only want DH and I to be the ones holding baby at the party (this was recommended to me by a pediatrician friend). DH always says he is going to tell his parents stuff like this in advance and either doesn’t or does it in such a way that they know it is coming from me and not from us. How do I get DH to understand how this hurts our dynamic? Issues with the in-laws have been a thing since the beginning and DH gets very defensive and sensitive whenever I mention anything related. He immediately shuts down before we can make any progress in the conversation because he thinks it is unfair that his visits with his parents are colored by me bringing up certain issues
Anon says
This is terrible advice, but I’m giving it anyway. Your DH sounds like he’s conflict avoidant, so make the conflict with you more painful than the conflict with Mom. Just tell him that you and Baby aren’t going to Thanksgiving. He is welcome to go on his own, but neither he nor MIL have shown that they’re willing to put Baby’s needs before their own. So no “meet the baby” parties for a not-fully-vaccinated baby. No opportunities to take pictures of Baby so no temptation to post them. Tell him you’d be willing to reconsider for Christmas/next year, but you’ll need some concrete tangible proof that things are now different. Then stand firm. It’ll be awful to spend this Thanksgiving apart, but it’ll drive the point home that he needs to start learning to stand up for his kid. Yes, confrontation with parents is hard, but the alternative is kid growing up thinking his/her needs don’t matter if they conflict with Gramma’s. DH needs to end the cycle.
Anonymous says
I would honestly draw a hard line and say no ‘meet the baby’ parties for an unvaccinated baby. Not because I think it’s a serious medical issue, but because you’re not comfortable with it (I wasn’t either, although I recognize that this is probably a bit paranoid). You need to break the cycle of doing whatever the in-laws want with respect to baby.
Nope says
There is no way in holy hell I would let me MIL force me to have a meet-the-baby party in the middle of flu season with a baby too young for a flu shot. HARD NO. You do not have to do this.
She can have a meet the baby party next Thanksgiving. Baby will still be a baby. Your husband is not being helpful and you have to stand up for your child. This is not going to get better, and it’s going to be horrible telling her you’re not coming, but not as horrible as your tiny baby getting the flu. Frankly if it were me I would just lose my bananas at my husband over this.
Anonymous says
Replying really late here but 2 things:
Totally with you on the hard pass for meet the baby in the middle of flu season. Plus the airplane… just no. Def conversation with DH needs to happen, but you could also use the same rationale to avoid the plane trip completely (peds recommends no air travel during flu season, etc).
I did something very similar even though for us it was the middle of the summer– much smaller gathering, but there were 2 school-aged kids. I made DH call his parents and tell them 1) we needed to confirm everyone had flu shot, and 2) everyone had to wash their hands immediately before touching the baby, no exceptions. He was totally on board and we got good compliance from everyone. Also called the morning of to make sure nobody was even a hint of sick, otherwise I would have stayed home with LO. That being said it still made me worried beforehand.
Also, I found that a good way to minimize touching was to wear her in a front pack with a hood, so I could either pull up the hood when needed to avoid people touching her face, and I also tended to put a light swaddle blanket over the top to prevent access to her hands. That tended to give me much better control over physical space, and also avoid very “feel-y” people who would try and touch my kid without asking.
Hugs to you.
Anonanonanon says
I post most child pictures as instagram “stories” that disappear after 24 hours, and my instagram is private. I do a once-a-year (sometimes twice) update on each kid-sort of like a christmas letter?- with a photo collage on my main facebook. That’s the facebook with great aunts etc. on it.
My parents and in-laws don’t have facebook, so that helps, but my ex-husbands mother and I butted heads over it many times. I would text her a photo of my first and she would post it on facebook! I finally told her that I had a facebook, if I had wanted it there I would have posted it myself, and that if I texted her something directly it was because I wanted to share it with HER, and if that couldn’t be respected I wouldn’t be sharing images with her anymore.
The main thing I would say is that you and your spouse need to be on the same page about this, and to agree on who’s going to handle the uncomfortable conversations that will ultimately arise. Do you each do your own side of the family, etc.
Small Firm IP Litigator says
We don’t post pictures of our kids. I think it should be up to the individual whether or not they want their photos online, and to be frank, I didn’t care what family or friends thought. Two of our kids are old enough to have their own social media accounts, so they post on their own.
In House Lobbyist says
My husband is anti-social media so my kids have never been posted (8 and 5). Grandparents are more social media lurkers than posters. We have a side business (beach house rental) and I post action photos of the kids there but always from behind or where you can’t see their faces. We have always used snapfish for grandparents and made lots of photo books for great grandparents every year. Mostly we just want the kids to be able to choose if they want to be on Facebook or whatever and I honestly I don’t want creepers looking at my kids.
Spirograph says
My husband and I do not use social media at all, so yes. We both cut facebook a few years ago, and posted very limited pictures of the kids (who were <2) up to that point, and have never gotten into any of the other platforms. Our parents and grandparents don't use social media much, and my mom was intuitive enough to figure out that if we weren't posting a ton of pictures of our kids, she shouldn't either.
I know there are some isolated instances of a friend or family member posting a picture of one of my kids and I don't make A Thing of it, but in general, my kids don't have an online presence. I don't care too much if there's an image of my kid in a group shot, I just don't want it tagged with kid's full name.
anon says
What are your recommendations for dressing an almost-walking baby for winter on the East Coast? Specifically we are in NYC but travel to MI for the holidays. So far, I’ve ordered Robeez mini shoez boots, a Patagonia down coat, and 7am lamb pod stroller bunting. Do I get a snowsuit? Fleece-lined leggings?
anon in brooklyn says
I liked knee socks for winter, so if the pant legs ride up a bit, ankles are still covered. They also stay on better.
Anon says
No matter what the gender tights are great for an extra layer of warmth, you don’t lose them as easy and if there is a gap between the pants and the boots its not cold air on skin.
DLC says
For going outside, I am a big fan of wool or wool/silk blend underwear- the thin kind, usuallyGerman or Scandanavian made.. Keeps the kids warm and dry without over heating and allows the air to flow. I layer wool or wool/silk long underwear and undershirts under everything. It can be pricy and you have to make sure it doesn’t get accidentally thrown in the wash, but it’s the best thing I’ve found for keeping warm. I usually order online through Little Spruce Organics or Danish Woolen Delight.
lawsuited says
A one-piece snowsuit is really useful. I found it quicker to get my kid in and out of than separate pieces, it has attached mitts and a hood so I don’t have to keep track of winter accessories, and I don’t need a blanket for in the car/stroller.
Anonanonanon says
Actual fashion question!
I am very pear-shaped. Like, I’m still “small”, but I am 3-4 sizes smaller up top than on bottom.
That being said, it is my dream to be able to wear pencil skirts and cashmere sweaters to work. However, I have such a hard time finding pencil skirts because HIPS. My mom always says to just take them to a tailor, but even when I find one that fits I feel like I look… bootylicious? Or like the tailor would have to basically completely remake the skirt which just feels like a lot of work.
Any pear-shaped pencil skirt success stories or advice? Or alternate solutions? Good A-like skirt recs, maybe? I usually wear Boden fit and flare dresses currently
Anonymous says
I am definitely not pear-shaped and still have to take nearly all of my pencil skirts to the tailor. Even if the hips and the waist both magically fit, the side seams usually need to be tapered or the skirt looks frumpy a la Amy Farrah Fowler. I think tailoring is just par for the course with pencil skirts. I’d buy a size that fits at your widest point and then have the tailor fix everything else.
Tfor22 says
Another pear here. I am usually a 12 in skirts and pants and just bought this in 14P. I really like the way it looks on me:
https://www.brooksbrothers.com/Petite-Plaid-Stretch-Cotton-Jacquard-Pencil-Skirt/PL00037,default,pd.html?dwvar_PL00037_Color=NAVY&contentpos=1&cgid=1200
Anon says
Former pudgy hourglass now more appley with my c-section pouf (and my lack of exercise – but hey, at least my arms are super buff from lifting my 30 pound kid), but I just gave up pencil skirts (and most skirts really). It wasn’t worth the hassle for me, particularly of finding a top that fit my short-waisted middle nicely – I felt fat and frumpy tucking in, but could never find the right untucked shape to be flattering. Dresses or pants for me, except for one magical sweater skirt that is super stretchy (but not body-conscious) that my mother randomly found for me and I will cherish until it is threadbare..
anon says
+1. I just don’t do skirts anymore. They’re too fussy and difficult.