As I’ve mentioned before, when I first launched CorporetteMoms I really only saw it as an online web companion for the CorporetteMoms pregnancy newsletter — and I’ve been excited to see what is clearly a reader response/desire for more of a blog for working moms. In order to help us going forward, though, there are some huge, key questions about the readership and possible content — and we’ve finally designed a survey that will hopefully help us address those key questions. To sweeten the pot a bit I thought I’d throw in the chance to win a $200 Amazon giftcard.
Please click here to take the survey.
The survey should only take 5-10 minutes (at most), and we’d really hugely appreciate your input.
To Enter: Readers enter the giveaway by taking the CorporetteMoms 2014 survey (and answering the final question with a valid email address). One winner will be chosen the morning of Wednesday, July 16 (chosen by CorporetteMoms staff and Random.org) and win a $200 Amazon giftcard. Please note that, due to legal reasons, this contest is only open to adult residents of the United States. The winners will have one week to respond to Kat to claim their prize or a new winner or winners will be chosen.
Pictured: Multiple_Choice, originally uploaded to Flickr by Oliver Tacke.
Chronic Overthinker says
My husband and I are expecting our first child in the middle of September. Before I was pregnant, I applied to law school with the intention to begin this fall. Upon finding out that I was pregnant, I decided to defer my admission to Fall of 2015. After my maternity leave, I will return to work full time until law school begins.
We want two children and I would prefer to have our second child during law school. I would like the siblings to be close in age and I would prefer to not take any breaks once my law career begins. I guess my question is, do you think it is manageable to try and have a second child during my second or third year of law school? Working moms, do you believe it would have been “easier” to have children during law school (or grad school) as opposed to while you were working? Should I just wait until I have worked a couple of years and have the siblings be 5 or 6 years apart?
FYI, my husband runs his own successful event planning business and largely works from home (with the exception of meetings with clients and vendors, etc.) . We plan to hire a part-time nanny, but my husband would largely be responsible for childcare while I work and eventually attend school. We have a strong local family support system to rely on for back-up childcare (both of my sister-in-laws are SAHMs, my husbands’ mom does not work, my dad works part-time).
(former) preg 3L says
I had my first child during my last semester of law school (as evidenced by my handle). As Lyssa says, it was challenging to delineate study time when I wanted to spend my time with my baby! I think having a baby the last semester of law school worked generally well (compared with 2 friends of mine, one who had a baby right after her 1L year and one who had a baby in her first semester of 3L year). I’m not working yet, but during law school, I remember thinking how much easier it would be if I had been able to focus on my baby full-time, instead of go to class 2 days per week, but it was only 2 days/week of class. Since you’ve already had a baby, you can remember what it’s like feeding the baby a million times per day, not sleeping at all, and what that does to you. I had a very hard time pumping at the beginning (I returned to classes when my baby was 13 days old — and school only allowed me to be absent for a total of 2.5 weeks in one semester to pass my classes) and ended up creating a huuuuge milk over supply, which was really painful for the first 3 months. If you don’t plan on BF-ing, I think school would be easier. All of that being said, I’m thrilled that I’ve been able to spend 5 days/week with my baby and that I’ll get to spend all of August with her before starting my job full-time in September. I would NOT recommend having a new baby before/during 2L year or your 2L summer. Your 1L grades are the most important; your 2L year will be the busiest; and your 2L summer is really crucial to your career as a lawyer. I was concerned about being visibly pregnant during my 2L summer associateship (but of course, YMMV). So for me, a Jan/Feb/March of 3L baby was the best timing (and I had my baby in Feb of 3L). Hope this helps!
Chronic Overthinker says
I never knew that 2L would be the busiest year. I heard that 1L would be difficult, but I thought 2L and 3L were smooth sailing (at least, in comparison to 1L). This is good to know.
(former) preg 3L says
Yeah there is a HUGE difference in your workload between 2L and 3L year. Also, if you do really well 1L, you’ll get a summer associateship for your 2L summer (ie the summer after 2L) and then you’ll get a job offer in August of 3L, to start work one year later (the Sept after the bar exam). So by 3L, the pressure is off! The adage is “first year they scare you to death, second year they work you to death, and third year they bore you to death.” It’s true.
Meg Murry says
No advice on the law school or not part, but on the husband working at home with part time nanny-
My husband also runs his own business out of our home. It is pretty much impossible for him to be the primary caregiver while also working. He has the type of business where he needs to be able to take calls from clients whenever they call him, and potentially have long, involved conversations with them – which I would guess event planning would involve as well. Noisy or crying children in the background don’t work with this. There is only so much that can be done to get work done during naptime or by letting older kids watch a show or DVD. When my husband’s business was extremely slow he took on primary responsibility of my son for 2 days a week, but that meant his income was down due to passing up work those days. Just because your husband will be in the house does not mean he can juggle his business and care giving, and if you are in school I would be concerned you would wind up doing more of the care giving and less studying.
If you are thinking of your husband running a business or you being in school or working full-time, you should probably be looking at full-time or nearly full-time arrangements. That could mean a nanny for certain days of the week and one Grandma on Wednesdays and a SIL on Fridays or something like that if your family would be amenable to such an arrangement, but I don’t think a part time nanny with an occasional family fill-in is going to cut it, IMO. Also, your husband should to have an office space with a DOOR, and same with your study space if you are going to be at home while the nanny is there with the child. I would agree with Lyssa that studying elsewhere is probably going to be more productive than at home.
Congrats on your pregnancy and law-school admission!
Chronic Overthinker says
You bring up very good points. This is definitely something I should discuss with my husband. He has two part-time employees who assist him (one admin and one event assistant), but we should discuss whether he wants to hire one of them full-time (so he can delegate more tasks to that person) or make full-time care arrangements for the baby.
Natasha says
I would definitely agree with this. I worked from home full time for several months and when I returned to the office, many people asked who was watching the baby. I guess they assumed “work from home” = “SAHM + tries to get some work done”, but my son was at day care every day. I only had him home on a few occasions when he was sick and couldn’t go to daycare. I got almost nothing done. Maybe 2-4 hours, tops, during naps, over the course of 10 hours.
Samantha says
No experience with law school and I know people have different opinions on this, but I’ve seen friends struggle with children spaced too closely together. Having, say 2 kids below the age of 3 is hard (with working parents) because both the highs and lows of having small children are amplified. Two kids having meltdowns at the same time, or not coordinating their naps, falling sick at the same time, etc. often means that both parents have to be fully engaged and there’s less time for yourself or for your spouse/partner.
It does get easier later on when you’re done with the intense first couple of years, but the stress has been hard on marriages (and perhaps careers) in those first years and I’ve seen more than one marriage break up as a result. And these are the years when you’ll also be going through law school, no cakewalk from what I hear. However in your case it sounds like you have a great support system going for you, so maybe this is not a concern.
mss says
Just to add – it is hard to have kids close together, but it depends a lot on the personalities of the kids (which you cannot predict). Our kids are 2.5 years and 2 years apart (5.5, 3 and 1), and 2.5 was definitely easier. That said, it wasn’t so difficult that I would recommend against it.
pilates princess says
I had my first the summer after my 1L year and it worked very well for me. I’m expecting my second in a few weeks, and now I’m a second year associate. I think that balancing law school and baby is much easier than full-time work and baby will be. I have an amazing family support system near by, though, so I’ve had it relatively easy.
I think since you already have a spouse and a child your law school experience is going to be different than many of your peers. I don’t thinking adding another child to the mix is going to change that at all.
Good luck!
anon eagle says
Not a lawyer, but had my babies 14 months apart. One is 18 months, one is 3.5 months. Both children were unplanned blessings but man, it is HARD. I ‘m a fed employee and I commute to DC. My partner is in the military. He really pulls his weight around the house, but it is still such a challenge. Daycare is astronomical because both children are still in the nursery classroom. My firstborn was a late walker; she started walking when I was in the hospital giving birth to the 2nd baby. Both babies need to be carried in parking lots and loading/unloading them from car seats is a bit tricky. I am br. feeding the new baby, so it is hard to supervise/ intervene with my older baby when I am stuck in a chair.
Think about your physical health too. I am 31 now and I have been pregnant/br.feeding/br.feeding WHILE pregnant/pregnant again/br.feeding again for almost 25 months straight. I think it would be very difficult to work hard and prove yourself in a new class/job under those conditions. I would highly recommend a decent (2-3 year?) gap between children. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Anonyc says
Late to the game but wanted to chime in–had my first a few weeks after graduating law school; deferred sitting for the bar until February. This was at the start of the recession before everyone realized how bad things would get, so I had a firm job that kindly held my spot until I finished the February bar. That worked out really well for me. I’d had a very busy 2L AND 3L year (with intense journal and clinic work throughout the year, on top of writing a needed-to-graduate Note and regular courses). I wouldn’t write off taking a semester off in law school and graduating a bit later; I needed time to physically heal and get it together after each birth.
I’d second the recommendations about finding quite space for studying and note that children may really curb your non-coursework ambitions in law school. Thinking the time-intensive work of journals and clinics here, which for many are the best parts of law school but which obey no time or schedule boundaries in many instances. It’s totally possible to just stick to your classes but kids, especially more than one, may give you pause before you’ll commit to extracurriculars. I think this would have made me feel like I was not doing the things I liked and that I was not getting the full experience my non-parent peers were getting, making me less competitive in part.
Now that I have three kiddos, I will add that two kids felt like three or four times as much work compared to one kid (moving to three hasn’t been as rough as an adjustment). It’s hard to balance the needs of a toddler with those of an infant; neither are known for their patience and understanding. That being said, having kids and working is definitely harder than having kids and being in school (even law school). The flexibility you have in school makes all the difference. It’s much easier to duck out of law school to handle an emergency than to drop things at work and go.
Congrats and good luck. There are no right answers here, just comparative benefits and trade-offs (as with all things).
Chronic Overthinker says
Thank you ladies! You all have been very helpful.
Lyssa says
While I did have it easier in general during law school, I personally find it hard to imagine having a baby while in school. I know of a lot of women who say it worked great, but, for me, I think that wanting to be with the baby would really put a dent in my studying/work time. You would have to be very disciplined regarding study time (i.e., behind closed doors or at another location while someone else watches the kid(s).
Chronic Overthinker says
I think that no matter what, I will have a strong desire to be with the baby instead of work/study. I was thinking it may be “easier” to cope in law school because my schedule would be more flexible than if I was working full-time. For example, I should study between 5-7, but if I play with the baby until 6, I would have the flexibility to adjust my study time.
pilates princess says
This just reminded me of my then 2-yo standing outside the glass pane door I that closes off our home office and crying/yelling “mama, no study for the bar exam!”
It’s rough, but you’ll get through it. At least I was there to see her.
Chai says
I’m pregnant with my second child and karma is catching up with me! The first time, I had no morning sickness symptoms (had other issues like terrible back pain, gas and acid reflux but I recognize how lucky I was). This time, I’m on week 11 and the last 3 weeks have been terrible – I think it’s morning sickness but not sure. I feel very uncomfortable when I eat and (TMI alert) I burp at random multiple times during the day. I actually feel ok in the morning usually but the nausea builds up after lunch with my desk job. I keep burping in the afternoon and continue to feel more and more uncomfortable. I force myself to eat dinner and feel more or less the same after. I want to stay in bed all day but think that will probably make things worse (besides, I have to work!).
My questions to the other moms who’ve been through this: Is this really morning sickness? I just bought preggie pops, any other suggestions to help with this? I’m trying to take a walk in the afternoons but I don’t see an immediate impact on my nausea levels.
greenie says
I had horrible morning sickness with both my daughters. The best advice I received was to eat little portions of protein mulitple times a day (cheesesticks / handfuls of almonds etc). Any time I tried to eat a full meal, or any sort of carbs it would all come up. Hope this helps.
Meg Murry says
Is your waistband pressing into your stomach at all? My stomach popped way earlier with #2 than #1 and I felt bloated all the time, so I was in the next size up clothes or maternity way earlier than with #1 – not because I needed maternity exactly, but I needed a slightly larger size.
Can you snack at your desk? I found all day grazing easier on me than large meals.
Anonymous says
Regardless of whether it’s morning sickness or not, if you’re uncomfortable, I’d suggest smaller meals, looking at what you’re eating (there were just certain things that I couldn’t digest well when I was pregnant, it was very odd), and adding ginger (ginger tea and pickled ginger worked much better for me than ginger cookies).
Chai says
Thanks for all the tips. I am wearing loose clothes and I showed pretty early the first time too so comfort is a huge issue.
I’m having trouble with the grazing thing because I’ve never been a grazer – just breakfast, heavy lunch that keeps me going for 4-5 hours and then dinner. I used to have tea in the late afternoon sometimes with a snack, but I skipped that in the interest of reducing caffeine. I do get into the pattern of not being hungry until its mealtime, and then being really hungry and eating a full meal.
I did get some string cheese so will try snacking on those. Also trying lemon tea.
I think part of the reason I’m trying to put a label on it (morning sickness, or gas or something else) is that I can look for appropriate remedies, and I’m not sure what morning sickness should feel like.
greenie says
Morning sickness is different for everyone AND every pregnancy. With #1 there was no doubt in my mind what it was because NOTHING I ate stayed down for 4 months straight. With # 2 it was a slightly nauseous, gassy feeling when waking up and brushing my teeth. If I ate larger meals I would feel burpier with occasional nausea. What you describes does sound like morning sickness.
hoola hoopa says
Sounds like morning sickness. It is different every time (been though it three times). I’ve never understood the burping, but it’s a really lovely symptom of pregnancy.
I’m a three square meals a day person, too, but you REALLY need to force yourself to eat every couple of hours and keep yourself from eating an entire meal in one sitting. I completely understand how unnatural that feels, but you must do it. What I find helpful is to package my food like that. Instead of bringing a “lunch”, for example, I bring a small container of yogurt, a small portion of pasta, laughing cow cheese wedges, and individual baggies of a few crackers. I recruit my husband to help at dinner time – basically to help me remember to only serve myself a half serving at the table and then put aside a half serving to eat later.
And drink water! Lots of water. Adding lemon can help.
Chai says
Thank you, thank you all! Hoola hoopa, you hit the nail on the head. So helpful to read this.
Katarina says
That sounds like it could be reflux, which can cause nausea and gas. Most reflux remedies are safe for pregnancy.
TheElms says
Not a mom myself, but a good friend had a baby spring break of 3L year (so in early April). And lots of other people I was friendly with also had babies 3L year at various different times. Of the 3 years of law school, 3L year is by far and away the best time to have a child.
To make it more manageable ( and since she knew she wanted to have a baby 3L year if she could get pregnant) she front loaded her classes a little bit. Our school offered summer classes and she took 1 summer class her 1L summer, (maybe 2), and a somewhat heavier course load 2L year so she had less to do 3L. She was also on law review so 2L year was very stressful and busy for her.
3L year I think she needed 2 or 3 less classes than everyone else to graduate and the school permitted us all to earn credit by doing a guided research seminar and writing a publishable article, so that was what she did in second semester. She was diligent and started the work on the article 1st semester and was largely done by the time the baby arrived in April.
One last thing I would add, is I’m now a mid-level associate at a large firm and I still have absolutely no idea how parents do it. I typically work 9am to 7pm and often work 9am to 10pm and work at least one weekend day. I have significantly less free time now than I did in law school. So while having a baby in law school is difficult, I don’t think having a baby at a law firm while a brand new junior associate would be easier.
Shay-La says
Kat- I’m using Firefox 26.0 on a desktop and the comment counter for all posts says “no comments.” I noticed because it quickly flashed from “12 comments” to “no comments” when the page was loading.
Anonymous says
+1. This happened to me as well; from chrome on my iphone and chrome on my macbook. (Whoops, this is former preg 3L)
OfCounsel says
Kat – There seems to be an error in the survey at 2.3. It did not allow me to check “Other” (which those of us with no partners would need to do.)
Lauren says
I couldn’t finish the survey. Your survey doesn’t give an option for people without partners to respond to money/career question #3. I am divorced and therefore lack a partner.
Kat G says
Shoot — sorry about that, fixed the survey to reflect that! Thanks for the feedback.
www.dralotaibi.net says
Olá, gostei muito do seu blog! vi que o teor muito bem estruturado.
Tenho um blogue no mesmo assunto e gostaria de ver se você tem alguma
sugestão para quem está começando a postar arrigos sobre este tema.
Obrigado!