Week in the Life of a Working Mom: BigLaw Junior Associate in NYC
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For this week’s installment of our Week in the Life of a Working Mom series, I’m happy to introduce CorporetteMoms reader Rachel, who lives just outside NYC with her husband and son and works as a BigLaw junior associate. Our usual caveat applies: Please remember that this is is a real person who has feelings and isn’t gaining anything from this, unlike your usual friendly (soul-deadened, thick-skinned, cold-hearted, money-grubbing) blogger — so please be kind with any comments. Thank you! — Kat
If you’d like to be featured (anonymously or otherwise), please fill out this form! You can see all posts in this series here.
First, Some Basics About This Working Mom…
Name: Rachel
Location: Work in Manhattan; live just outside NYC
Job: BigLaw junior associate
Age: 27
Home Situation: We live in a 1,500-square-foot house just outside NYC. We have two dogs and a baby (10 months old). My husband is a boutique firm litigator.
Childcare Situation: Daycare near office, $3,300
[Rachel shared this update, as her Week in the Life was written months ago: As our son grows older, he no longer tolerates long stroller rides. So we have switched to a daycare near home plus a part-time nanny, which costs about $4,500 a month. Then we have a weekend nanny for date nights. Also our son turned out to have a speech delay. The early intervention program in Westchester has a 4–6 month wait so we are doing the private sessions for $550 a month.]
How is the work-life balance in your industry in general? What are common ways of juggling responsibilities that you see your colleagues and coworkers doing?
Biglaw, especially corporate, is tough on work-life balance. We have a working parents lunch once a month, and based on what I hear, people usually deal with one or more of the following: (1) part-time schedule, (2) grandparents (who are willing and able), (3) throw money at it (so daycare plus nanny or two nannies), (4) stay-at-home spouse or one with very flexible schedule, (5) working primarily for a partner who is a parent, and (6) working very, very close to home/daycare.
The only thing that works for us, sadly, is #3 at the moment.
The other thing is I made peace with the fact that I would never make it home before bedtime (7:30 p.m.) other than occasional Fridays. To get home by then I need to get out of office by 6:15 (an hour commute). However, our team is usually tied up on calls all day until 5:00–6:00 p.m., then we regroup and check in with each other. It would be a huge detriment to my career to be missing the 6:00–9:00 p.m. period where you can sit down with partners and talk about any issues/questions you have. Once I made peace with that (and use that to build goodwill so when I have to take care of some childcare emergencies, the partners are fine with that), staying late is never an issue anymore.
How do you handle household chores, such as laundry, grocery shopping, housecleaning, etc.? Who does what, and when — and how often?
We outsource housecleaning (once every two weeks). I run laundry on Sundays because I like the smell of clean clothes. Neither of us folds clothes so they just go into a pile in the drawer. My husband handles grocery shopping, cooking, post office runs, and everything outside the house that requires a car since I don’t drive. He usually takes baby when he does those chores and I work.
For scheduling appointments, it depends on who has more downtime at the time. For actual appointments, Nanny usually takes the baby or waits at home.
A Week in My Life
Sunday
8:00 a.m. Woke up. Got the baby up. Changed and fed him. Husband took the dogs out for a walk. We got ready and went to our bouldering gym. On the way, we bought Starbucks and gave the baby some banana and croissant for breakfast. Baby enjoys watching his parents climb on colorful pieces!
11:30 a.m. We got back home. Baby went down for a nap. Husband and I ate scrambled eggs (saved some for baby) and watched World Cup.
12:30 p.m. Baby woke up — milk, then scrambled eggs. Husband took the dogs for a second walk and I played with the baby.
1:30 p.m. Husband took the baby to local Y for a swim class. I worked a bit at home.
2:00 p.m. They got home and baby went to nap.
2:30 p.m. I went for a swim myself.
3:30 p.m. I came home, showered. Baby had his afternoon snack.
4:00 p.m. We all went to Whole Foods for grocery shopping. This is our family time — we talked to the baby while we walked around the store. We usually decide on a big meal item per week — this week is shepherd’s pie. We got the ingredients.
6:00 p.m. We came home. Baby played in his room. I worked. Husband took the dogs.
6:30 p.m. I craved beer so we went to get some beers.
7:15 p.m. We came home. Baby bedtime routine and went to sleep. Husband started cooking. I worked.
8:30 p.m. We ate and watched TV.
10:30 p.m. We went to sleep.
Monday
6:30 a.m. I woke up. Husband and I took turns working out.
6:45 a.m. My husband came home, and I went to my Crossfit class.
8:00 a.m. Back from Crossfit. Showered, got ready while husband prepped baby food and formula.
8:45 a.m. We left, and I took the baby to daycare and went to work.
9:30 a.m.–8:30 p.m. A deal is set to sign this week so I worked on typical pre-signing stuff.
6:00 p.m. Husband picked up the baby. Sent me pics. He got the baby to sleep.
9:15 p.m. I got home. Watched TV and slept.
Tuesday
5:30 a.m. I woke up and went for a run and came back at 6:45 a.m. Husband went to his Crossfit class. I showered and got ready.
8:00 a.m. I got the baby up. Husband came back, showered, and prepped baby food and formula.
8:45 a.m. We left, and I took the baby to daycare and went to work.
9:30 a.m.–11:45 p.m. A deal is set to sign this week so I worked on typical pre-signing stuff.
6:00 p.m. Husband picked up the baby. Sent me pics. He got the baby to sleep.
12:30 a.m. I got home and went straight to bed.
We asked how long Rachel sees herself staying in BigLaw:
As long as possible. For better or worse, my husband (also a lawyer) hasn’t had too much luck with his career, while I actually like what I do and people I work with. Plus I make 80% of the household income counting bonus. So financially I have to work.
Also, I grew up with two working parents and my mom had a full-time job as a senior accountant of a Chinese national company. I remember being very impressed and inspired by her juggling it all and getting ahead in her career. I don’t recall any disappointment when she couldn’t make cakes with me on a workday afternoon or me having to be a latchkey kid. Instead I was proud and told people all the time my mom was an accountant! I want to be that mom for my kid. I am not too worried about missing first words or not being able to make it to daytime outings. I want to him to know when you find something you love, go and get it — it probably means sacrifice along the way but people who love you will understand.
Wednesday
6:30 a.m. I woke up. Ran and came back at 8:00 a.m. Showered, got ready while husband prepped baby food and formula.
8:45 a.m. We left, and I took the baby to daycare and went to work.
9:30 a.m.–5:00 a.m. A deal is set to sign this week so I worked on typical pre-signing stuff.
6:00 p.m. Husband picked up the baby. Sent me pics. He got the baby to sleep.
5:30 a.m. I got home and went straight to bed.
Thursday
8:00 a.m. Woke up, showered, got baby ready, and went to daycare. Worked until 7:00 p.m. Couldn’t function on two hours of sleep. Went home and slept.
We asked Rachel if this was a typical week for her:
Yes and no. It was a crazy week before signing, which happens every two months or so. But in general, I leave work around 8:30–9:30 p.m. on the weekdays and work an extra 5–10 hours on the weekend. I aim for 50 billable hours (and about 10 non-billable) each week.
Friday
6:30 a.m. I woke up, went to my Crossfit class, and came back at 8:00 a.m. Showered, got ready while husband prepped baby food and formula.
8:45 a.m. We left, and I took the baby to daycare and went to work.
9:30 a.m.–7:00 p.m. Deal got penciled down so I tried to catch up on all the other matters that I had been ignoring.
6:00 p.m. Husband picked up the baby. Sent me pics. He got the baby to sleep.
7:30 p.m. I got home. Went out with my brother-in-law, who is visiting. Went to the bar and then to a bakery, picked up some pastries that my husband liked.
10:30 p.m. Went home and slept.
Saturday
7:30 a.m. Got up, watched World Cup while running laundry.
8:00 a.m. Got the baby up. Played with the baby. Went to the neighborhood park.
11:00 a.m. Husband, who was doing Queens 10K, came home. Baby napped and we ate lunch.
1:00–4:00 p.m. A stream of contractors/painters/plumbers came by as we are doing renovation on our house.
4:00 p.m. I went out for a run.
5:00–7:00 p.m. I worked. Husband got baby to bed, cooked.
7:30 p.m. We ate. Husband went out with his brother. I stayed in, drank wine, watched a horror movie while cuddling with dogs.
10:00 p.m. He came back, we talked a bit.
11:00 p.m. Went to bed.
Thanks so much to Rachel for sharing a bit of her life as a working mom! Readers, what’s your biggest takeaway from her week of work as a BigLaw junior associate as well as her general work/life balance?
Stock photo via Stencil.
I’m a biglawmom too and can relate a lot to this! It is so tough.
I am the mother in law of this amazing example of a strong woman! I hope it is ok to comment here. I managed a career, husband and 3 children. I am so glad all of you have these amazing resources today to encourage, help and support each other. During many of my career years, I was the breadwinner and my husband managed the kid stuff. This was not as accepted as today but we did what we thought was right for the family at the time. We had years where I stayed home, years where he stayed home and years where we both worked and used full-time daycare.
All three of my children turned out to be amazing people. I worked many later nights and my kids brought store-bought treats instead of homemade to most of the school and social events but heck, they were probably better tasting than what I would have made. We had some great times on vacations and weekends.
If I may be so bold, what I would say to all of you on this thread: let go of any guilt and do what you think is right for you and your family today. Things change as the years go by and you will adjust to the changes if you keep your mind open to the options, don’t worry about public opinion and collaborate with your partner. Only you and your partner know what is best for your situation. Talk to your children as often as possible and give them whatever extra time you can spare, but take care of yourselves too. This period in life goes by very quickly and if you can emerge from it with pride on what you have accomplished both personally and with your family, you are a winner.
There is no shame in wanting to see how far you can take your career if that is what you want to do. Don’ t apologize and don’t spend time wondering “what if”. I do not regret my career. I see a lot of smart, capable women my age that got off the career track to stay at home and now have no way to earn a living for themselves. I am proud of my daughter in law and her accomplishments and proud of all of you. You have so much opportunity. Take advantage.
I’ll be frank: I think that you should make a change to spend more time with your child. (I firmly believe this applies to any parent, male or female.) You chose to have a child, and you need to nurture that child. You’re spending less than hour on weekdays and only a few waking hours on weekends.
You aren’t working these hours to provide shelter or put food on the table. When you get old, I don’t believe you will care about how many hours you clocked or whether you impressed a partner. You will wonder why you didn’t invest in your kid or have any social ties. I believe the connections are what really matter.
OP, my hat is off to you, especially for prioritizing your own physical health. This post was a little triggering for my own NYC BigLaw PTSD and I just wanted to say, in case you ever find yourself unhappy with this lifestyle, there are other options! When I was in BigLaw I felt that I was working the equivalent of two jobs and was earning much more money than I needed. Now, although I earn less overall, I earn more per hour spent working (particularly if I factor in the 24/7 “on call” culture of BigLaw).
You are incredible. Keep trusting your instincts and doing what you know is right for you – I have found that to be the biggest challenge of this working mothering situation. You are inspiring.
I’m late on this, but wow. You are doing amazing!
This is so interesting to read! Agree on the dedication to working out in the mornings. I think having a kid on the “early” side is very beneficial, if only for the fact that you have way more energy!
Late to reading this but just wanted to say your kid is very lucky to have such a smart, thoughtful, hardworking mom.
Thanks for taking the time to share! I am exhausted just reading this. Couple of thoughts:
1. I like how you own the fact that you don’t feel guilty as a working mom. I never did either and when my mom kept asking, aren’t you sad to be going back to work, I think she was a little shocked when I said — nope!
2. As someone who drives but not well, I encourage you to learn how to drive. You may not need it right now, but as your child gets older it will be helpful to know how to drive. I live in a city (not NYC) and while I don’t need to drive often, it’s helpful knowing how to do it. There are tons of driving schools that will teach you — I took a refresher course a few years ago, and it was very helpful.
3. Almost none of my high achieving friends had a kid at 26. (I think it’s awesome that you did). Do you guys sometimes feel at a completely different phase of life than your friends?
4. It’s surprising that your husband is a boutique litigator and yet only brings in 20% of the income. How do you feel about that dynamic?
Wow, really really impressive! I’m also a junior associate in NYC and talking with my husband about when we want to TTC so this really hits home for me (plus I love my HIIT workouts and have a small fear of, how will I fit those in?!)
I do have a question about the daycare + nanny situation you guys have! This week it seems like your husband picked baby up every day, but you did mention you also use a nanny. For you guys, when do you rely on your nanny and when do you not? Or was this a week where you gave the nanny the week off? And was finding a part-time nanny (as it sounds like the nanny is part time but correct me if wrong) difficult?
Thanks for sharing. I’m newly back to work in biglaw with a 6 month old and I’m trying to figure it all out. It’s so nice to see how another person is making it work.
Is $3300/month a standard daycare cost in NYC? That’s so high! I thought I paid a lot because we pay $2k (although in a lower cost of living city than NYC).
Wow is right. I am super impressed with you working out every morning while working this schedule and having a new baby!! I am so glad to hear you say that you don’t have any (or much) “working mom guilt” after seeing your own parents’ work lives. I often feel that way too – I don’t really have much guilt because I grew up with two working parents, for the most part, so I don’t really know any different. My parents didn’t go on any daytime field trips with me, volunteer on the PTA or do much else during work hours because they worked. I don’t feel any less loved because of it, so it’s a good reminder for how I approach my own parenting. Definitely hard when the prevailing American societal message is that working moms should feel guilty…
all i have to say is wow! i am impressed with your dedication to working out and how you manage to function on such little sleep. i work part-time bc that is what works best for us (and me) and often feel like i’m setting a bad example for my girls by not having a super impressive career, yet i still often feel exhausted and overwhelmed. i am not capable of working until 5am and then again on 2 hours of sleep! you are also fairly young by NYC standards to have a child, own a home, etc. how long were you married before you had kids? do you ever get to see any friends? you are super mom!