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My older son is really into the musical Hamilton right now, and we get to have all these great discussions about the Revolutionary War and politics and so on. If you have a similar kid who loves Hamilton, I wanted to recommend Who Was Alexander Hamilton? ($5.39 in paperback at Amazon) and the whole “Who Was” series, which gives details on historical figures in a fun and exciting way. A few examples of other subjects in the series are Harriet Tubman, Neil Armstrong, and Anne Frank. Moms of older kids: What are your favorite books and series for teaching kids about history? Who Was Alexander Hamilton?
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Traveling With Baby says
Hi all. I haven’t been on here much lately; I just had my first baby in December and have been in the haze of early parenting.
Has anyone here taken a trip changing time zones with a 4-month-old? I haven’t taken a week long vacation since starting my job in 2015 and am planning to do so while still on maternity leave. I know it won’t be easy, but my little one is pretty low maintenance. I am confident we could have a good trip staying in the same time zone, but I am wondering if we could make an east to west coast trip work. My sister lives on the west coast and we would love to go see her and make a vacation of it, but that would mean a 3 hour time change. I am not too worried about the plane ride because we plan to get my daughter a seat and she sleeps well in her car seat. I am most worried about screwing up her sleep ( she just started sleeping through the night at 2 months so we’re feeling pretty lucky). What do you all think?
Cb says
I feel like baby sleep is so all over the place, it wouldn’t really matter? Like you might be heading towards the 4 month regression anyways so you might as well go for it.
Anon says
I would go for it! But be prepared for her not to adjust to the time zones well. Eg, if she sleeps 7-7 at home, she may sleep 4-4 on the west coast. I would plan on a very early bedtime for everyone and not doing much in the evenings, and then you’ll be pleasantly surprised if she adjusts well. (Source: I just went to Hawaii from the east coast and my 8-8 sleeper became a 4-4 sleeper. We had a good trip but ate a lot of takeout for dinner.)
Anonymous says
We did an east coast to west coast trip at 3 months and it was totally fine! Baby slept in her carseat for most of the flight (that has been the only flight since she was born that I got to watch a movie!) and I think we mostly just kept her on east coast time, but didn’t stress about it, since if she wanted to sleep while we went out to dinner that was totally fine. I also don’t remember her waking up super early and I know she slept through the night that whole weekend, so it can’t have messed up sleep too much.
aelle says
I did big time zone changes a bit later (8 months) but I feel like earlier would be even easier. If you feel confident in the other aspects of travel, go for it!
lawsuited says
We travelled changing time zones (+3 hours) at 3 mo and 6 mo. We added an extra nap so that he still went to bed at 7pm new time (he would usually have gone to bed at 7pm old time). He woke up at 6am new time (usual wake up is 6am old time) and then followed his regular schedule for the rest of the trip. My sister recently travelled with her kids to a +8 hr time zone and they naturally went to bed and woke up at their usual times even though it made them completely exhausted.
SC says
I say go for it. Logistically, the easiest trip I’ve taken with my kid (now 3.5) was at 4 months old. He was so portable and adaptable at that age–you can carry them anywhere, feed them anywhere, and let them sleep anywhere. My trip didn’t involve a time change, so I can’t give advice on that.
Anon says
I wouldn’t worry about “breaking” her sleep. I had that same fear, but even if we take a trip and she doesn’t sleep well on the road, she’s always adjusted very quickly once we got home and gone back to being her usual great sleeper self within one day of getting home (usually faster). It was kind of surprising to me how even at a few months old, she clearly recognized her room and crib and seemed so happy to be back in it.
Fwiw, we also had a baby who slept through the night around 2 months, and we didn’t experience a 4 month regression. There was a period of rough nights around 6 months, but I think that had more to do with teething and introducing food than any inherent sleeping problem. My ped said usually babies that sleep through the night early have learned self-soothing and going back to sleep after a minor disturbance (basically, they self-sleep trained at an early age) and are less likely to have sleep problems later on. Who knows if that’s universally true, but it was definitely our experience.
Pogo says
Hi! I did this exact type of trip when my son was 13 weeks old, and he did great. The first day I put him down around 4-5 pm I think, and the subsequent days he made it a little later. At that age travelling is great because they can often still pass out in the Ergo or stroller, so we were able to take him out to dinner and I just wore him and he slept the whole time. His sleep wasn’t really affected by the time change. I say definitely go for it! They only get harder to travel with. Absolutely get a seat if you can, my guy happily slept almost the entire cross country flight, so I was able to eat lunch and watch a movie in peace which was practically a vacation in itself.
Coming back he did sleep later in the mornings, but I was still on leave so it wasn’t an issue. Then he hit the 4mo regression anyway and it all went out the window.
Traveling With Baby says
Thanks everyone! I’m feeling good about this trip!
Cb says
Parenting life: I was walking to work this am and there was a traffic jam and people started honking. I said (aloud) ‘Cars and trucks all in a tangle. Everyone started to shout and wrangle’. Eventually I’ll get my brain back for useful data, right?
Mama Llama says
I get it. When my daughter was a truck-loving toddler I occasionally found myself exclaiming, “Look, a garbage truck!” when I was in the company of adults only.
Cb says
Right? I definitely keep an eye out for neenaws and bin lorries. My son says ‘bin rorry!’ and it is the sweetest thing.
Em says
Yep, but cranes. The yellow and blue ones are common, so when we see a green crane that is extra exciting….and I will excitedly note it even if my son isn’t with me.
Anonanonanon says
I have definitely pointed out a fire truck to an adult male colleague before.
anon says
I still do this, and my kids haven’t been into fire trucks in 5 years. Also, trains.
Walnut says
Let me know how it goes when the marching band shows up.
I love this series says
Who was / What was books are great (FWIW, in Who Was Marie Antoinette book, she does get beheaded at the end, so real events aren’t glossed over). My less well-read husband has learned a lot of history from reading these aloud at night (e.g., Who Was Ulysses S. Grant). They are good basics.
FWIW, if your kid can read this book, they can probably page through the Hamilton libretto, which is also excellent.
avocado says
My daughter loves the annotated libretto (Hamilton: The Revolution). It reveals some of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s creative process and points out the recurring themes and all of the references to plays and music. I am pretty sure that the book strengthened my daughter’s ability to analyze poetry and other literature. I highly recommend it.
Anonanonanon says
Good to know! My 8yo is a huge Hamilton fan (I took him to the show for his Christmas present. On tour, of course, not the New York one) and he would love that.
Anonymous says
My preschooler old raps along with most of the first act, and let me tell you it is awkward to hear, “it’s hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets! No more sex, pour me another brew, son!” in a squeaky little girl voice.
avocado says
My 12-year-old is not allowed to sing along with Hercules Mulligan.
Anonymous says
That is a good call. I bleep his big F-bomb by turning the volume way down (we mostly listen to the soundtrack in the car), but I leave the other stuff alone because I figure the kids don’t understand it and highlighting might make it more interesting and likely to be repeated. So far the only point of clarification they’ve requested is, “how do you ‘rise up’?”
Anon says
Bahahaha
Mrs. Jones says
+1
avocado says
The “who was” series is great for kindergarteners and first-graders, but by second grade my daughter started to get bored with them. For “middle grade” readers (about second grade and up), my daughter enjoyed “Alexander Hamilton: The Outsider” by Jean Fritz. In the YA range (older elementary and up), she liked “Alexander Hamilton, Revolutionary” by Martha Brockenbrough.
Lana Del Raygun says
Jean! [clapping emoji] Fritz! [clapping emoji]
KateMiddletown says
Thank you! My 3rd grader is seeing Ham for birthday and this is perfect.
Anon says
That’s an awesome birthday present!! I have an infant and am legit already so excited for the day I can take her to the theater. My husband hates it so I need a theater buddy!
Anonanonanon says
My 3rd grader went for Christmas and LOVED IT. It will be a memory for a lifetime, I hope you have the best time!
avocado says
How exciting! Santa Claus managed to score tickets for our daughter the Christmas before last, and it might have been the most exciting thing that has ever happened to her. It was an amazing show and so much fun to experience her utter delight.
Anon says
I’ll just preface this with saying – I love and respect SAHMs and I hate the mommy wars.
Our elementary schools extended program is completely full. I’m not just scrambling for next year (the first year of eligibility for my rising 1st grader), I am full out panicking. I was chatting with a neighbor, and I told her that I was surprised extended day was full because our neighborhood heavily skews SAHMs with some very limited exceptions. She mentioned that a lot of SAHM keeps their kids in the afternoon portion for a couple hours; she does it herself because of her tennis club. *blink blink* Listen – I know that I am not entitled to extended day. I know that they have just as much right to a slot as I do. But GAWT DAHM. I will manage because I can throw money at this problem (sigh) – but there are women who make $10-15 an hour. How are they going to manage? Extended day is $300 a month – a sitter or private program is 3x or 4x that.
anne-on says
The switch from daycare to school was SO hard as a household with two full time working parents, who both travel on occasion with no local family. We had to give in and get an au pair because there was no after school program for pre-k and k, and I literally could not find a part time nanny (nobody wanted ‘only’ 20-25 hrs/week).
This country is really just not at all set up for parents. I feel awful for those who have less time/money/flexibility, I truly do not know how they make it work. And that doesn’t even touch the sick day/snow day/summer break issues!
Anonymous says
That is obnoxious. The whole point of aftercare is to supervise the children of working parents. I don’t think a working parent is “entitled” to aftercare, but a SAHM taking an aftercare spot when there are two-worker families on the waiting list is sort of like a middle-class family showing up at one of those summer free lunch programs. Yes, technically the program is open to everyone without regard to circumstances, but people who take the spot when they don’t actually need it are selfishly diverting resources from the program’s intended beneficiaries.
That reminds me of the very highly regarded, low-cost summer day camp our county parks and rec department offers. The camp only runs something like 9:00 to 3:00, and the camp brochure explicitly states that the program “is not intended to substitute for full-day child care.” So the county is literally telling working parents that the camp is only for SAHMs. WTF?
RR says
Right or wrong, this would make my jaw drop too, for so many reasons.
Our district (a very good district that I generally love) is so set up for SAHPs. There’s tons of after school commitments (so they can’t come home on the bus, but need picked up at like 3:30). They don’t bus at all for high school because all the parents just take them and drop them off apparently. Like you said, we can throw money at the problem, but what about the parents that can’t?
Anon says
This would make my head explode. Yes, they technically have a right to it. But I can’t understand why on earth someone would want to send their kids to aftercare if they stay home? Doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose of staying home with the kids?
Anonymous says
But they don’t stay home, they play tennis. ;)
If I played tennis after school, I’d just have my kids play tennis or take lessons then. Not go to after school — $300/month buys a lot of lessons and/or court time.
But my kids can’t take tennis lessons after school at all b/c I am working then :(
Anonanonanon says
Wow. Where I live there are requirements for a family to be eligible for after-school care, which are:
all adults living in the child’s home meet one or more of the criteria below, or any equivalent combination:
Work 30 or more hours a week.
Attend school full time (at least 12 semester hours).
Attend a job training program 30 or more hours a week.
Unable to work due to a disability.
Anon says
That’s weird to me. I live in a district with 90% SAHMs and almost no kids go to aftercare. That might be because the aftercare quality is terrible though.
GCA says
How does the program work – if you enroll, does your kid go 5 days a week, or can they enroll for say 2 or 3 days?
I don’t begrudge SAHPs using extended day – they may have younger children who are home with them (life is much ‘easier’ when you have ‘only’ one kid to wrangle!), but I do take issue with systems not being set up for working parents.
In the interim, how close are you to the parents of your kid’s closest friends? Could you share an after-school nanny and host 3 kids (for example) in your home 1-2 days a week, they host in their home 1-2 days a week, someone else hosts 1-2 days / week? I don’t have school-aged kids yet but that’s what my BIL does with his first-grader (and they have 2 younger kids in daycare).
Clementine says
Hi Ladies!!
I switched jobs and took a little break from thissite. How is everyone doing?? What’s new??
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hi Clementine – I remember your posts – your husband was in the navy or similar field where he traveled 6 months of the year, correct? Or am I thinking of someone else. Hope that is going well and that you are surviving the toddler years.
I have an almost 3 year old and a 3 month old and am back to work so I’m in the thick of it… We forgot to do something for daycare this morning (nothing major just show and tell) and I thought to myself again how little room there is in my brain right now to remember anything beyond the basics. I need to write absolutely everything down and have constant reminders.
AwayEmily says
I have a book-related question…my 3yo loves books that have lots of words, no rhymes, human protagonists, and somewhat of a plot. Her absolute favorite is the giant Robert Munsch treasury we have. Other favorites are “Max and the Tag-Along Moon” and “Lola at the Library.” She still definitely needs pictures, too. I’m finding it hard to find good books that meet these criteria. So many of them are visually beautiful but have few words, or are rhyme-focused rather than plot-focused, or are about animals instead of people.
Anonymous says
Try:
The Last Stop on Market Street
The Snowy Day
I am Amelia Earhart
I am Jane Goodale
Rosie Revere Engineer
Ada Twist Scientist
Iggy Peck, Architect
The Most Magnificent Thing
Blueberry Hill
Knuffle Bunny series
And more Robert Munsch – there are so many books that he has written!
AwayEmily says
Believe it or not I think we might have *all* the munsch books. We started with the Munschworks Grand Treasury, then I started ordering used versions of the ones that weren’t in there off of Amazon. I am very glad he is such a prolific author!
CLS says
I love the “I am…” series by Brad Meltzer. THey are great for the 3-4 year old, but my 3rd grader still reads them too as they are funny and historically acurate, but also have ‘layers’ of learning and humor for all grade levels. I’ve actually enjoyed them as well. And there’s also a hidden picture too in each book – himself, and a superhero. They will grow with your kids.
My 9 year old will only read historical fiction, or books that are about things that are actually plausible (i.e. NOT Harry Potter, or books with any sort of magic or too much suspension of disbelief.). He has really liked these and has lead him to read other books about the same historical figures.
AwayEmily says
These look great — I just emailed my mom to tell her to get them for my daughter for her birthday.
Anon says
Madeline books? Curious George (though that obviously also has an animal), Olivia books?
Anonymous says
Madeleine rhymes and Olivia is a pig, though. But they are such great books.
The Frances books don’t rhyme and have wonderful plots, but the characters are badgers who act like humans.
Anonymous says
The Fancy Nancy I Can Read books would fit the bill. No rhymes, lots of pictures, and actual character-driven plots. There are also some gorgeous illustrated versions out there of classic children’s books such as Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
Mama Llama says
Blueberries for Sal
Sarabella’s Thinking Cap
The Princess in Black series
The Imaginary Garden
A Chair for my Mother
City Moon
Trombone Shorty
Firebird (by Misty Copeland)
Those last two aren’t fiction, but they tell a person’s life story and have gorgeous illustrations.
SC says
I had no idea Trombone Shorty had written a book! Maybe because it was published right about the time I had my son–but how did I miss it for years?! It looks beautiful! I’m going to put it on the list for my kid’s birthday.
PSA–if you ever have a chance to go to a Trombone Shorty concert, make it a date night and go! DH and I started seeing him back in our early 20s when he was up-and-coming.
Mama Llama says
I saw him play in Jackson Square on New Year’s Eve in 2006, and I’ve been a fan ever since!
Anon says
Robert McCloskey books – his most famous book (Make Way for Ducklings) is animal-centric but he has a lot of books about people (One Morning in Maine and Blueberries for Sal are the ones we have).
Also maybe one of those personalized birthday books? We have this one and it has a fair amount of words and a kid-centric plot – https://www.wonderbly.com/personalized-products/the-birthday-thief-book
Anon says
Also we have a Hidden Figures children’s book that she might like, if not now then when she’s a little older.
GCA says
+1 to Robert McCloskey. Time of Wonder is less plot-driven, but still wordy and beautiful. She might also enjoy the Ladybug Girl books, Virginia Lee Burton (Katy is a snowplow, but still…), and Matt de la Peña (Last Stop on Market Street).
ElisaR says
agree. Blueberries for a Sal was my favorite as a kid and my 2.5 year old loves it now. “They’re all mixed up!!!!”
Lana Del Raygun says
Papa, Please Get The Moon For Me by Eric Carle was a huge favorite of mine as a child.
Lana Del Raygun says
Also Faith Ringgold books like Tar Beach.
AwayEmily says
You guys these are AMAZING recommendations so far (and I am even more confident in them because several of them are already on her favorites list — she loves Robert McCloskey & Knuffle Bunny — so you are obviously in her wheelhouse). Definitely keep them coming.
Cb says
A plug for Katie Morag.
octagon says
Ezra Jack Keats is good for this – Snowy Day, A Letter for Amy, Clementina’s Cactus, etc.
SC says
My 3-year-old has just about the opposite taste in books, but I recommend going to the library and asking the children’s librarian. They can be so helpful!
AwayEmily says
This is smart and I’m embarrassed I didn’t think of it given that I am a professor who is constantly telling my students to go ask librarians for help.
Spirograph says
Definitely do this! I’ve gotten my son into asking the librarian for help at our public library. It started out because he’s can be super shy and I wanted him to practice talking to adults rather than me just looking things up in the catalog, but now he really enjoys going up to the help desk in the children section and explaining what he’s looking for.
Anonymous says
My Father’s Dragon and sequels (verging on chapter book, with illustrations— our almost 4 year old is just starting to be ready)
Barbara Cooney books like Island Boy, Miss Rumphius
Ox-Cart Man
Strega Nona by atomic de Paola
John Coy books— Night Driving, Two Old Potatoes and Me
We’re also having a lot of interest in the early readers— more words, no rhymes
AwayEmily says
Just placed a big order on Amazon (was able to find a lot of these cheap/used). I think I might start a Tuesday Book Day tradition where she gets to open a book present every Tuesday. THANK YOU, everyone!
PS and it turned out that 12 out of the 14 books I ordered (based on your recs) were written by women, and most of them featured female protagonists. Awesome.
Seafinch says
This is sort of a weird question, but I do like these books (we have some of them) but are Canadian and while I wouldn’t normally order the Hamilton one, does it mention Theodosia Burr? My daughter’s name is Theodosia and I would order it for that :) the kids love the soundtrack so maybe I should get it anyway.
Theodosia data dump says
I don’t really recall — the libretto and the adult Hamilton biography (the most recent/famous one) go into Burr’s family, which is very interesting (you might also check out wikipedia on it). His grandfather was Jonathan Edwards, of Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God fame. His father was president of Princeton! His mother was educated and died young! Theodosia (the daughter) married the richest man in South Carolina, who later became governor. Her only child died. She was lost at sea going to see her dad when he returned from exile (you can visit her house — Brookgreen Gardens, which is a bit south of Myrtle Beach SC).
SC says
It’s not kid-centric, but Stuff You Missed in History Class had an episode on Theodosia Burr, maybe a year ago, that was very entertaining.
Seafinch says
I am a bit familiar with her history, it is all very interesting! I didn’t know about the house, but that is great to know and we will undoubtedly holiday near there some time as my in-laws have a time share at Myrtle Beach. Thanks!
AwayEmily says
What an awesome name!
Anonanonanon says
I love that that is your daughter’s name. I tried to make a case to my husband for that name but given the popularity of the musical it was a no-go from him. I have a bit of a fascination with her and wish we knew more about her!
Seafinch says
We have a crazy long German surname (officially four words long) and Theodosius is a prominent family in my husband’s family. They also use four or five versions of names that all mean gift from god, i.e. Dorothea, Gotthold, Amadeus, Donnatus etc. So, for me, it was kid of no-brainer. And since we are Canadians, the musical is less present. In fact, NO ONE ever says it properly like in the musical, much to my surprise. We would have used Theodosius for a boy but the popularity of Theodore put me off (my taste skews quite obscure – other daughter is called Benedikte, son has equally obscure name). Our tolerance for “weird” is pretty high. #4 is due is three weeks and I can already predict the eye rolls :)
Seafinch says
*prominent family NAME
fallen says
I posted a few days ago about bedtime crying after CIO. Thank you for the support and advice. I decided to do whole night CIO (rather than just bedtime) hoping that this leads to less crying at bedtime and to be super consistent about not taking baby out at bedtime. A night of doing this and it is so incredibly heart wrenching and hard. Baby wasn’t hungry which was good (he is 20 lbs…), but I could tell he really wanted the nightime comfort. Please tell me this gets better and is worth it. Doing CIO with this baby is so hard because when I did CIO with my older daughter it lasted one night and she slept 12 hours every night since then, no crying ever. I keep thinking I am doing something wrong and causing my baby more pain than is necessary. Maybe I should have never done CIO but the alternative is to be tired for years, and that doesn’t sound good either…
Anonymous says
If you don’t want to continue with CIO, there are non-CIO was to sleep ‘train’. I used the No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley.
I’ve had three kids and each one has been different with their sleep patterns. What works for one kid won’t necessarily work for another.
fallen says
Thank you, I read this book a while back, and I think if this doesn’t work I am going to give it a read and try that. What exactly did you do with that book? It had a lot of strategies but I had a hard time figuring out what to do with it.
Anonymous says
It varied so much based on each kid but the book really helped us see what was working for that particular child and what we needed to tweak. One feel asleep more easily, was more wakeful at night but settled quickly with a quick pat on the back from DH, whereas Middle settled more difficultly, very very rarely woke at night but was hard to settle when he did and would only settle for me. Oldest did much better with his overnight sleep if I wore him ini a back carry after daycare until supper time. It’s like it got his cuddles out so he relaxed to sleep through the night without needing snuggles. Middle was more difficult to settle but once we figured out he needed his routine done in the exact same way every night (even now at 4), he settled much faster. Youngest had the worst time with teething and needed tylenol for a week at a time on occasion and Oldest was barely bothered by teething.
Anon says
Are you sure he’s not teething? I’m not anti-CIO but to me consistent nighttime crying would be a sign that something more is going on and I should give up and try again in a couple weeks (or a month if your child is a terrible teether like mine). I know this is hard when you’re in it, but it’s not like your only two options are CIO now or be tired for years. There’s a lot of middle ground.
fallen says
Ugh I struggle with the middle ground – how does it look like?What I struggle with is that ANYTHING (a car nap, teething, too hot, too cold, my older being too loud) sets him back, which then leads to more crying, which is just so unbearable. And then if I take him out bc of those things, I pay for it the next night, even when the initial problem is gone.
I have also noticed he acts differently depending on how consistent the person who puts him to bed is (when my husband – who travels M-F – puts him down he goes down without a peep, but when I do it he screams)
Mama Llama says
I was recently in a very similar situation. We had a tough time sleep training my baby after a relatively straightforward time with my older child. I’m not opposed to CIO but he just kept crying for so many nights and I was beside myself! I read all the books, tried different things, and just couldn’t figure out what to do. We ended up hiring a sleep consultant, which I was very skeptical about, but it was the best decision we could have made. It was $500, which I think is a small price to pay for sleep. So if you feel like you are spinning wheels, you might consider a consultant.
fallen says
THANK YOU I may just do that, I have been toying with the idea of a sleep consultant. I would pay $500 to not have him cry night after night. Did you use someone online that you could recommend or was it someone local? Also, any advice that the sleep consultant shared that you found helpful :) ?
Mama Llama says
I used someone local that was recommended in a moms group. (Happy to share if you are in the DC area, by chance.) I think the most helpful piece of advice was never, ever letting him nurse to sleep or even close to sleep. If he wanted to eat at night I turned on the lights, took off his PJs and kept him awake. (After a couple weeks of this he decided it wasn’t worth it to wake up in the night anymore.) I think that combined with some schedule tweaks made the biggest difference for us. The actual bedtime, CIO part was basically the Sleep Lady shuffle – moving farther and farther away from the crib every few nights. None of her advice was revolutionary on its own, but she put it all together in a way that worked with our schedule and just made everything click.
DC Mom Atty says
DC mom here! If I could get the name of the consultant that would be awesome!
AwayEmily says
How many nights has he been crying? I do think that your daughter was on the quick side (so was my first…my second was not). I have several friends who did CIO and it took ~2 weeks to “take” (but once it did there was no backsliding). I think if you give it some time he will figure it out. It’s hard to learn a new skill, and that is what he is doing! I know it is really hard to listen to — the mantra I always used was “I’m not doing this TO him, I’m doing it FOR him.” So, yeah — I say stick with it!
That being said if you decide you don’t want to, then that’s fine too and you have gotten some GREAT advice upthread about other options. You are an awesome mom and taking really good care of your baby.
chill says
To me, theres a difference between cries expressing pain and displeasure. Babies have preferences as we all do, and it’s upsetting when they aren’t met. My view is that my role is not protecting my LO from all displeasure. CIO sucks, but giving my kid (and me!) the gift of self-soothing and rest is well worth it.
A glimpse from the future: when my 2 year old wakes up in the middle of the night, she happily talks to herself for a while and then falls back asleep because she knows we are not going in. That means we can go back to sleep if we wake up. Everyone wins.
Anon says
FWIW, CIO did not work with my kiddo – we tried at 6 months, 9 months and 12 months – we’re talking hours and hours of screaming night after night until she puked. We also had a 4 month stretch where we had to give tylenol or motrin at night every night for teething or we’d have 4-5 wakeups and all night fussing. We cycled through just about every sleep solution known to man. From 12-17 months, what worked best was me laying in the hallway (I started next to the crib) until she fell asleep where she could see me (with repeated shushing over the fussing) and then I would tiptoe away. Around 15-16 months, I would tiptoe away after she settled but before she fell asleep – being in the hallway made it easier for me to sneak away because she wouldn’t see me get up. At around 17 months, something just clicked and I started to be able to put her down drowsy but awake and walk away without her screaming bloody murder, and that has lasted for about a month or so up until last night (but last night she got overtired and I think her tummy was bothering her, so I am hoping tonight will be better and will discount that). I’m currently reveling in how easy bedtime is and how this must be what it’s like for “normal” kiddos. I thought I would be laying in the hallway until she went off to college – turns out it was “only” until 17 months. Just saying there’s a middle ground between CIO and being tired for years – you can try other methods and toddler sleep seems to be very different than infant sleep – you’ll get there eventually and likely before “years” have passed.
Pogo says
I forget, how old is LO? My guy is now 18 mo and fairly consistently from sleep training on (~5mo) he will wake in the middle of the night to squawk. It gets less heart wrenching as they get older and you know they are legitimately OK.
Do you have a video monitor? I like being able to check if he is OK physically (especially if he is laying down and crying, and I know he’s tired and CIO rather than say, standing up and screaming because he lost his lovey or stuck his leg in the crib).
Two final “rules” I made for myself around CIO:
1) We don’t CIO if he is sick. Giving myself permission to bring him into bed with us when I know he’s not feeling well, and giving him that comfort, helps me stay strong the times he’s just crying himself to sleep or annoyed that it’s not morning yet.
2) “nothing good comes of going in there” – this is what I remind myself when I think “let me just see if he wants a hug” or “he looks like he needs to be tucked back in”. IME, when I go in, it just gets worse – he cries harder, will not go back to sleep, etc.
3) Babies are people and people have bad days, days where they can’t sleep, have a hard time falling asleep, etc. Don’t hold yourself up to a standard of perfection (no crying & sleeping through the night 100% of the time) – maybe for some kids that is true, but not mine.
Anonymous says
omg, three rules. I can count.
ifiknew says
Pogo, I remember you posting way back when about how hard it was to get your little guy to sleep. My little one is 20 months old and she still wakes up 1x night most nights. some nights its more and some nights its less, theres no pattern. I’m so glad he’s become a good sleeper, I wish we had the same experience!
Allowances says
Talk to me about allowances. When did you start giving them? How much do you give? Do you use the spend/save/give jar concept and do you dictate how much has to go in each jar? My son is 5.5 and I’m wondering whether its time to start giving one for some basic budgeting/math skills.
avocado says
We started at age 5 with $5 per week. That was enough money to allow her to save up for bigger items like Lego kits, so she wouldn’t just blow it all on junk at the dollar spot. $5 seemed like enough until age 10, when we increased it to $10 because big kid stuff costs more.
She is required to purchase all of her own toys, graphic novels, arts and craft supplies, makeup, and souvenirs. As parents, we pay for regular books, clothing, necessary toiletries, school supplies, food including treats, and family outings. If she wants to donate to a charity drive at school, she uses her own money and we match her contribution.
I have always encouraged her to keep a certain amount of cash stashed away in a drawer in case of an unexpected spending opportunity arises (e.g., a sale on an item she’s been eyeing, an outing with friends). I also encourage her to stay the course when she’s saving for a larger item, and help her to think through her purchases (where will you put it? how long will you find it entertaining? what else could you do with that money if you didn’t spend it on this item?). Other than that, we do not require her to save any particular amount.
My belief is that children learn the value of saving by saving towards concrete goals with a tangible payoff, and by learning to forgo immediate spending in order to meet that larger goal. I don’t think forcing a child to divide her money into “save” and “spend” piles, then keeping the “save” pile for some nebulous future goal such as college, really illustrates the value of saving in a way that motivates the kid to save. This approach has been very successful for us. After some some early learning experiences, such as buying cheap toys just for the sake of buying something that ended up being boring or breaking right away, she has become quite a savvy shopper. She has saved up for a number of big items, including saving for one special item for six months at around age 8. She keeps a cash cushion on hand. She doesn’t waste her money on junk, and really values and enjoys the things she does choose to buy.
When she starts high school, we are planning to increase her allowance and make her responsible for all purchases of clothing, toiletries, books, school supplies, and outings with friends. In preparation for this, for eighth grade I’ll probably give her a fixed budget for clothing that she can spend herself with some guidance.
Mrs. Jones says
We started giving a weekly allowance at age 6 or so (he’s 8 now). We give $3 per week, divided among spend/save/share.
So Anon says
I’m telling my spouse this weekend that our relationship is over and that I want a divorce. I hope that he will be mature and that we can move to the next phase with as much peace as possible, but I realize that he may go off the rails (he has MDD and BPD — so it is a real possibility). This has been a long time coming, and I am ready. It is still difficult.
A quick rant: It is incredibly frustrating that the vast majority of divorce advice for women is geared to learning basic finance and for those who have limited knowledge of their own financial condition and are not the primary breadwinners.
KateMiddletown says
Hugs. This is going to be hard, but you can do it.
And although I’m sure you’ve already been told/considered it, think about finding a financial advisor to help you w/ all the non-basic financial stuff, especially if you’re the primary breadwinner and have substantial assets. (I have to say that I’m a divorce finance specialist.)
ElisaR says
KateMiddletown what is your opinion of the CDFA designation for Financial Advisors? is it a gimmick or is it of value?
Anon says
Hugs, I’ve been thinking about you. Hope it goes as smoothly as possible.
With respect to your rant, I can see why you find this condescending, but also…financial advice is pretty important for someone contemplating divorce. I’d describe myself as very knowledge about our finances – I earn more than my husband, do our taxes, manage all of our retirement accounts and other investments – and I would still be pretty clueless about what to do in the event of divorce, because ever since we got married I’ve been managing money for Team Us not Team Me. I’m a lawyer, but not a family lawyer and I don’t even know what would be legal as far as putting money in my own name and restricting his access to it. So I think most women probably do benefit from consulting a lawyer and/or financial advisor beforehand. But then I’m a big proponent of everyone being taught basic financial advice. I think it should be required in high school and/or college.
Anonanonanon says
Even though this is not your situation, Chump Lady’s blog has some great steps to take before “D-day”. I agree with the above poster, even if you’re educated in finances and law, it’s very tangled and complicated in a divorce and it’s best to have professional advice so you don’t do something that bites you in the @$$ in court later. Trust me, from now on, your life is about “how will this look in court”. Especially with someone likely to go off the rails.
I’m glad you’re taking the step you need to take to move on. My divorce was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
Anonymous says
The majority of advice is for the majority of women. Fortunately for you, it doesn’t apply and you should be following your attorneys advice.
I’m glad you’re taking this step and will be thinking of you.
KateMiddletown says
Has anyone found a great watch for elementary school kids? My daughter is in 3rd grade and asked for a watch for her birthday. She would love an apple watch but haha. I’m looking at the Swatch website because that’s what was cool when I was a kid.
AwayEmily says
What a great idea for a present! I had a Tag Heuer kids watch when I was that age and loved it so much. Do you have a Swatch store near you? I’ve only ever seen them in airports but I imagine it would be fun for her to pick it out herself.
Anonanonanon says
My son is in 3rd grade and we got the Gizmo Gadget watch. I think it’s only available through Verizon. It’s a smart watch, but can only make and receive phone calls from up to 10 numbers that you designate in an app. You can text it through the app, but a kid can only reply from a list of pre-scripted texts (things like “OK” or “practice is over” etc.) It has a few “games” and a step counter etc. We don’t let him wear it to school, but might next year. It was $40 and then $5 a month added to our bill. In terms of size, he is VERY VERY small for his age (like, might do growth hormones soon small) and it’s not too bad.
ElisaR says
i’ve had my eye on the Flik Flak watch which I think is made by Swatch (that was my first watch when I was a kid and I still have it)
Emily S. says
My 3.5 yo just pulled my Flik Flak watch out of the depths of my closet this weekend! I didn’t know I still had it. There was a moment when I was going to fight her for it.
Mine was pink and blue with toucans; what did yours look like?
And great question, KateMiddletown; I’ve been thinking about this for my kid!
ElisaR says
how cute! I thought flik flak was a new thing, I didn’t realize they have been around for awhile! My first watch was a swatch watch purchased around 1984. I thought I was soooooo cool. I could barely read it because I was a little kid and it had no numbers on it. It had a clear purple band and the face was alternating quarters of hot pink and white…. ahh memories!
Anonymous says
My 7 year old has a fit bit. They are pretty popular in her class.
RR says
My daughter has loved her activity tracker/watch. She had a kids’ garmin from 8-10, and now she has a kids FitBit. She also has a Harry Potter watch that’s more adult, with a black leather band and hands. She wears it interchangeably with the FitBit.
DLC says
Not to be dense, but when someone asks for a watch these days, is it always a request for some kind of smart watch? Can’t it be a watch that just tells time? I’ve always worn a $25 digital Timex or Amitron watch from Target and they work great for me- gives me a date, time and has a stop watch for when I need to time things for work.
Anonymous says
My kiddo has had the “Timex Unisex Expedition Classic Digital Chrono Alarm Timer Mid-Size Watch” for 3 years. He loves it because it’s digital and has all kinds of cool features like a timer and stopwatch etc., but it’s really just a basic old-fashioned watch. It’s tough and waterproof and you can change the strap if you want. I think we caught it on sale for $17 or so (list price is $52 but it’s never that much…even at Target it’s usually $35). Kiddo would love a smartwatch too but not going to happen.
Other kid has had a tracker band from Unicef but it broke and then the replacement broke too and then he lost interest because all it does is track steps and tell time. So I vote for classic standard watch.
Lily says
My 10 week old daughter seems to have gas pain all day. It’s when she wakes up from a nap, after she eats, and sometimes in the middle of the night. It feels like there’s nothing I can do (beyond the leg bicycling/laying her on her stomach) and I’m at my wits end and feel terrible for her. Any suggestions?
Anon says
Make sure her head is higher than her butt when you’re feeding her (I used to do a lot of leaning back nursing so she was both on her tummy and mostly vertical). If BFing, check the latch to make sure she’s not sucking in extra air. If you have a strong let-down, she may be gulping, so may be worth to pump for a few minutes first – I just burped more. Burp frequently (every 5 minutes was my cue) whether BF or bottle. Mylicon gas drops may help (they sometimes worked for us); gripe water sometimes helps (did not at all for us).
ElisaR says
Yeah people scoff at Mylicon but it worked for us too.
Anon says
Mylicon helped us a lot too. I felt bad giving her meds so much (and some of my mom friends were surprisingly judgy about it) but for us it was often the difference between a calm, happy baby and a baby who could scream for hours.
Also putting her in a carseat may help – something about that slightly folded position gets the gas out. Our daughter once screamed for two hours straight and we called the ped and they told us to take her to urgent care and when we put her in the carseat she farted a bunch and stopped crying.
It always seemed to be lower in her system so burping did no good, she had to fart.
Anonymous says
How often did you give the mylicon?
Anon says
Whenever she seemed uncomfortable from gas pain and then every night before bed for a while. I forget exactly how long but I think maybe every night for about a month when she was around 2-3 months old and then again every night for a month when she was ~6 months old. The start to solids was ROUGH for us, we kept giving her oat cereal on the doctor’s advice because that was supposed to be “easy to digest.” We finally realized she was having a bad reaction to it and when we stopped that it got a lot better. She’s since had broccoli, beans, etc. with much less issue, so I wonder if she doesn’t have some kind of oat allergy. The gas pain resolved itself completely around the time she started crawling (~8 months) – I think the movement helped get the gas out.
ElisaR says
we wound up doing it around 2 times a day when they seemed especially fussy…. often only once a day. My doctor said “no more than 12 times a day” which made me chuckle….. we didn’t get close to that but it made me feel better about giving it to them since we were WAY under the max
Anon says
As needed – as ElisaR mentions you can give it pretty often. We were usually every 4ish hours on rough days and always before bed during our colic saga.
Anonymous says
Baby bjorn worked great for us. Not ideal for long periods but position seemed to help with gas. If you’re nursing – keep a food diary and see if there are any triggers. Quinoa, mushrooms and raw green peas were some triggers I had noted.
Anon says
Completely forgot this. Me (BFing) eating yeast and most green vegetables (peas were usually OK, but nothing in the lettuce, cabbage, spinach family) made her gas exponentially worse (up until 12 months). At 12 months we started introducing them in her diet and once she was OK with them, I started eating them again. It was a long year with no bread and no salads.
Anonymous says
Tummy time worked very well to get my son’s gas out.
Anon says
My now 4 month old had that too. Gripe water helped. Other move to try is putting baby on their back lifting both legs in one hand and rotate them in circles, clockwise and counterclockwise. This almost always resulted in some movement. The bicycles did nothing for him. Good luck!
ElisaR says
Soliciting advice. Background: I went through a bad breakup 7 years ago that. I thought we were going to get married. It was painful in that my ex cheated, spoke negatively about me to friends (“she’s just a roommate”), patronized professional escorts, had profiles on cheating websites to mention a few things that happened. It was also expensive. I spent of $30k on the home we shared and left it all when we broke up. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since. I am now happily married with a family and feel so fortunate that I escaped this terrible person. I am truly the luckiest girl. I am expecting to see my ex at an industry conference next week. Do I ignore him? Speak cordially to him? He was always someone so high on himself and he thought every girl was deeply in love with him. I don’t want to give him any satisfaction. I’m not sure I can keep it together.
Anon says
How awful!! I would just ignore him unless you absolutely have to speak to him or he seeks you out, in which case be polite but extricate yourself from the situation as soon as possible.
Anon says
+1
HSAL says
Yep, I agree with this. And I would also make every effort to be extra, extra hot. Professional, of course, but also incredibly attractive, bordering on breathtaking. Other people might disagree, but in addition to wanting him to suffer a little bit because of how awesome you are, feeling good can give you an extra boost of confidence to deal with a rough situation. Good luck!
ElisaR says
haha thank you for making me laugh outloud. I’ve already been like “Ok so I need to blowdry my hair on Sunday bc it always looks better on day 2…..”
Anonymous says
treat yourself! You deserve a blowout and a mani-pedi if it will make you feel confident and amazing (which you are without them anyway)!
anon says
Yes and get your rings polished and a manicure.
Anonymous says
Personally, I would avoid this person. Not to read too much into your words/project myself, but you might have some slight PTSD from this experience and seeing this person could trigger you. Do you have any friends/close coworkers attending with you who you could give the heads up to, and have them be your buddy? If not, do you have a trusted friend/therapist you can text with throughout the conference?
I see my ex at alumni events, and we’re cordial/make small talk but he never exhibited this kind of behavior. I’m all for being cordial when the other person is a decent human. Sounds like this guy might not meet that criteria.
Anonymous says
Ugh, my long comment got eaten. Don’t talk to him. Actively avoid him.
Mama Llama says
I think this is the perfect situation for what Miss Manners calls icy politeness. And, I’m sorry, that sounds very stressful.
ElisaR says
thanks all. anxiety for me has been building up over this for the past few weeks. I hate that I need to deal with this but I can be a classy grownup if he approaches me. Otherwise…. I will avoid.
Anonymous says
“I’m not interested in speaking with you.” or “I am not going to speak with you.” or just walking away are perfectly acceptable responses if he tries to talk to you. Otherwise ignore and avoid.
No matter what happens and even if you don’t react the way you want, be gentle on yourself and remember you have a great DH and family to go home to.
Eek says
To me, this is more contentious than necessary for a professional situation. I think of icy politeness as more along the lines of a cold “hello, I hope you’re doing well, excuse me please.”
No need to be friendly but there’s also no reason to announce that you don’t want to talk to him – just do the thing and don’t talk with him.
Anon says
yeah don’t say “I’m not going to speak with you” to a professional contact. Be civil but excuse yourself as soon as possible (as appropriate).
Anonymous says
I should have been clearer, but these are meant to be responses for when she says “hello, I hope you’re doing well, excuse me please.” and he doesn’t leave. blocks her way or backs her into a corner which given the history, it sounds like he might try given that she had to walk away from 30K to get away from him. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground OP.
Anon says
Well when you break up with a live-in partner, you normally lose a lot of money. He was obviously a terrible boyfriend, but nothing in the OP implies he was abusive or would physically threaten her.
ElisaR says
no not physically abusive. The money was something I just wrote off and now I kind of look at it as “huh, I wonder if the new lady in his life likes the custom window treatments, paint colors, custom ordered couch and light fixtures I selected.”
VAnon says
Reposting from the other site yesterday at someone’s suggestion:
Can anyone speak to their experience about going through the process of getting an advanced degree, working in a fancy corporate/legal job, and then deciding to give it all up and move to a small town with less opportunity to be near family? I’m struggling hard with this decision. My husband and I want to start a family soon and I’d like to be near our families when we do, but that is 3 hours from the nearest big city and while there are career opportunities, they aren’t at the same level I could find in my current location. I’m also tired of the long hours and travel and stress that comes along with my job, but I worry about giving up the big paycheck and benefits.
I know I’m all over the place here, but any personal stories / advice / commiseration would be appreciated.
AwayEmily says
Are you talking about stopping working altogether, or switching to a less prestigious/slower-paced job?
VAnon says
The latter. FWIW, I’m a management consultant, not a lawyer.
Anon says
A lot of people said not to make the move before you have kids and I agree. Wait and see how you feel after you have a family. Fwiw, I commented on the main page thread (I’m the ex-lawyer who hated practicing in a small town). Moving to a really small town (we’re not talking NYC to Houston here, but like a big city to a town of ~50,000 people or less) means a lot of careers don’t exist or look very different. I loved being a Big Law lawyer, but there was nothing resembling Big Law in my new town and I absolutely hated working at a small firm in a small town, with all that that implied (including a very strong white, male boys club). There was no way to practice law I wanted to in that town, so I ended up changing careers. Not a reason not to make this move, but something to be aware of.
On the family side of things, a lot of people find it invaluable to have grandparents around to be backup childcare or watch the kids while they go away for a couples getaway. My relationship with my parents has actually grown more difficult since having kids and I’m very glad they live a couple states away. I love them, but can’t imagine seeing them weekly (and I didn’t anticipate feeling that way until I had kids). We spend a boatload of money on nannies (and I only work 40 hours/week) but I like having an official employer-employee relationship and being able to hire someone who isn’t passive-aggressive and doesn’t get upset when I tell her “please do X, not Y.” Family childcare may be free in terms of dollars, but from what I’ve seen from friends it always comes with strings attached.
Anon says
+1 to wait until you have kids, particularly if you have excellent maternity leave now. You may feel differently, and even if you don’t, take the leave and the coming back from leave grace period to figure out what works and doesn’t and then make the decision. Also, if you have trouble with fertility, the benefits at your big city job and resources with your big city hospital system will likely be more helpful. FWIW, my family lives 2 hours away (and my inlaws are 20 minutes away) and we see them about equally, so there may be a happy medium between being in the same town as family and being close enough that a day trip works – maybe in the suburbs of that 3 hour away big city.
Anonymous says
We moved to my home city about 3 years before having kids. I wanted to be settled in my job and enjoy adult vacation time before TTC. It’s a city of 150K though so calculus may be different for a smaller town.
Part of the motivation to move was that a job I was very interested in opened up. It would not have been available for a few years at least thereafter. If you are moving to a really small place, you may have to start job hunting now and keep low key job hunting if you want to move anytime in the next 5 years as great jobs are not as easily available and open up more rarely.
anony says
I think it depends on how limited your job opportunities will be and how close you are with your family. Can you plan a vacation back to this town to visualize what life might be like for you? Being there might help you feel excitement or dread… and that could tell you something either way. Are there any work from home opportunities in your field?
Anonymous says
I did this, with cross country move but to a legit city (albeit much smaller) vs small town. We did it when first kid was 1.5. That way we knew what we needed out of our new lifestyle. I’m not going to lie, it was one of the most stressful things I have EVER done, as we were both job searching from afar. We took a leap of faith and moved after spouse found a job. I wasn’t necessarily looking to switch fields, but the legal field in new city is much smaller even though it’s a decent sized city, my interests in law are *extremely* narrow, and I did not want to hang out a shingle, so I ended up in a jaw-adjacent field that I turned out to enjoy SO MUCH MORE. Having grandparents nearby is a godsend. Our first baby miraculously never needed to miss daycare / get picked up midday for illness that first year but that’s just a fact of life now and it’s SO great that someone can sometimes fetch a kid while I do that one crucial meeting before heading home. I’m glad we waited, though, because only after I had settled into being a parent did I really understand what I wanted from life as a working parent, and I’m glad I didn’t then need to switch jobs/careers a second time.
Anonymous says
Could you work remotely? It might not be Big Three but I know many many places that would hire good talent with a bag 3 background remotely. Especially if you are up for travel.
Anonymous says
Guys, I am 17 weeks pregnant and have been hit by a wall of what I can only imagine are RAGE HORMONES. I hate everyone and everything. I want nothing to do with work and am actively struggling to not be rude to my coworkers. I am not sure I am succeeding. Thank god it’s Friday, right? Maybe this will be gone by Monday? It started yesterday.
I am sitting here thinking about how I have no idea how I will get thru the rest of the day, nevermind watching my toddler solo all weekend. I just want to disappear :( There is no cure for this, is there? Ride it out? I am NOT normally like this.
anne-on says
Oh gosh, I am SO sorry for you. While I didn’t go through this the main symptoms of my anxiety are irritability that ratchets all the way up to RAGE when it is bad. What helps me is exercise, extra sleep, meditation/ASMR videos, or talking with a good friend. I would try to automate and set yourself up for solo parenting success as much as possible. This is totally the time to order in, have groceries delivered, skip the laundry, bribe with tv/treats, go do something fun for other kiddo that tires them out (naps!) and be gentle on yourself. I would also totally, shamelessly ask for help from friends/family/neighbors.
Sydni says
The “Who Was” books are mostly great, but I found out today that the Harriet Tubman book form that series is…problematic…to say the least. The author writes, “Even though she was a slave, Harriet Tubman was happy.” https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=415051045887974&set=pcb.414963269230085&type=3&theater&ifg=1
Anon says
Happy Friday afternoon update: I posted a few weeks ago about my first few days with a nanny and how miserable my daughter was when I left, and it’s going SO MUCH better now as you all promised me it would. There are still occasionally tears if I just plop her down with the nanny and leave, but she never cries for more than a minute or two and usually if we all sit down together for a couple minutes and start playing with some of her favorite toys, she’s distracted enough that I can get up and go without any crying. She clearly knows and trusts our nanny now and that’s been so comforting to see. She still doesn’t want to accept formula from the nanny (or anyone?) but she eats a ton of solids (including yogurt and cheese), drinks water, and nurses morning and night so I’m not too worried. We’ll see if the ped is concerned at her 12 month appointment, but I’m feeling pretty shruggy guy emoji about it, since the formula is there if she wants it and she’s a very chunky baby.
ElisaR says
glad to hear the positive update!
AwayEmily says
Yay so happy to hear this! And good on you for not stressing about the not-drinking-formula thing — it took me til my second kid to have that healthy of an attitude.
Sitter? says
Has anyone used UrbanSitter or similar online sites? Pros/cons?
I’ve not left my LO with a sitter yet and he’s almost 6 months (I know, I know…) But I don’t have any local mom friends so I can’t get referrals that way, and I can’t figure out how people find trustworthy babysitters otherwise.
Anon says
I wouldn’t feel bad about not leaving him with a sitter yet! I didn’t leave my daughter with a non-family, non-nanny sitter until she was almost 2, I think, mostly because we weren’t sure how to find someone trustworthy. Does your little one go to daycare or have a nanny? That’s a good place to start asking for referrals. I also have a neighborhood Facebook group that all the local moms seem to be on and people are very enthusiastic about sharing resources, including sitters, there.
Em says
Nextdoor is good for sitter referrals.
DLC says
I felt the same too! It was the longest time before we motivated ourselves and found a roster of sitters.
I think you just need to interview a bunch of folks, regardless of how you get their names. You aren’t necessarily going to know how comfortable or trustworthy you feel about them until you meet them. Also, know that it is ok to hire someone and not like them and not hire them again. It’s discouraging, but know that it does happen and just move on.
I’ve never used an online service. We ended up finding a great sitter through the local university. The early education department has a student listserv that we posted an ad to, and also the STudent Career service office had a listserv for students looking for part time gigs.
I’ve also used one of my kids daycare teachers for evening sitting.
The only downside is that the sitters are usually just evening and weekend sitters- I don’t have a good solution for a daytime sitter.