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The author of this book, Alyssa Mastromonaco, made her podcast rounds a while ago to promote it. The anecdote that got repeated everywhere was that she was the first White House staffer to get a tampon dispenser placed in the West Wing women’s restroom. It wasn’t until I was digging through the archives of a new-to-me podcast, Bad on Paper, that I found and listened to an interview that I felt hit closer to home than any other I’ve listened to with her. I really loved her no-bull approach to her work and taking ownership/responsibility for your choices and actions — both personally and at work, and when the two overlap. (She talks about having IBS while dealing with a high-pressure job.) The tone of the book is casual and easy to digest. I would compare it to Mindy Kaling’s books, but in politics instead of Hollywood. The book is $10.84 in hardcover and $9.99 on Kindle at Amazon. Who Thought This Was a Good Idea? This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.26.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
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Kid/Family Sales
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- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
The start of mean says
What do you do when preschoolers start to be mean? Our girl twin (3.5) has just started saying “I don’t want to be boy twin’s friend” in a really casually snotty way. It’s not at times when she’s being provoked, like if he took a toy or something. Since she’s not mad, it doesn’t seem like a time-out-to-calm-down situation. I’ve tried a few times to talk about kindness and I’ve also told her she doesn’t have to be his friend, just his sister, but that saying out loud that you don’t want to be someone’s friend is mean and we don’t talk like that. No dice. It also seems… extra weighty between 1) not wanting to overforce this magic twin bond that everyone seems to expect they’ll have (they don’t really) and 2) boy twin has some disabilities, so i expect he’ll face more of this in the future too, but I’m getting so mad that the first source of it is in our own house! I think it’s making me overreact to what is probably a totally normal jerk phase for three year olds. Boy twin does not seem to understand what she’s saying yet but I’d like to get her to cut this out before he does. (If it matters she definitely picked this up from day care, I heard an older kid using it.)
Anonymous says
This is totally normal. Preschoolers are forever saying “You are not my friend” and “You are not invited to my birthday party.” Half the time they just mean “I don’t want to play with you right now,” and the other half of the time they are testing out their power over their own relationships. At first I think they are really just exploring the idea that they can choose with whom they want to interact. Later on they may be intentionally mean (first as a normal experiment, then in kindergarten some little stinkers will be mean to exert power over other children), but 3.5 seems a bit early for that.
I have an only child, but I’d imagine that a twin would be actively exploring her independence from her twin at this age. Perhaps she is really saying “I am a separate person from Twin”?
anon says
mine aren’t 3.5 yet, only 18 months and both are girls, but one so desperately wants to be the other one’s friend and her sister just isn’t interested. it makes me so sad. like this morning, twin A was trying to “feed” twin B from their play kitchen and twin B wasn’t interested in engaging. i have no advice, but i am curious to hear what others have to say because i can see this situation in my future.
Anonymous says
I think you’re aiming for a fantasy here. My sister and I def told each other we hated each other like routinely until idk college? Sure, you remind her it’s mean etc, but you aren’t going to get her to cut it out and that shouldn’t be the goal. You’re characterizing her as a jerk which I get, but she isn’t. She’s a child asserting a boundary in an age appropriate way.
anon says
One of the things our preschool told us is that kids have no sense of time. When they say, “I don’t want to be your friend.” They often mean, “I don’t want to play with you right now. Give me some space.” It helps to model other language.
Cb says
I was reading the Gottman book on raising emotionally intelligent children and I was struck with this – kids at a certain age can only handle the social dynamics of a duo so will exclude a third, whether that’s mom/dad or friends at school.
Anon says
That made me laugh! Kids are so weird. My toddler doesn’t understand there’s a word for cold. She describes everything that’s not the “right” temperature as “hot.” It’s amazing how their little brains work.
Anonymous says
My child’s favorite insult is “Well then I’m not going to be your best friend.”
Example:
Me: Okay, Kiddo, will you please go potty for bedtime? I am not going to ask again. (note: usually my 4th or 5th time asking)
Kiddo: Grrrr. Well then I’m not going to be your best friend.
So Anon says
Agree with the others that this may be about needing time and space, and it could also be about wanting your attention. Can you help kiddo work through that thought and learn how to say it? For example, if kiddo says, “I don’t want to be [brother’s] friend!” You can ask: “Do you need some time alone from [brother] or do you need mommy snuggles?” I try and go at the underlying feeling and work up from there, rather than take the words for face value or let my mind go to bad scenario. For example, when my son claims that he wants to be emancipated (he’s 8 and yes he knows the word), I go with “wow! you really don’t like what’s happening at home right now!” I find that this helps draw out what’s really going on. You can close the loop with, “I hear that you need space away from [brother]/don’t want to share your favorite toy right now. Can we find different words to say that?”
Spirograph says
I always struggle not to laugh when my kids uninvite me to their birthday party.
But yes, totally, totally normal. In calmer times, I ask how kiddo thinks that made friend feel, and we talk about how words can hurt. It may be a bit different because of the disabilities you mention, but in my observation, kids work this out on their own or forget within 5-10 minutes. Other than a gentle reminder that those are mean words that can hurt someone’s feelings and a nudge to take some time to cool off and apologize when she feels ready, I wouldn’t make A Thing of it in the moment.
Coach Laura says
I agree that it may be normal. But you might want to channel Sheryl Sandberg who has talked several times about her parents’ insistence that Sheryl and siblings be good and nice to each other because they would be in each other’s lives forever. My fondest hope (that did materialize) was that my kids love each other but I would settle for just being nice. We had some hard and fast rules and one was that you weren’t mean to family members. Maybe she could be trying to get space and you could help her verbalize it better. Or maybe you could say “People may say that at daycare but we don’t say it to each other at home. Why don’t you do xyz and let brother stay here/do abc.”
Go for it says
+1
Home is a safe place!
Minat says
Do you ever go through all your kids’ clothes and just think… this is insane? Yet those GapKids coupons come up, or the Target displays are so enticing, and it’s like, surely they could use a couple more shirts or dresses. NO. They can’t!
Or sometimes I’ll buy a few ugly yet cheap t-shirts with sharks on them for shark week at school (where they’re of course encouraged to wear shark-themed items), but then I have four shark t-shirts for the rest of time. I should just donate the shirts after we get the intended use out of them, right?
How do y’all keep kids’ clothes under control?
Anon says
Why can’t your kids wear a shark t-shirt to school even when it’s not shark week? We don’t do single use items in our house except Halloween costumes. If I have to buy them something for a theme day, it becomes part of their regular wardrobe. My wardrobe philosophy for kids is similar to myself – one in, one out. I replace clothes that are outgrown or very worn, but I don’t shop just for the sake of shopping.
Minat says
Honestly because the shirts are fairly ugly, haha. I get that they can wear ugly clothes, but they have dozens of cuter things, too, so the sharks are just sitting in the drawer unused…
avocado says
I don’t buy single-use clothing. I like special Christmas Eve PJs, so I buy winter-themed ones that aren’t red and green and can be worn all winter, or red plaid with no green in it. I did buy one St. Patrick’s Day t-shirt that started out a couple of sizes too big, which my daughter wore for four or five years, because I have terrible memories of elementary school kids chasing down and pinching kids who didn’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. Everything else is improvised from what we already have on hand. Need a solid-colored t-shirt? Turn a printed one inside out. Need a shirt with a letter on it for alphabet day? Make a letter out of painter’s tape. Need a sports jersey for favorite team day? Wear your Hogwarts quidditch t-shirt. Buying four shark shirts that will never be worn again just so the kid can wear a shark shirt every day for shark week is wasteful and terrible for the environment, and I can’t believe that even half the kids in the class even wear a shark shirt the first day anyway. Besides, coming up with improvised solutions is actually fun for kids.
Anon says
Yep, my todler slept in Hanukkah PJs until about March. I knew she wasn’t going to be in them for another holiday season and they were perfectly serviceable pajamas, so why not re-wear them.
OP, if the shirts are that ugly, can they be re-purposed as sleep shirts or shirts for school art projects?
Minat says
“Buying four shark shirts that will never be worn again just so the kid can wear a shark shirt every day for shark week is wasteful and terrible for the environment.” Completely agree. I got them at a secondhand store.
Anonymous says
I don’t shop like this. I absolutely do not buy shark themed clothing for shark week at school. I shop once a season as much as possible, only at other times if there is a critical need. I just get overwhelmed with too much clothing! So much to sort and fold. I also strongly prefer well made clothes in natural fibers which are expensive so I can’t afford to go for large quantities.
Minat says
I guess I just feel like it’s fun for them to be able to participate, and I don’t want them to be the only kid in the class (or one of just a few) who doesn’t have the fun themed clothing. Maybe I should not care? FWIW I bought the shark shirts secondhand so it’s not an ecological disaster.
Anonymous says
I’m not judging! I just don’t do this. We’ll do a felt cut out pinned to a shirt or a construction paper headband if I have time.
Minat says
The felt cut out is a really cute idea, I’ll have to keep that in mind for the future. Do you just keep stuff like that on hand or do you make a special trip to the craft store if a need arises?
Anonymous says
The biggest thing that helps me is to never buy pieces in advance. Kiddo’s growth is so unpredictable sometimes. Growth spurts will put her in sizes suddenly that I never expected. So while I do wait for sales to shop, I very rarely buy anything more than 3-4 weeks ahead anymore (like a last season winter coat on clearance for this year or a bunch of sweatshirts at the end of last season). It just never works out. And it helps with having too much at any one time.
Minat says
I like this advice a lot, I think I’m going to do that this fall. I find that even when I do buy things in advance, half the time I can’t find them or don’t have them on hand anyway, so I end up re-buying in the moment.
Anon says
My kids are still young (preschool) but I hope to keep up this system as they get older. I place one or two orders each time a new size is needed, mostly just with Old Navy. I buy 7 pairs of pants, shorts, or both, depending on the season. I buy a handful of t-shirts, and about 7 sets of jammies. They acquire more just from the random picking up of shark t-shirts or gifts here and there, like you say, but otherwise, they essentially have capsule wardrobes. I keep boxes in their closets and as they outgrow things or even receive gifts that I just know they aren’t going to wear, it gets thrown in the box right away. Once the box is full, it gets moved to the youngest for hand-me-downs. Once he has a full box of outgrown items, they get given away.
Cb says
I have a younger child so no clothing for special events yet but I’ve definitely tried to manage the wardrobe sprawl with my toddler son. We have about 12 pairs of trousers, 16 tops, and 5-6 sweaters or hoodies. This seems to be the optimal amount – I thought I could get by with fewer trousers and ended up buying more at H&M because I kept coming up short. We do laundry 1x a week with some extra clothes in the diaper bag and in his cubby at nursery.
I also have clothes in open bins (those white ikea plastic baskets) on top of a shelf in his room.It’s easy to put away, see everything, and I know if the box is overflowing, we have too much of things.
Anony says
So far I’ve been lucky to have a lot of hand-me-downs from friends and family and haven’t purchased much clothes at all. The cute clothes at Target are super enticing though. If I wasn’t on a tight budget, I would be there in a hot second.
anon says
I hear you; it is very easy for me to go overboard and wonder what happened. Especially with my daughter, because everything is so stinking cute.
Tip 1: Browse less, even online. Sadly, this is what helps me most. If I can’t see it, I can’t be tempted. But it’s hard, because I really enjoy buying kids’ clothing.
Tip 1.5: If you haven’t already, have all your store coupons sent to an “out of sight, out of mind” email account that you don’t check very often.
Tip 2: Try to commit to buying once per season, unless a special occasion comes up. Do an inventory of what you have already before making said shopping trip.
Tip 2.5: Really figure out how much your kids are actually wearing during an *average* week.
Tip 3: For the most part, I stick to solid-colored bottoms and let the tops be the stars of the outfit. I got into a bad pattern where I’d buy all these adorable patterned leggings that would end up clashing with too many things. I’ve kind of settled on a rough color palette for bottoms, then let the kids go crazy with picking out patterned tops, dresses, whatever.
Minat says
These are really awesome tips, thank you! I am so with you on doing the inventory — that’s actually what inspired this post, I did a clothing inventory this morning, switching out summer clothes and just seeing what we have left from last fall/winter. We have SO MUCH. I’m really glad I did the inventory before clicking “purchase” on the things I was looking at yesterday!
Emily S. says
+1. These have also helped me curb the impulse and the actual shopping. I also almost exclusively shop on ThredUp or a local consignment shop (the selection of new with tags is surprisingly good). I box up hand me downs that are in good shape at the end of each season and donate, sell (usually through ThredUp), or recycle the stuff that doesn’t fit or is too worn. That way, it’s out of sight and out of mind right away.
Anonymous says
Your tip 2.5 is huge for me. I love buying kids clothes, but am really tamping down– particularly now that my kids (2, 4) are old enough to have opinions about what they wear. They really only wear the same 3-4 shirts, over and over.
Cate says
I buy once at the beginning of the season and then fill in when I see an actual need. Like, we have no shorts today. Oops, kid’s in sweatpants, I’ll place an order that day.
I don’t let their drawers overflow.
We wear sharks all year round! My kids are still rocking their christmas jammies from last year. I don’t think of things as single use.
Lastly, some things I try to buy up a size. So we get two years use out of our patagonia puffy jackets for example. Or raincoats or things like that. That’s less shopping and less clothes in my house.
That being said, my DD is a fashionista so all of these rules go out the window when it comes to sparkly skirts. She has like six and she loves them all. So for a kid who truly loves fashion and putting together outfits and all of that, I think of it almost like toy buying rather than clothes buying and it’s less about utility.
GCA says
my general clothing management principle is ‘from ThredUP/ Buy Nothing group they come, back to ThredUP/ Buy Nothing they go’. This works for everything but DH’s clothes (he has a ‘uniform’ of sorts that is basically the men’s section of Uniqlo) and consumables like socks and underwear…
Minat says
That’s awesome. I generally buy my kids’ stuff secondhand, except I splurged on brand-new school clothes for my kindergartner this year. But it does help assuage the guilt about single-use items.
anon in brooklyn says
My problem is that it’s hard to predict what my daughter will want to wear in any given season. She only wore t shirts and shorts last summer, so I bought that at the beginning of this summer. This year she’ll only wear dresses. I’m trying to wait as long as possible to buy fall clothes to see if she still wants to wear dresses when she has to wear them over leggings.
anon says
That’s my daughter, completely. The struggle is real. For the past 6 months, she’s been on a T-shirt strike. Literally, t-shirts. She’ll wear tanks, she’ll wear long-sleeve anything. But a t-shirt or t-shirt dress? Forget it.
avocado says
My daughter is the same way. Last fall she said she wanted to wear skinny jeans to school, so I bought her a week’s worth. She ended up wearing leggings every single day.
Fewer options seem to work better. I’ve learned that no matter how many pairs of cute shoes she says she loves, she only ends up wearing the one pair she loves best. So now she gets to pick out one pair of everyday shoes and that’s it. (Plus running shoes, dress shoes, and sandals or snowboots depending on the season.) This limitation is becoming even more necessary now that her feet are growing half a size every few weeks and she’s into adult sizes. So expensive.
anon says
Yep, limiting shoe purchases is key! Each kid has a pair of everyday shoes, a pair of nicer church shoes, and a pair of whatever is needed for the season (sandals or boots).
DLC says
Yes- I agree about limiting as well. I don’t give in to my seven year old’s fashion whims. Every once in a while we will do a clothing inventory and she can pick out thing to fill gaps/ replace stuff that no longer fits. Then after that, those are the clothes that she has. Occasionally she’ll have a tantrum about “I have nothing to wear” or “I dont’t like/ dont’ want to wear that.” And I’m like ,”Sorry, those are your clothing options.”
With my son (2), i limit his wardrobe to 10 shirts, 10 bottoms max per season. Plus pjs and whatever layers he needs. We don’t have the space for more.
I used to go crazy for the sales too, but I’m trying the trick now of filling the cart online then walking away- to see if that scratches my itch but saves my pocketbook and sanity.
Anonymous says
Yeah my child does not have the option to just reject an entire category of clothes on a whim. Money doesn’t grow on trees
Anon says
I buy once for the beginning of the season (usually a season in advance) and once I’m done for that season, I stop browsing the kids clothes unless I identify a need (e.g., child is willing to wear sweaters this year, we probably need more than 1). Kiddo is not at the age where she has (many) opinions yet, and I have a decent sense of what we actually put her in (e.g., at home with DH, she often stays in PJs all day if it’s not a preschool day). And when she starts to outgrow a size, I clean that our of her drawers, inventory what I have already in the next size and then fill in. We do laundry every 7-10 days. For fall I think she has 8 pairs of PJs, 3-4 play dresses, 2 swim suits (we swim year round), 1-2 nicer dresses, probably 6-8 tees, 2 pairs of jeans, probably 6-8 pairs of leggings (she can usually wear two sizes in leggings), 2 cardigans, a sweatshirt, a windbreaker, a rain coat, a winter coat, snow bibs and hats, mittens, etc., 2 sweaters and a fleece vest. For shoes she has a pair of waterproof sandals, dress sandals, sneakers and rain boots. Haven’t bought fall and winter shoes yet because I’m uncertain of her size in a way I’m not for clothes (e.g., she’s 4T now and I bought 5T for fall and winter), but for that I’ll swap out the sandals and add snow boots and then a pair (maybe two) of dressy ankle boots for her tights and dresses.
Anonymous says
ha, I work at the source of shark week, so apologies on behalf of my employer for it causing sartorial difficulties!
Anon says
After a year of bursting drawers when kid was first born (and newborn clothes are tiny! We had WAY too much!) we actually don’t buy clothes anymore except outerwear. Everything comes from our Buy Nothing group and we give everything right back to that group. We do buy new shoes and outerwear so I feel like we are contributing some “freshly-used” stuff into the rotation, but honestly it seems like there are just SO MANY kids clothes in perfect condition floating around our neighborhood. I’ve met neighbors this way too, and it feels good to see a neighbor child wearing the perfectly good winter coat that my kid only got to wear a few times before outgrowing.
Pogo says
Our philosophy is
1) start with hand me downs. I now weed through and anything I don’t think kid will ever wear, I donate right off the bat.
2) Let kiddo wear that stuff for a couple weeks to see what I’m low on (I like to have 1.5 weeks worth of outfits so we aren’t forced to do laundry every weekend)
3) Buy what’s needed to fill in the gaps, according to kiddo’s “style”
3a) fun print pants + solid color t-shirt (+ solid color zip up hoodie if it’s cold)
3b) fun print shirt + solid joggers
I don’t buy or keep more than 1 pair of jeans or cargo or khaki anything because it never gets worn more than 1x/week. Ditto button-downs or polos (he just doesn’t like buttons right now). I will buy more than 1 print with kiddo’s hobbies/interests, because sometimes the “favorite” version of that shirt is dirty (see: bicycles, construction vehicles).
I do the changeover seasonally, so I just did it for fall. The only thing I’ll need to buy more of is the solid color zip-up hoodies, because he finally outgrew the 12mo Primary ones (which seemed to be like sisterhood of the travelling toddler hoodie because it fit him from 6mo-18mo).
Suomynona says
Sisterhood of the traveling toddler hoodie made me LOL!
Spirograph says
This is basically what we do. At the beginning of the season (optimistically, I did this a few weeks ago, but surprise! it’s still 90 degrees in DC this weekend) I go through the hand-me-down box(es) + stuff my MIL bought ahead at end-of-season sales the previous year, and pull out the items that are the right size for a kid this year. Then I assess gaps. We have hand-me downs from my nephew, plus well-made stuff gets passed down through all 3 of my kids, so I usually only need to buy a couple things for each kid.
My MIL loves to buy little girl clothes, and that’s where a lot of our excess comes from. That, and my husband impulse shopping online because he got a sale email with a picture of a cute kid sweater. I keep boxes for donation and clothing recycling in our laundry room and try to move things there vs just putting something back in the drawer when I know it is threadbare, too small, or my kid just doesn’t like it.
Anon says
Yeah, I used to buy my kid’s clothing a season ahead of time for the discounts when they were super little & it was fairly easy to figure out what size they’d be in. Then my 3 year old got super opinionated about what she wants to wear so it really took the motivation away from doing that or buying much on a whim b/c the last couple of things I’ve done that for she has literally refused to wear. Meanwhile, my 5 year old is still wearing 3T (he’s very small, obviously..) so I stopped buying his next sizes b/c by the time he actually gets to them they will probably totally be out of style or whatever.
Anonymous says
I do a bulk order for the size/season to fill in whatever we don’t have from hand me downs and then I don’t browse, ever. Frankly this is my clothing philosophy for myself as well. I wear stuff until it’s worn out and then buy stuff when I need it. Even if you bought a full season of clothing at full price (which you never need to do because there’s literally sales every single week on kids clothes), you’d spend less than shopping constantly with “sales”.
Anonymous says
This. I do a big buy once a season and unsubscribe from all emails until the next season.
Coach Laura says
I read recently that (I think it was adults but it’s the same principle) in 1991, most Americans bought 29 clothing items in a year. In 2012, 69 was the average. I never have that many, much less purchased that many in a year. I’m into Poshmark now and trying not to buy any clothes new. My current wardrobe is a capsule wardrobe and I love to mix and match. For school-aged kids, I would aim for the capsule type wardrobe and think Pogo’s outline above is great.
Anonymous says
Can anyone recommend a a disney or non-disney resort to stay for a trip to Disney next month? I have a 2 and 4 year old and we plan to do Magic Kingdom two days and the other two or three days spend time at the hotel pool (hopefully heated) and do disney springs. Budget is about $300/night. Would like a little bit of luxury so that might mean we need to do non-disney hotel (disney luxury is looking like its $500+!).
Anonymous says
Carribean beach
govtattymom says
Yay! I absolutely love Disney. I would recommend Coronado Springs. We stayed there last April and loved it. It’s one of the “moderate resorts,” but it hosts a lot of the business conventions so it is a bit more upscale. I was impressed by the little touches (great sheets, granite countertops, luxurious shower, etc.) It’s less kitschy than other Disney resorts, which can be a plus or minus depending on your taste.
Anonymous says
So, this is not for everyone, but we have had good luck renting from one of the nearby timeshares. Wyndham and Marriott both have them.
This works when:
1. You want to stay for a week but only “do disney” for a few days.
2. You don’t want to be in and out of the resort all day.
3. You want to/prefer to cook meals
4. You prefer sleeping space over proximity to parks
We have done it twice now on a schedule like:
-fly in Saturday, grocery shop and settle into the resort.
– Sunday- schedule a character brunch/lunch where you don’t have to be ticketed in the park to do it(eg. At the boardwalk), spend afternoon / evening at resort/pools
-Monday-Friday : 3 days of Disney, two days off, weather dependent. One park per day. Get there around 8:30/9, stay for lunch and head out either just before or just after dinner. View fireworks from resort.
-Saturday: pack up and fly home
One of my kids naps, another cant do more than 9-4 at Disney or she’ll crash. We took my oldest (she was 7) back to the park one day after dropping off the littles one night and she was zonked the next day, even with a little power nap.
My kids were honestly just as happy to play around in the multiple pools/lazy rivers as they were at Disney. I was frankly happier to buy a $9 cocktail and drink it poolside than a $9 sack of popcorn.
We only did fastpass rides or those with no wait. With young kids any wait over 10 minutes was awful.
Anonymous says
Oh fwiw we got deluxe 2BR villa. It was two large bedrooms, two good sized bathrooms (one en suite), a nice kitchen and big dining room table. We have 3 kids and put all 3 in the second BR. There was also a pull out couch.
Anon says
Could use some support/advice. I’m 16 weeks pp with baby #2 and going back to work soon. We’re also relocating (from an very expensive but wonderful childcare setup) and I was just diagnosed with PPA. It makes it really hard to figure out whether I’m really second guessing decisions or it’s the anxiety. FWIW we’ve been trying to make this move for years but now that I’m getting into the details, I’m kind of freaking out. Also not excited to go back to work. And feeling like I’m missing out on this precious time with my baby. :( This is hard.
govtattymom says
Hugs. Childcare transitions are hard even in the best of circumstances, and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. We recently changed daycare centers, and I just keep reminding myself that the situation doesn’t have to be perfect, and every place has their pluses and minuses. Things will get easier soon!
anon says
take a deep breathe. i also had terrible PPA/PPD which made me second guess and obsess over every single decision i made in the 6 month after the birth of my kids. from what color curtains to buy, to which apartment to choose (we were moving from a one bedroom to a 2 bedroom). honestly, i do feel like i missed out on the newborn time with my kids (i had twins) and sometimes it makes me sad bc we are definitely done, but i try to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things that is such a small fraction of their lives. now they are 14 months old and while i still feel sad looking back at that time i am in a much much better place than i was a year ago. since you were just diagnosed with PPA i’m hoping you are getting meds/therapy? it will make such a difference. try to take it one day at a time. if this is a move you’ve been planning for a while i bet it is still the best choice for you and your family. Hang in there!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hugs. That is a LOT to deal with at once, even if you don’t have anxiety, but especially with anxiety. I just moved and I was really nervous before the actual move (missing old city even though we couldn’t afford to live there, childcare changes, commute changes, etc.) I will say that once we actually got to the new house, I felt a lot better, it was just the anticipation of the unknown that was making me anxious. Also, I’ll repeat something that my former therapist said, if it helps you: This doesn’t have to permanent. I’m sure you’ll grow to love your new area, but if not, you can always move back. Or change childcares if the new one doesn’t work. Or change your job. Just knowing this gives me a sense of relief when I start catastrophizing that all of my decisions are permanent.
Anon says
Thank you! Moving back would be really really difficult!
Anon says
It is hard. I didn’t have PPA and still found it heartbreaking to go back to work. I missed my baby and wasn’t ready. It also got worse when my baby didn’t transition easily to the new nanny. She really put that nanny through the ringer.
Take it easy on yourself. It may be a period where you just put one foot in front of another and get through your days. That’s okay. I still wish I lived in a country with a 12 month maternity leave. But I don’t. I did what I had to do, but it was really really hard. I now have a 6 yo and a great career. She’s doing great in elementary school and I’m so so glad I didn’t drop out of the workforce or do anything else crazy.
Anon says
I returned to work recently from Mat leave. The most helpful thing an older mom told me was that your 12 (16) week old baby will never know the difference that you went back to work. Staying home with a new baby is for the parent, the kid will be just as happy with a trained caregiver. (I would never say this to a SAHM, but it helped me get through the first few weeks, so I share it with you.)
Ifiknew says
Just introduced an ounce of formula (Similac in those prepackaged 2 oz bottles) to my son who is 17 weeks. He had hives around his mouth for about 30 minutes but was acting fine and it disappeared after that. I’m afraid to introduce more formula. Anyone else experience this with their kid? The doctor said to try a different brand and that he’s probably not allergic to dairy unless he has mucus or blood in his stool. Im not sure and researching formulas is overwhelming. Also, it sounds expensive and wasteful to buy a bunch to see what if any he doesn’t have a reaction to. Any advice? Tia!
Anon says
I would do what the doctor said and try a different brand. Similac and Enfamil are both sold everywhere; it’s not hard to try the other one. It’s not wasteful, if he doesn’t have a reaction you can feed him all of it eventually, if he does have a reaction than you needed to know that and the money spent on formula was worth it for that information.
octagon says
Ask your pediatrician – they often have different formula samples. Or, you could try small packages of different kinds.
The fact that the hives were only around his mouth is interesting. Any chance it was a reaction to the nipple on the bottle, and not the formula itself? You could try putting the formula in a bottle you’ve used before.
Anonymous says
Check to see whether the nipple contained latex.
Op says
Thank you! I actually poured into our Philips Avent bottle so I don’t think bottle because he’s had pumped milk in there
Anon says
Yes, ask your pediatrician for free samples. They get a ton and are happy to give them away before they expire.
Emily S. says
Any chance you know a mom with whom you could share the formula? Towards the end of b-feeding, we supplemented with some formula, and ended up with extra. A good friend was happy to take the open can (I felt a little weird about asking but she appreciated it.)
Anon says
I don’t even think you have to know the person that well. We gave open formula to a grad student in my husband’s department. Also if you buy the two ounce bottles, it’ll all be in sealed containers except the very tiny bottle you actually use. You’re certainly not going to have a problem giving away unopened ready-to-feed formula.
AnotherAnon says
Try a different brand. Read the ingredients: it’s a process of elimination. If you don’t want to buy a bunch of different kinds, ask a local moms group if they have samples. Good luck!
anne-on says
Definitely try another brand, but also know that yes, it can be an allergy. We gave our son very small (also 2 oz.) amounts of formula and noted some rashes around the mouth. He only strongly reacted to larger quantities later on (when I mixed formula with cereal around 6.5 months and it wound up smeared everywhere and then there were also hives everywhere). I’d try other formulas but not all allergies present with bloody stool – ours didn’t and my son was VERY allergic to milk/eggs until about 3.5 yrs old. Couldn’t hurt to have some benadryl on hand just in case IMHO.
Anon says
cross posting from the main site because I know some people do not read there – Does anyone know anything about alternative communication devices or a good resource to research these? My mom has a benign brain tumor and she has already exhausted all treatment options (multiple brain surgeries), but they keep growing. She no longer has use of her dominant hand so she can’t write, can only do some things with her non dominant hand and is currently losing her ability to speak, but she understands everything. It is like she is trapped in her own body because she cannot communicate what she wants or needs. She is so frustrated and it is beyond heart breaking. She is also fairly young – only mid 60s. She would be able to push a button that matches to a certain picture, etc. This board is often a wealth of information so I thought I would see if anyone has any ideas
Suze says
Very sorry to hear this. I don’t have any real suggestions, but I would ask the neurologist to point you in the right direction — they must have ideas, or referrals to places that would. You might also reach out to the organizers of any support groups for people with overlapping symptoms (eg brain tumor, stroke, Parkinson’s, ALS). Possibly also nonprofits that help those types of patients (MJFF, National BTA). I wish you an easy journey.
Pogo says
I would look into resources for non-verbal autistic individuals. My brother was non-verbal (though not autistic) and he used a little flip book with laminated cards of pictograms for what he wanted, and I believe it was published for people with autism. However this was before technology, so I’d imagine today there are a ton of apps you could use if she’s able to use a touchscreen.
Anon says
I’ve seen nonverbal autistic kids with iPads that have dozens of pictures to pick from and have picture to speech capabilities. I have no idea what the app was, but you might just search the app store and then search parenting blogs for reviews.
You should look into different keyboard for your mom as well. There are tablet / phone keyboards that are swipe rather than type based.
So sorry about your mom, internet hugs!
Anon says
I’m so sorry. A friend with a nonverbal child with limited mobility uses something that I believe is called an eye gaze machine – essentially, she can look at a catalogue of words and images to communicate and it somehow tracks her eyes. Perhaps something like that could help ease your moms communication.
SF says
the national brain tumor society and Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure might be a resource for ideas
Anonymous says
The name of what you’re looking for is “assistive technology.” There are people who specialize in this, often occupational therapists. I would reach out to a local occupational therapist to find out if they have resources for this.
Anon says
just thought i would share, but Frugalwoods has a post on motherhood that i really liked and thought others on here might relate to as well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I read it too and loved it. Agree with everything she says there, especially the “toxic positivity.” I’m nowhere near as frugal as they are nor do I desire to be on a homestead or anything, but I’ve been liking her pieces on motherhood.
She also recommended a podcast recently, “the Dream” about MLMs that I’ve been enjoying. Maybe I’ve been naive before becoming a parent but I’m starting to see that all of these stories that we’re told by a patriarchial capitalist society are designed to drive women out of the traditional workforce (that doesn’t provide flexibility), while providing no social support for the very difficult task of taking care of small children, and then keeping women there by telling them that “every moment is precious” and “it goes by so fast.” I can see how these stories have led us to where we are now and my cynical self is just disappointed while my optimistic self is hopeful that things are starting to change, albeit very slowly.
GCA says
On the MLMs, Vox did a very good piece a few years ago, which I share every time someone mocks another woman in direct selling. Here’s the kicker: “For us friends turned clients, it’s hard not to be cynical or skeptical. But perhaps some of our questions are best directed at the surrounding society, rather than just the sellers themselves. The workplace norms that put women at a disadvantage — and other practical, theological, and cultural considerations — are ultimately what force many women into MLM. They may not see another way for fulfilling (and hopefully profitable) work.
“The MLM industry can be a wake-up call to communities and companies. Women are so motivated to work that they’ll do it for next to nothing and will bring their friends, relatives, and neighbors into their businesses. Imagine how successful they’d be if they were given the adequate support, flexibility, and training to do it in your office.”
https://www.vox.com/2016/5/12/11577466/multilevel-marketing
Boston Legal Eagle says
Absolutely. I can see where the appeal of MLMs comes from and the owners prey on this. I imagine they also lobby hard to prevent any sort of workplace changes that would give these women actual work opportunities that are more compatible with other responsibilities. Th podcast goes into the theological stories furthering this as well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have a longer comment in moderation but basically I really enjoy her writing on this topic and a lot of my recent experiences, both at work and as a parent, have made me very aware of the lies we’re fed by society.
Anon says
The whole thing about “toxic positivity” is why I didn’t want to be a mother. Just looked at those expectations and thoughts and said to myself, “Nope, not for me.”
Then as I got older, I saw just how many issues these people have, how chronically unhappy they are, or how empty their lives are now that their kids are grown. Listening to them talk about child-rearing is like watching Al Bundy talk about high school football.
anon says
Help! My two year old has started to really fight naps on weekends. We would keep him up, but he gets so tired and grumpy for the rest of the day. He naps every day at daycare and we keep the same routine at nap time at home. We have resorted to taking him for a walk in the stroller to fall asleep or even in the car when we are desperate. Every Friday I start dreading the weekend. Is this just my life now or is there a better way to help him go down?
Anon says
Can you enforce a quiet time? He has to go in his room for an hour and play by himself quietly, even if he doesn’t fall asleep?
lsw says
Does he fight going down? Our son virtually never sleeps on weekend but usually still will do some quiet time in his crib. Even though he doesn’t sleep, it seems restorative for him somehow!
octagon says
At that age, we would often plan a car trip around nap time, and he would usually fall asleep in the car. Maybe 30 minutes. Not a full nap, but enough to get him to bedtime. Or, we would try to rally through and do something really fun and stimulating in the afternoon – playground, pool, etc. And then just plan for a really early bedtime. It’s hard but it will pass! We still do about an hour of “quiet time” — either in his room solo or watching tv in a darkened family room — he needs a little downtime in the middle of the day, even at almost-4.
Anon. says
1) Solidarity. Right there with you.He apparently sleeps great at daycare with no fuss but fights hard at home
2) Octagon’s strategy is our preferred option. We plan for walks/car trips or just try to push through. We tried to CIO a few times which worked great for night training long ago, but were unsuccessful. Decided leaning in to car rides (usually with daddy) was better for my sanity and that this stage can’t last that long . . .
LadyNFS says
Ladies – talk to me about elastic waist pants for work. Not maternity pants per se, but pants I can wear now, first trimester, and PP when I return to work, that are regular dress pants with elastic in them. There was a recent post labout Anthro pants with a stripe down the side and an elastic waistband that made me think of this. Where can I otherwise buy dress pants with an elastic waist, that are not maternity pants? Is there a store that carries them? A search term I can use on a larger website? If you know, please share! TY! :)
Anonymous says
There is some style of Eileen Fisher pull-on dress pants that have a devoted following on the main page.
Butter says
Literally just ordered my third pair of EF crepe ankle pants yesterday. I’m first trimester but know that they’ll work through second, and know they’ll be the only thing I want to put on when I go back to work after. So so comfy.
Anonymous says
Not sure how dressy you need, but isn’t there also a popular J crew factory style that is more drapey?
EB says
I just bought a pair of black dress pants from regular j crew that have an elastic waist and really like them. not sure the name though, sorry!
ElisaR says
zic and zoe makes a great pull on pant that i wore pre-maternity pant and I still wear to this day.
GCA says
Not sure how dressy you need, but the Uniqlo EZY Ankle Pants have been good for me. You could probably search for pull on pants.
shortperson says
mm la fleur foster
Anonymous says
I would just lean into the walk or car trip nap thing unless you hate walks/car trips. This will pass, and it isn’t worth dreading your weekend over. We had a rough time with naps around 2.5 (foggy memories), and then it got better again, although he was ready to drop it entirely by 3.5. Your days of uninterrupted time at home in the middle of the day while he naps are numbered, so go ahead and start the grieving process (sob! it’s been 4 years for us and I still miss it).
AnotherAnon says
How old is your kid? Around 2 mine started fighting weekend naps but he is SO grumpy and not ready to drop them. Car rides don’t work for us so YMMV, but we made sure it was dark in his room (like a cave) and quiet and cool. We would either nap ourselves or go outside while he was napping. Even ambient noise would wake him. I started giving him a book to look at (again YMMV) and telling him “You do not have to sleep, but you do have to stay quietly in your crib and rest. I am here. I will come get you when it’s time to get up.” Then I ignore all further inquiries/whining/protestations. Sometimes he falls asleep, but not always. The alone time does improve his mood though. Good luck!
Pogo says
We CIO. He doesn’t fight it or cry at daycare at all, but he now fights both nap and bedtime (2yo). I think so much of it is FOMO and control – even though he has words, he knows that throwing a fit gets him attention, he doesn’t want to stop playing, etc. He has starting doing it in the morning when we try to get him out of his crib too (I think because he knows it means getting ready, not playtime, and also because he hates waking up before 7am like his momma). FUN.
The first week he started doing it, I almost gave in; he cried/whined/etc for 45min. Now he will typically do 30s-2min of light protesting before laying down and eventually falling asleep.
Exclusively pumping says
Does anyone have advice/ experience/ tales to related about exclusively pumping? My baby is less than a week old and breastfeeding is really painful- which is so frustrating because my first two were quite easy to nurse. We have an appointment with the lactation consultant next week, but I’ve just been pumping and giving the baby a bottle for the past couple days because things have been so painful. Formula is definitely an option (we combo fed our first), but Ijust find it so much more convenient to be able to nurse on demand than to have to deal with bottles, so I’m really hoping we eventually figure things out. I’m wondering mostly about the logistics/ routine of exclusively pumping- like do I pump while out and about? How do you make time to pump? Any other useful tools or tricks? Was it worth it? Not looking to start any judgmental / off topic threads here- just looking for honest experiences. I know if we give her formula everything will be fine, but I’m not quite ready to shut down my own milk production quite yet. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Have you tried a nipple shield? Not a pumping recommendation like you asked, but I have some friends who have had great success nursing with a nipple shield for this problem.
ElisaR says
i used the nipple shield for 3 months straight. eventually i didn’t need it anymore but it is the only reason i was able to nurse….. i would have given up if not for it. make sure you get the smallest size shield. They make different sizes and for my 2nd baby the hospital gave me a big one and it was ridiculous. My baby couldn’t possibly get his mouth on it. The lac consultant was like “why do they even make these big size ones??”. the appropriate size was a little tricky to find but just make sure you’re not using a big one. At least that was my experience.
Anon says
+1 – I used one until my daughter weaned at 17 months. It was a pain to lug around with us and clean (much less so than a pump though!), but was the only reason nursing was successful for us.
You’re supposed to measure your n*p to determine the size you should get. You can find instructions online. The middle size (24 mm) worked perfectly for us from birth.
Nan says
No experience with exclusive pumping, but breastfeeding was SUPER painful for me for a week or two and then things improved drastically. (Not saying you shouldn’t switch to pumping now, but just to give you some hope that is may be really temporary.)
BabyMom says
I had the same experience with all of my kids, especially my third. Feeding was torture in the beginning but became painless by the end of week 2. You do what works for you, though, OP. I honestly don’t love nursing, so you’ll get no side-eye from me if you move to EPing or formula.
EB says
This is a big topic, so I hope you get a lot of responses that might help, but here are a couple of thoughts:
1. def try a nipply shield
2. I think it hurts for everyone for the first couple of weeks, but there is indeed a difference between pain due to poor latch and just general pain that everyone experiences, so I trust that you are having the former and not the latter
3. the What to Expect app has forums that get tons of action and there is a discussion board specifically for exclusive pumping – you will find TONS of information there.
4. at the outset, the recommendation is to pump every time your baby eats to build supply. This is HARD.
5. when you feed the bottle, esp at the outset, be sure to do paced feeding. milk comes out of a bottle much faster and easier than the breast and both of my babies developed a preference for the bottle for this reason, resulting in them getting frustrated when I was breast feeding.
Anon says
BFing was super painful (even while on my c-section meds) for me until we got kiddo’s tongue and lip ties fixed, and then it was a definite improvement. I’m sure the LC will evaluate for that. My friends who EPed because their kiddo didn’t latch definitely rented a hospital grade pump and used that at home on the same schedule one would typically nurse in order to keep production up, but I think they stopped EPing and switched to formula around 4-6 months because it was such a challenge to keep up with.
qcgc says
I exclusively pumped with my first. With a nursing cover, I often pumped while driving so that’s how I handled being out and about. You just get used to sneaking in a session whenever and wherever. Was it worth it? Yes and no. I think it set up DH and I for a more equitable division of labor because he was doing and getting up for feeds when I was pumping but if this isn’t your first that’s not as big of an issue. But I’m not sure it was worth it otherwise.
IHeartBacon says
No personal experience, but a fellow mom in my mom-circle exclusively pumped while she was on leave. She did it round the clock at first to establish supply (in the same way that nursing would’ve), and then pumped on a regular schedule thereafter. She always talked about it in such a positive light. She wanted to feed baby breastmilk, but she could never establish nursing. She was very happy with her decision. Since she was on leave, she didn’t have many obligations that would take her away from home for more than an hour or two so she would just pump before she left and after she returned. She never really had to take her pump parts with her.
June says
I did bouts of exclusive pumping because my baby was a preemie so I had to start out EPing. Then, when I thought we finally had breastfeeding established he wasn’t gaining enough, so I went back to EPing to show the doctor how many ounces a day he was eating. Anyway, its incredibly difficult at the beginning when you have to establish supply. The hardest part for me was middle of the night pumpings/feeds (made my husband get up a lot to help) and keeping a fussy baby occupied when it was time to pump. One thing I would do was pump while giving him a bottle. I couldn’t hold him while doing this (I have a short torso and a large chest, so there’s no room), I’d put him in the boppy lounger next to me. I didn’t have a bouncer but I’ve heard of moms putting their baby in the bouncer seat next to them while they pump.
Once your supply is established and you don’t have to pump as many times a day, I sometimes found it more convenient to pump on my schedule rather than nurse on demand. I usually only used one set of pump parts a day – stored them in the fridge all day and put them in the dishwasher every night – so that didn’t create too much extra work. Since breastmilk can stay at room temp for a few hours, whatever I’d pump at one feed I’d leave out on the counter and feed at the next feed so I didn’t have to warm it up.
I didn’t pump in public or while driving, but did in the car (as a passenger or parked) and at friends/family’s house (and work). You need a battery powered pump (I used the spectra). I would do chores around the house (like put dishes away, fold laundry) or play with the baby while pumping because you could be semi mobile. If you’re planning on pumping away from home, I found the Sarah Wells Lizzy bag a worth it splurge and would just keep the pump in the bag while pumping.
If breastfeeding doesn’t get better just remember any amount the baby gets is good and giving the baby formula doesn’t negate those benefits (I guess if you combo fed before you know this!). If I have significant issues breastfeeding my next kid, I would not put as much effort into pumping and boosting supply as I did with the first. I’d just pump what I could and supplement the rest.
Anon says
I EPd for a year. There is an EP board that was really helpful:
https://kellymom.com/mother2mother/exclusive-pumping/
First things first – if you can see a lactation consultant today instead of next week, do it. They don’t just advise on breastfeeding. They can also look at your pumping setup, tell you if your shields are the right size, and also rent you a hospital grade pump. They will evaluate the infant’s latch and recommend any fixes immediately and give your a referral right then.
Breastfeeding was so painful for me I had to wear a bikini showering because even water hitting skin was unbearable. By the time I got to a consultant, baby was more than happy to get the bottle and I couldn’t get her to nurse. Frankly, EPing made it much easier to get husband plugged into child care but I wish I had a choice.
My schedule was 6 times a day for the first four months: midnight – 6am – 10am – 2pm – 6pm – 9pm. I don’t think there is any way around it except formula. It was freaking hard (but I’m guessing so is breastfeeding). When I went back to work, I dropped one session and pumped at lunch instead of 10 & 2. Midnight and 6am were done in bed and husband would go to feed. I had a pump that lived next to my bed and another that I took with me. At first I pumped what I thought my daughter would eat, so I stopped after a certain amount regardless of how long it took (check kellymom for how much they eat). After we found our groove, I’d stop after certain time. For midday ones, I often pumped in the car, or with a nursing cover at a park, or on the couch at home. She’d be in the carseat or asleep, or nursing in a recliner next to me or in a swing. The max time was always 30 min. It’s better to aim for 20 if you can unless you know you need more milk. I found certain setups allowed me to pump faster.
I tried four different pumps and the most comfortable for me was the Spectra. I think the S1 has batteries, so I would get that one. The hospital grade Medela was totally worth it for the first few weeks but I didn’t need it once I got the hang of it. There are some really good pumping bras out there. Don’t just settle for the girdle thing. This was my favorite: https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Wishes-Everyday-Nursing-Pumping/dp/B012BPT8TU
Pumpin Pals shields/horns allow you to lean back slightly when pumping which your back will thank you for. Get a ton of flat pillows too so you can raise the bottles and not have to hunch.
I also had three or four sets of shields/horns and even more of valves. They’d go in the fridge in between pumping but the valves had a tendency to stick shut so I just threw those in the dishwasher right away and switched each time. I had maybe 30 bottles. Dishwasher run every day.
Good luck!!
Anon says
Comment with links in mod.
I EPd for a year. There is an EP board that was really helpful:
First things first – if you can see a lactation consultant today instead of next week, do it. They don’t just advise on breastfeeding. They can also look at your pumping setup, tell you if your shields are the right size, and also rent you a hospital grade pump. They will evaluate the infant’s latch and recommend any fixes immediately and give your a referral right then.
Breastfeeding was so painful for me I had to wear a bikini showering because even water hitting skin was unbearable. By the time I got to a consultant, baby was more than happy to get the bottle and I couldn’t get her to nurse. Frankly, EPing made it much easier to get husband plugged into child care but I wish I had a choice.
My schedule was 6 times a day for the first four months: midnight – 6am – 10am – 2pm – 6pm – 9pm. I don’t think there is any way around it except formula. It was freaking hard (but I’m guessing so is breastfeeding). When I went back to work, I dropped one session and pumped at lunch instead of 10 & 2. Midnight and 6am were done in bed and husband would go to feed. I had a pump that lived next to my bed and another that I took with me. At first I pumped what I thought my daughter would eat, so I stopped after a certain amount regardless of how long it took (check kellymom for how much they eat). After we found our groove, I’d stop after certain time. For midday ones, I often pumped in the car, or with a nursing cover at a park, or on the couch at home. She’d be in the carseat or asleep, or nursing in a recliner next to me or in a swing. The max time was always 30 min. It’s better to aim for 20 if you can unless you know you need more milk. I found certain setups allowed me to pump faster.
I tried four different pumps and the most comfortable for me was the Spectra. I think the S1 has batteries, so I would get that one. The hospital grade Medela was totally worth it for the first few weeks but I didn’t need it once I got the hang of it. There are some really good pumping bras out there. Don’t just settle for the girdle thing. This was my favorite:
Pumpin Pals shields/horns allow you to lean back slightly when pumping which your back will thank you for. Get a ton of flat pillows too so you can raise the bottles and not have to hunch.
I also had three or four sets of shields/horns and even more of valves. They’d go in the fridge in between pumping but the valves had a tendency to stick shut so I just threw those in the dishwasher right away and switched each time. I had maybe 30 bottles. Dishwasher run every day.
Good luck!!
Anon says
i exclusively pumped for my twins, though also had to supplement with formula bc i never fully made enough milk. initially i was triple feeding (so breastfed, then bottle fed and then pumped) For the first 2-3 weeks i pumped every 3 hours, so 8 times a day. then i switched to 7 times a day (so once in the middle of the night) and at 8 weeks switched to 6 times and cut out the middle of the night pump and it did not affect my supply. i also power pumped occasionally at the beginning to get my supply up. there is a facebook group called Exclusively Pumping Moms Private Group which i found extremely helpful, though some of the people on there are a bit obsessed with their stash, which i thought was a bit much. there are all sorts of devices, like Freemies or the Willow pump, which can make it easier to be portable while you pump. in my postpartum haze dealing with PPA/PPD i was very anxious about money and resisted buying things that could’ve made my exclusive pumping journey so much easier, so please don’t be like me and buy what you can afford to make your life easier if you decide to go this route. i think once you establish a supply many people can cut down to 4-5 pumps per day. i do also hope that the lactation consultant is able to help you with feeding, but if not, exclusive pumping or combo feeding is also a great option. i also love how everyone things something different is easier. while i was initially very upset about not being able to bfeed, i actually found bottles easier when i was out and about
OP says
Thanks for all the supportive input! These are really helpful tips. I’m definitely taking advantage of getting my husband up in the middle of the night, but in general getting up in the middle of the night feels more difficult when it is to pump rather than than just to nurse. The consultant told me until I could get in to see her, to pump whenever baby was fed, which is feeling tough. Pumping on schedule definitely seems more manageable if I decide to do this long term.
I’m hoping it is some sort of tongue tie. The ped said that baby had a slight lip tie, and to have the lactation consultant take a look and evaluate. It honestly feels like the kid has teeth when she nurses – I remember with the other kids I could feel the tongue working, but it doesn’t feel at all like that this time around.
I really appreciate all these responses!
Anonymous says
I exclusively pumped for my twins as well. LOVED IT. I got a system/schedule going where I fed one a bottle while pumping and my husband simultaneously fed the other one. I could do it on my own schedule whether a baby was hungry or not. If we have more I’m planning to do it again.
EP-er says
My kids are older now, but my handle here is still EP-er. I had two preemies — my first was super early and had many digestive issues. He couldn’t eat anything for about a month, so all I could do was pump. I pumped every three-four hours in the beginning around the clock. By the time he was stabilized, and we were okay to feed at will, he was so used to the bottle that I just kept pumping until about a year. I started to spread out my pumps, but I was pumping at least once during the night until 8 or 9 months. When I returned to work, I pumped 3x/day and after a few months dropped down to 2x/day. I pumped in the car, visiting friends & family, on vacation, at work. I went on vacation and left my pump at home — that was an expensive mistake! My second was also a preemie and I ended up having to EP with her, too. After the NICU stays, I just found it so hard to get them transitioned to the breast.
I have had a lot of time to reflect on this. In retrospect, I really wish that I had combo-fed or even formula fed. But at the time, it was so, so important to me that they only have breast milk. I think that it was because they were so little and I didn’t have any control over their situation. And I felt guilty for delivering early. I was so sleep deprived for so long. I wish someone would have told me it was okay to give formula, but I never got that message. I’m not sure given the circumstances I would have listened — But 12 years later, I really question why I did it.
Happy to answer any specific questions you have that haven’t been addressed!
Winter vacation ideas! says
Looking for winter vacation ideas for me, husband, and 2-year old – traveling from DC, want to take a week over Xmas/New Year’s together. We don’t celebrate Xmas but I love winter and all of the cozyness. I have this fantasy of going to some sort of lodge in the mountains or a city like Berlin with beautiful winter markets – is that just a romantic but actually bad idea? Will we all be cold and want to go inside but then be stir crazy?
Anon says
I went to Copenhagen in January once and it was really unpleasant to not be able to go outside and walk around – and I didn’t even have a toddler with me. With a toddler, I think it’s a recipe for disaster. What about someplace like Sedona where you can see mountains but the temperatures will likely still be high enough to spend some time outside? Also, I know this isn’t what you asked, but prices tend to be insane everywhere between Christmas and New Year’s. If you’re not locked into that specific week because of job schedules, I would say look at late November/early December – you can still enjoy winter coziness but prices will be lower, destinations will be less-crowded and temperatures will be more moderate. We have to take our winter vacation between Christmas and NYE due to husband’s job and I hate it.
OP says
We are timing it to daycare closure – so prices will be high, but if we stick around we’d have to pay for a babysitter so sort of a wash (a really annoying wash!). The Southwest is a fantastic idea that I had not even considered, thank you
Anon says
Ah gotcha, totally makes sense to travel then if that’s when daycare is closed.
Anonymous says
How far away do you want to go? If you just want to be cozy in the mountains, I would look to West Virginia, PA, or the Adirondacks in NY. You can drive there in half a day, the prices aren’t terrible, and there are a lot of cute smaller towns and local festivals.
shortperson says
consider tucson & sedona!
3 year old girl birthday present? says
You all always have such great suggestions! She already has a play kitchen and all supplies, balance bike, shopping cart, water table, diplos, and magnatiles. Current interests are bugs and baseball and right now she is into the “Fly Guy” books from the library (which are not my favorite, but whatever). Looking to give the grandparents ideas for upcoming birthday and Christmas. Thanks!!
Anonymous says
Does she have a t-ball stand/bat? Baseball dress up outfit? Or dress up clothes in general?
Anonymous says
+1 to this.
Also, monthly subscription boxes (we get Little Passports, but there are tons on different topics)
Hooded towels with animals on them are a HUGE hit at my house. Ours are from PB Kids, my kids each have one and have used those towels exclusively for bath time since last Christmas
Anonymous says
A sleeping bag? Luggage? A watch? Some awesome bug themed dress from princess awesome? A new hat? If you live somewhere that gets snow, snow toys (snowball maker, sled, etc)? Hula hoop?
Art/sticker supplies? Dress up?
Anon says
A scooter? We love our Micros. Does she have one of those little kid TBall sets since she loves baseball? Games: the HABA Orchard Game, Zoo on the Loose, and Hoot Owl Hoot are our 3 year old’s favorites.
ElisaR says
+1 to the micro scooter!
Anonymous says
My son loved the Why Fly Guy book, which is probably not exciting enough for grandparents but it is a big hardcover book. You could also get a butterfly habitat or some live bug kind of terrarium. She might also like something like this outdoor explorer set and/or a pocket microscope. https://smile.amazon.com/Kidz-Xplore-Outdoor-Explorer-Set/dp/B07QLXTQJF/
Anon says
your daughter sounds super cool! is she into baseball in general or a particular team? what about one of those monthly science kit type things. obviously the time of year is off, but if she hasn’t been yet, you or the grandparents should take her to a baseball game – even a minor league one, next summer. bug or baseball themed PJs or slippers or towels?
Emily S. says
T-ball set and stomp rocket are big favorites in my house. Also, if you don’t have it, the Leap Frog Ice Cream Cart.
anon says
dress up clothes? we did lots of costumes at that age. instruments? art supplies?
Anon says
Ladies, please help me navigate the hell that a new classroom has apparently turned my preschooler’s life into. She’s been at this daycare for 1.5 years. She transferred rooms (2yo to 3yo) at the beginning of this year and it was pretty smooth. She’s was very social in her old classroom and, from what I understand, a bit of a class clown and a helper to younger kids. But now, in the 3.5-5yo classroom (she’s 3.75), I am dealing with daily fits as she screams “I don’t wanna go to school” “I don’t like my teachers” “I’m shy to my friends” “mamma don’t go to work, stay with me” etc. As my husband puts it, she went from being “killer queen” to FNG in a day. This is the end of week two and if I’m honest, it has only gotten worse. I have tried some voodoo stuff which is what my mom would do: I sewed her a special stuffy to take to school “to remind that mommy loves you”, I sent a pair of ear muffs for nap (because not all kids nap at this point and it can get loud) and even though it’s been raining, switched to walking instead of driving to school (it’s close enough) so we can get a little more time to talk in the morning. None of this is helping, at all. I’m so mentally exhausted and so sad for her having this terrible time. What can I do to help support her during this transition? It will get better, right??
mascot says
Have you talked to the teachers and let them in on what she’s saying at home? They can often advise on what’s going on with the friend interactions and help navigate those in real time.
Anon says
Not yet. I’m just starting to get crumbs of information from her and wanted to make sure I have her side of the story before listening to theirs.
anon says
Have you looked at some Montessori resources for classroom transitions? Most non-Montessori schools don’t have such a spread of mixed-age students. But, of course, the whole point of mixed age classrooms is that kids go from being leaders and teachers to followers and learners.
But it sounds like these kids may not have gotten the full “leader/teacher” lesson earlier: leaders and teachers also are responsible for and caring of the younger students. If she’s upset at school, one of the older kids should be taking ownership of the problem (as she should have been for younger kids in her old classroom). If your school is just providing admiration without responsibility they are creating a mixed age situation ripe for bullying and abuse (obvs. not among 3-5 year olds, but that is one of the main reasons mixed age schooling is generally frowned upon by mainstream schools: the power dynamics are basically like those of college, work or church and that’s a short list of institutions you don’t necessarily want kindergartners emulating.) I would talk to the teacher about what leadership qualities / social emotional learning are expected of the older kids (does your daughter have a mentor or buddy for any of the activities/parts of the day?) and which leader in the classroom (teacher/older student) has ownership of helping the younger kids transition.
Anon says
I thought 3-5 year old preschool classrooms were very standard. Our daycare does that and definitely isn’t Montessori. It’s more strictly segregated by age for kids under 3.
Anon says
That’s very interesting. I think they do not call themselves a Montessori school but do follow some of the philosophy guidelines. I am not familiar with the official leader/ learner concept in mixed age rooms and will definitely read about it and will ask the director. I think this would go a long way. She specifically said she’s not friends with the big kids, only the little kids. And when she came into the room on Friday during breakfast, she didn’t know where to sit, so she sat in the first empty chair which happened to be the teacher’s. I think he said “kiddo, whose chair is this?” instead of directing her to a chair that she should have taken. I thought it was a very odd interaction that could have been fixed with some very simple guidance, so I’m betting this is a big part of it – not having someone show you around but being expected to know everything. Thank you!