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This dress only has lucky sizes left, but I like it so much that I’m going to post it anyway. The drop waist is interesting and different — as is the seaming and tailoring throughout the dress, which feels unusual for a drop waist dress under $65. I like the dark olive color (you’ll be surprised how versatile it is in your wardrobe), and the fact that it’s machine washable. It was $154 but is now marked to $61.50 at ASOS. Whistles Exclusive Drop Waist Jersey Dress
A couple of options with more sizes in stock are here (small polka dots) and here (black); two plus-size choices are here (green) and here (blue).
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
AIMS says
Love this. I actually have a maternity dress this color from ASOS and I didn’t put it away with my maternity clothes because I love the color so much I was thinking I could just wear it as an empire waist dress.
This is my favorite kind of neckline, too, and so hard to find. Most scoop necks are awful, boat necks are elegant but run the risk of showing bra straps, but this is just so perfect: flash of collar bone, not constricting, but still flattering.
Betty says
This may come out a bit rambling: How do you all balance wanting to be perceived as a solid, reliable employee with all of the crisis that come with kids and family? Our au pair has left the country. My mom is watching the kids for a few weeks, but she also has plans of her own (dr. appts that can’t be moved). I also need to spend time trying to find a new au pair, which is not a small undertaking. This is coinciding with work deadlines for me, and my husband getting ready for the new school year (elem school principal).
My boss is relatively understanding, but I am loathe to bring all of this up. We had a health care crisis (husband was in the hospital for a few weeks) earlier this year and had to fire a nanny at about the same time. In short, it has been a crazy, stressful year. Other employees in our department have a great deal of flexibility, but I end up hearing about it from my boss. E.g. An employee works remotely 4 months a year “even though I [my boss] hate it,” and he has mentioned that the other working mom in our department “is always bouncing from one crisis to the next.” With regard to the last statement, I have not been here long enough or been privy to the details to know the underlying truth of the statement. As I write this, I am realizing that maybe my boss is not as understanding as I think he is…. Any advice on handling these stressful situations in an environment where you want to continue to be perceived as a solid employee?
Anonymous says
When you figure it out, let me know :) I tend not to mention my kids very much to my superiors, and when something kid-related requires me to be absent or unavailable, I usually do not mention that it involves my kids. Other folks are unavailable from time to time for other reasons too. I also sort of go above and beyond to be available otherwise. That way, I don’t look like I’m always unavailable because of my kids. I sort of save that up for when there is a real crisis (e.g., sudden illness or injury or childcare crisis) — even the least sympathetic boss will probably understand if you have to break from work all of a sudden to go to the ER because your kid needs stitches (speaking from multiple experiences, unfortunately…). This is definitely not the way things *should* work, and I wish the system I found myself in was more supportive all around, but it is what has more or less worked for me. I guess the optimal approach would be to come to some sort of understanding with your boss that sometimes normal family stuff requires you to be absent or unavailable… but, yeah, not gonna try that on most biglaw partners I’ve worked with…
JayJay says
I agree completely with this. I don’t know if it’s ideal, but this is what I do. I’ve been at my company 2 years now and by all accounts, am doing very well. But I’ve had four bosses (executive leadership changes led to turnover) since I’ve been here, so I constantly feel like I’m back to proving myself every few months. When I can, I try to go above and beyond in terms of responsiveness and availability, to buy myself some goodwill in the future.
Lurker says
I know this is dependent on wait-lists in your area but could you go the daycare route for a bit until you and your husband have more time to do the au-pair interviews, etc. Some places that were filled before might have families who have since dropped out.
Meg Murry says
Or could your husband ask some of his staff who they use as daycare/nanny/in home care? There are a couple of in-home daycares in my area that pretty much just cater to the teachers, because they get booked through word of mouth that way.
Anon says
I have a super understanding and supportive boss, but aside from that, there are a few things I do to mitigate. First, I absolutely make sure all my deadlines are met and my work is getting done, even if that means coming in on weekends or in the evening when my husband is home. I figure if no one is complaining about work not getting done, people are less likely to notice or care. Second, I block out time on my calendar when I know I will be gone for kids (dr appts, etc.) and usually don’t tell people where I am going. I try to schedule all appointments around lunchtime so people just think I’m at lunch. If it comes up, I just tell them I have an appointment and don’t mention it is for a kid. Third, if I absolutely have to be home with the kids (illness, daycare closing), I either take PTO if I know nothing will get done, or I work remotely and make a huge effort to be very responsive to emails and getting at least the important stuff turned around immediately, including a little bit of rule number one (logging in at night when my husband gets home so I can get some concentrated work done).
JayJay says
Replying everywhere, but this is a good point on working from home. When I had to do it, I always make it a point to send a few emails earlyish in the morning (before 8 am) from my computer, with my full signature, so it’s clear that I’m at my computer and working. Don’t know if it works, but it makes me feel better…
Pogo says
I don’t even have kids yet and I make sure to do this! Someone called it on here once “working conspicuously”. I can work for hours and not send one obvious email cc’d with people who manage me, but when I work from home I make sure to just so they know I’m really working.
CLMom says
I try to reminder myself that I have a long career ahead of me still. So even though the week long battle of HFM or month long trial of finding childcare or 6 month sleep deprived haze seems like it will tarnish my career forever. It’s really just a temporary blip in the grand scheme of things.
GCA says
Anne-Marie Slaughter has a great bit in Unfinished Business about just this: the traditional concept of a career is a short sharp arc and you retire at 55 or 62 and it’s all downhill from there. What if there was a second or third or fourth or fifth act?
My mom is the embodiment of this before it was cool: she is an MD, was training to be a surgeon, had me, quit training to be a surgeon, got her MPH, went into public health, rose to the top of her field, retired, spent a year looking after grandkids, is now part-time GP in a large practice where she doesn’t need to do any of the administrative stuff. You just zig and zag. Nothing’s ever over. This is how I approach my career, too.
NewMomAnon says
Well, I had a kid, two moves, a week long hospital stay, and a divorce all in the span of 18 months….I leaned out while I had to. Now I’m leaning back in. There is some collateral damage; my direct supervisor will always think of me as a walking, crying uterus, but he’ll retire soon so I’m gritting my teeth and going around him as much as possible. It turns out he also doesn’t have as much power over my career as I thought he did, which is nice.
As to your boss; he may grumble about the inconvenience, but it’s not your job to keep him happy. It’s your job to do your job. It sounds like the people he complains about are all still working, and possibly still advancing, so maybe ignore his words.
Honestly, if you have any PTO left, take a week or two off of work to deal with all of this. And if it’s possible, ditch the nanny/au pair route; you may not like a center or in home daycare as much and it may be more expensive for multiple kids, but they are reliable. Have your husband look for an au pair next summer or over the holiday break.
Ally McBeal says
I totally understand the desire for an au pair, but we ditched the nanny/au pair option for this exact reason. We had a beloved nanny when we lived in New York, but after we moved out of the city, we couldn’t find a nanny who could give us the reliable long-term care we needed for our work schedules. So we moved to full-time preschool/day-care/after-care at school and it has been so, so much better. It’s more work to get the kids out the door and handle drop-offs and pick-ups — but it’s a huge relief to know that day care is ALWAYS open. We have a night nanny who helps out with pick-ups a few nights a week to get us some extra hours.
Betty says
Daycares in our area do not cater to the professional crowd. There are some that cater to teachers, but neither my husband nor I can keep those hours.
I’m beginning to feel like every form of childcare has its own risks. We have had a daycare close on us with two weeks notice (right as I was returning from maternity leave), a SAHM/nanny need to move on short notice because her husband lost his job, fire a nanny (lying), and now an au pair depart after 1 week due to homesickness. There are some days where I question why I work, but then again, being a SAHM isn’t what I want either. Just having a lousy day.
Pogo says
I am also interested to hear if there are other suggestions for this.
As I’ve mentioned, my work baby and my real-life baby will probably be due around the same time. Yesterday a coworker (who had just seen my product proposal for the first time) said something like, “Do you have any idea how busy the next year will be for you? That’s a crazy timeline.”
It makes me nervous about getting pregnant, knowing that maternity leave could impact my product. So far my only idea is to keep it hidden as long as possible and put it insane hours leading up to my maternity leave. I’ve also started putting feelers out to train a more junior employee on some of the more technical aspects of my job so she can cover.
I also agree to keeping appointments early or at lunch if it all possible and not telling anyone where you are. That’s what I’ve done so far with fertility stuff.
NewMomAnon says
You may actually find that the timing is OK, unless baby comes early or your timeline slips. I closed the biggest deal of my life during my third trimester. I actually had a lot of energy, was super organized (nesting instincts!), and it was a good distraction from the aches and pains of late pregnancy. I had figured out how to manage a lot of the pregnancy side effects by that time too.
Now, if the major project were due in the first trimester, you could be in trouble. Or not. My first trimester was fine except for being really tired, having no motivation, and craving bizarre foods.
FTMinFL says
Ditto. I don’t even remember working during my first tri, but I was an absolute rockstar during the second and third trimesters. Organization is key to helping everyone feel comfortable as you approach your due date, but you may be surprised at how much you enjoy the distraction that work provides.
MDMom says
Timely. My kid had a low grade fever on Sunday then was sent home from daycare Monday afternoon when my “give ibuprofen and hope” gamble failed (still a low fever, but there nonetheless). And of course I had court hearings yesterday afternoon and this afternoon.
My tactic is similar to what’s been reflected above. Try to make sure time-sensitive stuff (in my case, court appearances) is handled and minimize absences that are likely not to affect anyone. In my case, its possible to have a colleague cover those appearances, but it’s a definite burden so I’d rather save that for when kid is really sick not just low grade fever with minimal symptoms. I went in late yesterday to give mother in law (1 hr away without traffic) time to get to our house without hitting peak rush hour. Covered my afternoon hearings and left about an hour early. I told my boss I’d be in a little late to relieve my mil, but didn’t make a big deal of how late or mention leaving a little early. Today I came in at 1030 so I could make sure kid was fever free (he was, but was whiny so I gave half dose of Motrin to be safe) and took him to daycare. I didnt tell my boss this because I don’t have any obligations in morning so my absence was highly unlikely to be noticed. I have a work cell where I could be reached if necessary.
My boss is a woman with several adult children so she is very understanding. My bigger concern/guilt is burdening coworkers too much.
That said, it sucks. I feel like it has thrown off my mojo for the whole week and I’m struggling to focus and get things done.
Betty says
Thanks everyone. My approach is pretty much what is suggested. I get my work done, just say that I need to be out and keep my personal life personal. I feel like I am about to drop from all of the crises this year that I have worked through. Ugh. And for fun, I was just asked my availability for a business trip the first week of school.
Regarding childcare: We are going to stick with finding another au pair. Daycares in my area typically have a 8-12 month wait. My oldest is starting kindergarten and my youngest is in a part-time preschool, so it is an au pair or nanny for us (plus we work longer hours than daycares permit).
Lurker says
YMMV but you may need someone in addition to an au pair then. A friend has an au pair and her contract had very strict hours that barely allowed the parents commuting time with a 40 hour/week job. I’m guessing your job, like mine, is not 40 hours.
Betty says
The fantastic part of au pair scheduling is that when my kids are at school, it does not count toward the 45 hour max.
Lurker says
That’s so good to know. Thanks.
Famouscait says
I try to work into conversation (somehow) what my husband is contributing to crisis management, so that boss knows I am trying for balance, not assuming all responsibility is mine, etc. I consider it a demonstartion of my powers of delegation. =)
Also, I try to let boss see me taking work home (as in, here’s me saying goodbye for the day, with a big work bag over my shoulder) and do the email things people mentioned above.
I also make a point to tell my boss “thank you” for the flexibility when I need it.
Amom says
Anyone suggest any good talking books for kids for a long car ride?
Anon in NYC says
Like an audio book? How old are your kids? How long of a car ride? Would something like Harry Potter be too advanced? Audible (an Amazon company – I have not used them) seems like they have a lot of inventory.
PhilanthropyGirl says
We did a free one-month trial of audible on a road trip and really enjoyed it.
Again, age dependent, but along with Harry Potter I’d suggest the Percy Jackson series or the Hunger Games series.
Our toddler hasn’t shown much interest in audio books yet, as he can’t follow along to turn his own pages. I don’t have any advice for younger kids.
EP-er says
We just started getting into audio books for longer car rides. (Kids are 4 & 8.) So much of it is dependent on the narrator, so check it out before you depart. My absolute favorite so far is the Hoboken Chicken Emergency by Daniel Pinkwater. I was laughing so hard I had to turn it off until I could catch my breath so I wouldn’t get in a an accident. We have also been listening to everything by Roald Dahl, plus other classics. Pretty much we just skim over what the library has before each trip.
NewMomAnon says
Bedtime for my 2.5 year old has turned into a major disaster. Last night we started at 7:45, into the crib by 8 pm, and she wasn’t asleep until after 9:30 pm. We had multiple requests for potty, rocking, hugs, covers (all of which I rejected after the second tuck-in because I told her it was the last), followed by 3 episodes of “revenge peeing” where she wet her diaper and then hyperventilated until I changed her.
Help!!! My laundry hasn’t been done in over a week because I’ve completely lost my nightly free time (such as it was), and I’m really dreading bedtimes now. I know the answer might be earlier bedtime, but I can’t handle the idea of a 3 hour bedtime or a 5 am wake up…..
AnonMN says
Following. We just had to ditch the pacifier, and bedtime has been a similar disaster for us since. One of us usually has to lay in the room until he is mostly asleep. It’s exhausting and I want my night time back (my 6 month old just transitioned to his crib and having a real bedtime, so I had about a week of real nighttime before Kid #1 disaster started, ugh).
Sorry no advice, just commiseration.
Momata says
I haven’t tried this myself, but I read somewhere (probably here) about a Hall Pass. Literally your kid gets a slip of paper / index card that they can cash in for one visit from a parent. After that – no more parent. I stashed it away in my arsenal because it seems to give the kid some autonomy while also setting a limit, aided by the helpful presence of a physical object to remind them whether or not a parent will visit. As with anything, I imagine consistency/sticking to your guns is probably key.
Jen says
Is her bedtime too early? My kid started ditching naps at 2.5, so on nap days she wouldn’t go to sleep until 9, but non nap days it was 7:30.
Chi Squared says
We’re going through some rough nights and prolonged bedtime with our almost 3 year old too. The Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child book recommends setting “sleep rules” and offering a reward in the morning if they are followed. I can’t remember what the exact rules in the book are, but ours are: 1) stay in bed/don’t get up to turn on the light; 2) lie quietly; 3) until we come get your. Her reward is watching a video on the iPad in the morning. She gets it, and since we’ve implemented the rules (about 4 days ago), seems to be in a better mood about going to bed and not waking up in the middle of the night.
The book also recommends a silent return to bed – no talking, no looking in the eye, no emotion – for night wakings. Our daughter gets 1 potty request, and that’s it. I hope she does not think of “revenge peeing”!
Anons says
I would guess that naps are too long. Determine how much she is sleeping in a 24 hour day, then work with that. If she is sleeping 11.5 hours a day and you want her to sleep 10 hours at night, then nap must be cutoff at 90 minutes. If her childcare won’t do that, you may be stuck with a late bedtime.
Another thing is how long she is awake before bedtime. To keep an 8pm bedtime, my daughter cannot be allowed to sleep more than 90 minutes at nap AND she needs to be awake from nap by 2:30pm. Otherwise, she will stay up late and be cranky in the morning.
NewMomAnon says
Well, her naps at school are on the order of 1 hr to 1 hr 15 min. She hates nap with a passion, but she is a wreck without it. I guess we could start trying to cut it back to the earlier of 45 minutes or ending at a certain time (2 pm?) and see what happens….she’s already on the low end of the “recommended” sleep guidelines for toddlers. She usually sleeps about 10 hours at night and an hour during the day.
Anonymous says
She may be a little young for this, but could you try making her help with the laundry? Like “Mommy is going to do the laundry. You can go to bed or help.” And then make laundry a super boring activity. Like sit and watch the washer boring.
NewMomAnon says
Oh no, kiddo loves “doing laundry.” Laundry is a sport that involves flinging items of clothing as hard as possible into the washer (and sometimes overshooting so mama has to pull the washer out from the wall), and then sprinting back and forth to transfer clothes between the washer and the dryer. And folding is also very exciting. Sometimes she “helps” on weekends, but weeknights are just too rushed. When I’ve told her in the past that I need her to go to bed so mommy can do laundry, she gets really excited and doesn’t fall asleep for hours. I basically have to lie about it and say I’m going to unload the dishwasher or something.
Anony says
My twins just started having an easier time with bedtime. One in particular struggled when we went from crib to floor mattress. When we got a big boy bed with a guard, it feels more like his crib, and he has gone from taking 45 minutes to about 5 minutes to go to sleep. Unfortunately, when he was at his most sleep-deprived, he would stay up the latest at night because he was out of his routine/ making himself too hysterical to calm down. I say this because cutting off naps didn’t help for that reason.
fed mat leave says
I am thinking about a move to the fed govt – have some strong leads and applying now. Obviously this is a bit cart before the horse, but can’t help thinking about maternity leave ramifications as I think about leaving biglaw benefits. I will most likely be TTC baby no. 2 within the next year, so if I were to make the jump, I wouldn’t have accrued very much leave before needing the leave. Anyone been in a similar situation and made it work – emphasis on minimizing unpaid time off?
I know this is borrowing a bit of worry and I think it’s a manifestation of my fear of leaving the money generally, even though I don’t think staying at the firm for 2 more years is a tenable option either. Amen to whoever characterized it as a well-paid (and extremely stressful) dead end job…
AIMS says
Can you look into buying short term disability insurance to supplement your leave? No idea how it works but a thought.
Also, maybe just reframe it in your head as not giving up longer paid leave but getting yourself a better post-leave schedule. Obviously, you could also try to time it so that you make the switch after your leave but I tend to think that’s not something you should do if you can avoid it (I know others will disagree). Another reason not to do it though – it will probably be easier for you to make time for doctor’s appointments, etc., if you’re not working at your current job throughout your pregnancy.
octagon says
Some agencies offer paid short term disability as a benefit, others give you the option to buy it. If you get an offer, you can ask about it with the other benefits.
You also can apply to be eligible for donated leave. At my agency I think you have to have less than 5 weeks banked when you give birth. Several colleagues have done so – I had spare leave so I always give a day when someone needs it. If you have friends in other agencies they can also donate to you — it’s a bit of a paperwork hassle, naturally, but worth it, especially if you have a friend who’s been in the government a long time.
pockets says
If you believe Ivanka Trump, once her dad is president, great maternity leave will be a priority. He’ll probably start with the federal government, so maybe you’ll get lucky.
snort.
Ally McBeal says
No advice, but empathy – I actually turned down a fed job because I did not want to give up my 18 weeks of paid maternity leave. I’m not sorry, either. It was the right decision for me.
Betty says
I did this. I moved from biglaw with 18 weeks paid maternity leave to a federal job with zero paid maternity leave. However, I could borrow sick leave that I had not yet accrued and did manage to save a bit of vacation. All told, I think I had about six weeks of paid leave. I had no short term disability coverage, but I believe some branches/organizations may. In some organizations/branches you may be able to borrow from a sick leave bank. I will say that even though I did not have much in the way of maternity leave, my quality of life was so much higher upon exiting biglaw that I preferred my second maternity leave.
RDC says
Caveat on leave banks and disability coverage – my understanding is they only cover the period of recovery from childbirth, which is usually 6 or 8 weeks depending on delivery type (vag / c-sec). Time spent “bonding with a well baby” has to be annual leave (vacation time) or unpaid.
The fed gov is trying to be more accommodating by allowing you to take advance leave, so that might be an option, but the same rules apply (sick leave only while recovering / annual leave after that).
So if you want a maternity leave much past 6 weeks, it will likely be unpaid. At least that’s my understanding as a fed employee coming up on my second mat leave.
GCA says
Help! Kid (15 months) has serious ants in pants problem. He is an *extremely* high-energy child, needs to run around or he doesn’t sleep well/ go to bed on time. Two separate but overlapping issues:
1. Standing up in high chair. For a week I’ve tried ‘if you stand in the chair the meal is over’, which worked for throwing food within a few days. It has not yet worked.
2. Toddler room at daycare where they sit down for story time, sit at table for crafts/ snack/ lunch, etc. Am starting to worry that he’ll be one of those kids whom the school system brands and writes off as ADHD when really he just needs to get the wiggles out (though he seems to have inexhaustible supply of wiggles).
Any advice?
Anon in NYC says
Is daycare forcing him to sit still for these activities? Can you talk to his teachers about letting him burn off more energy at school? My kiddo will sometimes just wander off to do her own thing and they don’t make her return for the scheduled activity. Also, how much time do you have before dinner/bed once you get home? Does he have a chance to run around a bit?
NewMomAnon says
Haha, we should put your kid and my kid together in a room and see if they can wear each other out.
At about 18 months, I ditched the high chair and just let kiddo stand on a chair at the kitchen table. I was initially worried about excessive sitting in toddlers too, but it turned out that it just seemed excessive because those were the easiest times to snap pics of the kids, so I got a ton of evidence of sitting. The kids were spending 2+ hours on the playground each day, and had 1.5-2 hours of “child’s choice” play around the room. Add that to 2 hours of nap, and there wasn’t that much time left in the day for sitting.
Nobody has labeled my kid ADHD yet and her pediatrician would be so against that designation; little kids have lots of energy and no attention span. Within a year, you’ll notice some improvement. My ped said she won’t even entertain the possibility of ADHD until age 5.
PhilanthropyGirl says
My high energy guy can be the same – he’s 24 months and has been much the same for months and months. If he’s not harnessed into a high chair, he’s standing in it. Letting him down because he stood up turned out to be giving in to his desire to get down from the table rather than a punishment. We have to harness or there is no sitting. At 24 months, we’ve now resorted to timeouts – he doesn’t just get down. He gets to sit in the timeout chair. It seems to take the reward out of getting down from his chair.
As far as the other stuff – mine just has to get the wiggles out. There is no sitting still unless that happens. He also has really poor sleep and really terrible tantrums. He needs bare minimum 60-90 minutes outside running like a mad man – every day – or he can’t sit still. I’ve been aiming for outside for an hour in the AM and then another hour in the PM. It seems to really help. That’s probably going to be your best bet, is to make sure he has free-range active time as often as you can.
Does his daycare get him lots of active outdoor freetime (or gym time when the weather’s bad)? Any situation requiring lots of sitting still for a 15 month old is a recipe for disaster, especially for a busy little boy.
GCA says
Corollary to #1, he is a pretty skinny child – fluctuates between high 20s/ low 30s percentile for weight, had a skinny day the last ped visit, ped suggested feeding him more calorie-dense foods! so it’s of slightly more concern to me that he actually eat.
I’ll talk to teachers – I don’t think they have a hard and fast rule, at this age, about returning to sit for the activity. I mean…toddlers are toddlers, right?
He gets plenty of time at our local playground on our walk home from daycare, or we go to the pool after a quick dinner, and that usually just about tires him out enough to go to bed at 8. But I definitely notice it on days that we don’t go.
NewMomAnon… man, we should have a playdate. They might wear each other out – or amplify each other’s energy!
Anonymous says
How much outside time does he get? I chose my daycare based specifically because they bring the kids outside every single day regardless of rain or snow. Mine need at least an hour of running around outside in the afternoon to sleep decently at night. Can he run around in the backyard for a half hour after you get home from daycare and before you leave in the morning to burn off energy? We have our basement rec room set up as a space where they can run like crazy for the days we can’t get outside. Balls/bubbles and chalkboard paint on the floor for lines for racing games or hopscotch. Pinterest has tons of ideas.
Anonymous says
on the food issue – can he stand at the table to eat. we’ve allowed this on occasion as long as he was eating, he was allowed to stand up (not jump around crazily but wiggles okay). Getting to stand was a good motivation to eat.
Jen says
My kid rides a bike around the house (pedal car type) and stops for “refueling” at dinner. We generally dont allow it but some nights it just isn’t worth the fight.
MDMom says
I think it’s weird that your daycare expects them to sit still this age- do they actually expect this or are you just worried because he seems more wiggly than the other kids there? Every time I see circle time or meal times at my kids class, there are a few kids wandering off doing their own thing and it’s no big deal.
I have the $15 ikea high chair and there’s no way my 15 mo can stand up in it when he’s buckled in. Does yours not buckle or can he get out of it? So either a better buckled, or letting him stand on a chair (if he’ll eat that way) may be a good option.
My 15 month old has started getting whiny when left in the house too long. We go to the park every day we’re home. He practically leapt out of my arms to get to the playground at daycare this morning. I wonder if most of it is just normal for the age. Definitely would not worry about adhd yet- its way too early!
hoola hoopa says
TBH, this all sounds like perfectly normal behavior for a 15 mo old. So your concerns for (2) sound pre-emptive. For (1) Mine have all eaten on the move at that age; I promise they do learn to sit and have table manners. Try toys on the high chair. Try a chair. Try buckling him in (I’m also confused how he’s standing up?). Try serving him at a kid-sized table.
GCA says
Thanks all! I long since gave up buckling into highchair – he has hated it since day 1 (~7 months) and objects by arching back, flinging himself around etc in downright hazardous ways. I suppose it’ll click eventually, or maybe he’ll lose interest in getting out, as with the throwing. We are trying to be consistent in what we do at home and out at a restaurant, so he gets that you don’t just up and wander around at Shake Shack or wherever.
And yes, daycare does have lots and lots of outdoor/ indoor active time; they are out on the playground pretty much every afternoon at pickup. It’s just the occasional sit-down activity. So maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and worrying unnecessarily…
Anonymous says
I know at one of the top tier Manhattan boys’ private schools the kindergarteners all have little rocking chairs. They have to stay in the chair, but can rock as much as they want. Would something like that help? He could have his own table and rocking chair for meals maybe?
Samantha says
I had a high chair with steps and a tray, similar to this one (https://www.amazon.com/Keekaroo-Height-Right-Chair-Natural/dp/B0044R7HYM) and when my kid started standing up in it (despite the belt being on) I just took off the try so kiddo could climb down the steps and walk away. It is similar to the fix others have here about standing up, etc. Just give them to flexibility to do so. After an hour, offer them food again. My kid would eat only to satisfy the most pressing hunger need and would be hungry again after that wore off.
Secure Beginnings says
Does anyone have any insights on the Secure Beginnings mattresses? I’ve heard good reviews in terms of it being easy to clean, etc. but am looking for information about safety. Has anyone heard anything about whether the mattresses are really that much safer than a good quality normal mattress? Our pediatrician was ambivalent and I hate to spend the extra money if there is no safety benefit.
PhilanthropyGirl says
At what age did you transition your kiddo to a toddler bed? Mine turns 2 next week, and has finally mastered the “climb out of crib” stunt. 2 seems awfully young to me.
Anonymous says
As soon as he was starting to try to climb out. For me, it was right before he turned two. FWIW, definitely get a railing for the toddler bed!
PhilanthropyGirl says
Did you have bedtime battles? The thought of multiple punishments right before bed isn’t a pleasant one to me.
The toddler bed has a railing!
As usual, the kid is growing up before his momma is ready for him to grow up…..
Anonymous says
Yes, but more of the sort we always had with him — of him not wanting us to leave him alone. For some reason he rarely if ever realized he had more power now that he was not confined to his bed. It was actually easier than I expected.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Interesting. Thanks.
Anonymous says
My big kid went into a twin bed (a low profile mattress and slats instead of a box spring so lower than a standard bed, but still a twin) at 2 exactly to make room for little sibling. He is a peaceful sleeper and never fell out, but even if he had it wouldn’t have been too far and the carpet is pretty plush.
Little sibling was a horrible and wild sleeper….we turned the crib into a toddler bed just before 2 but he never really slept in it (why sleep alone, when your parents are pushovers who let you sleep between them?)
PhilanthropyGirl says
We already have the toddler bed (came with the crib) or we’d be going to a twin, too. I think I’m more concerned about the constant “get back in bed” battle, or climbing the baby gate and wandering the house at night.
mascot says
Tall, vertical slat baby gate is pretty hard to climb we found.
Momata says
We transitioned at 28 months. She has a queen bed in her room (only wanted to buy one bed) and we put those 6″ foam bumpers in between the sheet and the mattress pad to make the bed smaller and provide a barrier to rolling. She has only fallen out twice (since April).
PhilanthropyGirl says
How was the transition? Did she fight her bedtime?
Momata says
We had several weeks of having to do the “silent return” and where she would just putz around quietly in her room for over an hour. (We close her door and put one of those doorknob covers on her side of the door.) She has no toys other than books in her room, so I figured she’d eventually get bored and let her putz as long as she wasn’t crying (which would cue a silent return). This seems to have borne out – but like I said, it took weeks.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks – that helps. I figured it would probably look something like that.
GCA says
We transitioned at 14 months because he loathed the crib and consequently would only sleep in our bed. He sleeps so much better in the toddler bed – that thing is MAGIC.
He does climb out of bed at bedtime and in the morning, but we live in a small apartment with a baby gate across the kitchen entryway and he can’t get up to too much mischief. I don’t fight bedtime if it’s clear that he’s not sufficiently tired to sleep; if he is, one of us cuddles and rocks him till he is drowsy enough to be laid down. In the morning, I am an early riser anyway…
Toddler bed has a half rail, but I use a foam bumper on one side (the other side is against the wall) as he was rolling, legs were sliding out, and then the rest of him would slither off the bed and follow suit until he was standing on the floor with his top half on the bed, half awake and mighty confused.
PhilanthropyGirl says
The mental image of your confused little guy is precious.
Thanks for the tip on the foam bumper – I think we have a half rail, so we may try that too.
Anonymous says
I have a rolled up blanket under the sheet for the open side of the toddler bed. Some recommended using a pool noodle but my crib sheets were too small to accommodate that. It would be much more effective though!
TK says
Mine too! We were looking in the monitor and trying to figure out exactly where he was / what he was doing – finally went up to investigate – his feet were planted on the ground and the top half of him was folded over and lying on the mattress. He was dead asleep. We picked him up and put the whole self back on the mattress and invested in a pool noodle to put under the sheet to prevent the rolling.
He moved to a bed around 2 1/2. I anticipated a nightmare of waking / returning him to bed, but we have had *zero* issues. He’s been happily sleeping on a cot at daycare for over a year, so I’m not sure why I worried. In the mornings now he won’t even climb out of bed – just sits quietly until we come get him. Used to wail in his crib (then climb out and land head first.)
mascot says
We switched cold turkey and converted the crib to the toddler bed at around 20 months? Childproofed the room, took out toys to make it boring, baby gate at the door. Emphasized that he need to stay in bed. The first week was rough but then he got back to normal. Sometimes we would find him asleep on the floor, not sure if he rolled out or what, but it didn’t bother him so we didn’t worry about it.
PhilanthropyGirl says
What sort of getting-up consequences did you have that worked? I feel like a reward in the morning is just too far away for him to really understand or to be persuasive.
mascot says
We did silent returns when he was pitching fits. If he was just wandering around his room quietly, he tended to get bored in a few minutes (bc no toys or things to do) and go back to bad. It was pretty funny to watch on the video monitor. My husband was much more insistent that he actually stay in bed. I didn’t care as much so long as he was in his room and being quiet. He tended to get back in bed anyways.
The next day, you can always talk about how proud you are that philan. baby stayed in bed like a big kid. I agree that it’s a long time for a consequence based plan at that age.
hoola hoopa says
All between 18-24 months. Whenever they asked for a bed or refused to sleep in the crib. No bedtime battles – it was actually a huge easement of battles over the crib. We always switched to a toddler bed, so no real worries about falling out since it’s only a few inches. The bigger issue for us was getting them accustomed to staying under blankets, as until then they were in sleep sacks (although now they have the ones with feet).
hoola hoopa says
Earlier responses reminded me that we did do silent returns. We do them for the older kids, too, so I forgot. lol.
Jen says
Mine went from crib to crib mattress on floor at 18 months, then real bed at 20 months (with real mattress briefly on floor)
Anonymous says
Do any of you have experience with convertible cribs? Due date is approaching soon. Our plan is to have our baby sleep in a bassinet for the first three months and then switch to a crib that can be converted in a toddler bed (when the time comes). Do you have any brand recommendations at decent prices?
Thank you in advance!
Anonymous says
Both my kids had a Pottery Barn Kids crib — I think Kendall? It was highly rated on Consumer Reports. So far, so good. I was advised to buy the conversion kit at the same time as the rest of the crib, in case the model changes. I think it is the only “designer”-ish thing I have ever bought for my kids.
Jen says
We have the Kendall. Got it used on Craig’s List for $150. Went through 1-2 kids before us and it’s on our third.
It comes with a toddler conversion lkot br we don’t have it and didn’t buy it. Has held up great.fwiw both our older kids were in the crib from 3 months-18 months, not 2-3 years…may help with lifespan.
NewMomAnon says
I’ve got the Ikea crib that converts to a toddler bed – loved it as a crib, haven’t converted to a toddler bed yet, and will probably skip the half rail when I do (kiddo is 2.5 and not showing any signs of wanting out of the crib, so I think she’ll be OK without a rail). It’s gone through 2 moves and is still solid as a rock, and dropping the mattress was relatively easy (although you have to remove screws and partially disassemble the bed).
At $129, you can’t beat the price. I have the gray finish; it also comes in black and white, and maybe a wood tone? It’s also strong enough that I slept in it with kiddo a few times when she was a baby even though the weight limit says 50 lbs.
Personally, I wasn’t interested in a crib that eventually converts to a full size bed (some of them turn into foot board and head board). After kiddo teethed and left chew marks on the top of all the crib rails, I decided I was a genius and would put that out as a PSA to all new parents.
anon says
We got a Pali crib along with the matching dresser all in dark work. We’ve just used furniture markers on the scratches and what few teeth marks it has. It was a bit of a splurge, but the full bed should work until high school and the dresser /hutch doesn’t look juvenile.
AIMS says
Land of Nod makes a nice looking 4-in-1 crib that you can use as a bassinet, crib and then toddler bed. But it’s $1000 or so and mattress is separate. Although it does convert to a toy chest in part, too. Stokke makes a rather fancy and well-liked version like this too. That’s even pricier but you can often find it used on Craig’s List.
I’d say you may be better off with a regular convertible crib and a pack n play w/a bassinet for the first 3-4 months. That’s what we did. The pack n play ends up being handy for travel later and can also be used as a playpen. It’s not the best looking solution, but it’s very convenient because you can place it bed level and keep baby within arm’s reach the first few month which really does help make those early nights easier. For the crib, we got a babyletto crib which I’ve been very happy with; bed conversion kit came included.
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