Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
As the days get shorter and the nights longer, I need some extra light when I’m out and about.
This light from runner’s favorite Nathan just came in the mail. While I plan on using it for runs at dawn or dusk, the versatile design lets you clip this powerful light anywhere — even your bag or pet. You can also adjust the beam up or down, and it comes with a chest/waist strap.
The battery lasts 2 to 25 hours depending on the brightness and is easily rechargeable with the included USB cord.
Nathan’s Luna Fire 250 RX Run Light is $40 at REI.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Up to 60% off! Plus, Black Friday Deals for a limited time
- Old Navy – 35% off your order (ends 11/23); Black Friday Deals $20 and under
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- Loft – 50% off your purchase, including new arrivals
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- Zappos – 30,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase
Kid/Family Sales
- Hanna Andersson – 40% off everything; 50% off all pajamas
- J.Crew – 50% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off your order
- Carter’s – Black Friday: 50-60% off entire site; up to 70% off clearance
- buybuyBaby – 6,200 sale items
Hunting for great deals on family holiday cards? As of 11.25.22, these are the best deals we’re seeing on cards and more:
- Minted – 20% off all orders $150+; 15% off everything (through 11/25)
- Mixbooks – Up to 50% off everything (through 12/31)
- MPix – 50% Off cards; 30% off premium photo books & albums (through 11/25)
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Anonymous says
How common is yelling in your household by the parents? Do you do it, your spouse, or both?
Anon says
I feel like this is a hard question to answer because everyone seems to have a different definition for what yelling is. There’s raising your voice or “yelling” where really only one word or phrase is loud (e.g., “put your shoes on NOW”), there’s yelling because your kids are in a different room and won’t hear you unless you yell, there’s yelling that comes more from a place of surprise (“Ow, stop it!” when your toddler hits you) and then there’s full-on screaming from anger. TBH, I think it’s pretty ridiculous to call anything but the last kind of yelling “abuse” and even that does not seem abusive to me unless it’s a regular occurrence and/or mixed with physical intimidation.
But I think this is so cultural. I come from a loud, yell-y family and culture (eastern European Jews). My parents used to joke that our family’s “nice tone of voice” was a WASP’s definition of yelling and I think there is real truth to that. Our voices are just always loud, even when we’re not mad! They definitely full-on yelled at me and each other on occasion when they were mad. I raise my voice with my kid pretty frequently. I’d say probably weekly or so now at age 4, more frequently as a toddler? I have lost it and really screamed at my kid a handful of times but that is rare and I definitely feel bad about it and try to avoid it, if nothing else because I’m trying to teach my kid emotional regulation and so I need to model it myself. I also don’t like how out of control I feel when I do what I consider true yelling. When I raise my voice I am always in complete control, just choosing to be loud for emphasis, and to me that’s a very important distinction. DH and I frequently raise our voices at each other when we argue, but I can’t remember the last time we had an actual screaming fight. It has happened though.
Anon says
+1. I’m a yeller and grew up in a family of yellers. We’re WASP’s for what it is worth, just very loud ones apparently. People used to ask my mom why she yelled at her kids all the time and her response was they don’t hear me if I don’t (which was, in fact, true). DH is not a yeller and grew up in a house where you could have heard a pin drop and yelling is only appropriate if someone is actively losing life or (maybe) limb. It took some growing in our marriage (I try to yell less, he tries to take it less personally, occasionally he yells at me now which I view as a positive because at least he is expressing his emotions instead of stuffing them all down…). DD is 5 and is definitely a yeller (and fiery and feisty) like her mama.
Not a Yeller But … says
Almost never, and I’m fully informed about (and on board with) the whole gentle parenting movement. But the discussion on the main board is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read there is a long time. Calling someone abusive and telling them to move out of the house because they lose it occasionally and yell at a 6 year old?
Anon says
This.
anon says
Yes, we all lose it sometimes and generally we put too much pressure on parents to be perfect in general literature about gentle parenting. However, you can’t expect to your kids to be well behaved and tantrums if you yourself cannot manage your own anger and I think naming it and apologizing for it after is a part of the management and modeling for the kids but you should also work on the mitigating it. The kind of yelling that the OP on the mainboard describes does sound abusive and plenty of people on the main board express the long term effects of that kind of yelling to be destructive so not sure why you’re being dismissive about it. She describes it as being out of her control and is triggered by others but she recognizes that it is on her and not the kids. I agree with this OP’s assessment on what constitutes abuse.
Anonymous says
I grew up in a yelling household, and it was a cultural thing I guess (South Asian). Now I am so meek and timid that I can barely use a stern voice with my toddler. DH is not a yeller, either. So no yelling at our house.
Anonymous says
DH rarely yells and if he does yell, it is warranted. I will say I don’t think he ever yelled when we had one kid. I yell occasionally. Most recently I had an epic yelling tantrum where I scared my kids. I apologized to each of them afterward and had a heart to heart with DH that he can’t just peace out on our marriage and parenting and since then things have gotten better. My parents never so much as had a discussion in front of me so I tend to stuff things down until they explode which I know isn’t healthy. DH grew up in an extremely volatile household and knows how damaging that can be. He’s also better at managing his feelings.
Anon says
Ha I thought of the main page thread today because my parents are here for a visit and literally not even 5 minutes after my dad walked in the door we were yelling at each other. Not even about anything important or meaningful, and we weren’t Mad with a capital M. He just wasn’t listening to what I was trying to tell him about ordering Doordash and the house was noisy with two other adults and two kids under 5, and yeah…we were pretty much shouting but it was 1) to be heard over background noise and 2) with passion for the points we were making, not malice. I think the emotions involved and words used matter more than the volume. Swearing at kids, physically threatening them, calling them names, humiliating them, speaking to them with real vitriol in your voice? Not ok. But just yelling? Meh. My family’s default volume is LOUD, so yes… I yell, my parents yell, my kids yell, I assume someday my grandkids will yell.
Nora says
I have like specific anxiety issues related to how much my parents yelled growing up, and what you’re describing here doesn’t seem that bad? It seems practical, there’s a lot going on., the kids etc. I think yelling because its loud or you need to get your point across is different from yelling because you’re angry or can’t control your emotions.
Anon says
Yes, I agree and that’s why I think “do you yell?” is not a very insightful question because the words you’re using and the emotions that are happening (are you angry or just frustrated/trying to get your point across?) matter so much. Yelling “that restaurant doesn’t deliver before 5 pm!!” is completely different than yelling “you disgusting little pig how could you do XYZ!?” I would imagine that many of the people talking yesterday about their childhood trauma from parents who yelled at them experienced the latter kind of yelling, and while I’m not an expert I suspect the trauma has more to do with what their parents were saying and how their parents seemed to be losing control than about the volume at which the message was delivered.
Cb says
We have headlamps that mount on top of our helmets and front and back lights, and I’d still like to run a string of Christmas lights around my kid in the winter months.
Anonymous says
They make reflective safety vests with LED lights! I can set the lights in mine to be continuously on or blinking.
Anonymous says
Noxgear!
GCA says
I just got a Noxgear vest for 40% off in their fall sale! It looks like they still have 30% off right now.
EDAnon says
We do a string of lights on our stroller. Kids are getting big for the stroller though. On our bikes, we do add these:
https://www.acehardware.com/departments/outdoor-living/sporting-goods/bicycle-parts-and-accessories