CorporetteMoms

Updated: Oct 17, 2022 195 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: The Harlem Skirt

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Deep sea colored stretch knit skirt with folded waist band

This comfortable skirt from workwear favorite M.M. LaFleur was one of my maternity go-tos when I needed to look polished (even if I looked like I swallowed a basketball).

Although not a maternity piece per se, this pencil skirt is made of a stretchy, knit fabric that will accommodate your growing belly. I wore my usual pre-pregnancy size and it fit throughout my entire pregnancy. Add a matching top or jacket for a coordinated look.

The Harlem Skirt is $195 (some colors/lucky sizes are on sale) and comes in eight colors. It’s available in sizes XS to +3.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Isabella says

    Where do you find used baby clothes online? I love good buy gear, but they don’t stock clothes. I keep an eye on the local lists, but most families around here wear things out through multiple kids.

    • Anonymous says

      I think this is really location-specific. I discovered that in my area, stuff is worn out through multiple kids or is passed around a friend group – either way, by the time it ends up on the local lists, it’s in really rough shape.

      • Cb says

        Yeah, I think finding a buddy with slightly older kids is a more realistic option. But I’m finding I have fewer things to pass along as my son gets older – A) he has a smaller wardrobe with uniforms and B) what is less is wrecked?

        • Anonymous says

          TBH, I haven’t bothered looking for used toddler clothes, because my kid destroys her clothes. I had zero luck with used baby clothes because I don’t have an extensive friend group here, and my local friends with slightly older babies had boys who wore very gendered “boy” things.

    • TheElms says

      FB groups. Search a brand you like, but there are groups for Tea, Hanna, Boden, European brands (Next, Frugi, Villervalla, etc). Local consignment stores that you go to in person are another good option, especially for things like snow boots, snowsuits, rain boots.

    • An.On. says

      FB marketplace for me. I find it helps to look for size + season (i.e., winter 12 months), and I will start checking periodically about 1-2 months before I really start needing the clothes. I also do local pick up only.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      I found ThredUp to have the biggest selection. Kidizen has a more narrow selection of pricier/trendier brands and cuter stuff, but since you are buying from individuals, buying a lot can rack up shipping.

    • Anon says

      Kids consignment store in the “fancy” neighborhoods. Barely used keens, ski gear, name brand clothes all in pretty good shape.

    • Anonymous says

      Local fb groups (neighborhood parents’ group’ buy/sell page, fb marketplace). Then local thrift or consignment stores or local pop up rummage or consignment events. Unlike posters above we had almost 100 percent used toddler clothes, and have given away or sold most still in good condition, but find that starting at size 4 or 5 pickings start to be slim due to garments being worn out (plus kids develop preferences).

      • Anonymous says

        I’m one of the posters above re: used toddler clothes being nonexistent. I must live in a neighborhood of feral forest children.

    • Marshmallow says

      I’m obsessed with Swoondle Society. You can buy the clothes directly, but they also have a trade-in program where you can swap for points. I get at least 50% of my kid’s wardrobe secondhand from them for basically $10 per season.

      • Isabella says

        Thank you!!! I knew there had to be some used cold weather gear somewhere online!

    • Anon says

      The used baby clothes here are mainly at in person sales like Just Between Friends or local consignment sales. You can try stores like Once Upon a Child, too. Otherwise people sometimes sell lots on FB Marketplace. You have to pick them up in person anyway though, so you’re not really getting an advantage there by shopping online.

  2. Anonymous says

    I’m solo parenting while my husband is on a business trip, and it got me wondering — how do those of you without local family go about building a support network (for childcare, mostly)? I have a few babysitters I could call, but I’m not sure who I would go to if there was an emergency.

    • Cb says

      We know our neighbour decently well and they’d help out in a pinch (ie. my husband needed to take me to the hospital) etc.

      We have a few other families without local family, and we will proactively volunteer to have their kids, and exchange favours etc. A friend mentioned she had an awful migraine and her husband was working and I told her to bring over the kids and go to bed. We went to the theatre last week and my son went to his pal’s, and then they asked us to have their daughter while they werent to an appointment. Asking is hard at first but I think lots of people are happy to be asked, it helps bring the friendship closer. It’s unrealistic that we can get through life as totally self-sufficient units.

    • Pogo says

      Do you use a daycare? One way to build up a network of sitters is to reach out to the floaters in particular at daycare as they are often looking for extra hours. We use an in-home for our youngest and the daughters in that family are college age and watch our kids sometimes.

      We also have made use of Sittercity (similar to care dot com) to find highly qualified local sitters.

      I have also had the college age daughter of a coworker babysit.

      • Pogo says

        OK did not realize you meant like – having a stroke/going to ER emergency, but some of my answers still stand; our PT nanny had our house key and was one of my first calls when I got locked out with both kids, though she was already at her other job, I think if my mom hadn’t been available she would have come instead of making me get a locksmith.

        I did exchange contact info with many of the other moms of my kids’ preK friends; I would say I’m on good “instagram” terms with a few who would absolutely pitch in if it were a true emergency, and did in fact offer when my son was in the ER a few weeks ago.

    • TheElms says

      For an emergency we could ask our neighbor (retired in their early 60s), or I have a couple groups of mom friends that I met while on maternity leave with each of my kids that I could ask. We could also ask our nanny, but she often travels on the weekends. I’m sure it would be inconvenient for anyone I asked but I think in an emergency they’d all say yes if they possibly could, as would I if they ever asked me.

      • Cb says

        Yeah, when I’m nervous about asking, I just imagine how I’d feel if someone asked me and that helps me overcome any barriers. Like I want to live in community with others and the fact that people trust us with their kids is really lovely. We have half days every Friday and confessional, it’s easier to look after my son and his pal than my son solo, since I don’t have to entertain him solo. I’ll invite random kids over on the way home from school :)

    • ElisaR says

      babysitters and neighbors. making friends in the neighborhood is vital. it can take years to cultivate though, we are just getting there now.

    • anon says

      We have an au pair because we need more support than we can get from a local network. We both have big jobs and really need hassle-free, dependable childcare coverage.

      • Anne-on says

        +1 to this – same situation and had au pairs for years and now have a sitter we could (and have) used in a pinch. To me our ‘support’ network is a bit different from our the people we pay for care – though we need both!

    • Anne-on says

      We got to know our neighbors and some of our son’s classmates families really well. We also don’t have any local family (the closest ones are roughly a 3ish hour drive away) so it was important to us to build a local community. As for the ‘how’ – start hosting things/inviting people to stuff. We don’t have the largest or fanciest house (there are currently tumbleweeds of dog hair colonizing the underside of my couch) but we invite people over and/or ask them to join us at activities.
      Some family friendly ideas we’ve done – new years eve open house (we invited all the neighbors to drop in from 5-7 for appetizers and did a fake countdown at 7 for the kids), halloween party after school (let the kids play outside with some halloween games & eat cupcakes while the adults chat). My kid knows he’s always allowed to invite people over for playdates and we host those often. We will text another family to ask if they want to join us at a weekend festival/zoo trip/etc. If they can join, great, if not your kid still has fun solo. My husband and I have both had adult birthday playdates/adult night outs – my husband emailed the dads in our son’s class and they met up for axe throwing, I did terrarium building (local garden center hosted so everyone paid their own way) with some moms I wanted to know better. I’m VERY introverted and it feels weird to be the one reaching out but most people are excited to get together (and I don’t invite the ones who say no repeatedly).

      • Cb says

        Oh those are lovely ideas. I was thinking about doing hot chocolate/mulled wine in January when everyone is a bit broke and sad with the weather.

        We ask people to join us for things, message when we’re at the playpark, and have a second high backed booster so we can easily bring another kid along if we’re going further afield (zoo, museum, etc). I do think it’s easier where we are as our lives aren’t car-centric, you’re not asking to drive someone’s kid.

      • Mary Moo Cow says

        Same here, down to the introvert. It’s taken about 9 months of socializing with our neighbors in casual and informal playdates and prearranged by text outings like Anne-on described to become friends, but I’m now at the point where I would happily volunteer to take care of a child in an emergency and would feel comfortable asking the neighbors to do the same.

    • Anonymous says

      I think it depends on the scenario. I have 3 and my youngest is in PK. We know 3-4 other families in her PK well enough to trade childcare on annoying random days off.

      We know our neighbors and a few other families in town well enough that if I had to take one kid to the hospital I could drop my other two there if needed (depending on what it was I might just take them along and sort it later.)

      My 10 year old has a bff and I can send her over there for a day or two if needed (and they do the same in return). She’s basically a 4th child there.

    • Anonymous says

      In a real emergency, whoever you can reach. When my husband had a stroke a few years ago, I just called everyone I knew how I felt could watch my son until someone picked up who was in town and could come get our son – it was a neighbor with kids. (I learned through painful experience it is best not to bring your kid to the emergency room with you if at all possible.*) They were happy to do it, as I would have been in their shoes.

      *This was our 2nd trip to the emergency room in a week as he was originally sent home. His symptoms suddenly became worse, enough that he couldn’t walk to our car and we needed an ambulance, but it wasn’t like he was about to stop breathing or something – he basically had terrible motion sickness from anything other than holding completely still so would start vomiting when he sat up. Obviously I would not have stopped to call anyone if I felt we couldn’t wait half an hour to get to the hospital.

      • Anonymous says

        I find it better to send the patient in the ambulance by themself and follow in the car afterwards anyway. Otherwise you end up stuck at the hospital when they are discharged or admitted and have to get a cab or Uber or ride home.

        • Anonymous says

          We definitely did that but having a young child in the ER was problematic – our son was not allowed to go into the patient area, and I wasn’t comfortable leaving him alone in the waiting room for any length of time, so it was hard for me to be with my husband, who did need an advocate (NYC ER with beds stacked 2 deep).

          • Anonymous says

            Absolutely. I just meant that I wouldn’t delay the ambulance call to find child care–I’d send them first and then deal with finding someone to take kiddo and show up at the hospital an hour later. I know you need a patient advocate but in an emergency situation I would think sending husband alone would be safer than waiting until you had child care.

      • Spirograph says

        Yes, as someone who has ben on the receiving end of a nighttime call to help out with childcare because one parent had stroke symptoms… seriously, just call anyone and everyone in your contact list until you get help. In that case, the whole family had piled in the car and one parent was waiting outside with the kids while the other was admitted. I was happy to drop everything and go meet the them in the hospital’s parking lot to bring the kids back to my house.

        • EDAnon says

          We did this once and did it by order of physical closeness. Started with neighbors. They didn’t answer so I worked my way through my contacts. A family friend came through. It was like 3am so it was a big ask for someone to come over and no o e hesitated. And the people who didn’t answer right away called back and offered to come. Luckily, it resolved quickly.

    • Anon says

      I’m not real friends with my kid’s friend’s parents, but I would feel comfortable reaching out to them in a true emergency (and would be happy to help them out too).

    • anon same boat says

      For a “I need to go to the ER” emergency, a neighbor or friend, with a plan to ask (and pay for) a family member to hop on a plane ASAP or a plan to call the nanny agency if the need will continue beyond a few hours.

      For “childcare fell through and I have to go to work,” local nanny agencies—there’s a super expensive one that has always given me solid to excellent nannies, even at the last minute. It’s a ridiculous amount of money, but well worth it when needed.

      For emergency needs, I’ve found the childcare benefit that many employers provide beyond worthless—I’ve learned to only go to the excellent local agency.

      For “child has a fever and feels awful, so can’t go to school,” I’ve found nothing.

      • Anonymous says

        Yeah, you are not going to get anyone willing to expose themselves to illness by watching your sick kid. But our city does have a chain of drop-in day cares especially for sick kids. They are affiliated with a hospital chain.

    • CCLA says

      Same – heavy nanny agency user, and I have even found them willing to watch mildly ill children. We had to put down emergency contacts for school forms and I panicked realizing that while we are friendly with lots of families, we didn’t have a “like-family” close set of friends. But like someone said above, I thought about how I’d react if someone asked me and I went ahead and asked the mom of one of our kid’s closest friends – she was of course happy to.

      Loving the ideas up-thread. We’ve started doing more of these the last few months, especially hosting things, which has been a fun way to get to know more of the families.

    • Anon. says

      Neighbors are our first call. We’ve been very intentional about getting to know the neighbors who have kids and we are very, very lucky to have a good group of close neighbors with kids similar ages who we socialize with. When I needed to take the youngest to the ER a few weeks ago while husband was traveling, our nextdoor neighbors were able to pick the oldest up from school and watch him until we got home. We also use daycare teachers as babysitters occasionally and would be able to call on them in an emergency. They are adults who we know well enough to ask to spend the night if the need arose. Grandparents are 3 and 6 hours away, so they can drive to help as well but it takes more lead time.

    • Lizard says

      Just friends. My kids’ friends, my own friends. I wouldn’t call them if I just needed a hand with the kids – that’s paid childcare and planning. But in a true emergency, I would call or text the moms who have, e.g., brought their own kids to my kids’ birthday parties to help out. Any port in a storm. And I’d happily help another mom in a similar situation.

    • Spirograph says

      We have lots of wonderful neighbors with similar-age kids and trade favors for everything from urgent care visits, to quick trips to the store without the kids, to leaving one for an extended playdate instead of bringing along to a sibling’s sport practice. One watched our older kids when I needed to head to the hospital for #3 before the babysitter we had on standby (a daycare teacher) was able to get to our house. Our main high school-age babysitters are also neighbors, so we’re lucky all around.

  3. anon says

    My daughter will be one next week and has no words. She babbles a ton but has no meaning to any of them. Sometimes she waves bye, sometimes she doesn’t. The milestone guides all say they should have 1-3 words by 12 months. Has this been your experience? Obviously I’ll ask our ped when we go next week. I am starting to get worried.

    • Anon says

      i have twins. one was a talker and the other one took much longer – both within range of normal. These are also guidelines, like 1-3 words by 12 months, if she has 1 – 3 words by 13 months she is also likely still fine. For the first 1.5 years of my twins life every time we’d go to the pediatrician for a visit I’d be worried about some milestone bc my kids weren’t doing it yet, the pediatrician would tell me not to worry and then usually a week after our appointment they’d start doing the thing. obviously talk to your pediatrician, but based on my experience there is nothing to really worry about at this moment in time, though obviously much much easier said than done.

    • anon says

      Nah. Mine didn’t say a single real word until nearly 15 months. No one, including me, thought anything of it, and he is now extremely verbal and articulate at 3.

    • anon says

      The only thing worth considering is whether there is an issue with her hearing–that could be checked if you have any reason to be concerned.

      • Isabella says

        A great hearing test is crinkling a candy wrapper in your pocket. That’s literally what my ped did when my mom was worried about my late talking.

    • Anon says

      I asked something similar a while ago. My 13 month old also doesn’t really have words. She babbles. Pediatrician wasn’t concerned. She also doesn’t do signs but has recently been motioning for what she wants, which made me feel better. But yeah, I’m in the same boat!

    • Anon says

      My nephew (whom I babysit) had no words at 1 and has about 10 words at 25 months (he’s done some speech therapy too). Even still, his pediatrician isn’t concerned. It seems like a “wait and see” approach is common at these younger ages.

    • Anonymous says

      Does she point? Does she have receptive language (i.e. does she seem to understand you)? If you answer yes to both of those I wouldn’t worry at all yet.

      I did a lot of research into this when my daughter was that age. She did not have any words until around 18 months and we did some speech therapy. From my research, most kids who have receptive language and use some key hand gestures like pointing are just “late talkers” and will catch up. But, there are some kids who do really benefit from speech therapy, so if your daughter doesn’t have words by 18 months, it wouldn’t hurt to reach out.

      As some anecdata, my daughter didn’t seem to respond to speech therapy but had her own language explosion around 21 months and caught right up to her peers shortly after she turned 2.

  4. Three y/o shoes says

    Recommendations for shoes for an almost-three-year-old? The Cat & Jack slip-ons keep popping off DD’s feet during this new phase of playground enthusiasm. Hoping for something supportive that’ll stay on for play. She wore the little white Stride Rite sneakers when she was a newish walker; not sure if those are still the best bet.

    • AwayEmily says

      We are a ride-or-die Saucony Jazz family. Not the cheapest or the most expensive, but they definitely last.

    • Anon says

      i don’t think slip ons are great for kids, they need something with a velcro strap so you can tailor it a bit to an individual kid’s foot. my kids can’t really wear slip on anything. so you might be able to get away with a different version of cat & jack. ten littles are also good

    • Anonymous says

      You need something with velcro. My toddler is very loyal to Stride Rite.

    • Anon says

      We’ve liked See Kai Run (especially if you can find on sale). I like that most of the shoes are flat, vs curving up at the toes, which is better for foot development. They are also pretty durable.

      I’ve lately been heading down the “minimal” sneaker road and am gradually switching my kids over – brands like Vivo Barefoot, Xero shoes, etc

    • Anonymous says

      New Balance sneakers are our ride or die. I’m looking for something that kids can really run in (see Kai run and plae don’t have enough cushioning imho) and that will last until outgrown. We’ve been able to hand down most of these to little brother.

    • Marshmallow says

      See Kai Run. They now have a “basics” line at Target which is really affordable.

    • Anon says

      Stride Rite shoes are probably the best bet . We buy the same ones every time we go up a size.

  5. Winter parties says

    What are best practices for winter birthday parties? My bunch has December and January birthdays. I’m jealous of those who are having donut picnics at the playground for their fall parties. Bumping it to a half birthday celebration in the summer isn’t an option — my almost three year-old is obsessed with announcing her birthday. In DC, if specific options come to mind. TIA!

    • anon says

      This probably is not helpful, but as someone with older kids, I’d wait until 4 yo to bother with a group birthday party. If you want to do something, just have grandparents or one BFF over to celebrate. Keep it low key.

      I think big parties mostly end up being stressful for 3 yos. They don’t want to share. They don’t want to be the center of attention. They don’t appreciate a big party at all. It’s a perfect formula for a meltdown and not fun for anyone.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        I would agree with this too. My younger one would not have enjoyed a party for turning 3 (it was Covid so we didn’t anyway), but he had a great time at his recent party turning 4. 4 is a good age to start if you want to save your money and time now.

      • Anon says

        +1 and keep it small – number of kids per year of age is a good guideline. Basically, I wait until kids have actual 1:1 friends before throwing a party.

        Honestly, my 5-year-old still hasn’t had a friend party…we just invite his cousins, one of whom is his age. You could plan a special family outing on the actual birthday in the meantime

      • Anon says

        yes, my twins turned 3 during covid which i think was a blessing in disguise. they wore a special outfit, my dad came to visit and we had cake and balloons. when they turned 4 we had a party, which they loved.

    • anon says

      Does it need to be a party? Can he just wear a birthday crown to school/daycare? A fancy birthday outfit? A giant sign and balloons in front of your house?

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      We’ve done and gone to many parties at indoor playspaces. Jam Time or My Gym, if they have those in DC. Or indoor trampoline parks. They’re not the cheapest, but they can do it all for you, which is a convenience I find very well worth it.

      • Anon says

        +1 also the science museum, art studio, community theater in my town all do parties. Definitely host it at a place, not your house.

      • Anonymous says

        Woah, I knew you were in the Boston area but not that close to me. Mandy, the Jamtime founder, is a dear fiend of mine!

        • Boston Legal Eagle says

          Nice! There are two near me (so you probably know what town I’m in) and we’ve gone to many parties there. They are great!

    • anon says

      I’m not in DC but for Dec/Jan preschool birthdays some activities have included having kids over to decorate holiday or winter-themed cookies, party at a local gymnastics place that lets the kids jump in the pit and play on some of the simpler equipment, and going to a train show at a local botanical garden (we have train obsessed kids, though).

    • Anon says

      We attended and threw a bunch of parties for my kids’ daycare classes. Looking back – the kids totally didn’t need these parties, but I loved these parties b/c I got to know the parents in my kids’ classes. Most of the kids who went to our daycare went to the same local public school, so I have maintained relationships with these parents for years. My kids are in 4 and 6th grade, and I still have text threads with the parents from both of their preschool classes. We compare notes on teachers, etc., and parents from my 4th graders preschool class still get together twice a year for a dinner out.

      That said, I was all about very, very low actual preparation, so I found it was easier to pay a little more, but literally just show up at the event when we hosted. I have attended awesome parties for preschoolers at these indoor venues in Maryland and VA – YMMV, as this was several years ago now — Scramble, Climb Zone, Jump N Joeys, the Little Gym, Gymboree, the Children’s Museum.

      • Anon says

        OH! And California Pizza Kitchen did a fun party for one kid’s classmate – pretty sure my kids still have the aprons from that one! All these memories are coming back now :) Again, totally not necessary, but I always enjoyed talking to the parents/meeting the kids since I was usually dropping off or picking up in a huge rush.

      • CCLA says

        Huge echo to this re: parents, if that’s something that interests you. At that age the kid probably won’t care too much if it’s 3 friends or 23 friends as long as there’s a cake and happy birthday singing. As one of the ones in the thread above who doesn’t have local family, though, I have loved the kid parties even at age 3 because it’s a great way to gather and get to know the families.

    • Anon says

      We just went to one at a trampoline park and now my almost 5 year old has decided we’re having her birthday at a trampoline park. I’m not a fan of trampolines but it wasn’t as dangerous as I thought it would be. It was less bouncing really high and more just running around, rolling, jumping into foam pit, etc.

      Fwiw I have a February birthday and we did the party in the park thing on an unseasonably warm day last year (due to Covid) and I hated it. I had to “run” the party and I’m so bad at that. All I want for this year is to give my money to some business and have them handle it.

    • octagon says

      At that age we did the party at the local rec center. They had a bouncy house for the kids for 45 minutes, then we had 45 minutes for cake. No need to get fancy. If you blow up balloons for the kids to chase around after cake that’s enough.

    • Spirograph says

      All my experience with 3 year old birthday parties was pre-pandemic, and none of these are particularly covid-friendly, but at this point I think either people are comfortable indoors or they’re not, and you can’t plan an outdoor party in the winter around here. I have a winter birthday and used to have sledding parties every year when I was a kid, but DC area odds for snow aren’t good.

      The ones that stick out in my memory:
      – Costume party. Kids came in dress-up clothes, the family’s dress-up bin was also on offer, and favors were little superhero half-masks. They just basically had an open house: play doh on the table, playroom open for business, and outdoors available (we’ve had 60+ days in December and January the last couple years, you might get lucky).

      – County rec center. We did this for my daughter’s birthday when she turned either 3 or 4. Our neighborhood park has a playground and a rec center building. We rented that out, blew up a bunch of balloons and brought some bigger toys from home (eg play tents & tunnels), plus bought 10 packs of small stretched canvases from the local art supply store and set up tables with painting supplies. The kids played indoors or outdoors as the spirit moved them.

      – Pump it Up / Skyzone / Zava Zone /Little Gym etc. Pump It Up was very popular with our preschool’s families, and is basically the Easy Button of birthday parties. The closest location to me went out of business during covid, but maybe one near you hung on?

    • Anon says

      Here people do them at indoor playrooms, even in the summer. I assume there must be some in DC – they’re typically locally owned places with tons of creative toys, themes, ball pits, etc with private rooms for cake. They do a brisk business in toddler parties.

    • Anonymous says

      Gymnastics places, indoor playgrounds (tons around here in the Northeast), trampoline parks. All built for parties.

    • DLC says

      Montgomery County/ DC places we’ve either had parties or attended (though many are pre-COVID, so might have to do some due diligence. Also my kids are older)
      – Kensington Fire Station – this is my number one suggestion
      – Locust Grove Nature Center has campfire ring rentals if you want something outside. Most the other Nature Centers are now doing indoor parties
      – Chuck-e Cheese
      – movie theatre
      – Gymnastic centers
      -Ice Rinks
      – SkyZone

      • Spirograph says

        Ooooh we went to several preschooler birthday parties at Kensington Fire Station and I heartily second this recommendation!

  6. AwayEmily says

    The baby is officially on the move! Also, doing a lot of falling over. Thus, I need to get some of those foam square things for the inside of our large baby cage. As far as I can tell, they come in two varieties: very expensive ones from fancy kid places, or very cheap ones from Amazon. I’m okay getting the Amazon ones, right? They are not going to emit noxious gases or anything? Also, does anyone have a specific brand/link they can recommend?

  7. Anon says

    Ugh all those threads about yelling (which I missed Friday/over the weekend) and I totally lost it and yelled at my seven year old yesterday. She was being the worst. I lost my temper. I apologized. But it was not an awesome feeling.

    • Anon says

      those threads all made me feel like the worst mom ever. i try to be patient with my kids, but sometimes i get frustrated, which i thought was normal and not going to ruin my kids for life, until i read those threads on Friday

      • Anne-on says

        I think the point about not disparaging/escalating was a good one. Raising yor voice/yelling due to frustration happens, and apologizing for it is the right thing to do (god knows my boomer parents would never in a million years have thought to apolgize to a child). We’ve all been there and (hopefully) you discussed afterward that it didn’t feel good for you to yell and why it happened/how you can avoid it in the future.
        Screaming in a child’s face (I mean top of the lungs screaming) so close that spittle is getting on their face, cursing at/insulting or demeaning the child, screaming at and shaking a child, or snidely yelling/making fun of the child until they cry is a TOTALLY different ballgame. That’s the kind of ‘yelling’ that a lot of the commenters called out as incredibly harmful and many of us (myself included) experienced. What you’re describing is in NO way the same thing.

      • Anonymous says

        But I think not exaggerating is important. That poster said she was frequently losing her temper and yelling at and scaring her five year old and she recognized she had anger issues.

        If she had said oops round Friday I yell and apologized responses would have been different. I read that as someone who is a problem and knows it and needed to be encouraged to treat it like the crisis it is. Not everytime a parent yells is such a big deal.

        • Op says

          Totally agree on the OP. It was all the other posters that made me question things, not her!

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I don’t read the main page anymore but were the threads from people without kids (i.e. the “perfect parents” who aren’t actually in real live situations?) I often yell at my older one when I’m frustrated and he hasn’t listened or responded to me for the 50th time. Husband has a longer patience threshold but he also gets frustrated occasionally. If we can tell that it really hurt my older one, we apologize after, but often he just needs to know we’re serious.

      • Anon says

        An aunt and I are serving as long-distance caretakers for another relative who has dementia. My aunt said something VERY similar to what you just said – that sometimes “she needs to wake up/listen/hear this” and therefore yelling is justified. It has never, ever worked to “get something through” to her, but it has (100% of the time) escalated the situation and made agitation worse. My aunt has walked the yelling back because of how badly it’s played out and is now attending communication workshops with me to find a better way. Obviously kids aren’t the same as adults with dementia, but there are some similarities, including ignoring things 50 times and driving others crazy. I don’t know a better way yet, but I think there are good reasons to think about whether the yelling is really accomplishing anything.

      • Anonymous says

        I mean if you want to pretend like “often yelling” is good parenting and communicating go right ahead. I think it’s pretty horrifying but do you.

        • Spirograph says

          This is unhelpful, and as someone pointed out in the weekend thread, “yelling” means different things to different people. I often yell something along the lines of “come get your backpacks and get in the car!” after the first 5x did not succeed in disengaging my kids from [whatever they were doing instead]. Congratulations to you if you’ve solved gentle motivation to get several children out the door in the morning, but I don’t think there’s anything horrifying about raising my voice in that situation. If I were often screaming ad hominem attacks in their faces, then yes, that’s not good parenting.

        • AwayEmily says

          Yes, “pretty horrifying” is definitely how I would describe noticing when your actions affect someone and apologizing afterwards. Truly bone-chilling.

          Honestly, you’re being deliberately obtuse here, and pretty mean as well. There’s a difference between screaming at your kid when they do something wrong, and raising your voice to get their attention when they are engrossed in Legos.

          • Boston Legal Eagle says

            Always nice to be called out on my parenting by an anon when I’m being vulnerable and expressing that I’m not perfect and do occasionally raise my voice/yell at my kid!

      • anon says

        My boss has a neighbor who often yells. His kids grew up to yell right back in response. Now the whole family yells, and the neighbor is upset that his kids don’t listen and respect him. There are different degrees of dysfunction, but I think you have to think about whether you are setting an example you want to see your kids copy in the future.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m the commentator who is considering divorce. There is a huge difference between the way a normal person experiences and expresses frustration and the way people with an anger problem do. My spouse had 5 jobs last year and is on track for 4 this year. He has no friends because his anger does not let him maintain human relationships over the long term. I’m nervous to invite people over in case he explodes. Props to the commentator yesterday for recognizing a problem, because my spouse is only dimly aware that his reactions are not normal.

      If you can hold down a job, have friends, etc, then your situation is totally different then people with a real anger problem. None of us are perfect (and there are definitely areas I am working on) but when someone has an anger problem it can dominate their life and the lives of those closest to them.

      • Anonymous says

        I mean just call the lawyer today. You know the only path forward is divorce.

          • Anon says

            I disagree. Many women find it helpful to get “permission,” even from Internet strangers, to take hard steps. There is no getting better when the OP doesn’t feel comfortable having friends over because of her husband’s yelling. There just isn’t.

          • Anon says

            Any comment starting with “I mean, just…” is not going to be thoughtful and helpful. It’s not that she told her to call a lawyer, it’s the tone of the comment.

      • Reformed Yeller OP says

        You need to call the lawyer. If you are afraid to invite people to your house, but you have kids, you are putting your kids in a situation that you don’t feel is safe for grown adults. You owe your kids more than you owe your grown friends. Please take care of yourself.

        I definitely wasn’t close to any of those things mentioned in your last paragraph (I had a great – albeit anxiety producing job – close and longterm friends, a good marriage), and I still was being too volatile with my kids.

    • anonymoushippopotamus says

      I’ve been there too. Just remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all do things we regret sometimes. It sounds super basic, but it helps me to try and stay self-aware in the moment, so I realize I’m getting angry before I explode, and then I can make helpful, rational decisions to improve the situation instead of yelling — either leave the room, take deep breaths, make a joke out of an annoying situation, and remind myself to slow down and remember this isn’t really a big deal in the scheme of things. I tell myself that kids are going to be kids, husbands are going to be husbands, everyone is allowed to be human, and I’m not perfect either. Also, yelling doesn’t get the outcome I want anyway. Sometimes stretching my patience just 20 percent longer, asking for what I want two more times, waiting an extra three minutes, or trying a different approach is all it takes (my kids respond well when I turn something into a game or a silly competition when I need them to complete a task, and now I use that tactic on repeat). I also try to take less pressure off myself during the day, so I’m not imposing that same go-go-go mentality on my family and I’m not always going 90 miles an hour when they aren’t capable of that. Not sure if you wanted all that advice, by as someone who has had a lot of regret after yelling, I felt compelled to share.

    • Anon says

      I chimed in as a reformed yeller to that thread. Given the way her kid was reacting after she yelled, yes, her yelling was a problem, and no, all the people who chimed in are not childless. I have 3 kids. I still raise my voice at my children when they are not listening and I absolutely get frustrated with them, but I do and will not scream at them. Her kid’s reaction sounded like she was yelling at them in a harmful way — she mentioned her daughter was hysterically sobbing. If your kid is hysterically sobbing after you yell at them, then yes, it’s a problem and you should fix it.

      If your kid is rolling their eyes or going FINE, then doing what you are asking them, it’s probably fine. If they are having any kind of a physical reaction, it’s probably not fine. Mine would cover their ears or their eyes with a pillow, and later told me that they had a really negative inner voice when I would scream at them. Even though I wasn’t saying mean things AT them, it was the tone of voice and the uncontrolled anger that was causing extreme stress for them. I saw a lot of comments saying it’s NBD, but if your kid is cowering when you yell or crying a ton or otherwise physically reacting, then yes, it’s a big deal and you should work on it.

      also, I did a lot of work to figure out my triggers, and yeah, I still get frustrated with my kids but I’m overall SO MUCH happier, which translates to them being happier and all of us coexisting so much better. One comment that really resonated with me from Friday is that they realized they used to feel like their inner anxiety was constantly up at like 70%, so one more little thing would set them off. Working hard to reduce my anxiety means I can let a lot more go before I really get upset. I grew up in a yelling house, and looking back, my parents were really anxious. I’m trying to break the cycle, as I don’t want that for my kids.

      • EDAnon says

        That comment resonated with me too. I know I am worse when my baseline stress is up. I also had a super productive conversation with my husband (who is much slower to yell) about when the kids aren’t listening. It’s often because of other stimuli (other kids, screens, etc.). I would rather deal with the meltdown from taking away the screen than yell and take away the screen (two bad things to them instead of one)! Framing it like that helped a lot so I could step back and rethink the whole situation.
        As a note, I do find I get most frustrated in the car. I think it’s the combo of that higher stress baseline (driving/traffic/hungry kids/hungry me). So I just try to be quiet in the car. It has helped tremendously.

      • Earlier poster says

        Yeah, I’m working on figuring out what my triggers are too. My biggest trigger is probably when one kid is being difficult and causing another kid to be late or miss out on something. That bugs the heck out of me. My oldest is our hardest kid and she can be so incredibly selfish. We don’t use that word, but she often gets upset and difficult to deal with when we’re running out the door to the other kid’s birthday party, for example. And it makes me so angry. I try to leave the room and cool down but other kid is usually upset too and it’s a whole mess. I can parent one or even two kids without yelling or wanting to yell. When there’s all three of them and I’m alone and we have stuff that needs to happen, it gets much, much harder.

        • EDAnon says

          That is one that sets me off too. Taking time is hard because then you will be more late!

      • Anon says

        I said this on the main thread, but I find it strange to go by the child’s reaction. My 4 year old is sensitive and dissolves into a puddle of hysterical tears pretty much any time we raise our voices or she gets any kind of consequence or punishment. I agree that what OP from the main page was describing is quite different than occasional yelling, and it does sound like it would be good for her to work on getting her anger under control. But I don’t think you should use the child’s reaction to determine whether or not the adult’s behavior is appropriate, because kids vary a lot in their reactions and a kid that age crying after being disciplined doesn’t mean the discipline was done inappropriately.

        • Anon says

          FWIW I have four kids, including two very sensitive ones, and yes, if my kid was dissolving into tears each time she was corrected, I would probably try to change how I disciplined her. I don’t know your child, obviously, and I sincerely doubt you are harming her in how you discipline her. But my sensitive kids are also very reactive, and honestly, I do try very hard to moderate how I correct them. Once they are at the point of hysterical crying, they don’t really learn anything anyway.

        • EDAnon says

          My son cried this weekend because I said I was proud of him for working hard. I do think kids reactions can be a sign to look at what you’re doing but also aren’t 100% indicative that you’re doing something wrong.

    • Pogo says

      I don’t think losing it occasionally makes you a monster, but I really try not to actually raise my voice. I have yelled in response to unsafe behavior and I think in those cases it can actually scare the child in an appropriate way – they hear the fear in your voice and realize how scared you are, and what a big deal what they were about to do (or did) was.

      I also admit to yelling my kid’s name in frustration when they do something, and it’s a gut reaction I need to work on. It’s more of an exasperated “CMON” vibe that a true anger though. Like, for real, did you just hand your brother the open container of sprinkles after I explicitly told you not to, and now he dropped it, just like I knew he would?

      • AwayEmily says

        Yup, I need to work on this as well. I heard my 6yo do the same exasperated voice other day when her little brother did something and I was like “eeeesh I really sound like that and it’s not great.”

        • Pogo says

          DH and I also both do an exasperated sigh, not directly at the kids necessarily but when something goes wrong. The 2yo has started imitating us perfectly when he like, drops a Duplo creation. It’s hilarious and also an excellent reminder of what we sound like…

    • Anonymous says

      The OP on the Friday morning thread was clearly engaging in harmful yelling and recognized it, but the responses telling her to move out and go to inpatient therapy were just nasty and misguided. That poor mom was yelling because she was stressed out by an untenable parenting situation. She needed someone to tell her that it was unreasonable to expect her to keep living like that and not explode, and that it was OK to wean her baby, insist that her husband get up some nights so she could get some sleep, and seek help for her older child’s eating and bathroom issues. Moms are expected to be saints and put up with things that no other human on earth is asked to put up with.

      • anon says

        I agree that a lot of the responding commenters seemed to be working out their own childhood issues by attacking someone who literally came asking for help because she realized she had a serious problem. That being said – she didn’t add the comment with the context about the situation until really late, so most people who were actively participating in the thread during the day didn’t have that information. Which doesn’t excuse the nasty responses, but did limit the utility of some of the advice.

        • Ano says

          It is sooooo common for people to project a lot of their own issues, make dark assumptions, and get really extreme on this board. I’m not saying this woman doesn’t need help, but in-patient therapy is way over the top.

      • Anon says

        Yeah the idea that a parent who is yelling at her kid but recognizes it’s an issue and she should stop and has already sought therapy should . . . find some sort of inpatient rehab for yelling parents as if that exists is truly bizarre.

        I think that the key thread in a lot of the stories that people shared there was that their parents didn’t admit the yelling was an issue and get help. So I can speak as someone whose mom yelled way too much and had some other issues including addiction issues when I was a kid. When I was a teenager she recognized that they were problems and got real help. It wasn’t always a smooth road but 20 years later we have a great relationship because she put in the work.

      • Anonymous says

        She didn’t include any of that context with her comment! Or add it for hours and hours and hours. You cannot fault people for responding to what is actually said.

  8. advent calendars says

    For those of you with multiple kids (say 3+), do you do advent calendars? We did last year and we ended up with so many little pieces and toys everywhere. I think the lego ones for example are fun, but times three it’s a lot to keep up with! We could do ones without toys or treats obviously, but those seem less fun. Even the advent calendars themselves take up space that I’m not sure we have at the moment! Maybe a family advent calendar is the answer?

    • NYCer says

      We don’t have 3 kids, but we do advent calendars with chocolate candies…. I figure the pieces of candy are tiny, and we don’t need more trinkets around the house.

      • Spirograph says

        I do have 3 kids, and this, this, this. Candy advent calendars only, I need 75 more trinkets around the house like I need a hole in my head.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      We do. This will be our first year with toy calendars (Bluey and Polly Pocket), so I will report back. In the past we did the cheap chocolate calendars (and honestly, I got one for myself, too.) My kids are close enough in age that sharing can be an issue, but far enough apart or at the ages where they have different interests so a family calendar seems like it would generate bickering that I just don’t want to deal with in the season of peace and joy.

    • Anon says

      We do the 99 cent ones from Trader Joe’s. They have chocolate and my kids are thrilled to have chocolate with breakfast. Then we have a wooden one with no prizes where they take turns moving the counter ahead one day.

      This year I bought one Lego city one on sale that my two older boys will share. I agree getting everyone their own toy one every year is too much, but we’ve had a stressful year (moving in with my parents, about to move again into our own house, switching schools x2) and will be without all our normal decor for Christmas, so I wanted to give them a treat.

      Elaborate advent calendars are definitely okay to opt out of if you feel overwhelmed/over budget!

    • SC says

      Just one kid, but we do the Lego one and one where we move pieces onto a Nativity scene. When I was growing up, we had one with chocolates, and it was the best thing ever.

      • OP says

        I think chocolate might be the answer. I love the nativity scene ones – I truly do! – and I love advent calendars – but we do not have the shelf space for three nativity scenes!

        Don’t know why I didn’t think to go consumable in he first place – ha!

        • Anon says

          I have four kids! I buy like four packets of holiday Hershey kisses, and they all get a Hershey kiss in their calendars. It’s easy for me, they look forward to it, and the price is right!

      • Mary Moo Cow says

        I misread that as you move the Lego figures into the Nativity scene each day, and I really enjoyed the mental image of a City Lego worker astride a camel.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes. Everyone gets one of the cheap chocolate ones from Trader Joe’s. No clutter they just eat their chocolates!

    • Anonymous says

      We have an advent calendar that breaks a story up into 24 tiny books. Each night you are supposed to read one book and then hang it on the Christmas tree, but we just stick the book back into the calendar after it’s read. Takes up very little space and can be shared by all the kids. Sometimes they like to take out the books and re-read them, but we have a rule against sneaking a peek at future nights’ books.

    • Anonymous says

      I never had my own advent calendar growing up, and it never occurred to me that anyone would have their very own. We had one of those flat cardboard ones where you open a door to reveal a little picture each day. My sister and I took turns opening the doors. My mother reused it every year. So I think it is perfectly fine to share.

    • anon says

      We do – kind of? My brother sends 25ish books individually wrapped from his local used book store and we open one per night as a family. This is also his Christmas gift for the kiddos so it’s a win-win for us.

    • Anonymous says

      I have 3 kids. We get cheapo chocolate ones for each of them from Aldi. DH and I get a wine one from our local shop.

      My daughter was gifted a charm bracelet one a few years back which was neat because at the end of December she had a bracelet.

    • Lizard says

      Sigh, I have two kids, and we do them for each. It’s fun. Yes it creates a ton of junk but…. /shrug.

    • DLC says

      We do one for our three kids, but it doesn’t have candy or trinkets- just a Bible verse behind each window.

  9. Anon says

    we’ve been fortunate not to deal with many stomach bugs over the years, but my 4 year old daughter woke up this morning and has thrown up twice. what do you do for a stomach bug? just try to keep kid hydrated? do you take kid to the doctor? she doesn’t seem to have any other symptoms

    • Clementine says

      BRAT diet – bananas, rice, applesauce, toast. Keep her hydrated. If she’s drinking liquids and peeing, she’s fine. Only call the pediatrician if it lasts longer than 2-3 days, if there are other symptoms (blood in vomit, high fever), or if you are concerned child is dehydrated.

      In our house, watered lemon lime gatorade gets busted out for vomit.

      OH! Avoid red things. Red drinks/gatorade/popsicles/foods. Causes unnecessary panic.

    • Anne-on says

      Keep them home, try to have her sip on gatorade or water and nibble crackers once she’s able to keep fluids down. If it doesn’t resolve or she’s not able to keep any fluids down after 24 hours I’d call the doctor to be sure you’re not at risk of dehydration.

    • Pogo says

      This is where my favorite and perhaps only mom hack comes in handy: The Elmo Chair. Elmo is a tiny stuffed armchair that we situate in our kitchen in view of the TV in the den. It’s the only place kids are allowed to eat and watch TV, and it is also where they post up when they have a tummy bug. They know when they’re sick that they sit in Elmo, eat popsicles, binge Netflix and if they happen to get sick they’re on the tile floor and Elmo itself is washable as well. I position a metal bowl next to them as well but no one has ever made it into the bowl successfully.

      I have only taken my oldest to the doctor when he was very feverish and crying in pain – though it turned out, really nothing they could do except fluids and a lot of tests to rule out something more serious. There was also a period of time when you needed to be ‘cleared’ by a doctor to return to daycare for any COVID symptoms so we did that post diarrhea once; again, nothing for doctor to do except declare him healthy at that point.

    • ElisaR says

      i give it 24 hours after which it has always passed. if after 24 hours I would go to doctor. sometimes we do pedialyte pops but sometimes those get puked up too.

    • Anon says

      Yeah, just fluids and BRAT diet until we’ve gone ~6 hours without a vomit and then we start gradually introducing richer foods. My kid often just pukes several times within an hour and then is fine, so hopefully you’ll follow the same pattern!

      Also, in these times, Covid test because it often shows up in kids as just a GI illness.

    • Anon says

      I think you just monitor to see if they need to go to the doctor and then attempt to keep them hydrated, fed, and rested. The BRAT diet used to be a thing but our pediatrician said it’s no longer recommended.

  10. Anon says

    Going to purchase a backless booster this week for our trip to a major Asian city next month (think: Bangkok, Jakarta, Manila). Kid will be 5 at the time of the trip and is 45″ inches right now. He’s in a 5 point harness at home, as we have 4″ until he grows out of it.

    Want it to be lightweight so it’s easy to move, pack, and is used – thinking Graco RightGuide or Cosco Rise but welcome suggestions.

    TIA!

    • Anon says

      We have the Graco backless Turbobooster. Haven’t gone to Asia, but have taken it on probably a dozen trips within the US and to Europe at this point and its worked fine.

    • SC says

      For a recent trip where we were mostly taking short car trips in taxis/Ubers within a large city, we used the hiccapop inflatable booster. Our kid is 7 but about 45 inches and is still in a 5 point harness at home. The inflatable booster was very convenient for short rides, and it fit inside my large purse.

    • anon says

      How much does he weight? Some of the nice travel ones (eg Graco RightGuide) have a 50lb minimum instead of the usual 40lbs for boosters.

      Over here I’m (not so) patiently waiting for my 5yo to hit 40lbs so we can use a booster while traveling…

      • Anon says

        Not gonna lie, switching to a booster for travel is pretty great. A very exciting milestone for my travel addict self for sure.

  11. Anne-on says

    Tween/teen parenting question. We have a boy who’s on the spectrum and we’ve noticed recently that a big trigger for him melting down is trash talking during competitions (video games, sports, etc.). For additional context it’s pretty (imho) mild language (no cursing, no slurs, nothing physical like shoving, no yelling/laughing at people who lost) more like ‘bro, our team really smoked you guys today’ or ‘how does it feel to eat my dust!’ or ‘dude, your character stinks, I’m going to wipe the floor with you on this board’.
    I’m trying to ID ways to help him regulate (suggest picking a game where they’re all on the same team, making positive comments yourself, turning down games with people you know get jerky, etc.) and for all of his organized sports the coaches are REALLY good at keeping it positive, so this is more playground/recess/playdate behavior. I feel like this low level ribbing is part of being a kid, especially for boys. I’m struggling a bit with how to help him cope as the kids he’s with see it as NBD but it has an oversized impact on him. I’d appreciate advice from moms of older kids here, the ‘we should all use our kind words only guys!’ approach/hovering I would have done for a group of 6-yr olds will not fly with 11 year olds.

    • Anonymous says

      This seems like the kind of thing that is ideal for his therapist to work on?

    • Anon says

      Agreed with therapist, especially as you’ll never be able to successfully keep him away from trash talking. It would require controlling other kids on a level that just isn’t possible.

      For a positive sport without trash talking, I suggest swimming or cross country. You work together as a team during practice, but kids compete on their own at meets. I can’t think of any trash talking during any meets we’ve attended, unlike my kids on the volleyball and lacrosse teams.

    • Anonymous says

      Our 9 year old is not on the spectrum but also gets upset with this kind of talk. We have worked to come up with 2-3 phrases for him to use. So his strategy is pick a response, then change the subject. Like ‘no way bro, I’m going win next time, let’s go play soccer/get a snack/whatever’ or even just a ‘whatever bro’ – – if online and he feels overwhelmed we told him he has free rein to blame his mean mom for making him stop playing. It’s kinda hard to stop this kind of talk, but disengaging does make it less rewarding for whoever is doing the trash taking.

      • Vicky Austin says

        I like this, actually. “Whatever, bro! I’ll get you next time!” Repeat as necessary.

      • eh230 says

        As a mom to a 9 year old on the spectrum, I like this too. My kid would likely want to argue with the trash talk and responding with “whatever” is a good way to shift perspective.

  12. Leatty says

    Headed to a birthday party for 6 year old twins this weekend. No idea what to buy them because I’ve never met them or their parents (one of the two is in kindergarten with my daughter). Suggestions?

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      GC to Target, Amazon, or a local, popular restaurant/bakery near them.

    • Anon says

      as a twin parent if i invited each of my twins full classes to a bday party, i most certainly would not expect invitees to bring a gift for each child, just the one in their class. (well i try to host ‘no gift’ parties, but if i hosted a party with gifts, i don’t think you need to bring a gift for each kid unless you want to)

    • Anonymous says

      If you are getting something for each of them, what about a tye dye kit and a couple things to dye (shirts, socks)?

      Ask your daughter what the kid likes. Generic “crowd pleasers” we got for that age group include: legos, a snuggie type blanket, craft kits, a lapdesk, wall decals, glow in the dark nailpolish, jewelry (from Claires), that sort of thing.

      A gift card is great too. My kids love them.

      • Anon says

        ok as a parent, i really don’t like when people gift my kids super messy things and i also know some parents who don’t want their kids to wear nail polish yet. generally, i think a craft kit is a great idea! but perhaps one with a bit less mess

    • HSAL says

      My go-to gift this year has been a light that is the first letter of the kid’s name. Found them on Amazon and I’ve given them like 8 times with big success.

  13. Xmas cards? says

    Not sure what to do about Christmas cards this year. We didn’t take professional family photos, and though we had a fun year of vacations and weddings I’m not sure I have many good photos of our squirmy toddler. Do you send out personalized Xmas cards?

    • Anonymous says

      We always send out photo Christmas cards but never do professional photos. I usually pick one of those cards that has 5-6 photo squares, collage style, and choose a mix of family shots, kids, and pets. They’re all small so it’s fine that that the quality isn’t the highest, and I like that it showcases our family’s highlights throughout the year (vacations, first days of school, etc).

      • EDAnon says

        We do the same and I love it because I find it so fun to reflect on the year.

    • Anonymous says

      My solution in those years is to do a photo collage card. Those cards print at such a low resolution that you can hardly tell if a kid is making a face in a smaller photo. Or just opt out if you don’t have the energy.

    • Spirograph says

      I do, and we haven’t had professional photos done for a while. I either try to take a good one of just the kids with something festive in the background (eg at a Christmas tree farm) and then throw a random photo of the 5 of us or just me and DH on the back, or find a handful of decent ones from throughout the year and have multiple photos that are all small enough that imperfections aren’t glaring.

    • Lily says

      Yes, we do send them and I get enjoyment out of it. Do you care about sending them? Will you feel sad if you don’t? If you want to send them (actually want to, not just feel like you have to), it’s not too late to schedule a professional photo shoot. Try asking on your local parents group fb page, or similar, for recommendations. Lots of professionals will do 15-minute mini shoots that are not super expensive and you usually get pics back within a couple of weeks. You can also do an in-studio session, some people prefer that look. As long as you have the digitals in hand by early December, you’re good.

      Honestly, I also like receiving old fashioned Xmas cards (especially pretty, glittery ones or ones with cute animals dressed like Santa) with no personal photo but a heartfelt note. The note is key. I try to write a very short note on the back of our photo cards, too, but there isn’t much room and sometimes I just don’t have the bandwidth.

    • Anon says

      We’re Jewish but we send holiday cards. It seems like most people in my generation don’t do them, and I feel kind of weird sending them to friends who never send one to us, but whatever. The grandparents get a kick out of them and I like having all our cards over the years to look at like a flip book. We get professional photos done every fall but I wouldn’t do the photos just for the cards.

    • anonM says

      I really enjoy getting these cards, but I don’t worry about professional photos. I like picking a card that has a family photo on the front, and then a few individual kid photos on the back with a short message and maybe a brief update about the kids (Exs: we moved, please save our new address! or L01 is in third grade, and LO2 started preschool!) with those relatives in mind that may not see us often/don’t have social media, etc. I really hated doing professional photos last time (it stressed me out), so this year I asked a family member with a nice camera to just take one of us when we got to a grad party (before kids ate/played), and plan to use that. That was great because we were already dressed up. If you like the cards, do it. But if you don’t enjoy the prof pictures or card design, don’t.

    • Anon says

      My DH is a bit of a snob about this and refuses to pay for even a mini-session (yes, we had the full works of photography AND video for our wedding AND they did an amazing job), because he is a pretty good hobby photographer. What has worked in the years past:

      1. He takes a picture of kid + dog (this was when we only had one kid) – this was the card pic

      2. One of my BFFs (who is a pretty good hobby photographer) has come over and taken a few shots of us on our front porch with her point-and-shoot. Best one makes the card. We repay her with dinner and drinks out – win/win!

      In this season good enough is fine for me!

  14. Anon says

    Piggybacking on the holiday card question – what do people think or the ornament style ones? I just think they’re cute but (1) wouldn’t want people to think they’re expected to have them on their tree and (2) am worried friends who don’t celebrate Christmas will feel they’re less inclusive than a regular “happy holidays” card. Would you feel that way or can I feel free to do a snowflake with a ribbon on it or something?

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