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Anon-enomen says
Christmas morning and my kiddo has a 102+ degree fever. I’m so bummed.
Anon in NYC says
Oh, how sad! I hope kiddo felt better as the day went on.
lala says
Received my FIL’s and step-MIL’s Christmas newsletter. It had a blurb about each of their kids. The one for us read: “Mr. Lala and Lala live in XYZ with DS1 and DS2. It’s a hectic life with both working full-time but they seem to be doing well. They traveled to Europe with the boys this fall.”
Am I wrong to be livid about the hectic comment? Our life is not at all hectic, it’s actually pretty boring and routine. I work really hard to ensure that we are not busy for our evenings and weekends, so I guess it really hit a nerve.
I kind of want to say something to step-MIL (who I don’t have the best history with, she really drives me bonkers with her judgy and high-to-do comments about everything) as I know she wrote it. But I haven’t had the courage yet.
Talk me down ladies.
Anon in NYC says
Oh, avoid avoid avoid. This is not worth the fight. Even if your life is not hectic, they probably assume that it is because you both work full time and have two kids… I would assume anyone’s life is hectic if they were in the same boat. I still wouldn’t jump into this fight even if you think this is some sort of knock on the fact that you’re not a SAHM.
JTX says
If my MIL wrote “It’s a hectic life…but they seem to be doing well,” I would assume she was passive-aggressively commenting on how often I call or visit.
I would not engage. I doubt it would accomplish anything besides frustrating you further. What’s the point?
lala says
haha, this was my husband’s point. We actually live 10 minutes away from them but are constantly saying no to their parties/events because they are really stressful and not kid friendly (despite the fact that the kids are always expected to come). He said “we want them to think our life is busy and hectic because then we don’t have to go to their stuffy events”. Good point.
2 Cents says
LOL listen to your husband!
SC says
I’d let this one roll off your back. Maybe it’s a passive aggressive comment on how often you call or visit. Or maybe your in-laws didn’t mean anything by it–our culture definitely values busy-ness, so it might also be a humble-brag (which was my first reaction to it).
biglawanon says
I see your husband doesn’t seem bothered by it. I know my husband and I would be unhappy but for a different reason. How many people does she send it to? The passive aggressive comment is annoying, but what would bother me more is the unnecessary sharing of details about my family’s personal life to everyone who receives this newsletter. Not sure if that bothers you or not.
AnonMom says
Speaking of busy lives. For those of you in the US working in law, how many vacation days do you have? Today is a working day at my company. The City is a ghost today, I assume most people took off. I am jealous of my friends in Europe who have more holidays off and extended vacations. I never thought about needing more days for family until I had kids. Do larger companies offer more days off and flexibility? I am thinking to switch to a government job as I am not at all made for being self-employed. Am I wrong to think that having a Government job is the only way to work in law and have a laid back lifestyle?
Anonymous says
Associate in East Coast BigLaw – we have “unlimited” vacation days. However, its pretty unheard of to take more than 2 1/2 weeks and typically no more than 5 days at a time.
Anonymous says
I’m in law and work for the government. I get 4 weeks of vacation and have a mostly 9-5 job (obviously I could work more). I get 12 paid vacation days per year – major holidays off and also some strange days off (election day, for example), but I don’t have today off. I don’t get the day after Thanksgiving either. It has its ups and downs – reasonable hours, which make day to day life a bit easier, but (really) low pay compared to biglaw. If I made six figures (even low six figures), I’d consider this job a unicorn and never leave. But I don’t, and I think it would take me a really long time to get there, so I may eventually need to go back into the private sector.
NewMomAnon says
Large regional law firm – attorneys don’t get official vacation days. The policy is that as long as we get our work done and hit our hours, we have unlimited vacation. Which is bad and good; if the work is slow, it can be hard to take a vacation because you aren’t hitting your hours. If you have too much work, it can be hard to take a vacation because you have to line up coverage from already busy colleagues. But I get tremendous flexibility; I can pop out for an hour to go shopping or for a doctor’s appointment or to go to kiddo’s school party, and don’t need anybody’s approval. It would be very hard to step away for 2 weeks though.
lala says
I switched from law to corporate America (a big bank) and I feel like it is very flexible, but not European flexible (I am working today, but I took 9 days off at Thanksgiving). I don’t work in house, but in a contracts department where I review and negotiate contracts.
It is expected that I take all of my vacation days (15 days), and that I am not working when I take those days. I can purchase an extra week of vacation per year, and also get 80 hours of sick leave per year. That said, I think in corporate America it is very dependent on your manager, but so far I am 3 for 3 with companies and managers that allow this type of flexibility.
As compared to my friends who work in government, I think the big difference is day to day flexibility. I don’t have a start or stop time and can work from home as I please. My friends in government are more stuck to the 40hr work week and cannot work from home. But they do have a ton of vacation as their years of service moves up.
Anonymous says
I’m the above anon who is in government. I agree about the lack of flexibility from a work from home perspective. I had to help a parent with a medical issue, but had some deadlines so worked remotely… but I still had to take a sick day.
Anonanonanon says
^Not in law but a government worker, and this, so much this. Yes the hours are great and I feel my leave package is very competitive… BUT I’m often simultaneously burning leave and working from home to meet a deadline, since government hasn’t caught up with teleworker culture.
SC says
I’m in a small law firm in the SEUS. I get 12 vacation days per year, 10 holiday days, and 6 sick days (plus 2 if you need to be out for surgery). I’m not expected to work much when I’m on vacation, but it would be hard to take more than one week off or to be on a cruise or in the middle of nowhere and not be able to at least respond if something came up. Compared to other firms in my area, the PTO policy is pretty stingy, but it’s real time off–my previous job had a more generous policy, but you could never use PTO without being penalized in some way for it. I also have a fair amount of day-to-day flexibility–I can pop out to go to the doctor, attend kid events, etc.
biglawanon says
I don’t actually now how many official days we get, but I typically take 4-6 weeks a year.
NewMomAnon says
Audiobook help! Kiddo and I will be embarking on a 7-hour car ride together. I like to play podcasts, but I was thinking maybe I could download an audiobook so we get several hours without me having to select a new podcast. Looking through the Audible collection, I see the following: Little House on the Praire, Roald Dahl (Matilda, BFG, James and the Giant Peach), Judy Blum (Ramona Quimby, The Mouse and the Motorcyle, Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing); the Narnia books. Also Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Junie B. Jones, neither of which I know.
Are any of these appropriate for an almost 4 year old? I’ve had bad luck teeing up movies or games on her kindle while driving; somehow she always navigates away from the movie, or wants me to fast forward through stuff, and then I end up trying to fiddle with the kindle while driving one-handed. Also, she won’t let me play the radio while she’s watching a movie so it’s super boring for me.
lala says
Hmm, do they have Magic Tree House? That would be my top choice for that age. If not, I would choose Ramona Quimby or Junie B. Jones. They will be a bit old for a 4 year old, but not by too much.
NewMomAnon says
I don’t know Magic Tree House – I will look for it!
Anon says
I am on my second bedtime reading of The BFG for my 4 year old. She likes it, but we have to stop after every chapter or two to discuss and reassure her that he’s friendly. You could try Ramona as well, that’s next on my list to read to her.
Doesn’t Audible also have all the Dr Seuss books, and all the Winnie the Pooh books? You could also try the Disney storybook collections, Rosie Revere Engineer (and Ada Twist and Iggy Peck), any fairy tale collection, and Beatrix Potter collections.
NewMomAnon says
I’m trying for longer books so I don’t have to keep selecting a new podcast every 20-30 minutes….the Dr. Seuss ones are pretty short, as are Rosie Revere/Ada Twist, fairy tales, Beatrix Potter. I’ll be driving without a second adult and I’d like to get 1.5-2 hour stretches; it seems like a hazard to drive 80 mph and fiddle with a phone at the same time.
Pigpen's Mama says
Julia Donaldson audiobooks (The Gruffalo, etc) have been a hit with my 3 yr old, but the ones we listen to are short. There is one in Audible by her that is three hours (Giants and the Joneses) and some that are 45min-1 hour.
There’s a Dr Seuss audiobook collection (2 hrs, different narrators) and an Amelia Bedelia one (1 hr). Based on what my LO is like, a series of short stories would be much better. You can search and sort based on running time.
Anon says
Just ditto-ing Pigpen’s Mama. Most of those are collections on Audible so they run for 2+ hours. The Beatrix Potter is a particular favorite that I know for sure is closer to 5 hours. There’s a “Fairy Tales that Every Child Should Know” that runs like 10 hours or something, with Hansel and Gretel and Aladdin and Sinbad etc.
NewMomAnon says
Ohhh!!! Good to know. Thanks!
Msj says
The Narnia books are wonderfully narrated. They’re great for keeping you entertained but I doubt they’d engage a four year old (my 3 year olds weren’t ). However, there’s nothing inappropriate about them so they’re good to have for background
mascot says
Hmm, if she has a Kindle, can you lock her into Kindle Free time? I even let my kid tether to my phone to cut down on his frustration on accessing books/games when he’s offline. It doesn’t appear to use that much data. Or, we even got a cheap portable DVD player and rented some redbox for long trips.
Anonanonanon says
I am totally not a library person (I know, I know, I’m the worst, I’m ignoring this awesome resource my tax dollars pay for) BUT before our last major road trip I ordered a portable CD player and some over-the-ear earphones for my son and took him to the library and let him pick out some books on CD for himself. He liked that he got to pick them and liked being able to listen on his own. It was nice to not have it coming through the main speakers because a soothing book on tape would have put me to sleep a few hours in :-P
dc anon says
Sorry, I don’t have any recs, but would love to hear which podcasts you recommend. My kiddo is 3 and we haven’t ventured in to the world of podcasts yet. Thanks and have a great ride!
NewMomAnon says
Brains On! Science is my personal favorite; the episode on cats and the episodes about farts were popular with kiddo. Disney Story Central is good, but we’ve heard all of them. Stories Podcast has good stories, including a lot of stories from non-Western cultures.
NewMomAnon says
I also download TED talks and Stuff You Missed in History Class for times kiddo is engaged in something else and I can listen to grown up stuff. They tend to be interesting for me but don’t send me scrambling for the “fast forward” button when kiddo is around.
Anonymous says
I guess this is the thread for the week between the holidays?
We’re struggling with a bedroom temperature issue in our house. Our room and the nursery are on the top floor of the house. Our 7.5mo sleeps in pjs in her crib, no blanket. We sleep together under several blankets. Doors to both rooms are closed to keep out the cats. At 72, DH is comfortable, but LO wakes up crying. At 73, the temperature in both rooms skyrockets and LO is comfortable but DH is too warm. (I’m fine either way.) What do you all do? Space heater in her room? Blanket in the crib? Dress her in layers?
Anonymous says
ETA: 72 and 73 = thermostat settings
rakma says
Can you take a blanket or two off his side of the bed? DH is warmer than me, so I have an extra layer of blanket on my side. I just fold the king size blanket in half. My kids always needed the house to be pretty warm in order to sleep well the first year, I didn’t introduce blankets until they were over a year.
If you want to try to make kiddo warmer, you could try layers. A layer of snug cotton topped off with a fleece PJ would probably keep her warmer.
Anonymous says
Put the baby in a sleep sack! Our DD’s room gets pretty chilly but we can regulate her temperature well with sleep sacks in different weights.
PinkKeyboard says
I’d try her in a sleepsack, or if you think her hands get cold you can try a zipadeezip. My 5 month old is a sweatball and my 2 year old refuses all blankets in the coldest room in the house (it gets down to 62) so I cannot imagine sleeping under blankets in a 73 degree room!
Anonymous says
Another sleep sack vote. Also our pediatrician said that babies complain if they are cold, and that cold hands are normal due to their limited circulation, so if baby is not crying, even if their hands/feet feel cold, don’t worry about it (but do worry if arms/legs feel cold).
My kiddo is always warm and today with the temperature in the 20s I finally got her to wear a scarf (pulled up over her face even!) and she told me her hands were cold!