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I have a fine collection of shoulder bags that I stopped using post-kids — every time I’d bend over to put one kid in a car seat or pick up something the other one dropped, my bag would swing forward off my shoulder.
While my shoulder bag collection sits in stasis, I’ve discovered belt bags, namely Lo & Sons’ Waverley 2. I have an earlier version of Lo & Sons’ very popular and practical O.G. 2 (now on sale), so I naturally turned to them during my belt bag search.
The Waverley 2 comes in two sizes (small and large), nappa and saffiano leather (I chose saffiano because I think it takes wear and tear better), and a wide range of colors.
I find the large sufficient for the quick trips to drop off the kids or go to the store. There is room for cash and credit cards in the built-in wallet, as well as my phone, keys, and a few other essentials. (Nowadays, that would include hand sanitizer and an extra mask.) I usually wear it as a belt bag, but it can also be worn as a crossbody, shoulder bag, or wristlet.
The bag is $220 for the large and $210 for the small. Some colors are currently on sale for $105 and up, depending on the size.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
Fanny packs are just a hard hard pass for me
Anonymous says
I mean, they’re eminently practical. They keep your hands free! They keep things from sliding off your shoulders! But the nylon versions in the 80s and 90s have probably ruined “belt bags” (good rebranding, at least) for me forever as anything fashionable.
Anonymous says
Yup. I get the appeal I just cannot
Io says
Yeah, cross-body bags are what I went with after having kids. A belt bag might be okay while hiking or biking, but then I’m not looking for fashion, and I’d want something more specific.
Anonymous says
I tried this bag as a wristlet to hold my wallet, keys, and phone inside my laptop bag. It looks enormous but doesn’t actually hold much. The leather also looks cheap. I returned it.
No Face says
I’ve considered buying this bag multiple times, so I appreciate this review! I will skip it.
CCLA says
I really love some of the other bags from this brand (rowledge, Catalina and OG) but yeah did not enjoy this one. Agree that it seemed to hold very little for its size, and just felt awkward to use.
Anonymous says
I don’t like either fanny packs or belt bags, but I don’t think they are quite the same thing. This is a belt bag because it attaches to a separate belt. On a fanny pack, the belt and bag are a single unit and the bag part is usually contoured to the waist.
Anon says
i know that this has been discussed ad nauseam, but since i just lost our favorite ones and before I order new ones, wanted to see what people’s favorite masks are for the 2-3 year old crowd. now that we’ve been wearing them for a while, which masks are you loving/hating?
Anon says
Most kids in my almost 3 year old’s class wear the Old Navy kids masks. They stay on well and seem comfy and have tons of cute prints. I bought some toddler size masks from the Etsy shop WestCoastClearance at the beginning of the pandemic when she was a very young 2, but my kid has outgrown them (!!…so depressing that this situation has been going on long enough for her to outgrow her masks) and I haven’t bothered ordering new ones in youth sizes because we like the ON ones so much.
anon says
Which ON ones, pleated or contoured?
Anon says
Pleated. We have ones without ear adjusters.
Anon says
My kid is 3 and we like the “quality durables knit unisex face mask” from amazon in the “little kids” size. I think these contoured ones are better as the big pleated ones cover her eyes. Have been washing and drying in dryer.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, ON ones are really tough to beat, especially now that they have the little adjusters (although we got around that even before by using tiny hair elastics, which don’t come out even in the wash). My 3yo also likes his from Dare2bStylish (also via a rec from this board).
anon says
I prefer the disposable surgical style ones and have been liking the just play brand in size small at target. They fit my 3 yo well and she doesn’t complain with them.
Anon says
My two year old likes the Crayola ones. I bought them in a five pack on Amazon.
Anon says
which ones? they are many
Anon says
+1 The Crayola Mask Pack. They have adjustable ear straps and fit small kids well
Anon says
I guess technically it’s the Crayola “SchoolMaskPack”
FVNC says
+1 to the Crayola School Mask Pack. They’re not the cutest but they fit my small 3 – almost – 4 yr old the best of any we’ve tried.
Anon says
is it these? https://www.amazon.com/Crayola-Kids-Face-Mask-Reusable/dp/B08B2L491W?th=1
anon says
I really like the Just Play brand disposable face masks in the small size. Available at Target. My very small 3-year old tolerates them well.
S says
My two year old likes these animal faces I got on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08DY46XDG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1.
Redux says
As an anti-recommendation I do NOT recommend the target masks. We bought a pack each for my kids’ stockings and they are terrible. Cute prints that my kids are eager to wear (Frozen and Marvel, respectively) but the shape is weird and they are too large– even after knotting or crossing the ear straps. Our preference is the contour mask from Gap (which is probably the same as the ON one).
TheElms says
Any suggestions for just getting through the tantrum stage? I’m on week 3 of morning tantrums for everything from brushing teeth to changing diapers to getting dressed to drinking milk. Kiddo is 20 months and wants none of it. A good morning is about 15 minutes of hysterical sobbing and rolling around on the floor. This morning was an hour and 45 minutes is becoming increasingly common. We do the same routine every morning so she knows what to expect. I give her two choices like brush teeth in bathroom or on chair or I say do you want to hunt for bunnies with your toothbrush or should mommy hunt for bunnies and the answer is always hysterics so I brush her teeth. None of these things are really negotiable. She has to brush her teeth and get a clean diaper after being asleep all night. She’s tall and heavy for her age and very strong, so physically its getting hard for me to hold her in a way that doesn’t result in her getting hurt (because she does things like kick and twist out of my arms or rear back and head butt me) or me getting a bloody nose. She’s pretty verbal and we’ve had many conversations in the last few weeks about the morning routine, why we do the things we do, etc. when she is calm. It is just so exhausting.
Anon says
For diaper changes, it can help to hand her a toy that she only gets for diaper changes. Many use a cell phone or keys, but you could choose an actual toy instead.
Anon says
sending commiseration your way. now that i have kids and sometimes feel like i’ve lived a whole day before even starting my day, i’m like why was i unable to get up to workout in the morning pre-kids. what does she want to do in the morning? play? we started screen time around 22 months (was planning on waiting until age 2, but then a pandemic started) and some people on here have said that having their kids watch a show in the morning works for them. one of my twins responds very well whenever we read a book about something, so maybe a book about the morning routine?
SC says
Ha, yes! DH takes Kiddo to school in the mornings, which takes 40 minutes round-trip. Most days, I sit down with an espresso, my breakfast, and my book for about 15 minutes before unloading the dishwasher and getting ready for work.
SC says
My kid used to throw tantrums at every single diaper change. None of the usual tips worked. We finally figured out that he has some sensory issues and doesn’t like people in his bubble. The things that helped with diaper changes were to get out of his bubble, keep the sensory input low, and keep it fast. We either changed the diaper with him laying down, but without us leaning over him or talking or interacting with him, or with him standing and facing away from us. That may or may not be the issue or the solution, but if you’ve tried all the usual stuff (toys, talking, singing, touch for comfort, etc), give it a try for a few days.
Also, try a visual chart of the routine. Draw or print pictures of waking up, diaper, toothbrush, etc.
GCA says
Could she perhaps be acting out because of low blood sugar? Because in that case I might feed her something immediately on waking, like a cup of milk or slice of toast with pb. I know my metabolism doesn’t like going 10 or 11 hours without food, and I can be pretty hangry in the morning before I’ve had breakfast and coffee.
TheElms says
I do think that is part of it because things get better after she finishes her milk, but I spent a week where I tried offering her milk first thing or a banana (her favorite food in the world) and she just refused them/ threw them/ ignored them.
NYCer says
This doesn’t answer your overall questions about tantrums, but with respect to diaper changes, we usually wait 15-30 min after my daughter (almost 2) wakes up to change her diaper these days, unless there is poop but that is rare. She doesn’t fight drinking milk, so we tend to change diaper after she has a cup of milk and things go much, much smoother.
Anonymous says
Just spitballing here-
– do you do the diaper and teeth first thing? Would it help to get food into her first?
– can you change up the location? It sounds like you have gotten into a firm routine of tantrum throwing. Maybe brush teeth in the kitchen sink (HOW SILLY!!!) and do a diaper change on Mommy’s bed (WOW HOW CRAZY IS THIS??)
– can you distract/make a game of the diaper change? “wow, can you take off that diaper? WHAT A HELPER! Wow, ok great. do you want dots or bunnies on the dry one?”
– finally, my favorite hack: where does she go once ready? Daycare? If so, can you just drop her off at daycare first thing and let them deal with it all (diaper, teeth, getting dressed, etc)? We went through a really rough patch with one of my kids and what fixed it was waking her up and taking her right to daycare. I even sometimes dressed her myself there (not likely possible with COVID precautions now).
Katy says
We had this experience re: tantrums. Getting food / drink in him right away really helped (although unfortunately added 20 mins to the morning routine – sigh….)
Prior to that the original plan was that i fed LO in the back of the car on the drive.
Anon says
yes, my twins must drink their milk first thing before they get new diapers
TheElms says
We have a nanny so she doesn’t go anywhere. I could make it the nanny’s problem but I don’t want to do that because I think that starts their day off badly and the nanny doesn’t get to hide upstairs like I do. As it is we’ve gone from pretty smooth hand offs to 15-20 minutes of hysterics at hand off time. Nanny (who has lots of experience and has worked in a daycare) manages it but like me we are all eager for this phase to pass.
Anon says
oh, you have a nanny? so i’m one of the above posters with twins and one of the nanny perks is me not dealing with this. usually in the mornings they wake up and play for a bit and drink their milk and then when they finish their milk they go to their room to take off their diaper and get dressed. one of my twins has gone through phases where she did not want mommy to leave. we purchased the daniel tiger book about a babysitter and how grownups come back and it helped a lot. oddly from ages 17-22 months and then again exactly a year later for about the same range of time she had the same problem and now doesn’t seem to care again that mommy is leaving. just let her play in the mornings and drink milk if she wants. if you are worried about the diaper leaking, stick a sposie pad in at night. when my twins were babies they were ok with getting their diapers changed first, but now even though they are potty trained for daytime, they like to play a bit and drink their milk while still wearing their diaper, which given that they’ve only been trained for 2 months, i haven’t fought yet.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Aaah 1 year olds. They’re the worst. (Nothing against your daughter of course, this is just a really tough age). Agree on giving her her milk and breakfast first, then doing diaper change at the same time as getting her dressed, to give her some time to wake up. Are you doing diaper changes standing up? I’ve found that my 2 year old resists them a little less now that we change standing up. For teeth brushing – that’s tough, can you get her a fun toothbrush that lights up? I do end up doing a lot of tooth brushing on my younger one while he’s screaming – it is what it is, I know he’ll grow out of it.
TheElms says
Sadly she won’t stand for a diaper change – she just runs around the room (I’ve tried touch the fun sticker/ hold the dresser handle / open the dresser drawer and make a mess in the dresser, which ordinarily she loves doing but it doesn’t help for diapers). I have ordered a fun toothbrush! And maybe I’m just not thinking about it the right way but if I need 2 hands to keep her standing up and not running, I can’t figure out how I get the diaper on her.
Anonymous says
Pull-ups?
Anon says
Sounds like she might still be tired? Rough mornings is my clue my kids need more sleep. Maybe she’s hitting a growth spurt
TheElms says
Maybe, but a three week growth spurt? She sleeps from about 8pm to 7:45am and generally takes a 1 1/2 hour to 2 1/2 hour nap. The internet suggests that is enough sleep for her age. She’s a good sleeper and generally doesn’t wake up unless she is teething – then all bets are off. She’s not currently teething as best I can tell.
Anon says
Yeah, I bribe my kid with elmo music videos. Literally nothing else works – my kid does not care about bunnies or any other Internet tips. For diapers I can often distract with a toy or throw a leg over him, also have some success with standing diaper changes if I use my knees to corral him into a corner or at the window sill, but teeth has to be a video if I want to get the toothbrush in the mouth and actually brush the teeth.
Anonymous says
“Bedtime revenge procrastination.” Yup. Link to follow.
Anonymous says
https://www.glamour.com/story/revenge-bedtime-procrastination-is-real-according-to-psychologists?utm_source=pocket-newtab
Anonymous says
YUP. i started bridgerton while folding laundry last night. Then I stayed up until midnight. WHY? I had a 7 am conference call to start my day.
Pogo says
It seems obvious to me, we have no leisure time except late at night. It was hard for me at the beginning of the pandemic but I’ve just started accepting that my only truly free time is after bedtime on weekends.
AnotherAnon says
This. Which is why baths and sleeping are my pandemic hobbies.
Cb says
They’ve just announced that nursery children and children in the first 3 years of primary school can go back on 22 February. Trying not to get my hopes up but that’s only 474 hours.
Anon says
Hooray! Fingers crossed for you.
Pogo says
YAY! Due to snow we’re back to juggling the 3yo at home while working. I don’t know how we did this for so long last year and how you’ve been doing it again over in the UK!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I am so glad they opened our daycare today, even just a half day/late start. And judging by the massive line of parents right at school open, I think everyone feels the same…
Cb says
Ugh, we were at home March – August, halftime from August-December, and had 3 glorious weeks of fulltime care in December. I’m finally on half time furlough but my husband is running out of special carers leave, so fingers crossed.
Pogo says
So much on the struggle bus today. I would have taken a late start in a heartbeat – we both have can’t miss overlapping meetings this afternoon.
I have honestly just parked my kid in front of Netflix for 3 hours.
Fran Fine Scheffield says
Just need to vent. I’m back as of January 6 after a 4 mo. maternity leave. I kind of had a crush on my job – I get to do cool writing projects and everything is going well! (I’m a litigator in a small boutique law firm.) But then last night I had to literally stay up all night working on a summary judgment brief that I severely underestimated in terms of time and I have another brief due Thursday that I haven’t started. Baby is sleeping pretty well but the post-mat leave honeymoon is over. I only get like 2-3 hours day with her during the week, and hated squeezing in hours this weekend. Especially now that I come to find out that I thought I worked a lot but it truly was not enough. I think everyone at my firm is just super busy but this is not sustainable and this month is shaping up to be super busy. I am trying to just focus on doing the next thing and prioritizing and doing the best that I can with the time that I have but…I really need to lay down. But I know I won’t sleep because I had stomach ache during my all-nighter from the anxiety. I think I over-committed myself in an effort to prove that I deserved my maternity leave or something but I can’t dial back right now because there is no one to push it off on. It’s fine right? Everything is fine?
Anon says
As a fellow lawyer, my number one learning post maternity leave was that I need a job with a predictable workload. It just doesn’t work for me to need to neglect my kid for even a few days to meet a deadline (and as my kid got older she started reacting negatively to me missing even one bedtime).
Be kind to yourself. It takes a while to sort a balance, and even then it’s a continuous battle.
Don’t be afraid to call on or hire more help. Now is the time to get help with anything that isn’t time with your kid. I was resistant to paying for more childcare or household help and in retrospect I should have used all options.
Anonymous says
Get an extension on the brief. Just call opposing counsel and ask to carry the motion one cycle. It’s usually not a big ask.
Fran Fine Sheffield says
I wish I could but these are all cases I don’t have any control over because I’m a partner in name only working for partners who are the ones in contact with opposing counsel and the clients. In our jurisdiction, the briefing is based off the hearing date, so everything would have to move.
Katy says
You are good at your job. You have this. the immediate challenge is only ~48 more hours.
BUT – please take some time away from your desk this afternoon. Assuming you are working from home… take a 20 min nap (force someone else to wake you up). Then get outside. If possible take the LO with you in the carrier for snuggling purposes. Perhaps there is a call you can take while walking. I know it sounds crazy – but I nearly guarantee that you will have a slump this afternoon where you aren’t productive anyways. If there is emergency childcare / support your can call on now is the time.
Good luck.
for longer term: 2-3 hours is a pretty “normal” amount of time to spend with the LO for a working parent. I know it feels really short. Set up some emergency childcare (hard in Covid, I know). I found that setting a firm boundary / habit of not checking my email between dinner and bed has worked reasonably well. If someone needs you urgently they can call. It will get better with more sleep in a few months.
Pogo says
+1, I’d forgotten how little you really interact w/ baby in the early days of back to work. I basically nurse my son, park him in his jumper thing while I get ready, pack his bag full of yesterday’s milk, and off he goes. Reverse in the evening – we nurse, he bounces in his thingy while we eat, then bath & bed. I promise you it gets better! I see way too much of my older son, lol.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Some great advice that I’ve read here is to give your job 6 months – 1 year after coming back from maternity leave, especially if it’s your first. The first few months will feel hard no matter what, but once you get in a routine, you’ll have a better sense of whether this is sustainable or if you need to look for a different job. So in the meantime, do your best to make it week by week. She will also eventually stay up later and the time crunch won’t feel as bad.
Anon says
you’ve been back to work for less than one month! you are still adjusting and figuring out your new normal. your five month old’s sleep schedule will change. once you submit these briefs (again this week sounds awful), if you are WFH, can you squeeze in a lunch hour with her, and then from 5-6:30/7 and then if you need to you can work more once baby is down for the night? it gets sooooooo much easier. you are in the thick of the transition. at some point you’ll be glad to only have the 3 hours with kiddo so you don’t have to deal with the one million tantrums your toddler is having about everything. but it is hard. so so hard. take it one day at a time.
Fran Fine Sheffield says
Thanks all! I should have clarified that the sweet babe is at daycare during the day so I do have that quiet time to work (although I feel like I’m pumping all the damn time, even though it’s only three times). Anyway, thank you all for the reminders that this is new and takes time. I appreciate it.
S says
Have you considered dropping a pumping session? I’m a lawyer and could swing pumping twice a day, but not three times. You’re comfort may vary, but I just supplemented with formula when I didn’t pump enough. I also gave myself permission to buy the fancy European formula even though I really don’t believe it makes a difference.
Anonymous says
+1 I’m not a lawyer but I’m lazy and hate pumping so I only pumped on my lunch break and used formula to make up the rest if necessary. It worked really well for us.
Anonymous says
Potty training advice needed! My daughter is three and is great at dealing with needing to go pee, she’s down to just a couple accidents a week at max. But almost every night she will wait until she has a pull-up on before going number two and then we have to change her pull-up before she can go to bed. She’s only done that in the toilet probably five or six times. She does still wake up with a wet pull-up sometimes, so I’d rather not switch straight to underwear at night. My reaction is just to wait and see if she figures it out on her own, but wondering if I should take a more proactive approach.
Cb says
Yeah, this took my son awhile – maybe a month or two? He’d wait until his rest time or night time.
Pogo says
I’ve heard this is very common unfortunately. We got ‘lucky’ I suppose that my son figured out #2 on the potty pretty quickly – we did the 3-day method and so put him on the potty as soon as it started. We also bribe w/ m&ms. And make a HUGE deal when he does it on the potty.
Anonymous says
Yup this is normal and can last a long time. Poop training is different from pee training, and night training is different from day training. My DD was pee trained in like 2 days, zero accidents. Took another month until she pooped in the potty.
Anon says
My daughter …and I think most kids… did the same. My daughter kind of just woke up one day and started pooping on the potty within the last couple months. Before that, we would throw out her poop in the toilet and make a big deal and say bye bye poop!!! Remember, we poop on the potty!
Maybe that’s what helped, maybe she just matured.
OP says
Thanks everyone! We’re coming up on at least two months of this now, so just wanted to make sure we’re not missing any steps. We do really try to emphasize that she should poop in the potty, special treats for when she does, etc. But not a huge deal obviously, I’m sure she’ll get there on her own eventually.
Anon says
question for the hive – when you and your partner (if you have one) are vaccinated, do you plan on living life like normal even if your kids aren’t vaccinated? does it depend if you get pfizer/moderna or the j&j which is a bit less effective? will you be asking other adults if they are vaccinated before you hang out with them?
Anonymous says
I haven’t thought much about this yet so this is my gut reaction– yes. Right now, my entire family is extremely low risk and healthy. I’m not really worried about any of us catching covid (meaning, of course I know we COULD get it. but we are extremely unlikely to have a complicated case so I view it, for us, as the flu). We have been EXTREMELY cautious, however, because we don’t want to be vectors and we understand how science works. Once the adults in my life, particularly the high risk ones, are vaccinated, I will do my part and get the shot but not out of fear of getting COVID. I believe in science and herd immunity.
But my kids will be back to normal as soon as the high risk people around us are no longer at risk.
I’m in MA, if it matters. Tons of healthcare workers around here and in our social circles, most of whom have already been vaccinated.
Anon Lawyer says
Not that it would change your actions (or should) since you’re already being really careful, but I will say for others who might not be as careful, I have heard a lot of healthy young adults say this and I basically felt this way too. I don’t think I’m likely to get really sick or be hospitalized. But I’ve known more than one healthy young person now with mild cases that just lasted forever even though they were never really sick. One friend got it in March, was out of work for six weeks, still has relapses that incapacitate her about once a month – and she never got at all particularly acutely ill. I think a lot of us are being too blase about the possibility of long-haul symptoms.
Anon says
yes, this! even my ER friend doc who hasn’t been particularly concerned about covid, this is his major concern
Anonymous says
I was the poster above and I do understand that it is not a firm that we are “fine.” But for our family it’s a risk we are OK with. Yes, we could have lasting effects. We could also have lasting effects from countless other diseases.
But for now, our job is to keep *other* people safe and we wear out masks and stay home. Once other people (and adults!) are vaccinated, we can and will act differently. My kids are really struggling and as soon as it is safe for others for my kids to go back to normal, I will let them.
Anon Lawyer says
Anon at 2:23pm, I was certainly not saying that you should isolate forever. I also intend to get out and about a lot more after vaccination (which for me will be at the end of the line so I might get out and about more before then if community spread significantly decreases). I just wanted to point out for people who aren’t being super careful that there are long-term effects that hit young-ish people in a way that the severe illness doesn’t.
Anonymous says
We don’t have formal studies on it yet, but just like vaccines are expected but not proven to reduce transmission, they are also expected to prevent most cases of “long haul Covid.” The “long haul” symptoms comes from the immune system overreaction to the virus that causes severe illness in older and less healthy people. Vaccines that prevent severe illness should thus also prevent the long haul symptoms. Yes, there will still be *some* risk post-vaccine, but there is always some risk, and the risk should be dramatically reduced compared to an unvaccinated person.
I would also point out that if your friend was out of work for six weeks in her initial bout, she was most definitely symptomatic and possibly not even what would be classified in a trial as “mild” disease. The Moderna/Pfizer vaccines are 95% effective against symptomatic illness. Even if that gets reduced a bit with new variants, the odds of having any symptoms at all are still dramatically lower with the vaccine. And you can’t have symptoms that last for months or years if you never had symptoms in the first place.
Anonymous says
My husband and I will get whichever vaccine we’re offered as soon as it’s available to us. I am not sure what to think about the efficacy numbers because not all the trials were done with the same variants of the virus in circulation. We are very locked down now and will not change our behavior until community spread is under much better control. I will continue to assume that everyone, including people I know to be vaccinated, are potential asymptomatic spreaders.
anon says
All of the vaccines protect 100% against severe disease, even the J&J vaccine which was tested in South Africa while that variant was present. I think that’s a really important bottom line that many people have missed in the media noise.
Anonymous says
That is true. What we don’t know is how well any of them protects against long COVID, which worries me much more than severe acute disease because it disproportionately affects relatively healthy middle-aged women who did not have severe disease.
Anonymous says
So the studies didn’t specifically look at the risks of long Covid as far as I know, but the same general kind immune system malfunction is involved in both severe Covid and long Covid, so there’s a lot of reason to think protection against severe disease would also confer protection against long haul disease. I work with several virologists and immunologists and they are all confident that the vaccines do much more than just keep people off ventilators. Anecdotally, I know two people who have tested positive for Covid post-vaccine. One had no symptoms and one had a stuffy nose for a couple of days, they said it was like a very minor cold. I realize that’s not a lot of data, but every expert I’ve talked to agrees this is exactly what you’d expect symptom-wise from a vaccinated person, and hopefully within a few months we’ll have the data to back that up that most post-vaccine cases are asymptomatic or only symptomatic in the way a cold or mild flu is symptomatic.
Anonymous says
J&J was only 85% against severe disease (note that severe disease is broader than hospitalizations) but I agree with your broader point that we’re downplaying the success of these vaccines. The bar for efficacy was seeing reduced severity of disease in 50% or more of people. Instead we’re seeing complete immunity in well over half the population (even with the new variants) and close to 100% protection against serious illness and death.
People should definitely be more excited about the vaccines! They are amazing and will end the pandemic.
Anon says
We’ll continue to live life like we’re in a pandemic until our daughter is vaccinated. She’s 16 weeks, so it’s going to be a while. But I haven’t seen any compelling data that the vaccines reduce ability to transit the virus, so until cases are WAAAAAAAY down, we’re status quo.
My husband will likely get the vaccine in the next month. I’m probably last on everyone’s list (40, no high-risk conditions, WFH in a non-essential role).
Anon for this says
We’re going to live a modified version of normal. We’re still going to wear masks and avoid large social gatherings. We’re still not going to go on vacation for a few months…
But we’re going to start seeing our friends down the road (kids are in school together, parents are on their way to both being vaccinated). We’re going to start allowing the grandparents to come back around (1/4 is fully vaccinated as a health care worker, 1/4 is a teacher and half vaccinated, the other have appointments scheduled) and help out with the kids. We’re going to probably live like a lot of other people HAVE been living – seeing a small close group. We’ve been seeing… nobody socially. And it’s terrible. And it’s taking a toll on me mentally and professionally. Husband is an essential worker whose work has always taken him away for months at a time. Now – it’s worse. The rotations are longer because of COVID. I don’t see adults. I can’t tell you how unbelievably isolating it has been.
I’m fortunate to live in a place where school and daycare has been open since late summer. Kids wear masks and random testing has showed that schools aren’t driving transmission in our area (but school transportation is 100% driving quarantines… entire buses are quarantined regularly).
So, to answer your question: yes. We’re going to change. But it’s probably still what most people have been doing.
blueberries says
Similar—we’ll probably change to what a lot of people have been doing. We’ve been pretty isolated in order to protect the community (especially family members of people in the cohort) at my child’s childcare center. Once the most vulnerable members of the community have had the opportunity vaccinated, we can let up a bit.
We’ll mask and avoid large crowds and flying. It’ll be nice to have vaccinated family come visit us and to have friends over. I’m really looking forward to resuming walks with friends.
Redux says
Sorry you’re feeling so isolated. We are late adopters to the zoom wine date with friends and it really lifts my spirits to talk with and see people, even if on screen.
anon says
I strongly suspect that by the time I qualify for the vaccine, community spread will have decreased because of warmer weather and more vaccinated people. The variants could change that calculus, so I’ll just wait and see.
We have local grandparents who have been vaccinated now and we’re going to be much more comfortable seeing them after the 6 week wait for immunity.
I’d love to have my kids back in school ASAP, but our local teachers are resisting returning to classrooms even once they are vaccinated and with extensive safety protocols. My expectation is that my kids won’t even be back full time this fall. There’s too much local paranoia to even have a rational discussion.
Anonymous says
We probably will, but (1) we live in a rural area, and with our population density being as low as it is, spacing out during normal activities is already easy enough, and (2) Covid has almost certainly already been in our house and was “mild” (last April – pre-widespread testing, but the doctor was as certain as she could be without testing that we had it). But, I have to admit, I kind of like how much money we save in this phase of life, so we might be all in right away because of that.
Anon says
I have friends who had Covid last spring (confirmed by antibodies) and now have it again. So, looks like immunity is pretty short-lived and/or the new strains are spreading
Anonymous says
In some people. At a population level, reinfections remain very rare which means that (fortunately) most people who were infected last spring still have immunity. It doesn’t s*ck any less for the individuals who are exceptions to that rule, though.
Anon says
Yes. (FWIW, I’ve had both of my doses; my husband is low risk and probably won’t be eligible a while.) We’ll wear masks where it is requested/socially expected, and make efforts to respect those around us who choose to take greater precautions, but the longer this goes on, the more I am convinced that keeping kids in a bubble is extremely harmful and not at all worth the minor reduction in risk.
Anon says
+1. Kids under 12 may not be vaccinated for a loooooooonnnnggg time. My husband and I will likely be some of the last adults to get vaccinated. So either a) hopefully we are close to or at herd immunity by the time me and my husband are vaccinated, so keeping the kids locked down past that wouldn’t make sense or b) we aren’t close to herd immunity then because enough adults could have but didn’t get the vaccine, but then what? I’m not going to personally be able to change those people’s minds, and I’m not going to keep my kids locked in on some hope that these adults change their minds, which they may never do.
Hopefully by the time we get the vaccine we’ll have way more answers to all of this (like activities where vaccines will be required, which may take care of some of the doubters) to not have to worry about this much yet.
Anon says
Yep, this. I’m happy to wear a mask and will obey government rules (including travel restrictions, etc.) but once I get my vaccine I’m resuming normal life within those limits. With new strains coming all the time and potentially evading vaccine immunity, we don’t know when we’re going to be back to a shelter in place situation so my feeling is that once I’ve gotten the vaccine I’ve done what I can to mitigate risk for myself and others and I’m going to seize the chance for semi-normalcy while I have it. I don’t believe the US is ever going to reach herd immunity because so many people are anti-science and will never take the vaccine. There’s a county in my state where only 20% of *healthcare workers* took it. So yeah, not holding my breath for other people doing what’s required to actually eradicate Covid, and once I get the vaccine I’m done staying home. And I’ve been super cautious about Covid – we haven’t been to a restaurant, gym, nail salon, gathered with anyone outside our household, etc. since February 2020.
Anonymous says
Yes, we will go back to modified normal once we are vaccinated (regardless of manufacturer). We will wear masks in public, indoor locations and avoid large crowds, but I’ll go back to the office full time and we will hopefully start to see our friends more often. My kids have been back in school since the fall, fortunately and there has been no classroom spread.
Anonymous says
My husband has been working in an office building with thousands of employees full time since September. Masks for all, changes to the cafeteria, face-to-face meetings minimized. My kids are all in school / daycare, masked and cohorted. There has been no spread at either work or school that I’m aware of. One person in my husband’s section tested positive a while back and the people whose desks were closest stayed home for a week and got tested, but there was no spread at all. Same with daycare, classrooms have closed twice after a positive test, but no one else was infected. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but masks work, y’all. At this point I would even be ok with relaxing some of the cohorting in school from a health standpoint, but I think the real benefit of it is limiting the number of people impacted by a quarantine.
Anonymous says
My child got Covid at daycare despite the kids wearing masks. They’re much better than nothing and I strongly support mask requirements in all places where people are mixing households, but they’re not a silver bullet.
Curious says
Just a note — J&J is equally effective at preventing severe illness and hospitalization. They just count any symptoms as “not effective,” even if they are milder than the common cold. Source — NYT did a long breakdown on this yesterday.
Anonymous says
My husband might be able to get vaccinated in the next month or two, but as a healthy, white, 40ish, non-essential WFH person, I’m at the back of the line. I’ll follow the norms in our area. Our family is low risk, and I’ve always been more concerned about respecting other people’s comfort levels than my own personal health. I’d be happy to wear a mask and go about normal life (within the bounds of what’s open / capacity limits) now, but there’s no normal life to go about. We socialize with a limited number of people outdoors, there are no events, no restaurants, and our older out-of-town relatives are rightly not willing to see us until they’re fully vaccinated.
anon says
It will probably be a while when we are vaccinated, but we will probably go back to seeing some people (we haven’t seen anyone) and working in our offices. I imagine we’ll be more cautious than most but finally feel like we’re allowed out of our bunker? The kid part is hard for us because 1 kid has additional risk factors. We will ask other adults if they’re vaccinated before socializing with kid for that reason. I’m hopeful that increased vaccinations will make for less community spread but I don’t know when that will occur. Even if DH and I are fully vaccinated by late spring, I don’t think we’ll feel comfortable yet putting riskier kid in soccer then. It’s hard.
Pogo says
I am going to do whatever Fauci says. And he last said to continue to practice distancing and masking even if you’ve been vaccinated.
But I agree as others have said that once there is widespread vaccination community spread will decrease and restrictions will be relaxed overall. I am not expecting this at all before fall.
Anonymous says
I think the main question is between continuing to stay home nearly all the time vs. doing things with masking and distancing. I don’t think very many people (on this board) are considering going out a bunch with no masks and no distancing.
Pogo says
Still no I guess? I’m not going to take LO to gymnastics class, or indoor museums, until spread is really low, since he’s not vaccinated.
Anonymous says
I think “living life like normal” is a really charged phrase. I plan to continue wearing masks and to continue avoiding crowds. I also plan to start going to my office once a week because it’s important to my career (and permitted now) and to drive to an adults only spa for a weekend (also open and permitted now).
AwayEmily says
I’m getting vaccinated next week (I teach in-person classes, which gets priority in my state) and plan on continuing to be super cautious. I’ve spent this whole pandemic assuming I could have COVID at any moment since I interact with students and my kids are in daycare, and while the vaccine means I’m less worried about getting sick myself (yay!) I’m still very worried about picking it up from my students or children and becoming an asymptomatic spreader. Once my mom is vaccinated we will see her — that is the biggest change I see in the future and I’m so excited.
Anon says
We are both high risk and should get vaccinated soonish. After vaccination, we will change some things. We will probably not be eating indoors until community spread is way, way, way down, but we will probably eat outdoors regularly. We will no longer quarantine between visiting our parents once they are vaccinated (one out of four right now). We will probably still keep our circle small, although once another family gets vaccinated we will likely do more playdates with them (right now it’s about once a month, masked, outdoors). Frankly by the time we get vaccinated, even being in the 1b priority group, the weather will be warm enough here for outdoor meetups again and so that itself will make a slightly wider social circle less risky.
Anon for This Today says
This is a tough question in our household right now. 6 is the immune-vulnerable member of our family. So the adults being vaccinated might not change much for our family, especially if the data can’t show that vaccinated people don’t spread Covid. If we could get that data and vaccinated adults are generally “safe,” then that opens up a world of vaccinated grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc. But it has actually been really disheartening to see that (1) we (parents) will probably have to wait a bit for our vaccines, (2) the vaccines may not change much at all about our situation when we get them,and (3) in-person school in fall 2021 may not be within reach. Not having in person school in the fall will remove a milestone that we realized we had been counting on since this all started last year. So it feels pretty bleak.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re at the end of the line so by the time we get it, hopefully a lot of other people will have also gotten vaccinated. Once my parents get vaccinated, we’ll probably be more comfortable seeing them indoors, but maybe we’ll just continue to do outdoors and masked, as we do now. I don’t think we would get a serious case of Covid but even a “mild” one sounds painful and I dread getting sick and having to take care of the kids, so I’m going to remain cautious. By summertime, we’ll probably do outdoor dining and take another beach trip. I’m not going back to the office until summer probably. My biggest concern is making sure my rising kindergartener gets to attend in-person school in the fall, so I’ll do whatever I need to to make sure school can remain open.
Anonymous says
Yup. I’m in the camp that Covid isn’t ever going away and we’re never going to get true herd immunity because that would likely require 85-90% of people vaccinated annually, which is never going to happen when a solid third of this country is deeply anti-vax. The best we can hope for is vaccines that do a very good job of preventing serious illness and death in those who get them and turn Covid into a disease that’s more like the flu, and we have those now. I don’t really see much point to continuing to stay home post-vax, unless you’re ok with staying home basically forever, which we’re not. Because kids are so unlikely to get seriously ill to begin with, having a kid who can’t yet get the vaccine doesn’t really change our plans. If I had a teenager I would likely wait a few more months so my teenager could get it, but I have a 3 year old and she’ll be vaccinated in mid-late 2022 at the earliest, so waiting isn’t practical. One huge caveat is that our daycare requires a 14 day quarantine after international travel and I don’t see that changing any time soon, so unfortunately I think our international travel will likely be severely limited for a long time to come. But that’s not our choice.
CPA Lady says
^ this is exactly where I am.
I have been fairly cautious this whole time. I am also at the very end of the line for getting vaxed. My husband and I will be lucky if we have both doses by the end of 2021 based on our state’s current distribution plan, and by that point pretty much all adults who want the shot will have gotten it, and I’ll have gone two full years without seeing my sister and her fam who live thousands of miles away. I will be booking air travel the minute I schedule my second vax. I am going to visit family. I am going to disney world. I am planning other vacations. I am going to live my life again. I will still wear a mask though if it’s still suggested. I’m not going to stay in my house forever to protect people who don’t want to protect themselves.
Anonymous says
I didn’t even wait until I made the vaccine appointment – my husband and I already bought tickets to Bora Bora for our anniversary in August! We’ll reschedule if vaccines are not widely available to adults in the US, but I’m optimistic we’ll get to go. I think the addition of a third and hopefully fourth vaccine manufacturer will speed things up. I am 100% with you that I’m not staying home to protect people who won’t protect themselves by getting an incredibly effective, safe vaccine.
AwayEmily says
Winter sport sock recommendation for preschoolers? We have become a family of sledding maniacs and the kids need better socks.
anne-on says
Kids smartwool socks are amazingly warm – the ski ones have the slightly padded bottoms and go up nice and high (like soccer socks) so they stay on really well with pulling boots on/off.
Anonymous says
I tried to order some of these, but they were pretty much all out of preschool sizes when I looked around the beginning of January. We have Darn Tough for kiddo and love them.
shortperson says
this is my purse. it holds a flat wallet, lip gloss, small charger and cord, car keys, airpods and foldable raybans. i usually use it as a purse but i bought it for the fannypack capabilities for when i was babywearing (no more of that, sigh), and it’s also useful when i take public transit or go to a theme park (one day again).
the leather is not of the most amazing quality but it’s lasted two years now and i havent found anything else as convenient for my specific desires.
shortperson says
i should add that i have the small. i find that if i dont have a tiny purse i end up taking things out and shoving them in my pocket when i go places and within a week everything is lost.
Ifiknew says
My 3.5 year old has been home with us since last March. She’s generally happy but we took some tours of preschool programs for the fall and she’s been begging to go now. I feel so bad for her because she’s dying to play with other kids and there’s only so much I can do at home with a 1.5 year old as well. Is it dumb to send her now after we’ve waited so long? I don’t even know what we’re waiting for now, there seems to still be a lot of uncertainty even with the vaccine. I know most people here do daycare but are there any parents who kept their kids home but decided to go back recently?
Anonymous says
Why would it be dumb? I’d have sent her inSeptember and would send her now.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
I also have a 3.5 year old at home (and am expecting a baby soon, so maybe we’re more cautious than you want to be). Right now is practically the worst point in the pandemic for most of the country, and the newer strains are thought to hit children harder and spread more easily. So I probably would not send her now.
Instead, I’m looking at outdoor sports or similar low risk programs (an outdoor nature class, etc) for the spring and summer to get a little socialization in and work up to full time preK in the fall.
Anonymous says
This—it seems vastly more dangerous to send kids to school now than it was in September.
Op says
I don’t see when this is going to get better though. We’ve waited a year and it just feels unbearable to prevent her from the socialization and activities she’s craving especially in winter. We haven’t heard of any superspreader type events in daycares. In general, it seems like kids are still doing fine right?
Anon says
I’m the poster above with the 3.5 year old. I also have a kindergartner and the school has been VERY conservative – in fact, my child’s cohort has only been in person 14 days this school year. They shut for every case, masks + distancing, etc.
However, we just had our first (maybe more, I only know one of the kids involved) in-school transmission a couple weeks ago among kindergartners. So I am more wary now.
Realist says
The new variants appear to spread more easily in children. So the old data is not as relevant as it might have been a few months ago. I think everyone has to look at their own circumstances and sort through a lot of confusing information from the experts to determine things, but the new strain throws a wrench in things. It appears to spread more easily in kids. The newness of it means that even some people that I would usually trust as experts aren’t good sources right now, especially if you are reading something from them that was said a few months ago but is being presented in a recent news article. With the new strain, the studies based on last summer or early fall are useless. Which is most of the data, putting us back to square one on figuring out spread in schools.
Anonymous says
If she’s 3.5 and you are considering a traditional preschool (3 and 4 year olds, likely half day programming), I would suggest that over a preschool that is part of a daycare center. I have kids in both– a 4 y/o in a Preschool and a 2.9 year old that just got moved from Older Toddlers to the PreK program at daycare.
1. The daycare center has young kids that don’t wear masks (in our center only the PreK and above are required- older toddlers are a mix and <2 they don't wear them)
2. The preschool in our area is part time and they have been able to take more precautions than the daycare center, simply because of this. For example, the kids are in classrooms of 10, each with an outside exit and their own bathroom. Kids come and go via the emergency exit now so they do not mix inside the buildling. Daycare is a "center" like structure and classrooms don't have outdoor exits and the bathrooms are shared. 3 meals are served at daycare. Yes, they try and space the kids out but it isn't as practical. In the Preschool the kids only have snack and hours were changed so kids eat lunch at home (or in the afternoon session they arrive after lunch). Also, everyone in the building wears a mask.
Anonymous says
“Hits children harder” is a bit misleading IMO. Kids may be more likely to get infected (and transmit) but are not more likely to get severely ill. My 3 year old has been in daycare since August and we have no intention of pulling her out despite new strains.
Anon says
Ok, true. But my main concern has always been the long-term,unknown effects of Covid rather than the acute illness, so the virus becoming more contagious is children is worrying for me .
Anon says
Even the vaccines don’t prevent infection though. They mostly prevent symptomatic illness and do an even better job at preventing severe illness and death. Over half of kids this age are asymptomatic even without a vaccine. I don’t really think avoiding the virus forever is attainable unless you’re content living a very modified lifestyle for a very long time.
Anon says
Also a good point. But presumably once we hit a certain vaccine rate, the prevalence of Covid and and likelihood of unvaccinated kids catching it will decrease. For me, I don’t have a pressing need to send my 3-yr-old to school at the height of the pandemic, so it’s a simple (though still tough) call. Others may choose differently.
Anon says
Keep in mind though that right now we’re collectively doing a lot of social distancing and staying home. When people get vaccinated many of them will go back to normal life as discussed above, so I would actually expect the prevalence of Covid to increase until we reach almost all the population vaccinated, which certainly won’t happen until we can vaccinate kids and may never happen. It’s definitely your choice about whether to send your child to school. I just don’t agree with the assumption that the spread of Covid will be lower in the fall, and I think it would be misguided for someone to rely on advice that community spread will be a lot lower when half the population is vaccinated. I think it will actually be higher, though with less (hopefully WAY less) hospitalization and death.
Anon Lawyer says
So people keep saying the vaccines don’t prevent transmission but I don’t think that’s right. We don’t have definitive data yet on that so public health experts are being cautious (rightly so). But most experts think they likely do decrease transmission even if not eliminate entirely. Covid is more contagious when the viral load is higher; if the vaccines cause you to have less viral load, you will almost certainly be less contagious too. I think the public health messaging is probably more pessimistic than the actual situation is going to turn out to be.
Anon says
I think vaccines definitely will reduce (though probably not eliminate) transmission. There is some early evidence that household contacts of Covid positive people were way less likely to get infected if the positive person had been vaccinated. But I think something like 50% of this country is never getting the vaccine, and that the inevitable easing of government restrictions will lead to increased spread through those people (and unfortunately that rampant spread will be conducive to mutations that might potentially evade immunity even more than the current variants of concern).
Anon says
If your concern is your kid giving you Covid, then it makes sense to wait for the fall when you will likely have a vaccine. If your concern is your kid’s health, it’s unlikely things will be any different in the fall. There will definitely not be a vaccine for preschoolers before 2022, and I don’t expect community spread to be significantly constrained in the fall because currently only ~60% of the country wants the vaccine. In fact, there’s an argument to be made that things will improve in late spring and summer as the weather allows for outdoor gathering in most of the US, and then get worse again in the fall when people start gathering indoors.
anon says
From a covid safety point there’s two arguments. One, the new strains are more contagious and case rates are really high, so if it was too dangerous in September it’s definitely too dangerous now. On the other hand, we know a lot more about transmission than we did in September and daycares/preschools/elem schools have been operating pretty safely all year.
Safety aside, there’s definitely something to be said for doing whatever is mentally better for you and your kid and if that means preschool for her, then go for it.
Anon says
I would view what you have done in the past as a “sunk cost” that shouldn’t really matter to be honest.
We sent our kid back to preschool in June and continue to do so. But every day we are making the active decision to send her back; just because we started in June shouldn’t really matter. Either you are comfortable now or you aren’t, but because you did or did not earlier shouldn’t matter. Evaluate the here and now. Good luck!
Anonymous says
This is great advice. We were originally going to keep 3.5yo home but sent her to preschool in October. Best decision I made all year. She’s much happier and learning a ton. There have been zero cases at her preschool, the precautions are working for them. All parents are very cautious and not sending kids in with ANY symptoms like a mild runny nose.
Anonymous says
This is the approach we are taking—every day is a new decision based on the current situation and available information.
Anon says
My two cents is that there are risks either way. There are risks of getting Covid if you send your kid to preschool (or do any activity with other kids) but there are also risks of avoiding all children for a year or more. We went back to school when it reopened in August because it was clear my then 2.5 year old was really suffering without seeing other children. Within a week of going back, we noticed huge improvements to her mood, attitude and energy level. I know someone whose child actually became suicidal and had to be hospitalized for mental health reasons due to the pandemic isolation, so nobody will ever be able to convince me that staying home for a year and a half is a risk free solution. If your kid is happy at home or you have a high-risk family member then maybe the risks of Covid outweigh the risks of isolation for your family. Only you can determine what is right for your family and I don’t think there’s an objective “right” answer, but I think it is naive to say either option is risk free. They just have different risks, and the risks can change over time (for example if extended isolation is having a worsening mental health impact on your kid) so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to reevaluate regularly.
Anon says
My (now 4 year old) niece just started preschool in January. She’s typically home with a nanny and they delayed starting her due to Covid, but it’s been great for her so far.
Curious says
I just want to say that morning sickness can just go f itself. I am 9 weeks along and done with this. I could sleep for a week. And I don’t even have a kid at home, just work (which admittedly has been intense). Can anyone give me hope?
Anon says
Talk to your OB. There are meds that can help. And also you will survive, even though you think you won’t (from someone who barfed every day until delivery). Focus on fluids and eating what you can keep down. Baby’s getting everything it needs from you and your prenatal.
Curious says
I needed to hear this. Only way out is through! And I should talk to my OB.
(I also realized that my nasty mood was partially due to news of a friend’s mom dying and grandparents exposed to COVID yesterday. Thanks for the compassion. Life is just a lot right now.)
Anonymous says
More encouragement from someone who threw up for 9 months. It ends much sooner for most people, but even if you are unlucky and it lasts the whole pregnancy it will magically end when you deliver. The hospital breakfast after I had my baby was the most delicious meal I ever had.
Try every food and drink that sounds even remotely appealing until you find what works for you. What your body will accept may make no sense and bear no resemblance to what is conventionally recommended or what worked for your friends. I could only drink sparkling water; still water made me vomit. Baby hated sugar and meat, so I gave up added sugar and most fruits and became a vegetarian.
Ask about meds. The earlier you get on top of the nausea, the easier it is to manage.
Katala says
Agree with meds. My nausea wasn’t THAT bad and I never vomited, but I was pretty uncomfortable and it was hard to get through work. My OB immediately prescribed meds and they helped so much. it made me too tired (like more than the normal 1st tri tired) to take it during the day, but just taking it at night made the bulk of the day nausea-free and the rest much better. Then I didn’t need it anymore at 11ish weeks.
NYCer says
My morning sickness (actual usually felt sicker in the afternoon) improved immensely after 12-13 weeks. Hopefully you will have a similar experience!
I had a lot of smoothies and bagels with cream cheese during those not feeling great weeks.
Anonymous says
It is so miserable but you can get through it. Just take it one day at a time. Mine never went away, and for me radical acceptance was the best way through – I had to stop feeling like I could solve it or make it better, because I just couldn’t. I did take zofran for a bit, which took the edge off, and learned a few things that made it better/worse (marginally). I never actually threw up, just felt nauseous all the time from week 7-42. (Yes, 42). The upside was that the post-partum period was physically not bad – I didn’t feel sick all the time, so I didn’t care about some of the other discomforts as much. But this is part of the reason I only have 1 child.
Brooke Coplon says
I really think weeks 9-10 were the worst for me. You should hopefully be feeling better soon! I was able to cobble together a weird selection of foods that kept the nausea at bay enough that I was functional during the work day, and then I pretty much crashed once I got home from work. I made DH cook, etc., but did generally feel like I was hungover every day for several weeks. If you’re having trouble getting through the work day, I would talk to your OBGYN ASAP for some suggestions on diet, etc. and whether meds are right for you.
Anonymous says
The only way out is through. I had horrendous sickness with DD and should’ve asked for meds. Don’t try to white knuckle it if you’re nauseous ALL the time and puking 5 times a day. I lost 10lbs my first trimester and the nausea didn’t abate until 20 weeks. Most people feel much better at 13 weeks. I agree that week 8-9 is the worst. I was terrified of having a second child because of what I went through, but I got pregnant with a boy and I had minimal sickness! Like only 2 days of puking and then I was just hungry.
CCLA says
Talk to your doc of course but anecdotally diclegis worked wonders for me, used it from about weeks 9-16 then no longer needed it, took me from spending all day in bed nauseous to just mildly occasionally nauseous. Tried the roll your own unison and b6 but didn’t cut it, there really is something magical about the delayed release formula.
Anonymous says
You’re in the worst of it now, and it is hard. Just eat what you can when you can and give yourself permission to nap as much as possible. You’ve got this. But in the meantime, I totally understand what you’re going through.
Realist says
I’m not going to pretend this is a cure all that will work for everyone, but having some carbohydrates first thing when I woke up really helped me when I had morning sickness. And I really do mean first thing, you can’t even get out of bed first. Just open your eyes and get those carbs shoved in your mouth. Keeping a box of crackers by the bed is probably the easiest way to do this. Your partner can and should help you with this, even their job is to just clean up any crumbs.
Anonymous says
Low blood sugar makes the nausea worse for many people. Straight carbs made me barf, though, so I had to have protein first thing in the morning and throughout the day. I carried around cheese sticks and those little packets of nuts from Trader Joe’s.
Realist says
Good point that it varies by person. I tried different things. One time DH brought carrots for some reason? That was an instant barf fest. The crackers worked the best for me but definitely worth experimenting if you can try to eat in the morning. I definitely know it doesn’t work for everyone.
Anon says
it sucks, but soon it will be a distant memory. back in the day when i worked in an office, i used to pinch myself when i had to focus on something else, especially bc i wasn’t out yet at work. i also carried around a gallon size ziploc bag of cheerios and made sure to graze on them throughout the day, which helped. i also did unisom + B6, but often threw up the pills
Curious says
Oh, cheerios sound really good. I’ll try that. Thank you. It’s so hard to find anything that sounds good.
Curious says
Thank you all. It is so comforting to hear that, even if it lasts the whole pregnancy, I *will* make it through. For those recommending B6+unisom — was it B6 in addition to your prenatal? I can probably google this but would love an easy answer. I’ll shoot the midwives a message today.
Katala says
It is B6 + unisom at the same time, in addition to your prenatal. I can’t recall the dosage, maybe 250 [ml] of B6? Same as above, the homemade version didn’t work for me but dicelgis did with my first, and there is a newer version of it that I used this time (can’t recall what the difference is but it was more expensive). The delayed release seems to help it last throughout the day. I couldn’t handle taking sleep meds during the day.
Anon says
I had the world’s best-timed maternity leave and was out March-June of last year, and then my kids went to school/camp/daycare starting in July. We completely avoided navigating childcare while working. I recognize we were fortunate in this regard.
There were two cases of COVID in my 1yo daughter’s daycare room, so now she and our 6yo son are home with us until we all get negative PCR tests back.
It is absolute chaos over here and I am struggling. Just want to say BRAVO to those of you who did this for so long. I’m 5.5 hours into my workday and I’m a mess, my husband can’t commit to consistent time windows which is driving me insane, my son has had basically 4 hours of screen time and snuck two lollipops already… what a mess!
Anon says
um, idk if i actually think that is a well timed maternity leave. you couldn’t bring in extra help and had to watch other kids while caring for a newborn! hang in there, hopefully your PCR tests come back negative.
Pogo says
ugh hang in there. it’s the worst.
Anon says
What’s the best platform for selling maternity clothes? I’ve never used ThredUp or Poshmark, the last time I sold something was about 3 years ago on Ebay–which worked pretty well, I guess. I have just a few good quality/condition things I want to get out of my closet!
Anonymous says
I really liked Poshmark- very transparent pricing and seller paid flat rate shipping. I found Ebay always hit me with a bunch of fees I wasn’t expecting afterwards, and I hated the varying shipping charges.
Be very specific in your listing with brand and fit, and I found the best listings used the manufacturer pictures of the garment. I never got into the sharing and the parties, I think you can use those to boost your stuff, but all of mine has sold eventually.
Mary Moo Cow says
I used thred up because they did all the work- package it up in the bag they’d sent and scheduled a usps pick up and it was done. The downside is you make less money and might have to wait longer for payout but it was worth it for such low effort on my part!
Anonymous says
I’ve sold stuff on Mercari with luck. Not maternity specifically but kids clothes. I don’t have any expectations for premium pricing but it’s a lot better than thred up.
Anon4this says
My second kid (20 months) seems to Prefer the nanny to me. He won’t come to me when she’s got him and wiggles out of my arms to her. My daughter was all about mom but it’s hard with my son to see how he always asks for the nanny etc even though he has far more time with us. I’m so happy he has people that he loves and loves him back, but it is sad to me. It doesn’t even feel like he misses mom or dad when we’re not there. I know it’s petty but any advice?
Anonymous says
I know it’s hard, but this is a wonderful problem to have. It means you’ve got a really amazing nanny and your son has complete trust in her. Very few people are so fortunate! When we had a nanny my daughter would cling to my leg sobbing every morning and it was the worst feeling.
Katala says
It sounds like you’ve successfully added a third “parent” that your son has a preference for – right now. Good news is he’ll likely shift to a new “favorite” soon. My 4 yo still has preferences, but they last longer and are less intense. It’s tough when you’re the not-favorite, but it’s tough in other ways when the light shines on you! Good luck, it’s a sucky feeling when they are so obvious about their preference.
AnonLawyerMom says
Did any of you scale down your job/career after having kids? I have been job hopping since DD was born, I literally cannot find my place in the legal field. I went to a local school and so my pay was never even close to six figures. Yet, the hours are long. Luckily I have no student loans. Even with remote work during pandemic I felt like I cannot handle more than 9 hours of work daily. It appears to me almost impossible to get a 8 hour lawyer job in a mid-size or small firm. I do not want to give up practicing law but I feel burned out and cannot handle being away (even mentally) from my family for more than 10 hours a day. What options do I have? Is government work more predictable and less stressful? I would appreciate any input.
Anonymous says
Errr possibly not helpful, but I was a working mom and then left the workforce altogether about 2.5yrs ago. After I had my first kid I waited 6 months (per the recommendation of this board) to see if that “I don’t want to be away from my baby” feeling would subside a bit postpartum. It did not and I left my job 6 months after that. Luckily, we’re fine on one income and I mostly enjoy being a SAHM to now two kids. I’m hoping some other lawyers can chime in with ideas. Is PT an option? I’m planning on going back to work PT in my field once my youngest is in first grade. So, there will be a big gap on my resume, but since we’re fine on my DHs income my pay won’t matter that much. Basically having kids wildly shifted my priorities and values and ideas about how I spend my time, and I’m ok with that.
Self Employed says
I started my own practice to have better control of my hours. My income is not as predictable, but I have a lot more control over my time, which has been a lifesaver. I was in a niche practice, I had some clients I knew would probably follow me, and just took the leap. It worked out pretty well. For now, I have more work than I need/want and refer out quite a few prospective clients. But if I ever needed work, I am in an area that firms usually need help in, so I think I could probably turn up some hours by reaching out to attorneys at larger firms and seeking contract work on projects. Working for yourself is not for everyone. I had a client reach out with a good in-house opportunity earlier this year, and I was tempted to work on a team again, but Covid has been such a childcare nightmare that it was not the right time. If you don’t want to go in it yourself, I would consider who in your network might make a good partner and be open to doing a practice together. I know several small firms that started up that way, with 2 or 3 people being tired of what they were doing and taking the leap together to start up their own thing with their own values.
Anonymous says
I jumped from BigLaw to government after I had a kid, and in my experience, government work has very predictable hours, which you can set with your supervisor (i.e. 8:30-6 or 7-4:30). I have had a couple of projects where I worked a few nights right before a big deadline, but other than that it’s been very chill.
Anonymous says
+1 fed govt is the best for flexibility
Redux says
Government law has all kinds. I worked for the state senate as a low-level attorney and the hours were wild, extremely long, but predictable (i.e., there was a “season”) but the pay was middling. I now work for a state agency in a leadership role and the hours are long, less predictable, but the pay is decent. I think most of the rank-and-file attorneys at my state agency have far fewer and more predictable hours than mine, but anything in a supervisory position is somewhat “on-call” including on evenings and weekends.
I found my non-profit jobs to be much more regular hours, predictable, but low pay.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m a state government line attorney and the hours are mostly 9-5, all state and federal holidays, plenty of leave. I couldn’t do a big job- I just don’t have in me to work 8 hours and then log back on after dinner. I sought out government work and haven’t been disappointed. I would love a part time option but I don’t think most government agencies are there yet.
Anon says
How soon after a baby did your gardening life go back to normal? My husband complained this morning that my lack of enthusiasm is making him feel completely unwanted and unloved. I obviously don’t want him to feel this way, but I’m having a hard time moving past my irritation at having this dumped at my feet to actually get make him feel better.
For context, baby is 5 months old, not sleeping through the night, I’ve been back at work full time for a month, and we have a 3 year old. I did two rounds of ivf to get pregnant, had a rough delivery with a third degree tear, and am still bfeeding. We’ve gardened maybe 10 times since the baby and in fairness I’m doing it mostly to appease him as I don’t totally feel back to normal or really have any feelings of desire.
I’m annoyed that he seems oblivious to all the physical and hormonal changes I’m going through on top of the adjustment back to work and everything. Part of me wants to introduce him to his right hand and tell him to leave me alone, but he’s not normally a self absorbed person and I do want him to feel loved.
Any anecdotes about this adjustment or advice would be very appreciated.
Anonymous says
Oh gosh, that’s really tough. My DH was good about this both times but I think he was similarity exhausted and desire was low. And he also self-gardens when necessary (which I’m A-OK with). For both kids I was not into it until my period came back (after they started solids, so around 7 months). It was just due to the breastfeeding hormones and lack of sleep. And after my first with a long second degree tear it was very painful until I got some scar tissue removed by the OB.
I totally understand being angry about his attitude and I’d be pretty taken aback if my DH said that, but the most productive conversation would be an honest one. Explain your reasons (nursing, pain, lack of sleep, overwhelmed by adjusting to two kids). Assure him that desire will return eventually but right now is a tough season of life.
Anon says
I’d say around 4-6 months it felt “OK,” but it wasn’t really normal until closer to a year. At risk of being overly graphic, I sort of felt “dull” down there for a while, like the difference between touching skin directly and touching through a few layers of cloth, if that make sense. I had c-sections, so this was all hormones, not trauma.
Anon says
When I’m feeling the way your husband is feeling, I appreciate my husband showing that he still finds me attractive in other ways. So, even if we can’t have sex for whatever reason, if I see him check me out, or compliment how I look in something, or kiss my neck while I’m brushing my teeth, I’m fulfilled. I just us to be more than co-parents or roommates. It doesn’t have to be sex to get me that feeling. Maybe you could try something similar?
anon says
agreed, I have at times been the higher-desire partner, and at times (postpartum, defined broaaaaadly), been the lower-desire partner, and this is helpful in both situations – when p in v is off the table/less frequent for whatever reason, it helps to still be able to touch each other in casual, intimate ways.
Postpartum it’s like the sex part of my brain has been temporarily turned off and while I don’t hate it when initiates, it never occurs to me to initiate and would always rather be doing something else (sleeping) – he thought that meant I didn’t want any kind of sexy interaction and felt very rejected, but once we had a conversation stating openly that didn’t feel any animosity towards him, it just didn’t OCCUR to me to initiate, and that I was ok with intimate touching/banter that doesn’t carry the expectation of… carrying things out to completion… we both felt better.
Anon. says
Personally, I had no interest at all until I completely stopped breastfeeding. That’s been true for two kids now. No interest in involving my husband or in taking care of things myself. And C-sections both times so purely a hormonal response. Thankfully my husband has been very understanding, so I have don’t have great advice for you there. But chiming in to say you are not alone.
Anon says
I could have written most of this, except I have a not-sleeping 9 month old and didn’t do IVF. We navigate this by scheduling gardening sessions twice a week. It helps me to know it’s coming so I can psyche myself up a little bit to enjoy it more, plus my husband knows when it’s definitely not happening and doesn’t hassle me or ask for it on off nights. It’s not the most romantic and I know he’d like more spontaneity, but this is what I can commit to in this season of life. I know it will get better as my hormones normalize and I wean the baby, so I’m just muddling through till we get there.
I get frustrated with my husband about his lack of understanding, but physical touch is his love language, so I try to keep that in mind too.
HSAL says
Uh, your baby is five months old, so you’ve done it ten times in 14 weeks? I think that’s pretty amazing and your husband should shut his mouth. I’ve got a 5 year old and 2 1/2 year old twins and I wouldn’t be surprised if we’d done it fewer than ten times since the twins were born.
But it’s also easier for me because we’re both pretty low-drive right now, and when one initiates the other will go along with it. This is so specific to each couple’s drives and needs. But I think you can explain what you’re going through physically/emotionally/hormonally, and the fact that you’re doing it at all says a lot about you wanting to make him happy. To me him complaining about your lack of enthusiasm when you’re going along with it is super selfish, but I believe you that this might not be characteristic of him. Feel free to tell him this internet mom can tell him about some websites that will help.
Anon says
Im sorry but 10 times in 2.5 years is not a realistic benchmark for most couples.
Anonymous says
I don’t think she said it was. She said 10 times in 14 weeks is really good when you have a 5 month old and I completely agree. We hadn’t even attempted gardening at 5 months, and I have a lot of friends who said the same thing. And once a week is a pretty normal frequency even for childless couples.
Redux says
I was also curious what “normal” is for OP. 10 times at 14 weeks post partum is waaaay more than me– post partum or otherwise!, but our baselines must be very different. Getting back to “normal” is going to look different for everyone because “normal” is relative.
Anonymous says
OP’s husband’s expectations are totally out of alignment with the reality of postpartum body + BF hormones + no sleep.
Redux says
I don’t disagree. OP asked when you got “back to normal” and my point is that normal is relative. And for her and her partner to have done it 10 times in the last 14 weeks and still not register as “normal,” their “normal” must be much more active than mine.
Anon says
@HSAL- thank you for this. Our third baby is 16 months and we haven’t managed to have sex yet. A combination of low sex drive, exhaustion, and birth control skittishness after a surprise pregnancy. I’ve always felt weird and alienated when discussions like this come up on the board. The whole idea that there is a “normal” number creates undue pressure and ignores the whole panoply of preferences/ desires/ experiences. To my mind really what matters for each couple is not how many times they do it, but how they communicate and work towards understanding what each person needs.
Anon says
+1 thanks HSAL and Anon at 4:36 and others who admitted to doing it infrequently. My only child is 2 and we have attempted p-in-v several times but not succeeded in, ahem, completing the act. We’re pretty sure we only want one kid, but we also joke that we couldn’t have a second biological child even if we wanted one because we can’t do the thing that’s necessary to get a baby. It can feel very isolating and I appreciate the honesty from people who’ve also had struggles in this area.
anon for this says
Just wanted to say that for whatever reason my second has been way harder – with my first I don’t even remember having any issues. I think we tried around 8w PP and then life was back to normal.
I think we waited a couple weeks longer with our second, and I am just not into it, also 5mo PP and done w/ maternity leave. Hormones, scar tissue, exhaustion, being touched out with the older kiddo who makes me snuggle next to him until he falls asleep (though we had a breakthrough yesterday with a nightlight instead of full hall light on, no not kidding, the fear of the dark is REAL with this one).
I know from having such a good experience after my first that I need to see a pelvic floor PT to work on this scar tissue but with the pandemic I feel like that’s not a top priority? ugh, it sucks. I’m with you. I agree with the PP who said to make sure you make s*xy comments and stuff like that, even if you can’t actually garden. I know that helps DH.
just…so much commiseration.
Anonymous says
The “baby” is 3 and it’s not back to normal. But I think I’m the exception, not the rule. Until very recently I just had zero desire and every time we did it it was very painful for me. I do have a lot of scar tissue but since I had no desire to begin with I assume it was mostly a hormonal thing. I breastfed for a long time (21 months), but the zero desire and pain continued after I fully weaned. In the last six months, I’ve finally started feeling physical arousal much more regularly and I (sorry if TMI) self-garden again. I still don’t feel a lot of desire for my husband but I’m chalking that up to the constant togetherness of the pandemic and the loss of all the ways we used to connect. I’m hopeful that in a post-vaccine world when we can go on dates to restaurants and travel and take advantage of grandparents who want to babysit that I will have more desire for him.
anon says
Similar here. I never got back to “normal” or the drive I had before after either kid. It’s much, much less. I just don’t care to do it, at all. DH would obviously like more and I’d like to want it. I plan to take a harder look at any hormonal issues when the world is a little safer. We can’t live like this forever. DH would be thrilled with 10 times in 5 months, TBH.