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Anonymous says
My 1st grader was invited to a joint bday party for 3 boys in her grade (she’s good friends with one, sort of knows one, and doesn’t know one at all). It isn’t a “no gifts” party (whyyyyyy?).
We normally do a gift ~$20-25ish depending on the kid. I’m not wild on spending $75 in gifts for this party for two kids she doesn’t really know at all.
Ideas?
Do we do one gift for her friend then maybe a book + Pokémon cards for the other two? 3 big gifts?
And/or ideas for nice gifts that feel like a gift without costing $25?
Cb says
I’d do books for all the kids. Or nice art supplies. We’ve got some birthday parties coming up and I stopped into TK Maxx and got nice art markers and a sketchpad, I’m going to add a sheet of stickers and call it a day. £10.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve been getting $15-20 lego sets for various 5-7 year old birthday parties.
Anon says
“It isn’t a “no gifts” party (whyyyyyy?)”
This makes you sound kind of grinchy. Birthdays are normally celebrated with presents. You don’t have to spend $25 per person. Also an invitation is not a summons so you don’t have to go if you’re really offended by not being told “no gifts.”
Anonymous says
I’m the OP. I’m fine with bday parties with gifts! But when it’s 3-4 kids in one party, it is a pain in the butt.
FVNC says
As a parent — both host and guest — I would much rather have a no-gifts party. But as kids get older, I’ve realized it’s not fair to ask them to decline gifts. Birthday parties — especially for kids who had to skip 2 years of parties during covid — are so exciting and presents are part of that. $25 is more than I spend for most bday parties; for a party like this, I think the $10-15 lego sets suggested above are perfect.
Anon says
Yeah I had grand visions of doing no gifts but it left my 4 year old in tears last year (thankfully privately) so now we’re doing gifts for #5. I don’t think it’s really fair to make a kid do that unless they’re too young to know that parties normally involve presents. And maybe it’s regional but we’ve never received a no gifts invite.
Anon says
This is interesting. Almost all of the parties we go to around here are no gifts (kids turning 6) and none of the kids have ever been upset about it. Maybe it’s because this is the first year of actual parties after pandemic times and they’re just thrilled to hang out with their friends somewhere fun and eat cake, but at least for my kids they have no issues separating “friend birthday party” from the expectation that they get gifts from family (which we still do later at home).
Anon says
My kid had only been to a couple parties before hers last year, and there were gifts at all them, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable that she expected the same. At barely 4 she wasn’t old enough to understand the reasoning for us requesting no gifts (due to Covid caution the party was outside at a park shelter fairly last minute, and due to both the last minute nature and the fact that we weren’t really “hosting” I felt awkward asking for gifts…but a 3.9 year old can’t get that). She definitely has her bratty moments, but I don’t think this was unreasonable behavior on her. And after melting down about it privately when we gave her a heads up she was graceful at the party and didn’t say anything about gifts.
Anon says
Oh yeah, I didn’t mean to imply your kid was bratty, mostly just musing about how varied parenting things based on where you randomly live.
Anonymous says
In my area if you do a bday with a few other kids, it’s always “no gifts.”
Twins are not the same thing.
I think there was a list last week about a bday party for a group of 4 8 year olds in the same class having a science party.
Spirograph says
Eh, I don’t think it sounds grinchy. If it were one kid’s birthday party, presumably everyone invited would know the celebrant well. But when you make it a joint party and each kid invites their friends who may or may not know the others, that changes the dynamic for me… it feels weird to expect people to give gifts to kids they don’t know.
That said, I agree that you don’t need to spend $25 each. I doubt they’re all going to open their gifts at the party or even together, and they almost certainly won’t compare who got what for whom. So get what you normally would have for the friend, and get something smaller for the kids she doesn’t know well.
Anonymous says
She does know all three kids.
HSAL says
She literally said she doesn’t know one of the kids at all.
Mary Moo Cow says
I wouldn’t feel beholden to the $25. I second books for all the kids or cheaper Lego sets (I like the 3-in-1 creator sets so it feels like more bang for your buck, with a gift receipt in case everyone has the same idea.) To make a smaller gift feel more special, I sometimes tie on something small to the bow, like a single lip smacker, slap bracelet, unusual candy or a single Jibbitz, or get a big, silly, or signing card.
Anonymous says
I would do something in the $10-12 range for each kid–something that is nice in that price range like a book or a game or a set of gel pens or a sticker art book, not a lame $10 lego set.
NYCer says
I think it is fine to buy something in the $25 range for the kid your daughter is good friends with, and something in the $10-15 range for the other two kids. I have never been to a party where kids open presents in front of everyone, so it is unlikely that the other two kids would realize you spent more on third kid.
Anon says
Agree.
HSAL says
I’d do this.
SC says
+1. I’ve given the Eye Spy books to 1st graders who I don’t know well. They’re usually a hit with that age, and you don’t have to know the kid’s reading level or particular interests.
Anonymous says
Get three small gifts of equal value. We always give books!
Anon says
Why is $25 the gifting standard for a child’s birthday? Do $10 gifts (for these and future parties) and call it a day!
(Not calling out OP per se; I’m shocked in general that all the birthday party threads seem to accept $25 as good ballpark amount. I spend that for a really close family friend – not myriad elementary school classmate parties. I am in a VHCOL area and it’s still nuts to me.)
Anonymous says
I am always uncomfortable with the presents that cost more than $10 or $15, especially since they are still junk that gets donated anyway. In fact, the cheaper gifts are often objectively better and more useful things such as books. The more expensive ones tend to be junky toys or craft kits that generate sparkly garbage.
Anon says
I’m in a LCOL area but usually spend $15-20 for a friend of my kid. For a classmate she didn’t know as well, I’d try to do more like $10-15. But I disagree that spending more means a junky, unwanted gift. Legos aren’t cheap but are a huge hit with my kid and her friends.
Anonymous says
Any Lego kit under $35 or so is just a bunch of junky little pieces rather than one nice big build.
Anon says
I disagree, it depends on the age of the kid. My 5 year old has been thrilled with some $15-20 Lego sets.
Anonymous says
What’s really weird is when the parents send a card with cash in it. It’s not a transaction!
Anon says
Eh, I’m Asian American and cash/money in a card or nice envelope is the go-to gift. I myself am in the minority on this board because I just give GC + card when we do go for birthday parties.
I actually find having to get something for $10-15 the odd thing – I’d rather just give a GC that can go towards something.
anon says
Peanut allergies- are the rates still high? My understanding was now that guidance is to introduce peanuts and other allergens earlier, rates of food allergies have dropped. Many local daycares are fully nut free, but I don’t know a single kid who has a nut allergy (and I know a lot of kids). Is this just a blanket liability thing or so I happen to know an odd allergy-free subset of kids? My own child’s daycare has a room by room policy and in the years we have been there, we have never been asked not to bring nut foods.
Anon says
I think rates have dropped but it’s still fairly common. I know two kids with nut allergies. Our daycare and public schools are all nut free.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’ve wondered the same. No one in either of my kids’ classes has a nut allergy. School classrooms are nut free (meaning snacks and party treats must be nut free) but the lunch room has changed from nut free to having a designated nut table. Anecdote, I’m on the PTO board, and when we order treats for the school, we order 30 blanket allergy friendly (no nut, dairy, or gluten) treats and the other 310 are regular.
anon. says
We have several allergies in our class, but no nut ones at the moment. And interestingly, the deadly one is this year a nut allergy, it’s F-PIES, which I had not previously heard of.
edit! says
Edit – the deadly one is *not* a nut allergy!
Anon says
I know a decent number of kids with nut or other food allergies, but also best practice now isn’t to ban nuts from schools, as I understand it.
Cb says
Nursery, school, and extracurriculars are nut free, and one kid that I know of has a nut allergy in my son’s class. I’ve had to get creative for the cookies I send in his snack box. No sunbutter available at a reasonable price in the UK so I make my own, like some sort of homesteading influencer. I’ve just about convinced my son of the merits of tahini though.
I never know how careful to be. We definitely don’t do peanuts at the library snack area, museum, etc or before judo class, but the playpark? Sometimes I want to make a pb&j but don’t want to expose someone.
Anonymous says
I mean you’re being a bit silly. You can do peanut butter at the playground. If you wanna needlessly complicate your life go for it though.
Cb says
I mean, there’s a severe nut allergy in my kid’s class, and a pile of kids head directly from the classroom to the playground on Friday afternoon. I have been on loads of flights recently where they’ve asked passengers not to consume products with nuts. I realise it’s recirculated air, airborne allergy in that context, but pb hands on the monkey bars doesn’t seem great? Especially when alternatives exist.
anon says
My kid likes to sit with a kid with nut allergies at lunch. There’s no rule prohibiting nuts and no one has asked us to change what we send, but it’s easy enough for me to send not-nuts for lunch. With my kid’s dietary preferences, nuts are an important source of nutrition, but I can serve nuts at another time of day.
If I can easily help prevent harm to a child, why wouldn’t I?
Anonanon says
I definitely bring peanut butter to public places and don’t worry about it. I did one have a parent sitting in front of my 2yo on a plane ask that I make sure to wipe my kid’s hands after eating before he touched her kid’s seat and her kid accidentally touched pb that way, but even in that case it wasn’t a “please don’t eat that” sort of situation.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
BAHAHAH “homesteading influencer” – love this. There was a time in life I really toyed with making my own nut milk and realized…nope. Oatly exists for a reason.
One of my BFF’s kids has a nut allergy. I totally forgot and packed my kids PB&Js when we were all hanging out for a picnic. She was fine with it, and in theory not a big deal, but little hands and fingers where everywhere – next time it’ll just be easier for me to pack a cheese sandwich, and I don’t find it limiting to my existence :)
NYCer says
My daughter’s preschool class allows nuts. Her school (small, private preschool) handles it on a classroom by classroom basis. No one in her class has any food allergies. Same for my older daughter’s elementary class (K-12 school).
Anon says
My girl scout troop of 12 has no allergies, which surprised me. Among our friends and family, my kid outgrew her egg allergy at 3, another kid outgrew a dairy allergy around the same age, and we have one peanut allergy still at 4. My K-er’s class (21 kids I think) has one kid with a peanut and tree nut allergy, so the classroom is nut free. The lunch room has a nut free table though, so I can still send lunch with peanut butter and cashews, just not snack since they eat snack in the classroom. Our county has banned food treats for classrooms generally though (including the candy jar, but thankfully my child seems motivated by smelly stickers which were the replacement), purportedly for allergy reasons but as a parent not having to constantly sign up for food treats for classroom parties has been delightful.
Anon says
I was also surprised that none of my 12 Daisies had allergies!
Anonymous says
I think shifting the burden of food allergies onto other people has fallen out of fashion somewhat. I also wonder how many “food allergies” are actually diagnosed with a tolerance test, as opposed to being “diagnosed” with a screening test that shows there MAY be an allergy or “diagnosed” in infancy when the baby had nursing problems and the mom was ordered to eliminate 99% of foods from her diet.
Anon says
I shouldn’t even engage with this, but I’ve always found it very American that people will denigrate allergy sufferers and act like it’s a huge human rights violation to be asked to put away peanuts for the short duration of a flight. Call me crazy, but it’s simply not that hard to a) not eat for a few hours or b) eat any of the other wonderful foods available that are not nuts. I could easily do those things even if there wasn’t the nice benefit of maybe helping save a life. If you’ve never seen a young girl gasping for air as her parents frantically call an ambulance DESPITE taking every precaution they personally can, you might not get it.
Anonymous says
The problem is that for every child with an actual legitimate life-threatening allergy, who should be carrying an EpiPen and Benadryl and have an emergency action plan, there are 10 other parents who are just trying to be controlling. It should not be a big deal for a child with a food allergy to eat at a separate allergy-safe table and then for the whole class to wash their hands when they enter the classroom after lunch. A peanut allergy should not make all peanuts and tree nuts forbidden to all students at all times. Other kids have needs that you might not be aware of.
Anon says
Unfortunately EpiPen and Benadryl and an emergency action plan doesn’t mean that exposure couldn’t still be life threatening. Eating at a separate table isn’t enough either. It would be nice if allergies were never so reactive and so severe, but peanut and nut allergies really, really can be.
Anon says
I have a relative whose school set up a separate “allergy safe” table for her. She had to drop out of school and get a GED instead because she was having constant reactions – I think it was four ER trips in a few months? At least one of those incidents was tied to another student eating nuts and then using the class computer without washing his hands. Her case was pretty extreme (her allergist said it was the worst one he had ever seen), but my point is that allergy-safe tables aren’t a panacea. Kids will be kids and can’t be trusted to wash their hands, they wander between tables and want to see their friends, etc. That’s why so many schools took the step of actually banning nuts.
Anon says
my kids don’t have any allergies (fortunately), are picky eaters and being able to send food with nuts to school would be great, but also i always feel bad for the kids with the allergies – it seems so cruel to me that there is a special table for them and like they are being excluded from socializing for something that is no fault of their own. i imagine that for the parents of the kids with life threatening allergies it is quite scary to send their kid out into the world. i don’t know any parents of kids with allergies who “are just trying to be controlling”
Anon says
I had a friend with a severe peanut allergy and some mean girls tricked her into eating something with peanuts and she had to go to the hospital and could have died. It’s awful but it’s definitely a thing (some) kids are tempted to do if they can so I understand the no nuts for anyone rule.
My kid has no allergies but I don’t think not being able to send nuts to school is a big deal. It actually seems less burdensome than having to wash your hands every time you enter the classroom.
Anon says
+1 to the poster at 12:19. I don’t know anyone who is doing this just to be controlling and I think it’s sad that that’s your attitude. Food allergies suck, even the non-life-threatening ones, and I don’t know any parent who would wish that for their kids.
anon says
+1 to this.
Please don’t send nuts to school. That goes for the playground too. It’s not hard. It could save my kid’s life. How would your comment change if that was your kid?
MBRec says
Mom of a peanut allergy kid here. I feel like if you don’t have it you don’t notice it? There’s another mom with a son my daughters age whose got cashew allergies, but they’re the only other nut allergy I know in her grade. I’ve had lots of moms be like “wow it never occurred to me with allergies!” When I’ve handed them a wet wipe after their kid has eaten peanut butter crackers. We just ask for hand wipes with wet wipes or washing hands with soap and water, but otherwise she’s not airborne reactive so we try really hard not to create allergy anxiety with her. We’re pretty aware because we have to be. Her preschool is nut free, which I appreciate because it can be hard to be vigilant when the kiddo can’t be. As she gets older though, my personal expectation is my daughters advocacy and responsibility will shift to her. We’re currently working with her caretakers on getting her to self carry her epi-pens. She’s not there yet developmentally but that’s our current goal.
Daycares tend to be nut free too because they don’t want the first reaction to happen there. It’s often not life threatening the first time (ours wasn’t.) but it CAN be. And it can be harder at the age 0-4 level to be vigilant with allergies so easier to just ban it. I have mixed opinions on it, but it does make things easier at the age she’s at.
Pogo says
So I see this from both sides, as a child who had a nut allergy back in the day and a mom of a nut allergy kiddo now.
One, the perception that people are making up allergies is frustrating, but I don’t blame you, I blame every influencer saying that they are “gluten sensitive” when what they really mean is they lost weight when they stopped eating carbs and so diagnosed themselves with a sensitivity or whatever. fwiw my son and I have both been tested (skin and blood test for the antigens), have epipens, etc.
Two, it is possible to take every precaution and something goes wrong because of human error. So I don’t necessarily think making schools nut free solves everything. I do think that schools are trying to accommodate what is legally a disability and provide students with reasonable accommodations. When I was a kid, I was never allowed to have the food at school celebrations like birthdays or holiday parties, because there was no way for me to know if the cookies Sally’s mom made had nuts and we can’t trust Sally if she’s only 7. So I remember being super annoyed and sad about that (and honestly still am when my MIL buys cookies from the Italian bakery, gets ones w/ nuts, and has them mixed all together so I can’t even have the nut-free ones…. ). So I think that is nice – requiring people to send in nut-free snacks for birthdays, making a table nut-free, etc. It lets kids be safe and participate in school. But, my worst exposures have been my own fault as an adult – not asking what was in something before I ate it, or assuming what was in something. We all make mistakes – even a nut free daycare might accidentally give a cracker with wheat in it to a kid with a severe allergy, as happened in my town (he had to go to the ER, but survived).
I don’t know if the rates of allergies have gone down, I know several kids with allergies. I am glad that more people are aware of how serious it is and that is WAY better than when I was a child.
Anonymous says
Totally agree with the first sentence of your second paragraph. It’s a “mom who cried wolf” situation with food allergies and celiac disease. Just like people with “emotional support animals” are delegitimizing actual service dogs.
Anon says
I definitely roll my eyes at “gluten sensitivity” and I think at this point it’s basically a socially acceptable eating disorder for a lot of adults. But no school is banning gluten, and the only kids I know who are gluten free have a Celiac’s diagnosis from a doctor. Nuts and Celiac’s disease are both severe, potentially life-threatening allergies for the people who have them and imo kid allergies have very basically nothing to do with influencer diet culture.
Seafinch says
Schools in our city banned gluten!
Second baby and first child worries says
Had my second baby a week ago (yay!) and so in love with the sweet cuddle buddy, but missing my undivided time with our toddler. I know she doesn’t hate me or resent me but i’m sad that i feel like i’ve barely seen her all week.
Just needed to get those thoughts out. I’m sure it’s normal (and she is thrilled to be a big sister!).
Spirograph says
Congratulations! And just as some reassurance on the normal front: I absolutely felt like this with my two younger kids. I distinctly remember snapping at my husband once that I was sick of sitting in a rocking chair all the time with this boring baby while he got to hang out with “the fun one.” After that we made more of an effort for him to take care of some of the feedings so I could play with the toddler.
Pogo says
Aw, totally valid feelings. We make it a priority to spend solo time with each kid and each parent combination because it really is special just having the 1:1 time – even mores o as they get older!
When my second arrived, I still made sure to do bedtime with my toddler – that was a time of day when baby was fussy anyways and DH could put him in the Ergo and keep him somewhat calm while I did stories and snuggles.
anonM says
Congrats!
Maybe you can do something small with toddler during a baby nap? When DD was a newborn, DS had a toy with all these small parts. It became his “naptime” toy. He was so excited about pulling it out, and it helped both give him down time and kept him from bothering her during her nap. And, it kind of gets ahead of jealousy if they know they get this time with mom. Of course, this did not play out perfectly by any means, but when it happened it was nice!
Anonymous says
Babies nap?
Leatty says
Has anyone done a transatlantic flight with a 2.5 year old? We’re considering a trip to Scotland this summer, but I’m nervous about having such a long flight.
Anon says
It’s a rough age for travel in general but long flights actually haven’t been as hard as I expected (maybe because expectations are so low?). We didn’t do Europe at age 2 due to the pandemic but on our Caribbean trip the flights were the comparatively easy part. Is your kid pretty interested in screens?
OP says
He will watch them, but he isn’t the type of kid to sit still and focus on them for extended periods of time.
anon says
I’ve done it with twins and it’s fine, if exhausting. For the overnight flight, figure out what works best to get your kid to sleep. For my toddlers, than meant bringing on their carseats, but ymmv. For the flight back, pack more small toys and snacks than you think you’ll need, but as long as you’re prepared to actively entertain your kid, it should be fine. Tablets + headphones are also great, depending on your kid. We like to switch off parent on duty, so that the parent not next to the toddlers gets a break, which makes us all less exhausted when we arrive.
anon. says
I did it last summer at this exact age. It was hard, because she wasn’t yet able to watch the ipad for long stretches. She slept maybe half of the 13 hour flight, which was good, but still leaves 6 hours or so for entertaining her. She didn’t cry or scream so if that’s your worry, I guess it’s a know your kid thing. But it was a lot of active parenting and no amount of “stuff” helped. Only attention. Hoping for better this year when we take the same trip (visiting relatives).
Anon says
East Coast to Scotland is a <7 hour flight. Pretty different than 13 hours.
Cb says
I found that age rough. We did west coast to Scotland, but I think it was worse because of a delay in serving the meal, and he was in a stint of having night terrors.
Anonymous says
Oh yeah, advice to the OP: don’t rely on the meal service to feed your kid! Delays in the service do still mean more noise and lights in the cabin which isn’t great, but if you bring food with you then at least your kid won’t be hangry. (There was a family sitting in front of us on a transAtlantic flight over Christmas who didn’t pack snacks for their 2 and 4 yos and they were definitely struggling with the fact that due to turbulance the meal cart didn’t come around until a couple hours into the flight.)
Anon says
Meal service on airplanes is also frequently something a picky kid won’t eat. On a flight home from Europe last summer, a very kind flight attendant nabbed my kid a leftover pizza from business class, which was awesome. But usually she subsists on the roll, maybe some salad and whatever snacks we pack.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t even count on airline meal service for my own food, partly because it’s gross and partly because the food might run out or service might get delayed. I always pack my own non-stinky meal.
Anon says
Depends on the airline but on US-based carriers I generally find the food satisfactory to good. I think it’s improved a lot in the last 10-15 years (barring the pandemic when food service was more limited). I’ve never been on an international flight where they ran out of meals. They cater a meal for every passenger so it’s not something that happens. On flights where they sell food (eg to Hawaii) they often don’t have enough for everyone. But a transatlantic flight with an included meal is different.
NYCer says
We have done it to visit my husband’s family. It is fine. It will not be your most enjoyable travel experience (ha ha), but it is manageable. Our kids were both somewhat willing to watch the iPad at that age, which helped.
Anonymous says
Just here to pitch a daytime flight. Most east coast to Europe flights are overnight but England/Scotland/Ireland is too short to actually get real sleep. You can also
Leave the east coast at 8am, land in the UK at 8pm (after a 6 hour flight) and then by the time you get to the hotel it’s bedtime and you’re on pretty good footing for the next day.
Anon says
Daytime flights to Europe are pretty limited. I only know of daytime flights to Heathrow, so you’d probably have to spend the night in London. If you can fly nonstop to Scotland, that’s easier in a lot of ways. Also, with the caveat that I haven’t done a daytime flight with kids, I actually think overnight flights to Europe are kind of a blessing because they make acclimating to jet lag much easier. Because of the missed sleep on the overnight flight, everyone’s happy to be in bed by 7 or 8 pm local time and then you wake up the next morning after a full night of sleep basically adjusted to Europe time. If we did a day time flight there’s no way my kid would go to bed at 8 pm, which is 3 pm east coast time. We’d be looking at a midnight bedtime at the absolute earliest, which would then either involve sleeping in way late, or waking up early and being really cranky (more likely the latter, at least with my kid).
GCA says
How long is the flight and where are you coming from? Age 2.5 could really go either way – they might be mesmerised by screens or completely ignore them. Bring all the snacks, some portable toys (magnatiles or tegu blocks and water wows are golden for this age), and some books. And lean in to the natural light when you get there, it helps with adjusting to a different time zone.
Kid appetites are unpredictable enough as it is, and even more so on long flights. On this last set of long flights over Xmas, we had trouble getting my 7yo to eat and trouble getting the 4yo to sleep… and then they switched roles coming back. On trips past, my kids have rejected inflight meals with fluffy, perfectly cooked rice, adorable bento boxes, and ice cream for dessert…total Philistines.
+1 on considering a daytime flight if you’re coming from the East Coast. The Boston to London red-eye is late, short and leads to grouchiness the following day (even for me, traveling solo for work, but I do it because I can end work for the day, shower and have dinner, head to the airport, and roll in to work the next morning).
OP says
We would fly out of DC, so it would only be around 7 hours if we do a nonstop. Unfortunately there is only one of those, and it leaves at 10 pm.
Anon says
Another bday party question. We have our first twin party. My kid said the girl would like art supplies and the boy would like Lego. I don’t know if that’s actually accurate to their interests or just internalized gender norms. Ok to do that or would you recommend the same/similar gifts for each kid?
anon says
How old are they? My 6yo twins would still get upset at different gifts, but they’re the same gender.
Anon says
Turning 5
Anonymous says
My twins are boys but have always had pretty separate interests so different gifts would be fine . Art supplies and lego are pretty specific so I wouldn’t assume that your kid was following gender norms. Could always do a mini lego set and art supplies for both.
Anonymous says
This depends on the kids, but for twin birthdays or holiday gifts for siblings who are very close in age, I either do two of the same thing (two books, two similar size/difficulty Lego sets, etc.) or two completely different gifts that are each addressed to both of them.
Anonymous says
I’d trust your kid!
Anonymous says
Did anyone have an elevated body temperature during your pregnancy? I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my second, and I have had a body temperature in the morning ranging from 99.3 to 100.3 every single day since around Thanksgiving. I’ve told my OB about it at each appointment, and I’ve been to see my PCP. I have had some of the general viruses going around and been treated for a UTI. Each time I have unrelated bloodwork, I do have an elevated, but not concerningly-high white blood cell count. I have my next OB appointment next week, and I will mention it again. But, I just wanted to see if anyone else experienced this.
Anon says
No thoughts on the temp but I was told it was normal to have an elevated white blood cell count. I was told that the thresholds are higher for pregnancy and not to worry.
EDAnon says
I was also told that. Unless you’re above the pregnancy normal level, the white blood cell count is probably not related /not a doctor.
Deedee says
How different is that from your normal luteal phase temp? Temps are normally slightly elevated after ovulation and stay so in a sustained way during pregnancy. Honestly if it’s consistent I wouldn’t worry about it.
govattymom says
Location ideas for a girls trip in the next few months? We are near DC and are up for flying but not a long or expensive flight. Would prefer a resort type place with a nice pool etc. Thanks so much!
Anon says
Cancun is usually pretty affordable and has a lot of nice adults only resorts.
NYCer says
I would probably just do Miami. Good weather in the spring, lots of hotel options at different price points, short flight from DC, good selection of fun restaurants…
anon says
Yep. I did the Carillon for a girls trip and it was perfect.
Anonymous says
This is a little far afield of “resort-type” but my friends and I did a girls trip to go rafting on the Gauley/New Rivers (the new ntl park in West VA) a few years ago. We stayed in a glamp-y cabin with a fire pit, but there were definitely more hotel-ish places with pools. The scenery is gorgeous!
Cb says
I cleaned out the craft table this weekend and a pile of colouring books, workbooks, and sticker sheets were very gratefully received by the librarians at my local library, if anyone wants to declutter.
The library is a good 10c warmer than my home so I feel like this is my rent for using it as an office.
Now to get someone to pick up the inflatable bouncy giraffe.
Anonymous says
Your home is 18 Fahrenheit degrees colder than the library? Is it an 80
Degree sauna in there? Why don’t you have heat at home.
Anonymous says
That library sounds awfully hot!
Cb says
Goodness, everyone has thoughts this Monday. It’s very warm, probably 23 and my house is very cold. UK energy prices are out of control, our bill tripled from last year, and money is really tight, so I’ve been trying to keep the heat off during the day if it’s just me at home. Thus working from the library. It’s scheduled to come back on when I pick up kiddo, so it’ll be heating up by the time we get home.
Cb says
Sorry, that was snarky, and it shouldn’t have been. Energy prices are such a stressful thing in the UK right now, and it feels rubbish not to be able to afford to be properly warm, even on two very decent salaries. We prioritise keeping it warm when our son is home/awake, but luckily he runs warm anyways.
Anonymous says
I guess I don’t understand how the library is not too hot even if you are keeping your house at 55 degrees F!
Anonymous says
Yeah, that is way too hot.
Anonymous says
At 23C (73.4F) I’d be sweating in shorts and a tank top indoors!
Anon says
What? 73 is a perfectly normal indoor air temp in winter. 73 feels warm in summer because of humidity.
Anonymous says
No, even 70 is a very warm winter thermostat setting. This discussion is funny because I worked in the library in college, where it was always freezing in summer and sweltering in winter. The amount of layers I had to wear/bring depending on the season was ridiculous.
Anonymous says
My NYC apartment is routinely on the north side of 75 degrees all winter, especially if the oven is on. We have no control over the heat.
Anonymous says
That is why I will never move to NYC.
SC says
That reminds me of my NYC apartment, which was also routinely set to 73F. But our apartment was on the first floor, directly above a restaurant kitchen. The heat from the commercial kitchen rose into our apartment, which was routinely above 80F in the winter. We’d run the fan on the window AC units. (I actually broke one running it while it was snowing.)
Anon says
My thermostat is set on 72 and I’m wearing sweatpants and a sweater. I probably run a bit cold but I also feel like it’s not anywhere near 72 in the room. Thermostats aren’t suoer accurate, especially in two story (or higher) buildings, because all the hot air rises to the top floor.
GCA says
Yikes, sounds like either your home is uncomfortably cold (in the 50s??) or the library is uncomfortably hot (in the 80s??)
Post the giraffe on your local Buy Nothing, or Facebook marketplace, or Gumtree! If it’s one of those bouncy Rody toy things it’ll probably be gone in minutes…
FVNC says
I get it, Cb! When the weather is not just cold but also damp, I’ve found it’s almost impossible to feel warm at a “reasonable” thermostat setting. When we lived in the PNW, our house was regularly set at 72 which is appalling, I realize, but otherwise I’d be huddled under multiple blankets. So, if like ~68 degrees is not going to feel comfortable, why not set it at 60 to save money if you’re going to be bundled up anyway? I bet the library feels fabulous – enjoy! And good for you for decluttering. I’ve got organized stacks but those stacks have yet to make their way out of the house…
Cb says
Yeah, it’s the damp that makes it worse. The library cooled off eventually but it was nice to be warm and have a bit of noise eventually. It was 55f when we got home, but we were in doing homework in the kitchen which stays warmer and we were having a nice warm dinner (instant pot salmon pasta, my kid’s new favourite).
Kiddo asked for his window to be opened at 3am because he was too hot… so clearly he feels the cold less than I do.
Pogo says
This is why I go into the office. My house obviously can be heated to whatever temperature, but that’s wasteful and expensive for just the room that is my office to get warm (which is north facing, multiple windows, and second floor – so it often requires turning the thermostat up to like 75 for my office to get 70).
Retail vs Experience Spending Suggestions says
Warning: Loss
This is kind of a vent in to the void with question on fun spending.
This weekend was a tough one for me. I was excited to learn I was pregnant on Monday (very early test, 1 day late). I started to lose it over the weekend. First time that’s ever happened to me.
My husband gone for the weekend at an event out of town. Which meant I was on solo parent duty of our 3 year old while this was all happening. She was actually super well behaved. Very willing to just cuddle and hang out which was nice.
While at this event, he “accidentally” won an item in a silent auction for $2k. We’re not hurting for $2k, but it definitely wasn’t planned. He’s really embarrassed. The same items normally retail for $5k so he didn’t think he’d win.
Now he’s really pushing that I treat myself to something. Like a trip or something new.
I’m still just really sad, so nothing comes to mind for me right now. But I could use something to look forward to. I’m actually happy to be working today for the distraction.
If you had $2k budget of fun money. How would you spend it?
Go away for a long weekend? Splurge on some higher quality every day items (clothes, new work bag, etc.)?
Anonymous says
I would go to a spa for the weekend. I would also be very angry about this. But if we had the money I would take it and enjoy two nights at a spa resort.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’d push back a little bit on your husband pressuring you to spend the money right away if it’s causing more stress. That being said, having been in your situation, I’d spend the money on an experience, rather than a tangible item you’ll see in your home all the time. I rarely wear the clothes/shoes I bought to take my mind off my losses because to me, they’re just an unhappy reminder.
NLD in NYC says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree that a spa weekend sounds lovely, however give yourself time to grieve. Unless there’s some deadline on using the prize, can you and hubby agree not to discuss what you’ll do with the prize money until next month (or two)?
Fun says
Personally, I’d hold off and keep this card in my back pocket until I thought of something I really wanted to spend the money on. And since the money isn’t an issue, I’d try to appreciate the fact that my DH is human and also apologetic. But I wouldn’t feel inclined to alleviate his guilt by spending more money on something I wouldn’t have bought otherwise.
Anon says
I agree with waiting until there’s something you really want.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this. Your husband is trying to erase his guilt by placing a burden on you, which he may not realize is a burden but is still a burden nonetheless.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’d spend it on an experience, like a splurge long weekend trip with DH or the whole family (upgrading to a suite, for example), or stuff for the house I’ve been pining for (like an original painting or new counter stools), or finally paying someone to install custom closets or organize all my pantries and closets.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry for your loss, I’ve been there as well.
Your husband sounds a bit like my husband, who I feel like tries to make problems go away through big heroic gestures. For example when DD was STILL not sleeping through the night at I was bearing the brunt of it, he insisted I spend the night at a hotel and get some rest. Only problem is, I don’t sleep well in strange places, and got basically no sleep at all. Etc etc. His ideas always sound nice in theory, but aren’t actually that thoughtful from a “know your spouse” point of view.
I realized at a certain point that I needed to just shut him down and do things on my own terms (I tried to convey this as gently as possible, but it still wasn’t easy). I get fewer gifts, but it’s a much better situation.
anonamama says
I’m so, so, so, sorry for your loss. It’s hard to feel all those feelings and see all those wishes disappear when you’re in mom mode. I think you just do whatever you need to do to cope and if it involves money, get the best available. Spa, weekend night in a hotel away with a friend, whatever you need just send your DH the bill. And tell him how you’re feeling so he loosens the pressure. We’re here for you.
DLC says
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I would use the money to book an air bnb or cabin the in woods or some such and invite my two closest friends for a girls weekend.
Lizard says
If he won an item that retails for $5k for $2k, couldn’t he resell it for somewhere between $2-5k and get your money back plus some?
Anonymous says
Reading between the lines he really wanted the item and is not sorry he won it in the auction. Why would you bid on something you wouldn’t be happy to purchase?
OP says
Thank you so much for the responses! These is all really good input.
Spending it on an experience does make a lot of sense. Items becoming a reminder is a very good point. DH is hardwired to be a “fixer”. I sometimes forget his gut reaction to try and quickly solve things doesn’t necessarily mean it’s required or is going work the way he thinks. I’ll for sure talk to him about just needing some time and that I don’t want to be rushed. And I’ll do some day dreaming about a spa trip or family weekend somewhere.
Also on the selling idea, it’s a valid point. It’s a fat bike frame and tires. He knows the owners of the company that designed/manufactured it. They are professional contacts for him. I could see him working at that company down the road, so I don’t mind him keeping it. He’ll probably end up selling a different bike from his collection to make room for it. I think on any “normal” weekend I would shrug it off and not think about it again but it just kind of compounded with everything else going on.
Again I really appreciate everyone taking the time to comment. I have to admit, I already felt less alone this weekend because I know from this group that loss is pretty common and that everyone’s partner make mistakes from time to time.
Pogo says
Big hugs. If it makes you feel better my husband has like 7 bikes and he’d totally keep a fat bike too – and $2K is definitely a good deal!
I would definitely not rush to do something spendy – it doesn’t sound like it’ll make you feel any better. I’d plan a girls weekend, because I get a lot from spending time with my college girlfriends, but maybe think about what really recharges you.
OK to Wake says
Looking for an OK to Wake light recommendation. We have one from Target (the owl-shaped equivalent of the one featured last week) and it’s buggy, so I’m looking for one that will work reliably. I’d rather not spend Hatch money and would prefer one with a clock on it anyway. I’d like it to be red all night and green when it’s time to get up. Otherwise, no preference on features. Any recommendations?
FVNC says
We’ve used the Mirari Ok to Wake clock with both our kids, and both clocks have lasted a long time with no issues (over 5 years, now) . Sounds like it would meet your needs, except it doesn’t turn red during the night — just green in the morning. It has a dim yellow nigh light as an option, though.
Anon says
I get not wanting to spend the Hatch money, but after having one I would 100% do it again. Key features for us that I don’t think we could get in a cheaper/traditional ok to wake light are:
-Ability to have different school day vs weekend schedules (so it comes on at 7am with noise on weekdays, but not until 8 with no noise on weekends)
-Ability to schedule multiple events, e.g. at bedtime there is a light for “quiet reading time” and a light for “no talking, no reading, time to sleep” and in the morning there’s a light for “can get up and play quietly” and a light for “can come find Mom and Dad”
-Ability to easily change it from my phone instead of going into the room when I want to adjust bedtime or waking time
AwayEmily says
Agree with this. I resisted the Hatch for a long time because it felt silly to spend so much but since giving in two years ago I have really appreciated (and heavily used) all these features.
anon says
I’ll also add that we’re still using the Hatch at age 7. Yes, my kid can tell time and on vacation we just tell them they can get up at 7:30, but with the Hatch we have the flexibility to encourage sleeping in after a late night, or other things like that, rather than being tied to always getting up at exactly the same time.
FVNC says
When my kids were younger, I would have loved the ability to adjust waking time on my phone, for those magical mornings when they slept in and I knew the green light would wake them up.
Now that they’re older, it’s really not an issue — the clocks are set at 6:30 am everyday, but we have a “stop/go” sign on our bedroom door that says when they can or cannot come in. Weekdays, the default is “go”; weekends, the sign is “stop” until we wake up and flip it. It works great and was the cost of a 3M hook to hang up…just in case OP is looking for budget-friendly ideas :)
anon says
Another +1 for the Hatch, well worth the price. I think I got mine on Prime day for a decent amount off the MSRP, if you can wait for a sale.
Gro Clock says
We really like our Tommee Tippee GroClocks (we have one in each kids’ room). But they are blue at night and turn yellow in the morning.
House safety items says
What do you all with maybe larger two story houses have in terms of safety items? I know there’s guidance out there, just curious if there’s anything specific I’m missing. We have four young kids – going to have a fire extinguisher on each floor, make sure that appropriate windows can be opened if need me, and then folding ladders? What’s recommended here? Odd question but we’re remodeling our house and I want to make sure when we move back in we have everything set up as it should be!
Anon says
We have…none of this. I feel like smoke detectors are that only fire safety itself I was taught about.
Anonymous says
Carbon monoxide detectors in all the sleeping rooms
Anne-on says
Practice opening your windows – I’m not 100% sure my husband knows how our screens come out/windows rotate and this is a good reminder to practice.
How old are your children? When mine was too small to feasibly climb down a ladder we had a ‘fire bag’ – basically a large, fire proof drawstring bag on a very sturdy cord designed to be able to lower an infant/toddler/pet out a window. We showed this to my son (and he was VERY into firemen when small) so that he knew what it was. We still keep it as we have 2 cats that would not easily/safely go into carriers – we’ll just stick them in this and lower them down out a bedroom window.
Anon says
Make sure windows and/or sliding doors on the second story actually open. We realized that the screen door to our balcony was totally jammed and wouldn’t open, which would block the best way to evacuate in the case of a fire. It’s important to keep those things in working order and to check regularly (ours somehow got warped in bad weather). We also do smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors.
Windows says
Depending on the age of your kids, make sure you can balance being able to open upstairs windows easily as an escape route with very young kids not being able to open them and fall out. We had a near-miss situation in our house that still makes me feel a little nauseas. You definitely need a way to get out upstairs, just don’t make it so easy that a toddler can do it (if you have one).
Anonymous says
I also kept a cheaper baby carrier (one that I had gotten and didn’t use much) with the rope ladder by the window, which was my plan to get my younger one out who couldn’t do a ladder.
anon says
While there are a handful of things like CO and smoke detectors and fire extinguishers that everyone should have, I think emergency preparedness largely needs to be in response to what hazards are more likely in your area.
I live in the US West, so air quality is a big concern because we sometimes get weeks of unhealthy to dangerous air. For that, I have:
1) Temtop air quality monitor for particulates and CO2
2) air purifiers for each room, along with replacement filters
3) painter’s tape to seal known gaps (old house and permanent fixes are challenging and expensive for right now). The CO2 monitor becomes really important when the house is sealed up.
4) high filtration masks for the family
5) go bag that lives in the car during fire season
Also, earthquake country, so we have water, paper plates, food, etc for a couple weeks.
Anon says
For anyone wondering whether air purifiers work, they really do. We got a PurpleAir sensor for our house (we’re also in the wildfire west) and you can see massive drops in the indoor AQI when the purifier is turned on. Then it spikes again when we turn the purifier off. It was also super concerning to see how much the AQI spikes when we’re cooking (to unhealthy or hazardous levels lasting for over an hour) – good reminder to keep the purifier on during cooking and increase ventilation by opening a window.
Anonymous says
We practice. When they were younger, DH and I did a quick escape drill- how we’d get all 3 out since they couldn’t get out of their cribs etc.
Now they are more mobile (almost 5-9) and each of them knows our designated meet up spot outside, not to hide, how to open their windows, and the ones that have a secondary exit know it. The one that doesn’t has a safety ladder in her closet but only bc my mom was paranoid and bought her one. She’s need two other points of failure before using it and honestly she’d probably hang/jump first (it’s my oldest).
We have smokes and carbon monoxide detectors everywhere.
The biggest thing with little ones is practice- how do you get out, where do you go, and what do you do if you CAN’T get out (don’t hide!!, stand by a window).
We even have a fire plan for my 7 y/o’s fish- she put an “evacuation” Tupperware next to his tank ;).
ALC says
We transitioned our 3 year old to a big bed this weekend, and it went pretty OK! Now we’re trying to get a sense of what our new routine should look like. We used to put him in a sleep sack, read stories on a rocking chair, then put him in his crib. Now, I feel like we shouldn’t use the sleep sack (won’t he need to use his legs if he rolls off the bed?) but I want a way to signal that it’s bedtime and not playtime. Maybe a sleep sack with holes for his feet? Any other ideas?
Anonymous says
Tuck him in.
Anonymous says
I think pajamas send the same message. If he can’t stay under a blanket, either use warmer PJs (or a second layer of PJ – we used to do cotton under a fleece footie sleeper) or a sleep sack with foot holes.
Anonymous says
Sleep sack with legs.
Anonymous says
Tuck the blanket and comforter under the mattress on one side to keep him from kicking them off.
startup lawyer says
my son is still in a sleep sack
Deedee says
I’m only a pre-mom (due May) but can’t 3 y/o have blankets? I thought toddlers were permitted both pillows and blankets.
Bette says
He might surprise you – I would keep up the routine, go with pajamas, and really talk to him about it the next few nights/weeks/however long it takes. “After I leave, you’re going to stay in bed and go to sleep.” We’ve had my kid in a floor bed since before he could walk, I thought it was a crazy idea but he seems to just respect that it’s bedtime and not playtime. I was more worried about nap time because he could theoretically raise his blinds up himself and then have enough light to keep on playing – and he’s messed with the blinds maybe 2-3 times – but he just seems to get it?
San Diego trip advice? says
I’m considering a 6-night San Diego trip with my 6- and 8-year old kids in February. This would be my first time vacationing as a solo parent (my spouse needs to stay behind for work). Any advice on where to stay (hotel vs resort vs house rental?), what to do, tips for solo-parenting on vacation? Is this a bananas idea? A neighbor recommended Mission Beach as a place to stay, but the house rentals look super pricey. I was thinking of a day at the zoo, a day at Sea World, a LegoLand day, and some free days to laze around. Any advice welcome. Thanks!
Anonymous says
I would add the Safari Park and the beach with sea lions (is that Torrey Pines? can’t remember) to your itinerary. I would stay in a hotel because I don’t cook and clean on vacation, especially not while solo parenting.
OP says
Ah good point re: cleaning and cooking. Thanks for the reminder.
Pogo says
Yeah, the sea lions are in La Jolla; that’s where I would stay personally, but I am pretty bougie w/ my travel.
NYCer says
As long as you’re not banking on guaranteed beach or pool weather, San Diego will be a fun spot for February. And you could get lucky and hit a heat wave, but you’re much more likely to get highs in the low 60s and lows in the 40s.
As for hotels, Fairmont Grand Del Mar and Hotel Del Coronado are both good options for families. The Lodge at Torrey Pines and L’Auberge Del Mar are nicer, but also more expensive.
Lizard says
When you say house rentals, do you mean an actual house? For just 3 of you, a condo would be fine, and there are lots of options along Mission Beach. But it’s going to be too cold to really “go to the beach” while you’re there, so I’m not sure I’d bother paying to stay right on the beach unless you think your kids will be super into the boardwalk or you really want the ocean views.
A day trip to Disneyland is possible from San Diego, about a 90m drive. But honestly rather than 6 nights in a beach town when it’s too cold to go to the beach, I’d probably take the same budget and take a 6 and 8 year old to Disneyland for 2-3 days (if your spouse would be ok with missing it).
Anonymous says
Disneyland > Legoland
Boston Legal Eagle says
If you do pick Disneyland, then I would definitely stay in Anaheim and not drive from SD for a day – that is an exhausting day!
Anon says
Totally depends on the kid and ages. For 6 and 8 probably Disney for most kids, although there are some for whom Legoland is better like my kid who is Lego-obsessed and doesn’t know or care about Disney characters at all. And Legoland is a lot smaller and more manageable, with much shorter waits for rides, which is a big advantage if traveling with toddlers or preschoolers (not OP’s situation i know, but for anyone else curious).
NYCer says
This is actually a great idea. Definitely worth considering
Boston Legal Eagle says
La Jolla is lovely and cute, although probably pricy. You’ll have to drive to all of those other places, but it’s not bad, relatively, for CA (where you have to drive everywhere). You can add the Birch Aquarium, which is right in La Jolla, to your list. And Balboa Park, which is near the Zoo. I’ve gone to the beach in January in San Diego before, but it will vary depending on the weather.
Pogo says
oh Balboa Park is AMAZING. There are multiple museums in there too, right? Haven’t been in ages.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, it’s awesome. I got married there :)
Anonymous says
It will be fun! I sometimes have more fun on solo trips with my 3 kids than with the whole family. They behave better- because I count on them for more, I think.
6 and 8 are great ages.
Anon says
I would stay somewhere with a pool.
Anonymous says
February is not pool weather in San Diego.
Source: grew up there with a pool
Anon says
It depends on your tolerance for cold but native Californians tend to be a bit wimpy about cold weather :) If you’re coming from the upper Midwest or New England, February in SoCal can definitely be swimming weather. Source: have vacationed there in January/February and swum in a heated pool several times. I’ve actually even swum in a pool in February in *northern* California. The ocean will be freezing though.
OOO says
I’ve posted on here before about my cousin who had twins last year and is drowning. They are low income and don’t have family nearby to help. I have given them hand-me-downs from my son and have dropped off meals. The twins’ first birthday is in March and will be another opportunity for me to give them more things they would need. Normally I would give toys for the first birthday, but I know they will get a zillion toys from family and friends, so I want my gift to lean more utilitarian. Giving cash would be weird for this relationship. She has mentioned in the past that they can always use clothes, so I thought clothes, plus shoes, spring jackets, sun bucket hats, etc for the spring/summer months. It would be great if I could include some ikiki sandals and PBK towels that we really loved, but they may take up a lot of my budget for the gift, which is around $120. Any other ideas on things they would need? I might also include a small gift for my cousin to celebrate getting through a really challenging year, maybe a pedicure or something, so any ideas on that would be great too.
AwayEmily says
What a great idea! What about expanding the clothing into an “outdoor fun kit.” Sun hats, sunscreen, towels, a packable picnic blanket, rashguards, bug spray, and a few summer clothes. I feel like shoes are tough because kids’ feet seem to grow at very different rates.
Anne-on says
Given what you’ve shared about their situation and your budget I would watch out for coupons related to year end sales/Presidents day and try to get as many reasonable quality things from someplace like Carters/Osh Kosh/Old Navy/Gap vs. fancier items from Boden/Jcrew/PB. I’d also check ThredUp for bundles.
FVNC says
Agree. This is so kind of you to help them out honor the relationship by not giving cash.
PBK towels are, I’m sure, fantastic…but towels are towels and the cheap ones will get a kid dry, too. Don’t spend your budget on those. Good shoes, on the other hand, may be worth it…maybe not so much for 1 yr olds, but down the road, something like Keen sandals could be amazing.
Anon says
also twin parent and agree. id also skip the shoes bc too hard to figure out sizes. maybe some swim diapers
FVNC says
Thinking about this more, I do think it’d be sweet to throw in a small “splurge” item. Maybe a dress or overalls or a swimsuit from Gap or JCrew kids…but don’t spend a majority of your budget on it. (Gap Kids was a splurge brand for us, and I still remember one of my now-9 yr old daughter’s favorite toddler outfits from there. It was so goshdarn cute and she wore it all the time, so we got our money’s worth!)
anon says
If you know the right size, swim diapers would also be useful to go with the summer themed gift.
Anon says
at age 1 kids stop bottles, right? so maybe water bottles?
Anonymous says
Twin mom: I have boys so this will sound a bit utilitarian but here’s what I would do. Buy them each a Garanimals clothing bundle in their size (search Walmart). Get them matching swim diapers and sun hats off Amazon. Buy the mom a candle or fancy chocolate. If you have anything left over I’d get reusable plastic plates/cups/utensils and a few board books if you think family won’t give books. I wouldn’t buy them shoes: my twins have differently sized and shaped feet so they often can’t wear the same shoes. It’s nice of you to do this: I bet she will appreciate just not having to think about this stuff in addition to how they will afford it.
Anonymous says
They don’t need fancy pbk towels. But do get the rest! Heck, our HHI is like top 2% and I still wouldn’t buy the PBK towels ;).
Anon says
I would check out the land’s end sale section. Good quality clothes for very reasonable prices. I think swimsuits and a beach or pool towel always cost more than I think they should. I like the suggestion of a summer fun themed gift. I would put in two swimsuits and rashguards for each kid, a bigger pool towel they can grow into as a toddler, goggles if they will be actually swimming, sun hats, sunscreen and maybe a backyard sprinkler or baby pool.
anonamama says
What’s everyone paying for babysitters these days? Looking for one more to add to the mix to get the coverage I need and wondered what everyone is paying. In Pittsburgh, I have a mother’s helper high schooler at $12, college student at $16, a pre-med at $18, and in my search, have been getting quotes from $22 & up.
Anne-on says
Suburbs of MA so our minimum wage is already high ($15) – mother’s helpers are about $16-18, college kids about $18-$20, and nannies anywhere from $20-$30 depending on if you’re witholding taxes/paying under the tables/number of kids/etc.
GCA says
Same area, same prices. $25/h for experienced daycare teachers that my kids already know (so really I am paying for the skillsets I know they have + demonstrated calm under pressure + peace of mind).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, around $25/hr for experienced babysitters here, but I haven’t used any high schoolers or mother’s helper type people yet. I imagine they’re less.
Pogo says
Same. I pay $20 take home to anyone experienced – so when we had an actual nanny I think she was at $23/hr, but I’ll pay a college student $20 in cash.
Bette says
I am intrigued by the mother’s helper… what do they do and how are they different from a regular babysitter?
OOO says
I’m my LCOL area, $15 for an aide at our daycare who babysits on the weekends. $10 for a 12-year old who will babysit DS at her house with her parents at home
TheElms says
DC area, and 2 kids (3 and almost 1) and generally I pay $30/hr. Once in a while I’ll find someone for $25/hr but its rare. And this is pretty consistent with what all my friends with 2 young kids are paying in the area.
Mary Moo Cow says
I paid a high schooler $20/hour for two kids this summer and parents I know thought it was high (I guess going rate is about $15.) Number of kids always means more money to me. But the local lifeguards were getting $20/hour, retail was $14… it seemed reasonable to me.
Anonymous says
We pay $21 per hour when we book through our sitter service, which charges a $25 per booking placement fee. When we find people ourselves (generally college students), we pay $25. We live in Chicago.
anon says
DC-suburb: $23 for 2 kids for a college student.
When we were looking for someone a year or so ago, we were generally quoted $20-25 for 2 kids. These are all adults, though, not high school students.
Anon says
In Houston proper – we have used teachers from kids’ old preschool – they are $20-22/hour.
Anonymous says
In Houston I pay $20-25/hour for a babysitter for three kids.
Anonymous says
We pay a high school senior $20/hr once a week for 3hrs.
Anon says
$20-25 for two kids in Midwest MCOL city.
Anon says
DC burbs and I pay $15-20 an hour for a high school student to watch one 5YO. Most adults I see advertise for $20-30.
Spirograph says
DC area, 3 kids, $20 an hour seems to be the going rate for our neighborhood high schoolers on one-off evenings.
Sleep chewing? says
Was traveling this weekend which meant bed sharing with the 2.5 year old. I noticed both nights he chews in his sleep. It’s not quite grinding or clenching. It’s almost like chattering. It’s not constant but it is frequent and loud enough to wake me up.
Anyone else’s kid do this? Worried about his teeth but I hate sleeping in a mouth guard so I can’t imagine him tolerating it.
anonM says
I grind my teeth, as does half my (adult) family. DS does it too. The dentist wasn’t worried about it and said he can’t get a mouthguard yet (he’s 4). Just ask the dentists so they can pay attention to the wearing.
Anonymous says
I’m wondering if my twins should drop their nap. They will be two in a few weeks. They’re in day care part time, but when they’re home I notice it takes them about an hour to settle into a nap and then their day is basically ruined when they wake up. It’s pretty much constant crying/clinging/fighting until dinner. They go to bed around 7PM. One of them is a poor sleeper: always has been. The other can sleep 12-14 hours at a stretch. Would appreciate any advice.
Anonymous says
If they’re still going to bed at 7 and just turning two I’d say they definitely still need a nap. We just dropped my 3.5yo nap because if he naps he goes to sleep at 9:30pm. Without a nap he’ll go to bed at 7. It’s normal to take a while to get into a naptime mode after preschool/lunch, and then be crabby after. Have you tried 30 mins of TV and some juice after the nap?
Anon says
You could try. That’s early for most kids, but if they make up for it at night it might be okay (none of my three kids have ever slept 12 hours at night…). Maybe on the weekends you could plan a short car nap on the way to an afternoon activity, to give them a little bump til bedtime but not torpedo the day.
Bette says
Two seems early for dropping a nap… my kid is also SO GRUMPY when he wakes from napping. I’ve found it helps to turn off his Hatch sounds machine and turn on a light in his room remotely (we have a smart bulb in there), if he can wake up on his own terms and get a little playtime alone in his room before we come in, then we’re all much happier.
Vicky Austin says
With the enormous caveat of Goodness Knows What Might Happen, we are tentatively thinking about traveling to my sister’s college graduation in another state at the end of May. I am due almost exactly 2 months before that, first baby; so we could be talking about an infant as young as 5-6 weeks. What should we be considering? Fly vs. drive (driving distance is around 20 hours)?
Anonymous says
Ok you’re going to get all sort of opinions on this but here’s mine. Definitely do not drive, that’s way too long in a car for a newborn. They need to stretch and move and eat every 2hrs. It’s just not feasible. Oh and my second cried for every single car ride until he was 5 months old. So you could get one of those babies. Fun! You could fly…but if a newborn gets a fever it’s a Big Deal and if your baby is under a month they’ll need a hospital visit. They don’t get vaccines until 8 weeks. You could (hopefully not) have delivery complications…I’ve had multiple friends with severe tears who were still having issues weeks after delivering. A graduation, depending on how large the campus is, can mean a lot of walking around which isn’t great after delivery. So basically, i would say plan on skipping this.
I flew with my baby at 12 weeks and it wasn’t as big of a deal. But 5 weeks is too soon after delivery for me (I’ve had 2).
NYCer says
This is where I fall too. If it were me, I would skip it. If you really want to go, I would definitely fly, and just plan to wear the baby in a carrier the entire time. I also preferred waiting until around 2.5-3 months to fly though.
Emma says
Could you break up the drive over several days? With babies that little they need to get out of the car seats regularly so a drive that long would take forever. I also had a pretty regular v**inal delivery with 2nd degree tears and wasn’t comfortable sitting in the car for extended periods until about 6 weeks pp. I personally wanted to wait until baby had their first shots before flying, but I know some people do it. I also had a winter baby – hopefully in May we won’t have as many viruses flying around. I would discuss with your doctor, but keep things tentative because honestly baby could be early or late, and while I am wishing you an easy delivery and healthy baby, there sometimes can be unexpected complications. I’m not sure if it’s your first, but I was really not expecting how terrible I felt the first two months postpartum as a reasonably healthy person. But we recently travelled with our 3 month old and everything went great!
FVNC says
Just my personal considerations…I wouldn’t think of driving as an option. That’s a long drive for adults; with a newborn, I’d assume you have to add about 50% travel time — 30 hours total. Feeding (and if you’re BFing, you’ll either have to pump or stop to nurse), letting baby stretch and lie flat (I think there are max times infants can be in car seats?), dealing with the inevitable blowouts…I just can’t imagine doing that drive one-way, let alone there and back. Depending on covid and other illnesses circulating at the time, I’d consider flying if I was going somewhere with a good children’s hospital.
Anonymous says
There’s no way I would have gone at that age unfortunately – I’m a first time mom with a 9 week old. I consider myself pretty active – we go for two walks a day, have been to bars/restaurants/driven to visit family.
If I was going to do it, I’d fly. Re: the 20 hour drive, infants aren’t a supposed to be in their car seat for longer than 2 hours, so you are looking at 10 very lengthy breaks to get through that. It’s pretty common for infants to reject the car seat around that age for weeks so you are possibly looking at a lot of screaming.
Re: flying is primarily be concerned about illness. You’ll only just be coming out of the stage where my pediatrician required an ER visit for any fever. The baby will have one round of vaccines but won’t be eligible for flu/Covid yet. Because of the tridemic we’ve had to be extra cautious but presumably you are looking at Mayish when that would be less of a concern. Depending on how you feed the baby there will be a lot of logistics to work through.
Anonymous says
Ok I’ve never physically birthed a human but I’ve had 3 foster babies. Regardless of baby’s age, three months after they arrived was the earliest I felt like *I* had my ish together enough to travel, even to visit MIL six hours away. But YMMV. I would fly. You will need a car seat and PNP when you get there. I would gate check my car seat/stroller apparatus and plan to hold baby for the flight. Is it super super important that you attend her graduation? I totally understand if it is! But if not, I’d seriously consider skipping. You will be so sleep deprived and travel only makes that worse. The baby will sleep a lot though so will probably be well behaved for the ceremony itself. Will your mom or another trusted human be there to help? Decide in advance whether you or DH will take baby out if s/he becomes inconsolable (I highly doubt this will happen but how annoyed would you be if you drove 20 hours and missed the whole ceremony). I don’t really have any other advice. I’m not saying don’t go: that’s for you to decide. But this would be pretty low on my list of prioritized trips with a 6 week old. I think your sister will understand.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Skip it and plan to visit her some other time. That is a very very long time to drive – I would have trouble doing that even now, by myself or with older kids. Flying is stressful enough as it is and I think you’d want to wait minimum until baby has had their first shots. Not to mention your own recovery! You’ll still be up many times at night, and learning how to feed, soothe, etc.
anonM says
First kiddos often come late, too, so you might be talking more like 4 weeks. I’d really recommend keeping it really tentative. If you have a dream baby, it’ll be fine! If you have a colicky baby or a difficult delivery, this may feel like way too much.
Anon says
Adding to the chorus above, I have 3 kids, and I am an experienced, adventurous traveler with kids (my cred/travel flex was taking a 2.5 year old to the Lofoten Islands last year from the east coast of the US where we are based). I would not do either of those trips. Agreed with the chorus above that I have flown with each of my kids at 3 months old, but did not (and would not) fly with them before that time.
Maybe you could use the ticket to fly your sister out to see you, and take her to a local hotel for a sisters’ night?
Anon says
Now I want to go to the Lofoten Islands!
Anon says
If it feels like a can’t miss event, I would plan to go solo. I spent my first night away from baby 1 at 7 weeks. In my case, I was only away from her for 24 hours, but I was able to pump and it was fine.
Anonymous says
I would not commit to flying with or without the baby that close to delivery. It was weeks before I could even sit down comfortably.
Anon says
Unless it’s incredibly important, you’d probably prefer to skip it once baby is here.
Pogo says
It’s certainly possible, but not ideal. I did fly with oldest at about 10 weeks, and he was great, but I had been able to get him his vaccines and that made me feel a lot better. 5-6 weeks is still so tiny.
The drive is a No, for sure.
Anon says
I skipped my SIL’s graduation in the same situation. It wasn’t because we were afraid to travel with the baby, it was because you don’t even start to get vaccines until 2 months (my provider was 2 months, not 8 weeks, but it may vary) and you need a couple doses to really have decent protection. It just didn’t seem like it was worth the risk for a graduation. Husband went alone which worked great for us, but if you’re nursing leaving the baby will be more complicated. I agree with everyone else saying to skip it and plan a nice visit later. Fwiw we did a lot of air travel beginning at 4 months and infants are actually pretty easy travel companions, but before the 2 month vaccines was a non-starter for me.
Vicky Austin says
This is all really good to know; thank you everybody. We’ll keep mulling.
Anon says
I’d consider staying home and celebrating with sister another time, especially if baby doesn’t have vaccines yet. If you really want to go, I’d go solo and leave baby at home with partner, but don’t think i could’ve handled that at 5-6 weeks postpartum
Anon4this says
I flew with my first at 9 weeks (after a c-section) across the country and then had to do a 8 hour drive a few days later. It was for a family wedding and to meet great grandma who was not in good health. I had an excellent c-section recovery, a very easy baby that was sleeping long stretches by 6 weeks, and by 9 weeks nursing was going really well. We also knew that the baby would be 9 weeks or older because I knew I would have a c-section at 40 weeks if I didn’t go into labor naturally because of some medical issues during my pregnancy. So other than the c-section it was pretty much ideal circumstances to travel and it was still pretty hard and physically very exhausting. By way of comparison, my second kid didn’t eat well, didn’t sleep well, cried inconsolably a lot, and my second c-section recovery was not great. There was no way I could have made the trip with my second baby at 9 weeks (I mean I probably could if it were an emergency but it would have been awful), so I know just how lucky I got with my first.
To make it “work” with our first, we got our 2 month vaccines a little early (at 7 weeks) so the protective effect would be mostly in place by our travel date at 9 weeks. I wouldn’t take an unvaccinated kid on a trip like this or the one you are contemplating because for me the infection risk and potential consequences are too great. I also wouldn’t travel before 6 weeks postpartum because you might need a c-section and I’m not sure it would be a great idea to travel before your 6 week check up.
Anon says
It’s ped dependent on whether they’ll do vaccines early. Ours flatly refused to give them even a day before they were due. I suppose we could have found another pediatrician, but that would have been a huge added headache at a very busy and tiring tie.
Anon says
I flew with DS #1 when he was a little shy of 2 months – got the vaxxes early. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I was also flying to my parents’ where they had all the things, and the purpose of the trip was to get their help with recovery.
Anonymous says
Even if you don’t believe that illnesses are actually dangerous in an unvaccinated child, an infant that young with a fever is likely to be subjected to a whole lot of horrible diagnostic procedures like a spinal tap. No way would I risk that by taking a baby that young on a trip.
Bette says
I am usually Team Do The Hard Thing Because Making Memories Is Worth It… but even I would probably skip this event, given the distance. Even minor bugs and illnesses are so much riskier to the baby the first 12 weeks so planes would be out for me. A twenty hour drive sounds SO hard, even if broken up over several days. Just loading and unloading all your gear into a new hotel room every night would be disruptive and hard.
Is there any way you could go to the graduation alone? It might also be tricky logistically if you are breastfeeding/pumping but on every other front would be easier. Bonus: forces your husband to step up and be primary parent for a few days (super valuable for establishing equitable division of labor and boosting his confidence as a caretaker early on) and gives you a chance to feel like a human.
GCA says
As everyone’s said, I wouldn’t drive with an infant that young for many reasons. What’s more, 6-8 weeks can often be kind of a difficult age – they’re getting more alert and frustrated that they can’t control anything (like their hands); they may have trouble napping during the day because they’re much more alert (my kids h a t e d naps and would take 20min naps during the day unless held or worn in carrier); and night sleep is still kind of a mess at that age. You might be more accustomed to getting out and about with them by then (I definitely got out for stroller walks, to baby-friendly yoga etc while on maternity leave), but travel is a different beast.