This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
This classic leather wallet will last you a lifetime.
It’s made from luxurious grained leather using “at least 50% leather sourced from a tannery that has achieved a Leather Working Group rating for energy use, waste production, and water treatment.” This compact wallet has several card slots, zip pockets for change, and a snap front closure.
The subtle, gilt logo and lettering are the only understated embellishments.
Mulberry’s Small Continental French Purse is $350 at Mulberry.com and available in six colors.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anonymous says
I’m hosting family for a small kid bday celebration and am at a loss for what to serve. Goal is to be present for the fun and not stressed out in the kitchen so ideally a mix of ordering/pre made and made ahead. 12-15 people, small apartment, all of NYC to order from if need be. We have people traveling to us so morning brunch, which is my go-to for easy entertaining, is probably out. My guess is this will be more of a luncheon type thing but could also do an early-ish dinner. I think the lack of time direction is causing me to lack focus. Some vegetarians and some not. Can make a good lasagna but somehow that feels incoherent.
I do have the cake covered!
Anon says
For luncheon, veggie tray, fruit tray, warmed ham biscuits, tray of hummus or cucumber tea sandwiches and chips. For earlyish-dinner, I would see if a Mexican restaurant (or you, making ahead and just rewarming) can do a build your own taco bar.
Anon says
This seems like an occasion for pizza? Unless you think you need fancier. Vegetarian friendly, easy to serve, and can be eaten any time of day! plus kids like it!
Anon says
Yup.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I say pizza and salad and/or a veggie tray/fruit situation…I’d love you if I was a guest and you had garlic knots. :) Maybe from a more “fun” pizza place like Prince Street or Artichoke (I lived in NY a long time ago so likely dated reccos).
Anon says
BBQ. Hill Country BBQ delivers (midtown). Pulled pork, brisket (could make chicken nuggets or mini hot dogs for picky kids). Could do combo of catered or homemade sides (corn bread, Mac and cheese, slaw, salad, corn, beans).
anon says
I love a good party hero. It doesn’t need to be hot, so people are free to graze for the length of the party. If you need more, add on a make ahead tray of baked ziti or mac and cheese or a pot of meatballs and a big salad (all of which can be eaten standing up). Get a vegetarian option–the eggplant hero I get for parties is always a hit among vegetarians and meat-eaters alike. Given the size of your gathering, you could probably just do the make ahead stuff I suggested and forget the hero, but again, my people love it!
NYCer says
Not “fancy”, but Chipotle actually has quite good catering. Easy and relatively cheap.
Anonymous says
I always like a good taco bar…
Anon says
Any advice on keeping your marriage strong while going through something physically rough?
Pregnant with #2 and morning sickness is kicking my butt (after fertility treatments that were also super fun). Nothing medically concerning or different from my first pregnancy, but I’m constantly nauseous and throwing up multiple times a day and miserable. It’s worse in the evenings. I feel like I’m surviving work and parenting, but after that I’m just done. I have nothing left to give.
My marriage is taking the brunt of it. I’m short and quick to snap at things I usually try to just ignore. We’re barely spending any time together because I’m hanging out in the bathroom in the evenings. Gardening is non-existent.
We’ve talked about it. The best we’ve come up with is that this is a phase that’ll last a month or two and we just need to get through it. I don’t know, anyone else have some ideas?
Anonymous says
I had hyperemesis throughout my pregnancy and it actually brought my husband and me closer together (unlike BFing, which was a terrible strain on our marriage). Can you find ways to get your husband on the same team with you in getting through this rough patch? He should be taking on everything around the house and with your older child right now, and it should be framed as his share of the joint effort of creating a new life. When I was puking all evening every evening, my husband sometimes did get frustrated that I couldn’t eat anything or do anything without throwing up, but he also took pride in stepping up and taking care of things. It made him feel like a strong provider for his family. Is there a way for your husband to reframe his thinking?
The idea that your husband expects gardening while you are pregnant and sick, or that gardening is necessary to maintain the marriage during pregnancy and morning sickness, is a little concerning. There are seasons of life and this one might need to be fallow for your sanity and well-being.
Also, if you haven’t already, ask your doctor about Zofran.
Anonymous says
Who said that her husband was demanding it? Some women like doing it with their husbands and miss it when they can’t.
NYCer says
+1. I would be super bummed if I was too sick to have sex with my husband.
Anonymous says
How could you really miss it when you are constantly nauseous?
Anonymous says
The same way I missed eating and enjoying food when I was nauseous.
Anon says
You are kind to think about your husband. While pregnancy is horrid for many women, it’s also stressful and hard work on husbands (the husbands that step up, that is!)
I think gratitude goes a long way. As much as you can muster, acknowledge him for the slack he’s picking up and his patience with you. You don’t have to go overboard, but a smile, a hug and a thank you can go a long way. (Assuming he is picking up the slack – my husband basically makes all the meals, does all the dishes, brings me food in bed to help ease the morning nausea and does most of the child care in the mornings and evenings while I’m pregnant). It is a short phase. By second trimester hopefully you will have some more energy and time to spend together.
Anonymous says
The problem is it sounds like he’s not picking up the slack and expects her to have energy left to pay attention to him too.
Anon says
You can’t make that assumption. She mentions work and parenting as taking her energy. Even with a very involved partner you can’t avoid *all* parenting for a pregnancy.
Anonymous says
Solidarity. Going through something similar. Assuming this is run of the mill morning sickness, this won’t go beyond 14ish weeks, so you know you have a time limit. It will get better. And there will come a time when you feel better. Just focus on getting through each day is all you can do.
anon says
You and your partner are in survival mode. I have been there with the nonstop nausea and barfing; evenings were awful. This, too, shall pass. The expectation that you’ll have together time and gardening is simply not realistic at this stage in life. And that’s OK. It won’t be this way forever, but it’s this way now.
Anonymous says
I was always sickest in the evening and that seems to be many other women’s experience too. Why do they call it morning sickness? That implies that it goes away by midday and that women should be able to function the rest of the time, which is in many cases not at all true.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, just keep reminding yourself that this is a phase that WILL pass, very soon hopefully. I found second trimester to be much easier. And then you might get into survival mode again with a newborn and toddler, but these times really do pass and you’ll have time to reconnect. Marriage is (hopefully) long, and not every day or even year will have you connecting as much as you want.
Anon says
Hi, this was me 5 years ago (all-day sickness until the day before my C-section) and now the shoe is on the other foot with DH having two serious surgeries in the space of as many months and off the charts pain levels. Ask your doctor for meds if possible; you don’t need to needlessly suffer and they can make it a lot better (for me it was an improvement from all-day vomit to just nauseated all day with maybe once a day vomit). It is a season, and it is helpful to me to remind myself that our marriage vows included the “in sickness” part. A few tips for limiting the damage that we find useful:
– the person who is being short should say out loud they know they are being short, don’t feel good, etc. Having been on both the giving and receiving end, the verbal acknowledgment that you’re being irrational helps. Also helps the “healthy” partner know when to back off a bit or maybe hold off on a particular discussion.
– Find ways to connect that are not gardening. For us this was (then and now) a lot of cuddling, extra hugs or just holding hands, or even something as simple as watching the same show separately and connecting on it later. For us now we have family game night with DD included too which helps build that connection.
– If there are times of day that are better for you, utilize those. For me, mornings were marginally better (it was evening and later that was me sprawled in the bathroom) and so if I could get fresh cold air outside, sometimes we would sit on the porch and have an early morning chat with coffee for him and an ice cold drink for me.
– give yourself grace, ask your partner to give you grace, and give your partner grace and try (it’s hard, I know) to assume best intentions.
– lots of apologies by all parties. Even if you don’t think it’s needed, do it anyway and try to make it sound sincere.
Anonymous says
+1 to meds. I barfed through 18 or so weeks in two pregnancies. I white-knuckled the first one, but I was exactly the way you describe for the second. Worn out with working and parenting and could barely care for my daughter. Doc prescribed Diclegis for the second pregnancy, which meant that instead of constant nausea and vomiting at least 1-2x per day, I only barfed every couple of days. Sounds dumb, but that change was honestly life-changing.
Anon says
Thanks, all. It’s helpful to have the validation that this is hard and sucks.
Regarding gardening- he’s definitely not demanding. I do miss it. Physical touch is definitely my love language and the easiest way for me to feel like he’s my husband and not my roommate. It’s really hard for me that I don’t want him touching me right now. As a good example of me being short: this weekend he did attempt to request to garden in a frankly dumb and non-seductive way. In before times, I would have probably looked past that and focused more on the invitation, teasing him/flirting with him/offering to have him try again in a more seductive way. This weekend he was shot down hard, which he took graciously, but I’m sure stung. I apologized later that night and we talked about how I miss it too.
The biggest problem is probably the question of picking up slack. I’m not great at asking for help and he’s not great at anticipating needs. He’s definitely doing more and jumping in (and feels like I’m not recognizing all that he does), but I probably do need to think of concrete things he can take off my plate.
anon says
True confession time, and I’m having some rough feelings about this. DH and one of our kids have been on a vacation for the past couple of weeks, just the two of them. I miss them a ton, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve also been able to take much better care of myself. Although I have our younger kiddo with me, once she’s in bed, I have time to rest, read, and go to sleep when I want without concern for what others still need from me. The kiddo who is on vacation is amazing but has always been harder to parent. (ADHD and anxiety: we always have to be “on” with him. And he’s older, so his bedtime already creeps into mine.) DH understandably wants to spend time as spouses once both kids are in bed. I want that, too, but also? After a long day of working and parenting, I really want to be alone and wind down as I need to. And I’m getting that right now, and it’s glorious. My constant low-level anxiety has dropped off almost completely.
I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I feel incredibly guilty that this is how I feel and that there’s such a noticeable difference. I’m trying to figure out how to continue getting my needs met without hurting my son and my husband, and I really don’t know that I can.
Mary Moo Cow says
Kudos to you for sharing. I have similar feelings about my youngest child right now because she’s just very difficult to parent. DH agrees, but he has really stepped in when I just can’t. He’s also the needier spouse in the evening when, like you, I just want to be alone. I don’t know how much real help I can provide; this situation seems like it needs professional help: like, call on your team who’s already providing help for your son and your family and add a therapist/counselor/medical doctor for yourself.
What has helped me is having more weekday lunch dates with DH with the expectation that we won’t spend as much time together in the evening because he’s already had my attention that day. Is this is a possibility for you? Also, if DH is enjoying this vacation with your son, ask him to make a few weekend trips with son a reality, perhaps once a quarter, and a longer trip over school breaks. Frame it positively for everyone, because it is: child gets one on one attention from a parent! Hugs and good luck.
Anon says
I feel like this is completely normal. I’d talk to DH about carving out more time for yourself.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I think you are wise to know exactly how you are feeling and what you need – that in itself is hard! I think also, all of these things can be true at once.
I agree with the suggestions on therapy and talking to DH about more trips – but also, have you considered a SSRI? It may help with the day-to-day. 25 mg/day has changed my life immensely.
Anonymous says
I find it so sad that the recommended solution for stress caused by an untenable situation is always for women just to engage in “self-care” or take drugs so they can absorb more stress, rather than solving the root cause. Before taking medication, I’d ask myself whether my child’s ADHD were being adequately treated. Getting the ADHD under better control does wonders for the parents’ mental health as well as the child’s.
Anonymous says
I get this but also think that sometimes it isn’t actually that the situation is untenable. E.g., everyone in my family has problems with anxiety. One way that can be managed is by eliminating things that cause anxiety, but that can escalate to the point where you can’t leave the house. My life would probably be less stressful if I wasn’t married or didn’t have a child. But it would also be less rich. It can be really hard to figure out what is situational or external and what is a chemical/physical/internal problem; most things are probably a mix of both.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I agree about thinking about the root cause – but I literally said that maybe asking her DH if more 1/1 time with him and the older child would be possible so that she can have more space for herself. I don’t think bubble baths and yoga are going to help her (or really anyone) with hard things, but it does sound like OP needs more space in her life.
Zoloft has literally changed my life for the better – I don’t think meds are a sad recommendation. Personally I should have been on something ~20+ years ago, but PPA devastated me both times. I was dealing with the sudden death of a beloved parent, pre-vaccine COVID times, a newborn, and very rocky terrain in my marriage and finally started the meds when DS #2 was a few months old.
anon says
Yeah, I’m already on Zoloft. It’s just not a great situation. Love my kid and love my DH immensely, but if there were easy solutions, I probably would’ve found them already. I find myself wishing all the time that I wasn’t such a sensitive little introvert.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Big Hug – and to reframe a bit – maybe being a “sensitive introvert” is also what makes you such a great thoughtful parent.
DLC says
So much this. I think we are all so hard on ourselves and quick to enumerate our flaws, but really the things that we struggle with often also are the things that make us great parents.
Anon says
During the pandemic, my husband realized how hard it is for him to constantly be in our very loud and chaotic house. He is very introverted, and needs quiet time to rest and read. It is very hard to get restful, quiet reading time in our house. What works for us is that at least once a quarter, he gets a hotel night. He checks in around 3PM with a book, and he reads, writes in his journal, watches a movie, then wakes up and quietly drinks coffee until noon. It has been a game changer for him. We now preemptively schedule these nights, as they really help him to be more present around us — he knows that he has a break to look forward to. I end up loving these nights – I order pizza with the kids, put on a movie, and usually end up with a kid or two in bed with me.
As an extrovert, I refill differently – I don’t like sleeping away from the kids, but I haaaaaate dinner time with our loud house of toddlers and love coming home to kids already in bed with a clean kitchen. So, my nights off look like dinner and wine at a lovely restaurant with a friend or my husband, and coming home to a clean house and kids in bed. If my husband is traveling, I lean into babysitter nights when I can feel that my children have used all my energy.
And I completely agree that a mental health day isn’t the answer – but these regularly occurring breaks that both my husband and I build into our lives are part of how we manage the 8 year old with high needs and the twin toddlers who are still a LOT all the time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“I find myself wishing all the time that I wasn’t such a sensitive little introvert.” – this is me too. A lot of parenting is especially hard for me because I take a lot of my kids’ (especially older one who pushes buttons) behavior personally. I can’t change this about myself, but everyone is right that alone time is a must for us to recharge.
anon says
You should not feel guilty! No wonder you feel anxious, you’re not giving yourself a break ever! My husband and I both became much happier when we started embracing “taking turns” as the active parent instead of feeling like we needed all non-work time to be family time. You shouldn’t both need to be on at all times for your kid. You should be able to go into your room, shut the door, and read a few nights a week without being bothered. It can be hard to guard that time again the creep of chores, etc., but if you get into the habit, everyone else will adapt. I’m like you: my recharging time is alone in my house. My husband likes to go to a local sports bar to watch a game and chat with strangers. We each take what we need and try to offer the other time for what they need. It’s not an everyday thing, but at least once per week. And we have couple time, too–just not dedicated time every day. Friday night is like home date night for us. We pick up fast food for the kids, let them eat it in the kitchen while watching the ipad, and get nicer takeout for ourselves, which we eat in our dining room. The kids actually look forward to it more than we do because we basically throw all the rules out. After they’re in bed, we watch something together and try to stay off our phones. It is surprisingly restorative for our relationship to do that even once per week. A friend and her husband get breakfast at a diner few times per week after the kids go to school. Look at your whole week and figure out where there are opportunities to fill a need.
Anonymous says
I only have one relatively easy kid and I still feel like some nights I‘d rather be by myself than hang out with my husband. He’s started a weekly game night with some of his friends, and I get that night to take a bath and read a book in bed, and it’s so nice for both of us.
Anonymous says
I have three kids; two are difficult (twins). I don’t think you should feel guilty: some of us are just introverts and momming is a LOT of work. I recently made my husband take all three kids to MIL’s for the weekend so I could have the house to myself. It was, without exaggeration, a game changer. I thought I needed antidepressants but after that weekend, I feel like a different mom/wife. I probably need to find a way to make that happen quarterly. Figure out what recharges you and schedule it.
Anon says
honestly, i think i would be a much better parent to one kid, but i have twins and do a lot of solo parenting so rarely am i parenting just one kid. so just know that your feelings are normal.
as an aside – how have they been able to be on vacation for a couple of weeks!
anon says
Long story, but it’s a once-in-a-lifetime situation that is unlikely to be repeated!
Anon says
I know a lot of people who take their kids back to their home country for two+ weeks to spend time with their families, sometimes solo if the other parent isn’t a native of that country. Grandparents help a lot with the kids, and the traveling parent usually works remotely at least some of the time.
Pogo says
I think this is just ‘how it is’ as an introvert? I am the same way. No matter how much you love someone, having a roommate (even if that person is a beloved partner or child) is another person you have to consider. Simple things like, when I’m alone I can clean up and know that no random stuff is going to show up without explanation. I can eat whatever I want for dinner. If there’s something I *don’t* want to clean up, I can leave it for the morning without another person being annoyed by it. All of this is low-level, minor stuff, but when you are maxed out at work and by parenting, it can sometimes all build up. I think it’s important to have alone time, time apart, and also 1:1 time with each kid (1:1 with my ‘tougher’ kid is just as renewing to me as 1:1 with the ‘easier’ one btw – it’s just nice to have that time!)
octagon says
Kudos to you for recognizing and naming these feelings – they are valid and important. And it’s huge that your husband and kid are away and that’s given you space to identify and explore them.
Could you have a candid conversation with your husband about this – that you realized that what really recharges you, and what’s been missing, is quiet down time in the evenings and space to rest and have time for yourself? Especially after the last few years, it sounds incredible.
Two other thoughts – one, if bedtime for the older kid is an issue, can you enforce an earlier in-your-room time even if it’s not lights-out? Quiet reading time or homework time, to bring calm to the rest of the house? And either way, it may help to think about this as a season of parenting, it won’t last forever, and your kids’ needs will continue to change and evolve.
Lizard says
It IS understandable that your DH wants time as spouses after the kids are in bed… some nights. Just like it is understandable that you want to spend time alone, accountable to no one… some nights. That is completely fine. Can you carve out that alone time for yourself without a big conversation about it? One night, could you just lightly say to your spouse earlier than usual, I’m wiped out, I’m gonna head to bed, then scroll/read in bed by yourself?
Spirograph says
First I want to say that I really appreciate the thoughtful, kind, supportive comments in this thread.
Secondly, as another introvert, I’m with you. When my husband is away and I have nights fully to myself, it’s glorious. When one of my kids (it doesn’t matter which one!) is away at grandma’s house for a week over the summer, it’s glorious. I think a lot of what you’re feeling is just “wow this is a lot simpler” relief. Your conflicting feelings about that relief are natural, but it’s possible — even likely — you would feel similarly if the other child were away. It’s not personal at all or a result of one child being more or less difficult to parent, it’s just much easier when you only have one other person’s needs to consider rather than three.
I encourage you to have a really forthright conversation with your husband when he returns about how rejuvenating it was to have downtime alone in the evenings, and how you realized how much you need that in your life. This is literally the definition of being an introvert. A night or two a week without post-kid-bedtime expectations for interaction might make a big difference. My husband is an extrovert, and it works really well for us that he does beer league sports with his friends once or twice a week and I’m home “alone” with sleeping kids and my book. We also usually swap bedtime responsibilities and one parent is responsible for all 3 kids while the other makes themself scarce rather than dividing and conquering (now that my kids are old enough that bedtime is not a hands-on process anymore). Even if I make myself scarce by doing the dishes, it’s still relaxing to be alone.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This was such a lovely post!
My DH loves weeknights out – whether it’s a work-related event, friend hang, or if he’s at the pub with a book intermittently chatting with the regulars/staff.
My fave weeknights are JUST what you posted – clean kitchen, sleeping kids, book and/or tv and blanket. Michelle Obama wrote in her first book about how blissful the dishwasher sounded when she’d be solo parenting and the kids were finally asleep – I think about that often because it touches on such a specific feeling.
Anon says
Yes, I really agree with this advice. If your husband is craving camaraderie in the evenings, that’s different from couples time – maybe some nights a week he should go out or have a friend over to hang either after bedtime or you handle bedtim entirely. Other nights, you skip bedtime or after you go out and read a book at a coffee shop or walk or curl up in bed with a book. Sometimes I like to work late at my office and have a solo dinner out somewhere that I wouldn’t take the kids. And then the nights you and your husband are home together, really embrace it and enjoy it – which will be more likely if it’s not every night or a source of stress
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My 2 year old DS #2 is a firecracker. He’s a bit delayed on speech (has words, is still working on putting them together and using them regularly) – and I think that makes things tougher. He throws food. He screams bloody murder when he doesn’t get what he wants and/or is “restrained” like when I put his socks on.
He also is the biggest flirt and literally wants to make sure everyone is paying attention to him at all times, and literally will smile and bat his eyelashes after doing something untoward, or when he just wants attention (and tbqh, it usually works on others besides me and DH).
This is a VERY different personality than DS #1 – he’s a typical people-pleasing older child with DEEP feelings and can be dramatic AF…like his Mum.
Suggestions/commiseration welcome. Everything I read online and chat with friends tells me that DS #2 is just a…toddler…but this is new for me. I solo parent a often (DH travels/works late – BigLaw) and lost it last night, and felt horrible.
Anonymous says
He’s just a toddler and if your other kid is a people pleaser teach him not to be. And invest less in broad sweeping generalizations about your kids.
OP says
Thanks – yes, definitely working on that with the older one. This comment came across harsh to me, but perhaps I needed a reminder just to let DS #2 be…
Pogo says
this comment also seemed kinda harsh to me. It’s human nature to generalize, I don’t think OP meant any harm.
Mine are pretty different, my older one did not have typical ‘terrible two’s’ behavior but now he’s more challenging as a Ker. So I’m with you in just, not being used to tantrums. I think my favorite advice is from busytoddler – “Being 2 is fine.” We just hold boundaries, be calm and supportive, but hold the boundary (last night mine was screaming in my face as I was trying to sing lullabies: MY SWEEP IN MOMMY BED! and I calmly, quietly said: You sleep in your crib, it’s time for songs now. Repeat.). It takes some getting used to the screaming/tantrumming, BUT mine will calm down much quicker than my older, more cerebral kiddo who will dig in and fight us on a boundary tooth and nail.
Anonymous says
I didn’t mean it to be harsh. I just hate seeing a tiny kid described as flirting.
Anon says
That was cringe to me too. A toddler acting cute to get something they want is not flirting.
OP says
This is a good point – I should think of a better way of describing his behavior.
Anonymous says
“Flirting” is not just romantic. The term is commonly used to describe this type of behavior from children and even dogs.
And if you don’t think a 2-year-old absolutely knows that they are trying to look cute to get what they want I have a bridge to sell you.
FVNC says
No advise, but I can offer commiseration. We have a similar dynamic with our kids in that our kids have very, very different personalities and I’m the primary parent during the week. Our younger is also the “firecracker” compared to his more stoic, patient, obedient big sis. The younger one tests my patience daily, but then a few seconds later is the sweetest kid that ever was. I occasionally lose my patience with him (like this morning) and while I don’t love it, it is what it is…he is a button-pusher (and he’s almost six, so I have higher expectations than I would for a 2 year old). The challenging part for me is that he can really suck up all of my attention — positive or negative — so I have to be careful to make sure I’m also giving attention to my older kid, who will quietly read a book or even try to placate him. I also make sure to thank her for using good manners, that sort of thing, so that hopefully she knows that I’m seeing her even when most attention is focused on the “little devil” as she affectionately calls him.
OP says
THIS sounds like my dynamic. My older one also has BIG questions and feelings (he’s 5) and I feel like I can’t give him the proper attention when I’m like…screaming at the screaming 2 year old. Thank you for this.
Also, my uncle has also nicknamed my younger one “Little Devil”…
Pogo says
we call it gremlin mode.
Anon says
one thing i’ve been working on and again so much easier said than done, is to try to ‘practice what i preach’ out loud. so like when i feel myself about to yell, rather than just internally trying to get myself not to, i say that i am getting frustrated and i dont want to yell, so i’m going to take a deep breath and count to 3. seems to help me yell less and also seems to be helping my kids figure out what to do when they feel like yelling. i will also say that at least for my kids, over time, books seem to have a big impact, so like “voices are not for yelling” etc. i think the key in these situations (again easier said than done) is to try to stay calm as most of the time, i am not going to solve whatever the kid is screaming about and that i try to remind myself that the goal is just for me not to yell. i will also say anecdotally, my friends with screaming 2 year olds, seem to have better luck with age 3/4, whereas for us it has been the reverse
anonM says
A few things that work for us with a really spirited now-5 yo. I’d recommend as early as possible getting him to help with family tasks, even if he can’t do them well yet. Can he splash in the sink sometimes while you load the dishwasher? If he throws food, have him help you wipe it up. He may also need more outdoor time than your older child. Also, I’d pay attention to the socks thing – he may have some sensitivities to certain fabrics that he can’t communicate yet. I find with my DS that some habits/practices take a lot more repetition to sink in than for my DD (and in our family the order is reversed, but DD is was neater than DS even though she’s younger). One example: he pees on the toilet seat way less now, but still happens frequently. It only cut back when I had him clean it himself repeatedly, over weeks. It takes a lot of patience, especially if you’re used to a kiddo that doesn’t push back like that.
Anon says
How do you bring up mental health/neurodivergence concerns with a new pediatrician? I’m assuming my child will be in the room the whole time, and we are new to the practice so there’s no rapport for me to send an email or make a call beforehand. Plus – and this is my own hang-up – we are in a wealthy, tiger-mommy area (NYC Metro) and I don’t want to come off as “that mom” in my first interaction with the doctor.
Backstory is: my son is 7.5, his whole life he has been intense, 0-to-60 rage, impulsivity, a whirling dervish of activity, worries/trouble sleeping, etc. I suspect something – anxiety, maybe ADHD – is going on and want to be proactive.
anonM says
Not sure if this will work out, but what I did for the appt we have later today is call ahead and ask them to add a note to the file that I want to ask the dr about my concerns re xyz, without child around. I can report back later on how this goes
Anonymous says
+1. Peds are used to this approach.
Anonymous says
I would call and ask the receptionist/nurse what your options are for talking to the doctor without your son. I wanted to talk to our ped about my son’s weight and they gave me a telehealth appointment so I could do that privately. Re: that mom – I think you have to let this worry go; you can’t control what the doctor will think. Focus on the specific issues that are causing your son problems and let the doctor draw what conclusions they will.
anon says
For these concerns, our ped will book time with parents one-on-one. I spoke with our ped at a high level during an appt and he referred us for testing and said next time we talk (post-results) he will book with us and not kiddo to talk treatment. Since you are new they may need one appt with both of you and a second with you – likely they will do tele-health if you’d like.
An.On. says
Present suggestions for a six year old boy? Budget is ~$100. He’s artistic, and he’ll be getting a sibling this year so I want to do something nice that’s just for him.
anon. says
My artistic 6 YO boy loves his watercolor colored pencils and oil pastels. Both are really “big kid” things. I’d also suggest getting a spiral pad of paper that’s specifically for watercolors (i.e. heavier than normal paper and more special) to go with it – my artist friend suggested one with big spirals on the edge so the child can see their progression over time.
octagon says
The Crayola light-up tracing pad has been a huge hit with kids of both genders at that age. You could add extra paper and some nice colored pencils too.
Anon says
I have a rare immune condition and am planning to TTC this year. My doctor referred me to an MFM at a large research medical center for a consultation (and has told me that I should be followed by an MFM throughout pregnancy, which makes sense). What questions would you ask at a pre-TTC consultation? I have a few specific ones queued up related to my condition and medication, especially for whether dosage adjustments would be needed once I have a positive test, but more generally, what should I be thinking of? I think I’d like to know whether they anticipate me being able to follow up with a regular OB for most appointments (so I don’t have to drive an hour to the MFM) and whether I could likely go into labor naturally. I’d also like to know whether I should take aspirin for preeclampsia risk reduction (since autoimmune disease is a risk factor). What else would be on your list?
Anon says
I’m sorry – I promise I have four kids and had three high risk pregnancies, I’m just not sure I follow the terminology. Is a MFM a high risk OB?
If you’re at all high risk, I’d assume you’ll be seeing that doctor throughout pregnancy. If at all possible, I’d actually try to avoid having a regular OB, as that just creates extra appointments (I’ve done it both ways). A question for your high risk doctor is whether they do deliveries – some just consult. I actually really liked having a high risk ob because you do so many ultrasounds and you just feel very knowledgeable throughout the process.
I took lovanox through three pregnancies, which is a painful shot. Aspirin would likely be later in the pregnancy. I think my three questions would be medications, do you need to be seen by an OB and a high risk OB both, and do they deliver? (the last two are tied together)
Good luck!
Anonymous says
Maternal fetal medicine
busybee says
I also have autoimmune conditions and saw an MFM occasionally during pregnancy. But pregnancy for me was the easy part! Getting pregnant took 2.5 years , 3 miscarriages, and IVF, thanks largely to my autoimmune issue(s). I’m kind of surprised your OB referred you to an MFM prior to even conceiving. I’d be asking if your condition lessens the odds of a clinical pregnancy and if there’s anything you can do to mitigate that. Really those are questions for an RE or RI, not an MFM. I was on a whole bunch of immunosuppressants and worked with a reproductive immunologist in addition to my RE.
Anon says
I had a clotting disorder (and have since developed an autoimmune disease so will be in your shoes I am sure if we ever get pregnant). For the clotting, my regular OB saw me (and did my C-section) but I had consults with the MFM and because there was a blip on a heart scan, ended up having to see the MFM for extra ultrasounds (all normal) every few weeks at the end. I also had to see a hematologist and he and the MFM signed off on lovenox dosing.
For pre-TTC, I would also ask if any prenatals can interfere with your condition or medication dosage. Whether your immune condition (or medication) affects fertility. Find an MFM who is willing to work with you on risks and benefits of current medication and adjustments (e.g., some MFMs are very risk adverse and others are willing to make a risk assessment). Would definitely ask about how often they expect to see you and thoughts about labor (I knew I would be an induction or C – they did not want me going spontaneously). My MFM also did all the genetic testing of kiddo, so might be worth asking what they do on that front too.
govtattymom says
I’m sorry you are going through this! I similarly met with an MFM prior to TTC. You will probably spend part of the time discussing if there are any particular steps you should take while TTC (for me it was taking a daily aspirin). The MFM will also likely review your bloodwork to determine if you are in a stable enough state with your condition that it makes sense to TTC. Regarding the regular OB- in my experience this will be determined by the practice. Some MFMs are willing to provide all of your care and others only function as an expert or consultant to advise on certain issues. Good luck with your journey! I went through 2 high risk pregnancies but fortunately have 2 adorable kiddos. I’m wishing you the best!
Anon says
Thank you all for your comments so far, but especially thank you for this one – I’m so glad you made it through all of that with 2 great kiddos! It helps to hear about those examples.
anon says
Autoimmune condition here as well. I did have an MFM for my pregnancy but her only job was checking on the babies (mono-di twins, so high-risk for that reason). All my medication adjustments and monitoring of my health were handled by my OB.
Anon says
My 2nd graders favorite activities are gymnastics and ballet. She’s getting more serious about ballet in particular, although I don’t see it lasting past middle school. Her ballet school has noted flexibility as an area she needs to improve on. I know I’m really not flexible, and she’s not super flexible for her age either. I’d like to help her out a bit without her knowing it and stressing about it here – would adding yoga or stretching as a family activity be crazy? I know I could benefit! Any recommendations?
Anon says
I’m confused. Why would adding yoga as a family activity be “crazy?” Of course you can do this.
OP says
Ha, um not crazy, but effective? Good idea? I would rather we all get stretching and maybe it helps her get more flexible than she get confronted with it in the classroom down the road. But not sure what types of activities or habits could or should help for a kid (versus whatever is aimed at adults)
Anon says
the peleton app has some family yoga videos. stretching and yoga would probably be great to help with flexibility and if you add it as a family activity as something she wants to do – great, i wouldn’t force her
Anonymous says
If she wants to get serious about ballet there are very specific areas of flexibility that she needs to work on that an easy family yoga practice is not likely to target–splits, center splits/straddle splits/pancake, and turnout. I would ask the ballet teacher for specific stretches. When I was a kid my ballet teacher wanted everyone doing straddle stretches with feet against the wall and “frog sits” for turnout. You could also look for YouTube yoga or dance stretching videos targeting the specific areas of flexibility where she needs to improve, but be very careful and avoid anything that involves arching the back (e.g., scorpions) unless specifically approved by the dance teacher.
For gymnastics shoulder flexibility is another likely area of concern. A proper bridge that’s safe for the back relies primarily on shoulder flexibility, not back flexibility. Shoulder flexibility is also required to make the physics of some skills (e.g., bridge kickover, back walkover) work.
Lizard says
I have daughters your age and I sympathize with your not wanting her to know about it – but I’ll gently push back and ask why shouldn’t she know? I think at that age it’s very reasonable to have a conversation about the types of skills you need to build to excel at an activity, and then let the child decide if that’s something they want to pursue. It doesn’t have to be about something they are lacking or doing wrong. We tell our daughter, “To really get great at the piano, you should practice 20 minutes a day. To really get great at basketball, you should practice running back and forth on the court.” Add to that, “To really get great at ballet, these are the kinds of stretches you can practice.” Always with the caveat: or you can just keep doing it for fun! There’s nothing wrong with presenting the reality that improvement and excellence requires certain work and skills.
Anon says
Yeah I’m confused why she can’t know. Obviously you don’t say to her “you’re not very good at ballet” (even if it were true) but saying “doing XYZ stretch can help you with such and such ballet move” is not at all pushy or inappropriate. This is part of doing a sport! And I feel like I’m less intense about kids and activities than many here.
Anon says
Fair. I just don’t want her body to be a point of stress. Since it’s specifically about something her body can or can’t do easily if that makes sense? So I’m treading lightly! But I think i could frame it carefully.
I also emailed her ballet school to see if they can ask her teacher about stretches – it’s funny, she’s in a preprofessional program where you just drop off and pick up in a carpool line, so I’ve never spoken to her instructor! I just got her evaluation and it confirmed something I suspected.
Anon says
I don’t think this is about what her body though, it’s just “teacher suggests XYZ stretch to help with ballet.”
Not to be a Debbie Downer but if you plan to let her continue in ballet or gymnastics or a similar sport, she’s going to be exposed to far worse comments about her body than a suggestion that she needs to work on flexibility. I figure skated and my club was a good one because no one was abusive and our coaches didn’t engage in a lot of negative body talk, but there were still a lot of comments from skaters (and moms, sadly) about people’s bodies, especially when it came time to match skaters to show costumes. Coaching issues aside, these sports tend to attract women who buy into diet culture and criticize their own bodies and others, and pass that on to their daughters. It wasn’t anything I wouldn’t hear later as an adult, but it was really jarring for me as a kid coming from a home where my mom never said a bad word about her body or mine.And when I went to college and skated at a more “prestige” club I was pretty horrified by what I saw…weekly weigh-ins of girls younger than your daughter, the use of distorted mirrors that make you look wider than you are, etc.
Anonymous says
If you don’t want her body to be a source of stress don’t put her in ballet and gymnastics
Anonymous says
If this is your attitude, then ballet and sports in general may not fit with your parenting preferences. The whole point of ballet class is to get corrections from the teacher to improve the way in which you are moving your body. This applies to sports too. It’s all about building physical skills and fitness.
Anon says
I’m not sure I’d even go there – this isn’t something for you to fix. She probably has figured out by now she’s not the most flexible one in the class. I’d be inclined to let her work to improve if she wants to, and don’t get involved unless she asks for help.
I don’t see the benefit of trying to secretly make her more flexible.
Anon says
So I don’t even know if it would be “secret” – just low pressure. I worry that she’s in a program like 12:27 anon mentions which is full of mothers who all danced seriously. I never once put on a leotard or did anything similar, and we generally keep the pressure totally off at home. But if there’s an easy way to support her – which I suspect mothers who actually did dance might be more familiar with – I’d like to pursue it because this is an activity she’s really passionate about. It’s a road I know will be very fraught so I do want to tread lightly!
Anonymous says
IME the moms at a professional ballet school will be way less crazy than the ones at a competition studio, except maybe around Nutcracker casting. The same goes for gymnastics. The ones with experience in the sport are looking for a healthy environment and know what the red flags are. They also have some perspective on how much the lower levels really matter. The moms new to the sport are the ones watching every practice, gossiping, and comparing.
Anon says
I’m not sure I agree with that. I can see how a serious ballet school might be less focused on physical appearance (although professional ballet dancers generally lot of body issues, to put it mildly) , but the moms I know with kids on the pre-professional track are more intense and helicopter-y than the moms I know whose kids do competition dance.
My kid is 5 and does dance (not ballet) at the Y, which has a reputation locally as being substantially less intense than both the competition studios and the real ballet studios, and I’ve been shocked by the number of comments I’ve heard there about the kids’ bodies and appearance. At least at this age it’s not mostly negative, it’s a lot of “so-and-so is SO pretty in that leotard, it shows off her long legs” and “so-and-so has such beautiful blue eyes, a little bit of eye shadow would really bring them out.” I wouldn’t call the moms “crazy” but it’s a verrrrrry different crowd than our friends and the moms at our daycare, who basically never comment on kids’ looks or bodies and don’t put makeup on girls at this age except for something like a recital (half my friends barely wear make-up themselves).
Anonymous says
That illustrates my point, though. The rec moms are the ones all excited about leotards and eye shadow at age 5. The moms who have BTDT are like, yeah, come talk to me in 10 years when she is stressing out about summer intensive auditions.
Anon says
Right, it’s different, but I’m not sure a fixation on getting into the “right” summer intensive is better than talking about eyeshadow at age 5. Personally the former seems more toxic to me and the most helicopter-y moms I know have kids on the pre-professional or elite sports track.
Anonymous says
This. As a ballet student I came home with stuff to work on from my teacher, which I did or didn’t do according to my preferences and motivation. When I was in high school and playing sports I read books on the sports and did exercises and drills.
Anonymous says
The part that is crazy is the desire to improve her performance without her knowing. You can’t have it both ways–pretending she doesn’t have a body while at the same time trying to improve it. Either you are on board with dance or you aren’t. You don’t have to be on board with a toxic studio environment, but at its most basic level dance is about creating artistic expression with the body.
Anonymous says
Do you want to be a crunchy granola mom or a mom who supports her daughter’s interest in ballet?
Anon says
Eye roll, this comment is absurd
Anonymous says
Home with a sick kid and getting sick myself today… thank goodness for Disney plus!! Hopefully work can chill out since I’m a mess today. DH is coming home at 2:30 to take the afternoon shift but I might have to nap instead of work.
anon says
We are planning a weeklong trip to Orlando in June with our elementary age children. We’re planning on spending 4 days at Disney and 2 at Universal. Our kids don’t care about characters/meals, mostly just love the rides. Any tips would be very appreciated!
Anonymous says
My biggest tip is not to plan to go to a park every single day. Take at least one day of downtime between parks to chill at the hotel pool, visit Downtown Disney, etc.
Anne-on says
Fwiw I wanted to like downtown Disney and haaaated it. The ‘prestige’ restaurants were not as good as the originals in NY/DC/Chicago, the waiters were crabby and rushed (but the prices were sky high) and it was basically an outdoor shopping mall. Universal CityWalk was more bearable simply because it wasn’t nearly as crowded.
Totally agree on a non-park day being necessary – there is SO much walking involved and you wake up so early to get into the parks.
Anon says
An outdoor shopping mall is exactly what it is. I went without kids, but I was so underwhelmed by it.
Anne-on says
Use a travel agent, it will save you SO much time and stress – they know all the tricks and can help you get better deals/upgrades/etc. If you’re not married to staying on site at either park’s property I’d suggest the JW Marriot Grande Lakes/Ritz complex as it has amazing water parks/lots of good on site food and is about midway between both parks (and they do shuttles to the parks). Don’t be afraid to take Ubers even if you stay on site – there are tons and it’s often easier for a tired family to just get an uber vs. hopping in a crowded tram/bus.
Pay attention to the weather – it often rains HARD in the afternoon and the storms can range from 15-20 minute downpours (common daily, won’t interefere with rides) to 1-2 hour serious thunderstorms which can shut down rides/parks. We timed our departure from Universal’s water park to literally 10 minutes before a big thunderstorm hit (thanks to my husband’s NOAA app) and felt very smug when our Uber driver noted that the water park would be shutting down shortly due to the storm (which lasted for ~3 hours) and that we were ‘lucky’ to get out before everyone suddenly requested Ubers.
Anon says
I’m not sure where Four Seasons Orlando is relative to those hotels, but I still remember Taza blogging about it and thinking it looked so awesome. My family has no interest in Disney but we’ve debated planning an Orlando trip just to stay at that hotel, lol.
Mary Moo Cow says
We just got back from at Disney, and it was so much more fun than I expected! My key tips are to use a planner and travel agent (we got stuck in the FAA meltdown and having someone to call to take care of it was a huge stress relief); be flexible; and manage expectations. For us, being flexible looked like this: I imagined staying at the parks all day, but my kids needed an afternoon break at the hotel and we were all much happier for it once I gave in to that, and remembering that you can have a perfectly lovely trip without setting an alarm for an atomic clock to wake up and buy Genie plus at 7 a.m. We did buy Genie plus for two out of the three days (the weekends) and it was amazing to skip the lines, but we just looked for what was available in the next hour or so, or what we might like to do around lunch and booked those. The planner had booked a few meals, I booked a few, and we just did quick service on the go for the others. YMMV, but I had a love-hate relationship with being the only parent who had had done pre-planning and downloaded the Disney app, so you might want to get your partner on board with that before you leave. We talked about our day and a loose schedule while getting ready in the am, had breakfast at the hotel, and then booked our first lightening lane passes on the bus to the park. After that, we spent a few minutes while in line or at the end of a ride to figure out what we were doing next, and then put phones away and went and did it. It was a fantastic family vacation.
My kids are 5.5 and 7.5, and we’re not huge Disney or Disney TV people, but I was surprised how much my kids loved meeting characters. Know your kid, of course, but don’t discount it. They both wanted to meet princesses and my youngest really wanted to meet Mickey. So we did that instead of a ride one day (being flexible) and it was great. We also did a show every day, and that was another surprising highlight of the trip. Who knew Enchanted Tiki Room would be one of our favorite things?!
I gave each kid a gift card for souvenir money (bought at 5% discount with my Target card) so they had a set amount they could spend, and then we surprised them by saying yes to a lot of special treat food and some souvenirs. I had also sketched out roughly what our total food might cost by looking at menus online and then bought gift cards with the red card that I used to pay for meals. I ultimately only saved about $100, so it might not be worth it to some, but it made me feel good.
Anonymous says
Anyone have any advice on dealing with separation anxiety in an elementary kid? This was a huuuuge struggle in preschool abut has been on an upward trajectory until recently— ie last year in first grade school drop offs were ok but Sunday school drop offs were not, but this year both have been fine. Until about a month ago when Sunday school drop offs hard again, grandparent babysitter drop offs are hard, and separating from his lovey in the morning is a huge ordeal (and similarly on weekends leaving the lovey at home when we go out is an ordeal, with a lot of worry about future separation from his lovey ie if it’s stolen, etc). We are already working with a therapist biweekly but it’s just kid/therapist- we can suggest topics but don’t get a lot of insight. I just realized I’m not confident I can drop him off at his best friend’s small birthday party next weekend and, in second grade, that is feeling well outside the norm.
Anonymous says
It is outside the norm but fwiw my daughter is friends with a girl who is 7.5 and still struggles with this. Her mom can’t drop her anywhere (though her dad seems to be able to do they are strategic about it!).
Anonymous says
Thanks. Even anything to help leaving his stuffy in the morning would help! We are able to drop off for swimming at least thank goodness.
Anonymous says
My daughter is in 3rd grade. A friend of hers turned 9 in October and still brings her lovey to school. It stays in her backpack but it’s there!
She’s had it since we met her in pre school :).
Anon says
My daughter is younger (5) and it’s more socially acceptable at this age, but we’ve struggled with school and activity dropoffs a lot, and sometimes she even has problems going to her beloved grandparents or to good friends houses. One thing we’ve noticed is that it seems to get worse when she’s not feeling connected to us. I hope this doesn’t come across as victim-blaming, I’m not trying to suggest it’s your fault, but we’ve found that when we really focus on giving her a lot of attention and physical touch it makes it easier for her to separate.
I’d also ask him if he doesn’t really want to do Sunday school and I’d be inclined to let him quit if he’s not enjoying it. I know it can be an issue even with activities they really enjoy, but with my kid it always gets worse when we’re trying to get her to do something she’s not enthusiastic about, and it can spill over to other things she does enjoy.
Anonymous says
Thanks! Yes, we also note that increasing attention helps! We are doing as much as we can on that front. I think we’d let him drop another activity but Sunday school isn’t optional for many reasons (pathway to bar mitzvah, development of a peer group at our congregation etc). And he doesn’t hate it, just doesn’t want us to leave 😂.
Anon says
how is he once you are gone? i have a kid for whom the anticipation seems to be the worst part
Large says
I’m very pregnant and went to a social event where an acquaintance took one look at me and made a very blunt/rude comment (in front of a group) about how I must be carrying a very big baby. I have gained a ton of weight this pregnancy, but this isn’t my first, and it’s normal for me to gain a lot (even though none of my babies have been particularly large). But this one comment has kind of thrown me into a spiral. I want to cry and hide from the world for a few months until I feel more like myself again.
The worst part is, this person is also a mom, granted of adult kids. But I feel like she really should know better and I’m having a hard time not feeling both rage-y and hurt.
Anyone care to commiserate or share dumb things people have said to them during pregnancy?
Anon says
This reminds me of a specific conversation I had with my midwife. Around when I was starting to show, she pointed out that at 5’0″ tall. I’d appear to be very large. Because I’m growing a normal sized baby in a short body. Versus tall women get the opposite feedback sometimes that they are not showing enough. Everyone is different.
It ended up happening a lot. On business travel, at work, at the grocery store, etc. My boss in particular made a big reacted once and profusely apologized after.
It’s 1000% wrong for someone to comment on the size of a pregnant woman.
anon says
I’m sorry. That was totally inappropriate of her and sucks. I think it says a lot more about the person who would say something like this than about you. I once knew someone who would say that kind of thing. To me, she embarrassed herself with all the offensive and dumb things she said. I’m really grateful that I’m not her.
anonM says
People STINK with this! I had a coworker criticize what I was eating and I wanted to throw my shoe at him. Eff you, get out of my office and let me enjoy this muffin, Dan. Also, moms of adult children can sometimes be the worst. My well-intentioned MIL often reminisces about how thin she was when her kids were young and she was always running after them, and how organized she was about their clothes, and how little sugar she gave them, etc. etc. DH reminds me that each of those points has a much longer back story. FWIW, with pregnancy weight, the opposite is also awful. My coworker had awful hyperemesis gravidarum, and people often told her how great she looked. It was really messed up, especially if you know she’d been hospitalized several times. I hope you can feel better about this (and hopefully avoid this person for awhile!), because you don’t deserve that.
anon says
Co-sign all of this. Women cannot win, and I’ve had the most judgment come from moms of teens and young adults. It’s awful and I hope I’m never that person.
My sister also had HG and then had to do an elimination diet while BFing. She got so many compliments on her body from people who didn’t realize she was sick and practically starving.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Solidarity. I have no torso and a thick waist even when at my lowest weight…and I was huge for both pregnancies, which resulted in smaller than average babies for gestational time, including one with low birth weight.
When I was pregnant with DS #1, one of the staff in our apartment building was like “WOW WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THERE – TRIPLETS?!”. We also went to France during my pregnancy, right at the end of the 2nd Tri, and I guess the stereotype of French women carrying small and healthily (per Bringing up Bebe) was true because one local was like shocked when we told him I had 3 more months of pregnancy.
Also didn’t help that I lost 0 weight with nursing (kept it on…maybe even gained), so people thought I was still pregnant/pregnant again during my postpartum year.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, I got the twins comment a lot at the end of my pregnancies. I’m tall too, but carried big I guess? My babies were born big. But how am I supposed to take “is it twins?!” – like, nope, just big, but thanks. I absolutely hated how on display I was when pregnant. Probably my least favorite part.
Anonymous says
I am small to begin with and was so sick during pregnancy that I was stick-thin with a round basketball belly. I started getting “wow, you look about to pop!” comments at around 6 months. No matter what your body type or how you carry, you will get the comments about how huge you are.
EDAnon says
That’s terribly rude and that person was unthinking (I hope) and unkind. You should be mad.
I would also be sad. My son told me that I am the fattest in our family the other day (which is true) and I almost cried and I am not pregnant! We try to be body neutral and not tie a lot of negativity to the word fat (so fat /= bad), but I was raised in an environment where fat was considered bad. And my kids and husband (and dog) are all thin, so it makes me feel like a big loser to not be able to also be thin. I try to remind myself that I am healthy and capable.
So for you: You’re growing a baby! You’re doing great. Your body is doing what it is supposed to. Good work!
AIMS says
Booster seat recommendations?
Also, at what age did you switch? I have a kind of small for her age just turned 7 year old and a huge just turned 5 year old (they basically get mistaken for twins all the time, which annoys the 7 year old and delights the 5 year old). 7 year old is really pushing for a booster because all her friends are now in boosters. 5 year old wants what sister has. I would keep them in car seats a bit longer but their dad also inexplicably wants boosters and we are getting a new car soon so it would make sense to switch. Would love to hear thoughts. I think the car seats still work but kids claim they are “uncomfortable.”
Anonymous says
How about a front facing high back booster that you can take the back off later? My older child (very tall) moved to one at 4ish when we moved little brother to the convertible car seat. They are WAY easier to get in and out of and to schlep around. Then we have pretty much gone by height- older kid stopped using the chest harness only when he outgrew if per the manufacturer specifications (age 6?). At almost 8 and 53” we still have him in the high back which is probably not the norm, but there didn’t seem to be any downside. He uses just the bottom part of the booster in grandparents’ cars or carpooling. 43” 4.5 year old is still in the car seat because of inertia.
Anon says
We switched my oldest to a high back booster (his Chicco MyFit with the harness stowed) right when he turned 7. He’s short, but was hitting the height max on the harness because I guess he has a long torso? We also got him a no-back booster for our other car for occasional use, but the strap guide is annoying and it doesn’t feel as safe for his small size.
My 5-year-old is still in a harness, but a booster is safe as long as he can sit still and upright 100% of the time. I’d probably stick with a high-back booster for that age because it helps keep them in proper position better.
anon says
My understanding is that it’s safest to keep kids in carseats for as long as they fit per manufacturer’s instructions on fit, so that’s what I do. Chicco MyFit is a forward facing carseat that converts to a high back booster. My 9 year old still fits in the carseat mode, but will probably have to switch to booster mode within the year. Kiddo finds it comfortable and easy to use.
Anon says
We like the Chicco KidFit, our Kinder-aged kiddo has one in each car.
I generally trust Car Seats for the Littles (https://csftl.org/harness-or-booster/) and I’m paraphrasing but they say – a properly installed and fitted booster is just as safe as a 5 pt harness (assuming kid meets size requirements for booster)
AwayEmily says
Yeah, I’ve read this too. We switched my older to a high-back booster six months ago when she was 6.5 because it was the only way we were able to fit all 3 kids into the back of our CRV. I have to say, it was an absolute game-changer. it is SO WONDERFUL to only buckle two kids in rather than three.
From what I read, the big factor is (1) do they fit and (2) will they sit correctly. She definitely fit and is an Extremely Obedient Child so we felt comfortable making the switch. Her little brother on the other hand…I can imagine keeping him in the 3-point harness til he’s 18.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Haha your younger is my older, but even he at 6 chilled out and can be trusted to sit there. I think he enjoys getting in and out all by himself.
Anon says
We switched to a backless booster for travel the day my kid turned 4. She met height and weight minimums and traveling with the small booster is so much easier. She’s still in a five point harness carseat at home at age 5 and I plan to keep her in it until she reaches the height limit (49″), which should happen in the next year or so. At that point we’ll probably just go to backless booster because she has experience using one and does a good job of sitting upright.
SBJ says
I’m pretty conservative on car seats (prefer rear facing until 4), but at your kids’ ages, I would happily switch them to high back boosters. My 7 yo has been in one since 5 (partly because I could no longer take fastening three five-point harnesses every time we got in the car); we are about to switch my middle to a high back in a couple weeks (5th birthday). Oldest will move to a low back. The biggest issue is if your kids can sit properly in the booster for the length of the car ride. When mine gets wiggly, we say that if it continues, we will go back to a 5-point and that gets behavior to shape up again. We also rarely take long car trips, which helps. I love love love love having my oldest be independent getting in/out of the car and I can’t wait for my middle to get there and only have to do one car seat harness…
Anonymous says
Good point, my 4.5 year old mentioned above meets height/weight requirements for backless booster but cannot sit still in a belt positioning high back booster so he’s definitely going to be in a harness a while longer.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We switched my oldest to a high back booster just before he started 1st grade, so a little under 6.5. He was around 49 in/49 lbs. Our 4 year old is still in the 5 point harness, but is smaller and is not looking to switch. We have Graco seats for them both – they adjust from harness to boosters. I see a lot of 1st graders around here in just the boosters.
Anonymous says
My 9 year old ditched the booster when she turned 8. She was pretty tall for her age, and, importantly, the seat belt fit properly without the booster in our car.
My almost 7 y/o is in a backless booster. In one of our cars, she can go without a booster in the middle seat only- it’s higher up so the seatbelt fits properly on her.
I think you. We’d to look at the kids and how they sit in the seat, and how/if they can sit properly in the various seats.
Spirograph says
I switched them all around age 5, iirc. My kids are tall and while we could have found carseats to fit them, backless boosters are so much easier!
Anonymous says
I kept mine in a 5-point harness until she was tall enough for a backless booster because the high-back booster blocked her access to the seat belt buckle. She could unbuckle herself from the 5-point harness in the school drop-off line, but couldn’t unbuckle the seat belt with the high-back booster.
Lily says
My 4 year old (turned 4 in November) is still rear-facing in her Nuna Rava seat. I feel like I’m supposed to switch to forward-facing, right? I feel bad because her legs looked so cramped (she’s average height and weight – I think she’s approx. 39 inches tall and maybe 35 lbs?).
Only if You want to says
There’s no reason you need to switch her unless you want to. Check your car seat but I think the Nuna is 50 lb weight and 49 inches tall. My kid is both taller and heavier than that and he’s fine rear facing in the Nuna. It “looks” cramped to an adult but he has never complained and I think he’s comfier with his legs up than he would be with them hanging down anyway.
Only if you want to says
To clarify – my kid is both taller and heavier than OP’s kid but still within the RF limits for the seat!
Anon says
When you flip them, their legs often dangle and become more uncomfortable. But at age four she is basically as safe FF as RF (it has to do with bone ossification and at age 4 you should be in the clear). So it’s up to you & her when you want to turn
No says
I don’t think this is correct. Everyone is actually safer rear-facing, which is why the recommendation now is to continue it until you reach the height and weight limit for the seat.
Anon says
Yeah we were pretty laidback about it and switched at age 3 when my (large) kid got uncomfortable. But there’s nothing magic that happens on a fourth birthday. My understanding is longer is pretty much always better.
Anonymous says
If she is within the height/weight requirements for rear facing the only pressure is social. Many seats would have the kids turned around by 39” though.