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I’ve been refreshing my wardrobe with work-to-weekend blazers, and I might need to add this one to my collection.
I’m so glad clothing designers have figured out how to make suit jackets washable. This one from Eileen Fisher would be a great basic to add to any professional wardrobe — it even has “washable” in its name. This sharp jacket has an angled high collar, open front, and just enough structure so it doesn’t veer into cardigan territory.
I could see wearing this jacket everywhere this fall. It’s perfect for the office, Zoom calls from home, or a nippy outdoor brunch.
The jacket is $248. It’s available in XXS–3X.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
fallen625 says
We are potty training our son this weekend. Any advice? All I remember from older DS (five years ago) is we just let her run around commando all weekend and it worked quickly but was super painful. Oh, and we used treats/stickers to motivate her to go. Anything else I am missing? Do we do night and day at the same time? He is 3 but has been very potty resistant (he screams bloody murder if we even pull the potty out) so I am afraid of what things will look like.
Boston Legal Eagle says
The “Oh Crap” method is to have them be naked from bottom down for a day or a few days so they get used to having to go on the potty, then switch to pants with no underwear for up to a week and then usual clothes once they’re ready. Take them to the potty every 30 min or so for the first day, and maybe even fill them up with juice/water so that have to go. Don’t leave the house that weekend, ha.
We didn’t night train at the same time. I think nighttime dryness is more about when their body is ready and I don’t really care if they wear pullups at night. My older one still does in fact. We also do pullups for naps.
My kids took to it pretty quickly, but they were using the potty at night before bath for a few months before and they didn’t seem to be scared of it. Not all kids will take to “Oh Crap” though.
Anon says
If you want a quick summary of the Oh Crap book there is one on Lucie’s List. In the book she advocates for doing night training at the same time by setting an alarm to take your kid potty at like 3am. Um, no. I like sleep. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I agree with Boston Legal Eagle that night training is all about physical readiness. If you have to wake the kid up at 3:00 a.m. to go potty, they aren’t ready, and you are just setting yourself and your child up for months of frustration and inconvenience. We kept our kid in pull-ups at night until she was obviously staying dry all night and then peeing in the pull-up after she woke up, which was about a year after she was day trained. We took away the pull-ups and voila, she was night trained. If it hadn’t happened naturally, I wouldn’t have tried any sort of formal night training until at least kindergarten.
ElisaR says
agree, i actually tried her night approach and it made me miserable and i gave up when my son was turning 5 yrs old. about 6 months later my son naturally starting waking up dry on his own.
i did like her approach for daytime training though. it worked for us very well. everybody thought i was crazy but it was great (son was 27 months at the time).
i would advocate for actually reading (part of) the book rather than looking up a cliff’s notes version. it gave me confidence on what i was doing, i revisited several sections over the week or so we trained and later revisited it for night training (even though that part didn’t work for us). if you are facing challenges, the book will be helpful whereas a summary might not be.
A says
Fellow mom to a potty-resistant three-year-old here. We attempted the oh crap method initially, but it created a very difficult power struggle dynamic with my son that resulted in a lot of frustration. I ended up finding the Dr. Becky potty training ebook (at Learn with Dr. Becky), and that more hands off approach worked better for us.
C says
I have been thinking of buying the Dr Becky book – without wanting you to give away the whole contents, could you explain the method a little more in a sentence or two? I’m happy to buy the book but just wanting a little more information about it.
EDAnon says
We waited until our older one was 3.5 and potty training was much easier than when he was 3.
Anonymous says
Would love updates! Have a VERY resistant just turned 3 year old. Our older child we did a cold turkey method just before 3 and it was super duper easy, like 2 days, but he wasn’t particularly resistant or particularly stubborn unlike current child…
Pogo says
Mine was resistant too so we waited til closer to 3.5. Definitely just read Oh Crap clif’s notes and do that. We gave one M&M for trying on the potty and two M&M’s for producing. He also got a sticker and when the sticker chart was filled he got to pick a prize. Naked from waist down on day 1, commando on day 2 when he wanted to go outside. We brought the potty out with us in the front yard. I’m so glad we didn’t rush as it truly did take 3 days. He wanted nothing to do with pullups and night trained at the same time.
Busytoddler has a good recap that I read, too – with the suggestion to put a towel under them if they demand to be on the couch/carpet or you have to plunk them there to deal with another sibling.
CCLA says
Another vote for the helpful power of chocolate! I know opinions vary on bribery, but it was key for us in the final steps. Both kids were trained just shy of 3, and got the peeing part quickly but were stubborn af about poop. Hats off to the two m&ms, I think at one point I offered an entire adult sized chocolate bar in desperation (no regrets, it helped!). We quickly then moved to m&ms and then tapered the rewards after 2-3 weeks and explained that now that she was a big girl she didn’t need chocolate to use the potty, which somehow worked.
AwayEmily says
Any history book recommendations for preschool/lower elementary? My kindergartener is very interested in history but most books we’ve found for that age set are biographies rather than big-picture history books. And biographies are awesome but it would be helpful to supplement with some background context (if only so that I don’t have to rely on my own murky memories to provide said context).
Anonymous says
The “If You Lived” series shows what life was like for kids in different periods and settings and is right around a kindergarten level.
Anonymous says
https://www.amazon.com/My-Place-Nadia-Wheatley/dp/1921150653/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?crid=379NFFPS5K9V0&dchild=1&keywords=my+place+australia&qid=1631107510&sprefix=my+place+aust&sr=8-7
Chl says
My boys love the Nathan Hale series. Not for pre-K but early elementary
anon says
I like the DK/Smithsomian set books, and some cover history. Lots of pictures but also good text.
Anonymous says
Usborne books early readers history set. Also the usborne history timeline book.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! Just ordered some used copies of the “If you lived” series and also contacted my Usborne friend to place an order.
Anon says
My kid got really into the, “You wouldn’t want to …” series at around that age. Examples:
You Wouldn’t Want to – Sail on the Mayflower, Be a Nurse during the American Civil War, Live in a Wild West Town, Be a Roman Gladiator, etc.
Some have some mild cartoon gore, but that went a long way towards making history seem more interesting for my kid. They have more science-themed books in the series, too – You Wouldn’t want to Live Without Vaccines was a big hit.
Anon says
More name advice please? I’m looking for traditional but short girl names without an “N”. We need middle name to follow “Emmeline”. DH likes the cadence of Emmeline Marie, but I have bad associations with Marie.
Anon says
Kate, Jo, May. Rebecca is longer but a good middle name IMO.
Anonymous says
I also just decided I really like Sue as a middle name to Emmaline. I will never have a daughter, so I’m probably thinking too much about this.
Boston Legal Eagle says
1 syllable names that can follow: Grace, Jade, Paige, Claire.
Anonymous says
My pick would be a beloved family member’s name. (or friend). Given longer first name, a shorter middle name would be my preference.
Clementine says
For us, middle names are where we put the ‘family name’. Make a list of all your female relatives and close friends (and if you have any male relatives with names that would work). First and middle. Don’t include anyone you hate. But that will give you a starting point. Talk about even shortened versions – Kate vs. Katherine, Nora versus Leonora, etc.
It’s even better when you find a name you already liked and it happens to also be a family name. Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, Sophia, Estelle… I really like Golden Girls names. We picked a name of this type and when I told my Mother In law, her eyes welled up and she said, ‘I don’t know if husband remembers that, but that was my grandmother’s name.’ Husband didn’t know this, but it’s really nice that it worked out like that.
Anonymous says
So I was expecting you do mention last names here (recycling especially female last names in families that have died out). We have a variety of shorter names that would work with Emmeline. “Taylor” works. I am against medieval professions used as names unless it is a family name (Smith, Taylor, Tanner, etc.). Maybe that.
Emmeline Jones Hartington? Yes? At least she won’t sound even vaguely like a stripper.
Anonymous says
Hope. Joy. Grace. Fay. Rose. Lily. May.
Anon says
Rose? Sofia? Olive? Maybe your maiden name, or the parent’s last name she doesn’t have?
AwayEmily says
+1 — I had my mom’s last name as my middle name (she didn’t change her name) and LOVED that connection to her. I remember being so proud of it in elementary school. Now, my son (who has my last name) has my husband’s as his middle and my daughter (who has my husband’s last name) has mine as her middle. they really like talking about our shared history, family, etc.
NYCer says
Rose
Elise
Brooke
Leigh
Vale
Spirograph says
I also like the idea of a 1-syllable middle name following a 3-syllable first name (although my own daughter has 3 syllable first and middle names), but since you like the cadence of Marie… maybe search for a list of names by rhythm? You’re looking for iambs. Will post a link I found separately.
Spirograph says
http://www.theperfectbabyname.com/namelists/rhythmlistsgirls.html
Anonymous says
Not OP but thanks, Spirograph! TJ: what is everyone’s thought on not giving kids a middle name?
Anonymous says
It’s certainly not a requirement, but funny story: I was in the military and one of my friends did not have a middle name All of his official docs would come out as Ryan N. [lastname] or Ryan NMN because apparently the admin folks had put NMN for “no middle name” in the form fields, and the system would auto-pull for certificates, etc. He joked about it, but was actually incredibly frustrated because this had been happening for 2 years by the time I met him and he hadn’t been able to get it corrected.
Anonymous says
Neither of my grandfathers had a middle name, and each one was required to choose a middle initial when he was drafted for WWII.
DLC says
I don’t have a middle name. (Parents were from Taiwan, didn’t realize it was a thing when they named me). It’s never been an issue for me.
I would be fine not giving my kids middle names if we couldn’t find one we liked. First name and last name is definitely enough, one would think.
Anon says
I think middle names are generally pointless but for the sake of naming gave the kid my last name as their middle. I don’t think it’s a huge deal though to just skip it.
Allie says
Rose or Clare
Anon says
We let our older kids choose our youngest’s middle name. They chose a very pretty standard one. Do you have older kids? They felt super special about it.
Realist says
Eve?
Anon Lawyer says
How many syllables is your last name? I think names often work best when each name has a different syllable count – so you have 3 with Emmeline so you might choose a 2 or 1 syllable middle name based on your last name.
Personally, I think it’s nice for middle names to have some kind of “meaning” – either family or more personal. There are a lot of classics (Rose, Grace, Marie) that are lovely, but is there something that means something to you personally?
Also, Nameberry has a new-ish “name style DNA” quiz that will give you an idea of what kind of names you usually like and then suggestions. Emmeline is pretty romantic – you might want something classic but more practical to balance it. (Something like “Kate” comes to mind.) I wonder if there are any literary heroines you have, for instance?
anon says
Hope to name my next daughter (if I ever have one…) Abigail. I think it fits your criteria. We’d call her Abby.
Anon says
Alice, Beth, Cora, Delilah, Eva, Faith, Gia, Heather, Ila, Jackie, Leah, Margaret, Opal, Pearl, Rachel, Sarah, Theresa, Vera, Wallace
Anon says
What are people doing now for telling managers that they’re pregnant? Currently 13 weeks, genetic testing looks good, and we just told family a few days ago. I’m starting to show already (this is #3) and would probably have told my manager by now if I was in person, but given I’m WFH indefinitely I could stretch it a bit I suppose. I would like to tell my good work friends but that obviously needs to come after manager right? We don’t announce on social media so that’s not a concern. For #1 I told people around 20 weeks (back when I taught, and this is when we returned from summer break), and for #2 I told everyone at 15ish weeks (I’m at the same company now).
Minor complicating factor is that I’m hearing about my mid-year performance review and bonus in a few weeks. I don’t think I need to worry about an announcement before then affecting my bonus, but maybe I should be?
TheElms says
I would wait until after your review and bonus, you’re right it likely wouldn’t affect it (and definitely should not affect it) but why risk it when you don’t have to? Anything before 20 weeks is definitely early enough. At my firm telling folks meaningfully after 20 weeks would raise eyebrows but no one would do anything about it because we only have a requirement to notify with enough time to transition work (which I’d say is no more than a month at most). I’m currently 14 weeks and planning to tell after my 16 week appointment. That’s when I told with my first. I’m showing already but am WFH still; that said even if I wasn’t WFH I would probably still wait until after 16 weeks. I can still sort of hide it so I just look chubbier through the middle.
AwayEmily says
I’m currently at 18 weeks (3rd kid) and planning on telling work after I get the anatomy sono at the end of this week. We’re partly in person and I’m just wearing a lot of loose clothing and hoping people chalk it up to COVID weight gain (which, to be honest, some of it actually is). We haven’t told anyone but our parents so far (and you guys, of course!).
Anonymous says
Right this. And to be honest I’m sure many of them can tell but they’re being polite.
EDAnon says
I always told around 20 weeks, so I would wait for the bonus and share a bit later.
NYCer says
+1. I see no reason not to wait until after the review/bonus. I also think that 20 weeks is a very normal time to tell a manager irrespective of your upcoming review.
Anon says
It might be unorthodox but I told them pretty quickly because I wanted extra leave and wanted approval right away. Otherwise I would have sought another job at my company with a manager who’d give it to me. In your case I would probably wait until your bonus discussion and tell them at the end.
Anonymous says
How do people deal with 4 year old bedtime struggles?
Our 4 year old does not nap at daycare, and goes to bed around 8:30 and gets up around 6:30. Over the last several months, we have started to really struggle with having her stay in bed after bedtime. I think this is a behavioral issue, not a “not being tired” issue, because about 70% of the time she will go to bed fine and falls asleep within 10-20 minutes.
However, we’re having increasingly frequent evenings where, after we do our bedtime thing, stories, etc., she almost immediately starts whining or crying that she “isn’t tired”, “I don’t want to be alone”, or “I had a bad dream” (when she obviously didn’t yet fall asleep). Based on how she’s acting, I don’t think she’s genuinely scared or stressed – I think she just prefers to hang out with us. We set some bad precedents early on when this started and just let her sit and watch a show with us for 30 minutes (at which point she was so tired she wouldn’t protest going to bed), but now she’ll rally and still demand that she wants us to be with her.
Last night we finally said we’re not doing this anymore and this resulted in 90 minutes of screaming/crying, getting out of her room and us trying to put her back repeatedly until she finally exhausted herself. It was highly unpleasant for all of us.
Do we just keep doing this until she starts going to bed normally again? Is this like a new round of sleep training? Is there a better way? For others who have had to fix bad bedtime habits at this age, how long did it take?
Sf says
There are suggestions on yesterday’s post but I’ll repeat mine- happy sleeper has a preschool sleep program called reverse ladder that might help
Anon says
I feel like I recommend this a lot on here, but give her a flashlight and a couple books and let her “read” quietly in her room if she’s not tired. She just has to stay in her bed and be quiet, but she can stay up as late as she wants. Really play up the “as late as she wants” bit – she’s a Big Girl now, so she can listen to her body and choose when to sleep. As long as she can stay in her room and be quiet, you’ll let her do it all by herself.
You’ll have a couple nights of tired kid (which you already have) but you’ve ended the power struggle over sleep. She feels like a big kid and feels like she has control because she’s choosing when she goes to sleep. You get your nights back because you’re choosing when she goes into her bedroom.
Anon. says
This. On recommendation from this board we bought the Munchkin Owl light which also has an automatic shut off feature in case he forgets. We also make a big deal of choosing one toy to bring to bed that he can play with until he falls asleep or when he wakes.
Anonymous says
Might be an unpopular strategy but we lie down with our kid (since about that age). That doesn’t look like a whole lot of sleep for 4, so she’s probably pretty tired – in our case at that age he would fall asleep quickly (10-20 min) if we were there but be up 1-2 hours if we left. We still lie down with him at 6 but by now it’s just to help him settle a bit and we leave at a set time. Ymmv – our priority given our child’s sleep needs and personality is maximizing hours of sleep.
Anon says
same for our 5 YO. I’m hoping once my son is reading independently to try the flashlight strategy, I’ve already been pitching it to him to get him excited about reading. But for now, I just sit in there with him for 10-20 minutes and then I have my night back versus nightly fights over bedtime.
Anonymous says
Ah yes but if he reads then he’s up till 10:30 and has major school behavior issues the next day. So sadly we haven’t been able to try that strategy!
AwayEmily says
I also think you can make it not-terrible for you if you want to go this route. When my kids first started sharing a room and we needed them to calm down and sleep, we had a policy where I’d sit with them in their room until they fell asleep, but they weren’t allowed to talk (and they knew that if they did, I’d leave). I would just bring my Kindle and get some reading done; it was actually quite relaxing.
NYCer says
We do this with our 2.5 year old. Way faster than the alternative, so it is worth it for us. She still falls asleep fine if nanny or grandma is doing bedtime.
anon says
We’ve had a lot of struggles with the “I don’t want to be alone” – I also don’t think she was scared per se but I do think she is a social bee and playing by herself was not what she wanted. TBH, it takes awhile, and you have to be firm and stick with whatever you decide is the right approach. We said that you could read/play quietly, but if you came out of your room, we would close the door (which was a huge thing for her, she hated that). And it definitely took awhile.
Pogo says
Just a whine to this safe space…I am in a local mom’s group, which is about 80% SAHMs, and the moms that work are (with the exception of about 2 other women) teachers, social workers, therapists, nurses. It just feels sometimes like we are living in entirely different worlds, not that mine is easier or harder, but it’s lonely and upsetting to hear complaints about realities that have been my struggle this entire time (related to going back to school in person, mostly). Someone also directly questioned/made a vague accusation of the daycare where I send my son (to me, in a text message convo) and that hurt. I guess the answer is to block/not respond to people like this, and realize that it is coming from a place on insecurity on her part… but ugh. And I got yelled at by my entire North America sales leadership yesterday for a solid hour, so that was fun.
Anonymous says
Why are you in a moms group if you feel like it’s not a good fit? Of course it makes sense that 80% of the group won’t understand your reality if they aren’t living your reality. Start your own working moms group! Be the change! As another perspective – SAHMs or moms with flexible schedules may face challenges that FT working moms may not understand. This is why these groups exist. Find your people, these clearly aren’t your people.
Anonymous says
Right there with you. Among the people I interact with outside of work, there is exactly one working mom with a normal job. All the other moms are teachers, nurses, etc. At work, at least 50% of the moms have SAH husbands. At work I have too many projects and every client thinks it is my only client. The pressure from all sides is just relentless and no one gets it. There is nobody tougher than us working moms.
Anon says
I understand that teachers and nurse’s might have more flexible schedules but not all do. Also- those are real jobs that in many areas require graduate degrees. I myself am not a teacher or nurse, but it’s not exactly like those jobs have ever been a piece of cake, especially this past year and we should all be grateful there are people willing to do those jobs given what they are paid
Anonymous says
Of course teaching and nursing are real jobs, but they are not “regular” jobs. Teaching at least is aligned to the school schedule, and all the nurses I know have their schedules set up so they don’t need child care.
Anon Lawyer says
My mom was a teacher and I think it really depends. If you don’t work in/very near where your kids go to school, you will need after-school childcare when they’re too young to be latchkey kids. Obviously you also need it before they start school, though you might be able to pick your kids up earlier than an office worker. And she absolutely spent weekends and evenings grading and lesson planning because there’s no time for that during the school day. The summers are certainly nice but the tradeoff is that during the school year, you can’t flex your work to take your kid to a doctor’s appointment easily (for instance).
“Nurse” is a super varied job encompassing tons of different schedules. It’s probably easier to work 20 hours a week then scale back up to 40 later if you want than it is for most of us, but plenty of nurses use childcare. Also think of all the nurses who are single moms who have to figure out who can watch their kid after normal business hours when they have a shift. Or the ones whose partner also does shift work. You may know a group of privileged moms who work a bit but not a ton but I don’t think it’s the norm per se.
anon says
Yeah, this stuff drives me batty. I know I’m sensitive that I am not SAH, so I didn’t do mom groups like this, but I still get comments from relatives, and …well strangers, friends, basically everyone who feels the need to comment! When I add getting treated poorly at work (been there!) it makes me doubt all my choices and just feels like crap. Solidarity, even if no specific advice. I remind myself that my husband isn’t getting this crap and even if he did, he’d ignore it. Sometimes that helps me brush it off (sometimes it just annoys me more though tbh). I also think it helps to remind yourself of the long-term goals and how these choices are setting the stage for this, including fostering the values you want for your kids.
Anon says
Preach and that’s all I’m going to say.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, that’s why I like this group. I know myself and I know that I wouldn’t fit with SAHMs, and a big part of that would be the change in the dynamic with my husband. Honestly, I see a lot of complaints about husbands not doing enough on the SAHM groups and I just… don’t relate. This makes me sound smug married, but I do think having equal-ish jobs helps a lot (of course there are a lot of women with demanding jobs who still have to do it all, and I wish that wasn’t the case).
Anonymous says
I would really really like to have the job of a SAHM starting when the youngest is in kindergarten (not before). I could run this household like nobody’s business if I had that much time. I did it for a few months at one point pre-kids while we were buying and DIY’ing our first house and I was waiting to start grad school and I was very good at it. But I would not want to have to hang out with SAHMs and my husband would be completely resentful if I didn’t bring in an income. I also have to maintain the ability to be the sole breadwinner to mitigate a risk that is not that unlikely to materialize.
anon says
My younger, single sister just had a woman joke to her about how her husband was like having a 3rd kid, another person to clean up after, etc. She’d not heard that “joke” before and was just horrified and called just to tell me about it. I had to be like sadly, here in the straight, cis, midwest suburban momdom these sorts of “jokes” are superrrr common (and a way to deal with unhelpful husbands). I think it’s getting better, but hard to tell if it’s just better in my skewed perspective of who I’m friends with? Sigh.
Anonymous says
Sadly, that’s not really a joke for many women, even working moms.
Anon says
Yeah. Hello, that’s my life. Working mom who does all the housework too.
Anon says
Oh I know! Not limited at ALL to SAHMs, and in fact the woman who said that was working.
My friend intentionally became a solo parent/ conceived without a parenting partner, and my DH was a little judgmental until I pointed out all the unhelpful/burdensome (to put it nicely) husbands we know and how it could be a very rational choice to make.
anon says
I will be honest, though, the number of women on the main page (it happens less here) who complain about their husbands not doing enough/being useless at home/generally being man-children is pretty depressing sometimes. Like, if I were a SAHM reading the main page I would definitely not think that having a “big” job lead to more equal household responsibilities.
Anonymous says
My sister is a very successful attorney married to a man-child attorney who does the bare minimum raising children and does ZERO housework or mental labor. She outearns him. So yeh, choose your husband well.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
“Choose your husband well” does imply this is the wife’s fault, though? Sometimes life just happens…and some partners adapt better to different seasons than others. I am happy to hear (and join in) vents about the latter but if someone were to tell me “you chose the wrong partner”, that’s not a ton of empathy.
Anon says
Yeah I hate when people on here imply you are at fault if the housework is unequal or your husband is more traditional. Just rude and hard hearted.
Anonymous says
Chiming in to agree with More Sleep and Anon. People’s personalities, beliefs, attitudes, and behavior evolve over time, and even if this weren’t the case, a young childless guy doesn’t really know how he is going to react to the pressures of adulthood and parenting. It’s terrible to fault a wife for not predicting that her husband was going to crumble when the rubber met the road.
Anon says
Men don’t become man babies overnight, though? Like, you should know your partner well enough before you marry and procreate with them to know that.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
UGGHH. I remember feeling this way in a previous city; a lot of the women in my building were in very PT roles or SAHMs, and they were always gobsmacked that our kid was in daycare until 5:30 PM, and that we had to work on evenings and/or weekends.
Saying this gently but that group does NOT sound like a place where you will get a lot of value or validation. I’d cut it off, or just use it for what it’s good for (e.g. sitter recommendations, local stuff).
My boss also gave me some “coaching” today that I found annoying and passive aggressive (even while admitting there was a lesson learned). I’m with you.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I should also add some tea — a classmate of mine from college who is a…micro-influencer/aspiring TV host has a kid the same age of DS #1 (3.5). Her kid just started pre-school 2x/week and she posted being like “OMG WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL THIS EXTRA TIME?!”
I was like ummm…work?
AnonATL says
Had a similar interaction with my boss yesterday afternoon while dealing with the post-daycare grouchy toddler. Something he knew I was working on accidentally overrode what he was doing and he responded a little flippantly about it. The combination of grouchy kid and grouchy boss was too much. Then one of my coworkers called me while I was cooking about something “urgent”. Spoiler alert: it was definitely not urgent.
Anon says
Heh, my husband is a stay at home dad. I don’t relate to most of you guys, or the stay at home mom crowd. I got nothing. Oh, well, it is what it is.
Anon says
You have all the men with stay at home wives! Kind of…
GCA says
Hugs, and right there with you. The loneliness and social/ cultural pressure are real. (There are other places where it feels like a higher proportion of working couples have equal-ish, equally-demanding jobs – I’m looking at you Cambridge and Somerville – but not the suburb where we live.) My closest IRL mom friends here are from daycare and afterschool care – where there are high concentrations of working parents. They get it! And I try to keep in mind that it’s not a knock on SAHPs or other jobs (full-time parenting is hard, and teaching and nursing are demanding professions but in different ways from butt-in-seat corporate America), just a very different reality. I think it helps that I enjoy my job and feel it’s meaningful.
Pogo says
thanks, guys. I really was just venting and looking for commiseration. And it is such a good point that maybe I should just stop reading in the moms group or interacting w/ people unless I’m looking for recommendations for a local plumber, or a size 3T raincoat on short notice or whatever.
And totally get that nurses, therapists, social workers, teachers, etc are VERY demanding jobs – that’s why I said, it’s not that one is easier or harder, it’s different challenges, being realized at different times in this pandemic. And the dig at my daycare just hurt.
Gift ideas for a 1-year old? says
Just got invited to my first baby birthday party…my LO is only 5 months so I’m not sure what would be the best gift to bring. The birthday is for a baby boy who is turning 1. What are some good gifts for a baby that age? Thanks!
anon says
Is LO going to daycare? 1 is often when they transition in daycare to a sleep mat. I’ve been loving the sleep mats from etsy for close friends’ kids/god kids. It’s a handy gift for the parents and my littles think they’re really fun. For friends we aren’t as close to, I am doing two books – one board book my kids loved (“Red Sled”by Lita Judge- they both just laughhh at it) and one of those “indestructible” baby books (“Baby Faces” by Amy Pixton – my youngest just loves looking at babies! I think that babies often like looking at babies?? idk). I also have gotten a Barnes and Nobles gift card and that was great – got to pick out books myself!
Personalized Tot Cot® Toddler Preschool | Daycare Nap Mat – Llamas
Anon says
I feel like books are always good, maybe lift the flap or poke-a-dot books. My kid loved the Elmo Lift & Look book, Dear Zoo, or Matthew van Fleet books. They also start playing more with toys, so things like a little people farm with animals or little trucks or cars to push around are fun. One might be too young if they’re not walking, but my kid also loved a toy cleaning set when he was slightly older.
My brother got us a ball pit that I did not love, but my then one year old sure did.
Anonymous says
Love the Boon bath pipe toys for that age. Also Mega Blocks (can always use more), bubbles, dolls, books, wooden blocks, balls.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to Mega blocks. My 3.5 year old still plays with them and has slowly started inching towards Legos.
Anonymous says
I like the Green Toys car carrier for that age. They can play with the cars and the truck separately or load the cars onto the truck.
Realist says
Perhaps this is lame, but assuming the birthday boy will be getting toys and such from others, you should bring a gift for mom. Whatever she likes or would enjoy. She just survived one year of parenting! Baby boy is too young to register gifts and will probably have enough stuff, but nearly every mom of a 1 year old needs a few more people appreciating her.
Anonymous says
Ooh, I like this idea. Champagne for mom.
Anonymous says
Of course teaching and nursing are real jobs, but they are not “regular” jobs. Teaching at least is aligned to the school schedule, and all the nurses I know have their schedules set up so they don’t need child care.
Anonymous says
Now that is a weird double post.
Anon says
Just need to vent. i am so annoyed at DH. Our nanny had a covid exposure last week (fortunately she tested negative) so she is out today, our kids’ preschool is closed today for the Jewish holiday and we are closing on a house tomorrow, so i took off from work today bc DH has a more pressing deadline but in the 1.5 hours i left him to watch the kids so i could do one final house walkthrough he completely messed up their schedule for the day so I’m stuck with two VERY grumpy kids, feeling super stressed about work and all the work we need to get done in the house before we move in.
Anon says
I haven’t had to do a lot of workday handoffs since last year/COVID home time, but I remember what a struggle it was be to keep routines while handing off. I am sorry that it sucks. Hopefully, an early bedtime will get everyone in a good place.