Washable Workwear Wednesday: Ribbed Open-Front Cardigan

This cardigan/jardigan is noteworthy in a few respects. First: it’s machine washable, which is always great. Second, it’s$19 on “last act” sale at Macy’s — available in 8 colors, sizes XS-XXL. Third, call me crazy, but this looks like a pretty good $20 dupe for some of the other jardigans out there right now that are generally $200+. I like it as styled here, but might also try it with a wide belt if I wanted a bit more of a tailored look. This similar cardigan is $16 and comes in olive and navy. Pictured: Ribbed Open-Front Cardigan

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

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  1. Shopping Help says:

    I have a black tie BigLaw firm event to attend when I’ll be about 30 weeks pregnant. I’m struggling to find an appropriate dress for less than $150. I haven’t even reworn my non-pregnancy black tie dresses so the idea of spending a lot on a pregnancy formal dress seems crazy. But I feel like there are no affordable, work event appropriate options. Nothing strapless or requiring a special bra or too low cut. I was a size 12, 36G before pregnancy so never wore strapless. Does anyone have suggestions of websites or stores to check out? I feel like my usual workwear maternity sites either don’t have formal wear or are way too expensive. I’m almost at the point for just not going… I have about a month left to find something. Thanks!

    • 35 weeks and never leaving the house says:

      RTR maternity-friendly style? Or Nordstrom? Getty fancy while pregnant is SO hard. I feel you on this.

    • Anonymous says:

      Does Rent the Runway to maternity? Or could you get a good quality black maxi dress and do a statement necklace/colourful jewelry/sparkly wrap/shoes? If you’re that far along, you’ll have some leeway with dress code.

      Try secondhand stores as well. You might luck into someone selling a maternity bridesmaid’s dress that was appropriate.

    • avocado says:

      I am not familiar with Biglaw norms, but in my world being 30 weeks pregnant would give you a pass to wear a black wrap dress and fun jewelry to a black-tie event.

      • Agree with this. I think most settings are going to give wardrobe leeway for a woman at 30 weeks pregnancy.

    • Nordstrom Kimi and Kai has some possible options for less than $100.

      • Anonymous says:

        Yep, I got a couple really nice dresses from here. Check out Kimi and Kai “Teagan” for example. I wore that and the Kimi and Kai “maternity maxi tank dress” in navy to weddings (one BTO) while pregnant. Neither are what I’d choose to wear to a black tie event if I weren’t pregnant, but you get a bit of a pass to dress down a little while pregnant, IMO. I made sure to get my hair and makeup done, dressed it up with jewelry and awesome shoes, and hubs wore a tux (BTO) or a nice suit (c-tail). It worked fine both times.

    • Maybe try David’s Bridal– they have maternity dresses/ maternity friendly (i.e., empire-waisted) dresses. Hopefully you wouldn’t need to wait more than a month for a black one to come in.


    • Mine for Nine rents out evening dresses in maternity sizes. I used them to rent a professional maternity wardrobe for a weeklong conference a few years ago and had a really great experience with them.

    • I replied earlier with a link that seems to have my reply into moderation: you can Google David’s Bridal maternity dresses to find black maternity bridesmaid dresses for under $100. I’m not sure if they’ll be available within a month, but it might be worth a try.

    • ASOS has some awesome stuff.

    • Mama Llama says:

      When I was about 5 months pregnant I was able to wear a non-maternity gown to a black tie event. I think it was technically a bridesmaid dress. It had an empire waist and fell free from the waist, so I would advise you to consider some non-maternity options too. FWIW, I’m short and carried huge. The shortness prevented me from doing rent the runway because everything was too long.

  2. Taxes - fun! says:

    I have a totally off-topic question, but this seems as good a place as any to ask.

    How do you all track your charitable donations throughout the year (especially if you file taxes jointly)? Tracking down our contributions was by far the most time-consuming part of doing our taxes this year (we gave 3x as much as usual – yay – but it was all over the place!). Does anyone have a great way of tracking family contributions? I know we should probably be more organized with our giving to begin with, but assuming we still get suckered here and there…

    • Tetra says:

      We just use a Google Docs spreadsheet.

    • I use Gmail for my personal email and each year I create a label for tax items. Any charitable donation receipts or other important tax items get flagged with that label and archived, then I pull them up at tax time. If for some reason we don’t get an email receipt, I use the scanner on my phone and email it to myself. DH forwards any receipts to me so that they are all in one place.

    • I’ve heard someone (turbotax?) has a deduction tracker app, but I haven’t used it. Capital One sends me an email each January with things they think are charitable deductions (only helpful for credit card contributions, but still, something).

    • potato says:

      I use the website https://turbotax.intuit.com/personal-taxes/itsdeductible. It allows you to track monetary and item donations (and has suggested values for items). If you use turbotax it’s extra convenient because turbotax downloads information directly from the website.

    • We use Mint so I can just tag it as “Charity” and then search for it later.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I have an e-mail folder and a physical file folder that I put all charitable receipts into as they arrive. Then at tax time, I just open both folders.

      Learned the hard way after a year of digging through bank account statements, e-mail, and piles of paper mail.

    • I search the word “donation” in my email.

    • Anonymous says:

      Excel workbook: 1 tab has childcare expenses and 1 tab is charitable contributions. I add them manually every couple of weeks. Receipts are scanned and put into a dropbox folder.

  3. D.C. Anon says:

    Do you sterilize your baby’s bottles? I remember diligently boiling all bottles and parts for my first. We just sort of forgot for the second…and he’s 5 months. I’ve just been putting his bottles in the dishwasher but sometimes the parts come out wet and I’ll just shake them off and move on. Should I be sterilizing?

    • Anonymous says:

      Dishwasher is totally fine. No need to sterlize.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I didn’t. My kid seems fine (she’s 2.5).

    • CPA Lady says:

      Nah. Not at this point. The only time I sterilized anything was right when I got it out of the packaging, and only did that when my kid was a newborn. After that I just ran everything through the dishwasher.

      I did regularly sterilize and replace pacifiers, because those got gross. But bottles? Nope.

    • Dishwasher only at my house and we were an all bottle household. If The Kid was sick, I would run things through with the “sanitize” cycle and call it good. Who has time for more?

    • This is THE only book I read while pregnant. She’s also researching and writing one now about breastfeeding.

    • I sterilized bottles and pump parts when I took them out of the packaging, then sterilized the bottle nipples and pacifiers once a month or so after that. I probably stopped doing it by 6 months old.

      Mostly, I didn’t use the dishwasher for this stuff because (a) our dishwasher is terrible and takes forever and melts things and doesn’t really get things clean, and (b) there were so many pump and bottle parts. We threw everything into a little dish basin that we kept near or in the sink, let it soak in hot, soapy water, and rinsed by hand. It really didn’t take that long, and my nanny actually did a lot of the rinsing.

    • I handwashed everything throughout the week and then sterilized all bottle parts and pacifiers (either in the sterilizer or the dishwasher) every weekend.

    • I consider the dishwasher sterilizing. It gets hot enough in there to kill anything.

      If I wash by hand I separately microwave steam sterilize in the First Years microwave sterilizer thingy. But I never do that now that I’m back at work lol.

    • I do but I think this is just because my husband is a germaphobe. I hand wash pump parts and then either sterilise them at home or run them through in a microwave steriliser bag when I get into the office. I also hand wash bottles and run them through the sterilizer in the evening. I don’t know if this is really necessary but it is the NHS recommendation so I try.

    • Amelia Bedelia says:

      Nope. My husband is one of the doctors that believes the “over-sterilization” of many things contributes to the creation of superbugs. I was fine with this — less work for me! we just washed by hand from birth, not even dishwasher.

    • Anonymous says:

      My best friend swears up and down that you have to sterilize bottles after every use and looked at me like I was a monster when I told her I just threw them in the dishwasher. But everything I’ve read online says the dishwasher is fine (especially if you have a “hot” setting), and when I asked my doctor about it, she pointed out that there’s no way to avoid handling the clean bottle with your hands, which can’t be sterilized (you wash them with soap and water of course but you can’t put them in boiling water for five minutes…).

  4. Anon for this says:

    Can anyone provide me with science based articles regarding caffeine and miscarriages? I made the mistake of googling this and started to find myself on the hysterical, not based on science websites and I just cannot do that to myself.

    • Definitely drinking my 200mg DAILY says:
    • Read Expecting Better, by Emily Oster!

      • Definitely drinking my 200mg DAILY says:

        My first comment got lost in mod, but look of Science of Mom and search caffeine. Her article is very informative, and I second Expecting Better!

      • Boston Legal Eagle says:

        +2! This is a great book for most pregnancy worries.

    • Anonymous says:

      Perinatal epidemiologist here: caffeine was historically associated with miscarriage because women who have already miscarried but don’t know it yet (e.g., haven’t started bleeding) are less likely to have aversions to caffeine due to morning sickness because progesterone is lower than is typical for sustained pregnancies. In other words, reverse causality explained the early studies– characteristics associated with miscarriage drove coffee consumption rather than coffee driving miscarriage. See Savitz DA, Epidemiology 2008 for a more nuanced explanation.

      Enjoy your coffee!

      • Thanks so much for this reply! I’m done having kids, but really appreciate your detailed response!

      • Anon for this says:

        Thank you, this is a super helpful reply. Although the hysterical side of me is now worried about me not having morning sickness…

        • Boston Legal Eagle says:

          I was about to post a longer reply above but basically, skip the chapter in the book about morning sickness/nausea if you’re not experiencing it. I had a mild form (i.e. no throwing up) and my pregnancy went fine. I know that’s not the case for most people but just want to give you some reassurance that it’s ok if you don’t get sick. Just consider yourself lucky I guess!

        • Anonymous says:

          Correlation =/= causation

          scotch + soda -> hangover
          7 and 7 –> hangover
          rum and coke –> hangover

          therefore: time to give up carbonated beverages

      • Thank you! This was the research I read when I was pregnant but I couldn’t find the citation and didn’t want to post “well I read somewhere that….”

    • When in doubt ask your OB or midwife! I cut out caffeine easily due to morning sickness and also I’m just not that addicted. However, I had terrible hormone-related migraines and caffeine + Tylenol really helped. OB actually instructed me to have 1-2 cups of coffee a day for the entirety of my pregnancy.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Yup read expecting better. But to summarize – every science based article I read said anything under 300mg/day is fine.

    • +1 — and NOTHING that I know of links caffeine with miscarriage. Too much caffeine isn’t recommended for other reasons, but not that one.

  6. post-baby grumpy says:

    Post baby my partner is detatched and grumpy. We both really wanted to have the baby and were so happy and loving before so I’m very confused and as a result getting more and more stressed and depressed. He snaps a lot so makes starting a conversation difficult especially as I’ve started to be super emotional because of it. Is there such a thing as PPD for the non-birthing partner?

    • Yes

    • Yes, and this is totally normal. It can be a combination of hormones (yours can affect his), sleep deprivation, and the major life upheaval involved in adding a baby. How old is your baby?

      Counseling never hurts, it would be great if he could talk to other new dads, remind yourselves to cut each other slack, and try to get in a minimum of self care for you both.

    • Pregnant with #2 says:

      This could absolutely be a stage – my husband was MUCH happier when baby slept well (not often) and/or got old enough to engage with more. It is good to bring it up and try to work through it, but I would acknowledge to both yourself and him that it might be a normal stage and that’s OK too! (I am not necessarily looking forward to going through this stage again with #2 but this time, know we will emerge unscathed on the other side. And I’m sure he felt the same way about dealing with my extreme pregnancy grumpiness.)

      • The first year with #2 was so much less of a transition for us than the first year with #1, so I hope the same holds for you! We had our moments, but knowing what worked the first time around was such a huge benefit.

    • The year after our first kid was born was probably the hardest year on our marriage. We had lost my FIL shortly before the birth of DD1, so that was also contributing.

      I second the recommendation for counseling for everyone (call your OB, they’ll have recommendations)

      Other things that helped us get through it: DH had a ~5 hour solo parenting stretch once a week while I was at work. I needed to stop gatekeeping, and this was an opportunity for him to parent using his own instincts. They still have special activities and little jokes that came out of these first early days. My sleep deprivation was a huge factor, so once I got over needing to be the primary parent at all times and let DH take care of the baby while I napped on the weekends, things improved a huge amount.

      DH always reacts very strongly when I get “emotional” (his mother uses crying in a slightly manipulative way, which probably contributes) so I had to say things like “I’m going to cry when I talk about my day, it’s ok, I just have a lot of emotions I need to release thorough my eyes”. He also wants to ‘fix’ every problem I have, so I found that giving him concrete things to do helped us both (I’m overwhelmed by the laundry, can you run a load tonight while I’m getting the baby to sleep?)

      I don’t know if these things are part of your issue, but I found I needed really concrete examples of things to try in when we were first working on this, because it was so overwhelming and I couldn’t think past the next feeding or next work day.

    • Yes. For my DH it set off his depression that was related to his own childhood/parents. I agree that it can be a stage/phase or it can be the beginning of an illness that you would get checked out like anything else. If it is affecting your life and relationship, touching base with a counselor is a great idea.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Hugs. Yes, PPD for new dads is a thing; the last estimate I saw was 10%, but I suspect that’s a low-ball estimate. Remember that you can’t change him, all you can control is your own response. Consider getting therapy for yourself to help keep up your self-esteem and develop healthy coping strategies for his grumpiness.

      • Thanks all for these encouraging responses. Something on one of these threads in the last while has made me wonder if it’s that now that he’s got what he thought he really wanted for so long (baby) and the reality is that he preferred his (45 years) of life previous to this and is just over the having a family.

        • Sabba says:

          Oh honey. I have to guess that you are in the early stages of this. The first year is SUCH a transition. So much of it is SO hard. It won’t be this way forever. He and you both need to get help to get over whatever is going on right now. It gets better, it really does. Odds are he will adore being a father one day, especially if it is something that he wanted. Not everyone likes the baby stage. Some really detest it, moms and dads and even some babies just don’t like being babies.

    • Men can absolutely have PPD. A new baby is a major life change for him, too. My husband and I really struggled for the first few months after our baby was born. It got really really really bad between us. Looking back now, I honestly don’t know how we made it. I read How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, which helped me significantly. He said he would read it too, but of course he never did.

      A mantra I came up with that really helped change how I dealt with the temporary (albeit 9-months’ long) situation was: “There is a time for everything. Right now is our time to struggle.” We finally came out the other side. We didn’t do any counseling. We just kept our heads down and our eyes closed and waited for those awful times to pass. Eventually they did.

      • This is a good practical potential strategy, thank you. Have you talked about what this period in life was to him now that it’s after the fact? What sorts of things does he say? I don’t even know what to say to approach this topic. Will have a look at that book.

  7. Grumpy Mornings. says:

    My son (13 months) wakes up SO grumpy/screaming/crying for us every morning. Seemingly the only thing that will comfort him is a glass of milk. He doesn’t wake up slowly and talk to himself or babble. It’s like he wakes up and starts hysterically screaming. I’ve tried to wait/let it go for 10-15 minutes, but I typically just go get him because he sleeps 11-12 hours a night (I know, I’m lucky), so I feel like when he’s ready to get up I should get him. Any advice on helping transition him to less grumpy mornings or do kids grow out of this?

    • He’ll probably mostly grow out of it. I imagine he’s just really hungry when he wakes up since he hasn’t eaten in 11-12 hours. My kid has always been a good sleeper, and we usually give him milk almost immediately when he wakes up, then get his breakfast together.

      • Thanks – I also think he’s probably just hungry and doesn’t talk/reason yet to tell us.

        • Try a spoonful of honey before bed. (I’ve also heard peanut butter works too). For my kids, it drastically reduced morning grumpiness through that horrible span of 12 months to 2.5 years old. We were able to wean away from it gradually so by 3 they were no longer needing it.

          • NewMomAnon says:

            I gave kiddo a spoonful of peanut butter before bed each night for a year or so after she dropped the just-before-bed nursing/bottle; I swear it helped her sleep through the night.

    • Anonymous says:

      He’s hangry because he hasn’t eaten in 12 hours. I usually prep a sippy of milk the night before so I can just hand it to my kid asap in the morning.

      • Thank you – That’s what I do, too. Just wondering if I was missing something. Glad to hear it’s (hopefully) a stage.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I think this is a kid-specific thing; my kiddo was always inconsolable upon waking up, and I was so envious of parents who had kids that babbled alone happily in the morning. The only solution I found was to be in the room with her as she waking up, probably holding a cup or bottle of milk, and realize that a few minutes of intense sadness isn’t going to scar kiddo for life.

    • Momata says:

      My daughter is like this. When she was a baby and took forever to fall asleep and woke up crying, I read somewhere that the transition from sleep to wake and back again can sometimes just make babies cry. I also think she woke up hangry so I always gave her milk right away. Finally, she is now 4 and she is just . . . not a morning person. I’m not either so I try to respect it. Just a warning that it may not get better.

    • Betty says:

      My oldest was like this. He would wake up hangry. I resorted to placing the sippy cup next to him before he woke up. I would also plop him in front of Mickey Mouse Club house, hand him a larabar (when he started eating) and not make eye contact or talk to him until he had food in him. He is now nearly seven and is seriously not a morning kid. I still wait to try and have any kind of conversation with him until after he has had breakfast. His Dad/DH is also not a morning person.

      • “not make eye contact” – that made me laugh so hard.

      • anne-on says:

        Can you give this memo to everyone in my house pls? Thank you ;)
        I am trapped in a house full of morning people. It is seriously one of the hardest parts of parenting for me….

  8. Do any of you have three or four children? There was a cup of jo post in the last few days about only children and everyone wrote in about what they liked about it. I currently have two but we’ve been thinking three and maybe four… I think it might be a career killer (not because of advancement, just because of schedules and juggling) but I like the idea of a big family! But then all of the comments about the joys of small families had me really looking around and enjoying our current unit.

    So the real question is, four kids… Crazy? or somehow doable?

    • I think it depends on the person! I was out with a group of women last weekend and one of the women was saying how happy she was that she had just added a third child to her family (baby #3 is now 12 weeks). She runs her own business as a therapist and seems to be in a good place. I was so happy for her, but I knew that three would be too many for us. I think you have to consider your priorities, including where you want to spend your time, your financial resources, what sacrifices must be made, the benefits/reason you want more kids, and come to a decision.

      • I think you are totally right. I think my husband and I both like the idea of a big family but I am concerned because I absolutely don’t want to be a SAHM. (He makes enough to allow that, but working is an important part of my identity).

        And I feel like on sites full of working moms, the magic number is definitely 2 maybe 3. I have plenty of time to make these decisions and decisions might be made for us, I was just curious!

        • To actually answer your question, at my last position (midlaw) there was an attorney with 4 children. She is thrilled with her big family, but she does have flex scheduling and has a very different life than the other female attorneys with 0, 1, or 2 kids, mostly in terms of disposable income. It also seems much harder for her to make it to social events. She is happy with it though and her family seems amazing.

        • I can think of 4 working women I know with 3 kids. Two of them lived in Europe while they had the youngest so that automatically makes it easier, I think (real maternity/paternity leave, state-run daycare). One did stay at home for about 7 years before coming back to the workforce, and the other used a combo of daycare, nanny and family to get full coverage.

          I’m not really close enough to them to see the impact on their disposable income – the sacrifices are there, I’m sure, but it’s not super obvious to me. They’re all older than I am, with older kids, so that does speak to the fact that it gets easier with time.

    • Me too says:

      No advice but we have two and are considering a third, either biologically or through adoption (not because I can’t get pregnant but because we have always wanted to adopt). When DH and I talk about it we feel overwhelmed, but I think this is also because our kids are young and we might feel in a much more comfortable place in a year or two. We are fortunate that we can afford the third. Anecdotally, I know a few women with three kids who work. They make it work with a lot of childcare support and family help.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have three. Not by choice, my second pregnancy was surprise fraternal twins (no close female relatives with twins, no fertility treatments). It’s a lot of work but I love it now. I would actually have a fourth if I knew I would have just one (odds of twins again are way higher if you have had twins already). I couldn’t do five.

      The world is built for two parents and two kids – that’s the default set up for so many vacations. My biggest advice is that with more kids, you have to accept that you cannot parent them in the same way that you would with just one or two. There is less one on one time with each child and each child can participate in fewer activities just based on logisitics alone. That said, it is SO WONDERFUL to see the relationships that my kids have with each other. They are such a little ‘team’ sometimes. I focus on quality time with each child because there just isn’t the quanity and I try to carve out some one on one time with each every week.

      Career wise I’ve accepted statsis for now and DH has leaned out a bit (not sought promotions). But that’s in part because we’ve made a choice to turn towards family vs. career at the moment. So it can be done but there is more to manage if you have a travel heavy job or long hours. E.g. if you have a nanny, you will likely need to provide them with a mini van as it’s hard to get more than two car seats in a small car. I have three across in my small car now but it’s tight and only used for all three when absolutely necessary, and not possible to add a fourth.

    • Anonymous says:

      My SIL just had her second set of twins – first set was IVF fraternal twins, then they relied on Infertility for BC because it had worked perfectly for 10 years, then BOOM- identical twin boys. She now has 4 kids under 3 and it’s totally clear that she couldn’t survive without quite a bit of family support (toddler cousin parties 4 eva!).

      I was in the ‘definitely 2 maybe 3’ camp, but because of post birth complications with #1, our plans have shifted a bit. We’re now very open to 4 kids, but it would be 1 bio and then adopting a sibling set. I recognize that it would put a huge damper on my career, but honestly – I’m pretty cool with that.

      I’ve busted my pants to get to a place where I’m respected and able to sort of just be ‘average’ for a while. I’m actually considering going to 80% and just having more time to be a human.

      • Anonymous says:

        Yay to adopting sibling sets! They have a hard time finding homes because many people only want to adopt one, or two at the most. Kids are usually so incredibly excited that they get to stay together.

        • Anonymous says:

          Thanks! Send us good vibes. For parenting in general.

          Trauma is rough, yo. And Adoption (being taken away from your birth family) is a trauma which different kids/humans process differently.

    • lawsuited says:

      I have 4 siblings. I loved my big family growing up, and still do. My take is that a big family is really rough on parents, but awesome for siblings, so you and your spouse would end up making a lot of sacrifices and your kids would be happy.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says:

        I think that depends a lot on the personalities of the family involved. My husband is one of 3 and is not particularly close to his brothers or parents so I wouldn’t say he’s happier because he came from a bigger family.

        I think having a bigger family is probably easier with a lot of other family nearby, or lots and lots of paid help. As a counter-example to my husband, I knew one woman who was one of 4 who loved and was super close to her siblings, but they had a ton of other family nearby and all did activities together. I think both parents need to have more “go with the flow”-type personalities and be ok with a lot of chaos and having someone always trying to get your attention!

        • only 2 says:

          I am the oldest of 4 kids. It was a wonderful way to grow up, and now that we’re adults, I am so happy I have my team of siblings in my corner. Big families are fun.

          As a parent, however, I could not handle 4 kids without going literally crazy. Although I’ve become more flexible with age, nobody would say I’m “go with the flow.” And the noise. OMG. Even with only two kids, there are times when the noise and bickering drive me nuts. (Highly sensitive introvert, here.) I’ve struggled to work full time, parent two kids, and still have any time to myself. I look at 3-4-5 kids as a total impossibility given the limitations of my patience and personality.

        • lawsuited says:

          Having a big family is definitely easier with help (what isn’t?) but my family emigrated to Canada without any friends or family nearby and it was always really nice that we had a lot of company even when it was just the 7 of us. Of course all people are different, but I think on balance, being in a big family teaches you to get on easily with others, go with the flow and not sweat the small stuff.

    • I feel like I plug this a lot but The Best of Both Worlds podcast did a great episode on number of children (the presenters have 4 and 3).

    • Anon CPA says:

      I have three kids and have been back at work for a month. We don’t have family help (my mom lives with us, but she’s not helpful in the least and I really kind of wish she’d move out…), or a nanny – we both have jobs that let us work about 40 hours a week, and we use a daycare center. I am so, so happy that we have three! And I’d even consider a fourth, but my husband (who always said he wanted five!!) has decided he’s done. And financially, I agree. Three is expensive!

      I agree with PP – the world is set up for families of four. We were considering a cruise this year, and outside of Disney, we were going to have to book two rooms. Tables are set up for four. The list goes on… This is actually one of the reasons I’d be okay with a fourth; we already don’t fit into the typical mold, so why not have one more?

      I love the relationship my big girls have, and watching them interact with the baby is great. I hope they’re always close, but know that may not be the case. My husband and I each have a sibling but we aren’t close at all to either of them, but I’m glad that we won’t completely shoulder the burden of aging parents alone.

    • Two working parent household, both of us have demanding (though not BigLaw) full time jobs, and we have three kids (8, 5, and 2.5 years old). It is hard, and we are the only people I know in our small/medium size town with three where one person does NOT work part-time or stay home altogether. We do not have a nanny. Our 3rd was an accident, but we were discussing the idea of a 3rd through adoption so it was on our radar. I do love three — it makes life so interesting and means that the conversations/arguments are different (between the kids — not just a back and forth between the same two children all the time!). DH and I both have only one sibling and we loved the idea of having more than one sib. I’d have more kids if I didn’t love my job/working so much, but a 4th would break me. Agree that vacations are built for families of four, but so far we’ve figured it out. The cons of three, for us (expense, logistics, less time), have been far outstripped by the pros. I would say that there is no “wrong” answer in this situation — just different paths.

    • Edna Mazur says:

      I have three kids. I could very easily be talked into a fourth but my husband is DONE! I love it. The big ones are super close and just love their baby. We have them super close in age (3, 2 and baby) so life is crazy but I really love having three.

      That being said, my husband leaned way, way out and is at home with the kids during the day and has a huge level of autonomy and flexibility (works for himself and is super part-time, evening and weekends type thing). Life is crazy and hectic but I’m one of those people that is too up in my own head, and having a several kids has definitely pulled me out of that.

    • everyone i know who grew up in families with at least 4 siblings seems to have closer family relationships and sibling bonds than those that are from smaller families. that being said, while it can probably be very fun as a child (though I know still has its pros/cons), on the parent side it is probably very hard to have 4. one of my best friends has 2 and she definitely wants a 3rd and maybe even a 4th. she works, but she was also just born to be a mom. so i think it is so personality dependent. growing up there were a decent number of families with 2 parents who worked full-time demanding jobs (doctors, lawyers, etc.) and had three kids. I do believe that all of them had nannies in order to make it work. Personally I am totally pro nannies, but if you are against and you want to work full-time that is something to consider.

      • Anonymous says:

        I have three under 5 and no nanny. I work close to home and close to my daycare, and my husband is a very involved dad. I would love to have a 4th, but my husband is DONE, mostly because he doesn’t want to divide his time any more, and would rather focus on the kids we have than start the cycle of sleep deprivation again with another baby. I might start working on him to adopt in a few years…

        My house is loud and often chaotic, but I wouldn’t have it any other way (most of the time). I am not career-focused, which would probably be surprising to people who know me at work. I like getting out of the house, talking to adults, and using my brain, but I don’t feel like my career is an important part of my identity, I just like having a job. The fact that it has a nice title and pays well enough to afford daycare for 3 kids is just a perk, and I’ll happily give it up if it becomes too inconvenient.

    • Anonymous says:

      My mom had three and the past few years, she’s gone on and on about how she wished she’d had five. She’s approaching 70, so it’s not the desire goes away.

      If you can swing it, do it. You’ll regret it otherwise.

  9. Anon in NYC says:

    Dishwasher question. Would you ever get an 18 inch dishwasher? Standard size is 24 inch. We’re going to renovate our small kitchen and installing an 18 inch dishwasher gives us another lower cabinet. A standard size dishwasher would basically remove the cabinet (or I guess it could be smaller / used for other purposes). Cabinet space is precious, so I’m loathe to cut one out. But I’m trying to think through practical implications / resale. I think we’d have to run the dishwasher every day (and we cook a lot / use a lot of containers daily). And, I think future buyers would be a little reluctant to have a smaller dishwasher. Thoughts?

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I’m sure you’re already looking at creative storage solutions, but I would absolutely find a way to get the standard size dishwasher. Can you do a hanging pot rack? A china hutch for your dishes? Move less-used kitchenware to a linen closet out of the kitchen?

      I have a standard sized dishwasher just for kiddo and I, and we have to run it every other day. All it takes is a big pasta pot, dinner dishes and some lunch containers, and the dang thing is full. Also consider that a smaller dishwasher will mean that more of your dishes need to be in the cabinets at any given time….

    • LegalMomma says:

      My parents have a smaller dishwasher (and always have because of a tiny kitchen). You definitely have to run it more often – multiple times a day when my siblings, I, and our families are all visiting. You make decisions on what needs to go in the dishwasher versus what doesn’t also. But overall, I personally would prefer the extra cabinet.

    • avocado says:

      With three people and lunch containers, we have to run our standard-size dishwasher once a day during the week and more often on weekends. I would definitely go for full-sized.

      If you are worried about having a 6-inch space left, you could put in a narrow cabinet for storing sheet pans and cutting boards sideways. I’ve also seen pull-out spice racks in narrow spaces, but I think the narrow cabinets are more useful.

      • avocado says:

        By 6-inch space I am assuming that by “A standard size dishwasher would basically remove the cabinet (or I guess it could be smaller / used for other purposes)” you mean that a 24-inch dishwasher would take up most, but not all, of the space currently occupied by the cabinet.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          Yes, exactly, I think a 24-inch dishwasher would eat up some, but not necessarily all, of the space for the cabinet.

    • We could definitely do a smaller dishwasher right now. We wash all of our pots/pans/cooking utensils/plastic by hand so our dishwasher is just cups, plates, bowls, silverware. But, I can imagine as our family grows (we have a 4 yo and a 1 year old) and the kids start using more dishes, we would bemoan the small dishwasher.

    • Cornellian says:

      Sounds like I’m an outlier, but if you’re in NYC, I don’t think an 18-inch dishwasher is that bad. In NYC it seems like any dishwasher (or even hook ups) is gold. Maybe this is different if you’re in a 3 bedroom or an apartment meant for roommate shares. I have a 24 inch dishwasher and two 15 inch cabinets, and I would definitely give up dishwasher size if I were renovating.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Yes, that’s part of the thinking with the 18-inch one. In NYC, everyone knows how tight space is, so a smaller dishwasher isn’t a total dealbreaker like it would be in the suburbs.

        • NewMomAnon says:

          Oh gosh – I missed the “in NYC” part. Yeah, totally different mindset if you live in NYC.

          • Anon in NYC says:

            True, but even with living in NYC, both DH and I are struggling to wrap our heads around a smaller dishwasher! Maybe we can redesign the space a bit to accommodate both the 24-inch dishwasher + a normal sized lower cabinet.

        • NYCer says:

          I have an 18″ dishwasher in NYC and have never had an issue. I was faced with the same decision during a reno and opted for the smaller dishwasher. Go for it!

    • 2 Cents says:

      A friend who lived in the UES redid her kitchen and her only option was the 18 inch. She ran it every night — it was just two of them — but it was definitely better than having no dishwasher! If faced with the same choice, I’d probably choose smaller + additional cabinet space over a slightly larger DW.

  10. Time to Get Rid of the Breast Pump/Bottles! says:

    We are finally done with pumping and bottles! I have a Spectra S2 and I see Spectra has a recycling program so I am going to send the pump and power cord (all Spectra takes) to Spectra. What’s the best thing to do with the flanges/bottles/etc? Are they recyclable? Is there a place that accepts donations? I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with anything other than brand new.

    • lawsuited says:

      Could you donate your entire pump to someone who needs it? Spectra pumps are one of the few closed pump systems, so someone else could use it without worrying about contamination.

  11. CPA Lady says:

    How do you let it go when your spouse was a complete jerk to you on purpose? Like says something intentionally hurtful about something you were really excited about and then gets sarcastic and angry when you call him on it?

    I told him how hurt I was in the moment and he apologized, after I specifically asked him to apologize. But it’s been really bothering me for the last several days. It was just *so* mean and unnecessary. Ugh. I need to let it go though. In the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal and he’s generally a good person.

    • lawsuited says:

      Maybe you need to talk it through, so that you can work through your feelings and also so that he understands that it had a big impact. If it were my partner, I’d say “I’m still thinking about what you said to me on Monday. I know you apologized after I asked you to, but it was so hurtful and so surprising because I consider you a generally good person that it’s staying with me. Can you tell me what was going on that made you say that?”

    • NewMomAnon says:

      If it’s a one-off thing, and he apologized for it, I would resort to empathy; is he stressed, upset, feeling insecure, is he sleep-deprived, etc.

      But….I also divorced a dude who did that to me whenever he felt bad about himself, then went through years of therapy to undo the damage it caused, so I don’t have a lot of constructive suggestions on how to stop it or cope with it in the moment. Just know that you don’t deserve it and you didn’t do anything to trigger it, no matter what he says or thinks about the situation.

    • Ugh, that really sucks!

      FWIW I don’t count an apology if I have to ask for it…Maybe that is why you are still upset about it? Do you think he truly meant what he said or was he mad/sad/in a bad mood and wouldn’t say that kind of thing normally?

      • NewMomAnon says:

        Semi-agreed on this; a grudging apology is not an apology. An apology means the person recognizes that he or she did something wrong, acknowledges it publicly, and therefore signals that they can be trusted to not do it again. A grudging apology indicates that the person doesn’t recognize the harm they caused and can’t be trusted.

        But I think sometimes a requested apology can be a true apology. It would depend on tone.

    • Anonymous says:

      18 inch dishwashers may not go out of style, but as someone who just spent months replacing a once-common, no- odd sized wall oven I am a big fan of getting the most common sized appliances. Your kitchen should far outlast your dishwasher. If 18 inch dishwashers aren’t that common 10 years from now you may end up without that extra cabinet after all. Considering space will always be a premium in NYC, I can’t see that happening. But just a consideration.

      • Anonymous says:

        This is sooo in the wrong place. Sorry!

        • Anon in NYC says:

          lol, such a good point. Thanks.

          CPA Lady, FWIW, rather than dropping it, though, I’d probably bring it up again, now that you’ve both had time away from the immediate event. If his mean remark was an accident, I’d tell you to just give yourself some time to get over it. But it wasn’t. I would probably tell him that you’ve been dwelling on it because he intentionally hurt you and you want to know why he would purposefully do that.

  12. Morning Routine says:

    Please share with me how you manage your morning routine with an infant! DH and I are both back at work and babe is in daycare. Our current routine is: I get babe up at 6:00am, change his diaper and bring him into our bed while DH gets a bottle. I feed babe and then play with him while DH showers, shaves and gets dressed (this takes about 30 minutes). DH is done around 6:45am, and then takes babe downstairs for breakfast while I get shower, put on make-up, get dressed and style my hair (this usually takes about 45 minutes.). We leave the house around 7:30am, drop babe off at daycare, drive to the train station, usually miss the 8am train and end up taking the 8:15am train, are downtown by 8:45am, and then I walk 15 minutes to my office, so I’m usually at my desk after 9am. It seems crazy to me that I’m getting up at 6am and still not working by 9am, plus my billables are taking a hit seeing as I have to leave the office by 5pm if I want to see babe before he goes to bed.

    How do people do this more efficiently? I’m not even eating breakfast.

    • Morning Routine says:

      I’ll add that what’s toughest is that someone always has to be with the baby so DH and I can’t get ready at the same time. I’ve tried getting ready with babe crawling around in our room, but we are between houses right now so our living space is not ideal and our bedroom can’t be fully baby-proofed. Babe is 9mo so crawling and standing, and would not tolerate being strapped into anything.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        TBH, it takes us hours to get out of the house. But, we generally try to start getting ready before kiddo wakes up. She’s always been a late-ish riser (7-7:30), so it’s not as terrible as needing to get up at 5am. But that’s what we do.

      • Anonymous says:

        Do you have an exersaucer or jolly jumper? Those are great for that age. My kids would jump for ages if I let them.

    • Can you or DH shower at night? Can you let the baby sleep longer rather than getting him up at 6? Can you drop baby off at daycare and come back home to get ready (a luxury I had for a short time when daycare was across the street!)? Can you do some of your makeup routine on the train or at your desk?

      Honestly, your routine looks a lot like ours (we have a toddler and a baby)and I agree– it takes way more time than it should. The things we’ve been able to trim are DH showers at night and the baby has started to sleep a little later in the morning allowing us to get up and start getting ready at the same time.

      • Morning Routine says:

        The shower shares a wall with babe’s crib and the sound of the shower wakes him up. I am so looking forward to having an ensuite bathroom when we move because being able to shower at night (after babe’s in bed) or in the morning (before he wakes up) would be so, SO helpful.

        • Redux says:

          This is true in out apartment, too. My baby is 1 and (with the help of a loud sleep machine we put in his room) can better sleep through the noise than he could a few months ago. Maybe this will change for you, too, as your kiddo gets older!

    • Can you use a play pen with toys in it so that baby has a safe space to crawl around and can see you?

      • Morning Routine says:

        I don’t have room for this in my bedroom but have been wondering if I should start keeping my makeup and hair tools in the living room (where I do have room for babe to play) so I can get ready while he plays. And then I think, there has got to be a better way because I am sure other moms are not keeping all their [email protected] in the living room!

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      Here’s ours: Son is 21 months old but we’ve had a similar routine for a while now. I get up at 5:30am most days, except for one day when I get up at 5:05am (yeah) to go to the gym. I shower while my husband gets up and feeds son and himself breakfast starting at around 5:45am. I get out, eat breakfast and we all sit in the same room until my husband leaves to get ready at around 6:30am. I then finish getting ready once he’s out and we’re all usually ready to leave at 7:30am. One of us is always in the same room as our son. I do drop-off and get to work by 8:30am. My husband has a longer commute so he’s at work at around 8:30am too. Which gives us about 3 hours in the morning before either of us starts working. I’ve tried to speed this up, but don’t know how. I’m just accepting it for now and try to go to bed by 10pm at the latest to get enough sleep.

      For evenings, if anyone is curious, my husband does pick-up at 5:30pm, I leave work later and get home at around 6-6:30pm (unless I have to work super late – once a quarter or so). Son goes to bed at around 7:30pm, which to me feels like enough time as a family.

      I’m curious to see other people’s routines! I am also curious to see how people manage this with two. Can one parent really watch two at the same time solo? Obviously people do it, I just can’t imagine it right now.

      Also, for nighttime, it’s tough now because I’m sure your baby is asleep by 6:30 or even 6. They will stay up later as they get older so I wouldn’t worry too much about not getting enough time with them at night.

      • Our drop off/night time routine is similar, although I’d say I get home closer to 7 on most evenings and son goes to sleep closer to 8. It’s late for an 11 month old, but he also sleeps late (see post below) so it works for us.

        I work too far away to do daycare pickup unless I have to because it would mean sitting in 45 mins of traffic for what should be a 15 minute drive.

        Going to sleep early yourself is key I think.

      • Morning Routine says:

        Thanks, man. Just thanks. Thanks for sharing your experience and reassuring me that I’m not crazy. I feel like a moron for not being able to work the problem and be better. The nights I don’t get to see my little guy before bedtime are really hard. The nights I do get to see him are also hard because I’m logging in as soon as he’s in bed and working until my own bedtime. The whole week passes and I feel like I’ve barely looked up.

    • I try to do as much as I can before the baby wakes up. Ours doesn’t wake until 7:30 on a normal day – I am mostly ready by then. Maybe you can move his schedule a bit. If he’s going to sleep later at night, maybe you can leave work later too? Solidarity on the billables taking a hit though. It’s rough. I have to work at night and on the weekends to just keep up.

      I try to do everything I can the night before – I make all the bottles, lunch, pack my bag, clothes, etc. When I’m really rushed, I bring my makeup to work, and I always eat breakfast at work.

      Also, it kind of sucks to always be rushing around like a madman, but I think that’s really the key. On the days that I make a point to move quickly and not waste time, I get out of the house so much faster. I can waste 30 minutes singing songs to him or something without even realizing it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Night showers, work clothes picked out/ironed the night before, coffee at home before arriving at work, cereal bar or yoghurt at desk, and it just takes that long. I have 3 kids, 10 minute commute and it still takes 2 hours from when I get up until I’m sitting at my desk.

      If you don’t want to night shower, try putting baby in an exersaucer or bouncy chair in the bathroom or bedroom while you and DH are getting ready. As soon as DH hops out of the shower, you can get in and baby can bounce in chair while DH gets dressed. If you can cut 5 mins from your morning prep, and DH can cut 5 mins from his morning prep then you can make the 8am train which will get you into work faster without losing time with baby.

    • Momata says:

      Are you waking your baby at 6 or just getting him up? I’d let him sleep as long as possible and strive to get at least showered before he gets up.

      I think there is probably some time lost in your morning prep routine — I get showered, dressed, makeup, and hair did in 20 minutes. 45 seems awfully long to me. Can you get a keratin treatment or different hairstyle? More minimal makeup? Pick out clothes the night before?

      Finally your commute is the worst part. You’re leaving at 7:30 and not getting to work until after 9, and you both are losing time to the daycare drop. Since you are walking 15 minutes – can you just drive to work and do dropoff and pickup? That way you both aren’t losing time to the daycare stop AND waiting for / missing the train. Finally – don’t miss the 8am train :)

      • Morning Routine says:

        He naturally wakes up somewhere between 5:30 and 6:15. If he wakes up early, I get him up early and we start the routine earlier (and don’t miss the 8am train!), but I try to let him sleep until 6am if he can because daycare really tires him out. Unfortunately his crib and the shower share a wall and the sound of the shower wakes him up so him sleeping and us showering are mutually exclusive activities (until we move).

        • Is this one of those things you could condition him to sleep through though? As an adult, certain noises would wake me up initially sleeping in a new place. Over time though, I’d get used to the noise and sleep through it. Would the short term pain (waking him up) be worth the long term gain (him eventually sleeping through it?)

    • I solo parent for long stretches of time and have two kids. They’re older now, but the routine has been basically the same since forever.

      5:30 – I get up and get myself ready. I’ve got this down to a science at this point. I set everything out the night before. I brush teeth, shower and do minimal makeup and blow drying of hair. I get dressed in clothes I’ve already set up. I feed the dog and take her for a 2 minute walk at the very end.
      6:15 – The kids get up, I get them ready (bathroom and dressed in clothes we picked out before bedtime) They do not brush teeth in the mornings. Maybe when they get older and can do it alone.
      6:30 – Sit the kids down for breakfast while I pack lunches, pour coffee, and pack the car (other than lunch which has replaced bottles, everything was packed the night before and is ready by the front door) Oh, and my breakfast is usually a bar eaten in the car after I’ve dropped them off.
      6:50 – Coats and shoes on, get in car
      7:00 – Leave the house

      Keys for me were prepping everything I could the night before, streamlining routines majorly, and following the same steps every single day so the kids know exactly what to expect. If one gets up early, they stay in bed until the clock turns green. And I ask very little of the kids. They have to pee, get dressed, and eat breakfast. Then they need to get shoes and coats on before we leave the house. That’s it. I wish I could give them more chores or responsibility, but it would cause too many slowdowns right now. All their chores are in the evening, including packing their backpack and picking out their clothes.

      When they were younger, I got up 10 minutes earlier to include nursing or bottle time for the baby. If they work up earlier, I brought them into my bedroom/bathroom, where I had a boring pack and play to keep them contained until 6:15. Even as infants/toddlers, if both got up early, one was in a pack n play and one was in a rock n play. It took up a ton of room in our 12×12 bedroom and 5×6 bathroom but was worth it to avoid having to actively watch them while still getting myself ready.

    • The only difference between your routine and ours is husband doesn’t take 30 min and I don’t take 45 to get ready. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s true.

      Husband takes maaaybe 10 mins (he shaves with an electric razor in the car) for shower & dress. I also only spend 10 mins with shower and dress. Husband has baby downstairs with him after I feed him and go in the shower. Then I come down and eat, get lunch ready, deal with the cat, prep daycare bag, whatever – all 3 of us are in kitchen are together. Depending on how much time I have, I run back upstairs and spend anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes on hair and makeup; husband is still with baby in kitchen area.

      I only wash my hair 1x during the work week, so that’s only one day with blow-drying. The other days is a little dry shampoo and quick styling. I also only shave my legs like 1x or 2x a week, and if I can, I do that after the gym or yoga – so it’s not baked into the morning routine.

      • Morning Routine says:

        But how do you do your hair and makeup in 30 seconds? Like, what products are you using? What hair styles are you doing? Because I know I need to cut down my time, but I also know I have to look presentable for my client-facing lawyer job and I don’t know what I’m supposed to cut.

        • avocado says:

          One thing to cut is your hair. Literally. I took 20+ minutes off my morning routine by getting a pixie.

        • I have long hair that I wash and blow dry straight and I don’t have to wash it again for 3 days. I also bring my make up to work with me and I only put it on if I have something important to go to.

        • Walnut says:

          Not Pogo, but I also only wash my hair once per week, so I only have the time intensive drying/flat ironing session once per week. The rest of the days I do a 30 second to 2 minute quick flat iron pass over my hair and call it a day. Fridays usually involve a hair tie. I skip makeup entirely, but do keep a tube of mascara in my bag for occasional use.

          Showers are max 10 minutes, but usually closer to 5, since I’m not usually washing my hair. I wear exclusively dresses and cardigans/jackets and keep a minimal wardrobe. I commute in one pair of shoes and keep my work shoes at the office.

        • Blueberries says:

          Pixie cut and minimal makeup.

    • Moms Solo says:

      My hubby is usually gone during the week, so I’ve tightened up the morning. Wake up (either 5:15 on exercise video mornings 6:15 on bad sleeping nights) after exercise or upon waking, get myself ready (rinse off shower, flat iron on Monday and dry shampoo rest of week; maybe 3 minute makeup routine), throw bottles and food into daycare bag (bag is prepped with everything that doesn’t need to be refrigerated night before — everything else is prepped in fridge to grab and go), grab pumping bag (prepped night before); put bags in car — get baby out of bed (usually 7:30) with diaper and daycare outfit in hand, nurse and then immediately diaper and change baby on bed right after unlatches; set him down outside my closet while I throw on clothes — usually a dress b/c that’s easiest, grab bags and out the door. If he happens to wake early while I’m getting ready he plays in exersaucer next to me or in his yes space. Breakfast (that I packed) for babe at daycare and for me at office. Real talk — hair is pretty grimey by end of week, but whatevs. Key is having everything done before he wakes.

    • We take turns where one person gets up early and gets ready before our toddler wakes up. That way one person can get her up and ready while the other person showers, and each person gets to sleep a little later every other day. I’ve found that things go so much better with my daughter in the morning if we can give her 10 minutes or so of quiet cuddle time before she has to get ready, so our routine frees up one person to do that without having to rush. We also both eat breakfast at work instead of at home, and thankfully preschool serves breakfast (she gets a little snack, like a half of a waffle or some dry cereal, in the car on the way to hold her over). It’s definitely tough though, and one little thing can throw us off. It does get a little easier once there’s a reliable wake-up time for the kid (the okay-to-wake clock helped us immensely).

    • Sabba says:

      I switched to taking a shower at night and spent way less time on hair and makeup than I did before the baby. Everything that can be possibly prepared the night before is done the night before (outfits set out, coffee and tea ready to go, etc.).

    • CPA Lady says:

      You can definitely get ready way faster through a combination of half-assing stuff, parking your baby in a container (crib, playpen) even if it make him mad, lowering your standards (bathing less frequently, doing less elaborate makeup), and rushing.

      But your commute is still three hours a day. That’s a huge time suck when you’re in a billable hour environment. Is there anything you could do differently on that front? Is the issue with driving the expense of parking? Because it might make sense for the sake of your career to figure out alternative transportation even if it’s more expensive in the short term. Or, if you’re pretty close to hitting your billable target, you could stay late once or twice a week and miss bedtime?

      • Morning Routine says:

        Yeah, I’m staying late twice a week and missing bedtime. My commute without the daycare drop off/pick up would be just under an hour, but getting from our house to the daycare and from the daycare to the train station adds another 30 minutes. I’ve thought about changing daycares but the 2 daycares that are a bit closer to us that I liked have no spots available. And it might only shave 5-10 minutes off the commute anyway.

    • This looks like switching am routines and your husband getting up earlier will make it work. Seems like your husband wakes at 615, takes 30 min, is ready at 645 to deal with baby. You’re with baby from 6-645, then 45 min to get ready = 730. If you wake up at 6, take 45 min to get ready, then you’re with baby, while husband wakes at 6 stays with baby until 645 then takes 30 min to get ready you both leave the house at 715 and you catch the 8 am train.

    • Anonymous says:

      Do you and your husband have to both drop baby off at daycare together? If you can find another way to the train station that would allow one person to leave earlier and stagger your schedules.

      My husband had to leave before my son woke up when he was that age, so I always just had to strap him into a bouncy seat in the bathroom while I showered and keep an eye on him somewhere while I dressed and ate – his bedroom door faced mine, so often I think he played in his room (foggy memories) while I dressed, then we ate in the living/dining area together. He didn’t always like it but he lived through it. I don’t wear makeup usually and air dry my hair, and we had a small apartment so were never far away from him, so all of that certainly helped. Everything must be packed the night before.

  13. Gyms with childcare says:

    What do y’all pay for gym memberships that provide childcare? We are looking at a family membership (adults + 2 kids), and it’s $150 for the YMCA (childcare offered but extra $), $200 for essentially a private, fancy YMCA/tennis club with great tennis facilities (we don’t play) and 2 hrs/day of childcare, and two superluxe places that have 3 hours/day (don’t need this), fancy locker rooms, a driving range, etc etc for $350-500/mo.

    I know it’s all dependent, what what do you pay? I work very flex hours so weekday childcare is super appealing and useful to me :-).

    • We pay $72 a month at the Y and that includes childcare (LCOL area).

    • I got a super deal at a gym that was formerly a Gold’s Gym. It’s now a regional chain. I paid a one time fee of $300 for a 3 year membership, classes and daycare included. They daycare is nothing fancy. They basically just keep the kids from killing themselves.

  14. Leatty says:

    On the days I go in to the office, I wake up at 630/6:45, eat breakfast, and do my hair and makeup. I nurse DD around 730/745, get her dressed, and put her in a bouncer while I get dressed. I leave for daycare around 8/815, drop her off at 815/830, then get to the office around 830/845. If DD wake up early, I leave her in her crib unless she is crying. If she cries, I nurse her, put her in the bouncer and finish getting ready. The other two days, I work from home and DH drops her off at daycare. This schedule has worked for the last 4 months, but it will probably get more time consuming once she eats solids for breakfast and outgrows the bouncer.

    Some ideas for streamlining your schedule: do as much as you can the night before (pack lunch, shower, lay out clothes), leave baby in crib while you get ready (either sleeping or with toys), and skip playtime in the morning. Alternatively, can you get baby ready one day and have DH do daycare drop off that day, then swap the next day?

  15. Low progesterone in early pregnancy? says:

    Anyone had this and had a good outcome? I’m 8 weeks and just got a call from my doc that my progesterone levels are low; he prescribed me suppositories. Feeling worried and would love to hear any stories of this turning out fine.

    • I had to take the suppositories because I did IVF. They’re awful. But, my pregnancy stuck!

      • also twins says:

        Me too. I couldn’t tolerate injections and had to do the suppositories. It was messy but also worked (for a twin pregnancy).

    • Edna Mazur says:

      Yes me! I had low progesterone all three of my pregnancies, did he suppositories, and had three full term healthy pregnancies. It is scary, and I feel for you, but stay away from google.

    • Low progesterone in early pregnancy? says:

      Thank you! Dr. Google is the worst. I’ll be hoping for the best and keeping your experiences in mind.

    • Walnut says:

      Yes! My progesterone levels were low until 30 weeks for two pregnancies. I did 2x per week injections by using a local compounding pharmacy for the prescription. Both pregnancies resulted in healthy full term babies.

  16. redirection - treats says:

    I have always responded well to a strong Treat Yo Self approach as it helps me get through tough times and keeps me going. However, my common treats are shopping and a snack/fancy beverage, and right now I’m trying to not spend much money (specifically not on clothes) and trying to eat healthier. Any recommendations of good treats? Bonus if I can enjoy at work, in the car, etc.

    • Anonymous says:

      Food: try berries with cocoa powder on them
      Fancy beverage: try La Croix

    • rakma says:

      I’m trying to redefine what a ‘fancy’ snack is. Cut up veggies and dip made with greek yogurt, prepped over the weekend and packed in a nice glass container is nicer than a fancy pastry that I buy in a moment of weakness at 3pm.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I keep fancy tea and really good hot chocolate in my office for the days I need a treat. If my office had a Keurig, I would bring in K-cups of my favorite hot chocolate.

      I also keep nice dark chocolate in my office. It feels so luxurious, but a $7 bag of individually wrapped squares can last me a month.

      Also – Valentine’s Day is coming up. Could you drop some hints to anyone who might be inclined to gift you something on Valentine’s Day that you would like gift cards to your favorite coffee shop?

    • Anonymous says:

      “trashy” magazine or book? The Texture app would get you access to almost every tabloid, and the library has tons of romance novel ebooks. Nice tea is a good treat.

    • CPA Lady says:

      What about a subscription box? It’s not free, but it’s pretty cheap and you know it’s coming every month. I’ve been getting the Sephora box for the last few months and have liked it so far.

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