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I like sleeping in on the weekends, but my kids do not.
I used a light-up alarm clock like this one with my oldest — set it so it lights up green when it’s OK to get up and go! It also has a night-light and easy-to-read digital display — perfect now that she can tell time. Now, if only I could convince my youngest to wait for the green light before running screaming into our room.
This Wake Up Light Alarm Cloud Clock is $20 at Target.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anonymous says
Good morning! For those who have kids, how did you know when you were ready? I am particularly nervous about pregnancy (I have general health anxiety related to cancer at age 21 and know pregnancy obviously causes various new symptoms) and also how the heck would I know what to do to be a good parent. My husband and I are 27/28 currently in a stable and loving marriage. We want kids eventually but don’t feel ready…but does anyone ever feel completely ready? How do you know when you’re ready enough?? Will cross post this!
Cb says
We had a chat every six months after we got married and went by gut instinct. “Nope, don’t feel ready? We will chat in 6 months”
Cb says
I don’t think you ever feel ready, but I felt not unready.
octagon says
This was us (though I will say some friends definitely felt ready!) For us it was more a reflection that we felt like we could offer a stable and loving home, we had enough experience in our careers to not have to pull 80-hour weeks anymore, and we had a realistic understanding of what it would be like (though we were much, much more tired than we were prepared for). I read the Ghost Ship column by Dear Sugar and that helped a lot – I realized I would be sadder in my life without kids, and didn’t want to live with that regret.
Spirograph says
This. We both knew we wanted kids “someday” and at some point we didn’t have any reason not to go for it now. We’d already had fun traveling the world together and had good jobs, plenty of savings, completed immediate education goals, felt ok about the lifestyle shift, etc. We were 27/28 at the time, and decided we’d just stopped preventing and let the chips fall where they may.
Anon318 says
We knew we wanted kids when we got married, but didn’t have a timeline nor did we have formal regular conversations about it. A few years in, a close friend had her first child and a switch flipped in me from abstractly wanting kids someday to wanting a child together in this life we were living ASAP. I had an athletic goal I had planned to achieve in the year following the switch flip that would have been very tough to do post-kids, so we started trying after the athletic event and I’m really glad we delayed for that. How do you know when you’re ready to be a good parent? I’m not sure anyone is completely confident in their parenting skills and we are all making it up/tailoring our parenting to the child we have, sometimes literally in the moment. If you want to be a good parent, you are probably ready to be a good parent.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“If you want to be a good parent, you are probably ready to be a good parent.” – this, 100%.
HSAL says
I never had baby fever, but in the abstract I knew I wanted two kids. I met my husband at 31 and married at 32, so I had a rough timeline in mind based around finishing off a student loan so we could afford daycare. When I got a raise, we moved that timeline up. So mine was more practical than anything, there was never a moment where I was emotionally “ready.”
I totally get what you’re saying on the health anxiety. I hope this makes you feel better and not worse, but pregnancy is literally the only time you can Google your symptoms and Google says “oh you’re pregnant? Yeah that’s normal.”
Anne-on says
For me, personally, it was almost like a switch flipped. I went from being ‘eh, sure, kids one day would be cool’ to a very deep longing for a child about a year after I was married.
Oddly (or not) the switch essentially flipped off after my son was about 2. We had ‘planned’ on two kids, but I had serious health issues/complications after my son’s birth that ensured we were one and done. I grieved the loss of choice more than the loss of a potential child if that makes sense?
Lily says
You’re old enough and are in a stable marriage. Assuming your finances are in order, and you have no major “bucket list” type things that are exponentially harder once you have kids (like certain kinds of travel or hobbies that require intense training/practice), I think you’re as ready as you’ll ever be. How many kids do you want? If the answer is 3 or more, then start now. Even if the answer is 2, I’d try to start in the next 1-2 years. You don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant, and secondary infertility has affected so many of my friends, who are now having their second kids in their late 30s, not by choice. If you want one kid, then I think you have more breathing room. Even then, I would say to start trying by 32 because again, you don’t know how long it will take.
I had my kids at 32 and 35, which is totally fine and not outside the norm these days. It wouldn’t have been possible for me to have them much sooner because I wasn’t married until I was nearly 31. But I think there’s some real benefit to being in your late 40s (vs. mid-50s) when your kids are grown and out of the house, and in your early/mid 60s (vs. 70s) when you have grandkids. If I am lucky enough to have grandchildren, I hope to be in good enough health to enjoy their childhoods and even young adulthoods, but that’s just more likely when you have kids at a younger age.
Anonymous says
This. There are a couple of moms in my kid’s class who are late 40s with 8 year olds. The grandparents are largely too old to be involved and/or are having major healthy challenges. We also looked at how old we wanted to be when the kids finished college in relation to our retirement and that played into when we started trying.
Anonymous says
+1 I had a baby at 40 and am now 45. Both my mother and MIL are dead. My father is 80 and my FIL is not far behind. The grandfathers love their grandson but my FIL is the only one with enough mobility to interact easily with a 5yo.
Anon says
I had my kid early to mid-30s and my parents had me mid-30s so they were almost 70 when their grandchild was born. We’re fortunate that they’re still active and healthy and currently very involved, but I know they likely won’t see her graduate college and if they do live that long there’s a good chance they’ll be mentally or physically disabled by then. Even so, I don’t regret not having kids earlier at all. I think I’m a better parent because I waited until I felt ready. I love my parents and am grateful for their help and their close relationship with my kid, but in most cases grandparents aren’t going to be so central to your life that you should base your reproductive decisions on them. Several of my friends have moved closer to parents expecting lots of family support, and been really disappointed that they didn’t get the help they wanted. Others are getting the logistical support they wanted, but finding the emotional piece really complicated. My parents and I get along great but I think if we’d bumped our TTC timeline up on their behalf, it would be easy for me to feel resentful whenever they didn’t help me in the “right” way. The parents are the ones who are with the kids 24/7 and do the bulk of the hard work of parenting, their feelings of readiness or lack thereof should take priority. Just something to think about from someone who has “old” grandparents and no regrets.
Anonymous says
this. it wasn’t a primary consideration, but it was a reason not to put kids off any longer once all the other pieces were in place. I’m the oldest, and my mom is the oldest, so that’s some luck, but I’m 39 and had two living grandparents until last year. I have memories of one great grandparent, who died when I was in middle school, and I like that my kids will have memories of theirs. My mom was early 60s when my oldest was born and has had a lot of fun interacting with my kids. my in-laws are 10-15 years older and while they like to spend time with the kids, it’s more passive observing because they can’t physically keep up. I will be 52 when my youngest graduates high school and have big plans for empty nester adventuring!
Lyssa says
I agree that you’re never really going to feel absolutely ready. My criteria would be when you’re objectively ready (stable and loving marriage, able to manage financially (that doesn’t mean rich by any means), no other major life issues) and the thought of it makes you feel happy and excited, that’s “ready.”
When I was around your age, maybe a little older, I found myself feeling a little disappointed whenever I got my period, even though I was still working out career stuff and actively trying to avoid pregnancy. Like, if we *had* to make it work, it might actually be nice. So I’d recommend you think of that – how would you feel, not practically, but emotionally, if it happened accidently?
FVNC says
For us, the decision was primarily age-driven. Husband is 5 years older than me, we figured we wanted 2 kids, and he wanted all our kids to be born by the time he was 40. We had a great marriage, stable, well-paying jobs, lived near my parents at the time…and yet still didn’t feel “ready,” but went ahead anyway. I was 31 and 35 when my kids were born.
I’m sure lots of people feel “ready” but among my friend group at least, most of us just said, “well, I guess it’s time!”. In retrospect I wish we’d traveled more pre-kids, but otherwise I feel very lucky our timing worked out how it did. Good luck with your decision!
anonM says
If you’re thinking about it a lot, you’re probably ready. Have a convo with your OBGYN, start on prentatal vitamins, starting talking to your husband in more detail about how you plan to divide the parenting workload and childcare, etc. If you’re not in a big rush, you could also think about whether you’d have a preference for baby due date and aim to start trying at the idea time. (I did not do this, and am super jealous of people who had summer mat leaves).
Anne-on says
+1 to speaking to your ObGyn, mine did a check up and encouraged me to start tracking my cycles (mine are a bit longer which was good to know for timing purposes). My practice also said they’d refer patients who are tracking cycles (and have details on their cycles and timing) to specialists at 6mo vs. a year for those who are ‘casually’ trying.
Anonymous says
I got married at 27 and felt I was not ready then, but my husband and I knew we wanted kids eventually. Right around when I turned 31, I felt like a switch flipped and I was suddenly ready. It took my husband a few more months but then he said he was ready too.
Anon says
My husband and I knew we wanted kids, got married at 34, did a things like travel and buy a house, and then started trying. We felt ready. Is there anything you want to do before kids?
Anon says
I don’t think this is the norm, but I did have a sudden realization that I was ready. I was in the middle of a yoga class (the last one my long term teacher taught before retiring) and I had a moment of clarity that unexpected changes/“losses” in my life have ultimately resulted in a better opportunity. And pow, I was ready to have a kid after years of being scared to “blow up my life”. I told my husband that I was ready that day, but not to feel any pressure. We started trying 9 months later. He never had the same moment of clarity- I think his was more a feeling of “we’re not getting any younger so why not start”. I was 33 and he was 34.
Anon says
Coming back to add more because I’ve been pondering this throughout the day and thinking about the biological clock. I’m now pregnant at 35 with #2. We conceived our first very quickly without intervention. #2 we conceived through IUI. We were scheduled to start IVF the next cycle. My diagnosis is pretty vague- just slightly irregular menses likely secondary to aging. I was pretty shocked at our chances for success even via IVF and even knowing IVF is expensive, pretty shocked by the actual sticker price. It might be worthwhile to consider what size family you’re considering, ideal spacing and when you’d like to be done. There’s no guarantees, of course, but there are some resources online that discuss optimal timing/likelihood and you’ll probably come up with a different answer if you’re wanting 4 kids vs 1.
Anon says
The reality is, you’re never ready, but we started trying when I felt secure in my new job. It was important to me that I established myself in the company and that I was eligible for FMLA (my company required at least 12 months of service, as many do).
Anonymous says
I didn’t get married until I was 34, and my husband was 42, so we felt like we had to start basically right away.
Anon says
It’s really hard when you’re dealing with either a history of chronic illness or a present one. It seems like the time is never great, especially if you’re in active recovery and unsure of how things will progress. Setting that aside, though, it seems like a lot of my friends have just decided to go for it because it’s a better time than not, especially on the stability front. Some wanted bucket list trips first and others didn’t really seem motivated by that.
Personally, at your age, I’d be factoring in trips. I didn’t have enough money for the types of trips I wanted to do until I was about 30. I totally believe you can travel with kids, but one of my best trips was one where you absolutely could not take a small child (class IV rafting over nine day without a guide). If you have anything like that on your list, do that first.
Anon says
Definitely do all the travel. And it doesn’t have to be as adventurous as white water rafting. I love family travel, but it’s so different than traveling without kids, so unless it’s some place you specifically want to save and do as a family, I’d go anywhere that’s at the top of your bucket list even if it’s “doable” with kids.
Anonymous says
100%
We travel a lot with the kids but it’s just different being able to spend all day wandering an art museum and contemplating the art vs. planning around kids even if you visit the same art museum. Highly recommend each parent getting a half day or full day ‘off’ each vacation to do ‘boring adult stuff’ without kids.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Husband and I had been married for about a year, though together much longer, when we started trying. I was done with law school, out of Biglaw, and knew I wanted kids so that felt like the right time. We were almost 30 and 31 when we had our first, 32 and almost 34 with our second. I wanted to be on the younger side of becoming a parent, and these ages were young for our demographic (highly educated, HCOL, working professionals).
Every age and stage of kids brings a new set of feelings that you’re not ready for it. Am I ready to parent teenagers? No, I don’t feel like it, but that’s parenthood.
GCA says
I’m 38 with a 7.5yo and a 4.5yo. Thinking back to when I was your age, we’d been married about a year and knew we wanted kids eventually, but also wanted to build our careers, travel and do athletic things (rock climbing for him, triathlons and marathons for me). Eventually I felt not-unready when our peers started having kids (they say you’re the average of your five closest friends or something like that), got pregnant right before I turned 30, and then surprise! DH got into his dream PhD program halfway around the world…
None of these things were unwelcome – they were just a lot to have happen all at the same time. Things were wild for a few years, but I have no regrets.
Anon says
I agree with the “no such thing as ready enough”. I’d talk to your Ob/Gyn, have DH talk to his doctor and gather fertility information so you know what you are dealing with. One of my friends who is married and childfree for choice still did the full workup for her and DH to make sure they knew what their options were.
I will say my friends who have gone through infertility have gone THROUGH IT and I think they wish they had more information earlier on re their/their partner’s biology.
I’m always surprised by the ages on this board when people have kids (they skew early to me for a highly-educated, liberal leaning group of working women – and nothing wrong with that!). Also surprised at the “order” where folks are recommending things – you don’t need to have a house in place for a kid. What if you have to go through IVF? What if you want to move somewhere? Etc. I live in a major city but in a red state. Most of my friends are on a similar timeline; many are late 30s and have 1, and are thinking of trying for a second. Some have none by choice and/or circumstance. Some friends are single and don’t want kids. There’s no right or wrong – you just have to figure out what your circumstances are and make those decisions.
I got married at 31. We pulled the goalie a few years later, and we didn’t try per se but also didn’t protect. I was 34 at delivery with #1 and 37 with #2. #2 was discussed but not planned – and was a major crossroads for my marriage – we ended up on the other side and happy but man I wish we had planned a bit better and had more honest conversations. We moved closer to family and bought our first house when first kid was a toddler.
Anon says
We got married fairly young (25) but basically never contemplated having kids in our 20s. I was in Big Law and that was incompatible with the kind of life I wanted when I had young kids, plus my husband was in grad school and wanted to stay in academia so we knew we’d be moving around. We sort of vaguely wanted to wait until my husband had a tenure-track job, had a dog and had bought a house (we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment in our 20s, which let us save lots of money but we didn’t have any space for a baby). That all happened the year we turned 30 but we still didn’t feel quite ready. When I turned 32 it was like a switch flipped and I was ready. We took one last bucket list vacation to Italy, started trying as soon as we got home and I got pregnant quickly and gave birth just before my 33rd birthday.
A common theme of these threads is that you’ll never regret starting earlier and you can only regret starting later. I disagree, I think you can regret it either direction. I was lucky to get pregnant immediately when we tried, and I know that not everyone is that fortunate, but I think I’m a much better mom because I wanted until well into my 30s. Having that time to a be a couple with a reasonable amount of money and be selfish about the things we wanted to do (i.e., travel) made it easier to give that stuff up when we became parents. The only thing I regret about not starting earlier is that our kid will have less time with her wonderful grandparents who were already late 60s when she was born. But I don’t think you should base major life decisions like having kids around people other than you and your spouse, so I don’t actually wish we’d started earlier.
How many kids you want is also a factor. We were pretty sure we were stopping at one, and if I’d been sure I wanted two or more I probably would have felt more pressure to start earlier. I liked the idea of being done before 35 and being am empty nester in my early 50s.
OOO says
Consider getting your anti-mullerian hormone checked to determine how many baby-making years you have left. If you want kids but you have a low ovarian reserve or other fertility issues, you may need to start tying soon.
MNF says
I went off birth control in anticipation of trying, but kept delaying the “start date”. What really clicked for me was when a longtime friend announced her pregnancy. I had an immediate vision of her dancing on a table at age 21 and thought – okay, well if she can do it… Within one year, our group of friends all got pregnant.
To echo a comment I saw on the other page – I overestimated the value of waiting for “career” reasons. Now that I have a lot more responsibility at work I wish I had started earlier. Planning for coverage on maternity when you are the point person or decision maker for files/clients is harder than when you are a worker bee. It’s basically never easy to be a working mom, so maybe this doesn’t really matter.
Anonymous says
You never feel completely ready. I got married at 27, traveled with DH a bunch and we started having kids when I was 31. He’s a bit older than me and wanted to be finished with the baby stage before he turned 40 (older dads have some increased risks of autism which was relevant given his family history). I would have probably waited another year or two if DH was my same age. We still travel internationally each year with the kids but pre-kids is a good time to check off any bucket list destinations that are trickier with kids/while pregnant.
FWIW – I loved being pregnant. It wasn’t easy but it was an experience I really enjoyed – to the point where I felt ‘cheated’ out of a third pregnancy because we had surprise twins on my second pregnancy. You might have a tough time and you might not. Don’t let the worry stop you.
Anonymous says
We were in more of the No kids camp when we got married at 29. Then around 32, a switch flipped for me where I knew I wanted a kid eventually, so I had a conversation with my husband and basically said, if you know it’s a never for you, let’s end this now so I have a chance to find someone else. He thought about it and came around to the “someday.” We revisited it at 35 and determined we had reached the now or never period. We spent a few more months living our best lives, traveling internationally, going out, and thinking about whether we’d be happy childfree. Then I visited a friend with one perfect baby and came back on the Yes train. Husband saw cute pics of me and her baby and also got onboard. We started trying and I got pregnant with twins the second month. Our girls are 7 now and there are some days where we wish we had decided to remain childfree, but overall, we’re glad we did it.
Anon says
I waited too long. I was in a stable and loving relationship starting in law school we could have managed financially and otherwise if we’d started earlier. I wanted to pay off my law school loans before kids and managed to do so within 7 years – but it would have been fine to have a less aggressive repayment timeline. I got pregnant fairly easily for the first time at 35 but spent years trying for a second before finally successful IVF at almost 43.
I obviously love the kids I have, but I’ll be 60 when the youngest graduates high school, and will have limited time with my own grandkids.
Anon4this says
I don’t know anyone that has felt truly ready, but you get as ready as you can be and you leap. I met my now husband in my mid-20s but we didn’t get married until I was 31 and he was 34. We were of the likely no kids mindset but open to reconsidering. When I turned 35 and he was 38 something just clicked and we felt differently. I think it was mostly the ideas expressed in the Ghost Ship about what we wanted life to look like in 10 years, 20 years. I had my first at 36 and second at 39, after dealing with some unexplained secondary infertility. If we were younger and had any family help we might consider a third, but we feel completely stretched to our limit at the moment. Also I’m 40 and I think a third pregnancy would be hard physically (assuming I could get pregnant) and I know it would change my career dramatically (I have stepped off the partnership track at my firm but they are open to me rejoining down the road) but with 3 kids and a spouse also at a large law firm, I just can’t see how I could stay in my job let alone get back on the partnership track. We knew there were risks of waiting until our late 30s to start a family, but it was the right choice for us, and I’d do it again.
Anne-on says
Greetings to all other moms in the trenches of the winter gross. I just got a nasty note from my HR department that I’m 11 hours in the red for my sick days for 2023. We’ve had Flu A and pneumonia so far in December/January and I am just OVER IT. Ugh. I really appreciate so much about my firm but man do I miss the last place I work with unlimited PTO which was such a gift for working parents.
FVNC says
I’m so annoyed on your behalf. What exactly would HR have preferred, that you work with Flu A (which I have heard from friends is awwwwful this year) or pneumonia? One friend with Flu A, who is the type to work through anything, could not get out of bed. Literally; she tried and passed out. I hope your management has your back even if HR are being twerps!
Anonymous says
I mean this is ridiculous. They’re not being jerks they are doing their job and letting an employee know they’re using time they don’t have, and it’s not unreasonable to do that.
Anne-on says
My direct manager is wonderful and told me to just stop logging sick time until I was caught up. He’s the mythical male manager who despite having no kids is super understanding when we have kid duties, goes to bat hard for us, and encourages us to take all of our PTO.
I tried to join some calls 5 days after I was diagnosed with pneumonia (and had finished the antibiotics). While I was well enough to do light housework those 10 minutes of presenting had me coughing/wheezing too much to continue. The flu was not nearly as bad (thank you tamiflu!) but pnemonia was truly, truly awful, I can absolutely understand how elderly/immunocompromised people die from it.
Anon says
My best bosses have all been men without kids. I think women can be really hard on other women, and men with kids are the wooooorst because they think they get the challenges of working parenthood but they really don’t because their wife stays home or is very lightly employed and is managing everything related to their household.
Anon says
Truly unlimited PTO might be one thing, but I absolutely hate combined PTO buckets for the rest of the time. I don’t think it’s fair for families with children or women with health conditions to lose out on vacation because they have to use more of that pool for sick time compared to younger, healthier employees. I want generous vacation time and unlimited sick time with a protocol for transitioning to disability if needed. That would help get rid of this absurd standard that you can limit employees to a tiny chunk of sick time and expect that to work well during flu season.
Anne-on says
Sorry for not being clear – at the Big 4’s I worked at it was unlimited sick AND a set bucket of at least 3 weeks of PTO PLUS firmwide holidays (I also had over 10 years of tenure when I left so I think I was up to 4 weeks of PTO?). My maternity leave was also close to 6months fully paid and that was pretty standard. It was truly a godsend when my son was small (and constantly sick). From what I understand from coworkers who are still there is that is now all one big bucket of unlimited PTO to get around having to pay out earned vacation days once you leave.
Anon says
OK yeah, that would totally be a godsend. The big buckets of unlimited PTO are a sham in terms of actual benefit to the employee. You’ll drain it down every time your kid is sick and then employer gets to pay out less at the end of your tenure, but it’s presented as “flexible.”
Anon says
Just want to add – I have a report with 2 under 2, totally in the trenches. She’s been taking 1-2 days off a month – usually related to sickness since we just have ONE bucket for all – since coming back from mat leave in November.
My boss – also a mother to a grade-school child – actually had the gall to ask me if my report “had enough PTO” and if report “needed to take unpaid leave”. The worst part was my boss also was like “You know I’m sympathetic, but, I have to keep our accountability to stakeholders in mind.” What a freaking…well you know.
Direct report’s performance is great, she hasn’t dropped a ball (and if she has, I haven’t noticed). Hell no, I’m not monitoring every hour of PTO she takes or when she’s online, as long as she’s not in the negative with time off and is getting work done I DON’T CARE.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“I have to keep our accountability to stakeholders in mind.” – companies say they want more women in leadership and are surprised when there is such a large gender divide, but then throw these gems out and it’s infuriating. You know the “trick” to retaining women and parents in general with small kids? Treat them like human beings! I’m sorry your boss is this way.
Pogo says
That sucks. We are lucky in that while our other leave is very heavily tracked, we have unlimited sick time.
Anon says
I’m so sorry! I really hate my higher ed job but the unlimited sick leave makes it hard to walk away, especially while I’m in the thick of parenting little kids. Limiting sick days does not make any sense to me. It encouraging people to come to work while sick.
Anon says
This is what it comes down to for me. If you limit sick days, you encourage working while sick. If you combine sick days with vacation days in one big bucket, you encourage working while sick (especially if you berate employees for going into the red).
ANon says
i work in higher ed and for us sick and vacation is one bucket, hence i work (usually from home) while sick
BlueAlma says
Does anyone have recommendations for pull ups for a tall, very skinny kid?
Mine is three years old, wearing 6t clothing. He is potty trained, but wears a pull up overnight and for naps. The seventh generation 4t/5t pull ups were perfect, but they seem to have been discontinued. The honest pull ups leak almost every time, even with a very small quantity of liquid. (The sposie inserts don’t help.) My kid has somewhat sensitive skin and some diaper brands gave him rashes, which is why I’ve been using seventh gen. But I’m willing to try whatever at this point. Should I try switching back to diapers for a more snug fit? Any pull up brand ideas? Thank you!
Anon says
Huggies pull-ups have velcro sides, so you can make them skinnier if necessary.
Anonamoma says
Yep– the regular huggies pull-ups work very well for my tall, skinny kid. They run pretty long and narrow to begin with, so sticking with smaller sizes even at taller heights has not been a problem for us. Caveat- I have a girl, so I don’t know if sizing down would be as effective for a boy.
Anonymous says
We use Huggies overnights for sleep, mostly because that’s what we’ve used for a long time and never switched to pull ups for sleep. They are really good at not leaking for us.
NYCer says
Same.
anonM says
Sorry to not answer the question you asked, so ignore if not helpful, but maybe kiddo is ready to lose the pullups for naps if you add a “dream pee”?
Anon says
I would just use diapers over night. The advantage of pull-ups over diapers is that they feel more damp to the kid and incentivize them to use the toilet, but since night peeing is involuntary it doesn’t matter.
BlueAlma says
Thank you for these suggestions and tips! I had no idea there was any difference between diapers and pull-ups besides shape. I’ve purchased the Huggies overnight diapers and Huggies pull-ups. Fingers crossed for a dry night.
Anon says
Good Morning!
I’m expecting Baby #3 in about one month. I’ll be on unpaid maternity leave until mid-August, when I return to work. I have a 5-year-old who attends an affordable full-time preschool, and a 2-year-old who attends a very expensive full-time daycare. While I’m on leave, the 5yo will attend his preschool until summer break, but I cannot afford to send the 2yo to full-time daycare while I’m unpaid. I’m weighing my options on the following two issues and would appreciate your experiences/feedback! :D
1. I can’t afford to keep 2yo in FT daycare, but when should I un-enroll him? From a budget and germ perspective, the sooner the better. But, I also know he’s in a routine and having a new baby will be a disruption.
2. There are some very part-time, and affordable, 2-year-old preschool options in the community that I’m considering enrolling my 2yo in after he unenrolls from daycare (just for March-May, when these programs end for the summer), just to keep him socializing and learning. But, I also know that 2yos are germ factories, especially when entering a new daycare/preschool environment, and I don’t know if the positives of socialization will outweigh the potential germs he’ll be bringing home to new baby.
Thoughts?! Thank you!
FWIW, my 2yo will turn 3 this summer and be able to attend his big brother’s current affordable preschool in the fall when I return to work (but, then, we’ll also have infant daycare costs for baby #3! but my oldest will finally be in kindergarten!).
Boston Legal Eagle says
In your case, I think I would keep the 2 year old in daycare as long as you can, maybe even through the first month or two of baby’s life, just so you’re not watching 2 when you’re in the thick of it with a newborn. Then keep 2 year old home until he can start at the new place in the fall. I don’t think it’s worth doing a short program where he’ll have to adjust, then re-adjust again to a new program in the fall. Try to look for a babysitter or mom’s day out type program for him for when you’re both home.
And you will have all 3 home in the summer? Hopefully there are some short (outdoor for germs) camps the older two can go to to give you a break!!
OP says
Thank you!
Yep, I’ll have all three this summer. It will be exhausting and crazy, but I’m planning to go with the flow and do my best! My husband’s company offers all new parents 8 weeks paid parental leave, so he’ll be using a big chunk of that time during the summer! I’m planning to enroll the older two in a few summer camps, esp. the outdoor ones. In my area, camp schedules don’t come out until March. I’m eager to get them enrolled!
AwayEmily says
I say go for the part-time preschool. Personally I would not worry as much about the germ factory issue. I think the benefit of having the 2yo out of the house during regular times will be HUGE for your mental health. Having a toddler and a newborn around all day is really, really, really exhausting.
Pogo says
Put the older kids in care as much as possible. I know SAHM’s do it all the time, but I could not have handled a new baby + my toddler-turned-preschooler, at least right away.
Anonymous says
I think this depends a lot in the kids. I did both. One of my kids was happy to be home and honestly a sweet helper with the baby.
The other one wanted 110% my attention.
IVF Anon says
Hi hive. I’ve posted here many a time about my IVF woes. I’m the one that took a big promotion and took time off from IVF, focused on me, etc, in case that jogs your memory. That was roughly June last year.
Well, things have gone well. Love the new (v high stress but high profile) job. We’re in growth mode – growing team and book of business – but we’re tracking right where we’d want to be despite the market working against us. I’ve also spent a lot of time on me. I’ve lost close to 50 lbs and I’m just enjoying living. Also took the space (and therapy) to come to terms that I could accept a family of 3 (we have a 4.5 year old) should more transfers not be successful. However, in giving myself this space I also realized that I do want another and I’m not done trying. We have six embryos frozen that are all genetically normal, too. Y’all helped me realize that back in November (ish?).
DH and I settled that we’d do our next transfer in mid February after some work travel on my end. With that about a month away I’m feeling all the feels. IDK how to explain it but I just … don’t want to? Do I still want a family of 4, a sibling for my daughter? Absolutely. Does every pregnancy announcement I see punch me in the gut? Yup. But starting a FET cycle means medicine, shots, less travel, explaining myself when I’m not drinking or feeling well. Just, blerg. The hy
Not really sure what my question is, tbh. But this sucks so hard. I want another kid but I don’t want any of the utter crap I have to go through that comes along with it. I don’t want to interrupt my career (and it would. I’m in BD in a man’s world and a preggo belly won’t win me any business) I’m 38. It’s just so damn unfair that this falls on me. Has anyone decided to not pursue another because of the means required to get to the future kid? It’s not even a timing thing anymore ( was previously trying to time it with the job, etc, but I’m past that). The physical is just so brutal, let alone if there’s yet another loss. Maybe this is just me posturing, protecting myself from more disappointment but I’m at a total crossroads. Told DH this morning that I wanted to talk about all of this this weekend and that I’m having “second thoughts” at the moment.
Someone tell me what to do :(
Pogo says
Hi friend. Also IVF mom here with some frozen in the bank and deciding what to do. Can you do a return to care with your RE and take things super low key, low stress? Like no timeline, not invading your life, just getting started? To even prep to a do a transfer, there is about a month or two of workup usually, and then as you point out, need to time the cycle etc. I wonder if starting to go through the motions will make things more or less clear one way? Maybe give yourself a deadline – if it hasn’t happened in x transfers or if it hasn’t happened by y date?
I know how you feel. It’s a weird spot to be in and I feel so irrationally annoyed when other people get oopsie pregnant with second or third kids – like, the decision was made for them, it wasn’t even a blip on their mental radar. Vs with IVF everything is an expensive tetris game of logistics. hugs.
SC says
Is surrogacy an option you’d be willing to explore? You have the frozen embryos. I know surrogacy has its own complications and emotions, and it may depend on the laws in your state, so it’s not a decision to make lightly.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hugs to you. All of your feelings are valid. There’s no right answer here, unfortunately. It sounds like you want a second, but maybe not enough to go through all of that again. Not the same situation for me, but somewhat relatedly, the older my kids get and the more I’m out of it and back to focused on myself, my health and my career, the less I want to get back in the throes of pregnancy/b-feeding/newborn/toddler hell. I know everyone says that you won’t regret the child on the other end and that these years are temporary, but it’s a lot to deal with. And if it affects your physical and mental health, it may not be worth it. Are there steps you can take to make the process a little more bearable? More childcare/household care while you’re in the thick of pregnancy/newborn? It really does pass eventually, and if you think it’s worth it, then I know you can do it.
Anon says
Yeah I only have one but I feel like a weirdo because she’s 5 and so many of our friends are just now deciding to have another and I’m like, I’ve never been more sure I’m done! I guess some people don’t have the mental space to consider a second until they’re through the hard years, but to me once my kid was 4 and starting to get a lot easier and more fun I just couldn’t imagine going back.
OP says
That’s also sort of it. We just traveled/flew together for a quick getaway. She carried her own bag! She slept well in a new place! She weathered a 3 hour tarmac delay like a total boss! She hung out at a bar while we socialized with adults and was happy as a clam coloring and using her tablet! Like — everything I dreamed of for the last 4.5 years are finally mine! We want to start all over again w/ that?
And, then out of the other side of my mouth, yes? I think?
I feel like it’s death by a thousand little cuts. The job impacts, the physical impacts, the emotional impacts, just enjoying life with a functioning young person vs toddler or baby. None is enough of a reason reason to not do it but as I think about it and add them all up I’m just like…. uhhhhhh, what are we doing?
DH is so supportive, but almost too supportive? He’s not deflecting by putting it all on me but is also like, whatever you want I want. He’ll talk it through with me but will never force a second.
anonM says
OP, I feel you so much on all of this! I could have written something incredibly similar. Thanks for sharing honestly!!
Honest Response says
I remember finding out I was pregnant with my third, and that night, as I put my two bigger kids to bed (4 and 6 at the time) – all I could think was, ffffffff, I have to go through potty training again.
I’m not going to lie, the toddler years with a tagalong kid have been tough. I’ve never been a toddler person, but I think I feel it more on this go around because there’s such a difference between my older kids and my baby. There have been many times since my youngest turned 2 that I’ve had to *tell* myself not to resent or, very honestly, regret the youngest (especially during COVID and with post-COVID traveling and wanting to be out and about more, but it’s still hard to be on the go with a toddler). And my youngest is objectively my easiest kid!
I can also (thankfully) say that my youngest is now approaching 4, and I can see the awesomeness that will come. I often imagine/d my youngest as a 4, 5, 6 year old when I really struggle/d with a caboose toddler. Bottom line, I do think it is ultimately going to be worth it, and I absolutely love seeing the relationship that my kids have developed. I think the next few years are going to be awesome — and I think the baby is going to keep my older kids “younger” for longer, if that makes sense, especially as they reach the surly teen years. I’ve already seen that the baby can turn my oldest’s most preteen moods around like no one else when the baby asks the preteen to play dolls or swing or etc. etc.
But it’s also been a hard 2 years.
Honest Response says
Re-reading my comment above, and my guess is that one to two years from now – I’ll say having another kid was absolutely the best call. I’ll have fuzzy memories of it being hard, but won’t remember the specific instances when I had to walk out of a restaurant or call a babysitter to watch the baby while my older kids have a piano recital. Instead, the older kids will watch the baby during date night, and I’ll be so happy I have an 8 year old to hang out with when my teens are locked in their room. On balance, I really think the easier years will outweigh the hard ones. But, for today, while I’m still in the weeds, just being honest that it is hard to start over just when you get out of the weeds with your older one. I think the question is whether you are willing/interested in going through some of the harder earlier years to get to the other side.
anonM says
Anon, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t have any advice but can commiserate. While we are debating a third, I’m really hesitant because of the burdens that fall on me, worries about what a third delivery would do to my body (2 difficult deliveries resulting in emergency D&Cs), not sure how I can logistically manage a maternity leave at work, etc. I’m struggling too with the feeling of wanting another but also not wanting to go through pregnancy/delivery. And that’s without the added burdens of IVF you’re dealing with. Maybe there is some comfort in knowing you’re not the only one unsure of how to proceed with family size/planning, etc. Wishing you some peace with whatever you decide, and feeling support from this internet stranger.
Anonymous says
If you don’t want to do IVF. Don’t. You don’t have to. It’s okay to prioritize yourself as a person over yourself as a baby factory.
Anonymous says
I’m in a similar boat and have no advice but commiseration! I have 4 month old but have serious fertility issues (early menopause from cancer treatment). If I want to have another kid I basically need to start things again when he’s 6 months old (I need 3-6 months to prep for even beginning treatment again). My treatment requires RE appointments 2-3x a week. It took 14 months/9 IUIs to conceive last time. The cancer complicates things – my fertility could be better (chemo farther in the past) or worse (my baby may have been my last egg) post pregnancy, so it’s all a big unknown.
I love my child, and always wanted 2-3 kids, with at least 3 years between them, but feel lucky to have 1 at this point. I don’t know when to start, or how long to try for. I don’t know how I’d handle 2 under 2 if lightening strikes and I get pregnant right away. I finally am in control of my body somewhat again – I want to just be myself again for a bit. My husband really wants a second child and while I do in theory, in practice I’m just…over treatment. I used to see my RE more than my parents and any of my friends! I’m working with my therapist on thinking through appropriate boundaries / check ins /etc. for this next go around.
Been there says
No one can tell you, unfortunately. I do think your feelings are really normal. I felt somewhat similarly about IVF and pregnancy after multiple failures/loss. In my case, the build up was worse than the process and I am so glad we powered through. But your story is yours, and it might be different.
There really is no “should” here. Neither answer is wrong. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But it’s also okay to go forward feeling misgivings and fear and even anger that this is so damn hard. I love my kids so much and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. But I also recognize and sometimes resent the toll that trying to get pregnant and pregnancy has taken on me and my career.
I guess what I’m saying is that from an outside perspective, neither of these choices is wrong. You get to pick, and how you feel and what you want matters.
OOO says
This probably requires a TW but congrats on losing 50 lbs! I have been trying to lose my IVF weight after our last failed FET. Agree with comments to look into surrogacy, given your history. If you want to hear from people who love being families of thee check out the one and done subreddit. I’ve been thinking about you so thanks for the update
Anonymous says
I’ve had 5 miscarriages and 2 failed transfers, so I understand IVF PTSD. It sounds to me that you are still a bit burned out from the process. With 6 embryos, I think it’s ok for you to take some more time with this. You’re only 38! It’s my understanding that as long as you have your normal embryos, your age doesn’t quite matter as much for transfers and carrying the baby. Maybe do another check-in mid-February, and see how you feel month to month. It took me about 6 months to clear my head and fully feel like myself again before deciding to give it another try.
Anon says
Okay, tell me honestly: do you really love all your children the same amount?
Pregnant with my second and just found out the sex, which is bringing up some interesting emotions and uncertainties I wasn’t expecting. I just love my first so much and feel so connected to them.
Yes says
Yes, but not until after the second one was born. Your feelings are totally normal!
Some days one is my favorite and some days the other is. But I do love them both with absolutely everything.
Anonymous says
I have three, all the same gender, and I definitely have a favorite. Now I will say which one is the favorite changes month to month…
Anon says
I love them the same in that I would do anything to protect them and treasure them as a human in my life, but I love them differently and I definitely have a favorite (I have three kids). Sometimes two favorites – the one I love overwhelmingly at a gut level, and the one who is the most enjoyable/lovable at the time (and that changes). All mine are the same sex so it’s not even a gender difference. I think it’s normal – we all click with people differently, even when they are our children! – but you can’t really predict how it will unfold.
The biggest thing is to not let anyone *know* they are your favorite, and maybe even to overcompensate with the “least favorite” sometimes. I think I’m doing well with that so far.
I also think birth order can play into it. I identify with my child who is the same birth order as I am, and also see that playing out with my sisters/friends.
Anon says
Or if you’re Jenny from Solid Starts go on Instagram and tell your 2.3M followers who your absolute least favorite is! /s
Spirograph says
I also have 3, and this all rings true to me. When I was pregnant (and when I had infants), I definitely liked the older sibling(s) better and was low grade resentful that this needy little thing was stealing my time and energy from them.
GCA says
Oh – sex disappointment and loving each child the same amount are, I think, slightly different.
I have a boy and a girl. I had a moment of interesting emotions when we found out the sex of kid 2 – ‘I only have experience with male kid1! Will they get along? I was hoping for another high-energy, boisterous little boy for kid 1 to play with!’ It’s totally normal to have these feelings – and often they are bubbling around in your subconscious and you haven’t uncovered or articulated them fully until they hit you – and yet in the end you always wind up loving the children you have.
As to loving the same amount — now I have a high-energy, fairly high-intensity, socially savvy younger girl introvert to go with my high-energy, low-drama, more socially awkward with peers, older boy ambivert. They play together and relate to each other better than I expected. They are entirely different children with different personalities and interests and hence I love them the same amount — but respond to them differently. (Kid 1 would say we favour or baby kid 2; I felt the same way about my younger sister growing up but now understand my parents’ reasons. Kid 2, if she could articulate it, would say we let her brother do things she can’t. ) But honestly, I probably have a different ‘favourite’ depending on the day.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This has been my experience too, and I have two boys. They have different personalities. It’s so much more than just gender, but OP, you only have that one piece of data now and it will change so much once baby 2 is here. I love both my kids but like different things about them, and there are days when I like kid 1 more, and days when I like kid 2 more. In fact, I had an easier time with kid 2 until my kids were about 6 and 3, and then it suddenly radically switched. Kid 1 became much easier to spend time with, and he is so so active and adventurous and extroverted in a way kid 2 isn’t. But I like sitting around and reading with kid 2 or playing pretend games. But they get along well, and also fight at times.
So Anon says
From my experience, love for your children is not a divisible pie where more for one means less for the other. Note that this is different from the time/attention that any individual has – there are times where I am more focused on meeting one kid’s needs and the other is coasting in the background. But love? Each kid has different things, but each has a moment/a look/thing they do that feels like a deep well of love and adoration that comes from deep within. (sorry for the mushiness.) Yes, I love and adore each of my children with all of my being. I still have days where I am ready to ship one off to boarding school or am desperate for time away from them. And to normalize your feelings – I bawled when I found out I was pregnant with my second because I just could not imagine that I would love a second child as much as I did my first.
Anonymous says
Yes I love both my children the same amount, I love different things about them. I grieved the loss of 1:1 time while I was pregnant with my second and felt guilty that I was ruining my first child’s life. My 2nd child is very Extra and a lot but they are sooo cuddly and brings the comic relief to any situation (even very serious ones). My first is well behaved, smart, goofy, and self motivated but can be a drama llama.
anon says
Yes, really do love them the same with all of my being, but don’t like all their quirks equally. We have fraternal twin boys and my husband and I are each naturally harder on the one who is more similar to our own respective personality (not the same kid for both of us). I think we instinctively recognize our own brand of BS and have a lot less patience than we do for the other kid. It’s something we recognize (obviously) and take efforts to check so that we’re calm and fair as much as possible, but it doesn’t always happen naturally.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure. I know I love them very differently.
My oldest is a mini-me. We would be besties if we were in school together. I get her and she gets me. We have so many of the same interests.
My middle doesn’t need me, never has. I don’t understand her. She doesn’t get me. We are like oil and water. But she is absolutely hysterical, creative, kind, and just an amazing all around person. She knows what she wants and goes and gets it. I feel like when she grows up she’ll move out and never look back. I know I love her desperately because that makes me so sad to think about! Her interests are so different from mine (she recently got into alpine ski racing, basically all on her own, and she is KICKING @ss at age 9! She’s very similar to DH in some ways and they have a really special bond.
My youngest is the popular kid everyone wants to be around at school. She’s nothing like me but she’s a walking basket of sunshine. You know those weird happy people you meet and wonder if it’s all just fake? Not with my kid. She wakes up singing, tells everyone they look wonderful, picks flowers for her teachers, insists we stop cars to move turtles out of the way. She is 7 and is the only one of her friends to invite every single kid in the class to her birthday party (“what if someone feels left out?”), sits with the kid that’s alone at lunch. DH and I constantly wonder how someone like her came from our genes.
Spirograph says
I have boy, girl, boy and my daughter is not into alpine skiing (yet, and likely only because we don’t live close enough to mountains, because it is totally something she’d do), but birth order personalities and my relationships with them are exactly the same as you’ve described.
anonM says
Yes! I’m wondering what your emotions are about the sex. If it is that you’ll have a boy and a girl, I’ll add to the comment above that based on my sample size of 1 (lol) they get along really well now at 3 and 5, and play pretend together for long stretches. I was worried about this too, and it is really hard to imagine feeling that overwhelming love twice but I did feel that. It also helped for me that delivery #2 was way less horrible so I naturally got to enjoy the first few days of bonding much more, so sending you good juju for a smooth delivery and recovery!
OP says
First is a girl, second is going to be a boy. I thought I wanted a boy! I still think I want a boy? I don’t know. I’ve always thought I wanted one of each. When I found out our first was a girl, I was (surprisingly) elated. When we found out last night my reaction was surprise. I don’t feel disappointed exactly, I guess I felt like it’d be another girl? I feel puzzled and uncertain and like this is new terrain. I don’t know how much of that is because of the sex, though, and how much is because knowing makes this baby more concrete, if that makes sense. We’re also POOPCUPs with an easy to parent child.
My husband cracks me up too- he STRONGLY wanted a boy with our first pregnancy and was disappointed she was a girl. Until she was born and he fell completely in love and talks about their “special bond” all the time. He wanted this one to be a girl too and is now disappointed again.
Anonymous says
Your last paragraph should completely reassure you that you and your husband will love baby #2 once he arrives.
Anon says
Yes but in different ways. One is my personality twin, and one is my opposite. It’s more relaxing to spend time with my twin, and more invigorating to spend time with the other – she pulls me out of my shell and convinces me to try things I might not otherwise. Parenting them together at the same time can be rough – I try to set aside time to spend at least some time with each individually since each requires the full attention of different parts of my brain.
Anonymous says
My parents absolutely loved one child more than the other. This is a big reason why I only had one.
Anon says
Is it a big deal for young elementary age kids to do camps where they don’t have friends in advance? We need about 5 weeks of camp this summer for my kindergartener and are looking at doing a bunch of 1 week camps related to various interests (art, theater, zoo, etc.), so she’d be with new people every week. I don’t feel like I know any of her current classmates’ moms well enough to text and ask what they’re doing, and most of them need longer hours than these camps provide anyway. My kid is pretty social and generally plays fine with new kids at the playground, but I’m a little worried it could be hard if she’s the only one who doesn’t have a buddy on day one and has to start from scratch making friends every week.
Anon says
I can’t speak specifically to camp, but I think it would be fine. In my case, my 5 & 7-year-olds switched schools twice in the last five months, and have quickly made buddies at each. (We moved somewhere temporary over the summer, then moved somewhere else permanently over Dec break.) I have been much more stressed on their behalf than they seemed to be. They aren’t particularly bubbly or social kids, either, but I find kids at these young ages are still mostly playing in groups and willing to let new kids in.
Cb says
I think it depends on the kid. My son (kindergarten) did a week at a camp over October half term where he knew no one and was the youngest kid there. He regularly begs to go back – I think the volunteers made a fuss over him, it was a cool subject (sealife, they basically played on the beach all day – in Scotland, in late october, he’s hardier than I am). He is not a kid who makes friends easily, he’s kind, gentle, but a bit aloof but he likes the adults, likes the big kids, and loves a fun fact. He’s going to day camp in another country this year (at a British school) and I think he will be alright.
His bestie is a year older and just cannot hang – they’ve signed him up for things and he’s not made it in the door. But I think he knows it’s optional, if he makes a fuss, his parents will bring him home and he can do Lego all day. T is better at accepting the realities of “mummy and daddy work, so sometimes I go to weird places, might as well make the most of it).
Anonymous says
Depends on the kid and honestly it’s totally fine to text the other moms even if you don’t know them well or decide not to do the same camps. It’s been easier on my kid to do two weeks at one camp before switching to a different camp because then they know the routines and counselors etc. I try to have about half the camps with a friend.
Anon says
i also think it depends on the kid and at age 5, might recommend seeing if you can do one 4 week camp and then a one week camp, also just to make your life easier, bc it is a lot of transitions not just from a friends perspective, but for your kid presumably each camp has different rules, environment, etc.
Anon says
She’ll be 6.5 by the summer (entering first grade) but I’ll keep that in mind, thanks. She says she wants to do all these different camps because she’s interested in all the topics, but I definitely worry that she’s going to fall in love with the first one and be upset she can’t continue it (separate and apart from the friend issue).
anon says
It’s the exception, not the norm, for my kids to have a school friend at camp. We have to pick based on our schedules, our kids’ interests, and the environment that’s going to work for them. I can’t add “make sure they have a friend there” on my list of top 3 things to worry about. If it happens, awesome. But I don’t go out of my way to ensure it happens, and it usually hasn’t mattered. They usually make a camp buddy, and the focus is really on the activities.
Anonymous says
Those short-term interest-based camps are very easy without a friend. Most or all of the other kids will be there on their own and open to making new friends. My kid is not outgoing but always finds friends quickly at these kinds of camps.
FVNC says
Interesting. I’m surprised by these responses.
My now-4th grader has done whatever random camps we could find for her during the summer. Last summer my now-Kindergartner joined her. We’ve never coordinated with classmates, and they’ve only ever occasionally been in a camp with classmate by coincidence. They’ve always loved summer camps, in whatever form they take.
FVNC says
I posted before I saw the two responses immediately above. To clarify: doesn’t seem like a big deal to do camps without coordinating with friends.
Anon says
Getting ready for baby #2 after a seven year gap, so really struggling to remember what we did right after bringing baby home (probably due to the profound lack of sleep at the time). How many sleeping or parking surfaces did you have for the newborn? Were there things that made your life much easier? What was the WORST part and do you have any hindsight on how it could have been improved? I remember lots about breastfeeding (and ultimately exclusively pumping) as it was my worst challenge but I don’t remember much about actual baby logistics.