CorporetteMoms

Updated: Jan 17, 2023 171 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: New Standard Jersey Wrap Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a purple dress and brown ankle boots

I’m looking to add some not-so-boring basics to my wardrobe, and this versatile wrap dress might be what I’m looking for.

This jersey wrap dress is made from a stretchy poly blend that’s machine washable, breathable, and wrinkle resistant. For a modern twist, it features dolman sleeves. And, the wrap silhouette works for pretty much any occasion — just change your shoes and accessories for a completely different look.

The New Standard Jersey Wrap Dress from Universal Standard is $138 and comes in sizes 4XS (00–0) to 4XL (38–40). It’s available in “faded plum,” “deep sea,” and black.

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Cb says

    What are your kids obsessed with at the moment? Any fun specialist subjects?
    My son is really into Vikings (thanks to the How to Train Your Dragon books), and Greek/Roman gods thanks to a very random school assembly. And Lego, I’m not sure why we own other toys.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      My older one was really into Titanic and other boats from that era, and ship disasters in general, for a while. He seems to just now be getting slightly over it. He’s now into watching videos of the scariest water slides in the world, and is trying to build more and more elaborate slides with his magnatiles. My younger one gets less obsessives in general, but is very into the Magic Treehouse books now.

    • TheElms says

      Lava (and volcanos and dinosaurs to a lesser extent) and caterpillars for my 3 year old. She is desperate for it to be spring so she can have pet caterpillars and very concerned that she won’t have enough leaves to feed them because the leaves on the trees are not out yet.

    • Spirograph says

      Wilderness survival, which I love because I went through that phase in elementary school, too. My oldest is reading Hatchet and now they’re all building fires (really just arranging tinder/kindling & stacking logs) and stick shelters.

      • anon says

        My 9 yo is very into Hatchet (and the sequels), as well as everything Harry Potter. She read the first three Percy Jackson books before deciding she wasn’t interested in reading more. I need to find her something new.

        • Spirograph says

          If she hasn’t yet read My Side of the Mountain and its sequels, that’s another survival series I loved!

    • Anonymous says

      I hear you on the legos! I’m confident those will be our only toys in the next 5 years. My 5 year old (six next month!) is really into space and lava. The twins are into “helping” me cook, caring for their baby dolls and jumping.

    • Anon says

      2.5 y.o – Elmo. 8 y.o. – Calvin and Hobbes, The Simpsons (he’s a 90s kid at heart).

    • SBJ says

      My eldest is also really into Greek mythology as well and I highly recommend the podcast Greeking Out from Nat Geo Kids. Very popular in our house. In later seasons they branch out into other mythologies, too. My middle is and always has been obsessed with all things garbage trucks, recycling, and compost. We’re at 3 years running of this obsession. Realizing that it’s someone’s job to thoughtfully design landfills was a mind-blowing moment: environmental engineering is the career goal now (age 4).

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      5 year old loves Cars by Pixar (despite my attempts to thwart it, as I find this series very annoying, this has been consistent since age 2) and Hot Wheels. He also LOVES the NFL, which I have very mixed feelings about. I’m a bit sad the dino obsession has waned, but it still pops up every now and then.

      2 year old loves puzzles and Elmo! I love Ilana Glaser’s cameos in Elmo’s World, so I guess we all win?

    • So Anon says

      My oldest is really into space travel/rockets. He is attending space camp with his middle school in May. He has several computer programs that simulate space travel, rocket building, etc. that occupy much of his time. He has also started 3D printing different models of rockets. My youngest loves animals, especially cats, and creating art. This is why I am currently surrounding by various drawings of cats. Her big XMas gift was nice art supplies, so she is experimenting with different pens, colored pencils, and outlining markers. My current obsession is figuring out how to outsource everything possible in my life, so that’s fun for me.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      My 5 year old is obsessed with venomous animals and predators and stories with sick characters. (Side note: I think I’ve exhausted our library’s supply, so if anyone has a favorite book where a character gets sick, please, let me know!) My 7 year old is obsessed with American Girl.

      • Anonymous says

        In one of the All of a Kind Family books, a major character has polio. My older child enjoyed those as a read aloud in kindergarten.

    • CCLA says

      Anything animal-related, thanks to Wild Kratts. Oh, and unicorns. I do love the random animal knowledge the kids drop, and have learned not to question it. Many times they’ve noted something and I think it sounds outrageous, only to learn it’s true.

    • Anonymous says

      5yo DD loves rocks & geology, and cheetahs. 3.5yo is into musical instruments

  2. Boston Legal Eagle says

    For the poster yesterday looking for working mom podcast recs – unfortunately, I don’t think there are a ton of great ones that speak to specifically about this, in a way that’s relatable for most working moms. Best of Both Worlds is the classic “working moms” podcast, but their advice is tailored to the .01% with a multitude of resources. With your high stress job, you might benefit from some tips though. I like the Mom Hour for just general mom tips, but it’s not focused on working moms per se. I think regular working moms just don’t have extra time to make a podcast!

    • Cb says

      I have this idea that I’d like to start a substack, where working moms share a day in their life (like R29’s money diaries) but alas, I am a working mom and don’t have find interviewees etc.

    • Anon says

      More of a general mom podcast, but I like What Fresh H*ll and its spin-off Toddler Purgatory.

    • Anonymous says

      For attorneys, and particularly for 2-attorney households, I recommend In Loco Parent(s), a podcast with a husband (law professor) and wife (legal recruiter, former law firm partner) with elementary-age kids. They talk about their work and their parenting strategies, have interviews with other parents in the legal field, and discuss work/parenting balance issues.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        Oh yes, I loved this one! Unfortunately they are on a break now (probably because they are too busy!)

    • anon says

      I really like The Mom Hour for all things mom-related, but it does fall short on details for full-time working moms. That said, I’ve still gained a lot of insight and ideas, so I don’t mind it much. I’m a big Meaghan and Sarah fan.

      BOBW, on the other hand, grates on my nerves even though it’s supposedly geared toward me. I had to stop listening because it was unrelatable. I have a big job, but not the salary that allows me to outsource everything that’s unpleasant. And even if I did, the resources available in my area are not … on par with major metro areas.

      The average working mom probably doesn’t have time to make a podcast, unfortunately! I thought about it for a hot second but realized that’s not how I wanted to spend my limited free time, hahaha.

      • Anon says

        Best of Both Worlds gets on my nerves for the reasons you say, and also…I’m just not as…high-functioning/metrics based as Sarah, nor am I self-employed/flexible like Laura (and also I would not eat canned chicken to save time during lunch). I can’t wake up at 5 AM, read, workout, journal/track, etc., and then get my kids out of the door. I also like staying up a bit later to watch TV and/or read. I also like to socialize with friends without my kids around (and I’m an introvert!).

        Also, I feel like…life happens…there are seasons where you are able to look forward and plan ahead, and seasons where just getting through the day is more than enough.

        Their structures don’t really allow for these things, as the focus seems to be optimization and efficiency above all…good for them, not for me. I have gleaned some good kernels of advice, but overall, I would agree it’s not a “great working mum” podcast.

        • Cb says

          Yeah, I’m curious about family and friend relationships. I think they are likeable etc but they don’t seem to have busy social lives (beyond quite structured hobbies)

          • Anon says

            Right? Despite them having childcare and resources, I don’t see them having dinner with friends, or even virtual catch-ups with loved ones. It also doesn’t seem like they have other family that involved socially (which again is FINE), but we live close to family and that is a big part of our lives which leaves less time and energy for reading 10% of a non-fiction book at 5:30 AM before work.

          • Anonymous says

            FWIW I personally know someone that has a big social media presence (not working mom; she’s a lifestyle influencer with like 1M followers or something crazy like that) and she’s totally different “online.” I knew her for 3 years before learning that she had this whole internet thing in her life and when I read her stuff (I no longer do, it’s too weird) I felt like it was a totally different person. Like an actress.

        • anon says

          Sarah’s metrics stress me out, lol. I’m all for setting goals but I have zero interest in tracking every aspect of my life.

          • Anne-on says

            Oof, hard same. I’ve got multiple chronic health issues and a neurodivergent kid, my metrics would be things like ‘cooked dinner, did laundry, worked a full day, cleaned up the kitchen, and supervised homework. Took a walk during lunch and called a friend/family member. Winning!!’.

        • Pogo says

          I read SHUbox a few times and yeah. She stresses me out. I’m never going to be like her.

          • Anon says

            LOL you don’t want to share your workout schedule and performance? (Again, good for them, not for me – nowhere does she say THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE).

        • Anon says

          I think BOBW does get good guests, because there aren’t too many podcasts for authors or other people in that space to go on. I did generally stop listening, and the no guest episodes are no-gos for me.

          Time Out – a Fair Play Podcast (not terribly different from the Fair Play book and no new episodes for now) is ok, mostly if you want to skip the book.

          Also I really like the Lazy Genius, which I learned about here. She talks a lot of about systems and ‘this is a season of life,’ which is what I need right now (even if it’s also very Christian – I am not – and not specifically for a working mom audience).

    • NLD in NYC says

      Someone on this board recommended Brilliant Balance, which I’ve been enjoying. Productivity on Purpose and PedsDoc Talk are working mom adjacent. Real Happy Mom seems to be making a comeback after a long hiatus.

      • anonM says

        +1 on Brilliant Balance

        I’m also starting We Can Do Hard Things (not mom-focused, but seems like target demographic tome) and Mom and Dad are fighting (parent not just mom focused), but haven’t listed to either long enough to recommend or comment much, but passing along things recommended by others!

  3. AwayEmily says

    Any recommendations for leggings with pockets in the side that actually fit a phone? I have a pair from old navy that I really like but am looking to expand my collection. A phone pocket is so useful!

    • Anon says

      The colorful koala and amazon core 10 leggings that say they have side pockets definitely fit my phones.

    • So Anon says

      Yes! Depending on your temperature requirements: If you want fleece lined leggings, the nicer LLBean leggings have pockets. Athleta’s rainier tights come in different styles and have a zip pocket. In my experience, Old Navy’s workout gear is actually pretty good and some will have actual pockets that fit a phone (versus maybe a chapstick).

    • startup lawyer says

      Abercrombie or AE both have pocket leggings and fit my iphone 13 pro (not max)

    • Anon says

      Gap blackout leggings started adding nice pockets on the sides a few years ago. The earlier ones just had the one small pocket in the back.

  4. Wide kids clothes? says

    What kids clothes run wide? Hanna Andersson fits my kid but Carters is too narrow. Anyone have experience with J Crew Cuts, H&M, Gap or any other brands?

    • TheElms says

      What age kid or size and boy or girl? Also are you talking tops or pants or leggings (I think Hanna are the only leggings that run wide once you are in kid sizes?) For babies and toddlers I think Hanna is the widest, then Boden/ then Carters. In the kid sizes I think Carters becomes a lot more narrow and the only other wide clothing is Boden. In kids sizes boys clothes tend to be cut wider than girls clothes in both tops and pants (dumb, but what can you do). Cat and Jack is middle of the pack except their leggings seem to run really narrow. For leggings I’ve had some luck buying capri length leggings in 1-2 sizes up and wearing them as full length leggings (but I do sometimes need to take the waist in).

      • Wide kids clothes? says

        Kid is a 4yo girl and we’re about to get rid of the size 5 tops and go into 6s. Sizing is less of an issue with bottoms – but I’d like to give her the option of some pants instead of endless leggings. Thanks!

        • TheElms says

          So Tea collection runs really narrow generally but they have some wide leg velour pants at the moment that run wide and the cargo pocket joggers are wider too.

    • Anon says

      My Hanna wearing ninety-ninth percentile kid with broad shoulders (and a super long torso and short little legs) also does well in gap. JCrew is narrower but she can still wear some things. To be honest, I have been having the best luck with the “plus” or “husky” girls lines at target and land’s end. I dread the day she starts reading labels and we have to have a conversation about why stores feel the need to label her, but at 5 that isn’t yet an issue.

    • anon says

      Not H&M. They’re cut narrow.
      Gap is pretty middle of the road.
      J Crew exceeds my price point so I don’t know.
      Boden is cut pretty big/wide.

      • Anonymous says

        JCrew runs narrow, IMO. We don’t buy a lot of it, but I do like their winter weight leggings at 40% off and a special occasion dress here and there. Not as narrow as H&M, but defnitely not wide.

    • Anonymous says

      Maybe athletic brands? Carters tends wide in my experience. I used a lot of H&M and Old Navy (regular and slim) and JCrew for my narrow boys. Old Navy has ‘husky’ sizes in boys that might work?

    • Anon says

      H&M runs wide. Gap runs wide-ish but also a bit short. Zara is hit or miss but some of it is wide (but doesn’t always wash great).
      J Crew runs long and narrow. Agree Carters is also on the narrow side and shrinks terribly. Primary also runs narrow (and small).
      For my tall and wide 2 year old, we mostly shop at H&M (shirts, sweaters, sweatpants), Gap (shirts, pants), Hanna (shirts, sweatshirts, sweatpants, swim), and Zara (100% cotton sweaters when you can find them, swim). Patagonia for outerwear. We did well this year with jeans from Jcrew but tops not so much. Bombas socks for his wide feet.

    • Anon says

      H&M runs wide. Gap runs wide-ish but also a bit short. Zara is hit or miss but some of it is wide (but doesn’t always wash great).
      J Crew runs long and narrow. Agree Carters is also on the narrow side and shrinks terribly. Primary also runs narrow (and small).
      For my tall and wide 2 year old, we mostly shop at H&M (shirts, sweaters, sweatpants), Gap (shirts, pants), Hanna (shirts, sweatshirts, sweatpants, swim), and Zara (100% cotton sweaters when you can find them, swim). Patagonia for outerwear. We did well this year with jeans from Jcrew but tops not so much. Bombas socks for his wide feet.

    • anon. says

      My friends have had very good luck with Cat & Jack husky for wide bodied kids.

    • Anon says

      I think H&M runs fairly wide. At least it fits my kid for whom Primary is too narrow.

  5. Anon says

    So what’s the deal with imported formulas these days? I saw that the FDA was loosening some import regulations to deal with the shortage in 2022 and it seems like a few brands of European and Australian formula might be available for legitimate purchase from U.S. retailers now, but it’s shockingly difficult to find clear information on this. I saw a few U.S. sites that sell European brands, but it’s totally unclear whether they’re operating outside the law or not. Does anyone know what’s going on?

    • Anon says

      There was some kind of emergency process where some foreign formula that wasn’t previously FDA cleared was approved to be sold in the US. One of them is Kendamil, a British formula sold at Target, which we buy for my baby. There are other brands like Bubs, which is Australian. Then, I think Euro brands that are goat milk based like Hip and Holle are still not approved by the FDA to be sold, but they’re sometimes sold on websites to customer in the US and are a favorite among some parents. It’s confusing. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, I didn’t really look too much into any of this. :)

    • Anonymous says

      I am also not an expert, just a lady on the Internet, so take this for what it’s worth: before the pandemic we were able to purchase European formula from European retailers online and have it shipped to the US. I don’t think anything we did was illegal. It was expensive. DH did some research and seems to think Europe regulates what goes into formula way more than the FDA does. Based on accounts from a colleague who worked at Abbot labs, I’d say that’s probably accurate.

  6. Anonymous says

    Tell me I’m making the correct trade off. I’ve been home with my twins (two next month) for their whole life. I also have a kindergartener. I’ve been offered a very good job that pays and that I’m well qualified for. The only issue is it’s an hour commute each way. We will not move (schools, DH’s job). I don’t necessarily want to work right now, but I feel like I need to get back into the work force, both for financial security and to keep up with the working world. The two years I’ve been out already feel like an eternity. I’ve been job hunting for about a year and a half; this is my first offer. I feel like I’m trading chaos now for security later. What are your thoughts?

    • Anon says

      Congratulations on your job offer! I think it sounds very reasonable and probably advisable to get back into the work force, but unless that job allows remote work a few days a week, I think that commute is going to be too killer. I had a similar commute pre-COVID (although it was slightly longer for the return route due to the public transit schedule) and it nearly broke me. Are there some other job opportunities closer to you that might work better instead?

      • NYCer says

        +1. Do you have to be in the office 5 days a week? A one hour each way commute would be a deal breaker for me personally.

    • Spirograph says

      You’re making a reasonable trade-off. Correct means so many things, and it’s different for everyone. I personally would not want to sign up for 2 hours of commuting 5 days a week, but then commuting can be almost relaxing compared to wrangling the kids once you get home. :) If you have remote flexibility and/or you feel a strong pull to get back in the workforce, this could work well for you. If it doesn’t, you can always make another change!

      Yes, it’s chaos to have young kids, a full time job, and a substantial commute (been there), but also yes you’re investing in security later (there now). Once you’re back full time, you may have better luck getting another offer closer to home, too.

    • anon says

      I think this is the time to splurge on extra child care. What help will you have in the mornings and evenings to calm the chaos? What about sick kid days?

      If you haven’t, I’d try to negotiate to work remotely 1-3 days a week so you don’t have to commute every day. See if they’ll agree to a hybrid schedule.

    • Anonymous says

      I would definitely ask about a hybrid schedule. If not now, could it be revisited in 6 months. I only have 1 kid so I can’t really comment on the commute aspect other than long commutes suck. I would strongly consider this, however, since it’s good offer after some time out of the work force. If you throw some money at other things (house cleaning, etc) and survive for a year you look for something closer to home.

    • Anon says

      Does the hour have the potential to lengthen with traffic, and is it door-to-door? My husband has a 1.5-hour commute each way and it’s sometimes a struggle even with me being a SAHM. Yes, that’s 50% more than yours, and I’m in a metro area so an hour doesn’t seem that unreasonable based on what I’m used to, but I can see it being challenging. If you are excited about the job it’s probably worth it — but if you are doing it out of fear that you won’t find something else, it could feel like a slog.

      • FVNC says

        I think that’s a good distinction. My husband currently commutes around an hour, but it’s door-to-door and majority public transit (so he can read the paper, look at work emails). Also in a major metro area where this commute is viewed as entirely reasonable. I work from home, so have the flexibility to get the kids to their before-school care and meet them from the bus.
        Bottom line, with an hr long commute, whether public transit or not, the close-to-home parent must have a job that allows them to be the default parent during the work week. If they don’t, you’ll need a lot of reliable, flexible childcare (maybe au pair or nanny).
        Good luck with the decisions, and congrats on the opportunity no matter what you decide!

      • Pogo says

        Agree, so much nuance makes an hour bearable vs unbearable. DH has a commute that’s an hour at worst traffic, but he doesn’t need to do that both ways every day every single week. Also, I’m a short commute so we have the option to have me do both pickup and dropoff if for some reason DH needed to be butt-in-seat from 8am to 5:30pm if needed. If BOTH spouses have that requirement, it will be brutal and unworkable (that would mean kiddos in care from 7am-6:30pm, which even if you can find it, is a long day for littles and would be a no-go for us).

        For us, we will often split dropoff to allow us both to get to office faster; DH will often take early calls at home (with or without one of the kids – the nature of his job, a lot of his calls he’s mostly listening and can have a toddler running around or a Ker watching video in the background) and then drive in at like 10:30 or conversely, come home at like 3pm. When we both had a crunch in the evening (ah the daycare that closed at 5pm…) we paid a PT sitter to do pickup and dinner so we could arrive home to kids who were ready to go straight up to bath. These things make it doable.

    • Anon says

      Personally, I wouldn’t take this job. The commute would ruin my quality of life unless I was only going into the office one or two days a week. Since you’ve been making it work on one salary for a while, I’d just continue that until you find a job that’s a better fit. I know it’s frustrating how long it’s taking, I’ve also been job searching for 1 year+ with no luck, but unless your family desperately needs you to take a job for financial reasons I wouldn’t take this.

        • Anon says

          I’m a twin mom who used to have an hour commute each way and quit during the pandemic. In addition to the ability to have a hybrid WFH situation, the big questions to me are what are the in-person hours expectations and what are your kids bedtimes and waketimes. I was in a big job with long hours, and DH is too. Pre-pandemic, I would WFH 3 days a week (which was very much NOT the norm in my office, but they were desperate to keep me) and commute 2 days. When I commuted, I would spend about an hour with the kids in the morning before my nanny came. I’d shower, throw on clothes and run out the door. In the evening, I would start packing up around 6:45 – which was considered early in my office, so I could catch the train and be home for the nanny to leave at 8. My kids went to bed at 7:30. So days I commuted, I saw my kids only in the morning. My husband worked in the office 5 days a week and during those 5 days, saw them for 30 minutes each morning and not at all in the evening. If you can’t tell, the commuting issue for me was not seeing my kids at night. I could work on the train or relax, so I didn’t mind the train time, but not seeing my kids was huge (and they were only 1.5 when I quit, so it seems like it would be even harder when they’re older).

          Since you’ve been job searching for a year and a half, I assume you really want to get back to work and that its not easy to find a job in your field. In that case, its worth exploring if there are hybrid WFH options (even if they didn’t offer it, it can’t hurt to ask, especially if you’re otherwise going to turn down the offer) and think about whether taking this job, even for a relatively short time, could open up more opportunities. For me, I’m not looking to go back to work right now, but, fwiw, the commute is a pretty small part of why (tldr; my job took too much time/stress). Hope this helps!

      • Anon says

        +1. I also have twins and an older child, and going from a SAHM to a working mom with a long commute (reasonable or not) is going to rock everyone’s world. You really need the closer parent to be the default parent, and if your DH has not been the default parent yet, it is going to take some adjusting. I am the default parent and I work a very part time schedule, and it’s still a massively difficult undertaking when I am unavailable.

    • Anon says

      I think it can be a big transition to seeing your kids a lot less during the workweek. the commute just feels like wasted time. I’d push hard to ask if you can come in just once or twice a week after some initial trial period.

    • Anonymous says

      There are so many thoughtful responses: thank you! Since lots of you mentioned hybrid/remote I’ll try to explain without writing a novel. Part of the reason I’ve been looking forever is my industry is very resistant to remote work. I did work remotely for a year during the pandemic. I was doing the actual same job for which I have the offer currently. One day my old company said “you need to be back in the office 5 days a week because we’re paying the rent on this expensive office space.” I ended up leaving over that. I have a resume in at company X, that does allow a hybrid work schedule. I was wondering if I should take this job while I’m waiting to hear back from company X, but it sounds like I’m not being totally unreasonable in not wanting to do that.

      • Anonymous says

        I have a commute that is almost an hour each way and I really enjoy it (and missed it when I was remote) because i take the subway and can read, watch Netflix, etc on my commute. But it works because my schedule is very different than my husband’s, who is a teacher and gets home early. Our son is also 10.

    • Anon says

      I say no even on a hybrid schedule. I have a 1.5 hr commute one way (on multiple modes of transit) and only go in once a week. I’m quitting soon because I can’t do it anymore now that I have two kids (3 and 1).

    • OP says

      In an enormous twist of irony, my twins are being kicked out of day care for biting. So I guess I have my answer on the job.

      • Anonymous says

        Whaaaaat?! omg I’m so sorry. But yes, the universe answered you.

        When something takes a decision out of my hands, I like to notice my reaction to find out whether my gut and my head were aligned on whatever I’d almost rationalized myself into. I hope you get a little bit more clarity from that, at least. Do you feel relieved that you can’t take the job with the hour commute, or are you disappointed?

      • Ughhh sorry says

        What?!?! That is insane! Biting is totally developmentally normal at that age and daycare should know how to address it.

  7. Ashley says

    Any tips from those who’ve been there/done that with tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy with kids? My 5yo is scheduled for this procedure next week and I’m trying to mentally and physically prepare. Mentally, how long was the pain actually painful for your kid? Physically, any favorite snacks/popsicles/etc. that were good to have on hand? Anything else I’m not thinking of?

    • Anonymous says

      Can I ask how your doctor decided your child is a good candidate for this? My 4 year old daughter has enlarged tonsils (literally every doctor who looks at them says wow!) and is a very heavy mouth breather, but the doctor won’t recommend her for surgery until she does a time consuming and expensive sleep study. We have it scheduled, but wondering if we should switch doctors and there’s an easier way, but I also don’t want to pretend like I know better than they do.

      • Ashley says

        We have the enlarged tonsils too! They really are enormous though not quite touching. Our ped referred us to ENT when we had constant illnesses (like 1 cold every 3 weeks) that often resulted in tonsil stones, and we also had constant post-nasal drip induced coughing that did not resolve with flonase and zyrtec. My kiddo also snores but it’s not that severe. The ENT recommended adenoid removal to deal with the constant illnesses and tonsil removal because they are likely interfering with sleep. He said a sleep study was not necessary to confirm sleep-disordered breathing unless we wanted to be really really cautious. One interesting correlation we learned from the ENT is bed wetting–if kiddo has had a period of being dry at night then starts again with bed wetting (or peeing in a pullup) during the night, that often correlates with sleep disordered breathing.

      • Ashley says

        All that to say, might be worth (1) self-referring to an ENT if you haven’t taken that step and your insurance allows it, (2) getting a second opinion from another ENT if that’s where you are, or (3) begging your pediatrician for ENT referral.

    • ElisaR says

      my son had it right before he turned 4. For us the biggest problem was getting him to take medicine of any kind. The surgery and recovery were pretty low key. He needed a lot of mommy cuddles waking up in the recovery bed, and his voice sounded bad for a few days, but overall it was a quick recovery. so make sure you have tylenol because that can be hard to find now. we did smoothies made at home. lots of juice. nothing really special though beyond that.

    • Anne-on says

      My kid did this at about 3 (he had insanely large adenoids and snored like an old man). The recovery was ‘easy’ according to the doctor (no post-op bleeding, he healed well, no complications, etc.). In our house the recovery was pure hell. I say this not to scare you but to level set – ‘normal’ for our doctor was a kid who was in a LOT of pain – we had to fight to get him to take the pain meds and swallowing was torture. Wemized the medication with honey and let him eat anything he wanted – popsicles/juice/super sweet smoothies and he basically went on a hunger strike for a full 10 days. I took 5 business days off and had to call in grandparents to drive up for the following week as my kid was home for 12 days post-op before I felt I could send him back to daycare. Even with all that, I’d still do it again. He actually started sleeping well and regularly! So many fewer throat/ear infections! More willing to eat since he wasn’t sick/stuffed up all the time!

      • Ashley says

        I appreciate level setting! This is what I’m mentally preparing myself for. I anticipate my kiddo being absolutely miserable to be around if he’s in pain, just based on his personality. I’m sure the unlimited sugary drinks/slushes and unlimited screen time will just be an added bonus for behavior too :)

  8. Anonymous says

    My thought is that in this day and age, an hour commute each way really sucks.

    That said, if you’ve been job hunting for a year and a half and this is your first offer, it may make sense to take it. Throw money at the misery of the commute, make sure DH is 100% on board to be a default parent for a while, get a super great really full time nanny. Do it for a while and see how it fits. Keep job searching in the meantime.

    Maybe your new job will eventually be more flexible. Maybe you will make some connections there that land you a new job– either more flexible or closer to home. In the meantime you will be back in the workforce and hopefully earning more than you spend ;).

  9. Birthday party stresses says

    I’m experiencing major guilt – DD has been asking to have a rock climbing birthday since July. There are three other girls with birthdays near hers whose moms have all group texted with me about a joint birthday. None of them wants to do rock climbing. They’re instead all suggesting a science show which is… not what DD is into. It would be the weekend of her actual birthday and it feels very antisocial not to join. She’s turning 8. There’s 30 something girls in the grade, so all would be invited. What would you do? I don’t think I’d feel as guilty if she didn’t have a viable alternative idea that she’d been proposing all year. Right now she’s doing the group party. Oh all four birthday girls are friendly but not close friends – it’s kind of a random group. I don’t love the idea of three classmates having a group party one day and her doing a solo one the next?

    • anon says

      I don’t think you can easily do a rock climbing party with thirty 8 yos. That’s going to be nuts and utter chaos. How about she does the joint party and then the next day takes 1-3 best friends rock climbing?

      • anon says

        This, but do the rock climbing the following week or the week before. And give the other parents a heads up.

        • Mary Moo Cow says

          This is what I would do, too. Putting myself in her shoes, I’m asked to give up what I’ve been asking for since July and join a large party with other birthday girls who aren’t my besties? That would really be a bummer birthday for me.

    • Anon says

      Can you offer to take her and some number of close friends for private lessons rock climbing as a birthday gift? If that doesn’t seem like a good solution, I would back up my kiddo and just have the party she wants. This isn’t a last-minute whim, this is something she’s been anticipating for a long time. She can still attend the other party for the 3 girls, but this seems really important to her.

      • NYCer says

        This seems like a good solution.

        OP – how does your daughter feel about the group bday party? I feel like 8 is old enough to have a viable opinion on something like this.

          • NYCer says

            Ah then in this case, I would just let her have her own party another weekend. Tell the other group party moms that your daughter has been obsessed with having a rock climbing party for months, that you have already scoped out the place, etc. They will understand.

    • Spirograph says

      Come sit over here, I’m planning a rock climbing party next month for my son. He and 5 friends are going climbing together, and we’ll have cupcakes and snacks afterward.

      A full class party for an 8 year old seems like a lot! I haven’t seen a full class party since my kids have been out of preK. Are you supposed to contribute $$ to the science show? If this isn’t what your daughter is into, I’d say thanks but no thanks. She can attend the party as a guest, and you can host a a small handful of her actual close friends at a climbing gym another weekend. I get that it might be disappointing to have the party on a different weekend than her actual birthday, but I if you give her the option to have the party she wants or the party on the “right” day, I bet she’ll pick the first one. Unless you go somewhere with a bunch of auto-belays (or the kids actually know how to climb & belay), you can’t really do a big group for climbing anyway.

      • Anon says

        Full class parties are pretty normal in K and 1st here, but I agree 8 is around the age where they start phasing out.

        • Anonymous says

          Our elementary school has a rule against handing out any party invitations at school, which is probably why they stopped.

          • Anon says

            Even if the whole class is invited? That’s weird. At ours you can’t hand out invites at school if you’re not inviting the whole class, but if the whole class is invited it’s fine.

        • OP says

          I think it’s perhaps going to be different for her class because they started kinder in 2020. And then last year omicron affected a bunch of parties, so they haven’t had many full class parties at all. It’s kinda sad! (Should note: full class for second grade is just all the girls, not the boys too)

          • Anon says

            I feel ya. The pandemic killed whole class parties at our preschool, and I’m sad about it. My 5 yo has been invited to like three birthday parties in her whole life and neither of them was a full class party. Hoping we get more invites in K because I like meeting other parents and kids we could potentially have play dates with.

    • HSAL says

      She can go to the science show party as a guest and have her own party the weekend before or after? Might have people who can’t or won’t attend both, but I’d hate to not give her something she’s been wanting just because some other kids aren’t interested. I see nothing wrong with telling the moms she’s not interested in a science party and you’ll do your own thing.

    • Anon says

      i kind of love the idea of a group party (i also have twins, so already have to invite so many people), but agree with the idea of either joining that party and then taking DD rock climbing with a few friends another time, OR saying thanks for thinking of including us, DD has her heart set on X kind of party, but then i’d schedule DD’s party for the weekend prior or the weekend after

    • Anonymous says

      I would decline the group party and have her own party. Idk why you’d even consider a group party with people you barely know that isn’t what she wants to do. Have it the weekend before.

      • Anonymous says

        This. Let her have what she wants. It is her birthday and she has been dreaming of a rock climbing party for half a year.

    • Anonymous says

      What does your daughter want? She might want to be part of the big group party more than having a rock climbing party.

      Also, could she just go rock climbing with a few friends around her b’day, separate from her actual b’day party?

      • more details! says

        So she definitely isn’t thrilled about the group party. It’s kids she isn’t close well but we know all the families pretty well (she’s at a K-12 school and does sports with them – we’re in it for the long haul).

        I offered to maybe take a few friends rock climbing and I think that might be the answer. Whole grade parties are still a thing for them in 2nd grade (maybe because they didn’t get them in kinder or some even 1st because of omicron?) She just liked the concept of rock climbing much more, so she doesn’t like that her official birthdya party is science themed. But that’s also very image conscious. I should probably pull out of the group. It’s super inexpensive party, so I don’t mind essentially throwing her two!

        Oh also we’d gone and scoped out a place for rock climbing earlier in the year (clearly mistakes were made) and they can definitely do the big group – they take school groups a lot – but it’s certainly more expensive than the cheaper science party divided by four!

        Thanks all for weighing in and also for not thinking I’m crazy or overthinking this. It just feels like an unfortunate pickle.

    • Anne-on says

      Can you decline the science party (especially if she strongly dislikes science) and have a family party on the same day so she’s not feeling left out and then surprise her with rock climbing lessons/classes? I’ve done a bunch of semi-private lessons with just my kid and I and it’s so fun – they take care of all the belaying and include the gear in the cost of the lessons. The rock climbing gym near us also allows the kid to join a ‘team’ at 8 in case she really wants to climb more after you go.
      I think that’s a great sport to pick up fwiw – everyone I know who climbs is super friendly and inclusive, women are often at an advantage vs. men (bendier, smaller fingers/feet, lighter weight) and it’s a very mind/body sport that encourages problem solving and not giving up.

    • DLC says

      Several kids in my kids’ class had a joint party last summer, then about three weeks later we were in invited to smaller (6-8 kids) parties for individual kids. It might have seemed redundant but we were glad to go since we don’t do a lot of playdates outside of school.

    • Anonymous says

      Give her the rock climbing party she wants on a different weekend. I do not think forcing her to be part of the joint birthday party and then giving her a small group rock climbing excursion as a consolation prize is fair.

  10. Anon says

    since returning to school from winter break my 4.5 year old twins have been ‘learning’ lots of lovely words at school like stupid, various potty words etc. i know they are just repeating what they’ve heard and are exploring how their words impact other people. how do you handle in your house when kids say mean things to each other?

    • Anon says

      Potty words aren’t “mean” and we pretty much just ignore those. If they get a big reaction, they keep doing it.

    • Anonymous says

      I ignore it. In no way do I have time to police a 4 year old saying poop.

      • OP says

        it’s more like saying “sister is poopy” or ” sister is stupid” and then sister getting upset, etc.

      • EDAnon says

        I also ignore it. My son is in K and learned the f-word. We ignore it and he rarely says it.

    • Pogo says

      We give stickers for kind words on the 5yo’s sticker chart (please, thank you, etc), and he gets reminded “that language will not get you a sticker!” if he’s saying butthead or poopface or something. It’s moderately successful.

    • anonM says

      Following this!

      DS says potty words, usually just saying them but not “at” anyone. (like, saying sh*t! — not appropriate but not hurtful). But last night he called me and his DD stupid. I’m interested in the advice here!

      For just repeating potty words, DS is clearly trying to get a rise and the more we tried banning them the worse he got. So we implemented a rule where he could use the words in the kid bathroom, alone. So when he tested the words out, we would have him go say his potty words in the bathroom. That slowed him down at least?

    • Anon says

      When my oldest is mean I talk about how that hurt my feelings, how he might feel if one of his friends is mean to him, etc. Too soon to say if that works for us. I think he thinks about what I say but is too stubborn to admit it.

    • Anon says

      We talk often about things being appropriate for the activity – you shouldn’t wear a fancy dress to a beach, you shouldn’t interrupt your teacher with a story about Minecraft, you shouldn’t say certain words around others. Swear words are part of that, and they have always seemed to grasp the concept.

      We’re not worried about swear words but we’ve explained that others can get hurt by your words, so they should only be used when alone in your own bedroom, or when a parent tells you it’s okay. Another family we know says potty words should only be used in a bathroom. It’s never okay to be mean so we do interfere for that, but make sure the focus is on being kind and the impact of your actions.

      • Pogo says

        Wrote a comment that is still in mod, but we struggle with actual name calling of the younger sibling. Sometimes potty words (which are why my other comment is in mod I think) but the most recent one is when he just yells “You bad baby! You are the baddest baby in the whole world!” when little bro messes up his legos. It is really hard not to laugh but I do intervene that his brother is not “bad”; it was either an accident or he was expressing his feelings destructively. It’s ok to be angry, not ok to name call, etc. It’s a daily thing and we do use sticker chart for positive/kind word reinforcement.

    • Anonymous says

      We do not tolerate name calling. So saying potty words and trying to be funny is fine, we let them know if it gets gross. Calling someone a Toilet Face is not ok though. We don’t tolerate stupid/dumb etc…

    • Chl says

      In our house if you want to use potty words you have to go in the bathroom.

    • Anonymous says

      Omg I was about to write in today for advice for my 4.5 year old who is suddenly doing a lot of name calling (idiot, pooper), at home and to his teacher!! Following!!

    • Anon says

      I think it’s just the age. My 4.5 year old met my husband’s aunt for the first time recently and they hit it off so well but as we were leaving she gave her great aunt a hug and said “I hope I see you again soon, Auntie Boring Poop!” Fortunately my aunt-in-law raised three kids and was amused and not mad.

  11. So Anon says

    Help an elder millenial out: I am so utterly confused about pants/leggings now and shoes. Are we sticking with skinny leggings/jeans? Are we bringing back our youth with flare/bootcut? If so, what is the length that is appropriate? How does one wear booties with this? I’m not interested in looking like I’m 19 but also don’t want to look like I am entirely out of touch. Please help me dress myself. Feel free to point me to blogs/websites. Or where can I shop by outfit that will remove any guesswork?

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      Following. I’m sticking with skinny/straight jeans because those are most flattering on me. Flares and bootcuts just don’t do it for me. I’m 40 and resisting Talbot’s, but it might come to this. I like Boden sometimes, J. Crew Factory most of the time; thrifted Ann Taylor (I can’t keep up with their fits and their misses have been too great for me in the past 10 years); some Nordstrom. I follow Capitol Hill Style and sometimes take outfit cues from her.

    • Anne-on says

      I’m in the same boat and had SUCH a hard time this year with buying new jeans. I finally bought a pair of ‘straight’ leg jeans from Jcrew (similar to their old toothpick style) and a pair of ‘demi’ flares from Anthropologie. For me, that’s enough of an update to feel more current without buying a ton of new stuff. I wear the flares with pointed toe heels/dressier boots and kind of enjoy the youthful flashbacks. For flares, I either tuck or half tuck my blouse (or wear with a cropped sweater) as I find they look best with shorter tops that hit at my waist and not longer sweaters. The straight jeans I just swap out for my skinnies.
      In full disclosure, I am still wearing skinny jeans, especially in winter as I need to wear boots and I am OVER having my hems drag in slush/snow puddles.

      • Bean74 says

        THIS. I will not give up my skinny jeans in the winter without a fight. Too many flash backs from the early aughts of walking across a midwestern college campus in the winter only to arrive at class with my flare jeans wet up to the knees. Who has time or tolerance for that nonsense?

    • FVNC says

      This comment made me laugh. I’m 41. I have no idea. I like my skinny jeans but they do feel dated when I wear them. However, I do not know the appropriate alternative, and I’m also not replacing a decade’s worth of shoes I’ve accumulated to wear with said skinny jeans, so…I am still wearing my (apparently unfashionable) skinnies until I can figure this out.

    • NLD in NYC says

      Fellow elder millennial… FWIW I’ve given up on skinny jeans/leggings. I feel like they never look good on my shape without having to tunic tops/sweaters to match. Can never figure out what shoes go with them. And I’m always cold – I can’t fit long johns under them! Sincerely, Team Bootcut/Trouser Jean.

    • Anon says

      I still wear my skinny jeans (and my side part) so YMMY, but for new jeans I bought (from gap) some straight leg ones in a lighter wash and some “boyfriend” jeans with a thoroughly bedraggled hem so I just cuff them mid calf, and my two younger more fashionable sisters assured me that while I felt like I looked like I’d just come in from doing farm chores or swiped DH’s pants, what I was actually wearing was current…. I will say the roomier jeans are a lot more comfortable and I will choose them over leggings most days. I just can’t go back to the flares of my youth.

    • Anonymous says

      I am going with straight-leg jeans and cropped flares because the longer flares are enough like what I wore in 2003 to seem dated and frumpy. I am also feeling the frump factor with all pants that touch the top of the shoe so am continuing to hem straight-leg pants at ankle length.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m cusp/plus size and decided that my jeans have to be slim cut through the thigh, otherwise I look like a plumber. But I’ve been buying straighter leg styles that are not as skinny on the calf, and pairing them with chelsea boots, and so far that feels moderately fashionable to me! Will maybe experiment with baby bootcut as well, but you’re right I have no idea what shoes to pair with them.

    • Pogo says

      I think someone on here recommended Charly Goss and she realllllly rubs me the wrong way but her guide to pants was helpful for exactly what you are asking – it is saved in her highlights. Anna Cascarina is a great follow for someone more our age and a realistic size (yes I know Charly Goss is sick and that’s why she is so thin, it’s not her fault, BUT it’s also not relatable for those of us working with some cushioning).

      I try experimenting little by little and seeing what feels right to me. I can’t go all in on certain things because, hello, I’m old BUT I am wearing lug sole loafers & high waisted crop straight leg pants so I am giving it a try.

    • Spirograph says

      Another elder millenial here, and I’m glad so many of us are in the same boat. I am tall but long-waisted with hips, and I refuse to wear cropped non-skinny pants because they are so very unflattering on me. I have casual “boyfriend” cut jeans, skinny jeans, and bootcuts that are the right length to wear with flats, but I feel like I’m doing cowboy cosplay if I wear boots or booties with them. From a proportion standpoint, bootcut + sneakers look good but I can’t get over the time travel feeling. For now, I still feel most comfortable in skinny jeans and boots, even though I know it’s getting to be a dated style.

    • anonM says

      fellow elder millennial here. My cooler, way younger, more fashionable cousin recommended Abercrombie to me recently, which surprised me. Looks like they have a lot of straight-leg jeans that aren’t overly “bell bottom” like. I bought updated jeans recently from Gap, which I’m pretty happy with. (I actually like the Gap straight leg ones better than the skinny jeans, which have worn out a bit already).

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I don’t understand the very baggy jeans with the massive amounts of rips in them – I am not wearing those, no matter what is in style now. I typically wear either my skinny jeans or straight leg black pants with a sweater to work, and warm leggings and a sweater on the weekends. The kids probably see me as “outdated” but I don’t like a lot of current styles so it is what it is.

    • Anonymous says

      Fellow elder millennial. I’m just wearing the skinny and straight leg jeans I already own until they wear out under the guise of being environmentally and budget conscious, but really so I can avoid this problem.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Elder millennial here. I have no torso and a thick waist (first place I gain weight, last place I lose weight).
      I finally bought some Old Navy straight-leg jeans in a medium wash, because they cost me $1 with credits I had and I figured worst case, it was $1. I tend to cuff them and wear them with Vejas and it feels current enough, which makes me think kick flares are probably something to think about.

      All the other stuff looks terrible on me, but I’m hoping once I’m back to a more comfortable weight (for me) I’ll have better luck. I’ve been really interested in some of Abercrombie’s denim, and I do love a distressed jean.

  12. Anon says

    Just a rant: 30W pregnant, not sleeping more than 2 hours a night, still coming into the office 3x a week to comply with firm policy, and one of my colleagues just stopped me in the hall to fix my jacket collar and tell me I’m disheveled. Please stop.

    • Spirograph says

      Ugh, I still burn with rage remembering the times when I was third tri and my (male) coworkers would greet me with “gee, you look tired, today! har har har”

      Wishing you patience and better sleep!

    • Seafinch says

      Ugh. I am sorry. I am just a few days ahead of you. I am sleeping okay (but for toddler nightmares two nights ago) but my husband put off and neglected to deal with a health issue that has taken him out of commission now and I am a bit sour. Shovelled for two hours, too much lifting and being the solo parent. I have been a lot more patient and happy to enjoy my third trimesters in the past but right now I am over it (which I also feel guilty about because I have had five miscarriages in the last two years and this is Hail Mary Pass for which I am extremely grateful but still….)

  13. So Anon says

    I know this is late in the day, but I need to rant about this: My child’s elementary school just sent an email stating that despite the decrease in covid cases, absenteeism continues to be at levels higher than they have seen in their careers. They emphasized that attendance and chronic absenteeism correlate with literacy and math achievement. Then, there is a “How You Can Help” Section, with the following: 1) reach out if your student is struggling. 2) Children should be urged to attend school unless they are truly sick (fever, vomiting and/or diarrhea), and 3) Avoid scheduling vacations during school. Students need to be in school.

    While some of the messages are valid, much of the email makes my blood boil. This winter has been horrible for parents with kids and illnesses. Urging parents to send their kids to school unless one of those three symptoms are satisfied is irresponsible. (“Children do not need to remain home for cold symptoms.”) The implication that this is somehow in parents’ control is bizarre. Trust me, no one wants my kid in school more than me, but if my kid is lethargic on the couch without a fever, they are not going to school. In addition, I view travel as a key component of my child’s education. While I haven’t pulled my kids out for a full week, I will absolutely fly on Monday v. Sunday to make a trip affordable. In weighing costs and benefits of missing a day or two of school, missing a day of school is worth it to see the National Parks. Finally, for working parents, there is no “summer break” or weeks long periods that we get off of work, so we have to squeeze in travel where we can. GRRRR

    • Anon says

      Of course schools don’t want kids pulled out for vacations. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it, but a brief message “please schedule vacations during school” breaks isn’t offensive or draconian. It’s not like they’re threatening to refer you to truancy court or something. And it’s really not impossible – I know I’m in the minority here, but we travel a lot and my kids do not miss school for vacations. They have a 2 week winter break, a 1 week spring break, a 1 week fall break, and a 10 week summer break. That’s 14 weeks of the year in which to schedule vacations. If you really can’t afford to fly home from your chosen destination one day earlier to get your kids in school (I highly doubt this, given what you’ve shared about your career) then you could pick a different destination or take a road trip. I know this is an unpopular opinion here, but part of being a parent to school age kids means you work around the school calendar for optional things like vacation even if it costs more.

    • Anonymous says

      I mean, you do you but if your kid is struggling, do not pull them out of school for vacation.

      My kids are well above grade level (confirmed by teachers). Even then I do give my 4th grader’s teacher a heads up- “we are going to be missing X day for a family trip. Please let me know if there is anything we can be working on or can get in advance.” (There never is). My first grader’s teacher gets the same note but I also tell her we’ll be sure to read, read, read on the plane :).

    • Anonymous says

      Are your kids doing alright in school? If so, just disregard the message. It’s not about you.

      You sound personally insulted by this. I promise you if your kids are hitting benchmarks, their teaches DNGAF if they miss the day before winter break.

    • Anon says

      I don’t think it’s a big deal for a kid who’s doing well academically to miss a day or two of school here and there, but I also think you’re overreacting to this very generic message.

    • So Anon says

      Sorry – should have added that I have a child with a chronic illness, which means that he misses a good amount of school for appointments. The email was very clear that it applied to both excused and unexcused absences. He is also more susceptible to illness, so urging parents to send their kids to school while sick really bothers me.

      • Anon says

        I get where you’re coming from on not wanting kids to go to school sick, but realistically kids can’t stay home from school for every cold symptom. They’d never be at school. Fever, diarrhea/vomiting or a positive flu/RSV/Covid test have been the only exclusions at all the daycares and schools we’ve attended.

        Unless I’m missing something it doesn’t sound like this has anything to do with your son’s appointments? This message is about kids who are struggling academically and if your kid isn’t, I wouldn’t take it personally.

    • Anonymous says

      I mean, statistically, attendance is one of the best predictors of academic performance. It’s not crazy that a school would be concerned about dramatic increases in absenteeism. If your kids are doing fine, I wouldn’t stress about it but I also don’t think this message is unreasonable.

    • Anonymous says

      My husband is a high school teacher. 2 notes re: missing school for vacation – teachers don’t get paid as well as most of us, but cannot plan their trips on school days to save on airfare, so please don’t expect them to feel sympathetic to that argument. We generally can never travel in shoulder seasons; summer is high season most places, and just because my husband has all summer off, I don’t. My husband has NO personal days at all and a lot less flexibility than many corporate jobs outside of the specified vacation periods.

      The larger issue with missing a day or 2 of school here and there is that if a critical mass of students is absent on any given day, the teacher has to write off the day, as whatever they teach that day they are going to have to re-teach to everyone who is absent. And they have a certain amount of content they need to cover each year, while instructional days always seem to be whittled away for social emotional learning. So if half the class is missing the last few days before or after each break, the break is effectively extended by another week. It may not hurt your individual student, but it causes problems for the teacher.

      I cannot imagine any teacher wanting your kid to come to school sick, so please don’t worry about that part though!

      • Anon says

        +1 to your first paragraph from an academic spouse. Cheers to being limited by a school calendar long before I had kids.

    • Chl says

      So many things surprise me about parenting but I will say I had no idea how common it was for parents to be blasé about school attendance. Like for the first few days of school because “You don’t do anything” or because you just don’t feel like it. Very different from how I was raised. I don’t think you’re the target audience for that note.

    • anon says

      I think you have a different philosophy on using school time for vacations. We have done that exactly once, for a truly once in a lifetime thing. I’m shocked by how many parents make it a habit or justify it for (imo) flimsy reasons.

      • Anon says

        I agree with you. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing for us too and it amazes me how many people will pull their kids out of school for Disney or to lie on a beach at an all-inclusive resort. This is fun, sure, but it has next to zero educational value, and there’s zero reason why you can’t do it over spring break or summer break or winter break. Even educational trips like Europe and national parks can be scheduled around school vacations. Wanting to save money is not a valid reason to miss school IMO and I make a lot less than most people here.

        I also think, as a practical matter, given how strict many school districts and teachers are about absences, that it doesn’t make sense to burn goodwill with your kids’ teachers on something optional when you may need it for something more important later in the year. I still remember getting downgraded from an A to an A- in 10th grade English because my family had to travel across the country for my grandfather’s funeral and the teacher wouldn’t let me make up an assignment that I missed. I was so upset and would have been furious at my parents if they’d been pulling me out for a vacation. It also might have affected my grade more substantially if I’d already missed school earlier that year for a vacation. If we were going to pull our kids, it would 100% be in May because I’d be too worried about doing it earlier in case we needed those unexcused absences later in the year. You never know when someone’s going to die or get seriously ill and you’re going to need those unexcused absences for emergency travel.

    • Anonymous says

      I really resent these messages because I do not pull my kid out of school for vacation and the reason she takes sick days is that the school pressures other parents to send their kids to school sick (even while still testing positive for COVID) and then they get her sick. Meanwhile the school is always pulling kids out of class for stupid reasons like “let’s have all the kids in X class skip Y class to wrap holiday gifts for underprivileged children” (um, you could not do the X class project during during X class time?) or “I need you to paint the stage set for a class you aren’t even taking.” And then the sick kids come to school and get the teachers sick and then no one learns anything.

  14. Anon says

    Our school attendance line also makes clear that run of the mill cold symptoms as long as there is no fever or vomiting in the past 24 hours and a negative cold test are not a reason to stay home. My kid is also in kindergarten and entering a new pool of germs, so if I kept her home for every cold she would go to school once every two weeks. If my kid is acting normal (and not, you know, a firehose of snot or coughing constantly), she goes to school.

    It is rather unfortunate for me though, since I am immunocompromised, so what is a 1 week cold for her is a 3 week cold for me. All the hand-washing and thankful I had a good immune system before I started immunosuppressants and that memory still seems to be there so I only catch about half of what she brings home, but what I do catch is brutal.

    I do not pull her out of school for travel, but we travel during school breaks or the gazillion days off they have. We are coming up on a 4-day weekend just for end of quarter.

    • Anon says

      Mine is only in daycare, but same. If we kept her home for every cold symptom, she’d never be in school. I think being very lethargic is different; my kid has never been lethargic with just a cold. I would keep a kid who’s acting sick at home, but if they’re just snotty they go to school.

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