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Readers always sing the praises of Vionic for comfortable heels and shoes, and I love the look of these cute booties, exclusive to Zappos.
Interestingly, I think just the pictured color is exclusive to Zappos — Amazon has a few colors (wide options also!) for $39-$55; DSW has some options in beige and brown for $49; Shoemall has them in black leather for $179; and QVC has a few color options in lucky sizes for $179.
I like that they’re water resistant, feature a cushioned and contoured footbed (that is removable if you want to swap it out for orthotics), as well as the deep heel cup. They look really comfortable and cute.
The pictured option is available in regular and wide sizes 5-12 for $169.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
My two year old is complaining all the time now about how cold it is. Normally a total maniac on the playground she now announces “too cold!” and asks to go home. I have her dressed in a down parka…and it’s like 50 degrees where I am right now. Any advice?? This is going to be a long winter if I can’t get her to spend a good chunk of time outdoors.
Anon says
I think to some degree you just have to dress her appropriately and then ignore the complaints, because 2 year olds always find something to complain about. Also are you sure she’s using hot and cold correctly? My kid mixed up those two words for a long time (I think she sometimes still does at almost 3, despite being pretty verbal) and a down coat in 50 degrees sounds waaaay too warm to this Midwesterner, especially for a kid who is likely running around and not standing still.
Anonymous says
My 5 year old still mixes up hot and cold. Not sure if this is normal, but we try to ask follow up questions and correct her. I’m not concerned. But I definitely agree with that suggestion.
Lyssa says
My daughter mixed up hot and cold like crazy when she was littler. She’s 5 now, and doesn’t do that anymore, but she still often claims that we need to heat our food up in the refrigerator and get it cold in the microwave.
Anon says
Yes I asked our ped and it is apparently very, very common! Our kiddo had been complaining for months that her baths were too hot so we kept making them colder and colder even though they were eventually so chilly we could barely sit in them. And then finally one day we just made her a really warm bath and she said “This is perfect!” So ummm yeah I think she was always trying to tell us the bath was too cold, but she was just using the wrong word. Bathtime has been 500% less stressful since we started making hot baths. Parents of the year over here.
Anon says
Haha! My child (3) seems to accurately and consistently complain about her bath being too hot. The child apparently likes a cold bath. Our bathtimes have gotten less stressful now that I run a lukewarm at best bath and then let it cool for another 30 minutes while she dawdles. I don’t know how I birthed such a creature, considering DH (accurately) describes my shower temp as inferno-level.
AnotherAnon says
Anon at 11:12 mine is the same! He apparently prefers a tepid bath that cools to bone chilling.
Anon says
We’ve never had this happen but you sound exactly like me and this made me laugh. We often declare ourselves “parents of the year” haha
Pogo says
This is so funny. My 3yo has hot and cold right but beginning/end and tomorrow/yesterday mixed up. He’ll say things like “I want you to start at the end of the book again mommy!” and it took me a bit to figure out he meant start at the beginning.
Anonymous says
What do you have on her legs? It’s more about whole body warmth – fingers in warm mitts, toes in warm boots, fleece pants or snow pants depending on how cold, hat and coat.
Anokha says
Fleece lined leggings! Carters has some in stock right now. Size up — they run short.
DLC says
Does she have mittens? Mittens are key for my kids. Also wool undershirt helps a lot.
Anonymous says
My now 5 year old has always run very cold. For 50s and below we would always wear pjs under his clothes, top and bottom (long underwear would also do the trick). Adding that plus fleece/coat helped a LOT.
anon says
My 3yos are way more enthusiastic about going outside when they get to pick what hat and mittens they get to wear. Is there some accessory you can get her excited about?
Anon says
My 3.5 year old is driving me absolutely bonkers. I know there’s a post on here every week about threes but wow I am just going to lose my mind with the constant screaming and how fragile she seems like if her 1.5 year old knocks down one tiny piece of her block tower and how she doesn’t want to eat half the things she used to eat and how sleeping is a mess. Nothing has changed at home or in her routine and I just can’t seem to find it within myself to be patient and loving like I usually am. I am just so so so burnt out by her.
Anonymous says
Sympathy. My middle kid turned three a few weeks ago and it was like a light switch. So. Much. Screaming. So much “doing down dog in the corner while crying.” I know she has a lot going on, but phew, sometimes I just can’t. I’ve been working hard on my own deep breathing, stepping away, and calling in for backup from FH as necessary. It’s exhausting.
Op says
Thank you, do you if and when this gets better? The emotional exhaustion from her and the physical from my 18 month old is killing me
AnotherAnon says
I’m right there with you. My “easy” 3.5 y/o is suddenly having daily meltdowns. I’m so over this year.
Anon says
Oh no. I’m already overwhelmed by my two year old’s behavior. It gets worse? I’m gonna need an IV of calming meds or something.
ElisaR says
my guy turns 3 in a few weeks and it’s started. commiseration. he is more and more stubborn each day. “I NO WASH MY HANDS!!!” the second he sits on the potty. Then a 15-20 minute standoff for him to wash them.
Pogo says
Standoff is a great way to describe every time you attempt to get a 3yo to do pretty much anything.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sympathies and commiseration. My 4.5 year old still drives me crazy sometimes but he’s definitely calmed down a lot from where he was at ages 2-3. So it does get better! But you’re in a sucky season right now, especially with a younger sibling who is, I’m sure, reckless and a lot too. It’s all totally normal and developmentally appropriate though. My only advice, which is probably unhelpful with Covid, is to take lots of breaks and have someone else watch the children while you do your own thing, and then reset.
Samesies says
I don’t know but this is my 2.5 year old right now. Honestly, the thought of the holidays with so much time off together and no other distractions, structure, out-of-home events/parties (when she’s gleefully occupied and playing with friends and cousins) makes me so, so nervous, and makes me feel like a terrible parent for having these thoughts. I feel really guilty admitting that soooooo…thanks for not judging me, anonymous internet friends?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Oh, same, and no judgment here. Parenting toddlers is hard enough in regular times, but add in Covid and it makes it that much worse. This is one of the reasons that it’s hard for me to read the main site where everyone calls you a monster if you dare to do something other than sit at home. Ok, this is disproportionately harder for parents of small children and it’s ok to acknowledge that there are other considerations and that raising small children was never meant to be a two adult only job.
Samesies says
You’re in Boston, too? The weather is another insane x-factor. So help me god if it’s frigid or pouring rain on these days off… sigh.
And, so true about the other site. I just don’t participate in those conversations anymore. It’s too much.
Anon says
Omg so true. I dream of the day I can take my toddler to the pool or a gymnastics class or to a play date or just on errands to the store. Simple things that make such a difference. Thank goodness daycares and playgrounds are open here.
Anonymous says
You can do all of those things now.
Anon says
My risk tolerance doesn’t allow for public indoor activities for now, which makes it hard. I’ve reached out to three mom friends and none of them even want to meet up at the park for a play date. Most parents I know are limiting their activities pretty heavily now. Many don’t even have their littles in daycare like I do.
Pogo says
I mean you “can” do those thing legally for right now, but I’m guessing not for long in my state.
Samesies says
Boston people: I did go to the aquarium recently with my toddler. We got the first reservation of the day on a Saturday. We were in and out in 45 mins. We were literally alone. I’m not comfortable with much of anything indoors apart from grocery store/target runs, but I caved after a particularly bad few days with toddler tantrums, and I was honestly shocked about how easy and safe it felt.
I’d do it again today. I might not do it again in December or January as cases continue to go up, but for the moment I’m comfortable recommending it (as in the first reservation of the day, or close to it) to others.
Anonymous says
Yep poster above those things are not open in my state at this time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Samesies – yes Boston burbs. We actually went to the aquarium in early March, right before everything shut down! Which in hindsight was probably the riskiest time for everyone. Good to know about the reservations. We may try the Franklin Park Zoo again, when it’s too cold for everyone else.
Anonymous says
What state doesn’t allow you to take a child into the grocery store or prohibits you from meeting outdoors with masks on for a playdate?
Anon says
100% agree. The only thing that is helping us is extra outside time, if only because the sobbing seems quieter outside. This morning at a sunny 30 degrees we didn’t even bother with clothes – just jammies tucked into boots, her winter coat, gloves and a hat. It was pouring the other day and I tossed her in the backyard with boots, a raincoat and an umbrella and supervised sitting inside through the open porch door drinking my coffee. My neighbors probably think my child is feral.
Cb says
It’s true. I took my 3 year old on a long cycle ride a few weeks ago when he was super grumpy. My husband asked why and I said ‘I can’t hear him yelling at me from the babyseat!” And honestly, the long ride and rest (for him) chilled him out.
Op says
You guys are the best. The commiseration alone is making me feel so much better. I have no friends IRL with the same age children.
Anon says
i have 2.5 year old twins. if one isnt freaking out, the other one is. we normally go visit family over the holidays but aren’t this year, but are still giving our nanny off btwn Christmas to NY because both our offices are closed and we feel badly, but omg i am dreading it. i have SO SO SO SO much respect and admiration for stay at home parents bc i think i would lose my mind. it seems so incredibly hard
Pogo says
We had a time out before 8 am. because the 3yo hit me with a Brio track (anything is a weapon if you believe in yourself and need attention). You are not alone!
Anon says
Same! I want to cry tears of relief that I’m not a bad mom and employee because it feels like I’m failing at all of it! (CoVid+baby+toddler+moving+Days long power outage+new daycare closed for over a week due to CoVid=No thick skin left for getting yelled at by boss and main client).
fellow anon says
Anon! What a tough combo. I’m cheering you on! I hope you get a little relief soon. (And I’m sure you are not failing at any of this and being an amazing mom to your kiddos.)
AnotherAnon says
Late in the day but not imp. I have a scar on my forehead from where my brother threw a Brio train at me when I was six (we’re both in our 30s now). My 3.5 y/o has a Brio train and I made the mistake of recounting that story to him. He now refers to my brother as “Uncle X who threw the train at you.”
Anon says
My daughter turns 3 in December. Her behavior took a noticeable turn for the worse around 2.5 and I am steeling myself for a full year of her Being Three. Sometimes she is the sweetest and silliest kid and I love being around her, and other times I’m ready to drop her off at the nearest fire station. We have a child psychologist in the family and I actually called her to ask if my kid was normal the other day (yes, she is, three is just that bad). She’s been cooped up at home with us since March and I know that can’t be good for her either. No advice, just solidarity.
Anon says
My first son was hard at 2 and got better at 3. My second is the opposite. You aren’t necessarily doomed!
twin anon mom says
My kids turned 3 right before lockdown so it’s been challenging to know what is 3 vs life being completely different with no friends, no grandparent or cousin visits, no daycare. 3.5 was rough but (!) at 3.75 things are definitely turning around. So there’s hope!
Pesh says
Our office “adopted” several foster children to buy holidays gifts for through a local organization, and since I’m not a mom, hoping you ladies can guide me on age appropriate gifts for the child I’m buying for! He’s 5 years old and the form says he likes Legos, cars and trucks, games, and action figures. Any recommendations? Spend is $50 and would like do a Lego set as part of the gift, but there are so many options, and not sure which are right for his age! Thanks for your help!
Anonymous says
I would get a larger Lego set from the City range, but not one of the police/fire/disaster-themed ones. The larger sets have a “wow” factor that’s missing from the smaller sets, and will be really fun for him. One option is the Garage Center kit, which is $49.99 and includes several vehicles. If you don’t want to spend your entire budget on Lego, the Racing Cars set is $29.99. Both of these sets have a lot of play value beyond the actual building.
Anon says
My 5yo would love one or two of the Monster Truck lego sets, a set of Imaginext superheros, and one of the Playskool Heroes Transformers. If you still have money left over, an early reader book about dinosaurs would make his day (like A Friend for Dragon, Danny and the Dinosaur, Nat Geo First Big Book of Dinosaurs, or Weird But True Dinosaurs).
SC says
My son is 5 and loves Legos. I would get the Lego Creator 3 in 1 vehicle (sunset racer, monster truck, rocket truck). They’re all around $20, there’s a little more mileage out of the set because there are instructions for 3 different builds, and it checks off the “cars and trucks” interest too.
Anonymous says
Lego City Ice Cream Truck has been a hit in our house.
Diverse Toys says
I’m starting to Christmas shop and would like to get my 3 year old some toys that will increase her ‘exposure’ to diversity – albeit a bit falsified I guess because it’s toys rather than actual people but what actual people do we see lately. She doesn’t really play with dolls much, which seems like the obvious choice to me and what I see online – black or brown baby dolls or people figurines that are in a wheelchair or similar. I’m getting some books, but do you have any recommendations for actual toys that would work as well? Maybe I should get some little tiny dolls or people that could ‘ride’ her trucks and trains and things that she plays with often? Favorite toys around here are tactile like Playdoh or crafts, train table, trucks and cars, and Magnatiles.
Anonymous says
Does she have a favorite TV series or movie franchise with diverse characters? In my experience, a set of small dolls or action figures that can interact with each other are most likely to be used for imaginative play and combined with blocks, cars, etc.
Anon says
so yes, the obvious would be some people to put in her trains, trucks and cars. i think there is a Little People set or a set on Lakeshore Learning. You said she likes crafts – Lakeshore Learning also has a set of diverse people shapes and Crayola makes a box with all different skin tone colors. Actually looks like there is a whole ‘diversity’ section on Lakeshore Learning, including some puzzles, etc. https://www.lakeshorelearning.com/products/featured-assortments/diversity/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=nbdsa&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhs79BRD0ARIsAC6XpaW1ITBD0psL36fY2c1mwY_JoR8hqMXm1cALXCqjNOM9yj7s6w6XjqgaAr_ZEALw_wcB
Spirograph says
Does she like Doc McStuffins? My daughter has a Doc McStuffins kit, and it gets a lot of use. Granted the toy itself doesn’t put diversity in her face (I think there may be a picture of Doc on the badge?) but if you don’t mine getting her into a show, it’s cute and has Black female characters. The mom is a real doctor, iirc, and Doc is a stuffed animal vet.
Anonymous says
Thanks! She knows who Doc is from reading a book but honestly the book was kind of weird :) I’m not opposed to letting her watch it though so maybe this could work!
Anon says
Second Doc McStuffins. We have a Doc McStuffins magnetized dress up toy (I think I got it on the River Site) that is a big hit around here.
Anon says
Third. Kiddo (3) is watching it in the back of my chair right now on my phone. We got her the fisher price doctor kit as an early quarantine rainy day present back in April and it gets so much use, she loves to give all sorts of stuffed animals, little people, and real adult people check ups all the time. Also, a parent clearly designed it because unlike every other kids show, the songs are quieter than the dialogue (at least when played on the TV, I haven’t noticed on the phone).
FP says
This isn’t a toy but at Target they have inexpensive Christmas and holiday printed melamie plates and bowls through their Wondershop line. One design had an option of a white Santa or brown Santa printed on the plates. I got my (white) kids the brown Santa options and just figured it would be nice to see several interpretations of different Santas.
Anonymous says
Ooh, I love this idea. Thank you!
tova says
I like the Clive and Rosa series by Jessica Spanyol. Clive and Rosa and their classmates are diverse and disability inclusive and have are illustrated with some visible items that kids might see like AFO (ankle foot orthotics), hearing aid, glasses, wheelchair. Just last night my 3yr was asking what a character had on his ear/head so we could talk about his hearing aid.
Jeffiner says
My 5 year old is more concerned with her horse toys and only occasionally puts a person on them to ride, but I like having diverse people for her to choose from. She tends to always pick the woman with the pink riding outfit or the man that looks oddly like her father, but at a playdate I did notice that her Black friends chose the Black people.
My daughter also isn’t into dolls, but we have a few diverse Barbies that she takes into the bathtub once every few months or so.
Pogo says
Duplos have pretty diverse people (compared to actual legos I believe). I’ll find the link to an example of a set we have with a car and little girl who is dark skinned, but I think there are a bunch you could chose from.
Pogo says
OK I think it might actually just be the “Classic Brick Box”.
Anonymous says
Thanks! I was using the term Lego very generically we actually have megabloks here because I went for cheap until I knew whether she liked them or not.
Anon says
In case she doesn’t like them: Duplo and Mega Blocks are very different. Mega is basically just for building. Duplo is very conducive to creative play. Mega Blocks are very meh at my house, but Duplo are our top toy
Anon says
Same in our house. Duplos have people, animals and physical objects like trucks and planes so they allow for much more imaginative play. MegaBlocks are just rectangles of various different colors and sizes and my 3 year old has always hated them.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the ideas everyone!
Anonymous says
These figures are great and high quality:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000CBWW9E/ref=ya_aw_od_pi?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I actually give one each year to her daycare class, because we have relatives with disabilities and it’s important to me to normalize it. I figure by having her play with it at school with her friends, it becomes a cool school toy that is even more desirable, and playing together with peers encourages more imaginative play. (If we are ever back to daycare. Sob.)
anon says
So, my brother-in-law is having a tiny wedding on the opposite coast from us in February. The only people going will be BIL and bride, my in-laws, the bride’s parents, and the bride’s sister and partner. We have to decide if my husband goes or not. I feel immense pressure to let him go but I’m also annoyed. I have a toddler, I’m pregnant, and we’re trying to be very cautious but I feel like I can’t tell him to miss his only sibling’s wedding. His parents have already had covid and tested positive for antibodies so at least there’s that? I mean, there are ways to make this more safe and less safe obviously and they will be doing everything very safe but I’m annoyed. I’m not going due to the pregnancy and I’m not letting my toddler go, though the idea of having him take her and giving me three days to sit and do nothing does sounds amazing. Sigh.
My plan is not make any decisions right now but I feel like I kind of have to let him go. His parents say no pressure, totally up to you guys, blah, blah, but they would be devastated if he wasn’t there. I mean, he could go and then quarantine but that means I’m on solo parenting duty for 10-14 days. I can do it, but the thought gives me rage. I mean, I guess that could be the wedding present I give them?
Anon says
I would let him go and wouldn’t worry about quarantine unless you’re high risk. I don’t think a wedding that size is irresponsible, especially if people wear masks. My SIL got married over Zoom recently and it broke my husbands heart (and mine by extension) that we weren’t allowed to attend in person. Im an only child so she is my kids’ only biological aunt/uncle and we’ll never get back that missed milestone. It’s one of the things that’s made me the saddest and angriest this whole year and that’s really saying something. I would definitely not go to a large wedding until I’ve been vaccinated, but I think a wedding with immediate family only is very different.
Anonymous says
She is pregnant and therefore high-risk. He needs to quarantine. It’s not just the wedding that’s a problem, it’s the travel.
Your SIL’s wedding is not your milestone, it’s hers. She did the responsible thing and you have no right to resent it. Are you just mad that your kids didn’t get to be flower girls or ringbearers?
Anon says
Oh bugger off. She had a bunch of friends attend in person so yes it was hurtful to my husband, kids and in-laws and by extension me. Of course the milestone is not mine but I can feel sadness on behalf of my family members who were hurt. Thanks for kicking me when I’m down though, you’re really kind.
Anonymous says
I’m on the cautious end of things but I would agree with him going in this case. Have him wear an N95 and face shield on the plane. Take a direct flight if possible. Have him mask at the wedding itself if when not able to social distance. Have him self-isolate at home (separate bedroom and bathroom or clean bathroom after use) until he’s back for 5-7 days without symptoms. Other wedding attendees may not take these precautions but he can just say he’s being extra careful due to your pregnancy.
Anonymous says
I’d say this and have him bring the toddler to do the same.
Anonymous says
I would consult your OB and see what she says, but unless she’s strongly against it, I would be inclined to let him go. My OB told me that pregnant women aren’t really high risk but perhaps the science on that has changed. Our conversation was a few months ago now. He also presumably doesn’t need to commit to attending or not attending now, right? There’s a good chance things will be significantly better in February due to some combination of getting past the winter surge and the vaccines starting to be rolled out more widely. I kind of take Fauci with a grain of salt at this point but he’s said repeatedly the entire country could be vaccinated by March. Can you give them an answer a few weeks before the wedding?
Anonymous says
No, if you look at the projections, infections are going to peak in January or February, at a much higher level than we’ve ever seen. Things won’t get better until late spring at the very earliest.
Anonymous says
Honestly, no one knows. If you’re referring to the IHME projections, they’ve been way off before. I’ve seen experts quoted recently saying the peak of hospitalizations will likely be in early-mid January. And none of the data science projections take into account a vaccine, which might reach 50 million frontline and elderly people by January and could reduce hospitalizations drastically if it actually proves to be 90% effective. I’m not saying he should definitely go, I’m saying it makes sense to wait until closer to the wedding to decide. None of us have a crystal ball.
Realist says
I agree infections are likely to peak in Jan/Feb. of course no one really knows, but both data and common sense point that way. A recent survey showed 40% of Americans are planning to attend a gathering of 10 or more for Thanksgiving. We still have a patchwork of local regulations, with many areas not doing enough (or not enforcing what they are doing) to beat back the virus. People are burnt out on precautions and many will take risks for the holidays. Exponential growth is not our friend, and the data right now is extremely troubling.
Anonymous says
The science has changed. Pregnant women are at higher risk for severe illness.
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/cases-updates/special-populations/pregnancy-data-on-covid-19.html
Anon says
I think pregnant women are now considered high risk; CDC cites this November 6 study:
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6944e3.htm?s_cid=mm6944e3_w
They will have to keep studying this, but it’s easy to hypothesize that the known cardiovascular and immunological effects of pregnancy would increase risk.
Anonymous says
Pregnant lady here–our death rate is 3X the death rate of non-pregnant women. To be sure, death rates overall for women under 60 are low. But for me, that’s high risk.
Even if I didn’t believe the (still limited) studies on pregnant women, my own reduced lung capacity right now tells me everything I need to know.
I would advise against him going, on the assumption that cases are going to be out of control post-holidays.
Anon says
It’s a 70% increased risk of death compared to non-pregnant women of the same age. It’s still a very low number. But yes pregnant women are classified as high risk now (for other serious symptoms, too, not just death) and should be extra cautious. I am also pregnant.
AnonATL says
I vote he goes and you and kid stay home. This depends on a couple things though.
How pregnant are you? Is February super close to your due date?
Can he quarantine before and after? Particularly after away from you and the toddler. Even if it’s just for a few days after a flight but before he gets tested. If you have a guest room and spare bath he could stay there and you could bring meals to him. You would need to solo parent while he’s gone and in whatever form of quarantine upon his return.
With such a small guest list, he could probably maintain decent social distancing at the wedding. It depends how bad things get between now and then and what the two states (home state and wedding state) are doing.
Good luck. It’s pretty heartbreaking to miss out on these major family milestones, and I certainly understand his desire to go. My only sibling got married recently, and it was a stressful decision process for us as well.
anonn says
In February? When do you have to decide? For me, a lot would depend on what the numbers are there at that time, and how my pregnancy was going then. I’d lean toward sending him and your daughter, it sounds like they’re all cautious people. FWIW I’m 7 months and my OB is very chill about covid, he says to be smart but don’t worry too much because I’m healthy. I’d like him to be a little more alarmist considering our hospitals are totally full, but also I think he’s worried about the mental health of his patients too. My 3yo has been directly exposed by her teachers twice at daycare and no one in her 18 kids preschool class got it either time, or passed it along to their parents.
Anon says
so how does your DH feel about going? this would stress me out SO SO SO much. this sounds like 8 people plus potentially your DH. What will those 8 people be doing before this wedding? Where will the wedding be? A private home? A restaurant? How will the 8 people be traveling to the wedding? Will they be driving, flying, etc? Are they willing to all quarantine for 2 weeks prior and get tested? If all guests were willing to quarantine for 2 weeks prior, and get tested and my DH was willing to fly with an n-95 mask + face shield and no eating/drinking on the plane, i guess i would consider it. otherwise i would probably say no. how pregnant will you be in February?
Lyssa says
I think he should go, assuming no one in your household has any extraordinary risks you didn’t mention for some reason. I would let him bring the toddler if everyone’s comfortable with that. My exception would be if it was substantially likely that you would deliver around that time, but that would be less about Covid then about him possibly missing the delivery. You could always ask your doctor his/her opinion about having him quarantine.
Anon says
I would have him go but would definitely not have him take the toddler. Your husband can fly with an N95 and face shield and sanitize his hands before eating. A toddler can’t wear an N95 and will touch everything and touch their face constantly. If only your husband goes, the risk from the travel is near zero and it’s only the exposure at the wedding you have to worry about (and you would get a prompt notification if someone at the wedding subsequently tested positive, presumably). If your toddler goes, then the travel itself becomes much more of a concern. And I say that as someone who has a 2 year old that is an absolute champ at wearing masks and not touching her face right now. No matter how compliant the kid is, there’s just an element of risk with very young kids that isn’t present with older kids and adults.
Anonymous says
I would ask him not to go. The way these gatherings inevitably go is that the original plan is to be outdoors and/or masked. Then the weather isn’t great, so people move indoors. Then mom and dad try to guilt trip you for wearing a mask and planning to leave quickly. Then they offer everyone a drink and appetizers. You keep your mask on, but everyone else takes theirs off. Snide comments are made. Then everyone decides to stay for dinner. And so on. It’s bad enough with ordinary family gatherings, but with a wedding where travel was involved and your husband may not have the ability or the inclination to stand up for himself and insist on safety precautions or leave, it will be a disaster.
OP says
OP here. I appreciate all the feedback! I’m 13 weeks right now so (hopefully) won’t be anywhere close to delivering in February. That would be a non-starter for sure. We’re in a two-bedroom, two-bath, so husband CAN quarantine, I’m just sort of annoyed at the idea of taking on all the childcare for that time period but I can do it so my husband can be there.
Anon says
i would also be resentful of taking on childcare for that time too and honestly idk if i’d let my DH go. if he goes – could DH take on all childcare the week before he goes and the week after his quarantine so that you can get a break? i would also say wait and see and it depends a lot on where he is going. like if this wedding is in a place with cases surging and hospitals at capacity, he should stay home. he should also only fly an airline with open middle seats.
Pogo says
Can he get a rapid test when he gets back? My husband has travelled for work a few times now and that’s what he does. He also takes all of the precautions mentioned above: N95 + face shield, direct flights if possible, does not interact with anyone in the destination except for his colleagues who are masked and distant to the extent possible (when he was in Canada that was actually required by law and enforced by the hotel – he had to have all of his meals delivered).
For those reasons I would not bring the toddler, since by definition toddlers make all of that much harder. But I think for an adult by themselves it would be doable.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d probably let him go but keep the toddler home if toddler is in some form of daycare – at least where we are, if kids go out of state to a non approved state (which is basically all of them now), they have to stay out of school for the 14 days after, so then you’d be stuck with solo parenting a lot longer, unless husband watches the toddler that whole time I guess. Do you have anyone nearby who can help you out while he’s gone? Or perhaps agree that he’ll give you a few free weekends after he’s back in exchange for this.
Anonymous says
I’d definitely check the day care rules if your toddler is in day care. Some rules I’ve seen require a two-week quarantine if a household member has traveled out of state. If your husband’s travel would keep your kid out of day care, then too bad so sad he has to stay home.
OP says
OP here: we have a great nanny and it is definitely worth exploring if she would be willing to take on an additional hour or two while husband is in quarantine. We can’t ask for too many extra hours though because she has her own grade-schooler. We would be able to quarantine him in the second bedroom and keep him away from me, toddler, and nanny. I also feel bad that the idea of solo parenting for so long makes me tired/angry. To all you single parents out there, I’m so impressed.
Anon says
Please don’t feel bad! I don’t know anyone who loves solo parenting for that long even in normal times, and Covid makes solo parenting so much harder because you don’t have things like playdates and kids’ museums to rely on.
Anon says
I had something very similar. I’m not pregnant but in the middle of IVF so contracting COVID would completely blow this up for us.
I finally just said to DH “it’s your decision” and left it there. Maybe it was a little passive aggressive, but I refused to ever be resented/blamed for him missing sibling’s wedding (he wouldn’t resent me, MIL 100% would). DH made the decision to skip it and to deliver the news to the IL’s on his own. Four months removed it’s old news and we’ve all moved on.
Katala says
I’m pregnant too, and for me it would be a no. We’re trying to be especially careful and non-necessary travel is out. It’s tough to miss a family event, but IMO people shouldn’t be having events until the virus is better under control. Even if it’s a small group, I think it’s unfair to ask people to travel right now. Why can’t it wait?
Perhaps something would change by February but to me the risk of being infected while pregnant, with the unknown potential outcomes of that, isn’t worth it. We’re not big on things like weddings though (my husband and I eloped, so did both sets of parents), so that probably colors my view.
AwayEmily says
In lieu of you all going to the wedding, what about planning something big/special for the four of you in the future when this is all over? Like, a weekend trip together to celebrate in 2022. I know it’s not quite the same, but it would be something to look forward to.
Blueberries says
AwayEmily has a great compromise. I’m team no one traveling.
Pregnancy with a little one already at home is exhausting, and you’re looking at the possibility of solo parenting not just for the wedding + quarantine period, but also for any period of possible illness. For quarantine + any period of illness, you’ll also need to take care of your husband (bringing food, etc.) unless he stays in a hotel.
If he does want to go, he should run the plan by your family’s backup childcare for if you have a complication while he’s away/quarantined and need bed rest or hospitalization. I would gladly help an ill pregnant friend with their child if necessary, but I’d be unhappy if my help is needed because the other parent is quarantining because of avoidable travel (or is Covid-positive because of avoidable travel and has been isolating in the same home).
Anonymous says
+1 to your last paragraph. The risk of unexpectedly being ordered to bed rest is real, and you can’t take care of a toddler while on bed rest.
Spirograph says
I would almost certainly let him go, and wouldn’t rule out him taking the toddler! How good is she at wearing masks? In any case, I’d plan on all of you wearing masks in your own home and sleep separately for a week + test after he returns. I don’t think he necessarily needs to quarantine himself, especially because you’ll be pregnant with a toddler and the resentment (at least for me) would be significant, but take some extra steps.
Everything I’ve seen about plane travel is that it’s low risk even with a regular cloth mask, although that depends also on the airport and rental car/taxi. N95 + face shield + regular hand washing and I’d feel fine with it. How much do you trust that all the wedding guests, or at least your husband, will all mask up?
Anon says
Ugh okay, nanny’s mother was exposed to a positive person Saturday and nanny saw her Mother on Sunday. Neither having symptoms – I told nanny not to come today. Thinking of having her test at the end of this week and maybe come next week though? Wwyd? We have three kids 5 and under and both work full time – baby needs a lot of watching so this is pretty inconvenient (and I’m bearing the brunt). I couldn’t get from her just how exposed her mom was – she just let me know she was – I assume it was something that counts though.
Anonymous says
It’s almost mathematically impossible for the mother to get exposed, get infected and go on to exposure her daughter within a 24 hour period – the incubation period of Covid is just too long. Assuming the mother’s only contact with the positive person was on Saturday, I probably wouldn’t worry about it. But I think it’s certainly reasonable if you want her to stay home this week and get a negative test before returning.
Anonymous says
*should add this is also assuming the nanny hasn’t seen mom since Sunday. If she has ongoing contact with her mom, obviously a different story.
Spirograph says
Honestly? This is not the “right answer” but I would have a really honest conversation with the nanny, acknowledge that it’s a big ask and she can say no, and ask if she can please avoid seeing her mother for the next week, then get tested. If she agrees tot hat, I would have her continue to work this week. My understanding is that it’s really unlikely that her mom would be able to spread the virus the day after she contracted it (IF she contracted it at all). For my own immediate family, which does not have any high risk factors, I would feel the slight risk that the nanny could have pre-symptomatic covid would be outweighed by the availability of childcare. If your family is high risk, it absolutely makes sense to be more cautious.
Anonymous says
If neither her nor her mom has developed symptoms by Sunday, I would have her come. If either is symptomatic I would wait a couple days and reassess depending on symptoms/test results. Not sure what testing is like in your area but in my area the mom would be tested tomorrow but still have to isolate for two weeks from date of exposure.
Anon says
i’d have her test, come next week and maybe wear a mask next week, and then test again at the two week mark. i would also thank the nanny for being honest with you bc i think sometimes people get scared of being honest. good luck! watching 3 kids under 5 sounds quite challenging.
OP says
Good call on thanking her for the honesty!
Anon Lawyer says
Ok, seeking a gut check/advice re a probably poor decision I made.
On October 9, I bought a “Uglywhere” chair from Ugly Sofa, which is the Pottery Barn Anywhere Chair knockoff. I had seen decent reviews, but perhaps not dug deeply on shipping times. Their website says personalized orders (this has my baby’s name on it) ship in 2-4 weeks.
I messaged them on November 1 to ask about it and they said it should be ready “sometime this week.” Messaged them again yesterday and nothing. Now Pottery Barn has their stupid chairs on sale so I feel like maybe I should try and cancel and order one of those instead. I was going to do this for her birthday on Thursday (recognizing that gifts/birthdays/time are arbitrary at her age) but could do it for Christmas instead – IF I ever get it.
Any experience with the company?
Anon says
How to people handle separation anxiety / fears at bedtime for kids (not toddlers)? My 5.5 year old has started saying (1) she’s afraid to go to bed; (2) she’s afraid of monsters; (3) she doesn’t want to be alone; and (4) often winds up in our bed at 2am saying that she’s “afraid” (and sobs if we bring her back to her room – I have no capacity to handle it at 2am).
Last night it devolved into full blown hysterics at bedtime, and the only thing that calmed her down was agreeing to check on her in various intervals. Basically sleep training. Which, fine, great, glad it worked. But the process of getting there was so freaking painful. I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips for making it easier! Especially with a kid who will escalate these types of situations and is resistant to any/all efforts to de-escalate.
anon says
Getting my son a dimmable night light helped. He likes being in control of how bright it is (all the way bright at bedtime, then I tiptoe in to turn it down after he falls asleep). I just tried searching for our model, but I can’t find it online. We got it at our local hardware store.
ANon says
so this was not so much at bedtime, but my sister had an issue with this growing up, particularly the waking up at 2am part and the pediatrician told my parents to put a sleeping bag ont he floor in their room next to their bed. sister was welcome to come in and sleep there, but could not wake parents up. for a couple of weeks she was in the sleeping bag almost every night by morning, but then it became less frequent and eventually stopped.
another idea that worked for a friends is waaayy before bedtime, discuss with her what ideas she has to make going to bed easier and less scary for her. and make a list. you can even include silly things on the list. this is a technique suggested by How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and they say to write everything down on the list, even things you aren’t willing to implement (ie you are not sleeping in her room), and then circle all of the ideas you can both live with. this is a know your kid thing – but maybe a book that talks about how monsters aren;t real OR doing a monster check before bed with some monster “spray” or getting a dream catcher or something.
DLC says
+1 to the sleeping bag. We tell our oldest that she can come in to our room, but she has to sleep on the floor. No getting in bed with us.
Also- We have a rule that the kids don’t have to go to sleep, but they do have to stay in their room; mom and dad have other things they need to do. Would your daughter feel better if she could sit up and read or play for a bit? I know it’s not ideal for the sleep, but maybe it will help her self regulate a little?
Anonymous says
I didn’t have this problem, but we just read a book that seems like it could be helpful, The Darkest Dark by Astronaut Chris Hatfield.
Anonymous says
At what age, if ever, do you think kids need to be in organized activities? It wasn’t really on our radar pre-covid because our daughter was only 2, but now I’m thinking ahead a year or so to a (hopefully) post-pandemic world and wondering what if anything we should be signing our then-4 year old up for. She likes playing basketball (with a toddler hoop) at home, and dancing, so should I just sign her up for one session of each of those and see what sticks? Or wait until she asks? We travel a lot in normal times, especially in the summer, which is an additional complication. Anything over the summer we’d probably miss a third to half the weekends in normal times (we’re planning to do swim lessons this summer since we figure travel will probably still be extremely limited, and outdoor swim lessons seem reasonably safe even with Covid). Growing up, I didn’t do anything organized until I requested to start a pretty intense sport at age 8, and just spent the weekends and evenings playing with neighborhood kids, but I feel like things are so different now and every kid is in multiple activities from preschool age.
SC says
I really think it depends on the kid. For most 4 year olds, I would pick one organized activity at a time, and try to do that activity twice a week. Again, though, it really varies. We have friends who have a very extroverted, high-energy 5 year old who is an only child and does various activities 2-3 weekdays and both weekend days. He still a massive ball of energy and always up for a trip to the park or a playdate. During the pandemic, I’ve realized that my kid, on the other hand, needs massive amounts of down time, and he really can’t manage any afterschool activity. He loves to have long stretches of unstructured time by himself on the weekends. We have swim lessons first thing on Saturday morning, and he is thrilled with that. Also, he does not miss kids’ birthday parties :-)
Anonymous says
Thanks, this is helpful. She’s an only child and definitely seems to be extroverted and high-energy, although fortunately ~45 hours/week of daycare seems to be meeting her socialization and energy needs for now. Lockdown was h*ll though!
Spirograph says
No child in organized childcare “needs” extracurricular activities, and it can get super annoying to have your free time taken up with them. If your child doesn’t ask for it, I wouldn’t push it. Possible exception is swim lessons. If she’s interested, one thing at a time. Many kid activities are only a 6 week session, so you can try different things without massive commitment.
If you know you will be gone for half of the scheduled activities, you should not sign your child up for a team sport, imho, even a noncompetitive preschool version of it. Our rule about team sports is that you committed to your team, and that means you show up for them. Exceptions are OK for special one-time events, but not because a kid in your class is having an everyone-is-invited birthday party.
AwayEmily says
I agree with everything here. We are not planning on putting our 4.5yo in anything unless she specifically asks, with the exception of swim lessons (she had been going to those for a few months when COVID started). No soccer, no dance, no gymnastics. I think daycare is sufficient for social needs and I don’t really want another thing on my calendar.
Pogo says
+1 swim only. We considered Saturday morning gymnastics pre-pandemic, but like swim, the “season” was like 8 lessons so not a huge $ or time commitment.
Anonymous says
I agree that no child in day care or preschool needs organized extracurriculars, except for swim lessons around age 4 when they can really begin to learn. Extracurriculars before age 5 are mostly just about learning how to line up, follow instructions, and pay attention. Some 4-year-olds are capable of learning actual sports or music skills, but if a kid starts at age 6 or 7 they will quickly catch up with the kids who have been doing the activity since they were toddlers. For ballet, a real pre-professional school (as opposed to a competition dance studio) won’t even begin substantive instruction until age 8 or so.
Anonymous says
Around age 4-5. I regret the time and $ I wasted on lessons in the 2-3 years. Youngest kid (5) learned more in the first 4 skating lessons this year than he did in the entire year of skating lessons when he was 3.
Anon says
yes, i have a friend who is SO disappointed that she can’t sign her two year old up for soccer due to covid…um, he is two, he has a lifetime to play soccer
AnotherAnon says
I signed my 2 y/o up for soccer so *I* could get out of the house on the weekend, so I kind of sympathize. But I also live around a lot of “But if I don’t put my six month old in gymnastics, she will never get into HYS!” parents and that is annoying.
Anon says
Yeah I have a 2 year old and have been grieving the loss of activities pretty hard, but it’s because I miss getting a bit of a break, getting to talk to other parents and getting to watch my kid have fun. I’m aware my toddler is not actually learning anything useful.
Anonymous says
Agreed, although we let our kids piggyback on sibling activities. So if one kid wants to do skating or gymanstics or whatever and we’re going there anyway, I don’t mind if a kid who is really too young to get much out of it wants to join in.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We probably would have signed up our now 4.5 year old for soccer this past summer, but with Covid, we’re going to wait until next year/when he’s in K to start. He does do swim lessons, mostly for safety reasons. I think waiting until they express an interest in early elementary is fine.
Anon says
My daughter turned two in early 2020. We did outdoor soccer this summer because daycare was closed and I was desperate for her to see another kid. I’ve mentioned this before, but 2 year old soccer in the middle of the pandemic was a huge miss for us. Nobody wore masks or practiced distancing, which made me nervous even though case counts were pretty low in our area over the summer, and each kid had a parent on the field with them, so the kids didn’t really interact with each other at all. My daughter has had much more sustained and meaningful interactions with random kids at the playground. I doubt we’ll sign up for any formal activities until she asks. I don’t think she’d get much out of organized sports until she’s quite a bit older, and most of the activities for preschoolers in our area are on weekday afternoons in the 4-6 pm window, which doesn’t really work with our work schedules and her early bedtime. The main thing I’m excited to get back into when things get safer is all the one-off things that happen on weekends that don’t require an ongoing commitment. For instance, my kiddo loves art and crafting and there’s an art studio near us that offers “open studio” with all kinds of cool materials on Saturday mornings. I know she would love that, but it’s a non-starter for us right now because it’s indoors with no mask requirement. So that’s the first thing I want to do when I feel it’s safe enough. Similarly, library storytimes and kids events at the local bookstore, and of course the things you don’t have to schedule, like the children’s museum. At least for right now, she gets way more out of these things than she does out of something like soccer.
Anonymous says
We are team no organized activities for as long as possible. I have a kindergartener who has done none except summer swimming lessons one summer (disaster, wasn’t ready) and now religious school, which is not even every weekend and I’m already grumpy about the impact to our weekends! If not for Covid we might be starting a sport or instrument or something but we all need a lot of downtime, kiddo included.
Sf says
Day care v nanny? I’m going back to work in January and my son will be nearly 5 months. We have a potential spot in a home daycare someone suggested on nextdoor (no personal connection). But the nanny we used for my first son (and loved) is unexpectedly available. Daycare is cheaper and more in budget since we now have a preschool bill too. But I’m having real guilt about giving my second son “less.” We could afford either technically. And I don’t know what I should be considering covid wise. I don’t really know how to make the decision.
Anon says
Check the Covid policies at any home daycares. My niece caught it at her home daycare because there were no masks or precautions and parents were allowed in. (Now the state had mandated masks, etc there). I know this doesn’t answer your real question, but feels especially relevant for a January spot.
Anonymous says
This is really surprising. Our state has the same requirements for all licensed programs and our in home really stepped things up after COVID to fully comply.
Anon says
I have a feeling they were *supposed to* but didn’t
Anon says
I wouldn’t have any feelings of guilt about giving your second kid less – daycare is not objectively inferior to a nanny. That said, if you know and love your first nanny and you can afford to hire her again, I think that sounds like a great choice for your family. Nanny can potentially be a safer Covid choice, especially if you trust her and feel comfortable talking to her about who’s in her bubble and what activities she’s doing, but I will say for us daycare feel surprisingly safe. We’ve been open since July with zero positive cases in our center (one parent tested positive, but no teachers or children). And we’re in a center with 100 kids – I’m sure small, in-homes are even safer just based on the smaller numbers.
If you go with daycare, definitely ask for all the details on their sick policies and make sure you’re comfortable with them from both a safety and practical standpoint. Our daycare doesn’t exclude kids for 2 weeks or require a Covid test every time they get a fever, which I like because it means we won’t have an excessive number of sick days, but I know there are some parents who would prefer a more cautious policy. My daycare requires kids to wear masks, which I personally love (it reduces all illness, not just Covid – we’ve had precisely one cold so far this fall and it was extremely minor, which is a HUGE change from last year), but I know other people would be unhappy about that because they think kids shouldn’t have to do that. So there’s no objective right or wrong, just ask for all these details and make sure you’re comfortable with them. The upside of a nanny of course is that you get to set all these policies yourself.
Spirograph says
Having used the full suite of paid childcare options (seriously: nanny, nanny share, home daycare, small center, large center, in that order), I am here to tell you that none of them is inherently “less.” As infants, my oldest had a nanny, middle child was in a small (5-7 kids) in-home center, and youngest was in a smaller nonprofit center. Each care setting had pros and cons, but all my babies had loving adults caring for them. Do not base your decision on some sense of equity between your children, do what makes sense for you now.
Covid wise, you need to consider the daycare’s policies as far as keeping kids out of care, and whether that will be burdensome. If your preschool has infant care as well, I would consolidate if possible for logistical simplicity. If that is not possible, a nanny will be most convenient, particularly if you can outsource preschool drop-off and/or pick-up to her as well. But, if you are working from home, you really need to think about whether you will find it disruptive to have the nanny and baby in your house with you.
Anonymous says
Can you do part time preschool with your oldest combined with the nanny? That might be a way to save some money.
Some things you will give “better” to your oldest because of time and resources, and some things you will give “better” to your younger kid because of experience (and in my case more financial resources for the younger kid).