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Every year, I am tempted to add a new color or style to my growing collection of Uniqlo Ultra Light Down coats.
This year, my choice is the Ultra Light Down Relaxed Coat. It’s not too long and not too short, works as both an outer and inner layer, and I love the quilt-stitch diamond pattern and collarless design. On top of that, it’s packable (storage pouch included) and water-repellant. And all this for under $100.
Uniqlo’s Ultra Light Down Relaxed Coat is $79.90. It comes in black, beige, and olive and is available in sizes XXS–XL.
Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
I saw someone in the sleeveless version of this and it actually looked really cute! I have an ultralight puffer, purchased last year, and it definitely has improved my life.
anon says
I really like this coat! There may be a place in my work wardrobe for something like this. I have given up on wearing polished wool coats. They’re uncomfortable and not warm enough to make the discomfort worthwhile.
Paging Trouble Showing Empathy says
Spotted this article in the wild about “Suport Languages” that seemed like it might be helpful. (I know it is for me.)
https://www.intelligentchange.com/blogs/read/support-languages
DLC says
That was probably me! Thanks!
Gift ideas for 12-24 month olds? says
I’m struggling to come up with holiday gift ideas for the grandparents to give my kid. They have been very generous, so we have a ton of toys. They haven’t really set a price range, so I’m trying to come up with a variety of price points, up to $200. We don’t really have any outdoor toys. What have your kids loved? Some kind of Little Tikes thing to climb on?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Per the recommendation of a lot of people here, we asked my (generous) parents for the nugget couch. My kids are older but I think if your kid likes to climb and jump off couches (my older one did that age), it’ll be great for the winter.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, the Nugget was way more worth it than I thought it would be. Fun for climbing, for making forts, etc.
TheElms says
For outdoor toys, I would look at a water table, sand box, outdoor mud kitchen, outdoor clear plastic easel for painting, plastic playhouse, a splash pad, a kid sized pool, and a green toys wagon. Do you have any ride on vehicles? Little Tykes has a red and blue truck that we got around 12 months and is still beloved by my 2.5 year old. We also have a foot powered tricycle that is used a lot. For closer to 24 months you could get a scooter or a balance bike.
Anon says
Water table was a big hit for us. A little bike, if you don’t have one already, and perhaps a helmet to go with it. Sand boxes are great (get a large one). We have a Fisher Price slide that has seen some use. My kid also really likes large dump trucks to push around. Plus lots of chalk.
AnonATL says
Water table, sandbox, and slide are a big at our house. The little tykes slide grandma bought us has a hose hookup so it can become a water slide. For now, it’s in the living room and my son will play on it all afternoon.
If you have a bike, a kids seat and helmet can be pretty expensive and good gifts.
My son is 15mo, and I’m debating a 3 wheeled scooter for this year. Not as fun, but a toddler conversion rail for the crib is on my list too. There’s also the little kids armchair from PB someone mentioned yesterday.
CCLA says
Micro mini scooter and helmet could be great! My younger one was zipping around at 18 months, but fair warning my older one got it at age 2 and didn’t take to it until 3…not sure if that’s because little learned from big sis or just personality (younger is less cautious).
Seconding the nugget, water table, and slide. There is a little tikes version that is marginally larger than the standard one and my 3 and 5 yo still use it.
Anonymous says
Thanks, all!
Ifiknew says
Caught up on the thread of the slog of parenting yesterday. I don’t doubt that parenting older children is very very challenging and I thought thr comments about it being lonely because it’s not as universal as young kid challenges are very profound. I do think the sub age 2 challenges of young kids are so brutal in that you can’t fulfill the most basic of needs like having to use the bathroom without crying or finding someone to watch them and if you have a toddler and newborn taken one in with you, eat, sleep without being woken up multiple times a night while also constantly being vigilant for their safety. Ive found that after my youngest turned 2, being able to fulfill my basic needs as a human made parenting a LOT more bearable even though there’s an abundance of tantrums and the like.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I found ages 9/10 months – 2/2.5 to be particularly brutal because they’re mobile and you really cannot leave them alone. First 3 months were a lot of lack of sleep. Babies from about 4 months – 8 months are just adorable, hopefully sleeping better and not quite mobile enough to worry too much about.
It is a gamechanger to be able to leave a room with a kid old enough to entertain themselves in it. Now I just worry about my two kids fighting with each other (!), but less about them hurting themselves if left alone.
Anonymous says
Lol for me 4-12 months was a disaster, no sleep, super grumpy. As soon as my nugget figured out walking he was so much happier. I love 12-36 months, they’re learning so much and so cute and their conversation explodes.
Anon says
Interesting how everyone has a different perspective. 6 months – 2.5 was really good for me and 18 months-2.5 was absolute my favorite stage. The first six months were fine (I had a good sleeper) but it got a lot more fun once she got more interactive. I had a late walker (18 months) and actually felt things got much easier once she could walk and I wasn’t having to chase after a speed crawler everywhere. And she had a language explosion around 18 months and could really communicate with us by then, and it was just a delight. 2.5 was when the terrible twos hit and it started getting harder from there. 3 has been much worse than 2 overall probably in large part because of our expectations for behavior is different in kids who look and talk like preschoolers vs toddlers. I didn’t mind meltdowns when I knew my kid couldn’t really communicate that well, but something about a very verbal 3.5 year old melting down and refusing to use her words is so much more frustrating to me than when a baby or toddler won’t communicate. She’s almost 4 now and fingers crossed 4 is better than 3 because another year of 3 will break me. My kid is definitely spirited, though.
Anon says
Ha, I find 1 and 2 year olds to be SO BORING and physically intense. I love small babies and then ages 4 and up!
No Face says
The infant year is brutal for me. Now that my youngest is two, I am loving parenting.
I get the “slog” feeling when work is boring and my basic needs are not addressed. Now that cases are down in my area, I am working out multiple times a week in the morning and more proceedings are in-person, rather than by video. I am addressing my health needs proactively too. My days are enjoyable now!
anon says
Yes. I’m one of the moms of older kids, and I never want to downplay what the moms of younger kids are going through because it is HARD. Sleep deprivation and being unable to meet your own physical needs will do a number on anyone’s well-being. What I have learned is that there are lots of ebbs and flows in parenting. There are times when you feel confident, competent, and your kid is in a great phase, and life hums along, with parenting feeling pretty enjoyable! Other times, your kids are in a Stage (or you’re in one yourself!), and everything feels like a hard slog. This happens with older kids, too. If you can keep that in perspective, it helps you through the harder times. Parenting is a complex endeavor. I believe some people find it easy, due to their own personalities or how their kids are wired, but most of us have to ride the waves. The highs are wonderful, but the lows can take your breath away.
Spirograph says
Exactly this.
anon says
Parenting is a complex endeavor. I believe some people find it easy, due to their own personalities or how their kids are wired, but most of us have to ride the waves. The highs are wonderful, but the lows can take your breath away.
^^^This is a wonderful way to put it, thank you!
ElisaR says
well said anon at 10:49
Anon says
I was always told that parenting young kids is tough physically, and older kids is tough emotionally. I’ve found that to be true so far with my upper elementary kids, and I bet that’s what leads to differing opinions on which is easier/harder.
I hated the baby/toddler stages because I’m not good at pushing through physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation. As they’re getting older and heading into the roller coaster that is tween/teen age years, I’m still struggling but it feels better to me because I am good at managing emotions. But I can completely understand how other people would feel the opposite.
OP says
Yes, this is a really good way to phrase it. makes a lot of sense to me.
anon2 says
I mean this genuinely – but it seemed to me that so many of the commenters that said parenting is a horrible slog that just gets worse had more than one child. Really asking, what is motivating most of you to have more than one kid if it’s just hard always and you never quite enjoy life like you did before? I have one, six months, and I love her but it’s been incredibly hard and I truly don’t know if I could put myself through it again – not even just the physicality of parenting a little kid, but also the stress of the luck of the draw – what if kid #2 has health or other issues, the siblings don’t get along, it’s just harder all around, and so on? It felt like almost nobody on the thread, with one or two exceptions, truly enjoyed and was happy being a parent even with older more independent kids and I just found it so discouraging.
Anon says
I did not comment yesterday but I truly enjoy and am happy being a parent. My life just feels so much more grounded and fulfilled raising this little person (she’s 4). I no longer sweat the small stuff. We have been TTC another kiddo for over 2 years now (with two miscarriages along the way). Yes, raising kids is hard, but most rewarding things in my experience are. It is easier because DH is a SAHD and we only have one currently, but harder because I have an autoimmune disease that saps my energy, DH has physical limitations that mean he basically only handles childcare and all other physical household tasks generally fall to me or we outsource them, we both have aging parents for whom we are helping manage health issues, I work 50-70 hours most weeks (BigLaw), DD is still not sleeping regularly through the night, DD is a spirited child, DD has a speech delay which both makes communication harder and adds therapy into our schedules. But our family does not feel complete as a family of three, and the highs definitely make the lows worth it for us.
anon says
Agreed. It is a lot harder with more than one kid and I think 3 kids is harder 2 etc. Two is my limit for how my husband and I are wired and the very active personalities of our kids. I wanted them to have each other and I’m glad I do, but I can already see how we have all the issues of one child plus all the additional ones of more than one. You love all your children primaly, but its a ton harder to have more than one. I found all the “two is no harder than one” to be BS.
Anonymous says
That’s a big reason why we are one and done. I love my daughter, and I know that if we had another my husband and I wouldn’t have the capacity to give her what she needs.
Spirograph says
As someone with more than one child (3) who sometimes feels like parenting is a slog, it’s a misreading of *my* comment (I can’t speak for anyone else) to come away thinking I don’t enjoy being a parent. I absolutely do. I love my family, I love being a mom, I love – in the abstract – the dynamics of having a house full of people who all need to balance their wants and needs in ways that are sometimes conflicting. That’s the macro picture. The micro picture is that day in and day out can be stressful and relentless. The more people who depend on you, the more difficult it is to feel free and spontaneous, and sometimes that weighs on me. But as much as I might occasionally daydream about riding off into the sunset (in my minivan?) and leaving it all behind for a carefree existence, it wouldn’t make me happy to actually do it. The Venn diagram of things that are rewarding and things that are fun in the moment doesn’t have a huge overlap.
anon says
You said this well. Thank you. Am I less happy in the day-to-day moments? Sometimes. But big picture, I enjoy having a family.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is me too. And for me, personally, having two kids showed me that a lot of what I do or don’t do as a parent doesn’t really matter as these kids have their own unique personalities in the end anyway (even now at 3 and 5, my kids are different). For a recovering Type A control freak like me, that is very freeing. It’s also given me a better perspective on work – I can’t give work my all now, nor do I want to. And I think having that perspective makes me a better, more empathetic leader, even if a lot of the people I work with aren’t necessarily of the same mindset.
It is a leap of faith to have a second, just like having a first. I don’t think everyone should and I don’t want to sugarcoat how much harder it is. Your life does become more kid centered, for better or for worse. And that’s not for everyone, even those who want kids. But, again for me, I kind of want that minivan for this phase of my life and I’m ok with that.
FVNC says
+3. Ultimately I don’t think that deciding to have children (or more children) is rational. There are so many risks and potential for heartbreak that the decision is inherently an emotional one. Think of a pros and cons list: the cons side would be really long, and the pro side could be as short as, “I want a(nother) child.” It doesn’t make rational sense, but that single desire can trump the mile long list of cons.
anon says
I have two, two years apart. Now that youngest is almost 2, they play together and entertain themselves a lot and I’m finding it getting easier. It can feel like a slog some days, but I do overall enjoy it. But, no BS, having a second did make me feel like it’s total mom-dom for me, but I’m ok with that. Having 2 is a lot different. My one-and-done friends now have 4 or older kids that they could theoretically go to the mall, watch movies, go to nice restaurants with, while we are still firmly in family-friendly activities territory. But, I enjoy that so I’m fine with it and don’t miss a lot of things some friends miss about pre-kid life (I honestly just work less now, dropped soccer and go “out” less, but have more meaningful relationships with fellow mom-friends that balance it out for me, and I love things like walks in the park and library trips with the kids; I also don’t really miss going out to restaurants or date nights that much–hubs and I are fine with a movie at home but I get that’s not for everyone!!). I also get where a lot of people decide one-and-done and can get back to some more adult activities. I also think it depends on your support system — my mom helps fill in the gaps a lot – babysat on our anniversary, stays the night sometimes when DH is out of town for work, etc. I think that extra help goes a long way in helping me feel less burned out, especially with two. I’m still undecided about 3 because I do love the baby stage even with the exhaustion, but it’s not logical at all.
PS, FWIW, 6 mo was a turning point for both kids — start solids, start sleeping more, and you start seeing that personality come through.
Anon4this says
We strongly considered being one and done. Both DH and I find parenting very hard and there are moments where it is just awful and I am truly unhappy in the moment. I don’t know that I can say what specifically put us over the edge to decide to have a second, but we did. I think part of it is that even though there are moments that are just the worst, there are also fantastic moments too. Even with a toddler we see how things are getting better for our specific personalities. (We both find the physicality of parenting a toddler hard as well as the constant need to be on and vigilant very hard. I also found the early sleep deprivation with an infant really tough and we had a good sleeper.) But our toddler is starting to play independently for up to 20 minutes, she is funny and joyful and in those moments being her parent is a complete joy. I love our little team going out into the world to do things and watching our toddler explore the world. It is magical to see the world through her eyes. I also think we will both do better with the emotional stress and problems presented by older kids. I do worry it will be harder all around but I’m also hopeful that the harder all around in the way we both find hard will be a relatively short phase. (I’m really not looking forward to having an infant and a preschool who no longer naps but probably isn’t great at entertaining herself and will probably just lean into more childcare, especially weekend childcare if we can do it COVID-wise for 6 months or so to preserve my sanity).
anon says
Counterpoint re naps, because I dreaded it too. But, Saturdays during younger one’s nap are great. 4yo looks forward to it a lot, and is especially sweet during that one-on-one time. And, we saved a toy with small parts that he could play with during her naps, so he used to get so geeked for her naps. (His Our Generation Doll). Or, he helps out with things that when both are up wouldn’t work, like helping cooking.
Anon says
I strongly recommend instituting quiet time once your toddler drops nap. 1-3 on weekends everyone is in their room, either napping or playing independently and everyone is better off for that break.
Anon says
I didn’t want to comment either but I genuinely enjoy being a parent, even the chores and boring tasks. Maybe it’ll get harder over time but right now I feel like I’m in a golden age where everything is fun. I don’t tend to stress about what ifs so maybe that helps.
anon says
I’m an only child and have two young children. I mostly loved growing up as an only child and currently certainly fall into the camp of “two kids is more than double the work of one.” However, I decided to have two kids because I felt in some ways I would be a better parent of two kids than I would be of one kid. Growing up my parents were generally great, very involved parents, and I think they actively tried to avoid putting any excess pressure on me. But I still felt self-imposed pressure to be “perfect” as an only child, and all the attention was always on me, which is great in some ways, but adds to the feeling of pressure in other ways. With my parents’ main focus on me, I felt like I couldn’t rebel or push back on them in any way, or even disagree with them to some extent. I worried that if I had an only child, I would project my personal history and feelings on him/her. And I worried that despite my best intentions, I would have higher expectations or expect the only child to be more like me, etc. I felt that for me personally, having two kids would force me to see how much nature and a kid’s innate personality really plays into things, and it would force me to let go of the small things and certain preconceived notions, and give the kids more freedom to be themselves and not just “parent pleasers.” So far that has held true, even though I do find many aspects of day to day parenting quite challenging, particularly with two working parents and both sets of grandparents plane rides away and no local family. I know this is long-winded and likely highly specific to my own personality, but I do believe I made the best choice for me big picture wise in having two kids, even though the micro day to day picture might look like things would have been easier or more manageable with one.
Party Animal says
+1- well put. This is so, so similar to my experience as an only child, and a factor in why we’ve decided to have two kids.
Anon says
I’m curious if your mom worked? I’m an only child and parent of an only and I can definitely see both my mom and myself being too interested in our kid’s life if we had stayed home and not had a job. But a demanding career takes up so much time that my mom simply didn’t have time to smother me, and I never felt like I got too much attention from my parents. It’s one of the primary reasons I’m still in the workforce, actually. I feel like I can work and be a good parent to one, but if I stayed home I would need at least two kids so they didn’t feel like they were under the microscope too much. My kid is really nothing like me, so even having one I’ve been very awakened to the notion that kid’s personalities are innate and you can’t just mold a mini-me.
anon says
Yep! She’s always worked full time in a male-dominated STEM field. And she did have hobbies as I got older and a life outside of me. So she certainly didn’t smother me, and I went to after care at my elementary school so it wasn’t like she was always home or anything. But as my parents only had me and my schedule to deal with, I was able to do multiple activities, and they were able to stagger their work schedules slightly and trade off such that at least one of them was always at every school or extra-curricular event and activity. They were hugely involved, which was amazing. Just (likely) due to my own personality, I always had that feeling of “my parents do so much for me, so I need to show I appreciate it and be perfect.”
Boston Legal Eagle’s comment above of “having two kids showed me that a lot of what I do or don’t do as a parent doesn’t really matter as these kids have their own unique personalities in the end anyway (even now at 3 and 5, my kids are different). For a recovering Type A control freak like me, that is very freeing” hugely resonated with me. Like I said, a lot of this is primarily due to my own personality, and how this plays out is likely hugely dependent on each kid’s personality. My older kid has a very similar personality to me, whereas younger sibling is hilariously opposite, and I can see how they play off each other, and how despite my older one having a similar personality to me, it sometimes comes out differently due to the relationship with the sibling, for better or worse as the case may be.
From watching my parents, both as parents and as grandparents, and reflecting on my own parenting experience so far, I definitely see the cliché about how it’s so easy to take credit (or receive blame) for your child’s innate personality, and think everything is so much more a reflection of parenting than it really is, having one kid vs. two. But I see how this can all play out differently when dealing with different parent and child personalities!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Anon 245, I relate to so much of what you said too, down to only child of parents in STEM and still feeling pressure to be the model child despite lack of parental smothering. I also see myself in my older kid and I hope that he feels just a little bit less pressure by having a sibling and hope that they grow up knowing that they have each other, although none of any of this is guaranteed.
anon says
This is really well put. My DH is an only child, and he has very similar thoughts about the self-imposed pressure to be a perfect kid.
DLC says
I think there is a difference between saying having kids is hard and saying having kids is undesirable. I feel like a lot of the comments yesterday were about how hard it is, because it needs to be oaky to acknowledge it.
“Hard” is not a bad thing; I don’t expect to go through life friction-free. I think of all the work projects I’ve done which I felt were so so hard and tiring and just pushed me to my limit, and yet, I still love my job.
A parent I know once said that while he frequently regrets the life that kids have kind of forced him into, he never regrets the kids.
DLC says
I will also add on the why have more kids question- I have three and I loved having kids from newborn until five or six. Ages 8-10 has been really fraught for me and my oldest. Certainly not fraught enough to wish that I hadn’t had more children or anything. For one, i still get an incredible amount to joy from the two younger ones (they are both under five). And for another, I think it’s pretty clear to me that what makes this phase particularly not enjoyable is the combination of my personality and my oldest kid’s personality. I think the thing that i find makes older kids harder for me – the variety of temperaments and personalities to navigate- is actually the thing that gives me hope that it might not be this hard with the other two kids.
Anon says
Agreed, this is a factor for us in being one and done. I was leaning one and done before parenthood (I’m a really happy only child and my husband and parents aren’t close to their siblings at all so I’ve never viewed a sibling as essential to a happy life), but parenting a very spirited 3 year old is what led us to actually getting my husband snipped. I love my child endlessly and do not regret having her, but I don’t feel like I have the capacity to be a good parent to two kids with my daughter being as high needs as she is (and the second one could be even higher needs – there are certainly kids out there who have more challenges than my daughter).
Anon says
I didn’t comment because I didn’t want to take up airtime from people who needed to vent, but I’ve got three kids and I love it – and not just in a “life is hard but fulfilling” way. I actively find it fun. For me the the adjustment from zero to one was the hardest, because that was the end of fancy free single life. But once I was a year in, everything got easier for me mentally and I found the next two easier than the first.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, same. I have my moments but overall I just really, really love parenting. It’s way more fun than I expected. That being said I don’t think this is because of any, like, “life hacks” that I do and it is DEFINITELY not because I am a particularly amazing parent. I think it’s almost entirely because I have a flexible job and pretty easy kids.
anon says
We definitely questioned whether having another kid was a good idea for us. Even though having our first baby was very hard, it was incredible to see that baby grow into a little person with her own personality and spirit, and I wanted to experience that again with another child.
Also, my siblings are the some of the most important people in my life, and I want my child to have that (potential) support system too. I have a good friend who was an only child, and she said to me at one point, “You’re having another, right… right!?” Because to her, it was incredibly lonely to grow up as an only child, and now that she’s older, both her parents have serious illnesses (think, nursing home, hospice care), and she wishes she didn’t have to go through that alone. I know not every only child has that experience by any means, and you can’t predict or control the future just by providing a sibling, but it still factored into my thinking.
Having our second baby was actually healing in some ways, because this baby was so much easier than our first, and I felt like I knew what I was doing and wasn’t throw off by every little issue. I will say it is a journey, and you can never say “Yes, we made it!” because every day and every phase is different. It is a constant challenge and very humbling.
boop says
How do people with nannies handle play dates? My 5 yo has just started having play dates and I’m not sure the best way to handle it. Do you have the other parent coordinate with you or your nanny? Do you even have play dates when your nanny is there and you aren’t home?
Another parent got our nanny’s number and now directly contacts her to ask if my daughter can play. She asks to have a play date pretty much every day and will also often will come over or ask my daughter to come over after school spur of the moment at pick up time. I would prefer to plan playdates in advance and through me rather than having our nanny put on the spot to decide what to do or have to contact me. I also want to generally know where my kids are and don’t want my nanny allowing them to go to a friend’s house without checking with me. My husband thinks its inappropriate to have any other kids over at all when our nanny is there, but I don’t really want to take that position because I’ll feel bad if my daughter can’t have a friend over just because I’m at work. I also think a play date every day might be a bit much but I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable here. Appreciate any suggestions for boundaries, rules, etc.
Anonymous says
Daily play dates is ridiculous. Just call this other mom and say “hey love that the girls are such good friends! Daily play dates are a bit much so we are going to stick to once a week, how’s next Wednesday? Please give me a call to schedule instead of nanny thanks.”
Big girl pants time!
Anonymous says
I asked the nanny’s preference and went with that. She generally thought it was easiest to handle it herself. But I also made the connections. So there was a group of 3-4 kids where I said “hey, kiddo likes to play with neighbor X sometimes, do you prefer I set that up or do you want to?” She usually wanted to so that she could plan other activities accordingly. I think she also kind of took the position that she’s an adult and can handle it. And she wasn’t wrong – she did a great job. But, like I said, I tended to vet them first and make introductions. That makes a difference I think. When we hired nanny (a summer position), I told her upfront that kiddo is an only child and wants to play with neighbor kids that have SAHMs or sitters over the summer, so part of the job description was being okay with having other kids over from time to time. I don’t think that’s unexpected/unreasoanble for a nanny.
Anon says
I don’t think this is fair for your nanny. I’d suggest a regular play date or that the mom contacts you. Personally, I’d rather have this out of the house at a park or something rather than at home when I wasn’t around but others may disagree.
Anon says
a playdate every day is absurd. but your husband’s stance that you shouldn’t have kids over at all while your nanny is there is also absurd. growing up we had a nanny bc my mom worked full time and kids came over to play
NYCer says
Our nanny schedules play dates for our youngest, though all of the kids they meet up with also have a nanny (and at this point, the nannies are all friends too). I think another mom would likely contact me directly vs. my nanny, but that issue has never come up. My nanny generally tells me when they are going to a playdate, but I don’t ask her to check with me before going to a friend’s apartment. These are all walking distance friends though. My feeling might be different if the nanny was having to drive to playdates, etc.
My elementary aged daughter is a mixed bag, though mostly coordinated through the parents. Some of the kids she has been friends with since they were little will coordinate through our nanny, since the nannies have also known each other for years at this point.
Regardless, a play date every day seems excessive. I would probably contact the girl’s mom and suggest a standing weekly play date (if you and your daughter want that) or something similar.
anon says
Is the parent coming over or is there any possibility she is using your nanny as free babysitting?
FWIW, I coordinate or my kids coordinate with their friends and check with me, not my nanny. I also want to know what’s going on. I’ll make clear to other parents that they will be watched by my nanny though.
HSAL says
Yeah that’s totally how it sounds to me.
Momofthree says
I’ve really appreciated the convos about parenting older vs young children. One thing I noticed was that many moms said they didn’t feel they could talk about their older kids problems because of privacy. Why is that? Do the kids know each other so if the moms talk the kids will know? Do moms think others won’t have problems?
I remember being a teen/tween and not liking it when my parents talked about me when I could hear or they said “carol recommends x” but my mom friends currently text each other and our kids go to different schools so would love to hear the reasoning.
Anonymous says
Because your kids are people too? The same way you might not want your husband to tell all his friends that you’re depressed and lost your drive, your kid might not want anyone to know they’re anxious and leaving the house is really hard.
anne-on says
This. Mine is a tween and SUPER sensitive to personal information being shared. I had a rough time in my teens with health issues and I was furious (and am still disappointed) that my parents made it all about how hard it was on them and spent zero time/thought on how it impacted me, the person having those issues. Thank GOD there was no social media at the time because my parents have no filter and would have 100% been giving constant updates with no concern about my preferences/desire for privacy.
anon says
I have to be really careful about this. My son has ADHD and while I would love to be more of a public advocate for what kids with ADHD need, I’ve never been able to bring myself to do it on social media. Although he’s comfortable and open with certain people, I am 100% positive that he doesn’t want me sharing those experiences on social media, or even me talking about how I deal with it as a parent! That’s what I constantly have struggled to understand with social media influencers who center their content around their kids. At some point, it feels really inappropriate (IMO) to share. And that sucks, because moms need support, too, but also? Your kids need some time, space, and privacy to develop.
anon says
Because even though you’re the parent, it’s really THEIR life and their story to share (or not). My kid (11) most definitely does not want everyone to know his business. I’ve had to pull way back on what I share, out of respect for him. Of course we know that other kids have problems, too, but that sort of doesn’t matter? One of my friends is constantly oversharing about her 12- and 13-year-old girls, and it honestly makes me a little uncomfortable to have that many details. A specific example: I’m pretty sure they don’t want me, their mom’s weird friend, to know that they have brutal cramps and have major meltdowns during their periods.
Anonymous says
Yeah mine keeps telling me her 8 year old is struggling in school and overwhelmed and it’s rough because I don’t think my tiny girl friend wants her fun auntie to know that!
anon says
It’s so hard, because I have no doubt that your friend needs some love and support so she can continue supporting her kid! And I am sure that I’ve been guilty of oversharing, too. It’s a hard balance to strike.
Anonymous says
Oh agreed! I don’t think she’s a bad mom or anything, it’s just a very tricky issue.
Anonymous says
Exactly–it’s their life and their story to share or not, even if the person you would share with doesn’t know the kid. The fact that we live in a small community so my friends also happen to be her friends’ parents, her teachers, etc. just makes it more complicated.
Some of my friends do share quite a bit about their kids, and I’m conflicted about it. On the one hand, it’s really helpful to get their perspective on some of the parenting issues I’m facing and to know that I’m not the only one. It’s also useful to know a little more about why their kids behave in certain ways because I sometimes spend time around or supervise their kids. On the other hand, I feel like I’m not reciprocating when I don’t share to the same degree, and I feel kind of icky knowing that Susie has ADHD but she doesn’t necessarily know that her dad told me all about it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Piggybacking on this – just want to shout-out to all the parents of older kids on here. PLEASE SHARE what you are going through when you feel like it. My two boys are ~4 and ~11 months, and I am super interested in thinking about what’s next, even the challenges. Most of my friends that have kids all have kids that are 5 and under, so this is a good community for me to learn, and I suspect others may feel this way.
anne-on says
One thing that really surprised me is how much harder it is on my kid when my workload ramps up/I travel. When my kiddo was little it was more out of sight out of mind, now he’ll talk abut how much he misses it when I can’t be at school events/have to work late/etc. I also try to lean into being really present when I am home – I know WAY WAY more about video games than I would ever want to but hey, if he’s willing to talk about it and teach me, I’m willing to listen. We also really try to protect our weekend/evening times and spend a lot of time then as a family reading/playing games/etc.
anon says
I agree with this. DH puts in crazy hours during the fall, and his presence is missed in a way that it wasn’t when the kids were younger. I’ve also noticed that if my brain is in work mode, it does not bode well for anyone. Big kids don’t allow you to go on autopilot! That said, I find those interactions really rewarding, but it does feel like I never get to shut off my brain.
Spirograph says
It’s very situational for me. My kids are old enough to be self-conscious. They know what their challenges are, and they don’t like to feel judged about them any more than adults do. I’m not on social media, full stop, but even if I were, I would not share anything attributable about my kids. The internet never forgets, and I would hate for their childhood struggles to pop up in a search and give some teen bully extra ammunition, etc etc.
I do talk fairly freely in private one-on-one conversations with friends, and even with coworkers, especially those with similar age kids. But it’s not the same as being able to commiserate with a group of moms of babies or toddlers or blast out to your whole network that you’re struggling with potty training or sleep or something more universal.
Anon says
It’s such a tough balance. My kiddo has dyslexia. This isn’t a secret (we do Dyslexia 5ks, he goes to a specialized school, etc.), but I also don’t feel comfortable getting into the nitty gritty of what that diagnosis has meant for him and/or our family with most of my friends. That’s their story to tell more than mine. I’ve found a really strong community in online groups for parents of kids with learning differences. That feels like a much safer space than the women I would otherwise consider my closest friends.
RR says
Their problems become more sensitive and subject to their own choices about privacy. My older two are 13/almost 14. My son has ADHD and is totally fine talking about it and having me talk about it. His twin sister would not want me to share any private information about her–or at least would want me to be very discreet. They are old enough that I respect their wishes. When they were too little to have preferences, their problems seemed more like my problems, my stresses, etc. Now, both parent and child are putting in work on problems, and it’s not just my store to tell.
Anon says
+1 This is the difference to me. When they’re young, the problems are really mine. If they don’t sleep through the night, it’s MY problem. They’re doing exactly what you expect for a baby. If they’re not potty training, it’s MY lack of finding the right training method, not anything that my kid has done wrong.
But as they get to school age, problems become a shared issue. I may be struggling to deal with the many notes home about my son, but he is the one struggling to focus in class and complete assignments on time. I may be struggling to support my daughter, but she’s the one directly struggling to fit in with her friend group. It’s more about my ability to support them through their problems, rather than me dealing with my own problems.
Those shared problems feel like a shared ownership – I can’t talk about them without my kid giving the okay. Just like I wouldn’t necessarily want them telling their teacher about their father and I fighting, even if they hate to hear us disagree. (I know this happens often, based on what teacher friends say they hear, but I still wouldn’t prefer it if I had a choice.) It’s similar but I’m the adult so I feel a larger responsibility to honor their personhood and only share when they’re comfortable.
Toddler winter gear for outdoor classrooms says
LO’s daycare is building outdoor classrooms, and they’re committed to sending the kiddos outside as much as possible, year-round (so, above 20F unless it’s really windy). We’re in the upper Midwest. What winter gear am I forgetting? We have the LL Bean snowsuit (in addition to a fleece, raincoat, and carseat-safe puffer), several hats, magic mittens, and waterproof insulated mittens. LO had a growth spurt last week, but I’ll order Bogs as soon as I get a chance to measure her feet.
anon says
I think you’ve got it covered. One thing that I found helpful was to have backups of anything that might get wet in the snow. Get it secondhand, if you can.
Anonymous says
Good point, thanks!
anon says
My aunt teaches an outdoor-based preschool, and recommended a rain suit (one piece). Check out ollie and stella outfitters. My almost 2yo loves hers. The 4yo doesn’t so much, but will wear it. Depending on LO’s age, if they still fall over a fair amount (or like laying in puddles, etc.) it might be nice for the upper Midwest’s long rainy seasons where a full snowsuit may be too much.
Anonymous says
Thanks, that is a very good idea.
Anon says
You’ve got it covered, but if they’re bringing all that gear back and forth every day, you’ll want some kind of bag to hold it all. We walk to school so the boots especially needed a plastic bag separate from the other items so the salt wouldn’t ruin anything.
Anonymous says
Good point! Thankfully we’ll be able to leave the big stuff there during the week, and we always keep a wet bag in her (large-ish) bag for stuff like that. She has a tendancy to get into messy things… :)
Anon says
I think you’ve got it all (though a rain suit is better than a rain coat). Maybe merino wool base layers or socks but I am a big wool fan. I like to browse nordic kids brands – they have the best little kid outdoor gear. Some of them like Polarn O Pyret will give you an outdoor school discount if your school registers with them.
Anonymous says
Definitely wool long Johns, fleece middle layer, wool socks. Maybe get a neck gator or see if your kid wears turtle necks? Keeping my neck/lower face warm is key. Definitely rain suit or rain pants/Jacket. 1000 hours outside has a lot of good recommendations on Instagram.
AwayEmily says
My cold-sensitive daughter loves her Turtle Fur neck gaiter.
Anon says
If you have kids who haven’t been vaccinated, are you doing anything different the week after Thanksgiving? We live in a very undervaccinated area and cases are skyrocketing and I’m worried that with everyone gathering for Thanksgiving there will be cases in preschool the following week. I’m wondering if it’s worth keeping kids home for that week.
AwayEmily says
I remember a big discussion about this last year (maybe I was even the one who posted) and by the end of it I was convinced that it wasn’t worth it to keep them home (and we didn’t). You might want to look around in the archives to see if you can find it (although lord knows I can never find anything there).
Anon says
Thanks, yeah I remember that too, and we didn’t keep them home last year either. But unfortunately cases in my area are higher now than they were at the same time in 2020, and I get the anecdotal sense that far more people are gathering for Thanksgiving this year (we didn’t and most of our friends didn’t last year, but we all are this year). Super frustrating that this is where we are almost a year into vaccines being available, but it is what it is.
Anonymous says
Even if I weren’t going to proactively keep my kids home, I would definitely be making contingency plans for when day care gets shut down a week or two after the holiday.
Anonymous says
+1, this is what I would do.
So Anon says
I live in a highly vaccinated area (New England), though the overall state’s vaccination rates are a bit lower. There are articles about the high rates of Covid in our area, and that the cases are predominantly among the unvaccinated. However, I am hearing about so many breakthrough cases right now and cases in the older elementary school/middle school range. My kids’ elementary school had more cases in 2 days than I remember in total during the winter/spring months earlier this year. A colleague’s middle school (same general area) had everyone rapid test yesterday because of so many cases. My babysitter’s work shut down today because of the number of employees who tested positive. I feel like there is a wave that is hitting. I am pretty cautious about Covid and my plan is to continue until my kids are fully vaccinated (mid-December). More than anything, I am preparing myself mentally for more days of school being shut down (just for a few days) or no babysitter.
So Anon says
Oh and if you’d like a bit of levity: the email that my son was a close contact indicated that he could go to school (yay for pooled testing) but needed to quarantine from “community based activities” until the quarantine period was over. Their dad emailed me and asked if that meant that he couldn’t see them. Umm… what?! I informed him that he was their dad and not a “community based activity.”
Anon says
We live in an area with reasonably low transmission and an indoor mask-mandate; my 4yo has been in a 500-kid public school since August and there have been no confirmed cases, even with weekly random testing of asymptomatic kids. We’re quite cautious (my kid does basically nothing indoors except school), but I have no intention of pulling him out after Thanksgiving. If his class shuts down due to a case, we’ll deal with that, but in the meantime I don’t want him to miss more school.