CorporetteMoms

Updated: Aug 6, 2023 143 Comments · by

Accessory Tuesday: Twist Pave Hoops

Recent Recs

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Twist Pave Hoops

I love jewelry that makes you look a little closer. These affordable earrings from Stella & Dot put a little twist on traditional gold hoops.

These delicate hoops are accented with tiny pave crystals. These lightweight earrings are large enough to make a statement, but not so large to caught in your hair. They’re a modern take on a jewelry staple you’ll reach for again and again.

Stella & Dot’s hoop earrings are $49.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Anon says

    Any questions I should ask or topics to discuss at kindergarten meet the teacher? It’s a one-on-one half hour meeting in the classroom the day before school starts. Kiddo is very strong-willed and sensitive and had some issues following teachers directions in daycare, but I’m not sure how much I should be sharing about that. I don’t want to leave the teacher with a negative impression right off the bat.

    • Cb says

      I’d probably focus on her likes/her enthusiasms rather than warning the teacher of things. She might respond very differently to a traditional classroom environment, and it would be good to give her a fresh start!

    • Anonymous says

      If you can, I would focus on solutions not problems, e.g., what behavior management techniques work best for you at home or best at daycare. Or what might not be obvious to someone who doesn’t know your kid well. What does your child really like to do? What are they interested in learning or talking about?

      • anon says

        +1. Focus on what works well for your daughter, and what works less well.

      • Anonymous says

        Yup. Things like “X responds well to positive reinforcement and being given responsibility” or “X is shy but opens up when asked specific questions. She’s particularly excited to talk about her pets and soccer!”

        • anon says

          Yeah, if positive reinforcement works well for managing your kiddo I’d definitely mention that. We’ve gotten a lot of “oh wow, that’s so good to know, I’ll try that!” from school staff (who I guess otherwise wouldn’t have used positive reinforcement as a first step, which is a whole other issue).

      • OP says

        This makes me feel like a bad mom, but I don’t really have a list of strategies that work. We mostly let daycare manage in-class behavioral issues, although we would remind her to listen to teachers when we got a note home.

        • Anon says

          This sounds very within the range of normal for a rising K-er. I also have a rising K, fwiw. I wouldn’t bring any of this up. Who knows what new behaviors will manifest in a new environment vs which may fade away. Your K teacher knows what’s up and can assess students on their own. They also have parent-teacher conferences in our district within about 45 days so to me that’s when real stuff should get discussed. I’d definitely trust your gut and shy away from labeling your kiddo.

          • Anon says

            Anyone else juggling work & childcare of school age kids this week? There are no camps because school starts Wednesday, but kindergartners have a gradual start and don’t go for a full day until Friday. Husband has a colleague with a similar age kid, so they’re having a “working playdate” this morning (which is apparently going really well) then I’ll be on duty this afternoon and try to catch up on work in the evening. It’s giving me low key 2020 flashbacks, even though this is a very different situation and having a 5 year old underfoot is obviously much easier than trying to care for a 2 year old while working.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Hi fellow rising K-er Mum!

      Could you frame it as things y’all are working on vs. “problems”? Like “Our family is really working on following directions”, “We’ve really made talking about and managing feelings a priority”, etc.

      Not the same thing, I realized that I probably shared too much for my toddler at the meet the teacher in his class last year and I feel like he may have gotten a bit of a label (I detest that term), so this year I just told them “We’re working on XYZ in Speech Therapy”.

    • Anonymous says

      How do you like to communicate with parents? What can I do at home to set my kid up for success? Is there anything you’d like us to focus on?

  2. Cb says

    Anyone reading anything fun with their kids?
    I picked up Paolo, Emperor of Rome from the library and I think I laughed harder than my kid did.
    Juniper Mae: Knight of Tykotech City was a fab introductory graphic novel. Flying Eye books just have such gorgeous illustrations.
    On audio, we are still deep into How to Train Your Dragon, ordering the next as soon as audible credits renew each month. We are going to see Cressida Cowell at a festival in a few weeks and my son has a Toothless tshirt to wear. Hilda audiobooks are also a hit.

    • AwayEmily says

      Currently reading D’Aulaires Norse Mythology with the big kids (thanks for the recs, everyone!) and their audiobook of choice is Gone-Away Lake.

      For her own reading, the 7yo is very into the Bad Kitty books (I can’t stand them).

      • Cb says

        Ooh, we got the Norse Mythology for T’s birthday and have read the first 2 stories. Need to read some more as we saw a Viking show at the Fringe this weekend and we are feeling inspired.

      • Mary Moo Cow says

        I can’t stand Bad Kitty, either, and I’m so glad my younger kid is starting to be able to read them herself!

    • GCA says

      There’s a new Princess in Black that my newly 5yo is enjoying – The Princess in Black and the Prince in Pink. She also likes Ian Falconer’s Olivia books. And we just got the Tea Dragon Society graphic novel for her birthday present (to be delivered tonight, it’s her actual birthday) and we’ll see how that goes.

      8yo – we just read American Born Chinese (some of the themes went over his head a bit) and he has ploughed through a couple of the Neil Gaiman children’s books (Fortunately, the Milk; Coraline).

    • Anon says

      My 5 year old has become obsessed with the Baby-Sitters Club & BSC Little Sister’s (Karen) graphic novels. I don’t love the original BSC novels because they have some kind of mature themes (mainly all the girls but Kristy being boy-crazy), but she’s read all the Karens already and there are a lot more options in the original BSC series. I censor them a bit when I read.
      She’s never been a kid who’s gotten excited about books or being read to so it’s really great to see her enthusiasm. Graphic novels in general have been so great for her and we probably should have introduced them a year or more ago – she’s ready for the more complex stories of chapter books but still wants her books to have tons of pictures.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I’m on the third illustrated Harry Potter with my 7 year old, and he’s also reading the Battle Bugs chapter books with dad. 4.5 year old alternates between Magic Treehouse and princess stories.

      • Anon says

        TTC now and one of the things I’m most excited for about parenting is introducing kiddo to Harry Potter. I bought the illustrated version of the first book for my nephew and it’s gorgeous.

        • Anon says

          I felt the same but my kid has no interest in HP. Kids are their own people, don’t expect them to share your interests. Not trying to be mean, just honest. But it’s fun learning about the things they’re passionate about, even if you wouldn’t care about those topics independently.

          • Anon says

            Sigh. What is with people who hear “I’m excited about [something big and meaningful]” and decide it’s the perfect moment to burst the bubble? How toxic.

          • DLC says

            There is a line I love in the book Nothing To See Here, where a character says something like, “Maybe having kids is about showing them the things you love and hoping they love them too.”
            My oldest is of an age if I tell her the things I was into at her age, she is intrigued. She doesn’t always like them, but she likes knowing what 11 year old mom was reading.
            That said, I think she was born at a time where there was an over-saturation of Harry Potter and she is definitely the kind of kid who will shun popular things on purpose.

        • Anonymous says

          I’m nearly through HP book 5, reading the illustrated versions aloud to my kids. The 10 year old was impatient and finished the series on his own in my non-illustrated copies, but still likes to listen at bedtime.

          On their own, my daughter is reading the Little House books, my son is reading all the Dog Man graphic novels he can get his hands on, and my youngest lets me “re-read” Danny Dragonbreath books to him, even though of course he has already read them (he can’t actually read them independently yet, but I don’t argue when he insists that he can).

    • Anon says

      With my 11 year old, we are listening to Silo, and the musical Wicked. I am reading Keeper of the Lost Cities, on her urging- not sure if I’m into it enough to read the whole series with her- she’s also four books ahead of me. (We’ve been swapping books back and forth. Last month we read Slay, which we both thought very good.)
      My younger kids are reading a lot of Vox books from the library. They particularly like The Legend of Rock Paper Scissors, and laugh a lot over that one. Also Working Boats, a beautifully illustrated book about the inner workings of many boats.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      My 8 year old tore through the first 3 Harry Potter books his summer so DH and I read them to refresh our memories. That was fun! She’s stewing that we won’t let her read the 4th book yet, and wheedling us every five minutes, so that’s fun. She’s also rereading the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series and steadfastly ignoring the Kate DiCamillo books I leave on her bed. Younger daughter is reading the classic Arthur stories and Jon Klassen books.
      After ripping through the Stella Remington series (thanks, Cb!), I’ve been working through Deborah Crombie’s Kincaid & James series, fun crime reads for summertime.

      • Anon says

        This is why we haven’t introduced the HP books to my 6-year-old yet. She’d love reading the first 2 to herself, and maybe the third, but they get dark fast and she haaaates stopping in the middle of a series.

    • Molly says

      My 7.5 year old and I have been reading and enjoying The Land of Roar! It’s new to me and has been a fun one for us both. She is also obsessed with The Puppy Place series.

    • Anonymous says

      Book topics are my favorite! I always get ideas! We are getting a lot of mileage out of the Mary Pope Osborne Tales from the Odyssey audiobooks and just got a really great illustrated childrens Iliad from the library. (5 year old is obsessed.). My 8 year old history enthusiast really enjoyed Adventures on the Ancient Silk Road by Priscilla Galloway, but I need to note that it is prettttty dry. It is cool, though, in that it profiles three historic people in different eras. Also have just discovered the Series of Unfortunate Events books by Lemony Snicket- 8 year old read two independently (and doesn’t often want to read fiction!) and we discovered they are really awesome audiobooks.

  3. Name Help says

    Could use some name help. Pregnant w #2, a girl. I like really classic names. DD #1 is Emily. Love Charlotte, but it’s so overdone at the moment so it’s been vetoed. Not Caroline (although I love the name) or iterations of Kate/Catherine or Elizabeth/Ellie/Ella etc because they are immediate family names.

    Any other suggestions we should think about? We were thinking like wives of past presidents, Bronte sisters, things like that. We have some leaders but no clear winner. Thoughts?

    • AwayEmily says

      Clearly you have AMAZING taste in names; can’t get much better than Emily :-)

      What about Abigail? One of my favorite names AND the wife of a president.

      • OP says

        Ummmm… that’s been our #1 for a long time! Still DH’s choice. IDK why I’m all the sudden having doubts, but years before I was pregnant with #1 we were pretty set on Emily and Abigail (Abby) if we had two girls. Maybe this is the validation I need! Too funny.

        • anon says

          I really like the combination of Emily and Abigail! Classic without being fussy or old-fashioned.

        • Anon says

          This is very funny – I am one half of an Emily/Abigail sibling set and one of us was also almost named “Charlotte” instead!

        • AIMS says

          Abigail is lovely. If you just want something a little different, one of my kids has an Adelaide in their class, nickname Addie.

          • OP says

            I adore this name. My coworker/boss just named her kid this so it feels a little weird to do it, esp since we’re seemingly happy with Abigail (thank you, thread participants!). But really, LOVE Addie.

          • Anon says

            Adeline is another old timey name that can nickname to Addie. I have an Adeline and we get of compliments on it.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        Abigail was my first thought too, and Abby is a cute nickname. It’s a nice classic name, but not overly popular nowadays from what I’ve seen.

    • Anon says

      Among FLOTUS names, I really like Laura, Jacqueline, Eleanor (although that would nickname to Ellie so sounds like you don’t want it), Lucy and Louisa.

        • Anon says

          People will call an Eleanor Ellie though, which sounds like it would be a problem for OP. My #1 rule of kid naming is don’t give a child name for which you don’t like or don’t want to use the most popular nickname. Even if you have an official nickname that’s different, the common version will get used.

          • Anon says

            Oh, I don’t agree. Eleanor isn’t one of those names with ONLY one nickname and if kiddo is introduced as Nellie, it will stick. I think going with an unusual nickname only results in struggle if it’s WAY far off from the original name. We had an Eleanor in my class who never went by a nickname and no one ever called her one.

    • Anonymous says

      Margaret, Caroline, Charlotte, Catherine were al my top picks. Many nickname options if they can stand on their own. I also like Eleanor (Ellie), Anna, Elizabeth, etc.

    • Anon says

      I love Abigail / Abby, but if you’re unsure how about Anna / Annie / Hannah, Margaret / Maggie, Grace, Lydia, Lucy or Rose / Rosie?

    • Anon says

      I am an Emily, my sister is Margaret. It’s a nice combo! Also: Cecilia. Either Celia or CeCe is nice. Other names we had were Aurelia, Dorothy, and Abigail.

  4. More Sleep Would Be Nice says

    Low-stakes question. Heading to our all-inclusive resort vacation later this week (my first one!). Direct flight. Stroller or not to stroller for 2.5 year old? I’d gate check it. I’m thinking yes, so we’re not trying to wrangle him through ticketing, security, etc.

    Plus if there are any delays so much easier to plop them in a stroller for a nap…did I answer my own question? Advice welcome!

    • Anonymous says

      Yes. Resorts can be big! Stroller means you can walk around with a sleeping kid and park them for naps and get home from dinner without lugging them around.

    • NYCer says

      We have a yoyo that we brought on the plane, but I *always* brought a stroller when my kids were 2.5. I would do it!

    • Anon says

      At 2.5, you probably want a stroller. We traveled stroller-free for the first time at just turned 3 (direct flights). My kid never took stroller naps, however, so it was only used for navigating the airport if she got too tired to walk.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Thanks, all! We basically didn’t do air travel when DS #1 was 2-late 3s (COVID days) so I kind of…forgot how clutch a stroller can be for multiple reasons.

    • anon says

      Yes. 100%. Vacations are tiring and you might hit a jackpot with LO taking a snooze in it and you can still be on the go/doing fun things (read: bar hop? just me?).

  5. anon says

    So, my 8-year-old had zero interest in back-to-school shopping until the girls at her summer program all started talking about getting new outfits for the first day. Ugh. Kiddo has plenty of outfits in her closet, some of which she begged for in the spring and has worn only a handful of times. Therefore, I am not overly enthusiastic about trying to buy yet another new thing that she doesn’t need. I know that she’s hitting the age where she’s going to be much more influenced by her peers, fashion-wise, and back to school is supposed to be fun, but I can’t help feeling like this is driven entirely by marketing and nostalgia.

    • AIMS says

      My daughter also has too many dresses so not going to get another, but instead we’re getting new shoes, some new hair accessories and a new water bottle. So first day still feels exciting but it’s stuff we actually need anyway.

      • Anon says

        Yes, agreed. Just for for the fun of picking out one new outfit! I wouldn’t get her a whole new wardrobe, and we don’t do new backpacks every year (only as needed), but one new outfit seems like not much of an ask.

        • anon says

          I know, I know. I need to get over myself. It’s not about the money; it’s wanting to teach her that not every occasion requires a new thing.

          • Anonymous says

            I would argue that the first day of school is an appropriate time for a new outfit, and spirit days etc. are the time to teach her that lesson.

      • Anne-on says

        I get wanting to be thrifty but I have SUCH fond memories of shopping with my mom (and later friends) for the perfect first day of school outfit. Maybe this is a good opportunity to talk about budgeting – set a total budget and talk with her about how to make it go farther – wait for a sale, go to an outlet, shop the sales section, go to a resale shop, etc. I did not grow up with a ton of money (and my parents grew up with less) so we were taught early about budgeting/looking for sales/how to asses quality in clothes and I still think those are all good life skills!

    • Anon says

      This is where allowance is useful. We buy clothing necessities out of our money, but fun stuff like this comes from allowance. I’d tell her you’ll give her an advance on the allowance this year, but next year she’ll have to save up if she wants a special first day of school outfit.

      If you don’t want to make her buy it out of allowance, I agree with AIMs’ suggestion about getting some new things that you have more of a need for.

    • Anon says

      of course it is! i mean if it is in your budget, perhaps you just buy one first day of school outfit?

    • Anonymous says

      If money is not an issue, just let her buy a first day outfit. It doesn’t even have to be fancy; hit up a target!

    • Anonymous says

      If your family can afford it, I wouldn’t withhold a new first-day-of-school outfit. It’s like an adult starting a new job. For the first day you want something new that makes you feel great – even if you already have a complete work wardrobe.

    • Cerulean says

      My mom was super duper thrifty and pretty much all I wore were my cousins’ hand-me-downs until middle school, but I have such fond memories of picking out a back-to-school outfit every year. I loved setting it out the night before with my backpack and school supplies. I would do it if it isn’t too much of a financial or logistical burden.

  6. Anon says

    The other night DH (unilaterally) told one of our 5 year old twins she could stop wearing a pull up at night and she was dry for night #1 and then last night had an accident and she was supposed to wake him up, but of course woke me. she is usually dry in the mornings and i think is ready to be done with pull ups, and i know 5 is on the older end..but i like sleep and we are about to start K. Is it terrible if i force her to keep wearing pull ups and try again another time?

    • Cb says

      I’ve been making my 6 year old do a dream-potty before we go to bed after a string of accidents and we’ve had 4 weeks without having to change sheets in the middle of the night! Might be worth trying. He sleeps like the dead and I think wakes up but doesn’t make it to the loo in time.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Is 5 really on the older end? I thought it was still within the range of normal until 8 or 9. My older kid wore nighttime pullups until he was a little after 6, and we took him off once he was dry for about a week, i.e. ready. It’s really not something you can train, and not a big deal to wear nighttime pullups at this age.

      • Anon says

        Aren’t kids starting sleepovers at 8 or 9? I would definitely wean off before that.

        Heck, my kid’s school has an overnight field trip in October of 4th grade. Even without redshirting, many kids are still 9 by then.

      • anon says

        +1 that normal is a really big range. I verified with a pediatrician that 8 is totally within the realm of normal, especially for boys (I didn’t ask about other ages, so I have no data point there).

    • AwayEmily says

      Yes definitely wait til she’s dry for a week or so. I tell my kids a lot that it’s not really under their control and everyone’s body stops night-peeing at different times, and there’s no sense in rushing it. Which I think is true! Our pediatrician said they don’t start to worry until well after 7.

    • Anonymous says

      If she’s usually dry in the mornings I would let her go without the pull up. Just double make her bed so you only have to remove a set of sheets not put on new ones.

      And if she wakes you, just poke DH and go back to sleep.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes. Sounds like she is ready to try without and that’s great! If she wakes you up, nudge husband up to deal with it.

  7. Amelia pond says

    I’m going back to worknfrom maternity leave in a few weeks and have a deposition of lla plaintiff scheduled for my second week back. unfortunately the plaintiffs counsel are all dudes who tend not to be accommodating (complaining about how long my depos take etc. how do you go about politely but firmly saying you need breaks to pump (and a place to do it at their office) without making it weird, but also Making sure they know it is non negotiable

    • Anonymous says

      “Hi, just letting you know I will be taking breaks at xyz times for xyz length to pump. Please let me know if your offices have a suitable room with a locking door and outlet, if not we are happy to host instead.”

      • anonM says

        +1. And if they push back on this, please offer to call the judge immediately. My boss has done this when people threaten to shut down deps early because they “take too long” and most will back down quickly.

    • Anon for this says

      Typically, my paralegal helps me set up logistics for a deposition, including break out room and food. If that is the case for you, have him or her email the paralegal on the other side and ask that you have a breakout room for the day and that the breakout room not be one with glass walls. That always worked for me.

      In terms of the other side, I would call which ever one you have the best relationship with before the deposition, tell him you are recently back from maternity leave and that you will need a 30 minute break (or however long you need) at X and Y times during the deposition to pump. Assuming he agrees, then just remind him before the deposition begins of the agreed schedule; if you note any resistance at that time, I recommend having any further discussions about it on the record.

      If he’s a jerk before the depo, I would paper the record in case you need to take it to the judge (this is a know your judge situation, unfortunately). And if he’s a jerk during the depo, make sure you’re only talking to him about it on the record.

      This is my advice as someone who was harassed about taking an agreed-upon pump break during a deposition; the harassment occurred off the record, so it was his word against mine (although luckily the other 8 people in the room who heard it — all dudes — stood up for me). I am not an employment lawyer, so I am not familiar with what rights you have surrounding this, but I do know that my judge was appalled when she found out this happened and that having it on the record would have been easier than the speech I made on the record after the harassment (and after pumping).

      It will undoubtedly be weird, unfortunately, but it’s better if you deal with it up front. If you are not lead counsel on the case, I would also recommend talking to whoever at the firm is before you do any of this to see what they think.

    • Amelia Pond says

      thanks all, as much as I hate the idea of having to have an on the record conversation about pumping, if they are difficult that’s what has to happen! luckily our magistrate is a woman if it comes to that so would hopefully be understanding.

    • Anon says

      Good luck! I have emailed opppsing counsel beforehand to say “I am recently back from maternity leave and will need to pump at X and Y time for Z minutes during the day. Please let me know who I can be in touch with t at your office about finding a suitable location.” Sometimes the OC will sort it out for me, other times they have connected me with an admin. Either way truly do not let them get to you – it is a super power you have to make them uncomfortable during the day!

  8. Anon says

    At what age did your kids transition from a balance bike to a pedal bike? I’ve been seeing REALLY young kids riding two wheels with no training wheels and I’m so curious about that – when I was growing up, it was considered early to be riding without training wheels at age 5. It seems like balance bikes (which weren’t around then, at least not in the U.S.) might have changed the game.

    • Anon says

      My kid never had a balance bike except at daycare, and started using her pedal bike with training wheels just before turning 5 (we had it from age 3 or so, but the pedaling motion didn’t click for her until around her fifth birthday). She’s 5.5 now and we haven’t attempted to take off the training wheels. We figure next summer, maybe? We are not fussed about doing things early though. Even with the training wheels, she’s fast and can bike faster than my husband and I can walk.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        Same here on not worrying about doing things early just for the sake of it, especially if kid isn’t expressing interest. My older kid had a bike with training wheels that he used until this summer, and then this summer (age 7), we got him bike riding lessons and he picked it up in two lessons. He bikes on a normal bike like a pro now. Younger kid is 4.5 and hasn’t even ridden any bike yet – maybe we’ll try a training wheels bike after his 5th birthday but again, I’m not too concerned.

        • AwayEmily says

          I agree, I have had so many people balance-bike evangelize me by being like “they learned to bike SO MUCH EARLIER” but that is not a particularly compelling argument to me. I learned at 7ish and I’m not in any particular rush for my kids to learn much earlier. Actually, that’s a good reminder that I should teach my 7yo this weekend…she’s had training wheels for awhile but keeps saying she’s ready.

          • Anon says

            Yeah, I’ve never really understand why doing things early is a goal in and of itself. It’s controversial here, but I also feel the same way about swimming. My husband and I both learned around 7 and turned out to be fully functional adults who can swim well and enjoy being in the water.

          • Anon says

            Oh, for me it’s not doing things early as its own goal, but more getting kiddo on a bike early so we can bike as a family sooner. I don’t care about early sports that I’m not interested in myself. But luckily there are lots of good ride-along attachments and kid seats these days as well.

          • Cb says

            Ah, I hadn’t thought about that that way. For us, it dramatically decreased our commuting time, so it was really helpful to have that early skill. It reduces our round trip commute from 70 minutes to 35.

          • Boston Legal Eagle says

            I will plug outsourcing this if your kid is at all like mine and learns better from others! The instructor was so nice and encouraging, and really knew the best techniques to get the balance right.

        • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

          Thank you for posting this! I always feel like folks here and in our neighborhood have kids biking at like 3. Clearly it was just me :)

          I learned to ride a bike at like….11 or 12, so never felt a ton of pressure to get kids on bikes early. My parents did not know how, and then we had a family member staying with me that literally took training wheels off and taught me in a day.

          DS #1 (5.5) has a great bike and just…hasn’t taken to it. I hope we can practice more once it cools down, but I also think this could be a time thing. And I don’t even know if DS #2 (2.5) would know what to do on a balance bike. We do have a tricycle he can give a try closer to 3.

      • Anon says

        Could have written this myself. DD will be 6 in April. We’ll try to take them off this fall but if it becomes A Thing with her, it’s absolutely not the fight we intend to pick. We’ll try again in the spring. She cranks on her training wheels, so, shrug. I also think that once she sees her two cousins of the same age without training wheels she’ll start to be curious and want to try on her own.

        She never took to a balance bike, but I do believe that’s one of the intents behind them, it’s much more similar to riding a bike sans training wheels, so it can enable kids to either skip or shorten the duration of using training wheels.

    • Cb says

      It’s so much younger! My son was a whizz on his balance bike at 3, but took a little longer to get to grips with pedals, and learned a few months before he turned 5. Now at 6, he can maintain 10mph.

    • Anon says

      mine refused to use the balance bike, so at age 5 still haven’t transitioned. i’ve seen from many of my friends that if you go straight for balance bike instead of scooter, kids take to it and learn to ride a two wheeler quickly

    • Anonymous says

      Biking involves 2 skills – learning to peddle and learning to balance. The balance one is the trickier one so balance bikes give them more time to work on that.

      Our kids had balance bikes at 2.5 and then real peddle bikes at 4. With the peddles off for a month or so then with peddles one. We never used training wheels at any stage. I don’t think it matters who kids learning but anecdotally it seemed to be not a big deal for my kids to learn vs what I remember about trying to move on from training wheels myself.

    • Anonymous says

      Both kids had balance bikes from around 2. Both kids would have been totally capable of biking at age 4, both kids resisted. One learned at almost 6 and the other, almost 5, can ride the length of the driveway but is extremely resistant. So part of it is definitely mental on top of the physical ability.

    • Anonymous says

      DD learned a two wheel pedal bike at about 5.5. We pushed for it, but DH and I both learned at 5 so we figured she could too (it took her like 15 mins). DS is just turned 4 but we’re pretty sure he could do a normal bike with no training wheels. He’s crazy on his balance bike. We’re team balance bike.

    • Anonymous says

      Both my kids transitioned from a balance bike to a pedal bike at age 4. They never used training wheels, and the transition was really pretty seamless. They definitely got a lot of double takes as tiny kids on pedal bikes- my dad described it as like watching a monkey ride a bike. I will say we take a lot of walks (some to destinations they really like, like the playground, river, or pop shop), and that it what helped them get used to their balance bike. My friends that never bike or walk anywhere could never really get their kids comfortable on a balance bike.

    • AIMS says

      I think part of this is also just size. I have a huge 5 year old and he is just way too big for balance bike and has been for about a year now. But having had it did help so I think you’re onto something there.

      • Anonymous says

        My then-99th percentile height older child was happy to ride the tiny balance bike till he was almost 6. In fact, he is 8.5, 54” tall, and has been riding a regular bike for 2.5 years and still tries to ride the balance bike meant for 2 year olds.

    • Spirograph says

      They definitely have changed the game, and pandemic further expedited this for us because it was The Summer of Bikes. Basically they all learned to ride a 2 wheeler within a couple weeks of each other. My middle child was 5, my youngest was almost 4 My oldest, who had not had a balance bike, was 7 and had previously been resisting learning to ride without training wheels.

  9. Unexpectedly Pregnant says

    I need some perspective, ladies. Curious if anyone has been in the same situation and what you ultimately decided. I am unexpectedly pregnant with a third. Before finding out, I felt liked 2 kids was my limit. I also had a hard pregnancy with number 2 and c-sections with both previous kids. I’m not thrilled about being pregnant a third time. I have a high profile position where it would be challenging to be out on maternity leave, but also assume everyone will survive if I take maternity leave. I am honestly scared and considering all options. Please tell me I am not alone. How is it going from 2 to 3? Anyone choose to terminate pregnancy?

    • Anon says

      That’s tough, but whatever you decide, you won’t be alone – over half of all abortions in the U.S. are to women who are already mothers. That’s something that’s not talked about enough.

      If I can offer some advice, I wouldn’t worry about the maternity leave aspect. That will work out (it always does). But thinking carefully about your physical and emotional limits is important and only you know what you can really handle. Best of luck to you.

      • Anon says

        I agree with all of this. I wouldn’t worry about the maternity leave, but I would worry about your physical and emotional limits and the stress that comes with a bigger family, particularly if your older kids are under the age of 6 or so. Also finances, if that’s a factor for your family since 5 people often tips you into the category of needing bigger cars & housing. Whatever you decide is valid.

        • Anon says

          yes and impact on your existing kids and your marriage. obviously easy for me to say since this is fictitious, but we have twins and i think if i ended up pregnant with a 3rd, i’d terminate the pregnancy and likely also need a lot of therapy to help me process the decision. i think DH and I are really at our limit with 2. sending hugs.

    • Anonymous says

      Do you want a third child? It sounds like you aren’t sure. I can make an argument for you either way- I’ve had close friends that made opposite decision. I myself happen to have 3. If I were unexpectedly pregnant by DH (who has had a vasectomy!) I’d keep it and embrace the chaos but our lives are already insane at this point and my kids are all in elem. What’s one more.

    • anon says

      When I showed up at my OB’s office 10 weeks pregnant with a surprise third, she said, “We can discuss all the options, including termination.”
      I did end up having the third, but having the option put out their by my healthcare provider was actually really helpful for me.

    • Anonymous says

      I have 3 – also not planned in that we were trying for a second kid and had spontaneous twins with any fertility interventions or family history. We are both from two kid families and it is hard. It has been wonderful but we do struggle more in a number of areas than friends with two kids.

      I would not decide based on maternity leave or first year issues – you can throw money at childcare issues. Look more at how you envisage your life longer term – do you travel a lot or have particular family hobbies or interests that make 3 kids hard? Do your older children have special needs that may require more of your time moving forward? Is your marriage strong or struggling? Good luck with your decision.

    • AnonIVF says

      I was not unexpectedly pregnant (4 years of IVF) but hemmed and hawed about whether we should keep trying specifically because of my high profile job. My job is so much of my identity, for better or worse. Credit to this hive for helping me think through it earlier this year, btw. Like, week of transfer almost deliberately didn’t take my doses of medication to sabotage the transfer and it was truly like 99% job driven. Ultimately I went through with it and, wouldn’t ya know, it worked.

      Fast forward, I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant and I’ve come to realize relatively recently that the job will just have to figure itself out. It’s not going to be stress free and my leave will hardly include me shutting down for 16 weeks. But, I’ve come to realize that work will ultimately be perfectly fine. I’m still hiding it with clients (amazing what an all black outfit and an oversized blazer can conceal + meeting with a lot of clueless men) but those I have told have truly been embracing of it. Genuinely happy.

      So, all that to say and because you asked for advice, don’t make the decision about work and certainty not about the relatively discrete, finite period of a maternity leave. Maternity leave is a blip on a career radar. What’s right for you and your family? What’s right for your mental health? Physical health? You are not alone, but, as you probably know, no one can tell you exactly what the right choice is for you and your family. And, it’s ok to decide that this pregnancy isn’t wanted and be grateful that modern medicine allows you to make that choice in a safe way. That doesn’t make you bad, selfish or anything more or less than what you are today. Lots of hugs to you.

    • AwayEmily says

      We have three and I can touch on some of my experience. to set the scene, my big kids were older (4 and 6) when the baby was born, which made going from 2–>3 much easier than going from 1–>2.

      For us, by far the toughest part has been having less one-on-one time with the big kids — it’s been a struggle for them and they have had more anxiety/lashing out/sibling issues, especially at this stage when the baby (now 18 months) takes up so much of our energy. Another challenge is just how much more sick days there are with an extra kid exposed to all the germs. I feel like it’s rare we all get a full week of work in.

      I am unbelievably grateful to have had this baby, and have no regrets — we almost didn’t (she was conceived in a brief window between health issues — a month later and we would have stopped trying). BUT at the same time I can see an “alternate reality” that would be easier in many ways for all of us if she had not joined our family. It is very, very okay to prioritize the health and well-being of the family you have now (including you) over the version of the family that could exist if you did not terminate.

    • Anon says

      I really thought we were a 2 kid family, but it turned out we have a 3rd.

      I actually will anonymously confess that I basically didn’t take leave because I felt like I would loose so much of what I had built myself. It sucks and I acknowledge that my job would have given me time off but I didn’t feel like I could do it and still be successful.

      FWIW, my kid is happy and healthy and now I see the future and am thrilled about it .

      A dear friend terminated an unplanned third. She has a remarkably unhelpful husband, an oldest with special needs, and knew her marriage wouldn’t survive a 3rd. She is sad but knows it was the right thing for the kids she already has.

      Both paths are valid.

    • Anonymous says

      How long ago did you find out? How far along are you? I would, if possible, give yourself at least a couple of weeks before deciding either way.

      My grandmother had 1 with some special needs, then twins, and then found herself pregnant again when the twins where 4. She terminated, and never regretted it (even though she almost died from the procedure, which was badly botched).

    • Anon for this says

      I considered terminating my 2nd. I now have 3. I became pregnant very quickly with my 2nd (unplanned) and was just getting out of the fog of post-partum anxiety/depression. I was in a graduate program, working 80% time and was going through major life challenges outside of my nuclear family (both sides of parents divorced, acrimoniously and my parents were both embroiled in legal issues that made them inaccessible & have a dependent sibling). It was not the time for this. Ultimately though, I decided to go forward. This was a kid we were planning on having, just not then, and I was concerned I may have trouble if I tried again later (not due to terminating, but due to other fertility issues).

      For me, it was a “when” question, not an “if” question.

    • Anon for this says

      I have an unplanned third and basically wrote a version of this post about four years ago (minus the successful career part). We had contemplated a third, then put the decision to the side for a while, and then it turned out that a history of infertility was imperfect birth control. My kids are all two years apart, so I started pandemic lockdown with a 1 month old, a 2 year old, and a 4 year old. It was really hard. And I won’t sugar coat having three-it is still hard. I love all of mine and I don’t at all regret the weird twist the universe handed me (but it took me to my third’s birth to fully be ok with it all). All that said, I was at a career low point during that pregnancy and that plus the pandemic knocked me out of a career, pretty much. I own that decision-I chose to take a step back to help our family when outside help options were more limited to allow DH to take a huge promotion. I have made the decision that there is an amount of childcare that I want to outsource and an amount of time that I want to be with my kids, and that means that I work part time with flexible hours so I can be the one who drives to speech therapy or allows aftercare one day to be an activity that ends at 4. These are all my choices and I could make different ones and make more time for a job. But I cannot give my all of my kids the time I want to give them and also have a bigger job. Just managing the logistics of when everyone has to be where can be tiring and doing all the driving is tiring we’re only just starting to get serious about extracurriculars for the oldest. We probably should hire a nanny or an au pair but I have resisted because for (insert long list of reasons, should probably explore at least some in therapy…). I love my big family and I often love the chaos, but it is a lot of being pulled in multiple directions and I am almost always triaging who needs me the most at any given moment.

      My experience is that three kids can be amazing and fun and sometimes in my best moments I feel like a superhero when things are going well. But it’s also a lot and a very different family experience than two kids. If it’s not what you want deep down, that is 1,000% OK. Both paths are equally valid and the choice that makes you (and by extension the rest of your family) happiest is the choice you should make.

    • Unexpectedly Pregnant says

      Thank you all for your insight. I have a lot to think about and really appreciate you all sharing your thoughts. It’s such a tough decision.

  10. Thanks for the Recs says

    Stopping by to say thanks for the Portland and Bar Harbor recommendations I got from you all earlier this year. We had a great time last week. Specifically, Diver Ed’s and the Portland Children’s Museum were at the top of the list for my 3 and 6 yr olds.

    • NYCer says

      I dont’t think I gave any recs on that thread, but we also ended up at the Portland children’s museum this summer on a (very) rainy day during our vacation, and I was pleasantly surprised by how great it is. My 4 year old loved it too.

    • Anon says

      Diver Ed is great. For anyone who needs a rainy day rec in the Bar Harbor area, we love the Dorr Museum at College of the Atlantic. It’s much cheaper than the Oceanarium & has most of the same stuff and the staff is mostly COA undergrads who are so engaged with kids.

  11. Anon says

    Anyone else juggling work & childcare of school age kids this week? There are no camps because school starts Wednesday, but kindergartners have a gradual start and don’t go for a full day until Friday. Husband has a colleague with a similar age kid, so they’re having a “working playdate” this morning (which is apparently going really well) then I’ll be on duty this afternoon and try to catch up on work in the evening. It’s giving me low key 2020 flashbacks, even though this is a very different situation and having a 5 year old underfoot is obviously much easier than trying to care for a 2 year old while working.

    • Cb says

      That will be us Thursday and Tuesday. I’ll invite my son’s best friend over “can I borrow your kid? We need to work!”. Last time, I made Mac and cheese for lunch, and my husband ate it with them, and we both managed full work days.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      Yep. School starts in 2 weeks, but our summer babysitter couldn’t work this week, and I couldn’t find camps with spots for both my kids, so we’re just making it work with some extra help from local family. My kids are old enough to entertain themselves but not old enough to not “mama mama mama” while entertaining themselves, so good times.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes. I’m at the office today and there’s a fire (not a literal one…yet) and it’s just so hard. DH is trying to work with older kiddo. Also, I use fee no back to school joy. I’m exhausted and disappointed that we “wasted” summer. I’ve scheduled a talk with my supervisor tomorrow on how to scale back/manage difficult clients.

    • Anonymous says

      This is us for basically THE NEXT MONTH and I am preparing to go slowly insane. DS doesn’t start PK until after Labor Day, and then the ENTIRE FIRST WEEK is the slowest ramp-up physically possible.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Well, my MIL is visiting to do “Grandma Camp” with DS #1 until school starts later this month. Fortunately, part of this “camp” includes us 4 + MIL going to an all inclusive resort for 5 days.

      MIL just got in yesterday, so they’ve been hanging around the house today while I WFH. I don’t love it for me, but I can tell they are having a nice time, which is what is important (I write this to remind myself).

      When I went downstairs to get lunch, DS #1 was eating pie that should be thrown out (I know, he’ll be fine), and MIL basically scorched our cast iron making DS #1 a quesadilla. I was asked how to clean the cast iron and I reminded MIL I was on a call, and promptly went upstairs to and ordered a poke bowl for delivery (which was a treat!), but of course MIL and DS #1 were concerned about what was delivered, what to do, etc. SMH.

      I know it’ll get better. Especially because I’ll be in the office tomorrow.

      • Anon says

        Ha this reminds me of when my MIL visited when my daughter was a month old and decided to “help” by making me an omelette and using every pan in our house. I walked downstairs to a very burned egg and cheese concoction that did not resemble any omelette I’ve eaten and a kitchen that looked like it had been hit by a tornado. I immediately retreated back upstairs claiming I needed to feed the baby (who I’m pretty sure was soundly asleep at the time). Hope working from the office tomorrow is better!

    • GCA says

      Yep. Not this week, because northern states seem to start school after Labor Day, but that will be us in a couple of weeks. I get it, summer staffing is hard to come by at the end of the summer because the college-kid camp counselors go back to school and the teachers all have work meetings to get ready for the start of school. We’ll make it work, but all four of us will gradually go bonkers. Maybe my kids’ cousins can come over after their school day ends? (Their private school starts a week earlier than ours this year.)

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