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ALC says
We’ve been going through some behavioral issue/developmental delay stuff with my preschooler (Hi I’m the daycare hitting mom from the last few weeks) and I really want to talk about it/vent with a friend but I’m not sure who to talk to. I don’t necessarily want to say too much to my mom friends, because when I have complained in the past they’ve mostly been like “[Kid] always seems so sweet! It’s just a phase!” when it’s starting to look like no, it’s not just a phase. I also don’t want to embarrass my kid by having his friends’ moms know too much. I don’t want to vent to my husband because he’s going through it too. Any ideas or resources? Thank you!
Boston Legal Eagle says
That is why I come here! You can remain anonymous enough (someone may have figured out my general location but I don’t think anyone here actually knows my kids) and vent away without too much toxic positivity or negativity.
Also, the Mom Hour listener community fb group can be good for this – it skews SAHM/part time working moms, but they’re good resources for kid challenges.
Also, a good therapist for in person support.
Anon says
+1 to here and a therapist. I don’t talk about kid struggles to my in real life friends. Partly for privacy reasons; partly because they don’t relate.
anon says
I have learned this the hard way. Sucks to not be able to talk honestly with friends, but their well-meaning (yet ill-informed) comments and advice left me feeling worse and more negative about the situation.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’ve had the experience of other moms saying, “But Kid is so sweet!” and some I know I can push further and say “Yes, but here’s what’s happening…” and they’ll pause and listen. Is there a parent friend to whom you think you could say, “No, seriously, and I’d really like to talk about it…” and they would listen?
Any friends you have who don’t have kids the same age? It has just worked out for me that I have a mix of friends with kids the same age and kids younger, not something I sought out, but it is helpful because I can vent to the ones whose kids don’t play with mine and seek advice from ones who might be dealing with the same issue. Anyone like that in your circle? Any family members you could talk to?
For more than venting, resources might include your daycare staff or director and your pediatrician.
anonM says
+1 to trying with your mom friend(s). If you haven’t happened to find a group of moms you click with, you may be able to foster that with other moms going to the same resource center. (Like, I’ve thought about asking another mom I see weekly at my kid’s OT to coffee, just haven’t followed through yet, but we very clearly have kids around the same ages going through very similar challenges! If someone there invited me to a low-key, short meet up like for dinner at a restaurant, I’d be all in!). Also, feel free to keep ranting here. I definitely get the “kid is so sweet.” Like, yes, I agree, but also it’s hard when you start to realize your kiddo will need some extra support/interventions.
AwayEmily says
Agreed about trying to push past if you feel comfortable doing so. It was a real turning point for my friendship with another mom when we went out for drinks, just the two of us, and she confided with me about her frustrations with her son, worries about him starting kindergarten, and struggles with getting an IEP. And prior to this conversation I was absolutely the friend saying “but he’s so sweet!” — because he IS really sweet; he just also has all these other challenges and I honestly did not understand the depth of them until she opened up. Now we talk about it a lot.
Anon says
i fortunately/unfortunately have a lot of mom friends who don’t live anywhere near me and while i do often wish i lived much closer to my college besties, since they live halfway across the country, they are kind of my sounding board for stuff like this bc their kids dont interact with mine on a day to day basis
Anon says
Same.
MatLeaveRoutine says
What was your routine during maternity leave, especially if you had a longer one?
DD is six weeks old, older child is in preschool until 4 pm. All my friends are still working and mom and me groups are hard to come around in this neck of the woods. There is one that will start again in September that I will join. But until then… like… what do you do all day? Tired of watching movies and reading. Baby is in carrier most of the day so things like cooking etc. are not possible.
Anon says
I just read, watched TV and took naps mostly. But I went back at 14 weeks so it wasn’t crazy long. I wish we’d traveled. We weren’t really comfortable flying with a baby who hadn’t had any shots yet, but we should have driven to a lake and rented a house for a week or two. Although that would be substantially less relaxing with a toddler or preschooler in addition to the newborn.
Anonymous says
I bought a membership to the botanical garden and would go there to walk around with the baby in the carrier at least once a week.
Anon says
I used to drop my older kid off at daycare and then take the baby for a walk in a park, feed her, maybe go grocery shopping. Sometimes I did outings, which mostly involved checking out all the free museum passes from the library. At home I gardened or did boring but necessary things while the baby napped, or took a nap myself. Then I did early pickup for my oldest.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would be too bored sitting at home all day so I’d do walks around the neighborhood at least once a day, or trips to outdoor venues like the zoo. You could try listening to podcasts or audio books too, to break up the reading/TV routine.
An.On. says
I spent a lot of time playing video games and reading on my kindle/phone, since those could be managed with a baby on my chest and interrupted easily. In retrospect, it would have been nice to get out of the house more, but I was just too exhausted. Can you listen to the radio or podcasts? That can help you feel like you’re staying current on things and using your brain.
Emma says
I went outside as much as possible. My baby was a good stroller napper, and walking around listening to a podcast made me feel like a part of society. I also did baby and me yoga which was great for socializing and light exercise. I also did a ton of cooking with baby in the carrier (no pan frying, but I would definitely chop stuff and put it in the oven, baked a few cakes, made fancy salads, etc, especially when baby was still facing me and too little to grab knives or anything). Also, six weeks is a tough age! I was really burnt out around then. She started napping better around 10 weeks and things got easier because I could put her down a bit.
NY says
My leaves were 6 months each, so definitely on the longer side for US. I took a long walk in the park basically every single day. Fortunately, both of my kids were good nappers in the stroller, so I usually timed it with a morning nap. I also usually tried to get outside a second time in the afternoon, either using a carrier or the stroller. Even if it was to just go sit outside in the park on a bench and people watch for a bit or go to the grocery store or other errands. I also cooked WAY more than I ever did previously or currently – try getting a Baby Bjorn bouncer seat and see if your daughter likes it. There is a kids gymnastics place that had a mommy and me class starting at 3 months, I usually went to that 1x per week. Beyond that, I mostly just tried to enjoy the time off work. Read books, relaxed, exercised when I could, etc. Kids were both good sleepers (and we had a night nanny for 3 months), so I never really felt the need to nap during the day.
Mary Moo Cow says
I had 8 weeks with my oldest and 12 with my youngest, so my second leave felt more like, what the heck do I do with my day? Around 6 weeks with my youngest, I started going to a Zumba class once a week for socialization and fun movement. I also started tackling light projects, like, boxing up the newborn clothes she had outgrown, weeding out the linen closet, etc. I took a lot of walks around my neighborhood: to give my day some structure, I made 8-8:30 walking time and did a light project during morning nap. I started venturing out to the grocery store and Target again, usually in the between nap window or around the afternoon nap. I also would do dinner prep during afternoon nap so I could give my oldest some attention when she came home from daycare. Most of my friends were childfree and working, which got me down, but I texted them during the day, called my mom, met them for lunch once or twice.
Anonymous says
Mom and baby yoga. Walks in the park and take a book with you to stop and read under a tree. Gardening also works with a baby in a carrier for a lot of stuff – weeding, small planting, maybe start a raised herb garden. You can totally do a lot of meal prep that doesn’t involve the stove top if you have a baby in the carrier. I made and froze a lot of muffins that way. Just turn your body to the side and extend your arm when putting the tray in or removing it from the oven. Bowl and spoon are all you need for many recipes. Or chopping, labelling and freezing bags of veggie mix so I could just throw that plus the meat in the slow cooker.
GCA says
I had 12 weeks of maternity leave with kid 2 and kept older child in daycare for some semblance of a routine. In a city so it might be a little different for you, but I did a mom+baby yoga class a few times, walked a lot just to get out of the house, watched through an entire season of Star Trek: Discovery, and did my pelvic floor PT. But kid 2 was an easy baby. Kid 1 had all manner of feeding difficulties, jaundice etc and I spent most of that leave triple feeding and washing bottles!
Anon says
I have a 3 month old. I got 16 weeks of leave. I saw your questions and sat there thinking that I really should get out more and do something but I realized I have been doing quite a bit and it is OK to rest! I went to court against my evil landlord two hours away. Twice. The first time the judge dismissed the case and later that day the court called and said – nevermind! Come back in two weeks. So I went back and won. The baby was three weeks old the first time and I was pretty frazzled by the whole ordeal. Then I have been helping family with their construction paperwork which should be approved by the time I go back to work. And I bid and selected a contractor for our own construction project that will give us an extra room and let us live in this house much longer. I went to physical therapy so I can feel good doing whatever exercise I feel like. I only get out for one walk every day and I have no local friends. But yesterday I went swimming with my elementary kid and we had a blast. I don’t have any kind of a daily routine but I also don’t feel like I have a ton of bored free time. The baby is awake for much longer periods now (about 2.5 hrs at a time) and I use nap times to rest (like reading here) or keep working on those long buraucratic projects. Now that I’m done with court and baby naps in a different room, I will probably find time to reorganize my closet and fish out my favorite jeans in hopes they might fit. But I expect this will take days or weeks of a little time here and there. We’re going on a short trip to see family this weekend and a one night camping trip next week. I mean how much can you really do with a newborn without resenting being a parent. I tried to stuff way too much into my last mat leave and was really unhappy. I’m here to enjoy it this time around.
Anon says
Yeah there’s nothing wrong with resting! I did very little besides read, watch TV and go on short stroller walks on my mat leave and I have very fond memories of it.
Emma says
Does anyone have any good name ideas starting with an “S”? Boy or girl (we don’t know yet). DH wants an “S” name as a tribute to his grandmother who recently passed away. DH is Jewish, and while we don’t need an explicitly Jewish name necessarily, he has vetoed certain suggestions as being “too Christian” (ie he wasn’t a fan of Sebastian). Additional challenge is that it must be reasonably pronounceable in French and English. I’m feeling a little uninspired so wondering if anyone has any cute ideas! DD1 is Maya (and yes, we had a whole “names in M” discussion which I had also shared here – thanks to all who provided meaningful advice on Jewish naming traditions, that’s one thing we apparently hadn’t covered in our pre-interfaith marriage talks).
Anon says
Sarah and Samuel are classic and common in Jewish families without being “too Jewish” (imo). Sophia or Sophie is popular but I like it.
Anon says
Oh I thought of a couple more: Seth and Shira. The latter is more obviously Jewish, but I think it’s a really pretty name.
Anon says
Sonya has the same meaning as Sophie/Sophia (wisdom), but isn’t nearly as common.
Anonymous says
I’m also Jewish and had to find an S name for our first (ended up with the S name as the middle name, which is always an option for you guys too).
Sam, Simon, Saul, Solomon, Sadie, Sarah are a few ideas
Anonymous says
Sophie/Sophia are my faves. I know three and they all happen to be Jewish :).
Soren, Sable, Sharon, Stewart/Stuart, Sam(antha), Steven, Stacey (Anastasia), Skylar.
Anon says
That’s interesting! We’re culturally Jewish and have a Sofia and we’ve never met another Jewish one (of any spelling). My in-laws gave me so much grief about using a “Christian name” but they named their kids very WASPy names that are not traditionally used by Jews either so whatever. We just ignored their complaining.
Anonymous says
How funny. Two of the three are not just culturally Jewish but are Sunday school/bat mitzvah Jewish.
Anonymous says
Yep all the Sophies and Sophias we know are Jewish. I actually thought it was a Jewish name.
Anon says
Nope, definitely not a traditionally Jewish name. And there is a Saint Sophia, to the OP’s point about saint names.
Anonymous says
Sabine, Soraya
Anon says
I like Sariah for a girl
Anon says
Sienna.
Anne-on says
Sylvia/Sylvie, Sarah, Sophie/Sophia, or Sahar for girls. Stephen, Saul (bit old fashioned but coming back around I think), Seth, Sam/Samuel, Sawyer or Serge?
NYCer says
Sylive or Sophie for a girl. Both easy to pronounce in both languages. For a boy, I like Sam (or Samuel).
NYCer says
Typo, I meant Sylvie.
Anon says
Sadie was going to be our girl name, but we are having a boy (and ironically our top boy name is Sebastian!)
Anon says
I love Sebastian. I also don’t think of it as a Christian name (and I’m Jewish). I thought it came from ancient Greek?
Anon says
It’s Greek but is also the name of a saint, so that could be the association for OP. I do know a three different families who are pretty Catholic who have Sebastians.
Anon says
I am ethnically Jewish and admittedly not very religious, but the “name of a saint” rule doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me – there are saints named after Old Testament figures like Abigail, right? Those are common names for Jewish families to use.
Anon says
Oh of course! I just meant that that may be why that name is popular with Catholics/other Christians who venerate saints and thus why OP’s husband sees it as “Christian”.
Anon says
i’m Jewish too and do think of Sebastian as a Christian sounding name
Emma says
I really like Sebastian! I honestly don’t think of it as a particularly Christian name, but DH is entitled to veto, as am I, so it’s off the list for us… Sadie is very cute too (but doesn’t really work in French unfortunately).
Anon says
I like Bas as a nickname for Sebastian (rather than Seb).
Anon says
I don’t remember the “M” discussion so apologies if this has been covered, but can the “S” name be the middle? Most Ashkenazi families I know would be ok with that. Personally, I would push back hard on having to use a specific letter for my child’s first name (and I’m Ashkenazi). The middle name is way less important.
Emma says
That’s my fallback option if we don’t find anything we really like in “S”. For some reason DH was very attached to the idea of it being the first name not the middle. For our first, it was complicated because his mother had basically promised her mother on her deathbed that the firstborn grandchild would be a namesake, and to be honest I bristled hard at this at first (because I wasn’t around at the time and made no such promise). We ended up compromising by not naming our child exactly like grandma, but using an “M” name in her honor. I liked Maya so I was happy to compromise, and our daughter also has a middle name that was meaningful to my family. But now his other grandmother, who he was very close to, passed away recently, and I’m torn between being respectful of his grief and of Jewish naming traditions (I’m non-religious with a Catholic/Episcopalian background, and no one in my family cares that much about what we name our kids as long as they can pronounce it) but also wishing I could name our children whatever we want without always adhering to the letter tradition.
Anon says
see I found the letter tradition helpful because otherwise there are too many choices! But I also think you could name after someone from your family if that is important to you.
Emma says
The thing is, I honestly don’t have any important family names I need to use – I am fortunate that most of my family members are still alive, and I honored my maternal grandmother with DD1’s middle name which was a family tradition. I guess I just want the freedom to browse the internet and find something we like without any constraints, but I’m also trying to be respectful of what matters to DH.
Anonymous says
Sawyer, Sadie, Sierra, Simon, Susan, Spencer (boy or girl).
AIMS says
Sabrina
Sylvia
Stella
Sloane
Sidney
Simon
Shiloh
Shea
Saul
Anon says
i’m laughing a little bit bc we are Jewish as well and have a Maya! and also kind of needed an S name, but couldn’t find one for a girl that we agreed on. I like Shira (means song/singing), but that is my sister’s name (outing myself here), I also liked Serena/Sarina. Our boys name was Seth, but we had two girls. Instead of naming after my grandmother’s first name we ended up honoring her by using the first letter of her maiden name, our last name also starts with S, so even with a middle initial, i didnt love SS as first/last name initials. Other S names are Samara/Samira or Sasha.
Emma says
Maya is a great name :) I like Serena and Samara. I also like Sasha, but in French it’s almost always a boy’s name (big Russian community in France, Sasha is a Russian nickname for Alexander I think) so that would be confusing to the French side. I may decide I don’t care though! Seth is also very cute, but I’m not sure I’m feeling up to hearing it pronounced the French way (“Set”). Shira is my SIL’s name (definitely outing myself here too) so I think that would be confusing.
Anon says
If your DH is Ashkenazi (which I’m assuming based on the honoring a recently deceased relative) you likely can’t use his sister’s name since it’s considered bad form to name after a living relative. That was a bummer for us, I LOVED the name Talia but my BIL is a Tal.
Emma says
He is – that’s a good point, thanks! I knew we kind of ruled it out, but had forgotten that it’s actually a naming “rule”.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, Sasha is a nickname for Alexander in Russian. But hey, Obama named his daughter Sasha so it could work!
AIMS says
Sasha is a nickname for both Alexander and Alexandra in Russian. So I wouldn’t worry too much about confusion. It’s a nice name for all genders I think.
Anon says
I have a Maya and a Seth :) If Seth was a girl he would have been Sophie.
Anon says
For girls: Sara(h), Selene or Selena (which might be a terrible take on Celine but it’s an S!), Sylvie, Simone, Susanne (I love Susannah as a name, but Susanne is better for French speakers).
For boys: Solomon (Solly), Samuel, Simon/Simeon
Unisex: Sasha/Sacha
Emma says
Thanks for all of the suggestions! Lots of great ones I’m adding to the list.
Momofthree says
Not sure if you’re still coming back to check, but I’m surprised no one mentioned Salome for a girl.
Simone says
My daughter’s middle name is Simone and it meets your requirements re: not too Christian and Fr/En.
Anon says
My best friend deals with anxiety and it has affected numerous aspects of her parenting, such as feeling tremendous anxiety and shame over not being able to breastfeed. I was there for her and still am, but I notice that now that I’m TTC myself, her anxiety sometimes feels contagious and it’s affecting my natural excitement, which feels like a problem. I find I have more trepidation about things like breastfeeding because I saw how hard it was for her, even though I know we are different people and every family is different. I also find that talking to her makes me more anxious about things I didn’t know you could be anxious about, like whether the baby’s swimsuit is bright enough to be seen if the baby goes underwater. Obviously the answer is set boundaries, which I have been doing, but I find that I need more practical advice and tools to separate mentally so even if I do hear about a problem or an anxiety of hers (when I’m listening and trying to be a good friend), it doesn’t also subconsciously influence me. I think the subconscious influence is the biggest issue right now, and I’m wondering if maybe I need to up my time with less anxious friends (although few of my friends have babies) to counteract the messaging a bit. Any ideas? I’m most interested in practical tips on mental boundaries for friendships you do value and want to maintain. I also want (and deserve) to be excited about TTC!
Anon says
Oh, and just to be clear, her anxiety also affects many aspects of pregnancy, not just once the baby is here. I realize that my examples are for when the baby is there but I’m actually most affected by her anxiety over pregnancy milestones or how long it takes to get pregnant and things like that.
Emma says
Anxiety can definitely be contagious. I’m wondering if you could gently address it with your friend? Just say hey, I want to be there for you, but to be honest all this talk about milestones and challenges is causing me some anxiety, could we also try to reframe and focus on the positives? I also have anxiety and sometimes tend to unload onto friends, and one friend once kindly told me it was getting to be a lot for her and stressing her out (not related to pregnancy- this was about work) and since then I really try to be more mindful of what I’m passing onto to friends and save the serious venting/panic for therapy (and occasionally my spouse but he’s fortunately pretty good at dealing with it).
anon says
+1 that I’ve been so grateful when someone who loved me told me the impact of how I’d been talking. I was able to focus on other things, much to our mutual happiness.
Anonymous says
You need to put yourself first. Stop talking to her about pregnancy. At all. “Jane, I appreciate the care, but we cannot discuss my pregnancy it is too stressful for me.” “Let’s move on, as I said I am not discussing my pregnancy with you.” “Bye, talk later.”
Jane will not like it! And that is not your problem to solve.
Anon says
The problem is that I want to talk to my best friend about pregnancy! Maybe I’m not being realistic, but we’ve been so close and she’s the one person I can talk to about embarrassing problems or concerns. Not being able to talk about pregnancy at all would be giving something important up, even WITH the anxiety issue. Ugh.
Anonymous says
Well then I think you look at the suggestions to manage your reactions!
Spirograph says
I’m interested to see what other people say about this, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible: I don’t know that the answer here is to put boundaries on the friendship, so much as you need practice taking in information, acting on it constructively where appropriate, and leaving the rest without letting it bring you down. In my experience, messaging about the challenges of parenthood and dangers to children, etc is everywhere. Based on your description here, your friend is not bringing anything to you that you won’t also encounter on this s*te, in parenting books, in the news, and just kind of permeating society in general. You probably just weren’t attuned to it as much until you were TTC. I’m taking you at your word that her anxiety pre-dates her motherhood, but what you described sounds pretty normal for a new mom to me.
Focus on gratitude, optimism and excitement (I find a gratitude journal and meditation helpful), and try to bring those to your friend too. Also, if you haven’t told her exactly what you said at the end — that you want and deserve to be excited about TTC — you need to. She may not realize she’s being a bit of a downer. So many friendships fade when one person has a child and the other doesn’t, so big kudos to you for working to maintain the relationship, you sound like a great friend. And best of luck on your TTC journey!
Anon says
No, you’re absolutely right – it’s almost more like mental boundaries for myself that help me process the information without the anxiety. I like the idea of a gratitude journal to help me physically focus on the positives. Thank you for this!
Anon says
I think the difference is that you can decide to not read those books or online comments and avoid certain news
stories if you want. I agree that it’s necessary as a new parent to figure out how to deal with inevitable fears and anxieties that might creep in, but depending on how bad this friend’s issues are, there’s a point where you can put boundaries in place. I don’t think it’s helpful to her anxious friend to keep ruminating on things that aren’t realistic threats, and I think a true friend is obligated to let their friend know when they need professional help and that it’s detrimental to their own mental health to continuously listen to it. You can still love your friend and maintain a friendship, but I don’t think OP should necessarily try to gratitude journal her way out of this.
Anon says
Oh, this sounds so hard, I’m sorry! I know that just reading comments online about others’ anxieties about IVF and then pregnancy affected how I felt about those phases of life, but dealing with it this in person would be so hard. Is she receiving treatment? Does she acknowledge that her fears are mostly due to her anxiety rather than real risks? The swimsuit comment is worrying. You hold your baby the whole time you’re in the water, no need to look around for them if they were to go under since you’re right there with them!
“Hey friend, I’m concerned about you, but I don’t think I’m the right person to talk about this with because it’s making me feel really anxious”. It’s also okay to distance yourself a bit if she continues with the anxiety talk and it’s affecting you.
Anonymous says
How big a deal is it to have your kid do only one week at a day camp where almost everyone goes for the whole summer? Early elementary school.
Mary Moo Cow says
Do you mean for you or for your kids? Are you asking if you will feel mom guilt or inadequate or if your kids will complain? I’m only kind of kidding. There was a thread earlier in the summer about how kids will always see the grass as greener, so whether they are the only kid going to camp or the only kid not in camp, they likely will find a way to complain.
But this is so kid and family specific! I just spiraled because I read an online piece by a mom friend who kinda humble bragged that her kids didn’t do any camps but just soaked up connection with their parents and the lazy days of summer, while my kids did two weeks of camp. Other families I know send their kids to day camp every week of the summer because they are a two working parent family. How would that article land to them?
Really, to stay sane, I think you have to tune out the noise and focus on what’s best for your family, not whether it is a big deal to have kids in camp for only one week. If camp makes them happy and it works for you, do as much of it as you want; if camp makes everyone miserable and you are a stress ball, opt out and ignore any judgment you get from others.
Anonymous says
Sorry, I should have been clearer. I’m mainly asking about the social implications of joining a camp most of the way through the summer when the other kids have all been there for the full summer. Our planned summer is mostly travel and half day camps with grandparents providing afternoon coverage, but there’s one week where we have to be in town and the grandparents are out of town. The most convenient option would be the all day city camp. But every kid I know who attends that camp goes there all summer, save for a vacation week or two, so I don’t know what it will be like coming into it in late July when all the other kids have been together since May.
Anonymous says
I posted below – when we did this, it WAS harder for our son socially. Would your kids know any of the other kids at the camp already? If so it might not matter much; our son didn’t know a soul at his camp.
Spirograph says
This is a big factor — at the camp “everyone” goes to in our area, most of the kids know each other from school already. There are two public elementary schools that converge on the daycamp, so no one knows everyone, but almost everyone knows someone. The few kids who go to private schools usually know a couple neighbors, and that helps everything gel.
It also depends a lot on your kid’s personality. My little extrovert thrives on making new friends, but one of my kids really needs at least one person he’s comfortable with to help him assimilate. Unless there’s a sport, sports = insta-friends (or at least he’ll have fun whether or not he ever learns the other kids’ names).
Anonymous says
Thanks Spirograph. She’s a pretty outgoing kid and I think almost certainly would know some kids from school & aftercare since many families at our elementary school use this camp. Maybe we should just try it for a week and if it’s a bad experience we don’t have to do it again.
Anonymous says
I mean it’s not going to be perfect but what’s the alternative? Leaving your kids with wolves. It’s a safe place they’ll be fine.
Anon says
There are alternatives. I could use some vacation time, or we could potentially have my MIL visit. Or possibly other things I haven’t thought. I’d rather not do this if it’s going to be hard on my kid.
Redux says
Gently, “I’d rather not do this if it’s going to be hard on my kid” may benefit from a reframing.
We did this last summer and it was hard on our kid, but I would encourage you to consider it anyway. My daughter definitely felt the challenge of coming in late-summer to a group of kids that had been there for several weeks but:
(1) She was not the only one. Despite every kid you know being there since May it’s obviously not a requirement since you are considering it now. We found a number of families in the same situation as ours– away in July and needing camp in August. Not necessarily my kid’s first pick for a camp friend, but she was definitely not alone in being new.
(2) Most importantly, it forced her to be a little bit brave. You say every kid you know has been there all summer, so presuming that is a good number of kids– enough to make a generalization– it sounds like your kid might know kids there, too? If so, they will be PUMPED that their friend is joining (to mix things up a little– same kids all day every day for weeks can be dull). And even if your kid is the only new kid, consider whether this might be a good chance to flex some new skills. Not presuming to know anything about your kiddo, but mine benefits from some relatively low-stakes practice at being brave, meeting new people, and generally doing a hard thing and emerging unscathed. She is switching schools this year and I have reminded her about that camp experience and how great it turned out *even though it was hard* to give her some encouragement in starting a new school. It was hard, but it was also good.
Good luck!
HSAL says
I did that with my 6 year old last summer. It was a little tough on her, she was literally the only new kid that week, which I hadn’t realized would be the case. So friend groups were already kind of set, etc. She didn’t have the best time but she also didn’t complain or seem upset too much. I wouldn’t do it again by choice, but I think under your circumstances it’s a perfectly fine choice and it’ll be okay.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Aren’t there other camps your kid could do for that week? Like a gymnastics or sports camp? Those tend to be one-off one weekers where everyone is new.
Anon says
Unfortunately in our area all the theme camps (sports, arts, science, etc) are half day or less. The only full day options are really the city camps and most families who do those use them for the entire summer.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Gotcha. You can look into a summer sitter too – tons of high school and college kids are around then. But, also it’s one week, and your kid will survive even if they don’t like it!
Anon says
is this already for next summer???
Anonymous says
Yep. I know it’s really early… but my spouse and my mom both have tons of work travel already on the books for next summer, and I need to coordinate everything to make sure that when we’re in town my mom is available to watch our kid (this is the preference of both my mom and the kiddo, not something I’m forcing). The grandma weeks will be supplemented with various half day camps and there’s no rush on those, but we need to identify the weeks we need full time care and plan for those sooner. The city camp starts registration around Thanksgiving!
Spirograph says
+1 Not a big deal at all. My kids spent most of the summer at various day camps, because DH and I have to work in person. If this is a question about the kids “missing out” on the collective experience many of their friends will have had, FWIW this is my kids’ second and final week at the camp where many, many kids go for the whole summer, and they’re having a blast. I haven’t heard any of them say they felt like they missed anything from the previous weeks.
Anonymous says
If you do this, it is ideal if your kid can go to the first week, otherwise, all of the other kids will have already made friends, and it can be hard for a kid to break in socially. (I’m assuming you mean this is a camp that most kids go to for the entire summer). We learned this through experience. It wasn’t awful for our easygoing son when we he just went for a week late in the summer, but it was a better experience the year he went for the first week.
Camp is not a requirement; for most people it is just child care! If you don’t need that, great.
Anon says
Thanks. That’s kind of what I was thinking. Unfortunately it has to be a specific week towards the end of summer, so maybe we should try to find something else. I do think she’ll likely know some kids there from school and activities, but camp friendships may have already solidified.
Anon says
i cant believe all these camps already have their 2024 schedules available!
Anonymous says
Oh, the camps haven’t announced specific dates. But the city camps operate every full week of summer break, and I know from this summer that full day camps other than the city camps are nearly impossible to find.
Anonymous says
It depends on what you mean by a big deal. Do you mean that kiddo will go to another day camp for most of the summer and then this camp just for a week, and you’re worried about kiddo’s fitting in? Or do you mean that kiddo will be home all summer except for one week and will feel left out when they find out that all the other kids got to go all summer?
I have found that my kid does not like to attend the same camp for the entire summer. No matter how great the camp, the daily routine gets boring after a while. We usually split the summer among specialty day camps, sleepaway camp, and regular Y day camp. There is enough movement of kids in and out of the Y camp that it is not an issue socially that she wasn’t there all summer.
Anonymous says
Do they have a friend there? Is it a camp they are otherwise very interested in? My 5 year old would be find; she’s friendly and would buddy up immediately. My 7 year old wouldn’t care if it a camp she chose (eg cooking camp, horseback riding etc). If the only thing the camp has “going” for it is friends, she’d nope right out.
My oldest, 10, would hate it and prefer to stay home doing chores for a week. She loved sleepaway camp where she didn’t know anyone but at 10 popping into an established friend group is not her jam. Unless she knew one of the girls in advance (which is what she did this week! A good friend of hers was at camp all summer, my kid joined for the last week and it’s was totally fine).
NYCer says
+1. If your kid has a friend at the camp and wants to go, it would be a no brainer and totally fine. I probably wouldn’t just stick my daughter in a random camp that she was ambivalent about for a one week unless I was really desperate for child care.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s such a big deal. Mom needs to work. Kid can go to camp for a week.
anon says
Looking for advice and commiseration on how to navigate blended family issues when there is extreme financial disparity between households.
Without going into all the gory details, the high level situation is that my husband and I share custody of two of our kids with their mother (his former wife). Kids are middle school aged. We are absolutely fine financially – both work at large law firms, so we are doing more than okay – but mom is super wealthy (like, trust fund/weekends in St. Barths/private jet to Nantucket wealthy) and soon to be more so as her parents are aging and she will inherit in the high eight figures when they pass.
We have a great relationship with our kids, but the lifestyle we can offer is obviously…not that. We end up a lot in situations where she asks if she can have them during our custody time, and it’s hard to say no because she’s generally already told them what she wants to do, and “normal weekend at our house” can’t really compete with “taking the jet to the beach for the day.” And their expectations are just wildly different even on day to day stuff, like the restaurant for celebrating a birthday, where we buy back to school clothes from, etc.
It’s hard not to get upset some times over how the kids clearly (but subconsciously) view our life as less, or how willing they are to abandon ship on us to go do whatever lavish activity she can offer, even though I get why it’s more exciting for a kid than what we have and can offer. Any advice on navigating/managing these feelings, since obviously we can’t change the situation? I know some day the kids may regret choosing those experiences over time with dad, but on the other hand, maybe they won’t.
Anonymous says
I think your husband, whose kids these are, needs to parent. “No, you can’t go to mom’s instead, because I love you and it’s your time with me.” And followed by “Trish, please stop trying to take over my parenting time. It’s important for me to see the kids.”
You’re blaming the kids here but this is not on the kids. At all. It is on your husband to step up.
Anonymous says
He needs to request that she stop manipulating the kids by telling them “if you give up your weekend with your dad I’ll take you to St. Barths.”
Anon says
I think this raises the possibility of creating animosity with the kids though – they are teenagers or nearly teenagers not toddlers. They are old enough know to start resenting dad if he is always the one saying no you can’t go on this trip. I don’t know how amicable the relationship is between your husband and his ex, but ideally he should talk to HER about this. She needs to stop offering to take the kids on a private jet to the beach for a weekend when it is your husband’s weekend. It shouldn’t even be on the table.
This is a tricky situation OP. Not easy to navigate.
Anonymous says
Yes but often exes don’t do what you want! And these kids are old enough to hear “I’m sorry mom promised you something super fun, but she knows which weekends are mine and it’s important for us to see each other. There’s no reason why she can’t plan trips on her time.”
Anon says
Yes, the kids are old enough for this message. And they may resent it now (because teens resent everything) but they’ll understand when they’re adults. When dealing with a challenging co-parent I think you really have to play the long game.
Anon says
Oh I totally agree with you in theory. I am just being realistic about the fact that the kids might start disliking dad if he does this over and over.
Anon says
The specific numbers involved are very high compared to most families, but I think these issues are actually really common in divorced families. One parent usually is much better off and can offer the kids a lot more “stuff.” Agree that your husband needs to more actively parent, and to say no to request from his ex to travel with the kids during his parenting time. It’s his decision, not the kids’. She can take them on plenty of lavish trips on her own time (I’m assuming she has at least 50% custody?).
Anon says
She actually has primary custody (which makes it worse in some ways, because she’s trying to get them during our already-limited time).
It’s just really hard for him to say no when they’ve already gotten excited about whatever she has planned, but I guess the answer is that he has to. He’s raised this with her (including in their parenting counseling), but she always brushes it off as “just a one time special opportunity” and says it was their decision anyway.
The whole thing is just tough, sigh.
Anonymous says
Yeah parenting is hard! But just like with toddler, clean boundaries communicated with warm and respect and consistency go a long way.
Anon says
Yup.
Anonymous says
If they have parent counseling this is where it should be addressed. Your DH should focus on a fact based approach – frequency with which this is occurring and the fact that the kids are being told about the event prior to the change in custody schedule being agreed to. On the first point, if she says ‘it’s only every second month or so’ but he only has the kids one weekend per month then he can remind the counselor that means it is occurring 50% of the time. Nothing should be said to the children until the change in custody schedule has been agreed to.
‘It is hard on my relationship with the kids when you put me in the position of having to say no to these types of events after you have told the kids about them.’
Ask the counselor to assigned as the go between on any of these trips. As in the mom does not raise it with the kids unless she has provided a plan to the counselor in advance and the counselor agrees that there is an special occasion or event associated that cannot otherwise be accommodated.
Any parenting time lost to ‘special mom events’ should be made up via a new schedule agreed to before the weekend. It should never be about her gaining time – it’s a time swap.
Anon says
this sounds like a great approach and that a big part of the problem is the kids are told about these special events before their dad has agreed. like can’t they take the jet to the beach on a different day?
anon says
This is really helpful, thank you!
Anonymous says
Also, they aren’t your kids! They are your husband’s kids and their mother’s kids.
Anon says
+1 this rubs me the wrong way a bit too. Stepmothers can be wonderful role models & friends. You have an important role in these kids’ lives. But they’re not your kids.
anon says
I would be interested in the experiences of other stepparents, but kids feel pretty strongly about being ours. To the degree that they have a highly negative reaction to being referred to as my stepchildren. I refer to them as our kids publicly and privately, and that is how I think of them.
Anon says
I’m also a stepmom and the take above comes across as a bit hostile to me and also another line item in the “we can’t win” list. People come at you with all sorts of “step kids must be treated the exact same as your kids or you’re an evil stepmother!” (Extra annoying for me as there’s a decade age gap between step kid and my birth kids, and step kid primarily lives in another state, so practically speaking, there will have to be some differences.). But then also “they aren’t your kids and don’t refer to them as such!”
Anon says
I think this is a really nice sentiment, and feel that the best wording is the one that works for the children in the families, not the adults. I’m sure it can sting for the other parent to hear a stepparent refer to their kids this way, but if it’s coming from a loving place, it’s a net positive.
Anon says
They aren’t “my” kids, but they are “ours.” We have a child together as well, and they’re all our children.
Anonymous says
This is an important factor. She’s impacting the opportunity for the development of a sibling relationship by cutting into the time with their sibling.
AwayEmily says
Oof, this one hits hard for me — I have a half-sister (we share a dad) and she would be horrified if someone claimed she was not my mom’s kid. My parents (the dad my sister and I share, and the mom who birthed me) have been divorced for more than 20 years. But still, my mom flies to my sister’s house every year for Thanksgiving, watches her kids for weeks in the summer, and talks to her on the phone near-daily. My sister is also very close to the mom we don’t share — she just says she has two moms. I’m sure there are some families where the distinction between “stepmom” and “real mom” is a huge one, but there are also families where it’s not, and I guess I’d trust OP as to how her family sees it.
Anonymous says
Most. Most families consider a step mom a step mom not an actual mom. If your sister doesn’t great no one is coming for her but the whole phrasing of this as our kids when it is his kids he doesn’t even have joint custody of is odd.
anon says
We do have joint custody…Not sure where you got that idea. Their mom has primary physical, which is standard in our state given their age (one parent will have primary physical custody; 50/50 is uncommon until you hit high school).
Anonymous says
Because you said you have limited time with them?
Anonymous says
The issue exists for many divorced families. But it’s “mom wants to take me to Disney; dad wants me to go camping.”
Your DH needs to step up and communicate.
anon says
OP, I commented above, but wanted to come back for commiseration on blended family issues generally. I don’t intend to be mean or diminish any other responses, but there’s that saying of “I was the perfect parent before I had kids.” I think it’s similar in that it’s easy for someone to be the perfect stepmother when she doesn’t have stepchildren, and a lot of (well intentioned) comments and advice from people who aren’t in that situation is just unfortunately not applicable or workable in reality.
anon says
Thanks. I don’t ask here often about stepparenting issues, and it’s in part because I find that there are a lot of comments that feel like people trying to unpack their own emotional luggage (if that makes sense) or that come from people who don’t have experience with a blended family but have default assumptions about the relationship between stepparents and stepkids. In fact, part of the reason that our kids (according to them) are highly sensitive about *not* being publicly referred to as my stepchildren (and don’t want to publicly refer to me as their stepmom) is that so many people – including people who have no experience with stepfamily issues – have very strong opinions and assumptions about this topic.
I absolutely do not do everything right as a stepmom; it is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But most of my happiest memories in this life are of our family – my entire family – and my life would be incomplete without them. I know there are a lot of people who have difficult relationships with their stepparents, and there are a lot of stepparents that don’t prioritize their stepkids or who view them as “not *my* kids”, and I also know that there are a lot of mothers whose kids have a stepmom who struggle mightily to accept that their kids love that stepmom. All of that can color people’s responses. I don’t discount any of those experiences, and in the end I can deal with the fact that those experiences can cause people (in real life and on the internet) to discount mine, because what matters is what our kids think and the experience that they have.
Anonymous says
The fact that your step kids say this and refer to you this way tells me that your family is doing something right. My stepmom thinks of my brothers and I as her kids and I view that as a positive. Middle school is a classic time for these sorts of custody issues to come up. Unfortunately it only got worse going into high school for me as I wanted to see friends, etc even if it was my dads days and he wanted me to be with him. I don’t have great advice I’d just offer this can be normal and I think my dad got around it by trying to do a lot of activities as a family together so we had something to bring us together.
Anonymous says
You seem like a really thoughtful and caring person and I think these kids are lucky to have you! No advice but good luck.
Lyssa says
How late in the year is too late to go on a beach vacation in central Florida (Daytona Beach or nearby)? Assume you have a very low tolerance for cold and you want to spend most of the time in/around the water. Is mid-October going to be comfortable?
Anon says
We went to the panhandle in December and went swimming in the ocean but we’re hearty Midwesterners. :) I would say October is going to be warm enough for almost everyone though. Generally oceans take a long time to cool off and a long time to warm up, so fall is typically warmer than spring and even early summer.
Anonymous says
The gulf will be warmer than the Atlantic, but the air will probably be very warm still in October. I would check to see what water temps are likely to be.
Anon318 says
Lifelong Gulf Coast Floridian here – we used to spend all of winter break at the beach without any problem going in the water! I don’t know about the Atlantic Coast, but if you’re at all considering Indian Rocks, Clearwater, St. Pete, Sand Key, Sarasota, etc., you will be fine probably until Thanksgiving. It doesn’t start cooling off here until late October and “cooling off” means lows under 70 degrees…
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
“Grandma Camp” update! Please let me whine a bit. I get people forget things (hell, I posted about forgetting to pay my CC last week!), but I’m so annoyed.
I was getting ready to leave to the office this AM, and my MIL asked DH to install DS #1’s carseat after DH got back from dropping off DS #2. We have bought her a carseat for DS #1 to keep in her car, as DS #1 will stay with her at her house for a few days on his own a few times a year.
Between DH and I – I manage the carseat stuff – e.g. general install, research, when to switch kids from RF/FF, to a new type of seat, etc. I let MIL know this (kindly), and let her know I’d take care of it, assuming it was a few minutes of securing the carseat that was in her car. I go to her car and….there is no carseat. What she and DH didn’t make clear is that she forgot to bring it with her when she drove down to our house.
So I got to spend 25 minutes getting sweaty in my work clothes (DH was dropping DS #2 off) uninstalling the carseat from my car into MIL’s car…luckily DH came home right in time to help me snap it in and listen to my vent.
Given the purpose of her visit is to spend time with DS #1, I’m just annoyed she can remember to pack her own Coke Zero but not the dang carseat.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I should also edit – not sure why she (or DH) didn’t mention this on Monday when she arrived and they unloaded her car, or yesterday when she was home with DS #1 all day…
Spirograph says
That is a justifiable thing to whine about, especially that they didn’t mention it until this morning!
(Side note, my kids are all now big enough for backless boosters — one is big enough for no booster at all! — and it feels so FREE! Just something to look forward to for everyone still wrestling car seats.)
Anon says
Yeah with a 5 year old I would probably just give MiL a backless booster. We used that for travel from the age of 4, although we still use a car seat at home.
Boston Legal Eagle says
As soon as your kid can buckle and unbuckle themselves, it’s a game changer. My older kid started doing this even in his 5 point harness seat.
OOO says
I would be very annoyed if I bought a car seat for MIL’s car and she forgot to bring it during Grandma Camp week!
Mary Moo Cow says
Ugh. That would make me so edgy that I would need some alone time today. I would stop by the bookstore or a big box store on the way home from work or go out by myself for an ice cream after work, with a big smile and a “figure it out!”
OP says
YES – This would totally be the move, except we’re leaving tomorrow for our resort trip, and you know how the day/night before leaving are…
Anon says
Ugh that’s annoying.
GCA says
Good grief that’s annoying. Not life-threatening, assuming she has not actually driven around with DS#1 but no carseat. But on top of everything else, it would put me over the edge!
Anon says
Any tips for going to Boston with kids (3 kids – preschool and Kindergarten)? Where to stay, what to see, what to skip? We are thinking about going early November. Thanks!
Anon says
I went with a 10 month old, so I don’t have much in the way of recommendations for your kids except that we stayed at a hotel near the Boston Common and it was great! So nice to have a nice spot to stretch our legs.
Tea/Coffee says
Do a duck tour! We all loved it
Anonymous says
+1 for duck tour and the science museum!
Anon says
It could be 60 or 32 (see: snow on Halloween 3 years ago!). But, also my favorite times of year here. I’m team There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather, Just Bad Clothes, so be prepared and check the weather up until they day you leave becuase it can change quickly.
I think the Children’s Museum is eh, but if you have extra bad weather, no harm in going. Aquarium is great, as is the science museum. Ride the T all over town – never gets old with my now 5 year old. Faneuil Hall will have a lot going on in general – great people watching for kiddos. Definitely do a duck tour, if they still operate that late in the season.
There’s a skydeck thing at the Prudential Center that is new. I’ve heard it’s expensive but maybe that was just early pricing or there’s a discount through your hotel?
Walking along the Charles River is great with some great playgrounds along the way (take Charles Street in Beacon Hill to the river’s edge or get off Redline at Charles/MGH, and walk left/west along the river and you’ll hit a couple.
Have fun!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Oh yes to your first sentence – my older kid went trick or treating 3 years ago in snow pants! It worked as he went as a firefighter :)
Agree with the other suggestions – definitely duck tour. I like the Children’s Museum, the Aquarium and the Science Museum. You should probably stay somewhere near the Boston Common/Public Gardens so you can walk there, and be near Back Bay and downtown. Duck tour leaves from either Back Bay or Science Museum.
Enjoy Boston!! I love it here.
Anon says
Recommend staying near the Public Garden (which is next to the Common, but given their size can be about half a mile closer to most places you’ll be walking) or in Back Bay. We love the children’s museum and find it better for our family than the science museum. More neighborhoody / less tourist options, in case helpful for some lower pressure activities: the public library at Copley Square has a fine children’s room with ~2-3 good programs a day sorted by age (crafts, legos, music, story time), (there’s also a bar, a map museum, a tea room, and architecture tours in the library if one adult wants to get a break). Lots of great playgrounds – Tot Lot at the corner of Comm and Berkeley, Stoneman playground on the esplanade are both great for younger kids. The “esplanade playground” (different playground in the same park, search under that name) is fantastic but is more of a big kid playground. The playground next to the children’s museum is huge and fantastic and pirate themed, it’s also sadly a memorial to the boy who died as part of the marathon bombing. Happy to provide more specifics, we love living in Boston with kids!
GCA says
Duck tour – we just did one! hellishly pricey, but early ducks get discounted tickets (really – the 9 and 9:30am rides are discounted). The aquarium is compact but lovely, and the science museum is great for kids. Beacon Hill Books & Cafe has an adorable children’s room. And there is one carousel on Boston Common and another on the Greenway next to the aquarium.
If you find yourself in the Harvard Square area, Cambridge Common has a great kids’ playground. We also love the Harvard natural history museum but it’s a bit better for older kids (K and up).
Kid-friendly eating: If you have early risers, The Friendly Toast is a brunch place that opens at 8am, and there are locations in Back Bay and Harvard Square. My oldest was a great fan of Anna’s Taqueria (several locations) which beats Chipotle hands down. And for centrally located pizza, Figs and Upper Crust on Charles St. near the Public Garden are both good (plus there is a JP Licks ice cream parlor at the end of Charles St, and I have never known my children to say it is too cold for ice cream).
Anon says
I went to college and grad school in Boston and this comment made me very nostalgic. So many of my favorite food spots on this list!!
Cb says
The children have gone home from my son’s Viking themed 6th birthday. Nb I’m a weird working mom in a sea of SAHMs so a Wednesday party wasn’t outrageous. 7 kids, make your own pizza, painting dragons eggs, painting cardboard shields, doing a sheep toss, how to train your dragons 2 viewing, popcorn.
I made a DELICIOUS smitten kitchen cake, and did those ingrates eat the cake? Nope, they just ate the frosting.
My parents are here and the 2 extra sets of hands was super helpful.
Anon says
Sounds awesome!
OOO says
That sounds like a fantastic party! Which cake did you make?
Cb says
Smitten Kitchen best birthday cake, which was fantastic. Came out so even and moist. I did some blue decorative powder so it looked like waves, and put a balsa wood Viking ship on top.
We made SK unfussy sugar cookies and they worked really well with the Viking helmet imprint cookie cutter.
Emma says
A Viking party sounds so fun! More cake for you :)
NYCer says
Sounds like a great party! We did a weekday, post-half day preschool party at home for my younger daughter this year too, and it was so much fun!!
Anon says
Just a vent– Daycare called yesterday at 4:30 (so too late for a MD appt) saying that DS had some spots that they thought might be HFM. Had DS been eating normally? Yep! Did DS have a fever? Nope! Has DS been playing outside and getting lots of mosquito bites? Yep! I told daycare that I had literally seen the mosquitoes biting him myself. (The spots were on his face and diaper area, so areas I can’t spray with bug spray.) Daycare said they couldn’t afford not to check. I told them that was ridiculous and expensive.
Took DS to the pediatrician since the alternative was keeping him home until all the “spots” were gone… and it’s bug bites!
Anon says
Eh that is annoying but HFM is sooo awful I see why they’d be paranoid about it. Also bug bites in the diaper area seems weird unless he was outdoor sans shorts and diaper which I assume is not the case at daycare?
Anon says
OP– they look like chigger bites, and it’s commonly known that there are chiggers on the daycare playground. Chiggers normally for areas that are warm/covered, like under elastic bands or a diaper.
Anonymous says
If it makes you feel any better, during a measles outbreak a few years ago pre-Covid, my preschool son was sent home because of a “rash” that was the same eczema on his wrist that he’d had for a month and they had seen every day. One dr visit later it was still eczema.
Anon says
Does anyone have/has anyone had a toddler that is obsessed with the alphabet? My ~2.5 year old does all the toddler things (blocks! pretend! jumping!), and also LOVES – LOVES – the alphabet and numbers. We’re in ST, and she’s coming along well. She’s fine socially – eye contact, snuggles, etc. And she LOVES pointing out letters, spelling out words when she sees them in big font (like on a sign), etc.
When it comes to screen time, she can literally watch the same batch of Elmo or Ms. Rachel singing the ABCs with various folks over and over again. She loves playing with the alphabet sponge thingies in the tub, alphabet blocks, etc.
I made the mistake of googling this and saw that there’s a condition called “hyperlexia” that is often a splinter skill for autistic children. When I brought it up, the SLP immediately waived it away due to DD’s current social skills. I have a note out to our ped due to the anxiety spiral googling let me to.
Anyone else have this or a similar experience? I also welcome any ideas to help build this interest, because why not?
Anonymous says
Sounds pretty normal for 2-3 year olds. That’s when they start to understand that the letters are associated with sounds and are not just shapes like triangles or squares.
Anonymous says
Per your professional advice, ya gotta chill
anon says
The girl I knew with hyperlexia was literally reading whole books before she turned 2. Not really the same thing as singing the alphabet song or pointing out the names of letters she sees.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
+1 this is not hyperlexia. This sounds pretty normal to me.
AwayEmily says
I have nothing to say about hyperlexia but wanted to say I totally sympathize with the spiraling-over-a-random-thing. Ask me about the time I called the pediatrician because I thought my coughing baby was dry-drowning. It’s gotten much better as my kids have gotten older and I’ve seen how quickly most things pass.
Anonymous says
This seems perfectly normal and cause for delight rather than concern. Sesame Street taught my daughter to recognize her first sight words when she had barely turned 2. She was reading Magic Tree House at age 3. She has never been anywhere near the autism spectrum. Sesame Street was designed to build reading readiness, among other purposes, and it does it well.
Just keep following her lead! If she is interested, the Hooked on Phonics Learn to Read program is fun and very effective. Read lots of books together, have her sound out words, etc. Make sure she’s getting phonics and isn’t just learning to recognize sight words.
Anon says
I think a child who learned to read without formal education and is reading chapter books at age 3 likely has hyperlexia. That’s extremely early for spontaneous reading, like 99.99th percentile. And hyperlexia isn’t synonymous with autism. But agree that recognizing letters at 2.5 is perfectly normal.
Anon says
Anyone ever have a kiddo do the ‘Safe and Sound Protocol’? Our OT wants to try it with our daughter and while I don;t think it will be harmful, trying to figure out if it’s actually impactful
Anonymous says
For an autism evaluation, how much would you value being able to get it done soon (in 2 months versus 18 months) over getting it done by a professional you might build an ongoing relationship with? What I mean is, we could get evaluated in a city that’s a 1-2 hour drive from us much sooner than we can get an appointment in our city, but should I be concerned with finding someone that can provide ongoing care?
Anon says
Probably depends on the age of the child, but generally sooner. I don’t think you need an ongoing relationship with the person who does the eval.
FVNC says
Sooner, 100%.
My daughter was evaluated by a specialty center that was an 8 hr drive for us, and then we “plugged into” a network of local therapists. She has an autism-related diagnosis, and this approach worked really well for us. I remember being in your shoes, and I’m wishing you the best as you navigate the process!
Anonymous says
How much/ what would you do for a first birthday event for about 15 close family members? Food, cake, decorations etc.
I don’t want to do nothing, but I’m also not interested in anything super involved.
Anon says
Pick up some balloons from the super market, put out bagels and cream cheese and a fruit tray, a cake and call it a day. You can keep it as simple or as elaborate as you wabt
anon says
I mean, first birthday parties are for the grownups, not the kid, so I wouldn’t do much (anything?) in terms of decorations. 15 people (assuming most/all are adults) means I’m not cooking – at that point I’m bringing in BBQ, icing down the Yeti, mixing up a pitcher of sangria, and ordering cupcakes. Party hat for the baby, candle for his/her cupcake, and call it a day.
Anon says
No directions except maybe a balloon, lots of food for the adults but it’s fine to have it all catered or purchased from the grocery store.
Anon says
*decorations
Cerulean says
We got a reusable felt happy birthday garden plus felt ball garlands to decorate around our kitchen table (where she ate cake) so we could reuse them year-to-year. I bought a cute outfit, ordered a cake for everyone plus a cupcake for her (smash cake was $25 versus $4 for a cupcake), got takeout plus some simple appetizers (veggie trays, hummus, chips and salsa type stuff), wine and beer and called it good. We had a few kids from 2-8 years old and they had a fun time just running around and doing their own thing, no special activities. I think we spent maybe two hours total in planning. Oh, and we made sure the cleaning people came the day before the party since it fell during a busy work season!
anon says
You should get catering of whatever food you enjoy eating and a cake for yourself for getting through the first year and have people hang out and play with your kid. No decorations except one area that would be good for photos.