Washable Workwear Wednesday: Lena Wide-Leg Linen-Blend Pant

What was your routine during maternity leave, especially if you had a longer one?
DD is six weeks old, older child is in preschool until 4 pm. All my friends are still working and mom and me groups are hard to come around in this neck of the woods. There is one that will start again in September that I will join. But until then… like… what do you do all day? Tired of watching movies and reading. Baby is in carrier most of the day so things like cooking etc. are not possible.

My best friend deals with anxiety and it has affected numerous aspects of her parenting, such as feeling tremendous anxiety and shame over not being able to breastfeed. I was there for her and still am, but I notice that now that I’m TTC myself, her anxiety sometimes feels contagious and it’s affecting my natural excitement, which feels like a problem. I find I have more trepidation about things like breastfeeding because I saw how hard it was for her, even though I know we are different people and every family is different. I also find that talking to her makes me more anxious about things I didn’t know you could be anxious about, like whether the baby’s swimsuit is bright enough to be seen if the baby goes underwater. Obviously the answer is set boundaries, which I have been doing, but I find that I need more practical advice and tools to separate mentally so even if I do hear about a problem or an anxiety of hers (when I’m listening and trying to be a good friend), it doesn’t also subconsciously influence me. I think the subconscious influence is the biggest issue right now, and I’m wondering if maybe I need to up my time with less anxious friends (although few of my friends have babies) to counteract the messaging a bit. Any ideas? I’m most interested in practical tips on mental boundaries for friendships you do value and want to maintain. I also want (and deserve) to be excited about TTC!

Looking for advice and commiseration on how to navigate blended family issues when there is extreme financial disparity between households.

Without going into all the gory details, the high level situation is that my husband and I share custody of two of our kids with their mother (his former wife). Kids are middle school aged. We are absolutely fine financially – both work at large law firms, so we are doing more than okay – but mom is super wealthy (like, trust fund/weekends in St. Barths/private jet to Nantucket wealthy) and soon to be more so as her parents are aging and she will inherit in the high eight figures when they pass.

We have a great relationship with our kids, but the lifestyle we can offer is obviously…not that. We end up a lot in situations where she asks if she can have them during our custody time, and it’s hard to say no because she’s generally already told them what she wants to do, and “normal weekend at our house” can’t really compete with “taking the jet to the beach for the day.” And their expectations are just wildly different even on day to day stuff, like the restaurant for celebrating a birthday, where we buy back to school clothes from, etc.

It’s hard not to get upset some times over how the kids clearly (but subconsciously) view our life as less, or how willing they are to abandon ship on us to go do whatever lavish activity she can offer, even though I get why it’s more exciting for a kid than what we have and can offer. Any advice on navigating/managing these feelings, since obviously we can’t change the situation? I know some day the kids may regret choosing those experiences over time with dad, but on the other hand, maybe they won’t.

“Grandma Camp” update! Please let me whine a bit. I get people forget things (hell, I posted about forgetting to pay my CC last week!), but I’m so annoyed.

I was getting ready to leave to the office this AM, and my MIL asked DH to install DS #1’s carseat after DH got back from dropping off DS #2. We have bought her a carseat for DS #1 to keep in her car, as DS #1 will stay with her at her house for a few days on his own a few times a year.

Between DH and I – I manage the carseat stuff – e.g. general install, research, when to switch kids from RF/FF, to a new type of seat, etc. I let MIL know this (kindly), and let her know I’d take care of it, assuming it was a few minutes of securing the carseat that was in her car. I go to her car and….there is no carseat. What she and DH didn’t make clear is that she forgot to bring it with her when she drove down to our house.

So I got to spend 25 minutes getting sweaty in my work clothes (DH was dropping DS #2 off) uninstalling the carseat from my car into MIL’s car…luckily DH came home right in time to help me snap it in and listen to my vent.

Given the purpose of her visit is to spend time with DS #1, I’m just annoyed she can remember to pack her own Coke Zero but not the dang carseat.

The children have gone home from my son’s Viking themed 6th birthday. Nb I’m a weird working mom in a sea of SAHMs so a Wednesday party wasn’t outrageous. 7 kids, make your own pizza, painting dragons eggs, painting cardboard shields, doing a sheep toss, how to train your dragons 2 viewing, popcorn.

I made a DELICIOUS smitten kitchen cake, and did those ingrates eat the cake? Nope, they just ate the frosting.

My parents are here and the 2 extra sets of hands was super helpful.

Does anyone have/has anyone had a toddler that is obsessed with the alphabet? My ~2.5 year old does all the toddler things (blocks! pretend! jumping!), and also LOVES – LOVES – the alphabet and numbers. We’re in ST, and she’s coming along well. She’s fine socially – eye contact, snuggles, etc. And she LOVES pointing out letters, spelling out words when she sees them in big font (like on a sign), etc.

When it comes to screen time, she can literally watch the same batch of Elmo or Ms. Rachel singing the ABCs with various folks over and over again. She loves playing with the alphabet sponge thingies in the tub, alphabet blocks, etc.

I made the mistake of googling this and saw that there’s a condition called “hyperlexia” that is often a splinter skill for autistic children. When I brought it up, the SLP immediately waived it away due to DD’s current social skills. I have a note out to our ped due to the anxiety spiral googling let me to.

Anyone else have this or a similar experience? I also welcome any ideas to help build this interest, because why not?

For an autism evaluation, how much would you value being able to get it done soon (in 2 months versus 18 months) over getting it done by a professional you might build an ongoing relationship with? What I mean is, we could get evaluated in a city that’s a 1-2 hour drive from us much sooner than we can get an appointment in our city, but should I be concerned with finding someone that can provide ongoing care?