This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Here’s a dress any little ballerina will absolutely love!
My daughter loves poofy, twirly dresses, and this one is just about perfect. The top and skirt lining are made from 100% cotton and the mesh from recycled polyester.
It comes in four holiday-ready colors (pomegranate, rose, navy, and spruce) that are perfect for photos, festive gatherings, and of course, the ballet.
This Tutu Dress is available at Primary for $38. It comes in sizes 2–12.
P.S. Happy Diwali to those who celebrate! (Apologies for this belated message!)
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
SC says
Oh man, this is the type of dress that makes me want to have a little girl :-) But if I went to all that trouble, I’d probably have a girl who hated dresses.
Anonymous says
I have 3 little girls, all of whom love dresses. They never wore this style though. the seam is too itchy on the belly. #cantwin.
Anon says
Haha! I feel the same way, but maybe it’s good that I don’t spend all my money on cute dresses and bows. Just…lots of trucks and dinosaurs in my life.
Anonymous says
This is my four-year-old DD’s dream dress. She is head over heels for any “ballerina dresses,” “twirly dresses,” anything unicorns, rainbows, princesses or pink. How I ended up with such a girly girl is anyone’s guess, but it is fun.
Spirograph says
Same, although my daughter frequently wears tutus (we have skirts in many colors) and twirly dresses with baggy sweatpants underneath. She tends to just add a twirly skirt over whatever the rest of her outfit was, irrespective of whether it makes any sense. Brother’s hand-me-downs + twirly skirt is her go-to look.
SC says
Ha! I love this!
GCA says
Haha, I love this!
anon says
Haha, yep, my 4yos are both gleefully wearing “ballet dresses” to school today.
GCA says
I have a boy (older) and a girl (younger); at age 3-4, boy would occasionally pick out ‘twirly’ dresses or tutus to wear. Now the girl is 3, her brother’s hand-me-downs are the right size, and…she’s currently a hard nope on dresses! It’d be cute if she wore them now and then but in the spirit of not policing what they wear, I won’t die on this molehill.
Anonymous says
Or you could have a girl who says she loves dresses and begs you to buy a closetful, wears one of them once and then decides she’s only wearing leggings, then wants dresses again but a different type of dress …
Mary Moo Cow says
And why do I keep giving in to this cycle?!
anon says
It never ends! And then skirts, but only certain skirts, and then bike shorts and girl fit tee-shirts so all the school t-shirts are now rags…
AIMS says
OR – you could have a girl so irrationally devoted to dresses that you beg her to wear pants and it never ever ends well and you start to loathe dresses so much that you actually stop wearing them yourself.
Signed, “why can’t you at least wear a skirt?”
Anonymous says
OMG maybe this is why I don’t wear dresses anymore?!
already hangry says
I’m in the middle of a third-trimester nesting frenzy. Two questions: first; what are your greatest hits for freezer meals? I’m about to look at the Pinch of Yum list.
And second, is the expectation that when grandparents come to help, they’ll share whatever we’re having from the freezer stash for lunch and dinner, if they’re staying at our house? Each grandmother will come up for probably a week and stay in our basement; one of them will be here with my toddler while my husband and I are in the hospital, if that matters. And if that’s the case, is it rude for me to keep making the kind of dishes we like to eat without bearing in mind their preferences? We eat pretty differently from them, generally speaking.
Typing this out makes me think yes, of course, how tacky to think they should make or order their own lunch and dinner while they’re here. My MIL came to help with childcare during a health crisis earlier this year and shared the meal train delivery every night while my kid was in daycare and MIL was hanging around the house with magazines and crosswords during the day, which was a bit of a surprise. I’d happily order groceries or give them our DoorDash password. I’m also not planning on a ton of family meals with grandmothers at the table during the first two or three weeks postpartum with twins. But there’s not a gracious way to say, “Hey, I’m nursing and exhausted so I’m going to eat this entire tray of mac and cheese that I made for this purpose two months ago, please figure out something else for yourself so we have more in the freezer reserves after you leave. Here’s our credit card; there’s a pizza place and a Giant five minutes away, both deliver.” Right?
Anonymous says
You are over complicating this. If you and your spouse are eating a freezer meal yes of course you should expect to be feeding them too! If they don’t like it they can also cook for you or you can get takeout. You do not need to be planning on sitting at the table.
This is a thing that just won’t matter. You’re good!
Anonymous says
When my in-laws came after we had a baby, they cooked a few nights and we ordered delivery for the other nights. I did absolutely nothing in the kitchen for the first 10 days PP (which was nice!).
I don’t think your plan is rude, as long as everyone is on the same page about expectations. You know your MIL better than we do — if you’re close enough that you can level with her and say “I’m eating this casserole, please order yourself a pizza” then that’s fine! If you think she’d be offended, maybe talk with your partner about a strategy for communicating expectations.
Anonymous says
I disagree. It is incredibly rude and entitled not to feed people who are staying in your home to help you. You don’t have to eat at the table with them, but you can’t say, “Sorry, the meal train casserole is just for me. Figure out something for yourself.” Your in-laws helped out by cooking, and you all ate the food they cooked, which is totally different.
Anonymous says
Generally speaking agree, but in the first few weeks home with newborn twins I see NO PROBLEM saying that meals will need to be fend for yourself. These are not “houseguests” in this scenario. And if they don’t cook for you at that stage why are they coming?
Anonymous says
I agree that the grandmas should probably be cooking for the whole family. I still think it’s rude for OP to prepare food for herself and not let anyone else eat it.
Anonymous says
Yes, you have to feed people who are staying in your house. No, you cannot order them to stay in your basement until you summon them to do something for you, then disappear again. If you can’t handle family meals, hold off on visitors. I didn’t want to deal with people in my house in the days immediately after giving birth, so my mom came two weeks later when I was starting to get out of the house and needed help figuring out how to juggle the baby and diaper bag and all of that.
Anonymous says
Are you planning to let your husband and older kid eat?
Anonymous says
Make a bigger tray of mac and cheese.
TheElms says
My family’s “tradition” for all get togethers, which could be extended to your post-partum situation, is to create a menu in advance and assign people to be responsible for meals. So I’d make a mini calendar for the time you expect them to visit with Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snacks. I did something similar for when my extended family came to visit. I would send it out in advance of their arrival so everyone is on the same page (you can blame your toddler being picky if that helps) and you can work your freezer meals into the menu and assign people to heat them, or if the grandmothers would cook give them a day/meal to cook. If the grandmother’s don’t cook then I’d put down the DoorDash password and restaurant ideas in that spot or the name of the local pizza place, etc. and let them choose what they want. Including breakfast and snacks will also help the grandmothers know what to feed your toddler.
You know your family best, but I would expect grandparents to eat with you (maybe not all at the same time but the same meals). I definitely ate a couple meals in bed after my c-section or on the couch if I was nursing, while my husband and MIL ate at the kitchen table. I don’t think you should serve food all the time that you know they won’t eat and definitely not anything they are allergic to, but a meal that isn’t their favorite is totally fine. If there is something you really want that is likely to cause an issue I’d just plan something else for them. DH doesn’t eat sushi and knowing I would really want it soon after having my first I planned a meal that was Stouffers lasagna for him / my dad and delivery sushi for me/my aunt (my dad and my aunt visited at the same time).
anon says
You need to make very clear whether they’re visiting or coming to help, and what this help entails. If they’re here to help and to help with meals, they arrange food for all of you. If they are visiting, you feed them – and probably want them to stay a lot less long. Either way, maybe keep the freezer food for snacks or for when they’re gone.
So Anon says
I think there is a difference between having people stay in your home because they are your guests and you are entertaining those people and people coming to help you in a time of need. In the former category, then yes, it is all on you to feed them and make them feel comfortable. In the second category, I think there can be more of a level setting conversation and an expectation that they are there to help you, not for you to entertain them.
The problem is that after having a baby, people can have very different ideas and expectations about the purpose of the visit. When my sister came to visit after my first was born (she was also a mom), she helped me so that I could take care of my son. She absolutely had time to cuddle and hold him, but she also cooked and did laundry and was a general sounding board for me. When my in-laws visited shortly thereafter, it was completely different. I was expected to feed them and make it about their comfort. This is why their visit was much later after my second.
I think it depends on what camp your visitors fall into and the purpose of their visit. If your mom or MIL is there to help and support you, then I think its fine to lay claim to whatever food you want. If the expectation is that you need to entertain, then have your SO order food so you can save the freezer meals for after they leave.
Anonymous says
There is a difference between entertaining them and making sure they have something to eat. If they’re there to help, the former is not necessary but the latter still is. If OP doesn’t want them to help by cooking meals, then she needs to share her freezer mac.
anon says
Agree with this. Serve your freezer meals. I would find it VERY odd to not do that!
NYCer says
As the grandparents what they want to do – one of them might want to cook! My mom wanted to cook for us while she was here, so we did not eat anything from the freezer. She in fact made several extra meals that we could freeze.
Anonymous says
I think you should assume everyone can eat the same thing. If that is going to be freezer meals, prepare sufficient quantities that they COULD eat what you are eating if they want it, but don’t worry too much about their preferences. If they are willing to cook while they are there–ask in advance–help them figure out the logistics of getting what they need to make this happen and pay for the food. If their primary role is childcare then cooking may not be practical. I think it is rude to say I’m eating this; you figure out your own meal. If you want to preserve your freezer stock you should explicitly ask them to cook (and then be willing to eat what they cook) and/or order delivery while they are there.
SC says
Yes, I think that you should expect the grandparents to be sharing in whatever the meal plan is. But I don’t think you have to play host or cook for them ahead of time. I would talk to them about meals and expectations ahead of time, but plan on some combination of takeout, someone else cooking, and accepting meals from local friends. (Can you ask anyone to set up a meal train for you?) Maybe make one casserole ahead of time. I would take their preferences into account if you cook ahead, and make whatever is more suited to your taste for after they leave.
As for your mac n’ cheese–freeze individual portions, and heat some up (even 2-3 portions) as a “snack” when you’re nursing at some awkward time. It’s not like your eating or sleeping schedule is going to be normal.
anon says
We had grandparents here for the first 3 weeks or so after our twins came home from the NICU and for the most part they cooked dinner for all of ours, but we were also pretty clear from the beginning that they were here to help. When colleagues dropped off meals we all ate those together and sometimes we did pull things from the freezer, but mostly they fed us while we worked on keeping two babies alive. My mother (in particular) is exceptionally indecisive, so we still did the emotional labor of “please cook this for dinner, here’s the recipe” but then she would make food appear at dinner time.
Curious says
What a diversity of opinions. I made breakfast burritos and a ton of muffins/pumpkin bread etc before baby came, as well as chili. We didn’t touch it when my mom was here the first 3 weeks — she did all the cooking and even gave us more for the freezer. When we got meal train food, she ate it if she liked it or had a simple dinner with food I’d bought for her ahead/ she’d bought (think rotisserie chicken from the store and some grapes). Then the in laws came and meal train ended. Since then, I’ve eaten down most of the freezer stash because the in laws don’t really cook. They ate some of it, too, but they’re mostly vegan so they don’t mind when we sometimes have chili with meat and they fend for themselves. It’s all about who the people are any what the expectations are. That said, I’m glad I mostly froze breakfasty/snacky food I could eat one handed. It was tasty and didn’t have as much complexity on politeness of sharing.
Anon says
I do think you need to feed them if they are staying in your house; and sharing what you’re eating seems to be the easiest option. If they don’t like it, then they can order something else on their own. If their visit is framed more of a “help” visit than a “visit” visit, could you ask them to prep food and restock freezer meals (even order the groceries with you provided by the recipes/grocery list so you get the food you want) while they are visiting? Prepping a forced list before delivery wouldn’t be to hard and it will make things streamlined with the visitors.
After my first, we tasked my MIL with using up some of our excess pantry foods to concoct additional freezer meals for after they left, and we had more meals prepped when they left than when they arrived, even though they ate every meal with us. It was extremely helpful, in my opinion. We will do the same this time around when the new baby arrives and our oldest is in daycare.
anonamama says
The Family Freezer has great recipes. Lots of free ones and also paid ones in a library. Easy ones in our repertoire are Crockpot Chicken Cacciatore, Tuscan Steak & Green Peppers, Swedish Meatballs, Mississippi Roast. You could multiply each by 3 and do in a 1/2 day.
Anonanonanon says
“Hi, we’re looking forward to your visit after baby! We’re going to have some freezer casseroles around, but I want to make sure we have things you enjoy eating. Are there any frozen meals or grocery items I can make sure we have on hand for your visit?”
Then, have your husband do a grocery order to have that stuff delivered to your house.
But yes, as others said, make a bigger tray of mac and cheese. Also, there is nothing wrong with Stouffers. Save the frozen meals that are exactly the ones you like for when it’s just you.
Ashley says
Personally I would not plan to use freezer meals at all while the grandparents are visiting. They are visiting to be helpful, so I would anticipate that they would handle meals, whether cooking our takeout. I would be planning to eat the freezer meals after they leave when I would have no extra help.
Anonymous says
My suspicion is that OP doesn’t like the grandmas’ cooking, but I agree with you.
ElisaR says
this conversation made me have a flashback. first day home after first baby was born. I saw a jersey sub in the fridge from the day before and grabbed it, excited to have deli meat after 9 months or so….. my MIL said “NO! No. absolutely not. i’m going to make you an omelette with vegetables.” and…… i burst into tears. sobbing tears.
yeah that’s how it was going with food and in-laws when i came home.
Anonymous says
After 9 months of hyperemesis, I cried when my husband refused to take me out for a burger on the way home from the hospital.
EDAnon says
I was able to get my son (5) a vaccine appointment for Monday at Walgreens! He will get his second dose on 11/29 and be fully vaccinated by our holiday travel!!
One more kiddo to go but I am so excited. The unfortunate thing is that he hates shots so I have no idea how it will go to do it at Walgreens. Maybe way better since it’s a totally different place?
Anonymous says
I have a kid who is terrified of shots, and it’s always easier at the pharmacy than at the pediatrician’s office. The pharmacists tend to be very experienced and skilled at minimizing the pain and trauma of the shot, the wait tends to be shorter so there isn’t as much time to get all worked up, and afterwards you can immediately distract kiddo with the fun of browsing the store.
Anonymous says
my now age elligible kids (5, 9) hate shots. My oldest read me the riot act last night becuase I have not yet booked her covid shot and THREE KIDS IN HER CLASS GO TOMORROW MOM. WHY CAN’T I GO YET?
The truth is (a) I’ve been a little busy and (b) we live in a state where people are chomping at the bit to get their kids vaccinated. I figured I’d let all the people that really need it (physically or emotionally) get their stuff scheduled and i’d book my kids in a week or two, esp. since we are just sticking around town for thanksgiving. I’d rather have those hopping on planes get their shots first.
My 5 year old is ready for the shot, but needs the carrot. “When I get my shot does that mean i don’t have to wear the mask anymore?” Right now, no, it doesn’t, so it’s a harder sell for her. We’ll get there though.
SC says
Yay! My son is getting his next Friday at Walgreens. DH hasn’t gotten his booster yet, so I signed DH up for the booster at the same time. My thought is DH can go first as a model, and Kiddo can go second.
Cb says
Bribery? My kid associates jabs with donuts, and will cheerfully roll up his sleeve. We went for the nasal flu and I had to bribe him with a trip to the bookshop to get him to remove his hands.
Jeffiner says
Yup. We go Friday to get my daughter’s. The pharmacy is full of fun things like lollipops and coloring books and weird but cheap plastic toys to distract her from the shot.
anon says
This is the only thing that works for us. Ice cream!
Anonymous says
I do think the pharmacy could be a whole different ballgame. No drs office associations, and you can let them shop while they’re waiting and/or after…maybe while the shot is happening ask if they want to go to the candy aisle or the toy aisle first and talk about that.
EDAnon says
I am definitely going to do that! He is not bribed by sweets (not food motivated), but e LOVES toys (hence my other posts about getting rid of toys…).
Spirograph says
We did Target pharmacy for my two shot-averse kids’ flu shots a couple weeks ago and it was ridiculous. They were still difficult about the shots, even though they appreciated the post-shot prize (Target gives $5 coupons when you get a vaccine, so we let the kids spend them). After I bear hugged my daughter to hold her still for the jab, she said “oh, that really wasn’t so bad.” facepalm. Here’s hoping she remembers it’s not so bad when the coronavirus appt comes around.
Anonymous says
Posting on the weekend but does anyone else’s pediatrician use a ShotBlocker? It seems to make a huge difference for my son, especially now that he is 9. We had a few rough years of flu shots but I also think those were given by nurses who didn’t use the ShotBlocker. This year the doctor did and he said he couldn’t feel the shot. In my personal experience, drugstore shots are extra painful, but at least it is over fast.
https://bionix.com/shotblocker.html
Anonymous says
We are moving to a new house in late January. My son, 28 months, is currently still in a crib. Would the move be a good time to switch to a twin bed? Or would it be bad to do both transitions at once?
AwayEmily says
I would keep him in the crib. Even setting aside the multiple-transitions issue (which I think is a real one), it’s a bit early to switch to a big bed unless he’s actively resisting/climbing out.
anon says
I would wait to transition if you can! Depending on how sensitive your LO is, moving is a big change and enough to disrupt sleep. Plus, I’ve read (NYT parenting has an article) that 3 is the ideal time to transition to a twin bed. I had to transition earlier for LO#2 (she was climbing out over and over), and we have not slept as well since. If DS is sleeping well now, don’t change it until you’re settled in to the new house. That’s my 2 cents anyways. Good luck with the move! (Side note- I’ll plug the Daniel Tiger book where Jodi moves to the neighborhood.)
Anonymous says
Don’t transition. We moved at that age, kept everything as much the same as possible and had a smooth process. Friends who transitioned never slept for like 6 months after because not only would kid get up, she would get lost trying to get to their room and would end up like screaming in the kitchen.
Anonymous says
If he’s not climbing out of the crib, it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
ElisaR says
this
SC says
Don’t transition to a bed until your kid starts climbing out of the crib. Mine started climbing out around that age, so we had to transition him to a toddler bed, and it was an absolute nightmare. Plus, I agree that keeping things the same during a move is helpful.
Anon says
Would you keep the crib otherwise? If this is your only kid and you’re going to get rid of the crib, I wouldn’t bother moving it and would switch to a twin bed.
My kids are not good at gross motor skills and wouldn’t have figured out how to climb out until probably at least 4, but we switched them at 30 months because we wanted them to know how to sleep in a normal bed when traveling. It was not at all a big deal for us–they climbed in their beds at night and stayed there until we came in in the morning and said it was time to get up–so while I know it can be a disaster for some families, sometimes it’s a non-event.
HSAL says
We moved and switched to the toddler bed at the same time. It worked great for us – new big kid bed in your new room! – BUT she was almost 3.
Anonymous says
I would not put him in a big kid bed when you move. I thought my kiddo was easygoing (I still do) but moving at 30 months (2.5) was HARD for him. He would not have been able to handle a big kid bed as well.
Anonymous says
That’s almost three months from now, by which time he may well be climbing out of the crib. Unless you want to do the toddler bed thing, I’d go ahead and order the twin bed now because furniture is taking months to be delivered.
Anon says
Ok, so after many years of considering it, I’m strongly leaning towards getting a breast augmentation. One question that’s nagging me is how to explain this to the kids. They’re 6 and 8, and we’ve always been pretty big on openly answering questions as factually as possible, and of course they’re curious. They’re going to ask why I had this done.
To be honest, it’s not purely a cosmetic thing; I’ve always been super-small, and felt like I lost what little fullness and “feel” I had after pregnancy, so a lot of it is about that. But I obviously don’t want to get into that with them. I also don’t want to say something about wanting to look better or feel better, since that seems to imply there was something wrong and we should just fix our bodies instead of learning to love them and that sort of thing. I admit I’m also not super crazy about the fact that they’re old enough to remember so at some point they’ll look back in this and realize mom got a b00b job, though that’s probably unavoidable.
So, ideas for how to phrase this in an honest but not too honest way?
Anonanonanon says
I have no idea if I’m on track, but I would probably say:
“After I had you kids and BFed, my chest got smaller. I am having surgery to make my chest more like it was before.” and answer the “why” question with “I miss how my clothes fit before, so I’m having surgery to make it like it was before.”
There is no honest way to say you’re having elective plastic surgery without saying it is to enhance your appearance. (That sounded judgy, it’s not, I would do this in a heartbeat if I had the money and PTO for recovery. Congrats to you and I hope you love them!)
Anonymous says
Ummmm hard pass on this. “Y’all kiddos ruined mama so she’s getting cut up and will be in a lot of pain to fix it.” Absolutely the wrong message.
Anonymous says
How else would you say it?
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t! But if I did I would go with as short an explanation as possible and definitely not mention that pregnancy and nursing changed them
Anonanonanon says
My kids wouldn’t take it as “you ruined me,” but also yes, having babies and nursing changes bodies and I don’t see any reason to hide that from kids.
Anonymous says
Okay, so obviously I don’t know how big you’re going compared to what size you are…but do they really have to know?
Anonymous says
Yes this. Wait until they are old enough for sleep away camp and do it then
Anon says
I’m not planning very big, but they’ll definitely notice that I had surgery, and I don’t want to outright lie about it. (If I wanted to, they’d ask about why, so I’d have to make up a condition out of whole cloth here). Silly me for trying to encourage honesty and inquisitiveness! I don’t have any plans to send them to sleep-away camp anytime soon (maybe this is a regional thing, but that doesn’t seem to be a common thing around here), so there’s not really an opportunity to do it when they won’t be around.
Anonymous says
How about “it’s an operation that some grown-ups have”?
Anonymous says
I’d probably just “go out of town for work for a few days” and “catch a bug while I’m there”.
Spirograph says
First of all, they might not notice unless you’re doing something really dramatic. You will need to explain the taking it easy and not lifting heavy things part of the recovery, but that’s any surgery recovery. I’d probably go with “I did it because I thought I would like it and it would make me feel happier” and leave it at that. I don’t think it’s so different than getting a new haircut, piercing, or tattoo (except in terms of the cost and effort required). Adults are entitled to adjust their appearance in a way that makes them feel most comfortable! You don’t have to get into all the fraught societal reasons that might be behind why a particular characteristic might make someone feel more or less confident or attractive; that’s a lot for 6 and 8 year olds.
FWIW, my mom did this when I was 16. It’s not really something we ever discussed, and I might have felt a little weird about it for a bit in my late teens, but it doesn’t bother me at all.
NYCer says
+1. This would be my approach too. I definitely would not tie it to changing your body as a result of being pregnant/breastfeeding/etc. and would not have a “bigger picture” discussion about plastic surgery with such little kids.
Also, in case you care, I would caution that your kids will probably tell all their friends that their mom had surgery on her boobs. Maybe not the 8yo, but when my daughter was 6, she was definitely an over-sharer. :)
TheElms says
I have no idea if this is the right approach, but if I were in your shoes I would probably say that when mom’s have kids lots of things about their bodies change. After thinking about it for a long time, you’re decided to have surgery because of some of those changes. Then I’d reassure them that you’re not sick and that although you’ll have some limitations while you’re recovering you’ll be better in a few weeks/months.
CPA Lady says
I would leave the being a mom part out entirely and just say “people get to decide if they want to make changes to their bodies. I want to do this because I like the way it looks, so I’m going to do it.”
I’m a huge fan of “moms are people too” as a lifestyle choice– I tell my kid I’m doing things “just because I want to” all the time. I have hobbies, I hang out with my friends, I prioritize myself. Because I’m a person, and I get to do things that I want to do, just like my husband and kid do.
Spirograph says
Amen!
DLC says
I like this phrasing – i think it’s just as important for kids to know that they can make healthy and safe changes to their body as it is to know that they don’t have to.
EB says
I’m on board with this too. I had an augmentation when I was younger, around 22, and after two kids, and about 13 years, have considered a redo a few times. Probably won’t do it for a while, but if/when I do, I would take this tact. I wear makeup, care about fashion, and exercise, plus a bunch of other things, all because I care about my appearance. I just got botox for the first time this morning! And I think that’s ok, and will be ok if my kids do that too. I mean, I don’t expect that my daughter will never want to wear makeup or be attractive, I just hope that she does those things for her and not for someone else, I guess. But I completely acknowledge that it’s a difficult concept, and we have to walk a line when explaining it to our kids. I’m thankful for this question and this thread!
Anon says
My mom actually had a dramatic breast augmentation when I was 8. I hardly remember but she says she only told us she had surgery and had to follow some rules from the doctor for however long recovery was. I recommend you don’t say much. Nothing is medically wrong and the mention of surgery can scare some kids. Consider what you will say when they are old enough to comprehend: disparaging the changes your body endures from childbirth and nursing was my mom’s approach and it was not a great message to hear as a young teen.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure whose kids would not be asking 500k follow up questions but there’s no way in heck my first grader would let me go with just saying “surgery” without at least 20 follow ups on everything from type of surgery and why to color of suture thread snd iob classifications of everyone involved. So I think you’d need to say affirmatively “this is very private for me and I’m not going to be sharing more detail about the surgery itself because it’s private. But here are the things I’ll need to do to rest my body while I recover.”
Anonymous says
It’s OK to say that it’s private, though.
Coach Laura says
LOL on your first grader with questions. My kid like that is now a doctor.
Pregnant Lawyer says
Hi ladies- where are your go-to places for professional (business casual leaning toward business professional) maternity clothes? Last time I was pregnant I had luck with Gap, but it looks like they’ve basically stopped selling the more business-oriented maternity clothes. I am also going to be in a slightly dressier office this time around. I’m starting a new job at 20 weeks pregnant and I want to make a good impression.
Spirograph says
Seraphine + blazers/jackets a size up if needed and worn open
TheElms says
Of Mercer has some maternity dresses that would likely work with a blazer over them. https://www.ofmercer.com/collections/maternity
Macy’s has some black and grey straight leg maternity dress pants. The fabric is not the nicest but its fine and with a blouse and blazer works in my biglaw office.
I also have these pants from Target that I think are appropriate in my biglaw office https://www.target.com/p/the-nines-by-hatch-8482-maternity-skinny-ponte-pull-on-pants-black-xxl/-/A-81451486 ( I had to wait for them to come back in stock in my size but it only took a couple weeks).
AIMS says
Does Loft still have maternity clothes? I found a lot of mine there. I also got one “fancy” big presentation type work dress at Seraphine.
Mnf says
Check out rent the runway for maternity things. I bought basics (black and navy maternity slacks) and then rented nicer tops and dresses.
Allie says
I would do all from thredup if I had another pregnancy.
Anon says
I have some stuff from A Pea in the Pod. Land’s End also has a few maternity things that are boring but definitely business casual.
Alanna of Trebond says
I got everything from Rent the Runway. This was great because I hated maternity clothes and this way I was able to eliminate them immediately.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have experience with pediatric physical therapy evaluations and would be willing to share their experiences? Specifically, PT experience with 2.5 ish (or similarly aged) child who is walking and talking and otherwise seemingly neurotypical. And by “experience” I mean, what did they do at an appointment and what did you do at home or what did your child’s teachers do. My son is 2.5 and we had his parent teacher conference this week where the teacher suggested getting an evaluation due to a few things she is seeing – he is not jumping yet (he will crouch down and then shoot up to a standing position, but does not get his feet off of the ground), isn’t really running (just walks very, very fast), and sometimes walks on the inside of one of his feet. DH and I had noticed the first to things (and maybe once saw the inside foot walking) but it hadn’t really raised any red flags to us.
Based on the teacher’s recommendation, we have set up appointments with the pediatric PT recommended by the school and the PT recommended by our pediatrician. So, we are not against PT at all. However, I’m trying to just learn more about it and what a PT would do at an evaluation or appointment. What I am finding online is examples of pediatric PT that is focused on babies not crawling yet, babies who are wearing helmets, and children who are delayed walkers, but not my scenario or things like it. And this makes sense, because these other items come up far more frequently. So, TIA for any experiences you can share!
Anon says
My kids’ preschool teachers also recommended getting PT evaluations for our kids because they didn’t hit gross and fine motor milestones (at almost 3 couldn’t jump, couldn’t pinch clothespins, couldn’t draw a circle, etc) and scored way lower on those aspects of the ASQ than their younger classmates. We talked to our pediatrician who said she wasn’t concerned yet because she could see they had the scaffolding steps of those skills so we didn’t pursue PT and they caught up by 3.5 or so.
Anonymous says
They’ll likely observe your kid in motion, and then develop stretches and exercises to help.
Anon says
My niece had PT because she tended to walk on tiptoe a lot. I think they gave her exercises, stretches, etc that she could do. That was when she was in preschool, she’s now 8 and walks normally.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old is currently in PT for toe walking. We should have addressed it earlier but a global pandemic intervened. The evaluation was basically them observing her movements during different activities, and asking her to do certain exercises. She now has to do stretches every night and goes once a week, where they do various exercises with her. It’s honestly NBD at all except for the logistics of getting insurance to approve it and get kid there and back and finding time for the exercises every evening.
Anon says
If you’re achy and feverish from your booster, it’s probably okay to self-medicate with kitkats from your kid’s halloween stash, right? I think so.
Anonymous says
Definitely. Or a “twick” as my son refers to the fun-size single-packaged twix bars.
EDAnon says
My son calls them “Twigs” and we cannot convince him he’s wrong. It’s so cute.
Anonymous says
Not just okay, medically necessary
anne-on says
100%. This is the bonus of getting the booster at the drugstore, I also bought myself my preferred gatorade, and a junky snack of my choice (pringles FTW!).
Anonymous says
Keep in mind if your throat is sore at all though you should probably have something with caramel.
Anonymous says
WWYD? We took foster placement of twins who are now 9 months, and it looks like we will adopt them. They do not have first names. They have nicknames, given by a distant relative in a hearing a few days after they were born. We’re calling them by those nicknames ATM. My question is: would you change their names when you adopt? To be clear: we have to change their names either way. It will just be to their nicknames or something else. I like their nicknames fine I just wonder if it will be weird telling them “oh someone you’ve never met named you.” I’m know I’m overthinking this. I’m just curious your opinions.
AIMS says
I actually like the idea that someone they are related to but haven’t met named them. It’s a nice connection to their birth family. Also, fwiw, my kids are 5 and 3, and so far have never asked me why we named them what we did. I don’t think I ever asked my parents either.
Congrats on the official adoption!
Anonymous says
I do too, it’s kind of a fun family lore story. Congratulations on the adoption!
The only thing I know about the origin of my name is that my mom was planning to name me Stacy until she had a patient named Stacy who was a total B about a month before I was born. So my actual name was a second choice. :)
Anonymous says
I love stories like these! My name was going to be Lydia until my mom told my dad and he said that name is part of a Marx brothers bit and vetoed it. I think that’s the only thing in their marriage he’s ever vetoed. I much prefer my current name but I’m sure I’d like Lydia just the same.
Anonymous says
My daughter had a school assignment that required her to write about the origin and meaning of her name, so it may come up even if the kids don’t think to ask on their own.
I think the source of their names is a lovely story to be able to tell your children someday. On a practical level, it seems difficult to have to change the names you call them by, and if you keep calling them by their nicknames and give them unrelated legal names they will forever be having to correct confused people who call them by their legal names.
DLC says
I think it’s all part of their story, right? I feel like perhaps if won’t be weird to them, it will be special. If the names you are currently using seem to be sticking than it is a lovely thing to keep them. If you have names you would rather give your children, that’s fine too.
The one mother I know who adopted a child kept their birth name as a middle name.
Anon says
Congratulations! Those I know who’ve adopted infants often keep the birth name as the kid’s middle name.
NYCer says
I think this would be a good compromise if you prefer to change the first names.
EP-er says
My parents adopted three of my siblings. My sister came to them at around a year with a nickname like Cathy. When they adopted her, they changed her name to Catherine, but still called her Cathy. My brothers came to our home straight from the hospital as “baby boy” so they picked names.
My favorite story is that we had a foster boy who was adopted by another family when he was about 9. They told him he could keep his first name or pick any name he wanted… .and he choose Thor. Makes me smile whenever I think of a guy walking around in his 50s called Thor!
DLC says
OMG i once met a guy at a contradance named Thor and I always wondered why his parents would name him Thor… now I know!
GCA says
To be fair, the demographics of contradances are somewhat self-selecting. (And I say this as someone who met my husband at a contradance and eventually found the only contradance caller in NE Ohio for our wedding!)
DLC says
Hah!
This makes me so happy. I met my husband at a contradance too and we can’t wait til we feel like it’s safe to subject our kids to them!
Colette says
I think this would depend on what the nicknames are. If they were Bunny and Cookie, i’d probably choose a different but related name legal name (ex. Barbara and Catherine) but continue to use the original moniker as a family nickname.
That way they will still have the family connection but more options in terms of names for adulthood.
Congrats! I am sending you all the love.
OP says
This is a good point (and one we faced in a prior adoption). Their “nicknames” are real names, like James and John. I just said nicknames because they aren’t their legal first names. It’s confusing all around :). Their actual nicknames are peanut butter and jelly, given by my four year old.
OP says
Thanks everyone! Lost of good thoughts here.
Anon says
Another option – name them after someone from your family and use the othe names as middle names or visa versa. This way they have a connection to both! And congrats on the adoption!
AIMS says
How do you make your kid more loving to their sibling? Is that possible?
I may be overthinking this but I feel like my daughter (older kid) is just not super into her brother. He’s 3 and she’s almost 6 and he is so sweet to her and she seems to alternate between just tolerating him and actively messing with him just for fun. I know some of this is normal and will be a thing when they’re teens but now seems a bit young still? They do play together too at times. I think I’m just paranoid about her being an a**h*le to him. I’m also an only child so have no real reference for what’s normal. We don’t have a super large family though so I really want to encourage them to be close. Other siblings I see seem to get along better, but it could also be that their parents are better at their “PR” than I am. Even typing this out makes me feel a little nuts. Tips? Thoughts?
Anonymous says
Don’t force it. Their relationship will wax and wane, just as their preferences for one parent or the other do. And they may just never get along. My younger sister was the favorite and a bossy little bully throughout my childhood, and it’s a tremendous relief that I don’t have to live in the same house with her or deal with her much at all anymore.
Anon says
I know this has been mentioned before, but the book Siblings Without Rivalry is great. It’s short, so you can plow through it in a couple sittings and then go back to more fully absorb the most relevant parts. It’s given me a good perspective on how to view childhood skirmishes, and how the interventions of a parents can help or really harm the relationship (eg, be a coach not a referee).
Boston Legal Eagle says
I am right there with you. My kids, 5.5 and 3, seem to fight a lot, particularly the older one taunting the little one and then the little one gets upset and screams. I know that sibling fights are normal and we try to break up any physical fights, but their taunting is just so annoying to listen to. Of the other parents I’ve talked to who have siblings of similar ages, they tend to say the same thing so part of it might just be current ages and eventually they’ll grow out of it and make their own friends/have their own interests. I don’t think we can control their relationship in the future, just try to model a positive relationship among ourselves (parents) and hope they grow to get along.
AwayEmily says
I don’t know how much this helps but we do (1) a lot of casual playing that put them on the same team (like, the two kids are “spies” and they spy on us while we are prepping dinner, or they’re the doctors and I’m a sick patient), (2) a lot of observing/complimenting times when they are kind to each other (sometimes in the moment, sometimes after the fact), (3) we have a family mantra that “brothers and sisters take care of each other” and we repeat that pretty often.
That being said, I think quite a bit of it is really just luck of the draw. My oldest happens to be a very empathetic person (sometimes to a fault) and so is just more patient with her little brother than a lot of big siblings might be. It’s nothing we did, it’s just the way she is (she’s the same way at school).
Agreed with the rec for Siblings Without Rivalry. Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings is good too. I also did the Dr. Becky workshop on sibling stuff when they were in a bad patch and found it helpful.
AwayEmily says
Oh, it also seems to improve the quality of their time together if I give them some initial ideas of for what to do. For example, they know that they need to play on their own for a half hour after dinner while my husband and I talk/clean, but that playing tends to have less conflict if I offer them a suggestion of what to play (e.g. “why don’t you get out the train set” or “why don’t you play vet and take care of the stuffed animals”).
anon says
My parents took a completely hands off approach to sibling disputes and it got ugly. Very Lord of the Flies. No rules. At the worst, my 160 lb, very athletic, 15 yo brother threw a stapler across the room aimed at my head at full force and after that I refused to be in the house if another adult wasn’t present because I was afraid of his temper. I spent a good chunk of my teenage years hiding out at friends’ houses. My parent thought it was just sibling stuff and refused to intervene.
I have taken the approach of coaching on smaller disagreements, but will not let my kids be affirmatively mean to each other. Any violence or abuse gets a consequence. We treat our siblings like we love them. We don’t always have to like them, but we do have to treat them reasonably. So far, at 8 and 5 yo, they get along 90% of the time and are close, but we’ll see as they get older.
Anonymous says
So…I was your daughter, especially at age 6 when I was still slightly resentful that he was around. I stopped picking on him when he could beat me up (around middle school). He’s very laid back and I’m…more type A I guess. Anyway, fast forward to today: we’re not best friends, but we’ve been through a lot together. I’ve got my brother’s back and he’s got mine. I would let him raise my kids and would happily do the same for his if he wanted. For my own kids, I’ve not read Siblings Without Rivalry but it’s on my list. We have a mantra: families stick together. You don’t have to get along all the time but we’re all on the same team.
AIMS says
This really makes me feel better! Thank you. I think my kids are just different personalities. If they can just play on the same team, I will call it a win.
Appreciate all the advice, and thanks for the specific game ideas, AwayEmily! I’ll try to find the Siblings book at the library. I think I half worry about this because I feel like I am contributing to it somehow (I am so happy to be an only child that I really do secretly think sometimes that my daughter was robbed a bit when we had her brother). Anyway, will try to be a better coach and all that. Thanks guys!
anon says
I just got almost the exact same dress from Target for my 6 yo. Only $20 and is very soft and lovely!
anon says
https://www.target.com/p/girls-39-long-sleeve-cozy-tulle-dress-cat-38-jack-8482-red-s/-/A-82819714?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000086349142&CPNG=PLA_Kids%2BShopping_Traffic_Local_Traffic%7CKids_Ecomm_AA&adgroup=SC_Kids&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9025147&targetid=pla-894805311789&gclid=Cj0KCQjwrJOMBhCZARIsAGEd4VG-U9_ug_FldBn2XJj525UNUB74W_P8K-oVFHgBz-gjgTuZePqHDPcaAhRNEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
anon says
Oops, this is the dress from Target, meant to respond to my post above . . .