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When I was pregnant, I vowed I would not let toys invade my living room. Two kids later, consider my space conquered.
In an effort to reclaim some of my floor, I’m thinking of getting this toy storage organizer. The wood frame holds 12 bins that you can arrange however you’d like. It’s also the right height for little ones to get and (hopefully) clean up their own toys. It’s what I need for all those small cars, doll accessories, Legos, and other little things that need a home.
This toy storage organizer is $59.99 at Target and comes with blue, pink, or multicolored bins.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve accepted that every room in my house, except maybe our master bedroom, will be full of kid stuff and is a kid free for all. We have those collapsible storage bins from target that at least put the toys (unorganized) out of sight.
Also, if anyone is curious, I just got my flu shot + Covid booster yesterday. I would say I feel not quite as bad as the second Covid shot, but worse than after the first booster I got. Grateful I can WFH today! Kids are getting their flu shots this weekend – hopefully they do ok as they haven’t had any effects before.
Anonymous says
It’s likely the flu shot more than the booster. My husband had his the other day and went to bed at 6pm. I’d just plan a low key movie night with early bedtime for the kids on the day they have theirs. And if they have sports the next day maybe have low expectations :)
Anon says
Really? No one in my family has ever had side effects from a flu shot besides a sore arm but the Covid shots and boosters have hit the adults hard. If you got both shots at once I would assume side effects are from the Covid part of it.
Anonymous says
Flu shot reactions vary from person to person and from year to year. My husband never has a reaction. Some years I have a fever for 24-48 hours, some years I am just a little tired. I wouldn’t overthink which shot is responsible. Just plan for a day of downtime after a flu shot and/or COVID booster. I did mine together because I didn’t want to spend two weekends in bed.
Anonymous says
Same here. We’ve never reacted to a flu shot. DH and I reacted to our second covid shots and boosters signficiantly. Kiddo (6) had her booster about a month ago and spent the entire next day vomitting.
Anonymous says
I almost always get mildly ill/crummy feeling from the flu shot.
Anon says
I feel like my reaction to the flu shot has gotten less severe each year. The first time I got it (in college) I felt like I had full-blown flu (I know the vaccine can’t actually give you the flu, but the immune response to me was almost as bad as the flu – I had high fevers and really bad chills and aches). But it got milder each year and I haven’t had any reaction at all in probably a decade.
anon says
I only got the booster and it hit me HARD. Way worse than the three previous shots.
Walnut says
Good luck on keeping your bedroom kid free. I woke up snuggling a stuffed seal the other day.
Not gonna lie, I do love stuffies. Almost as much as my kids.
Anon says
My favorite thing is when 2yo crawls in bed to watch cartoons and yells “rest mommy!” Until I lay back down and snuggle in the covers with him.
Allie says
Kids fashion help! My daughter, who wears size 5T, wants long sleeve dresses that are “twirly” and “long” (which I read to mean calf-length/midi). I’m striking out in my searches for anything in my budget ($20 or belowish — these will end up coated in daycare paint). Any suggestions?
Spirograph says
Lands End Kids has cute dresses like this, or at least they did a couple years ago (my daughter gets 2 years out of them, they’re tunics the second year), and frequently has sales. probably Target, too.
Anon says
Lands end was having a great sale yesterday! I stocked up on a few winter sweatshirts and super discounted swimwear.
Fellow Twirly Dress Only Mom says
Try going up size XS or S in girls’ clothing. They tend to be longer. I’ve had luck finding some at Walmart and H&M. Children’s place also has some that are longer in the bigger sizes. My daughter is wearing 4T but an XS fits her too and is noticeably longer in length.
TheElms says
Primary has these but they are $28. There is also a 20% sale at the moment but you have to buy 5 items. Mila and Rose also does them but with 3/4 sleeves.
anon says
Did you try Amazon?
Anonymous says
H and m
Anonymous says
You want this dress, which is above your budget but IS on sale for $30 and also often found secondhand- there are a few on Mercari now. I have a few that were bought secondhand and went through 3 children :)
https://www.hannaandersson.com/girls-clothing-dresses/68126-TV4.html?dwvar_68126-TV4_color=TV4&cgid=girls-clothing-dresses
Anon says
This, or the HA skater dresses which on clearance you can get for $25 to $30. As long as daycare is using washable paint, an oxiclean soak works wonders and they hold up really well. My kid almost exclusively wears the skater dress with the elbow length sleeves year round.
Allie says
So helpful – thanks all!
anon says
Old Navy
Anon says
My daughter has lots of dresses that meet this description from Target.
luluaj says
agree – cat & jack from target. we have short and long sleeve ones.
AwayEmily says
Yup, especially if you take the advice to size up. My 4.5yo has one in a Target girls XS (size 6) and loves it because it goes down to his calves and is extra-twirly.
Deedee says
I would love all your best advice about “nursery nooks” and bedroom sharing. I’m preg with my first and spouse & I will need to share our main bedroom with baby for the foreseeable future. It’s a very large space, with a walk in closet and ensuite bath. I’m wondering how to optimize the space so that our being in the bedroom/bathroom won’t wake baby. Is it worth it to give our closet space & remove the door to make a little nook for the crib? That seems like a bit of a pain to me to figure out where to put all the rest of my clothes… Did you hang a curtain or similar so that you didn’t wake babe while you were getting ready for bed? All inspo for small space living welcome. Fortunately we have many square feet of living space, but no other doors with a room.
Anon says
We used the uppababy bassinet for the first several months, and would keep the hood up when the baby was in there. That helped block light from our bedside tables. No curtains or black out shades of any form. Because that bassinet pops in and out of the stand, we could gently move her (while asleep) into the living room if we needed to, without waking her. We also used a sound machine on low next to the bassinet, which probably made the biggest difference. It ran all night and was wireless so would move with her if we moved her bassinet. We didn’t have a closet we could convert but I would have loved that, it was definitely cozy with all of us in that tiny apartment! We never had any problems with her waking up because of us making normal quiet noise in the bedroom. After she outgrew the bassinet there was a brief period of a small pack and play, before we moved and she got her own room and crib.
Vicky Austin says
Following…we also have a huge bedroom and not a lot of options for separate space for baby that isn’t all the way across the house.
Cb says
I had a sidecar sleeper for the first 6 months or so, which made middle of the night feedings and snuggles much easier. But I had a terrible sleeper, so I didn’t have to worry about waking the baby, that baby was already awake!
Anonymous says
This. We had the bassinette directly next to the bed and then the crib directly next to the bed. Sometimes I’d just stick my hand through the bars and rub their back and they’d go back to sleep.
We also had a rocker/recliner in the bedroom so I could nurse if I wanted to nurse sitting up. But mostly I nursed sidelying.
We generally changed for bed in the bathroom with the door closed.
Anonymous says
1) just putting a crib/bassinet/PNP in your room and keeping it dark (blackout curtains) should suffice for the first 5 months.
2) this is so kid dependent. My first could still be sleeping peacefully in our room at age 5. One of my twins literally spent 15 minutes in our room at 3 days old and then got kicked out. He still doesn’t sleep (alone in a crib in a dark room with a sound machine) at 18 months…
My biggest learning from becoming a mom: there isn’t a “correct” way to structure your life after baby. Whatever you choose will be fine and if it’s not working you can change it up!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree that it’s kid dependent, and that you can start with something and then switch it up. We had both kids in our room for the first few weeks in our 2bdr apartments – kid 1 was moved to his own room at around 8 weeks while kid 2 stayed with us in his Pack n Play until 5-6 months. We did a dream feed with him when we were going to bed, so that might be a nice “hack” if they wake up momentarily. But he’s generally a good, deep sleeper.
Vicky Austin says
I won’t speak for Deedee, but my worries come from which of the other options in our house might be a bad idea if we have to kick baby out of our room earlier on, and I’d love experienced moms’ opinions on them.
-Walk in closet at one end of our room which has a soundproof door (feels like a bad idea)
-Bedroom on the other side of the main floor with an exterior door to the backyard (also feels like a bad idea but for some reason this was my husband’s first suggestion)
-One of the bedrooms upstairs, which are also on the other side of the house
-Small room directly above our bedroom which used to be my WFH office, which has terrible ventilation and gets super hot
Should I rule any of these out right now?
An.On. says
The exterior door won’t be a problem for a mobile baby for at least a year, and it might be nice to be able to use it as an escape route if you need to walk with the baby. The soundproof door wouldn’t be a problem either if you’ve got a baby monitor. You’ve got a lot of short term options. In your shoes I might lean towards upstairs bedroom on other end of the house for long term. I would definitely rule out hot, poorly ventilated room.
We kicked ours out almost immediately. What was helpful for us was being able to put the baby in a room which also had a bed, so the on-call parent could lay down and try to sleep during lulls. Also, our primary bedroom was insulated enough (plus sound machine) that the resting parent really couldn’t hear any cries if the doors were closed.
Vicky Austin says
Thank you!! That really helps.
Pogo says
Agree with all of this.
If you have a walk-in closet, I would put the crib in there after 4/5mos when kiddo is (hopefully) sleeping longer stretches and has a more normal bedtime. We have put our kid in a walk-in closet multiple times while travelling with no issues (however, it was a PnP, not a crib, so much easier to get in – I would recommend that with a nice PnP mattress rather than a crib). We’ve also put him in a large bathroom. No ill effects yet.
anonM says
We had the baby in a small pack n play right next to the bed. Maybe get a night light for the bathroom, but I otherwise wouldn’t worry about making a nook. Especially if you plan to nurse, you may find it easiest to be able to just roll over, pick up baby, nurse, put them back down.
anon says
We did this. You are thinking about this backwards — having a small place is not a problem when baby is rooming in with you. People in 4000 sq ft houses do that, too. It can become a problem later on, depending. FWIW, mine slept bedside with no blackout curtains for about 3 months, then we moved the basinet back into the dressing area which was a lot darker because it seemed like he was finally bothered by the sunrise, and then a few months later he moved into his “room,” i.e., a crib in the corner of our home office. That’s when logistics got tough. Wait until you see what sort of sleeper you have, but a lot of babies, particularly young infants, really are not as sensitive to small noise and movement as you would think.
AwayEmily says
My rec: for the first 3 months, keep the baby in a pack-n-play or bassinet next to you, get blackout curtains, and do your best. After 3 months, put a Slumberpod over the pack-n-play. Those things are AMAZING. Seriously life-changing.
Pogo says
oooh forgot about slumperpod. that is another option we’ve done while travelling.
Deedee says
How interesting! I am still new the world of baby accessories and hadn’t heard of this, TY!
Anon says
I’m not sure I see the need for a Slumberpod at home (we had our sensitive-to-light-and-noise kid in our room for the first 6 months without issue) but if I were having a second kid I would definitely get one for travel. We mostly put our kid to sleep in the bathroom in hotels, which actually worked pretty well, but it would be nice to have the slumberpod and not have to leave the room every time we needed to pee.
Isabella says
Little B is still sleeping in a pack-n-play in our master bedroom. Seconding CB that we couldn’t wake the baby, because the baby doesn’t sleep! I’m partly exaggerating because last night wasn’t good. But in all seriousness, we mostly need quiet in the bedroom so the off-duty parent can catch a few winks. During the early days when we were both on leave, black-out curtains really improved adult daytime naps.
There have been days when the baby sleeps later than 5 (dad’s alarm) or very rarely later 6:20 (mom’s alarm). But the sounds of us getting ready for work are centered in the kitchen and bathroom. So that hasn’t actually been a problem.
Anonymous says
Remember to think about naps, too. You might want to have a set up elsewhere in the house for naptime, if you’re in and out of your room a lot during the day. (Btw, it’s a good idea to differentiate between nighttime and daytime with infants by only using blackout curtains etc at night. Once they figure out night/ day this matters less, but you’ll have a much more resilient napper if you get them used to napping with some light and background noise. )
Deedee says
Great point. Room will actually be great for naps since I work in our basement and am virtually never in bedroom during the day!
Deedee says
Realized I should clarify that for the first few months my mom will be taking care of baby in our home. She permanently lives in our second bedroom which is why there is no nursery for baby.
Mary Moo Cow says
Elizabeth Passarella put her babies in the closet (Southern Living has photos, and it’s actually really cute! Removable wallpaper and a cute light fixture). Here’s a piece about it: https://theplumonline.com/life/virtues-living-small-space
Anon says
Newborns aren’t normally too distracted by light or noise. We just put our kid’s pack n play in the same room as us as few feet from the bed and it was fine for 6 months. And I have a kid who was very sensitive to light and noise as an older infant and toddler, so much so that she pretty much never napped at school after starting daycare.
We used the crib in the nursery for naps (since we weren’t sleeping anyway then) and I think that may have made the eventual transition to the nursery easier. It certainly doesn’t seem to have hurt.
Bette says
Slumberpod, slumberpod, slumberpod. It gives the baby their own little blackout tent – set them up with a sound machine and a little fan for air circulation and you can move around the room with lights fully on without bothering them at all. We’ve traveled with one for my kiddo since he was five months old (he’s two now). Hands down one of the best baby purchases.
Anon says
Most babies sleep fine through some noise and non-bright lights. I shared a room with my kids later than most people and I don’t think we ever woke them. I wouldn’t bother with a nook – just stick them in their room if you are ok with them being farther away.
Also hindsight being 20/20, I wish I had gotten a mini crib instead of a bassinet. Bassinets are only good for a few months if baby is tall. Despite being tall myself, I thought the pack and play sucked for putting down a small baby.
Anon says
Oh whoops, missed that you don’t have a baby room. In that case definitely set up a permanent nook. I might skip the closet though because you need that. You could perhaps use one of those curtains that attaches to a track on the ceiling if you want separation.
Cb says
Kid has school photos today. His passport photo looks like he’s been traumatised and he’s been doing a cheesetastic grin lately. I told him to smile like grandma told him a really good joke so fingers crossed. I’m hoping he took his oversized school cardigan off and just wore his polo, but who knows.
Grandma’s latest:
What did the boy waffle say to the girl waffle?
I like you a waffle lot.
Anonymous says
I mean, cute anecdote but cringing at the joke about heteronormativity and dating at a young age.
Anon says
Sigh. This is why we (liberals) can’t have nice things. I agree we need to be aware and speak out about these things – but is a joke on an anonymous forum – really the hill you want to die on?
anon says
+1000
Anonymous says
lol
anonM says
lol these “bad” photos are my absolute favorite. Daycare made a phot/handprint craft for DH’s first father’s day, and it looks like a baby mugshot, such a cranky face. I will never get rid of it. Gems.
SC says
In my son’s last school picture, he has a look of utter disdain for the entire thing. He looks like an absolute curmudgeon, and he can’t believe these people are making him sit for a whole 30 seconds to take a photo of him. It’s hilarious, but this year, I told him I’d give him a reward if he at least tried, and we practiced a few smiles ahead of time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My K-er wore a sweater over a button down shirt in his photo, so he looks somewhat like a 30 year old office worker, or maybe a professor. I think we will go with one or the other this year!
Pogo says
Mine wore his baseball hat last year. I was like… how did the photog not suggest you take that off?!!?
GCA says
For this spring’s school pictures, my then 3yo basically wore a polo shirt and a grimace and refused anything fancier (we had some really cute button-downs and khaki shorts for her that I repurposed for family photos this summer). the range of kid pictures was hilarious – everything from princess costume to a tiny-professor shirt and bowtie, and the full gamut of expressions!
Anon says
We got a notice from the school that we have to attend picture retake day. Not because my child was absent or ill, but because she “refused to cooperate with the photographer.” Sigh… We missed the retakes do to travel so I’m not sure we’re going to get any pictures at all!
Isabella says
I’m packing for one of the only overnight trips I’ve ever taken with LO, and realizing I would be screwed if my grandma didn’t have a whole set up for babies: toys, blankets, highchair, pack-n-play.
I’d like to be able to take other trips, probably over the holidays (around 9 mo old) if not before. Assuming a road trip with a couple nights at a hotel or staying with family who don’t have gear…what would you pack? what would you buy?
Anon says
If baby is not used to cosleeping with you, I’d buy a used Guava Lotus crib. Kiddo has slept alone since birth and can’t figure out how to cosleeping with us if we don’t have the crib. He just wants to play.
Anonymous says
We loved this:
https://www.amazon.com/Chicco-Pocket-Snack-Booster-Seat/dp/B00KHR84WW/ref=asc_df_B00KHR84WW/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312039864210&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4901310357470195941&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9018682&hvtargid=pla-365069371413&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=62849013500&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312039864210&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4901310357470195941&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9018682&hvtargid=pla-365069371413
It works for several years/ages, and folds pretty small. We actually kept it when kiddo stopped needing a booster because it stores so easy and we thought we might have guests who could use it down the road.
We also had the most simple pack and play. One kiddo hit about 2 years old, we bought a thicker mattress:
https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Portable-Mattress-White/dp/B0030UUBMO/ref=sr_1_10?crid=LOO6PW5SVY96&keywords=pack+and+play+mattress&qid=1663253507&s=baby-products&sprefix=pack+and+play+mattress%2Cbaby-products%2C106&sr=1-10
That’s all we really took for gear. I guess a fitted sheet for the mattress, too. We would also always take some toys, typically in a basket rather than a backpack. We’d put the basket of toys in the backseat where we could access them in the car for playing/distractions on the trip. Then those would be the toys kiddo played with at the destination.
Anon says
at hotels you can get a crib and our family always borrowed gear
Lily says
Travel crib (we like the Guava one), sheet
Sound machine
Monitor
2-3 toys (small, soft work best) (you could pack more if you have the room, and try to save some new ones for drive home)
2-3 small board books or indestructibles books
Large blanket you can create a clean/soft play space with
High chair (foldable, like the joovy, or the one that can sit on the ground or suction onto a chair with removable tray)
Bibs, baby spoons, bottles, pacis, etc. plus a clean sponge and dish soap (if at a hotel)
More outfit options than you think you need, plus sleep sack or whatever you use for sleeping
Shelf-stable pouches, puffs, other types of food/snacks that you can use in a pinch
Stroller and/or carrier
NLD in NYC says
+ 1 This, this, a thousand times, this
SC says
– I loved the Guava Lotus travel crib! We still keep ours in our guest room in case we have baby guests.
– Any blanket or loveys your child can’t sleep without. A few books (but you can also go to the local library with a relative).
– A booster seat for meals instead of a whole high chair. You can do without this, but I liked having ours on trips. (We used this at home and went from this to a trip trap chair, but our kid is small.)
– Bottles. A few dishes. We really liked the Skip Hop Bento Clix mealtime travel kit–3 plastic dishes with tight fitting lids and an insulated bag. We used it all the time for years, and it’s great for snacks on the go and for having a few dishes at your family’s house.
– Stroller, baby backpack, or nothing, depending on your planned activities, the weather, etc.
– A few toys that you’re getting a lot of mileage out of at the time, but I’d worry about this the least. Relatives will probably buy more than you need, especially at the holidays (so you want extra room in your suitcase for new stuff). Baby will be exploring a new space and interacting with new people. And babies can be entertained with everyday objects like boxes, bowls, empty wrapping paper rolls, wooden spoons.
SC says
We never used a baby monitor at home. On trips where we were staying in a larger house, we used a baby monitor app with one of our phones set up as the monitor and the other phone acting as the receiver. If I recall correctly, the app had a white noise setting as well. One of us had to give up our phones to use it, but that was actually pretty freeing (and an old phone or extra tablet would work too).
Anon says
+1M to Guava Lotus – used it a lot for DS #1, including ~6 months in a short-term rental while house hunting. Have used it for DS #2 as well, and we plan to take it with us on an upcoming trip to Asia for a family wedding where we’ll be staying in 3 different locations for ~2.5 weeks.
Everyone has the right suggestions, I’d also add microwave sanitizing bags.
Anonymous says
Our extended family has always been able to borrow from neighbors/friends or on a local neighborhood group so that’s an option! Otherwise pack n play and booster seat for eating unless you just want to use your lap as a high chair, which we’ve done before. At 9 months I’ve taken baby gates on a road trip too so I didn’t have to spent my whole vacation being hyper vigilant. Stroller or carrier (we usually just took a carrier), bib (we never used baby cutlery even at home so really any adult teaspoon should be fine), whatever cup baby is used too, bottles obviously if needed/bottle brush, some toys and books. Baby monitor if you’d like (we used it to feel comfortable sitting outside after bedtime etc).
Anon says
We traveled a lot with my daughter when she was under 2. If we were roadtripping, we usually brought our own Pack N Play. If we were were flying, we were more likely to use the hotel’s crib or PNP (it’s usually free), although we did take a PNP in checked luggage at least a few times. A stroller is a must have for most trips. We never had a fancy stroller and used our main umbrella stroller (the Summer Infant 3-D Lite) for travel. We had a portable high chair but only brought it if we planned to eat a lot of meals at home and once on a trip to France because apparently restaurants there don’t always have high chairs. For most trips in the US we just ate out a lot and didn’t need a high chair. We never really brought much in the way of entertainment. Maybe a few books. The trip is the entertainment.
Anon says
For mealtime, we like the Fisher-Price Healthy Care Deluxe Booster Seat. The deluxe version is key because it comes with a removeable lid for the tray. We just latch the lid after a restaurant meal and then deal with the mess back at home/hotel. Fits in the basket of our stroller, but not otherwise collapsible, however.
AwayEmily says
Asking here in case someone has navigated a similar experience. A good friend of mine has a 4yo son with an IEP. He needs a fair amount of help (social/emotional and physical). Unfortunately his birthday falls just five days before the kindergarten and so in order to keep his help he needed to start kindergarten (even though he would HUGELY benefit from another year in preschool). The public school is apparently not a good fit (they don’t have integrated classrooms and the teacher was overwhelmed). They were rejected from a couple of private schools and finally got him into one, though it’s still not perfect (he’s been there about a week now). I’m not sure exactly what to ask, but…any advice I can pass on to her? She’s so stressed.
Anonymous says
If his needs are that severe, has she looked into specialized private schools? Has she considered hiring an educational consultant, possibly available through his therapist’s office, to advise on options?
SC says
We’ve dealt with some of the same issues, and the school fit is one of the most stressful! I would just try to be empathetic and refrain from giving advice unless you’re asked directly. It sounds like they have outside, professional support. Hopefully, those professionals are working with the parents on a care plan. For me, getting unsolicited, outside advice often just feels like piling on. I feel supportive when friends or family acknowledge that it’s hard, say they’re sure we’ll make a good decision, stay quiet when we’re dealing with a meltdown or a discipline issue, and tell me I’m a good mom. I also feel supported when I go out with a friend and we talk about stuff other than my kid.
AwayEmily says
This is absolutely WONDERFUL advice, thank you. I am by nature a “show support by trying to offer advice and help” person but you are so, so right that often the best thing to do is to listen and empathize. I really appreciate you offering this perspective.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My SIL went through something similar with nephew about ~8-10 years ago. He’s now a freshman in HS and thriving, in large thanks to his Mom’s navigation of all the hard things (IMHO). He’s a wonderful kid, and truly a kind of old soul.
I didn’t know sh*t back then since I was younger and childfree. I think a lot about how hard it must have been and how alone she must have felt (my MIL is not the most empathetic, and SIL’s husband is great but hit his limit quickly with the therapy appointments, etc). I think just being there for her, having a listening ear, and letting her know she’s not alone and these conversations, while hard, are a LOT more normalized today than 5, 10, or 15 years ago. Also second letting her share what she wants, and just talking about other things.
Anon says
My 4 year old was exhausted last night and during her independent play time we found her passed out on the floor in the hallway outside her room. She stayed asleep there all night! Kids are so strange.
Anonymous says
I know I have some fellow mamas with kids with rotten sleep habits here. My 6 year old has struggled with sleep and she may or may not have ADD but here’s what I do know:
When she’s physically tired, she goes to bed great. All summer long she was pooped from camp or swimming and snuggled in at 7:30/8 and was sleeping in a few minutes.
When she’s mentally tired, the wheels come off. She starts acting out and we can see it coming. She can’t pay attention, she throws her body around, will rage-scream, can’t settle down and can’t sleep which makes the whole thing worse.
What does not work:
– Ignoring her (she will just find a different way to act out)
– telling her she can stay in her room but needs to play quietly
– giving her a puzzle book or allowing unlimited reading time
– reading a book out loud (she will pay attention for a bit then things go sideways)
– creating an “area” for her to go when she feels like this (this was a professional suggestion and a complete failure)
– rigid bedtime routine – happens with or without a rigid routine
– listening to calming music or an audio book (too tired to concentrate)
What has worked, sometimes:
– talking a walk
– putting her in the car and driving around (sometimes she falls asleep, sometimes it’s a “re-set” and she comes back her normal sleepy self and goes to bed fine
– ignoring her acting out (this doesn’t get her to sleep but it does curb the wild behavior)
– finding a task she will engage with that requires enough concentration it “snaps her out of” the zany behavior. I asked her if she thought she could drink water from the other side of the cup once and it got her focused enough that she forgot she was an overtired wild thing. Occasionally she’ll style my hair and get into it enough she forgets she’s all worked up.
– laying out consequences for Totally Unacceptable Behavior that we think she can manage. We know she can’t help what she is doing 85% of the time, but we’ve drawn the line at screaming as it wakes up our youngest. She doesn’t hit or throw objects, just bounces literally off the walls, spins in circles, that sort of thing. But screaming is an automatic loss of screen time for X days. We tell her this and she really does try not to.
– being so physically tired she can’t act up. This is hard to do after school and sometimes backfires- days she has an activity are 50/50 in terms of successful bedtime.
Any other ideas? Back to school is CRUSHING us because she comes home mentally drained. Screens seem to make everything worse, but we’ve experimented with letting her watch TV after school as a brain break. This didn’t seem to make any difference.
Anon says
Is there a way to get her intense physical exercise after school?
Anon says
i have a kiddo who also may have ADD and for her both the mental exhaustion and the physical exhaustion lead to meltdowns during the bedtime routine. basically exhaustion = meltdown. you say that even when she is so physically tired from an activity after school, it only leads to a 50/50 difference in terms of successful bedtime, it sounds like there is some difference for her between what is mentally required for her at camp vs. at school. what is her schedule currently like from when school ends until she goes to bed? maybe more unstructured physical activity would help rather than an ‘activity’? i struggle with how to use screens as well, because truthfully there are some days when im so drained that all i want to do is zone out and watch tv and i’d imagine my child sometimes feels the same.
Anonymous says
I mean why punish her? You know she needs more physical activity. Figure out how to keep that need
Anonymous says
I don’t know that she does though. On days when she has a sport or is outside on her bike is a cr@pshoot if she will have a regular bedtime.
All I know is I miss summer when she swam all day in the pool, we read before bed and it was lights out.
Pogo says
Do we have the same child?? solidarity.
I 10000% hear you on trying to find ways to “snap them out of it”. For that I do things like:
– hey want to see this new thing I got for your bath? (glow sticks, glow toys, bath foam, etc)
– Can you help me do x?
– I think I see a deer (or bunny) in the backyard!
Other strategies we use:
1) extremely early bedtime and minimize the transitions post-school, and foreshadow everything. Timers for everything.
2) melatonin gummies, I think they’re mostly placebo, but when I tell him they help him sleep and calm his body, he even asks “Can I have my sleep gummies?”
Looking forward to other suggestions!!
Anonymous says
OP here. Ooh I did forget to mention her ped’s advice was that we could try melotonin but I wasn’t wild on the idea. Everything was so smooth this summer that I’m hoping there is a way to get into a better school routine and avoid her thinking she needs a gummy to sleep. But if that’s what she really needs I’d be up for trying.
Pogo says
I figure, it doesn’t have any long term effects, I buy the dosage for kids, and if anything, it’s placebo that helps calm him down.
Anon says
I would definitely try melatonin.
Anonymous says
melatonin is a godsend for my definitely ADD child who fits all of your descriptors.
anon says
You said she does better when she’s physically active, so of course screens are not the solution. The child needs to run and swim and be active.
SC says
I would work on ways to avoid the complete mental exhaustion at the end of the day. School takes a lot out of all kids, and especially ADHD kids. It sounds like she runs out of mental energy to regulate her brain and body and gets overstimulated more easily than normal. I would experiment with the afterschool, before-dinner routine. Maybe she needs 30 minutes for a quiet solo activity. Screens work for some kids and just add to the stimulation for others–if a screen doesn’t seem to help, try setting up space for solo activities without screens–imaginative play, building toys, art supplies. I also think that certain screen activities calm my kid (Happy Color) and others definitely do not. But nothing with instructions or a set way of doing things. Maybe she needs physical activity like a walk or bike ride or trip to the playground, but without the pressure of another structured group activity. Maybe a long bath will help–we sometimes set my kid up with low lighting and lavendar oil in his bath, and we keep some toys for imaginative play and building in the bathtub. Maybe you commit to a quiet car ride every evening, or you have the ride home from school be quiet time.
Also, minimizing structured activities on the weekends helps us all week.
Talk to your pediatrician about melatonin.
Anonymous says
This is good advice, thank you! I do think you are spot on with the cause. And unfortunately school isn’t going away so getting the post school pre bed is critical.
We also find she’s better when fed, but that’s a given ;).
Pogo says
+1 on the overstimulation/sensory seeking post-mental exhaustion. Last night mine hopped on his little brother’s toy ride-on train and rode it around in circles in the house at like 50mph, while little brother screamed “MY TWAINNN” and toddled behind him. I tried in vain to help him “find a way to calm your body” but it’s hard as OP said to “snap him out of it”. We call it his gremlin mode.
Anonymous says
Things that work for my 7 year old: insane amounts of exercise (but for him that can also be emotionally tiring so it’s not a panacea); showering before bed (not previously an every day thing for us); extra lap time at dinner or after dinner even though he’s enormous; longer bedtime routine with more reading; help putting on pajamas; snuggling while he goes to sleep. He sounds pretty similar to yours except we also get hitting!
AwayEmily says
Audiobooks? My 6yo decompresses after school by taking a half hour (sometimes more) to listen to a Harry Potter audiobook while coloring. We also sometimes put it on after she’s in bed to help her transition to bed (so, we’ll leave it on for 20 minutes with her in bed and the lights off, then come in to turn it off and say goodnight one more time). If she’s not already an audiobook fan, check out some of the Disney audiobook adaptations of movies — they have Frozen and Moana ones that are basically line-by-line retellings of the movie and are good “gateway” audiobooks.
AwayEmily says
(and sorry, I know you already said audiobooks didn’t work but I wasn’t sure if you meant audiobook after school, or audiobook as a falling-asleep approach. The latter doesn’t work for us either)
Anonymous says
This is a great idea! She’s off the bus now and coloring but adding an audiobook might be fun! Mostly she ends up outside playing with siblings after school as long as the weather is nice.
Anonymous says
Is there a way to get her exercise without a structured “activity” that requires her to pay attention and follow directions? After-dinner bike ride, playground time, kicking a soccer ball in the yard, etc.?
Can you capitalize on the concentration thing by creating a fun evening ritual like playing a card or board game, doing a challenging puzzle, logic puzzles, etc.?
What about a warm bath at bedtime? The body temperature drop after a warm bath is supposed to make you sleepy.
Anon says
Find an OT who specializes in sensory seeking kids. I have a child who is very, very, very similar, and OT was a lifesaver. We thought it was ADHD, but it turns out it a sensory processing issue. We now have a whole toolbox of options when our sensory seeker is going off the wall, but needs to calm down.
Anonymous says
Kids yoga videos on youtube after school? Any option to walk to/from school? We do this most days of the week. I would have no problem walking an extra kid home too – anyone in your village who could help with that? Not just exercise but fresh air seems to help with sleep.
For bedtime I tell the kids they don’t have to go to sleep but they have to rest their bodies and their eyes. This means lights off in their rooms and eyes closed. They have to count to 100 and then backwards to 1, then to 100 and back to 1 in their second language before they are allowed to get up or complain. One breath in and out for each count. If they get up before they are done, they have to restart. This required a lot of walking back to the bedroom and being told to restart counting in the beginning. But once they knew we would be consistent, they accepted it. 99% of the time they fall asleep – if they don’t it’s usually a worry we need to talk out like Grandad being in hospital or a new teacher at school. Usually a short chat and snuggle, and then sent back to back to count again.
Anon says
I have a kid who we joke turns feral in the evenings of long school days. She loses all restraint and then it’s impossible to get her to bed. I’d question if it’s really the lack of physical activity versus the complete exhaustion of her mental control that’s making her wild at bedtime.
Things that help my kid:
(1) Quiet playtime in her room by herself after school. She needs time to recover and playing with other kids just exhausts her capacity to control herself more.
(2) Consistently earlier bedtimes so she gets more sleep and making sure she doesn’t get woken in the morning
(3) Getting her ready for bed with teeth brushed before she loses control, even if we don’t put her to bed for another hour. We start the bedtime routine super early.
(4) Lots and lots of unstructured free play on weekends. She melts more during the week if her weekends have activities, even fun activities.
If you can, I’d consider getting a swing for your backyard. It’s a great way to help kids self regulate. Something about the motion and the inner ear is soothing.
Anonymous says
Great ideas! Some we do and some we don’t. We have an amazing yard with lots of fun stuff. My kids play outside a lot after school- either in the yard or on bikes/blades/scooters.
FWIW we call hers “lizard brain.” ;)
Anon says
Q for those of you who are academics or have academic spouses like me…are weekend events normal in your or your spouse’s area? In my husband’s area it seems very normal to schedule small, local-ish conferences and research visitors on weekends. I get why, because teaching obligations make M-F travel complicated for most of the year. But it’s also tough for people who have families and I wonder if there would be more pushback if there were more women involved in the decision-making? My husband’s field and especially his small sub-field are VERY male-dominated.
AwayEmily says
I am an academic in a social science that is slightly male-dominated and sometimes you get a workshop on a Saturday or some such, and the big annual conferences span the weekends, but the substantial majority of small events and visitors like you are talking about take place during the week.
Isabella says
In my specialized STEM field, conferences are usually midweek. I actually wish I tag weekends with family on the end of a Friday conference sometimes, but I have never had a weekend conference.
Cb says
Academic in the UK and this would absolutely not fly in my field. Our big conference is Monday through Wednesday and our big international is Wednesday through Friday. UK HE has Athena Swan commitments which typically means we have core hours of 10-4 (giving people flexibility to flex their day in either direction) and scheduling a 5pm seminar is discouraged.
I think if more women were involved, there would be more pushback but your partner could be the change! There are probably ECRs who are missing out because of caring responsibilities.
Anonymous says
Target’s holiday toy ad has a toy Target cart full of pretend Target brand food. Must. Have.