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Here are some get-up-and-go sneakers for busy days.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Fallen says
I posted a couple days about trips from CT. My almost 10 year old advocated for great wolf lodge. Has anyone been? What should I expect? Also, will my almost 5 year old learning but not great swimmer be ok?
Liza says
YMMV, read the Yelp and Tripadvisor reviews. I was happy to book GWL and frankly for my 6 and 8 year old, it was a total bust. You definitely don’t need to be a strong swimmer, as it’s mostly water slides and splash parks, with a couple of pools that have obstacles and a wave pool. It’s kind of small. The indoor area for us was very hot, humid, crowded, and LOUD. Think about an indoor pool at a YMCA or a hotel and multiply that by 50.
Everything also just feels very commercial and low budget. Much more Chuck E Cheese than Disney is the vibe. Far too much is pay-as-you-go, for a place that’s already expensive. We planned to spend a long weekend there, but ultimately did about a half-day at the water park and did local touristy things instead.
AIMS says
Never been but know someone who went for years and loved it so I assume it’s good if you don’t mind the kid-centric focus of it all (i am firmly out on this stuff but I understand that people feel differently about how they want to spend their vacations). FWIW, they went with kids as young as 3 so I assume not swimming is fine.
Anonymous says
Agree that the age doesn’t matter. We’ve gone to the Minnesota Great Wolf Lodge almost every year for a weekend since kiddo was 3 (now 7). We have a great experience, but it is possible other GWLes are different. My primary complaint is the food situation there. It is awful. We typically bring snacks and breakfast items, eat a subpar lunch (that kiddo is totally fine with) at the snack bar by the pool, and order in takeout for dinner. I wouldn’t be able to spend more than 1.5 full days at GWL. We usually arrive around check-in time on a Thursday, hit up the pool area for a bit, spend Friday somewhere else (Mall of America in MN), then spend all day Saturday at GWL. Leave Sunday AM. It is very kidcentric, of course, but I’ve also stayed at other water park hotels, and GWL is by far the best. Agree that there are some add-ons, but you can research that in advance to know what to expect (ropes courses, mining, MagiQuest, etc.). At 7, this was the first year kiddo asked to do any of the other stuff. And we just leaned into it.
GCA says
Friends had a Groupon and convinced us to go at the end of summer last year. We went to the one in MA, which may be the one you’re thinking of if you’re coming from CT.
The kids (7 and 4) had a blast and spent most of the time in the lazy river, hot tub and wave pool. 4yo was not swimming independently at the time, and wanted to be within arm’s reach anyway. I did not have a blast, but it was ok, and more tolerable because we had family friends there with us. Definitely plan to have as many meals as possible off-site to avoid overpriced not-great food.
Astoundingly, no one got sick afterwards. But really, I’d take a good outdoor water park any day over GWL.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids LOVED the great wolf lodge in MA. We went when they were just turned 4 and 6. 4 year old couldn’t really swim and it was fine. Big kid loved the big slides. Yes, it is very much kid-centric so be prepared to have lots of candy, ice cream and chicken fingers/fries. They also have other indoor things at this one like Magi-Quest (sp?), indoor obstacle courses and mini golf. And arcade games. We went in late fall so it was nice to be in a warm area inside when it was super cold outside.
Anonymous says
9:41 Anon here. Agree that this is 100% a trip for the kids. They’ll have a blast. As a parent, I get through it but do enjoy seeing my kiddo having so much fun and do my best to make the best of it. If my kiddo wasn’t so into it, that would very much change the analysis. It is our weekend before school starts trip, and it is a tradition she really looks forward to each summer.
Anne-on says
+1 – we’re going in March over the MA school break and my son is super psyched. It is NOT something I’d ever chose to do if I didn’t have kids but our son has an absolute ball and the prices aren’t bad for the room and the activities. We limit it to 2-3 nights max, bring our own breakfast stuff and do takeout from the local spots for dinner as I can’t deal with chicken fingers/pizza/burgers for 3 nights in a row.
GCA says
Oh, PS! Instead of shelling out for a ‘pup pass’ or a ‘paw pass’ package, we put together our own goody bags with snacks (and it is absolutely fine to bring lots of your own snacks!), candy and new card games. We have one Magi-Quest wand between two kids and set a budget ($10?) for arcade games, but the kids wanted to stay in the water park areas most of the time anyway. We spent 1.5 days there.
Fallen says
Thanks everyone! Question – are the rides good? I love good rides (eg the ones in Hershey park were awesome!) that feel a bit like a rollercoaster, which may make up for the food/other kid-centric things.
Anonymous says
Kat wrote a whole post about GWL! https://corporettemoms.com/the-best-waterpark-tips-kalahari-great-wolf-lodge-and-more/
Anonymous says
Any tips on getting a 3 year old back into a school routine after a time away? We were just home with COVID for 8 days where we mostly just switched between baths and Daniel Tiger episodes, so it’s been very rocky going back to the daycare routine.
TheElms says
I think this is partly know your kid, but at 3 your kid should be able to understand the change if you explain it simply. Like you and mom were sick so we did a lot of low energy activities like baths and TV to help our bodies rest and get better. Now we are all better and our bodies can do all the fun things we normally do like daycare, playground, whatever else you normally do. Then if you normally have some screen time I’d add that there will be TV time whenever you usually have it. I’d prepare a simple picture schedule of the day and then walk through that several times a day. Hugs, I’m sure it is hard now but I’m sure it will get better in a couple days.
Anonymous says
Any vacation suggestions for boutique or luxury hotels near Clearwater Beach, Florida or surrounding area? We’d fly into Tampa. Or very nice AirBnBs. This can be a splurge as we’ll just be doing 2-3 nights. We’re planning on spending a few days there next February/March before visiting family in Florida. We are familiar with the area so we would like that general area of the gulf coast.
Anon318 says
The Don Cesar or the Vinoy!
EDAnon says
My parents love the Vinoy (and live outside Tampa)
Leatty says
Opal Sands Resort
Anonymous says
Since it was 80 in Charlotte yesterday, I’ve got summer on the brain! Looking for recommendations for your favorite “water shoes” for a four year old that are not sandals. Looking to wear them to a splash pad and to/from the pool and beach. I see Keens at the top of many lists, but not sure if that’s just good marketing or the real deal. Thank you!
Mary Moo Cow says
Natives give my kids blisters, but they like Crocs and Joybees. Both my girls like the Crocs sandals, but those seem hard to find.
Anon says
I thought the Keens seemed nice but my kids refused to put them on their feet. We ended up with Teva psyclones, which are sandals. There were some sneakers that were advertised as water shoes last year -See Kai Run has a few that looked nice. I think I would have tried those if I needed closed toes.
Anon2 says
We got Keens one year and they were nice and my son liked them…but they got soooo stinky! We’ve switched to Natives and have been happy with them
Anon says
Natives (but they run large – we size down and haven’t had trouble with blisters.) Each of my kids gets a new pair every year and they never wear out, despite lots of hard use
Anonymous says
My son has really high arches and high insteps, so YMMV, but he has always preferred Crocs to almost anything else. He would wear them all winter if I allowed it. (Sadly the fleece-lined ones don’t work for his very tall feet).
Spirograph says
+1 My kids live in Crocs in the summer. And crocs+socks in the winter if I don’t stop them.
Cb says
Yep, Crocs here as well. Or the knockoff Decathlon ones.
anonM says
My kids love their keens and wear them almost daily all summer.
DLC says
Our kids wear Crocs for the pool and Keens sandals for beach/hiking/park. I feel like they like the easy in and out of Crocs, but I like that Keens are more secure on their feet.
Anon says
My 5YO wears crocs for these purposes. I bought her keens and she literally never wore them, in part because I find them really heavy. They would be great for hiking with water, or rocky beaches, but for our purposes (which involve paved paths to the pool and beach), crocs work best.
Anonymous says
My kids both disliked their Keens. They are kind of a PITA to put on and rocks would get stuck in them and then they’d have to take them off to get the rocks out, and then it was another production to get them back on…as another commenter said, I think if you were, like, wading in a river for an extended period then they’d be great but for the purposes you’re talking about I think you’ll be better off with Crocs or whatever non-flip-flop Target has.
AwayEmily says
My kids both disliked their Keens. They are kind of a PITA to put on and rocks would get stuck in them and then they’d have to take them off to get the rocks out, and then it was another production to get them back on…as another commenter said, I think if you were, like, wading in a river for an extended period then they’d be great but for the purposes you’re talking about I think you’ll be better off with Crocs or whatever non-flip-flop Target has.
Anonymous says
My daughter loves her keen-like shoes (we have always gotten the Stride Rite version of the keen-style shoes). We tried Natives and my daughter found them to be uncomfortable. When we’re just going to a splash pad or to/from the beach, she also really likes to wear her Crocs!
Mary Moo Cow says
DH and I don’t agree on this: do you send a reminder email or text for a social gathering, and do you send one only if the attendee hasn’t confirmed? I set up a coffee with an acquittance and she emailed the day before to ask if we were still meeting, which surprised me. Now, I organized a playdate for classmates, sent an email, didn’t hear from some people (who previously have emailed me, so I don’t think my email would go to spam) and DH suggested I send a follow up email this morning. I wasn’t going to do that; I don’t want to be a pest and I assume if you haven’t responded, you aren’t coming. What say you, hive?
Vicky Austin says
I actually went to the first meeting of a book club last night and the day before, the hostess texted us all to say, “Can’t wait to see you all!” which I suspect was a quiet way of doing the same thing. I appreciated it! But there was also no formal google invite or anything that people could actually RSVP to.
Anonymous says
Yes, always. People are so flaky nowadays. It takes two seconds and I’d rather find out that morning if someone is going to bail than like an hour before so I can make other plans. All my friends/acquaintances do as well so I think it’s become standard. It also puts a little pressure on the other person to honor the commitment they made, I think, which helps with the flakiness!
NYCer says
Yeah, it is pretty standard amongst my friends too, especially if the plans were made well in advance. If I make a plan with someone for the next day or two, I probably wouldn’t check-in to confirm, but otherwise, I usually do.
That being said, I probably wouldn’t follow-up with the people who never responded to your playdate invite. I would assume they are not coming.
NLD in NYC says
Eh, I lean towards only following up if attendee hasn’t confirmed. I tend to be more like you – if I schedule time with a friend I don’t feel the need to follow up to make sure we’re still on. I’m not the doctor’s office. But I also know that not everyone has a special relationship with their planner/calendar.
Anon says
I wish everyone would send reminders! I am busy! I forget. I have anxiety I will be the only one to show up because the other person didn’t confirm the day of! I think it’s good.
trust, but verify says
Of course! I get notified about things through apps, social, 4 different email addresses. its a lot to keep track of especially as my kids grow and get into more activities. an extra reminder is always appreciated and even though I consider myself and organized person that appt reminder or groups text reminder has saved me from missing something more than once.
Anon says
It does seem a little micro-managey…what my friends and I have evolved into is setting the bare bones of the meeting ahead of time, then settling/confirming the details a few days before. Eg, my friend invited us for dinner and we set a date two weeks in advance; a few days before dinner we texted about the time and what I should bring. It has the same effect as reminding but is a little more “organic”, I guess?
It does bother me when the whole plan is set and then someone texts that morning to see if it’s still on. Adults should be expected and able to stick to plan
Anon says
For the coffee I don’t think its weird to confirm. For the play date no way. If they haven’t responded they’re not interested.
Cb says
I would text morning of.
Liza says
I think it’s normal to confirm plans that are made, like your coffee friend did. It’s not a must, but it’s not weird.
I think it would be weird to email someone with whom NO plans are made, as in the playdate email, to confirm… what? That you’re not doing anything?
Anon says
Yeah, I always email regrets when we can’t attend a play date or party, but in my experience 95% of people don’t and I think it would be very cringey to reach out to someone who ignored your initial invite.
Anonymous says
Cringe away, but my almost 8 year old invited just 3 friends to his birthday party next week. One family hasn’t responded and I am definitely going to follow up because I myself lose track of responding to emails all the time (particularly for things that I need to discuss with my spouse after the kids go to bed).
Anon says
I think that’s a different situation. I was thinking of a mass invite, like 5+ people for a playdate or a party invite that was sent to the whole class.
GCA says
Yeah, I do a ‘soft’ confirm, such as ‘Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!’ when plans *have* been discussed in advance, but not when the attendee has not RSVPed. So, emailing the day before to confirm coffee with a friend – totally normal. Emailing playdate non-respondents would be a smidge odd.
Anonymous says
Question for those who have had a baby while working remotely. I am going back to work soon and I primarily work remotely, although I do have an office I can go into. Baby has a lot of issues with the bottle (not rejecting it – he wants it, but has mechanical issues and we are working with a feeding therapist. Turns out we were lucky he didn’t have issues breastfeeding!).
Has anyone nursed their baby vs. bottle fed them while working remotely? Pros? Cons? Even if I could nurse for 1-2 feeds instead of pumping on the days I’m home while we work with our feeding therapist I think it would be less stressful for all involved.
anon says
Sure, I did this, mostly because I hated pumping. It worked fine — I vividly remember breastfeeding on calls with biglaw colleagues — with the occasional snag where he’d be hungry unexpectedly and I was really tied up. I think it worked for a few months because his primary caregiver was my partner who could stick her head in and just read the work situation without talking to me, and he was a predictable eater, and a quiet, unfussy breastfeeder. It was nice to get those snuggles in the middle of the day, and then to hand him back and jump back into things.
Anon says
Yep. Kid was home part time with us till nearly turning 1. I definitely nursed while working.
It can be difficult but I normally did admin tasks or sat in on no video conference calls where I just needed to listen in.
Husband and I are both fully wfh.
anonM says
Yes, I loved nursing instead of pumping. Hopefully bottle feeding gets easier because it’s nice to have that backup/if you get caught up on a big call or something, but overall for me it was a huge silver lining of covid/wfh. Even though it’s more hands on, and sometimes I had a harder time getting back into to work mode, it was so much easier for me than packing all that equipment/cooler, cleaning parts, mentally remembering all that stuff, etc etc.
Anon says
I negotiated one day a week WFH (this was pre-Covid) when I went back at 5 months precisely so it was one less day that I needed to pump. I actually left my home office to do it because she was a pretty quick eater and it was a nice way to break up the day. I likened it to other folks breaking to get coffee or chat with a colleague.
Anon says
I did for three months while my husband was on parental leave and it was fine. If the baby is a slow eater it may be frustrating but taking a couple 20 minute breaks was not a problem for me.
Bette says
I nursed while WFH for almost 11 months. I gave up pumping and bottle feeding entirely, which I later regretted toward the end of our nursing journey, because I would have loved for him to take a bottle of formula from time to time and he just absolutely refused. Actually ended up giving away tons of frozen pumped milk from the early days of pumping.
I blocked out two 30-minute windows on my Outlook calendar every day around his feeding times (and kept them visibly labeled as “pumping/nursing”); I sometimes had to move them around a bit but it helped with time management. I still ended up having to nurse off camera during meetings sometimes, it was rarely an issue except when I’d have to chime in unexpectedly on a topic and he’d cry at the noise. It was peak COVID so everyone was really chill about it. I would never have tried to pull this off in a meeting with execs though. I did also get physical lens covers for all my computer cameras because I was paranoid about screwing up my settings and accidentally going on camera in all my full glory :)
Anon says
I had a true Covid baby (spring of 2020) and WFH while nursing until he was 15 months. I had a brand new electric pump and ended up donating it because I never even took it out of the box. I did use a hand pump on occasion but it was rare. I basically just blocked my calendar to nurse instead of pump, which was actually faster because there was no set up/clean up and my kid was a pretty efficient eater. If there was an issue where he needed to eat and I was busy, we had some frozen milk and we did supplement occasionally with formula.
I still had FT childcare (nanny), but this was a great way for me to avoid the pump. I did the whole “pumping at work” thing with my first and the one silver lining of having a Covid kiddo was getting to avoid it the second time around.
Vicky Austin says
What nice-to-haves would you put on a baby registry?
Last night I went to the first meeting of a book club and the members are already planning to throw me a baby shower. I wasn’t expecting to have any shower at all, and I think there may be another in the works from my coworkers.
The problem, if we can really call it that, is that we’ve already sent our registry to our families and most of it has been bought. We have all the big-ticket items (crib, dresser, stroller, carseat, high chair even). What else could I add to give people options? (Or is this even necessary?)
Anonymous says
I hosted one where we asked guests to bring their favorite kids book. I have two kids and have never received a copy of Good Night Moon so I think people are pretty good about searching out their uncommon faves.
An.On. says
Yeah, this would be my suggestion. Especially since it’s book club, I’m sure they’d love to get some kids books for you.
Alternatively, if you’re looking for inexpensive registry items to add:
Mittens (since ours was a summer baby, we used mittens instead of long sleeves with the foldover arms)
Baby first aid kit, including thermometer
Electric nailclippers
Electric snotsucker
Baby tylenol and baby motrin (don’t use this without talking to your doctor first, but it’s nice not to have to go to the store for it when you need it)
Bibs of a variety of styles, i.e., silicone, plastic backed, cloth, snaps, velcro, etc.
Bath toys, waterproof books
Baby toys in general incl. rattles, soft books
Car window shades
Teethers in funny shapes/pacifiers (but I wouldn’t go crazy on pacifiers because our hospital gave us a bunch)
Sound machine
Tons of zip-up swaddles in various styles and sizes (we liked SwaddleMe) because manual swaddling is impossible
Mary Moo Cow says
Diapers, burp cloths, toddler feeding supplies (cups, plates, etc., if you have storage space), etc. Not the most glam or fun to buy, but you’ll need it. I was given a book shower and loved it!
anonM says
A nice wooden step stool, nice kid bath towels, baby beach gear (hat, beach towel, quality shovels (haba has some), haba doll, a wooden block set (grows with kiddo), Feeding Littles Cookbook, if your local weather has winters maybe a little baby snowsuit for next winter?
Anon says
How nice of this book club group! If you have ample storage space, I went to a diaper bash once. So only bring various sized diapers. I was gifted a lot of diapers at my baby shower and it was super handy. Especially to have various sizes stocked up.
Cb says
My writing group did a book shower for me, and it was really lovely.
Anon says
If you don’t give people options, you will end up with a lot of random things, duplicates, and oh so many clothes.
Second the idea of a book shower, especially for the book club! I asked for that at my shower because we had already gotten a lot of stuff. I think I only got one duplicate, so folks are good about digging out their uncommon favorites.
In terms of things, bassinet or other baby container so you have somewhere on each floor. I also like to think of the next year, assuming you have the space to store: the Northstates large playyard if you have a big space. An umbrella stroller for once the kiddo is a little older or a jogging stroller if that is your thing (in part because a lot of places have completion discounts so you can buy for cheaper). If you’re planning to BF, a hand pump to keep as a back-up in your car or office (and hand-pumping was way easier for me in the early days when I was still at home but needed a bottle to get out of the house solo for a bit). A travel crib or pack and play. A baby medicine kit and diaper rash cream. Diapers (in various sizes). Also, it is wholly unnecessary, but I detest trying to clean diaper cream out from under my fingernails, so the baby bum spatula was a must-have that someone gave me for my shower.
You might also think about putting bottles, sippy cups, teethers and early feeding stuff (snack cups, spoons, baby plates) etc. Car seat bunting if you will have a baby in the winter. The skiphop diaper clutch for travel. A baby carrier if you think you will use one (I liked the baby k’tan for the first few months and then switched to lillebaby through to the toddler years).
Bette says
How nice!! Some bonus last minutes adds that came in handy for me/wish I had added:
– At least one box of diapers in every size (so we never got caught unprepared)
– wipes, wipes, and more wipes
– think ahead to the early days of feeding – Munchkin 360 straw cups, ezpz plates/cups/utensils, gootensils, Bentgo boxes, snack cups, etc.
– any stroller accessories you didn’t get? Stroller caddies, cup holders, etc?
– Maybe add a travel stroller if you don’t already have one? or travel crib?
– 100% get a slumber pod if you plan on traveling at all, cannot recommend this enough
– we never had enough bibs
– toiletries like sunscreen, aquaphor, shampoo, etc
– are you good on postpartum supplies for YOU? You could add some more ice pads from Fridamom, hot/cold compresses to stick in your shirt, a boyfriend pillow to prop yourself up, insulated cups for hydration, etc
– babyproofing supplies! cabinet locks, corner bumpers, outlet covers, furniture anchors
Vicky Austin says
Thank you all for the great ideas! Any specific slumber pod recs?
Spirograph says
I agree with everyone that a book shower would be lovely given it’s a book club to begin with.
But other things to consider:
crib sheets – you want at least 3, maybe 1 more if your daycare requires you send one
changing pad covers – again, you want at least 3
aden & anias (or similar) swaddles – I had a ton of these, but found them infinitely useful as lightweight carseat blankets, burp cloths, improvised sun shades, etc and stashed a couple everywhere
play mat / hanging toys
wipe warmer (I made fun of wipe warmers so much before I had a baby, but it made diaper changes MUCH nicer for everyone)
clothes in sizes 3-12 months. My kids all outgrew newborn sizes by the time they were two weeks old, but we got a ton of mileage out of the bigger sleep & plays.
AwayEmily says
Yes to book shower! (says the person who read the same six board books over and over for an hour this morning and very much wishes she had a larger board book library to choose from).
baby stuff says
hatch sound machine, baby carrier and wrap, nursing pillow- the new Frida Mom one looks amazing, hakaa, pack n play, car camera monitor, owlet monitor, the avent version of wub a nub, bottles and such, drying rack, nursing pads, boogie wipes, milk storage bags, sleep sacks and wraps – halo, summer infant, merlin’s magic sleep suit (it really is magic), silicone bibs
Anonymous says
I know this comes up a lot but here’s another timing question. I’m 35 and I have a 3 month old and really bad fertility issues (I make 1 egg max every 2-3 months, even on IVF meds). It took 20 months to have my first . I need to start treatment when baby is 6 months to have the option of a second kid. I used to want two kids but in this moment I do not and I’m not sure if things will improve.
Everyone kept telling me that infants get better over time but I feel like ours has gotten more challenging every week, although they seem like a very average baby? My main issue is that I’m trapped in the house. The baby resists naps and can’t take a bottle (we are working on both of these things but zero progress has been made). This makes the baby really fussy and they hate going outside – they scream bloody murder after 10 minutes in any stroller, car seat or carrier outside no matter what we do. Baby is fine in all of these things inside the house. I cannot leave home with the baby (carrier/stroller issues) or without them (bottle issues). He sleeps well at night so I’m not tired. I just am trapped and have like 5 minutes a day to myself. I have no idea how I would manage this with a toddler.
My husband really wants a second, and it really is a now or never thing. How hard is it to have 2 kids very close in age? And is there a point at which babies get a bit more manageable? For additional context, my husband is very active/involved parent but works outside the home and has very long hours (7am-8pm) 3 days a week. I will also have more help from my mom/aunt soon who both recently retired.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a good idea to rush into a second child when you don’t feel ready and aren’t even sure you want a second child at all. You never know how long it will take and if you get pregnant immediately the second time around (happened to several of my friends who had a hard time conceiving #1), your kids will be barely over a year apart. That’s insanely hard, there’s no two ways around it. I don’t think you should let your husband’s feelings push you. For one, I think both people really need to be on board about each additional child, and to the extent one partner has greater say it should be the woman, since she’s going to be pregnant and nursing. Can you freeze eggs/ embryos? How do you feel about adoption or egg donation?
Anonymous says
No, I can’t. I left this out because I didn’t want to get too wordy but I had cancer and had to start chemo right away so I couldn’t freeze eggs or embryos. The chemo destroyed most of my eggs, and without hormone replacement therapy, I am in menopause. My AMH is 0.1, up from 0 after finishing chemo. Even with stimulation medications, I make one egg every 2-3 months and I don’t do IVF because the success rate is the same as IUI/trying at home with just one egg.
So when I say it’s now or never, I really mean it’s now or never. It’s possible the last viable egg resulted in my last pregnancy, but my doctor is optimistic we can do it again. If I wait even 6 months my fertility situation will be worse.
There’s no chance I just get lucky.
Anonymous says
Also adding that I always personally wanted two kids. It’s only now that I have an infant I’m worried. I’m basically concerned I’m going to make a very large life decision off a few challenging months.
Anon says
Lots of people change their minds about how many kids they want once they have the first. It’s all very abstract until you become parent. So I wouldn’t feel any guilt about that. Fwiw, everyone is different but the newborn period was comparatively easy for me and a lot of my friends. Personally I found ages 2-4 much harder than any part of infancy. That’s not to say you might not change your mind and want a second kid eventually – I know a surprising number of people who waited to conceive a second until the first was 4+, and it sucks that that’s not an option for you – but I would not write your feelings off as just based on a “few challenging months” because you really don’t know how you’ll feel in a few months.
In your shoes personally I would want to wait to make the decision and not conceive a second child I wasn’t sure I wanted even if that meant giving up the option for a biological second kid. There are ways to expand a family that don’t involve your eggs.
Anonymous says
I can’t give you advice on whether to try for a 2nd or not, but if you want some examples of people who had 2 very close in age, Deena from Big Little Feelings has two under 2 and talks about it on instagram a lot.
Anonymous says
Oof, your baby sounds TOUGH, and the hating going outside thing is definitely kind of unusual and would drive me bananas. This may not be very helpful, but can you wait until 5 months to worry about this since 6 months is your deadline? They change so fast in the first year. IIRC peak fussiness is generally around 12 weeks, so you may be right there. 4 months often brings a sleep regression, so that may also be hard. But for me, closer to 6 months, the shock of becoming a parent started wearing off, the baby could sit up and actually started playing with toys and having more of a personality, sleep became more predictable, you start introducing solids so your breastmilk is no longer their sole source of nutrition, and everything started getting a bit easier.
The only other thing I have to add is that I assume if you did have a second, your toddler would be in daycare or you would have a sitter or something – generally people keep their older kid in childcare when they have a second if they had childcare to begin with. So you would at least not be doing everything solo with 2 kids all day every day.
I think 2 under 2 is hard no matter what, but it may be easier to have kids close in age when they get older. And they do get older.
Anonymous says
PS – but also, I always thought I would want multiple kids and then found pregnancy so awful and the first year so hard that that we stopped at one. My husband didn’t want more kids though, so that made it a lot easier to just go with it.
Anon says
I have three kids and by far my biggest and hardest adjustment was 0-1. He was a tough baby but not *that* tough (we had the opposite trouble where he wouldn’t latch for 11 weeks and I was driving myself crazy exclusively pumping). In fact – and I say this not to belittle you but rather to give you hope/perspective – I look back now and wonder why I had such a hard time; when I have only my baby now it feels like a vacation.
But it WAS hard, and my sister and many friends have had similar experiences. The first baby is such a shock to the system, and we often thought “what have we done”. The second baby felt much easier, even if having two kids is objectively harder. And my third was the easiest transition of all (even if he still doesn’t ever sleep at 22 months, ha ha). I was already in a mom groove and trusted my instincts/abilities more.
Having kids close in age is hard for the first few years. Then they start playing more independently and you see glimmers of hope.
Spirograph says
+1 that 0 to 1 is the hardest adjustment. Followed by 2 to 3 (I stopped after that, but anecdotally I’ve heard that once you’re outnumbered it doesn’t matter too much). I remember 1 to 2 feeling so easy that it was an almost nonexistent change. All the normal caveats that it depends on the individual babies.
That said, mine are ~20 months apart; 2 under 2 is hard, and I feel like the difference with closer spacing than that will be the toll it takes on your body. Babies do (usually) get easier, but I can imagine it would just be physically hard to deal with both pregnancy and the sleep deprivation of having a <1 year old at the same time. Pregnancy also can deplete nutrients, etc, so you're recovering for months and months after you've given birth and longer if you BF (my understanding is this is why the WHO recommends 3 year age gaps). And after chemo! Your husband isn't the one whose health is on the line, so your opinion carries more weight. You've been through the wringer and it's OK to say no to signing up for another very physically demanding thing. You can absolutely do this if you want to, but a singleton is wonderful, and alternative ways to grow your family (should you decide you want to, later) are wonderful, too.
Anon says
I think this varies. Most of my friends found 1 to 2 the hardest but they all had kids close in age. If the kids are spaced out 3+ years I think it’s a lot easier.
Anon says
I think it’s likely that the baby will become more manageable. 3 months is so little, once the baby starts seeing the world more they probably will be more interested in going places so that they can stare at things. The crying will probably improve somewhat. I feel like I never went anywhere with my first kid but went tons of places with my second (who was a much easier baby than my first, by the way). I found that parenting became way easier once kids can do some independent play. I love having toddlers.
You have three months before you need to make a decision, ride it out and see how it goes. Use your mom and aunt for babysitting, even if the baby screams the whole time. I know it’s hard. I remember thinking that it was ok if I couldn’t conceive the second kid because parenting was so hard. Having two little kids close in age can be hard, but if you’re lucky enough to have a mom who would be interested in helping out that may be a total lifesaver. It may be wishful thinking because my kids don’t have any grandparents who are healthy enough to care for a child, but that seems amazing.
Anon says
For me, the 3-4 month age was the worst, and then things improved after about 6 months. It is so hard in the moment, but it should get better in another few months. I also found the second kid not as hard as the first since I was more prepared. Could your husband help more at home so you get more time to yourself when he is there? Can you get a part-time nanny?
EDAnon says
I agree that six months is when babies turn a corner for me. It might be worth seeing how six months feels.
I know your timeline is tight but your well-being is important, too. Getting pregnant when you’re struggling with a baby might be a risk to your mental health (it would be for me). I would think about that because my husband would prefer a well wife and kid to an unwell wife and two kids.
AwayEmily says
Yes to babies getting more manageable. I really, really, really disliked the newborn stage. But after about six months things got a lot easier. They get more predictable and everything feels so much less fraught.
But also — yes it is hard to have 2 kids close in age. I had two under two and that first year was really difficult. In fact, having two under two was substantially harder than having a third when my older ones were 4 and 5. I mean, we got through it, and I am of course glad to have the kids I have, but in retrospect I wish we’d spaced them a bit further apart. Which is not to say “don’t do it” — but I would think about having systems in place to help.
Anon says
Don’t have time/experience to comment on the rest- but I will say, in my opinion you’re in the middle of the absolute worst of it infant wise. Even 4 months is such a better age than 3 months. You might feel differently/more ready at 6 months than you do now.
Bette says
IF you and your partner have always wanted two kids… and IF you know you will regret not having two kids later down the road once you’re out of this awful hard baby phase… and IF you can ask yourself the question “When I picture my life in five years, would it feel like someone was missing if we stopped at one?” and confidently say yes… and IF you and your partner have a solid relationship that can withstand a few years of intense stress…
Then my advice would be buckle down and do it. The next few years might be really hard but in the span of a lifetime, it’s just a small chunk. Your firstborn will 100% get easier, the truth is that you’re just in a really hard phase right now. I know that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment, but maybe knowing that it truly is just a phase and it will end at some point can help? Exactly when it will end, I cannot say, it’s so kid dependent. It wasn’t until my first turned two that I felt like I could even entertain the thought of a second one and I will be honest – now that I am due to give birth to our second in a few months – I still feel more dread than excitement about how hard my life is about to get. But we made this decision with the long game in mind.
Good luck making this decision – it’s so hard to know what the right call and the right timing is, but you sound like a very thoughtful person and I’m sure that you will make the best decision for you and your family!
Anon says
This is where I would land. Yes, you’re in the thick of it now and it’s hard to imagine adding anything else to your plate – but if it really is a ‘now or never’ situation, your future self may wonder why you didn’t try. Those hard newborn days feel like weeks, but are really just a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things.
Anonymous says
I am infertile. We adopted one kid. He is six now and from day one he has been the light of my life. We thought we really wanted more kids. We went to therapy about it. Then we adopted twins. They have been HARD. Like, sobbing on the bathroom floor “I can’t do this anymore” kind of hard. They’re two now. Things are…getting better. They’re not great but they’re getting better. Six months ago I would have told you: don’t have a second kid if there’s any chance you can be happy having only one kid. I think I still mostly believe that. But also, the situation you’re proposing will be hard for a while, but it won’t be hard forever. I promise. Those are just my two cents. Hugs to you. You’ve been through A LOT these past few years.
Anon says
+1 on thinking hard about whether you can be happy with one. I didn’t have any friends in OP’s situation (and I realize it comes with added emotional complications) but I will say that I have several friends who had a second solely because they felt the first needed a sibling or because they wanted two adult children, and they’re all having a rough time. They seem to be struggling much more than the folks I know who really wanted to raise two kids. Outwardly at least the former group swears they’re white knuckling it now but that it will all be worth it when they have two adult kids who are close but a) there’s really no guarantee of that and b) childhood is so fleeting – why would you want to have to white knuckle through it?
But I’m also a fan of taking the path of least resistance if you think both paths would make you similarly happy. I’m a happy only child who had one by choice in large part because I thought it would make my life easier and more fun.
Anonymous says
I have three and my middle was our toughest. My 2nd and 3rd are closest in age because I decided “now or never” and we had them 18 months apart. I was already miserable, why not just have another quickly so we don’t have to drag it out. It was really rough until the youngest was two but now they’re all 5+ and it’s fun!
Anon says
I have two kids 17 months apart and I love it. They play so well together and it’s just really, really fun. Great for travel and things too (FWIW they’re now 6.5 and 8, so I’m a ways out). I’d say go for it, but yes, babies are hard.
Anonymous says
As far as when it gets easier– it really depends on the kid. I remember my best friend telling me the newborn stage and from 12-18 months were her favorites and just so blissful. Both of those stages were incredibly hard for me and my daughter. So take whatever you hear with a grain of salt.
I personally was not able to even think about having a second until my first was about 18 months. If I would have been forced to either have babies back to back or be one and done, I would have chosen one and done in a heart beat. It’s not fair that you have to make that choice, though. I’m sorry that is your situation!
anon says
So what I am sharing is only my personal experience and it may be totally different for you. That said: I was/am in a similar situation (not the cancer history, but I have severe diminished ovarian reserve, very low AMH, and have essentially no response to IVF stim). And I’m 42, so while I don’t have the chemo-induced menopause, I’m in natural perimenopause.
We had our first child easily and without intervention (to my shock given that I knew from some mid-30s fertility testing that I was likely to struggle). We had originally planned to start trying at 6 months and we waited because everything felt overwhelming. We didn’t start trying until a year. 18 months later I have a happy and easy to manage toddler, but no second baby. We have been through failed IVF rounds, two failed IUIs, two chemical pregnancies and a late first-trimester loss requiring D&C. Maybe getting those six months back wouldn’t have made a difference, but I do wish we had started as early as we could. We didn’t have great odds, but waiting 6 months in my particular fertility situation (which is in many ways similar to yours) didn’t help.
Knowing what I know now – that my baby would end up getting easier, that once I got more help (a nanny in my case, sounds like family in yours) everything would feel less overwhelming, that ending my maternity leave and going back to work would help me feel more sane because I’d have 8 hours a day where I did something other than feed and soothe the baby – I would tell you to do it. Things get better – they truly do. (Also: I know it can feel unfair not to have the luxury of time to make the decision, like most other women do. In case you’re feeling some of that, just know that someone else understands it.)
ANONN says
regardless of the kid 2 question, I think you could work on the issues with this kid and get some of your sanity back too. for the feeding/carseat/stroller issues have you tried a private lactation consultant or chiropractor? the LC is 100% covered because of Obamacare and the one I saw for my second was such a life saver, totally different than the hospital. she and a chiro helped with lip/tongue/cheek ties and overall tightness, but she helped another friend with bottle refusal. Also, get on a sleep coach early, before losing sanity. I know you’re working on it, but a coach really changed my life. we used 4thloveofsleep, but I know there are others out there.
EDAnon says
This is a great point. Regardless of the second kid, I would spend a few weeks trying to improve things now. I found a new LC when mine was young and it was life changing. What helped a lot was telling other people (work colleagues, my husbands work colleagues, friends) about what was going on. Some were not helpful (mom and sister) but it was my husbands work friend that told me about the LC.
Anon says
I took the day off work yesterday for my kid’s birthday, thinking I would get the birthday stuff done at a relaxed pace and still have a little “me time.” Jokes on me…I’m absolutely flattened by exhaustion. And we still have the class party this weekend. Oof.
Anonymous says
Hope you get some rest, eventually. And thanks for the preview of my day next week lololol
octagon says
I learned last year that I need to take at least a half day to not feel rushed for birthday prep, and then I need a half-day of me-time a week or so later as a reward.
Bette says
Honestly the baby will figure out both of these things if they need too. I can’t tell if you are working now, but if so try working from elsewhere to have a break from the baby for at least a day.
I’d check yourself into a nice hotel for a weekend and leave your husband home with the baby. When the baby gets hungry enough s/he will eat from the bottle. You really need to be totally out of the picture though because the baby can smell you and resist.
Same with the carrier/car seat/stroller. You just need to do it and they will get used to it. I’d also play around with devices (maybe drape a cloth over the bassinet stroller and pop a mobile white noise machine in there to start?).
One tip that I found really useful is to set a timer when the baby is crying because I find it hard to deal with – put the baby in the stroller and start walking. Set a timer for five minutes. Reassess what’s up with the baby then. Five minutes is a manageable length of time and gave me a lot of comfort when listening to the baby cry when one minute felt like an eternity. Lots of time the baby settled in less than five minutes.
So Anon says
How do you all determine when it is time to move on to the next career opportunity, especially with kids in the picture?
Here is what I am looking at: My boss is a micromanager, to put it mildly. She micromanages my work to the point of insisting on being on zoom together to edit internal emails to my peers. I have been propping her up for years now. We will be on meetings together for hours so that she can formulate a responsive email. Most recently, this occurred on a Sunday evening from 4-6:30 when she saw that I was online and then again this past Wednesday for about the same time. I have been doing the substance of her work for years. She put me up for a leadership role, keeps insisting that she will let me take the reigns, but she still attends every leadership meeting despite admonishing herself and saying that she knows I can handle it. I have a ton of head down work, and even when I block my calendar, let her know in advance, etc., I will still get urgent invites to meetings with just her to work through some issue on her plate.
She began talking to me about a promotion in December of 2020. Last summer, she promised me up and down that “something exciting was coming.” Turns out, she was promoted. At that time, I did a ton of sleuthing and realized that despite stellar reviews, I am paid in the bottom 10% of my payband. My largest salary increases come when the company bumps up the payband and I fall out of the bottom. After all of this went down, I was promised the promotion. Then I was told it wouldn’t happen until this summer. When a fellow attorney refused to work for my boss, a spot opened up and I have been slid into a new role along with the promotion. So now I am doing my old role and the new role. The new role involves exposure to a new side of the business, which is great, but the work is almost a substantive step down and involves no strategic work. I’m also leading a team, which is great except that the team is toxic and despised by the business. I’m supposed to turn it around. My new pay is the bottom of the payband (like the very bottom number).
The upside is that I do have some flexibility. I am senior enough to know when things are a true emergency and to feel like I know what I’m doing. But I never feel like I can step away for too long without notifying my boss or she gets frantic that we can’t meet about the issue of the moment. I step away to take my kids to the bus or walk them home (15 minutes max) and then am back at it.
I decided to step out a bit and see if I would get any bites on my resume. To my surprise and delight, I have gotten great interest. I don’t have any offers in hand, but I’m trying to gauge whether to jump if an offer comes in. The positions that I have been interviewing for are significant steps up in pay, title and responsibility. Think of it as going from a garden-variety Senior Counsel to one of two Assistant GCs. I’m scared to move from the role I know to what else could be out there. How do I tell if a new place will be worse? Or have even more hours than I’m working now? Or less flexibility? Any advice?
Anon says
You need to leave your current job. I don’t think there is any way I can dance around this point. Your boss is toxic and taking advantage of you. She is not promoting you because if she did, you wouldn’t be able to do her work. Also, since you have been doing her work so long without complaining, she has no reason to promote you or pay you more to keep you. She also likely does not credit you for the work you are doing, so the company thinks everything you do came from her. And I’m sure you are neglecting some of your own work in lieu of doing her work, which is why you are having difficulty advancing.
When you move to another job, you need to be more proactive about setting boundaries with coworkers to avoid being in this situation again. However, a new company is bound to be better than where you currently are. I get being risk averse since you have kids… but you can’t stay in this job.
NLD in NYC says
+1 I value security and flexibility but you aren’t being respected or fairly compensated for your work. Sometimes the grass is truly greener on the other side.
Anonymous says
I see absolutely no pros to staying, unless you are so awful at learning new people’s names that you are absolutely terrified work at a new place. If that’s the issue and the role is remote, I suggest making postits with each person’s name, description and reminders of what you last discussed. I’m really really scratching my head here and coming up with absolutely no other reasons to not jump on the first good opportunity.
Anon says
I think you asked about the pay band issue on the main page and got told it’s pretty normal to start at the bottom of the pay band after promotion. Regardless, it sounds like you’re over your job and you have other opportunities, so congrats! I think only you can answer the question about whether the trade-off is worth it. Personally I put a lot of value on flexibility and work-life balance, but I’m much less ambitious than most people here (and earn way less).
So Anon says
Oh! That’s a good point. Yes, I raised this on the main board. After that feedback, I went back to HR to ask a few level-setting questions. That HR person is also a friend that I have known for about 8 years now. She answered my questions very professionally, and then urged me to counter with a higher salary. I did early this week. No response from my boss.
Anonymous says
I’d move on. After you accept your new position, set boundaries to make the flexibility you need happen while doing excellent work.
Anon says
Definitely leave. I moved my practice 2 years ago after working with a partner who was toxic like your boss. I now work more than I did before but am happier because I am better compensated and have more flexibility over my schedule (like I can step away for more than 15 minutes). I completely understand the fear of the devil you don’t know, but it’s already bad – how much worse can it be?
Anonymous says
Go! I was also afraid to leave somewhere where I was comfortable because I thought I had flexibility, great hours, great boss, etc. I left anyway and it turns out there are better bosses out there, and now I actually have more flexibility and freedom! And can I add the money and title upgrade is also great.
Also, if you only have a 15 minute window of flexibility, you don’t have flexibility- that’s insane. If you’re getting bites, ask a lot of questions at interviews about the day to day, turnover, accessibility, communication modes, etc. But there is absolutely no harm in starting to interview, and you should.
Anon says
Leave. Your perception of what is normal and acceptable for what a stellar employee such as yourself should put up with has been skewed by your terrible boss. I’m at a director level now, and I were supervising your boss I would fire her. The company knows (or should know) this is going on; the fact that they haven’t addressed it means there’s no benefit to you staying.
You should ask questions about work hour expectations in any interviews. Trust me, hiring managers are used to fielding these type of questions now – there are different workplace expectations now vs. 3 or 4 years ago.
EDAnon says
Leave. But also, do some due diligence on any new team. Look for shared contacts on LinkedIn or people you may know in other parts of the company and ask questions. I even went on a walk around my company (it’s a big public building) after I got the offer and asked people about the company. People were very positive and I have loved it here.
Anon says
Speaking of confirming plans, is it expected that you respond to people’s “yes” RSVPs? People RSVPed for my kid’s birthday party by text and I “liked” the messages but generally didn’t respond unless I had a follow up comment/question for them. The party is tomorrow and a mom texted me “Is the party still happening?” and I responded “yes, of course! Why do you ask?” and she said “You never responded to my text.” Is this normal?? Is everyone else wondering if the party is canceled?
Spirograph says
not normal, but it’s possible she can’t see the “like” because she has a different SMS app that’s somehow not compatible.
GCA says
That would be my guess too. I have an off-brand Android phone and run into this all the time with friends on iPhones. But generally if I’ve RSVPed to something I assume it is on unless explicitly told otherwise!
Anonymous says
Nope, that seems really weird. I would not assume a party was cancelled in this case, especially if you “liked” my yes RSVP!
Anonymous says
As a guest, I wouldn’t assume the party is canceled if I didn’t hear more from you, but as a host I would reply to texted RSVP messages. “Thanks for letting me know, Kiddo will be thrilled to see Other Kiddo!”
Mary Moo Cow says
I consider a like an acknowledgment, but I didn’t know that Android and iPhone don’t always play well with this. I usually write back something short like, “great! Kid is excited!” or “thanks!” From the other side, though, I RSVP’d for a party a few weeks ago by text and didn’t get a response and I’m worried that it wasn’t received and there won’t be a place for my kid at the party tomorrow, so I get it.
Anonymous says
Why would you think they don’t have a spot for you if you RSVPed? That seems odd to me.
Anonymous says
I might worry they didn’t get my RSVP message. I have an Android and agree that the like thing doesn’t always work
NYCer says
I generally use Paperless Post for invitations and send out a “reminder” / “we can’t want to see you” message a few days ahead of time (only to the people who RSVPed yes), so perhaps she is used to that. But I would NEVER assume a party was canceled based on what you’re describing, and liking the messages seems like plenty of acknowledgment to a text RSVP response.
Anon says
Yeah I prefer evite myself but I didn’t have contact information for everyone so I sent paper invites home through school.
Liza says
Putting a “like” on a text is a response. This person is weird. If you had left them on read, they might have a reason to wonder what was going on, but that’s not what happened.
anonM says
People have gotten so weird about RSVPs! If you’re worried, maybe send a group text like “can’t wait for tomorrow! See you all soon!”
The only time I’ve worried about not getting a response to an RSVP was for a shower where the RSVP was to a person I didn’t know/didn’t have their number in my phone so I was wondering if I texted the right number when I got no response.
Anonymous says
My six yard old is taking swim lessons and my two year old twins have to tag along. Suggestions for activities for the twins to do while brother is swimming? The lessons are 15 minutes. I thought we could just chill and eat snacks but that’s been a disaster. Yesterday I brought a Brio train (not the tracks) and the twins seemed to enjoy that. I know I need to check busy Toddler but her activities seem geared toward kids who sit quietly. My twins are more the “climb the rooftops” type kids. I’m not opposed to giving them each a tablet but it seems like a waste for a 15 minute lesson. Thoughts?
Anon says
Two is so hard! We had success with sticking stickers on a plastic throw away cutting board and then putting painter’s tape over the stickers. The kid had to peel the tape to “rescue” the sticker animals. Provided they’re not that great at fine motor yet, it took about 15 min to do 12 stickers. You can increase the number of stickers if they’re too fast or double layer and cross the tape. The game is violent enough that it was good for our large motor (climbing) focused kid.
Maybe a little bit older, but this was also pretty good for short spurts. The “dolls” and pets could get dressed up and then fight until some clothing pieces fell off. We lost a lot of the pieces but they come with so much that it doesn’t really matter.
https://www.lillianvernon.com/goods/Best-Friends-Magnetic-Dress-Up-Play-Set-by-Melissa-Doug-9314.html
Anon says
Can someone tell me about their experience with formula feeding logistics? I’m reading the AAP book and it says that even distilled / nursery water mixed with powder needs to be at least 158 degrees F to kill potential bacteria in powder. How does this work in practice? Do I microwave the water, mix it with powder and let it sit until lukewarm? It kind of sounds like a lot of time in the middle of the night while baby is screaming? Is there an easier way for all this to work? I’m fine investing in gadgets provided they are actually useful, but I’m not sure I’ve seen anything that meets all the requirements for safety and desire for efficiency.
Anonymous says
I used an electric kettle to boil the water for the first 3 months, then used regular tap water after my kid was 3 months old. Pro tip: get a mixing pitcher — it’s got a spinning thing that mixes the formula in the pitcher so you can make a lot of it and put it in the fridge all at once. This is also a great thing for a friend/family member to do if they want to be helpful!
Anon says
Thanks! Bulk prep makes sense, I didn’t think of that. If you mix it in the pitcher, does the pitcher go in the fridge and were you able to feed it cold at that point? Correct to say you were just mixing a new pitcher every 24 hours (supposedly that’s how long it lasts in the fridge)?
Anonymous says
My baby was fine with cold formula, but some babies might not be so YMMV. And yes I think we made like 20 oz of formula at a time so that would last for 4-5 feedings, so less than 24 hours. But we also weren’t super strict about how long to keep formula in the fridge, especially as the baby got older.
Spirograph says
It’s been a long (long) time, but I’m pretty sure we used our electric kettle to heat the water, poured it into the powder, and then put the bottle in a bowl of ice water to cool it down quickly. The fancy kettles have different temperature settings — I just looked at mine, it has an option for 160 degrees.
Anonymous says
Oh gosh, I had never seen any recommendations about heating water and used cold tap water every bottle for two children (no fluoride in our water). I’m confident their doctors never shared that with me! They are big kids now so I wonder if that’s new??
Anon says
OP here – I know! I do think it’s new:
https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/news/19680/FDA-issues-warning-for-potentially-contaminated
During the shortage it sounds like production tried to ramp up and skipped some safety steps. New safety regulations were introduced at some point and recalls were issued but it doesn’t sound like it necessarily addressed all of existing stock.
Anon says
Maybe I’m exceptionally lazy but we never boiled water. The first couple of weeks when he was super little we did use nursery water but after that it was from the tap. We bulk prepped bottles for overnights and put them in the fridge. Luckily kid didn’t care that they were cold.
We even had a breza and I still would mix 2-3 bottles at a time when he was a newborn.
Fwiw we are in the SEUS in a major suburb. I’m sure well water or other situations might warrant boiling or distilling.
Anonymous says
I’ve formula fed 3 kiddos, including two preemies. The only advice the NICU nurses gave me for the preemies were “make sure to sterilize the bottles and parts the first few days as they’re vulnerable to infection.” We boiled the water – the microwave heats too inconsistently. Honestly, I think you’ll be surprised how quickly you get into the bottle-making groove. And also the crying is so baby dependent. I had one who would wait patiently even if it took me half an hour and one who would scream at me if a bottle took an extra half second to prepare. SIL liked the baby brezza but we never bothered with it: for the price there were too many complaints about it mixing inconsistently. Having the wrong formula to water ratio can throw off your newborn’s electrolytes and in the worst case stop their heart, so I just hand measured all mine. All that being said, formula feeding was so easy and great for us. I hope you find it easy and stress free too.
Anon says
Thank you, that’s very helpful!
DLC says
I boiled water then put it in a thermos at the right temp so I wouldn’t have to wait for the kettle to reheat every time.
Anon says
That’s a great idea! Thanks!
Anonymous says
We just use cold water. Since our baby has no health issues, we aren’t concerned with her food being 100% sterile. We make it a batch to last us through the daytime, and then a smaller batch for the night. Stored in the coldest part of our fridge and poured into bottles as needed. She also happily drinks it cold, so its never gets any warmer than room temperature even if she’s drinking extra slowly (she gets easily distracted). That dramatically slows the growth of any bacteria since its not in the ‘danger zone’ temperature very long.
anonymous says
FWIW, we didn’t ever heat formula (not even in a bottle warmer) and always prepared with tap water or water from our fridge’s filter. I just googled around a little bit, and CDC’s advice seems to be that you only really need to heat the water for the first two months (FDA suggests three months). If you’re planning to exclusively formula feed, I think the Dr. Brown’s pitcher would be helpful; if you’re planning to combo feed and your baby isn’t yet born (I can’t tell if you already have a baby you want to switch to formula, in which case they may already be old enough to skip the heating, or you’re planning for a future baby) you might not need to worry about it–there’s a decent chance you’ll want to breastfeed exclusively for the first couple of months so you can establish supply, and then by the time you’d want to introduce formula, the baby may be old enough to skip heating.
Anonamama says
I used the ready-to-feed liquid formula for the first couple months when baby was really young and susceptible to illness. It is sterile. This was in the height of the formula shortage, so I planned that if I couldn’t get the ready-to-feed, I was going to boil water and mix it with a day’s amount of formula at the beginning of each day and then keep the pitcher in the refrigerator to use throughout the day. You can also take this premade formula along with you in bottles in a cooler. I used the Tommee Tippee portable bottle warmer to get the formula to the warm temp that my baby preferred.
After about 3ish months we just started using the powdered formula with our regular filtered drinking water without boiling at all. Our pediatrician agreed with this plan. The risk from powdered formula is very, very low even given the various recalls. But if you don’t feel comfortable, I really don’t think that boiling/mixing a day’s worth each morning would be too difficult to keep doing for the entire first year.
EDAnon says
We also used the little premade bottles and it was great (and expensive). It’s short term though because kids age out of the two ounce bottles pretty quickly. but it gave us peace of mind when they were little.
Anon says
We had a baby that came from the NICU, and we did not heat the water. We used a Brita filter pitcher kept at room temperature in the nursery to make bottles, so that the water was not too cold. DS would not drink ice cold water (like what we get from our fridge). We never gave DS tap water, but tap water in our area is weird and we don’t even drink it ourselves. When we were traveling, we used bottled water.