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Tired of getting my panicked calls at work asking where my car keys are, my husband bought me a Tile. This little gadget attaches to whatever you often misplace — car keys, for example — and connects to your phone with the Tile app via Bluetooth. Here’s how it works in practice: You finally have the baby bundled up and ready to head out the door. You are confident you’ve packed everything in his bag for daycare, you have your own bag, and you even packed your lunch! Then you realize you haven’t seen your car keys since Friday night and it’s now Monday morning, and your memory doesn’t go that far back. You call your husband, and he asks you if you used the Tile. You frantically/angrily/regretfully hang up on him and open the app, and you hear the beeping tone from somewhere in your house. Success! If that sounds even vaguely familiar to you, I suggest you check out this gadget. It is $19.99 at Amazon and is eligible for Prime. Tile Mate This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Lana Del Raygun says
I forgot my pump parts at home and I can’t go out and buy new ones. AUGH. My first instinct is to try to hand-express into a clean water bottle. Is there a better solution? Help!
Anonanonanon says
Is there a Target near you? Could you sign up for a Shipt account and have the shopper deliver them to your office? Or even just have the shopper deliver a hand pump to your office?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Any way you could go home and get them? I’d say this qualifies as a health concern and reasonable bosses should be fine with it.
Lana Del Raygun says
It would take two or three hours because of public transit, so kind of? :(
Anonymous says
Any chance you can go home and then stay and work from home? Then it would at least only be 1/2 the transit time.
TheElms says
Could this be a day to throw money at the problem and take a cab/Lyft/Uber home and back (assuming that makes it faster).
anon says
I second looking at shipt or prime now. Also are there other women in your office who pumped recently? I haven’t for two years but I still have spare parts in my desk.
Lana Del Raygun says
I checked and neither of them have pump parts for my zip code. And I work at a restricted-access facility so I’m not sure prime now would work anyway. :(
anon says
Did you check for a hand pump, too? Could you meet the delivery person at the entry point to your facility? Or call the entry point and give them a head’s up/ask them to accept the delivery on your behalf? I would push a little bit since this is a medical situation. This isn’t an “I forgot to put on deodorant” or something else annoying but not critical.
Anon says
Are you in the same city you delivered in, or is your doctor’s office nearby? Call them! Or if they have a lactation support number, lactation consultants, etc, use those resources. I had a similar situation once and the lactation consultant let me come in and use a hospital grade pump just to get me through the day, but they should also have a list of places in your city that carry pumping supplies. I found out that a lot of hospital gift shops carry pumps and pump parts, who knew? I also highly suggest ordering a hand pump on Amazon and keeping it at your desk for emergencies, that saved me a few times.
Anon says
Sorry, just saw that you can’t go out. Still, call the lactation consultant, they should be able to give you tips and tricks!
Anonymous says
How often do you pump? When I did this I just skipped the day. Which wasn’t great but was fine.
Lana Del Raygun says
Usually three times a day, and I was planning to try to boost my supply. Ugh haha.
Anonymous says
One day won’t wreck your supply. Hand express at lunch, get home as fast as you can.
Lana Del Raygun says
My mother has agreed to bring them in around 1! Because she’s perfect. I will probably hand-express before then. Thank you all! :)
anon says
Yay! Glad you got it figured out :).
ElisaR says
yay for moms!
Anonanonanon says
I asked for and received one of these for Christmas and have loved it for the most part. However, sometimes it doesn’t seem to automatically pair with my phone or update its location. I spent a whole day thinking my keys had been left at the Ft. Lauderdale airport (that’s where the app showed they were) only to find out they were in the bottom of a bag in my living room…
I have a fossil smartwatch (it is analog but has certain smartwatch features) that has tile technology built in, and I can press a button to make my phone ring. That has been very helpful a number of times.
Cb says
Ooh, that sounds helpful. I’m much more likely to lose my phone than anything else.
ElisaR says
yes very helpful! that’s total cr@p that it said they were at an airport!
Cb says
I meant the Fossil smartwatch :)
ElisaR says
ahhh yes, a good feature!
anon says
I also got one of these for Christmas. If you just need a way to locate your phone you could mount one of these somewhere convenient for that purpose alone–they’re pretty inexpensive.
Anonanonanon says
Hoping everyone survived getting Valentines done!
I forgot that my son’s before/after school program likes to do holidays as well, so we had 50 additional valentines to do! Luckily, he’s aging out of caring and was fine to just write his name in the “from” line instead of pick and choose who got which one (he still individualized the school ones, though).
anne-on says
Uuuugh, I swear school valentines are a special form of hell. I’ve invested in special holiday hole punchers to try to make it easier for kiddo to ‘decorate’ the school cards. I also appreciate him being old enough to finally sign his name and manage quite a lot of his own stuff. But god bless school for not allowing candy/treats, that cuts down on some of the school party fueled meltdowns.
Mrs. Jones says
After the first year of Valentines at day care, I decided Valentines were a thing we’re not doing anymore. I hate the holiday anyway.
Anonymous says
I actually don’t hate doing Valentines at the moment, but ask me again next year when my toddler is in a bigger class.
This year there’s only 8 kids in total, so it probably took me 15 minutes on Sunday night to grab pink envelopes from our stash of little colored envelopes, write “Happy Valentine’s Day! To Classmate, From Kiddo” on them, stick in a couple heart-shaped stickers, and seal. Minimal effort on my part, but will make kiddo happy to hand them out to her friends.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I truly don’t understand why people despise this holiday so much as it relates to kids’ Valentines. My kiddo gets so excited to give and receive Valentines. She is 3 now, and kept all her Valentines from last year, goes through them regularly, and knows which child each Valentine is from. And today when we asked her what she was excited for at her party, she said she was excited to give her friends Valentines. We were pretty proud that she was more excited to give than to receive.
Anonymous says
I don’t despise it but when you have three kids, and they have a daycare class, a preschool class, an elementary school class, and an afterschool program that all require valentines to be bought, written (or supervising to be written), it’s tiring. This year was close to 130 valentines. Looking forward to the older elementary school years when they can reliably do them on their own.
SC says
Our daycare didn’t ask us to do Valentines! Apparently, the teachers got some red poster board, one for each child, and asked each kid to say something nice about everyone else. The teachers wrote it down and then hung the posters up in the room. It’s pretty cute. During nap time, the teachers put a picture of all the posters on the classroom social media page.
FVNC says
This is such a nice idea!
Blueberries says
This is the first year my preschooler has been invited to give Valentine cards at school. It’s optional. He didn’t want to make them (at all), so he doesn’t have any to give.
I was so tempted to make some for him, because he might be disappointed. However, this seems like fairly low stakes for him to learn that he has to put forth some effort if he wants these kinds of things.
Anon says
A notice at daycare basically asked for kids to bring “a shoebox and stickers” as well as valentines. I took this literally, assumed the 3-4 year olds would be decorating as part of a project at daycare, and brought in (1) a shoebox and (2) stickers. The three other kids who had gotten there before my daughter had shoeboxes with the hole cut out, already nicely decorated with stickers, names in glitter, etc.
Ugh. Apparently I missed the memo. Hope my kid didn’t mind too much…
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone have recs for a very itchy belly during pregnancy? I’m 25 weeks today and have been using all the oil, lotion and balm in an effort to avoid/minimize stretch marks that I used last time but I’m still so itchy! I don’t remember being quite so itchy last time!
ElisaR says
my 2 pregnancies were so different. But I do remember the itchy…. I was constantly scratching my belly. I used the mama mio tummy rub stuff. it helped but not 100%.
Anonymous says
I really liked BioOil. I usually followed it with some Palmers or another lotion.
Lana Del Raygun says
I used CeraVe in the tub while I was pregnant, and after I gave birth I was recommended vitamin E for my even itchier incision, and that worked a lot better. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do about the stretch marks themselves; that’s just genetics.
anon says
If you are really desperate, Benadryl will cut the itchy. Probably not an ideal long-term solution but might help you get through the day.
BabyMom says
Ugh. Is it possible you have PUPPS rash? I had that on my stomach with my first pregnancy and it was misery. My doctor prescribed a topical steroid and it made things 100x better.
Anonymous says
was it not winter last time? I SLATHERED my belly in bodyshop body butter (the coconut oil or olive oil one).That was the only thing that helped. (I discovered the trick while visiting MIL and then I felt so retro loading up at bodyshop on a product I haven’t bought in a decade).
lawsuited says
L’Occitane Pure Shea Butter worked really well for this.
Anon says
Has anyone taken antidepressants while nursing? I know the research says its most likely safe but I am wondering if I am better off pushing through or doing formula.
anon says
Take the meds. Use formula if you are more comfortable that way, but don’t sacrifice your mental health to give BF your baby. BF may be ideal but formula is fine.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I took Zoloft while pregnant and still take it while nursing. All of my health practitioners were fine with it. Yes, there are risks, but there are also risks from me feeling anxious throughout my pregnancy. My second pregnancy was so so much better in terms of my anxiety levels thanks to the meds.
Of course formula is great, but if your doctors are ok with your particular meds, please don’t let it stop you from b-feeding if you want to!
Anonymous says
This. I actually loved BF. Formula is fine but don’t anticipate that BF will be hard, it may be just fine. Take your meds. It’s really okay.
Anonymous says
Another one chiming in that I took Celexa during my pregnancy and breastfeeding.
TheElms says
I’m 26 weeks and all of a sudden I just feel ugh, huge, and somewhat uncomfortable. Also, all of a sudden I would really like a glass of red wine. I’ve had a really easy pregnancy so far, so really I have no basis to complain and in the grand scheme my current complaints are really minor. But anything I can do to cheer myself up? I’m having a hard time thinking of anything.
Anonymous says
Get laid.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I substituted ice cream for wine… Not the greatest caloric item, but it was a nice treat at the end of a long day! Swimming helps with the pain and is a gentle form of exercise. I also had a few prenatal massages with a trained prenatal masseuse, which helped a lot with the pain as well.
anne-on says
Is there a gym with a pool or hotel with a spa near you? I’d totally take the opportunity to float in a lovely pool for a bit. Bonus if you can schedule a pedicure/foot massage of some sort.
That was also around the time I was due to change sizes in some of my maternity clothing – I’d go to a good Maternity store if you have one and commit to getting a few nice pieces that you enjoy wearing (or check out consignment stores – a lot of the baby ones around here also have maternity wear sections).
ElisaR says
prenatal massage. footrub in the pedicure tub at the nail salon. manicure. ice cream.
Anon says
I signed up for an Ipsy bag when I was pregnant. It was fun to look forward to playing with silly new makeup and skin care things, and since they choose your samples for you the element of surprise (and removal of any more decisions to make in my life) was awesome. I needed more fun in my life, and this was an easy and cheap ($10) way to do it.
anon says
When I craved wine while pregnant sometimes I made myself a mocktail or had some of the real not very sweet but strong pomengranate juice. It’s strong and almost tannic that hit and scratached that wine itch.
Anonymous says
Mocha from a coffee shop. Decaf if that’s your thing.
TheElms says
A massage sounds nice, as does a pedicure, and floating in a pool. I have no idea why I can’t think of these things on my own, but thank you!
Blueberries says
A nice dinner and a small amount of red wine?
Anonanonanon says
My second baby is almost a year old and I finally committed to losing the 10 extra pounds I have left. I’ve lost about 7 of them only to find… I have extra stomach skin now. It’s not like… sking removal surgery-worthy, but it’s certainly more than I would like. For example, when I have high-waisted leggings on, my belly button looks weird with loose, wrinkly-looking skin around it. If I’m just in low-cut undergarments, it’s not as noticeable until I bend down or lay on my side or something.
All that to say, is there anything to do to encourage the skin to rejuvenate or something? If I visiting a cosmetic dermatologist could they help? I don’t have any stretch marks on my stomach, just this loose weird skin. I didn’t get it after my first (but I got MUCH bigger with this baby) so I’m at a loss. Is this something that might eventually go away?
anne-on says
First of all, I feel you and totally have this to. I also consulted a plastic surgeon because it REALLY bothered me. What she said is that unfortunately if it is only a ‘small’ amount of loose skin (and it doesn’t feel small to me, but it is) she couldn’t recommend removal as the scarring would almost definitely be worse than the current situation. I think there are some new technologies (reunvion?) but they’re still fairly expensive and don’t have the best track record and you need to have a REALLY skilled doctor to make it worthwhile. If you’re in a major metripolitan hub possibly worth checking out. But honestly, hearing that kind of resigned me to it. Plus, hey, at least high waist swimsuits are in style?
Anonanonanon says
Yea my husband actually had skin removal surgery before we met after losing over 200 lbs, and the scarring is very intense, so it’s certainly not worth going that route for my situation (also, I know it’s not the same, but the C-section recovery process is still too fresh in my mind to even contemplate going under the knife again!)
I’m in a major metropolitan hub, but if the new technologies don’t have the best track record I’d probably just be setting myself up for disappointment. Thanks for sharing what you’ve found out!
Anonymous says
Yeah just lotion it up, it might go away eventually or it might not.
Anonymous says
Mine went away on its own probably around 18 months. I do use lotion after every shower and have since I was like 12. And then we accidentally got pregnant again hahaha!! (No worries – we knew there was a risk and chose not to take plan B).
Anon!! says
Mine is the same way, my youngest is 17 months. I’ve run two marathons since he was born so I have a strange complex about feeling like I don’t “deserve” this. For what it’s worth, I’ve finally seen some improvement by incorporating strength training, not just cardio, and doing targeted work like planks and bicycle crunches. It’s finally tightening up, and even if it stays forever, I feel a lot better about it because I know that I’m stronger. I was always in denial about doing the targeted work because it is “just skin!” Also, mine is super interesting because there’s more on one side than the other. One side still hangs down, the other does not.
Both my kids were born via c-section, I gained 40+ pounds both pregnancies, and I’m pretty sure it was all in my stomach. I am back to pre-pregnancy weight.
Anonymous says
Another long post (I posted about this a while back but my post got stuck in moderation until too late, and we still need help)! Any tips for helping a four-year-old go back to sleeping through the night, or at least resettling herself if she does wake up?
This has been going on for the last month and a half, ever since we got back from holiday travel. Part of the underlying problem probably is that she wakes up and realizes she has to go to the bathroom, which she doesn’t want to do. (Before this she had been nighttime trained for over a year with hardly any accidents and no drama at all.) We thought we had solved that problem by allowing her to wear pull-ups, but we still get the nighttime waking and getting upset almost every single night. In the meantime, for what it’s worth, we have had a checkup and the pediatrician confirmed there’s nothing physically wrong.
The typical scenario is this: in the middle of the night, often two separate times a few hours apart, we (actually I) will wake up to the sound of her crying and screaming — then one of us will go into her room and find her sitting up in bed, extremely upset. At times she will identify a specific “problem” that we will solve (e.g., she’s hot — we’ll open the window); other times she’s just generally upset. (For what it’s worth, she has never once said she had a bad dream or was afraid of something, and I’m confident she would tell us if that were the case.) For a while we thought we could manage this by just keeping her sleeping bag and a spare pillow on the floor next to our bed for her to come to in the night if she wanted, but that went the way of all the other solutions: they work perfectly for about two or three nights, and then either a new “problem” arises or she just redevelops general (extreme) unhappiness about waking up and not being able to go back to sleep.
She has always had a nightlight, and we have also given her a Twilight Turtle (which projects stars on the ceiling) that we turn on at bedtime and that she can and frequently does turn back on herself when she wakes up in the night. She is also allowed to turn on her bedside lamp and look at books if she wants, but that’s yet another thing that worked for a couple of nights and now doesn’t.
We have tried to give her what we think are basic, concrete, manageable problem-solving strategies (steps for falling asleep, breathing to calm down). I just don’t think she’s to the point, developmentally, where she has enough self-control (or can remember) to implement these on her own in the night. We remind her of them and coach her through them again when she wakes us up in the night, and they do often help then unless she has already gotten super upset (and of course our goal is to have her stop waking us up at all).
We have done sticker charts to reward her for “good nights” twice now. It takes her several tries, but both times she has finally gotten enough stickers to get the reward. Obviously it has not resulted in overall improvement, though. (Not to claim that we’re doing this perfectly, but I did look up child psychologists’ tips on the “right” way to do sticker charts, and we are following all the advice.)
I am not inherently opposed to letting her cry (scream) it out on her own, but it’s not really a good solution because she progresses to throwing books and banging loudly on the door, and then she wakes up her eighteen-month-old sister down the hallway despite that we have a veritable tornado of white noise machines.
I feel as if we need a big reset, but I don’t know what to do. Any advice, or at least commiseration? My husband thinks we should pretty much have an ongoing series of sticker charts. Is that the answer? I also wonder — does this seem like normal four-year-old sleep problems (our pediatrician was not concerned, but she’s also just not that helpful with behavioral problems), or should we consider taking her to a therapist?
GCA says
We went through a bit of this when my son was around 3ish and newly night trained – he would have to pee but be too asleep to realize this fully, and the sensation would freak him out, and he would have a meltdown while still like 20% asleep. Is she waking up fully, or screaming groggily and unable to resettle? If the latter, it sounds fairly normal, but somehow no one talks about it until you mention it and then everyone says ‘oh my kid did this too’! We had to carry him to the bathroom (kicking and fighting us the whole way), sit him on the potty and wait for him to pee (still wailing), get him awake enough that he could take some deep breaths and calm down, and finally help him fall asleep again. I know, it’s totally exhausting. But he grew out of it in a month or two…
Anonymous says
With our 4 year old, we scoop him up, but him on the toilet then carry him back to bed. Asking what he needs usually results in a cranky overtired inarticulate response and usually he wants to try to hold it and stay in his cozy bed and won’t admit he needs to pee.
Maybe a new stuffie like the Lulla Doll would help. A pile of stuffies to snuggle with has been a staple in our kids bedtime routines.
anon says
We are in the same boat, except 4 year old and 18 month old share a room. I have no advice. We just let the 4 year old sleep in the bed with us. There are nights when she sleeps all night in her bed and we reward her with an episode of screen time in the morning (her favorite thing in the world). She usually starts in her room and comes to our room at some point. I also feel like we need a reset, because the whole issue seems charged at this point. I think I am just going to let her sleep in our bed for a few nights without any discussion and then bring up going back to her bed. So ya, no advice.
OP says
This is good to know. Our long-term plan is to have the girls share a room, and I had been idly entertaining the thought of doing that sooner in hopes that having a roommate would help the four-year-old settle more easily. But of course that hope is outweighed by a much greater fear that what would actually happen is that the four-year-old would ruin the sleep of the toddler, who (thank goodness) has always been an angel of a little sleeper!
PinkKeyboard says
My 3.5 year old had started doing this (she still had a monitor as she was forbidden to leave her room at night). She was summoning me 2-4 times a night and I was dying. I finally lost my everloving mind one night and yelled at her and told her I was taking the monitor and she was only to come out for emergencies or potty trips or I’d lock her in. I did apologize the next day but re-iterated that Mommy was dying of exhaustion and we were done with the wake ups unless she had a quantifiable crisis. It worked so I think she was just pushing to see what she could get out of us tbh.
Anonymous says
When my 4yo did this, I would just say “ok, potty” matter-of-fact-ly over and over from the middle of the night wakeup until she went potty. “I need water” – ok, potty. “I’m too hot” – ok, potty. She would get really irritated but after a week or two, it worked. Also, she forgot about any other problem after going potty and would go back to sleep really well (in her own bed). Now, she will still come to wake me up but goes straight to the bathroom.
OP says
Thanks so much for all the responses so far. I’m thinking maybe we should revisit our decision to stop monitoring the four-year-old at night. We had thought it important to give her a chance to settle back down on her own, but given that she seems (at least temporarily) unable to do that, maybe we should resume monitoring her so we can intervene (i.e., carry her to the potty) as soon as she makes a sound, before she gets to the stage of being super upset. Hmm . . .
ER says
This seems super normal four year old sleep behavior to me.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but have you tried taking her for a dream pee right before you go to bed? We’ve been doing this for a few months with our almost-four-year-old. She really doesn’t wake up for the dream pee at all, but emptying her bladder helps her to sleep through the rest of the night. DD wouldn’t have wanted to go back to the pull-up because she wouldn’t have wanted to wet herself.
Even then, though, DD occasionally wakes up during the middle of the night with general unhappiness that I attribute to bad dreams, even if she doesn’t say so explicitly. I usually hold her while she goes back to sleep.
Anon for this says
Does anyone else’s spouse completely skip Valentines? He’s been really busy at work, but I’ve been really busy picking up the slack on the home front. And I just got him a card, so it’s not like that was a big deal (did cards and fun little presents for our two toddler aged kids this morning too). I feel like a card or flowers or anything would make me feel more appreciated right now (also in my third tri!) – but I’m also tired of having to ask. Unsolicited flowers would be nice! Just venting I think. I’m pretty sure he’s more the norm than an outlier, but this is personally not my favorite day!
ifiknew says
my husband is totally the same way. He’s just never been the big romantic gestures type, but he is kind and loving and I feel loved on a day to day basis that I try not to worry about the lack of big gestures. Honestly, with a 2 year old and pregnant myself, I’ve not been planning many big gestures either (and he works muchmore than I do), so I try to let it go..
Hugs!!
Anon in NYC says
Neither my husband nor I care about Valentines Day that much, but one year he didn’t get me flowers (after years of sending me flowers. AND, for some reason he sent his mom flowers that year!). I was annoyed and sulked for a day or two and told him directly that I expected him to give me flowers on Valentines Day. Ever since then, he’s remembered. Sure, it sort of sucked to have to be so direct and not have him intuit what I wanted. But Valentines and Mothers Day are basically the 2x a year that I get flowers, so I appreciate them.
Anonymous says
“Hon, it’s Valentine’s Day! I want a card and flowers. Please stop and pick them up on the way home.”
OP says
Yeah, I should just request! I know. Can I at least put this in the emotional labor bucket along with making my kids make homemade Valentines, handling doctors appointments, ordering a birthday cake, etc this week? He really is a good partner. I don’t even usually care about this holiday! I think I blame social media…?
Anonymous says
I did a variation on the above a couple years ago “Valentine’s Day isn’t super important to me, but I would like you to give me flowers and/or chocolates. Any kind of flowers and/or and chocolates is fine. Please do this every year.” He’s listened – what I actually get varies but he’s pretty consistent with getting something.
Anon says
We skip valentines day by agreement. I really dislike the holiday and he is amazing year round so I don’t want anything on that day. Also, gifts are not my love language.
ElisaR says
my guy does the same thing. it’s a little annoying and i told him that this morning.
anne-on says
We’ve long had a tradition of skipping Valentines day (since NYC dating in which prixe fixe $$$ dinners were not our thing) in favor of a nice meal at home or dinner out on another day. That being said, I’d be a little hurt if I didn’t at least get a card and asked if I would prefer chocolates or flowers (I asked to skip both this year, but still got the card). I’m not big on gifts in general, but I surprised myself one mothers day by bawling after I only got a card (no gift, no flowers, no breakfast in bed). After that I had to flat out tell my husband that was the ONE holiday I cared about and I needed him to celebrate me as a mother. Everything else (birthday? meh anniversary? no big christmas? lets focus on the kids pl) didn’t matter as much. To his credit he remembered and has done it up since. Sometimes they just need to be told.
Em says
My husband and I don’t do gifts for each other, at all. No birthday presents, V-day presents, or Christmas presents, and it is AMAZING. We acknowledge the other’s birthday by going out to eat or having a party (whatever the other person wants to do), and occasionally we will plan a trip over our birthdays, or get a token gift like picking up our favorite fancy chocolates, a cupcake, or a handwritten card, but there is zero expectation or pressure to do it and no hard feelings if it doesn’t happen.
CCLA says
Same! Except we do almost always write cards on those occasions. It’s lovely to not deal with gifts, but definitely only works because we’re both on board.
For vday, I don’t love how it (at least in my mind) seems to perpetuate the idea that women need to be showered with gifts by men. I know it is for anyone to express love, but it still seems to skew that way. I much prefer the few random times when DH will bring home flowers or treats because he knows I’ve had a tough week (I’ll do the same for him). Way more meaningful and tuned in than remembering a calendar date, at least for me.
GCA says
I woke up and realized my husband had let me sleep in. I consider that my Valentine’s gift. Tangible gifts are not our love language, but we are on the same page about that, which is the key. There’s got to be some way of communicating with each other well in advance about what your love language actually is, that doesn’t feel like extra emotional labor, but unfortunately I have not found it – ours was arrived at over years of dating.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We both read the 5 Love Languages book and realized our love languages are exact opposites! Super helpful to read to know where the other person is coming from. Gifts are at the bottom of my love language so I don’t really care about getting presents for Valentine’s Day or my birthday really, but it is one of my husband’s so I try to make an effort to get him something, even if it’s small.
To the OP, let your husband know that gifts are important to you as he may be like me and not see gifts as expressing love.
AnoninBigLaw says
This would totally out me for friends who know us in real life, but Valentine’s Day was a disaster when we were dating. Worst dates ever that, in retrospect, are kind of a comedy of errors, but at the time left us bitter and fighting. So after two years of that we gave up and decided on watching a movie on Netflix & ordering Indian food take out as our Valentine’s Day tradition. Low maintenance, everyone knows what to expect, and no fights :) I know it’s small, and maybe not flowers/card, but maybe ask your husband to choose take out/delivery and make sure it magically appears for dinner tonight?
OP says
I think maybe I was extra grouchy because he’s leaving on a work trip this afternoon! And we don’t exactly get to do dates much these days anyways! But I totally agree, that’s what we should do next year.
My best Valentines was with a college ex (oops). I planned it and we went out to a wings restaurant (like a pub, not Hooters) then went and saw Brokeback Mountain. Someday I will replicate that greatness with my real Valentine…
Anonymous says
Tell DH to plan a date as your present, then you can have something to look forward to when you get back. He can arrange the sitter and make the reservations etc.
Anonymous says
Mine would if I hadn’t told him beforehand “I want chocolate on Valentine’s Day and don’t you dare get crappy Whitman’s brand”. Yes it is more emotional labor but I get what I wanted and otherwise my DH is great. We’re just not into gifts or surprises
Anonanonanon says
My partner and I covered the holidays we do and don’t do while dating, and both agreed we’re not really Valentine’s Day people. However, I think we meant different things by that. I meant we don’t have to get a sitter and schedule a dinner or buy each other presents, not necessarily that we should completely ignore the day. I think a card or something would be nice, but his interpretation is that we agreed we don’t do it at all, so I don’t pester him about it. I do have to admit ,as unfair as it is of me, every year I do secretly hope he got a card. I just get my kids presents.
AnotherAnon says
Yep. DH scheduled an MRI for 7:45PM this evening, so we will not be doing anything for Valentine’s. But to be fair we have so much going on in our life rn I forgot it was Valentine’s until I got to work this morning. Hope the kid is not shunned at school for not giving Valentines. I once complained to DH that he never sent me flowers. Being the ultimate pragmatist, he offered to give me the $80-100 it would cost to send flowers so I could buy my own flowers or shoes. I think it was sarcastic but I should have taken him up on that.
Anonymous says
Anyone a single mom by design on here? I’ve got eggs frozen, I’m 35, single, and pondering when I pull the trigger. Just curious how others have made this call, still early stages of contemplation!
ElisaR says
my best friend is going through this right now – she’s a little older. She waited until she was 40. I think just because she wasn’t sure if she was going to meet an appropriate partner in her 30s. I went with her a couple wks ago for the egg retrieval and she had round one implanted and is going for another one in a few weeks. There are support groups online for SMBC….. one she said she paid for which made her feel like it was people who were a little more “legit” if that makes sense. I can ask her what the community is called (it was recommended by the mandatory consultation she had with a psychologist).
Anon says
The Best of Borth Worlds Podcast just had an episode with a SMBC who also consults with people about how to decide when it’s time.
layered bob says
Skin care help?
I have always had decent skin, sometimes a bit dry or red, with some mild acne on my chin or by my nose around my period. I don’t pay much attention to it and do not find skin care to be a form of “self-care.” I use Paula’s Choice redness relief cleanser and moisturizer/sunblock every day. The end. I don’t wear makeup.
I am seven months postpartum, my kid is cutting back on nursing and my period just came back and my skin is FREAKING OUT. It is dry, flaky, oily on chin and nose, red, and I’ve got all kinds of cystic acne happening on my chin. What do I do? I will realistically be willing to add one, or maybe two products. Any thoughts?
Anonymous says
Go to the dermatologist! It’s better than guessing products
Lana Del Raygun says
Dry and oily at the same time typically means dehydrated — your skin has enough oil to keep water in, but it doesn’t have the water, so it produces more oil to hoard the little water it does have. I would recommend a gentle non-foaming cleanser with a hydrating toner (I like Thayer’s rose toner) and hyaluronic acid, and a good moisturizer (I stan CeraVe in the tub). The redness may clear up on its own once your skin is hydrated, but if not azelaic acid may help (and is safe for breastfeeding). I don’t know anything about cystic acne, though. :-/
anne-on says
I’d make sure your cleanser is low-PH so it isn’t irritating your skin more. For the dryness I’d add in a gentle hydrating toner or gel moisturizer (the neutrogena hyrdoboost one is in the drugstores, but I swear by the Klairs supple preparation toner and the Mizon snail recovery gel cream). For the cystic spots, the de la cruz sulfur treatment is dirt cheap and the only thing that truly dries mine out. I put that on, hold my nose, and leave it for as long as I can stand it (30-40 minutes). It is VERY drying, so on the spots only. Sticking a pimple patch on top both discourages picking and sucks up any other goop that comes out of the spot.
Sulfur treatment:
https://www.amazon.com/Cruz-Ointment-Medication-Allergy-Tested-Fragrance/dp/B0070Y8V0A/ref=sr_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1550166201&sr=8-4&keywords=delacruz+sulfur+ointment
Pimple patches:
https://www.amazon.com/Cosrx-Pimple-Master-Patch-Count/dp/B078BLRM2L/ref=sr_1_5_s_it?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1550166240&sr=1-5&keywords=cosrx+acne+pimple+master+patch
mascot says
Those CosRx patches are the best for cystic spots. I like the Mario Badescu Buffering lotion for spot treatment. Apply at night, wait 30-60 minutes, then cover with a patch.
LHW says
I highly recommend getting routine facials. My skin is freeking out due to IVF and I’m getting one every 4 weeks. My facialist customizes facials based on my needs. It’s expensive but worth it.
pottytraining says
Potty training question. Training out 21 month old, been going well for about 3 days now. 1 or less accidents yesterday and so far today. Been following the oh crap method, but honstly did not get through the whole book, so few quick questions.
However, we aren’t doing nights yet. She poops in her diaper every morning before she fusses for us to get her and has for a long time, so I don’t know how to teach her she can also poop in the potty since timing doesn’t really work with diapers at night?
Also, I’m 24 weeks pregnant, and thought about delaying night training until baby is about 6 months old. DD #1 will be 2.5, is that an okay to night train?
How do we take her on short outings? Pee before leaving and have a potty seat in the car or just sit her down in a public bathroom?
Boston Legal Eagle says
We day trained our toddler when he was just under 2.5 but aren’t going to worry about night training for a while – definitely not until he’s 3. I forget what the book said, but I think it’s pretty common for night training to be much later. Correct me if I’m wrong those of you with older kids.
We try to have our toddler go to the potty before we leave but if he doesn’t, then we bring him to the public restroom wherever we go, with one of those fold-up potties (to make sitting on the public toilet a little easier). We haven’t done long trips yet though.
AwayEmily says
Yeah the consensus from books/this website (the latter of which tbh I trust more than the former) seems to be “do night training whenever they start waking up dry or nearly dry,” and that might not happen until pretty late). we trained our daughter when she was a little over 2. She’s now almost three and absolutely not ready for night training — her diapers are SOAKED by the morning. if I had to guess, we’ll night train her at around 4 or 5.
Anonymous says
Wait with the night training. Pee before you leave and try to limit excursions to an hour or two to the extent possible. Little kids generally hate peeing anywhere other than home or daycare in the beginning. Expect at least 2-3 weeks with frequentish accidents before it ‘takes’.
ElisaR says
agree with the waiting on the night training (that is also what the book says). Their blatters are so small that its tough for them to go all night at that age. And my son is still in a crib so it’s not like he can get out of bed and go potty if he needs to so that’s another reason for waiting.
OP says
Thanks for all of you that waited with night training, did your toddlers not poop in the morning before they get up? I’m worried she wont learn to poop on the potty if shes always goingin her diaper before shes up for the day..
Anon says
True, my toddler did not poop first thing, but what would you do to “night train” her out of that? Wake yourself up early to catch her beforehand and put her on the toilet? You could do that and still keep her in diapers for the rest of the night if you are concerned. But I value a solid night’s sleep above my child wearing undies to bed so I would not worry about this. Her bowel habits will probably change as she keeps growing, anyway.
AwayEmily says
Agreed with Anon above. She’ll figure it out eventually, and if she keeps pooping in her diaper for awhile…eh, so be it. Kids schedules change (mine pooped exactly at 4pm for months, then switched to 11am. Who knows why!?).
Anonymous says
Yeah, my child pooped a lot when she first woke up when she was younger. She has a different schedule now. So, honestly, if you’re not going to night train her for a while, I wouldn’t waste time worrying until it is a problem.
–signed, mother of day trained child (just turned three) who wears diapers at night and for naps at home (which are longer than daycare naps) and who asks for a diaper to poop in because she’s terrified of pooping on the toilet