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OK, you all know from reading some of these posts that I am a Royal Watcher and a little obsessed with Kate Middleton’s style. I just read a Vanity Fair article about Meghan Markle, and this tidbit is hysterical to me: When she started making a lot of money as an actress, she had a “Sayonara Zara” party to celebrate her success, and she allegedly gave away some of her lower-priced clothes to her friends. Whether this is true or not, I don’t really care, but that anecdote’s entertainment value is through the roof. Turning to the blouse at hand, I really love the color, the high neck with ruffles, and the covered buttons. I like the extra ruffles on the sleeves and the elastic cuffs. It looks flattering on the model. And hopefully one day you’ll be able to give it to your friends when you’re a big star! It is (only) $39.90 at Zara for us non-duchesses and comes in sizes XS–XL. (By the way, this version is “coming soon.”) Ruffled Blouse Here’s a plus-size alternative from CeCe that’s $79 at Nordstrom. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonanonanon says
I’ve always found the Sayonara Zara party anecdote to be hilarious. It’s just outrageous enough to be funny, without crossing the line too far into “obnoxious” territory. At least, that’s my interpretation!
It’s one of those stories that would be funny if your friend did it, but if someone you didn’t like did it you would absolutely talk about how obnoxious it was.
Anon says
Meghan in general strikes me as someone that’s a good, loyal friend to her close friends but would be hard to get close to and is probably perceived as obnoxious by a lot of acquaintances.
Anonanonanon says
Agreed, and that’s probably how people would describe me as well, so I certainly don’t dislike her for it!
Anon says
Embarrassing question – how do you feel about attractive babysitters? This is such a trope, but it makes me kind of uncomfortable/self conscious. Not that I don’t trust my husband 100%, but as I get older and my body’s changed after having kids, I guess I don’t love the idea of having a pretty 22 year old around?
Anonanonanon says
I feel like, no matter how attractive I happen to think my almost-40-years-old husband is, as a 22-year-old girl I would have had ZERO interest in him, especially with a wife and 2 kids in tow.
Lana Del Raygun says
I’m 24 right now, and even if he’s a silver fox I think any married man who hits on his babysitter is a perv (and probably pretending she’s still in high school). Totally unappealing.
Anonymous says
I don’t care at all. My husband isn’t cheating on me with a babysitter. Pretty women exist all over the place. In his office. In his gym. On his business trips. I don’t deal with my insecurity with jealous or, even worse, not hiring a qualified woman for a job.
Anon says
I don’t care at all. Our nanny is 25ish and very pretty.
Anonymous says
Do you not like the idea of having a pretty 22 year old around because of a nagging feeling about your husband’s reaction to her, or because having a pretty 22 year old in your face all the time will make you have negative thoughts about yourself and your own body? I can see not wanting to invite that into your life if you know it will impact your mental health. But, I think the answer is probably to work on reframing how you think about your own body rather than avoiding regular interaction with young, pretty women.
OP says
Yep – you hit the nail on the head – this is totally about my issues and the way I think of myself!
Anonymous says
9:48 again here. I just want to say that it’s not wrong to feel that way, and I would probably have the same hesitation. Having kids made me realize how important it is to me for my body to conform to a certain standard of fitness and proportion that it just doesn’t anymore because I’m 35 and have kids. I haven’t figured out how to truly be OK with that yet, but it’s something I recognize as a problem and that I’m working on. No advice, but all the empathy!
FVNC says
I guess I assume my husband thinks a lot of other women, including 22 yr olds, are attractive, just like I think a lot of other men, including some 22 yr olds, are attractive. Whether attractive 22 yr olds exist in this world has nothing to do with our relationship.
That’s not to say I don’t sometimes feel old and unattractive, but when I feel that way, it’s more helpful to focus on addressing why I’m feeling that way than to compare myself to a 22 yr old. And we live in a college town, so there is no shortage of opportunities for comparison! (I will say, though, that I would give a lot to have 22 yr old hair again…I miss all that shine and frizz-free-ness!)
Anon in NYC says
Yep, pretty much.
anon says
Yeah, same here. We both work on a college campus; he sees young, attractive women all day long. It doesn’t change anything or affect our relationship whatsoever.
anon says
We have used very pretty daycare staff for the occasional babysitting and I don’t care at all. My husband works on an academic calendar and had summers off so we hired a “father’s helper” a few days a week during the summer to have an extra set of hands in taking our young boys to the pool, park, whatever. Because we were looking for a teenager (since they wouldn’t be alone with the kids), we made the extra effort to see if we could hire a boy rather than a girl, just to alleviate some potential awkwardness of my husband spending time with an underage teenage girl. He would NEVER do anything inappropriate–it was more for his protection and to make sure that no one (either the girl, her family, or random others) would get suspicious about him. It’s sad that we felt we had to do it, but it worked out great. The teenage boy was really into our kids and seemed to appreciate being on the reverse side of the typical gender norm thing–like he was more comfortable with my husband than he would have been with me, the kids loved having him around, and our kids got to see that not all caregivers are family or women.
Anonymous says
My son would be thrilled to have a male sitter- he hero worships teenage boys and it’s adorable when he finds ones that genuinely like being around kids.
anon says
FYI we found ours by posting on a local parenting group saying something to the effect that we were looking for a parent’s helper and would consider all candidates, but would especially like to hear if any boys were interested because it would be easier for the pool locker room logistics (which happened to be true). I thought it was awkward, but if I didn’t say it, I didn’t think we’d get any boy responses. Our helper’s mom was in the group and passed it along to her son.
Anon says
Yeah, I do worry a bit about our nanny accusing my husband of something inappropriate, since he works from home most of the time and I don’t. I trust him completely but it’s basically impossible to disprove an allegation.
Anonymous says
I know tone doesn’t convey well online, so please believe me when I say I’m asking with kindness: presumably you trust your nanny because you’ve hired her to take care of your kids, so why do you worry she’ll falsely accuse your husband of something? Do you think your worry is based in some real foundation/quality in your nanny? Or is this a “you” issue and would you feel the same way regardless of who you hired? If you don’t trust your nanny not to falsely accuse your husband, maybe you should think about replacing her?
RR says
Our nanny is 27, slim, and gorgeous. I am 42, not slim, and past any aspirations to gorgeous. It’s been a non-issue. I have zero worries. Really, and gently, this is not a husband or nanny issue–it’s a you issue.
In House Lobbyist says
So if i went into all the details y’all wouldn’t believe me- but yes, our nanny of 4 years decided that she was in love with my husband and it caused some major drama. She was only part time nanny by the time the drama started. She confessed to him by being naked when he came home from a dinner out with friends when I was out of town for the week. He sent her packing and told her to forget it ever happened but she didn’t didn’t do that and started calling me non stop to apologize for “disrespecting my marriage”. Of course, we had to fire her then and she ended up getting divorced from her husband – I think she was generally unhappy being married. My husband is a stay at home day/part time business so he worked more directly with her than I did. So yes, I think it definitely happens. And my 8 year old still occasionally asks why he never sees her again.
Anon says
WHAT!!!!!! OMG. I can’t believe this happened. That’s insane.
Anon says
My former coworker’s husband left her for the nanny. She continued to employ the nanny because her kids loved her so much and she was going to be in their lives anyway as the husband’s new girlfriend. She’s a better woman than I.
Anon in NYC says
HOLY. COW.
K says
So I don’t think there’s any need for concern/discomfort with attractive babysitters, as in, someone who watches the kids while you and your husband both go out, where both you and husband are there at arrival/departure.
I will depart from the general consensus and say that I personally would avoid hiring a young, attractive nanny or au pair. Obviously, no one who hires one thinks that their husband will be the one to cheat or develop some attachment or interest in the au pair. Most of them are correct; some of them are wrong. In situations where a marriage is destroyed because of some attraction that develops between the husband and the caregiver, wouldn’t it have been better for everyone if the caregiver had been someone the husband would have no interest in? Why take on the risk if you don’t have to? If there’s no other option, then there’s no other option, but if there is, take it.
Anonymous says
This. I trust my husband but why take the risk/create the possible situation? People are imperfect. DH’s dad cheated on his mom when she was away caring for her mom. He wasn’t a bad person, he just started to lean on someone else for support when she wasn’t around and it turned into more. I don’t want to have to worry about that situation under my roof if something happens that causes me to be away from home for an extended period. Yes it can happen with anyone if you are living on or near a college campus but having someone in your home everyday is a different level of intimacy from a stranger at a coffee shop on campus.
I would also not hire a male nanny that I thought was hot and I avoid spending extra time alone with any male colleagues that I think are hot.
Anonymous says
Lol. You’re sexist and delusional. Men cheat every day with old ugly women too.
Not hiring a woman because she is attractive is discrimination. And it’s wrong.
Anonymous says
Thanks for playing but nope.
Anonanonanon says
This brings up a great point, I was answering thinking of babysitter, not nanny. Nanny is… a different ballgame. (Not to say I would only hire an “ugly” nanny, but I can’t 100% say physical attractiveness wouldn’t play in to it on at least some level)
Anonymous says
Why discriminate against women because you’re jealous and insecure? This turns my stomach. You are so sexist.
anon says
How are you so sure that you know who your husband would cheat with? One of my 50-year-old male friends has told me that his wife has the worst sense of who he finds attractive. Like, he’ll be working on a project with one woman, and she’ll ask all sorts of questions because that woman is very young and pretty and she wants to monitor his contact with her. And, in fact, if he were going to cheat–and he hasn’t and wouldn’t–the woman he works with who he is most attracted to is a 45-year-old mother of 2 (who doesn’t have the typical hot mom bod). And his wife has met her and has no idea.
I can see why you might choose not to have live-in help to preserve boundaries, but if you’re crossing that line, there is no reliable screening process based on hotness.
K says
I mean, I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t cheat on me with a senior citizen. And, like most women, I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t cheat on me with anyone.
But it’s interesting to me that so many women who would nod in agreement with the idea that, if you don’t want to eat cookies, don’t buy them and bring them into your house, find the analogous situation with an attractive young woman so appalling. In the Catholic Church they call it occasions of sin.
Cb says
I spoke quite sharply to my 18 month old after he pulled a bowl off the counter this am and he said ‘sorry mama’ in the sweetest, most pitiful little voice. He helped me clean up the mess and I gave him a little cuddle but his sad little voice broke my heart a bit. Also, apparently reading the same book over and over has its advantages. Between Please Mr Panda and Oh No George, my kid’s manners are sorted.
Sleep Training says
I don’t know if I’m looking for validation, solidarity or advice, but….
DD is 9.5 months. She was a rockstar sleeper through 6 months with no deliberate training on our part. Then a number of near-weekly illnesses (croup, ear infections, croup again, ear infections again, stomach bug twice, etc + 3 ER visits and one 4-night overnight) sleeping has been a hot mess. After she recoups from any given illness we immediately revert to full extinction/cry it out sleep training (Ferber didn’t work- going back in to her room at any increment made things so.much.worse.). After 2-3 horrible nights of screaming, it works brilliantly and she’s passed out before we leave her bedroom. Then she sleeps well for a few nights, and then we have our next illness an we have to start from scratch once healthy again. It’s a brutal cycle – I know she’s sleep trainable, but the illnesses are erasing any progress we make.
I think my biggest issue/concern is that right now, on day 9 (!!!) of a healthy stretch, she’s in a new habit of waking up like clockwork around 11:45 pm and screaming bloody murder for 45-60 mins. She’s done this for 8 days straight now. We don’t go in usually, though once we went in for an initial brief consoling but then left and reverted to full extinction. So we lay in bed for the hour listening to her scream. These wake ups are really taking a toll. An impossible question, but: is this normal? A phase that will pass? SOS. So sleepy. Not enough coffee.
AwayEmily says
YES it is normal and it it will pass. we dealt with almost the same thing with my constantly-ill 13mo, except his screaming wakeup was 9:15pm exactly (more tolerable because at least we were already awake). Then it magically disappeared. It will for you too! and I think your instinct that just letting her cry without consoling is right on — you know your child best. My first benefited from consoling in those circumstances and but it makes it 100x worse for my second.
One question — could she be a little sleep-deprived? Any way you could try to get her longer naps? Maybe talk to daycare about something? WE noticed that it seemed to get better with ours when he would be better napped…sometimes we would let him take his morning nap at home early (like 8am – 10am instead of the usual 9:30 – 10:15 he’d get at school) and take him in late (possible for us because we have flexible schedules; maybe not possible for you!).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to talking to daycare and ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE COFFEEEEEEEEEEE
Also, DS was doing this around this time due to teething. A dose of Tylenol and some snuggles until the medicine was in his system would do the trick. Like your DD, when we did sleep training, us coming back to the room to comfort only made things worse, so was surprised when the Tylenol snuggles were fine!
Anonanonanon says
My baby is almost 1 and we’re in the same boat. Illnesses and teething ruined any progress we had. I couldn’t in conscience deny her a drink in the middle of the night when she was crying (and immediately would go back to bed after a bottle) while she was sick/recovering from an illness. I’m an adult and I would cry if you locked me in my bedroom and wouldn’t let me have a drink for 12 hours while I was sick!
I don’t know the answer, just solidarity. I was a SAHM for two years with my first and he was perfectly sleep-trained and this was all easier. It really is difficult-and more disruptive (in the short term) to your sleep- to lay there and listen to them cry for an hour when you know it would be over in 5 minutes with a bottle. Mine is also the same as yours-if you go in there to console it is SO.MUCH.WORSE.
Anyway, no advice. Now that mine is almost 1, and enjoys water, I’m pushing sippy cups with straws a lot. I’m hoping I can put her down with a sippy cup of water and she can drink that herself if she is thirsty and that will cut down on some of the wake-ups.
My only advice is triple shot drinks from Starbucks every morning.
Anon says
Teething? This a prime age for it and teeth always bothered my daughter the most just before midnight. Can you give a dose of Tylenol before bed and see if that helps?-
ifiknew says
I have no advice, I have a 20 month old who has been up 5-6x night for the past 6 days. Just so depressing listening to them cry and so depressing going in to console because you’re so tired. Hang in there.
Pogo says
Hi friend, right here with you. Although I must say ours doesn’t usually do much more than a few minutes of crying in the middle of the night, hearing it for an hour must be heart wrenching. I posted recently to another sleep training question, but basically when I know he is really ill, I will allow him to sleep with us (no screaming, more sleep for all involved). Then when I feel confident he’s fully recovered, we’re back to extinction, sleeping in his crib.
Illness and sleep are SO hard. I also haven’t let him nap on me in months and months, and in the last three days he’s done it twice, because he was sick and I couldn’t take the screaming when I put him in his crib. Solidarity.
GCA says
No advice, but solidarity. Illness and sleep are so, so hard. My 6mo has had a constant daycare cold for the last 2 weeks and she’s just getting over it now. She previously proved herself readily sleep-trainable (I would put her down, she’d roll over and grumble for 5-10 minutes, and then be out) but our house rule is no sleep training while she’s sick. I feel like they need the sleep to help them recover faster, and when newly recovered, they need the sleep to build their immune systems again.
Two thoughts: 9.5 months is when separation anxiety really becomes an issue – could that be contributing to it? And what are naps like during the day? Echoing AwayEmily above, could she be taking short naps or trying to drop to 2 naps and it’s messing up her night sleep?
Anonymous says
She barely naps at daycare. THis is another issue. We always saidwhen she gets night sleep figured out we’d then focus on day sleeping habits.
Right now, when she is with us on weekends she largely sleeps in the car seat or on us. Sleeping on us habit started when the illnesses kicked into gear back in the fall. We love the snuggles but we know it’s a bad habit. Even with this weekend nap patter she was getting sufficient sleep at daycare during the day until recently. She’s down to a total of 60 mins of napping a day.
Should we be nap training in addition to night training? I thought night habits came before nap habits, but maybe napping is getting so bad/is so inadequate we need an intervention there, too. Halp.
Anonymous says
I think nap training can be easier – you can be sure she’s not hungry, etc. I would tackle it.
AwayEmily says
I found that there were a lot fewer resources for nap training. Here’s what we ended up doing, and it worked well. Maybe it will be helpful for you too!
– Put the baby down at her usual naptime (or when she seems tired) with whatever you decide your naptime routine is.
– Let her cry for 20 minutes.
– If she’s still awake after 20 minutes, take her out of the crib, bring her into the light, play with her, etc, for 15 minutes.
– Repeat the cycle.
If she doesn’t go down after the second 20-minute period, then go ahead and let her nap on you, in a stroller, etc.
It really helped me having a set of “rules” that I would follow so I wasn’t constantly questioning myself like “should I go get him now? How long should I let him cry? Is he down now? what about now? should I try again?” Instead I just obeyed the rules and that was it.
This led to successful naps 100% of the time within about a week (albeit with a younger baby — I think he was four months at that point).
And I think your baby *is* sleep-trained at night — she knows how to put herself down and (mostly) stay asleep; she is possibly just be overtired and so waking up for a bit at 11:45. Fixing the naps will help solve the overtired issue, which I bet will eliminate the night wakings.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
Is she hungry? My kids often lost a little weight or didn’t gain when sick and then wanted to feed extra until they got back on track.
Anonymous says
+1 – my son randomly seemed to need to eat very early around 7-8 months, but then sometimes he would sleep through
Anon says
+2. My daughter has been consistently sleeping through the night for a long time (barring illness/teething) but after an illness she usually wants to add an overnight feed, and it often happens a few hours after going down for the night.
AnotherAnon says
Sending hugs and coffee. This was us last year. DS started sttn at 5 months with basically no more training than a swaddle. Then we went through illness after teething after illness and it. was. miserable! He finally got tubes at 14 months and we did CIO again for a few days and now at age 2 he’s back to sleeping well. It sounds like your LO could be experiencing some teething pain, which we went through. I sort of learned to distinguish “I’m lonely/scared” cries from the screeching “I’m in pain” cries of teething. I’d just give him motrin when he cried at 11 and put him back to bed immediately. No talking, minimal eye contact. Of course I tried to comfort him but more matter-of-factly than “mommy’s here for you to be awake and play.” Hope this is helpful.
Cole Haan says
I’m thinking of ordering some shoes from the Cole Haan sale. It is risky though because it’s all final, and I’ve never worn their shoes before. How do they fit? Thanks!
Anonymous says
Don’t this is silly. Never buy final sale shoes from a brand you haven’t tried on.
rosie says
I agree with this. And FWIW I’ve tried on Cole Haan shoes several times before in stores based on hearing such great things, but have yet to buy a pair.
H13 says
+1
OP says
I mean, I know you’re right, but they’re some shoes I’ve had my eye on for a while but wouldn’t spend the money on. And now I know they’re on the way out since they’re on final sale, and I’m freaked about missing my opportunity. LOL :)
rosie says
I mean, if you are ok spending the money and then donating them, do it. It’s your money. :)
shortperson says
if you buy with an amex you can use return protection if you dont like them. i alwasy do this for final sale items.
anon says
I buy Cole Haan all the time and unfortunately I haven’t found them to all fit the same way. I have normal, slightly narrow feet and most of their shoes are fine for me but would probably not work if your feet are a little wider. Their shoes require some wearing in but most do. They also do sales (even final sales) pretty often so you could always just try stuff on in person and wait till the next sale but that could be a risk.
ElisaR says
i’m not a fan of cole haan. they look like they would be comfortable but they never are for me. they are cute!
anon says
I have a slightly wide foot (as in usually don’t need a wide if the brand generally runs wide) and a narrow heel. I have sadly given up on cole haan because I have to order a wide and go up a half size and they are still tight on me.
FVNC says
Inspired by the main s i t e, I have a myob or say something dilemma. I have a friendly relationship with a teacher at my son’s daycare. She and I were chatting on the phone recently, and in a general vent about her management, she mentioned bathroom breaks being denied on a regular basis. According to her, this happened to one of my son’s teachers, who had to wait 3+ hours for a break. She was pretty casual about it, but I’m appalled. I hate that the wonderful ladies I entrust to care for my son may be treated this way. On the other hand, this doesn’t appear to clearly violate any state or federal law. This is a university-affiliated daycare run by a national chain. Do I butt out? Do I contact the corporate parent? Do I contact the university? Do I contact management (at the risk of “outing” my friend for “tattling”)?
Anon says
I would not contact anyone.
Anonanonanon says
If you have a good relationship with her, I might say “I’ve been thinking about what you mentioned the other day regarding bathroom breaks, and I have to admit it really bothered me on your behalf. I trust you all with my child- the most important thing in the world to me- and it’s important to me you’re treated well! If there’s anything I can do to help you out, or speak up regarding your conditions, let me know! But I promise I won’t say anything otherwise, I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position”.
I’d worry that saying something will easily get traced back to her, and she would (somewhat-rightfully) get in trouble for “complaining” to a parent. There’s definitely potential for your good intentions to backfire, so-at the very least-I wouldn’t say anything without talking to her first.
FVNC says
Thanks, I think this is a good approach.
Anonymous says
Eh it’s not that uncommon for teachers and you aren’t getting the whole story. She’s a big girl.
FVNC says
I agree 100% that I don’t have the whole story, and I was definitely leaning toward not saying anything. But I didn’t know if I was “taking the easy way out.” It’s helpful to hear this and other perspectives. Thanks, all!
anon says
I would take it with a grain of salt. Chances are, the center is not strictly prohibiting teachers from taking a break, but it’s enough of a PITA to get coverage or stop the lesson that people just generally make do. It absolutely stinks, but I’d just be careful about making the assumption that the center is acting in bad faith.
My mom taught at a daycare for years and regularly skipped meals and breaks. I don’t agree with her choice at all and am sad that she felt that way, but nobody was telling her to skip her breaks. She just hated speaking up and asking for anything.
Canadian says
My husband is a high school teacher and basically doesn’t drink much during the day because of how hard it is to get a bathroom break. I could never be a teacher for this reason!
anne-on says
+1. My best friend and mother are/were teachers and it is well know that scheduling breaks to eat/go to the restroom can be difficult to impossible especially if you need to also swap classrooms. It stinks but they all seem used to/resigned to it?
Anonymous says
What do pregnant women do??? I fainted from dehydration while pregnant, and even with that level of (accidental) dehydration I was still peeing every couple of hours.
CPA Lady says
This is extremely common in daycares. They keep staffing ratios low enough that teachers can’t leave the room to use the bathroom for hours. They’re also frequently paid barely above minimum wage. I’m on the board of my kid’s daycare and they make a point to keep staffing ratios high enough that teachers can use the bathroom. It’s viewed as a benefit to working there.
FVNC says
One of the things that bugs me is that when we started our son at this center, they touted their lower-than-state-required ratios, which theoretically should allow for employee breaks. Recently there’s been a lot of turnover, including some long-tenured teachers (10+ years) leaving. It’s such a tough industry to work in. Every time I pop out during the day for an errand or appointment, I feel so lucky to have that flexibility in my job.
Ms B says
Not a fan of the features blouse, but love the “coming soon” item. Does Zara run long of sleeve? Is their construction good enough that alterations might be an option?
Spirograph says
How do you deal with ruffles like this when washing/drying? I had a blouse similar to the “coming soon” item once, but the ruffles never laid right once I washed it. The hem would curl, or they’d crease in the dryer, or look weirdly wrinkled if air dried. Then, as now, I do not have time or patience for ironing ruffles, so eventually I just donated the shirt. I do like the idea of it, though! What’s the trick?
Anonanonanon says
Steamer! (I have a little travel one)
BPS says
Seeking feeding advice or commiseration.
For context, DS is almost 15 months. Took to solids great when we started around 6 months, and has been a great eater since. He typically eats what we eat at home, with some edits if needed. Of course, now he’s creeping into toddlerhood, and as expected, one day he likes something, the next day he doesn’t, etc. My plan is to keep offering stuff and let him eat as much or as little as he wants, but not changing meal planning around him.
During the weekdays, he gets milk and banana after waking up, and then has breakfast, lunch, and 2 snacks at daycare. Daycare has an onsite kitchen and preps simple but healthy meals onsite, so I am fine with this. Many evenings, even when dinner is something he loves, he doesn’t eat much because he comes home stuffed. Last night he had 2 bites of pasta (which he loves) and a clementine for dinner.
My question is – should I be doing anything differently? Do any of y’all have kids that come home stuffed from daycare? TIA!
Anon says
Coming home stuffed from daycare sounds like a dream scenario! I would love to not have to feed my kid dinner. Fwiw, it’s very common for toddlers to eat progressively less throughout the day (so dinner is a light snack, instead of their major meal) and it’s also very normal for their total food consumption to go down around this age, because their growth slows down a lot so they don’t need as many calories as they did when they were infants.
I wouldn’t worry or do anything differently.
rosie says
My 21-mo will be not eat much for dinner if she’s had a big lunch. She’s very much in the likes something one day but not the next area as well, so I don’t want her to be hungry if it turns out she doesn’t like what I’m offering (on that day…). But if she’s had a big lunch and then we offer pasta (she loves as well), fruit she likes, and a chocolate graham cracker for dessert and she has only a few bites, I’m not going to worry.
Anonymous says
Is he healthy? Growing appropriately? Then chill. He’s fine!!
OP says
He is. He didn’t gain weight fast as a new born, and was on the smaller side until about 10 months, though, so I always worry about his intake. I guess I need to move on, but the BF/PP feels are hard to shake sometimes!
Anon says
Check out the feedinglittles Insta page. They generally encourage healthy, balanced eating, but also provide regular reminders to relax about stuff like this. They did one post about the normal range of toddler portion sizes and it was really eye-opening to see that eating a few bites is normal, and eating basically an adult-sized portion is also normal. They are also super responsive to DMs and I’ve sent them some questions and gotten really helpful, detailed responses. Following that page has been really good for my sanity, even though I generally avoid all parenting stuff on the internet (except here of course :)).
OP says
Thank you! Sounds like we avoid the same things :) Will def check this out.
Cb says
Totally fine! My kiddo gets a hot meal at lunch, a snack on the bus home, and is just exhausted by dinner time so I try to encourage him to eat what I can but don’t stress if it’s two bites of pasta, some yoghurt, and a few mouthfuls of fruit.
FVNC says
This is our experience as well. Our 22 mo old eats breakfast, (a huge!) lunch, and an afternoon snack at daycare. Normally he eats a very small dinner, but occasionally he’ll surprise us and eat a large meal at home too. Sometimes I wish they’d skip the late snack — served around 4:30/5 — bc I do think it fills him on on junk-ish food like crackers, but it more or less works well for us.
Pogo says
+1 exact same experience at 18mo here, although in additional to crackers the late snack has yogurt too, which really fills him up.
Jocelyn says
Yup! My kiddo front loads the majority of his calories for the day at breakfast and lunch. I asked my pediatrician about it once and she said just keep offering dinner, if he doesn’t want it or he doesn’t eat much he’s fine, its very normal for that age to have wildly different appetites. Also to be honest by the time dinnertime rolls around after all day at daycare he’s just too tired to really eat much anyway.
AnotherAnon says
I think you’re doing fine. Around this time mine went through a phase where he would only eat one thing day after day (bananas come to mind) then would refuse to eat that thing for the next few weeks. Eventually he would come back around to them. He has sort of the opposite schedule as yours though – often refuses breakfast (especially if I give him milk), then wants to snack from about 4PM until 7PM. I just lean into it and try to offer healthy options. He eats what we eat for the most part.
SC says
My 3.5-yo calorie-loads in the morning and at lunch, and doesn’t eat much for dinner. That routine happens on weekends too, not just at daycare (which also provides food). Regardless, he never eats much at dinner and sometimes skips it altogether. I don’t worry about it because he’s a healthy weight and seems to eat plenty before about 3 pm. I keep providing healthy options because 2 bites of broccoli is better than none, and every now and then, he surprises us and eats a ton for dinner–I’m guessing he doesn’t like whatever’s served for lunch on those days.
Anonymous says
Lots of little kids don’t eat much at dinner
ISO a kick in the... says
I am working from home today & trying to get motivation to go to the gym around lunchtime. Ok from a work perspective, but I haven’t been in so long, I cannot get myself going. I would probably swim, since I’ve been feeling kind of sore & feet are hurting, so that’s a little bit of a higher hurdle w/swimsuit + shower, but I should just do it, right?
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DO ITTTTTTTTTTT! And remember, perfect is the enemy of good. Whatever you do counts. Even if it’s something on the treadmill for 30, or the swim is quicker than you thought.
The days I go into the office, I use the office gym from 3-4 (assuming no meetings, no fire drills, etc., and my boss is aware of this chunk of time). It’s the only way I can squeeze in workouts those days. My work from home days, I get to the gym in our building after finishing work and before pick-up (yes, super thankful the autonomy). My point is, only since starting to build in the workout during the day (and being done with pumping…) is when I started being able to be more consistent, so you will get there one slow step at a time.
Anonanonanon says
This! I constantly have to remind myself that even if I go and only give 50% (which is honestly usually the case) that’s way more than 0%! Even if I just walk on the treadmill and listen to a podcast, it’s more than nothing. Do it!
Anonymous says
DO IT! This was me yesterday evening. Also swimming. I finally just said (out loud) ” I don’t want to go but I’m going to do it anyway because it will make me feel better afterward.” and walked out the door before my couch could look tempting enough to change my mind. I did feel better afterward. If you’re coming right back home you can always do a good rinse and save the full shower for your (probably nicer) one at home.
Pogo says
Put it on your calendar. It’s good because it blocks it out so others don’t try to ping you, and it feels like a commitment I can’t break.
I also remind myself I feel so much better once I workout – my afternoon is infinitely more productive.
Swim might be ambitious, but do something you love (for me, that’s not swimming). I have it down to a science where I get in & out (including shower and stretch) in 60 min using the gym at my office.
ISO a kick in the... says
Thanks, all! I went :)
Anonymous says
*high five*
Pogo says
YAY you did it!
anon says
i know this has been asked many times, but can’t find the thread. best shoes for kids learning how to walk?
Anonanonanon says
The answer here is usually Robeez
Anonymous says
They’re nice but run really big (imo). I really liked the Zutano’s with the grippy bottoms.
Lucky says
I really like pediped for this, their baby line (which still fits my 15mo) has flexible soles meant for kiddos just learning to walk. They have frequent sales around 25% off. I found the brand via Lucy’s List, which has a really good overview of different brands for new walkers at different price points.
Anonymous says
Should also mention that what I liked about pediped was that the flexible soles were also decent for being outdoors, and they grip fairly well. Robeez are cheaper, but don’t really work other than inside due to their soles.
Anon says
We didn’t bother with shoes until she was actually taking more than a few steps (around 13 months) and the shoe store we went to recommended the pedipeds first walker shoe (which was also the only one that fit her super wide feet).
Annie says
We’ve been really happy with stride rite. They’re expensive but we only buy one pair of shoes a season so it’s been fine.
rosie says
I don’t know if they’re the exact same, but Target has a line of stride rite, which we’ve been happy with (I think it’s called surprize). Sometimes DSW has some good options–I picked up a pair of see kai run sneakers there–but rarely have a good selection of the very small sizes in my closest store, so I buy online.
fallen says
I have been solo parenting M-F (5 y old and 8 m old) with little help outside work hours and an intense full-time job for over 6 months, and it is wearing on me. I keep snapping at my oldest who is a handful at times. I am just SO SICK of it alll and feel like the stress is wearing on me, and feel mediocre at parenting and my job and I just cannot handle it all!! I think I have the flu this week and I just cannot manage parenting and working when sick. I resent my husband for putting me in this situation to begin with (and honestly for working 60+ hours since daughter was born consistently), although its dumb because it enables us to have a really good lifestyle.
This solo parenting situation will be this way for another 3 months, please help me with ideas on how to make it easier. Have a housekeeper who comes once a week and does deep cleaning and laundry, have grocery delivery, just hired someone to help me take daughter to school a couple times a week (baby stays with grandma who comes over) although I feel incredibly guilty about it, recently slept trained baby to sleep 8-7. Any other ideas on how to survive these next three months?? I just hate this because the stress keeps me making a B effort in my job and parenting, and i just hate it so much, feel shitty as a parent and like my career is gonna go nowhere if I keep doing what I am doing. I just want to feel like I can focus well at work and be there for my daughter and never snap at her. I have just tried to be the best parent I can be and still do well at work and let self-care go out the window since husband started being gone M-F, but now I am paying the price bc it is no longer sustainable. I am about to lose it you guys, its beyond miserable at this point.
Anonymous says
Hire a part time nanny.
Anonymous says
You don’t mention anything about help with meals–would streamlining that make things easier? A few thoughts: If you’re packing lunch for your daughter, have your husband do that prep on the weekend so you just need to grab things out of the fridge. For dinners, can get meals delivered a few days a week and for the other days do very simple things that your husband can hopefully help prep over the weekend? Everyone will survive if you eat the same 7 meals each week for the next 3 months, even if it’s boring.
Second, is there any chance gramma (or another babysitter) could stay with the kids some evening while you go out with a friend? Even if you’re exhausted, having a few hours of not being responsible could be really rejuvenating.
Anonymous says
It is really really hard to be the only one home in the evenings with kids. So ignore ANYONE who is like “well just imagine if you were actually a single parent.” Since it sounds like mornings are mostly taken care of, what’s your biggest stressor? 5:30-8pm? Is it getting dinner on the table? Having to do all the chores (dishes/bottles/lunches) after dinner? I’d figure out the specifics and try to tackle that problem. Maybe grandma can pack lunches for everyone while you’re at work. Or she can get dinner started/do a crockpot meal so you don’t have to cook.
I know the feeling that it is impossible to do self-care when DH is out of town. But take advantage of him being home on weekends!! Take 1/2 a day and leave the house. Or better yet take a full day. It can be crazy restorative.
Be kind to yourself. You still have a baby under 1. I didn’t feel like myself until after my daughter turned 1.
And unfortunately sometimes the only way out is through, so hang in there!
Anon says
Ugh, that’s a lot even without the flu. Can you stay home from work but still let Grandma keep the baby? When I’m not feeling well everything is super overwhelming to me, and you’re already handling so much.
Also, I knew it’s hard for us overachiever ladies to do, but I try to remind myself that a B effort is good enough sometimes. You don’t have room in your life for guilt right now.
Anonymous says
You need a break. Whether it is enabled by husband, grandma, someone else, or all of the above. You need a couple days to just focus on you and relaxing (whatever that means for you). It could be a weekend or a day or two off of work (or both). I’ll leave it up to you whether you think it would be more restorative to get away or stay at home with no responsibilities. Tell husband that you’re at your breaking point and need a long weekend to regroup and be a better parent.
Pogo says
+1 I think mentally you are worn down. I’m not even sure more household/kid help would do it at this point. Can you schedule a massage or visit to the therapist on a lunch hour? Even when work is crazy, I have been able to sneak out by saying I have PT or a doctor’s appointment – which to me, massage and therapist totally count as.
Other suggestion is to have grandma stay one or two evenings a week. My mom does this when I’m solo and honestly just having someone to talk to while parenting is as helpful as another set of hands sometimes. If not, do you have a close friend who could come over? Again, less for physical help with the kids and more for support – then after the kids are in bed, have some wine and chat! I find that improves my mood immensely and makes me more able to tackle the disaster that is the kitchen/laundry/my inbox/etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m so sorry – this sounds incredibly stressful. Solo parenting 2 kids for 5 minutes makes me stressed out, I can’t imagine doing it night after night, for months on end.
Gently, looking in from an outside perspective, I think you are putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself. Doing “B-level” work at work (which I’m guessing is probably better than a lot of people’s A efforts) is fine. You don’t need to do your job perfectly. And show me the parent who’s never snapped at their kid, much less in a stressful situation, and I’ll give you a million dollars because I haven’t met one yet. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. You are doing great, and I’m sorry you don’t feel like you are. You said that you’ve let a lot of self-care go but being miserable in furtherance of some need to be there for the kids isn’t really helping them. It’s said here a lot, but you need to put your own oxygen mask first.
Short-term, I’d look into hiring a mother’s helper or babysitter to help with the kids some or most evenings, and maybe even taking a night off yourself to do whatever you want while babysitter or grandma watches them. You are not a bad parent for taking time for yourself!!! Extra exclamation points for emphasis.
Long-term, if your husband’s work situation is stressing you out (I personally would not be happy solo parenting long-term), then I’d suggest you sit down and discuss this with your husband. This may be a little oversimplified, but a wealthy lifestyle doesn’t mean much if you’re miserable in it. I’d look into some individual therapy for yourself too, to get at the root of your negative self-talk and perfectionism (I’m not trying to criticize – I’m a recovering perfectionist myself!)
Hugs.
CHL says
Oh my – hugs! This sounds so hard. Agree with everything above. I have also had a mothers helper (12 year old neighbor girl) come and play with one of my kids while I tended to the other or took care of other life things. Might be an option if you don’t have someone you know well yet, or don’t want to “go out.” I have also told my nanny that I am “doing another hour of work upstairs” and instead “read a trashy novel in my office.”
AwayEmily says
I am also parenting on my own for most days of the week (3yo and 13mo) and I feel you so much. It’s incredibly draining. People have given great macro-level suggestions about your situation, but in terms of actually surviving those grueling evening hours, here are a few things that have helped us:
– My mom comes once a week and also brings dinner
– Dinners are the same every week, and totally un-challenging (tortellini, pizza, salmon burgers, etc)
– One night a week I let the toddler watch some extra evening TV
– A change in venue can help — for example, instead of playing in the living room we go up to the kids room and play there, or even noodle around in our room
– Instead of going straight home after daycare, go to the library (bring a snack dinner with you). Our library is open until 7 a few days a week. The kids can play/read and then you can go home and put them right to bed.
Good luck. you are doing an amazing job, I promise, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Anonymous says
I am a strong vote in favor of getting a baby sitter one weeknight per week and staying out to do whatever you want — that said, it can be challenging if you’re nursing, and maybe you’d be dealing with some judgment from your mom? So, do you have any local friends who are in a similar situation re solo parenting? If so, maybe doing a low key dinner together once a week could help — just ordering pizza and getting some adult interaction on a Wednesday night can be a big lift.
Anonanonanon says
I’m team get a babysitter for one evening a week. Make it a standing thing. My kids have always had very early bedtimes (our 11 month old goes to bed around 6:15pm) so personally I would have them help with the evening grind (make an easy dinner or play with the kids while I cook, basically do whatever I don’t feel like doing that evening) and then, after the younger one goes down early, I’d leave the house for a bit to run an errand (woo hoo, one less thing for the weekend!) or even just get a milkshake in a drive-thru and call a friend to chat, or sit somewhere and read my kindle or go walk on the treadmill at the gym and listen to a podcast.
Alternatively, I know you’re exhausted, but on the mornings someone is already doing drop-off could you hit the gym? By “hit the gym” I mean slowly walk on a treadmill while you listen to a podcast or audibook, and then enjoy showering and getting dressed/ready IN PEACE in the locker rooms. I find it really helps me feel like I’m doing something for ME, and then you’re getting extra use out of that morning sitter.
Another option, would having a standing sitter for a couple of hours on a weekend day help? Sometimes the grind of the week is more bearable when there’s an end in sight. You could use the time to “do some work upstairs” (nap), run errands, meet up with a friend for brunch, whatever you want to do!
EB0220 says
This sounds really tough and that’s not an easy age range. When my husband is traveling I actually focus more on self care. Otherwise I find that I have zero patience. I get a massage every other week and it is a life-saver. When husband is gone, I have a babysitter come around 7 to put the kids to bed 2 nights a week so I can exercise/run errands/stare at the wall. I pretty much phone it in on dinners. Rotisserie chicken, spaghetti, frozen chicken patties, sandwiches or takeout. I schedule as little as possible between work and bedtime since that stresses me out. I try to limit the TV because that makes my kids really badly behaved. I send them to bed about 15 minutes earlier than usual. They don’t notice and it buys me some extra alone time. Having another adult over to keep you company really helps. One of the things I miss when my husband is gone is someone to just laugh with at the ridiculousness of kids (as Jimmy Buffet says, “If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”) So I really appreciate having a good friend or neighbor or my in-laws over in the morning or evening to keep me company and help corral the kids. OK, hope that helps a little. Also – final thought – I think I remember that this is a temporary commitment that will lead to something awesome longer term. Can you focus on that part? Not sure if any of that helps but hopefully 1-2 things will be useful!
Sarabeth says
Stuff we’ve done in a similar situation:
-babysitter two days/week
-housekeeper who also does some cooking or meal prep (would your current person be open to adding these duties?)
-mother’s helper on weekends to play with the 5 yo so the parent can get a nap in with the baby
-lots of playdates with friends for the 5 yo.
-gym with daycare so parent can work out on both weekend days
We haven’t done all of these at once, and the mix has shifted over time as our kids needs’ changed. You know best what you need right now. But I do think you need more help, and that’s ok.
lawsuited says
Perhaps you need someone to help with school pick-up twice a week rather than drop-off. If a sitter could pick-up your daughter, give her dinner and put her to bed twice a week, you could use one evening to work as late as you need to to keep things afloat at work and the other evening for self care.
Also, you’re a champion. A straight up champion.
Hungry says
Does anyone else bring their lunch and (plus snacks) to work and then eat all of the above by 11am? I love not spending so much $$ on lunch and also eating healthier foods, but my current “bring your lunch to work” effort might be ending soon. I can’t seem to not eat food when it’s in my office – no matter how much I bring. Sigh.
Anonymous says
My solution to this is a) pack a snack that I’m allowed to have in the morning and b) put my lunch in a drawer (or in the fridge down the hall)
and tell myself I’m not allowed to open it until noon. This way I have something healthy to munch on in the morning but I know it’s my only snack until lunchtime so if I eat it at 9am I’m out of luck.
Anonymous says
I have been most successful at this when I brought 2 substantial snacks instead of a lunch and little snacks. So I’d eat around 10:45-11:00 and 2:30ish. Only having to wait until 10:45-11:00 made it easier to mentally wait. And then the snack would be big enough that I was full for a while. Like maybe a Greek yogurt with fruit and nuts for one snack and then a half sandwich plus veggies for the second one. Maybe aim for 250 calories each.
Pogo says
I bring a lot of snacks and I’m allowed to eat them whenever and in whatever order I want (usually: a yogurt, 2 pieces of fruit, granola bar). However my lunch (either a Tupperware of leftovers or a sandwich) is for 12:00 or later only. Typically I eat the yogurt and maybe one piece of fruit before noon. That way I can make it to the “real” lunch.
drpepperesq says
One thing that has worked for me is bringing a can of flavored seltzer to the work fridge. I usually only drink coffee/water at my desk, so having something cold, fizzy, and a little flavored, feels like a “snack.”
mascot says
I’m the opposite. Having snacks available means I think about them all the time. So I don’t bring them. But, I also am lazy enough that it keeps me from going out for the express purpose of buying snacks. We don’t have vending machines or a cafe in our building so that helps too.
Pogo says
Anyone ever gate checked a (nice, new) jogging stroller? I want to take our Thule Urban Glide to Florida. Conventional wisdom seems to say, use an umbrella stroller that you don’t mind if something happens to it (and it folds up easily) – but I also want to be able to use it when we’re down there for actual jogging.
GCA says
The last time we traveled to Asia, we gate checked the single Bob – I wanted to use it to run with kiddo while we stayed at my parents’ house. (Serves dual function of getting us out of the house and maintaining my sanity.) I’m pretty hard on the stroller and it wasn’t exactly new at that point, but it survived the flight just fine. Plus I think the Thule folds flat better than the Bob (we just got a secondhand Thule double for this spring). Enjoy Florida!
Jeffiner says
I checked (not gate-checked) my jogging stroller, and it was fine. My airport does not allow strollers that can’t fit through the metal detector through security, but its free to check it anyway. I had the stroller in a Stokke Pram Pack, which was very expensive but I liked that it was a little solid to protect the stroller, and then rolled up small for easy storage in our rental car.
Anonymous says
What airport is this? As a parent of twins who travels with a double stroller that doesn’t fit through the x-ray this is important to know! (I also thought they couldn’t refuse to let any stroller through, but apparently I’m wrong.)
Anonymous says
You can get around this by using two umbrella strollers and buying stroller connectors so when you break it down, it should fit through.
Interested in which airport though as I’ve flown to 15+ airports with the kids in the last 7 years and they all handchecked the ones that didn’t fit through.
Anon says
Yeah they have to hand check it. They can’t just say “no it doesn’t fit.”
Anonymous says
Right, we’ve always had the stroller hand-checked, so I’m shocked there’s an airport that refuses to do that!
RR says
I gate checked our UppaBaby with no issues. I don’t know about Thule, but with UppaBaby, you can buy a travel bag that comes with a warranty that they will replace your stroller if it gets damaged while traveling in the bag. Not a great help for that particular trip, but good for not being out a ton of money.
Pogo says
Thank you all! Valuable insight. This will be our first trip with a kiddo in a convertible, in the past we just did bucket seat + snap n go. It’s a new world of stroller/car seat logistics for me.
Lash lift says
I’m interested in getting a lash lift..how particular do I need to be in picking where to get it done? Do I need to be looking for someone with a particular type of license? Has anyone had this done? TIA