This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
I just realized this shirt is kind of the non-maternity version of Monday’s top. It has a V-neck and a blousy shape, with a tie at the bottom. I really like how this top can be dressed up or down or can serve as part of a date-night outfit. In my eye, it morphs between work-appropriate, relaxed, and stylish, while looking super comfortable and flattering. I like the black (obviously), but the pink looks like a fun version too. This top by Chelsea28 is $69 and available at Nordstrom. Tie-Front Top A machine-washable option in plus sizes is from Eloquii. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
H13 says
My five-year-old is having trouble in kindergarten (again). We are getting feedback that if he doesn’t get something quickly or if something requires sustained effort, he will pretty much just disengage. The teacher’s only solution ever is to send behavior charts home. I don’t think they do much good but she doesn’t seem to have any other tactics.
My fear is that he isn’t feeling successful in school and is, therefore, shutting down.
I have a call scheduled with the school counselor but does anyone have any advice, resources, or commiseration in the meantime?
Lana Del Raygun says
I thought behavior charts were the opposite of what you want for a child who’s missing internal motivation?
H13 says
Right? I hate those things. I’ve told the teacher that they are ineffective but she has no other suggestions (other than take away recess which, ugh). Also, what do I even do with the information? It’s not like I am going to punish him at home. Her pedagogical techniques are antiquated.
Anonymous says
Is there a possibility that he might be gifted? I have a gifted kid who had trouble learning to deal with not “getting” things instantaneously because she was used to having everything come naturally with zero effort, but that issue cropped up at a later age and mostly outside of school.
H13 says
I don’t know. He is definitely smart and others have made the suggestion that he is bored. I struggle with how to balance his natural tendencies with the fact that he also has to participate and try.
How did you address the issue with your daughter?
Anonymous says
We let her take up a sport and a musical instrument so she would get experience facing challenges and see the connection between hard work and progress. The music lessons did not help on that front because she is very talented and everything came too easily for the first few years, and when she finally got to the point where real effort was required she got frustrated and finally quit. The sport worked out well because she is not a natural and had to work hard from the very beginning. Every bit of grit and resilience she has developed comes from that sport.
For a kindergartner, I would suggest martial arts or another sport where discipline and focus are required from an early age, and the child can readily appreciate his own progress. Gymnastics (competitive track, not so much with rec), swimming, and maybe tennis would have similar benefits. At that age, dance and some other rec sports are just too “fun” to build resilience.
Anonymous says
Can you work a bit on this at home? Do an activity that’s new to him and encourage him to keep grappling with it. I often hear martial arts suggested but a LEGO Kit, puzzle, painting, growing his own little garden plot- all opportunities to let him get frustrated and then practice strategies to cope.
H13 says
I was actually thinking about martial arts because it has the instructor-led aspect. He can sit down and do a lego kit for three hours, no problem. I like the idea of having a new activity that isn’t strictly academic to work through the issue. Great suggestion.
anon says
This sounds so much like my son at that age. Have you talked to his pediatrician about this? If he’s been struggling the whole school year, despite everyone’s best efforts to support him, I would push for a behavioral evaluation with a child psych. In my son’s case, he ended up being diagnosed with ADHD in second grade. Son also tested high on IQ tests, though not quite in the gifted category.
YMMV, but I found our school district/school counselor was supremely unhelpful until he had an actual medical diagnosis. Don’t count on the school to flag the problem or even recommend an evaluation — at least in my district, they seem very very hesitant to do that.
I’m not trying to be that annoying person who freely diagnoses problems over the internet, but I’m sharing my story because I wish I had listened to my gut sooner … that there was a reason why he was having a harder time following basic directions than everyone else his age. He was on behavioral charts for years. I came to find out later that that’s not normal at all and are meant to be used for short-term problems. But we didn’t have any other tools, and neither did his otherwise very good teachers. When I look back at kindergarten/1st/2nd grade, I feel so sad about the stress and strain all of us were under.
anon says
Forgot to add: Not being able to sustain effort on tasks, especially difficult ones, could very well be a focus issue, not an issue of motivation.
mascot says
We just got this same diagnosis for my 2nd grade son. All the empathy and fist bumps because I know first-hand how hard this journey is Bright with ADHD that means that he disengages if things are too easy or too hard. So we have to find that Goldilocks spot for challenging him.
OP, it might be worth a talk with a pediatric psychologist/therapist about an evaluation. If nothing is going on, great, now you know. If there is something else at play, you can save yourself a bunch of frustration and behavior charts. We tried a couple of things first, like repeating a grade, and still weren’t making the progress we needed on behavior/development. It’s common for really smart kids to have their intelligence compensate for their attention/behavioral/developmental shortfalls which means that they don’t get diagnosed until later which is what happened to us.
H13 says
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. We have had ups and downs over the year and every flare-up is incredibly emotionally draining on everyone. I keep thinking, I can’t do this for the next 12 years!
H13 says
Can I ask, how did the diagnosis help? Was is techniques and tactics that could be tailored? Meds?
mascot says
As a parent, a diagnosis seems like a relief. It’s not that we aren’t trying hard enough or our kid is doing something wrong. We just haven’t been using the right set of tools.
So, as our therapist says, pills don’t teach skills, but they can make it so the child is able to implement and execute the skills. We are starting with the skills training- behavioral therapies (CBT, parent/child interaction) and some classroom modifications. Then we will re-assess over time to see if/when medications are necessary.
anon says
Yes, exactly. But some specific things that the diagnosis has made easier:
– Medication. Seriously, it has been a game changer. It had gotten to the point where he couldn’t even meaningfully engage with the stuff he liked, let alone the challenging stuff. It also has helped even out his emotional volatility.
– Therapy for him and for us. He learns behavioral techniques, we learn how to reinforce them, and overall the stress in our household has lessened a lot as a result. Trust me, I scoured the internet for ideas and nothing has been more helpful than talking to a real, live person who’s trained in this stuff. Our therapist also is willing to troubleshoot with the teachers if there is something specific happening in the classroom with him that they can’t figure out.
– He became eligible for a 504 plan at school. Simple modifications have made school better for him, and the teachers have appreciated having more guidance to follow.
– Our kid went from being labeled “disruptive” to being the kid who is “awesome, but has a few extra challenges.” It stinks, but that’s the reality. Teachers and others are far more patient and tolerant when they realize he has to work extra hard just to hit the baseline of normal behavior.
– Our expectations have changed. We still have expectations, but on the whole, ADHD kids tend to be behaviorally behind by a few years. I have a 2e kid — cognitively way ahead of the pack, but emotionally/behaviorally behind. Now that he’s on medication and is getting help, this is the first year he’s actually met grade-level expectations for behavior at school. As a result, his self-esteem has improved a lot.
All the sports and activities in the world aren’t going to help if there’s something bigger going on.
RR says
Very similar story here. My son was the “problem child” from age 4 on, lots of behavior charts (which I despise). Finally, he was diagnosed with ADHD at age 9. He is also highly gifted, which masked a lot of the issues with ADHD because we didn’t see suffering in school work, just in ability to engage appropriately. The giftedness itself is associated with personality traits that can be negative. For my son, we did medication, and it has helped him enormously. We’ve also had lots and lots and lots of meetings with teachers and school personnel. There are people who get it and people who don’t, although most mean well.
My son is now 11, and we also work a lot on having a growth mindset (there’s a book–it’s fantastic). We talk a lot about failure. He has strong perfectionist tendencies, which mean he won’t try if something is hard. So we talk about failure as a positive thing he should be striving for because if he never fails, then he’s never taking risks.
We also don’t do behavior charts anymore, but we make plans. So, for example, if he’s in his gifted English class and he’s stuck with a writing prompt, he has a list of other activities he can do (read, draw, make origami figures), and then he comes back to it later. Just that–being able to take a step back and come back to it instead of fighting through the frustration is huge.
H13 says
I love the idea of having an activity to turn to knowing he will have to go back to the original task. That is genius.
RR says
It’s seriously a game changer. He gets everything done, but it spares me the constant emails of, “J didn’t work on his writing today.”
I also agree with the other poster that it’s so much easier when teachers recognize that he has to work so much harder for “normal.” We struggle a lot with the line of trying to accommodate what he needs without lowering academic expectations (because he is gifted and has enormous potential). So, it works well to say that he still has to meet class expectations, but he has some control over timing of when to do that. It also lets him work in the extra projects that grab his attention–because he will be off writing a novella inspired by their non-fiction reading when he’s supposed to be writing a report about it. He can figure out how to do both the passion project and the class project.
IHeartBacon says
Have you read the Four Tendencies? It talks about the four basic types of personalities and how each personality-type responds to internal and external motivation. There is a section under each tendency that discusses kids. It tmight give you some ideas on how your child can be best motivated.
Anonymous says
Is he disengaging or misbehaving? To me those are different things. You say he is disengaging, but the teacher is sending home behavior charts? Is he doing one or both? What happens when he disengages?
H13 says
That is a good question. In the fall we were getting behavior charts home because he was having a hard time sitting still and focusing and therefore distracting peers. We had the counselor observe him in class and said yes, he was bouncy but not out of the realm of normal for a 5yo, no social issues, took redirection well, etc.
Then we had maybe 4-5 months of no issues. Then in the last week or so we are getting notes that he isn’t listening and is being silly. Needs lots of reminders to stay focused, etc. We haven’t noticed any behavior changes at home.
(I should add, I do not like his teacher. I think she has engaged in shaming techniques and I am definitely have not been able to let that go.)
RR says
Definitely push past the teacher to the principal, school psychologist, and other team members. I agree with you very much on the “shaming” as a strategy for dealing with kids who have a harder time. My son was red for so long on the preschool red, yellow, green chart that he stopped trying for anything else. I wouldn’t shame my employees–why do we shame children? I’ve seen the negative effects of it on my son, and we’ve spent years working past his feelings of being the “bad” kid so why should he even try? Your son is young, and you can stop this in its tracks (and should feel empowered to do so). I ultimately came to an agreement with my son’s preschool that they would not do the class behavior board for him. I couldn’t talk them into not doing it for everyone, but they didn’t do it for him.
There are lots of great teachers too, who will love your son and what he brings to the table and not just focus on how he’s a little different than the other kids who sit still easily.
Anonymous says
Did he have spring break recently? Some kids can have difficulty transitioning back to the classroom after breaks and your comment that he had 4-5 months with no issues made me wonder. A classroom teacher should know and understand that though..
H13 says
I do think being in and out of school so much this spring has made for additional challenges. In my state we have a Feb break and an April break plus plenty of other random days off in there. We also had a sick day last week and I wonder if his lack of sleep during the illness compounded things.
But basically, I also think this teacher sucks for my son (I am sure she is great for other kids). The last time I spoke with the counselor she was incredibly empathetic and helpful. I am hoping she might also have some insight into classroom placement for next year.
H13 says
As for the disengagement, yesterday’s note said he wrote nothing in 20 minutes even with help with ideas.
I am trying not to project my own insecurities, but I definitely am prone to shutting down under too much stress.
Strategy mom says
Taking away recess is an inappropriate punishment for this. Recess is when he gets our excess energy so he can focus. Taking it away will only make things work. It is really bothering me that she is suggesting it for this situation.
H13 says
She’s… not good.
BOB stroller recall says
FYI, this mornings Washington Post article about the BOB strollers is scary, link to follow:
Staff members at the Consumer Product Safety Commission collected 200 consumer-submitted reports from 2012 to 2018 of spontaneous failure of the stroller wheel, which is secured to a front fork by a quick-release lever, like on a bicycle. Nearly 100 adults and children were injured, according to the commission. The agency’s staff members investigated for months before deciding in 2017 that one of the most popular jogging strollers on the market was unsafe and needed to be recalled. But BOB’s maker, Britax Child Safety, refused the agency’s request in 2017 for a voluntary recall of nearly 500,000 strollers.
Lana Del Raygun says
I saw that! It freaked me right out.
Pogo says
Wow, yikes! I have the Thule but this is terrifying.
FVNC says
I have a BOB from 2013 that I’ve used almost daily. I want to assume I’m safe(ish?) since the issue hasn’t cropped up in 5+ years of use? I just skimmed the article but it didn’t seem to provide a lot of info on what can be done…did I miss that? I guess I just need to watch the video from BOB.
BOB Stroller recall says
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/after-hundreds-of-crashes-this-britax-jogging-stroller-faced-recall-then-trump-appointees-stepped-in/2019/04/02/faf23c20-4c06-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd_story.html?utm_term=.ad986726aa55
anon says
DH and I are planning a family vacation this summer that will involve hiking. Nothing too strenuous, because the youngest kiddo is 4, but still plenty of activity and walking. Would it be worth getting a pair of hiking shorts for myself? When we do short hikes close to home, I usually just wear workout shorts — but I’m also able to change right away when we’re done.
Also, my kids don’t necessarily need special shoes, do they? Basic athletic shoes or Keens will do the trick, I hope.
Anonymous says
Yeah at 4 they aren’t going to be up for hikes so strenuous sneakers don’t work any way.
Anonymous says
I doubt you *need* hiking shorts. I like the look but won’t spend the money on them. So if I had a reason to, I’d probably buy them. :)
Anon says
I’ve done some pretty strenuous hikes (Yosemite Half Dome, Mt. Katahdin in Maine) in athletic shorts or leggings, and never felt like my attire wasn’t sufficient. I’m not even sure I understand the difference between workout short and hiking shorts – it seems like it’s mostly something invented by marketers to get you to buy more stuff.
Pogo says
+1 Only difference is when I’ve been backpacking, the quick-dry fabric is helpful – because you’re staying in a tent and not necessarily brining a change of clothes. But day hikes? I’m all about the athleisure.
GCA says
Agree – I like the quick-dry fabric for camping, but on day hikes you’ll find me in regular running shorts or leggings, which I honestly find more comfortable. If it’s something a 4yo can do, I can probably also do it in trail runners and leggings.
anon says
Thanks for the reality check, ladies!
Anonymous says
I think it depends if you get thigh rub or not. I find if I get really sweaty that I’ll start to chaff with running shorts, hiking shorts are a little longer
anon says
Your normal workout clothes and sneakers for both you and kiddo should be fine. I have a great pair of hiking boots but I hate bringing them on trips because they are so bulky. My running shoes are fine, even for mountains. I do buy trail running shoes, though, so they have more support than something like the Nike frees.
Ducky36 says
Keen shoes are amazing for kids. They hold up so much better than any other shoe I have purchased for my boys. I think good shoes are always worth the investment.
Anon says
Do you or anyone you know take an Uber or cab to take your child to school everyday?
We just got in to a school that is not walking distance (but also not super far: 2.5 miles) and not easily accessible by public transpo. We have one car, but I use it to get to work early so that I can handle pick up. So far, the only solution we can come up with is to Uber/lyft every day for drop off. DH seems to think he will be ok with installing a car seat into a cab every morning. This is for a kindergartner in DC.
Anonymous says
At 2.5 miles, are you eligible for bussing?
Anon says
Can’t kiddo go on the school bus? Or is a private school? Would DH go with kiddo and then have to Uber back home? I don’t think I’d be comfortable putting a kindergarten into a cab by themselves, so it seems like it would get pretty expensive with a round-trip ride every day. But if it’s in your budget, go for it.
Anonymous says
So expensive it might be worth buying a car? Especially if it’s not just K but all of elementary school
Knope says
Not OP but there aren’t school buses in DC. Kids get a transit card to use on public buses.
Redux says
What happens to the car seat at the other end? Does your kindergartener take it with him to school? This seems really complicated to me and potential for lots of tardies or missed mornings. I wouldn’t do this unless I could arrange for the same driver every time (a person whom I could vet as reliable) and I could leave the carseat with the car. I’m not sure that Uber offers that service, but you might arrange something like that outside of Uber (with a Taxi company, for example).
Does the bus not come to your neighborhood? 2.5 miles seems like a long enough distance to merit a bus route. But maybe this is private school…
A simpler solution is to drop your kid off early with a before-care program. Our school offers before care on-site.
We also have school age kids who come to our daycare for early care and catch the bus from there. Outside of formal before-care, do you have any neighbors (with or without their own kids) who would be willing take your kid to school? I would totally do this for a neighbor and keep an extra booster in the car for these kinds of situations.
Anonanonanon says
Agreed, sounds like a situation where “before care” or whatever it is called is needed, especially with carseat issues at play
Knope says
OP, if this is a charter school in DC (vs. an OOB DCPS), you might want to see if there are other families in your neighborhood that are willing to pool resources for a private bus (or perhaps they already have!). Just as a general matter, if it’s a charter there are likely existing listservs and such with families you can connect with who have thought about this issue.
If you got into a DCPS OOB, I think the situation is tougher. I’m not sure Uber/Lyft is reliable enough to do this everyday (I always encounter times where it randomly takes 10+ minutes to get a car), and you have the issue with what you do with the car seat, as someone else mentioned. I would see if you could find a family you could carpool with instead, if that’s possible. Finally I just want to make sure you’ve considered buses – even for non-metro-accessible schools, there are typically a number of bus routes available, though I realize it doesn’t always work for every location.
EB0220 says
I would definitely not do Uber/Lyft with my kids FWIW. If a carpool share/bus share/etc with other families isn’t an option I would hire a caregiver to transport my kid every day or look into before care. If there is no onsite before care there may be a local daycare facility that will bus the kids to school at the beginning of the school day.
AnotherAnon says
As a two-car household in the suburbs with no before/after school care, I’d be interested to see from OP if buying a car would be less expensive than hiring before-school care.
OP says
Thanks, everyone. There’s lots to consider here. Figuring out two drop offs with two working parents feels like an LSAT logic game. I agree that ubering everyday is sort of crazy. I’m on team buy a car or carpool with neighbors. We’re going to a school playdate this weekend where we can meet the other families.
Anonymous says
What about a tandem bicycle for kiddo and DH? Could that be an option?
Coach Laura says
I just got an electric motor for my bike. I vote bike with electric motor and the tag-along bike that attaches to the adult bike. For motors look into BikeSwift.
Blueberries says
I would not want to install a car seat in an Uber/Lyft daily. In my area, there are services that allow you to prebook rides for kids, with a vetted driver and booster seats (I think?) that would be easier. 2.5 miles is also a nice distance for a kid in a cargo bike if your husband can also use it to get to work or return it home after drop off.
Anonymous says
Ride bikes on nice days? Kid rides bike to school. You pick up child’s bike when you pick up child.
TheElms says
DC does not have school buses, for those asking about that except in special certain limited circumstances. Options I would consider —
1) Can you do before care at the school and drop kiddo off at school on the way to work? (I realize that gives you both drop off and pick up duty)
2) Carpool with another kid in the neighborhood where other family does all mornings and you do all afternoons.
3) Bike or scooter (cargo bike, tandem, or kid on own bike or scooter)
Anon says
Any recs for a soft, comfortable nursing bra? I have some no-underwire nursing bras (from H&M and Target I think) but they are still stiff enough that it hurts to wear them all day and they frequently give me clogged ducts if I wear them for too long. Basically they look and feel like real bras, even though they don’t have an underwire. I have some very soft bral3ttes from Target that are super comfortable but not supportive at all (they’re basically just the top half of a cami). Even layered under a cami they don’t give much support or coverage and I really think I need to stop wearing them to work. Any recommendations for something in between?
H13 says
The bravado nursing bras are great. There is also a three-pack on the ‘zon that I used the second time around. Super cheap and comfy. I wouldn’t say either offer a huge amount of support but there was enough and I lived in them. Let me know if you want the link to the ‘zon ones and I’ll dig it up.
Anonymous says
I’ve commented on this before but I am obsessed with the Momzelle bras. They aren’t underwire, and not even that underwire-ish style, but they are molded so have more coverage than a camisole. I love them so very much.
Cb says
I had a couple from Lamaze that were more supportive and very comfortable. I may still be wearing one of them as I haven’t had a chance to update my bra wardrobe.
LSC says
I am large of chest and need some support but nothing too restrictive. I’ve found the Seamless Clip Down Nursing Bras from Motherhood to be perfect.
Anon says
I’ve loved Kindred Bravely nursing bras. They give the feel of a sports bra but definitely pass as a more normal looking bra. I wear them nearly 100% of the time, and they offer great, comfy support.
Anonymous says
I have had my best luck with cheaper brands- one is a Jessica Simpson from Motherhood and the other was from Amazon and I don’t remember the brand, but it was about $12 and one of their top sellers in the category.
Anon says
Cotton Candy Cake Lingerie (from a 38 I while nursing).
oil in houston says
I got one from amazon I really like Royce’s lingerie women’ soft
A says
This seems like such a basic question, but my husband and I are struggling with how to get our nearly five year old daughter to calm down at bedtime. We usually start the routine around 7 and aim to have lights off by about 7:30. She is generally cooperative and content during the pajama/potty/book-reading process but starts getting antsy as soon as we tell her we need to leave the room. She has a night light that she keeps in bed with her and can read books or play quietly if she still needs a few minutes to wind down (she is tired, to be clear). The problem is that she’s becoming hysterical knowing that she needs to stay in her room after we leave. We have tried sitting with her for a few minutes and rubbing her back/talking quietly. We have tried sticker charts. We have tried being stern. Nothing seems to make a difference with having a more efficient and less emotional bedtime process, and we are exhausted from having to spend our limited hours every night trying to get her to go to sleep (or just stay in her room).
This seems like it’s rooted in some anxiety or emotion build-up after interacting with other kids and teachers all day. I don’t blame her–going to bed is hard for a lot of people–but I’d like to find some way to help her chill out without needing to get hysterical first. Has anyone tried meditation with their kids? Other suggestions?
Anonymous says
We’ve done it in steps. Our first time leaving is with lights on- she sits in bed and plays or reads while I go clean the kitchen for ten minutes, then I come back. At that point, it’s time for lights out and heads on pillows, and I go and brush my teeth/wash my face for 5 minutes (because the way our house is, she can hear me doing it). And then I come back for one last kiss.
I think mine just still doesn’t quite get that when I leave I’m like a hot 50 feet away and gets scared, so this reinforces that I’m stillaround.
CHL says
My 4 year old likes the Headspace kids meditations. Sometimes he’s just too hopped up to go to sleep but I can tell he’s tired so we’ll lie in my bed together and do a couple of the 3 – 5 minute meditations and then he’s usually calm enough to go to bed. I don’t love that it means bringing out my phone but it’s not every night and doesn’t seem to be creating a problem. YMMV.
A says
Thanks! I’m going to try this. A friend also recommended ASMR videos, so this seems like a good approach. I also don’t love bringing my phone out at bedtime, but…desperate times.
Anon says
Specific suggestion on this: the Moshi Twilight app. It’s a subscription, but has a few free options you can test out. Soothing stories that are 15-20 minutes long, designed to put your kid to sleep.
We’ve also used the podcast Be Calm on Ahway Island in the past.
Anonmom says
Wow 30 minutes is impressively short. My 5 yo has a MUCH longer routine, but once its finished he is good at staying in bed. One thing that worked was that at the end, I would let him know I was leaving now, but I would come back in 5 minutes to check on him. Sometimes he comes out if I take longer than 5 minutes to ask if time is up, but generally this helps him stay in bed and once I finish checking on him he goes to sleep no problem.
Anonymous says
My 5yo was like this, and my husband suggested she bring books in bed and read until she’s tired. She has LOVED this. She can’t read yet (starts K in the fall) but she loves having the independence to stay up “reading” as late as she wants, and we try to check on her once before she falls asleep (to build confidence that we are still around and checking on her). Also, though, when she becomes inconsolable at bedtime, it’s usually because she has to go potty and has forgotten what this body discomfort means (due to being VERY tired).
A says
I like that idea. She also loves to “read” by herself before bed, so giving her unrestricted time to do so might help. And right there with you on the potty issue!
# 2 accidents says
You could also try audiobooks
Anonymous says
Most nights, our 3 yo son sleeps in a sleeping bag on our bedroom floor by his choice because he hates being alone in his room and trying to get him to stay in was exhausting or he would wake up in the middle of the night and wake us up. I haven’t tried meditation before bed, but recently I started praying with the kids before bed and they really like it because I end with, “please help them grow into the [they get to choose their own Marvel character – Superman, Wonder Woman, etc.] they were meant to be.” It’s helped calm them down and also helps calm me down quite frankly.
anon says
We have had similar problems with our nearly 6 year old (for many years), and lately we are having some success with encouraging DD to picture us doing whatever we will be doing, which helps assure her that we are still around and where she can find us if she really needs to (e.g., picture me sitting at the kitchen table working on my laptop). Not going to lie though, if she pops out other than to go to the bathroom, I usually threaten to close her door.
Redux says
We have our kindergarten orientation this week and I am trying to think through some things I want to know. What did you ask at orientation and what do you wish you had known before beginning kindergarten (either to prepare yourself or your kid)?
I plan to ask about:
– homework: how much, what kind, how does it weigh (I am 100% not doing worksheets at home with my kid– our nights are already a rush between my getting home at 6:30, dinner, bath, bedtime by 8. I can’t imagine adding a worksheet to that time of day– we would both lose it!)
– recess: the schedule is posted online but my kid is a little worried about “never getting to play,” which is what her friend told her happens in K.
– discipline, I guess? Do they lose (precious little) recess for misbehaving? What do they do about bullying?
– security (this one breaks my heart)
– lunch/ snack (we’ve been so spoiled at daycare– they provide all the food and it is healthy and varied– i’m not ready for chicken fried steak and cheeseburgers!)
– rest time (my 5-year old still takes a 2-hour nap– I don’t know how she’s going to make it through the day!)
Anonymous says
Do you have a choice? These questions are reading really aggressive and hostile to me. Unless you’re choosing between kindergartens, just listen! Ask if there’s anything they think you should be doing to prepare your kid for school. Ask how they communicate with parents.
FVNC says
Interesting. As a different perspective, we had all these questions on our list when we toured our daughter’s public school, and this list seems entirely appropriate to me. A lot of this information was provided in the course of the tour so we didn’t have to ask specifically. I’d interpret these questions as understanding what is needed to set expectations for both parent and student, not as aggressive or hostile toward the school.
Anon says
I agree that a lot of this information may be provided and it’s not unreasonable to ask questions about some of these topics to the extent they aren’t covered in the formal presentation or available online. But I also found her tone very off-putting and like she was assessing whether or not the school meets her standards…which is appropriate(ish) when touring daycares, but not really at a K orientation when you’ve already committed to the school and (most people, anyway) don’t have another option. For example, asking “what about healthy food?” would come across as pretty silly and judgy when the menus are posted online and you know they serve chicken fried steak and cheeseburgers. So I’m not sure what there is to ask about lunch/snack – you pack your own or you eat the school’s unhealthy provided food – and including it in a list of topics to ask about feels tone deaf.
Anon says
+1 – I think you’re approaching this like choosing a daycare. Except a daycare is a business and you’re choosing whether or not to give them your hard-earned money or go elsewhere. You don’t have that same kind of choice for school. These meetings are mostly about listening when they tell you how to prepare your kid for school and what to expect. This is not the time to ask these kinds of questions. Ask other parents or look online for an FAQ.
FVNC says
Screen time (how is it used, is there a policy for amount and content?); ensure recess is not taken away as punishment (if it can be, try to engage with the school board now to change this); communication (how is it done, what are appropriate expectations for amount/frequency of communication). On that last point, it was rough on us to go from daily reports from daycare/chatting with teachers to basically zero communication with my daughter’s kindergarten teacher.
Anon says
Kind of curious what “I am 100% not doing worksheets at home with my kid” means. In my experience, most kindergartens (and certainly most first grades) do expect 10-15 minutes of homework per night, which seems age appropriate. I understand not wanting to spend hours on homework at that age. But what are you going to do about a worksheet? Just tell the teacher your child won’t be doing it? I feel like that will cause unnecessary friction between your kid and the teacher.
There’s a rest time in full day K at our school.
Pack lunch – if you don’t have time to do homemade, there are lots of pre-made things you can buy (unsweetened applesauce, string cheese, nut mixes etc) that are healthier than what’s served in schools. Most kids I know bring a lunch and buy milk.
Does your school have a parent or student handbook online? A lot of these questions may be answered there.
Anonanonanon says
Kind of curious about the worksheet thing too. Gently, at some point, your elementary school-aged child WILL have to do homework and you WILL have to figure out how to integrate it into your busy evening routine. Even if you think it’s ridiculous, your child might not when everyone else turns in their homework and she doesn’t. Yes, it’s unpleasant, but it’s easier to start integrating homework time into everyone’s routine now, because it never gets easier.
Eh says
Eh. My kid’s kindergarten sends home worksheets sometimes… not every day. We just don’t do them. I told the teacher after the first one came home “I saw we had a worksheet last week! To be honest, we are probably not going to do those very often– I only have about an hour with both kids after work each night, so….” and then I changed the subject. She’s never mentioned it and it’s never been a problem.
Anon says
No homework is age appropriate in kindergarten. For most kids, it’s not going to harm anything, but it’s not going to help anything either.
anon says
There is not one study that shows worksheet homework in K to be beneficial. Until there is data showing me why this is important, I won’t waste my kids time on it.
Anonymous says
She isn’t going to get a two hour nap. That’s just what?
Anon says
If you tell your kid not to do the assigned homework, the teacher will hate you and likely make life harder for your kid. Trust me, for the sake of your kid, you want to have a pleasant relationship with your child’s teacher. You’re going to need to figure out how to fit homework into your evening routine. If you believe your teacher is assigning an inappropriate amount of homework, that’s of course an issue you can raise with the school. But all teachers assign homework, and the principal is just going to laugh at you if you go to them and tell them your kid doesn’t do homework.
anon says
+1. I know some parents feel like this is a legitimate option, but I do not. What kind of example does it set for your kid if you flatly refuse to do homework? He/she will begin to see the teacher as an adversary, not someone who deserves professional respect and consideration.
Anonanonanon says
Also, your child will care when everyone else turns in homework and they don’t.
There are ways to push back. For example, my son is in third grade and they ask for 80 minutes of reading, 60 minutes of math (on a computer platform at home), and a written response to a discussion question every week. They said they want all of that to take place between Monday and Thursday (it is due every Friday). My son has sports practice Tuesday and Thursday, and sometimes has dinner with his father on Wednesdays, so that really cuts down our time. He is an avid reader and the teacher knows it, so I talked to her and asked if we could count weekend reading minutes into the weekly total, and she said yes. My instinct was to just count weekend reading time anyway, because who cares, but my son was much more comfortable doing so knowing that the teacher was aware and had given permission.
Anonymous says
This wasn’t my experience at all. We met with the K teacher, explained that we were a no homework family but we do read together for at least 10 mins every day. K teacher didn’t have an issue. Neither did grade 1 teacher. Grade 2 , kid does the weekly worksheet on Sunday. Kid has straight As and always has. Good teachers know that homework for small kids has zero value. Some districts don’t allow homework for primary ages.
There is no evidence that for primary students (up to 4th grade) that there is any benefit to homework. There is some evidence that nightly reading improves language skills so we do that.
So Anon says
There are ways to gently push back on homework requirements. My son (2nd grade) has math homework every night. I approached his teacher and asked for help because he does OT 1-2 nights per week, and he is utterly exhausted when he gets home at 6. She was great, and we came up with two options to offer to my son. He was able to chose the option he preferred, and it was fine for all.
I agree that going in and saying flatly that something won’t work is not generally a great way to develop a relationship. Most of the time, the teachers will work with you.
anon says
I say this gently, but you are going to need to chill out. Kindergarten is not like daycare, at all, and you will need to get used to the idea of having little control over what happens during your child’s day. Most of the questions you’re wondering about will likely be covered in the school or district handbook anyway.
Anon says
If the school doesn’t have a rest time (or even if they do), you might think about getting an after school nanny vs putting your kid in aftercare. The transition to K can be rough, even for kids that have been in full-day daycare for years. If your daughter is still taking a 2 hour nap, she is going to be absolutely exhausted at the end of the school day. Having a nanny would allow her to go home, eat a snack, have a rest/short nap, and do her homework, probably all before you get home. I feel like school + aftercare + getting home at 6:30 and trying to get to bed by 8 is a recipe for disaster for a 5 year old who was still taking long naps until recently.
Redux says
Wow, I am so surprised at these responses! Lots of anons up in here today, whew!
To be clear, I am thinking through my questions so that I know what to expect, not so that I can push back. I’m curious about what you wanted to know in starting kindergarten precisely because it is so different from daycare. These are the things that are going to be different and, as I asked in my question, I want to know so that I can prepare myself and my kid. Obviously I am not going to rail these parentheticals at the teachers during orientation– I offer them as context for what I am thinking through. Sheesh, y’all!
Thanks for the one or two suggestions here!
Anonymous says
Well, you said these were your questions! I don’t know how you expected us to get from that that you weren’t planning to ask them!
Instead of concluding we are all just horrible meanies maybe a little more self reflection
Redux says
lol
Anon says
Also even if you don’t SAY the parentheticals to the teachers, you believe them. “My kid is not doing any homework” is really not a great attitude to have, and you deserve pushback on it.
Anonymous says
No homework for K is a perfectly reasonable approach. No educational research demonstrates that K students need homework. The school systems that score highest in the PISA rankings do not allow homework until high school. Kids need a break.
Anon says
I tend to agree with you that it’s not *necessary* and if I were a kindergarten teacher, I doubt I’d assign it (beyond reading with family members). But I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to assign it, and I don’t believe you should teach your child that reasonable requests from authority figures can be ignored whenever you feel like it. That leads to a whole host of potential problems (eg teacher says it’s not safe to cross the street, kid crosses anyway, because who has to listen to the teacher?). I also think, as other people pointed out, it will create issues between kid/teacher and kid/other classmates. Your kid will likely want to do it (most kindergartners are people-pleasers) and will be confused about why they’re not doing it when all their classmates are.
Anonymous says
Yeah and now isn’t the moment. Give the teachers a chance. See what they do. Give a worksheet a try! If it really doesn’t work then talk to the teacher. Don’t come into orientation guns blazing it’s not necessary.
Anonanonanon says
In my defense, “anonanonanon” is always my username :)
Anyway, I will say the biggest adjustment is how little communication there is with the teachers if you are a working mother. Someone else mentioned this above, but you will not see them at dropoff/pickup, phone times won’t sync up, and-in my experience- they are not great about responding to emails.
Anon says
This varies from school district to school district. We get behavioral reports in real time, which I actually find very stressful (my kid finds it stressful too). I liked daycare where it was just like “Here’s a cute photo of your kid doing arts and crafts!” so much more. Now there are no photos or fun updates, but I get a notification on my phone every time my kid talks out of turn or whatever.
H13 says
That is my nightmare. How does that even work? The teacher stops what they are doing and notifies you? I am just stunned.
Anon says
I don’t think they stop in the middle of a lesson, so it’s probably not technically real time. But yes, she takes time at least a few times during the school day to update the app. We do get photos and other communications through it, and I like that aspect of it, but I don’t like the constant monitoring and notification about behavior. Some teachers use it better than others – in K our teacher pretty much never used the demerits, so it was just a way to give all the kids positive feedback and fun rewards – some kids earned more rewards than others, obviously, but overall it was essentially all positive. But we’re in first grade now and this teacher uses it much more to send bad behavior notifications, which I don’t like (and it’s also super confusing to our kid, who thinks – probably correctly – that she’s being as well-behaved as she was last year, so she doesn’t understand why she’s suddenly getting demerits).
RR says
That is my personal nightmare, and they’d be constantly sending me notifications. Note that I’ve had a lot of success communicating with teachers about what is helpful to me and my child while still working toward the goal of teaching them to be good classroom citizens. Yikes!
avocado says
That is terrible. What are you supposed to do when you get a behavior alert, drive down to the school and discipline your child? The whole “notify the parents every time the kid acts out in the slightest” approach is just a cop-out. Isn’t it the teacher’s job to manage classroom behavior? Yet at the same time, schools don’t seem willing to work with families or respond to concerns raised by parents.
/end rant
# 2 accidents says
Re: homework – can your child do the homework in aftercare?
AnotherAnon says
Not sure why everyone is piling on you: these seem like reasonable questions to me. I don’t know anything about this stuff, but from what I read on here it’s perfectly reasonable to tell the teacher your kindergartener won’t be doing a worksheet. Or maybe don’t even tell her/him – just send them back blank and if s/he asks say you don’t have time. I think they still have mandatory rest period – maybe ask if she needs to bring a nap mat. On a positive note: sending lunch is really easy! I’ve been doing it since my LO was small – premade frozen sandwiches, leftovers (chicken, lentils, bunless burger) , lunchables and snacky foods are all a big hit with my now 2 y/o. I bought a lunch kit with a cold pack and that seems to keep everything the right temp until lunch.
H13 says
You’ll get lots of info at orientation and I echo going with the flow and letting them tell you what is offered. The change from daycare to kindergarten but you guys will all do great.
Things I wish I had asked:
– What is the best way to communicate with the teacher? If I send an email, when should I expect a response? Not hearing back from a teacher is the worst and times to talk by phone often do not sync.
– Recess during inclement weather? We live in a cold, snowy place and I had no idea that recess on days it was too cold to go outside would be a video in the auditorium.
– Unique ways to help the teacher? I often can’t make in-class volunteer commitments during the school day but I can order the classroom a ton of supplies online or build in some extra time to help with things no one likes to do like file student papers.
– Social opportunities for parents and students? This varies greatly by school and region but I am always jealous of my friends who have social opportunities for the parents outside of school.
Anonanonanon says
I was surprised, but it appears that in Northern Virginia there is not rest time in Kindergarten. I thought it would be tough for my child but he adapted just fine.
Anonymous says
What county? I can think of at least one place in NOVA that still has half-day kindergarten, so there wouldn’t be a need for rest time. And in VA the vast majority of kids are already 5 or even 6 when they start K, so they don’t really need a nap. I was 4.5 when I went to full-day K, and nap time was torture. Nobody actually napped, but we had to be perfectly still and quiet for what felt like an eternity.
rakma says
We’re coming up on K orientation too, and while I’m interested in most of the topics you have on your list, I don’t have that specific list right now, but I did last year when we were gearing up for the Pre-K orientation.
What I’ve realized between then and now–these teachers and administrators have a new crop of new students every year, so while I was new to all of these topics, the teachers have been doing this (in most cases) for many many years. Even if the classroom teacher is new, there are other experienced people in the building. Does this mean I agree with all of the ways they do everything? No. (I sent a bite-size Snickers with lunch the other day and my daughter came home and told me 3 times NO CANDY AT LUNCH, because I guess I forgot the rule? Or never heard it? Snickers at lunch is not the norm for us, maybe I’m still sensitive about getting reminded about rules by my 5yo) But for the most part, they have this all figured out, and I’m learning to work with it.
Some things, like the nap, you probably want to start adjusting now. Can your current daycare provider work on reducing naptime? Or altering when in the day it happens? For the homework, will you be using after care? She may be able to complete any work during that time instead of at home.
rakma says
So I posted before I saw your response, and realize my response may not be as helpful now. It was a big change for us to not know much about DD’s day, but it’s really been a great year for her.
Something to keep in mind is that some of these decisions are made at the classroom level, including homework and the possibility of recess being used as a ‘consequence’. If you don’t get a clear answer for some of this at Orientation, you may need to ask again at Parent Teacher night.
Anon says
You’re getting a lot of good input, but I wanted to chime in to say that I’m in a similar boat, and I totally relate to the stress/concern/anxiety behind these questions. My son is going from being home full time to going to full day 4 yr old preK next Sept (it’s provided free through our school district, and honestly all the private half day programs are $$$ and wouldn’t work schedule-wise anyway). He still naps, too, and I am extremely nervous about how it will pan out. But every day he’s seeming a little older and more mature and I’m going to move forward with the faith that he will adjust and do fine. Plus, no decision is permanent – if, after an adjustment period, it doesn’t seem to be working out for your or my kid, we can reassess and make new choices from there. I am trying really hard to be at peace with this next step and go with the flow (while being mindful of any true red flags, of course).
So Anon says
Your questions were generally addressed at every K orientation I have attended. If they are not addressed, feel free to ask; the administrators have heard it all, and you are not the first stressed incoming K parent they have met.
A few other questions (some may be better for your specific classroom teacher):
-Does the school provide school supplies? Our school does, but they don’t provide tissues. I found asking teachers what you can send in to help with the classroom is a great way to start the relationship.
-Also, ask about how far in advance they will tell you about field trips. There is no way I can volunteer every week, but I can generally pull off a half-day to go on a field trip. My kids love it, and I get to see them in their natural environment. I found that being honest and saying that I needed notice so I could go and get the paperwork in really helped.
-Is the school or are certain classrooms nut-free? If so, ask how diligent you need to be (no nut butters in lunch v. wash hands when they enter the classroom).
-When are school or classroom events/plays/fine arts days (middle of the day, 2pm, v. evening)?
If there is no nap (K does not nap at my kids’ school), I would start working with your daycare to wean her off of her nap well before the fall arrives.
avocado says
Re. food, if this is public school it’s a safe bet that your child will think the chicken fried steak and cheeseburgers are gross and demand to pack a lunch. Unless she is a weirdo like my child, who for several years would eagerly consume any processed chicken product served in the school cafeteria (but nothing else).
The transition from day care to elementary school can be rough. It is totally natural to want to know exactly how everything will work. Most of your questions will be answered during orientation, but some of the answers will depend on the teacher and you may not learn them until the open house right before school starts or back to school night a couple of weeks into the year. So Anon’s advice to ask how you can help is great. Something as simple as donating the specific supplies the teacher really needs can help to establish a positive relationship. You want to signal that you are there to support the work the teacher is doing in the classroom.
It gets easier. Within a couple of years you will be wishing you didn’t have to spend an entire afternoon at open house filling out eight million forms and dropping off $100 worth of supplies.
Anonymous says
I haven’t read all the replies, but I will say all of this was part of the orientation presentation, and there will be at least 10 other parents there who have a longer list of questions than you do. Go with the flow, and remember that some of your questions will be best addressed to your child’s teacher. If you are not deciding between schools, but rather trying to get the lay of the land on your kid’s day-to-day, save it for Back to School / Open House night in the fall.
There is no rest time in K in our school district, and my son comes home exhausted most days. He often still naps on weekends, at least for a 30 min or so. He also really hates “sitting still and listening all day.” The school assigns homework, but I was That Parent who told the teacher during conferences that I wasn’t going to prioritize it, and she was OK with that. K has really ambitious academic goals these days, but most actual kindergarten teachers still recognize that 5 year olds are, well, 5. They mostly need to learn independence, self control, acceptable social/public behavior, and to love learning.
In House Lobbyist says
We get a homework list for the month that has something for every day that has to be sent back each Friday. We just done lots of on the weekends or whenever mine is in a good mood. Our schools expects the weekly homework packets; one list of sight words each week that they get tested on; and around the fall started sending home beginning and then harder books for them to read. They want 20 minutes of reading each night – which we do anyway but it is a huge pain to write down the book name and have my kid color their little chart each week. All of those things you mentioned are what lead us to home school our first after kindergarten and we will be doing it again for our second as soon as kindergarten is over this year. My biggest pet peeve is the book reading – no one reads her books – they just watch books being read on computers!
Anonanonanon says
I posted this on the main page but they’re mean (lol) so I also wanted to ask here.
My trunk club stylist sent me some Rag & Bone Simone Skinny pants and they are MAGICAL. I’m pear shaped with a booty so I never think skinny pants someone else picked out will work, but they were BEAUTIFUL. They were also high-waisted enough for me to bend over without half my booty hanging out, but dind’t look frumpy.
The catch? They’re too tight for work and cost 300. I couldn’t justify spending 300 on pants to wear to Trader Joe’s and my kid’s sports practice, so I sent them back. Does anyone have any suggestions for a possible substitute? Maybe Athleta? The Rag & Bone ones were modeled after equestrian pants, apparently, hence the stretch.
I’ll probably break down and order them in the future, but I really need to build up some weekend basics right now first.
Anonymous says
Ann Taylor? No one was mean to you?
Anonanonanon says
No one was mean on the post, I just meant they’re mean over there in general haha.
I know Ann Taylor exists, I was more wondering if anyone had experience with these particular pants (they’ve been around for years apparently, they were featured on the main site in 2016) and had successfully found a specific comp.
Anonymous says
Oh okay gotcha!
AnotherAnon says
1) they ARE so mean. I’m still mad at how rude they were to the money poster yesterday lol.
2) I developed this penchant for designer jeans when DH was in grad school and I had time to consignment shop. Can you try a local consignment store and see if they have these pants or similar? You could also try ThredUp or Poshmark. I’ve never used Poshmark and have had limited success with ThredUp but they take returns at least.
Anon says
I didn’t think anyone was mean to the poster? There were some people who thought the numbers for various things didn’t add up but that was because of Kat’s confusing writing. No one was really blaming the person who shared her finances.
Anonymous says
Yeah no one was mean!
lsw says
I vote buy them if you love them that much. I’ve found myself buying 2-3 things in an attempt to replicate a unicorn and then I’ve basically spent half as much but have three things I don’t love the same way. Wait a few days and see if you still love them so much. I don’t do it often, but it’s hard to find pants that you love!
lsw says
(Also I just looked them up and the rag & bone website is having a 25% off full-price items, if that helps!)
Anonanonanon says
Unfortunately these pants are exempt from the sale :(
I agree, perhaps it’s best if I give it a few days and see if I’m still pining for them.
lsw says
Doh! Also remind yourself you can sell on eBay or something and recoup some of the costs when you’re done.
anon says
I’ve done this, too (spent more looking for something to replace a high-end item than it would’ve cost to just buy it). If you do want to try something out, I really like the JCrew Pixie Pant (now the Any day pant???). They’re not particularly high rise but certainly mid rise or more, have a seem down the back, and are thick enough to not feel like leggings (though I wear workout leggings without reservation so I may not be the best at making that judgment).
ElisaR says
i think i’m a similar shape and I love the AG Farrah jeans
Anonanonanon says
Thank you for this rec, these look like great jeans, and I definitely need jeans right now! (which was part of my hesitation in committing to the rag & bone pants, at least for right now.)
ElisaR says
oops sorry, i didn’t read carefully! I always think of Rag & Bone for jeans and didn’t realize it was a pants request.
ElisaR says
also – sometimes I stalk my clothes I want from nordstrom. You can put them on your wish list and check and see if they ever go on sale in there…..
Anonymous says
I wasn’t mean…I just said buy them. And I still say buy them. It’s hard to find pants that fit you the way you want to and these aren’t a trend, they’re a basic.
JCrew Cameron pants are good but a bit formal for weekend maybe.
If you care about fit and these fit you then you probably just have to give in and buy them. Good fit is not easy to come by.
Anonanonanon says
You’re not mean at all! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anyone was mean in their responses to my post over there. Sometimes I find scrolling through that page a bit draining, though, because it seems to degrade quickly.
IHeartBacon says
I have to second the recommendation to buy them. A unicorn is a unicorn, and everything else is just a horse with a stick strapped onto its head. $300 for a unicorn is worth it, if you can afford it. I bought a pair of ridiculously expensive jeans through Trunk Club once and I wear them all the time because they are EXACTLY what I was looking for. I wear them all the time. (I say that a second time because it bears repeating.)
Anonymous says
Weirdly sometimes I’ll try something like this on in front of my DH and be like yeh but they’re too expensive and he’s like “they look so good though!” If you wear a pair of jeans every weekend for two years it’s worth it!
Anonymous says
This seems like it should have an easy answer but I’m not sure if I’m just not searching for the right thing… My 10 mo has always been a pretty good sleeper and gone right back to sleep after being fed. We never had to sleep train in any formal way, so we’ve just continued feeding her when she wakes up, which is twice a night right now. She’s on formula, so husband takes one wake up and I take another, we’re each up for fewer than 5 minutes each.
She doesn’t seem to “need” these feedings as she’s growing fine and not hungry when she wakes up in the morning, and occasionally has slept through. I thought it would get better as she ate more solids, and we’ve added a few ounces to her last bottle before bed, but that hasn’t seemed to make a difference.
If we don’t feed her, she cries for up to half an hour or so. She’s not interested in being held or patted, and she doesn’t use a pacifier. Do we just need to let her cry? Any other ideas?
Anonanonanon says
Nothing to contribute, but following. My daughter is 13 months old and still wakes up multiple times to be fed (now whole milk) during the night. I know we need to break the habit, but in the moment it’s really hard because she falls RIGHT back asleep if we take the 5 minutes to feed her, but she went for 50 minutes screaming the one time we tried to not go in before we gave in and fed her. The pediatrician said not to worry about it until 18 months fwiw, but the repeated wake-ups are starting to wear me down. Also, she’s drinking like 20 ounces of whole milk in the night, which seems INSANE?
We’ve had mixed successs with leaving a sippy cup of water in her crib.
Anonymous says
That’s a lot. I thought the recommendation was not more than 2-3 cups a day as it can interfere with their appetite for solid food.
Anon says
Agree it’s a lot. Our ped said 16-24 oz/day of milk max, otherwise she’ll eat less solid foods and may get deficient in certain nutrients that milk doesn’t have – iron especially, I think.
Anonymous says
This is in no way helpful or on topic, but it’s so amazing to me as an adult that kids bodies understand that milk = calories. I can count liquid calories in my head, but there are very few (if any?) that would prevent me from wanting solid food or being legitimately hungry. But I really, really like food.
Anonymous says
Kids are usually give full fat milk until age 2-3 so the fat and protein in the milk makes them feel full in a way that an adult drinking water or skim milk will not feel full.
Anon says
Yeah, do you drink whole milk? It’s really filling. I wouldn’t say drinking a glass of milk prevents me from *wanting* more food, but it certainly fills my stomach up and removes actual hunger.
Anon says
I finally nightweaned my daughter around 11 months, who had the exact same night habits (typically 1 waking at night to nurse before easily going back to sleep). We ended up doing CIO (no checks or anything) and she literally started sleeping through the night in 2 nights. She cried for almost an hour the first night, which was awful, but then easily slept until it was time to wake up in the morning. She cried for less than 15 minutes the second night and has slept through ever since (she’s 15 months now). The crying is rough but in hindsight, it was so easy that I wish we had done it sooner.
Anonymous says
Anon at 11:41 here– thank you both! Anon at 11:44 for letting me know I’m not the only one and Anon at 11:55 for your advice!
Anonymous says
If she goes back to sleep after finishing her bottle, start by reducing the amount. Do 5 oz instead of 6 etc and reduce every week. If it’s a habit/comfort thing she’ll get used to going back to sleep once the smaller bottle is done.
Anon says
+1
Anonanonanon says
I tried this but mine FLIPS OUT if there is 1 ounce less than she was expecting. Worse than if I just let her cry it out (which I’m realizing we NEED TO DO).
HSAL says
Yes to this. We had a similar situation with our oldest. We started doing a dream feed before she actually woke up – she’d sleep through the entire feeding, and then we made the dream feed earlier while decreasing the amount in her bottle until we just cut it off no problem.
Also, it’s really not funny but I’m laughing at the idea that the baby knows exactly how much should be in the bottle.
Anonymous says
I would cry it out. They don’t need the extra calories at night at that point and it’s just for comfort.
anon says
Maybe introduce a lovey or pacifier as a substitute? And, turn down the monitor while you’re transitioning.
CCLA says
I’m not opposed to CIO, but I’d focus first on daytime schedule and feedings. If you get them into a routine where they eat and sleep predictably, with enough ounces during the day to constitute a full day’s worth of intake, they often tend to stretch their night sleeping. This has been true with both of our kiddos and is something the nannies we occasionally have over for backup care (most of whom work on the side for an agency doing no cry sleep training) have all told us is key. ~32 ounces is often touted as a good target, but ymmv. If your kiddo is already getting the necessary calories during the day then I agree time to CIO since they are probably just getting comfort at that point.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Baby sleep is so tough! Hang in there. Just want to add to the chorus of CIO (if you’re okay with it). Sounds like your kiddo is “trained” to get up for the comfort feeds and certainly at her age does not need them for nutrition. If you’re up for reading – check out The Good Sleeper or Moms On Call (6-15 months). I really liked the sample schedules that the latter offered, and it’s generally more of a quick reference book than a book you need to read and digest.
Also – I do think around age 1 and the drop to 1 nap, sleep very nicely consolidates for a lot of babies, too. Coming from my own anecdata and other ladies on this board!
CCLA says
Yep, I credit moms on call for our two good sleepers. Not a fan of the religious stuff but the schedules and routine guidelines are gold!
anony says
I would consider CIO. I’m in the process of doing it with my baby. CIO was not what I wanted to do at all, but we felt nothing else was working and things kept getting worse. It seems to be working so far and the reduction in stress for me and my husband and our marriage is palpable the better our baby sleeps at night. It’s scary, I know. And it was hard the first few nights. Maybe try a few other gentle approaches first, and if those don’t work, look into CIO.
lawsuited says
Replace the formula with water and she’ll stop waking up for it within a week. She is used to the nighttime calories and likely eating less during the day as a result, but that will even out once she’s not getting the calories anymore.
Anonymous says
I’m second guessing our decision to have our 3 kids in preschool. Mainly because of the cost and inconvenience of having to do pick up and drop off. Plus we have an evening nanny due to our job schedules being sporadic. Cost is $870/week (as I choke on my coffee). I’m not sure what it is about a full time nanny that turns me off so much. DH says if we did get one he would put nanny cams everywhere, so his issue is safety. I’m not 100% sure what my fear is. I guess it’s that the nanny will sort of just keep the kids alive and fed, but not really much else. But then, that is essentially what they need at this age right? I guess my fear is that the nanny will just have the tv on all day and won’t expose them to all the different social stuff and activities that preschool does. Can you help me think this through wisely? Am I overthinking this, or am I just being close minded about having full time nanny?
Anon says
Re: cost – full-time nanny can easily be $870/week or more, especially if you need more than 40 hours of care and you pay on the books. So I don’t think you should make a change if the goal is reducing cost.
Not sure how old your kids are, but generally by age 3-4, I think it’s recommended that they go to preschool at least part-time. Being home with a caregiver full-time and just going to little playgroups here and there isn’t enough at that age. Everyone I know who stays home or has a nanny still puts their kids in preschool at least a few mornings or afternoons per week once they’re 3ish (two-three mornings/week at age 3, four-five mornings/week at age 4 is common). I wouldn’t worry about the socialization issue if they are in preschool even part-time. If drop-offs/pick-up are an issue a nanny could help with that. Maybe switch them to half day preschool and get a nanny to do pick-up and then hang out with them in the afternoons (when they may spend a good chunk of the time napping anyway, right?)
fallen says
I agree with the poster above that after age 3 or so, at least partime preschool is probably best.
I would consider an au pair or part-time sitter / nanny + part-time preschool? Au pairs are pretty cheap and I found that college-age kids have been amazing for my older daughter since age 4, she loves them a lot more than older caregivers like a full-time nanny would be.
anon says
I think it depends on the ages of your kids. we have a nanny right now and we love her and i had a nanny as a kid who we also liked, but i went to pre school part time as well. are you sure having a full time nanny will be less expensive than daycare? i’m not sure that it actually will be
fallen says
inspired by the comment above, do most people have nanny cams? how do you bring up having one at an interview with a nanny? i am interviewing nannies now and i don’t want to turn a good nanny away by saying we have cameras, but I also would have more peace of mind if we did.
Anon says
I don’t. I think it would be too much of a distraction for me and I would be worrying about every little thing I saw . I used to work from home 1-2 days per week, but when our nanny started, I actually had to start going into the office every day, because I was spending too much time listening to her and worrying about everything she was doing differently than I would. That said, DH works from home periodically, the grandparents visit regularly and I think we’d have an idea if the nanny was doing anything horrible. My mom has observed some things she didn’t like (mostly related to hygiene) but everyone agrees the nanny is loving and attentive and not doing any permanent damage to our kid. Frankly, if your nanny is going to be driving your kid anywhere, that’s the most dangerous part of the day by far and there’s really no way to observe her driving.
OP says
I think I am just worried about the nanny ignoring my kid all day etc, a lot of times i saw that in NYC when I walk around the playgrounds etc – them being on the phones and just not paying attention to the kid. But I think I agree that if I came home early randomly I would see it, or my older kid would tell me. And hopefully with my due diligence in interviewing, calling references, etc I wouldn’t pick someone who would that.
Anon says
Yeah, if you have a kid who’s pretty verbal, there’s really no need for a nanny cam. They’ll tell you everything. My MIL loves to tell a story about how much husband got a babysitter fired when he was 6 or so because she let them watch TV against MIL’s wishes.
lawsuited says
Those nannies are probably on their phones because they’ve escaped the nannycams for an hour and can finally catch up on their socials.
Anonymous says
ha! True. Also, if the kids are playing with other kids on the playground… that’s when I as a mom would pull out a book or my phone for a quick mental break, so it would be hard for me to fault the nanny for it.
Blueridge29 says
We had a nanny for around 3 years and did not have a nanny cam. We both worked close to the house and made it a point to pop home a lot and worked from home occasionally. Our nanny was older, previously worked in child care, and good about communicating whenever she did anything new. I think the camera would have stressed me out.
Anonymous says
We had a nanny for a year, and no nanny cam. I was never worried about the nanny being neglectful or actively harming my baby in a way I would be unaware of absent video footage. I’m struggling to imagine what that would be, actually. If your kids are verbal, you don’t need video evidence to confront a nanny about something the kid tells you. With a baby, physical harm usually leaves physical evidence, and the baby’s reaction to the nanny will tell you a lot as well. I would be uncomfortable with cameras in my house, just from a privacy standpoint.
Strategy Mom says
I do and so glad we have it. It’s the reason we fired our seemingly wonderful nanny yesterday. We tell them about the cameras and would never criticize or comment based on something from the nanny cam unless it was a fireable offense (like yesterday). We don’t check it regularly and tell them that. It’s also our baby monitor in the kids’ rooms and security camera in our living room. I’ll check it once a week when i miss the kids and my husband will check it once a week to verify what hours the nanny worked if we forget. When i check, I scan through the day really quickly (spend 30 seconds) just making sure nothing looks troubling. If I catch something like the kids watching tons of TV, I sit on it for a week and then check to see if it’s a trend or a one time thing. Usually its a one time thing. I dont have a camera in the room where she hangs out when the kids are napping.
Strategy Mom says
Also, as long as you don’t micromanage and have a trusting relationship, most nannies don’t seem to care. The philosophy seems to be “I wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t do if you were here”. That dynamic changes if you are a control freak :)
HSAL says
I was thinking about you last night – how did the firing go?
anon says
Would also love an update. So sorry you had such a rough beginning to the week!
Strategy Mom says
The advice was so helpful – I’m glad we knew to be cautious about being able to prove it was for cause. It went better than expected (still awful, but it could have been so much worse). She wanted more of an explanation and we kept it vague – “you and son just don’t have good chemistry and we think you both deserve to spend your days with people you connect with”. When we said it was our final decision, she really got the point. I think making that clear preserved some of her dignity so she didn’t waste time pleading. She directly asked if we’d be a reference and we kinda said yes, and I wish we had been more honest there (or if not there, in general). I’d have real hesitations, and would be honest, so I’m hoping she doesn’t ask for one… It was really awkward when my husband had to get the car seats out of her car and we just stood in silence. But she took it better than expected and I feel like we left on decent terms so we don’t have to worry.
To push back on why nanny cams are helpful – she let our 3 year old son play alone for a cumulative 5.5 hours on Monday. ALONE. While she was in the next room on her phone or doing whatever. Maybe 2 of the 5.5 hours were with our daughter getting her ready for nap, etc. And when I gently brought up the idea that we needed more structure for son’s afternoons now that he has dropped his nap, we caught her on the nanny cam asking him (really berating him) if he had told us the reason she didn’t take him to the park Monday was because he had been “a very naughty and bad boy”. This is not something we could have gotten from our very verbal son without the nanny cam. Preschoolers can’t convey toxic tones or attitudes. And he was seemingly ok playing legos and trains and watching TV by himself for 5.5 hours, so he wasn’t complaining!!
Anonymous says
We had a nanny cam for an elder care situation, and honestly I thought it was just an extra source of anxiety that took up a lot of time without increasing safety. My perspective is that if you feel you need a camera, then you are better off with a group care situation where there are other adults present at all times, training and licensing requirements, clear policies regarding discipline etc., and formal security measures. There is just no way you can monitor everything that goes on with a camera.