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I work in a casual office, but I have to go to court almost every day. People are rarely formally dressed, though, so I skew towards “business casual plus” or “business formal extra light.” I basically never have to button my blazers, and the blazers I tend to wear are ponte or unlined. I really like this blazer from H&M, and I love the way it looks when buttoned up. The slight oversized fit makes it a bit more casual, as does the material — and of course the styling. The black looks like it can be formal the way it is styled, and I also really like the olive green. This blazer is $34.99 and comes in four colors in sizes 0–18. Double-Breasted Jacket Here’s a double-breasted blazer in sizes 1X–3X at Nordstrom. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
pants advice - old navy alternative? says
Alternatives to Old Navy Rockstar pull on jeggings? I’m in my first trimester (not my first time at this rodeo…) and I cannot fit in my regular jeans already despite not putting on actual pounds yet. Was hoping to buy some of these pull on jeans for my casual workplace to make it through the next month or two. I have them in black already so know my size, and old navy is out of my size in every. single. style. Any other ideas? Thanks.
Tetra says
I’ve had good luck with HUE pull-on jeggings — I got them at Macys but I think you can get them on Amazon or similar.
anon says
i do find the HUE ones to be much thinner/not as denim like, but might be good for this purpose and they are pretty inexpensive
Anonymous says
I love the ON pull on rockstars, but I think they would be terrible for pregnancy – they push so hard on my relatively flat, non-pregnant stomach so much, I would never have been able to handle during pregnancy. I got some at Target when I was pregnant last that were way more forgiving, though they still had enough stretch to stay up.
Elle says
I would go ahead and buy a pair of maternity jeans that have just the low panel (not the full over your belly panel).
anon says
I agree with Elle. I found the low panel jeans nice to have postpartum, too, so may be worth getting even if you won’t use them for long right now.
Anonymous says
My favorites were from Old Navy!
Anonymous says
+1 I have a pair from Seraphine that are great for first trimester and really perfect for postpartum. Motherhood Maternity has these new ones with side panels by the pockets that one of my friends (who is 8 weeks but experiencing the bloat) just got and loves.
NYCer says
Definitely agree with this! I bought two pairs of J Brand skinny jeans with side panels and wore them from about 19 weeks until one week postpartum.
Anna says
I loved seraphine jeans while pregnant. Not the full panel. They were similar to the rockstar jeggings but felt like better quality.
ElisaR says
ugh. that stinks! keep checking back – i had the same experience last year and they refilled them pretty quickly
ElisaR says
and make sure you don’t buy the ones that say “sculpt” on them – those are the tight ones that don’t have much give that the other commenter is likely referencing
OP says
Thanks all – great advice all around, as always!
Walnut says
I splurged on Paige jeans with the side panels and wore the heck out of them my last pregnancy. Honestly, they look better than my non-maternity jeans which was a confidence boost I needed going into my third pregnancy.
Anonymous says
My husband and I are dying to go on a real trip somewhere this summer, as we haven’t traveled much since the kids were born. We have a very mature 5 year old, and a whirling dervish two year old. We live in NYC. Where can we go that might scratch our itch a little bit but also be enjoyable with this crew? We might also be able to bring a grandparent or two with us as well.
Anonymous says
Prince Edward Island. Like a larger less developed less crowded Cape Cod, great food, beaches perfect for sandcastle making.
Anonymous says
We had a nice time in Portland, Maine with our 6 year old last summer.
Anonymous says
For long weekends, loved Portsmouth NH; Newport, RI; Quebec City
Anon says
Bar Harbor + Acadia, Maine is a fantastic family destination. If your kids do ok on planes, I would probably fly into/out of Portland Maine and spend a day or two there as well. Bar Harbor is a long drive (~9 hours) from NYC, but only 3 hours from Portland (and the drive is very scenic).
Anonymous says
Go to Western Europe. There are dozens of articles/blogs with tips for traveling to Western European cities and towns with young kids. Having done it to UK and Germany with a toddler, I found it totally doable and enjoyable. Take an overnight flight to your destination. Once there, the time difference works in your favor as everyone will be sleeping and waking later than usual.
Anon says
Why just Western Europe? Most of the rest of Europe is just as easy to reach and family friendly – in particular I think Scandinavia is an amazing family destination. Krakow, Poland and Budapest, Hungary are also wonderful cities for families that are slightly more off-the-beaten path and will be less crowded and touristy, especially in peak season.
Anonymous says
I specified Western Europe for the shorter flight times, many of which are direct.
Anon says
I agree about prioritizing non-stop flights, but from the NYC area you can fly pretty much anywhere in Europe non-stop. Certainly major cities in almost all countries. And further east can actually be a shorter flight! Planes fly really far north when they go over the Atlantic, so Stockholm is a shorter flight from the US than Paris.
Anonymous says
+1, had a blast with my kids in Paris. And western Europe is more likely to be a nonstop flight, which seems so much easier with littles.
anon says
If you want to stay domestic and go west:
Vail, CO (or any other ski town – they have tons of kid activities in the summer)
Monterey, CA
Santa Fe, NM
Anon says
Similar ages, and we’re going to Iceland. Also considered Ireland, and did London last year.
anne-on says
For small kids, why not do Boston? You can do the train up (so fun! and right in the city!) and it is SUCH fun for kids. Children’s museum, aquarium, trolleys, duck boats, my older kiddo still adores Boston.
FVNC says
We’re cohosting a party for my 2 yr old this weekend, with another one of his daycare classmates. The party will be from 10:30-12:30, and we’re expecting 20-25 people (10ish kids and their parents). My husband and I responsible for food. We’ve got the cake, but need to bring snacks. What would you like at a party like this? Thanks for any input!
Anonymous says
Bagels and cream cheese and salmon and meats and cheeses. Or quiches and salads.
Something that is brunch, because your party runs into meal time, and on the savory side.
IHeartBacon says
I agree with the quiches and salads recommendation.
Anon says
I go with bagels and cream cheese and cold cuts and cheese. People can make an early lunch bagel sandwich or go breakfast style, and I find that most 2 year olds can easily handle that type of food, vs. trying to do knife and fork with the salad or quiche.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Coffee!!!! :)
Anonymous says
I would do bagels with different topping options and waffles with different topping options. Kids will love being able to add whipped cream and sprinkles. That way you also don’t have to ‘serve’ the food. Just lay it out and everyone can help themselves.
octagon says
CFA nugget tray and mini pigs in a blanket, plus fruit and muffins/bagels with coffee.
FVNC says
Thanks for the ideas!
shortperson says
Cold brew coffee with real milk and (extra please) simple syrup. Please, all parents hosting morning birthday parties I go to. I need coffee.
AnotherAnon says
Piggybacking off the above post: if you don’t have family near, who do you use when you want a weekend away with your spouse? We have a two year old, who’s pretty easy, but I wouldn’t trust his normal babysitter with him for a whole weekend. My mom can’t watch him because she’s caring for my dad, who is dying. My MIL lives 250 miles away and is the primary caregiver for her three other grandchildren. All my friends are currently pregnant with their second or third, or I’d ask one of them to keep him. Normally he goes with us everywhere, but I’d really like to do a weekend away.
anon says
This isn’t the answer you want to hear, but we just don’t go away much. I think the last time we had a night away was … 1.5 years ago? And it wasn’t even a full 24 hours. I think the answer for people like us is to have a regular, trusted babysitter who is comfortable doing night duty. It’s not easy to find that person.
ElisaR says
yeah this is true for me too. we will go away in a few years i keep saying….
Anonymous says
We don’t.
Anonymous says
+1. We’ve never done this. But my parents didn’t either so it’s “not a thing” for me.
Anon says
I either fly in one of my sisters (no kids, younger) or drop her off at my mom’s (two hour drive away), or we don’t go away by ourselves. We don’t have a trusted babysitter who can do overnights. My local in-laws couldn’t handle her for an overnight.
Anonymous says
Can you drop him off at MIL and then do an overnight near there?
Anonymous says
If you go to your MIL or mom (not sure how hands on care for your Dad is), drop kiddo, and then go for a night or two away near their home, would that work? Especially MIL – all the kiddos would probably love the cousin time.
Anonymous says
We haven’t done this yet, but later this year we are planning to fly to SIL’s and leave kid with her for a weekend while we drive to a destination a few hours a way. Maybe something like that would work if you could take kid to MIL’s or a sibling?
When I was growing up with my dad after my mom passed away and he had to travel internationally for work, he hired a young teacher to stay with us. I assume he trusted them more than our normal (high-school-aged) babysitters because they were licensed, background-checked, responsible around kids, etc. She didn’t have children of her own, but I assume she appreciated the extra income. Just a thought if someone like that might be more appealing– as a parent now, I love our HS/ college babysitters, but agree I wouldn’t want them to do a weekend.
Anonymous says
My parents had a young lady my dad met at work stay with me a few times. I was in HS (driving even I think) so didn’t require hands on care, although we’d order dinner together and stuff. She was in a position to really appreciate the extra money. I didn’t need hands on care at that point, but apparently was at an age where my parents thought I needed supervision for other reasons ;)
Anonymous says
HAHA, yes… I was in middle school and the supervision continued into high school, but I was thinking the same type of arrangement would also work for a younger child :)
anon says
We’ve done one night both away from kid 1, which was when kid 2 was born. My mom flew in to care for kid 1. We have emergency plans (family who would fly in for an emergency), but no one for a getaway.
For me, this is a season.
AnotherAnon says
Thanks for the ideas everyone! It’s oddly comforting to me that there’s not some obvious solution that I’m missing. It seems like people without family help just don’t get much time away. I’ll probably ask my SIL if she’d keep him; she doesn’t have kids but she’s a reasonable person that I trust. My mom and MIL just have too much going on right now but they might be good options in the future. Same for my friends.
Anonymous says
I watched my sister’s kid before I had kids of my own and was flattered she asked and we had a lot of fun. I watched their kid both at their place and ours (we live 5 hours away) depending on where sister and BIL were going. I found it really helpful to have the parents around for a night to teach routines/ show me how to do things because I wasn’t familiar with kid things (like food needed to be way smaller than I would have cut it or how much toothpaste to put on kid’s toothbrush). I’d like to think I have reasonable judgment and definitely wouldn’t have harmed the kid, but also didn’t think about things the same way a parent does.
ElisaR says
even with family nearby – my parents are capable of taking my kids for the night. it’s just too much to ask them to do.
ElisaR says
i meant to say my parents are NOT capable.
OP says
Yes, this exactly. I’m happy that most people can lean on their parents for child care but this isn’t an option for us right now. Which is cool…there are lots of other ideas on here that I can try!
Anon says
What about getting a sitter at your destination instead so you can still go out to dinner and do some adult activities after bedtime? This would work well if you got a suite so the sitter could watch tv in one room while the little one slept in another room.
I also wouldn’t preclude a pregnant friend, particularly if you would return the favor.
Anon says
+1 to your last paragraph. I haven’t done it, but I would totally be willing to take a friend’s kid (especially if just one) for a night if it meant I’d get a kid-free night in exchange. Especially when pregnant, you’re already uncomfortable, taking on an extra kid for a short period would be worth it for a kid-free night of sleeping and rest! Are you close enough to these friends to bring it up?
Anon says
We do this as well – most resort-type places have a list of vetted babysitters in my experience.
FVNC says
+1. We used a babysitter at the Homestead (mentioned below) that worked well — she was from the resort’s kids club and just sat in our room watching a movie with the kids while we had dinner. Since we weren’t leaving the resort, we felt comfortable leaving the kids with a stranger. We plan to use kids club type places liberally when our kids are a tad older and can participate in all the activities.
SC says
We have family near, but they’re all busy with full-time jobs and helping other family and generally their own lives. Once, for a very quick weekend trip (for a wedding), MIL kept Kiddo overnight, and we hired a babysitter to help her during the day (maybe 8 hours?). That seemed to work out pretty well and was cheaper than paying the babysitter for 12 hours plus her overnight rate. We were only gone one night/about 36 hours.
Other than that, we’ve flown my parents in once to take care of Kiddo. They’re retired, and I’m their only child, and they’re pretty happy to get a few days with their only grandchild. Next year, DH and I want to go away for a week for our 10th anniversary, and my parents will either fly in, or we’ll fly Kiddo to them, for the week.
When I was growing up, we had a family friend who was single, older (around my parents’ age) and had previous childcare experience. She was a regular babysitter, picked me up from school when my parents couldn’t, and on occasion stayed with me when my parents were traveling and I had school. I was older by this time though–probably between 10 and 16.
Anonymous says
We’ve never been able to do this for the reasons you outlined, but I recently came up with what seems like a brilliant idea that now need to be executed. Going away Thursday and Friday! This means the kids would stay in full-time daycare both days and a teacher who babysits for us would stay overnight and take them in the morning. We’d get to miss two days of work, which feels like a treat, take advantage of our already paid for childcare, and still be home on the weekend to be with the kids and get our life in order.
Can anyone confirm that this is a brilliant idea?
Anonymous says
Not exactly the same situation but we do this with my parents because they are able to do short stints with the kids like supper/bedtime or breakfast but not a full day.
We actually come back on Friday night after the kids are in bed so we get an extra dinner out as well.
I usually leave something in the slow cooker for the kids for Thursday evening and they order take out for Friday evening.
Anon says
If you have the vacation days, that sounds brilliant!
CCLA says
This is brilliant and we’ve done a version of it a few times, even for longer periods. You do need a sitter you trust for the evening, and presumably to drive to daycare, but it means kiddo keeps their routine mostly intact and you’re paying for the hours outside of kiddo’s regular care, not for 24/7 care. We did this when older DD was 14 months, went away Sun-Fri – we had a blast, she had a blast with her favorite sitter, 100% sure all of us were happier than if she had come with us to Hawaii.
OP, also consider hiring help in shifts if there is more than one caregiver you can use over the course of the weekend, which helps alleviate the 24/7 burden of care.
Anonymous says
We use a sitter that also works at our kids preschool. She works in the infant room and has for 10 years. All of my kids were once in her class. She sits for us regularly and we totally trust her. She has 3 kids of her own that play well with ours.
Anon says
My parents don’t live nearby, but will come watch her. That said, it’s a fairly rare event for us, both because my parents don’t offer to do it frequently (and we don’t want to impose) and because we love traveling with her and don’t want to go away all the time. DD is 2, so far we have only gone for one weekend getaway without her, just to the big city a couple of hours away. Our 10 year anniversary is in two years when she’ll be 4 and we have plans already for my parents to come watch her for a week – that will be our first real vacation without her, and we almost certainly won’t take another one after that until she goes to sleepaway camp.
octagon says
We trade off overnights with a friend. We haven’t gone away for more than one night, but hope to by fall. It works out great – we drop kiddo off after breakfast on Saturday, go to a nearby destination and pick him back up around dinnertime Sunday.
Strategy Mom says
Find a new babysitter (and keep using new ones until you find one you trust). Local college kids? Daycare teacher? Local school teacher? YOu might have to pay more to have them as a sitter, but you’ll be investing in a relationship that could provide a backup person in case of emergencies and for overnights.
Anon says
I have a 3.5 year old son and a 1.5 year old son. I am itching to get out of town, like an earlier poster! :) Any thoughts on Kingsmill Resort in Virginia? We’re low key, we just need different scenery. We’re coming from Central PA and haven’t traveled anywhere with both kids…
Anon says
My coworker went there last year with his kids (9 YO twins) and said it was decently nice but very much a family resort (in response to where DH and I were thinking about an anniversary trip), which may be what you’re looking for. For them, their kids were old enough to really enjoy Busch Gardens and Colonial Williamsburg. Given your ages, I would think about doing something like a Great Wolf Lodge. Also heard good things about Hershey Park and Dutch Wonderland, but perhaps that’s existing scenery for you. I took an infant to both the Homestead and Greenbrier and thought their were lovely and had a more “get-away” feel for me personally – I think they would be wonderful with kids of any age. The other place I have been considering but not yet tried is the Tides Inn.
Pigpen's Mama says
We’ve been to the Kingsmill a few times, I think at 1, 2 at the end of the summer and then 3.5 around Christmas-time– it was a lot of fun, but we’re also just fine with walking around Williamsburg, eating meals, and playing in the pool, so I’d recommend going when the pool is open. The only time we went to Busch Gardens was for the Christmas stuff when our daughter was 3-3.5, and it was really too cold to enjoy.
Dutch Wonderland, as well as some of the other stuff around Lancaster, may be more fun. We did that at 3. I got a lot of good recs on this site for things to do with little ones.
Philladelphia is also a lot of fun — the Please Touch Museum and the Franklin Institute (I think that’s the name, has dinosaurs) are great for that age range.
Anonymous says
We stayed there when I was growing up for a long weekend over Easter one year (so that gives you some idea of the age of the place). My dad had been there for work events and to golf. It was a fine place to stay and nice to have the space that a hotel room can’t provide. They have a variety of accommodations. I’ve always loved Busch Gardens.
Anonymous says
We are in NYC and did a long weekend in the Easton, PA museum when my son was 5 that was fun – we visited the Crayola Experience, rode a steam train, and visited a cave.
Anonymous says
Sorry I meant Easton, PA area
Anon says
No feedback on Kingsmill, but we love the Homestead and the Greenbrier. They’re both relaxing for adults but with plenty of kids activities too.
anon says
All of a sudden my bright, highly verbal and curious 3-year-old is engaging in willful disobedience at preschool. She ripped a classroom resource because she “just wanted to see what would happen.” She directly disobeyed a different teacher’s directions to line up and ended up getting her arm caught in a door (no injury). The last one is concerning because the teacher said she maintained eye contact and smirked while doing it.
I know toddlers are a-holes sometimes, but at what point should I be concerned about this behaviour? We have tried extra praise when she’s good and consequences when she’s not (no screen time, fewer stories before bed). I want her to listen, and especially don’t want it to escalate any further.
RR says
Honestly, this seems pretty typical for a 3-year-old. Even my most agreeable, happy, sweet child just sometimes decided to burn it down when she was a preschooler (and honestly even now that she’s 5 and in K, although not usually at school at this point). They are finding boundaries. I’d keep doing what you are doing and worry if (a) it doesn’t seem to improve over time, (b) it seems to escalate, or (c) it involves hurting other kids.
Anonymous says
+1 – this seems completely normal.
Anonymous says
Agree. I also have a 3 yo who is very active and his behavior vacillates between engaged and energetic to cutely mischievous to downright sassy attitude blatant disobedience that raises my blood pressure in ways I didn’t think were possible. I’ve tried observing to see if the bad attitude disobedience is a result of being overtired, low blood sugar or not giving him enough attention. Making sure he’s getting enough sleep, eats at and drinks at regular intervals and gets lots of snuggles and kisses from me (especially this one) seem to lower the instances of blantant disobedience overall, but there is still a fair amount that I think just happens at this age.
Em says
This is my 3-year-old every day. He listens pretty well 90% of the time but the other 10% is him testing boundaries.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old did the same thing and we got several emails from her pre K teacher. I spoke to both her pediatrician, my therapist, and a therapist that focuses on parent-child relationships and they all confirmed it was normal behavior. Clearly I was worried too, so I get your concern. It’s six months later and she doesn’t do it anymore.
Anonymous says
My son started doing this just before he turned 4. The way preschool reacted you’d think it was something that had never happened before at the school. Pediatrician and therapist confirmed normal. We are working o improving school behavior overall and as someone else noted, it’s a combo of rewards for concrete positive behaviors, lots and lots of positive attention/playing at home, lots of attention to sleep/eating/bathroom schedules, consistent consequences which for us are time in room alone. Therapist and I agree that “grouchy obedience “ is acceptable as long as he does ultimately do what is asked. School gets very upset about “no I won’t “ with eye contact, even if he actually does follow the direction, so we are working on threading that needle.
oil in houston says
hello,
I’ve just failed my 1-hour gestational diabetes and my obgyn has me log all my blood sugar 4 times a day to check what to do next. my fasting level is a lot higher than my post-meal levels, especially on nights when I deal with insomnia. Anyone else had this?
any general tips on how not to drive myself crazy? I’m following a strict diabetic diet for now, but can’t see myself doing this for another 12 weeks :(
rakma says
The 1-hour test has a really high false positive rate. Did your doctor prescribe the 3-hour test? It’s not fun, but much more accurate.
Anonymous says
I also went straight to the three hour test which seems much less annoying than logging blood sugar. And how much did you fail the 1hr test by? I failed by like 2 points and I was quite slim so they were like you SO do not have GD but we have to do the 3hr rest anyways. But if you do have GD, remember that gestational diabetes is not the end of the world and thank goodness we have modern medicine to help us monitor blood sugar! I think as long as it’s managed well you should be ok.
oil in houston says
first step is logging for a week, then based on that we’ll see about other tests. frankly, at this point, both ob and I think I have it , based on that and other factors (like weight gain)
drpepperesq says
this happened to me. i failed the one hour and failed the 3 hour by a slim margin. i then had to test my sugar frequently and adhere to a very strict diet. even with the diet and a lot of walking, i still could not control my morning fasting number. the doctor wanted it 90 or below and i was consistently 95, 92, etc. they put me on metformin and that didn’t really help. i was induced at 39 weeks and had a very normal sized baby- 7lbs. try not to worry too much (easier said than done), but i found that i liked all the extra monitoring/ultrasounds.
oil in houston says
thank you. That’s kind of what I worry about. my fasting levels have been 110/105, but my post meals have been in the mid 90s. i really would prefer to avoid medication though :(
Anonymous says
I threw my back out, my husband is traveling, and my nanny called out sick. I took the day off to rest and found a sitter to come help this morning since I basically can’t move or lift my kids.
The sitter sucks. She’s not being very nice to my kids (I can hear from upstairs), she mentioned when she first came that she needed to “fill out a form for car insurance” so I kept the kids busy for a bit but has been on and off her phone dealing with whatever this issue is all day. She is just letting my older two fight with each other, she didn’t check the baby’s diaper until I explicitly asked her to (baby obviously needed a diaper change).
The kids aren’t like, in explicit danger. I certainly won’t use her again. Do I say anything or just simply get through the day happy that there is another person here to lift my children and never contact her again?
Honestly she’d get the kids out in a fire and is mostly keeping my baby from putting stuff in her mouth and I don’t have to lift baby in and out of her high chair so…
Anonymous says
I would probably opt for the latter option while asking her to keep the kids in a room where I could be present or at least observe and offer a bit of guidance. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Redux says
Do not worry yourself over it. The kids are safe. Just rest!
ElisaR says
oh man i’m sorry this stinks. just give in to it for now and don’t have her back next time you need a sitter. it’s not ideal but the kids will be ok. feel better.
Anonymous says
I’m sure the kids are fine but it’s not fun for you to be stressed about this. Do you have a friend that could come over early plus help with suppertime/bedtime? I’d definitely help out a sick friend if I could in this situation. Don’t be afraid to ask, worst someone can say is no.
Anonymous says
I’m not stressed, just super annoyed that I’m paying a sitter and still have to listen to my kids fight ;).
DH is coming home today so I’m good as of dinnertime. The plane already took off- I’ve been stalking it.
anon says
LOL! I do this with DH all the time! And when I went out of town a few weekends ago, the kids were lined up outside to greet my Lyft :).
(I would suck it up with the sitter, but are you going through an agency or something? I would definitely complain if you are.)
FVNC says
I’d do the latter. I once had to get an emergency backup sitter for my then-six month old from c a r e . c o m, and felt the same way — she kept the baby safe, but did nothing with him (played on her phone all day). I let it go, because it was just for one day, but I was so happy when she left and never used her again. As stressful as the day sounds for you, try to get some rest and remember this is temporary. Sorry you have to deal with it!
anon says
I have a problem. By the time I get home from work, I can be so crabby and short with my kids. I’m ashamed that I act this way — it’s the only quality time we get all day, and I ruin it with my attitude. The issue is that I’m mentally drained and just plain tired. I’m fine when I’m actually well-rested. By the kids’ bedtime, I’ve gone from crabby to full-on grouch and have zero patience for the bedtime routine. I often think I would be a much nicer mom if I got any chill time whatsoever after work, but I get home before DH does.
FWIW:
– I’m up at 5 a.m. to exercise.
– DH does drop-off so I can work from 7:30-4:30.
– I’m done picking up the kids and arrive home around 5:15-5:30.
– We eat around 6-6:15.
– 1st kid goes to bed at 8. The other at 8:30 but he often drags it out way longer, despite our very best efforts. I’m usually more ‘on’ at bedtime than DH.
– After that, I just want to collapse and not be around people. Including DH, which is another problem. I go to bed at 9:30 and it takes me a while to fall asleep even though I’m tired. I take melatonin sometimes.
Anonymous says
Can you cut back on the exercise early wake up? Maybe bump it back to 5:30 or 6am?
It really changed my view on sleep when I read that Jillian Michaels said she would take 8 hours of sleep over 6 hours of sleep and a workout. I so often think of 6 hours as a ‘good night’ and it’s really not in the longer term.
Anon says
+1 – sleep is really important to your overall health, and also to your mood. There are lot of studies that suggest you can get most of the health benefits of exercise even if you don’t do it every day and/or don’t start exercising consistently until later in life. You won’t get this time with your kids back.
Anon says
+1 to this. This is my season of not exercising, because I need 8 hours of sleep (and I usually work 10-12 hour days). I try to take a nice walk with toddler a couple of times a week (mostly on weekends) and I count all the hefting, chasing, lifting and wrestling as my strength and flexibility training.
anon says
I suppose I could, but working out in the morning is literally the only way I’ve been able to make the habit stick. Turns out, exercise is pretty darn important to my overall sanity, but I also know that it comes with a sacrifice (sleep).
NYCer says
OP, I’m like you. Exercise is really important to my sanity, so if waking up at 5am to workout makes you happy, I wouldn’t give up on that. I am not sure how long your current workout routine is, but if it’s an hour, maybe you could cut it down to 30 min and sleep in until 5:30?
Beyond that, I find that I get very crabby if I’m hungry and/or thirsty. I would try adding in a snack and a big bottle of water at the end of your work day. Or sneak outside at lunch for a 15-20 minute walk? Fresh air always helps me feel refreshed.
anon in brooklyn says
For me, sometimes a bit of mid afternoon caffeine helps too.
Anonymous says
I’m not suggesting that you stop working out in the morning. Just work out for less time. Look into HIIT so you can get more work out in less time. You can get in a solid workout in 20 mins or less.
Anonymous says
Same here. I’m pretty taken aback by all of the people telling you to cut it out. If you really think you’re not getting enough sleep, go to bed earlier and/or figure out how to fall asleep sooner. IMO, at the end of the workday, nearly everyone is cranky even if they had 8 hours of sleep the night before. You just need to use some trial and error to find your 5-10 minute sanity booster.
Anonymous says
But to get 8 hours of sleep she would have to go to bed at 9pm and she said her kid isn’t asleep until ‘much later’ than 8:30pm a lot of the time plus then she has zero time with her DH.
There’s space between zero working out and working out at 5am every day. It doesn’t have to be sleep or working out, it’s possible to do both.
Walnut says
Can you add a snack or a pick me up before picking up the kids or to munch on the way home? The crankiness might stem from being hangry.
Anonymous says
This was my thought. I’d pack a snack and find 5-10 minutes to decompress between the office and daycare pick up. I’m not above pulling off in my car in a parking lot or park or something, having a snack, reading some celeb gossip, and being on my way.
Anonymous says
Skip the exercising and get more sleep. Also, find a way to get a 20 minute break once you get home. DH calls this is “brain rest.” He does upstairs and puts his head on a pillow for 20 min and comes back recharged. I do it right before daycare pickup- I lay back in the car, NPR on, eyes closed. Often with an alarm set because sometimes I fall asleep!
Anonymous says
Do not wake up at 5 to exercise! Or, do it on Wednesday’s only and make time for workouts on Saturday and Sunday.
Anonymous says
Your schedule is very similar to mine, and I too struggle with my mood. One time I was in such a foul mood that I literally wanted to scream, everyone STFU. At my two toddlers and baby. I get so bitey sometimes. My terrible moods surprised me, and I mulled it over and remembered that someone once told me that anger/crabiness hides pain and it’s very effective at it. And then I realized that the pain that I’m feeling is that I can’t do it all. And then I felt sad about that. But that realization did help me be more patient and less grouchy. I also agree about replacing exercise with sleep. I’ve dropped exercise and replaced that more sleep or snuggles with the kids in the morning and with a stricter diet (meals prepped from a meal delivery service).
Coach Laura says
Do the kids need a snack on the way home while they wait for dinner? Or is there a way to have dinner ready faster so they are less crazy? Do you need a snack before you pick up the kids? Low blood sugar always makes me cranky. Peanut butter and apple slices or cheese and fruit might be good.
If you have trouble decompressing and going to sleep at 9:30, maybe spend 5-10 minutes doing restorative yoga poses (not a workout) before you lay down and then put a guided meditation app on your phone to help you relax and go to sleep. I’m someone who needs to be awake in a quiet dark room alone before I sleep to keep my mind from whirling at 100mph after I actually get into bed. Meditative breathing, visualization and white noise also help. I visualize a white light in an upside-down cone shape engulfing my bed in light (you can think of it as God or as a blessing or as good energy or peace from the universe, whatever fits your belief system) followed by visualizing each of my kids in their beds, then my siblings and their kids, then my parents…and by then I’m usually asleep.
Anon says
She’s cranky, not the kids!
Coach Laura says
I said the kids were crazy, not cranky. And I still think my advise might be useful but she’s obviously free to disregard.
SC says
It really helps me to have some time to myself as a transition between the end of the work day and the beginning of family time. You could sit in a quiet car for 5-10 minutes around the corner from daycare before picking your kids up. My mom’s strategy was to “change clothes” for 5-10 minutes when she got home. I remember my mom having a rule that nobody was allowed to ask her anything until she changed clothes, and she wouldn’t let me follow her into her closet to change. I finally understood about 2 years ago.
lawsuited says
+1 I go upstairs to change out of my work clothes and will wash my hands/face, brush my hair, reapply lip balm, etc. It’s a good way to get my game face on for the evening routine.
Anonymous says
I totally feel your pain and am grateful that I have the opposite schedule (I do drop off, husband does pickup). Can your husband be in charge for half an hour after dinner so you can decompress? And/or, can you trade-off doing bedtime? We only have 1 kid but FWIW, we take turns doing the annoying part of bedtime–putting on PJs and brushing teeth. So 1 person does PJs/brush teeth, the other person does stories, and then the next day we swap roles. It gives me 15 minutes during the bedtime routine to relax, which is good because watching my son take forever to put on his PJs fills me with rage. I always do tuck in if I am home but that is fairly painless for us so I am okay with it.
Anonymous says
Inspired by the crabby poster above, how do you/do you apologize to your kids for grouchy behavior?
I’m the poster above the threw out my back and I was just awful to my kids last night. I told them in the moment- “kids, mommy really hurts right now and it is making me extra grumpy. I love you so much and I need you to have EXTREMELY GOOD LISTENING.” I even dropped a few minor curse words in front of them for the first time ever. I also swatted my 3 y/o who despite a million pleas did not stop trying to ride me like a pony while I was basically immobilized on the floor in pain. I was even a major grump to the baby who was jerking around while nursing and it was killing my back.
This morning, I apologized again. And got a sitter so I can just rest while they play. And absent this awful back situation I’m generally very even tempered with them.
Anonymous says
I think what you did is totally sufficient. And while we’re a no spanking/swatting family, sometimes your kids are literally hurting you and you may need to push them off or grab a limb to prevent actual injury. This is fine. My opinion is you can say “I apoligize for being grumpy/raising my voice/etc…” and leave it at that. Don’t be too hard on yourself you’re human and we’re all imperfect parents.
Anonymous says
“Mommy behaved badly. I’m sorry.” Lots of snuggles and hugs. Then the kids drop it. Then I stay up late having not forgiven myself. Then I think of the Bible verse and remind myself that Love covers a multitude of sins. And remember that my kids have a human mommy. And then forgive myself. The self forgiveness part is a process.
Anonymous says
I always apologize. I think it’s good for kids to get explict acknowledgment that their parents are not perfect and make mistakes.
shortperson says
we’ve been listening to the “parents are people” song a lot on alexa from free to be you and me. good reminder for my kids ;-)
Photo prints says
It may be too late in the day – but does anyone know the best place to order online photo prints that are good quality? I had professional photos taken of LO recently and the prints from the photographer are crazy expensive, so I’m considering purchasing the digital files instead (which come with a print release.)
anon says
Mpix
Anonymous says
I have used mpix with good results
Chi Squared says
Costco.
Lawyermom says
This! Costco does amazing prints. My dad is a photographer (as a hobby with all the professional equipment) and he gets all his prints done there.
Anonymous says
A photographer recommended Zno to us as having the highest quality (but still in the same price range as Shutterfly)
Anon says
I use both MPix and Adoramapix. I like Adoramapix more for photobooks but I think the color quality in MPix prints is better.
Anonymous says
I’ve heard good reviews for Adorama. A local lab used by pros would probably be your best bet if you live somewhere that is available.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to mpix. My photographer friend recommended them. They’re a little pricey but totally worth it. Their quality is wonderful!
Anon says
I’ve been happy with the quality of my prints from A***Z**N, from 4×6 up to 11×14.