There’s something about tie-dye that reminds me of carefree summer days.
Your baby will wear this fun, colorful romper all summer long. This one-and-done outfit is made from 100% cotton slub; is hand tie-dyed with safe, bright colors; and features a pocket for pacifiers (or if you’re my kid, a growing rock collection). The back snap placket and leg snaps make for easy-on/easy-off.
This Baby Tie-Dye Pocket Romper from Primary is $18.50 and available in sizes 0–3 to 18–24 months.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; up to 50% off clearance; extra 15% off orders $100+; extra 20% off orders $125+
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase
- Zappos – 24,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – 100s of new markdowns; up to 30% off Easter
- Carter’s – Swim 50% off; up to 50% off sandals; up to 50% off spring break deals
- buybuyBaby – Major clearance markdowns
AIMS says
This may be a problem with no solution other than time but thought I’d ask anyway.
Has anyone successfully gotten their kid out of dresses? My 6 year old refuses to wear anything else. I’ve mostly given up day to day and just said we have to be weather appropriate but now we’ve enrolled her in a sports program on weekends and while there is no uniform everyone is encouraged to wear shorts or other athletic gear and she refuses to even wear a skirt and now doesn’t want to do this thing she was excited for because she can’t wear a twirly dress. It’s like these dresses are a safety blanket or something. I’ve been holding on to her too small dresses because some of them still fit but just look like tunics but this feels super nutty. Anyone have any tips that worked for them? It’s driving me nuts because I feel like she’s starting to miss out on actual activities at this point but maybe I just need to let it go.
Cb says
No direct experience but could you just put bike shorts underneath them? Maybe when she realises she can’t do the same things as the other kids, she’ll change her mind?
Anonymous says
Are the twirly dresses a safety issue (tripping, catching on equipment, etc.)? If not, you could put her in the shortest dress she has with shorts underneath. Within a couple of weeks she will likely want to dress like the other kids.
I’m sure some people will say “just make her wear the shorts” as they did yesterday with the allergy medicine, but if your child is even half as stubborn as mine that would involve forcibly dressing her. If she’d rather skip the activity than put on shorts, you don’t have much leverage to get her to wear shorts voluntarily. If the activity is extremely fun and appealing, you could try having her sit on the sidelines and watch until she feels so left out that she agrees to change into shorts and participate.
Anonymous says
Please don’t imply that insisting your child take medicine they need is the same as an outfit choice.
Anonymous says
Not doing that at all. Just pointing out that the contingent of people here who say “just make her take the medicine,” “just give her the healthy food and she’ll eat it,” etc. are out of touch with the reality of parenting strong-willed children.
AIMS says
Mostly safety and just utility. She can’t do as much in her favorite dresses and then won’t try to do stuff because “I cant!” – meanwhile this is a child who spent all of summer of 2020 scaling rocks in Central Park because the playgrounds were closed. And yes very, very stubborn.
I probably need to separate my frustration with her stubbornness (wont even wear pajamas to bed, nightgowns only) from the actual issue but it’s not easy for me as I have a huge attachment to being properly dressed for all occasions. But that’s a me issue. The teenage years won’t be easy for me with this one.
Anonymous says
If it’s a safety issue then I’d go the route of requiring her to attend and watch until she is ready to wear appropriate clothing.
I hear you on the frustration. Mine refused to wear anything but twirly dresses and later refused to wear any dresses at all. I echo Clementine’s observation that it’s a season. It feels like a very long season while you are in the middle of it, but it’s a season.
Anonymous says
Nightgowns are properly dressed for bedtime.
avocado says
My mantra for the teenage years has been “Let it goooooooo.” My teenager recently went through an anti-dress phase and refused to dress appropriately for, well, anything. We were out shopping a couple of weeks before Easter and I suggested she look at dresses or dressy pants outfits. She whined and rejected everything she saw. The day before Easter, she suddenly decided that she HAD to have a pretty dress. Cue panicked last-minute shopping trip to discover that, of course, nearly everything in her size was sold out. (Fortunately she found something and the pictures with all her friends dressed up on Easter morning are soooo cute.) Her latest trick is insisting on wearing sundresses when it’s 50 degrees out and heavy sweaters when it’s 80.
She is not the only one of her peers asserting her independence through clothing choices. One of her friends interprets the “black and white” youth choir dress code as white t-shirt and black leggings. Her dad is the choir director and just shakes his head and says nothing. Another kid always comes dressed like she’s going out clubbing. I assume they will all learn to dress appropriately at some point.
Anonymous says
I’m laughing because this is my 5 year old. Our doctor told us that we just have hit the teen years early ;)
Boston Legal Eagle says
The teenage years might be ok because she won’t succumb to peer pressure, right?! Agree with everyone else’s advice though – shorts underneath, and if she really can’t run in the dresses, then she sits out. Is this soccer? In watching my K-er, it seems like kids can pretty much wear whatever as long as they can run in it. More requirements for the later grades I’m sure.
Anonymous says
Would bribery help? A trip to Athleta or Old Navy to pick out a fun athletic skort?
Anonymous says
I agree. I would take her to the store to pick them out or let her pick a few things out online. FWIW, Target has some adorable activewear for 6 year old girls (I just did a big online order for my 6 year old). For other things like this I try a lot of “these are the BIG girl sport outfits” and get fun colors and call the clothes fancy as much as possible. The “fancy practice outfits”. Is she old enough that you could expose her to pictures of famous atheletes who do red carpets but then dress appropriately for their sports? Maybe you could show her pictures of the Williams sisters and show her how the get super fancy when it is a appropriate and also dress for their sports as appropriate. Also, you can still do fun hairstyles for practice.
AIMS says
I may try this but it hasn’t worked in the past, although pictures of “girl athletes” may help. And I’m not allowed to touch her hair. When I do, she just takes it out as soon as she is out of arm’s reach.
9:19 Anon says
I feel you on the hair thing. My 6 year old (closer to 7) really only let me start doing much with her hair in the last year. Not that I have the ability to do anything fancy, but at least she lets me try once in a while.
Anonymous says
Simone Biles has a new line at Athleta Girl, if that helps with the “girl athlete” angle.
anonM says
In addition to tennis, girls lacrosse uniform is often skorts. Maybe golf would have athletic dresses with shorts built in?? (If she’s strong willed, built ins probably easier!) Or what about a tutu to go over the athletic gear for the park – less of a safety issue that way, but she still can feel twirly and sparkly!
Anonymous says
https://www.adidas.com/us/polo-dress/FZ9611.html?af_channel=Search&af_click_lookback=30d&af_reengagement_window=30d&c=PLA&cm_mmc=AdieSEM_Feeds-_-GoogleProductAds-_-NA-_-FZ9611&cm_mmca1=US&cm_mmca2=NA&dfw_tracker=24819-FZ9611-0005&gbraid=0AAAAADrRVUgNo5G-E-xLCXL5i0sHurlGV&gbraid=0AAAAADrRVUgNo5G-E-xLCXL5i0sHurlGV&gclid=Cj0KCQjwg_iTBhDrARIsAD3Ib5iXQW3Px4Ay35B0kxKK7nipSkp5trcNzXUT_VG4yOOolxIWOZsAV48aArC_EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&is_retargeting=true&kpid=FZ9611&pid=googleadwords_temp&sourceid=543457011FZ9611
Clementine says
There’s always at least one kid in that getup. It was my sister (who is now 34).
Shorts under. Jersey over. It’s a season.
AIMS says
Ha!
NYCer says
+1. I would just let it go unless the coach/teacher says something about it, or there is a specific uniform the team is supposed to wear. Sports at age 6 generally aren’t super intense. A dress would be fine for most classes.
Anonymous says
I could see a dress being a safety issue for gymnastics or rock climbing. I guess for climbing you could bunch it up and tuck it into the harness.
Anonymous says
My kids started out in skorts, which met the twirly need. Some are shorter, some are less full, but they still check the box. She has merged to shorts over time (youngest is 8, happened to both mine). Soccer was helpful because there was a uniform and some peer pressure to wear soccer shorts in practice.
Anon says
I think not being able to do an activity she was excited about is a natural consequence of not wanting to wear the right attire.
Amy says
+1. Or any discomfort, or ruination of the clothes, or anything else that might result. She’ll either learn or she won’t.
GCA says
If it’s not a safety issue, agree with just putting bike shorts underneath so she can move and tumble freely. She might well outgrow the dress phase eventually (or not, which is also ok).
Anonymous says
Bribe her. Mini nap dress if she wears shorts to soccer.
Cornellian says
My son goes through stages of only wanting to wear a certain item of clothing, and sometimes it is a dress. I tried explaining to him why it wasn’t safe, and ended up just waiting until one of his dresses got torn to shreds by his bike wheel. A bit of natural consequences.
Here I’d check the handbook (is there a dress code?) and maybe buy a tunic like thing and bike shorts if you don’t want to have the fight.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t be able to make myself allow a dress long enough to get caught in the bike wheel. That sounds dangerous!
So Anon says
My first thought is to ask whether it is a sensory issue? If she prefers nightgowns and dresses maybe it is the feel of fabric rubbing or seams that run down the center of many leggings, pants and shorts that she doesn’t like. It can be really tough to pinpoint exactly where the issue lies with this type of thing, but if you can pinpoint the issue, then it makes these challenges much easier to manage.
AIMS says
She wears leggings and pajama bottoms so I don’t think it’s sensory. I’ve tried to figure it out and it’s always “I just like them!”
MBRec says
They make sport dresses for adults, I’m not sure if they make them for kiddos. Outdoor Voices is one of the places. Can you see if you can find a “sport dress” they may be safer to play in.
Anon says
+1 on an athletic dress. Athleta, Gap and Old Navy all appear to have girls options. Let her pick out the color/pattern/style she wants.
AIMS says
Great idea! Tennis dress may be the solution (assuming she goes along – which is TBD since she’s very opinionated about dresses as well).
Spirograph says
I think you need to get her into field hockey and tennis so the uniform *is* a twirly skirt!
Our daughters can be friends. Mine has a strong preference for dresses and skirts and wears them almost exclusively irrespective of the activity (gymnastics and swimming are the main exceptions), but she is very happy to wear them with pretty leggings or shorts underneath. She has a whole wardrobe of dresses, many of which are basic cotton and not fancy, but still meet the twirl requirement. We hit up the kid consignment shop for these, so even if the dresses are on the nicer side, they’re inexpensive and I don’t mind if she plays in them. I agree with others that letting her pick out some of her own clothes might help. My daughter also loves to peruse catalogs and build lookalike outfits with what’s in her wardrobe. Maybe that could nudge in a different direction, too?
Anonymous says
My daughter is similar. I finally got her to admit that she’s afraid people won’t know she’s a girl if she’s not wearing a dress. We talked through the idea of gender identity and presentation, people who don’t fit gender stereotypes (i.e. a male family member with long hair), what she would do if she felt someone was misgendering her, what she would do if she wasn’t sure of someone’s gender or accidentally got it wrong, etc. It took a while but she will now wear pants and a top when it’s appropriate for a particular activity, but still chooses to wear dresses and skirts 95% of the time.
AwayEmily says
Throwing this phrase out there — my 4yo also wears dresses 99% of the time, but sometimes he either doesn’t have any clean ones or dresses are a safety issue (e.g. his Saturday climbing classes). For awhile he was getting really upset when he didn’t have a clean dress and so we started saying “You need to choose something from what’s available, or else we will choose for you,” and on climbing mornings we modify to “what’s available and safe.” The idea of us choosing what he wears is so terrible to him that he is willing to wear a non-ideal outfit if it means he gets to choose.
Anonymous says
I always say to my daughter, “I understand you want X, but that’s not one of the options. You need to choose between A, B, and C.” She’s now started saying it back to me!
AwayEmily says
Yes! There’s something about “not available” or “not an option” that is really helpful for them mentally, I think, because it doesn’t leave any room for negotiation. Which is not to say it’s magic or works every time, but it definitely helps.
Anonymous says
If you want a work around, I’m sure she can wear a dress tucked into shorts. Alternatively, do the teams have uniforms? Maybe try that route. Our K/1 soccer has a team jersey they need to wear (and fwiw a handful of girls wear them with shorts).
I’ve also been successful with a breezy approach. “Oh here is your soccer uniform!” Then if complaints, “I grabbed your fave dress so you could put it on after the game.”
Anon Aunt says
I generally am a very ‘good for you, not for me’ kind of a parent. But I literally just need to come be judgemental about my sister in law for a minute so I don’t accidentally text her and say ‘you’re insane.’
She herself was homeschooled and now they are very into the fundamentalist homeschooled thing. But also… they have progressively gotten more and more extreme. No vaccines, the world was created in 2000 BC, doesn’t acknowledge COVID or allow her kids to wear masks or see people in masks. And to answer the question – they go only to church or relatives homes. That’s it. They don’t go to the grocery store or Target.
The value that they prioritize for their kids is obedience. Like, I get it – when you have a large family it’s necessary. But also… it’s almost freaky to be around a table of small children eating in absolute silence, afraid to talk. Recently, they’re also being jerks to my in-laws who (although they can be clueless about things) are generally very kind people and lovely grandparents. Kids can’t go to the grandparents overnight because when they come back they ‘aren’t obedient’.
A recent kids birthday literally felt like I was on some weird TLC show. Little boys in tucked in flannel shirts and little girls in prairie jumpers.
(Oh, and I know she judges me very harshly for working and sending my kids to school and daycare and eating gluten and getting vaccinated.)
Anonymous says
She’s abusive. And so is her husband. That’s why you are judging her. Start saving now so when she kicks a kid out for being gay you’ve got a soft landing space.
Anne-on says
Oof, I would have a VERY hard time holding my tongue about this. I’d do my best to be supportive to your parents, and try to stay in these kids lives. I can only imagine that many of them will not continue these values as they grow up and go to high school/college and I also imagine they may need your help and support to navigate the ‘real’ world. The memoirs/stories of ex-fundie kids after they’ve left the community are heartbreaking. Maybe offer to take some of the kids to give her a break and expose them to other ways of living as non-confrontationally as you can?
Also – what is your brother saying/doing about this? How on earth do they expect these kids to get into college/get jobs if she’s refusing to teach them about the wider world? Or is this like a quiverfull situation where the ideal is they never leave the compound/community?
Anon Aunt says
It’s my brother in law who has also gotten progressively more conservative.
And it’s a situation where their kids have a lot of the homesteading skills. My 6 year old can’t castrate a goat, for example, but their kids can.
Anonymous says
Because a 6 year old shouldn’t be castrating a goat
Cb says
I think it’s fascinating the way we’ve all just assumed it’s the mom who is the problem and the dad should intervene. The framing of your question naturally steered us that way but it’s an interesting commentary on our assumption that the mom sets the tone of the family.
Anne-on says
I assumed SIL meant OP’s biological brother’s wife, and that since she didn’t come from a fundamentalist background her brother wouldn’t have either. Maybe it’s just because I have a brother, but my brother’s wife is my SIL and my BIL’s wife is my BIL’s wife or just ‘my inlaws’ as a group? I fully own that’s my personal nomenclature and not standard, but that’s why my mind went where it did.
Anonymous says
So in my worldview the mom is ultimately responsible for the safety and well-being of her children. So here the mom is at fault whether or not she’s the one who led the family down the path of fundamentalism. Either it was her idea, or she failed to get the kids out.
Anon says
I call my husband’s sister’s husband my brother in law.
Anon says
Wow that is an extremely sexist worldview. Also given that in most hetero domestic abuse, the woman is the victim, it seems presumptuous to say mom is the one solely responsible for getting kids out.
Anonymous says
If the dad is the abuser, who else but the mom is going to get the kids out?
Anon Aunt says
Sooo. Without going into it – she’s the driver of many of the extreme behavior and her husband just… kinda rolls with it? He’s happy to not make decisions.
Also, the reason my eye rolling was directed at her this morning is that the (weird message) came from her.
What I actually said was, ‘sorry the kids aren’t able to make it! Hope you have a wonderful day in this nice weather.’
Anonymous says
Oh, wow. I wouldn’t feel safe around these people if their kids weren’t vaccinated against anything. What does your husband think?
Anon says
+1 Covid would honestly be the least of my concerns. What about measles?!
Anon Aunt says
Huge source of stress and a big reason they don’t see our kids until they have their first set of vaccines.
Anon says
Ugh, this is so sad to read. On balance, though, to do the best thing for the kids, I would do your best to stay in their lives and continue to model an alternative lifestyle for the sake of her kids. I would push back as much as you can on her worldview up to the point where she would sever ties. The most dangerous thing for those kids would be total isolation from you or others. The fact that she’s already pulling back from her parents shows that she is already starting to isolate the kids from other trusted adults. You have no idea how your nieces/nephews may come to need you in the years ahead, and knowing you are around may be what saves them down the road.
Cb says
Yes, definitely. I think you have to bite your tongue and be present so they know that they can call Anon Aunt when something has gone wrong.
Anon says
Also, based on how you are describing the relationship with your in-laws, I assume this is your spouse’s sister? What does s/he think? Do they have a close enough relationship to discuss with the sister? Sister’s husband could be driving the behavior, which is another reason not to isolate from her and the kids.
I’d also have honest and age appropriate conversations with your kids about how they are living their lives, as cousins can be another great source of support. There is a super, super high rate of unreported abuse in churches and families that place a very high value on obedience, and your kids/the cousins may be the first disclosure of the abuse.
All that said, abused kids are more likely to abuse, so take all the necessary precautions for your own kids. Abuse from older family members is also super common. If you see concerning behavior, don’t leave the kids alone. Honest conversations about abuse should happen regularly with your own kids, so they know about red flag behavior and can both spot it to help other kids and keep themselves safe (obviously not tied to the cousins, of course).
I know I’m making a lot of assumptions here (and I know, #NotAllFundamentalists), but I grew up just outside of Amish country and interned during law school with local prosecutors. There are some really sad stories out there about isolated kids growing up in hyper-religious communities.
Anon Aunt says
Although I don’t think these kids are being abused (and I’ve worked extensively with kiddos who have endured abusive situations), I see so many red flags… its part of why I want to be in their lives and mostly keep the discussions light and fluffy.
It’s my husband’s brother and his wife. Husband has talked with his brother and gotten a lot of ‘well, this is what we’re doing’.
Thank you for letting me vent. I know that my son is one of the few non-homeschooled kids they know and focus a lot on connecting through things like teaching them how to swim or bringing the older ones hiking.
Anon says
I think you are awesome for walking the balance of being an involved aunt, but keeping your kid safe. I’m glad you have experience spotting abuse (and maybe I’m just jaded), as I worry it’s only a matter of time. This sounds really hard, and yes, I would also be absolutely be judging the [email protected] out of this type of parenting.
Anonymous says
I have a step-relation that is Hasidic. Different issues but same in many ways (religious school only, no one works, vaccines are a Bill Gates master plan for world domination…). We just bite our tongue most of the time and try to show the kids that there are alternatives. Oldest one (16) is already asserting her independence and moving on from this life. You’re doing a good thing here.
Anonymous says
If it’s your husbands brother why is your whole post blaming the woman?
Anonymous says
I assumed OP was blaming the mom because the dad was her husband’s brother and was therefore presumably not raised in a fundamentalist household. It sounds as if the wife has influenced her husband to adopt the fundamentalist lifestyle.
Aunt Jamesina says
I think that denying your children an appropriate education that prepares them for the real world and keeping them from having contact with most outsiders IS abuse, it’s just not the type that child services does or can do anything about… I agree that being a stable presence in their life is so important!
Anonymous says
Honestly your willingness to continue to interact with the SIL for the cousins’ benefit is really impressive. It would be so hard for me to do this! Since these kids don’t interact with the outside world much you are really the only example these kids have of a healthy family (and a working mom, kids that go to school, etc). I bet at least some of the cousins reach out to you as they get older. Kudos to you for this.
Anonymous says
I have this SIL and BIL! We don’t live near them, but yes, we keep things cordial and we stay in a little bit of touch with our nieces and nephews (sending birthday presents and graduation money), because yes, with seven kids, odds are at least one of them is going to want to break away from that family.
Anon says
That’s very hard. If you can tolerate it, I’d try to stay around somewhat, invite them to your kids activities like sports games or band concerts or whatever, and let the kids know you’ll be there for them. Surely at least some of them will eventually want to leave this lifestyle and need support. The grandparents piece is heartbreaking but likely nothing you can do about it – these people don’t sound easy to influence.
This says
+1 to all of this.
This says
+1 to all of this
Anon says
I have a cousin with seven kids who parented like this. Several have had a real rough transition into adulthood. More than one called us alone from a bus station for help after running away. I’m glad they still trusted us after years of lies about how we were the devil. Cousin doesn’t have strong relationships with most of her now young-adult and adult kids because every call home turns into a lecture and shaming. It’s sad.
Aunt Anon says
I can see this bring me.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is your husband’s brother’s family, if I’m reading correctly? Can your husband have a chat with his brother about this – assuming brother wasn’t raised this extremely, but is going along with SIL? I feel bad for these kids, but not sure how much influence you guys have. Maybe you can invite the kids to your house or another outing?
Anon Aunt says
I can’t change this, honestly I just needed to vent because any interaction literally makes me feel like I’m the ‘worldly’ cousin on a TLC show.
Anonymous says
I was homeschooled. It was more because my parents were cultural contrarians than fundamentalist homesteaders. Anyway, just echoing that the best thing you can do is try to be a good aunt to your nieces and nephews. Don’t preach to them (they’re getting plenty of that already) but just be yourself. If they’re allowed at your house, act normal. When they say stuff like “we’re not allowed to watch that” I’d respond with “well we have different rules at our house but you’re welcome to do a different activity if you’re uncomfortable.” Basically just accept them as they are and be kind, knowing they very likely will not adopt the fundamentalist views of their parents.
Anon says
That’s a great script.
Aunt Jamesina says
Wow. I think you’re right to judge this; this sounds like authoritarian and socially isolating parenting to the point of being abusive (although of course this type of abuse flies completely under the radar of child services). How terrible for their children.
Anonymous says
How old are their kids? Do they expect them to stay home forever? I think one way to have probably your husband approach conversations with your BIL is to provide examples of conservative communities that still make space for independent exploration. For example, I’m thinking of Mormon missionary practices, which often involve getting dumped in a very foreign culture and having to figure things out. Granted, you’re with a bunch of peers, but you certainly see the “real world” up close with that model. Yet the kids still come back to their families and the familiar when those years of service are complete.
Best of luck. My heart would be breaking for those kids.
Spirograph says
This reminds me of Educated; my book club had a really interesting conversation about where the line between abuse (to be clear, some stuff in that book is unambiguously abuse) and atypical parenting choices is. I don’t think it’s *wrong* for a 6 year old to know how to castrate a goat, as someone said above, but it’s definitely not a typical skill for an American 6 year old in 2022 to have.
Good for you, OP, for venting here instead of “breaking” your relationship with these in-laws. Keeping yourself and your family in the mix so that your niblings can see you as an escape/helper if they ever need it is probably the best thing you can do for them.
Anon says
I remember it was a little weird for me when everyone was reading that book, because I had a fairly idyllic atypical childhood that I still look back on fondly. But definitely not every atypical childhood is idyllic, and there are many red flags here. (People who don’t understand vaccines shouldn’t be raising goats, for one!)
Anonymous says
Warning: rant ahead. All of the “this is abuse” comments are really frustrating because it’s obvious none of the posters have had any experience with child protection or foster care. I was homeschooled at a time when it was illegal. Would it have been better for me to have been removed from my family? Absolutely not. Full stop. Just like it’s not better for poor Hispanic single moms to have their kids taken from them and given to “nice white couples” (like me). I view the foster care system as a necessary evil, and I’m working to get disadvantaged families more access to services that allow them to parent their children. IMO that’s what child protection should be doing, not removing lower/middle class white kids from their weirdo parents.
Spirograph says
I agree with you 100%. Parent have the prerogative to raise their kids according to their priorities and values, and ones that are well outside of the mainstream aren’t necessarily wrong. Whether they’re setting their kids up for success in modern American society could be debated, but there are so, so many variables (leaving aside whether that’s the most desirable outcome in the first place) that it’s almost a ridiculous debate. Nothing about the OP’s post said “abuse” to me, but I definitely would also need to bite my tongue and vent elsewhere to keep from accidentally telling SIL I think her choices are insane
Anonymous says
Remind me where literally a single person suggested child protective services should take these kids and put them into foster care? Or where anyone said homeschooling is always abusive?
Aunt Jamesina says
Homeschooling in and of itself isn’t at all the problem! Like any form of schooling, it can be done really well or really badly. But an insufficient education and isolation are.
Anonymous says
Denying all childhood vaccines is 100% abusive. Maybe the kids don’t need to be removed from the home, but the parents need to be compelled to vaccinate them. Measles is a thing again thanks to antivaxxers, and the antivaxxers can no longer rely on herd immunity to protect their children.
Anon says
Yeah I kind of darkly thought, at least they’re isolated.
Anon says
I’m the poster above who worked with prosecutors whose jurisdiction included lots of Amish and Mennonite folks, and I definitely don’t think this type of childhood is “per se” abuse. This type of childhood, however, does create more opportunities for abuse to occur, as obedience and conformity is highly valued, and often kids brought up in strict religions aren’t educated about their body, appropriate conduct, or given [email protected] education. I’m glad the Aunt is vigilant because often no one is looking.
Anonymous says
This is very well put.
Anonymous says
+1 teaching kids to believe in a young earth or having them dress a certain way or having strict rules about mealtime behavior is not abusive. 2 of those things are religious beliefs (young earth and dress code). Sometimes larger homeschooling families are a bit socially isolated due to the fact that it’s hard to find co-ops or homeschool events that may be interesting for toddlers all the way up to teenagers.
Frankly me and my husband do not follow a lot of mainstream parenting but we are a loving and supportive household and our kids are very social and well adjusted. Clearly the average American kid isn’t doing so well right now. Mental health issues and obesity are at an all time high. So maybe your in laws aren’t crazy after all. People used to be raised in isolated areas or on farms and only saw each other at church on Sunday’s. So this isn’t that rare.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This isn’t just about homeschooling and dress codes though. OP says “The value that they prioritize for their kids is obedience.” Which leads me to think that they either yell/withhold food/hit their children to get them to “obey.” Kids naturally seek independence and are not meant to sit quietly all the time. The way I look at the uptick in mental health “issues” is greater awareness of the importance of mental health instead of pushing it to the side or ignoring it. I welcome this trend. Do you really think SIL prioritizes the kids’ mental well being here?
Anonymous says
Wowowowow the fat phobia is strong. I’d rather my kids be obese any day of the week instead of silent, compliant, and unvaccinated.
Anon says
Honestly school can sometimes end up being authoritarian and focused on obedience, in practice, than homeschooling even when the parents set this as an ideal (if you think a large family needs a lot of structure and compliance, think about the student/teacher ratio at a not-so-great school!). There are a lot of trade offs.
Anon says
This comment is effed up and you should go do some work on yourself before you pass these views into your kids.
Anon Aunt says
It’s so funny! After our last interaction, I kept thinking of that book…
Sometimes I’m almost envious of how quiet and compliant my nieces and nephews are… but also: I love that my spirited 6 year old can literally make friends with anyone. I love that my kids know how to order in a restaurant. I love that they have relationships with other trusted adults and interaction with other authority figures (teacher, coach, friend’s parents) to whom they aren’t related.
I didn’t lose it on my SIL this morning and instead get to keep my pleasant but not super close relationship. She always loves that I give the bougie organic outfits and toys and lots of high quality outdoor gear as gifts.
… but if one of those kids shows up on my doorstep in 10 years… or wants to go to college and wants to know who to ask… We’re here.
Aunt Jamesina says
You sound like a wonderful aunt.
Cb says
I should be writing but I’m reading all the fascinating responses to yesterday’s shared labor questions. I’m gone 25%-30% of the time so I think my husband gets extra credit just on the basis of physical proximity to the home/kid. But I try to be helpful when I’m home – laundry and folding, cooking when I’m home.
Cornellian says
I was struck by how (relative) many stay at home dads we have, but also by how little mental load gets shared, it seems like. Which frankly is my situation as well, although my husband does lots of work around the house, not so much the research/planning/signing forms/seeing the upcoming shift in schools and visiting new ones, etc.
Cb says
That’s really interesting. I do a lot more of the mental stuff because that can be done remotely.
But if something happened to me, my husband would be devastated but totally functional, with clean house, clean clothes, decently healthy meals.
Anon says
I was one of the ones with a SAHD from yesterday (Anon 4:17). Sometimes I feel like I’m doing an unfair amount of the mental load (or he’s not doing it “right” in my eyes), but honestly, if something happened to him, I’d be completely lost. A few other things he handles almost 100% I thought of later were home repair and maintenance (I’d be lost if I had to call a plumber), kid maintenance (dr appts, haircuts, etc.), interfacing with the school, getting the kids packed and ready to go, vacation planning.
In a lot of ways, I’m like a 50s husband, but he also does the traditional man stuff like mowing and fixing. (Though I guess I do cook and meal plan a lot, but that’s partially a hobby.) It’s not always sunshine and roses, but it’s really the life I wanted and planned for when I sought a higher degree.
Anon says
That is less surprising to me for two reasons. All the sole breadwinner moms I know (myself included are) type-A and have issues with letting go of control. I imagine that leads to retaining a lot of the mental load piece. Secondly, at least my “big job” is a desk job with lots of little pockets of time during the day, so I can easily do research, planning, signing up, etc. as long as it can be done from a computer. It is the hands-on physical parenting stuff that I struggle with finding time for and not being overwhelmed or stressed by and SAHD takes the lead on.
Anonymous says
A study just came out finding that women who outearn their husbands actually do more housework than women who don’t.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/05/02/housework-divide-working-parents/
Cornellian says
That was 100% percent my experience in my first marriage. I earned between 85 and 100% of the income and somehow ALSO did all the childrearing and chores. I know so many higher earning women who divorced in their late 30s over this.
Anonymous says
I ran out of time to respond yesterday but re mental load: I do a lot of child care scheduling and school stuff, DH does a lot of “what kind of family do we want to be, what kind of citizens are we raising” which I think counts as mental load.
Anon says
In our case it’s a very intentional decision – he does more of the housework in exchange for not sharing the mental load. But is interesting that so many women do all or most of that.
Spirograph says
During the pandemic, my husband worked in-person after the initial lockdowns ended, where I became full time wfh. So we fell into a pattern where I do a lot of the mental work, but he does most of “doing” while he’s out and about. Personality-wise, this suits us better, anyway. He does school pick-up and does not find it stressful to bring the kids along to grocery shopping or other errands, and that lets me finish my workday in peace, so it works. I can make shopping lists and meal plan when I have an odd 10 minutes here and there between meetings.
The one exception is vacation planning. I love vacations as much as anyone, but planning them does not spark joy. I like making packing lists, and I completed the kids’ passport applications, but DH does everything else.
Anon says
Hi! I have one of those too at 4. For soccer we pick the oldest shortest dress she has that still fits comfortably (usually practically a tunic), put longer bike shorts under it and the jersey over it. I even tucked a dress into snow pants this winter. I often tuck her longer dresses into her undershorts or leggings (since she also feels very strongly that bottoms are required in addition to undies) for when she rides her bike. Some battles are not worth fighting IMHO. I also usually have her in Hanna dresses so while they are twirly, they are also stretch cotton and easy for her to move in and I have yet to find a stain I couldn’t get out of them.
For reference, while I would wear leggings as pants as a kid on occasion (but mostly dresses), I did not wear any “real pants” until 6th grade (which then were button-fly jeans, shudder). I in fact had to borrow jeans from a friend for our fourth and fifth grade concerts which required us to wear the school t-shirt and jeans. I am a grown adult today who is mostly dressed appropriately and semi-regularly wears real pants in public.
Anon says
Meant for AIMS above, obv.
AIMS says
This is reassuring to hear, thanks! I have no memory of refusing to wear anything as a kid and I always like to dress appropriately for what I’m doing so this isn’t an easy one for me.
Aunt Jamesina says
I was a very stubborn kid and def had sensory issues. I refused to wear anything but stirrup pants for a few years (yes, this was the early 90s!) and would battle with my mom whenever we had an event to dress up for. I grew out of it around eight and now I love dressing for the occasion :-)
Anon says
Oh! I was a very promising young ballerina but LITERALLY QUIT THE SPORT because tights are itchy. Not even kidding. My mom and I laugh about it today, but as a kid, going to ballet with itchy tights was torture. We fought before absolutely every single practice. I used to start dreading performances in days in advance b/c itchy sequins. I was wholly unable to articulate this to my mom at the time, FWIW.
Anon says
Your daughter probably knows this is important to you, so that’s why she picked it. Not because she’s a [email protected], but because she’s a kid who wants to assert her independence in a safe way. My brother and his wife are super, super, super into healthy eating, and really didn’t want to have a kid who ate junk. Guess what? They have the pickiest eater of all time because they’ve made a big deal about it her whole life.
In my experience, this will only improve if it matters less to you. Really easy to say, really hard to do (said as a stubborn mom of 5 stubborn kids) :)
Anonymous says
Way to blame your brother and his wife for their child’s possible sensory issues.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, this. The more we focus on something, the more these stubborn kids will rebel. I’ve found this with my oldest. It’s really hard to stop caring, but ultimately they’re trying to assert some independence here. I have to remind myself constantly – is this a safety issue (in my case it’s thumb sucking and being picky eaters) or is this something they will hopefully eventually grow out of?
Anon says
Eh I have an extreme picky eater and we never cared that much about it. I mean, we encouraged a wide variety of healthy foods like you’re supposed to, but it wasn’t something we made a big deal out of and we don’t eat super healthy ourselves. There are strategies that may help or hurt, but most kids are picky because they’re picky. This comment is kind of parent shame-y.
Anon says
Same here. Super picky eater but my mantra is food is not a battle and I refuse to fight her on it. I just keep offering and take comfort that the pediatrician says she will eventually outgrow it and is growing fine now even though she seems to subsist purely on air and carbs at almost 5 still.
Anon says
Ack – shouldn’t have brought eating issues into the discussion, which I know is a hard issue. There are no sensory issues with my niece, and the issue is more related to control. She eats fine when she’s with her peers, but with her parents, she fights every bite because they count every bite she eats. I know there are a million reasons why a kid is selective in what they eat that have nothing to do with their parents.
The crux of my comment is that kids seem to know when something is really, really important to us, and they like to push back against that boundary. For the clothing issue, the OP has said a few times that dressing appropriately is important to her. I was suggesting that perhaps her daughter has picked up on that, and so is exerting her independence.
And, again, I learned this the hard way with a million parenting choices that felt like really high stakes at the time. For instance, I did an utterly terrible job potty training my oldest two kids because I really, really wanted to control the process — i.e., read the “do it in 2 days” book, and it didn’t work for either. With my younger kids, I was far less invested in the outcome or accidents along the way, and they trained way easier than the older 2.
Anonymous says
Ha, that is so foreign to me- I didn’t wear jeans until high school and found almost all shoes intolerable so I have just assumed that’s a universal part of childhood!
Mary Moo Cow says
I, too, have tucked a dress into snow pants! Ha!
From about 2.5-6, my oldest only wore dresses. Then, overnight, she asked for only shorts and t-shirts, no matter the weather. She will not wear jeans or any other “real pants.” She even misses out on out-of-uniform days because she doesn’t have pants to wear, and she is fine with it. It was a painful road for me to learn that some battles are not worth fighting, like you said.
Anon says
I was like that. Only dressed until 6 or so, then no dresses, only shorts. It was never a big issue but it was confusing to my parents for a little while .I was a “tomboy” through elementary school and I think the dress refusal was related to not wanting to be girly.
I dress appropriately now.
Lilibet says
I was this kid too! I would not wear pants until 5th grade though made an exception for soccer uniform starting in 3rd grade.
I was a very small and skinny child and things never fit me right ( also 80’s pants- yikes!). So, this played into the dresses only because they were designed to be loose. I wore bike shorts or tights underneath. Tight was okay it was anything in the middle that drove me crazy. As an adult, I still have clear preferences for specific types of fabrics/fit of clothes. Nothing my mom did could convince me to change and I have very clear memories of being relieved when she would be yelling and exasperated and say we weren’t going to whatever activity because I wouldn’t change. So, in my opinion only time or peer pressure will work ( see soccer uniform)
Looking back in it, I internalized a lot about what the perfect little girl should look like ( she always wore a dress, had pretty shoes and curly hair with a bow). Others thought she was special and I desperately tried to maintain this image. That’s probably not what’s going on here but since you mentioned that you always feel pressure to look appropriate for the activity, consider if your daughter could be picking up from those sentiments even if you are not voicing them.
Productive ways to spend time says
I’m in a slow period at work (not typical, but not unusual) for the next couple months. Can you help me brainstorm productive ways to spend my time? I’ve got working on my second language (very relevant to getting any promotion at my job), update my resume, book half hour catch up sessions with colleagues I’ve not seen recently. Also relevant, I’m basically full time work from home during this period. I need to be available, so no “deep work” that’s not work related.
Clementine says
Go through your units file archives.
Anon says
Get all your home maintenance providers in one file, and then set up a calendar reminder with the service provider and phone number in it, so you “automate” any home maintenance tasks.
GCA says
Work-related: Are there management or leadership skills you need to develop now or for a promotion? Books or articles you might read to develop subject matter expertise?
Related to your wellbeing: Are there causes you’d like to volunteer with? If the weather is nice, can you take work outside or take calls while walking?
EDAnon says
Check out LinkedIn Learning – your company may have a membership. Check out a class or training, through a college if your employer offers tuition reimbursement.
Make sure you take lunch every day (I am bad about this) and enjoy the summer. Check out early, especially on Friday!
Things Kids Say says
DD (4) is sick, so I caved and let her have chicken nuggets for breakfast (which she picked over leftover pancakes, frozen waffles, leftover biscuits and bacon, lucky charms, cinnamon toast or a peanut butter sandwich) on the condition that means she has to eat something different for lunch and dinner (super picky eater).
DD: Mommy, I still hungry [after eating 8 chicken nuggets].
Me: If you’re still hungry you may have some fruit. Apple, banana, strawberries or grapes.
DD: I was just kidding mom! I not still hungry.
Cornellian says
ha!
My very talkative 5 year old spent the car ride this morning with this script: Mom, so far I’ve been alive until now, right? And now I’ve been alive until now? And now until now?
Cb says
Aack… would drive me bananas. I stopped dead walking back to the car one day because my son and husband refused to stop meowing Christmas carols. The meowing was bad enough but it was February, the time for carols is well over.
GCA says
Hahahahaha this is amazing!
It is impressive how much kids can talk between the ages of 3 and 7, though. I have two of those. My introvert self is exhausted just driving them home from school/ daycare.
Cornellian says
I’m not even that introverted, but it really is non-stop words from like 6:45 to drop off. I was hoping he’d take some of his words out on our new dog, but no dice. She passive aggressively sighs and leaves if he gets too loud. Same, girl, same.
Anonymous says
My kids have gotten very into listening to audiobooks on the way to school. Sometimes I do music instead so we can talk, but they will instantly stop if I turn on Percy Jackson. It’s the closest thing to a mute button that I’ve discovered to date.
GCA says
Sounding out a few letters with DD (3.5) last night (she has been begging to ‘learn to read’ like her 1st grade brother, so I caved and am taking a very laissez-faire intro approach to phonics).
Me: Let’s try R. ‘Rrrr’.
DD: Roar. (She can’t quite pronounce ‘r’ yet.)
Me: Rrrr.
DD (deliberately): Roar!
[we both collapse into gales of laughter]
Anonymous says
Cute! I also have a 3.5 and a first grader and it’s the first grader who has decided it’s time for the 3.5 year old to learn to read. Made a whole set up to teach him. 3.5 is pretty good with letter sounds but I had to break it to 1st grader that it’s not likely developmentally that 1st grader can teach him to read in just a couple sessions.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My little one always says he’s “still hungry” after dinner, so I offer apples or cantaloupes or other fruit. He then says he’s “not hungry” or only “hungry for candy” (right, of course).
Things Kids Say says
Mine will tell me to my face she is full then ask for chocolate and I will say I thought you were full and she will point to a little spot near her ribs and say “yes, but this space is just for chocolate and it’s not full.” Unbeknownst to me, apparently the stomach has a special dessert compartment that can’t be filled with regular dinner food.
Anon says
I definitely tried to pull this when I was a kid! “No Mom, my dessert stomach still has room!”
Anonymous says
My kids have that space too! “I’m not full for ice cream, I’m just full for chicken”
Anonymous says
I mean, to be fair, I totally have this space too :)
Anonymous says
I just got my fifth e-mail of the day from the school. Did you know that the cafeteria manager at another school is being inducted into the state School Lunch Manager Hall of Fame? If they don’t want me to quit reading all of these messages and miss something important, they need to think before they hit send.
Clementine says
Hahahah.
At least my school stopped sending the ‘COVID exposure alert’ emails and the ‘the PTA is having a meeting at 7 on Zoom’ messages from the same account.
Cb says
My son started at the preschool in August and we haven’t received a single email from the preschool … for some reason as he’s dual-enrolled across two different local authorities, it has broken his record but the logic doesn’t make any sense to me.
Hoping it gets fixed before he starts school in August.
Anonymous says
I need permission from strangers: pumping sucks and I’m pregnant with my second. I want to spend the extra money on the willow or elvie to make my life easier, with the idea that I will build more of a stash if I can pump more easily. But I know they don’t collect as much as more traditional (even portable-but-not-hands-free) models. I have a traditional madela (pump in style, I think) that is less than 2 years old that I can use if I need to. Pumping that I don’t hate and is easier to access is better than pumping I hate and dread even is output is lower. That’s an okay position to take, right? Last time I EBF for 4 months or so, and combo fed to 10 months, including lots of stress about pumping, supply, etc. This time i am committed to not being as committed. (And for the moment, am ignoring formula shortages.) Thoughts?
Anon says
In the same boat, so following. Additionally, any recommendations for Elvie vs Willow?
OP says
I have been reading reviews from Karrie Locher and Mommy Labor Nurse, both of whom I follow in IG, but the reviews on their blogs & easily google-able. Insurance, though – ugh. Can’t wait to talk to another 25 year-old dude about whether these are covered, LOL.
Anonymous says
Absolutely, 100% do what you can to make your pumping life easier. No question.
AwayEmily says
I would be interested in hearing from people who’ve used the Elvie/Willow…I polled a few of my friends and they said it wasn’t actually that much more convenient than a regular pump.
FWIW I found the Spectra S1 (covered by insurance) light-years better than the Medela PIS.
I had a similar experience to you — was SUPER stressed about pumping and supply with my first, but made the conscious decision to Just Chill Out with my second, and it was so much better for my mental health. I’d just pump whatever I pumped, and then tell them to make it up with formula if necessary.
Anon says
Here’s my permission: do whatever you need to do to survive / thrive when you have a baby. For me, this was straight to formula for my second. Pumping is a J.O.B. So spend the money on tools that make your job easier.
anonM says
Solidarity with the frustration on pumping. This is such a personal opinion issue, but if you strongly preferred nursing and have any WFH flexibility, I’d use it for the first few months. Some here said they hated that and pumped even from home, but I found it better because of how much I dreaded pumping/packing/cleaning the parts/supplies. I basically had to because my mat leave ended at the start of covid, but if I were to have another kid, the first few months back I’d try to be WFH with baby home if I could at all swing it with work/at home care, etc.
Mary Moo Cow says
Pumping is a bear and do whatever you can to make it more comfortable. For me that meant buying a Spectra out of pocket after I had gotten the free PISA with my second baby. And yes, in my mind, pumping that you don’t hate is better than pumping you hate, so spend the money.
Lily says
If you post a burner email where I can contact you, and cover cost of shipping, I will give you my elvie pumps (set of 2). You’ll have to buy all of the accessories, which I threw away (valves, flanges, containers), but the pumps themselves are in great shape.
Anon says
I am not the OP but this is so kind of you.
Anon says
I used the willow 3.0. Willow came out with a new one called Willow Go. I’m intrigued but can’t justify buying a new one when the 3.0 works fine (stopped pumping a year ago and expecting my second).
I chose the Willow because the Elvie leaks. I wasn’t planning on doing any yoga moves with the Willow but did not want to bother with leaks. There is a significant learning curve with the Willow for your body to get used to its pumping mechanism, which is probably the case for the Elvie. There is an unofficial Willow group on FB and Willow provides excellent customer service (you schedule a FaceTime call!) to help you get used to it. Both are incredibly helpful. You have to measure your n*pple size the way Willow wants, not how the other pumps want. Then you have to buy the proper flange size and adjust as needed. It sounds complicated but you can get used to it, but it DOES require dedication to learn it. My friends who couldn’t figure it out didn’t bother to learn how to use it. It does feel like another thing to do when you’re busy surviving, but it’s the only way to make life easier.
All that said I loved my Willow. after I figured it out, I basically exclusively pumped with that until I stopped BF. I don’t think they recommend you start off with only the Willow, but I was able to switch to near exclusive use. I did continue to use my spectra when I was worried it wasn’t pumping me fully (happens sometimes if you misalign the pump). I would say I actually got more output from the Willow after consistently using it than I did from the Spectra.
FWIW I BF until six months—Willow from 2-6 months. I pumped for another month while weaning off BM, this time while WFH. The Willow was great because I was never limited by how long the spectra tubes were. I tried using the spectra while working at my desk and the tubes would get in the way of my work. Pumping was a special form of torture and it made it more bearable. Also, I pumped overnight at least once. Willow was great bc I could lie down or slouch and not worry about spilling that precious BM. I hated having to sit upright with the spectra.
Although I try to be environmentally conscious, I bought the Willow disposable bags. I did not have it in me to wash the reusable cups. I’m glad I went with the bags!
Anyways, I can talk more about this if you have any specific questions! Maybe post it in the weekend thread if you do.
Anonymous says
I bought myself a Willow because I was EPing. I think I chose it over Elvie because of the option to use disposable bags. (This was pre-vax pandemic, and I thought I’d be going back to the office and could use it on my car commute if needed.) TBH, I didn’t find that it gave me that much more flexibility while I was on maternity leave, mostly because I couldn’t find a nursing bra it would fit in securely enough – ymmv on that, and I think I would’ve had the same issue with an Elvie. The Willow was fine to use at my desk, but tbh, I used my Spectra most of the time.
Anon says
To echo what others have said 100% buy what you feel can help. As you probably know, BF the first year is almost the equivalent to a full time job in working hours. Buy what you feel can make your life easier.
With that, I am fairly large chested and bought the Elvie out of pocket. I’m an Electrical Engineer so I am probably a little over critical of my electronics. I was pretty disappointed with the design, the difficulty to get it to charge, the clean-up, etc. It also just wasn’t draining me. I also found that I never really was using the Elvie in front of others, so the super concealed aspect of it, wasn’t that helpful for me. But it was a game changer to not be tethered to a wall like I was with my Medela. Especially with a baby around, being able to walk around was huge.
From having spent way too much time on BF accounts researching, I’ve decided next time I BF, I’ll buy a Baby Buddha pump for the portability. I forget what source I found it on, but in one review I saw someone do a suction comparison that it’s almost as powerful as a Medela or Spectra pump. It’s also easier to adapt to other brands of components ex. freemie cups if concealed pumping is a goal, or with your Medela parts if you feel like you’ll be using that at certain times of day too. It also doesn’t hurt that it’s significantly less expensive than Willow and Elvie. Hope that helps!
anon says
Unless you’re in a dire financial situation, of course spend the money to get the tools to make pumping less bad if you’re interested in pumping. You’re already putting your body through so much, you shouldn’t have to put up with a pumping system that’s awful for you.
I last pumped when Freemies were the only cup-style collection systems available. They were a million times better than the traditional horns set up (and let me continue to work more effectively, since I found it hard to type even with the horns secured with a pumping bra).
So Anon says
Friday afternoon update: My fifth grader returned this afternoon from his 4 day, 3 night camping trip with his class. (Side note: God bless those teachers.) He had some major anxiety about the trip, and I had concerns about his need for his schedule/rigidity, his medication and dietary restrictions. Preparation for the trip involved calls with the principal, the outdoor education center where they camped, purchasing some gear and then packing the gear. After the first night, I received a call from the education center that he was having a tough morning. (He couldn’t find his sleeping bag?! At the bottom of his backpack….)
Well, he got off the bus beaming. He had a great time with this bunkmate and no comments about the food. I asked him how he felt about the trip, and he thought for a second and said, “I’m really proud that I did that.” He’s a bit sunburned and desperately needed a shower, but he not only made it through but he was content and strengthened a few friendships. He had a blow-up with his bestie a few months ago, and they found each other before they left and said, “talk later.” He found his bunkmate and they shared an inside joke from the trip before we left school. You guys, I’m crying from the relief of him having had a good time.
anon says
Awww, I love this! And super jealous of the kids who get field trips of this nature. I would’ve loved that.
Spirograph says
Yay! It’s so gratifying to see kids being brave, achieving something new/hard and being proud of themselves for doing it. I’m glad he had fun!
Anon says
Yay! Congrats on the win!
Boston Legal Eagle says
That’s great to hear! And so wise of him to know and say that!
Anne-on says
That is so amazing, I’m so happy for both of you!
Also I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your posts. My son is newly diagnosed with ASD/ADHD. It’s been hard but I so appreciate you sharing what it’s like to parent a slightly older low-support needs boy with ASD as that isn’t exactly the ‘target’ for a lot of services. I’m getting a lot of ‘he’s not that bad’ or ‘he’ll do fine because he’s bright’ which is…not helpful.
So Anon says
I’m happy to connect any time if you want to post a burner email, or post here and I’m more than happy to share my experience. I received that a lot at the beginning (and sometimes still do), and it is entirely unhelpful.