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Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
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- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
DCR says
I have some initial tours scheduled as the first step to getting on daycare waiting lists. I’m only 5 weeks pregnant, and have no idea what to ask in the tours. Suggestions on questions to ask?
anon says
If you’re in a difficult daycare market like DC, I’d skip tours until you get off a waiting list. There’s no point, as you won’t get in most places. Don’t bother missing work until you are deciding whether to accept a spot.
Anon says
Agreed, except that sometimes touring will get you off the waitlist (at least in my area). So if there’s a place you really want, based on reputation or personal rec, it’s worth trying to tour.
Spirograph says
+1 In any case, you’re not picking a daycare at this point, you’re just seeing if there are deal-breakers to the point you shouldn’t consider that one.
But if you do go on the tours, I would focus more on how the place makes you feel than worrying about specific questions. Look around, watch the teachers interacting with the babies/kids, and ask yourself whether you feel good about that. If you see anything unsafe, that’s an obvious red flag, but I came to realize some things that gave me pause when I was pregnant with my first kid are nbd. Babies holding their own bottles rather than being actively fed, for example. And crying babies… I mean, watch how the teachers engage, but the presence of crying means absolutely nothing other than that there’s a baby there.
IME, the daycare teachers are always great, the administration is what sometimes gave me headaches. You can ask how teachers & admin communicate with parents (app vs paper vs email) and how frequently.
DCR says
That was my initial plan, but these places seem to require a tour before you can get on the wait list. I’m not sure why, since I expect most people don’t get off the waitlist. At list they are virtual tours, so it should only take a half hour.
Pogo says
Ask about teacher tenure. To me that is the #1 indicator of a good place – teachers there for 10, 15, 20+ years is a very good sign. Vague answer about “turnover is common in this industry and we work to address it” means they don’t pay well.
AwayEmily says
This is a great point.
Anonymous says
Good point. My area has a fair amount of floater turnover, but at least at our daycare, the lead and assistant teachers have been sticking around for awhile.
EDAnon says
I think it helps to have a sense of what a good childcare center looks and feels like, even if you don’t end up at that specific place. Have fun! And congrats!
Anonymous says
How do bottles work? (i.e., can you bring in bags of frozen breast milk or a can of formula, or do you have to have ready-to-heat bottles?) How do they communicate with parents, both for things like “conferences,” and for things like feedings and naps? Do you have to bring diapers and wipes?
Anon says
Something I wished I had asked: I know it’s early, but if you think you might be breastfeeding (supplying bottles of pumped milk), I’d also ask if they know how to pace bottlefeed, if requested.
Anonymous says
Here are some sample questions I’d ask:
Price/any discounts/what’s the step down in price as the kid gets older? (sometimes they won’t be forthcoming with this until you’re well along in the process, which is annoying)
Do they provide food?
Do they wash bottles?
Is there stroller parking (if you intend to walk to the daycare)?
Where do they go for outdoor time (assuming they don’t have a dedicated playground space)?
Do the teachers wear masks?
Are the teachers all vaccinated?
Teacher to kid ratios are pretty strictly regulated so don’t expect that to vary from place to place. In my experience, all the big chain centers are about the same, so pick the one closest to you/cheapest/most convenient. As your kid gets older, things like how they discipline and what they teach will be more important, but for infants it’s all about safety and cleanliness. You can check the DC government’s website for reports of complaints against daycares to see if there are any red flags.
Anonymous says
Oh sorry I thought I read you’re in DC — if not, I’m sure your local jurisdiction has similar daycare reporting.
TheElms says
Agree you should skip the tours if allowed. I think a couple places I put my name on the list required a tour plus deposit to get on the list. In that case, I’d just ask questions about procedures such how drop off / pick up works (you want one that is simple if possible); how milk/formula is handled (one place I toured would let you bring in a supply of frozen milk and they defrosted as needed but most places make you bring in daily in labelled bottles that I then had to unpack from the bag and put in the classroom fridge); how food is handled once baby is old enough for food (do they provide/ parents provide). I’d also take a look at the nap area – is it set off from the play area, dimly lit (most places can’t be dark because of regulations); what they do for babies that struggle to nap at daycare? How much outdoor time do the babies get? If you’re in a city and its not obvious where they take the babies/kids I’d also ask about that.
anonM says
I was very focused on baby stuff, and now regret a bit that I didn’t ask more about the older years/preschool. In my experience, all schools claim they go outside daily, but not all actually do. Ask for details on their guidelines like temperatures, how they ensure parents send outdoor gear, etc. How do they communicate with parents at different ages? How can you reach out to teachers with concerns? Sick policy? OMG THE SCHEDULE! Some places follow elementary school schedule and snow days, and that is a LOT of closures and not something I would have thought about before having kids.
Anonymous says
+1 about outside time/facilities. I am SO glad that the one daycare that had a spot when we needed one has a lot of outdoor space. My state has temperature/weather guidelines based on age (I’m in WI, so there are definitely days it would be unsafe to send small children outside for more than a few min), and ours sticks pretty close to those guidelines.
anonM says
Our place is great overall, but for the little kids the excuses to not go outside are insane to me. We are in Michigan, so similar weather, and I get that sometimes it is too cold. But even when it warms up I’ve been told they didn’t go out because the weather was fluctuating too much??? What?! Ugh. If you wait until it’s a perfect 65 degrees and not too hot or too cold, in Michigan, you’ll be outside 2 days a year.
Anonymous says
Ugh, that’s too bad. Ours has really been pushing outdoor classrooms and the idea that there’s (usually) no inappropriate weather, just inappropriate clothing, so my kid has been outside most days for at least the time between morning snack and lunch. We keep a snow suit and rain suit plus boots, spare mittens, and a hat there most of the year (the snow suit does come home in April or May for a couple months). It’s not an official forest school, but there’s a strong emphasis on letting kids loose outside.
CCLA says
This is such a good point re: older kids. It does get easier to change as the kids age, esp around age 3, but really who wants to go through it all again, so helpful to think through later stages if you plan to remain in the area. Big yes to the schedules. For babies, I’d also ask about (and ask to see the area) safe sleep – it’s alarming how many places don’t follow those guidelines. And +1 to outside time, including how much, is it shaded, what’s their sunscreen policy.
Anon says
Sleeping environment (dedicated cribs, who provides sheets, are cribs in a separate room, do they do ratios for sleeping aka only 6 babies can be in the sleeping room at a time and 6 babies are awake), eating environment (where do they eat, do they hold all babies while feeding bottles, snacks), sick policy, staffing (how many floaters are there and is each class always at ratio), outside time, when do they need to start wearing shoes, how does moving up rooms work, can you come in the daycare to pick up/drop off. Then think further down the line – ask about potty training policies (are kids required to wear pull ups until they are accident free, sometimes that is a hot topic of debate), what do kids learn, is it an accredited daycare, etc.
Anon says
Don’t overthink it now, unless you are the type of person who likes to get in the weeds way ahead of time. In my experience, the most important thing is the overall atmosphere, do you get a good feeling about the teachers and overall setup, and is the location convenient to you, can you get a spot, and can you afford it. Most other issues can be managed later.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 We’ve now been at 4 different daycares. They all do things differently, but in general, the atmosphere was pleasant and the directors were/are responsive. I care less about the details and more about the general feel and the location (being as close to home is key!)
Spirograph says
+1 more. We used 3 different centers + a home daycare for my kids, and generally they were variations on a theme of pleasant spaces with loving teachers and adequate management.
Another takeaway from this: you can totally make a change if you find a better option (whatever “better” means to you). Daycare selection is an important decision, but not a permanent one.
anon says
Do they provide lunch? Seriously, I did not want to be packing school lunches prior to K. IME this also helps grow kids appetite. Even in the baby rooms, they will cut lunch and snacks down to baby size so my kiddo has been offered what I’m comfortable with since 6 months.
Ratios, staff turnover, and check your state or county’s licensing board for any violations. Something like “State + child care licensing violations” should get you to a search.
Holiday closures, ours is closed the week btwn X-mas and new years (which i thought was standard) but our friends daycare is not.
Anonymous says
+1 to lunches/snacks. SO much easier for parents, plus I’ve learned that peer pressure gets my kid to eat foods she turns down at home.
Liza says
What is their holiday closure schedule? Will they be reliably open 8-6 (or whatever hours you need) every single weekday?
Anon says
Reporting back from Legoland! My almost 5 year old Lego fan loved it. I think the Lego hotel was the highlight for her (awesome themed play areas and building workshops where you get to keep what you build) so I definitely recommend staying in the official hotel if possible. At least in Florida it’s also right at the park entrance and wasn’t too expensive considering it included park hopper tickets and all you can eat breakfast. It was chilly for central Florida when we were there (high 60s/low 70s) but the hotel pools were very heated so we still swam. We had three full days, which was kind of a lot but it worked out well because we were able to hit up Peppa World and the waterpark (which only take a couple hours each unless your kid really loves one of those) and still do Legoland at a preschooler friendly pace with downtime for the pool. My kid did more rides than I thought she would, and even the gentle rides are reasonably interesting for adults. There was essentially no wait for any ride, which was awesome. They sell some kind of fast pass but I can’t imagine it being worth it unless you’re going on a summer holiday weekend or something like that. I was impressed by how much my kid walked! My feet hurt each day so we must have been doing quite a bit of mileage but she didn’t complain. If you’re celebrating a birthday, pick up a button from guest services. Everyone will make a fuss over your kid and it’s really sweet. I’m still not a “theme park person” but it was a surprisingly fun and low stress trip.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Awesome, thanks for this post! I’m glad your kid liked it and that the hotel was worth it! We’re going to the NY one soon, and staying the Legoland hotel there, which is definitely more $$, but it seems like they go all out. We’re going to have two full days at the park there, which I thought might be a touch long, but maybe we’ll pace ourselves. Would you say no stroller needed then? We can bring ours since it’s driveable, but it’s not going to be Disney level walking? Kids will be 7 and 4.
Anon says
We haven’t been to Disney but we haven’t used a stroller since my kid was 3.5 and we were fine here. And my kid is not what I’d call atletic or good at walking long distances (no thru hiking the PCT with toddlers for us haha). The rides and attractions really break up the waking.
I’ll be curious to hear what you think of NY. If we go back it will likely be to that location since my in laws live in NYC.
Anonymous says
The NY park isn’t huge; I think you’ll be okay without a stroller.
startup lawyer says
I would bring it. We ended up going back and forth a few times and it adds up.
Pogo says
Hmm this is making me consider an overnight when we’re down in Ft Myers in April! My two are both Lego and Peppa obsessed. Like I think they might lose their actual minds and it would be SO cute. It would be 5 hours of driving (there and back) but we are there for a full 7 days so might be worth it. We drive that far for skiing overnights or the Cape all the time.
Anon says
Do it!
H13 says
I need two booster seats for an upcoming trip. I have never rented from a car rental place before and always just traveled with full car seats when those were needed. Can anyone share their experience with booster rental? I am afraid of getting there and then not having them available since it is going to be a busy travel time. We have a 50 min drive to our destination. Should I just lug two on the plane?
Anon says
Are you ok with backless? Those are very easy to transport.
Anonymous says
The Bubblebum is super useful for kids able to use backless. Just don’t use it on the plane; the air pressure changes can make it develop a leak.
anon. says
I have never seen these and I’m buying two now for international travel this summer. Thanks for the rec!! (Not the OP!)
Anonymous says
Definitely lug them on the plane. If your kids are big enough for backless boosters, those are very easy to travel with.
So Anon says
Do you need the full high-backed booster or just the seat itself? If you just need the seat, I found it relatively easy to travel with those. I brought a bungie cord for each kid’s booster and used the bungie cord to tie the booster to each kid’s rolling suitcase. We checked the booster and the rolling suitcase, with the bungie on an easy to reach pocket and went about our trip. I travel solo with my kids and don’t want to risk getting to the destination and the rental only having one (or no) boosters. If you have another adult with you, and the rental place only has one booster, then you could have the other adult take the rental car to the nearest Walmart/Target/etc while you hang at the airport in a pinch.
Anon says
I know I’m always in the minority here, but we always just rent car seats and boosters from the car rental places and it’s been fine. Lugging around car seat paraphernalia travelling is just one of those mom things that would push me over the edge. We all have our things. Backless boosters have always been totally available. Call first and speak to the actual location to make sure, and rent from a major car rental place actually at the airport (not one of those budget ones no one has heard of that you have to take a bus to get to).
Apologies in advance if I give this advice and it is an issue.
Anon says
I make my kid lug it. A backless booster doesn’t weigh that much. A kid who’s big enough to sit in one can carry it.
Anon says
I still would just….not do this.
Anon says
I travel solo with two kids fairly often. After they hit 40 pounds, we use Mifold car seats for travel – they’re so small that I can fit both plus a change of clothes for myself and a TSA toiletry bag all in my backpack.
I wouldn’t use Mifold as a daily seat because it doesn’t have a ton of padding, but it works for positioning the belts correctly in rental cars and taxis/rideshares.
TheElms says
If you aren’t comfortable with a backless booster, could you do the Ride Safer travel vest? Those pack down small and can be put one in each kid’s carryon.
Anonymous says
+1 love my vest. SO convenient!
Anon says
I am probably a broken record, but I will continue recommending the Ride Safer Travel Vest. Used for my (high back booster using) 5YO for a trip to Disney just last month, and love that it’s so easy to just stuff in a backpack. She wears the large because she is 75 pounds (I think it goes up to 80) and we will definitely grab the next size up.
Liza says
Yes, just take them on the plane. Booster seat rental is INSANELY expensive – it’s literally cheaper to buy two new $20 booster seats at your destination than to rent them in most cases (though of course you wouldn’t have them at the airport).
Throw the boosters in a car seat hauler bag, like this one: https://www.amazon.com/Car-Seat-Travel-Backpack-Straps/dp/B084WP7MLG/ref=sr_1_12?crid=3BS6LLHYTG6QJ&keywords=booster+seat+travel+bag&qid=1676488390&sprefix=booster+seat+travel+bag%2Caps%2C74&sr=8-12
Note: get the one with the backpack straps
If you’re checking bags, you can check it for free alongside your bags. If you’re carrying on, you can gate check it.
LC says
Do you still get sick every other week with your second kid? In other words, will my career be tanked by constant illness for another 4 years? (joking, but not…)
Anon says
I only have one kid but my friends got sick much less with #2
anonM says
Second kid still gets sick, but I don’t as much. Also have learned to be more strategic about some things like sanitizing high-touch areas, etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 My second kid gets sick way more often than my first did, including fevers and croup often, but husband and I don’t get as sick, or get mild versions. I still remember a time when kid 1 brought home a stomach virus that then took both husband and I out at the same time… ugh. That doesn’t happen anymore (jinxing myself here probably!)
Mary Moo Cow says
Unfortunately, who can say? I didn’t; DH still got sick occasionally, but it was seasonally and not as often with second kid. In my small sample pool, it is more often/more of a problem that the kids get sick. I think I was lucky that my kids were rarely sick, but my sisters kids have been equally sick, some friends have second kids who are less sick, and some have second kids who are sick more often.
Anon says
I do often get sick when my kids are sick. They’re rarely debilitating illnesses, though.
Anon says
I do not get sick much, maybe a couple times a year. I’m often tired but rarely have any symptoms of illness. But I work from home and can take naps, eat well and avoid a lot of stress, so I think that really helps my health.
Anon says
I think it’s just luck/genetics and also your history like whether or not you went to daycare as a kid. I do all the things you do and got sick a lot my kid’s first winter in daycare. My husband was a daycare kid and never got any of it.
Anon says
It’s true. People are definitely different. I’m sorry you got sick a lot.
Anon says
I did not go to daycare, neither did my kids, and as a family we are rarely sick even into elementary school. A couple bad colds, flu last year for everyone but me, and a random stomach bug now and then that the adults rarely catch, but we’ve never had ear infections/strep/anything lasting more than a couple days. We haven’t even had Covid!
So yes, hard to know, but there’s hope even if you didn’t go to daycare (and my anecdotal theory is that if you are protected from illness when an infant/toddler, especially respiratory, you may be able to fend off illness better as you grow)
Anon says
“ my anecdotal theory is that if you are protected from illness when an infant/toddler, especially respiratory, you may be able to fend off illness better as you grow”
The science says the opposite. Getting sick a lot as a toddler leads to better long term immune development and a lower risk of certain cancers linked to immune dysfunction. My husband is a doctor and was adamant our kid go to daycare for this reason.
Anonymous says
I think most elementary age children don’t get sick that much regardless of whether or not they went to daycare. Even preschool is usually a lot less rough illness wise than age 0-3.
Anon says
I know in general using your immune system strengthens it, but there is also research saying things like “Acute lower respiratory illness (LRI) early in life has been implicated as a factor for adverse respiratory outcomes later in life”. But yes, it’s my anecdotal theory born out by my experience and several family members who got walloped by respiratory illness as small babies and seem to have a doozy of a time with every cold as young children. I’m sure it’s a lot of genetics/luck in my case, too
Anonymous says
+1 to luck/genetics. I get all the respiratory illnesses, and my husband gets all the digestive illnesses.
CCLA says
For us it was night and day with DD1 vs DD2. First kid DH and I basically had medium strength colds for 5-6 months straight, second kid not much of anything for us. Wishing you the same luck with your second!
Anon says
i do not know, i only have twins, but this school year is killing me. they each had pink eye with a slight runny nose, but somehow i have this weeklong awful cold (i was tested for strep and covid) that i thought was finally getting better, but i woke up feeling worse. i do not have time for this
Pogo says
yes. i’m sorry but yes.
Anonymous says
It just depends on the kid. Or maybe the daycare’s cleanliness? My first didn’t miss a day of daycare due to illness from when he started at 6 months through when we lived away at 18 months. My second was CONSTANTLY sick from daycare entry at 4 months till Covid hit at 18 months and daycare closed (got lots of calls for super high fevers, et). The good news is there seems to be less illness in elementary school, or really by the age of 4- well, 4 year old constant has a minor cold but it doesn’t slow him down and is allowed at school. Of course I still have a cold….
AwayEmily says
We had the exact same experience. My first was just never sick. To this day (she’s almost 7) she’s stayed home from school sick maybe three or four times in her life. The second…oof. RSV, HFM, flu, strep — all within the first six months of daycare. Kids are so different!
Anon says
-+2 to it depends on the kid. My kid has never missed a respiratory illness but rarely gets fevers and has never (literally never!) had a gastro bug. My BFF’s kid caught stomach bugs monthly for the first two years of daycare but didn’t get nearly as many colds or ear infections.
Anonymous says
Prefacing this by saying that I had a great Valentine’s Day – DH and I don’t go out to dinner on the day, so we went last Friday to our favorite restaurant, we exchanged cards and DH got me beautiful flowers. My 3.5 year old son came home from daycare yesterday with 3 cards he had made. Two for his dad, and the third… well that one was to him, from him, and said “I love you very much!” (I know my son loves me, DH is just the favorite parent by a very, very wide margin). Gave me quite a chuckle.
Anon says
for those of you with elementary school aged kids, what is your school day? how many hours? i just learned ours is 7:30-3, which I think is much longer than mine was as a kid. seems crazy to me that they have to be in school for that long.
Anonymous says
8:15-3:30. This is a small private Jewish school. Neighborhood public elementary is 8-2:30 or maybe even 2:15.
Anon says
Hmm that sounds pretty normal to me.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ours is 8:30-3. There’s lunch and I believe at least one recess, maybe two.
Anonymous says
That is long for elementary school. Ours is 8:15 – 2:45. However, I would prefer a longer school day to make morning drop-offs easier for working parents and to allow for a longer lunch period so they would actually have time to eat, more outdoor recess, and better ratio of instructional time to transition time.
Anon says
My public school kindergartner is in school 9:15-4. And her bus pick-up and drop-off times are 8:30-4:45. It is a LONG day for a 5YO, but she has been doing OK (after a 2 month long adjustment period). They have a “quiet time” during the day (for reading or other quiet self-directed activity, not napping) and eat an early lunch and then have snack time in the afternoon, and their teacher is good about incorporating movement breaks.
Anon says
Public elementary, 8:50-3:40. Yours does seem slightly long, and that’s an early start time!
Anonymous says
Ours is much shorter: 9-3:40, but with extended day running to 6 pm. Kiddo usually gets on the bus at 8:30 and is picked up around 5:45. It’s a long day, and was a hard transition to kindy even coming from a full-day daycare.
Anonymous says
7:55-2:25. Bus comes at 7:15 and kids get off the bus at 2:55.
Anon says
Our public K-6 school is 7:35-2:15 M-Th and 7:35-1:25 on Fridays. Yes they are done at 1:30 on Fridays. It’s impossible for dual working parents. Also our half days end around 10:30, which is seriously a joke for getting any work done those days. I’d much prefer a longer day so they’d have time to actually eat during lunch and stop and think about concepts during the school day.
Cb says
Ours is 855-320, and 855-12 on Fridays.
Anon says
8:30-3:15 for the younger grades (K-3). 7:30-3 does seem long for elementary.
OP says
ours is longer than most of yours it seems. my kids are in school currently from 9-2, but this is going to be such a hard transition i think. to me, if they start at 7:30, they should be done at like 2:30 the latest!
EDAnon says
That’s ours – 7:30-2:30 but our kiddo goes to aftercare. One thing that makes a difference is how they structure the day. For ours, the day includes 2 recesses.
FVNC says
9:15 am – 4 pm. My kids (K, 4th grade) are in before-care from about 8 am and arrive home by bus around 4:15. So maybe on the longer side, but shorter than their daycare days were!
Pogo says
9-3:15. That is super long! We started high school around 7:30, but we got out by 2.
Mine is at extended day from 7:40ish to 5ish and it is a long day, for sure – but they do a great job of making extended day low key and offering options for the kids who need to chill/decompress and also for those who want to do something active or imaginative. Learning and being expected to sit at a desk from 7:30-3:00 seems intense for young elementary.
Anon says
Ours is 8:00 – 2:40, with one early release day at 1:10 PM.
Liza says
That sounds super early and yes, kind of long (though not any longer than typical daycare hours for kids of working parents). Ours is 9-3:40.
Anon says
Daycare is so different though because they’re playing and not being expected to focus on school. 6 hours of real school is harder than 10 hours of daycare for many kids.
GCA says
Public school, K-4: 7:45 to 2pm on regular days, which is a little longer than my elementary school hours were as a kid (we were done by 1:30 on regular days and 12pm on early release days). Includes a recess and a lunch break. 7:45-11:45 on early release days.
CCLA says
830-250, with 945 late start once a week. Kinder is an hour earlier release. I would prefer an earlier start and earlier release, but is what it is.
Spirograph says
That does seem a little long. Ours is 9:10 – 3:50, I think (I’m not actually sure of the end time, I just know after care ends at 6:30)
Maybe yours has an extra recess? That would be worth lengthening the school day, to me!
anon says
Public in the SE – 9:15-3:45 with drop-off as early as 8:45.
SF says
8 to 2:30 (1:30 on Tuesdays). But kinder is in aftercare which goes to 6 (and I pick him up sometime between 4-530). He was tired at first but now is still running around when I pick him up. He went to preschool from 9-530.
Adjusting to three says
Help me be a better parent to my older kids post-baby. I have a two week old and ever since she was born, I am struggling with my preschooler and toddler. I have so little patience and feel constantly on edge with them. They’re acting out, which I know is normal. I love them so much and yet I’m dreading the weekend because it’s just so darn hard to have them home.
Any tips?
Anon says
You have your husband run point on the older kids until the baby is at least a month old. Does he get paternity leave?
You can also read lots of books to them – good snuggles and easy to do with a newborn in your arms (or in a pack n play nearby). If you can get outside at all, do that. Put baby in a carrier and you can walk and talk with the older ones (even if just in your yard).
Anon says
Can a friend or family member come watch them for a few hours, or take them somewhere fun? Maybe you all just need a little space to give you breathing room. It’s an intense time.
Pogo says
That is a pretty tight age gap, so acknowledge that you are in a tough season right now. Weekends are hard in general for me when there is no structure (also it makes my kids go gremlin). I would suggest lining up an activity for around 10am – like a walk to the park or trip to the library – and have your partner get them out of the house. That way when they are really testing you at like, 8:14 a.m. you can be like, ok only need to make it through like another hour and a half before I get a break. Then when they get back from activity, it’s lunch and then nap (or quiet rest/video if the preschooler doesn’t nap) so you get another break. Then you just have the stretch from like 3pm to bedtime; maybe this is where you switch and partner takes baby and you try to give the older kids some time doing art, sensory bin, baking, or some other low key activity they like to do with you.
also, you’re 2w PP. Give yourself some grace – you are still recovering!
anonM says
This is hard! Depending on where you live, make a point to get outside. My toddler was so much better after outdoor time. DD spent a lot of time as a newborn hanging out in a cold Michigan garage during the middle of winter just to get toddler outside for a while. So, I’d baby-wear her under my coat or let her nap in the carrier next to me. I’m not saying put pressure on yourself to be outside for hours, but the longer you can get the older ones out, the less time they’re making messes inside and hopefully will get energy out. Another thing I like but sometimes forget about when I’m stressed is using a long bath. If I break out the bath toys, fun foam soap, or even turn the lights off, play music, and give them glow sticks as a special treat, they’ll stay in tub for so long! And of course +1 for asking for some help and going easy on yourself!
Spirograph says
First, congratulations! and I’m here to assure you that it gets much, much better, eventually. My youngest is 6 and my memories of the bad parts of 3 under 4 have faded to almost nothing. :)
I had that age gap, and it just takes some time to settle into the “zone defense” mindset, say nothing of normal frustrations because of hormones and sleep deprivation. Where’s your partner in all of this? It’s so hard to deal with an infant + a toddler + a preschooler, because they all have high needs and their needs are all different (if you don’t have a choice, wear the baby so your hands are free), so you need to divide and conquer. Make sure you shake up how you’re dividing… see again: all high needs and all different. When you get frustrated with holding the baby, swap so you’re engaging with the preschooler, and vice versa. All ages are frustrating (and delightful, to be fair) in their own way, but you’ll have more overall stamina if you don’t stick with the same TYPE of frustration for too long. Be in a physically separate space from the kid(s) it’s not your turn with, if possible.
And yes, I agree to go outside. Fresh air makes everything feel more manageable, and bonus you might be able to just keep the baby in the stroller!
Anonymous says
I need a place to say OMG what were you thinking but maybe you have been watching too much Joanna Gaines when you name your baby Magnolia. Not a family name. Not in Mississippi (the Magnolia State) or from Mississippi or has ever likely been to Mississippi. WHY?????? Now it makes sense why the baby’s room is all shiplapped up.
NYCer says
I wouldn’t pick the name Magnolia for my child, but I don’t find it particularly offensive or weird. Flower names are so common right now – Daisy, Iris, Lily, Poppy. And I definitely didn’t associate it with Joanna Gaines, though I never watched her show.
Anonymous says
If they had ever been to Mississippi, the definitely would have picked something else
Anon says
Wasn’t this discussed here before? I don’t think Magnolia is a weird name. Flower names are common. TBH I think it would be weirder if you *did* have a connection to Mississippi. Naming your kid after your state’s flower is kind of a choice. But just using it because you like the name is fine.
Liza says
Are we only allowed to name our kids things that have a connection to the place where we live or family names? My child’s name is of Greek origin and we have no Greek ancestry – how embarrassing!!
Anon says
I wouldn’t make the gaines reference but I would assume it was an affirmative nod to like “southerness” since magnolias have a strong symbolic association with the south, so if they weren’t southern I’d think it was weird. I know a couple who named their kid a very common jewish name that is very uncommon in non jewish families and they are not jewish and I confess I judge somewhat? Names are an easy thing to be judgmental about and the anonymous internet is where to go to be anonymously judgey I’d say. :)
Anon says
If it was Cohen I’m totally with you. I think that’s inappropriate bordering on antisemitic. (For those who don’t know it’s not “just a name,” it’s an honorific for rabbis). If it was something like Shmuel that’s weird but not as offensive imo.
Early babies says
Has anyone had to be induced or give birth earlier than expected? If so, do you feel like it impacted you emotionally?
I recently gave birth several weeks early after having to be induced unexpectedly for medical reasons. I know that we are very lucky in that baby is healthy and did not even have to spend any time in the NICU. But I still am feeling really emotional about it. I didn’t love being pregnant, but I wasn’t expecting it to end so abruptly (this is probably our last baby).
Anon says
i gave birth earlier than expected and one baby (had twins) was in the nicu, but didnt really have major health issues and i was a hot mess. you can have a perfectly healthy labor and perfectly healthy baby and still be an emotional mess. you are a few weeks post-birth, your hormones are totally out of whack, and don’t be shy about seeking help! having a traumatic birthing experience is not a prerequisite for being an emotional wreck. hang in there!
EP-er says
Yes, for sure! I had two preterm births and yeah, it was emotional for a lot reasons. Best laid plans and all — things just didn’t go as I expected. First child was in the NICU longer than my paid “maternity” leave and it was so, so hard. It took a long time to process — I was in a bad spot for a while. The hormones are no joke on top of no sleep and pumping and everything else. And to be honest, while it has gotten better, I still get a bit melancholy around their birthdays & due dates. My it is our special story now and I love telling them the story of their births on their birthdays. Hang in there — get help if you need it.
Anon says
I had a very similar experience to what you described and I was very sad about it. In part because my specific complication likely meant it was my last baby and I had been maybe hoping to have one more but also was just hard to adjust emotionally, I felt like I wasn’t ready yet. It did not help that my mother was extremely “concerned” about my daughter being 4 weeks premature and obsesesd with telling me stories about all of the delays she would have as a result (news flash from 6 years later she had and currently has none, luckily).
But point being it is sad, birth is a hard time no matter what, having it come early when you’re not prepared is hard even if the baby is healthy and you don’t have to deal with the NICU. Go easy on yourself.
Anon says
At a hospital visit at 36w the OB on call offhandedly mentioned something about delivering in the next two weeks. At my follow-up with my regular OB I said, maybe I misheard, but…. and she was like “nope, let’s pick your c-section date next week”. So it was surprising to me to go 2 weeks early, but once I wrapped my head around it I was happy to be done with pregnancy. I will say that due to medical reasons we knew about early on, I was either going to have an induction or planned C; they did not want me spontaneously going into labor. So I wonder for you is it the abrupt end to pregnancy or the fact that you ended up with an induction and were planning for something else (or both)? The abrupt end didn’t bother me, but I already knew that spontaneous labor was not the plan. If you had been hoping or expecting not an induction, I think a lot of moms take time to process that. In any event, you’re already dealing with post-partum hormones and you get to be upset about whatever is upsetting to you. Give yourself grace (time cures many ills) and seek professional help if warranted. Take care of yourself.
Mary Moo Cow says
Me; one week before scheduled c-section for a breech baby, I went in for my last ultrasound and got wheeled next door to the hospital. I was under observation all night and delivered the baby in the morning. I felt vaguely upset about it for some weeks afterwards, which I chalked up to post-partum hormones. Mostly I felt like I got cheated out of doing the things “one last time” that I had planned. Somewhere in the past 7.5 years, I’ve come to terms with it and went on to have a second baby, on schedule, and didn’t even feel the urge to compare the two birth experiences. I hope that for you, this too shall pass.
Anonymous says
Yes and yes it impacted me. My due date was June. I’d had a very easy pregnancy, and then at my 38 week appointment (which was right before Memorial Day weekend, when I had planned to do a few things like eat at this pizza place and get a pedicure) I was told that they were concerned the baby had stopped growing. After ultrasounds and stress tests, the decision was reached that I should be induced because while the baby was fine/happy at that moment, they were concerned it could turn any second into an emergency situation.
But, what got to me was sooooo many books has been given to us with “June” in them, so many cards with June in them, and other stuff. And then my baby was born in May. It threw me in a way that I can’t really explain rationally. I think to a non-mom, it sounds kinda crazy- it was 2 weeks early, we spent zero time in the nicu , etc. I just had a plan for June, had that date in my head for 10 months, and then boom – May birthday it is. My kid is three and I still get a little worked up when I open one of the books to read to him and it’s inscribed with a June date.
Anonymous says
My first two were 2 weeks late and had to be induced. My 3rd was two days early! I felt so unprepared!
Anon says
What is normal behavior in terms of restlessness for a 10 year old? Mine is constantly moving/fidgeting and talks nonstop. I worry that she has anxiety or ADHD. It honestly gives me anxiety a lot of times. Help on how to manage (either for her or for me)?
Anonymous says
My 10 year old has ADHD, so I am not the best to comment. But can confirm the moving/fidgeting and noise-making (not always conversation), non-stop is a symptom. Send her outside. or up to her bedroom to play solo. or just say “Please stop doing [fidgety thing] or go somewhere else for a little bit, it’s bothering me.” she might not even realize she’s doing it, and she’ll stop if you call conscious attention to the behavior.
The constant talking doesn’t bother me too much; IME no response other than vague “hmmm” “is that so!” noises are required in response, so I just kind of let the words wash over me while I think about something else.
Anonymous says
This seems like a good question to ask her teacher at a parent-teacher conference – they should have a better baseline for the wide range of normal.
Anonymous says
PS – my 10 year old is still always in my personal space, which starts to drive me nuts and then I feel terrible. It is so sweet that he wants to hug me, lean on me, run into me, etc., but he’s now big enough to knock me over if I’m not expecting it and sometimes I just don’t want anyone touching me! I also tune out a lot of his monologues about video games and feel guilty about that. I just have trouble engaging with the intricacies of Pokemon scoring.
Anonymous says
I feel like I can’t tell anyone except my husband, but I just checked Mohela, and my student loan balance is officially $0!!!! I hit 10 years of public interest work last month.
Anon says
Congrats!! How awesome! And fwiw I would be delighted to celebrate this milestone for a friend.
Anonymous says
Thanks! I’m just paranoid because I haven’t received any “official” letter – I remember my boss saying she had to wait 2-3 months for the actual notice. I will definitely be more open about it then.
Anon says
Wow way to go!!! I can’t wait to get there. Such an accomplishment.
Anonymous says
Congrats! I am about a year behind you and can’t wait. Thank you for your public service!
EDAnon says
That’s amazing! Congrats!!