CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 120 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: The Taylor Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes

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A woman wearing The Taylor DressMM.LaFleur has a ton of washable workwear, including this dress, which looks great. I think that twist in the front would be very flattering on the mommy pooch that some of us have. I also like the darts in the back and the hidden zipper, but the even cooler thing about the folds in front is that — huzzah! — they hide pockets. The dress is available in green and blue (in limited sizes) for $265 at MM.LaFleur. The Taylor Dress Here’s a lower-priced option; it also comes in plus and maternity sizes. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. AIMS says

    I love the color of this dress! Not so much the neckline or the price but I really need to get something in that color.

    • Two Cents says

      I just bought this dress from the DC showroom! I love the color and the draping is very flattering, but I can’t figure out what to wear over it. The shorter jardigan didn’t work for me. If anyone has ideas I would love to hear.

      • Msj says

        Same boat. The jardigan looks okay but I’ve so far worn it to evening work events where I’m comfortable being sleeveless and just throw on the jardigan if I’m cold
        I was on the fence keeping it as a result but it has been more useful than expected for those work socials where you want to be appropriately dressed but have some flair

  2. Anon for this says

    Husband and I currently have a 16 month old and are on the fence about having a second child, but my husband will go along with whatever I want. I was mentally thinking about my 1, 5, and 10-year plan, and realized that I want a second kid in the 3 years onward phase, but really don’t want one in the 1-3 years phase. From a micro standpoint, I REALLY do not want to do the pregnancy and newborn-to-16 month phase again, but from a macro standpoint I do want two kids. Is this normal? Do people just suck it up and deal with the really sucky 3 years?

    • Anon says

      I’ll just say we’re at the same crossroads, and I feel your pain. I’m just starting to really enjoy the freedom we have with our 2-year-old. I’m not ready for the pregnancy/ newborn phase again, but we want another child relatively close in age to our kiddo. We’re just going to suck it up and foolishly hope it’s better the second time around. (Ha!)

    • Anon says

      This was me. My youngest is just now 2yo, my oldest is 4, and it’s great. I feel like I’ve been in a fog the last 4 years, but now I really enjoy (most of ) every day with my kids. I don’t particularly enjoy kids under age 2. They’re boring and needy and don’t give a whole lot back. I especially hate pregnancy and the fourth trimester. But now I could listen to my two kids “talk” to me for hours and hours and hours. They’re learning and developing and curious about the world. I can’t wait to watch them grow and learn and become little adults.

      I sucked it up and made it through the 4-5 years of not-so-great so I can have the 16+ years of joy. Maybe not okay to admit, but there it is.

      • anon says

        I’m just impressed you are really enjoying a 4 year old and a 2 year old so much!

      • Anonymous says

        I could have written this. And we are now deciding whether to mess it all up again by adding a third. I want a third 2 year old and a third 4 year odl, but don’t want a baby or pregnancy.

        • Anonymous says

          I’m in the same place! I posted yesterday but a little late in the thread about our do we/don’t we debate about baby #3. First two (boy then girl) are 18 months apart and now that the little one is 3 and potty trained we are FINALLY feeling like we’re getting back to normal. I am pretty much guaranteed gestational diabetes again for a third pregnancy, and I really can’t picture how I would deal with the pregnancy exhaustion with the older 2, my BigLaw hours, etc. etc.

          But when it comes down to it, I come from a big extended family and am really close to both of my 2 siblings. I am thinking about my kids and how this decision will affect them for their whole lives. What if something awful happens…or even just after Husband and I are old & gone…I’m often glad already that there are 3 of us to deal with my own parents’ issues, and just generally more company going through life. ? I admit I’m assuming they will have good relationships within their siblings like I do, but #1 and #2 have a great little bond. Do we try to make it even better for them with a third musketeer? Or risk ruining it by putting strains on the family that we might not all be able to handle?

        • Anonymous says

          Fwiw, I really enjoy my 2.5, 4 and almost-1 year old at least half the time. I think my expectations are lower and my life was already taken over by kid logistics, so it wasn’t a huge deal. But the first 6 months were tough. I used to be on the fence about 4, but I’m not sure my marriage would survive another infant phase.

    • Marilla says

      Our daughter is 19 months and we’re also at this crossroads – very similar to what the previous Anon said, I’m finally starting to feel like a human again after a difficult few years. My husband is beyond ready to start trying again but I feel like I need a little bit more time still – open to trying again in the fall. Now that my daughter is starting to be a little more verbal it’s starting to feel more feasible.

    • SC says

      I would say we’re at this crossroads, but maybe with stronger feelings. DH really wants a second child, and I am leaning toward one-and-done.

      I not only did not like being pregnant, but I had a complicated pregnancy and experienced depression and anxiety while pregnant. I did not mind the baby phase (I was SO happy not to be pregnant), but I don’t miss it either. For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. I’ve lost weight, I’m getting enough sleep, I’m getting some exercise and eating better than I used to, and I have time to read. I have an interesting job that offers a good work/life balance and a lot of flexibility. I’m loving being a mom to my 2-year-old and love watching him learn and explore and run around like crazy. I’m looking forward to him being older and us having more freedom, and I feel like having a second child right now would be going “backwards.” We also would really struggle to afford a second. My new, mostly amazing job doesn’t offer paid maternity leave (just 6 weeks FMLA) and pays less. That wouldn’t stop me from having another if I really wanted to, but obviously, I don’t, and it’s another reason not to.

      On the other hand, as you mentioned, it would be nice to have 2 older children someday. It would be awesome if Kiddo had a playmate. It feels like we’re missing out on something by not having a girl (of course, you can’t control that). DH also really wants to have 2 children, and I don’t like being the person to say “no” to something that important to him. And none of these feel like good enough reasons to have a child…

      • Rainbow Hair says

        Just sending some solidarity because you’ve described my situation exactly.

        Kiddo is a little over two, I’m finally getting a handle on my mental health (did you know that just pretending traumatic things didn’t happen doesn’t work forever?!?!), starting to feel like an adult again, really reconnecting with my husband, settling into a new job I love… and I like having a spare bedroom :-P Pregnancy was rough, delivery was horrible, the fourth trimester was rough, the ensuing PPD/A were terrible, nursing stunk… and of course it was ‘worth it’ to have this wonderful Kiddo that I have… but knowing what it might be like makes me lean toward not doing it again.

        • avocado says

          Pregnancy and parenting an infant were an absolute nightmare for me, and there is no way I could have met an older child’s needs during that time. One of the many reasons we are “one and done” is that I could not bear the thought of having to pretty much abandon my existing child for 18 months or so to gestate and care for a baby.

          • SC says

            I’ve been torn about this too. I was pretty sick for the first 4 months of pregnancy, on bed rest at 7 months, and had DS had 8 months. I would not have been able to care for an older child. I know that every pregnancy is different, but that just makes me think, “It could actually be worse.”

      • lsw says

        I feel like I could have written this, except that it’s me leaning towards a second child and my husband leaning towards one-and-done. It would be a tough few years financially while both in daycare, and an anticipated Supreme Court ruling next year threatens my husband’s job security. My first pregnancy was a big financial hit for me (also just FMLA), and going another unpaid three months is scary, especially as we don’t know what will happen for my husband next year. Plus, we are older parents, and getting pregnant at 39 or 40 seems scary (getting pregnant at 35 was also scary, but things were fine.) Ugh. I don’t know. I feel like there is no right answer and time is running out.

      • FMLA says

        I may be missing something that would change this– but your job doesn’t get to decide how much FMLA you get. If you’ve been there more than a year and the company has 50+ employees, you can take 12 unpaid weeks per year without being fired. I don’t know of anything that limits it to 6 post-birth.

    • AwayEmily says

      I have a 14-month old and am due with my second in January. These responses are making me think I’m crazy to NOT be super worried about having two small kids at once. We’re planning on putting the new baby in daycare at 4 months. We are also planning on sleep training at ~10 weeks like we did with our first (with the caveat that of course it might not take). I absolutely could never in a million years handle two small kids if I was a SAHM (I can barely handle two days alone with one kid when my husband is out of town) but am I nuts to think that it will be ok once we get into a daycare routine? Have I just been tricked by my relatively easy first? Should I be panicking more?? Neither my husband or I travel much, and we are generally both home for mornings and evenings (we work after she goes to bed).

      • Myrna Minkoff says

        No, you’re not nuts. I have a 17 month old and an almost 3 year old and it’s awesome. :) It really has been much easier than I thought it would be.

      • Anon says

        You’re not nuts. It will be fine. It will be hard but fine. Sometimes it will feel impossible but it will be fine. I have a three year old and a baby and I feel like the transition from no kids to one kid was way harder than the transition from one to two.

    • Anon for this says

      I’m seriously considering adopting through our state’s foster care system so that I can have an older child and skip the baby stage. Lots of people want to adopt babies. It’s harder for the older kids to get adopted. My state lists many of the kid’s profiles online. I’ve had my eye on an 8 year old girl and a 6 year old boy but I haven’t done the course yet to allow me to adopt. While most of the kids in “the system” have suffered some type of trauma, there are many that are not disabled, in regular classes, that have a bright future.

      • Anon in NYC says

        I have always wanted to adopt/foster a child. I’m not sure that me or my husband is in the right space right now – life-wise or financially – but I’m hoping that we can seriously consider pursuing it after my kid (and possibly a second) gets older.

        • lsw says

          Our part-time nanny has two foster children, ages 18 months and 3 years, and it has been a challenging but rewarding experience for her and the kids. I’ve learned a lot about the experience from her. I have the utmost respect and admiration for her and all foster parents!

      • Clementine says

        Absolutely consider being a foster parent or adopting through foster care! My husband and I are getting certified and plan to start fostering by the end of summer.

        The goal of foster care is reunification with the families, but in about 50% of cases, this isn’t possible. Many children have gone through trauma, but please keep in mind that these kids have done nothing wrong. What they need are strong parent advocates willing to love and support them. Yes, it is messy and complicated, but so is life.

        • Clementine says

          And just to add: no, we’re not particularly special people in any way.

          I work too much, my husband’s job can be crazy and involve travel, and my kid eats a (whole grain, organic) waffle with peanut butter for dinner on average 2 nights a week.

          We don’t have a stay at home parent, we aren’t super religious or anything, and we’re going to just figure it out. We have enough room in our house to easily fit more kids and are lucky to have a network of family and friends who support us.

          Our state pays for daycare and pays a per-diem that mostly covers the costs of the kiddo. I highly encourage anyone interested to reach out – there are also opportunities to mentor or be a special advocate for foster kids if you’re not ready for a full fostering commitment.

          • Myrna Minkoff says

            You sound awesome, and are inspiring me. I’ve been considering it for a long time, and this is encouraging.

          • Anonymous says

            +1 and I hope you’ll share your experience! I feel like it would be unfair to my own kids to foster right now, but it’s something I’m very interested in when they’re all at least school-age. It will also take a few years for the idea to “take” with my husband.

      • Anonymous says

        As a foster parent…this is a lot harder than it seems. I’m sure everyone realizes that, but make sure you are prepared for years (multiple) of legal processes and uncertainty with the child to get from foster to adopt, even if you take only those that they think are on the adoption track. It’s easier if they’re already 100% cleared, but that is unlikely for the typically-developed children who aren’t teenagers. And be prepared to parent in a very “observed” way, not necessarily that they are judging you but being open to someone coming into your house all the time, someone else scheduling appointments for your child whenever they want, whether you can make it or not, etc. Not to discourage you from doing it, but it is a very challenging process to prepare for emotionally and logistically.

        • Anon for this says

          Thank you. We are only looking at 100% cleared children at this time.

    • rakma says

      Yup, normal. I spent my whole second pregnancy moaning ‘never again, never again’ to my husband. (It might have even been an easier pregnancy than my first, I was just so mentally done with it)

      ~6mo into 2-kid stuff, it’s getting better. We have routines. The kids have an awesome relationship with each other (baby lights up when big sister pays attention to her, it’s amazing)

      I’ve come to terms with this setting back my career goals by about 3-5 years. I’m staying where I am because it affords a flexibility I won’t have at the next step. So for right now, I am putting my head down, getting through the baby stuff (one day I won’t have boxes of diapers in my dining room!) wincing at the cost of childcare, and reminding myself that I will have a lot of fun with a 7 and 10 year old. (and, with any luck, a 20 and 23 year old,etc)

      • H13 says

        I’m relieved to hear that it gets better at 6 months. #2 is 4 months old and older sib is 4. Life is hard and I am tired. I always thought I wanted two and I feel pretty much entirely done having kids (I’m old, tired and poor – or it feels that way). With my first it took 2 years to feel like I was at a new normal. It has been better/easier this time but I am feeling much more at a crossroads career-wise and realizing that things will get nutty when real school starts.

    • Anonymous says

      We’re at this crossroads. We have an 18 m/o and my husband really wants to go for #2 soon (and wants 3 total, which when we didn’t spell out explicitly when we had the “kids” convo before getting engaged, because I assumed that kids (plural) = 2). I initially wanted 2, but now I feel more like a one and done. I didn’t enjoy being pregant or at home with a newborn and I’ve been coming to see that there are real risks to my career in having a second kid in the near future. That risk is honestly driving me not to want a second, but it makes my husband really sad. so…

      • NewMomAnon says

        As someone who always expected to have two kids and is coming to realize I’ll probably have one – your husband will be sad, and he will get over it. Make sure that you can get over any anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration, feeling unsupported, etc before you embark on a path that requires huge sacrifices of your body, time, career, and dreams.

      • anon says

        If he wants a third, can he be the one whose career takes the hit? I know he can’t do the pregnancy for you (but MAN I’m ready for someone to invent that), but he could certainly do part of the parental leave once you are physically able to go back to work. But why can’t he take on the majority of childcare after that? Would that eliminate the risk of setbacks at your work?

    • NYC says

      Why don’t you consider waiting a bit longer? I waited til my first was 2.5 years old until I thought about pregnancy and I think it made a huge difference having a 3 year old when the baby arrived. He was already potty trained, out of a crib, etc. and better able to talk about all the changes in the family. . If your age allows, spacing them at least 3 years apart is easier for parents and the eldest kids. Plus I felt like marriage and career had some time to recover after the first round.. My 2 are still super super close buds and have gotten along from day 1. . (My brother and I are six years apart and my mom said she did it that way so she could keep working. We are also super close despite the age difference)

  3. Me Anon says

    I’ve been having major bouts of anxiety the few days before menstruation. Do you have any suggestions to help power-through those days when I just want to curl in a ball and sleep all day?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Hugs, I get it too. The only thing that (sometimes) helps me is knowing it’s coming, acknowledging why it’s happening (and sometimes even saying it out loud to someone), and breathing deep before making assumptions. Journaling and mindfulness help too…but only a little.

      Also – I go to bed at the same time kiddo does on those nights. Night time is the worst, and a little extra rest is helpful.

    • Anonymous says

      I found that whatever I’m feeling in the couple days before my period is my actual state of being (like I’ve been euphoric on those two days, when I’d won an award/got a new job/fell in love). Most of the time my emotions are under control. So if this was me, I’d take it as a signal that I needed therapy/medication. For me it would be a sign that I am feeling anxious all the time, but ignoring it except when hormones bump up my emotional responses.

    • Anon says

      This is totally characteristic of my PMS. I was prescribed natural (“bioidentical”) progesterone, which helped, as did magnesium supplementation. Work-wise, I am one of those people who is paralyzed by perfectionism, so I have adopted the mantra “Do everything sh!ttily, but just get it done” to give myself permission to move past the “oh, it isn’t exactly how I envisioned it” fretting. I’ve found that aiming for “sh!tty” generally turns out a product that is actually pretty good. I’ve also been known to stick a “Do not disturb–teleconference meeting” note on my office door and take a quick nap.

      • Frozen Peach says

        Late to this party but I experience this too. marking my calendar and being aware really helps. Chocolate helps an astonishing amount with the bouts of particularly intense feelings. So does being “buddies” with a few similarly afflicted and synced friends. And most of all, taking it really easy and planning to feel a little raw and treat myself accordingly.

  4. Anon says

    Do they make bed railings for the foot of the bed? We have a platform twin for my son. It’s pushed up against a wall on the head and one side. I have a railing on the other long side. But apparently he flops around so much that he ends up at the foot of the bed and falls off in the middle of the night. I’ve piled pillows down there, and put foam on the sharp corner. But he still keeps falling. It scares him and wakes him up, which wakes me up, and then we’re both up for 30-45 minutes while we each try to calm back down. My 2am googling for a foot bed rail didn’t produce anything, and there’s not enough room to push a dresser or something against the foot (nor do I feel like that would be safe).

    Thoughts? Tips? Help?

    • Cb says

      Some sort of attachable footboard? Might be tough with a platform bed.

      What about a pool noodle or yoga bolster under the sheets to keep him from rolling off?

    • AwayEmily says

      Can you get a twin headboard and put that at the end? They have reasonably cheap ones at Target, for instance, including nice soft upholstered ones. Aesthetically it might look nicer if you also put the pillow at that end too, but it should work either way.

    • Anon for this says

      So this is embarrassing but my freshmen college dorm had loft beds and I was terrified of falling off of it in the middle of the night. All the bed rails at the store were made for toddlers and would have looked ridiculous. My dad hand made me one out of wood. It had a plywood piece that went under the mattress and then the wood rails attached to it at a 90 degree angle. He sanded it and stained it so it looked like it was part of the decor. The one he made had slats I think that wouldn’t be safe for a child but you could make a solid one without slats. Good luck!

      • Anonanonanon says

        I actually love this story so much on so many levels. What an awesome dad

    • Momata says

      We use foam bed bumpers we got off Am@z0n on either edge of my daughter’s queen bed and I think you could use one at the foot of your son’s bed. I think you could cut one down to the size you needed (we’ve had good luck cutting foam like that with the electric knife we use for our turkey!).

  5. anonanon says

    35 weeks pregnant with my second, so my mind is pretty fuzzy. Can someone explain to me the 16 weeks of family leave benefit to DC residents? I am a fed, does this apply to me?

  6. Anon says

    Are the people who voted for Jon Ossoff over Karen Handel in Georgia misogynists? Discuss.

  7. NewMomAnon says

    You know, reading all the comments from women on the fence about having a second kid because they don’t want to go through the newborn/baby stages again made me want to say: I’m enjoying age 3.5. Not every minute, obviously, but every day I find myself looking forward to spending time with her. And almost every day, she says or does something that takes me by surprise and makes me smile.

    So PSA for those new moms wondering if it ever gets better – I was like you, and yes, it has gotten better.

  8. How many kids says

    Tagging on the second kid question, those of you with more than one kid, which did you find harder: going from no kids to one kid or going from one to two? Any particular reason why?

    • rakma says

      For us, none to one was harder.

      With the second, we knew everything had an ending (she won’t cluster feed forever, she won’t cry when she poops forever) Also, DD1 was my husbands first real experience with a baby, so he had a steep learning curve. DD2 has benefited from a dad who can do a poopy diaper change one handed.

      There’s more logistics involved with having two, but we’re good at logistics.

    • Anonymous says

      My dad always said that going from 2 to 3 was hardest. You quit playing man to man defense and have to start playing zone.

      • Anonymous says

        This. I have three kids and I’ve heard this analogy before – it’s very true. Two kids with two parents is easy, three is a whole other ballgame.

      • Katala says

        My biggest reservation in thinking about 3. That and my husband flips every time I bring it up. I mean, #2 is 5 months old so I don’t blame him. But I’m less anti-another than I thought I would be!

      • mss says

        This is SO true. Zero to one was hard for us, one to two was a breeze, but two to three – we were just hanging on. I think it depends in part how close in age your kids are (mine were just under 2 and 4.5 when the third was born), but I felt like we were just hanging on, and my middle son really got neglected for awhile. On the bright side, the older two are very close and are used to doing things together. One thing that made it really hard for us was that we had been used to trading off on weekends so we each got a break, but it’s way harder to be on 1 on 3 than it is to be 1 on 2, so our breaks disappeared for a little while.

    • RDC says

      They were hard in differenr ways. Agree with rakma that some of the baby stages were easier because we’d already been there and knew it would pass. Also, bf’ing was way easier with the second. But it was hard to parent the 2yo while dealing with the baby – I just had so much less patience with the toddler, and it was easy to fall into thinking he’s not a baby anymore and should act “bigger.” It’s been hard to remember that 2 is still pretty little.

    • EB0220 says

      I agree with RDC that they were hard in different ways. For me, zero to one was harder on my self image. Not my physical self-image, but I had to integrate “mom” into my view of myself and that was tough. I was never someone who “always wanted to be a mother” or even particularly liked kids other than my siblings but I had an amazing rush of maternal feeling when my first was born. It took me a while to sort through what that meant for me as a person, wife and working woman. I didn’t really have to make that adjustment with the 2nd because I was used to being “mom” so I felt like myself much sooner. The harder part of two was (and still is!) the realization that I will always have to “short change” one kid. If both are crying, I have to choose. If both want to talk, I have to choose. If both need something, I have to choose. I’m still not good at it.

    • H13 says

      So far (4 month old and 4 years old) I’d say going from none to one was harder. I’ve already come to terms with the loss of freedom and, like others have said, I know the terrible phases are truly just phases. That being said, I would give birth to a toddler if I could.

    • Katarina says

      Going from one to two was much harder for me. I think it is partly because I had expected the first to be really hard, but it was much easier than I expected. I found (find) it hard to balance giving enough attention to each child, and I feel like I never get a break. I found it really hard to watch both early on, the older one would run amok while I was nursing. I still don’t really feel comfortable taking them both out alone (17 months and 3.5), although my husband does this all of the time.

    • NYC says

      We found going from 1 to 2 much harder! I think we were braced for the way in which the first was hard and didn’t think a second would be that different. I feel like with 1 it was still fairly easy for us to get time together and solo time. But now it is harder to get either one, let alone both. Two years in we are starting to get into a groove and find time for dates and alone time, but it is a more complicated juggling act. That being said, having 2 is awesome and they are soooooo sweet with each other.

  9. Am I Crazy? says

    I currently have a “unicorn” job that I absolutely love. I work three days a week (split between time in the office and working from home) and make six figures. I basically get to pick and choose what I work on during those three days. I have a fantastic relationship with my boss, and I really like my direct reports. My work stress is pretty minimal. The one catch? My commute is 50+ miles each way, with the drive typically taking 60-90 minutes. Public transportation isn’t an option, so it’s all me driving.

    My first child is due later this year, and I’d really like to continue in my current job. I’ll get 4 months off for maternity leave, and I’ve already spoken to my boss about easing back into my schedule once returning from leave (ie – working more from home at the beginning). DH and I would also ideally like to move to the city that my job is in in the next 12-18 months, so I’d hate to give up my amazing set up because of the commute now, only to have it not be an issue with a year or two.

    Am I crazy for thinking that I can continue my job with this commute once baby is here? Working from home 100% of the time isn’t an option, and it wouldn’t be something I’d enjoy either. My days when I’m working are long (12-14 hours, due to the commute), but that only happens 1-2 days/week. My mom is retired and lives somewhat close to us, so I’m considering asking her to watch baby while I’m in the office (I wouldn’t be comfortable being so far away without family watching her), and then finding a part-time nanny for my work from home days. I’m also looking into childcare closer to my office, so I don’t have to worry about being far away from baby in case something happens. However, I don’t know how baby would handle the commute and long days.

    Any advice or perspective? Anyone else who’s done something similar? Anything I’m not thinking about that I haven’t considered?

    • Anon in NYC says

      I don’t think you’re crazy. Would your boss be open to an alternative schedule where you come in early/leave early to reduce your commute time? My friend gets to work at 6:30 and leaves at ~3:30.

      • Am I Crazy? says

        Good to know I’m not crazy! I’ve thought about adjusting my hours, but I really don’t run into traffic much, so I don’t think it would make too much of a difference in the commute time. Plus, I worry about finding childcare to cover the super early morning hours that I’d need to make an earlier start time work.

        • H says

          But it might give you more time with baby in the evening. I’m not a morning person at all, adjusted my hours due to traffic, and I’m so grateful because it gives me time with my LO in the evenings.

    • SC says

      I definitely wouldn’t give up a unicorn job because of a long commute, especially if you want to move closer to the office within 12-18 months.

      When are you due? If you have 4 months leave, how long would you be doing this commute? Could you “speed up” the move by a couple of months, even if you take a financial hit?

      I’d get on daycare lists close to where you work and where you’d move to, ASAP. Commuting with a baby might be hard, but you can make it work, especially if it’s temporary. And having baby close to work might make breastfeeding easier, if there’s any way you can nurse before the drive home. Or there may be a wait list, in which case you can decide about your mom, a part-time nanny, etc. while you’re on leave.

      • Anonymous says

        Yes, the job situation sounds good to me! But I will just throw it out there that my younger child HATED being in the car seat, and would absolutely scream 100% of the time. We literally couldn’t drive more than 15 minutes to anywhere the first year he was born or it would be absolutely unbearable. Driving three hours away to see my mom resulting not just in hours of his crying but me crying as well. So… that’s a bit extreme but in my circumstance I would 100% say that you should find childcare close to your home, not your work. Daycare close to your home, with your mom or husband picking up on the days you have to commute.

        • Anon in NYC says

          My kid got carsick every single time she was in the car and also rear facing. I’m not sure if it would have been better if we drove more (we drive maybe once a month, and that’s a stretch), but it was a nightmare. Knowing that, I would be really hesitant to commit to a daily long drive with a kid, but every kid is different. For another friend, the only place her kid would nap was in the car so every day her grandparents or she/her husband would drive the kid around for a few hours!

      • Am I Crazy? says

        I’m due in December and will be returning to work in April. It is possible that we could speed up the move a bit (TBD, depending on how things go with DH’s job), but it’s most likely that I’ll be doing the commute for about a year with baby. It’s also possible (but less likely) that we need to stay in our current city for DH’s job, at which point the commute will be an ongoing thing.

        I’ll definitely look into daycare options close to the office. Hopefully there are some good part-time options available!

        • SC says

          I’d get on wait lists in both locations. If you get into daycare at both locations, put a deposit down at both. Hopefully by April, you’ll have a better idea of your long-term plans and which daycare (or a family/nanny situation) would be the best fit.

          If it were a long-term thing, I’d choose the daycare close to home or the mom/nanny situation at home. The alone time in the car would be better, especially if you have a baby who doesn’t like the car seat. If you were ever sick or had a chance to work from home or needed to travel, you or your husband would have to drive all the way to work to drop the baby off at daycare. Having daycare near your work and not your husband’s also means you’ll leave work and do pick-up every time the baby is sick. But you could handle it and avoid the transition if it were just for a few months.

      • CHJ says

        I did a 50-60 minute commute with a baby for a while, and it wasn’t awful, but it was so much better when he was at a daycare close to home and I could just listen to podcasts the whole drive. Two hours of “me” time during the day is pretty great.

    • anon says

      1-2 long days per week doesn’t sound crazy to me all, especially if your husband’s hours aren’t insane. But you may need the nanny on the days when you are in the office – will your mom really be up for 12-14 hours of childcare (depending on when your husband can relieve her)? That’s a long day for anyone. It is possible to find trustworthy childcare providers who are not relatives, and it is much easier to order them around too. And plan for childcare coverage 100% of the time when you are working from home; you can’t expect to take care of a baby while working, even at home, unless you have a unicorn baby.

      • Am I Crazy? says

        DH’s hours are pretty reasonable when he’s in the office, so he would be home by around 5:30 PM – 6 PM to relieve nanny or my mom. However, he does travel 50-60% of the time, so that complicates things. We live in earthquake country, which historically hasn’t been too big of a deal, but my crazy first-time mom brain is now worried about being 50+ miles away from baby in the event of the “big one”, not being able to get home, DH being out of town, and baby being left with someone who may not put her first in that situation.

        I’ll definitely plan on having full-time childcare on the days I work from home. Maybe I’ll see if a nanny can come relieve my mom halfway through the day or something, since I do worry about that being a really long day for her.

        • anon says

          Since your husband travels so much I think you may be happier with a nanny than daycare when your child is very young, or at the very least you will need a backup babysitter you really trust to give you more flexibility.

          I can’t imagine a babysitter not taking care of a baby in his/her charge in the event of a catastrophe – I would take care of a stranger’s child in that situation. I mean, I guess you could look for someone who doesn’t have children of their own to take care of, but that seems overly prejudicial to me.

          One other thing to keep in mind – after about 3 months old or so, most little babies go to sleep for the night really early – like 7 pm – and may not wake up for the day until 7 am (can be way too much earlier though, sigh). I’m not sure if I really understood this before i had a child; just be realistic about how much awake time you will get. On the flip side, babies do offer plentiful opportunities for middle of the night bonding. (sigh again).

          • Am I Crazy? says

            Thanks for your feedback! Like I said, it’s my crazy first time mom brain that’s making me worry about these things like earthquakes and catastrophes. Logically, I’m sure anyone we’d trust alone with our baby would absolutely take care of her in that situation, but my pregnancy hormones are making me a little emotional and less rational about it all right now.

            Good point on the baby sleep schedule too. I’m aware that I may not really see her at all when I’m in the office 2 days/week, unless we go the close-to-office daycare route. However, I’ll have my work from home day and then four days where I’m off completely to catch up on baby time.

        • NYC says

          Just want to add that is is super normal to think through obscure disaster scenarios. I did the same with my first when we lived in NYC (not earthquakes but all sorts of other big city disasters). I worked 45 minutes from home by subway but it would have taken all day to walk home if the system shut down. I just talked everything through with my nanny about what the plan was in various scenarios and trusted her more than anyone. Feel like my mother in law would have been much more likely to come up with some random solution than actually follow my directions. Mom paranoia is real! Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just come up with a plan.

      • Cate says

        yeah, I’m confused why you trust your mom over a potential professional nanny? I’d trust both. I leave my kids with a nanny and have never “not felt comfortable…” If you are making six figures, you can afford it and it would probably be helpful for your relationship with your mom not to lean on her too much.

    • avocado says

      I have been commuting 60 miles each way since before my daughter was born. I had her in day care near my office until she started kindergarten because we managed to score a spot in an amazingly high-quality, low-cost university-affiliated day care center. My daughter handled the commute just fine, but this arrangement posed some challenges. We couldn’t socialize with other day care families, which was isolating, and whenever I traveled we had to arrange backup care near home. I absolutely would not have done this if the quality of the on-campus day care center had not been so superior to all the options near home.

      I think 1-2 long days a week will be totally doable for 12-18 months. I would encourage you to find full-time professional child care instead of relying on your mother. I’m not sure why the distance matters–day care or a nanny is just as safe when you are in a different city as when you are in the same city. You are not going to be able to prevent anything bad from happening just by being a few miles away instead of 50 miles away, and in an emergency your husband or mother will be available for a quick pickup.

      • Am I Crazy? says

        So glad to hear someone else has made this type of arrangement work! I’ll definitely look into childcare options near the office, as well a professional option for in-home care. There’s a university near my office, and I hadn’t thought to see if they have a childcare program. I’ll look into that as well.

        DH travels a fair amount for work, so both of us being “far away” in the event of an emergency what makes me worry (though my mom is about 30 minutes away in the worst case scenario).

        • avocado says

          It is extremely difficult to get into most university-affiliated child care centers. We were very lucky to get a spot, and that was only because I was a student at the time.

          • GCA says

            Seconded — the priority list at most university-affiliated childcare centers typically goes something like 1. faculty 2. staff 3. postdocs 4. students 5. other university affiliates 6. everyone else!

          • Am I Crazy? says

            Oh, got it. Sorry, childcare newbie over here. Thanks for the information.

    • shortperson says

      i do this, and it’s fine. days i’m gone are “daddy days.” now that baby is a toddler they usually go out for pizza when i’m out and she loves it. but it worked out when she was a baby too, she didnt even notice, but i did have to do a lot of pumping which was annoying. it’s been great for their relationship bc they do a lot better together when i’m not there. plus my office is near a lot more things than our house so i get a lot of personal tasks done in the evenings while i wait for traffic to die down (shopping, massage, etc.), which makes me more human and present when i am home.

      • shortperson says

        also, your job sounds better than mine (biglaw), but i could never have part time help for the days i’m home. i didnt even want a nanny bc i didnt want to deal w crying during phone calls, etc. baby goes to daycare right up the street. maybe your job is more flexible during the day however.

        • Am I Crazy? says

          Glad to hear that it works for you as well! I can see pumping being a nuisance, for sure, though there is an upside to having a few free hours in the evening to run errands, exercise, and be an adult human being (I do all of that now while waiting out traffic).

          Sorry, I should have clarified about the “part-time” work from home help. I will definitely have someone with us all day when I’m working from home, just that they may not be our usual “full-time” childcare option (daycare or my mom would step in on the longer days, potentially). I definitely couldn’t work from home while taking care of a baby part-time.

          • shortperson says

            also i think it’s obvious from what i say above, but i don’t see my child on my in-office days. it works out fine. i get so much more time with her on the days i do work from home, when i have zero commute and dont need to get dressed or do anythign to get ready for my day. we usually have 2 hours to go for a walk, play, make pancakes, even go swimming. so i dont feel bad about the other days and she’s used to it.

    • CLMom says

      For what it’s worth, 18-24 months will go by quickly. And, knowing an end-date will likely help keep your spirits up on the bad driving days.
      I have 32 mile each way commute in a city known for awful traffic. So, I’m probably in the car close to two hours a day, five days a week. It’s hard but likely very doable. We opted for daycare near my work 3 days a week, so my daughter does the commute, too. When she was younger, she slept nearly the whole way. Now that she’s older (19 months) we listen to music, she plays with toys, etc. Just make sure to have snacks on hand.

    • AwayEmily says

      I think it’s doable. My partner works a 2.5 hour drive away — he leaves Tuesday morning and comes back Thursday evening (stays in a hotel). Three days of solo parenting a week is not ideal but it’s not terrible either — I’m sure your husband could handle it. I would at least consider putting the baby in full-time daycare rather than doing the nanny/mom/etc thing, for a couple of reasons: (1) friends who have worked from home with a nanny say that it is tough, (2) then you could reserve your mom for other things (for example, coming in the evenings to help out DH on evenings that you are gone), (3) more consistency for the baby.

      • Katala says

        Good points about the childcare situation. We had to switch from nanny to daycare bc (among other things) it got impossible for H to do any work with nanny + kid in the house. It wasn’t as bad until about 10-11 months though, so might be OK in the beginning.

    • Another Anon Stepmom says

      It’s definitely doable. I commute 1 1/2 hours each way, twice a week and from the home the other 3 days a week. On the days I am in the office I go in very early so that I can be home in time for daycare pickup. On those days I don’t see my kids in the morning, which is tough. The trade-off is that I see them every night and 3 days/week I can bring them to daycare later in the morning. It only works because my husband is able to drop off the kids the mornings I go into the office and he is always the “on call” parent on those days because I work too far to pick them up if they need to be picked up early.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Another vote on the it doesn’t seem crazy idea. Especially if you’re not going to be doing it forever. And the time that you’ll be doing it is in someways the easiest time for your baby to not see you one day a week . But even if it continues for longer, kids are use to a routine, and the day or two you’re in the office will just be part of his/her weekly routine.

      I’d recommend daycare near home, however. It may be a bit pricier, and being far away may seem less secure, but not only could your child not be a happy passenger, less time in the car = less opportunity for accidents involving the baby (of course, my ‘thing’ is car accidents due to scary family history, YMMV). And if for some reason, you’re travelling, your H or mom can drop of baby at daycare.

  10. Tubal Litigation During Scheduled C-Section? says

    It looks like this is aligned pretty well with conversation today!

    I’m pregnant with my second child, just entering my 3rd trimester. I always pictured myself with only one child. Around his first birthday, I had a change of heart and started imagining another. For years, I had no doubt in my mind that we were one and done. This pregnancy was both very wanted and a complete surprise. I couldn’t be happier and I already can’t picture our life any differently than with two children. I do not want a third.

    The plan had been for my husband to have a vasectomy which is pretty common in his friend group right now. I did not consider any permanent measures myself. At my appointment this morning, my doctor asked if I had any interest in tubal litigation and now I’m not sure why I wouldn’t go that route. I hadn’t looked into it at all since the vasectomy seemed so easy, but I’ll be having a scheduled c-section so it does seem to make sense to just have the tubal litigation.

    I’ll be 31. Again, never thought I would have 2 kids but 3 is completely off the table for my husband and I both. My only concern is whether I would regret this decision if something happened to one of my kids. On the contrary, trying to conceive again would not replace either one.

    Since I’m on the younger side, I’m not sure that I know many people who have made this decision. Most of my peers are in a place of fertility issues, not permanent birth control measures. I feel like it’s selfish in some way to close that door, especially when I feel so blessed to have the ability to have children.

    Wisdom, please!

    • Lyssa says

      I had a tubal during my scheduled c-section. I was in the same boat as you with it being the second and being done, but I was a little older (old enough that I could still try for a third, but it was getting into more questionable territory). As far as the procedure went – it was fine, very quick and I didn’t even notice that they were doing anything extra. I did have a little more pain in recovery as compared to my first, but not anything severe – as far as I know, that was more about being older, or having another kid to take care of, or anything else, too.

      The biggest downside is, of course, the permanence – since you changed your mind once and you’re relatively young, it’s still possible that you would change your mind again. That’s a hard question to really address. The biggest downside for me is that I had really gotten used to life on the pill, and I’ve realized that I really, really hate having natural periods now. I’m tempted to go back on it to avoid them, but that seems silly and I worry about the long-term health risks. Of course, both of those issues are the same with a V.

      Otherwise, if you’re sure that you’re done, and you’re having a c-section anyway, it seems pretty silly to have your husband have to have a separate procedure, IMO. That was my main reasoning.

    • Anonymous says

      My parents had children young and were certain they only wanted two. Their second baby was healthy at birth, released from the hospital, and died a few days later from an undiagnosed complication.

      Despite the devastation of losing a child, they desperately wanted another baby (and my sibling was born about a year later). They would have been crushed had my mom had a tubal ligation.

      Unless you would be totally happy having one child with no sense of remorse, I would wait a year or two and then evaluate your options. Many people assume that once you have a a healthy baby, you are set for future babies. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life.

    • rakma says

      I didn’t end up with a C-section, but the plan was to get a tubal if I did. Plan is still for DH to get a vasectomy. I have an IUD in the meantime.

      I know some people would want to have another child if one were tragically lost, like anonymous’ parents above. I had complications which made me very sure that I was not ever going to want to be pregnant again, so a permanent solution is much more appealing to me.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      I’d want my husband to get the vasectomy instead for a two reasons:
      1) Damn you I’ve done enough related to pregnancy/not pregnancy for a lifetime. Your turn!
      2) I understand that a vasectomy is easier to undo than a tubal ligation.

    • SC says

      This is late, but you could consider an IUD. I had mine placed at my 6-week post-natal appointment, when I was cleared to have s*x. I have the Mirena, so I don’t have a normal cycle, which is great for me. And of course, it’ll last for 5 years if I want it to, but isn’t permanent.

      • Anon says

        Yes, the period factor was the biggest consideration for me. I wanted to avoid a period and the resulting debilitating cramps that I get, and the IUD was the best way to achieve that. My DH got a vasectomy. So we’re doubly protected, but with the advantage that my option can change and adapt as my hormones change throughout my life.

  11. Anonymous says

    Returning to work/pumping question: For those of you who are salaried employees (I’m assuming most reading this are), did you have to stay longer at work because of the time you took to pump? My understanding of the FSLA/Affordable Care Act provisions is that it only applies to hourly employees. I currently work 40 hours a week and don’t want to be expected to be at the office for 47 hours a week because of pumping breaks. DD can only be in daycare so many hours a week plus commuting. I’ve already emailed HR, but I have a manager who is a stickler about counting hours in the office even though I’m salaried (no “as long as your work gets done…” attitude).

    • Anonymous says

      Absolutely not. I wouldn’t have even presented it as something that was a possibility. No no no.

      • lsw says

        Same. Never even considered this. I hope your workplace isn’t a bunch of neanderthals who push back on this.

    • Anonymous says

      I didn’t, but was able to work my normal hours and pump and get my work done. If I wasn’t, I think I would have been expected to stay. Does your manager have to know? I don’t think mine knew when I was pumping or just at a meeting.

      • Anonymous says

        Should add: and I would be expected to stay if it were another reason my work wasn’t getting done, not just because it was pumping.

    • CHJ says

      Nooooooo way. The bargain salaried employees strike with their employers is that they forgo overtime, but in exchange they have more control/flexibility with their hours. It sounds like your manager is a bit of a pill, but does s/he also deduct time when people use the bathroom or run out for a cup of coffee?

    • anon says

      No way, but my supervisor wasn’t nutty like that. I would try telling your supervisor you work while pumping and do some returning email on your phone and carry around reading materials so that is plausible.

    • Anonymous says

      Thanks all. Yes my work always gets done and I’m labeled as someone who performs, usually above and beyond. What gets me is that I have a coworker (under the same manager) who takes 45 min bathroom breaks, and I know that she’s in the office/online less than 40 hours a week. Unfortunately pumping space is right near me so it’ll be pretty obvious when I’m pumping/at my desk. I’ll just take my laptop with me while pumping and say I’m working/returning emails.

      • Walnut says

        This sounds like a great opportunity to push back on the crazy clock watching. It shouldn’t matter if someone needs to pump, take a long bathroom break, or frankly make a call to pay a bill while in the office.

        My “normal” office hours bake in two breaks and a lunch period, so everyone is at the office 9 or 9 and a half hours per day. Are yours actually only eight hours? Does everyone work through their lunch?

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