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A good maternity bra is worth its weight in liquid gold. This one from Motherfigure is aptly named the “Multitasking Maternity Bra.”
It’s design keeps both your hands free while you pump so you can attend to other things. It’s also underwire-free for comfort, but made of bonded material for support. You can also easily nurse your little one by moving the bra above or below your chest.
Right now, it only comes in black, but I hope Motherfigure will add more colors soon.
This nursing bra is $44 and comes in sizes XS/S to XXL.
Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Jogging Stroller Q says
Is there an optimal way to hold the handlebar on a jogging stroller when running? I ran a few miles with my son this weekend on a flat but slightly gravely path. I mostly pushed with my right hand and my hand and wrist were pretty sore afterward. The most comfortable position for me was gripping the handle with my thumb parallel to the handle to steer. Is there a better way?
Pogo says
Which stroller do you have? I have the Thule Urban Glide, and there is a portion of the handlebar that is angled down, and I put my palm on that and my thumb parallel on the portion that is attached to the stroller itself. I do not typically push in the middle of the handlebar, I will do my right hand on the left side of the handlebar, running more parallel than behind the stroller. I try to switch which hand I’m using pretty frequently.
Are you locking the wheel as well? That’s also critical.
Anon says
How tightly were you holding the handle? Grip very lightly. It also sounds like the handle might be a touch too high.
Anon says
Did you lock the front wheel? Doing so does enable you to run faster; however, it comes at the expense of more difficult steering. Use both hands to steer if you do that.
I wrap my hands and thumbs around the stroller. It sounds like you are using the cushion near your thumb to push and steer, which is going to be hard.
Atlien says
I switch hands every like 5 steps or so!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone else listen to the Best of Both Worlds podcast? I hadn’t listened for a few months and just started listening again and here’s a random question – Laura’s voice sounds totally different to me… Anyone else notice this? So minor but this is such a mystery to me…
Cb says
I’m such a creeper for knowing this, but I have a memory like an elephant. I think she’s been having some throat issues. I think she often sounds quite down, but I wonder if she’s intentionally trying to speak at a lower tone to avoid aggravating any damage?
Anonymous says
Lots of things can cause voice changes, probably jus a medical issue she doesn’t want to go into detail about.
Anon says
Yeah, she’s talked before about going dairy-free to help ongoing throat/congestion issues. It’s probably related to those.
Anon says
(Saying it here because it is 100% not worth is to insult my friend.) Friend has been known to cut her spouse and kids’ hair from time to time. Between the pandemic and then ‘it’s so easy!’… now she 100% cuts everyone’s hair.
One of her kids looks fine. The other has hair that looks like a cross between a bad bowl cut and Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men (where i thought he had bangs but maybe not?). And I needed to let out today that: yes, sometimes it is 100% worth it to pay a professional to cut your kids’ hair.
(And now that I’ve let that out, I can stop thinking about it and go back to my life and my day and my absolutely LOVELY friend who just texted me, hence this random-ish message.)
Anonymous says
Hahahahaha I feel this
Anon says
What do you do on weekend that the entire family enjoys doing together? I have an 8yo that is like an indoor cat and a 4yo that likes adventure. I like to get out once a day on weekends for sanity and can usually lure the 8yo out with a treat of some sort. But the 8yo has been a handful lately and I just feel like we aren’t having much fun together.
anon says
Sorry meant to make this a new thread. Ugh.
Anon says
what does the 8 year old like to do indoors and is there any way to incorporate it outdoors?
Anonymous says
Haircuts?!
I have an almost 9 year old (only child) and feel this. He really just wants to stay home and play video games at all times. He is excited by a promised trip to the arcade. He had fun when we met up with a friend at the beach, and was also pretty happy to go to the botanical garden with a friend. At this point in the pandemic, meeting up with a friend seems key to motivating him, but we’re basically down to 3 friends, 1 of whom he sees every day after school and is somewhat sick of. He’s tired of us too, and I can’t blame him as the feeling is somewhat mutual.
Cb says
Oh gosh, am I your friend? I only have 1 kiddo though. I had beginners luck with my husband’s first haircut, and think I might be getting worse in each successive cut? I watched a youtube video but got bored halfway through. My child is looking a bit mullet-y.
Pogo says
I gave in and now I have DH take LO with him to get a cut, which is great because it keeps him on a schedule and also outsources that task to DH. But I also had a mishap with the wrong length clippers and LO’s neckline…
Redux says
Ha! I have the same/opposite problem with a lovely friend who has never cut her 3 year old boy’s hair. I am silently screaming “what is your end game here!” everytime they talk about his hair.
Pogo says
This was my nephew! He had the longest curly hair until like age 3.5 (when wet it was down his back!). It was cute and then eventually it was like ummmm what is going on here? They finally buzzed all of it off, which seemed drastic. But it was like there was no inbetween.
Anonymous says
In our culture a lot of people don’t cut it til 3 for boys. I also have a number of friends who don’t cut kids’ hair unless the kid is asking for it regardless of gender.
AnonATL says
My 10mo has super thick and long hair for a boy. I’ve had to trim it like 3 times already and this last time I trimmed his bangs a little crooked, but it’s not super noticeable with his shaggy hair. Did not want to poke my squirmy baby with scissors.
I cut my husband’s hair for army reserve duty every month and have been for the past almost 5 years. There were a few times where it was bad, but I can practically do it without thinking about it now.
Anonymous says
So… I cut my whole family’s hair, including two members yesterday, and am now SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS that this might be my kid! But luckily I don’t think any of my friends have seen him since yesterday…
I’m curious how many families do this. I didn’t have a non-home haircut till high school and a large number of more blue collar families I’m connected with on social media also do exclusively hope haircuts. Am I the only one on this board??
Anonymous says
I didn’t have a professional haircut until college.
anon says
hat do you do on weekend that the entire family enjoys doing together? I have an 8yo that is like an indoor cat and a 4yo that likes adventure. I like to get out once a day on weekends for sanity and can usually lure the 8yo out with a treat of some sort. But the 8yo has been a handful lately and I just feel like we aren’t having much fun together.
Mary Moo Cow says
Why is it so important to you that the whole family goes out together? I think I would start there and then think about suiting everyone’s needs. In a family, obviously we need to learn to sometimes suck it up for others, so I don’t think 8 year old gets off the hook all the time. But can 8 year old participate only every other weekend? Only one activity per weekend, not one on Saturday and one on Sunday? Can it be one on one with you or does it have to be with everybody? Is 8 year old feeling burnout from the end of school and really just needs to be left alone at home to recharge? Are you consistently picking activities that cater to the 4 year old or does 8 year old get to pick, too? Try to look at it from 8 year old’s perspective and see where you could reach common ground. Get 8 year old’s input on what might be fun: mini golf, a state park you’ve never been to, a new ice cream store, a museum you haven’t been to in a while, a trip to a bookstore or a craft store, etc.
Anonymous says
Maybe a low impact hike? I know a lot of adults who are indoor cats who like easier hiking. But, I also wonder if that comes with age/maturity. I think those people really appreciate the beauty and relaxation of nature. I’m not sure an eight year old would have the same mindset in that regard. Would indoor cat enjoy reading about certain elements of nature or something in advance of a hike?
anon says
That’s a nice idea. I probably should have been clearer in my post that he isn’t going out every day of the weekend. Honestly, no one is usually. But I think 2x/month for the whole family to do something seems reasonable. Maybe have each kid get to choose something for the month to do. We’ve fallen into the habit of too many screens and challenges with the kids entertaining themselves. Honestly, the 4yo can do it more than the 8yo a lot of times.
Anonanonanon says
Honestly, my kids are far apart in age (more than yours) and someone is going to be having less fun, no matter what. Not saying that to be a downer, but wanted to reassure you that kids are generally a delight from 4-8 and start getting grouchy around 8 years old. It’s just really, really hard to find things they will both be happy with at such different stages. Our minor successes have included:
-Picnics somewhere we can set up near a playground so little one can play on playground and older one can read a book while still in view
-Finding new places to walk around/look around and grab a cupcake or ice cream in the process. bonus if it’s a 45-60 minute drive and the smaller one can pass out and we can
-Going to the Farmers’ Market
-Recently bought those big styrofoam airplanes from the dollar store and took those to a park to throw, they were both into that
-Water balloons (with a no throwing them at each other rule)
–
Again, fwiw 8-10 has been a bit rough. I’m sure it’s developmentally normal, but he seems mopey/annoyed by anything we try to do together, but resents being left out if one parent takes the smaller one out to do something he wouldn’t be into (like going to a playground). We try to give the older one some one-on-one time and take him out alone as well, but I think there is just a lot of conflicting feelings going on in their lil brains at that age.
Anonanonanon says
My computer froze part of the way through! Gardening was a success, we don’t have much of a yard but they actually enjoyed working together to transplant plants from the store to bigger pots.
anon says
Thank you for letting me know about this 8-10 stretch. It’s been so hard recently!
Anon says
Is there a treehouse park nearby? That’s popular where I am.
AwayEmily says
I just called to make dental appointments for our kids, and asked the receptionists if the dentists had been vaccinated (it’s a two-woman kids dental practice) . The receptionist seemed completely befuddled by my question and ultimately told me she couldn’t give out private health information over the phone, and would try to have someone call me back. I figured they must get this question many times a day, but she seemed TOTALLY taken aback. Is this a nuts question? I kind of assumed it would become standard in booking medical appointments (especially for unvaccinated kids!).
Anon says
It seems like a normal question to me!
Anon says
This seems normal to me! Her response makes me think the answer may be no.
Anonymous says
Her response makes me think that she has no idea whether the dentists want her giving out this information.
Anonymous says
No, if the dentist were vaccinated she’d most likely want to advertise that fact to make her patients feel more comfortable. The last time I was at the dentist the staff all subtly worked it into the conversation that they’d been vaxxed.
Realist says
This is what I would think too. For my kid, I would be looking for a new dentist that is proud to advertise their vax status.
GCA says
It seems like a completely normal question to me! I had some urgent dental work done a couple of months back. The dentist I saw happily volunteered that he was getting his second shot the next day and his entire office was able to get vaccinated that week.
Mary Moo Cow says
It is not a nuts question to me, but I do think the receptionist cannot give this out without express permission from the dentists, because it is private health information not being used for litigation, dentist’s healthcare, dentist’s insurance company, etc. Dentists may be vaccinated but don’t want clients to know; may have risk factors that led them not to get vaccinated and don’t want to explain all that, etc. The receptionist may also have thought the dentist usually wears a mask or other PPE, so what does it matter? (I’m not saying she’s right, just a possible reason why she was muddled.) It sounds like it is a small practice that hasn’t come up with a policy on vaccinations and vaccine communication or hasn’t shared that policy with the whole staff.
FWIW, I do not expect this to become a standard question when booking medical appointments. We don’t ask about flu vaccine every year, and it is a touchy subject. It feels fine if a bit awkward asking about status in a social setting but not a medical/service area.
AwayEmily says
Good points. That being said, the reason I don’t ask about flu vaccines isn’t because it’s a touchy subject, it’s because >90% of doctors and nurses receive flu vaccines, and in my state they are legally mandated to do so.
Anonymous says
Really? I work for a large multistate healthcare org and we cannot require flu shots. We CAN require, and have long required, either a flu shot or masking during flu season.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a crazy question or anything (and I’m sure plenty of employees are fine with it), but, for what it’s worth, I work in healthcare admin, and we decided that we should not answer patients’ questions about whether any employees are vaccinated on the grounds of the confidentiality requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act (both because we may reveal any individual’s disability and because we (through employee health) provided the vaccines, and info about employee health services is protected even absent a disability-issue.).
AwayEmily says
That seems reasonable. I can understand why a place would have a policy against it…what was more startling to me was that they obviously had no policy either way — even though it’s been five months since health care workers started getting vaccinated.
AwayEmily says
Update: I looked at the dental office’s Facebook page, and in early February they posted a photo of the two dentists proudly showing off their vaccination cards. So obviously they ARE vaccinated, and fine with sharing it. Which makes this whole thing even more bizarre to me!
Anonymous says
Maybe the receptionist is new or was having an off morning? Sometimes they have a lot going on with phones ringing and people coming in. If you know they’re vaccinated, I’d let it go.
ElisaR says
is it possible they use a service to answer the phones at time and this employee genuinely had no idea? Glad you got to the bottom of it anyway!
Anon says
When I’ve asked before, I’ve gotten the same response. But when I am chatting with the hygenist or whatever about side effects, all of them have had it. So I find it to be a legal response rather than hiding anything.
Realist says
I had a similar response when I asked if the pediatrician’s waiting room had ventilation. From a nurse, not even from the reception desk. They were totally taken aback, flummoxed, not sure. Hello? Airborne pandemic! I would think doctors’ offices would have answers to these basic questions at this point. The ventilation question is maybe a little bit more weird than the vaccine question, but both seem to be pretty basic with respect to protecting patient health in office.
Anon says
In my red state it’s a strange question, and since only half of adults got the shot we assume no vaccine unless people tell us otherwise. That said, when I asked my kid’s dentist if they were still wearing masks (because many people here don’t!), the receptionist was very “wink, wink, I can’t give you personal health info over the phone but I can tell you your odds of having an unvaxxed dentist or hygienist here are zero.” It was a very pleasant surprise.
Anonymous says
In today’s WaPo coronavirus e-mail newsletter, bioethicist Art Caplan says that you should ask health care providers about their vaccination status and you should be suspicious if they are hesitant to answer.
Anonymous says
I think this applies if you’re asking someone directly. A receptionist is “hesitant” to tell you if a doctor is vaxxed because it’s a bigger privacy issue if they’re disclosing someone else’s health info instead of their own. Also they may just not know, especially if they work for multiple doctors and nurses. If you ask a doctor or dentist directly and they hedge, then sure they’re probably anti-vax. But you can’t read that much into a receptionist’s reaction.
Leatty says
Gift ideas for a 4 year old boy? He’s a sweet boy with autism who loves music.
Mary Moo Cow says
Paw Patrol is still big with my soon to be 4 year old’s class. My 4 year old and my nephew at 4 both liked magnet tiles. For books, both loved books about dinosaurs and books about dogs (Sit, Truman! and the Good Dog Carl series, in particular.) For music, Okee Dokee Brothers band is kids music I actually enjoy and like to gift.
Lavinia says
+1 to the Okee Dokee Brothers!
Anonymous says
Does he have a CD player? If so, the Kenny Loggins Footloose book for kids. If no CD player, I’d get him that and a few CDs. We got our DD a CD player around that age and she could use it herself pretty quick after (press the triangle to play, the square to stop). I’m skeptical of the Alexa and Alexa-type products. We do stream Amazon music (just the stuff that comes with Prime) through our TV.
Pogo says
My almost 4 yo loves his Brio trains and Duplos, also books as others mentioned about whatever his interest is. Mine is into dinosaurs and vehicles; he loves non-fiction, super detailed picture books about these topics – so maybe look for something similar about music? I can post a link to the type of book my kiddo is obsessed with.
Pogo says
https://www.amazon.com/Music-Eyewitness-Books-Dorling-Kindersley/dp/0394822595/ref=asc_df_0394822595/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312106803090&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4641079262048844656&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1018334&hvtargid=pla-568291773300&psc=1
Anon. says
CD of classical music for kids? Carnival of Animals or Peter and the Wolf?
GCA says
+1 to classical music. As a parent, I find this the least annoying kids’ music option! Maybe a CD and a book about orchestras? (My parents once got my son a really lovely press-the-button kids’ book about the different orchestra sections, from Usborne of all places. Usborne books aren’t a direct sales thing in their home country, you can find them at a regular bookstore.)
DLC says
A ukelele? It’s not terribly annoying and they sound good even when you don’t know what you’re doing.
Or earphones?
Anonymous says
My 3.5 YO has (for the first time in his life) been getting bday invites – so his upcoming bday is a hot topic. He has moved beyond paw patrol, although still plays with this existing toys. His current asks (recently) are: “big kid lego”, a superhero watch, superhero merch, a buzz lightyear toy and (adorably this am) for “daddy and mommy to draw him a picture and hide it…. maybe with pirates…. you can use stickers!”
At this age, unless his autism is severe, I don’t know that it would significantly impact his interests.
i love the suggestion for eyewitness books (POGO) – DS was fascinated with my brother’s old collection when we recently saw my parents. There was a beautiful one re: music (from the 80s / 90s) although my son was really only into the castles and knights.
Strollerstrike says
WWYD – My sister in law sent us a boxes of their kids’ clothes when our son was born.
Now they had a surprise third (also a boy, they didn’t find out until the birth).
Should I offer to send the clothes back, my son has outgrown most of them.
If it makes a difference: We are overseas, they are in TX.
Mary Moo Cow says
I would offer to send them back and be prepared for either response: “yes, please!” or “didn’t know you still had them; you can get rid of them.” It would be nice if she offered to pay shipping because it’s overseas, but on the other hand, you’ve had the benefit of free clothes, so maybe the cost of shipping is the cost of getting hand me downs.
Cb says
I would if you were local, but not if you’re overseas, it’d be cheaper to send a big Old Navy giftcard.
buffybot says
One thing to be careful about shipping overseas – which you probably know, but mentioning it just in case – is that you can end up with duties being charged on clothes, even worn/used clothes, especially if being shipped in bulk. So it’s not just the shipping costs, it the potential that you’ll have to pay some kind of additional tax on the clothes.
Spirograph says
Are you overseas with an APO box, or no? If APO, I agree it would be nice to offer. (If I were your SIL, I probably wouldn’t take you up on it.) If you’re overseas without APO, I’d send a gift card instead of the whole lot, but ask if there were any sentimental/special items she wants for the baby and make every effort to send those.
Anon says
I think you should offer. I can’t imagine she’ll take you up on it though.
anon says
what does everyone do for childcare after kids go to school? do you still keep a nanny around for pick-up/drop-off or are you able to manage with before/after school care? we have a nanny and really worried about making the switch to full-time preschool for three year old and aftercare for our 8 year old. Drop-off/pick-up and random days off all seem so complicated after being spoiled with having a nanny for the last 3 years.
anon says
We have an au pair. She can work up to 45 hours a week, but ours only works full hours a few weeks a year when school is out of session. She’s our backup if kids are (minorly) sick or schools are closed. She fills summer camp gaps and does drop off/pick ups, plus an occasional date night.
CHL says
We did after care til 6 but hired a sitter 2 days a week and my mom 1 day a week to pick up earlier than 6 so that the kids are fed and happy when I get home and I only have to worry about making it there 2 days a week. For us, it was hard to find someone who wanted, say 15 hours of work a week for every day pickup, but easy to find a college student who wanted 2 or 3 days.
Anonymous says
I would keep the nanny if you can afford it.
anon says
what do you have the nanny do while all kids are at school?
Anonanonanon says
We used a local daycare that offered before/after-school care and transportation. They followed government closures instead of school system closures for weather, and would keep the kids the whole day in the event of weather closures/teacher workdays for a bit of extra $. They also handled holiday breaks and summer. Now that my son is about to age out of that option, we’re hoping to hire an after-school sitter to get him off the bus and into the house and settled.
Anon says
A combination of paid aftercare, parents with flexible work schedules and grandparent help. I think the pandemic has made things easier in this regard. I expect many more parents will have the flexibility to leave work at 3 to pick up kids and work from home the rest of the afternoon.
I can’t imagine employing a full-time nanny with both kinds in full-day school, but I come from a different wealth bracket than many here.
Tricia says
I’m searching for insight on joining a law firm (not big law) from the government. I’m not concerned as much with business development (plenty of work to go around, especially with my specialty), but with losing all the government perks like abundant leave, holidays, pension, etc. I keep telling myself that private firms get perks that government doesn’t (eg maybe the day after thanksgiving off). FWIW, the firm is telework-friendly and the commute is very manageable (20 minutes). But my spouse works late and I’m envisioning pick-up, dinner time, and bedtime as challenges, while acknowledging that I can put in time later in the evening. Curious on input from those who have been there/done that, and whether they’d recommend the move for greater earning potential and greater ability to use one’s law degree.
Realist says
This really varies by the team/people you will be working with most often. I would check LinkedIn and see if you have a connection to someone that recently worked at that firm but no longer works there. They would be most likely to give you the real scoop on what it is like to work there. Your experience can be so varied depending on the firm and who you would work with within the firm.
anon says
So I actually made this exact move last year, and have been very happy. I also left govt for a litigation boutique and was nervous about how it would go. Thus far, it’s been a great move. I make almost twice as much money, and while I do work harder (say, 45-50 hours a week rather than the 35-40 that I was doing in govt), I actually have not felt overworked at all, or more stressed than I did as a gov’t litigator. One thing I would say is be sure that you like the people you work with (especially if it’s a smaller firm like mine), because that will really impact your overall work satisfaction in a way I was not used to as a longtime gov’t worker (luckily everyone at my firm is great). I am able to WFH permanently now if I choose (which would have never happened in my gov’t job), don’t have to pay for parking, have equally good health insurance, and am finally paying off my student loans at a rapid clip. Happy to answer any further questions if I can help. Good luck with your decision!
Anonanonanon says
Ignore me if you want because not an attorney, but have made the government to private-ish switch in my field. My pros and cons below in case it helps you think of what questions to ask
Pros:
-Flexibility (truly being treated as FLSA-exempt, instead of uncompensated overtime yet being nickle-and-dimed for leave)
-Telework
-I can just.. buy things. I don’t have to shop around for a micro-swam or whatever, I can just go to Staples and get what I need for a project
-Pay. I make literally double what I did in state gov’t
-Easier for the organization to get rid of dead weight, which helps my morale/outlook and job as a supervisor
Cons:
-MUCH less PTO and nothing carries over year-to-year for me. This is somewhat balanced out by telework flexibility, but I’d love a decent vacation.
-Flexibility for small appointments etc. (don’t require PTO for a quick dentist visit)
-More of an expectation to be available while on vacation than in government
-Basically no retirement benefits (no match, no pension, no automatic deductions, etc.)
-Health insurance options stink
-Much smaller organization means even small changes in the team dramatically alter the dynamics. Sometimes this is great, but there have also been rough patches
Daycare research says
I accidentally stumbled across Erica Komisar while listening to a podcast and am now having a lot of guilt about my under-3s in daycare. Please tell me there’s another side to this story? (Other than Emily Oster.)
Ugh, why is parenting in America so hard?
Anonymous says
She’s trash just ignore her
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t know her but Google says she thinks you should stay home? The other side is that there’s reams of evidence that kids who go to high quality childcare do just as well later in life (emotionally, financially and otherwise) as kids whose moms stayed home.
OP says
It’s actually much more nuanced than that. She’s liberal and is not arguing for staying at home but that society should allow moms to work part time. I would love to reject it out of hand as mom shaming, but it really wasn’t which is why I’m feeling conflicted and looking for resources to help me sort this out.
Anonymous says
I dont care if she’s liberal or conservative she’s trash. There is no reason why she needs to be presenting her work the way she does except that shaming women sells.
OP says
I guess what I’m wondering is if there is counter-research. Surely there must be, but I’m having trouble finding anything.
Anon says
My MIL is a psychologist who studies child development and she’s constantly saying that psychology research is BS because you can do a study that “proves” or “disproves” any hypothesis – it all depends on how you design the study. So there are lots of studies that daycare is evil and lots of studies that daycare is wonderful. She says to take any psychology study with a grain of salt…and this is coming from a tenured psychology professor.
But here are some news articles about a few “daycare is good” studies:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2018/10/04/daycare-kids-better-behaved-study-finds/1522045002/
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-daycare-usa/study-shows-consistent-benefit-of-early-daycare-idUSTRE64D0LT20100514
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-daycare-epressed-mother/daycare-may-benefit-kids-of-depressed-mothers-idUSBRE95K14020130621
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080428084232.htm
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, Emily Oster has a whole section on that – you might not like her, but she includes citations so you can follow them and come to your own conclusions.
GCA says
(Without having come across her): is it just *moms*? Any argument that focuses only on moms without taking into consideration other parents and caregivers is only half-baked in my book*. Most kids have more than one parent (is two moms then better than one? – ok, tongue in cheek, but you know.). Many kids around the world have a whole spectrum of other caregivers who love them/ are professionally trained/ care for them part-time or full-time or occasionally, and their outcomes are just fine.
Also, may I talk you off the ledge? this sounds rather like the daycare equivalent of ‘if you don’t sleep train/ potty train/ feed your kids exactly THIS one way, their development will be irretrievably messed up’ — which for individual children is obviously, clearly not the case. If you’re reading here and worrying about this, your kids are most likely healthy, fed, loved, and stimulated and their long-term outcomes will probably be just fine.
*Which I will write at some point, I swear, just as soon as I stop feeling burned out. Capitalism is the other side of the problem, and on that I probably agree with her. :)
Anonymous says
It’s just moms.
GCA says
oh in that case the premise is indeed trash. Colonialist, supremacist, outdated trash, even. I promise you she is not worrying about the biological suitability of adoptive parents, or low-income moms who have few financial choices but to stay home, or children in cultures where caregiving by grandparents or domestic workers or older siblings is a mainstream norm. /shrug
Anonymous says
Liberals can have bad opinions too! Does she think dads should be allowed to work part time too? Here’s one data point, my kids have been in daycare since they were babies and have absolutely thrived, and I am 100% a better mom when I am also working, as I learn literally every time I have a day off with them and am faced with figuring out how to keep everyone happy (FWIW my husband learns the same thing whenever he has a day off with them too).
Anon says
+1 it’s weird to me that “but she’s liberal!” is a defense of her. Liberals can definitely mom shame too. My mom is very liberal but was very against daycare for young babies for some reason. She never used daycare and had this idea it was a place where kids sat alone, crying all the time and being ignored. Pressure from her led to us hiring a nanny for a while, which ended up being a terrible decision. We were all much happier when we switched to a great daycare and if I were having a second baby they’d go to daycare as soon as our daycare had a spot for them.
Anon says
Yeah I’m confused by this, too. Sexism around babies and parenting is 100% about people’s own issues. One of the things that frustrates me the most about getting married and being a mother is explaining feminism to liberals. No, I am not here to procreate as fast as humanely possible; yes, I am going to continue to be the family breadwinner; no, I am not a uterus on legs, Ms. “Riden with Biden”.
Anon Lawyer says
Society should allow part-time work opportunities. But if she’s saying women are failing as parents by not working part time if they have the option, that’s mom shaming and not evidence based.
Cb says
OMG, feel no guilt! Delete whatever crap podcast had her as a mom-shaming guest from your feed. Daycares are amazing – a team of people trained in child development helping your child learn and grow! Staying home with your kiddo is amazing if that works for you too.
Boston Legal Eagle says
LOL well probably 2/3rds of us here had our kids in daycare starting at ages 3-6 months, so there’s a data point for you, of highly educated, compassionate, emphatic mothers choosing daycare as a great form of childcare. I don’t know this person but from a quick google search, it looks like she’s saying mothers (not fathers?) should be home more and more present in their kids’ first 3 years? Because it’s supposedly better for the kids. Cool, but not every mother wants that. And it’ll just widen the gender gap at work more. I’m all for lowering work expectations in general, for everyone, but why is it always mothers who have to feel this need to be home more?
Tasha says
Agree w/ this. Funny how it’s only the moms who shoulder responsibility for people like this podcaster or whatever. My kid learns SO much from his teachers and friends at daycare/preschool. I could never provide that kind of environment at home. And even if I could, I would personally rather be working. Bottom line–each family decides what’s best. We can’t let people divide and conquer moms.
AwayEmily says
It’s just so fundamentally silly to assume there is one right answer for anyone (this is not a criticism of you, it is a criticism of her), and I hate any takes that don’t take the parent’s needs into consideration. Should a parent who loves their job and gets an immense amount of pleasure from it give that up to be a resentful stay at home parent? No! Should a parent who can’t stand their job and adores staying home go to work every day and be sad? Also no! Different people like different things, and there’s no way saddling a kid with a deeply unhappy parent (either working or SAH) is going to be good for anyone.
Anonymous says
Yup. My mom got severely depressed staying at home with my siblings. She enjoyed working and an introvert who did not do well around talkative small children. But they couldn’t afford childcare for two, especially with the limited options in the early 80s. And the prevailing opinion was that it’s “better” for mom to stay home. According to them she was mean and physically abusive. After I was born she went back to work and never looked back and was 100% happier. So please, how was it better for her to stay home?
Anonymous says
As someone who left my good career/job because I wanted to stay home and thought it was the best choice for our family (it was), you should not feel guilt. I plan to go back when youngest is in first grade. Every family needs to make the best choice for their circumstances and like everything in parenting there’s no right answer that can be applied to every family/child. I love staying at home and I do try to put the focus on childcare vs laundry/cleaning/cooking. But my kids do have to watch tv sometimes while I get stuff done and every few months feel very burnt out and I never get alone time until after bed every night (like even to use the bathroom or eat for 5 mins in peace). And I have to fold laundry after bedtime, clean on the weekends when DH can watch the kids, and cooking is either very simple or a frustrating part of my day or prepped ahead of time. So it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. That said I go on a lot of fun adventures with my kids, we’re outside a ton every day, and there’s a lot of magic.
OP says
Thanks for this perspective. If I thought I could get back “in” after a few years, I would definitely consider this. But for my role/industry, it feels like a choice between staying or leaving forever. Ugh.
ifiknew says
I felt the same way, but I would urge you to look if you want. I worked in big finance and part time is very much not a thing, unless I found a unicorn small firm in my city where they made it work for me. You might be surprised if the financials and time makes sense for part-time. I am SO much happier working part-time these last 3 years. I’m doing a lot more housework for sure, but I like being around my kids so they can talk/play etc. around me. I was cramming it all in the last hour or two of the day and it was too stressful for our family.
Anon says
I’ve never heard of this woman but there is a wealth of (non-Emily Oster) research that daycare kids do great. I’ve been thinking about quitting my job but will only do so if we can afford to keep our 3 yo in her wonderful daycare/preschool full time. Sure I might do an early pickup here and there if I weren’t working but ultimately I think she’s much better off at school with friends and teachers who have degrees in childhood development than she would be home with me and no other kids her age.
Anon says
I was curious and went out to read an article about her (WSJ interview). In it she says that she believes that babies are born without a central nervous system and also this gem: “Whereas a mother of a crying baby will “lean into the pain and say, ‘Oh, honey!’ ” a father is more apt to tell the child: “C’mon, you’re OK. Brush yourself off; let’s go back to play.”” That is bananas, whose partner is telling a crying baby to brush themselves off? Like yes, if your partner is a complete moron then maybe he’s not suited to childcare, but that is not par for the course.
One of the reasons she cites for why daycare is bad for kids under 3 is from an experiment called “Strange Situation”, done by an early research of attachment theory (Mary Ainsworth). It says that if a mom is playing with a baby, leaves the baby to go to another room, and a stranger comes in, then the baby is stressed. And I haven’t read her book so maybe I’m missing something, but you’re not leaving your kid with strangers every day at a daycare. That’s a very poor citation and she must feel it’s a stronger reason to mention it in the article, so is there really anything compelling in her book? Who knows. I’m certainly not convinced and won’t be following her. I mean I wish I was rich and staying home with my kid so I feel like I could be convinced, so if I’m not buying whatever she’s selling in this terrible interview who is?
Anon says
My toddler gets stressed when I leave the room to pee.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“Whereas a mother of a crying baby will “lean into the pain and say, ‘Oh, honey!’ ” a father is more apt to tell the child: “C’mon, you’re OK. Brush yourself off; let’s go back to play.” – Ugh, this makes me so angry. This is gender stereotyping and hurts both men and women. My husband gets really upset by all of those “bumbling idiot dad” memes that get thrown around. He is a kind, caring dad who is absolutely in tune with the kids’ emotions, more so than me even. Being compassionate makes us good at our paid jobs too, IMO. Is this what this author is teaching her boys or telling parents to teach their boys? That’s not ok with me.
Anon says
Same, I inherently can’t trust anyone who relies on this awful gender stereotyping. My husband is more patient and attentive to our kid than I am, and she only wants him when she’s crying or hurt.
Anon Lawyer says
I thought that the whole conclusion of that attachment theory research was that a securely attached child will be FINE being left in a safe situation because the secure attachment means they trust their mom/primary caregiver is coming back. (Not to say they won’t be upset in the moment but that it won’t cause longterm trauma). I’m not an expert though. But I still doubt that gloss. The whole POINT of a secure attachment is that it isn’t transient.
anon says
My family had one mom who works part-time (and one mom who works full-time) and our kids were in daycare starting at 8 weeks because neither of us has paid time-off. And, do you know what? They were happier, better adjusted kids from infant to 3 while in full-time daycare than they’ve been from ages 3 to 4 while home full time with their moms, even though one of us quit working to supervise virtual preK. I can’t wait until summer camps start in a couple weeks and they can go back to experiencing things with adults other than their parents.
Anon says
Almost all research on “how X affects children,” when X is expensive (in time, money, or lost opportunities) codes for “people who can afford X are white or Asian and upper middle class.”
I’m going to out myself with this because I say it so much IRL: the problem with this research is that it’s impossible to control for a woman not earning a salary versus earning a salary. 30% of SAHMs are in households with HHI in excess of $200,000 a year. Aside from 30% of people being in the top 5%, there’s a fundamental difference between a household wherein the mom and the dad each earn $100k, and one in which the father alone earns $200k. So how does that research work? “We looked at two households, one in which two parties earn $200k combined, and one in which one parent alone earned $200k.”
Even if you could control for HHI, I’m not sure how you control for the intangibles. A career that is so secure that your spouse can forgo earning opportunities is hardly the same as one in which you’re worried about getting laid off or having your company go under. Maybe the two-income family has a lot of student loans, which will correlate to (in no particular order) having fewer resources in general, more stress, or coming from a different socioeconomic background.
Oh, wait, I know how this research works: you pick one city that offered reduced-price childcare, then examined the before-and-after effects on kids. You do not examine other cities; you do not ask WHY the city offered such inexpensive childcare (a lot of kids being born into poverty? changes to social welfare programmes such that pushing poor mothers into the workforce was offered as a solution?). You assume that the only one thing that ever changed, the only variable, is childcare.
Give me a break.
Anon says
Not familiar with her, but as someone with older children, let me say these two points:
– Daycare was fabulous. They are experts in childcare and know way more than the average mom – they flag when a child is behind milestones, when naps should evolve with baby needs, when foods should be introduced and when. And after the first day, they aren’t strangers. I’ve never met a daycare teacher who didn’t absolutely love the kids in their care, and care for them just as much as their aunts and uncles. My kids were undeniably better off with daycare than with me. Their loving teachers flagged one of my kids for a vision screening and we got him in glasses much earlier than I would have ever noticed, let alone acted on.
– As far as formative years for kids, the elementary school years seem to be WAY more important in terms of parental influence. If I were to choose which season of life to stay home, it would be in that early elementary age. This is where you can have real conversations with kids, shaping their ethics and their worldview and their values. My 8 year old tackled some really thorny issues of race and inclusion in her grade this year, and I’m glad that I wfh so she was able to talk it through with me at length. I hope the values we explored will have long-reaching effects on the kind of person she chooses to be. The fact that someone else held her bottle and wiped her butt seems to have zero impact on her disposition and intelligence thus far. Not to mention, if one of us stayed home, we’d likely be able to support their passions a lot better and maybe actually let them do the 10-2 baseball camps this summer.
Anon says
All of this. I’ve always planned to switch to part-time when my child starts K (although with remote work, I may not need to formally become part-time). Part of that is logistics and the fact that full time childcare is easier to find pre-K, but I also think older kids need their parents present in a way infants and toddlers and preschoolers don’t. And of course I love my kid, but I don’t really enjoy talking to preschoolers that much – they’re very focused on themselves (as is developmentally appropriate) and the conversations are SO repetitive. Once they’re 5 or 6 you can have a real conversational give and take that doesn’t involve saying “Look, a fire truck!” a dozen times, and it’s a lot more fun to hang out with them. First grade is my favorite age, I think.
avocado says
Yes to all of this. The day care years were what I’d always dreamed parenthood would be like–drop the kid off at a charming preschool to have fun and learn all day while I go off to my nice quiet office. Being a working mom with a child in elementary school was a never-ending festival of guilt and inadequacy. It permanently damaged my career and I hope it didn’t do the same to my child.
Anon says
I’m a SAHM and have read the book…I don’t remember specifics but I do remember feeling weird about some parts and thinking the research didn’t always seem convincing/was cherry picked. I would not worry. (If you internally feel like you *want* to be home more, that’s a different story)
Anon for this says
I have an awkward question and hope anyone here may have some guidance! We just found out our child’s teacher for next year is nonbinary, which is definitely making me nervous that my kid will say something offensive or embarrassing without meaning to. We haven’t met anyone with different pronouns in real life before this, so this is a new experience for kiddo. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Are there books or anything we can read over the summer which can help with learning inclusivity from this particular viewpoint? I also have Trumpy parents so also bracing myself for comments like why isn’t kiddo’s teacher a Mr/Mrs? I’m probably overthinking but just want to come from a place of learning/acceptance/welcome.
Strollerstrike says
I have no experience in this regard but I think that the teacher will address it in a way that they see fit. I would guess that most kids will have questions… or not, kids are sometimes much better at accepting “new” things.
Also, how old is your kid? That might help with recommending appropriate resources.
Anonymous says
+1 Unless the teacher has very recently begun publicly identifying as non-binary, they will have plenty of experience with both malicious and non-malicious offensive or embarrassing comments from kids related to their identity. It’s wonderful to expose your kid to the idea that gender isn’t as absolute as people used to believe and preach inclusivity (happy Pride month! This is a perfect tie-in to start with), but your child won’t get it just right every time, and I can’t imagine the teacher would hold honest questions against a student, or see a gaffe as anything but a teaching/learning opportunity, so no need to be nervous about it.
Your parents, though… I’d strategize about ways to shut down any comments from them really quickly. anonymommy’s below is good.
Anon says
How old is your child? I bet this is far more of an issue for the parents than the kids.
Do you know what they like to be called by the kids? Most teachers go by Mr. ____ or Ms. _____, but neither are gender neutral.
Anonymous says
+1 for kids handling this more easily than adults.
If this teacher has ever been in a classroom before, they will have a well-rehearsed strategy for letting students and parents know how to address them. I bet that as soon as you enter the classroom at the open house before school starts, you will see the teacher’s name on the blackboard or a big sign. Just follow the teacher’s lead and focus on getting to know the teacher as a person.
Anon Lawyer says
I’ve heard good things about “It Feels Good to Be Yourself” by Theresa Thorn for younger kids.
Anon for this says
I should have also said I’m nervous that my kid and *I* will say something offensive without meaning to. FWIW kiddo is in elementary school.
GCA says
Fwiw, kid 1 had a nonbinary daycare teacher in preschool, and it was completely normal to the preschoolers that Teacher so-and-so was not a Mr or Mrs or Ms. Has the teacher shared how students usually address them? I think they & the school will probably have lots of tools to address it with the students, and that this is more of an issue for the parents than the kids.
Anonymous says
If you make a mistake, don’t make a big deal out of it, just apologize and move on. Model this to your kids – you have to get over your nervousness and normalize it. With the caveat that I live in a very liberal place, I think kids are a lot more open to this than adults are. I’ve explained to my son that some people don’t feel like they are a boy or a girl, or their feelings change over time, and he accepted that at face value. Some of his teachers go by first names, so he’s used to addressing different adults in different ways, depending on how they tell him to.
anonymommy says
The Trevor Project has some really straightforward and simple advice. See https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/trevor-support-center/a-guide-to-being-an-ally-to-transgender-and-nonbinary-youth/
While designed for helping youth, the resources should still be helpful.
As for your parents, I’d think ahead of time on some quick lines you can use to deal. Like, in front of the kiddo, “[Name} is such a great teacher, and they love teaching about [insert fact here]. They’re also nonbionary. In our family, we treat everyone with respect and so we use our friends’ proper pronouns. It’s not up for discussion.”
One-on-one you can use more nuance. But, in front of kiddo I’d keep it positive, clear, and shut down and mean comments ASAP.
Anonymous says
How old is your kid?
Anonymous says
My kids have had multiple non-cis preschool teachers as well as family friends and it’s seriously been a non issue. With this age group kids constantly use the wrong pronouns for all kinds of people including cisgender folks so the teachers were pretty blase. The kids get told how to refer to the person and are really good about doing it right except for when they just don’t know how to use pronouns yet because they’re little. Even if your kids are a bit older, if you handle it in a really straightforward way I think this is nbd. Teachers are used to getting questions about all sorts of hints. Kids ask ridiculous questions about all kinds of topics.
anonymous says
I read her work. I do see some of her points but in my experience staying at home is not all spending lots of quality time with them. The times in my life I stayed home with children I did more housekeeping/cooking/laundry than childcare. So I wouldn’t feel guilty (unless you enjoy all of that – which is fine too!)
Also others might disagree, but I think daycare providers at the good daycares are better than most parents. These people have early childhood degrees and interest in spending their days with small children (unlike most parents).
OP says
Thank you! This is helpful perspective. I hate the housework/laundry parts of parenting which is honestly a big part of why I don’t want to stay home.
anonymous says
exactly. you would just trade your work that you seem to love for chores that you hate. and there’s good research that maternal unhappiness predicts all sorts of bad things, a lot more than a few years of daycare!
anon says
Don’t overlook that! Because in my observation, moms who work even part-time end up doing waaaay more of the household stuff, on top of the extra child care. And if you hate it, that’s a perfect recipe for resentment.
I’m now out of the daycare years, after 11 years in it. And I can say with complete sincerity that while there were times I really wanted to chuck my job out the window to spend more time with the kids, I don’t think it would’ve worked that way in practice, if our weekends are any indication. Both of my kids learned so much from their teachers and being in that environment, and I truly consider those former teachers part of our village. Plus, they were VERY well prepared for kindergarten and school in general. I wouldn’t have been half as effective in that way because I’m not a trained teacher!
Anonanonanon says
I saw an actual study on this somewhere (isn’t that helpful of me?) that basically said working parents today spend more quality time with their kids than stay-at-home parents did in the 80s. or something. I’m sure google knows.
Regardless, I was a SAHM for a couple of years with my first (it was NOT for me) and yes, there was so much more cleaning/cooking/running errands with kid in tow and it really wasn’t an increase in quality time at all. You know how there are frequently “how do we make it through the weekend?!” posts here? It was that but EVERY DAY.
Ovulation predictor says
Any recs for ovulation tests / predicting tools? We are trying for #2 and having a hard time prioritizing the trying part, so hoping to at least be well informed about timing. My menstrual cycles are somewhat irregular. Not looking to spend hundreds.
Thanks for any recommendations.
HSAL says
I just bought the cheapy multipack testing strips from Amazon.
HSAL says
Just looked and the brand was Wondfo.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
The best tip I got was using the app PreMom. For reasons that are unclear to me, it can read an ovulation test strip better than I can (the cheap strips from amazon – every day looked pretty much the same to me). I heard about the app from here or the main page, and like others, worked for me on the first try. Good luck!
AwayEmily says
I used the cheap ovulation strips the first time. The second time I used the $$ ClearBlue advanced, which also gives you a “high” signal on the days leading up to ovulation. I found this really helpful for getting a clearer view of my cycle as a whole. It’s like $40 but with enough strips for at least 2-3 months.
Anonymous says
Same, and I didn’t have success with the cheap strips. Got pregnant my second month using this. I recommend it to everyone. I ovulate really late.
AnonATL says
I used the clear blue digital as well. Got pregnant my first month using it. Like another poster I ovulate really late and my cycle length was all over the place at the time.
anon says
Clothing question: FIL died from Covid last fall and we’re having his memorial service in a few weeks. Most of it will be outdoors, and mid-June is usually toasty. Is it a total faux pas to let my 11-year-old wear a golf polo and chino shorts? It strikes me as too informal for a grandparent’s funeral, but I also care about him being comfortable on a day that’s going to be anything but. DH says it’s fine, but we all know that moms get judged way more than dads for wardrobe choices.
Anon says
If your DH thinks it’s fine, it’s fine. Ignore the judgy people.
Anonymous says
Disagree. An 11-year-old is at the age where he needs to learn how and when it’s okay or good to defy social norms, and when to play along. A funeral is time to obey norms to a certain degree. I wouldn’t dress a child in black for a funeral, but I would have him wear church clothes, which means long pants. I would also drill him on basic manners.
Anonymous says
I would put him in long chinos and real shoes, not sneakers.
Anon says
I think it’s fine.
Anonymous says
I would do dark pants with the polo instead of shorts. That is what we did for my FIL’s outdoor service in Mississippi last June.
Anonanonanon says
H&M has some linen-blend button-ups for boys that are white and cut like dress shirts. Personally I would do one of those and some light-colored but full-length pants, and non-sneaker shoes.
Anonymous says
If you go the pants route, maybe try to find some golf pants for him, because they’ll be made of athletic material meant for heat. They might be expensive, but he’d probably be more comfortable. FWIW, I think of an outdoor memorial service as less formal than a funeral (although clearly not everyone has that view, and I respect that). Are there other grandchildren? If so, I’d band together with DH’s siblings to dress all the kids similarly comfortable for the weather. I think there is strength in numbers here, and the show of unity will help people judge less.
Anonymous says
Are there other grandkids? best option would be to “match” with them….
i would tend to day long pants are more appropriate for a funeral at that age. Especially if the kid likes to feel more grown up.
Anonymous says
Yup, there is definitely a difference between “short pants” a la Prince George/Prince Louis and the shorts an 11-year-old wears.
anon says
Yeah, you all are probably right that I should go with lightweight long pants. :) Our two kids are the only grandkids. I always feel a bit on display at big family events because the older relatives are excited to see young faces. And many of these people haven’t seen my kids in almost 2 years thanks to the pandemic. It’s probably best to err on the side of dressing more conservatively, though I’ll concede to a polo shirt instead of long sleeves. (I don’t want to wear long sleeves, either!)
Anonymous says
I went to an outdoor burial/memorial ceremony on a very toasty day last fall, and found the dress code to be much more relaxed than an indoor funeral traditionally is. I don’t think there was anyone under 18 there, but chino shorts and a dark polo shirt on a tween would not have been out of place. They would have been a far sight less-scandalous than the LBDs some of the 20 year old women were wearing! Non-sneakers would be good, but I wouldn’t judge that on an 11 year old.
Cc says
We put a highly rated beautyrest crib mattress on our registry from Target and it just arrived today. It smells awful – I know there is something called “ new mattress smell” but it is a strong and awful smelling , and is supposed to be green guard certified. Is this normal? Does it just need to air out?
Anon says
Yes it’s called off gassing and it’s normal. Just air it out.
Realist says
Air it out but if it still smells after a week, I would return it and replace it with something else. Don’t discount your own senses for something smelling that something is off. A lot of warehouses have been spraying different sanitizers/chemicals as sanitation measures for Covid, none of which would be good for a baby to be inhaling for the many hours they are asleep. Or the mattress could have been stored next to some fertilizer or pesticides or something stupid like that–I guarantee warehouse workers aren’t paying too much attention to storing the crib mattresses in the clean areas of the shipping warehouse. A mattress shouldn’t give off an alarming smell after a week or so of off-gassing. If it does, your baby deserves better and you should return it.
Anonymous says
I just got an e-mail from the school that there was an “unplanned fire drill” and that students had returned to the building after it was cleared by the fire department. Um, that’s a (false) fire alarm, not a drill.
Anonymous says
I think maybe they use that langugae to keep the kids from getting scared and probably use the same language with parents just for consistency.
A similar event happened at kiddo’s pre-K this year, but the principal told us exactly what happened in the email (a kiddo pulled the alarm). My kiddo was already at recess and was in no way upset. Which was surprising because we’ve had an actual fire at our house, so usually she approaches fire with caution.
Anon says
My library has announced the return of adult and teen (outdoor) events this summer, but when I asked why there was nothing for younger kids I was told it’s because they can’t social distance. I disagree with that statement (any kid who attends preschool or elementary has been social distancing all year), but I also think they should just let parents assume the risk at this point – every member of the library staff who wants to be has long since been vaxxed in our state and if you’re super cautious about Covid and your kids you presumably won’t attend this kind of event. Mind you, this is in a red state where everything revenue-generating is fully open and masks are no longer required anywhere. I know that on the scale of life hardships, not getting to go to library events is a very small one, but I’m just so tired of kids getting ignored and shafted in this pandemic when they gave up so much to protect older adults.
anon says
Yep, it sucks.
If it helps, I’m in a blue county and our libraries are still closed except for picking up books that are ordered online. The libraries are not expected to open this summer because of ongoing covid risk. It’s ridiculous.
Anon Lawyer says
Same. I don’t even want events – I just don’t understand why limited numbers of people can’t be let in to browse. We even still have an indoor mask mandate!
Anonymous says
Ours opened today and I am so excited! You have to make reservations to browse, but I’ll take it.
anon says
Yep, same in my blue state and county. It’s ridiculous.
Anonymous says
Our libraries aren’t even all open for browsing yet, let alone having events, so it could be worse. I’m in NYC. Also, the 2 branches closest to us are both closed for renovations.
Anonymous says
That is crazypants. How is it safer to open restaurants and theaters than libraries?
Anon says
It’s not, but libraries have less incentive to open because they’re funded by tax dollars and won’t go bankrupt if they stay closed.
EDAnon says
I agree that people absolutely do not understand the mask-wearing/social-distancing abilities of little kids.
Anon says
As a counterpoint, does social distancing even really matter for a brief, masked outdoor event – especially for little kids who presumably aren’t standing in one spot and talking to the same kid for over 15 minutes (which at one point was the CDC benchmark for “contact”)?
My three-year-old participated in his first ever extracurricular activity today, indoor and masked, but there was no social distancing hygiene theater and it was honestly such a RELIEF. It felt normal-ish and not risky (it was four kids and they were moving around for 45 minutes).
Anon says
I agree that I don’t think distancing matters much, especially outdoors, but where I live everyone (even the schools) has dropped masks but is still endeavoring to maintain distance. It’s incredibly frustrating to me, because I think masks are a) more important for reducing transmission and b) much less disruptive to most activities. I’m very jealous you have the option for indoor, masked but non-distanced preschool extracurriculars. Here’s it’s distance but no masks, so it’s both risky and very not normal for the kids.