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I saw this book recommended on one of the Instagram accounts I follow. I can’t remember who it was, but I downloaded the book without reading the description, and if you want to trust me here, I recommend you do the same. I think that’s one of the reasons this book left such an impression on me. I started reading it and went WHOA. I was totally engrossed in it, and it flew by. A warning, though, that it is NOT an easy topic area. If you feel you may be triggered by certain sensitive content, then please do read the general plot description. Also, for you lawyers out there, I usually don’t like to read books where the characters are lawyers since I like my books to be escapist, but here it didn’t bother me and even enhanced the experience. The paperback and Kindle versions are both $9.99 at Amazon. The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
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- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
Toddlers at funerals? My sister in law passed away this week and while it is very sad, we are all very relieved she’s out of pain. My husband and I are planning on leaving my son at home with my mom, who is conveniently visiting. It’s a 6 hour train ride, and honestly, he’s a sensitive wee soul, and I think the outpouring of grief will be a lot for him. We’ve gotten a few raised eyebrows which is making me question our decision. My husband’s most vivid memory was standing alone at his gran’s funeral while everyone else was comforted, and I’d hate having to leave him alone if our kid got noisy or upset.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry for your loss. You have clearly thought this through and come up with the solution that will be most supportive to your husband and easiest for all concerned. Don’t let any raised eyebrows sway you.
Cb says
Thanks, I just want to be able to focus on him rather than worrying about my son.
Lily says
You do you. The only situation I might make an exception is if the deceased’s immediate family (her husband or kids) really want to see your kid and it would comfort them to have him there. Even then, could your mom come along so that she can take him out if he gets fussy or upset? But I’m guessing it’s not the deceased’ spouse or children who are raising eyebrows here.
Cb says
MIL and BIL rather than the deceased partners. No one has said anything outright, just disapproving surprise, so I’m going to choose to ignore them until they use their words.
Anonymous says
They just lost their daughter and sister so I can see why they would want to see him.
Marilla says
A child is not an emotional support prop, though. She is putting her son’s interests and well-being first and that’s a perfectly valid call (I would do the same). Cb, maybe you can have your son make them a card that you can bring along, or record a 30 second video of him saying I love you to them?
Anonymous says
I think there’s a space being an ’emotional support prop’ and being cheered up by seeing a loved family member. Children are a bright spot for many people in sad times.
Anon says
I agree her son’s well-being is paramount, but it doesn’t sound like she is hesitant to take her son because she worries it will harm him. She said she’s worried her kid will take her attention away from her husband, who she understandably wants to be there for. But I’m not sure her husband’s desires trump his siblings’ or parents’ here. They all lost an immediate family member.
Telco Lady JD says
My husband’s emotional needs will always trump his siblings’ or parents’ emotional needs.
rosie says
“I’m going to choose to ignore them until they use their words.” = lifegoals
Sorry for your loss.
Mrs. Jones says
I approve your decision. I’m sorry for your loss.
Jessamyn says
I think it’s 100% fine. Sorry for your loss.
Anonymous says
Whatever is best for your son, together with whatever you and your husband can handle, is the answer. I will note that my son, who was about that age at the time, had a lot of questions about where–physically–his grandmother was after she had died. I think going to the funeral might have been good for him to get more concrete closure, and I think seeing the emotion come out and knowing it was normal might have been good for him (he thinks his dad never cries, which is probably not healthy…). But it wasn’t feasible for a number of reasons (unexpected, another continent, new baby… wow that was a fun time of life). That said, I don’t think he’s scarred from it or anything.
NYCer says
I think either way is fine. If it is important to your husband’s family that your son be there, I probably wouldn’t fight it and would just bring him (and your mom, who could watch him if he gets upset).
Marilla says
It sounds like you’re making the right call for your son – bringing him in this case sounds like it wouldn’t be for his benefit, but for other family members. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous says
Is it the wake or the funeral or the burial you are wondering about? My grandmother died when my daughter was 2. She was close with my grandmother and a source of joy and comfort to my mother. I took her to the wake for about an hour. We looked at the picture displays and talk to some older people who knew my grandmother when she was younger. My grandmother was cremated. I think this makes a difference. I would not have taken her to an open casket wake. I don’t think we specifically discussed the urn.
I did not take her to the funeral, not as much because I was worried about her disrupting the service (DH could have taken her out) but because I was worried that it would be distressing for her to see myself or my mom quite upset (she’d seen us cry but funerals have a finality that can bring out a lot of emotion). I wanted to focus on my role as a support to my mother, instead of being a mom to my daughter.
She was present for the sandwiches/coffee hour with relatives at my parents home after the funeral and burial. We did not take her to the burial itself but we have visited the cemetery since then. To her, a cemetery is a special garden where we go to remember the people we love who have died.
Would it be an option for your mom to come along and watch son at certain times and have son participate in some of the BIL family gatherings as appropriate/you feel comfortable?
Cb says
It’s a 6 hour train journey and my mom will just be off a transatlantic flight so hesitant to bring her along.
Anonymous says
What’s your DH’s view on this? I think that matters a lot. I’m from a part of Canada with a lot of British heritage and I would say it’s uncommon to have toddlers at funerals, but common to have children including toddlers at wakes and other events surrounding. It would be uncommon for a close child relative of the deceased to miss all funeral related gatherings. But the wakes are also generally three days so there is a lot of gathering. Could your mom change her flight to fly into your destination city?
To be clear – I also think it’s 100% fine if you don’t bring him. Funerals are like weddings, they can be very emotional and people aren’t always rational in what they want, and the right answers are not always clear. I can see your MIL feeling like this is you picking your mom over her at a time when she’d be cheered up by your LO. That’s emotional not rational, but I could totally see my own MIL having that reaction. Talk to your DH and trust your instincts.
Anonymous says
Her husband’s family is not of British heritage.
Anonymous says
I assumed British b/c Cb is in UK (I think?) and they are taking a train to see his family. Figured she would have mentioned the Chunnel if it was France.
lsw says
I am so sorry. My MIL died suddenly almost a year ago, when my son was just under 3. My parents came in from out of town and watched him at the funeral home (so, he was there, but totally away from the event). I feel very good about that decision. He is super high energy and it would have been impossible for me to be there for my spouse while trying to watch my kiddo. He is also inspired by quiet places and enjoys shrieking to fill the silence, so I really needed to not be worrying about that. I wanted the focus to be on my husband’s family and for me to be able to support my husband.
I think whatever call you make will be the right one!
lawsuited says
I’ve found that babies at a funeral can be a happy diversion for the grieving, but YMMV.
Anon says
I would defer to your husband on this, since it’s his sister. I think your plan is fine in the abstract, but I think if he has even a slight preference for your toddler being there then your toddler should be there.
Anon says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you have to do what’s best for your kiddo and husband.
I took my toddler on a long plane ride to the funeral when my grandmother died so we could also spend time with my dad (who was terminally ill, but still well enough to hang out). We weren’t close to my grandmother, though. We had alternate care for the funeral and burial, though kiddo came to the funeral lunch.
I was very close to my dad. When my dad died, I left my young children and flew to the funeral by myself. It had been a rough few months of taking care of him remotely and it was going to be my only time to fall apart grieve and get a whole lot of logistics taken care of. I’m really grateful I didn’t bring my kids.
mascot says
Sorry for your loss. My parents kept our toddler when my FIL passed, he stayed with friends when my grandfather passed, he finally went to his first funeral at age 8 when my other grandfather passed. I remember going to funerals as a kid and they were confusing and hard to understand why all my adults were so sad.
It’s okay to make the choice to focus on your husband for this event. Assure the other family members that you will schedule a visit with kiddo on a less somber occasion.
Anonymous says
My daughter and her friend want to do their elementary school science fair. They are in K. Any good project ideas I can point them toward? They are 100% in it for the participation ribbon, so have no actual ideas. I figure I’ll give them a laundry list of options they can decide from/be inspired by.
Technically, collections vs experiments are allowed in K and 1st but I’d like to push them to an experiment.
Clementine says
Old school baking soda and vinegar volcano!!! Always and forever a classic.
Alternately – white bread with washed hands vs. dirty hands?
Germinating seeds?
avocado says
My kid’s elementary school science fair allowed “demonstrations” in addition to experiments, but the best projects were almost always experiments that used the scientific method. Because I am lazy, I always steered my kid away from projects that involved growing plants or otherwise couldn’t be completed in a single afternoon. I encouraged projects that involved making tables and graphs of measurements. In one of her experiments, she dropped different objects off the play structure at the park to see what made them fall faster or slower. The Sid the Science Kid episode about friction shows an easy experiment involving sliding a hockey puck across different surfaces.
GCA says
Ooh, I’ll play. 4.5yo loves ‘experiments’ but they frequently involve baking soda, vinegar and food coloring; the concept of an actual hypothesis is lost on him. Other times he’s super perceptive and curious about things he sees or hears. Instead of a laundry list, maybe a bit of structured guidance to figure out what they might do. What are they curious about? When is the science fair and how much time do they have?
– Do they like messing about with baking soda, vinegar and food coloring? What other liquids besides vinegar would make the baking soda fizz? What if you left out the food coloring? What if you froze the baking soda, or heated the liquid?
– Do they have the patience to wait for things to grow? Could you collect seeds, vegetable scraps etc and see which ones grow? Under what conditions? What about growing giant salt/ sugar crystals?
– Do they like baking? What would happen if you used more or less of one ingredient or another? What if you left out the eggs?
Jessamyn says
Testing different densities of liquids vs. water with food coloring can be a fun/easy/safe/cheap one. Different types of oil, vinegar, etc… you can probably find some good guides online.
Spirograph says
What floats and what sinks? What boat shapes are most successful at holding an object? Surface tension soap motors are also really fun. Food coloring drops in cream, then soap to break the surface tension is also a cool demo.
But agree, baking soda and vinegar volcanos are always a great choice.
anon says
What are they into these days? One option would be to take a slime recipe and try tweaking the ingredient ratios. Then you can test for stretch, stickiness, etc.
Anonymous says
How long do you have until the science fair? If I had time, I would suggest something that can grow. Like rock sugar or a plant. Do a few variations if you want to be ambitious. Take a few pictures along the way, stick them on some pasteboard and be done.
anon says
Another fun option would be to see how temperature affects the longevity of glow necklaces. Put one in a warm crockpot, one at room temperature, one in the refrigerator, and one in the freezer. Rank the “glow power” every couple of hours. You could also do this for the various colors to see if they differ.
GCA says
This one with glow sticks is a favorite at our house! Little sister is just in it for the lights-out glow-stick bathtub rave after.
Anonymous says
Food dye in the water and flowers to show how the flowers drink the water and turn different colors – use maybe 4-5 clear vases or large glasses and white daisies.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My kindergartner did a water freezing thing. We took four small clear plastic cups and filled them with water. Then mixed in salt, sugar and pepper. Each one got a drop of food coloring. Then we put them on a small cutting board and put them in the freezer, checking every hour. We did it on a Sat afternoon and it took four hours. It was fun. I made a little grid with the hours y axis and each solution on the x axis and then she just checked off whether it was frozen or not each time we checked. It was fun, colorful and not hard. My 2nd grader did a rainbow in a jar experiment with her friend and it was also good.
Anonymous says
Not the OP, but I may use some of these ideas for play time with my 4 year old.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Totally random but I remember learning about the layers of the earth in early elementary school via our teacher making a huge PBJ sandwich – different types of bread, PB, and jam for the various layers. It’s still a point of reference for me…and could be something fun (and easy) to make and share.
Anonymous says
So exhausted today (baby was up several times last night). Any tips for making it through the work day without collapsing?
Anonymous says
Cold water, stretching and looking at vacation pictures.
lsw says
Do you have an office with privacy? If so, I highly recommend the brief 15 minute nap on the floor with your coat as a pillow. Bonus if you can drink a cup of coffee immediately before.
Megan says
I second this!
Anon says
Drinking a lot of water helps me when I’m tired.
octagon says
Walk around the block/around your floor regularly, like every 25 minutes or so. This is a perfect case for the pomodor method – set a timer and work 25 minutes, take a break and move your body, maybe splash some cold water on your face/back of neck, get a cold beverage or a snack, repeat. Caffeine in limited amounts.
This is also where chocolate covered espresso beans come in handy — I keep a small stash in my desk for these days.
Anonymous says
If it isn’t raining, go for a short walk outdoors at lunch.
Anon says
Between overseas calls in the middle of the night and a baby late to bed, I’m am right there with you on 3 hours of sleep. I go low on the caffeine, lots of hydration, mid-day sunlight, and frequently standing or “pacing” when taking calls or working and I feel myself starting to drift off for days like this. I’ll grab some caffeine before I drive home though, and I will make sure to drive home while it is still daylight out.
Meg says
If your office is in a walkable area, go out when your energy dips and buy yourself a healthy, refreshing snack, like apples, oranges, berries, carrot sticks, etc. I found the mix of fresh air and extra vitamins would help give me a second wave. And drink water!!
Anonanonanon says
Hope you made it through!
I like to do “easy” tasks those days. Go through the piles of papers on my desk and shred or file (makes you look busy), go through my inbox to see if I’ve missed any important emails (“just catching up on my inbox!” if anyone asks), organize your computer files?, is there a webinar you can watch?
Anonymouse says
Cross-posted from the main site
Looking for advice and a sanity check on potentially changing companies for a bigger role while pregnant.
I am about 14 weeks pregnant with my first child, and am being recruited by a company for a “dream” role with much larger responsibilities (I am not a lawyer – I am in a specialty HR function, would be going from one in-house role to another in-house role with expanded scope). This company has a reputation for being a women-friendly place to work, with strong work-life balance, and this role would be building a function as the company expands globally — exactly the kind of role I would be looking for as my next gig. I would likely start working by April, and due date is late August – so only 5 months, not covered by FMLA etc. I would negotiate for a paid leave, and it’s not uncommon in my field to give that kind of option for this level.
My current company values me highly (evidenced through pay and performance feedback), but we are going through a huge merger and there is likelihood to be layoffs in the next 12-18 months… and work is going to be high stress and long hours for me at least for the foreseeable future. Also unlikely I would be promoted to a level equivalent with the other company until after the dust settles with the merger and layoffs.
It is crazy to consider this, right? I’ve had an easy pregnancy so far, but there are no guarantees for health later, much less how I will feel after having the baby. I am lucky to have good partner support and planning to hire out for help as much as I need to after leave. I have always been someone to push myself in my career – so my gut wants me to entertain this switch, but the timing also seems terrible. Anyone have similar experiences where they passed on or accepted an opportunity in this position they could share?
Anonymous says
I would absolutely interview for, and if offered, take the job. In a merger, HR is one of the key areas where lay offs occur. You sound both fairly senior and specialized, which are prime targets for layoff because of duplication (there is probably someone with your role at the other company), plus you will be taking a maternity leave during the merger integration period so the combined company leadership won’t have the opportunity to get to know how awesome you are.
shortperson says
i would definitely switch. you are likely to perform better when pregnant than with a new baby and you dont want to hold off two years in your career. if they are interested in you for the long term and are a family friendly place to work they shouldnt care. but wait as long as possible to disclose.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would go for it. The merger gives you a great reason to explain why you are looking now (I don’t think anyone will directly ask about your pregnancy but the timing makes more sense given the merger). I wasn’t in the same situation, but I did start a new job right after having my first (not by choice but it was what it was) so I can understand some of the hesitation in starting at a new place right when you’re going through a major personal transition. In some ways it’s nice to start with whatever work-like expectations you need right off the bat – if you need to leave at a certain time for daycare pickup, then that is the expectation you will have from the beginning, and you won’t be coming from a place of previously working a bunch of hours and then all of a sudden not. The other side of this is that you won’t have the goodwill built up yet to prove yourself, but maybe you can do so prior to having the baby.
Lyssa says
I think you’d be crazy not to consider this. There are some issues to be ironed out for sure (what leave they will agree to, do some due diligence on what life is actually like at that company), and you should probably get an idea of whether your husband can pick up a little extra with respect to sick days (babies sometimes get sick a lot, and you’d want to avoid taking a lot of time when you’re still fairly new), but there’s nothing likely to be unworkable here, and it sounds like a great opportunity to advance.
Not exactly the same thing, but I did wind up taking a new, much more in line with what I wanted to do, job when my first was about 3 months old. It was a little more stressful, but it was definitely the right move.
Good luck to you!
Knope says
I would absolutely consider this and try to negotiate for more leave. If you’re highly valued, I think there’s a great chance they’d give it to you, which means there seems to be no downside to at least exploring the option.
Anon says
Congrats! I don’t think you’re crazy to consider this at all. Plenty of women lean in while pregnant, and it doesn’t sound like your current situation is stress-free by any means. The leave would be the biggest thing for me. If you couldn’t negotiate at least 12 weeks off, that would probably be a dealbreaker for me. I went back to work at 12 weeks and feel like I couldn’t have gone back a day earlier, although I know plenty of people do. Paid vs unpaid would be less of a concern for me personally, but of course it depends on your financial picture, and of course offering you paid leave is an indicator of how much they support working moms.
AwayEmily says
Go for it! I started a new “big” job when 3 months pregnant with my second (he’s now 2) and have no regrets. In some ways the timing is great because it gives you additional incentive to negotiate for more leave — if you had had this opportunity before getting pregnant, you may not have thought to do that!
Anonymous says
I also don’t think it is crazy to consider it. I almost left my job when I was 6 months pregnant with twins and decided to ride it out because of fear of change. I ended up interviewing and getting my dream job when they were four months old and switching anyway. You can make this work if you get the offer. Good luck.
Anon says
Wow! That takes guts. Twins and all. Impressed.
Anonymouse says
Thank you for all the encouragement to go for it! All great points, and the benefit of current company is known leave + known entity, but lots of unknown in the future… so definitely makes new company look favorable if I can get the leave sorted out.
Anonymous says
do it Mouse! I’m anon from 1:30. I went back to work 6 weeks PP and I knew almost immediately I still wanted to take the stretch, even though it would be tough. It’s been over 4 years now and I’m glad I made the leap.
Emily S. says
Not at all crazy to consider! I changed jobs when I was 6 months pregnant, so I only had 3 months on the new job before mat leave. I’m still here 5 years later.
The advice I got was, if you don’t go for it, you’ll never know what could have been. From your post, it seems like you’re really excited about the prospect and I believe you would wonder, what could have been. Go for it! And good luck!