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The ’80s Blazer from Everlane is $175 and comes in four go-with-anything neutrals as well as a bold check pattern. It’s available in sizes 00–16.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – 100s of new markdowns; up to 30% off Easter
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Anonymous says
I’m back in a professional office and haven’t worn an underwire bra in three years — is there a way to stop the wire from digging into my ribs when I sit at my desk? Is it too big/too small? Or am I hunching? Help!
anonM says
I feel the same way when I wear one now. I think I had just been accustomed to the discomfort. Now I rarely wear an underwire- basically just for weddings/formal events.
Anon says
That shouldn’t happen if it fits properly. The wires should lie flat against your ribs and not dig. The size and/or style doesn’t fit you.
Anonymous says
+1, I don’t find underwires any less comfortable than wireless styles, although I’m small of chest and that probably is a factor. Maybe go do a fitting?
Clementine says
Agreed! It shouldn’t be hurting you.
Anon says
Try less slouching and a bigger band possibly with smaller cups. Although full disclosure, mine digs by the end of the day, but I think it’s related to being a 38J with terrible posture.
Pink eye! says
Pink eye has struck our house for the first time. I’ve read symptoms can last for a week! When can we send kid back to daycare? His eyes have to stop oozing first?
Any tips for getting eye drops in or wiping his eyes? So far it’s been me holding his arms and torso while dad holds his head and lots of screaming.
Anon says
If you have Instagram, find Naptimekitchen and look through her reels until you get to the one about using the Nose Frida on a baby or toddler. Her video will be more helpful than this explanation, but basically you lie your kid down on the ground on top of a soft surface, facing away from you, and then sit straddling their head so that you can hold down their arms and legs with your legs and keep their head still between your thighs.
Pink eye says
We went thru a hell of repeated bacterial pink eye with our kid. It just went away finally. Saw a specialist and everything.
I think you can send to school after being on antibiotics for 24 hours – assuming it’s bacterial not viral. Not sure what the rules are for viral.
To get eyedrops in – -put in inner corner of eye. Even if child’s eyes are closed, once they open it will flow in. I would try to get my daughter to open her eyes while still laying down with this method by yelling surprise or something. It is a pain. Our daycare people complained too about the eyedrops.
Anonymous says
They can’t tell if it is bacterial or viral but in my experience the antibiotics are a get out of jail free card regardless. I think our ped said it is actually usually viral but they give people antibiotics anyway because of the daycare issue.
Anonymous says
gah, poor guy. *I* had pink eye recently (also for the first time), and it sucks.
Yes, his eyes have to stop oozing first; pinkeye is incredibly contagious. If it’s bacterial, the drops will clear it right up. Mine was viral, but still resolved within about 3-4 days.
Easiest way to do eye drops for kids (and easy is extremely relative, here) is to have them look up & to the side, and then put the drops near the inner corner of their eye, away from where they’re looking. don’t aim straight for the eye, do a few mm away and let them run in. Give him something to look at. Good luck!
Pogo says
We let them tilt head up but close their eyes, then when they tilt head and blink it kinda goes in.
Everyone except DH had it in my house recently. It’s super gross to me but generally the kids dont’ mind it, so there’s that.
Clementine says
If the drops are a pain, we have gotten an ointment which we would apply while the kids are sleeping. Smudge right into the corners and on the lash line.
With drops, I would often put them in with the kid in the car seat.
AwayEmily says
that’s smart! the carseat is how I always did the kids’ nasal COVID tests in the early days when you had to stick them WAY up there, but I never thought of it for eyedrops.
mrskbp says
wipe away (go from inner eye to outer eye) goo/crust with warm wash cloth before ointment or drops. use different sides of washcloth.
put drops near nose side and try to have them run in or child blink them in.
wash pillowcases and stuffed animals snuggled near face.
they usually feel/look better after 24 hours of abx use, but continue to use as directed to get all the bacteria.
good luck.
Abby says
I have my first OB appointment today at 12 weeks! Finally will get to see the baby. Because we just moved, this will be my first time meeting the doc at this office. Any questions I should ask? I have a few written down, but in general am drawing a blank if there’s anything important for me to learn now.
anon says
I would ask about non-invasive genetic testing if you’re interested in that and it’s available where you live (not sure if you are in the US since first OB visits are usually earlier than 12 weeks here), as well as what the schedule of other significant scans/tests is (when will you have anatomy scan, gestational diabetes test, etc.). Also if you don’t already know where you’ll deliver, I’d ask about what the options are, if the doctor recommends a particular place, etc. And would ask whether you’ll see all doctors in the practice during your prenatal visits (this matters bc “your” OB may not be on call when you go into labor).
CCLA says
Congrats OP! Big yes to asking about non-invasive testing, if that’s something that might interest you, since some things like the nuchal translucency scan have to be done by a certain number of weeks or are no longer relevant (IIRC, it’s been a few years!).
Anonymouse says
I was helping my niece with her reading last night. She informed me she needs to practice reading for school (also I suspect this was a bed time stall, but I’m all for reading practice). I noticed she wasn’t actually reading her Breyer Stable Mates book as much as reciting something she’s clearly familiar with. I want to send her new books to read and would love suggestions!
She only reads horse stories (she is horse obsessed).
The past two years she’s played volleyball and that is the first non horse related activity I’ve seen her really enjoy.
She’s 9 and I cannot tell based on her ‘reading’ of the book last night how good of a reader she actually is. Her moms house isn’t a big book house and the Breyer stable mates books were not very advanced. I think she’s in third or fourth grade. I forgot to ask last night. I also know grade isn’t the perfect demonstrator for reading ability.
I’m good with chapter books and graphic novels as I want to send her a variety of books.
If there are volleyball books for girls I think she might enjoy that too.
She lives so a ranch and rides horses, helps her mom sell horses etc, so she is very savvy and I don’t think unicorns, which she does like as a theme, would really fit the bill, unless it’s not too fantasy/magical. She loves schleich but eschews their fairy/fantasy line of horses.
Any suggestions you might have for books would be very appreciated!
Anon says
Has she read the Roald Dahl books? My kid got a boxed set and loved them. Not horse themed, but really good stories.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t send those to a struggling 9 year old. Most of those are reading level s->u which is 4th-5/6th.
My 9 year old 3rd grader read Matilda but it was challenging, and she is an advanced reader. OP’s niece may find them frustrating.
They are GREAT “read together” books though!
Anon says
Gosh, my oldest read them all as a 2nd grader by herself and my youngest is reading them now as a 1st grader (alternating pages with Dad). I didn’t think they were that hard.
Anonymous says
I’m sure you have a strong reader. Matilda is level S which is second half of fourth grade reading level.
My kid tested level R in 2nd grade but is way ahead of grade level requirements, which I think are M/N in 2nd.
The Dahl books are tricky not so much to read but to understand the words- there’s British slang and outdated terms and concepts. IMO reading with an adult is the way to go with these unless you are a really strong reader.
Anon says
+1 to this comment. I would not give these to a struggling reader.
Anonymous says
And a whole bunch of made-up words in many of them.
Anon says
Yeah Dahl is not a good idea at all for a struggling reader.
Mary Moo Cow says
(1) Baby Sitters Club Little Sisters (graphic novels.) My daughter was gifted one of these and really enjoyed it.
(2) Diary of a Wimpy Kid is hugely popular in mid-elementary, and there are 15 of them, so if she likes them, there should be enough to keep her going for a while.
(3) The American Girl doll books, especially the older ones, which come in shorter sets of 6, over the newer ones, which are longer. Kaya’s stories might be a good place to start because she loves and rides horses. (Thrift Books has a good selection.)
Anonymous says
These are all pretty young for a 9-year-old.
Mary Moo Cow says
Agreed, but I thought they would be a good start/not too intimidating for a 9 year old who it seems, is reciting, and more comfortable with books that are “not very advanced.”
Anonymous says
The old BSC books or the new graphic novel versions would be perfect here. The characters are older and the stories are more interesting but the reading level is very easy.
Anon says
I feel like American Girl books and those Dear America books were super popular with girls that age. I think it’s the new AG books that skew younger.
Anonymous says
Some of the original AG characters have halfway interesting stories (Molly, Samantha, Felicity), but a lot of the historical character books are deadly dull, and the girls of the year tend to be annoying whiny brats.
Lil says
Felicity rescues a horse from abusive owner in the original book. I loved that series at age 8-9.
Anon says
Land of Stories is really good.
She may also enjoy the illustrated Harry Potter books–she’s just about the right age. They are beautiful.
Anon says
+1 my second grader loves land of stories and read it herself.
GCA says
Anything by Shannon Hale. Squirrel Girl graphic novels might appeal?
Horse books – the abridged Black Beauty; Misty of Chincoteague.
And, go to your local library and ask the children’s librarians for other recs! They love it – that’s why they’re there.
Spirograph says
+1 to those horse books and asking the librarian.
OP, 9 is probably 4th grade, at least my 9 year old is 4th grade. He’s currently enjoying The Phantom Tollbooth.
Anonymous says
I have a daughter about to turn 9 in 3rd grade. If she has been 9 for more than a few weeks she’s probably in 4th.
Some ideas (I have a 1st grader who HATES reading but needs practice):
– does she have a younger sibling to read to? Reading “baby” books is a great way to build reader confidence.
– read more difficult texts *with* her. You read a page, she reads a page. You point to the words as you read them so she can see how you are pronouncing them.
– try different genres. My 9 year old loves reading and is far above grade level and always has been. My 6 year old hates the idea of reading-as-work and isn’t interest in fiction. She does love Amelia Bedelia, the Iggy Peck chapter books, and Frog and Toad. Other than that we do the “Who is/was” books, nonfiction reference books about subjects she likes, and she even reads the dictionary! For your niece, what about a nonfiction book about horses? And the “I survived” series should be around here level if not maybe a little easy (which would probably be good for her).
FWIW I see some suggestions for Dahl. That’s a lot of a 9 year old who is struggling. It’s the British-English and also some dated references that make it tricky. They are also super long. Matilda for example is reading level S which I think is 5th grade. Fine for a strong 9 year old but might be too frustrating for someone already having trouble. Fantastic Mr Fox might be OK.
Anon says
Me and Katie (the pest)
Anonymous says
Harriet the Spy?
Anon says
James Herriot books. I read them around that age and loved them.
Anonymous says
Hi from a former horse girl! I loved the Thoroughbred and Saddle Club series growing up. All the Misty of Chincoteague books are great too. Black Beauty has some really sad scenes, if she’s sensitive, that may not be a good fit. Dinah and Virginia was a favorite but not sure it’s still in print. Black Stallion is wonderful.
EDAnon says
I went through a horse stage as a kid and loved the Thoroughbred book series. It looks like maybe it’s a bit old (Amazon says ages 9-12) but sometimes content helps kids engage with reading even if it isn’t the “right” grade level. I have no idea if they hold up but I really liked them when I was young.
Anonymouse says
OP here. Thank you all so much for these suggestions! I will definitely look into each of these and ask the librarian too. I’m thinking I’ll definitely try to read with her more in the future but maybe also mail her and her older brother (she is the youngest of two) one or two books a month thru the end of the year.
Anon says
Very thoughtful. Some kids enjoy reading to grownups over the phone or Zoom – could try that too. Or you both read the same book while apart and then can talk about it.
An.On. says
Not just Misty of Chincoteague, but all the Marguerite Henry books would be good – including King of the Wind, Justin Morgan had a Horse, Brighty of the Grand Canyon. Also seconding Me and Katie (the Pest). Not on a White Horse is good, but has some fairly mature themes (alcoholism, poverty, etc).
Charlie says
What are your kids being for Halloween and how are you sourcing their costumes? Mine have both decided to be something we already have in their dress up bin – woohoo! I made clear they can be anything they want, but that’s the direction they’re going, so I will not be arguing!
anon says
Sourcing at Target, like I do every other year.
So Anon says
My daughter is always a version of a cat + something. This year she is going to be a cat-vampire. Cape, black clothing (reflective stuff will be added), cat ears, cat mittens and vampire make-up makes one a cate-vampire. Our challenge is the cat tail… Interesting side note that looking for pieces of a cat costume can lead one down less than age-appropriate searches (think furries). My son is a blow-up shark. I will be going as cousin derp from Moriah Elizabeth’s youtube channel. The most fun for me is that I have a 6 month old puppy. He currently has 3 different costumes (devil, cowboy and tux).
Cb says
My son has a wolf tail, purchased from Etsy… and it is adult size, because it’s meant for adult furries…
Anonymous says
Isn’t that whole thing supposed to be a conservative conspiracy attacking schools? I am afraid to g00gle it to make sure.
So Anon says
Having booked myself and my children at a hotel where a furry convention (not sure if that is the correct term) was happening, I promise that it is a real thing.
AwayEmily says
6yo: Ginny Weasley from Harry Potter (got the Gryffindor robes from Target). Costume-avoidant 4yo: a sparkly pink dress with my name on it, so everyone knows it is me (sparkly pink dress acquired from Etsy with the help of the lovely people here, TBD on how I’m going to get the name on there). Baby: will be asleep by the time trick-or-treating starts so I’m not going to bother.
Cb says
What about an early ’00s name necklace? Or a belt with a name?
AwayEmily says
A necklace is a great idea…I bet I can make one out of some craft foam we have. Thanks!
Cb says
T (5) wants to be a skeleton so my mom ordered Lindex skeleton PJs, some gloves, and I got a mask I can paint. Which is a relief… for world book day, he’s asking for Ozzie, the boy with owl-like superpowers and there’s going to have to be a (delegated to grandma) complicated cape project.
He’s not a huge costume fan though… it’s “funky friday” no-uniform day this friday and he wants to wear his cozy H&M ninjago sweatshirt and leggings.
SC says
My 7 yo just wears his uniform on no-uniform days, spirit days, etc. He likes his routine lol.
Cb says
He asked me in week 1 “when do we get to stop wearing these boring clothes?” but my mom bought him some smart leggings and he’s happier now. That Ninjago sweatshirt is his prized possession though.
Anon says
Butterfly (mom bought her a costume from target two weeks ago she loves since my mom is all over these things). I ordered this week a matching mom wing-cape thing so we will see if that works for my shape (broad shoulders and long arms) and I have breathed not a word to kiddo about matching in case it doesn’t.
GCA says
7yo: giant golden-crowned flying fox (I think Wild Kratts is responsible for this): all black outfit with bat wings made by parents. I may put a glow stick or several glow necklaces on him so we can see him in the dark.
4yo: Skye from Paw Patrol — khaki pants, long sleeved shirt, my pink running vest, aviator hat, pink aviator goggles by Etsy, repurposed toddler backpack with cardboard wings. Or a dragon.
I usually riff off whatever they have chosen. To continue the winged creatures theme I might be a dragon or a luna moth.
SC says
This is the 4th year that my son has chosen to be a ghost because that’s what he always is for Halloween. He worse the same costume when he was 4 and 5. Last year, at 6, I bought him a new ghost costume, and he has chosen to wear that one again this year. One costume was sourced from Amazon, another from Walmart. I explored some other ideas with him, but every conversation about a different costume (and showing him pictures of himself in different costumes from 0-3) ended with him getting very upset.
Anon says
4 year old wants to be Spider-Man and have Dh and me be Spin and Ghost Spider. My parents might be villains. We just got the costumes from Amazon. To be honest I’m a little bummed she wanted something so commercial. Last year she wanted to be “a fall tree” and my mom and I made the costume together and it was so fun. But it’s a kid’s holiday so we do what she wants.
Seafinch says
I love Halloween and make all four costumes from scratch each year. (I am not talented or skilled, but we hack it all together with a lot of glue and stitching etc).
12 year old is going to be Steve Harrington from Stranger Things. I sourced the right utility jacket already at Value Village, my husband is in charge of the nail studded bat. I still have to find a close backpack, will likely involve spray paint.
8 Year old is Bucky Barnes from Marvel. Haven’t started yet but will cover head to toe black base layer in foam cut outs from foam purchased on the Dollar Store or Michaels and use some webbing from the Fabric store to sew the right tactical strapping, spray paint nerf gun.
3 year old wants to be a stripey black and white cat inspired from Gabby’s Dollhouse. Haven’t started yet. Will cover black base layer in white foam cutouts, make a tail form hosiery or orphaned black sock, make ears. Done.
6 year old can’t make up her mind. Initially said she wanted to be a stripey black and white cat to match her little sister but said yesterday maybe Hermione from Harry Potter. Will nail her down this week and start. I will pilfer her sister’s uniform for Hermione and order a scarf, rough stitch a cloak.
Anonymous says
Toddler is going to be a ladybug, courtesy of Etsy. Found some Toms ladybug shoes that she loves, so that decided the rest of the costume.
Boston Legal Eagle says
As of now: 6 year old as Pikachu and 4 year old as Owlette. Both sourced from Party City.
Mary Moo Cow says
My older daughter is going to be a bubble gum machine (Chasing Fireflies, from Mercari) and younger daughter has two costumes, a witch (from a second hand toy store) and a bat (from Hanna Andersson, with our own leggings, t-shirt, and tulle skirt from Primary.) We’ll add glow stick necklaces for trick or treating.
I will dress up as Olivia’s Mom (white button down and black skirt and pig ear headband) for our party and Mrs. Frizzle for trick or treating (I stay home and pass out candy.) I don’t know how many kids or parents will recognize me.
anon says
My 2 year old is going to be a unicorn b/c she’s currently on a huge unicorn kick (and the costume was easily available on Amazon).
She doesn’t know what Halloween is, so I made the decision without her input :) we’ll just walk around the neighborhood and look at decorations and other people in costume, no trick or treating (i’m a mean mom that hasn’t introduced her to sugar or chocolate yet)
Anon says
We sourced our Paw Patrol costume from Party City, without input from our Paw Patrol loving 2 year old, and the candy getting will be quite minimal. He would eat sweets and pasta all day if we let him, so we don’t even go down that path.
Anon says
My little one is going to be a “flower fairy” so we attacked one of her old dance costumes with hot glue and silk flowers from Michael’s. I wove in twinkle lights so it will glow. It’s pretty spectacular (as I pat myself on the back). Finishing it off with fairy wings from the dress up bin.
EP-er says
I sew the Halloween costumes (most) years. It is my thing — I love to sew, but don’t really have time for it. I remember my mom always made mine (back when lots of people had homemade costumes) and I felt so special going to the fabric store and picking out exactly what I wanted. So I do that for my kids. My favorite was the year my daughter was Kragle and and my son was Bad Cop from the Lego Movie. This year, son is too old for costumes, but I am making my daughter an Artemis costume, because she is obsessed with Greek Mythology. It is way more work and probably more expensive, but will be one of a kind!
Clementine says
Harry Potter (picked up on a Costco trip), a princess (already owned it), and baby Yoda (Hanna Andersson hat + tan blanket.
Anonymous says
Please tell me that you or your husband is going as the Mandalorian.
Pogo says
A cheetah per the 5yo’s request, and we thought it would be funny for the 2yo to be a sloth. So they’re the fastest and slowest land animals. I source the onesie-type costumes via Amazon.
Anon says
Old navy skeleton pajamas for the toddler.
Anonymous says
My daughter is doing a partner costume with her BFF – one is a witch, one is a black cat, both from existing dress-up clothes. Older son wants to be an “assassin” and I am steering him toward either re-wearing his ninja costume from last year or dressing all in black with a mask and calling it good. Younger son wants to be a dinosaur, and has probably outgrown his myriad dinosaur costumes. If I can’t do a quick alteration, we have a one-size T-rex mask/hood thing and I can probably get buy with only buying a tail. :)
I’m going to borrow my daughter’s butterfly wings, and DH is throwing on a cape with a suit and some vampire teeth.
Anonymous says
Kid has not yet decided on a costume. The dog will be a ballerina for 30 seconds while I attempt to take a photo before she paws her flower crown off her head and rips her tutu. Husband and I will be playing chicken over who has to sit on the stoop and hand out candy.
Seafinch says
I initially planned on my husband and I being Ted Lasso and Rebecca but I am pregnant and showing so back to the drawing board!
Seafinch says
We were Rip Wheeler and Beth Dutton last year and it was fabulous!!
Bed Bound says
I’m 37 weeks with my third and because of a number of issues, I’m basically confined to the house. Honestly, I’m so bored. Any ideas for low movement activities – I can’t stand for long periods of time nor can I walk very far. I wish I could really savour this time, but honestly, at this point, I’m bored, I want to go out and I’m tired of being in pain/discomfort all the time. Maybe I’m just looking to complain…
AwayEmily says
this is not the MOST fun idea, but…work? Especially checking off things that have been on your to-do list for eons. With my third, I dedicated the last month or so to getting ALL those things off my plate and as a result my maternity leave was the least stressful one I’ve had. But I’m sure this depends on your job — I”m an academic so there’s a lot of that type of stuff (sending out papers, closing the loop on projects, etc) that can easily get put off forever if you’re not aggressive about it.
Pogo says
Can you purge/organize closets? I did this near the end last time and it really scratched that nesting itch for me. Like even pull up a chair in the bathroom and attack the shelves in there Home Edit style?
Anon says
You’re allowed to complain as much as you want.
Feel free to ignore, but if you can give more specifics about why you’re confined to the house and what the physical limitations are, I can probably give some suggestions.
anonny says
Video games? Would a nintendo switch be fun?
Vicky Austin says
Anybody have favorite opaque maternity tights that last? Just ripped an H&M pair and not that excited about how comfy they were, either. Recs appreciated.
NYCer says
I wore regular (non-maternity) Commando tights with the wide waist band in a size or two up while I was pregnant. I am usually a small in that brand, so sized up to a medium or large, and it worked for me. The wide waist band has a lot of give.
Anonymous says
+1 I wore Assets (Target’s version of spanx I think) in a couple of sizes up.
AwayEmily says
I never found any and just wore maternity leggings instead.
Anon says
None of them fit me because I’m tall, so I cut the waistband out of drugstore tights. Worked great.
TheElms says
Assets Maternity tights from Target
Anon says
parenting is hard. just came back from parent teacher conferences for my fraternal twin boys. one is flourishing, while the other is struggling. my boys are so different – barely even look like siblings. it is so hard bc i have a number of friends with identical twins who have the same personalities and interests and are bffs, or friends with boy/girl twins. next year they start kindergarten and it almost sounds like one is really going to struggle.
Anonymous says
Struggling how?
Best thing you can do is let them be their own people. Put them in separate classes and activities. One may not flourish in school but maybe he’ll love art or sports or piano or be a socialite.
Anon says
they are in separate classes at school. we try very very hard not to compare, though it is obviously easier said than done. one struggles a lot more with fine motor skills and social emotional stuff.
Anon says
I think the most important thing is to not give them any sense they’re being pigeonholed. Social/emotional skills can change quickly especially with some guidance and support. And fine motor skills are not really as relevant to school success as preschools make them out to be (obviously they matter to some extent but somehow preschools always seem to be panicking parents about this and then their kids are completely fine). He may well not struggle in K and your other kid may end up needing some extra help. Keep an eye out for extra supports they may need but don’t accidentally assign them academic destinies at 4.
EDAnon says
Both of those grow quickly! Mine are two years apart and it is hard not to compare. I imagine your challenge is greater.
One thing to remember is that kids all develop different abilities at different paces. If a kiddo struggles now, that may not be true in a year. I wouldn’t worry about K at this point. So much will change before then.
Anonymous says
My twins are only 20 months but you’re describing them exactly. It’s really hard not to compare, especially with the “oh he’s not doing x yet??” comments. I don’t have any advice, but you’re a good mom. Twins are hard.
Pogo says
Just wanted to recommend the Athleta Cardiff pant – they really do look like workwear, are so comfortable, and have that paperbag pants look + slight crop that is very trendy right now.
A Gen Z in my office complimented so I think they’re fashionable?
So Anon says
How does one style these pants/what shoes and top do you wear? Not asking in a judgmental way, at all. I just feel lost now anytime I need to venture out of my very small pandemic-created comfort zone of clothing.
Pogo says
I wore a blouse tucked in – I feel like that is the key w/ the new high-waisted styles, you need a sleeker top and you need to tuck it in. I also ventured into some more cropped silhouettes – a LOFT chunky cardigan for example, not an actual crop top.
Time off says
Do you ever take time off work and leave your kids in daycare? I have a couple of scheduled days off work. My kids can still go to daycare those days. I’m not the worst if I still send them to daycare, am I?
I’m feeling like I should take one of the days and do something fun with the kids. I do want more time with them and they’re growing up so fast. But I have so many things I just want to check off my to do list and am not sure when else I will do them.
Thoughts?
Aunt Jamesina says
I just did this last week. It was glorious and I knocked out a bunch of small tasks around the house that I never seem to have time for.
Anon says
I rarely have the opportunity to do this (daycare is closed on every work holiday I have) but taking one day to do something special with the kids and one day to yourself sounds like a good balance to me!
Aunt Jamesina says
One of the upsides of kids in daycare while you have the day off is that it can make your evening way easier. When I did this last week, we didn’t have to do the mad dash of dinner prep plus all the other tasks that need doing on a weeknight because I had already taken care of them during the day. So you can have your time off AND get better quality time with your kids!
Anonymous says
Omg yes. Love a daycare open mom off work day. Enjoy
Spirograph says
Absolutely. Do the stupid stuff that you can knock out quickly if you just have some uninterrupted time to do it, and let go of the guilt that you “should” be spending that time with your kids. Taking care of these annoying chores on a weekday while they’re having fun at daycare frees up your evenings and weekends for more quality time with the kids.
Anon says
Counterpoint, go on a date or have an adventure with that precious non-work, non-kid time. I find that it works best for me to cram in the chores/errands/to-dos into workdays so they don’t bleed into weekends or vacations, even though it makes the workdays tiring. Spending the entire day outside with my spouse would be my top choice here.
Anonymous says
These days are a gift. Leave your kids at daycare and spend the time tackling your to do list. But also do something fun for yourself, like read a book, get a massage, go on a hike, etc so you are recharged for the rest of the week.
Anonymous says
Take the time to check them off your list so that you can be more present in the evenings and on weekends.
anon says
I do this regularly. Don’t feel bad! Daycare isn’t prison. They are still learning and having a good day without you. It’s great to be able to get stuff done that feels impossible to do with kids around. And moms deserve to have an actual break once in a while. Everyone needs time to just do what they want! Then you won’t turn into a resentful angry hulk mom as easily.
Think about all the men who take an entire day to play golf, or work on big home improvement projects all weekend long without having to watch their kids. Do men feel bad about doing this? I highly doubt it. They assume what they are doing is important.
NLD in NYC says
This. Do not feel guilty. If you want to pick up the kids early and spend extra daytime with them, do it because you want do, not because you “should.” If you want to Netflix and chill all day, that’s good too.
Now off to plan my Election Day: office is closed but daycare is open. Whoo-hoo!
AwayEmily says
Do I ever do it? Is “as much as humanly possible” a possible answer?
I adore my kids and want to be fully present for them after school, in mornings, and on weekends. Taking time to myself makes me a better parent. And honestly, their standards for fun stuff are pretty low and do not require taking time off of school. For them, going on a picnic after school is just as much of a treat for them as (for example) taking a day trip to a museum.
Anon says
i like your answer “as much as humanly possible” – thats my thought too
Anon says
+1. I get Veterans Day off. Kid is in daycare. I don’t feel a moment of guilt. Do the hike. Eat lunch with a cocktail. Enjoy your personal time!!
I also just take random Fridays and do the same about once a quarter. What a joy.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1000. I love these “me days.” It does make me a much happier parent later that night anyway. This past Monday, kid 1 was with grandparents and kid 2 was at daycare and I got a pedicure and finished my book and just lounged around.
Scilady says
I can understand feeling a little guilty, but I personally have planned to take days off work and leave my kids in daycare. It’s a good day for me to get things done for ME and things that would be a lot tougher with littles around.
If you still feel guilty, you could always do an early pickup after nap and go to a new park or other fun activities.
Go for the day alone! And absolve yourself of the guilt.
Pogo says
1000% yes I do this whenever possible. Which is not often, but there were a few days around Christmas last year, and summer Fridays I get a few hours to myself.
DLC says
You are not at all the worst, for whatever you choose to do. (Except maybe I might judge a little if you put your kids in daycare so you can spend time binge drinking and doing drugs)
But if you really want to spend time with kids, just pick them up early or drop them off later and devote a large chunk of the day to yourself.
It feels like the narrative is skewed when we feel guilty and self flagellate for not spending every available moment with our children.
Anon says
DO IT! Mental exhaustion is real.
anonny says
This is the only way my partner and I get to go on dates. We always plan one in Nov for holiday shopping and a lunch date too.
anon says
Great idea!
Anon says
The thought that I could do this and play hooky with my husband makes me think it might be doable to have kids.
Mrs. Jones says
Yes! that is what day care/after care is for!
Liza says
I leave them in daycare guilt-free. They have fun there with their friends, and heck I’m paying for the days regardless. There are plenty of times when day care is closed and having them attend isn’t an option. Down with mom guilt!!
GCA says
Yes, I do this every summer and go on a more challenging 4 or 5h hike – usually with DH or a friend – that I can’t do with kids! It recharges me for the rest of the week.
Anon says
That’s the absolute best way to use those days, IMO – something fun, different, social, and challenging. Not the time to finally clean your closet or organize papers…
EDAnon says
I do both. I have two kids so I take a day off with each of them solo sometimes (maybe twice a year). I love those days. But I also love the in school/no work days. So I take those too. If I had multiple days, I would probably do one goof off kid day and the rest as “free” days.
WFH + travel says
Talk to me about remote jobs with periodic travel. My partner is considering taking a job that is WFH but would require quarterly air travel (plus a car rental + drive) to the company’s main office for 3 days at a time. I am a little concerned the company saying they want him there 3 days quarterly (which I realize isn’t that much!) really means that they want someone in person but can’t find it. And I worry the 3 days is going to keep expanding. Maybe that is irrational.
I also am frankly just tired and I don’t want to be solo parenting on a regular basis. We have two small kids plus an infant. His current job is flexible but in-person.
He’s always been supportive of my decisions on job changes. And I know people solo parent (not to mention single parents!) all the time for much longer periods of time. I should be supportive of this, right? Why don’t I feel like being supportive. Ughhhhh.
Pogo says
To address the substance of the job and their ask, I have this same arrangement. In fact I prefer to be there about 4 days/week 1/month, sometimes it works out to closer to 1x/quarter because of other constraints. My whole team is at HQ, everyone who reports to me and my management chain as well. My take is that I’d rather the travel than be forced to move, since we’ve proven jobs can be done remotely and we have a good support system here. My whole company is hybrid, so no one is in the office on Mon/Fri anyway at any location. I don’t think this means they want someone in person full time if their general culture is hybrid; if he would be the ONE exception that might cause concern, however I have also seen that arrangement work well (with the quarterly travel for the team building aspect).
I think it’s very doable with good support for the spouse at home, whether its solid coverage on childcare hours, family help, or additional paid help to bridge the gap (we had a PT nanny who could stay through baby’s bedtime, for example, so the spouse at home only had to deal w/ the preschooler). It’s amazing how ‘fast’ that year seemed to go that now we’re at the point where both kids are older and more independent (in their own way – I can leave the 5yo in bath alone, I can leave the 2yo gated in his childproof room, etc) one of us can more easily manage solo evenings.
Anon says
I am pretty opposed to travel heavy jobs and would not want to take one or have my spouse take one, but three days per quarter sounds pretty manageable to me.
Anonymous says
Yeah, that’s nothing. I would love it if my spouse traveled three days every three months. I need a break.
OP says
I don’t disagree, but to clarify it would be 3 days in the office (so at least 4 and more likely 5 days total with travel time)
Again, I realize it’s objectively not a lot. Sigh.
Anonymous says
How far is it? He couldn’t take like an early morning flight Monday and a late evening flight Wednesday?
OP says
No, there’s no direct connection between our cities unfortunately. It’s a half day of travel time minimum.
Anonny says
Does it have to be full days? I do three day trips by taking an ass o’clock early flight, arriving around lunch on Monday and taking off around 3 or 4 on Wednesday afternoon.
This is travel with two hour time zone difference and no direct flights.
Anon says
So with three little kids and no family nearby, I think it’s very reasonable to want your spouse to be pulling his weight. But are you really sure that a flexible remote job with one week of travel/quarter would be worse than an in person local job? It seems to me like it might be a positive change overall.
NYCer says
+1. This is totally manageable.
Anon says
So you’ve pretty much described us. I’ve been full time WFH since 2016, but travelled probably once or twice every 2 months pre-pandemic, and it’s more likely quarterly or slightly less since travel reopened. I’m generally gone for 3 nights worth of bedtimes (but only 2 nights of sleep – it’s just that I get home after kid bedtime on the day I return).
My husband is probably gone for 1-4 nights every 6 weeks. He’s in-person when not traveling.
We have a toddler and I’m pregnant with our second.
It’s not a big deal for us, but if it is a big deal for you, then the time to raise that is now.
FWIW, when I moved away from our HQ in 2016 and knew I’d have some travel, that travel remained level. It didn’t increase with time.
govtattymom says
I have a set up that is somewhat similar to this. I WFH four days per week and work out of an office in another city one day per week. It works fairly well. One day per week I take the train to and from another city and my husband takes care of all parenting duties (I’m gone from early in the morning to late at night). It’s a lot of work for him but my husband is supportive because it makes financial sense for the family. I haven’t experienced an issue with change of expectations (e.g., we now want you in the office two days a week). Hope you guys figure out what works best for both of you!
Anonymous says
It’s three days every three months. I don’t see the problem.
OP says
It’s 4-5 days with travel time and we have a newborn, toddler, and preschooler who are sick a lot + no family support. I know you’re right comparatively? but it is hard to do this by myself right now.
anon says
OP, this is fair. Talk to your husband. At that stage in my life, I also wouldn’t have been thrilled about 4-5 days at a time. Heck, I wouldn’t be into it now that my kids are older, mainly because things really start falling apart when you don’t have that second driver or someone to co-manage kid activities with.
Anonymous says
Idk does it actually have to be 5 days though? Can you get a sitter from 3-8 daily while he’s gone? Get meal delivery etc?
OP says
We are in a midsize city and not close to any major hubs, so flight options are really limited (especially since covid). The job is also not in a major hub, which compounds the problem.
But you’re right that it probably wouldn’t have to be 5 full days, more likely 4 days of drop off, pick up, bedtimes etc.
octagon says
If he wants this job and you want to support him, then I encourage you to think about what supports you would need to make this feel manageable. Does this mean that you hire a babysitter or mother’s helper to come for 2-3 nights and help with bedtime — or to come from 7-9 am to help get the kids out the door? Does it mean that you white-knuckle everything solo but then take a complete day off for yourself the weekend that he returns? Does he stock the freezer or plan meals for when he is gone?
Also, you are seriously in the hardest combination of ages right now. Even a year from now — four quarterly trips — the kids will be different, the older one will be more chill, and it will be easier. Two years from now — eight quarterly trips — it will be a totally different universe. I think your concerns are valid, just trying to help provide some perspective.
Seafinch says
I did something similar when my husband was in Staff College. We were overseas without normal support and I had a five year old, two year old, and infant. He was gone every 8 weeks for 5 days (approx, give or take a day or two here or there). I dreaded it and was always anxious as he does a lot of heavy lifting, but it was actually fine. I hired a babysitter for lots of relief.
Anonymous says
I think this is pretty typical and not cause to suspect that he will be pressured to be in the office more frequently. My employer went fully remote and got rid of most of its office space. Now we have quarterly in-person “retreats.”
What fraction of his team or department is remote? If the majority of the team is in-person, he may find that he wants to visit the office more frequently. If a substantial portion of the team is remote, that’s not as much of a risk.
My big concern in this scenario would be his being at home all the time, if you are also WFH. My husband and I are now both WFH forever, not by choice, and it’s awful. I don’t mind WFH if I am the only one here, but having him around yelling on Zoom all the time is stifling.
OP says
Thankfully my job is in person, but I admit that I am dreading not being able to have the house to myself, ever.
AwayEmily says
I find travel easier if it’s regular and expected. My partner travels for 2-3 days each week during the semester and once we are in the rhythm it is fine. We all know the drill, we eat easy dinners those nights, I get help if necessary, etc.
It also sort of depends on how small your small kids are. I actually find solo parenting my 6yo, 4yo, and baby easier than I found solo parenting my 1yo and 3yo. Really tiny kids who need constant supervision are exhausting but once they hit 4-ish then you can leave them alone in a room, plus you have TV as a backup.
OP says
This is helpful perspective, thank you! Newborn, 2, and 4 (thou 4 has been harder than 3 for some reason; we had a dream 3 year old). I think I’m just feeling very overwhelmed generally and everything seems impossible even though it probably isn’t actually that big a deal.
Anonymous says
I find solo parenting easier than parenting with a spouse around. Especially if the travel is infrequent, you can get away with all sorts of shortcuts like takeout for dinner, and there is one fewer person around to make a mess, want deep conversation after an exhausting day, etc. It’s so peaceful.
Cb says
I work on your husband’s schedule and honestly, I think they prefer it when it’s consistently Sunday-Wednesday then when I’m randomly home early because it screws up their system (and snacking). When I’m home, I do the school run but not breakfast because I don’t know the routine and am in the way.
GCA says
Cosign all of this. I agree fully that travel is easier if it’s regular and predictable, and it gets better with practice. And it gets much, much easier as kids get older – my 7yo and 4yo will just play together after dinner while I tidy up. But OP, in your shoes with tiny children – I might want my spouse to hold off on the work travel for a couple of years.
Pogo says
Echoing this, was what I was trying to say above. I think OP you are in a hard season to solo parent, and if you want to support DH, you need more help. I felt the same way! But as the kids got older, they needed less full physical attention and it became much easier. Just having the 5yo being able to potty and change clothes and brush teeth mostly by himself… it’s huge.
But if you really don’t want him to do it, that’s fine too! Just sharing that in retrospect it wasn’t that long that we needed to call in the big guns when someone was out of town.
Anonymous says
I think this is a reasonable amount of travel. I hear you on the three days expanding, though. DH travels about once a month, and b/c he’s C-suite, he usually has a day in advance for exec team to prep and a day after for exec team to debrief. So even if most people are doing three days, two nights, he ends up doing a full five days, or even some weekend time. I manage thanks to family nearby.
anon says
It is 100% valid to not want to be solo parenting on a regular basis, especially if you don’t have a big support network around you.
Anon says
I’m not sure I’d call this “on a regular basis.” I mean, I guess it is literally regular, but it’s not very frequent. I travel solo with my kid for vacations probably close to this amount and don’t even really think of it as solo parenting. As some others alluded to, the real benefit of it being so infrequent is that you give yourself permission to do all kinds of shortcuts that make your life easier (e.g., screentime, takeout, leaving your kids at daycare longer) that you would feel guilty about if you had a spouse traveling every couple weeks or even every month.
Anon says
This is a situation where 1 kid vs 3 little kids is pretty different thou.
Anon says
For sure, I’m not saying 1 kid isn’t easier than 3. It is. But it’s also easier when my partner is there, so I’m starting from an easier baseline too. My point is not that solo parenting any number of kids is easy, but that when it’s as infrequent as once a quarter you can basically treat it like a vacation with all the things that make vacations easier like screentime and lots of takeout/delivery. When your partner is traveling monthly or more, it feels less like vacation and more like real life and at least for me there is a sense of feeling obligated not to slip into bad habits in regular life the way I would on vacation.
anon says
Exactly. But I admittedly really don’t enjoy solo parenting. One of my kids rolls with it well, but the other one gets pretty bothered by changes in routine, and problem behaviors tend to amp up.
Walnut says
My husband and I have both solo parented our three kids while the other travels. Our family tenet is to minimize weekend travel. During the week we have daycare and then you just press the easy button on evening routine. Traveling parent makes sure home parent is set up for success and takes crappy flights to minimize time away.
For trips involving weekend travel, we fly in supporting help.
Bette says
We have a similar family and travel set up.
I travel quarterly to HQ (and then monthly to elsewhere).
When I’m on the road we have a neighborhood mom come over for an hour in the mornings to help everyone get out the door and then depending on my wife’s work schedule/what else is happening that same mom will come over for after school/dinner/bedtime help too. It’s not a ton of time and money in terms of overall babysitting help but it makes a world of difference in our family’s ability to function.
We found this mom on our local Facebook group. She has kids around our kids age and is generally just wonderful. She otherwise a SAHM so enjoys babysitting for us a few hours here and there to supplement her income while still staying home full time.
Liza says
My advice would be, don’t just focus on the downsides – are there things about this new opportunity that make it appealing? Better pay, promotion, more responsibility, more interesting work? Is it worth disregarding all those benefits because of 12 days per year of travel? The question isn’t, all else being equal, is 3 days per quarter of travel acceptable. Presumably all else is not equal, or he wouldn’t be considering making this change.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – My DH travels a ton (I’d say he’s gone about 2-3 weeks total a quarter). I have a big job but 100% local and I go in to the office/onsite about 2x/week. We have 2 kids under 5, big city, and family help so I’m in a different position, but…
If the new job means more dollars to hire help (more house cleaning, takeout/prepped meals, more hands to help with kids), I personally do not see a downside. You should make your concerns clear, figure out what DH would to be helpful before trips (e.g. mine does laundry, takes care of plants/yard/dog logistics, etc.) but it sounds logistically feasible.
send off gift ideas? says
cross posting from the main site since this site always has such good ideas! Co-worker is retiring after a very long time in our office. She’s an accountant who lives alone and is in her seventies. Ideas for a send-off gift? Thanks all! Money not really an issue here.
Anon says
Money and some token gift, either something related to her hobbies or something consumable like flowers or chocolates.